Fantasy Fantasy League

Season Five Schedule & 1,000th Post!!

2012-01-21T00:40:00.002-05:00

That's right. This is the 1,0000th post for The Fantasy Fantasy League. Wow. That's pretty awesome. I dare anyone to go back through and read them all. (In fact, Watchers, this is something you should really be doing.) A huge congratulations to everyone that's been with us from the beginning and a slightly smaller congrats to those who have joined us along the way.

Anyways down to business. Here's the Season Five Schedule. (Please note: the Watcher assignments will be updated at a later date.)

WEEK 1: The Grid from Tron
50 Points

Horsemen of Apokolips vs George Washington’s Slaves (Becks)
Better Than All of You vs The Transfoamers (Becks)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Tijuana Taco Benders (Griffin)
Logical Genocide vs Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos (Josh)
TEAM vs Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family (Seeney)
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs New Ownership *TBD* (Josh)
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Ryan)
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Nick)

WEEK 2: Arctic
125 Points

Horsemen of Apokolips vs Tijuana Taco Benders (Nick)
Better Than All of You vs Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos (Goof)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs The Transfoamers (Seeney)
Logical Genocide vs George Washington’s Slaves (Josh)
TEAM vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Becks)
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family (Josh)
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies vs Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Becks)
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs New Ownership *TBD* (Ryan)

WEEK 3: Desert
250 Points

Horsemen of Apokolips vs The Transfoamers (Josh)
Better Than All of You vs George Washington’s Slaves (Becks)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos (Ryan)
Logical Genocide vs Tijuana Taco Benders (Becks)
TEAM vs New Ownership *TBD* (Goof)
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Griffin)
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies vs Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family (Seeney)
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Josh)

WEEK 4: Jurassic Park
350 Points

Horsemen of Apokolips vs Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos (Josh)
Better Than All of You vs Tijuana Taco Benders (Seeney)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs George Washington’s Slaves (Becks)
Logical Genocide vs The Transfoamers (Ryan)
TEAM vs Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Griffin)
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Nick)
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies vs New Ownership *TBD* (Becks)
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family (Josh)

WEEK 5: Playoff Planet (Interleague Play)
800 Points

Horsemen of Apokolips vs New Ownership *TBD* (Goof)
Better Than All of You vs Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches (Ryan)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Universe Bowl IV Re-Match) (Becks)
Logical Genocide vs Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies (Griffin)
George Washington’s Slaves vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Seeney)
Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos vs TEAM (Josh)
The Transfoamers vs Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Becks)
Tijuana Taco Benders vs Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family (Josh)

WEEK 6: Space (Interleague Play)
600 Points

Horsemen of Apokolips vs Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies (Seeney)
Better Than All of You vs Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family (Goof)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Becks)
Logical Genocide vs New Ownership *TBD* (Josh)
George Washington’s Slaves vs TEAM (Ryan)
Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos vs Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Becks)
The Transfoamers vs Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches (Nick)
Tijuana Taco Benders vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Josh)

Commissioner’s note: The league that wins the overall Interleague play will win a prize T.B.D. by Season’s start.

WEEK 7: Las Vegas (Divisional Play)
500 Points

Horsemen of Apokolips vs Logical Genocide (Nick)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Better Than All of You (Becks)
George Washington’s Slaves vs The Transfoamers (Griffin)
Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos vs Tijuana Taco Benders (Seeney)
TEAM vs Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Josh)
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies (Josh)
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family (Ryan)
Team Sleeping Pussy vs New Ownership *TBD* (Becks)

WEEK 8: Water (Divisional Play)
300 Points

Horsemen of Apokolips vs Better Than All of You (Griffin)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Logical Genocide (Goof)
George Washington’s Slaves vs Tijuana Taco Benders (Ryan)
Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos vs The Transfoamers (Becks)
TEAM vs Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies (Josh)
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Seeney)
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Josh)
Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family vs New Ownership *TBD* (Becks)

WEEK 9: Stadium, Sold-Out Attendance (Divisional Play)
200 Points

Horsemen of Apokolips vs Brotherhood of Evil Midgets (Becks)
Better Than All of You vs Logical Genocide (Becks)
George Washington’s Slaves vs Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos (Josh)
The Transfoamers vs Tijuana Taco Benders (Goof)
TEAM vs Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches (Ryan)
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies vs Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Nick)
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs New Ownership *TBD* (Seeney)
Team Sleeping Pussy vs Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family (Josh)

Season 5 Draft List Posted

2012-01-20T18:51:00.001-05:00

It is in the right hand side under "Downloads". Any problems downloading the file just email me or Ryan and we can send it to you.

-Z

Welcome to the New Fantasy Fantasy League

2012-01-20T15:27:00.000-05:00

For Season Five there has been a complete re-organization of the Fantasy Fantasy League. New Conferences and new Divisions.

STAN LEE CONFERENCE
J.R.R. Tolkien Division:
TEAM
Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeaatches
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies
Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers

Frank Herbert Division:
Michael Vick's Bad News Kennelz of Lurve
Team Sleeping Pussy
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a Better Family
*TBD* team under new ownership

GEORGE LUCAS CONFERENCE
Steven Spielberg Division:
Horsemen of Apokolips
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
Better Than All of You
Logical Genocide

Arthur C. Clarke Division:
George Washington's Slaves
Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and "Gonna Repeat Suckas" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World" Touring Battalion of Commandos
Transfoamers
Tijuana Taco Benders

Season Five Draft Order

2012-01-20T12:32:00.000-05:00

1. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers
2. New competitor (tbd)
3. Logical Genocide
4. TEAM
5. Better Than All of You
6. Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches
7. Team Sleeping Pussy
8. Horsemen of Apokolips
9. Tijuana Taco Benders
10. Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a Better Family
11. Transfoamers
12. Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies
13. Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
14. George Washington's Slaves
15. Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana & "You Don't Really Expect Me To Lose In 2012, Do You" President Barack Obama' Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos
16. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

New Season! New Changes!!

2012-01-15T19:12:00.000-05:00

Season Five is going to be PACKED with new changes to Fantasy Fantasy League. Be sure to keep checking back so you are well informed of everthing that will be happening in this new season!

Thanks,
Ryan
The Commissioner of Fantasy Fantasy League

Universe Bowl IV: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

2011-08-04T00:44:00.001-04:00

As both teams take to the battlefield for Universe Bowl IV, their uniforms/armor have a very new look to them. Not only do they have their own teams’ logos on their uniforms, but they also have their respective American League and National League logos emblazoned across them. For this is not a battle between two teams. This is the next, and possibly the most important, chapter in an ongoing war that has been waged between these two Leagues for the past four years. After a grueling fourth season, the National League Champions, the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets ready themselves for the oncoming attack from the American League Champions, Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve.

Perched upon his emerald hued tiger, Battle Cat, He-Man gazes up to see the ominous shadow of Galactus as it blankets the planet where these two teams prepare to lay it all out on the line and attempt to capture the highly coveted Fantasy Fantasy League Championship. He wipes the sweat that is already dripping down his brow, as his golden hair flows in the hot breeze, He-Man turns to his team and bellows, “Earn these shields, boys!” as he beats the National League crest that adorns his armor. Battle Cat snarls and growls past his crimson helmet as he stands up on his hind legs and lets out a mighty roar. As his steed elevates him high up into the air, He-Man draws the Sword of Greyskull from its sheath and raises it up as a beacon of hope and determination for his fellow teammates. The members of the Brotherhood cheer in response to He-Man’s rallying cry. Gwildor then uses the Cosmic Key to teleport some of his teammates to various parts of the planet.

“Alright guys, lets show ‘em how we roll!” shouts Twincast as he ejects Decibel, Legout, Zombie Movie Frenzy and Black Lanterns Rumble and Laserbeak. The four smaller Transformers rush towards Uncle Sam’s tank. The living embodiment of the American (League) Way fires a shell at Zombie Movie Frenzy and blasting the rusting Decepticon apart. Decibel utilizes his shoulder mounted Fire Blasters to melt the gun barrel of the tank, which allows the Black Lanterns to move in closer. Black Lantern Rumble leaps on top of the tank and fires up his pistons, pounding the armor as Black Lantern Laserbeak tactically focuses on taking out the track, rendering the tank immobile. Legout rips the hatch off of the tank, but is quickly yanked inside by Uncle Sam.

“The American League has won three straight Championships. Do you have any idea what that means to you?” grunts Uncle Sam as he pummels Legout inside the cockpit of the tank. “Ya don’t? Well it means that you don’t have a prayer against the likes of me!” he shouts as he proceeds to rip the circuitry and diodes out of the Transformer. Sparks and oils cover the inside of the tank as Uncle Sam kills Legout. But the Black Lanterns are continuing to pick apart the tank and Decibel just heard his little brother’s cries for help silenced.

“Legout!!” Decibel shouts as he knocks Black Lantern Rumble and Black Lantern Laserbeak off of the tank. He then unloads his Fire Blasters into the tank’s cockpit and cremates Uncle Sam inside.

Curtis Manning then flies overhead in his newly acquired Iron Man Armor that had been bequeathed to him after the passing of Brandon Inge. He targets Decibel and puts a hole right through his chest courtesy of Manning’s repulsor ray. Twincast sees that his tapes are being quickly taken out and moves to lend some aid. But he is slammed to the ground by a charging Headstrong. The Predacon snorts as he transforms into his robot form. Twincast regains his footing, but is hit again by relentless Headstrong. The Decepticon grabs a hold of Twincast and yanks the Autobot’s tape deck/chest piece off, causing Twincast to scream in pain. Twincast manages to break free from Headstrong’s grip and stumbles backwards, clutching his now exposed chest. The Predacon takes aim and fires his plasma sphere shooter at the Autobot. The plasma spheres explode on contact and destroy the Autobot. His smoking husk drops to his knees and crumples over.

Curtis continues his pursuit of the two remaining Black Lantern Transformers. But they quickly turn the tides and Curtis becomes the hunted, instead of the hunter. He rips through the sky in his Iron Man armor as Black Lantern Laserbeak is hot on his tail.

“I could really use some help here guys,” Manning shouts over his com-link. He fires several shots from his repulsor rays at Black Lantern Laserbeak. This knocks the Black Lantern back, but Black Lantern Rumble is still right on him.

Black Lantern Laserbeak quickly recovers from the blast he took and continues his pursuit, but is vaporized in a blinding flash of green and blue energy. Jade flies right through what was once Black Lantern Laserbeak and sees her teammate being attacked by Black Lantern Rumble.

“Need a hand there Curtis?” Jade says as she flies in to lend some aid.

“Nope,” Black Lantern Rumble responds as he holds Curtis Manning’s heart in his hand. “He’s doing just fine.” Curtis’s body drops out of the sky as Black Lantern Rumble turns to attack Jade.

The reanimated corpse of Rumble feverishly flies towards Jade, as the blood of Curtis Manning mixes with oil and drips off of his mouth. The Black Lantern Decepticon is bigger than the daughter of Alan Scott and overpowers her at first. The two hurtle and spin out of control through the morning sky. Jade calms herself and focuses her Green Lantern energy, coupled with her Blue Lantern ring and lets out a burst of light that rips through Black Lantern Rumble and destroys him.

Down on the battlefield below, the Wicked Witch of the East is in a pitched battle with Tracy Strauss. Strauss lunges at the Wicked Witch with her demon rod. Before she can land a blow, the Witch lashes out and Strauss is repelled across the ground. Strauss slowly rises, cold charges crackling from her fingers.

“Those red shoes are mine, b!#%h!” shouts Tracy.

Matt Parkman and the Haitian ride their Rhino RTV across the skirmish. Durge lashes out with his weaponry and the blows cause the vehicle to upend itself, back over front. Parkman and the Haitian are thrown from the vehicle.

“Over my dead body!” yells the Witch in response to Strauss.

Ironically, the Rhino smashes on top of the Wicked Witch of the East and crushes her. The Wicked Witch’s legs jut out from the destroyed cart; gas drips over the side. Strauss touches the gasoline, which freezes due to the water content contained in same. The Witch of the East’s body becomes an icicle and Strauss uses her demon rod to smash the Oz inhabitant to pieces. Baby Wolverine does not allow Strauss to act further. He instantly uses his claws to slash off the hands of Strauss so she can neither use her mutant abilities, nor the demon rod as he says “Now whose shoes are they?!?”

Baby Wolvie slashes the throat of Strauss. Arterial spray splatters across the juvenile Logan. “Looks like those shoes aren’t the only thing that’s red right now, lady,” Baby Wolverine says as he catches a glimpse of himself in the Rhino’s shiny rims.

Baby Wolverine turns around and sees Sylar. Sylar uses his abilities to lift the tiny mutant off the ground. He looks into the eyes of little Logan and sneers, “I’ve never killed a “baby” before. This is going to be...new.”

Sylar moves his finger and a ripple of blood crosses Baby Wolverine’s skull. Baby Wolvie screams in agony as the top of his head is ripped off. He lies on the ground, mortally wounded. As a means of pity, the Haitian walks up to the “toddler” and makes him forget about the match. Parkman then “pushes” Baby Wolverine to think of happy things

“You are in a happy place,” Parkman smoothly says.

“I’m in a happy place,” Baby Wolverine replies.

Parkman continues, “You are surrounded by people who love you.”

Again, Baby Wolverine mimics Parkman, “I’m surrounded by people who love me.”

Baby Logan dies with a smile on his face, thinking of himself as a part of a massive orgy containing twenty Victoria Secret models.

Aurra Sing in a light plane takes advantage of the Haitian’s and Parkman’s momentary weakness and lack of judgment in this championship match. She uses her laser rifle’s scope to locate her prey. She then fires and takes the head off of the Haitian and then through the chest of Parkman. Parkman uses his last thoughts to “push” Sing.

“Crash…the…plane,” he says with his dying breath.

Sing, in response to Parkman, begins to steer the plane to the ground. As the plane is about to smash into the land beneath her, Parkman dies, releasing the bounty hunter. Sing manages to escape with enough time to jettison out in a small parachute. Sing lands next to Durge. Before she can react, Sylar kills her with his powers. Durge takes revenge for his fallen bounty hunter comrade and fires at Sylar. He is badly injured by this attack, but due to the recent acquisition of Baby Wolverine’s healing factor, Sylar recovers. He lunges at Durge and tackles him to the ground. He rips the helmet off of the Gen’Dai warrior, revealing a hideous toothy face. Durge however, blows a hole through Sylar’s torso with his machine gun gauntlet and then burns his body to a crisp with his flamethrower. The bounty hunter then tosses Sylar off of him. He brings his arm up and slams his spiked flail into Sylar’s head, exploding it like an over ripened pumpkin. Blood and brain matter splash on Durge’s armor as he stands victorious over Sylar.

“Let’s see you regenerate from that,” Durge says as he spits on the body of his opponent. He puts his helmet back on and goes off back in to battle.

Positioned out in the ocean is the U.S.S. Nimitz along with the team of Oceanus, Tethys, Calypso, and Triton guarding the waters. Jack Bauer takes off in his F-22 and is followed closely by John McCain in an F-22 as well. The two jets rocket into the air and quickly gain altitude. Dark Jedi Master #11 then leads the Matrix twins in their trio of Tie Interceptors as they make their way for outer space. Bauer and McCain soon find themselves in a dogfight with Thundercracker and Skywarp.

Jack Bauer yells to his teammate over their com-link, “Evasive maneuvers! Check Six!”

Just moving away in time, they barely dodge the two Decepticons who are unleashing a hailstorm of firepower at the two F-22s, showering the sky. As Jack Bauer’s plane dives, Thundercracker follows. John McCain's plane pulls up behind the Decepticon.

John McCain's Heads Up Display has the Decepticon in his sights. “Got you covered, Jack,” McCain says to his partner. He fires and an AIM-9 Sidewinder takes off.

The Sidewinder begins to overtake Thundercracker as Jack Bauer rolls away out of position. Several yards before the Sidewinder can get to Thundercracker, it explodes due to a controlled sonic boom that the Decepticon produced.

John McCain shouts, “S#!t! What the hell was that?!”

Bauer banks back around to get a shot. Both Skywarp and Thundercracker are now in hot pursuit of John McCain's fighter.

“McCain, roll right. I'll cover,” orders Bauer.

John McCain's fighter narrowly rolls away from the laser blasts as Jack Bauer fires another Sidewinder, momentarily distracting the Decepticons. McCain falls in line with Jack Bauer as their attackers turn on them. Both fighters jerk downwards at a ninety degree angle at Mach One. Narrowly missing the ground, they bank away. But the Decepticons follow easily in suit and are still right on their afterburners.

“Maybe we can out run them. Follow my lead,” Jack says over his com-link.

John McCain and Jack Bauer bank away from the Decepticons, and hit the supercruise, bolting away at Mach 2. Both McCain and Bauer are held tight against their seats, straining against the G-Force. Thundercracker and Skywarp target them and follow in hot pursuit. The two Kennelz pilots are flying at breakneck speeds, as their attackers are slowly gaining on them.

Bauer shouts, “McCain, kick it! They're gaining!”

“We're already over Mach 2!” John yells back.

“So push it!” replies Jack as his readouts show the planes flying beyond measurement.

As the F-22s accelerate, Skywarp suddenly disappears only to rematerialize right in front of McCain’s plane. The Decepticon fires his heat seeking missiles and blows John McCain out of the sky. As the jet’s momentum propels the fireball toward Skywarp, he easily evades it by teleporting away.

“No!!!!” shouts Bauer as he sees his teammate’s jet destroyed. Thundercracker stays right with him, slowly gaining. Jack Bauer kicks his harder, keeping the distance. He hits the brakes. Surprised, Thundercracker sails past. Taking the moment, Jack Bauer dives down through the mountainous terrain up ahead.

Bauer grumbles to himself, “Okay, motherf#$%er. Let's have some fun.”

Thundercracker recovers, dives after Jack Bauer who flies dangerously close to the mountain sides. Thundercracker has trouble keeping up with him but does. Jack Bauer puts on a clinic in advanced aerobatics, banking, diving, and swerving. The Decepticon continues his pursuit, following closer and closer. Jack Bauer ducks through a small opening between two mountains, twisting sideways. Still Thundercracker follows close, and spraying the mountain side with heat-resistant ceramic bullets that are exploding on contact.

Bauer’s F-22 fuel gauge begins to blink near empty. Frustrated, Jack Bauer gets pissed.

“Damn it!” he shouts.

Jack Bauer turns down a dead end towards a massive mountain. Thundercracker is right on his tail. The F-22 is on a collision course with the end of the mountain side. Suddenly Jack Bauer yanks his ejection seat and sails upwards into the air. He fires up his rocket pack from his Mandalorian Armor and flies away as his fighter crashes into the mountain ahead. Thundercracker can't turn in time. He tries to pull up over it, and just misses the tip of a smaller peak from the mountain. As his nose of hits the tip of the mountain Thundercracker is flipped over, rolling end over end over the top of the rocky terrain. As he crashes and tumbles out of control, Thundercracker transforms in to his robot mode. Bauer rockets towards the badly damaged Decepticon and launches several grenades at him. Thundercracker explodes as the grenades hit his chest. There is then a strange sound that seems to be a combination of static and buzzing. Jack Bauer whips around to see Skywarp has teleported behind him in his robot form.

“Rrrgg puny worm!” barks the Decepticon as he grabs Jack Bauer out of the sky and crushes him in his bare hand. Blood drips out from the cracks between Skywarp’s fingers as he flies off.

Back in the waters the god trio and Triton prepare for an oncoming attack. The squadron of Magneto, Durge, Gamera, Stratos, and Longshot advance on the beachhead. Gamera makes a mighty splash as the giant turtle and Friend of All Children attacks Calypso. Tethys manipulates the water and drags Durge down to a watery grave. Magneto quickly utilizes his mutant powers to raise the U.S.S. Nimitz up out of the water and proceeds to rip it apart. The jagged metal then becomes projectiles that are at Magneto’s whim. They hurdle through the air and violently impale and slash into Tethys. The Sea Titan falls into the water and succumbs to her injuries. The goddess’s blood dyes the ocean waters red. Enraged, Oceanus raises his arms into the air, which creates a massive wall of water and directs it right at Magneto. The Master of Magnetism is unable to protect himself from the crushing weight of the wave.

Gamera continues his attack on Calypso, who has grown in size, and is now actually bigger than the monster turtle.

“Ya tink you’d gonna best me inna fight?” Calypso says as she hurls a funnel of water at Gamera.

The turtle retaliates by hitting her with several plasma fireballs that he shot from his mouth. Calypso bursts into millions of crabs which all drop into the water. They then begin to climb up the shell of Gamera. The mighty turtle lets out a screech in agony as the Calypso-crabs ravage him from underneath his shell. Gamera pulls his head and limbs inside his shell as it begins to rapidly spin around, causing the Calypso-crabs to fly out of it and scatters throughout the water. Calypso reforms herself and attacks the turtle again. Gamera however flings through the air and the sharp spikes on his shell slice into Calypso’s side. She screams in pain as blood seeps out from her wound. Gamera pops back out of his shell and drives one of his elbow spikes into Calypso’s chest. He finishes her off by melting her face off with an intense blast of fire from his mouth.

Stratos flies low over the water with Longshot in tow. They are both dragged underwater by the Inhuman Triton as Oceanus engages the victorious Gamera in battle just above the water’s surface. Triton uses his superior strength and underwater abilities to dispatch Stratos with ease. Longshot is able to swim back to the surface and catch a breath, but is soon dragged under by Triton.

“You’re luck won’t help you this day, mutant,” Triton says to Longshot.

He pulls him down, deeper and deeper into the water. Longshot’s left eye then begins to glow brightly as he somehow manages to free himself from Triton’s grip and quickly swims up to the surface. He swims so fast that he launches himself out of the water for a moment. Triton nonetheless is right on his heels and does the same thing. The Inhuman tackles the X-Man back into the water and grabs a hold of neck. Triton tightens his grip as Longshot’s eyes begin to roll back. The Inhuman finishes Longshot off by crushing his larynx.

Up on the water’s surface, Oceanus is hitting Gamera with everything he has, but the Friend of All Children is defiantly resisting. Gamera retaliates by firing multiple plasma fireballs at the Titan, but he will not be defeated as easily as Calypso was. Triton tries to lend a hand to the Titan, but Gamera lashes out and kills Triton with several massive plasma balls. Oceanus uses the water to propel him at the turtle. He grabs a hold of him and begins to pull on both sides of Gamera’s shell. Oceanus strains as Gamera tries to free himself from the Titan’s grip. The god of the sea pulls harder and rips the shell completely off of Gamera’s back. The pain in unfathomable to Gamera, he lets out a horrific screech as Oceanus finishes him off for the final time.

Far above the planet, Terrax patiently awaits his orders from his master, Galactus. He bows to one knee upon a floating asteroid and asks “What is thy bidding my master?”

Galactus bellows “Go. Slay all that may stand in your way. Prepare this planet for my coming and its destruction.”

“As you command, my lord,” responds Terrax as he flies down towards the planet on his asteroid.

Adam Warlock and Manhunter #4 circle Galactus as Terrax leaves to fulfill his master’s request. The two battle fiercely against each other, but catch the attention of the gargantuan cosmic being. Annoyed by such a petty squabble, Galactus eradicates both of them with a flick of the wrist.

Off further out in space, on a rather large asteroid, Omega Supreme finds himself being tripled teams by the Kennelz three Tie Interceptors. They zip past him firing their quad laser cannons, but are barely singeing Omega’s thick armor.

“Attack: useless,” computes Omega Supreme.

They regroup into formation, led by Dark Jedi Master #11; they concentrate all their fire power on Omega Supreme. This attack forces Omega to take a small step back. The Autobot follows up by unleashing a blinding and massive blast from his arm-mounted cannon that engulfs the Matrix twins and the Dark Jedi Master’s Tie Interceptors. The three ships are reduced to molten slag and there is nothing left of the pilots inside.

“Abilities: Needed elsewhere,” states Omega Supreme as he transformers into his rocket mode and blast off to the war torn planet.

Terrax is stopped high up in the atmosphere by Sayd.

“You shall not pass, herald,” she calmly states.

Terrax snarls with delight and rockets towards her with his cosmic scythe leveled. She easily ducks out of the way as the Herald of Galactus swings back around for another pass. He fires cosmic energy out from his scythe, but Sayd yet again, evades the attack. She turns and unloads a potent bolt of cosmic energy that rips through the Herald and destroys him. She returns down towards the planet below, hoping that this has bought her team some time from the coming of Galactus.

Back down in the hot arid desert wasteland of the planet, Space Ghost, along with Jan, Blip and Space Usagi encounter Black Bolt and his fellow Inhumans Karnak and Crystal as well as the Fremkit outfitted Charlie Brown. Karnak leaps into action and knocks Space Usagi’s sword from his hand and spick kicks the rabbit to the ground. Jan wastes no time either and tackles Crystal to the ground. Space Usagi regains his footing and retaliates. He sweeps the legs of Karnak and swiftly strikes him in the chest. Karnak catches Space Usagi’s arms as it recoils and flips him over onto his back. They both jump to their feet and are very equally matched. Almost every kick is blocked and each strike is parried. Karnak spins around to deliver a killing chop, but Space Usagi duck in time. The Inhuman slices his hand through a rock that was jutting out of the desert sand behind the futuristic samurai rabbit. Space Usagi pulls out his blaster and fires at Karnak, but with multiple back flips, the Inhuman dodges this attack. Karnak leaps into the air and dropkicks Space Usagi to the ground. He drops a knee down onto Usagi’s chest and grabs his long white ears for leverage. Karnak pulls up quickly and snaps the samurai’s neck.

Crystal and Jan meanwhile have been in quite the catfight with each other. Jan is desperately trying to scratch and slap at Crystal. The Inhuman, however, uses her powers to control the very sand they stand on and engulfs Jan in a violent sandstorm. The tiny granules of sand begin to rip the flesh from Jan’s body. She screams in utter anguish as the sand storm begins to turn from a light brown to a dark bloody red. With her final ounce of energy, Jan presses a button on a small device she is holding in her hand. Crystal then begins to hear a small yet increasingly faster beeping close by her. Jan smiles as the sandstorm finishes her off. Crystal finds the source of the beeping, which turns out to be a small explosive Jan placed on her while they were fighting earlier. The explosive is more than enough to turn the Inhuman female to pink mist.

Blip sneaks up on top of a jagged piece of rock and leaps onto the back of Charlie Brown. The azure hued chimpanzee claws at Chuck’s bald head.

“Arrggh!” yells Charlie Brown.

He manages to grab a hold of Blip’s tail and yanks him off of his back. Blip howls at him and lunges towards Charlie again. Chuck quickly snags one of his maker hooks and swats Blip out of the air with it. He violently swings it down, catching the monkey right in the roof of his mouth. Charlie Brown uses the maker hook to pick Blip up and slam him down to the ground, killing the little animal.

“Ugh, good grief,” Charlie Brown says as he wipes Blip’s blood off of his face.

Black Bolt finds himself being shot at by Space Ghost. Black Bolt quickly ignites his lightsaber, moving like lightning to parry Space Ghost’s first shot. With the second shot, Black Bolt is more in control, and his parry sends the blast right back at the masked super-hero. But Space Ghost was already in motion, diving sidelong and coming around ready to launch a series of shots the Inhuman’s way. One of Space Ghost’s blast hits Charlie Brown square in the zig zag on his yellow shirt and sends him to the FFL Graveyard. Black Bolt then created a green energy rhinoceros that knocked Space Ghost to the ground.

The Inhuman was on him immediately, lightsaber weaving through the air. Space Ghost dodged and lifted into the air, trying to keep one step ahead of the purple lightsaber and occasionally firing a blast at Black Bolt from his Power Bands. Black Bolt was surprised at how good Space Ghost was, after all Black Bolt had previous training with the fallen Jedi Master Mace Windu, and more than once the Inhuman had to parry desperately to turn a bolt aside. He was keeping up his offensive flurry, though, keeping Space Ghost on the defensive with sudden stabs and slashing cuts. Black Bolt even tried to defeat with foe with a shout, but Space Ghost quickly turned intangible and evaded the attempt.

But Space Ghost made one misstep…

And then it happened, all of a sudden. Black Bolt started to slash to the left, cut it short and stabbed straight out, then reversed his grip and sends the lightsaber slashing across, left to right, and charged with his Green Lantern ring. He spun a complete circuit, coming around to parry a Power Band blast, but there was no shot forthcoming.

That left to right reversal had cleanly landed. Space Ghost’s eyes were wide open and mouth was slightly gaped. He held his abdomen as the top half of his body slide off from the lower half. Black Bolt gasped quietly for breath as he regained his strength after such a fierce encounter.

The battle wages on deep in the heart of the downtown area of the city. Once the shining beacon of all the Playoff Planet’s terrains, the city has now been beaten down and reduced to more resembling a war torn Ramelle, France. The beautiful skyscrapers that used to pierce the sky now are jagged points of concrete. The roads are pock marked with gaping craters from previous energy blasts and explosions. The once gleaming windows are all but shattered and cloudy due to the extensive warring that still rages on.

Claire Bennett rips through the broken street upon Robin’s Motorcycle as her teammates Michael Vick and Dexter the Dog follow closely behind in a Ferrari Testarossa. Dexter smells something and leaps out of the window of the Ferrari and chases after his prey. Vick has no choice but to continue without him, trusting that his dog will be safe. The Cheerleader jumps a burnt husk of a Dodge Daytona on her crotch rocket as she ignites the lightsaber that Ahsoka Tano bequeathed her. She spots X-23 at the corner of Beacon Street and Grimmauld Place. Claire leans down and focuses as she speeds up heading directly at X-23. The female clone of Wolverine quickly moves out of the way and swings her adamantium claws at the fuel tank of the bike. This causes the bike to explode and send the Cheerleader sailing into the bar where Marv and Gimli, Son of Gloin were “fueling up” before they lay waste to the battlefield, or as they say. The smoldering and burnt teenager slowly gets back up to her feet, pulling out shards of glass out of her thigh from the jukebox she hit when she went sailing through the bar. Claire puts out the small fire on her cheerleader sweater as the remainder of her wounds heals due to her advance healing factor.

She once again ignites her lightsaber as she walks past her two teammates. “Don’t get up, boys. I’ve got this one,” Claire says as she goes after X-23.

Marv and Gimli turn in their stools to look at Claire as she walks out the bar. They turn back and look at each other and proceed to slam the rest of their beer as they give a small chuckle to what they just witnessed.

Outside Claire swings her lightsaber in the reversed grip just as Ahsoka taught her back when she was alive. X-23 dodges the attack and does a back flip, catching Claire in her chest with her foot claw. This causes the Cheerleader to be launched into the air and flips her backwards, landing face down. X-23 jumps on top and drives her claws deep into Bennett’s back. Claire scream in pain as X-23 pulls her claws out of her and stands back up.

Claire isn’t through yet though. “It’s… gonna take… a lot more than… that to put me down,” She pants as her wounds begin to close up yet again.

Bennett lunges at X-23 and pierces her side with her lightsaber. The mutant grunts as they both fall down the stairs leading to the subways station. X-23 is the first to get to her feet and is able to gain an advantage. Exhausted, Claire maintains the aggressor and leaps at X-23 once again, but the mutant spins out of the way and cleaves her head clean off with her claws. She drops to her knees for a short moment to regain her strength. And a short moment it is. X-23 looks up and sees Marv and Gimli standing at the top of the stairs.

“I guess she didn’t have this after all,” Marv quips to his teammate.

They both rush down the stairs. X-23 springs to her feet and races right at the two. She jumps up off of a trash can, kicks off a wall and puts her foot claw deep into the side of Gimli’s head.

“Now I don’t normally like to hit a lady, but for you babe, I think I’ll make an exception,” says Marv as he swings at X-23.

The mutant ducks out of the way and thrusts both pairs of claws into Marv’s midsection. He grabs a hold of her forearms as he says to X-23 “Now I’ve got you.”

Marv pulls the claws out of his stomach and flings X-23 up against a pillar. The tiles from it crack and crumble from the force. He launches her across the station, where she slams into a turnstile. Marv stomps his way over to her, spits out some blood and wipes it from his mouth. He grabs her by her throat and picks her up off of her feet. Marv begins to squeeze, he can feel the vertebrae beginning to crack inside her neck, but then Marv feels something else. He feels X-23’s claws that she has just plunged up underneath his chin and up into his brain. Marv slowly releases his grip as he falls to the subway floor. X-23 drops to one knee and coughs some blood up before running up the stairs and back into the war.

Robert Muldoon, Stilgar, Thufir Hawat and Jotaro are all currently being attacked by Losho Yik, Big Barda, Karnak, and Beast Boy. Muldoon is the first to react. He fires his shotgun at Beast Boy, who quickly turns into a Triceratops. The bullets bounce harmlessly off of the large green frill atop his head. Beast Boy charges at Muldoon and knocks him up off of his feet and up against a dumpster. Beast Boy then quickly turns in to a hawk and flies high up into the air.

Stilgar and Thufir Hawat double team Karnak, who is slightly worn from his battle against Space Usagi. The Master of Assassin moves in, but is caught by surprise by a strong chop to the neck from the Inhuman. Hawat’s body drops to the ground as Stilgar leaps in and stabs Karnak in the chest with his cryknife. Karnak grabs Stilgar’s shoulder for balance as he looks up at the Fremen leader. Stilgar drives it in deep as he sends Karnak to the Graveyard.

“I’ll take the bunny,” quips Big Barda to Master Yik as she pulls out her Mega-Rod.

Jotaro draws his sword out and valiantly holds his ground as the New God warrior towards over him. He swings his blade, but Barda blocks it, she turns and mule kicks him across the street causing him to slam against a lamp post that buckles from the force. She then finishes off the samurai with a single swing of her Mega-Rod.

Stilgar now finds himself outnumbered, but refuses to retreat. Losho Yik motions for the rest of his team to stand down as he takes on the Fremen leader alone. He ignites his lightsaber and waits for the attack. Stilgar quickly, but purposefully moves in and manages to dodge the first of Yik’s attacks. He tries to block with his crysknife, but the lightsaber slices through it as if it weren’t even there. The Jedi Master then mercifully finishes off Stilgar as he feels a great disturbance in the Force.

“We’re not alone Barda,” Losho Yik says to his teammate. “I feel the presence of the Sith.”

Count Dooku and Asajj Ventress then leap from out of the shadows. “How right you are Master Yik.”

The two Brotherhood members ignite their lightsabers and move against Yik and Barda. Yik attacks Dooku, as Ventress pounces at Big Barda. Yik stepped slowly at first, then came on in a sudden rush, is lightsaber coming in hard, right to left.

But with a slight movement, Dooku countered and hit Yik with a burst of blue Sith lightning that charged all about the trapped and lifted Jedi Master.

Losho managed to hold onto his lightsaber as he went up into the air, held there by the power of the count. With a wave of his hand, Dooku send Master Yik flying across the street, and crashing into a distant wall, where he slumped down, dazed. Dooku then calmly watches as his apprentice battled her adversary.

Asajj continues to advance on Big Barda, forcing her to stay at on the defensive. Ventress leaps into the air and attempts to finish the New God off, but receives a powerful uppercut for her troubles. This knocks her backwards and she loses one of her lightsabers.

“Nooooo!!! You will not defeat me!” shrieks Asajj as she springs back to her feet.

She raises her hand and lifts Big Barda off of the ground with the Force. She uses it to tighten her grip, and chokes Barda to death.

Losho Yik has regained his composure and leapt into action against the two evil foes. Dooku Force pushed his apprentice away arrogantly, for that he wanted this kill all to himself. The Count lifted his hand in the air, throwing broken cars and other pieces of debris at the Jedi Master with the Force. Losho Yik blocks or dodges several of the diversions, but not all. Count Dooku flips into the air in front of the dazed Yik and cuts his head off and the shoulders with his red lightsaber.

Pit, Link, Captain N and his dog Duke find Muldoon unconscious against the side of the dumpster. Duke licks his face to awaken him as the others keep a watch out for oncoming attacks.

“Bloody dog, I’m alright,” Muldoon says as he pushes Duke away.

“Come on Bob, we got to go,” says Link. “We’ve got a lead on Vick and some of his crew.”

Duke then catches a scent and runs off barking.

“Duke! Get back here!” shouts Captain N. But the dog doesn’t listen.

“We can’t wait Kevin, we need to get going,” Link says again.

The four of them race off as Duke runs down the street.

Dexter the Dog has tracked the scent he has been after to a dank alley deep in the city. Atop of the Boxer/Pit-bull/Labrador mix, hanging on his collar for dear life is Treasure Troll #25 together they find the two Ewok Babies and the lone Smurf that were hiding and hoping to miss out on all of the bloodshed. Dexter savagely chomps down on Ewok Baby #1’s head and rips it off, spraying the other one with his brother’s blood.

Treasure Troll #25 dropkicks the Smurf down and uses a small rock to bludgeon him to death. The Treasure Troll is now covered in blue Smurf blood which now resembles the Scottish war paint of old. He looks up to see Dexter tearing the entrails out of the gut of Ewok Baby #2. The dog growls as he shakes the small Ewok around like a chew toy.

There is another growl from down the alley, as Captain N’s dog Duke, races in to attack Dexter. As Duke charges in, he steps on and kills Treasure Troll #25. The two dogs wrestle around the alley, knocking over the metal trash cans that litter the area. Duke swipes at Dexter and slashes his muzzle.

This stuns Dex for a moment, but then enrages the Michael Vick trained dog. Dexter hurdles towards Duke and knocks him to the ground. He bites down and locks onto one of Duke’s legs. Growling and snarling the whole time, Dexter tightens his grip and breaks Duke’s leg. Captain N’s pet yelps and howls in pain and Dexter continues his vicious assault. Dex chomps down on Duke’s neck and grunts as he rips a massive piece out of the side of the beagle’s neck. Dexter barks in victory as the blood of his foes run down his face and neck.

Beast Boy, who is in the form of a green hawk, hears the barking and thinks that his teammate is in trouble, so he flies in to see if he can lend a hand. When the Teen Titan arrives in the alley, he finds Dexter triumphant among a slew of entrails and blood. The scene is so vicious; it actually causes Beast Boy to vomit.

“Oh my God, Dex,” exclaims Beast Boy. “What the hell did you do?!”

Beast Boy turns into a green pit-bull and the two begin to bark back and forth at each other. Beast Boy then turns back into his normal human form and radios Michael Vick over his com-link.

As Michael Vick speeds down a strip of road along the edge of the desert, he receives through his com-link the news of the small victory his team acquired in the city.

“What do you mean Dexter killed Duke!?! How could he do such a thing?” says the quarterback.

Steel Superman flies in, carrying Citizen Steel, and lands in the desert.

Citizen Steel responds to Vick’s shock, “You’re just pissed that you didn’t get to kill him.”

Vick retorts over his com-link, “I can understand how you may jump to that conclusion but I am outraged by this action because it is unfathomable to me how someone could be so cruel to an animal.”

Both Steel Superman and Citizen Steel stare blankly at the football player with confused looks.

“I thought…” Citizen Steel begins to reply, but Steel Superman cuts him off.

“Don’t even comment on it. He ain’t worth the breath,” says Steel Superman.

The once incarcerated quarterback retorts, “Excuse me, I don’t appreciate your guys’ tone towards me. I served my time for what I did, I deserve a second chance.”

As Vick finishes up his monologue, an arrow made of pure light is sent through the back of his head via Pit’s bow. Blood splatters all over the Ferrari’s windshield as Vick’s head falls onto the steering wheel and engulfs the surrounding area in noise from the car’s horn. The Ferrari eventually slows to a stop after spinning out of control.

“Oh no you did not just kill my boy over here, you fairy little faggot!” shouts Steel Superman.

“Your boy? I would have hardly ever called him your boy,” questions Citizen Steel.

“Shut the hell up sweater vest,” Steel Superman says to the former Ohio State Buckeye.

Citizen Steel has a look of annoyance as he responds to the once Michigan Wolverine’s quip, “He’s gone okay. He screwed up and we’re paying the price for it.”

Steel Superman shoots back, “Yeah, nice self imposed sanctions. You might as well make sure you can only have four Gatorades instead of five during a game.”

“Oh yeah, how was practice last week. Find it a little lacking?” Citizen Steel retorts.

Shocked by such a lousy reply, Steel Superman barks, “Practice! Don’t talk to me about practice! At least we owned up to that shit. Good luck dealing with anybody in the next five years. You guys are gonna make USC look like they got off easy.”

Over in the distance Link, Captain N and Robert Muldoon stand together staring at their opponents’ argument.

Link turns to his teammates and says, “Do we really even need to fight these guys? I mean, I’m pretty sure they will just eventually kill each other if we just let them be.”

“That sounds like a plan to me,” replies Captain N.

The Game Warden of Jurassic Park quickly disregards his teammates’ idea, “Both of you have weapons and are unwilling to fight for your team. I have nothing after losing my gun to the bloody green Triceratops and am willing to sacrifice everything for this championship.”

“Okay cool it Bob. Were just talking here,” says Captain N as he rolls his eyes at Muldoon.

Link pinches the bridge of his nose as he shakes his head from side to side. “All were saying is that there is no point in disturbing their argument if we don’t have to.”

Muldoon tries to reason with his teammates, “But if we attack them now, we may be able to catch them off guard. I say you (points to Captain N) slowly walk up to them with your blaster firmly in hand and then you (points to Link) come up…”

Captain N cuts him off before he can finish with his plan, “Let me guess, come up on the side of them.”

“We’ve seen Jurassic Park dude, we know how you think. I say we just wait back a bit and wait for Pit to come back here. In fact, why the hell hasn’t he come back down here?” adds Link as he is spinning his sword around out of sheer boredom.

Muldoon just looks over at his teammates in disgust but with the knowledge that he is pretty much useless without them. The three members of the Brotherhood then look over at Pit who is still far up in the sky over them. They try to signal to him to come back down but he pays no attention. What they don’t know is that Pit is trying to get one of the Steel’s to come chase him. This is something that at this point may or may not happen anytime soon.

A loud “clang” rings out as Steel Superman slaps his own forehead in disbelief after hearing what just came out of Citizen Steel’s mouth. “Are you kidding me Nathan?! Tyrone Wheatley could out run Eddie George any day of the week.”

Citizen Steel stands there with his arms folded and quickly responds with, “Come on now John, you know George was the man. He made Wheatley look like Rashan Salaam when he played for the Bears.”

“I’m not even sure that’s a bad thing but okay,” replies Steel Superman as he scratches his shiny steel head.

Citizen Steel unfolds his arms and puts them out as he tilts his head to the side as he says, “You know I’m right.”

At this point, Pit has lost interest in trying to get his opponents to follow him so he finally decides to head back to his team. This naturally turns out to be a bad call as his sudden movement causes both of the Steel boys to take notice in him again. Both of their heads snap around and focus on Pit.

Steel Superman points his finger at Pit and says, “Get back here you fairy piece of shit.”

He then fires up his rocket boots and launches into the air as he races after the Kid Icarus hero. His afterburners are burning hot and leaving a trail of smoke as Steel Superman closes in on Pit.

Pit fires several light arrows at John Henry Irons as he tries to evade the incoming attack. “Oh no, I really didn’t think this one through to the end,” he mumbles to himself.

Steel Superman then easily catches up to the winged faux-warrior. He grabs the much smaller combatant by the throat and rips on of Pit’s wings out of his back. Pit screams in agony as Steel Superman pulls the other wing out. Pit, now has passed out from the pain, and does so, luckily as Steel Superman tosses his limp body up in the air and bashes it back down to the desert below with his sledgehammer.

“Nobody messes with my boy,” Steel Superman says as he watches Pit’s lifeless and pummeled body rocket back to the ground.

Citizen Steel pipes in on their com-links and says, “Shut up with that “Boy” shit and head on over to the rest of them, our team might actually find us useful elsewhere you know.”

“You don’t know shit man, but I got your back on this one,” replies Steel Superman as he flies over to their other three opponents.

Citizen Steel realizes what his teammate said makes little to no sense but he also knows that his intentions are to win this match so he heads on over to Link, the Captain and Muldoon. The ground shakes with ever step Citizen Steel takes as he races towards his foes. Steel Superman slams down right in front of the three of them, which kicks up a dust cloud.

“Oh this is gonna be a fair fight. Are you glad we waited now?” Muldoon quips as he waves the sand from his face.

“Quick Captain, blast them…now!” shouts Link as he takes aim with his sword as well.

Link and Captain N blast their opponents, Link with his sword and Captain N with his zapper. The blasts work as a stun gun on the Steel duo, but only for a second. Steel Superman then punches Link in the chest, a hit that sends him flying back. Link gets up quickly though and sends his sword through his chest. Unfortunately for Link, the reason his sword went through him is because he had turned his body into liquid metal. As soon as the sword went into his body he turned solid again, which meant Link’s sword was now lost in the chest of his opponent. Steel Superman then pulled the sword out of his constantly reforming chest and plunged it into the gut of the Legend of Zelda hero. With Link now lying dead on the desert floor, it would be up to Captain N and Robert Muldoon to stop the overwhelming attacks of the Kennelz members.

Captain N realizes his only chance at getting out of here would be by freezing the action, but that chance disappears when Citizen Steel kicked him in the mid-section, crushing his NES controller belt buckle. It wasn’t too long after that the Steel duo had pummeled the poor Captain to death. Steel Superman then looked at the remaining Midget member and said, “Now get out of here and tell the rest of your team what they are up against.”

“You’re just going to let me go and spare my life?” asks a confused and grossly overpowered Muldoon.

Steel Superman chuckles and says, “Yeah…well okay, no.”

Steel Superman then snaps the neck of the Isla Nublar Game Warden. Steel Superman then begins to walk back to the car in which his dead teammate is still lying in.

Citizen Steel sees this, tosses his arms up in the air in frustration and asks, “Come on man, what are you going to do, bury him?”

“Hell no, I’m going back for the car. Flying is cool and all but driving around in a Ferrari is badass,” Steel Superman responds as he opens the door of the Ferrari Testarossa.

Citizen Steel just looks at him with a look of resignation.

Steel Superman grabs the corpse of Michael Vick and tosses it out of the car. He then looks over at his partner and asks, “Well, you coming or not?”

Citizen Steel then begins to walk towards the car. As he climbs into the car he says to Steel Superman, “You know this match is far from over. We haven’t won anything yet.”

“An even better reason for us to enjoy the ride,” responds Steel Superman as they drive off to rejoin the main battle.

Back in outer space, Saeese Tiin and R.O.B. the Robot maneuver through an asteroid field in their Jedi V-Wing as Captain Power pilots the Outlaw with Aayla Secura, Lolo, Papa Smurf and R-2 Units #3 and #4 in tow. They are both making a run at Galactus.

“Alright Master Tiin, we’re only going to get one shot at this. So let’s make it count,” Captain Power says over his com-link.

The two ships get into formation but are attacked by Nomi Sunrider in her Z-95 Headhunter and The Outrider piloted by Black Widow with Daniel LaRusso. The Z-95 engages the V-Wing as the two similar ships square off. Nomi fires her cannons, but Saeese Tiin easily evades the shots. He then with some fancy piloting comes up behind her. This maneuver catches Sunrider by surprise. Master Tiin locks onto the Z-95 and blasts it away.

“The hell with it, Tiin, let’s make our run now!” exclaims Captain Power. “Lets see if we can use their own ship to our advantage.”

The Outlaw and the Jedi V-Wing begin to fly for Galactus’s head with the Outrider close on their heels. Black Widow and Daniel LaRusso are firing everything the Outrider has at them, but the two ships are evading the attack.

“You think this pathetic attempt will be enough to stop the mighty Galactus?” bellows Galactus as he looks down at the oncoming attack.

His eyes begin to glow as he unleashes his cosmic power, vaporizing all three ships and the ten combined passengers, including two of his own. Galactus then begins to make his way closer to the Playoff Planet.

Out in the frozen tundra, Red Robin flies the Talon Fighter overhead along with Peppermint Patti, Marci, and Gobo. They see Titanus and Sky Lynx engaged in combat. The Autobot has split into his two parts, the Lynx and Dinobird. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers’ Carrier Zord is outnumbered and outmatched in this battle, but continues to fight on. Sky Lynx’s Dinobird mode swoops in and fires a blast from his mouth and stuns Titanus. The Lynx mode leaps into the air and swipes at the Zord’s elongated neck, causing severe damage. The two reform into the full Sky Lynx and finish off Titanus as the Talon Fighter flies in to attack.

Red Robin targets Sky Lynx as he is finishing off Titanus and hits him with several laser blasts. Skywarp and Smart Grimlock arrive to lend a hand to the Talon Fighter. The three of them triple team Sky Lynx. Smart Grimlock transforms into his robot form and pulls out his energy sword. As the Talon Fighter and Skywarp distract Sky Lynx, Grimlock rushes in and drives his energy sword underneath Sky Lynx’s long neck. Sparks fly from the wound. Smart Grimlock uses his superior strength to then rip the head and neck of Sky Lynx off his body.

Dusk begins to fall over the arctic as the ground starts to shake beneath Smart Grimlock’s feet. Giant glaciers break off and splash into the water as Scorponok rolls into the battle. The city sized Decepticon transforms into his robot mode and makes his presence known quickly. He targets the Talon Fighter and vaporizes it with his fusion gun. Skywarp rockets in and fires his heat-seeking missiles. They explode on impact, but Scorponok shrugs them off as if they were a whiff of smoke. He snatches Skywarp out of the air and in a twist of irony, crushes the Decepticon in his giant claw. Skywarp screams out in agony as his spark is extinguished.

Smart Grimlock transforms into his Tyrannosaurs Rex mode and lets out a mighty roar of defiance at the immensely bigger Transformer. As the Dinobot prepares himself to take on these incalculable odds, Headstrong charges in and slams into Smart Grimlock.

The Predacon snorts “Heh, heh, heh. Don’t worry I’ll be the one killing you today, not the big guy over there.”

“That’s what you think,” responds Smart Grimlock as he jumps out of the way of an arriving Omega Supreme who crushes Headstrong and sends him to the Graveyard.

“Chances of survival Scorponok: 0.02%,” estimates Omega Supreme as he transforms into his robot mode.

The Decepticon sprints towards the Autobot. With each step these two behemoths take, the very ground quakes and more glaciers fall into the surrounding waters causing massive waves. Scorponok slams into Omega Supreme and knocks him back a couple steps, which for a normal sized human is several hundred feet. Omega flips his head cannon over and fires multiple quick blasts, but Scorponok ducks them. He swiftly comes up and strikes Omega, sending him crashing into the side of a mountain, which causes an enormous avalanche.

As the dusk settles into night, each blow these two combatants land send sparks into the air. Every cannon blast they fire flashes away the darkness. Scorponok grabs a hold of Omega Supreme and attempts to crush his head with his giant claw. Omega is not one for surrendering and punches Scorponok several times in the chest, lifting the Decepticon up off of his feet with each blow.

Omega charges his plasma cannon up and calmly bellows, “Contest: Concluded.’

He proceeds to blast a massive opening into Scorponok’s chest. The mammoth Decepticon falls to the ground and rocks the planet when doing so.

There is now the sound of thunder rolling in as a storm blankets most of the planet. Lightning flashes in the night sky as the war for the Championship rages on.

High up on another plain, Themis explains to her fellow Titans and Gods the vision that she has just foreseen. They all understand the ramifications of what her visions could mean for their team and all agree that it must not come to fruition.

The Titans along with Apollo, Ares, and Hercules travel to the edge of the city where they encounter the horrific vision that Themis foresaw. Set, the serpent god, has arrived. Ares, with his Atlas Axe in hand, rushes into battle, ever the blood thirsty. The seven heads of Set quickly focus on the charging God of War and incinerate him with their cosmic fire breath. The gods gasp at how easily Ares has just been defeated. They collectively mount an offensive and try to stop this powerful being from ravaging their team.

Rain pelts the ground as Gaia uses her mastery over the earth to hurl the very ground beneath them at the monster. The dirt and rock slam into two of the heads and stun them for a moment. But another one slithers around and swallow Gaia whole.

Oceanus concentrates and pulls the water from the water mains that are inside the surrounding buildings. He forms it into a colossal cobra and directs it to strike Set. It comes down with great fervor, but Set blasts it back with its cosmic fire breath. The rain begins to come down even harder as Oceanus starts to control to and causing it to swirl in a vortex around Set. The serpent god unleashes a monstrous blast of cosmic fire and incinerates the water god.

Helios and Apollo channel the very essence and energy of the sun itself towards Set. The duo manages to overwhelm one of the heads and destroy it. However, they themselves are overcome with power from several more heads of Set and succumb to its might.

Hercules, the demi-god who is known for overcoming great odds and defeating several dangerous monsters, tightened his grip on his gnarled club and launched into an offensive. He eludes several blast of Set’s cosmic fire as they race closer to the giant serpent god. Hercules climbs up the long thick body of one of Set’s heads as the remaining Titans continue the assault. He succeeds in reaching the top of the head and raises his club over his head. Darkness engulfs Hercules. The demi-god turns around to see another head rising up behind him. It snaps down and swallows Hercules without even touching the head that he was standing upon.

“Enough!” shouts Uranus. “This ends NOW!”

The thick clouds part as Uranus channels all of the power of the sky and fires it at Set. Another head explodes, but only one. Uranus is exhausted by this show of power and is vulnerable to attack. The remaining five heads destroy the Titan as they turn their attention to Themis.

She stands there solemnly waiting for oncoming doom. Themis looks up and sees one of the heads coming down at her. She quietly says, “You will not survive this day.”

Themis is consumed. The five remaining heads of Set arch back and shriek into the night. The clouds have reformed and the rain as returned. Thunder cracks across the heavens as lightning slices down through the thick air. There is a bright flash of green light that blankets the night sky. Set shrills and turns away from it.

“You have done enough damage tonight Set,” Oa Guardian #1 says as all six Guardian arrive to battle the serpent god.

The diminutive cerulean blue hued Guardians soar through the air at great speeds. Each attack is calculated in purposeful. Separately they all hit the five remaining heads. As they are all stunned, the Oa Guardians collectively focus on one head and destroy it with their cosmic powers. Oa Guardian #3 is caught off guard by a head of Set and is consumed by cosmic fire. Oa Guardians #1 and #2 break off from the pack and use the combination of their own cosmic powers and their Green Lantern rings to destroy two more heads.

Set has now been reduced to only two heads. But this, by no means, is a sign that Set is finished. They arch back and fire an incredible blast of cosmic fire breath and incinerate Oa Guardian # 4 and #6. The three remaining Oa Guardians regroup and join hands in a single line. They float in front of the two still living heads of Set and focus all of their energy into one gigantic cosmic blast that finally subdues the creature once and for all.

On the completely other side of the world, Superboy is knocked across the sky by another form of lightning. This one does not come from the thunderstorm, but rather from Black Lantern Shazam and his magical powers. Superboy spins out of control in the air, but is able to right himself quickly and fire a shot of heat vision at the undead Billy Batson. The blast burns a hole into the Black Lantern’s face, but it quickly regenerates back with a smile. Superboy flies in and continues his assault on Black Lantern Shazam, but starts to feel a weakness deep inside him.

Shazam (Freddie Freeman) has flown up behind him with a chunk of Blue Kryptonite. Superboy’s powers begin to wane and are stripped from him.

Black Lantern Shazam starts laughing. “Hahahaha. If you don’t have any powers, how do you expect to fly?” he says at the now powerless Conner Kent as he is holding him up in the air.

Black Lantern Shazam lets go and Superboy begins to plummet to the ground. The undead Batson continues to laugh as Freddie Freeman Shazam shakes his head at him. The Black Lantern is then hit with a powerful uppercut as Conner Kent flies back up.

“Two words: Tactile telekinesis,” responds Conner.

Freddie Freeman taps Superboy on the shoulder and replies with “One word… SHAZAM!”

A magical lightning bolt bursts from the heavens and courses through Conner’s body, leaving him open for retaliation from the Black Lantern who wastes no time in extracting vengeance, literally. Black Lantern Shazam plunges his hand deep inside Superboy’s chest and violently rips out his still beating heart.

“Man I love Kryptonian, even if it is a half-breed,” quips Black Lantern Shazam as he chows down on Conner’s warm heart.

The tag team of Captain Atom and Peter Petrelli are engrossed in a melee with unusual combination of Smart Grimlock and Beppo the Super Monkey. Petrelli has mimicked the nuclear powers of Captain Atom and is flying quickly around the much larger Dinobot. Superman’s pet monkey viciously claws and bites at Captain Atom, who is trying desperately to get some distance from the chimpanzee. Beppo flails his arms and claw at the containment suit Captain Atom is wearing. He manages to cause a small tear to form.

“S#!T!! Peter get out of here!” shout Captain Atom. “This damn monkey just ruptured my containment suit! You’ve got to…”

Captain Atom’s pleas are cut off as his nuclear powers leak out of his suit and cause a nuclear explosion and incinerate the four warriors.

A large collection of the Brotherhood has gathered on the outskirts of the forest region to assess what their next plan of action is.

“We have to take out Galactus. Nothing else will matter if he is still standing,” implores Adam Warlock.

“I agree,” Queen A’gapo adds. “If we don’t deal with him now, there may not be enough of us left later.”

Kratos the leaps out of the trees and grunts, “Heh, she’s right; there won’t be enough of you left.”

Indigo-1 then appears via wormhole along with a multitude of Kennelz members. The Brotherhood responds in kind and attack. Lockheed swoops in and engulfs Dexter the Dog in blast of his fire breath.

Radaghast the Brown attempts to attack Lord Voldemort, but the evil wizard blocks his magic bolt. Without breaking stride, Voldemort nails Radaghast with the killing curse as he makes his way into the forest.

The 5th Dimension gang comprised of Mr. Mxyztlpk, Qwsp, Bat-Mite, and Nocyarg Kcid use their vast abilities to teleport themselves, Ganthet, Lar Fleeze, Tri-Eye, Bleez, Queen A’gapo, Blue Lantern #1, and Indigo Lantern #2 to engage Galactus before he gets to the planet.

“I know you’re in here Bombadil,” Voldemort slithers.

The mysterious man with the long bushy beard hops out from behind a tree and hits Voldemort with a bolt of magic. It flings him up against a tree. Voldemort swiftly retaliates with some magic of his own.

“Imperio!” shouts Voldemort as a bolt of multi colored light sparks from his wand.

The spell is a direct hit on Tom Bombadil but he easily shakes it off and chuckles. Bombadil hops around the forest, dodging several more sparking blasts of magic from Voldemort’s wand. He shoots a few bolts of his own magic, but Voldemort catches them and redirects them right back.

“Avada Kedavra!’ exclaims Voldemort as the Killing Curse crackles out of his wands in the form of an intense green bolt of light.

Bombadil barely evades the curse and it hits a rather large tree, engulfing it in green flames. The forest around them starts to burn as they continue with their magical duel. Voldemort uses the green fire to his advantage and focuses it at Bombadil. He however, is able to keep it at bay with his own magic.

Lord Voldemort flies high above the fires and casts down another Killing Curse. “Avada Kedavra!”

This one hits Tom Bombadil, dropping him to the ground. The green fire engulfs Bombadil’s body and reduces it to ash.

The melee between the two teams continues to rage as He-Man battles Kratos. The Master of the Universe draws the Sword of Greyskull from its sheath and attacks Kratos. The two powerhouse clash with great might as their teammates continue to fall around them.

Super-girl flies in and targets Mighty Mousette. Even with the added power of a Star Sapphire ring, the powerful little mouse proves to be no match for Ariella Kent. Mighty Mouse on the other hand, swoops in and levels the girl into the ground. Super-girl climbs out of the hole that her body just created in the ground and snatches Mighty Mouse out of the air. The little girl overpowers Mighty Mouse and pulls the mouse in half.

Wonder Man lands in front of Super-girl who still has the two pieces of Mighty Mouse in her hands.

“Now that wasn’t very nice,” he says to Ariella.

Wonder Man then proceeds to blast Super-girl into nothingness with a powerful bolt of ionic energy.

“I guess that wasn’t very nice either,” Wonder Man says to himself.

He-Man and Kratos continue to struggle for the upper hand. Kratos swings the Blade of Olympus wildly as He-Man counters and blocks each swipe. Sparks fly as the two swords clash. Kratos kicks He-Man back and charges towards him. The God of War leaps into the air, but He-Man lunges up at him as well. The Master of the Universe drives the Sword of Greyskull into Kratos’s sternum as they both fall to the ground.

“I have the power!!” he exclaims as pulls his sword out of his fallen foe’s body and raises it into the air. A bolt of lightning comes down and strikes the sword and lights up the night sky as the rain continues to fall.

Back in outer space, the 5th Dimension gang and the Emotional Spectrum have arrived to engage Galactus. The Lanterns wastes no time and leap into action. A multitude of colored energy beams pierce the abyss of space and strike Galactus from all sides. The 5th Dimension foursome collectively uses their powers to hit Galactus head on, but like the attack from the Spectrum, this was to no avail. The only result in their attacks was the angering of Galactus.

“Umm guys, I don’t like the look of this,” gulps Mr. Mxyztlpk.

The Devourer of World raises his hand and unleashes a blast of the Power Cosmic the size of a small moon that engulfs and vaporizes all four of the 5th Dimension combatants. Galactus now turns his attention to the swarming gnats known as the Emotional Spectrum. Ganthet leads the charge and unloads a fury of cosmic energy and Green Lantern energy at the cosmic being. The other Lanterns follow suit and concentrate all their fire power on Galactus. A gargantuan beam of rainbowed light hits Galactus. The beam is so bright that it is able to be seen through the thick rain clouds and down on the planet’s surface.

All seven of their rings begin to warn them of depleting power levels. “Power levels 86%... Power levels 72%... Power levels 54%... Power levels 39%...”

“Don’t let up! We have to keep pouring it on!” shouts Ganthet.

“Power levels 28%... Power levels 15%... Warning. Minimum power levels approaching for sustained life support.”

Ganthet continues his attack even though his Green Lantern ring runs out of juice. One by one rest of his squad loses power and each colored energy beam starts to flicker and fail. Drenched in sweat, Ganthet pulls back for a moment in desperate hopes that this was enough to overcome the insurmountable odds and defeat Galactus. The smoke clears and Ganthet looks up to see Galactus still standing tall.

“My turn,” Galactus bellows.

The Ravager of Worlds opens his eyes wide and obliterates then entire Emotional Spectrum contingent. He then hears four tiny blips behind him. Galactus turns around to see all four combatants from the 5th Dimension floating there in front of his face.

“Hiya,” Mxyztlpk says to Galactus. “Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, and no, you didn’t kill us. But we are going to kill you. I hope you’re ok with that? By the way, love the helmet.”

The 5th Dimension gang let loose all of their magical abilities at point blank range right into Galactus’s face. Galactus retaliates as they continue blasting him. He snuffs out Bat-Mite and Nocyarg Kcid quickly as Mxy and Qwsp keep at it. The Lanterns did more than they originally thought as cracks begin to show in Galactus’s armor. This catches Qwsp’s attention which causes him to lose focus for a moment and is eliminated by Galactus’s powers.

“No! No! No!” shouts Mxyztlpk. “You’re not going to survive this! I’m going to beat you! I’m going to beat you!”

The Imp gives it all he’s got, as does Galactus. The light from their powers grows and becomes blinding to the entire solar system. All of a sudden there is the loudest explosion that the universe has ever heard since the Big Bang. Planets are knocked out of alignment, asteroid belts are swept clean from their orbits. The Playoff Planet is rocked and cracked, causing massive tidal waves, enormous earthquakes and gigantic volcanic eruptions. As the chaos settles, there are no remnants of Galactus or Mr. Mxyztlpk anywhere.

As the war for the Championship continues, Hermes sprints through the battlefield. Black Bolt sees him racing by.

He gets Hermes in his sights and shouts “Stop!”

The blast from Black Bolt’s shout knocks Hermes off balance and sends him tumbling to the ground. The Inhuman king flies in with his Green Lantern ring and swiftly dispatches the messenger god.

“I told you that the Ferrari wouldn’t hold our weight!” exclaims Citizen Steel as he and Steel Superman rejoin their team.

“Psshh, whatever man. I wasn’t gonna let that thing just sit there,” responds Steel Superman.

They then find themselves being attack by the duo of Count Dooku and his apprentice, Asajj Ventress.

“So nice of you to join us,” Dooku says as he ignites his red lightsaber. The Sith Lord leaps into the air and immediately cuts Citizen Steel in half, straight down the middle. The two piece of Citizen Steel peel apart, as Dooku sees that his apprentice is in trouble with Steel Superman.

John Henry Irons fires his wrist mounted rivet guns at Ventress, forcing her into a defensive stance. Steel Superman flies in and swings his sledgehammer down to finish Asajj off, but is blocked by the Force, courtesy of Count Dooku. Irons spins around to face Dooku. Asajj Ventress angrily screams as she rises up and spears Steel Superman in the back with her two red lightsabers. The crimson blade juts out of John’s chest as his eyes roll to the back into his head.

“I could have finished him myself!” Asajj screams at her master as Steel Superman clanks to the broken rubble below.

She is then struck with a crackling bolt of green lightning from Lord Voldemort’s Killing Curse. The assassin body drops to the ground for the final time.

Dooku turns and faces his apprentice’s killer. The Count gives a little growl and thrusts forth his hand, loosing a line of blue Sith lightning at the Dark Lord. Voldemort catches it in his own hand and turns it aside, but far from easily.

“Mmmm, I can feel the evil flow through your powers,” sneers Voldemort. “Oh how I will enjoy this.”

More Sith lightning pours forth from Dooku’s hand, but Voldemort opens his arms up and absorbs it, seemingly enjoying the sensation that courses through his body.

Tyranus disengages the futile lightning assault and draws out his lightsaber, its red blade humming to life.

Lord Voldemort snaps his arm out, slashing it from right to left and fires a bright flash of light from his wand as he yells “Sectumsepra!”

Count Dooku uses the Force to sense the invisible magic blades that are soaring at him. He spins around and cuts them down as the blade of his lightsaber buzzes through the air.

The Dark Wizard lifts his wand again, this time shouting “Crucio!” as a red flash bursts from his wand.

The Count parries the blast with his lightsaber and fires a stream of blue Sith lightning at his aggressor. Voldemort counters with shouting “Avada Kedavra!” as a jet of green lightning explodes from his wand. The bolts of lightning hit each other head on and cause a strange form of Prioi Incantatem.

A look of disbelief and puzzlement washes over Darth Tyranus’s face as Voldemort begins to laugh.

Once again Voldemort shouts louder and with stronger purpose, “Avada Kedavra!!”

The green lightning overwhelms the blue and consumes Count Dooku, thus finishing him off once and for all.

Surprisingly this confrontation has taken more out of Lord Voldemort than he had originally realized. He drops to his knees in an attempt to catch his breath. But that breath will not be caught as Psylocke leaps from the surrounding rubble and drives her psionic dagger into the back of Voldemort’s skull. Psionic energy burst from the Dark Wizard’s eyes and mouth as he screams in agony. She kicks his now lifeless body to the ground as she sees X-23 being swarmed by several Lanterns.

X-23 ferociously battles Jade, Indigo-1, Munk and Kryb. The mutant slashes at Kryb, piercing her protective yellow energy aura. Psylocke and Star Sapphire #2 race in to lend their fellow female warrior a hand and even the odds a bit.

Star Sapphire #2 blasts Kryb back with a jet of violet energy comprised of pure love. The fear powered alien lashes out and hits the Star Sapphire with a beam of yellow energy. Star Sapphire #1 pushes with all her might and sends out a spray of violet energy that rips through the Yellow Lantern, killing her.

Psylocke leaps in between the two Indigo Lantern and butterfly kicks them down to the ground.

“Nok.” Indigo-1 calmly says as the tip of her staff begins to glow green.

The symbol of the Green Lantern appears as Indigo-1 channels the willpower of Jade through her own powers and puts Psylocke down.

Jade supercharges her own Green Lantern ring with her Blue Lantern ring. She couples them both with the power of the Starheart and liquefies X-23, sending her to the FFL Graveyard.

Munk turns his attention to the lone Star Sapphire. Munk channels her own energy and redirects back at her with his Indigo tribe staff. The entwined blast of Violet and Indigo energy overloads Star Sapphire #2 and destroys her.

Shortly after killing X-23, Jade is blasted out of the sky by Sayd, who flies in at incredible speed. She hits her again with a more concentrated blast of cosmic energy, this time killing the daughter of Alan Scott.

Huddle behind a stump that was once a tree, before it was shattered by an errant energy blast, Gwildor tries to formulate a plan to tip the scales in his team’s favor.

“Maybe I can use the Cosmic Key to go back to the beginning of the match and bring back all who have lost?” Gwildor says to himself. “Yes. Yes. That could just work!”

Gwildor begins to press the buttons of the Cosmic Key, creating a melodic sound and dazzling light show. Hiro Nakamura senses what Gwildor is trying to accomplish and rushes in to stop him. As Gwildor punches the long flat actuator button Hiro leaps and uses his abilities to control time and space around him. The Cosmic Key shoots out of Gwildor’s hand as Hiro does this. Nakamura is trapped and begins to shake as the stunning light display grows exponentially across the planet.

All of a sudden, Dora the Explorer appears and hits the ground running with her lightsaber ignited. Her little legs move as fast as she can push them and Dora arrives just in time to see Beckerlax. With their lightsabers drawn, the battle-hardened little girl and the Fear entity-possessed lawyer stand back to back as multiple foes continue to appear out of nowhere and close in on them. The Parallax entity flies out of Bryan Beckerman and attacks Darth Vader who has recently materialize out the passing wave of time. Vader raises his right hand in the air, firmly and with purpose clenches his fist and rips apart the solid Parallax, destroying the physical form of fear.

“What is going on?!” exclaims Beast Boy. “Where did these guys come from?”

A second blinding wave washes over the planet. Out from it emerges Optimus Prime, barreling down the battlefield as Luke Skywalker becomes visible in front of him. Indigo-1 and Munk instinctively fly out of the way as they see the Grand Jedi Master try and put up a Force barrier, but Luke was too late, as he was taken by surprise by the charging semi-truck. Optimus slams into him and runs Skywalker over. The leader of the Autobots then bursts up into the air, transforms as he flips over Shazam and Wonder Man and targets Achilles who has also appeared in the wake of the flux in time and space. Prime fires his laser cannon rifle and takes out the Myrmidon leader.

As Optimus Prime lands, a third wave spreads across the battleground and the Transformers as well as his two victims vanish without a trace.

Now, a battered Superman who appears to have taken a beating unlike any humanoid across the galaxy could endure comes into sight. Wonder Woman materializes in front of Superman down on the ground and uses her clinched fists to knock the knees out from underneath the last son of Krypton, knocking him flat on his back. Wonder Girl leaps in an attempt jump on top of Superman but Clark has a clear shot at her while she does this. This allows him to completely cook her with a huge stream of heat vision before she can come down on him. Wonder Girl’s smoking husk drops to the ground as it sizzles and smolders. A furious Wonder Woman picks up Superman and throws him about 20 yards.

“Hiro! You must stop using your powers!” Oa Guardian #1 shouts at Nakamura.

The Guardian of the Universe has realized that the combination of Hiro’s Time and Space Manipulation and the effects from Gwildor’s Cosmic Key are causing a tear in the Space/Time Continuum. These visions that they are seeing are from past Championship battles that have been fought on this planet and any further disruptions could destroy the very fabric of the universe.

“I….cannn’ttt…” strains Hiro.

Gwildor tries to grab a hold of the Cosmic Key to deactivate it, and is sucked into its grasp. Oa Guardian #1 knows what he must do and regretfully targets the Cosmic Key with his Green Lantern ring. He fires a stream of green energy at the device, which explodes instantaneously, thus killing both Gwildor and Hiro.

Wonder Man is still looking up in awe of what just transpired as Shazam swiftly moves out of the way just after shouting “Shazam!”

The magical lightning bolt slams down on Wonder Man and overloads his ionic energy and sends him to his final resting place in the FFL Graveyard.

Dawn emerges as the sun begins to break over the horizon of the Playoff Planet. The world is devastated by the war for League dominance that these two teams have been engrossed in. The remaining combatants struggle for victory over one another. Blood stains the ground as bodies litter the surrounding areas. Each competitor pushes their own bodies past the point of exhaustion, all knowing that letting up even for a moment could not only mean death for themselves but defeat for their team.

High above the ground Lockheed is being hounded by Beast Boy who has taken the form of a swarm of African Killer Bees. The amethyst colored dragon stops dead in his tracks, snaps around and lets loose a scorching blast of fire from his jaws. The swarm of green bees separate and evade the attack. They then swarm Lockheed and overwhelm the creature. The dragon plummets to the ground as Beast Boy lands and changes his form to that of a green lion.

Off by the shore of the water, Indigo-1 and Munk are knocked to the ground by a powerful Force push from Oppo Rancisis. The Jedi Master rapidly attacks the two with a series of blows from his four limbs and tail. Rancisis ignites his green lightsaber and goes after Munk. The green blade hums as is slice through Munk’s staff. Indigo-1 attempts to hit the Jedi with an energy blast of her own, but Rancisis uses the force to push her into the water. The Jedi Master finishes Munk off by thrusting his lightsaber into the Indigo Lantern’s chest.

Indigo-1 regains her composure and begins to take off back toward her assailant. She channels the powers of both the Green and Blue Lanterns that are still in the battle and fires a shot at the Jedi Master, catching him off guard and ending his life. The water behind then her shoots up as if an explosion was set off under the surface. Megalon rises up out of the water and fries her with napalm bomb from her mouth.

The large creature shrieks and flails its drill hands. The ground rumbles as Megalon makes its way to the battlefield.

Back over in the thick of the fighting, Black Lantern Shazam flies in and tackles He-Man off of Battle Cat and attempt to rip his heart out. He-Man defends himself against the vicious onslaught from Black Lantern Shazam.

“I can feel your emotion building inside of you He-Man,” snarls the undead Shazam.

Black Lantern Shazam can plainly see the various emotions; will, love, compassion, rage, and hope pouring out of the Master of the Universe as if they were war paint strewn across his body.

“I can only see one on you devil,” responds He-Man. “Death!”

He-Man breaks free of the Black Lantern’s grasp, spins and cuts the head clean off of Black Lantern Shazam’s body. He follows it up by summoning the Power of Greyskull down onto the body, preventing it from regenerating and coming back.

The Master of the Universe is then blindsided by the Kennelz’ other undead powerhouse, Black Lantern Sentry. He swiftly flies in and seizes He-Man up into the air. Black Lantern Sentry constricts his grip around He-Man’s neck and shoulders and sadistically forces his hand through his back, pulling the protector of Eternia’s powerful heart out past his rib cage. He-Man howls in anguish as Black Lantern Sentry feasts on his still beating organ.

The three remaining Oa Guardians fly in formation and collectively attack Megalon. This method proved useful against the far more powerful Set and proves useful yet again. The monster is overwhelmed by their immense cosmic powers and is destroyed before it can cause any further destruction.

Oa Guardian #5 then unexpectedly explodes in colossal ball of green cosmic energy. The two remaining Oa Guardians are not only shocked at the sudden demise of their compatriot, but at the realization of who his attacker was.

“I’m sorry my fellow Guardians,” utters Sayd, “but this is war, and there can be no kinship with anyone from the American League.”

She unloads a mammoth amount of cosmic energy at Oa Guardian #2, who is unable to react and throw up and green energy force field with his Green Lantern ring. The cloak of Oa Guardian #2 tatters and rips as he is incinerated by the blast.

Saint Walker senses the despair in the Oa Guardians and swiftly makes his way over. He charges up Oa Guardian #1’s Green Lantern ring to well over 200%.

“All will be well, Guardians,” Saint Walker says as Oa Guardian #1 unleashes everything he has at Sayd. The Guardian of the Universe from the Brotherhood is unable to withstand the power and perishes for the final time.

Deep in the jungle Battle Cat now stalks his prey. He can smell him. He can hear him. He knows that he cannot hide. Beast Boy in the form of a jade lion leaps out of the shadows and roars at Battle Cat. He-Man’s trusted ally rises up on his hind legs, slams down with his thunderous paws and unleashes a mighty roar of his own. The two felines pounce at each other, thumping each other with their paws. Beast Boy manages to knock the saddle from Battle Cat’s back. The much larger emerald tinted saber-toothed tiger knocks Beast Boy to the ground. With a might roar, Battle Cat claws at the green lion’s side, ripping open his left flank, leaving a nasty gash. Beast Boy is unable to change to another form due to the severity of his injuries. Battle Cat opens his jaws wide and chomps down on his mane covered neck. The elongated teeth of Battle Cat plunge into Beast Boy’s neck as he is picked up and has the life force shook from him. Battle Cat tosses the Teen Titan’s carcass to the ground and lets out a tremendous roar.

Black Lantern Sentry then smells the fresh blood and pure rage in the air. He smashes through the forest, knocking thick trees that seem to climb to the heavens over as if they were tiny saplings.

“Mmmm, you still have the stench of you master on you, kitten,” growls Black Lantern Sentry.

The emerald fur stains high up on Battle Cat’s back as he digs his paws into the ground. He pounces at his master’s killer, snarling with Beast Boy’s blood dripping from his sharp fangs. Black Lantern Sentry crouches down and then bursts forth, ripping through Battle Cat. He is soaked in the tiger’s blood and loves it.

The trees begin to shake violently as Black Lantern Sentry finishes devouring the massive feline. A rather large thatch of trees are yanked from the ground and tossed aside. Omega Supreme’s shadow engulfs Black Lantern Sentry as he looks up.

“Never had robot before,” he says to himself as he propels up towards the Transformer.

Omega Supreme wastes no time and sets the entire forest and the Black Lantern ablaze with a powerful blast from his arm-mounted cannon. Black Lantern Sentry starts to regenerate, so Omega follows it up with an even more powerful blast, this time not only ending Black Lantern Sentry’s rampage but also creating a football field sized crater where the forest once stood.

As this epic battle begins to wind down, Kylun ferociously attacks Saint Walker. But the Blades of Zz’ria harmless pass through the Blue Lantern.

“All will be well,” Saint Walker calms says to his attacker as Oa Guardian flies up and annihilates Kylun.

Saint Walker and Black Bolt fly in to try and stop the behemoth known as Omega Supreme as the Leprechaun finally sneaks out from the shadows and blindsides Oa Guardian #1.

The evil little Irishman teleports behind Oa Guardian #1 and hits him with a sparking blast of magic that send the Guardian crashing to the ground. The Leprechaun cackles as he teleports away as Oa Guardian #1 tries to retaliate. The Leprechaun reappears directly in front of the diminutive blue cosmic being and melts his face off with an intense burst of evil magic from his hand.

A large bolt of magical lightning rockets down from the morning sky and hits the Leprechaun while he cackles in delight from his victory over the Oa Guardian. He is send flying and smashes into dirt.

Shazam flies in and dropkicks the Leprechaun as he struggles to his feet. Freddie Freeman shouts “Shazam!” several more times and lights the evil imp up, keeping him from teleporting away. He then uses his superior strength to pull the grotesque head off of the Leprechaun’s shoulders.

Shazam tosses the body to the ground and catches a glint out from the corner of his eye. He turns around to see Usagi Yojimbo drawing a line in the dirt with his sword. The samurai rabbit pulls his katana close to him and readies himself for battle.

The young Shazam smirks as he flies into the air and shouts “Shazam!”

Usagi is prepared for such an attack and leaps out of the way of the lightning bolt mere moments before it strikes him. Frustrated, Shazam propels himself at the samurai, but Usagi leaps out of the way and kicks Shazam in the back of the head as he passes. This enrages Shazam and he rockets at Usagi Yojimbo even faster. The rabbit side steps the attack and slashes at Shazam, cutting him across the chest, though the blade does not penetrate the superhero’s skin. Shazam then begins to engage Usagi in hand to hand combat. Each of his punches are blocked and parried by Usagi’s katana.

Freeman gets in close to the rabbit and shouts “Shazam!” once more.

Usagi swiftly slides through Shazam’s legs and kicks him into the path of the mystical lightning. The powerful Shazam is reduced to his mortal form of Freddie Freeman. Usagi springs back to his feet, flips over Freeman and drives his katana blade deep into his chest.

Usagi looks up to see green and blue energy blast littering the sky as Black Bolt and Saint Walker attack Omega Supreme. The two final member of the Kennelz are much quicker than the massive Transformer. They are able to hit Omega multiple times with their energy blasts, but the reinforced armor plating of Omega is resisting their attempts.

Usagi Yojimbo scurries and leaps his way up his partner’s body and climbs to the top of Omega’s shoulders. Valiantly and without hesitation, he leaps off of the Autobot and takes Saint Walker by surprise. With one swift slash of his katana, Usagi lops the head off of the Blue Lantern. Black Bolt follows up and as Usagi plummets, he slices the rabbit in half with his purple lightsaber. The two parts of Yojimbo split apart and tumble out of control to the ground.

“Battle: concluded,” bellows Omega Supreme as raises his arm-mounted cannon a fires an enormous laser blast at Black Bolt. The blast carves a chasm into the ground below. As the dust settles Black Bolt is still alive, battered, but still drawing breath. He is encased in a thick protective ball of solid green willpower.

Black Bolt looks up at the massively huge Autobot and drops his green force field.

He arches back, digs his feet hard into the ground for stability. Black Bolt fills his lungs with as much air as they can hold and unleashes a hypersonic scream that hits Omega Supreme with such force and he stumbles back several steps. The Autobot regains his stance and tries to resist the attack. His armor begins to falter and panel by panel it begins to rip away. Omega Supreme starts to spark and rip apart. The King of the Inhumans is unrelenting; his feet dig deeper in the ground as he intensifies his scream. And to make matters worse, Black Bolt raises his hand up and couples his quasi-sonic scream with his Green Lantern ring. The green energy wraps around the sonic attack and focuses it. Omega Supreme’s chest is torn open and his spark is finally extinguished for good.

The massive Transformer’s body drops to the ground with a thunderous thud, dust and debris fly through the air as Black Bolt drops to his knees, utterly exhausted. After a few moments the dust finally clears and Black Bolt looks around at the destruction this war has brought to the Playoff Planet. Nonetheless…

MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURVE IS VICTORIOUS AND IS THE FANTASY FANTASY LEAGUE CHAMPIONS!!!!

Official Universe Bowl IV Starting Line Ups

2011-08-03T19:02:00.002-04:00

AMERICAN LEAGUE CHAMPIONS
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Galactus, Terrax, Uranus, Gaia, Oceanus, Tethys, Helios, Themis, Ares w/Atlas Axe, Apollo, Hercules, Kratos, Headstrong, Scorponok w/Lord Zarak, Sky Lynx, Lord Voldemort, Black Lantern Sentry, Black Lantern Shazam, Shazam (Freddie Freeman) w/Blue Kryptonite, Super-girl, Steel Superman, Beast Boy, Oa Guardian #1 w/Green Lantern Ring, Oa Guardian #2 w/Green Lantern Ring, Oa Guardian #3-6, Jade w/Blue & Green Lantern Rings, Indigo-1, Munk, Saint Walker, Kryb, Manhunter #4, Captain Atom, Black Bolt w/Mace Windu's lightsaber & a Green Lantern Ring, Karnak, Triton, Crystal, Peter Petrelli, Sylar, Matt Parkman & The Haitian in a Rhino, Hiro Nakamura, Claire Bennett w/Ahsoka's lightsaber on Robin's Motorcycle, Tracy Strauss w/Demon Rod, Big Barda, Calypso, Marv, Gimli w/Heat Axe, Jack Bauer w/Mandalorian Armor in F-22, Curtis Manning in Iron Man Armor, The Matrix Twins w/Green Lightsabers in Tie Interceptors, Charlie Brown w/Fremkit, Michael Vick in Ferrari Testarossa, Dexter the Dog, Nomi Sunrider in Z-95 Headhunter, Losho Yik, Uncle Sam in a Tank, Citizen Steel, John McCain in F-22, Dark Jedi Master #11 in Tie Interceptor, Black Widow & Daniel LaRusso w/Green Lantern Ring & Blue Lightsaber in The Outrider, Treasure Troll #25, and The U.S.S. Nimitz.

NATIONAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONS
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Set, Omega Supreme, Mr. Mxyztlpk, Qwsp, Bat-Mite, Nocyarg Kcid, Magneto, Count Dooku, Asajj Ventress, X-23, Superboy, He-Man & Battle Cat, Gamera, Smart Grimlock, Ganthet, w/ a green lantern ring, Sayd, Lar Fleeze, The Leprechaun, Twincast w/ Decibel, Legout, Zombie (movie) Frenzy, Black Lantern Rumble, & Black Lantern Laserbeak, Space Ghost w/ Jan, & Blip, Saeese Tiin & R.O.B. the Robot in a Jedi V-Wing, The Red Robin (Tim Drake version), Peppermint Patti, Marci, & Gobo in The Talon Fighter, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Tri-eye, Bleez, Blue Lantern #1, Indigo Lantern #2, Star Sapphire #2, Mighty Mouse, Usagi Yojimbo, Space Usagi, Jotaro, Tom Bombadil, Psylocke, Titanus, Baby Wolverine, Megalon, Queen A'gapo, Mighty Mousette w/ a Star Sapphire Ring, Capt. Power, Aayla Secura, Lolo, Papa Smurf, and R-2 Unit #3 & 4 in The Outlaw, Durge, Aurra Sing in a Light Plane, Wonder Man, Longshot, Lockheed, Adam Warlock, Link, Stilgar, Hermes, Gwildor w/ The Cosmic Key, Robert Muldoon, Oppo Rancisis, Thufir Hawat, Radaghast the Brown, Kylun, Beppo The Super Monkey, Capt. N w/Duke the Dog, Pit, The Wicked Witch of the East, Stratos, Smurf #1 and Ewok Baby #1 & 2.

Official Universe Bowl IV Poster

2011-07-01T17:33:00.000-04:00

Season 4, Consolation Week 4 Match: LG vs Horsemen

2011-06-27T18:48:00.002-04:00

Logical Genocide vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips

“Why me!!!”
-Ryan Poteracki

“Why not!!!”
-Robert Hudson

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 4 Consolation Match located at the FFL Barbeque premises of the Beckerman household. They are as follows:

Logical Genocide: Robert Hudson with Mewtwo, a laser gun and laser sword.

The Horsemen of the Apokolips: Ryan Poteracki with Piplup, a laser sword, laser gun and Mithril Vest.

Let the battle begin. . .

Before either Pokemon can react, Robert Hudson expertly uses his laser gun and laser sword to kill Piplup. Ryan Poteracki, in turn, uses both his laser gun and laser sword to kill Mewtwo. The two frenemies face one another. Before Poteracki can fire his gun, Hudson disappears before his eyes. As always, Hudson is never there when you expect him to be. Poteracki attempts to locate Hudson and climbs to the top of the play structure which obnoxiously takes up nearly the entire Beckerman backyard. As Poteracki looks through the structure’s telescope, he is struck from behind by Hudson, who has, once again, re-appeared. Hudson then stabs Poteracki in the side in order to immobilize the young, strapping warrior. Hudson instantly pulls down his pants and spits on his hand. Poteracki attempts to react, but is unable to as his side’s stab wound screams and he feels the laser gun pointing at his head.

Poteracki: But I’m married!!!

Hudson: So am I!!!! You didn’t complain last night in the shower!!!

Poteracki’s pants are by his ankles. Hudson fills Poteracki with as much of his lethal weaponry as he can.

Hudson: Squeal like a pig! Squeal like a pig.

Poteracki thinks of more pleasant things-like his Transformer toys and refuses to squeal. Hudson then moves his face closer to Poteracki and whispers in his ear.

Hudson: I can’t quit you!!!!

Poteracki: Quit me!!! Quit me!!!

Poteracki screams in agony, or some would say ecstasy and clenches his buttocks. Hudson’s appendage is ripped off by the strength of Poteracki’s glutes. Poteracki, with a bloodied behind, manages to reach for his sword---the real one. Poteracki stands above a Bobbitish Hudson and lops off his head –the one which lies between shoulders.

Poteracki: Now you’ve lost both of your heads!

Poteracki wins the match. . . or does he???

The Horsemen of Apokolips: Ryan Poteracki survives.

Logical Genocide: All dead.

THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!

Consolation: Final Round

2011-06-23T11:53:00.003-04:00

The final consolation round will be for a blue lightsaber. It will be 6 points and set in Beckerman's backyard during the annual FFL BBQ.

The match ups will be:

Team Sleeping Pussy vs The Tijuana Taco Benders

Logical Genocide vs The Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Beckeman's Backyardigan Beeyatches vs "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos

TEAM vs The Right Wing

George Washington's Slaves vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad

Le' Napoleon Brigade vs Better Than All Of You

Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family vs The Abomitrons

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyes vs Alice's Wonder Team

The Untouchables vs Oblivio

Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies vs Built Ford Tough

The Syracuse Valley vs The Transfoamers

Roster sheets will be due by noon on Sunday. Thank you and good luck to all.

The Abomitrons Vs. Built Ford Tough

2011-06-22T16:13:00.002-04:00

The Abomitrons are Ewok #51 and Paddle (An Immell Clone of Paul Coffey and Yaddle).

Built Ford Tough is Sala and Marcus Brody.

The battle begins on the stairway of Hogwarts, which immedietely begins to move in different directions, confusing all four of the combatants. Ewok #51 realizes that he didn't bring any arrows with him, so he throws down a hella dehydration turd in the palm of his head and then bowcasts that Mamma Jamma into Marcus Brody's eye. Sala is furious at the untimely and embarrassing death of his life long friend and grabs a hold of the firey ewok. Sala squeezes the ewok until he hears his bones cracking and internal organs squishing. Sala then kicks Paddle in the side sending her over the rail of the stairway, but Paddle grabs a hold of the rail and swings back around, igniting her lightsaber on the way back up. Sala stand at the ready with his fists, but Paddle chops directly through the meaty hands of Sala on the way to slicing his throat.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!!

Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

2011-06-22T16:11:00.001-04:00

Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Hanibal (from The A-Team)

Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are Al Quaeda Terrorist #1 and 2.

Hanibal shoots the terrorists in the head.

XAVIER'S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!

Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. The Syracuse Valley

2011-06-22T16:10:00.000-04:00

L’ Napoleon Brigade es Andrew Laidlaw, Phil Day (w/ a Sith Lavarouk), and Lala.

The Syracuse Valley is Fire Bros. #9 and 10.

(Read slowly… It’s a complicated match)…

Fire Bros. throw fire at gamers. Gamers duck out of way. Lala get caught on fire by fire ball and die. Andrew Laidlaw makes a poop on Fire Brother’s head and it make Fire Bros. mad. Laidlaw then kick Fire Bros. hard in his privates. Fire Bros. then slips in more poop and falls and gets hurt and breaks neck and dies. Laidlaw gets burned with fire by other fire bros. and dies. Phil shoots sharps at Fire Bros. that made his friend get dead. Fire Bros. gets dead from the sharps. Phil Day is happy cause he not dead.
LE’ NAPOLEON BRIGADE ES VICTORIOUS!!

Season Four: National League Finals: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs The Right Wing

2011-06-22T09:36:00.012-04:00

In honor of the NL Conference Championship, the Watchers have obtained quotes from the owners themselves instead of the combatants.

“Just to let you know, I didn’t wash my hands before eating that hotdog.”
-Josh Houslander

“If Sarah Palin had any less experience, she’d be Barack Obama.”
-Shannon Pilkinton

Nickatu and Bryatu are honored to look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, NLConference Championship Match located on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:

Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: Mr. Mxyzptlk, Magneto, Count Dooku, Asajj Ventress, X-23, Superboy, He-Man and Battle Cat, Gamera, Smart Grimlock, Ganthet (w/ a green lantern ring), Sayd, Larfleeze, The Leprechaun, Twincast w/ Decibal, Legout, Zombie (movie) Frenzy, Black Lantern Rumble, Black Lantern Laserbeak, Space Ghost w/ Jan, Jace, and Blip, Saeese Tiin and R.O.B. The Robot in a Jedi V-Wing, Red Robin (Tim Drake version) and Gobo in The Thunder Machine, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Tri-eye, Bleez, Blue Lantern #1, Indigo Lantern #2, Star Sapphire #2, Mighty Mouse, Usagi Yojimbo, Space Usagi, Jotaro, Tom Bombadil, Psylocke, Titanus power rangers, Baby Wolverine, Megalon, Qwsp, Bat-Mite bat mxyplik, Queen A'gapo, Mighty Mousette (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring), Capt. Power, Aayla Secura, and R-2 Unit #3 in a Y-Wing Bomber, Durge, Aurra Sing in a Light Plane, Wonder Man, Longshot, Lockheed, Adam Warlock, Link.

The Right Wing: Superwoman, Red She Hulk, The Cosmic Hulk Robot, The Silver Surfer (w/ a green lantern ring), Skaar: Son of Hulk (w/ a green lightsaber), Doc Samson, Zeus, Flash (w/ a blue lantern ring), John Stewart (he has 9 deaths), Blackfire, Quinlon Vos, Athena (w/ an Indigo Lantern Ring), Red Tornado, Nick Houslander (w/ a blue lightsaber and a Devil Lance) (he has 9 deaths), Bear (w/ a green lightsaber and a demon rod), and Magwai #3 and 4 in the Millenium Chowder, Lyra the She Hulk (w/ a green lightsaber), Miss Martian, Zombie Grey Hulk, Black Lantern Sixshot, Goliath, Mr. Freeze, Poseidon, Agamemnon (he is the last remaining member of The Pantheon and has 9 deaths), Victoria (w/ a red lightsaber), The Voltari: Aro, Caius, and Marcus, The Quileute Tribe: Sam, Paul, Jared, and Quil, Kit Fisto, Bulkhead, Bib and Beb, Opee Sea Killer #1-6, Donkey Kong Jr., Bill O'Reilly (w/ a Sith Lavarok), Smurf #3 in an AT-ST, Blue Lantern #2 (has 9 deaths), Darth Malak (he has 9 deaths), Sandstorm, Warpath, Baby Storm, Black Panther, The Wicked Witch of The West, Zombie Jedi Knight #17, Zombie Predator #2 and Zistar Flamgag.

Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Locker Room. . .

We look into the locker room of the Brotherhood. The owner of the Brotherhood, Josh Houslander, holds a large chalice in his hand.

Houslander: It has taken four years of determination to reach this point, but it is not enough! It has taken four years of our sweat to reach this point, but it is not enough! It has taken four years of our blood to reach this point, but it is not enough! It has taken four years of our LIVES to reach this point, but it is not enough! IT IS NOT ENOUGH! Today, I stand before you, as owner of this team and I say to you, IT IS NOT ENOUGH!!! Only if we make it to the Universe Bowl and win is it ENOUGH!!!

Houslander lifts the chalice above his head.

Houslander: In my hand I have the chalice of strength! In my hand I have the chalice of life! In my hand I have the chalice of victory! All who risk their lives on the battlefield-drink! Drink to strength! Drink to life! DRINK TO VICTORY!

The Midgets’ battle cry is heard throughout the regions. All who will enter onto the battlefield drink of the chalice before being transported. The Midgets’ team flashes out of sight. Houslander looks around and takes the dead baby bird out of the cup. . . and smiles.

The Right Wing Locker Room. . .

Shannon Pilkinton looks around her team’s locker room.

Pilkinton: Let’s kick some a$$!

The Right Wing’s battle cry echoes across the regions. The team is then transported.

Since this is the Conference Championship, the Watchers decide to repeatedly transport the combatants to various regions in the blink of an eye. Thus, a member can fight in the Plains Region and in the next instant fight in the Water Region. If they are to be crowned NL Champions, they shall earn it! Let the battle begin. . .

Plains Region. . .

Zombie Jedi Knight #17 faces Durge. ZJK #17 ignites its lightsaber and begins to awkwardly shamble toward the Midget team member.

Durge: I was once buried alive—for 60 years! If that didn't kill me… if the Sith and the Mandalorians and the Bloodboilers of Kragis couldn't kill me—then you will not kill me!

Durge uses his vast weaponry against ZJK #17. Although the Right Winger is able to deflect some of the blasts, it is unable to eventually avoid the constant barrage of the Gen’Dai bounty hunter. A well placed blast takes the head off of ZJK #17 and its body crumples to the ground.

Across the field, Baby Wolverine faces Baby Storm. BS manipulates the weather in a way that she focuses an area such that BW is pummeled with both torrential rain and lightning. The elements take a toll on BW and he falls to the ground. BS flies toward the nearly beaten warrior and stands in front of him.

Baby Storm: Only one baby can survive today!

Baby Storm’s eyes suddenly bulge out of her skull. She looks down and sees Baby Wolverine’s claws ripping into her now-demolished stomach. Baby Storm dies.

Baby Wolverine: That’s right Stormy and I’m that surviving baby!

Forest Region. . .

Bill O'Reilly, Donkey Kong Jr. and Smurf #3 travel through the woods in an AT-ST. The members in the AT-ST spot Aurra Sing in a plane. Although Sing manages to avoid a few of the blasts, the plane is finally hit and crashes into the ground. The AT-ST moves toward the plane and stomps on the fighter; a crunching is heard as the plane implodes. While the AT-ST drivers focus on the demolished plane, they fail to notice Sing slowly floating down in a parachute and landing on a branch above. Suddenly the AT-ST is struck by the bombs of the Y-Wing commandeered by Captain Power, Aayla Secura, and R-2 Unit #3. The AT-ST explodes. The Y-Wing then quickly heads back up into space where it knows it is needed. Before being engulfed in flames though, Bill O’Reilly, Donkey Kong Jr. and Smurf #3 escape through a hatch located on the bottom of the vehicle. Smurf #3 loses O’Reilly and Donkey Kong, Jr. in the rush from the destruction. Smurf #3 wanders through the forest until he faces the Leprechaun.

Smurf #3: Who are you?

Leprechaun: What do I look like, me lad? See the hat? The buckles on me shoes? Why, I'm a Leprechaun!

Before the Smurf can react, the Leprechaun takes a broken stick from the ground and skewers Smurf #3.

Donkey Kong, Jr. races up a stony knoll. The ape spots his prey and begins to throw rocks at Usagi Yojimbo. The rabbit warrior is hit and falls to the ground. Before Donkey Kong Jr. can deliver the killing blow, Mighty Mouse and Mighty Mousette fly to the scene. The two mice use their combined strength and quickness, as well as Mousette’s Star Sapphire ring to crush Kong with his own rocks. Donkey Kong Jr. dies.

Bill O’Reilly comes upon Jotaro.

Bill O’Reilly: Lotsa people want to hurt me. That’s the price you pay for being a big mouth.

Before O’Reilly can react with his Sith lavarok, Jotaro kills the Fox News anchor.

Jotaro: I liked Keith Oberman better anyway.

Space Region…

The Silver Surfer, John Stewart and Superwoman all gather to discuss what they know is going to be the most difficult match of their lives.

Stewart: Look Surf, we are outnumbered two to one out here in space, I say we try to move this battle back down to the planet.

Superwoman: Oh and what, put the rest of our team in danger of these a$$holes? What do you think- we can’t take these guys on ourselves?

Stewart: Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying Clara.

Superwoman: My name’s not Clara. . . John!

Stewart: So you say. I’m still not sure that you’re not still with him anyway.

Superwoman: And what the hell is that supposed to mean?

Stewart: I think you know Mixi, or are you Laurel right now? It’s no wonder none of us trust you.

Superwoman: Screw you John! What if I am Mxyzptlk? Are you going to kill me because of it?

As soon as she says this, the real Mr. Mxyzptlk appears out of nowhere.

Mr. Mxyzptlk: Just to set the record straight, I am the only Mxyzptlk in this realm okay. Now don’t go stealing my thunder now.

Stewart: Hey look Claire, it’s your teammate.

This is the tipping point for Superwoman as she sends a blast of heat energy directly at Stewart. Luckily for Stewart, the Silver Surfer blocks the burst and knocks Superwoman back with a stun blast of cosmic energy. Stewart begins to thank the Surfer when he hits him with the same stun blast that he hit Superwoman with. As this all goes down Mxyzptlk roars with laughter. The Surfer then looks over at Mxyzptlk.

Silver Surfer: You, shut up. And for the two of you, either stop arguing or I’ll forfeit the match right now.

Mxyzptlk: I can handle the forfeit negotiations right now if you’d like.

Surfer: That’s it Mixi!

Mxyzptlk: Okay, I’m out of here!

Mr. Mxyzptlk quickly vanishes from the scene.

Surfer: I’m only going to say this one time. Are you two done with this garbage?

They both feebly reply in unison- “Yes” - and the Surfer looks at them both with mild disdain.

Silver Surfer: Okay, now that Kindergarten is over with, I was hoping we can finally get on with it.

The two both nod and begin to fly toward the Y-Wing that has been circling the planet below. John Stewart and Superwoman take the opposing sides of the ship as the Surfer runs cover for them. As Stewarts nods to his teammates, they both send a blast of energy towards the ship. Before they are able to do any damage, Ganthet flies out from the front of the ship and blocks both of their blasts. His blocks are quickly met with retaliatory action from the Silver Surfer, as his blast of cosmic force coupled with his green lantern ring, easily overpower him. Ganthet falls unconscious down to the planet below.

The three Right Wingers then collectively send blasts of energy toward the Y-Wing, completely disintegrating it. Captain Power, Aayla Secura and R-2 Unit #3 perish with their ship. The Surfer then immediately turns back and heads for both of the “common” Midget lanterns. The fight between the Surfer against Indigo Lantern #2 and the Star Sapphire #2 lasts about as long as we thought it would, as both non-green lantern wearing creatures fall within a matter of minutes.

Wonder Man sees this occur and races into mix. He charges directly into the Surfer and actually gets a hold of him…for only a second though, as the Surfer easily overtakes him, breaking his neck in the process.

Superwoman: Well I’ll be damned if the old surfer couldn’t just take on this entire team by himself!

This is the last thing Clara. . . err. . . Laurel. . . err. . . we mean Superwoman says as her head is blown to bits by Superboy, who just so happened to be directly behind her.

Superboy: I’d like to test that theory Dana.

John Stewart: Her name wasn’t Dana, it was…well, it was SUPERWOMAN

John Stewart then unleashes the full power of his ring into the chest of Superboy, which sends him flying hundreds of miles away.

Silver Surfer: So now you’re protective over her?

John Stewart glares over at the Surfer with a look of sheer determination.

John Stewart: Let’s go kill that Mother F#$%er!

Water Region…

Saeese Tiin and R.O.B. the Robot fly their Jedi V-Wing over the area. They cannot see the shapes racing just beneath the water’s surface, tracking the ship. The shapes are actually Poseidon riding sixty foot Opee Sea Killers #1-6. Miraculously, the beasts jump from the water and crash into the Jedi V-Wing. The ship crashes into the water. Saeese Tiin and R.O.B. the Robot have enough time before the crash to jettison from the craft. The two float on the water’s surface. As Saeese Tiin turns around, he sees R.O.B. the Robot swallowed by Opee Sea Killer #2. Tiin ignites his lightsaber. As the sea killers aim to finish Tiin, Gamera flies to the scene. Plasma fireballs shoot from the immense turtle’s mouth and destroy Opee Sea Killers #1 and 3. Megalon bursts from the waters below and destroys Opee Sea Killers #4 and 5. The Seatopian god then combines its immense size and powers with Gamera to destroy remaining Opee Sea Killers #2 and 6. Poseidon swims from the battle, looking to gain an advantage over the two monstrosities at a later time.

City Region- [E Boulevard]. . .

Count Dooku and Asajj Ventress face Darth Malak.

Dooku: I know that you are a constant disappointment to me, but we must put that aside for now if we are to be victorious today.

Ventress: Understood a$$hole.

Dooku: What was that?!?!

Ventress: I said ‘understood master.’

Dooku: That is what I thought you said.

The evil emissaries face a cacophony of sound as Sith lightning and the crashing of lightsabers is heard. Ventress, as always, manages to foil her own efforts and Darth Malak kills her. Malak uses the Force to strangle Dooku and breaks the old man’s neck with a flick of his wrist. After finishing the Count, he turns too late. Black Lantern Laserbeak uses its talons to rip into the Sith Lord. As Malak falls, Black Lantern Rumble and Zombie Frenzy storm the scene and both batter and crush Malak.

Mountain Region. . .

The Wicked Witch of the West stands with Victoria, The Vultari: Aro, Caius, Marcus and The Queilette Tribe: Sam, Paul, Jared, and Quill on a ledge of the mountain.

Wicked Witch of the West: I shall conquer them all!

Victoria: Elphaba! Can’t I make you understand? You’re having delusions of grandeur!

Elphaba looks to Victoria, as well as her other teammates and then bursts into song as she has sung on Broadway numerous times before:

Something has changed within me,
Something is not the same;
I'm through with playing by the rules,
Of someone else's game.
Too late for second-guessing,
Too late to go back to sleep;
It's time to trust my instincts,
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

The Wicked Witch of the West begins to slowly rise, holding her broom. Her flight is cut short as Lockheed blows its fiery breath at her. She screams and falls into the snowy mountain landing. Her sizzling body melts the snow beneath her.

W3: I’m melting! Melting away! Melting. . . .

W3 becomes a puddle of water.

He-Man and Battle Cat pounce to the scene. He-Man’s glistening muscles shine from the moisture in the air for all to marvel. He-Man’s musculature astounds Victoria for an instant, but the vampire easily shakes off her vampiric desires and rushes at the Master of the Universe. Meanwhile, Battle Cat races toward the Quileute tribe mates. Battle Cat leaps onto Jared and Quil before they can shape shift. Their human forms are torn apart by the giant feline. Sam and Paul shape shift into their huge wolf forms. The two gang up on He-Man’s steed and manage to kill him. He-Man is now surrounded by not only the Voltari, but by Victoria as well. He-Man manages to dispel with Caius and Marcus, but falls to the combined skill and ferocity of Victoria and Aro.

City Region- [T.O.D. Avenue]. . .

Zombie Predator #2 lies in wait for its prey; it spots Longshot. The alien fires its laser cannon without success. The mutant’s psionic “luck” kicks into overdrive and Longshot manages to avoid the barrage of laser fire. ZP2 then hears footfalls behind it. As the beast turns, he looks down and sees a sword through its gut. The monster pushes himself toward Link and is about to take him with it to its death when Adam Warlock blasts ZP2. Both Longshot and Link wave a “thank you” to Warlock as he flies away.

Desert Region. . .

Red Robin and Gobo move along the sands in the Thunder Machine. They are traveling along when they see something crash land into the desert in front of them. They race over to the object. When they both get out of their vehicle, they notice that the object is none other than their fellow Midget, Ganthet. Ganthet looks badly injured and is unconscious. Red Robin goes over to him to see if he can do anything. He then hears something coming for them with great speed. Robin and Gobo attempt to grab Ganthet and get him back into their vehicle, but the Right Wing members are too fast for them.

Honestly, it was a good thing they didn’t find their way back into the Thunder Machine since the Red She Hulk jumped on top of the vehicle and crushed it with one try. Behind her comes several more Right Wingers. Red Robin tries his hardest to wake the green lantern, but it is no use as Skaar immediately picks Robin up and breaks him in two. Red Tornado then grabs both Ganthet and Gobo and flies them up into the air and then throws them back down again. This action kills Gobo, but actually seems to awaken Ganthet slightly. He is only awake for a couple of seconds though, before he sees his own death due to the might of the Red She Hulk and Skaar. The Right Wingers all roar in victory as they easily defeat their current enemies.

Psylocke: Yes, congratulate yourselves on an unfair victory. That’s what all you right wingers do isn’t it?

These comments enrage both of the Hulks as they instantly run toward the new batch of Midget members. Red Hulk and Skaar head to Psylocke, but as soon as they reach her, they realize that she is not alone. They also see Tom Bombadil, Skywarp, Sayd and Larfleeze.

Skaar: It is of no concern, we will still win this fight.

Red She Hulk: You sure about that? (pauses) I’m just kidding! Let’s kill these sacks of sh@t!

As Psylocke stares at the both of the Hulk relatives from up above, she contemplates how she is going to attack the two of them. This contemplation is cut short though because before she can even react, Red She Hulk pounces on Psylocke and is able to pull her down from fifty feet in the air. Red She Hulk slams her to the ground but Psylocke is able to get up almost immediately. She then blasts Red She Hulk with a bolt of energy that sends her flying down into the sand. After that, she takes control of her mind and makes Red She Hulk use her own fists to repeatedly smash her own face in. Then at the very end, she snaps her own neck.

Psylocke: “Well, now that’s more like it.”

Agamemnon sees this begin to transpire and asks Red Tornado to fly him over to Skaar’s battle. RT does this, but is too late to save the son of Hulk. Agamemnon is so enraged at this point that he smashes Psylocke in the back of the head so hard that it knocks her unconscious. Agamemnon then jumps on her back, knees first as to pin her bottom half to the ground and then literally bends her spine in half, cracking it. He then snaps her neck for good measure and walks away from the completely destroyed body.

Agamemnon is quite pleased by what has just transpired. Though before he is able to celebrate, he is hit with a blast of magic from the Middle Earth creature - Tom Bombadil. The notorious singer of terrible tunes puts a hurting on the final living member of the Pantheon. As Agamemnon lies on the ground in severe pain, Bombadil walks over to him with the purpose of sending down a killing blow. Bombadil kills Agamemnon. Red Tornado then flies over to Bombadil, picks him up and takes him straight in the air. Bombadil attempts to shower the super villain with a barrage of spells but Red Tornado is able to deflect the majority of them. With Bombadil several miles into the air, the Tornado flies as fast as he can into the body of Skywarp, killing them both.

The Red Tornado then looks upon the only two members of the Midgets that he can see and smiles, as he assumes this will be a quick fight. We suppose in one respect that he was correct in his assessment, but we doubt it is the exact scenario he had imagined in his head.

Sayd begins to slowly levitate above the ground with a look of rage that neither member of the Right Wing has ever seen. She then begins to glow so brightly that the Red Tornado, Red She Hulk and Blackfire can no longer see anything else.

Sayd: You killed my beloved even though he was defenseless to your attacks. To say you are going to pay for that is a severe understatement.

Sayd then sends the immense light array toward her opponents and in an instant, incinerates all three of them. Red Tornado, Red She Hulk and Blackfire are killed.

Larfleeze: How did you do that? I want that power! Give it to me!

Sayd: I just eliminated three of our fiercest foes and all you care about is getting my power?!?!

Larfleeze: Just give ME THAT POWER!

Zeus: If she won’t do it, I will be glad to oblige.

Zeus then sends two massive bolts of lightning down onto Sayd and Larfleeze, killing them both.

Zeus: Our loses were great in this region, but now it is time to finally give our team the victory it most rightfully deserves.

Zeus leaves the region.

City Region-[Lukas Street]. . .

The players in this match are now being transported from one region to another in the blink of an eye...

Black Panther is on a rooftop. The Leprechaun pops up next to the superhero. Black Panther takes out his energy dagger.

Leprechaun: I'll take it from you, homie, you'll see, ‘cause you know the Leprechaun is the real O.G.

Black Panther tussles with the Leprechaun. The Leprechaun strikes the Wakandan warrior in the testes and BP grimaces in pain. The Leprechaun then takes a pipe from the rooftop and is about to deal a devastating blow to BP’s head when Mr. Freeze uses his ray and freezes the Leprechaun in place. Victoria springs from the next rooftop and lashes out with her lightsaber. The Leprechaun’s head is lopped off. In response, Durge and Aura Sing combine their bounty hunter weaponry and fire upon Mr. Freeze. Freeze is killed. Saeese Tiin springs from the top of another roof and lashes out at Victoria. The two are in a bitter conflict, but the calm and lethal fighting skill of the Jedi Master is too much for the rambunctious and tenacious vampire. Victoria’s head is severed from her body. Tiin then turns around to see Kit Fisto. The two Jedi Masters circle one another. The two evenly skilled fighters eventually succumb to minor exhaustion. Each takes advantage of this and kill one another with well placed lightsaber blows.

Space Ghost is joined by Jan, Jace and Blip. They are pounced upon by the remaining Quileute Tribe shape-shifted members, Sam and Paul. Sam manages to rip apart Jan, while Paul shreds Blip. Space Ghost and Jace double team Paul and manage to break the shape shifter’s neck. Sam leaps at Space Ghost, his maw opened and teeth gnashing. Before he reaches his goal, Space Usagi slices into Sam’s stomach and kills the beast. Space Ghost looks at Space Usagi, Jace stands by.

SG: Thanks Space Usagi!

SU: No problem Space Ghost!

SG: Jace, you were no help!

Jace: Sorry SG; I’ll try better next time!

SG: You’re beginning to sound like Ventress!

Plains Region. . .

Zistar Flamgag is joined by Quinlon Vos. X-23 unsheathes her adamantium claws. Flamgag looks to Vos.

Flamgag: Although I may be the biggest buffoon ever of the Jedi Order, I will make my team proud!

Flamgag rushes at X-23. He is unable to draw his lightsaber from his hilt and trips on his own feet before reaching X-23. X-23 pierces both eyes of the knight. Vos, shakes his head, knowing that something ludicrous like this would happen. Vos then ignites his own lightsaber. As the two tussle, a screeching can be heard from above. BL Laserbeak streaks at Vos and shreds his back. Vos screams and his pain allows X-23 to take advantage of his weakness. X-23 imbeds her claws deep into Vos, who dies. BL Sixshot comes to the fray and repeatedly strikes BL Laserbeak with his weapons. The one BL Transformer succumbs to a horrible fate caused by the other. BL Laserbeak is destroyed. Across the field, Magneto stands alone. He focuses on BL Sixshot and uses his immense magnetism powers to crush the Transformer. Weapons fire across the sky as BL Sixshot faces its fate. Cosmic Hulk Robot lands at the scene.

Magneto: I don’t think so today, my friend.

Magneto’s forehead is seen sweating and the veins in his forehead begin to bulge as Magneto rips the Cosmic Hulk Robot apart. He then uses the robot’s body as a shielding which contains the powers innate in CHR. He sees his enemy across the way and creates two containers. Aro, Bib and Beb, Goliath and Doc Samson race toward Magneto, hoping to destroy the mutant before his “cosmic bombs” can be delivered. Magneto uses a smaller container containing CHR’s essence and floats it at Aro, Bib and Beb, Goliath and Doc Samson. They do not reach the mutant in time. They close their eyes as the blast engulfs them and leaves them as nothing but cinder and ash.

Forest Region. . .

Superboy wakes up in the middle of the forest trying to remember what happened to him. He sits up and hears fighting in the distance, but is unable to see anything. He then remembers the blast from the lantern ring and the pain that was associated with it. Although it has taken a lot out of him, he knows that he will be fine soon enough. The Kryptonian sits for another minute before he is ready to go. He then jumps up and flies, knowing that his team will be in need of his help.

Zombie Grey Hulk shambles across the forest floor. He feels a stabbing pain in his leg and looks down to see Baby Wolverine.

BW: Hey bub, I’m coming for your head!

BW grapples up the body of ZGH. He stabs ZGH in his neck. ZGH lets out a small bellow, noting the hindrance of this feisty, little roughneck. As BW attempts to blind the zombie, ZGH manages to grab him. ZGH rips BW in two and opens his mouth, sucking on BW’s intestines as if it were spaghetti. The Usagis then pop onto the scene.

Usagi Yojimbo, tired from his previous outing, arrives with his kinsman, Space Usagi. The two do not fare well as ZGH rips the rabbits apart before they are able to deal any form of deathblow to the zombie.

Before any more damage can be caused by ZGH, Superboy flies at the monster with supersonic speed. Superboy crushes ZGH’s skull and the zombie falls to the ground-no longer undead, just dead. Though Superboy is pleased with his kill, he knows that the real threat is up above. He takes one last deep breath and heads back into the space that he was born to fight in.

Space Region…

John Stewart races across the stars with the fire of a solar flare; the Silver Surfer follows directly behind him. The green lantern still feels the burn of the death of Superwoman, a death that he still does not quite understand why it is affecting him so. As he is getting ready to make the plunge down onto the planet, he notices a flicker from down below that is now heading directly for the two of them.

John Stewart: That’s him!

The Surfer just nods and instantly stops where he is. He turns around and takes off up above him.

Silver Surfer: Stay where you are and use your ring to burn as brightly as you can.

John Stewart: What the hell?!?

Silver Surfer: I’m not asking your permission.

Though Stewart is weary of the plan, he knows that the Surfer is far wiser then he would ever be and does exactly as he is told. As he turns himself into the brightest shade of green he can project, he looks all around him and finds himself staring at a hundred different versions of himself everywhere he can see. He then hears the Surfer yell one last thing toward him.

Silver Surfer: Now go kill that mother f@$#er.

As Superboy finally re-enters the vacuum of space, he finds himself suddenly surrounded by a hundred versions of the same lantern that he was knocked back down to earth by previously. He then takes off in the opposite direction and attempts to avoid the army of Stewarts. The retreat is short lived, as it doesn’t take long for the Right Wing members to catch up to him and completely engulf the Kryptonian. The fight is brutal and by the time they are done with him he is very near death. Then out of nowhere, everyone vanishes except for the actual John Stewart.

Superboy: You could have just killed me; why the theatrics?

John Stewart: Because you’re the one who killed her.

Superboy: I didn’t even think you liked her.

John Stewart: I don’t, but nobody and I mean nobody f@$%s with her except me!

With that said, John Stewart sends his ring wearing hand completely through the face of the now dead superhero. The Surfer then meets back up with his teammate and stares directly at him.

Silver Surfer: You feel better now, you ignorant hot head?

Stewart just looks at him and smirks before the two of them head back down to the planet where they know the final battle will shortly be taking place.

Mr. Mxyzptlk (appearing out of nowhere as he watches his two opponents head back down to the planet’s surface): Oh boy, this final’s gonna be a doozy!

City Region - [Promised-but-not-given Sketchcard Square]. . .

Nick, Bear and Mogwai #3 and 4 come rolling down the street in their cherry Dodge Daytona Pacifica a/k/a Millennium Chowder. They are enjoying the nice breeze and the sunshine that the day has so far provided. The looks on each of their faces give off the feeling of complete and utter relaxation. This all seems very odd at first glance; this being the NL conference finals and all. As the scene unfolds though, one begins to understand the reasoning behind their state of comfort as they are being flanked on all sides by the Flash, Athena, Miss Martian and Blue Lantern #2.

Nick: I am grateful for the protection and all, but you don’t make it through four full seasons in this league without being able to handle yourself, you know.

Bear: Shut the f$@% up dude and just enjoy it. This could be your last match you know.

Nick: Could be, but it won’t be. I’m not going anywhere.

Bear likes the positive attitude, but being ultra arrogant himself, he knows the downside to it all too well. As they continue down the road, they notice a massive roadblock. The noise coming from in front of them is surprising, though when you are a gigantic robot, we suppose being stealthy is pretty much out of the question.

Nick (music coming from the robots up ahead): Nice! You hear that Jack; they’re playing the “Boss.”

Bear: Yeah. You hear that Clarence died this weekend?

Nick: Yeah, I did. [Nick wipes away a tear that instantly appears]. It’s like a family member passed dude.

Flash: Why are we protecting these two again?

Miss Martian: Just keep on moving and help us clear this place out as quickly as possible. Once old silver body gets down here we can hopefully end this thing asap.

Flash: ASAP?

Miss Martian: “As soon as possible, it’s an acronym.

Flash: I know what asap means. I was questioning your use of the word.

Athena: Oh my G-d, shut up! Come on blue, leave these two wordsmiths to themselves and help me kill these jackasses.

Athena and Blue Lantern #2 race off ahead of the Chowder and go right for the kill. Blue Lantern #2 received a heaping supply of green energy from both John Stewart and Silver Surfer as the match began, so with the use of his blue ring and Athena’s Indigo powers, they find it very easy to take out Black Lantern Rumble. The Blue Lantern then blasts both Decibel and Legout in two while Athena picks up Zombie Frenzy and sends his body through the face of Megalon, killing both of them.

Nick: What the hell are they doing up there?!?! I want some of this action!

Flash: You know what then, have at it kid!

Flash then moves behind the car and races it right up into the middle of the action. This naturally delights the impulsive Mr. Houslander as he jumps out of the car just in time as Smart Grimlock manages to crush Mogwai #3 and 4, who leap out from the car at the same time. Houslander begins firing his double barrel shotgun directly at the body of Smart Grimlock.

Smart Grimlock: Is this human kidding me?

Miss Martian: G-d D#$@it Nick!

Miss Martian sees Nick firing on the metal T-Rex and flies into the fray, picking up the ignorant human.

Nick: What are you doing! I had him!

MM: Not even you are dumb enough to think that. Now please stop acting like an a$$hole and actually try not to get yourself killed!

Nick: Just put me down! I can take care of myself!

MM (under her breath): No you can’t, you ‘tard!

MM then slowly flies Nick down near his car and heads for the brilliant T-Rex.

MM: Let’s see if you can outsmart this!

As she says this, she unloads a huge amount of optic energy at the Dinobot, significantly injuring him. Though hurt, Grimlock is able to get his bearings quickly. Before the beast is able to attack the green skinned woman, she suddenly disappears. As smart as the Dinobot is, he is unable to figure out what just happened. Out of nowhere, he turns to his own teammate and knocks him into a building. As Twincast realizes what has just happened to him, he finds himself underneath the crushing foot of what he thought was his teammate. As Grimlock finally feels the spark leave Twincast’s metal body, he turns his attention to Thundercracker. He begins to run at the transformable jet with his energy sword in hand when Thundercracker takes evasive action and takes off to the sky. As he makes a flyby around the Dinobot, he screams.

Thundercracker: What the hell are you doing Grimlock?!?! We’re on your team!

Grimlock: Sorry, Grimlock’s not home right now, but if you’d like to wait just a second I think I might be able to find him.”

With that, Miss Martian reappears out of nowhere and blasts Thundercracker right in his left wing, sending him to the ground. Once he crash lands, the mind controlled Grimlock takes his sword and stabs it directly through the chest cavity of the Transformer. Once Thundercracker dies, Miss Martian releases Grimlock from his mind controlled stupor and allows him to take in the devastation he had caused his own team.

Grimlock: What have I done? I didn’t mean to do any of it!

Flash: Well, at this point I’m afraid your apologies just aren’t going to help you in that regard.

Grimlock looks over at the blurred figure that was the Flash and before he knows it, the Dinobot is taken down and destroyed by the combined forces of Miss Martian, Athena and the Flash.

As this goes on, we realize that Nick had snuck around the corner of a building and had been watching Blue Lantern #1 take on Blue Lantern #2. Though Nick was equipped with a light saber and a devil lance for this match, he preferred the warm wood grain finish of his double barrel shotgun. The battle was easily going in #2’s favor when out of the blue (no pun intended), Bear comes driving up in the Millennium Chowder.

Bear: Hey guys, what’s going on?

Blue Lantern #2: Get the hell out of here! I have this under control!

Once he turns his attention toward Bear, Blue Lantern #1 gains the upper hand and blasts #2 through a near by building, knocking him unconscious.

Blue Lantern #1: Bad move you furry piece of sh@t.

Nick points his gun at the blue lantern wearing creature.

Houslander: Who you calling a piece of sh@t, you blue ring wearing son of a b@%ch.!

The Blue Lantern laughs, looking at the overly confident human.

Blue Lantern #1: “You have a gun. I have a ring. You honestly think you stand a chance against me?

Nick: More then just a chance pal!

Blue Lantern #1: Oh yeah, how’s that?

Nick: “You’re forgetting one major detail here. You’ve only got one ring; but I’ve got two barrels.

As he finishes his word ‘barrels,’ Houslander unloads both barrels of his shotgun and blows the ring wearing right hand off of the former ring-bearing Midget. In the time it takes for the former Blue Lantern #1 to process what has happened to him, Nick has already reloaded both barrels of his shotgun again and is standing right next to him. With both barrels pressed up against his head, Houslander arrogantly states “Hail to the King Baby” and pulls the trigger.

Bear: Oh what the hell dude! You could of at least gave me a warning about that one. Now I have blood all over me!

Nick: Suck it up bud; it gives you character.

The remaining Right Wingers head toward the Dodge Daytona and congratulate Houslander on his kill. Given, if he would have just let Blue Lantern #2 do his thing, this would have all been over a lot sooner, but that’s neither here nor there. Houslander continues to gloat for a while over his kill when Athena reminds them all that they are still far from victory. After her teammates jibed her for sometime about this, they all get back into formation and head back down to where they know this match will finally find its conclusion.

The Final Melee. . .

The remaining Brotherhood are Mr. Mxyzptlk, Magneto, X-23, Gamera, Space Ghost, Jace, Mighty Mouse, Tri-Eye, Bleez, Jotaro, Titanus power rangers, Qwsp, Bat-Mite, Queen A'gapo, Mighty Mousette (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring), Durge, Aurra Sing Longshot, Lockheed, Adam Warlock and Link.

The remaining Wingers are Silver Surfer (w/ a green lantern ring), Zeus, Flash (w/ a blue lantern ring), John Stewart (he has 9 deaths), Athena (w/ an Indigo Lantern Ring), Nick Houslander (w/ a blue lightsaber and a Devil Lance) (he has 9 deaths), Bear (w/ a green lightsaber and a demon rod, Lyra the She Hulk (w/ a green lightsaber), Miss Martian, Poseidon, Bulkhead, Blue Lantern #2 (has 9 deaths), Sandstorm, Warpath and Black Panther.

Houslander revs up the engine to the Millenium Chowder. Alongside him are Bear and Black Panther.

Houslander: Hey BP?

Black Panther: Yeah?

Houslander: You one malt likah pickah!

BP: What!

Houslander: Sorry, always wanted to say that.

Houslander looks out of his windshield, steps on the gas and races into battle. The car appears to stop just before reaching the Midgets. The three Wingers look around and notice Mxyzptlk, Qwsp and Bat Mite floating in the car.

Bat Mite: They were interesting were they not?

Mxyzptlk: Yes they were.

Qwsp: Quite right!

Mxyzptlk: Think it’s time to go now gentle friends, don’t you?

Qwsp: I would say so.

The combined reality warps and the battlefield in front of the Millenium Chowder fades away into obscurity. The car is in the air, racing to nothingness. Houslander, Black Panther and Bear look out of the car and see only the ground below. . . five hundred feet below and quickly approaching.

Houslander: I DON’T WANT TO DIE LIKE THELMA AND LOUISE-I HATED THAT CHICK FLICK (although Brad Pitt was shirtless in that one)!!! DON’T LET ME DIE!!!

As if in response to Houslander’s call, he is ripped from the car by Stewart with his green lantern ring. The other passengers, Bear and Black Panther, are not as lucky as the car crashes with their bodies in it. They are mashed like potatoes on Thanksgiving. Houslander floats to the ground and stands again with his teammates.

Gamera is pummeled by Zeus, Athena and Poseidon. Although the Tojo monster is immense, it cannot sustain the damage repeatedly forced upon it by the gods’ combined efforts. Durge and Aurra Sing attempt to focus on the Flash by firing their blasters at various points where they believe the speedster will go. It is without avail though as the Flash’s speed and ring are too much for the bounty hunters. Eventually, Flash positions the two in a way where they fire upon each other. The two look down at the holes in their chest, realizing that they have killed their own teammates; that they have killed each other. The Flash zooms away as the bounty hunters hit the ground, dead.

Jace rushes at Lyra the She Hulk. Jace momentarily turns around, calling to his leader.

Jace: I won’t disappoint you now Space Ghost! I. . .

Jace’s next sentence is cut short as he looks down and sees a green lightsaber protruding from his chest. Lyra slices through his body and Jace falls to the ground.

Space Ghost: I guess you just did, Jace.

Lyra then rushes at Space Ghost and kills the hero. She looks up to see Queen A’gapo, Mighty Mouse and Mighty Mousette. Although Lyra manages to kill Mighty Mouse, the two female ring wielders are then joined by Tri-Eye, Adam Warlock and Bleez. The group overpowers and eventually kills Lyra. The other lanterns then enter the fray. Blue Lantern #2, Flash, John Stewart and Athena duke it out with the remaining Midget lanterns. In a spectacular battle, the lanterns basically destroy one another. Tri-Eye and Bleez kill Blue Lantern #2. Stewart manages to kill Mighty Mousette. Flash and Athena kill Queen A’gapo. Stewart then joins Flash and Athena, killing both Tri-Eye and Bleez.

Titanus fights the trio of Winger Transformers- Bulkhead, Sandstorm and Warpath. In robot mode, the trio unleashes both their fighting skills and weapons into the Power Ranger beast. Titanus gains the upper hand at one point and smashes Bulkhead; Bulkhead is destroyed. Warpath then uses his large gun to blow a hole into Titanus. Titanus is mortally devastated, but with him takes Sandstorm. Warpath looks down at the wreckage and suddenly explodes for an unknown reason.

Miss Martian uses her optic force blast to easily dispel with Link. She turns and sees Adam Warlock. In retaliation of his teammate’s demise, Warlock manipulates energies into a cosmic blast, which burns Miss Martian alive. Athena uses her indigo ring to create a lance-like projection, which she hurls at Lockheed. The dragon cannot avoid the projectile and is skewered. Lockheed falls to the ground, dead. As Athena turns, she is struck by Jotaro. Athena laughs as she kills the fighter in only a matter of seconds due to her godlike abilities. Longshot’s psionic luck runs out as he is killed by Flash and John Stewart. Warlock then flies to the scene and uses his full cosmic abilities to kill the Flash. Stewart and Athena then focus on Warlock. Qwsp, Mxyzptlk and Bat-Mite, again use their abilities to warp reality. This allows their teammate Warlock take advantage of the current situation. Warlock, combined with the efforts of the diminutive trio, destroys both Stewart and Athena. Reality is again in place as Warlock is killed by a passing Silver Surfer. His cosmic essence is then stolen into a small sphere created previously by Magneto. With the fight appearing to be near the end, the three sprite-like beings disappear.

X-23 stands before Magneto as they are faced by Silver Surfer, Zeus and Poseidon.

Surfer: Stand behind a girl? What cowardice!

Magneto: I stand behind no one.

Surfer: You’re right.

The Silver Surfer unleashes the power cosmic and rips X-23 apart.

Zeus: Now you have no one.

Bat-Mite: We ain’t no one!

Qwsp: Yeah, we ain’t!

Mxyzptlk: We stand with you, brother.

As Zeus, Poseidon and the Surfer unleash their full powers at Magneto, Bat-Mite, Qwsp and Mxyzptlk stand in Magneto’s way, sacrificing themselves for the one who they believe will win this battle for not only them, but for the entire Midget team.

Surfer: You stand alone now.

Magneto: I stand not alone, but with others who have passed on before me.

Magneto flings his cape away and a small sphere, emitting a glow rises.

As the sphere gets closer to the Winger trio, it begins to increase in size. The cosmic forces once contained within Warlock and Cosmic Hulk Robot are pulsating within the sphere containing them. As the sphere increases in velocity, it also increases in size, due to the shielding of the robots who perished before on the battle field. Magneto is controlling the sphere such that the size increases and then decreases, causing additional chain reactions of the cosmic powers contained within.

Magneto: And now. . . the others. . . stand with me!

Magneto unleashes the cosmic bomb which, controlling the magnetism around himself, destroys only that which it is focused upon-Silver Surfer, Zeus and Poseidon. The godlike and cosmic powers wielded by the three are not enough to bypass the explosion’s intensity. The Wingers are destroyed. Magneto looks upon the battlefield. He turns his back and is struck by a barrage of projectiles. Magneto turns around and sees Nick Houslander.

Nick has scavenged the rings of the lantern wielders who have fallen in battle. The rings have shielded Houslander from the blast. Now, not only is he equipped with a blue lightsaber, a devil lance and a double barrel shotgun, he now wears two blue lantern rings, two star sapphire rings, three green lantern rings, an indigo ring and a red lantern ring.

Houslander: COME GET SOME!

Magneto dodges the barrage of lantern projectiles that Houslander throws at him. He stands behind the wreckage and bodies strewn across the battlefield.

Magneto: You forget, Nick!

Nick: What?!?!

Magneto: You forget!!!

Nick: Okay, I’ll bite, what did I forget?!?!

Magneto stands up from behind the carnage.

Magneto: That rings are metal.

Crunching is heard as Nick’s fingers are dislocated by the rings as they rip from his hands. Nick falls to the ground. His is in immense pain and near tears. Magneto comes to him.

Magneto: You have fought valiantly today, Mr. Houslander. You have even outlasted your super-powered brethren. But today shall be known as the day Mr. Nick Houslander suffered his tenth and final death in the FFL. It shall also, more importantly, be the day known as the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets winning the NL Conference Final Match.

Nick (smiling): Maybe. . . Maybe. . . But I’ll be back next year. . . As the phoenix rises, so shall Nick Houslander. . . Better than before. . . Better than ever!!!!

Magneto: Defiant to the end. . . . Maybe you will come back next year better than ever. . . But that is next year, my friend. . . That is next year. . .

A scream is heard as Nick Houslander meets his tenth death: THE BIRD IS THE WORD!!!!

The Right Wing: All dead.

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: Only Magneto survives.

THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS AND ENTERS THE UNIVERSE BOWL FOR SEASON 4!

Alternate Ending- The Final Melee:

NICKATU AND BRYATU GO TO IHOP AND HAVE THE EGG SCRAMBLER GRAVY SPECIAL. THE TWO ACCIDENTALLY SHART AND KILL THE ENTIRE REMAINING TEAM MEMBERS OF BOTH THE MIDGETS AND WINGERS! BY DEFAULT- MONTANA AND OBAMA ARE THE NL CHAMPS AND B3 IS THE AL CHAMPS! ON TO THE UNIVERSE BOWL!!!

Consolation: Team SP vs Griffin

2011-06-21T22:13:00.002-04:00

Team Sleeping Pussy are: S.H.I.E.L.D Agent Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are: two Separatist Commandos

The two Separatist Commandos are running around Hogwarts, furiously kicking in every door.

"This is taking too long" says "Sexy" Rex Jangstro "Every minute McTwivent lives, we get closer to death"

"Relax, Rex. He's only one man" replies his partner Eli Zohalski

"One man??!!! ONE MAN!" screams Rex as he furiously kicks in another door "Have you been paying attention? This man has basically decimated every opponent that's in front of him. Did you hear what he did to that Goblin? And how he just crushed those 3 video game guys? F**k that, I'm not going down. Hells no."

"Dude, clam down. We're on a hell of a tear too" assures Eli "Just keep your head and we'll be..."

suddenly there's a WHOOM and a flash of light, and the next thing Jangstro knows he hears the sound of Zohalski's helmet hitting the floor, with his teammates head still in it.

"Oh s**t. Oh, f**k." says Rex as he begins to panic.

He wildly starts opening fire, hoping to hit his opponent.

"Where are you??!!! SHOW YOURSELF!!!!" screams the Dope Fiend

"Relax, kid. Relax. I just was hitting the pantry for something. Calm down" smiles "Butterscotch" as he emerges from the potions cabinet.

"What's in your hand? WHAT's IN YOUR F***ING HAND!!!!" scream Rex, who's not so sexy at the moment as he's just finished pissing his pants

"This, this is just an empty bottle" smiles McTwivent "No need to panic. Just relax"

"Yeah? YEAH??!!! What was in the BOTTLE?"

"Oh, something I think you may be familiar with. It's called..how do you pronounce this midi-chlorians??"

"Midi-...oh. F**K!" screams Rex and begins firing as fast as he can at the SHIELD Agent.

Butterscotch pulls his lightsaber as soon as he sees the motions of Rex pulling his trigger finger and deflects every shot, sends one back at Jangtstro-disarming him.

"Well, look at this." smiles McTwivent as he looks at his terrified, unarmed opponent
"You know something kid, this is my last match of the year, so I'm gonna do something special, something just for you."

"Please, just kill me" sobs Rex "I give up"

"Yeah, that's not gonna work for me. I've always wanted to try this, ever since I read about it on the Internet." says McTwivent "It's called a Force Tornado."

"But, but those are..." begins Rex but he's quickly silenced as McTwivent begins to cause the winds to whip up in a fury. The last thought that passes through Rex Jangstro's mind is "I can't believe this is happening". The last thing that passes through Rex's head is the wall of Hogwarts as his head is flattened against the hallowed halls of the magical academy.

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers: All dead

Team Sleeping Pussy: Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent survives

TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!!

Consolation: Slaves vs Transfoamers

2011-06-21T21:50:00.002-04:00

George Washington's Slaves are: Jedi Master 1D and 2D

The Transfoamers are: 2 Hammer Brothers and Little Goomba

The Jedi Masters enter the gigantic Hogwarts bathroom, and notice right away a plethora of beer cans floating in the giant bathtub.

Once again, the Hammer Borthers are Hammered.

"Dude, I don't care what you say. Gaga is pretty friggin hot. Have you seen the videos for 'Telephone' or 'Love Game'? I'd totally let her ride on my disco stick. And by disco stick, I mean c**k" slurs Hammer Brother #1- "Pimptastic" Max

"Gross bro" replies his brother Rudy "I hear she's got a c**k, so you wanna bang a hermie"

"Rude, the only d**k she's gonna have is mine. Gimme another brew" it's then that "Pimptastic" notices the Jedi just standing there, watching the,

"What's up, bro? You some kinda pervs?" stammers Rudy "What kinda dude wears some sissy ass robes and watches two dudes hanging out drinking, shooting the s**t?"

"You two are vile heathens, and we shall enjoy sending you to your death" retorts Jedi 1D as he ignites his lightsaber.

"Whatever, bro. This ain't no rave, put away the glostick." says "Pimptastic" getting agitated

"Whoa, whoa. Hold up Max, maybe these dudes are holding" says Rudy "Yo, bros. You guys got any E? I'll trip with you two poofs"

"Ok, I've had enough" and Jedi 2D force throws his lightsaber, decapitating the two Hammer Brothers, he leaps in the air, does a flip and lands on the Little Goomba destroying the entire Transfoamers team in one fell swoop.

"Sick move, dude" says Jedi 1D "Seriously though, are you holding?"

Jedi 2D pulls out a little baggie and replies "Woo woo woo. You know it, bro. I just ain't sharing with those douchebags. This s**t was expensive. Let's trip."

"WINNING" exclaims Jedi 1D "So...do you think that Gaga really has a d**k??"

The Transfoamers: All dead

George Washington's Slaves: Jedi 1D and 2D survive

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!

Consolation: Layander vs Untouchables

2011-06-21T21:32:00.002-04:00

Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are: Iggy Koopa and Ewok #52

The Untouchables are: Horatio Cane

Horatio Cane enters Hogwarts and begins surveying the scene. He notes the Gothic atmosphere and that there's a type of magic in the air.

He hears a giggle, and scurrying footsteps.

He heads in the direction of the sound, and sees Ewok #52 in front of him.

"Well, hey there little guy." says Horatio "You don't seem like you belong here, how's about I send you back to where you came from" as he pulls out his gun and aims it at the little guy

"YUB!" screams the Ewok as he braces himself for the inevitable Ewok death that is basically standard in a FFL match.

But death's sweet embrace doesn't come for the Ewok

Just as he's about to fire, there's that manic laugh again followed by the sound of a magical scepter begin discharged. Horatio is shot in the back and killed by Iggy Koopa.

Iggy goes over to Horatio's body and begins going through his pockets, until he finds what he's looking for. Horatio's sunglasses.

Still giggling, Iggy stands up, looks at the Ewok and says

"Well, I just hope he had a MAGICAL evening"

Iggy then puts on Horatio's blood splattered sunglasses, and waves his wand to have the opening to the Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again" begins playing after he finishes his pun

The Untouchables: All dead

Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Iggy Koopa and Ewok #52 survive

LAYANDER'S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW FAMILY ARE VICTORIOUS!!!

Consolation:Horsemen vs Oblivio

2011-06-21T21:11:00.003-04:00

The Horsemen of the Apocalypse are: Harley Quinn

Oblivio are: Zak Saturday w/ blue lightsaber

As the two eliminated AL teams enter the banquet hall of Hogwarts for the battle, Harley Quinn can scarcely believe her eyes as to who her opponent is.

"What the? A kid? With an emo stripe in his hair? Heee hee hee. What're you doing here, kid? This ain't a Hot Topic. Go home, write some crappy poetry and cut yourself because you're so misunderstood before I really put a hurting on ya" she sneers

"I'm Zak Saturday, of the Secret Saturdays lady, and the only thing I'm gonna cut is you" Zak proclaims as he fires up his lightsaber

"Zat so?" replies Harley "Well, I'm about to change you into a Sunday, bloody Sunday"

Harley pulls out her giant mallet as Zak charges her, Zak swings the lightsaber and cuts her mallet in two, destroying the weapon.

"Hey, that was my favorite hammer! No fair" screams Harley

"What's the matter, you have problems hitting a kid?" Zak says confidently

"Oh no, I was just trying to make this interesting. It's not everyday you get to kill a Potterhead in his mecca" Zak again goes to slice Harley with his lightsaber, but she easily dodges his attack, and disarms the kid. Sending his lightsaber rolling across the floor.

"Ok, playtimes over." Harley says "I feel bad for your family, because we're about to have Saturdays mourning. GET IT??!!!"

With that Harley does a wicked cartwheel roundhouse kick that catches Zak in the back of the neck, killing the child.

The Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Harley Quinn lives

Oblivio: All dead

THE HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!

AMERICAN LEAGUE FINALS: TEAM vs Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

2011-06-21T19:25:00.000-04:00

TEAM is Unicron, Michael Demiurgos, The Presence, The Beyonder, Zilla, Black Lantern Dave Bowman, Black Lantern Agent Smith, Black Lantern Pete Sosa, Voltron: Commander Keith Akira Kogane (Black Lion), Lance (Red Lion), Darrell “Pidge” Stoker (Green Lion), Sven Holgersson (Blue Lion), & Hunk Garrett (Yellow Lion), Fortress Maximus w/Cerebros, Galvatron w/Red Lantern ring, Thunderstrike, Ragnarok, Superman (Justice Legion Alpha), Superboy, Comet the Super Horse, Streaks the Super Cat, The Crime Syndicate: Ultraman, Owlman, Power Ring, Johnny Quick & Barracuda, Lor Zod, Mon El, Galactiac, Iron Lantern, Thanoseid, Thorion, God Emperor Leto II, Luke Skywalker, Samus, Bruce Lee, Jack LaLanne, John Wayne and Joe Levine.

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Galactus, Nova w/Green Lantern ring, Firelord, Terrax, Fin Fang Foom, Ahsoka Tano w/Anakin Skywalker’s Lightsaber, Green Lantern #1, Oa Guardian #1 w/Green Lantern ring, Oa Guardians #2-6, Jade w/ Green and Blue Lantern rings, Predacons: Razorclaw, Divebomb, Tantrum, Rampage, & Headstrong, Black Lantern Sentry, Black Lantern Shazam, Shazam (Freddie Freeman), Super-girl (Ariella Kent), Lord Voldemort w/Blue Kryptonite, Scorponok w/ Lord Zarak, Uranus, Gaia, Oceanus, Tethys, Helios, Themis, Daniel LaRusso w/Blue Lightsaber & Green Lantern ring, Indigo 1, Munk, Saint Walker, Kryb, Inhumans: Black Bolt w/Mace Windu’s Lightsaber, Karnack, Triton, & Medusa, Hercules, Ares, Apollo, Steel Superman, Captain Atom, Big Barda, and Charlie Brown.

With their fourth consecutive American League Finals appearance, TEAM prepares to exit their locker room and depart for the Playoff Planet. But before they leave, the starting line-up briefly touches Superman’s cape as it solemnly hangs next to the doorway of TEAM headquarters. Unicron orbits the Playoff Planet for once instead of instantly making his way to devouring it. There is a blinding flash of green light from out in the distance as the Kennelz are lead into battle by the six Oa Guardians. They are followed closely behind by Galactus and his Heralds. Unicron wastes no time and transforms into his absolutely enormous robot form. “Go, my Heralds. Leave this one to me,” bellows Galactus as the two devourers of worlds begin to duke it out in the biggest bar brawl the universe has or will ever see. There is nothing cosmic or elegant with this battle, this is just a down and out dirty fist fight. Galactus literally grabs one of the several moons orbiting the Playoff Planet and launches it at Unicron as if it were a softball. The moon explodes into a million pieces the moment it connects with Unicron’s chest, which sends the planet sized Transformer hurtling backwards through space. Unicron regains his composure and lets out a massive blast of fire breath with hits Galactus square in the face. This attack stuns Galactus and allows Unicron to fly up, grab a hold of Galactus’s helmet and drive his head into his knee. (Whew… ok this fight between these two is going to go on for a while. We’ll come back a little later.)

Back down in the jungle region of the planet, Razorclaw is quickly surrounded by the Voltron Lion Force. “Heh heh heh,” chuckles Razorclaw as the Voltron crew have fallen right into the Predicon leader’s trap. “Predacons!!! Attack!!” Several trees explode as Tantrum and Headstrong bursts through them. Rampage leaps out from his secluded hiding spot and lands right next to Razorclaw. Divebomb swoop in and blankets the surrounding area with blast from his dual particle beam rifles. “Quick fall back and form Voltron!” shouts Commander Kogane. The five Lions leap into the air and for the Defender of the Far Universe. “Predacons!!! Merge and form PREDAKING!!!” growls Razorclaw. They both draw their respective swords out which spark and set the jungle ablaze as they clash. The jungle smokes and burns around them as Voltron advances on Predaking. He fires a blast of energy from his sword but Predaking’s force field protects him from it. Voltron is then marveled at the sheer agility this mammoth being has as Predaking leaps into the air, flipping over Voltron and drives his sword through the back of him. This causes Voltron to break back apart into the individual lions, though the Black Lion is killed by the initial attack. Predaking then grabs a hold of the Blue Lion and viciously rips it in two. The Predacons then break off into their separate forms to continue the slaughter. Tantrum literally “sees red” and charges toward the Red Lion. He hits the lion with an electrical blast from his horns which stuns the Voltron lion long enough for Tantrum to bury his horns deep in the Red Lion’s torso. The two remaining Voltron Lions are then ganged up on and savagely ripped apart by Razorclaw, Headstrong, and Divebomb. Tantrum snorts in triumph as Razorclaw picks up the scent of another possible victim. The five Predacons take off out of the burning jungle and head towards the desert.

Meanwhile, out in the depths of the ocean, Barracuda leads Power Ring, Iron Lantern, Jack LaLanne and Zilla in an attack against the Kennelz water legion. Triton grabs a hold of Jack LaLanne’s ankle and yanks him deep underwater as Fin Fang Foom bursts out of the ocean and attacks Zilla. “Ha! Nice try kid, but I’ve been beating up things ten times your size since before you were a tadpole,” LaLanne says to Triton as he shakes the Inhuman off of him. (Oh by the way, yes, Jack LaLanne is able to speak underwater. This isn’t surprising to you, is it? Because it shouldn’t be.) The creator of the Jumping Jack then dives at Triton and swims around him, he then wraps his legs around the gilled man and crushes his torso with his incredible strong legs. Zilla is having his radioactive-enhanced iguana hands full with the mystical dragon known as Fin Fang Foom. The Iron Man villain sprays the pseudo-Godzilla with a heavy amount of his combustible acid mist all over Zilla’s head. He then grabs a hold of Zilla’s jaws and rips them open a la King Kong/T-Rex style. Iron Lantern then tries to attack Fin Fang Foom and is swatted out of the air and crushed by the dragon’s immense strength. Jack LaLanne then sneaks up the back of Fin Fang Foom and climbs up to the top of his head. “I got this one guys,” he says as he swing off of the dragon’s ear and into Foom’s mouth. The dragon then grabs his throat and begins to cough. He spews out a bit of his acid mist and there is a small yell coming from inside the dragon’s throat. Moments later Fin Fang Foom’s eyes roll back into his head and the monster falls back dead into the water as Jack LaLanne sacrifices himself to send Foom to the Graveyard. Oceanus then is confronted by the Crime Syndicate duo. Though Barracuda is a ruler of the water on his own planet, he is not a god and is quickly killed by Oceanus. Power Ring tries to attack but is snuffed out by the powers of the Titan Tethys. “Ok, why don’t you try and do that to me!” shouts Ultraman as he flies in and right through Tethys, killing the god. “You dare? YOU DARE?!” screams Oceanus as he raises the waters high up around him and Ultraman. “Yeah, I dare. And so do they,” the evil version of Superman responds as Thunderstrike and Ragnarok fly in behind him. The three of them overwhelm the water Titan and finish him off before he can mount an offensive.

Out in the streets of the city Steel Superman, Captain Atom, Big Barda and Charlie Brown are ambushed by Johnny Quick, Samus, Mon El, and Joe Levine. Charlie Brown is quickly taken out by a barbed wire-wrapped baseball bat to the skull by Joe. “I am the whole f’n show of all bald headed short guys!” he yells in victory, though this victory is short lived as Big Barda smacks “the Hebrew Blade’s” with her Mega-rod and snaps his back with the blow. Mon El attacks Steel Superman as Captain Atom defends himself against Samus. Steel Superman is thrown through a building by Mon El. Steel retaliates by launching his sledge hammer at the Daxamite and hitting him in the chest. This actually knocks Mon El down due to Steel creating a sledge hammer out of pure lead for this match. Mon El regains his footing and takes to the skies away from Steel’s hammer. He then uses his freeze breath to encase Steel in a solid block of ice. Mon El then swoops back down and shatters Steel with a powerful punch. Samus, meanwhile, is keeping Captain Atom at bay with quick shot from her Power Suit, but she is eventually overwhelmed by his atomic powers and is vaporized. Mon El then flies up behind Captain Atom and locks him in a full nelson. He then focuses his heat vision at the base of Captain Atom’s skull, but by doing so he ruptures his containment suit and causes a chain reaction that obliterates both of them and lights up the sky. Big Barda is briefly blinded by the explosion, which allows Johnny Quick to speed in and knock her off of her feet. He then uses his super speed to vibrate his hands inside her head and scramble her brain into mush. Johnny Quick then speeds off as the battle continues.

Out in the desert, the Predacons arrive and are immediately attacked by Red Lantern Galvatron. Headstrong is blasted by Galvatron’s arm-mounted cannon which reduces the rhino into ash. Galvatron then flies up into the air and incinerates Rampage with his Red Lantern energy. The three remaining Predacons then descend upon the Decepticon leader in a formulated attack. Divebomb flies in and knocks Galvatron out of the air which opens him up for a vicious attack by Razorclaw. The Predacon leader transforms into his robot form and takes Galvatron’s ring-wielding hand off with his sonic sword. Tantrum then charges at him and spears him down with his horns. Galvatron grabs a hold of Tantrum as his horns are deep inside his own chest and blows a hole through Tantrum with his cannon, thus sending him to the Graveyard. He then in one final act, takes aim and blasts Divebomb out of the air as well (and dealing him his final death) before Razorclaw savagely finishes Galvatron off. Razorclaw transforms into his lion mode and stands proudly atop of Galvatron’s corpse and roars loudly in triumph. The sands beneath the Transformers begin to shake however, which causes Razorclaw to transform back into his robot form. The desert itself explodes as God Emperor Leto II emerges from beneath the sand. Razorclaw defiantly shoot at Leto II as the giant Sandworm comes crashing down on the Predacon leader and kills him for the final time. The desert sky then lights up in a bright array of colors. Oa Guardian #1 leads the squad of Munk, Saint Walker, Kryb and Black Lantern Sentry against God Emperor Leto II. They concentrate all their firepower on the God Emperor. The mighty Sandworm continues to resists their attack and swallows Munk, Kryb and Black Lantern Sentry whole. Oa Guardian #1 increases his attack with his Green Lantern ring and his own immense cosmic power. The side of the God Emperor then, without warning, explodes as Black Lantern Sentry flies out of him. Leto II’s body crashes to the desert floor with a mighty thud.

Back out in space, the epic encounter between Unicron and Galactus continues to wage on. Neither opponent is gaining much ground on the other, nor are they paying any attention to the massive battle that is ensuing around them. The Amalgam Universe trio of Galactiac, Thanoseid and Thorion attack the three Heralds of Galactus as Michael Demiurgos faces off against Themis. “I know Galactus, and let me tell you, you are no Galactus,” Firelord says as he spins his flaming staff around and drives it into the gut of Galactiac, killing him. Nova then uses the combined powers of her Green Lantern ring and the Power Cosmic to incinerate Thorion. Terrax uses his powers to launch several pieces of the shattered moon at Thanoseid, but the amalgamation of Thanos and Darkseid retaliates with a blast of his Omega Effect which destroys Terrax. The other two Heralds of Galactus converge on Thanoseid before he can fire another shot and destroy him. Michael Demiurgos and Themis both know the outcome of their battle and do not wish to prolong either’s suffering. So they both agree to wipe only each other from existence. But in an act of betrayal, microseconds before Michael is eliminated, he takes the life of Gaia as well. The Oa Guardians and Green Lantern #1 are then attacked by TEAM’s three Black Lanterns. Green Lantern #1’s heart is quickly ripped out by Black Lantern Pete Sosa, thus sending her to the Graveyard. BL Pete devours the heart as Green Lantern #1’s ring find its new wielder. It soon finds its way onto Oa Guardian #2’s hand, who then uses it, along with his own cosmic powers, to eradicate Black Lantern Sosa. Black Lantern Dave Bowman engulfs Oa Guardians #3-6 with his incredible cosmic powers and overwhelms them into defeat. Jade flies in to aid Oa Guardian #2 and uses her Green and Blue Lantern rings to incinerate Black Lantern Agent Smith. Black Lantern Dave Bowman then is quadruple teamed by Nova, Firelord, Jade and Oa Guardian #2 and is finally defeated. The four of them are then shocked by a vision they were not expecting to see today…Superman. He appears before them, with his eyes glowing red, when Apollo and Helios arrive to deal with the Man of Steel. “We’ll handle this,” says Apollo. “Clever disguise Yahweh. But you know as well as any of us do, you have no business here,” adds Helios. “Perhaps. But I am here to make sure that you two do not interfere either,” responds the Presence. Superman/Presence’s eyes glow and let out a flash of red light and in that instance; all three gods vanish without a trace. Galactus and Unicron continue to battle each other fiercely. The devastation they have caused around them is catastrophic. Unicron swings his spiked wings around and slashes Galactus’s chest. “Enough! This is fight is over!!” shouts Galactus. He then unleashes the full abilities of the Power Cosmic and annihilates Unicron. This act, however, takes its toll on Galactus and allows The Beyonder to move in for the easy kill. The Beyonder destroys the gravely weakened Galactus with a powerful display of cosmic energy. The Beyonder then turns his attention to the rest of Galactus’s entourage. He eliminates Jade with but a blink of his eyes. Oa Guardian #2 unleashes a blast of cosmic energy entwined with energy from his newly acquired Green Lantern ring, which actually stuns the Beyonder. “For Galactus!!” shouts Nova, as she and Firelord unload all of their cosmic power at the Beyonder. Remarkably, they are able to defeat such a powerful, cosmic being, but not before he takes Oa Guardian #2 out with him.

Meanwhile, the battle continues to rage on back on the Playoff Planet. The squadron of Black Bolt, Karnack, Medusa, Super-girl, Green Lantern Daniel LaRusso and Shazam are entangled in a hellacious battle with (JLA) Superman, Superboy, Lor Zod, Bruce Lee, Owlman, and John Wayne, who is riding upon Comet the Super horse. Karnack attempts to square off against Bruce Lee, but regardless of how extensive of a fighting background the Inhuman has, he is simple no match for Lee and falls to a precise kick to the neck, follow up by a swift kill blow to his heart. Bruce Lee then points at Daniel and says “Time to Enter the Dragon, boy.” The Karate Kid smirks and says “Ok,” as he uses his Green Lantern ring to create a giant green energy dragon that chomps down and bites Lee in half. Daniel is then knocked down by John Wayne flying in on Comet. “Young fella, if you’re looking for trouble, I’ll accommodate ya,” says the stoic Western hero. Daniel gets back to his feet and creates a large green energy crane, but The Duke pulls out his six shooters and starts blasting away at the Karate Kid’s energy bird, forcing him to put up a green energy shield. Comet then uses his super strength to kick through the shield and they finish him off with a combo of .45s and heat vision. Shazam has been busy taking quite a beating from Lor Zod, but is still managing to get back up to continue the fight. Shazam rips a tree right out of the ground, swings it like a baseball bat and smacks Lor Zod high up into the air. Shazam then flies up after him, grabs him in a bear hug and yells “SHAZAM!!” The magical lightening bolt cracks down from the heavens and blasts both of them. The bolt fries Lor Zod and turns Shazam back into Freddie Freeman. The young man beings to plummet back down to the ground and tries to speak the magical word to turn back into his super alter-ego, but (JLA) Superman flies in faster than Freddie can speak and crushes his throat. Unable to speak, Freeman falls to his death as (JLA) Superman targets Black Bolt. Superboy and Super-girl are battling high above the ground in the air, and though Super-girl is immensely powerful, she is simply no match for the young Clark Kent and falls to his heat vision. Owlman has been trying to keep his distance from Medusa’s long powerful hair. The scarlet locks wrap around Owlman’s legs, but the evil Thomas Wayne II uses various weapons from his utility belt to cut himself free. He then flips into the air and slices Medusa’s throat, killing her. Black Bolt sees this and leaps into action. He flies in, ignites his purple lightsaber and lops Owlman’s head clean off. Distraught with rage over his wife’s death, Black Bolt lets out a wild scream that hits and obliterates John Wayne and Comet. He then sees (JLA) Superman and Superboy flying straight for him. Black Bolt takes a wide stance, digs his feet into the ground, pulls back and unleashes the Master Blow at the two Kryptonians. With eyes and ears beginning to bleed, (JLA) Superman and Superboy struggle to stay on course, but somehow manage to get in close to the Inhumans leader. Superboy, however is then taken out by Black Bolt driving his lightsaber into the young Clark Kent’s chest. (JLA) Superman then with all his might, clamps his hand over Black Bolt’s mouth to silence the Inhuman. He then uses the last ounce of his strength to crush the jaw and skull of Black Bolt. (JLA) Superman drops to his knees, exhausted, but knows that this battle is far from over.

Far out in the Arctic, two old foes continue their age old conflict as Scorponok battles Fortress Maximus. They clash as they always have and cause the surrounding mountains to quake with every punch they throw. Scorponok blasts Fortress Maximus with his fusion-powered anti-gravity gun which stuns the Autobot and flings him up into the air. Maximus retaliates by hitting Scorponok with an all out offensive from his various weapons, but the Decepticon blocks most of it with his arm mounted shield. Fortress Maximus then draws out the Master Sword and cuts Scorponok’s head off. This attack proves to be only half successful, as Scorponok, like Fortress Maximus, is a Headmaster and this only destroyed Lord Zarak. Scorponok transforms into his scorpion mode and blast the TEAM Autobot back with 100,000 volts of electricity from his tail. The Kennelz’ Decepticon city-scorpion quickly moves against his Autobot foe and leaps in for the kill. He tries to hit Fortress again with his tail but is skewered by the Master Sword. There is then a flicker a green and blue light up by Fortress’s head. It’s Ahsoka Tano. She jams both lightsabers into the head of the massive Transformer and kills Cerebros. This causes Fortress Maximus to transform into his city-battle station form. Ahsoka finds an opening during the transformation and makes her way deep inside the Autobot. She, however, is confronted by Luke Skywalker, who used the Force to sense what she was doing and followed her inside Fortress Maximus. He attacks her, but she swiftly evades him. She then uses her and her fallen master’s lightsaber to cut into Fortress Maximus’s spark chamber and takes the enormous Transformer out of commission. The two Jedi’s continue to battle as the lights inside the battle station flicker and dim. Luke Force pushes Ahsoka back outside into the icy tundra. “I can sense the rage my father passed on to you, young Padawan,” Luke says to Ahsoka. “You have no idea who or what your father has taught me to be,” retorts Ahsoka. She ignites both lightsabers again and lunges at Luke. She viciously swipes at Skywalker, who is barely able to defend against such raw emotion. He Force pushes her away, but she quickly recovers and leaps into the air towards Luke. He then has no other option but to defend himself and plunge his lightsaber into her chest as she comes down on him. Luke then catches his foe as she falls. “I’m so sorry Ahsoka. You left me no choice. Please say hello to my father,” he says to her as she smiles slightly with a single tear rolling down her face. Ahsoka’s eyes close as she dies for the final time. “Oi mate, let’s go. We still got a bunch o’ dogs dat need ta be put down,” says Johnny Quick as he super speeds in and grabs Luke.

Ultraman, Thunderstrike, and Ragnarok have regrouped with (JLA) Superman out in the grassland. Ultraman grabs the exhausted (JLA) Superman by his cape and drags him high into the air, past the clouds and in direct view of the yellow sun. “Drink it up wimp. We’re not done with these guys just yet,” snorts Ultraman as he leaves (JLA) Superman floating in the sky, soaking in the sun’s radiation. Kal Kent opens his arms and stretches back so to absorb as much as he can and repower. He opens his eyes just in the nick of time. He sees Indigo-1 and Saint Walker flying right at him. (JLA) Superman then uses his super speed and agility to easily dodge their attacks. He finishes them both off in a fashion that was so quick, even I, the Watcher, couldn’t exactly see what he did. Whatever it was, it was so fast that it created several sonic booms in the process and left not trace of either Lantern. “Heh, I guess ‘Ol Future Boy is back to normal,” quips Ultraman to the Thor duo. The three of them are then blindsided by Ares, Hercules and Uranus. Ares jumps on the evil robot Thor and drives his Axe deep into his cranium. He yanks it out and slams it down several more times until Ragnarok is reduced to nothing more than a pile of servos and synthetic flesh. Hercules uppercuts Thunderstrike up into the air, but he recovers quickly and launches his hammer right into Herc’s face. Thunderstrike calls his hammer back as he jumps in front of the fallen demi-god. He brings down his hammer hard on Hercules and kills the son of Zeus. Ultraman is knocked back by a powerful blow from Uranus, but he retaliates with a blast of heat vision. Uranus is stunned by this, but is unrelenting on his attack against Ultraman. He is about to finish him off, when Uranus cries out in pain and the sky behind him turns red. The Titan is reduced to ash and when his burnt husk blows away in the wind, Ultraman focuses in on his savior, (JLA) Superman. The two Supermen and Thunderstrike are then joined by Streaks the Super Cat, Johnny Quick and Luke Skywalker. They heard a thunderous boom come from the sky and they all look at Thunderstrike. “It wasn’t me,” he quickly replies. They look up to see the skies turn a deep hue of green as Oa Guardian #1 leads Nova, Firelord and the Kennelz two Black Lanterns down to the final confrontation. Ultraman is hit by a green energy blast by Nova’s Green Lantern ring and is send hurtling backwards. Ares then arrogantly charges towards his opposition before the rest of his teammates actually arrive. In by doing so, he ends up being tripled teamed by (JLA) Superman, Thunderstrike and Luke Skywalker, who overwhelm the god and ultimately defeat him.

Ultraman shakes the stars from his eyes and gets back to his feet. He is about to return to the battle when he hears a strange voice whisper behind him “Petrificus Totalus.” This causes Ultraman to freeze in place and is unable to move no matter how hard he struggles for freedom. Lord Voldemort slinks out from behind the trees and places a chunk of Blue Kryptonite in Ultraman’s hand. “Here hold that for me while I go kill the rest of your team,” Voldemort says as he walks away from Ultraman who is now in agonizing pain from the Blue Kryptonite. Though the piece of blue K is greatly weakening Ultraman, he somehow breaks free of the full body-bind curse and tosses the azure-hued rock into the atmosphere. “Come….here…you…pasty bald…freak,” Ultraman pants as he goes to attack Voldemort. But the dark wizard snaps around and shouts “Avada Kedavra” as he blasts Ultraman into oblivion with the Killing Curse.

Back in the main battle, Black Lanterns Sentry and Shazam make quick work of Streaks, and rip the feline to pieces as they devour the Super Cat. They are then split up by (JLA) Superman and Thunderstrike. Black Lantern Shazam has been very familiar with battling “Superman” on TEAM, as he was once a member of the “Superman Kill Squad” on the Horsemen of Apokolips. Unfortunately for him, regardless of which Superman it is, the results are the same. (JLA) Superman uses a combination of several of his vast superpowers to eradicate the zombified Billy Batson. Thunderstrike hits Black Lantern Sentry with a couple strong lightening bolts, but BL Sentry continues to advance. The pseudo-Thor brings his hammer up and smashes the Black Lantern’s head in. but it rapidly regenerates to the surprise of Thunderstrike. Black Lantern Sentry then grabs a hold of Thunderstrike’s shoulders and tears his entire body in half. He then plunges his hand into the husk, rips out Thunderstrike’s heart and feasts on it. Johnny Quick, meanwhile, is evading every blast of energy Oa Guardian #1 is throwing at him. He even manages to vibrate his body at such a high frequency, that a blast actually just passes right through him. The Oa Guardian lands on the ground to unleash a broad blast of green/cosmic energy, when Luke Skywalker surprises him with a Force push and follows up with a quick lightsaber slash across the neck. “Whew, thanks mate. I owe you one,” Johnny Quick says. But that return favor will have to wait as he is incinerated by Firelord. Luke Skywalker and (JLA) Superman now find themselves at a 2 to 1 disadvantage. The two Heralds of Galactus and Black Lantern Sentry triple team (JLA) Superman while Lord Voldemort attacks Luke Skywalker. “We’ve got the Kryptonian. Go help Voldemort take care of the Jedi Knight,” orders Nova to Black Lantern Sentry. The reincarnated Bob Reynolds then makes a u-turn and flies back down to the ground. Luke blocks several bolts of dark magic that Lord Voldemort fires at him. He then sees BL Sentry coming for him out of the corner of his eye. “Avada Kedavra,” shouts Voldemort as a green lightening bolt shoots out from his wand. Luke then concentrates and uses the Force to grab BL Sentry out of mid air and into the path of the Killing Curse. He then runs in, slides down and jams his lightsaber into Black Lantern Sentry as he is being hit by his own teammate’s attack. The Black Lantern explodes from the magical curse and Luke’s own strike. “Clever, boy. But it will help you not,” sneers Voldemort.

High up in the air, (JLA) Superman fends off the two Heralds of Galactus. Firelord spins his fire staff around and shoots multiple balls of cosmic fire at Kal Kent, which sends him hurtling backwards through the sky. Nova swoops in and creates a green energy construct of Galactus himself to try and finish (JLA) Superman off while sparks continue to fly from the battle happening on the ground below. The green energy Galactus grabs a hold of (JLA) Superman and attempts to crush the very life out of him. But with all his might, (JLA) Superman breaks free and destroys the huge construct. He then flies in at almost the speed of light and punches right through Firelord’s chest, thus sending him to the Graveyard. “You will not survive this day,” he says as he turns and points to Nova. “Neither will you!” she yells back as she spear tackles him. They spin out of control in the air, viciously battling each other. Nova knows that (JLA) Superman is right and that this is a battle she cannot win, but she also knows that it is one that she does not necessarily have to lose either. She focuses deeply within herself and lets out the full potential of her Power Cosmic along with every last ounce of sheer will power, which she has manifested into pure green energy. The blast is so bright and powerful that completely obliterates both her and (JLA) Superman for this plane of existence.

The blast from Nova and (JLA) Superman’s deaths knock both Luke Skywalker and Lord Voldemort down as they continue their battle. The two final combatants of this American League Finals both get back to their feet and charge each other. Voldemort shouts “Sectumsempra!” and fires a curse at the Jedi. Luke, however, uses the Force to “see” the invisible blades coming at him and is able to block them with his lightsaber. He Force pushes the dark wizard back and tries to mount an offensive. Voldemort is knocked down by the Force push but quickly retaliates from the ground by conjuring up Fiendfyre in the form of a monstrous Rancor. The flaming roaring Rancor attack Luke and singes his Jedi robe, causing him to toss it to the ground. Backed up against a tree, Luke calms his mind and focuses. He then destroys the Fiendfyre with an incredible Force push. “Imperio!!” Voldemort shouts as he tries to take control of Luke. But the sheer will of the Jedi Knight is too great and is amazingly able to resist the curse. Luke ignites his lightsaber once more and leaps at Lord Voldemort. He shouts “Crucio” and knocks Luke down with a curse that causes Skywalker an incredible amount of pain. But the Jedi Knight refuses to stay down, even though the pain coursing through his body is almost unimaginable. With lightsaber in hand, Luke leaps into the air, but Voldemort smiles slightly just before yelling “Avada Kedavra!!” and hitting Luke Skywalker with the Killing Curse, thus sending the Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve to the Universe Bowl!

Epilogue:

Back in TEAM’s headquarters, the starting line up all regenerate and slowly walk back into the locker room. Griffin Poteracki rockets a beer bottle at them which barely misses (JLA) Superman’s head. “WHAT THE F#@K GUYS?!! I SHOULD SKULL F#@K ALL OF YOU! THOR AND I COULD HAVE TAKEN OUT ALL OF THOSE MOTHERF#@#ERS BY OURSELVES!!” he shouts in utter anger. Thor is standing right in the path of Ultraman as he tries to walk in. “Never send a man to do a god’s job,” Thor sternly says to Ultraman as he walks past him. On Thor’s way out of the locker room, he grabs Superman’s tattered cape from off the wall and turns back to Ultraman. “If Clark were still here he would have made sure I went out there today.”

MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURVE IS VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCES TO THE UNIVERSE BOWL!!

Conference Finals Update

2011-06-20T00:04:00.000-04:00

Just letting everyone know, that due to the epic scale of both the American League and National League Finals, these two matches will most likely be posted a few days later than normal. You can expect to have your minds blown around Wednesday night. We appreciate your patience.

Thanks,
Ryan
Acting Commissioner of the Fantasy Fantasy League

Consolation: Commandos vs Better Than All

2011-06-19T21:16:00.002-04:00

Better Than All of You are: The Macho Man Randy Savage (w/ a red lightsaber) and Doozer #13.

"Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Tpuring Battallion of Commandos are: Lady Gaga w/Sith Lavorouck and Friedrich Nietzsche

As the two newest teams to the consolation rounds enter Hogwarts, "Macho Man" spots Lady Gaga and is unsettled by what he sees. It seems Gaga has decided to try and exploit the one known weakness of Randy Savage. Gaga is dressed as a tree. He starts to clutch his chest and breathe heavily, and stumbles to his knees.

"Vat's ze matter Macho Men?" questions Nietzsche "Vat is you fear zo much from ze outfit?"

"You don't seem to get it, yeah" says Macho "Ooooohhhh you've doing some dangerous stuff here, yeah, the madness is starting to percolate, yeah. I'm gonna show you what happens when you decide to try and test the madness." Macho begins to rise to his feet, still eyeing Gaga. His face becoming as blood red as the lightsaber he ignites.

"Hmmm. Typical male. Clinging to his ideals of macho and manhood." smirks Nietzsche "Gaga, kill his leetle friend, so we may get to the root of what a Macho Man does"

Mother Monster smiles, and fires her lavarouk, slaying the Dozer.

"The Madness is rising, rising. Up to the top, yeah" You got me once, yeah, but I'm gonna snap into you and show that the madness can't be stopped!" Macho Man gets to his feet and rushes Gaga and cuts off her arm as she points her Sith weaponry at him

"Oooooh YYYYEAAAAAhhhHHHH." screams Savage "You can't kill the madness! You can only slow it down. Yeah. I'm gonna turn you into mulch!!!!

"Now, now Macho. Calm down" stammers Nietzsche realizing he's pretty screwed "You are confronting your fears and allowing your psyche to become...."

"SHUT IT NERD!" Savage bellows. he spins and cuts off Nietzsche's head silencing the psycho babble coming from Friedrich's mouth, he then turns to the fallen Gaga who's weeping hysterically at the loss of her arm.

"Yeah, you think I haven't heard all of the 'snap into a tree' jokes?" growls Savage "Yeah, it ain't funny. No,no,no. I'm gonna show you what happens when you try and get one up on the Macho Man, yeah. I'm the cream of the crop. Stuck at the top. Yeah. There's only one who can contain the madness and that's the Macho Man! And that's why I'm the captain of Better Than All of You!!!!!!!"

with that Savage begins hacking and slashing at Gaga, the walls of Hogwarts turning red not only from the glow of Savage's lightsaber but from the amounts of his opponents blood Savage sends flying all around.

Touring Batallion of Commandos: All dead.

Better Than All of You: "Macho Man" Randy Savage survives

BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!!!

Season 4: Consolation Match Round 3: The Tijuana Taco Bender's vs Alice's Wonder Team

2011-06-19T14:21:00.001-04:00

Taco Benders are Piplup and Watchdog #5.

Alice’s Wonder Team is Zombie Pet Sosa and Pink Muscle Man #1.

Zombie Pete Sosa: “Brains”

Watchdog #5: “Get over here you abomination.”

ZPS: “Brains!”

Watchdog #5: “Meet your maker you sick f#@$”

ZPS: “BRAINS!!!”

Watchdog #5 then pumps Zombie Pete Sosa full of lead but does not hit him in the head, so he continues to lumber towards him.

Watchdog #5: “Oh what the hell!”

Zombie Pete Sosa then begins to eat the arm of the Watchdog. Before the zombie is able to do any further damage though, the Watchdog breaks the neck of Pete and then shoots him between the eyes.

Piplup: “You better get that looked at Dawg, your pretty much screwed if you don’t.”

Muscle Man: “You’re screwed already anyways. Unless you kill yourself, you are going to become a zombie just like him.”

Watchdog: “What! I will never become something that vile and immoral. I should just kill you for saying something like that in the first place.”

Piplup: “Or you could just kill him because that is how this whole thing works.”

Pink Muscle Man: “Not if I finish he job that my teammate started first.”

The Muscle man then leaped on top of the Watchdog and began to punch him as hard as he could. Unfortunately for the Muscle Man, he was considerably smaller then the Watchdog, which meant his hits were doing virtually no damage.

Watchdog: “Nice try, let’s see if you can defend this.”

The Watchdog then flicked the muscle man down onto the ground and pumped about twelve bullets into his body. Given this was total overkill as it only took one bullet to finish off the small pink muscle bound fighter.

Piplup: “I can’t believe you were even listening to him in the first place, I mean, look at him, he’s four inches high. He’s an idiot.”

Watchdog: “Yeah I suppose your right. I mean I don’t know why I was listening to all that zombie talk in the first place.”

Piplup: “Oh that, he was right about the whole zombie thing, your basically f@%&ed.”

Alice’s Wonder Team: All Dead.

Taco Benders: Piplup and Watchdog #5(despite the fact that he’s gonna be a zombie very soon) survived.

The Taco Benders are Victorious!!!

Season 4: Consolation Match Round 3: Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches vs Logical Genocide

2011-06-19T14:14:00.002-04:00

Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyatches are Skrull #4 and Ewok #48.

Logical Genocide is Robert Hudson w/Mewtoo’s Laser sword and Laser Gun, Melissa Hudson w/Star Wand and an Ewok.

Robert: “Okay, in three, two, one…GO!”

Both LG’s Ewok and Ewok #48 go to town on each other, tearing fur and ears from one another. The fur ball blood begins to poor and eventually Ewok #48 is dead.

Robert: “Wow Bryan, you were right, that was vicious.”

Bryan Beckerman: “I told you man, these things are nasty when you force them to be.”

The both of them laugh heartily as the one surviving Ewok lies on the ground, screaming in agony.

Robert: “Well jeez, what are we going to do with that one?”

Beck’s: “Oh yeah, let me take care of that.”

Beckerman walks over to the Ewok and crushes his throat with his foot, ending the poor creatures suffering.

Robert: “Oh damn dude, that shit was nasty.”

Beck’s: “Well, let’s just say I kind of get off on this sort of thing.”

Robert looks at him with some skepticism and says, "Righttt." “Tell me why you are now on the Beeyatches.”

Beck’s: “Because we made a last minute trade with the Commando’s so I could spend my last death where I rightfully belonged.”

Robert: “Yeah but I thought you were sent to the graveyard last week against the Midget’s.”

Beck’s: “Oh know, that was a misunderstanding. They thought that was my last death but they were wrong.”

Robert: “Huh, very strange. (Looks over his shoulder to see what his wife is up to) Hey honey, check the roster sheet for this week’s match.”

Beck’s: “Roster sheet, what the hell are you talking about?”

Robert: “The roster sheet that we all get before we go into the match. The one we have so we know who we are up against.”

Beck’s: “What!?! I’ve never gotten one of those before.”

Robert: “Oh yeah, that’s right. It’s an AL thing. I forgot you come from the NL. Yeah we get one before every match.”

Beck’s: “This is bullshit. Let me see that thing.”

Robert: (Completely Ignoring Beck’s) "Who does it say they started.”

Melissa: “Well it says they started an Ewok and…well this is interesting, it says that they started…”

Beck’s: “Screw you guys, give me that piece of paper. I want that thing now.”

Melissa: “Then come and get it Beckerman or should I say, Skrull #5.”

Beck’s: “I’m not #5, I’m #4 (pauses) Oh shit.”

With his admittance, both Robert and Melissa unload all of their weaponry on the Skrull. The Beckerman doppelganger managed to survive the first wave, but eventually succumbed to the beating and perished.

Robert: “Nice work honey, what were you doing with that piece of paper anyway?”

Melissa: “Groceries. I figured you were going to be busy with the Ewok fighting for a while so I decided to at least get something done.”

Robert: “Oh cool, good idea.”

Melissa: “I like this roster sheet thing though, we should bring it up.”

Robert: “Good idea hun, now what’s for dinner tonight I’m starving?”

Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyatches: All Dead.

Logical Genocide: Robert and Melissa Hudson survive.

Logical Genocide is Victorious!!!

Consolation Round 3

2011-06-15T22:36:00.002-04:00

Round 3 will be a 12 point battle at Hogwarts for a green lightsaber.

Match ups will be:

Team SP vs Griffin
Alice vs The Taco Benders
Logical Genocide bs Beckerman
Slaves vs Transfoamers
Brigade vs Valley
Layander vs Untouchables
Xavier vs Murderflies
Abomitrons vs Ford Tough
Horsemen vs Oblivio
Commandos vs Better Than All of You

Rosters will be due Friday by 6 pm.

Thank you and good luck to all.

NOTE From the exiled Commissioner

2011-06-15T21:19:00.002-04:00

Becks annual BBQ is being spoken about. We are thinking about Sat. Sept. 3rd. What does everybody think?? ...Discuss...

Season Four: Consolation Round 2: The Tijuana Taco Benders vs The Untouchables

2011-06-15T18:48:00.003-04:00

Taco Benders are Mewtwo and Watchdog #5

Untouchable are Big Bird & Snuffleupagus

Big Bird: “I’m so hungry, why have we been waiting here for the last week. I can only assume that the watcher isn’t going to show.”

Snuffy: “I told you bird, we should have waited until we got the word on the match starting.”

Watchdog #5: “I need to end these two perverts lives. The immorality spewing off of these two is making my skin crawl.”

Mewtwo looks at his teammate with a perplexed look on his face, as he has no idea what kind of offense he could possibly be taking from their two opponents.

Mewtwo: “I would ask you what the said immortality was, but that would imply me even mildly giving a shit about your opinion.”

Watchdog: “Is that right. Well I’m starting to see the sac-religious nature of your being as well. In fact, f#^$ this teammate bullshit, time for you to die you genetically engineered sicko.”

As the soldier brings his weapon up to kill his teammates the powerful Pokemon character takes the gun out of his hand and crushes the barrel.

Watchdog: “What the?”

Mewtwo: “Yeah, you’re not going to help me much right now”

Mewtwo then breaks the neck of his teammate, as he not so quietly says, “Ignorant Asshole."

The starving yellow bird then glanced over at his opponent’s actions with a look of joy.

Big Bird: “Oh cool Snuffy, it looks like they want to get out of here just as bad as we do.”

Mewtwo hears this and immediately heads on over to the other side of the ring.

Mewtwo: “I hear you guys want out of here.”

Snuffy: “Yes, this retard thought it was a good idea to get here a week early.”

Big Bird: “I’m so starving, I will literally do anything to get out of here.”

Mewtwo: “Well (pauses), I have a fairly easy way for you to get back to your team as quickly as possible.”

Big Bird: “Oh yeah, tell me more.”

Mewtwo: “Well, my thought was that if you are so starving big yellow, that you might as well just start eating your buddy over there.”

Snuffy: “Oh, wait a second here.”

Big Bird: “Okay, I’m listening.”

Mewtwo: “Well, that’s pretty much it actually.”

Big Bird: “You know what, that sounds pretty good to me.”

Big Bird then waddles over to his teammate and begins to chew on his back.

Snuffy: “Get the f$@# off of me you yellow feathered f#$%^tt!”

Snuffy then swings his trunk and knocks the bird on his butt. As the two teammates start to go at it, Mewtwo just sits there and starts to laugh.

Big Bird: “Wait a second, you made me do that didn’t you?"

Mewtwo: “Yep. A little to easily actually.”

Snuffy: “Time for us to finally get that meal bird.”

Big Bird: “Hell yeah Snuffy. CHARGE!!!”

Mewtwo: “Yeah, I don’t think so.”

Mewtwo then fly’s up above the two of them to the top of the ring. He then jumps down and snap’s Big Bird’s neck in two. Then before Snuffy can even react, he picks up the Muppet and rips it’s throat out, Swayze style.

As Mewtwo stands in front of the death that he has caused, the door to the cage opens up. He smiles and wonders to himself how it is possible for his team to be as bad as it has been all season with somebody as powerful as him on it.

The Untouchables: All Dead

The Taco Benders: Mewtwo survives.

The Taco Benders are Victorious!!!

Season Four: Consolation Round 2: The Transfoamers vs Built Ford Tough

2011-06-15T18:41:00.001-04:00

The Transfoamers are Ghost’s #2 & 3

Built Ford Tough is Mandalorian #3

Ghost #2: “How long do you think he is going to keep firing at us for?”

Ghost #3: “I don’t know, I’m guessing for a while.”

Ghost #2: “Well okay then.”

Twenty-Five Minutes Later

Ghost #2: “So that is why I just don’t see the market rebounding for at least another five to six years.”

Ghost #3: “Agree to disagree okay.”

Ghost #2: “I just remembered that we were in a match. It’s such a weird feeling.”

Ghost #3: “Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s like when you’ve been haunting like an office building for a while and you find yourself on the twenty fifth floor and your like, I swear the last time I looked I was still on the fifth floor.”

Ghost #2: “Oh yeah, that’s the worst. Your kind of like, did I just waste the last hour not trying to scare somebody? It’s just the worst man.”

Ghost #3: “This guy’s just not giving up.”

Ghost #2: “Nope, it doesn’t look like it.”

Ghost #3: “Just wait here, I have an idea.”

Ghost #3 then fly’s over to the Mandalorian and takes over his body.

Mandalorian: “Check it out dude, I have a body again.”

Ghost #2: “Oh sweet, that’s so awesome. Make him scratch his butt really hard core and then have him smell it.”

Mandalorian: “Okay, just a second (scratches really hard) let’s get this thing really in there (his hand is literally in the crack) there we go. Now let’s smell this thing. (Takes a whiff and makes a horrible face) Oh god, it’s been weeks since that things seen a shower.”

Ghost #2: “Oh damn dude, that shit was sick. Let me have a turn now.”

Ghost #3 then leaves the Mandalorian’s body and Ghost #2 takes it over.

Ghost #3: “Make him act like he is making out with himself, you know, like go in the corner and start rubbing up of your back.”

Mandalorian: “That’s so stupid but okay.”

The ghost then goes in the corner of the ring and starts pretending to make out with himself. Ghost #3 starts laughing like crazy and soon enough the Mandalorian starts to crack up as well.

Mandalorian: “Oh dude, check this one out. This will be crazy.”

Ghost #3: “What are you doing?”

Mandalorian: “You have to guess who I am.”

Ghost #3: “Oh okay, sweet.”

Ghost #2 then makes the Mandalorian bring his own gun to his face and places it inside of his own mouth. He then smiles at the Ghost and pulls the trigger, which obviously kills him. Ghost #2 then leaves the now dead Mandalorian’s body and says, “Well, who was I?”

Ghost #3: “Hmm, let me think. Was it…Kurt Cobain?”

Ghost #2: “Ding Ding Ding, you sir are correct.”

Ghost #3: “Yesss!!! God I love that one.”

Ghost #2: “Oh course you do, you can’t seem to ever stop doing it.”

Ghost #3: “Well, we are destined to repeat our mistakes aren’t we?”

Transfoamers: Ghost’s #2 & 3 Survive.

Built Ford Tough: All dead.

The Transfoamers are Victorious!!!

"Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commando's vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

2011-06-14T10:28:00.000-04:00

"You'll never ever see me wearing Urban Outfitters ever ever again" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana & "Good Luck Randall Terry; you have about as much chance against me as the Murderflies did against us last week" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commando's are President Barack Obama, Earth Superman w/hybrid K Kryptonite, Black Lantern Optimus Prime, Optimus Prime, Buffy Summers w/Blue Lightsaber, Tlaloc (Cymek) w/Red Lantern Ring, Norma Cenva w/Green Lantern Ring, Luminara Unduli w/Blue Lantern Ring, Barress Offee, Dex-Starr, Fatality, Taa, Bryan Beckman(lax) w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Mandolarian Armor, Mrs.Doubtfire's Dress, & Red & Blue Lightsabers, Dante (Cymek), Xerxes (Cymek), Crew of Icarus 2: Robert Capa, Mace, Cassie, Corazon, Harvey, Searle, Trey & Kaneda, Movie Devastator: Demolisher, Mix Master, Long Haul, Rampage, Scavenger, High Tower & Scrapper, Spider-Man, Harry Potter, Dr. Fate, Ginny Weasley, Lady Gaga w/Sith Lavorauk, Willow Rosenberg, Suspiria Witch Coven: Helena Markos (Head Witch), Madame Blanc & Miss Tanner, Mary Marvel, Warrant Officer Ellen Ripley, The Herculoids: Zandar, Tarra, Dorno, Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Gloop, & Gleep, Kaja Sinis, Venom, Ransack, Barrage, Chop Shop, Lazarus Long in a F-35 Fighter, Vorian Atreides and Astro Droid #19 in a Z-95 Headhunter, Zombie Maxima, Dr. Doom, T-3 Terminator, Judah Ben-Hur on a Horse, Dora w/Green Lightsaber, Lyra Belaqua w/Pantalamion & Will Perry w/Kirjava on the Intention Craft, and Ewok Baby #5.

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Mr. Mxyztlpk, Magneto, Count Dooku, Asajj Ventress, X-23, Omega Supreme, Superboy, Set, He-Man w/ Battle Cat, Gamera, Smart Grimlock, Ganthet w/ a green lantern ring, Sayd, Lar Fleeze, The Leprechaun, Twincast w/ Decibel, Legout, Zombie (movie) Frenzy, Black Lantern Rumble, and Black Lantern Laserbeak, Space Ghost w/ Jan, Jace, and Blip, Saeese Tiin & R.O.B. The Robot in a Jedi V-Wing, Nightwing & Red Robin (Tim Drake) in The Thunder Machine, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Tri-eye, Bleez, Blue Lantern #1, Indigo Lantern #2, Star Sapphire #2, Mighty Mouse, Usagi Yojimbo, Space Usagi, Jotaro, Tom Bombadil, Psylocke, Titanus, Baby Wolverine, and Zombie Ewok #4.

In the Commandos’ War Room, President Barack Obama, Dr. Doom, Dr. Fate, Spider-Man and Bryan Beckerman have been closely following the events of this year’s Second Round of the FFL Playoffs. President Obama is intensely listening to the voice on the other end of his telephone, “Do we have conformation on that? We do? Alright, thank you,” he says as he hangs the phone up. “Well, it’s official. What we saw is in fact true. Both Superman and Supergirl have fallen. Becks turns to Spidey and they fist bump (and blow it up) in celebration of this news. “Wait, what was that?” asks Dr. Doom as he points to another monitor. “There. Zoom in. Is that… it is! The Incredible Hulk is no more!” Doom says. “Awwww yeah!!” Beckerman exclaims. “Everyone calm down. This will only matter if we can defeat the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. Now let’s get going and end their tyranny… Because that’s what this cabinet does!”

As the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets prepare for this epic encounter (one that SHOULD have been talked about just as much as TEAM vs. the Horsemen), their locker room is all a buzz about the previous battles as well. “Dude, did you see what Voldemort did to Oblivio?! Man he tore through them like it ain’t no thang!” Black Lantern Rumble says to Superboy. “Yeah I did. What about Galactus sacrificing himself to wipe out all of Spectrum entities?! That was insane!” Conner Kent replies. Over in the corner, He-Man and Space Ghost both have very depressed looks on their faces. “Hey guys, I know that Superman was your teammate for a long time, but you’re part of the Brotherhood and we still have a Superman of our own to kill here. So knock it off!” Nightwing says to his compatriots. Space Ghost turns to Dick Grayson, now with anger in his eyes, but He-Man calms him down and says, “No, Space Ghost. He’s right. Let’s take care of the Commandos and show everyone in the League exactly why we have one of these!” He-Man points to their FFL Championship rings they got in Season One as part of TEAM.

Both teams enter the city of the Playoff Planet as this battle is underway. Lady Gaga, who is outfitted in her meat dress, pulls out her Sith Lavorauk and attacks Baby Wolverine. The tiny mutant dodges her attack and slices her weapon in half. Zombie Ewok #4 then leaps from the light post he was perched on and savagely begins to tear away at the singer’s tasty outfit. The half dead fur ball chomps down on Lady Gaga’s face and pulls it off. “Dang bub, you took her face…off,” Baby Wolverine says. “Gggrrrrr, hiiissss,” Zombie Ewok #4 growls back as he continues to devour Gaga. “Vile creature!” yells Judah Ben-Hur as he rides in on his horse and slices the head off of Zombie Ewok #4, sending him to the graveyard. He then kicks Baby Wolverine away and into the duo of Gloop and Gleep from the Herculoids. Baby Wolverine tries to slash and slice his way out of the gelatinous creatures, but to no avail and is suffocated by them. “Awww, you shouldn’t have done that to me drinkin’ buddy,” says the Leprechaun as he sneaks around a fire hydrant and zaps Ben-Hur in the back with some magic, killing both him and his horse. The Leprechaun laughs hysterically to himself, but in doing so, does not see the battle hardened Dora come up and out of the manhole in the street. She ignites her lightsaber and lops the Leprechaun’s head off. “Muy bueno! You’re pot of gold is soooo mine!” she says. But very shortly after this statement, Dora is fried by a blast of orange energy. “No!! It’s mine!!!!!” screams Larfleeze. “All mine!!”

The Commandos’ magic crew of the Suspiria Witch Coven, Dr. Fate, Ginny Weasley, and Willow Rosenberg are being led by Harry Potter into the thick forest area. “Did you hear that singing?” Ginny asks her husband Harry. But before Harry can answer his wife, he sees her blasted by a bolt of magic. The Suspiria Witch Coven is then all vaporized by a trio of magic bolts as well. Tom Bombadil leaps out from the bushes and fires several more shots of magic, but they are deflected by Willow and Dr. Fate. Harry rushes to Ginny’s side as Willow and Dr. Fate battle the powerful Middle Earth being. “Harry… I’m cold,” Ginny says. “Shhh, save your strength. I have you, Vulnera Sanentur, Vulnera Sanentur, Vulnera Sanentur,” Harry chants, trying to heal his wife. “It’s…no…use… please Harry,” Ginny coughs. “No I can’t lose you here! You know that this could be my final match! I may not be there back in locker room after this battle!” Harry yells as tears are streaming down his face. He chants louder, “Vulnera Sanentur!! Vulnera Sanentur!! Vulnera Sanentur!!” Harry tightly holds his wife’s body as it goes limp. He kisses her on her forehead as the tears continue to flow. “Harry!!! We need your help! He is too strong for us!” yells Dr. Fate. Tom Bombadil then hits the distracted Dr. Fate with a kill shot of magic which cause the wearer of the Helm of Nabu in anguish. Harry Potter then gently places Ginny’s body on the ground. His grip on his wand is tight with vengeance on his mind. Harry stands up and yells “Willow GET DOWN!!!!” Willow leaps out of the way as Harry lets loose. “SECTUMSEMPRA!!!” Tom Bombadil is then slashed multiple times by an invisible sword, blood spurts from his body. Potter is unrelenting, “CRUCIO!!! SECTUMSEMPRA!!! AVADA KEDAVRA!!!” And with that final incantation, Tom Bombadil explodes in a burst of magic. Harry Potter drops to his knees, panting in exhaustion. Willow gets back to her feet and tries to console Harry. “Willow…leave me. I will be fine. My journey is not yet complete,” he says. Willow tries to reason with him, but when she looks into his eyes, she knows that there is no changing his mind right now.

Out in the Arctic area, the Cymeks are teaming up on Omega Supreme, but the Autobot gets some unusual aid courtesy of Thundercracker and Skywarp. The two Decepticon Seekers swoop in and unload laser blasts that rip through Dante’s massive robot form. Omega Supreme then grabs a hold of Xerxes with his claw hand and blows a hole right through the Cymek with his cannon arm. Thundercracker and Skywarp swing around to do another pass targeting Tlaloc this time. However, they are unprepared for Tlaloc’s Red Lantern ring and are blown out of the sky by his red energy. “Weaponry: Surprising. Effectiveness: Irrelevant.” Omega bellow as he unleashes a power blast that rips the Red Lantern ring off of Tlaloc’s being. He then uses brute force to send Tlaloc to the graveyard. “Alright guys. We are only going to have one shot at this,” says Kaneda as he captains the Icarus II. “Ugh, I hate this plan,” Cassie responds as she pilots it right for Omega Supreme. “Doesn’t matter Cassie. This is our only option,” says Mace. Kaneda then orders Robert Capa to arm the stellar bomb. Cassie flies the Icarus II right into the back of Omega Supreme which causes the stellar bomb to explode and kill the Autobot and everyone on board.

Back in the city, Earth 2 Superman flies in away from his own team and into the heart of the Brotherhood stronghold. This would normally be a futile attempt of bravado, but Kal-L is wielding a piece of Hybrid K Kryptonite. Count Dooku, Asajj Ventress, X-23, Psylocke, and Magneto all drop to the ground in excruciating pain from the Hybrid K. Dooku tries to Force push it away, but Earth 2 Superman’s grip is too strong. He takes it and cracks Asajj Ventress in the mouth, killing her on impact. Kal-L then picks Count Dooku up and holds the glowing rock in his face, causing the Sith Lord to scream out in agony as he dies. There is then a red/blue blur that whips by and snatches the Hybrid K from Earth 2 Superman’s hand. “Thanks, I’ll be taking this Old Man,” Superboy says as he rockets out into space. Earth 2 Superman leaps up and flies after him, but Superboy is faster than “the Old Man.” Conner launches the Hybrid K into the sun, where it disintegrates. Now that the Hybrid K is gone, Magneto, Psylocke, X-23, Jan and Jace regain their strength and get back to their feet. This is just in time, because the Deluxe Insecticons fly in to attack the trio of mutants. “Your forms are very appropriate… Insects.” Magneto arrogantly says as he uses his mastery of magnetism to rip all four Transformers apart before they can mount an offensive. A near by building is then utterly destroyed and knocked over by the lumbering Movie Devastator who is coming straight for the trio. Magneto sighs and says “Will this team ever learn?” He raises his hand to pull apart Movie Devastator but without warning has a pair of lightsaber blades stick out from his chest. “Yeah, actually. We do,” Bryan Beckerman whispers in Magneto’s ear as the mutant drops to the ground. “Dude Spidey! Did you see that?!” Becks exclaims. Spider-Man swings in and does the ESPN Top Ten noise “Dun nuh nuh dun nuh nuh” to his teammate. But this elation is short lived as X-23 drives her claws right into Bryan’s head and sends him to graveyard. Spider-Man then leaps into action and David Lee Roth kicks both X-23 and Psylocke to the ground. He quickly picks up Beck’s red and blue lightsabers and drives them into both girls’ chests. “Oh yeah. I just did that,” Spider-Man says to the two dead mutants. There is then a large shadow that casts itself over the city. “Ok... what is that?!” Spider-Man looks up to see Set emerging from the middle of the city. Spidey swings off to rejoin his Head Coach. The enormous seven headed serpent wastes no time making a large impact on this already intense battle. One of the heads uses its cosmic fire breath to melt Movie Devastator into a lump of slag as the other six devour all of the Herculoids. Dex-Starr and Taa both team up and sacrifice their final deaths to fly directly into the mouth of one of the heads, and blowing it up in the process. Black Lantern Optimus Prime then barrels down the road, side by side with Optimus Prime. They both burst up off of the road and into their robot forms. Black Lantern Optimus uses his Black Lantern ring to fly up to another one of the heads of Set. Together they concentrate all their firepower on it and explode another one. But they too are consumed by another head of Set. Head Coach Obama, Dr. Doom, Spider-Man, and Warrant Officer Ellen Ripley have all retreated behind the smoldering pile of metal that was once Movie Devastator. Willow Rosenberg soon makes her way over and joins them. “Willow where is the rest of your team?” asks Obama. “Only Harry and I survive.” “Where is Potter?!” Obama exclaims. “Uh sir, look,” Spider-Man says as he points to the top of the highest building in the city. Harry Potter has flown, courtesy of his Quidditch broomstick, to the roof of the skyscraper. “YOU WILL NOT KEEP ME FROM SEEING MY WIFE AGAIN MONSTER!!!” yells Harry. He then points his wand at Set and lets out a series of “AVADA KEDAVRA! AVADA KEDAVRA!! AVADA KEDAVRA!!! AVADA KEDAVRA!!!! AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!” The five remaining heads of Set scream out in utter agony as the Unforgivable Curses take hold. “NOW!! Everyone!! Everything you’ve got! Anyone who can get here, help Harry, and do it now!!” Head Coach Obama yells over his team’s intercoms. In flies Norma Cenva with her Green Lantern ring, Luminara Unduli with her Blue Lantern ring, Mary Marvel and even Earth 2 Superman leaves his battle against Superboy that has been still continuing up in space. The combined help from these four, coupled with Harry’s spells, are finally enough to destroy the massive beast. But the strain of casting so many Killing Curses, Harry drops to his knees and actually falls from the skyscraper. Earth 2 Superman goes to swoop in and catch the wizard, but Mr. Mxyztlpk appears out of thin air and finishes off Harry once and for all. The imp giggles a bit before teleporting away.

Meanwhile, far away from the City, Kaja Sinis leads his team through the mountainous region of the planet. There they are confronted by Twincast and his team of Transformers. Decibel, Legout, Zombie Movie Frenzy, Black Lantern Rumble and Black Lantern Laserbeak all eject out of Twincast and attack. Barress Offee ignites her lightsaber and makes quick work of Zombie Movie Frenzy as Kaja Sinis uses the Force to crush Legout. The Terminator from T3 then goes to work on Decibel and fires a couple grenades into his chest before kicking him off the mountainside. Ewok Baby #5 with erroneously killed by the falling rocks that the exploding Decibel caused. The two Black Lantern Decepticon tapes then blast T3 apart with their black energy powers. The two Jedi Knight then uses the combination of the Force and their lightsaber to put down the Black Lantern duo. Twincast tries to finish them off, but due to the size deferential between him and the Jedi, they prove to be too quick for him in this setting. They leap and flip out of every blaster shot and manage to get up onto his shoulders, where then simultaneously drive their lightsaber into Twincast’s head, killing him. They are then, however, confronted by the Spectrum Corp of the Brotherhood. The Jedi’s stand their ground, but are simply overpower and eliminated. Ganthet leads the Spectrum Corp back towards the main battle.

Up in Space, Saeese Tiin and Vorian Atreides are in a good old fashion dogfight as Fatality and Zombie Maxima square off against Mighty Mouse and Sayd. Saeese Tiin is in the much more advanced V-Wing and uses that to his advantage to destroy Vorian’s Z-95 Headhunter and kill both him and his Astro Droid. Zombie Maxima is savagely trying to get a hold of Mighty Mouse, but the super rodent is both too fast and too small for the zombified powerhouse to catch. She does however catch…a super fast Mighty Mouse flying directly through her head, killing her. Sayd then makes quick work of Fatality and makes this part of the battle a clean sweep for the Brotherhood.

Back in the City, Earth 2 Superman is still reeling from not being able to save Harry Potter as Superboy comes flying back in to continue their fight. “I wasn’t done with you yet, Old Man,” quips Conner as he flies right for Kal-L. “I’m done playing kid games,” Earth 2 Superman says as he snatches Superboy out of mid air and snaps his neck. The mighty Titanus then rolls in and begins firing his weapons. “I got your back Supes,” says Buffy Summers as she flies in, lightsaber drawn and zips around Titanus’s long neck at super speed, slicing it into a massive slinky. “Come one Mary. Let’s win this one for Harry,” Buffy says. Mary Marvel flies in beside her as the Spectrum Corps arrive. Mary swoops in and dispatches Indigo Lantern #2 quickly and then follows it up by grabbing a hold of Blue Lantern #1 just as she’s about to blast Buffy. Mary Marvel redirects Blue Lantern #1’s arm, causing the blast to hit Bleez which completely destroys the Red Lantern energy, which then in turn, kills Bleez. She then yells “SHAZAM!” right before letting go of the Blue Lantern. The magical lighting comes down from the heavens and incinerates Blue Lantern #1. Ganthet then uses the combination of his Green Lantern ring and his vast Guardian cosmic powers to send Mary Marvel to the graveyard. Buffy grabs a hold of Tri-Eye and jams her lightsaber right into the middle of his three eyes. “Ooooh, I want one of those!” Larfleeze says as he sets his sights on Buffy’s blue lightsaber. “Come and get it then, ugly,” she says. Larfleeze lunges towards the Slayer, but she quickly moves out of the way and well… slays him. “Too slow,” she quips. “You’re right,” Space Ghost says as he blindsides Buffy with a powerful energy blast. Ganthet and Sayd then use their Guardian powers to finish off Buffy Summers.

Down on the street below, Nightwing and Red Robin are driving the Thunder Machine when they are attacked by Lazarus Long in an F-35 and Lyra Belaqua and Will Perry in the Intention Craft. They uses everything the Thunder Machine has, but the two airborne vehicles dodge everything. The Intention Craft then uses its own weapons to completely annihilated the Thunder Machine, but not before Nightwing and Red Robin can escape. Saeese Tiin rockets in from outer space and blasts Lazarus Long and his F-35 before he can take any evasive maneuvers. However, the V-Wing is then destroyed by the Intention Craft incredible firepower it has. Smart Grimlock then arrives and uses his energy sword to slice the Intention Craft out of mid air. He then transforms into his Tyrannosaurs Rex mode and stomps what’s left of the Intention Craft and its passengers. Nightwing and Red Robin race into a nearby building where they find Head Coach Obama, Dr. Doom, Ripley and Willow formulating a strategy to end this battle. Willow sees them and fries Red Robin with a power bolt of magic. Nightwing leaps into action and kicks Willow down before flipping over Ripley and snapping her neck. He the whips out several of his wing-dings and fires them into the chest of the Head Coach of the Commandos. Dr. Doom then blasts him with massive bolt of energy that rips a hole into Dick Grayson’s chest and sending him to the graveyard.

Back out in the streets, Gamera has appears, but is surprisingly taken down quite quickly by the double team of Norma Cenva and Luminara Unduli with their respective Green and Blue Lantern rings. Spider-Man is swinging from building to building when he sees Star Sapphire #2, Mighty Mouse and Sayd coming right for him. “Well if I’m going to go out… I guess this is the way,” Spidey says to himself. He then pulls out Beckerman’s two lightsabers that he picked up from earlier in the match. He flips through the air dodging all attacks. Star Sapphire #2 and Mighty Mouse both are sliced in half by the red and blue lightsabers. Spider-Man then dive bombs Sayd and drives both lightsabers into her chest before kicking her towards the ground. Spidey lands on the side of a building and says to himself, “Man where were these things for the past four seasons? I really could have used them. He then sees the trio of Usagi Yojimbo, Space Usagi and Jotaro and figures “why not?” Spider-Man leaps down in the middle of all of them and quickly takes out Space Usagi and Jotaro. Usagi then spin kicks the red lightsaber out of Spider-Man’s hand and slices his other hand causing him to drop the blue one. Spider-Man then fires his webbing at Usagi, but the samurai rabbit slices himself free with his katana. They trade punches and kicks, countering most of them, neither giving much up. Usagi targets Spidey’s web shooters and disables them with a couple throwing stars. He then flips over Spider-Man and drives his katana blade deep into the Friendly Neighborhood Web Slinger’s chest. “Dang, you are fast,” Spider-Man says with is last breath before dying for the final time.

Up in the sky, Ganthet finds himself being double teamed by Norma Cenva and Luminara Unduli. The Jedi’s Blue Lantern ring is supercharging both her teammate’s Green Lantern ring and Ganthet’s. The immense power coming form all three rings as well as Ganthet’s own cosmic powers and Unduli’s deep connection with the Force proves to be too much and backfires on all three, killing them all. The sky flashes bright with blue and green as He-Man looks up and sees that familiar “S” flying overhead. The duo of Dr. Doom and Willow Rosenberg, who has now begun to slip deeper into her evil psyche, have found themselves being attacked by Usagi Yojimbo, Space Ghost and his crew of miscreants. Dr. Doom makes incredibly quick work of Jan, Jace and Blip as Willow fends off Usagi. His samurai abilities prove to be no match for her vast magical abilities and falls to Willow’s powers. Mr. Mxyztlpk then appears and uses the same blast to kill Willow as he did Harry Potter. This then distracts Dr. Doom, for but only a second, which is all Space Ghost needs to finish him off.

Earth 2 Superman now finds himself the lone survivor for his team. He wastes no time at all and flies in as fast as he can to kill Mr. Mxyztlpk. He doesn’t even stop, he literally just flies right through him, exploding the imp on his way to Smart Grimlock. The Autobot is one of the toughest there is, but he is no match for a determined Earth 2 Superman. Kal-L uses his freeze breath to freeze Smart Grimlock solid before shattering him with a vicious haymaker. Now Space Ghost and He-Man, who is upon Battle Cat are face to face with Earth 2 Superman. Space Ghost is the first to act. He blasts Earth 2 Superman back with his power bands, but Earth 2 Superman fires back with his heat vision and destroys them. Battle Cat and He-Man leap at Earth 2 Superman, but he quickly gets out of the way. He then hits Space Ghost with a blast of heat vision. Space Ghost becomes invisible and is able to blindside Earth 2 Superman several times. The Kryptonian then begins to fires several pot shots of his heat vision, trying to connect with Space Ghost. One of these shots manages to hit Battle Cat and take him out. He then uses his freeze breath to find Space Ghost and in a similar way of how he took out Smart Grimlock, Earth 2 Superman shatters Space Ghost. He-Man then lands a wicked double axe handle to then back of Earth 2 Superman. Kal-L retaliates with a leg sweep and powerful uppercut. He-Man pulls the Sword of Grayskull out and manages to slice Earth 2 Superman across the “S” symbol on his chest. “You are not the Superman I know,” bellows He-Man. “You’re right, I’m not. Which is why it will be easy for me to defeat you,” replies Earth 2 Superman. He fires a powerful beam of heat vision at the Master of the Universe, but He-Man blocks it with his sword. He then angles it so the beam bounces back at Earth 2 Superman. Kal-L is blinded by it for a fraction of a second, which allows He-Man to get in close and drive the Sword of Grayskull right through the “S” on Earth 2 Superman’s chest. He-Man pulls it out, raises it to the sky a shouts “I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!”

THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!!

Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs Oblivio

2011-06-13T19:16:00.000-04:00

“If you don't tell me what I want to know, then it'll just be a question of how much you want it to hurt.”

-Jack Bauer

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Semi-Final Match located on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:

Kennelz: Galactus, Nova w/ green lantern ring, Terrax, Firelord, Lord Voldemort, Black Lantern Sentry, Black Lantern Shazam, Shazam (Freddy Freeman), Supergirl (Ariella Kent), Steel Superman, Dr. Doomsday, Captain Atom, Marv, Jack Bauer, Oa Guardian #1 w/ green lantern ring, Oa Guardian #2, Oa Guardian #3, Oa Guardian #4, Oa Guardian #5, Oa Guardian #6, Jade w/ green lantern ring and blue lantern ring, Green Lantern #1, Hercules, Ares w/ Atlas Axe, Apollo, The Inhumans: Black Bolt, Gorgon, Crystal and Medusa, Heroes: Peter Petrelli, Sylar, Matt Parkman, Hiro Nakamura, Claire Bennett, Tracy Strauss and The Haitian.

Oblivio: Krona, Kyle Rayner - Parallax (yellow), Darth Void - The Butcher (red), Aleta One w/ green lantern ring - Adara (blue), Micah Giiett - Ion (green), Predator #46 - Proselyte (indigo), Eowyn - The Predator (violet), Mon Star - Ophidian (Orange), Black Lantern Wonder Woman, Black Lantern Kyle Rayner, Space Godzilla, Sandworm #12, Bellatrix Lestrange, Shredder w/ Mithril vest, Hawkeye, Chucky w/ red lightsaber and yellow lantern ring, Tiffany, Bride of Chucky w/ Star Sapphire ring, Black Dragon #8, Darwin (X-Men), Captain Marvel II, Gorax, Magma, Krayt Dragon #5, Smokescreen, Wheeljack, Junkeon #25, Junkeon #26, Zombie Iceman, Triton, Orion, Dementor #10, Jitsu w/ his horse Nightstalker, Edward Cullen, Bella Swan and Scarlet Spider (Felicity Hardy).

Let the battle begin. . .

Forest Region. . .

In a tender moment before the match officially begins, Edward Cullen lies with Bella Swan as a man and an even prettier man often do. Their sweet love session ends with a warm embrace. As the two young lovers rise, partially clothed, they are met by Lord Voldemort. An evil grin slowly creeps along the face of the resurrected wizard. Voldemort raises his wand and uses it against the “young” vampire. Edward Cullen’s head explodes and his body melts into the ground.

Lord Voldemort: I guess you could call me. . . a member of “Team Jacob.”

Dementor #10 flies from the surrounding trees and heads at Voldemort. Dementor #10 stops in place as it faces his former ally.

Voldemort: You serve me!!!

Dementor #10 shutters and rushes to Bella Swan, in response to his true master. It manages to place a Dementor’s kiss upon her lips. Bella’s soul is stolen and her eyes become lifeless-much like the true-life actress who plays her character in the movies. Bella, now with Edward’s belt, climbs up a tree while both Voldemort and the Dementor watch. She ties the belt to a branch and jumps, with Edward’s belt hanging around her neck. Bella’s neck breaks and she dies.

The Gorax crushes through the brush and grabs Voldemort. As Voldemort is being held, Hercules, Ares and Apollo come to Voldemort’s rescue and battle the Gorax. The three “gods” are too much for the woodland beast. The Gorax is killed. Black Dragon #8 enters the fray and manages to kill Apollo. Hercules, Voldemort and Ares finish the beast in retribution for their comrade’s death.

Desert Region. . .

Krayt Dragon #5 smells its prey. Gorgon stomps on the ground, causing shockwaves which cause the dragon to stumble. Crystal uses her powers and creates a tornado. The winds engulf the dragon. Blackbolt then fishes the beast off with a blast of his destructive hypersonic voice. As Krayt Dragon #5 explodes, so does the ground beneath the Inhumans. Sandworm #12 swallows both Gorgon and Medusa. As Sandworm #12 is about to finish off both Blackbolt and Crystal, Oa Guardians #2-6 come to the scene and destroy the monstrosity. The Guardians then rise upward to space.

Space Region. . .

The Oa Guardians meet Oa Guardian #1 with a green lantern ring. As the Guardians come together to discuss their next strategy, they are met by Kyle Rayner - Parallax (yellow), Darth Void - The Butcher (red), Aleta One w/ green lantern ring - Adara (blue), Micah Giiett - Ion (green), Predator #46 - Proselyte (indigo), Eowyn - The Predator (violet) and Mon Star - Ophidian (Orange). A vicious battle ensues and one by one, the Oa Guardians are miraculously picked off by the spectrum entities. Kyle Rayner - Parallax (yellow) destroys Oa Guardian #2. Darth Void - The Butcher (red) destroys Oa Guardian #3. Aleta One w/ green lantern ring - Adara (blue) destroys Oa Guardian #4. Micah Giiett - Ion (green) destroys Oa Guardian #5. Predator #46 - Proselyte (indigo) destroys Oa Guardian #6. The combined powers of Eowyn - The Predator (violet) and Mon Star - Ophidian (Orange) destroy Oa Guardian #1 with green lantern ring.

Seeing his celestial comrades fall to the entities, Galactus takes matters into his own hands. He knows that if he uses his entire cosmic essence, he will be able to defeat the celestials. Galactus shouts to his heralds before the overload of his power cosmic is complete.

Galactus: Avenge me!!!

Galactus explodes and his entire power cosmic essence rips apart the entities from their hosts, at the sacrifice of himself. Galactus is engulfed, but so are the entities. As the entities dissipate, the hosts fall to the world below. Kyle Rayner, Darth Void, Aleta One, Micah Giiett, Predator #46, Eowyn and Mon Star are caught by Black Lanterns Wonder Woman and Kyle Rayner, who float them to the plains below.

City Region- [Dird Avenue]. . .

Claire Bennett stands in the street in front of Chucky and Tiffany. The two dolls use their rings to pick her up and drop her to the street below. Chucky smiles at his bride and the two begin to walk away. A broken and bloodied Claire rises and begins to mold her body into shape again. Chucky ignites his lightsaber. He begins to walk toward Claire and then stops in his place. He turns around and comes at his Bride.

Tiffany: What are you doing?!?!

Chucky: Can’t stop myself! I’m being controlled!

Before Tiffany can use her ring in defense, Matt Parkman uses all of his strength to “push” the mind contained within Chucky.

Chucky: Sorry babe!

Chucky lops off her head. Chucky screams in frustration as he is about to disembowel the stuffing out of his own stomach. Before he does, an arrow cuts through the eye of Parkman and he falls. Hawkeye has saved the doll. Chucky is now himself again.

Jack Bauer comes from behind Hawkeye.

Bauer: Down on the ground!

Hawkeye slowly turns.

Bauer: Don’t push me! Down on the ground or I will put you down!

While Bauer focuses on Hawkeye, Shredder comes from behind and slices through Bauer’s back. Bauer falls dead, his spine and attached cord hanging from his body. Hiro Nakamura touches Sylar and teleports with him behind Shredder. Shredder’s Mithril vest is useless against Sylar and he is killed.

Air Region. . .

Green Lantern #1 and Shazam (Freddy Freeman) face BL Wonder Woman and BL Kyle Rayner in the air above the Plains Region. BL Rayner easily destroys GL #1. BL Wonder Woman is in a pitched battle with Shazam. Eventually, the black lantern is able to take advantage of her deathly powers and rips the heart out of Shazam. As the black lanterns turn, they see Oblivio’s black lanterns enter the fray. The BLs fight one another- BL Sentry and BL Shazam battle BL Wonder Woman and BL Kyle Rayner. In the end, BL Sentry bests BL Wonder Woman; BL Kyle Rayner bests BL Shazam and in an intense battle of skill, BL Sentry bests BL Kyle Rayner.

Plains Region. . .

Kyle Rayner, Darth Void, Aleta One w/ green lantern ring, Micah Giiett, Predator #46, Eowyn and Mon Star rise, no longer containing the spectrum entities. They will have to prove their own abilities as they face Supergirl (Ariella Kent), Steel Superman, Dr. Doomsday, Captain Atom, and Jade with a green lantern ring and blue lantern ring.

Predator #46 fires its shoulder cannon at Steel Superman. S2 shrugs off the blast and punches Predator #46 in the face. S2’s arm is driven through its skull. Predator #46 crumples to the ground. Supergirl sees Eowyn and easily dispels with the Tolkien warrior. In an unlikely paired duo, Darth Void joins Micah Giiett in an attack against Jade. Jade uses her lantern rings, firing projectiles and shielding herself against the onslaught of Jedi and Sith powers crashing into her, including lightsabers. Eventually, the two wear her down and Jade is killed. Aleta One and Kyle Rayner come to the fray and manage to best both Darth Void and Micah Giiett with their ring combinations. This time the ring wielders are victorious over the Sith and Jedi. Void and Giiett die. Mon Star is easily ripped apart by Dr. Doomsday. Captain Atom then joins with Supergirl, S2 and Dr. Doomsday to destroy both Rayner and Aleta One.

Desert Region. . .

Nova with her green lantern ring, Terrax and Firelord join Blackbolt and Crystal. Jitsu with his horse Nightstalker ride across the sands toward the Kennelz team; there is a cloud of sand following the He-Man character. With one small scream, Jitsu and his horse are destroyed by Blackbolt. As they fall to the sands below, Smokescreen, Wheeljack, Junkeon #25 and Junkeon #26 are seen bursting from the cloud. Blackbolt uses his hypersonic voice and Crystal uses the elements to slow the robots down. Terrax, Firelord and Nova combine the use of their power cosmic abilities to shred Junkeon #25 and Junkeon #26. The remaining robots reach the Kennelz. Before either can use their abilities, once again, Smokescreen reaches Blackbolt and Wheeljack reaches Crystal. Both Inhumans are killed by the Transformers. Terrax, Firelord and Nova are then joined by Steel Superman, Captain Atom, Dr. Doomsday and Supergirl. They overpower and destroy both Smokescreen and Wheeljack, but at the loss of Steel Superman.

City Region- [Beckus Vomitus Dird Junction]. . .

The remaining heroes- Peter Petrelli, Sylar, Hiro Nakamura, Claire Bennett, Tracy Strauss and the Haitian, with Marv now, face Hawkeye, Chucky, Darwin, Captain Marvel II, Zombie Iceman, Orion and Scarlet Spider. As the heroes walk down the street, a barrage of projectiles is thrown their way from Scarlet Spider and Zombie Iceman. The heroes avoid the weaponry. Hiro immediately transports Tracy Strauss next to Scarlet Spider. Strauss touches Hardy and Hardy’s body freezes in place. With a tap of her finger, Scarlet Spider breaks into hundreds of pieces. Hiro then shifts time and transports Petrelli next to Darwin. Petrelli imbibes Darwin’s powers. When Hiro shifts time back to normal, Petrelli and Darwin fight one another. Darwin is about to gain the upper hand when Sylar comes to Petrelli’s rescue. Sylar uses the power cosmic to tear into and destroy Darwin. Little did Oblivio know, but Sylar “touched” Nova and Firelord before the match and gained their abilities also. Captain Marvel II and Hawkeye kill Nakamura so that the hero can no longer use the time/space continuum against them. After using his newly found cosmic powers, Sylar becomes unable to contain them. The power cosmic engulfs him and destroys the “hero.” His death is not without value, as it takes out Hawkeye, Chucky, Captain Marvel and Claire Bennett at the sub-atomic level, not permitting her or any of her teammates to regenerate or revive.

Orion bests Marv and then kills the Haitian. Triton bursts from the sewer and the waters engulf the heroes. Zombie Iceman uses his powers to his advantage and freezes the waters around. Tracy Strauss ironically dies in her own element, as does Petrelli, who is frozen and then smashed by Orion.

Final Melee. . .

The remaining Kennelz- Nova, Terrax, Firelord, Lord Voldemort, Black Lantern Sentry, Supergirl, Dr. Doomsday, Captain Atom, Hercules and Ares face the remaining Oblivio crew- Krona, Space Godzilla, Bellatrix Lestrange, Magma, Zombie Iceman, Triton, Orion and Dementor #10.

BL Sentry uses his abilities to dispel with Dementor #10, not wanting to chance that the shade will re-side with his former team. Krona uses a combination of both his psionic powers and energy manipulation abilities to rip BL Sentry’s ring off his finger and destroy him. The Heralds then come together and dispel with Krona. Hercules and Ares face Triton and Orion. At the end of this battle of the gods and immortals, only Ares stands. Voldemort kills his Death Eater, Lestrange, with the Avada Kedavra curse. Magma and Zombie Iceman are then destroyed by Supergirl, Dr. Doomsday and Captain Atom. A now-nearly victorious Kennelz smile at one another. Suddenly, Space Godzilla comes to the scene. SG manages to destroy Ares, Voldemort and Firelord, using its breath and sheer size and strength, but eventually succumbs to the overwhelming cosmic powers and abilities of the remaining Kennelz team.

Oblivio: All dead.

Kennelz: Nova, Terrax, Supergirl, Dr. Doomsday and Captain Atom.

MICHAEL VICKS BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURVE IS VICTORIOUS!!!

TEAM Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips

2011-06-13T05:09:00.001-04:00

TEAM is Superman, Unicron, Solaris The Tyrant Sun, The Presence, Godzilla, Black Lantern Dave Bowman, Black Lantern Agent Smith, Black Lantern Pete Sosa, Voltron, Thor, Thunderstrike, (Justice Legion Alpha) Superman, Superboy, Ultraman, God Emperor Leto II, Seraph in an AT-RT, Zombie Jet Li, Jackie Chan in an AT-RT, Paulo (The Evil Paul Atreides Ghola), The Bashar Miles Teg Ghola, The Shining Force: Max, Gort, Luke, Tao, Anri, Alef, Domingo, Diane, Hans, Lowe, Torre, Khris, Gong, Ken, Mae, Vann, Lyle, Arthur, Edward, Pelle, Guntz, Kokichi, Amon, Balbaroy, Bario, Adam, Zylo, Hanzou, Musashi, and Yogurt, w/ Bokken, Luke Skywalker and R2-D2 in a Jedi V-Wing, Jango Fett and (young) Boba Fett in Slave-1, Lando Calrissean, Nien Numb, and C-3PO in The Millennium Falcon, Bill Kelly (w/ a blue lightsaber) in an AT-RT, Griffin Poteracki, Gannon, Mike Sroka (w/ Mandalorian Armor and a blue lightsaber).

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Supergirl, Flamebird, Nightwing, Phoenix (Jean Grey), Achilles, T-Rex #1, Hal Jordan Parallax (w/ an extra green lantern ring, Sinestro's yellow ring, a red lantern ring, and a Star Sapphire Ring) in an F-35, Scar, Bugs Bunny (w/ a piece of Orange Kryptonite), Black Lantern Thanos, The Witch King of Agmar on his Mordor Horse, The One Above All, Exitar the Exterminator, Starscream, Archangel, The Destroyer, Tripticon, The Stunticons: Motor Master, Drag-Strip, Dead End, Breakdown, and Wildrider in a Cybertronian Spaceship, Tommy Oliver, Percy Jackson, Guild Navigator #1 in a Guild Heighliner, Ryan Poteracki (w/ a laser sword, a laser gun, and Piplup) in The Eagle, Larry Reamer (w/ a green lightsaber and The Little Brown Laser) in The Rolling Thunder w/ Scout, Pete Sosa: Dark Jedi in a Z-95 Headhunter, Chris Artrip (w/ Mandalorian Armor and a green lightsaber) w/ Julie Artrip (w/ a green lightsaber and a Star Wand) and Ella Artrip (w/ a blue lightsaber) in The Pimpmobile, Josh Houslander: Jedi Knight (w/ a blue lantern ring) w/ Laya and Alex Houslander: Jedi Younglings in The Millennium Bucko, Luke Skywalker: Grand Jedi Master w/ Plo Koon, Jamie Madrox, and Ce Ce Denowi (w/ an Indigo Lantern Ring) in The USS Enterprise w/ An Imperial Shuttle and An Enterprise Space Shuttle docked inside, and The Shining Force: Mini-Pipes, Stephanie, The goddess of the moon, Cowboy Man, Livewire, Superhero, Dos, PC, Zimm, and Capt. Wacky.

Intro:

Well everybody, it is time for the annual tradition: The TEAM/Horsemen Play-off Battle. I have stated this publicly already, but I want it in writing that it is the opinion of this particular Watcher that these are the best two FFL Squads ever assembled. It is a fact that after this match, not one let alone two teams will exist that are this good. The battle for The Little Brown Laser is considered by most to be the most controversial, the most sought after, the most anticipated, the most dreaded, the most liked, and the most hated part of all of Fantasy Fantasy. Since the first time these two teams met in their first Season 1 Week 1 match. To the times when they both had to get through each other to win the first two Universe Bowls. The match you are about to read includes both of these two teams first ever draft picks with 9 deaths. Two 9 death former MVPs. The final use of both of these teams Universe Bowl prizes. Over 40 total 9 death characters and every possible vehicle that they could both start. Now, I don’t know if the writing in this coming match will be up to par with what it may deserve, but the ramifications to the league and its top rivalry are guaranteed to be more than epic. Not to mention that The only other team to ever win The Universe Bowl has already been eliminated from The Play-offs, which means that whoever wins this match will be considered by most to be the odds on favorite to win The Universe Bowl, although I am not really sure that that is a given... Because after this match, neither of these teams will ever be the same.

The Play-off Planet is empty. All members of TEAM are in or around Unicron, several thousand parsecs from the Planet, and every member of The Horsemen are within the enormous Guild Heighliner. The Guild Heighliner resides in an unknown location, because even I cannot track where it leaps once space is bent to the will of the spice mélange. But I guess you would say that the match officially begins with The Guild Heighliner appearing in the desert of the play-off planet. The massive ship appears and many of The Horsemen begin filing out with military precision. Achilles leads the charge of the terrestrial bound Horsemen, and within a matter of minutes The Guild Heighliner disappears from my sight once again, only to reappear in space. At this point many of The Horsemen’s space-worthy vessels begin exiting out of the enormous hatches of The Heighliner. Even The USS Enterprise is dwarfed by the size of The Massive Guild Ship, as it exits with The Cybertronian Spaceship acting as its wingman, and The Z-95 Headhunter acting as the wing to The Stunticon driven Cybertronian Craft. Several dozen of Multiple Man’s duplicates stay behind in the Guild Heighliner to help take care of The Guild Steersman and man some of the basic weaponry aboard the ship, but even more are scattered throughout the Enterprise. Of the space-worthy single competitors, Supergirl flies out of the ship first, being followed closely by Flamebird, Nightwing, Phoenix, T-Rex #1, Hal Jordan Parallax (his F-35 is now space-worthy do to the protective aura of one of his rings), Scar, Bugs Bunny, Black Lantern Thanos, and Starscream. The rest of The Horsemen Squad are either in ships or down on the planet itself as part of Achilles extended Myrmidon Kill Squad. The One Above All and Exitar have yet to be seen. For TEAM, Unicron and Solaris stay put, with Superman, their three Black Lanterns, Voltron, (JLA) Superman, Ultraman, Superboy, Luke’s V-Wing, Slave-1, and The Millennium Falcon circling the unboundaried space-base of operations. The rest of TEAM has been instantaneously teleported to their exact desired spot by The Presence. Both of these teams know the other well enough to predict their much hated yet highly respected rival. This leads to the strange predicament of having the desert completely devoid of Horsemen and The water devoid of TEAMmembers. Only The God Emperor resides in the desert and only Percy Jackson resides in the water for the moment. The Terrestrial Horsemen Squad are hiding in the jungle, and TEAM is doing the same in the forest, but they both know that the battle will take place in the city. While the fighters down on the ground and the pilots in space prepare for what they know needs to be a military masterpiece for victory. The Heavy Hitters begin doing what they do best as well. Superman and Supergirl both leave their respective areas in space and fly to the play-off planet at speeds that would make even The Flash blush. The two of them hit each other with such ferocity that Typhoons and hurricanes begin on opposite hemispheres of the planet, volcanoes that have never erupted in the past begin pouring out lava, and earthquakes rattle every fault line. “It is truly a shame that it must end this way cousin” Supergirl says to Superman. “I don’t want to have to fight you Kara” Superman says in retort. He adds: “We can both help our teams and our friends better, if we don’t kill each other here. All we can do is hope that we have to do this at the end of the match to have a clear winner. Chances are we’ll both be dead before then”. Supergirl says: “I agree. We have to many other obligations to our teams. I’ll just have to hope that somebody on my team has the ability to kill you, and you’ll have to hope the same”. “Good luck to you. I hope we meet again Kara”. Superman says. Supergirl replies as they both fly back into space with “we both know that that isn’t going to happen”. Superman and Supergirl regroup with their teams where they both needed as leaders. For a split second I lose control of this universe that I command and I find myself sitting in a circle in one of three extremely comfortable chairs. I have no idea who could possible have enough power to take control of the being of The All Powerful Head Watcher until I notice that the other two chairs are occupied by The Presence and The Celestial known as The One Above All. The three of us sip tea in silence for a few moments and then small talk begins. We discuss how important this battle is and the three of us decide that The Presence and The One Above All should both let themselves be destroyed to keep the battle interesting and true to its intention. This makes sense to me, but I am surprised to hear that these two have become a bit more enamored with their respective teams than they care to admit. They both have stipulations to the deal and they begin to haggle with each other. The Presence insists that if he is to die for the sins of The Horsemen that he must take somebody with him: To this he suggests Exitar. The One Above All will have nothing to do with this plan and says he must chose someone else. The One Above All says that he will gladly vacate, but he must be allowed to take Unicron. The two begin to get angry with each other but they eventually see the error in their ways and come up with a plan. The Presence dies for the sins of both teams and takes The Destroyer and the evil surrounding him with him. The One Above All ceases to exist, and in turn takes The God Emperor in all of his blasphemy with him. I then disappear from the chair and resume my watching duties. Exitar’s last orders from The One Above All were to go after the largest space dwellers that TEAM had to offer. But for some reason Exitar appears in the forest of The Play-off Planet for what is approximately one earth second and exterminates Gannon on his way to Solaris the Tyrant Sun. Once he arrives Exitar rips through Solaris the Tyrant Sun and exterminates it with ease. Unicron then transforms out of his planet form and into his robot form. The two of them then become locked in an intense battle. Exitar inflicts quite a bit of damage on Unicron, but in the end it is the larger Unicron who comes out on top, when he manages to rip off Exitar’s arm and then use it to bash in The Celestial’s head. The Guild Navigator chooses not to fold space and appear right next to Unicron, but to slowly creep up on him for the protection of the Guild Ship. The plan is that as soon as the Heighliner is close enough, the ship will release some of the lost family atomics from The Butlerian Jihad that it has stored in the Heighliner. These will hopefully be powerful enough to finish Unicron off for good. While this is going on General Calrissean is leading a fighter attack against The USS Enterprise. The Enterprise takes aim at the smaller ships, but the highly skilled pilots inside them continually manage to evade their attacks. Slave-1 focuses on the hull while The Falcon manages to take out the ship’s shields. Once the shields are down, Luke manages to focus one of the advanced missiles from his V-Wing into his older self’s flagship and make the critical hit on The Enterprise. Luke Skywalker (GJM) orders the evacuation of the Enterprise. Several of the multiples do not make it out, but many others do. Some into the Imperial Shuttle with Luke and the real Jamie and some more in The Enterprise Shuttle with Jedi Masters Koon and Denowi. Both Luke’s sense that something major is about to happen in space and feel that they should both take their ships down through the planet’s atmosphere before that Guild Heighliner blows up and takes out who knows what. As the Guildship approaches Unicron, a few of the members of each team get a bit impatient with not knowing what will happen when these two massive objects collide. Supergirl leads Flamebird and Nightwing in towards Unicron at astonishing speeds, while (JLA) Superman flies in to The Heighliner through one of the smaller ports. The descendant of Superman gains a slight mental link with the Guild Steersman and locates him within the caverns of the ship. Once inside he punches a hole in the Steersman’s tank to release the concentrated mélange he needs to survive. A simple button press (while fighting off a few Madrox Multiples) sends The Guildship way off in to folded space. Only without the Guild steersman to guide the ship it could have gone anywhere. (JLA) Superman got out of the ship just in the nick of time before it disappeared forever. While this is going on Supergirl is busy flying straight through the neck of Unicron while Flamebird and Nightwing go side by side through his chest. All four Kryptonians return to earth where the battle is truly beginning to heat up. Achilles has led his squad into the city from the jungle, while Thor has led his TEAM into city from the forest. Ships, planes, and super-heroes little the air above, while the ground begins to swell from the pounding of soldiered footsteps. Jango Fett has never had the least bit of respect for droid pilots, but he soon changes his mind when Slave-1 enters the atmosphere and becomes locked in a dog-fight with Starscream. Starscream manages to whip around Slave-1 at twice the speed of sound and put a missile directly into the jet of Slave-1. Jango manages to attach Boba to him and jetpack out before the explosion. The two of them land on the ground where they are quickly encouraged by The Bashar Miles Teg to join the battle. The Cybertronian Spaceship of The Horsemen places itself over top of the battle and begins charging up its most powerful guns. The Falcon is on its way, when C-3PO tries to talk Lando out of it. He says: “General Calrissean, you can’t possibly be thinking about this maneuver. One wrong move and we will be blown to bits for sure”. “We’re not going to get another shot at this General”! Shaun Poteracki screams from the rear gun turret. Lando heeds his advice and flies in just in time to take out The Cybertronian ship with a perfectly placed concussion blast. The Cybertronian Ship explodes, but before it does, it begins raining Decepticons as The five Stunticons leap down and transform into their vehicle mode and begin terrorizing the city streets at top speeds. Black Lantern Thanos joins up with The Shining Force to take on the Shining Force while Black Lantern Pete Sosa flies up behind Pete Sosa: Dark Jedi in his Z-95 Headhunter. Pete is a decently skilled pilot but it is hard to handle the older model stunt fighters and Pete’s ship gets caught by a blast of Pete’s black energy. Pete ejects down to a nearby rooftop as the Z-95 goes crashing down to the city streets below. Pete blasts Pete with a healthy dose of black energy, but Pete is able to deflect it with his lightsaber. This knocks him back on to his back but he pops back up quickly. The zombified black lantern version of Pete rushes at the Dark Jedi Pete, but the dark jedi force pushes him back a few feet. The black lantern shoots a blast of energy but the Dark Jedi dodges it and then hits the dead version of himself with a simultaneous lightsaber stab/blaster shot combo, with a little dark side power to boot, to kill the already dead version of himself. Hal Jordan Parallax flies his green energy coated F-35 directly through the middle of Black Lantern Dave Bowman and Black Lantern Agent Smith. He simultaneously hits Bowman with a green/yellow combo and Smith with a pink/red combo to re-kill the already dead, but he then gets caught with laser blast from the left hand of Voltron which manages to bust through the green energy aura and take out his F-35. Hal recovers and flies back at Voltron, but despite all of his powers, he is still stopped by the sword of the protector of The Far Universe. Voltron’s sword actually cracks in half as it hits Jordan; but the lantern ring laden Hal is killed in the process. Black Lantern Thanos is leading the charge against The Shining Force but Max uses The Chaos Breaker, the combined Sword of Light and Sword of Darkness to wipe out Black Lantern Thanos, but not before he takes out Adam the robot with his combined residual and black lantern powers. Cowboy Man manages to bust a cap in Yogurt before Ken hits him with his Valkyrie; but Cowboy Man is quickly avenged when Livewire strangles the brown colored Paladin to death. Luke and Gort use their Atlases to dice up both Mini-Pipes and Livewire. Heat Man hits Zylo with some human lava, but Gong quickly heals the werewolf. Heat Man then nails Gong with a deadly attack that sends him to the Graveyard. Dos and PC target both Edward and Kokichi out of the sky but Domingo hits them with Freeze 4 to finish them off. Musashi and Hanzou use their katana and Doom Blade to take out Zimm and Capt. Wacky, before they can contribute. Stephanie manages to blow Balbaroy out of the sky, but she and the goddess are taken out by Pelle and the other knights. Super-Hero kills Khris but in the end Tao hits him with a desoul spell that kills him instantly. Godzilla and Tripticon are destroying the city, before they are even within striking distance of each other. Tripticon takes a massive swing at Godzilla but Godzilla is to fast for him. Godzilla picks Tripticon up over his head (like Metroplex used to do to him, or like Godzilla used to do to Megalon: Whichever you prefer) and then pile drives the Decepticon into the ground shattering him into pieces. Phoenix flies up high where many of the TEAM fliers are biding their time. She expects to find a worthy opponent to do battle with but is confronted by Superman, (JLA) Superman, Ultraman, and Superboy all coming in from different directions. Phoenix says: “Holy crap, how many Supermen do you have on this team”?!? Jean Grey then unleashes the Phoenix force to its fullest potential on (JLA) Superman and completely incinerates him with her cosmic power. The weakened Phoenix is the bludgeoned to death by Ultraman. The Bashar Miles Teg Ghola races up to the top of one of the city’s highest skyscrapers in record time but finds himself confronted by Supergirl, Flamebird, and Nightwing. Teg exclaims: “Holy crap, how many Supergirls do you have on this team”?!? The original Supergirl takes a while to catch him, but once she does Miles Teg is killed with relative ease. Larry Reamer takes aim at The Millennium Falcon with one of Rolling Thunder’s massive rockets. Larry gets tone and is waiting for lock when the missile base is blasted off by Bill Kelly in his AT-RT. Bill hits Rolling Thunder again and then just simply unloads every bit of weaponry the AT-RT has to offer into the G.I. Joe vehicle. A furious Larry Reamer jumps in to Scout and then uses the little vehicle to ram the AT-RT as hard as possible. The two roofer/siders roll out of their wrecked vehicles and ignite their lightsabers. They look at each other and know that the epic battle everyone has been waiting for is about to take place, when Jango Fett flies by and blasts Larry with his rifle. The freshly formed Stunticon Gestalt Menacer then runs by and steps on Bill... Oh well, maybe next time. Achilles runs by with his sword drawn and dodges every blaster bolt that Jango and Boba send his way. Achilles rushes the duo and quickly and easily finds the kinks in their armor with his sword. Luke (GJM) is a more than stellar pilot, but when Superboy rockets through your ship at near the speed of light, nobody can see that coming. Luke uses the force to drop both himself and Madrox down safely to the ground, but The Imperial Shuttle is destroyed. Superboy does the same to The Enterprise Shuttle, but is once again unable to take out the Jedis inside. Superman gets tired of hearing his TEAMmates talk about how they will have to alter their original plan at some point to go into the water and defeat Percy Jackson. So Supes takes matters into his own hands and flies into the water area looking for him. When Superman arrives Percy throws everything he has got at Superman but Superman simply fights through the massive tidal waves and snatches Percy up in his arms. Superman feels all to guilty for cracking his neck but this is after all war. Tommy Oliver sees Godzilla coming, so he grabs his emerald flute/knife and summons the Dragon Zord. The Dragon Zord begins to battle with Godzilla, while Tommy starts to fight with Seraph just like he did throughout the entire inaugural match-up between these two teams. Tommy uses his knife to slice open the hydraulics on Seraph’s AT-RT and render it useless but Seraph jumps out and begins fighting Tommy hand to hand. The Green Ranger and Seraph are amazingly evenly matched, but this match does not go anywhere near as long. Seraph manages to get his pistol out and shoot Tommy right between the eyes, where his chest shield can’t protect him. The Dragon Zord is also defeated by an enormous burst of lightning flame from the mouth of Godzilla. Flamebird and Nightwing take a cue from Superboy and begin waging war on The Millennium Falcon and Luke’s V-Wing. They hit the ships with everything from heat vision to their fists. The manage to destroy the ships, but Luke and R2-D2 eject (R2 used his booster-jets) and all aboard the Falcon managed to get to an escape pod. Thunderstrike uses his hammer of the same name to launch himself into the air against Archangel. Thunderstrike uses his hammer to crack the skull of Archangel. Thor moves against Scar and the two enter into an evenly matched fight. Thor takes a beating from Scar’s guardian powers, but he powers through it and manages to put his hammer directly into the head of Scar. Achilles rushes in out of nowhere to avenge her, but Thor is not to afraid of the human. Thor swings his hammer at Achilles but Achilles dodges the blow and narrowly misses and shot that would have surely removed his head. Achilles leaps behind Thor and sticks his (god-anointed) sword into the back of Thor to take out the god of Thunder. Superman is shocked to see Thor killed in this manner so he flies down to face Achilles next. Achilles stands bravely against Superman, but the Kryptonian overpowers Achilles and delivers him to the graveyard with a neck-snapping kick to the head. Bugs Bunny attempts to lead his orange kryptonite fueled animal team against Godzilla, but The Witch King is already busy with the remainder of The Shining Force. So Bugs brings T-Rex #1, Starscream, and Menacer instead to help him out with Godzilla instead. Menacer would have proved very useful against him, but before Menacer could do anything to help out Superman flies through the center of Menacer with enough force to break apart the gestalts and extinguish all five Stunticon Sparks. While The Horsemen are coming to realize that Superman must be stopped if they are going to win this match, TEAM is beginning to see the same thing with Supergirl who just flew through the center of Voltron causing an enormous cosmic explosion that she is lucky didn’t destroy both teams or the entire planet. Both Flamebird and Nightwing take it upon themselves to take out Superman, while Ultraman and Superboy team up to take on Supergirl. Superman is surrounded by both Flamebird and Nightwing as they all hover above the city. Nightwing flies at Superman full force, but Superman grabs a hold of her in a headlock and uses her own momentum to help break her neck he then focuses his attention of Flamebird, whose name he makes quite a bit more literal as he unleashes his Heat Vision on her in such an intense manner that the small flame simply falls out of the sky. Ultraman begins grappling with Supergirl, in hopes that he is physically stronger than the young Kryptonian but Supergirl manages to use her smaller stature to her advantage as she slides underneath Ultraman and grabs a hold of his leg. Supergirl starts spinning Ultraman around with such intensity right at the time Superboy is formulating his attack. Superboy flies in to help his TEAMmate, but Supergirl uses Ultraman like a baseball bat on the Superboy. They hit each other with such velocity that both Kryptonians are killed on impact. Godzilla grabs a hold of the super-powered T-Rex and despite his Kryptonian level strength Godzilla is able to crush the life out of the mush smaller dinosaur. Godzilla then swats Starscream out of the air with his fasts sending him crashing down into a blaze of dust. It is not until Bugs Bunny gets a perfectly aimed group of head punches in that Godzilla begins to show how truly worn out the creature is. Bugs Bunny actually sacrifices himself by flying into the mouth of Godzilla and then flying out a self-made hole in the monster’s stomach. Ryan and Piplup are driving through the streets when all of the sudden his tire goes flat and The Eagle flips over. He soon realizes that his tire has been shot out by none other than his own brother who has reclaimed the little brown laser. Griffin and Shaun are together as they move against their brother and Piplup. Ryan hates doing it, but he doesn’t hesitate for a second. He throws Piplup at Shaun who flappers him to death (or something???) and then Ryan uses his laser gun to shoot the little brown laser out of Griffin’s hand and his laser sword to finish him off. The heartbroken Ryan has no time to mourn as Jackie Chan jumps out of nowhere and busts a cap in both Ryan and his penguin pal. Dark Jedi Pete leaps into action, but before he can make a difference Mike Sroka uses Pete Sosa’s old Mandalorian Armor to shoot a laser through Pete’s head. Mike then joins up with Zombie Jet Li and Jackie Chan to face off against Josh, Laya, Alex, Chris, Julie, and Ella. The Six family members drive head on towards them in the Pimpmobile and The Bucko but Mike uses his last two rockets to blast both the vehicles. Mike rushes over to the Pimpmobile and drops a thermal detonator into the car blowing up The Fizzles. Mike walks away thinking his job is done, but he doesn’t realize that Ella has escaped. Ella sneaks up behind Mike and avenges her parents with her lightsaber. Zombie Jet Li and Jackie Chan are taking on Jamie Madrox and his multiples, while Josh, Laya, Alex, and Ella go help out The Witch King with The Shining Force. Paulo stealthily sneaks up behind Ce Ce Denowi and takes a sick pleasure in slicing the throat of the beautiful Jedi before she ever notices that he was there. A huge melee breaks out as the numerous little fights become one big one. Laya takes out Bario and Alex runs Bokken through while Josh manages to decapitate Zombie Jet Li, but then Josh and the rest of The Houslander clan gets hit with Bolt 3 from Alef. Jackie Chan finally manages to put a neck breaking move on one of the multiples that wasn’t actually a multiple. After that the real Jamie Madrox was finally dead and all his multiples with him. The Witch King on his Super-Mordor Horse has taken out Luke, Gort, Domingo, and Anri, while Plo Koon has taken out Pelle, Guntz, Amon, and Diane. Luke Skywalker is drawn by the force to a mission that he does not quite understand. He has heard of the Skywalkers bringing balance to things in the past but for the first time, he realizes exactly what he must do. He realizes that if this league will ever achieve balance it will only be accomplished once the Kryptonian dies. Luke is unsure if this one can even be killed let alone if he has the power to do it, but it is obvious that the force is telling him what must be done for the good of the league, for the good of his team and for the good of the Universe. Luke also sees this as a dark path and knows that it will most likely not end well for him. Luke sneaks up behind the blue and red uniformed individual with his lightsaber drawn. He will have to use the force to help push the blade through the tough Kryptonian skin (but isn’t that using the force to attack)? How could the midi-chlorians be asking this of him... It must be the only way. Luke approaches and then with his eyes closed (feel... don’t think) he uses his whole body to thrust his lightsaber thru the blue and red suit and through the body of The Kryptonian... But when he does he feels the blade of his own lightsaber go deep within his gut as well...... You see, as the force drew both Luke Skywalkers to kill both Superman and Supergirl as they began to finally fight one another it drew the two versions of Luke so close that their blades went not just through Superman and Supergirl but into each other as well. Superman, Supergirl, Luke Skywalker, and Luke Skywalker lay slumped over on each other in a sheer waste of power that should of been used for nothing but pure good. The few remaining members of both teams stop for a second to witness this feat but then the battle resumes. What remains of The Shining Force falls back to regroup for a moment, but Thunderstrike comes back at The Horsemen all out. Plo Koon uses the Jedi rarity of force lightning to take out the evil Paulo, and then cuts Seraph directly in half with his saber. The Witch King is knocked from his horse but the Mordor Horse goes on to kill Arthur, Mae, Vann, and Lyle on his own before Zylo claws him to death. Master Koon force pushes R2-D2 apart and then takes out Jackie Chan in his last stand to end the match. The now horseless Witch King isn’t scared of any man, for a man can not kill him. The stooge of Sauron the Deceiver wipes out Lando, Nien Numb, and C-3PO with his massive sword. Plo Koon comes back into the mix with The Shining Force and uses his lightsaber to kill Hans, Lowe, and Torre, while The Witch King finishes off the best The Shining Force has to offer with Zylo, Hanzou, Alef, and Musashi. Tao casts Desoul once more but it won’t work on Koon or The Witch King. What does work on Koon is Thunderstrike’s hammer to the back of his head. The Witch King then avenges his Jedi partner by running Thunderstrike through with a Morgul Blade. As Thunderstrike lay on the ground dying, Max, the leader of the once great Shining Force stabs The Chaos Breaker into the chest of The Witch King. The Chaos Breaker begins to disintegrate, marking the end of The Shining Force. Max is unable to let go of the Chaos Breaker, as he is the only hero able to wield it. The Witch King and Max stand there together, Max dying and The Witch King on the brink only for the fact that The Witch King cannot be killed by a man... So Tao casts Blaze Level 4.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!

Better Than All of You Vs. The Right Wing

2011-06-13T00:08:00.000-04:00

Better Than all of You is The Mega Powers: The Macho Man Randy Savage (Honorary Team Captain) (w/ a red lightsaber) and Hulk Hogan (w/ Mandalorian Armor and blue lightsaber), Orco, Man-E-Faces, Skeletor, Gandalf the White, Reptile, Smoke, (original) Kung Lao, Symbiote Suit Spider-Man (w/ an Indigo Lantern Ring), Iron Spider-man, Wolfsbane, Anti-Venom, Quasar, Rogue, Nick Fury in a Mig, Batman (Dick Grayson) (w/ a green lantern ring) and R-4 Unit #1 in a Jedi V-Wing, Robin (Damien Wayne) (w/ a purple lightsaber) and R-3 Unit #1 in a Naboo Starfighter, The Flash (Wally West), Gwar: Oderus Urungus (w/ a red lightsaber) and Beefcake the Mighty (w/ a blue lightsaber), Aquaman, Aqualad, Aquababy, Topo, N.S.-5 #7-12 in an Imperial Shuttle, Terminator #1 and R-2 Unit #2 in a Naboo Starfighter, Predator #9 and 10, Red Wing and Jedi Councilman #1 in a Cybertronian Spaceship, Zombie Parasite, Jedi Guardian #1 and Astro-Droid #17 in a Jedi Starfighter, Jedi Guardian #2 and Astro-Droid #18 in a Jedi Starfighter, Zombie Jedi Master #1 in a Z-95 Headhunter, Yogurt in Anakin's Pod, Head Coach Cobra Commander, Assistant Coach Red Skull, Army Soldier #2-6, Cobra Viper #2, Orc #1 and 2, and Battle Droid #7 on an Aircraft Carrier, Deathlok, The Hart Foundation: Brett "The Hitman" Hart and Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, and Super Sonic.

The Right Wing is Superwoman, Red She-Hulk, The Cosmic Hulk Robot, Silver Surfer (w/ a green lantern ring), Skaar: Son of Hulk (w/ a green lightsaber), Korg, Doc Samson, Zeus, Flash (Barry Allen) (w/ a blue lantern ring), John Stewart, Blackfire, Quinlon Vos, Athena (w/ an Indigo lantern ring), Batwoman and Miss Martian in a Ferrari 328, Red Tornado, Nick Houslander (w/ a blue lightsaber and a Devil Lance) w/ Bear (w/ a green lightsaber and a Demon Rod) and Magwai #3 and 4 in The Millennium Chowder, Lyra: The She-Hulk (w/ a green lightsaber), Zombie Grey Hulk, Black Lantern Six-Shot and Goliath in a Cybertronian Spaceship, Mr. Freeze, Poseidon, The Incredible Hulk (w/ a red lantern ring) w/ The Pantheon: Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atalanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Prometheus, Ulysses I, and Ulysses II, Victoria (w/ a red lightsaber), The Vultari: Aro, Caius, and Marcus, The Quileute Tribe: Sam, Paul, Jared, and Quill, Kit Fisto, Bulkhead, Bib and Beb, Opee Sea Killer #1, and Bill O'Reilly (w/ a Sith lavarouk) w/ Donkey Kong Jr., and Smurf #3 in an AT-ST.

For the second straight year, Better Than All of You and The Right Wing meet in round two of the Play-offs. And just like last year Better Than All of You is fresh off an upset of the number one seed in The National League. Last year, the fourth seeded Right Wing lost as well. So at this point, one must ask the question of whether or not Better Than All of You is really still the underdog. Both of these teams have put everything on the line and both are ready to do anything to advance to the next round. Both of these teams have every setting of The Play-off Planet covered, but only The Right Wing actually begins the match with a small contingency of soldiers led by The Silver Surfer residing outside the planet’s atmosphere. The Betters have plenty of space-worthy vessels on their squad, but it is decided by Nick Fury and The Batmans that they would be better off if they could lure the space-dwellers in and fight them in breathable air. The N.S.-5 driven Imperial Shuttle and The Red Wing driven Cybertronian Ship break out of the planet’s atmosphere and make an appearance in space, but it is brief, and just a diversion. The two larger ships after only being in space for a few minutes both fly back in to the atmosphere, while the Dick Grayson led stunt fighters come out of nowhere and begin a strafing run on the small space sub-group of The Right Wing. Batman (Grayson) in his Jedi V-Wing leads the two Jedi Guardians in their Jedi Starfighters, while Batman (Valley) leads Robin and The Terminator all in their Naboo Starfighters. The Zombie Jedi (#1) in his Z-95 lags behind a little bit, but is still surprisingly able to keep up and manages to pilot the vessel. He is for the most part a mindless zombie, but even in death he is still very strong with the force and it is that force power that guides his muscles to control the ship. Grayson orders all of his pilots to focus their firepower on The Cosmic Hulk Robot, which is what they do. The robot is powerful, but once he is hit with lasers and missiles from all seven of the ships he completely explodes. This catches The Right Wingers off guard and they begin to retaliate, but Grayson and his Betters squad are already on their way back in to the atmosphere. This causes Silver Surfer, Superwoman, John Stewart, Blackfire, and The Right Wing’s own Cybertronian Ship to follow them in to the Play-off Planet, just as The Betters had planned. Non-space-worthy fliers from both teams now join the battle in the air as a massive aerial battle begins high above the ground. In the water, several heavy hitters are going at it as well. Poseidon and Kit Fisto were forced to kill their own Opee Sea Killer, when the big goober fish was taken control of by Aquaman and sent to attack them. Kit Fisto, with his water proof lightsaber drawn, moves in against the team of Aquaman, Aqualad, Aquababy, and Topo. Aquaman and Topo square off against Poseidon, while Aqualad and Aquababy move against Master Fisto. Fisto feels a twinge of the dark side flow into as he instinctively cuts through Aquababy with his saber. It is maybe this second of regret and reflection, that allows Aqualad to send a rush of water at Kit which knocks his lightsaber out of his hand. Aqualad then comes down hard on the back f Kit Fisto and drives him into the rock bed below them. Aqualad pounds on Fisto with his fists until Fisto can no longer breath underwater. Aqualad rushes over to help Aquaman against Poseidon and comes to find that Poseidon has already driven his trident into the eye of Topo to kill him. Aquaman uses this to his advantage and kicks the center of the trident while it is still stuck in Topo to break the weapon in half. Aqualad rushes in and attacks but Poseidon manages to get the much smaller Aqualad in a choke hold and crush the life out of him. Aquaman is now furious with rage as he picks up a medium sized stone from the ocean floor. Aquaman uses his rage fueled strength to break the stone and then use it as a knife to deliver a perfectly aimed slice to the neck of Poseidon to kill the god of the sea. Skaar is wondering the jungle when he is all of the sudden attacked by a ravenous zombie Parasite. Parasite leaps on the back of Skaar and cannot get Parasite off of him, as he digs his teeth into the back of Skaar’s neck, to not only enjoy a good sized meal, but to suck out his powers as well. Hulk comes by to save his son, but cannot get there in time. The sight of his son dying, along with his red lantern ring fueling his rage sends Hulk into a state of anger like he has never seen. The Pantheon is behind him to back him up, but even they just back off as Hulk rips Zombie Parasite apart as if he were a paper doll. This is merely the beginning for the Hulk as he jumps miles at a time from one opponent to the next. His first victims are Man-E-Faces, and Reptile who he crushes together as if they were both made of Wonder Bread, his next is the coaching staff themselves (Cobra Commander and Red Skull) whom he crushes into the ground. I don’t even think that he noticed the excess red energy vomit that he blasted on to Orco while he was leaping onto the Imperial Shuttle to rip it apart. The N.S.-5’s piloting the ship leaped down on to a nearby building, but Hulk turned the Imperial Shuttle into his own personal shrapnel factory as he used the metal pieces to knock The Zombie Jedi’s Z-95 Headhunter and The Terminator’s Naboo Starfighter out of the air. Both non-humans manage to eject from the ship and make it out alive (well neither of them are alive, but you get what I mean). The Terminator’s droid isn’t quite so lucky as he is destroyed in the carnage. The Terminator and Zombie Jedi #1meet up with Deathlok on the ground to make a push at The Hulk, but the Hulk is to mad and powerful to be stopped by the likes of any of them. The Hulk uses the Terminator to beat both Deathlok and the zombie Jedi into rotten flesh and metal soup. While the Hulk is raging on, Gandalf the White decides to see how many people he can take out single-handedly as well. The White Wizard is drawn to the agedness and intense powers of The Vultari, and moves towards them first. The three members of The Vultari move swiftly against the one they call Mithrandir but Gandalf is able to fend them all off. Gandalf goes for Aro first. He uses Glamdring to chop off the vampire’s head, and then afterwards makes fairly quick work of the other two as well. Gandalf then hits Red Tornado with a burst of ancient white magic, that knocks him right out of the sky and kills him. The Pantheon plan to take on Gandalf, but they first all team up on Anti-Venom, and manage to take out Eddie Brock with their fighting skills and laser weapons. Anti-Venom only manages to take out Paris before he is killed by the long-lived team. Cassiopeia, Andromeda, Atalanta, and Delphi all fall to the might of the White Wizard before Agamemnon orders his team to retreat and find reinforcements. Gandalf then crumbles Korg and The Hulk smashes Wolfsbane before the two heavy weights prepare to square off against each other. Both are exhausted from the battles they have just blown through, but stand at the ready regardless. Unfortunately, this battle does not take place as both of these teams have similar plans. The two fighters stand ready to die for their respective causes and to battle each other but while they are measuring each other up, they are both blindsided. The exhausted Gandalf is hit from behind by Red She-Hulk with a double-fisted punch to the back of the head that finishes off the White Wizard forever, while The Hulk is hit with a blast of evil magic that turns him into Bruce Banner for a split second, which is long enough for Skeletor to hit him with a sword to the neck. Although the pilots of these ships all lived to rendezvous down below (the astro-droids were not so lucky), Silver Surfer, Superwoman, John Stewart, and Blackfire have managed to shoot down Nick Fury’s Mig, the Jedi and Naboo Starfighters, as well as The Cybertronian Spaceship before they could do any more damage. Oderus Urungus and Beefcake the Mighty use their cosmic powered strength to crush both The Millennium Chowder and Batwoman’s Ferrari. The combatants roll out of the crushed vehicles ready to fight, but Oderus quickly slices up Miss Martian with his red lightsaber, while Beefcake bites the heads off of the two Magwai. Nick and Bear lock sabers with the last two remaining members of Gwar; but they soon realize that only evil magic can defeat The Scumdogs of The Universe. With this thought Nick uses his Devil Lance to plunge in to the black heart of Oderus Urungus and Bear uses his Demon Rod to cast a spell to end the life of Beefcake the Mighty. Batwoman is confronted by both Smoke and Kung Lao, but she is able to use her superior fighting ability and cool tools to “Finish” both of the Mortal Kombat Characters. Batwoman then meets up with Jean Paul Valley on top of a billboard and a killer fight ensues. Batman goes in for the easy kill but Batwoman parries easily. She then catches Batman with a batarang to the neck to finish him off. She is then met by the son of the man she was once in love with Bruce Wayne. Damien Wayne has seen to many Batman’s die in his life already and rushes in at Batwoman with everything he has got. He draws his purple lightsaber, but Batwoman quickly disarms him of the weapon with a kick to the hand. The much smaller Robin has trouble breaking through Batwoman’s defenses; but he does finally catch Batwoman off guard after she misses with what was supposed to be a drop-kick to the back of Robin’s neck. Robin moves out of the way and then uses her own move to kill her as he sticks a birdarang into the throat of his dad’s old girlfriend Batwoman. The two Flash’s rush at each other and a battle takes place that is to quick for even my powerful Watcher eyes to witness. The speed barrier is broken time and time again, but in the end it was hard to tell whether it was just experience or the added bonus of the blue lantern ring that gave Barry Allen the edge over Wally West. Bill O’Reilly, from inside the AT-ST blasts Bishop clean off of his Oscorp Glider; but the mutant manages to then use his powers to blast the feet out from under the mini Imperial Walker. Bill O’Reilly, Donkey Kong Jr., and Smurf #3 all pile out of the wreckage, but they are still no match for Bishop. Bill takes aim with his Sith Lavarouk, but he is unable to hit Bishop with any of the blades. Donkey Kong Jr. goes to swing on to the back of Bishop, but Bishop throws him off and then uses him to knock down Bill. Once the two of them are down on the ground, he shoots both of them with his futuristic rifle and then steps on the smurf. The soldiers aboard the Aircraft Carrier send several missiles into the air to take out The Cybertronian Spaceship, but Black Lantern Six-Shot actually saves Goliath and the two of them survive the explosion of the ship. Quasar and Rogue race through the air, on a search and destroy mission. They are doing what they can to find individuals who they can take by surprise and double team. They first encounter Blackfire, who Quasar hits with a potent amount of energy from his Quantum bands, while Rogue flies up from behind and removes her gloves so as to steal the power and life force from Blackfire. Quasar then shoots Blackfire’s lifeless body as it is falling out of the sky. Rogue is flying quite a bit faster now that she has the powers of Blackfire, which makes her and Quasar’s next victim John Stewart go down even easier. The two former Midgets fly in fast and take out Stewart before he even knew what hit him. Quasar and Rogue do a quick fly by on the ground to crush Doc Samson, but after that they are confronted by both Silver Surfer and Superwoman. The two survivors from last week finally meet there match, when Superwoman (Lana Lang version) overloads Rogue with some intense Heat Vision and Silver Surfer incinerates Quasar with some Green energy laced power cosmic. The two Spider-Men find themselves mask to face with the Indigo Lantern Toting Athena and Jedi Master Quinlon Vos. Master Vos blocks Iron Spidey’s distanced attacks with his lightsaber, but is eventually overwhelmed by Spider-Man’s Stark aided skills, when Peter Parker delivers an armored super strengthened punch to the top of Vos’ head. Athena returns the favor for her partner when she uses her Indigo staff to blast the head off of Iron Spider-Man; but she then was met up with The Symbiote Suit Spider-Man who has been made most powerful, by his own Indigo Ring. The Indigo Ring has taken over the alien who resides within the suit and has brought back the empathy that originally lived within Peter Parker, plus given him great power (but not that much more great responsibility). Spider-Man jumps to the back of Athena a sends a Indigo Energy Laced Web at her which traps the goddess and then crushes her. Mr. Freeze creates a frozen path over the water for some of his squad to move across to get to The Betters Aircraft Carrier. Mr. Freeze leads Goliath, Lyra, Bib, Beb, and The Pantheon over to the carrier, while Black Lantern Six Shot flies in from the other direction. Zeus is met in the forest by the six N.S.-5s, who are being led by the two Jedi Guardians. Zeus sends a huge shock of lightning which quickly shorts out all six of the N.S.-5s and then puts two solid lightning bolts in his hands to battle hand to hand with the Jedi Guardians. The Jedi go in thinking that they have the skills to take him out in a sword fight; but Zeus has more hand to hand skills than they expect. The King of the gods manages to take them both out but then is instantly confronted by Batman, who flies in with the help of his green lantern ring. Dick Grayson sends a mass of green energy towards Zeus to quell his lightning based powers and destroy him. Zombie Grey Hulk stomps Red Wing into the ground as if he were The San Jose Sharks in the first three games of their play-off series. The 800 pound zombie then bites the head off of Jedi Councilman #1 and begins to feast. The zombie then meats up with Predator #9 and 10. Zombie Grey Hulk gets a hold of Predator #9 quickly and pulls his body apart into two pieces, but Predator #10 manages to use his alien tech blade to slice through the tough rotting skin of Hulk and slice his head clean off. Only The Pantheon make it over the frozen water to the aircraft carrier as Mr. Freeze’s team gets ambushed by the unlikely lantern duo of Dick Grayson and Peter Parker, along with Super Sonic. Super Sonic spin attacks his way through Mr. Freeze while Spidey kills Bib and Beb and Batman takes out Goliath. The three of them then fly up toward Black Lantern Six Shot who targets Sonic out of the sky before the two lanterns combine their powers to wipe out the Black Lantern. Robin teams up with Nick Fury, who is on his way to battle The Quileute Tribe. The four of them all transmutate into werewolves, and Jared quickly rips Robin apart. Nick Fury uses his high-powered pistol to kill Jared and avenge Robin and then quickly dodges out of the way of Paul’s attack. Fury leaps on to the back of Paul and drives his boot knife deep into the wolves’ neck. He then unloads his pistol into Quill; but his last stand comes to an end when Sam finally manages to sink his teeth into The SHIELD Leader’s neck. The Pantheon finally makes their way onto the enemy aircraft carrier and they quickly begin to overtake the sea vessel. The largest of the group Ajax crushes Battle Droid #7, while Achilles takes out Army Soldiers #2, 5, and 6. The two Ulysses use their energy swords to quickly take out the two Orcs and The Cobra Viper, while Hector, Prometheus, and Perseus kill the last three army men. The Pantheon is then about to take complete control of The Aircraft Carrier and use it against its own team, when Aquaman from underneath the ship sends an enormous tidal wave that capsizes the carrier and sends the Pantheon to their watery grave. Despite the amazingly fast speeds that Yogurt is driving his pod at through the desert, Victoria manages to jump on to the back of it. Yogurt turns to fight her, but before he can the vampire uses her red lightsaber and shoves it in to the back of his head. The Mega-Powers rush up on Bulkhead who thinks very little of the two humans he is about to fight. Macho Man rushes up behind Bulkhead and jumps up in a tree. Savage then signals his finishing move to distract Bulkhead. Hogan blasts a rocket into the chest of the Transformer which also knocks him down and then he throws his lightsaber into the air. The Macho Man is already in mid-air but instead of coming down with his flying elbow he catches Hogan’s lightsaber and ignites both Hulk’s and his own before he brings them both down into the missile weakened spot in Bulkhead’s chest and into his spark. Sam, who is still in werewolf form rushes at The Hart Foundation. Jim The Anvil rushes tight in there and attempts to execute The Hart Breaker on the werewolf, but it is just to big and strong for the wrestler. Sam bites Neidhart’s head off, but this works as enough of a distraction for Brett to put the sharpshooter on Sam. It looks pretty weird to see a werewolf stuck in the sharpshooter, but The Hitman didn’t let up until he heard Sam’s leg crack. After that Brett went in and finished off Sam by snapping his neck. Victoria meets up with Bishop in the forest and makes mutant killing look pretty easy as she uses her superior speed and strength to take advantage of Bishop and suck every last drop of his blood. Nick and Bear don’t even have time to ask their favorite tag-team for their autograph before Hulkamania ran wild over Nick and macho madness snapped it to a Demon Rod and took out Bear. Batman uses the close proximity of Flash’s Blue lantern ring to charge his ring up to 200% and then blast Barry Allen to bits. Predator #10 is quite the skilled hunter, but he was simply not fast enough to keep up with the Silver Surfer whose 200% powered green lantern ring helped destroy the Predator for good. Red She-Hulk knocked Skeletor to the ground with her superior strength, but The Master of Snake Mountain proved to be quite the Hulk Killer today as he sneaks his mystical sword into gut of Red She-Hulk before she can finish him off. Superwoman seemed barely affected by the Indigo Powers of Spider-Man, and even less affected by his symbiote web blasts. Superwoman blasts through the defenses of Spidey and crushes his skull. Aquaman leaves his watery home and rendezvous with his team in the arctic. Only Aquaman, Macho Man, Hogan, Skeletor, Batman, and Brett Hart survive; but their numbers are still stronger than The Right Wing’s who have only Silver Surfer, Superwoman, and Victoria left alive. The Mega Powers and Skeletor rush Superwoman, while Victoria squares off against Aquaman, and Silver Surfer is double-teamed by Batman and Brett Hart. The Surfer quickly takes out Brett Hart with the power cosmic but is then caught in a green energy war with Batman. The Surfer seems to be gaining the upper hand when he starts to bring the power cosmic into it all, but the two prove equal as they overload one another causing an explosion of green energy which leads to them joining each other in death. Victoria takes advantage of Aquaman being out of his element and manages to decapitate him with her crimson lightsaber. Superwoman is affected by Skeletor’s magic at first, but she still fries him with some heat vision. Superwoman then grabs a hold of Macho Man and choke slams him into the freezing cold ground. Superwoman then punches Hogan in the face, but he doesn’t fall. She punches him again, but the same thing happens. He begins to shake his head and wave his pointer finger in the face of Superwoman, who is repeatedly hitting him but unable to knock him down. The Kryptonian powered punches are enough to knock over a house but the prayers and the vitamins are kicking in brother. And Hogan doesn’t give up. He hits Superwoman back and knocks her back and then hits her with a big boot, knocking her to the icy ground. Hogan then swings his finger around and hits Superwoman with a leg drop and goes for the pin. 1-2...........3. Hogan jumps up and the crowd goes wild. Hulkamania never dies. But unfortunately the Hulkster does, right after Superwoman gets back up and fries Hogan with her heat vision.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!!

Season 4, Consolation Match Round 2: LG vs Xavier's

2011-06-12T20:23:00.001-04:00

Season 4, Consolation Match Round 2:
Logical Genocide vs. Xavier’s Annhilation Squad

“Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Sno Balls? Where's the f%@king Twinkies?”
-Tallahassee

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Consolation Match Round 2, located in a steel cage. They are as follows:

Logical Genocide: Tallahassee, Robert Hudson, Mewtwo and Smurf#???.

Xavier’s Annhilation Squad: Minotaur #???

Let the battle begin. . .

Tallahassee looks at his fellow teammates. He is shocked to see Robert Hudson in the cage since Hudson normally never shows his face at any FFL event. He also notices a large metal mallet located at the top of the cage.

Minotaur #??? focuses on the easy prey first. The monster stomps its hoof-like feet on the floor of the cage, attempting to crush LG’s Smurf #???.

Tallahassee: Watch out little blue guy!!!

Minotaur #??? squishes Smurf #??? before it can react.

Tallahassee: Looks like we should’ve called him “Squishy Smurf”!

With that quip, Tallahassee and Robert Hudson join together and dodge Minotaur #???’s attempted goring of the duo. Mewtwo steps between Minotaur #???’s legs and trips the beast. Immediately Tallahassee and Hudson leap on the bull headed monster. Minotaur #???’s head hits the steel cage and disorients the beast. Although dazed at the impact of the blow, the XAS combatant turns around and manages to rip Hudson’s arms off. The mortally wounded Hudson screams in agony as his shoulders spurt blood. The blood showers the cage and Mewtwo slips in Hudson’s fluid. Although somewhat still discombobulated, the minotaur takes advantage of Mewtwo’s fall and stomps on the Pokemon’s head. Mewtwo dies.

Tallahassee arms himself with Hudson’s arms and beats the minotaur’s head back and forth. Unfortunately for Tallahassee, both of Hudson’s arms become stuck on the horns of the beast. Tallahassee then looks to the top of the cage and scrambles up the bars to his goal. He obtains the large metal hammer and strikes the minotaur squarely on its head on his way down, crushing its skull. Minotaur #??? is killed.

Tallahassee looks down at his fallen foe.

Tallahassee: Two men enter. . . I mean two men. . . and a Pokemon. . . and a smurf. . . and a mythical beast enter. . . AND ONE MAN LEAVES!!!

Xavier’s Annhilation Squad: All dead.

Logical Genocide: Tallahassee survives.

LOGICAL GENOCIDE IS VICTORIOUS!!!

Consolation Round: B3 vs Murderflies

2011-06-12T19:02:00.003-04:00

Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyatches are: War Skrull 10

Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are: Sarah Palin and an Al Queda member

Palin and the Al Queda terrorist are standing in the corner trying to figure out a strategy as the War Skrull enters the ring. His features begin to change as he gets a bit fatter and shrinks. He finally ends his transformation from his tradition skrull body into the form of...The Iron Sheik.

"I tell you what stupid American b***chdog" the faux Sheik says in a dead on imitation complete with waving the Iranian flag "After match, I take you body and I f*** you ass. Iran #1. U.S.A p-too" he sneers as he spits at the feet of the former V.P nominee.

"You son of a bitch" Palin seethes "Lemme show you what we do to terrorists here in the kickass States of America" she pulls out a glock and shoots her own team mate in the head. "How do you like that you forgein f*****t?" she screams

"Ha. Typical American pigdog. You dumb girl, whatever you name is. You weapon is weapon of coward. Sheik use his iron body to crush you under heel. No hospital for you. You go to grave. I kick you ass then f**k it." he rushes toward her as Palin takes a shooter's stance and opens fire.

To her surprise the bullets ricochet off of the Sheik. He slams her into the side of the cage and punches her in the spine-breaking it. Palin drops to the ground screaming and crying in pain.

The Skrull gets in her face and once again begins to mock her

"Stupid girl. I tell you. Sheik has body of iron. That why he called Iron Sheik. You just think his English no good? That he ignorant like you American? I tell you my body iron and you no listen." he smacks his chest and instead of the typical sound of flesh slapping flesh, there's a CLANG as metal strikes metal, showing him to truly be an IRON Sheik. "See you dumb hog. I tell you. Iron." he once again tells her.

The Skrull has had enough. He raises his mighty hands in a double axehandle and brings it hurtling down into Palin's skrull crushing it like a grape.

"Ha ha. Dumb American. You no flies of murder. You get murdered like flies" the Skrull claims as he stands victorious over his slain foes. "Beckerman #1. Rest of league p-too"

Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies: All dead

Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyatches: War Skrull #10 survives

BECKERMAN'S BACKYARDIGAN BEEYATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!

Consolation Round 2: Griffin vs The Valley

2011-06-12T18:14:00.002-04:00

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are: Sardaukar Terror Trooper

The Syracuse Valley are: Major Disaster

To insure this will be a fair fight, and powers will not be a factor in the battle, Major Disaster has been fitted with a power dampening collar. As the cage door slams shut and locks, the action in the cage is strangely non-existent. The Terror Trooper just stands there in the center of the cage staring at Major Disaster. Disaster starts to sweat, and motions to the Trooper to come and fight. The Trooper still stands there, and begins to snicker.

Major Disaster doesn't take to kindly to this, and walks up to the Terror Trooper. "Come on, punk. Let's go" he snarls and gives the Trooper a shove. The Trooper stumbles and lands on his butt, but continues to giggle at Major Disaster. Disaster really starts getting hot under the collar, and kicks the Dope Fiend in the chest causing more laughter. Major Disaster finally snaps at all the laughing, and begins really putting the boots to the Terror Trooper, who continues to laugh while getting the hell kicked out of him.

The Terror Trooper finally pushes Major Disaster off of him, and shakily gets to his feet. He turns to Major Disaster and once again begins to giggle. Disaster watches as the insane Terror Trooper begins to ram his head into the side of the cage. He can't believe what he's seeing as the Dope Fiend really starts viciously ramming his own head into the side of the cage screaming with laughter. He finally stops, and turns to looks at Major Disaster with a crazed look in his eyes and his own blood streaming down his face howling with laughter. Disaster doesn't know what to do, and can hardly believe what he's seen. All he knows is he doesn't want to be a part of this anymore.

But there's no way out until one of them dies.

The Trooper begins to slowly advance one Major Disaster who backs away from the crazed Dope Fiend. Suddenly, the Terror Trooper stops and grabs a hold of the side of the cage and begins to climb. Confused Disaster looks to see what he's doing. The Terror Trooper grins at him maniacally, and then launches himself off of the side of the cage into the floor landing with his arm sticking out in front of him. There's a sickening CRACK and the Trooper gets up screaming in pain and laughter, his arm now bent at a ninety degree angle, completely broken.

The Terror Trooper's arm isn't the only thing that breaks. So does the last of Major Disaster's sanity. He drops to the ground, and begins to plead with the Trooper.

"No MORE. Please, oh god. I can't take this anymore. Just....just stop." he sobs

This is all the Terror Trooper needed to hear. Laughing, he pulls out the purple lightsaber his team won last week and uses it to cut the head off of the whimpering Major Disaster.

Still howling with laughter, he picks up the head and to it's face and begins to talk to it

"Wanna know what was so funny" he says, still giggling "Well, it looks like this battle was a major disaster, for you" He drops the head and once again begins roaring with laughter at the terrible, terrible pun.

The Syracuse Valley: All dead

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers: Terror Trooper survives

GRIFFIN'S HIGH MAINTENANCE DOPE FIENDS AND DESTROYERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!

Consolation Round 2- Team SP vs The Brigade

2011-06-12T17:43:00.003-04:00

Team Sleeping Pussy are: S.H.I.E.L.D Agent and a Compy

Le' Napoleon Brigade are: Steve Wiebe, Andrew Laidlaw, and Phil Day (w/ a Sith Lavarouk)

The cage door is slammed and locked, letting the three video game champions know that the only way they'll be leaving this cage is by either slaughtering their opponents or getting slaughtered themselves.

Phil Day levels his Lavorouk at the back of SHIELD Agent Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent as he finishes up adjusting something in the corner. Just as he's about to pull the trigger, McTwivent spins and tosses this strange liquid in Day's face. Day stumbles backward then feels a bit of weight on his chest and clears his eye to see the Compy with a strange harness on it's head. The harness holds a large blade that comes to a point right at the Compy's snout. So when the Compy quick brings it's head down to feast on the blood that McTwivent threw into Day's face, he begins getting stabbed repeatedly. Giving the Compy more incentive to repeatedly stab Phil Day in the head.

While Day deals with the Compy, this leaves Laidlaw and Wiebe to tangle with the phenomenal Butterscotch McTwivent. McTwivent quickly evens the odds, by macing both of his opponents and then and handcuffing the Galga champion to the side of the cage, forcing him to stand idly by and watch the horrors that are about to befall his teammate. Blinded but not out of the match yet, Steve Wiebe tries to sneak up on McTwivent as he finishes cuffing Laidlaw, but Butterscotch pivots on his heel and socks the King of Kong in the jaw with a fist full of quarters. Wiebe goes crashing to the mat, spitting blood but in a stroke of lands on the Compy who is feasting on the corpse of Phil Day. Wiebe grabs the little dinosaur and snaps it's neck. He frantically tries to pull the blood soaked harness off of the Compy's head so he'll have some form of weapon to defend himself but it's too hate for him. McTwivent wraps his arms around the leader of Team Wiebe's neck and proceeds to choke the life of of Wiebe, while Laidlaw watches in horror at the fate of his friend.

As soon as Wiebe takes his final breath, McTwivent drops his body to the ground and turns his focus on the final member of the Brigade. Laidlaw doesn't cry, beg or plead for his life. He knows the price of battle and prepares to pay it. Reginald notices that Laidlaw is about to take his medicine like a man, and grants him a quick, honorable death.

Le'Napoloen Brigade: All dead

Team Sleeping Pussy: S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent survives.

TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!!!

Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. Alice's Wonder Team

2011-06-12T16:52:00.001-04:00

Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are Larry Koopa and Storm Trooper #49.

Alice's Wonder Team is Vampire #5.

“This team sucks... Get it”? Storm Trooper #49 says to his teammate Larry. Larry starts giggling uncontrollably from this awesome pun and then says: “You think that was funny check this out”. Larry then lifts up his tail and lets a “Shellacious” fart out like only a giant reptile can. “Oh... DANG! Nice Koopa-toot Lar-bo”. Let’s see if I can top that. Jack the Storm-Trooper vibrates a killer one inside his suit and says: “Oh crap, I think I just dumped in my Kevlar dawg, it‘s a good thing I keep a half roll of toilet paper in my thermal detonator holder”. Larry Koopa waves his hand in front of his face and giggles out the words: “What a wonderful smell you’ve discovered”. Vampire #5 begins to slowly approach when Larry starts to throw down some pre-match convo. “Sup vamps, jeez between your skin and his suit, I feel like I forgot about the all white dress code”. Not even the slap-happy Storm Trooper laughs at this crack. The Vampire then informs them that: “It is a shame that us vampires don’t have to sleep, because that little comedy bit you two just tried to pull seemed like the ultimate insomnia cure“. “You’re face is the ultimate insomnia cure” says Jack the Storm Trooper. The vampire retorts: “Your Mom didn’t have a problem with my face when it was sucking on her neck last night”. The trooper says: “I don’t have a mom, me and the test-tube I was born in share yours”. “Ooooh. Sick burn”. Larry says to back up his armored homie. At this moment, the bell rings and Larry yells: “LIGHT THIS TURKEY UP BRO-HAM”! The Trooper starts firing wildly, but the vampire moves out of the way to swiftly. The two super-kitties can barely see the vampire as he moves amazingly quickly around the steel caged ring. The vampire spin kicks the blaster out of the trooper’s hands and then jumps on to the back of Larry Koopa. The vampire begins squeezing the life out of Larry, while he digs his teeth into the youngest son of Bowser’s neck. The Storm Trooper shoves the vampire off of Larry with all of his might, but as the vampire falls to the ground a huge chunk of lizard flesh comes flying off the now dead body of Larry Koopa. The trooper makes a mad dash to the corner of the ring in an attempt to pick up his blaster, but Vampire #5 back-flips back up into position and gets to the storm trooper before he can pick up the gun. The Trooper turns to fight, but the vamp just delivers one well-aimed powerful punch to the head of the storm trooper which shatters his helmet and cracks his neck.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!

The Abomitrons Vs. George Washington's Slaves

2011-06-12T15:58:00.001-04:00

The Abomitrons are Immell #1 (Batteldae) and Immell #2 (Rob Murray).

George Washington's Slaves are Jedi Master #1A-3A.

Five competitors makes for a pretty cramped steel cage, but it does not stop the two clones and three newly made Jedi Masters from instantly engaging in some amazing acrobatics. The five fighters use the reinforced sides of the steel cage as a means to jump around and attack. Batteldae and Rob Murray use their Immell Gear to Simm their Say while the three Jedis ignite their lightsabers. The Jedis attack, but the Batman and Robin half-clones are way to good at close quarters combat for their defenses to be beaten that easily. Batteldae spin kicks Jedi Master #1A (the former top Youngling student and Yoda Padawan) into the side of the steel cage while Rob Murray manages to back-flip on to the turn buckle and then jump back at Jedi Master #3A with his bimmell-rang and slit the throat of the Jedi. This great move gets the job done, but then leaves Rob open for a lightsaber attack from Jedi Master #2A that ends with Rob Murray getting a lightsaber through the neck. Batteldae sees this and quickly avenges his clone sidekick with a neck-snapping move that would have made the late Bruce Wayne proud (although he wouldn’t have admitted it because it killed somebody). Batteldae drops the body of the Jedi Master and turns to face his final opponent who has recovered from his bounce off the steel cage. Batteldae knows that he is coming, but he cannot turn around fast enough. The last remaining Jedi Master moves at incredible speed and manages to slide his lightsaber into the heart of Batteldae.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!!

2011 Playoffs: Semi Finals

2011-06-07T18:59:00.000-04:00

Season Four: Playoffs Round One: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. The Abomitrons

2011-06-07T00:54:00.005-04:00

"Because I could not stop for Death-He kindly stopped for me- The Carriage held but just Ourselves-And Immortality."
-Emily Dickenson

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Galactus, Nova w/Green Lantern Ring, Terrax, Firelord, Mace Windu, Fin Fang Foom, Brandon Inge w/Red Lightsaber & Iron Man Suit, Justin Oblak w/Halberd & Mandalorian Armor, Faith Lehane w/Blue Light saber, Lord Voldemort, Black Lantern Sentry, Michael Vick, Asohka Tano, Ajax (Cymek Titan), Hercules, Ares w/Atlas Axe, Apollo, Uranus, Gaia, Oceanus, Tethys, Helios, Themis.

The Abomitrons are Batman (w/ a green lantern ring), Robin (Tim Drake version) on a Ducatti, (Head Coach) Alfred Pennyworth and Robin (Dick Grayson version) in The (Golden Age) Batmobile, Iron Man, Capt. America on his Motorcycle, Starfire, Underdog, Hancock, Cerberus (w/ a red lantern ring), Phineas, Ferb and Perry, Ben Tennyson, Bucky on a 4-Wheeler, Nomad w/ Baby Bucky, Horribull and Creb, The Father, Son, and Daughter of Mortis, Odin, Zombie Neo, Zombie Scooby Dumb, Zombie Tails, Zombie Jimmy Neutron on a Scooter, Black Lantern Sunstorm, Zombie #1, Kyle Houslander (w/ a Devil Lance and a Mithril Vest) and Zachary Houslander (w/ a Demon Rod) in a Mail Jeep., Ax-battler (he has 9 deaths), Tyrius Flare, and Gilleus Thunderhead, Ewok #47 in a Go-Cart, Falco in Spider-Man's Helicopter, Immell #2 (Batteldae (a clone of Batman and Tim Cheveldae)) and Immell #3 (Rob Murray ( a clone of Robin and Bryan Murray)) w/ Sandra O, Capt. Underpants, Ratta the Hutt, and Ewok Child #1 in Padme Amidala's Naboo Yacht, Immell #14 (Tammell (a clone of Timmelll and River Tam)) (w/ a Zapper) and Ewok #51 in The Tiger Heli Helicopter.

It’s a foggy morning for the passenger’s of the Naboo Yacht. The visibility is quite low still and the quiet of the morning air is just a little bit unsettling.

Sandra Oh: “I swear to you my face is fine, why do you keep asking?”

The two Immells keep laughing at this as they take much enjoyment in the naivety of the television actress. As Sandra continues to stare at the two of them with a look of bewilderment on her face, Captain Underpants tells everyone to be quiet.

Sandra: “What is it, do you hear something?”

Captain Underpants: “Yeah, it didn’t sound like any language I’ve ever heard though.”

Rob Murray: “You heard talking?”

Sandra: “Well obviously Rob. Jeez, does your face hurt?”

Rob: “What?”

Sandra: “Because it’s killing me!” Sandra starts laughing hysterically at her own improperly told joke.

Rob: “You told it wrong.”

Battledae: “Yeah, you’re supposed to wait for the other person to say no, if you don’t it doesn’t make any sense.”

Rob: “Yeah you stupid flat, faced, fu….”

Captain Underpants: “Would you all shut up!”

Underpants is now pissed as everybody finally quiet’s down. As they all sit there in silence the voice becomes louder and louder until everybody can hear what it is saying.

Rob: “What is that?”

Sandra: “It sounded like it said filthy half breed’s. What the hell does that mean.”

Out of thin air Lord Voldemort appeared on the ship and said, “It means the existence of these two is an atrocity, luckily for us though, their existence was short lived.” Voldemort then shouts, “Avada Kedavra!” and both Battledae and Rob Murray are sent down to the floor of the boat dead. Then he sends a bolt of energy out of his wand and blows a hole through the now non-existent face of Sandra Oh. Captain Underpants then jumped out of the boat into the water, but quickly found himself placed in a giant ball of water twenty feet above the boat. Voldemort laughed as he watched the child slowly drown to death in his watery prison cell. The dark lord then looked at Ratta the Hutt and the Ewok child and instead of killing them individually, set the boat on fire. He then apparated away and left them to burn to death on the once beautiful Yatcht.

Tammell: “Oh shit, did you just see that Falco?”

Falco: “Yeah I did. He disappeared though. How are we supposed to help them?”

Just then a booming voice from the sky spoke to them as if he had been listening to their very short conversation, “You’re not, you are going to join them.” A Massive wind storm came out of nowhere and both the Tiger Heli Helicopter and Spiderman’s Helicopter were thrown down into the water that had only seconds ago been hundreds of yards below them. Ewok #51 was the only passenger in either vehicle to survive the crash but soon enough drowned to death in the icy waters.

Back on land things were heating up very quickly. Bucky took off on his 4-wheeler and was having a grand old time until he realized the person flying next to him wasn’t Iron Man. The easiest way this was brought to his attention was that instead of just continuing to travel with him, the Iron suited man shot him with a blast from his hand. The shot sent Bucky flying off of the 4-wheeler, breaking both his legs and leaving him with a wound in his chest that was not going to heal anytime soon. As he painfully looked up from the ground he saw another large suited man. The man just looked down at him and without saying a word shot him directly between the eyes.

Inge flew over to Justin and gave him a high five. “We still got it Golden Boy!"

Justin: “Oh Brandy, check this one out." He points to go-carting Ewok off in the distance. “I got point on this one dude." They both high five a couple more times and Justin takes off flying after the teddy bear. It only takes him moments to reach his target and instead of killing him outright he just blast’s the back wheels of the go-cart which sends it flying in the air and crashing into the ground. Justin goes over to make sure the Ewok is all right and pulls him from the wreckage.

Justin: “Hey buddy, you alright?”

The Ewok looks puzzled at the armor suited man who he knows just blew up his ride.

Justin: “Because if you are alright, you won’t be for long.” Seconds later Inge crashes down on top of the Ewok and kills him on contact. Both of them are laughing hysterically and high five each other like crazy. This naturally leads to fist bumping, yelling and eventually some very homoerotic man hugging.

Justin: “We kick so much ass dude!”

Inge: In an almost announcer type of voice, “Nobody kick’s more ass then the two of us!”

This goes on for several more minutes until Inge sees another vehicle in the distance.

Inge: “My turn Goldy!”

Justin: “No way dude, both of us!”

Inge: “Yeah Baby!!!”

They both take off and head over to what looks to be an old car from the 60’s.

Inge: “What kind of car is that?”

Justin: “It looks to be an old car from the sixties.”

Inge: “Huh, no shit!”

Inge then sends a massive energy blast into the back end of the old car from the 60’s, which pretty much destroys the classic automobile in quite the spectacular crash. Inge and Justin then walk over to the Robin and Alfred and watched them as they pulled themselves from the wicked crash.

Inge: “Sorry we ruined your ride dudes!”

Justin: “Yeah, sweet 60’s classic you guys!”

Alfred: “We were riding in the Bat Mobile you imbeciles.”

Inge: “Oh yeah, from Batman!”

Justin: “Oh sweet, I love Batman!”

Batman: “Then you’re gonna love me. You know, cause I am him. I am Batman.”

Justin: “Uh huh, that’s cool!”

Inge: “Not that cool dude!”

Inge blast Batman in the chest but the blast is easily absorbed with the use of the green lantern ring.

Inge: “Oh man, that sucked.”

Batman: “Not as much as this is gonna suck.” Batman then uses his rings energy to put Inge’s head in an airless bubble, taking away the third baseman’s most valuable asset, his voice.

Justin: “Oh no you didn’t Batman!”

Justin goes in for an attack on the caped crusader but it is futile as Batman just knock’s him down to the ground, breaking his jet pack. Justin realizes and starts taking shots at Batman, but nothing makes it through the green energy of his ring. Batman lets him take a couple more shots before he kicks the gun out of his hand and steps on his chest. He rips the helmet from Justin’s armor and pick’s him up by the neck.

Batman: “Say goodbye to your friend Golden Boy.”

Justin: “I thought you didn’t kill people Bruce!”

Batman: “Yeah, you just tried to kill Alfred and Robin. Plus, that wouldn’t have gotten me very far in this place.”

Justin is looking at his suffocating soul mate when his neck is snapped for the final time. Brandon Inge though not breathing is still beyond angry when he sees this happen and takes one last shot at the green capped Bat. The blast catches Batman off guard and actually hits him in the side, which does leave a mark. Batman quickly retaliates with a blast of his own, sending him flying. As Inge finally lands Batman releases the bubble from Inge’s head.

Batman: “I can’t have you panicking on me now, it’s just not as much fun.”

Batman then picks him up by the neck and ends Inge’s career the same way he did with his best bud. As Batman walks away from Inge’s lifeless body he grabs a hold of his side and winces in pain. Alfred notices this and begins to worry that his adopted son may be hurt.

Alfred: “How bad is it?”

Batman: “It’s fine Alfred, stop worrying. I’m gonna be fine.”

Alfred: “I will never stop worrying Master Wayne. You shant be around forever you know.”

Batman: “As you keep telling me.”

Robin: “Just let him worry Bruce, he’s never gonna stop at this point.”

Alfred: “You know Master Wayne, as this is your last…”

As Alfred starts talking Batman stops him and immediately takes off.

Alfred: “You really should be more careful.”

In the cold darkness of Space the eerie presence of Galactus loomed very large in the background. Odin had been running recon for his team, which was very light on upper atmospheric members. He knew that he was most likely going to find the planet eater looming above but he wanted to know for sure. His goal now was to keep everyone inside the planet long enough to make this fight as fair as possible.

On the other side of the planet Michael walked by himself down a long stretch of road that looked like something out of the dark ages in Europe. He had thought he was alone but suddenly something caught his attention and he turned around.

Michael: “Is that what I think it is? (Makes a sniffing motion) Oh yeah baby, I smell me some dog.”

Vick makes a mad dash for it and comes upon his dream among dreams as he sees Cerberus feasting on some sort of large animal.

Michael: “Thank you Apollo, this is all I’ve ever wanted.”

Vick then goes over to the three-headed dog but before he is able to do the animal any harm (as if he could have done any in the first place) one of the dogs serpent tails knocked him on his back and the head closest to him began to feast.

Asohka Tano: “Hey Rover, how about you pick on somebody your own size.”

The three-headed blood spewing dog turned around and began to laugh. Then he looked around and noticed two more light saber-wielding members and one truly evil looking dude. As all of them began to attack the dog(s), three of his own force wielding teammates jumped out from behind him and took the fight over for him. Faith began to fight with the Daughter of Mortis as Mace and Asohka took on the Father and Son. BL Sentry went for the dog but as soon he went in, Cerberus blasted him with a bolt of red energy. The blast did send him back, but it didn’t take him long to get up. When the Sentry looked back at the dog he just laughed and flew directly into the midsection of the beast. The three heads of the dog were screaming loudly when all of a sudden they all went silent. At this point the Sentry flew back out with the dog’s heart in his hand. The smile on his face was even bigger this time around an instead of staying around to help his teammates, he flew away and enjoyed his feast alone up in the sky.

The light saber battle was not a long one as Faith quickly fell to the Daughter. Before the Daughter could even help her family though, she was standing there headless, as Mace Windu had decided she no longer needed it. As the father lay on the ground where Mace Windu had knocked him down, he to would quickly join his daughter as Mace sent his light saber deep into his chest cavity. Asohka was not having quite as easy of a time with the Son but once the battle became a two on one, the fight ceased to become one as Mace laid waste to the last of the force family.

BL Sentry was enjoying his time up in the fresh air devouring his prey when he was hit in the back quite fiercely by the blood thirsty Neo. Neo began to feast on the Sentry’s midsection but before he could do any real damage he had a staff made of fire through his head as Firelord put an end to the Zombies second successful career. Firelord then yelled at his teammate to both head on towards Mace and Asohka as they could see several members of the Abomitrons heading towards them.

Both the Zombies of Tails and Scooby Dumb, along with the three Golden Axe heroes were charging toward the two force wielders of the Kennelz. Mace was able to easily take care of Scooby Dumb but the three Axian fighters were turning out to be to a challenge. Tyruis flare knew they had the upper hand in the fight and to make the odds overwhelming, she sent down a dragon firestorm of magic upon the Jedi Council member. Mace managed to block the majority of the magic but was weakened by it greatly. This was enough to give Ax-Battler the time he needed to drive his sword through the back of the purple light saber toting Jedi. As Asohka saw this she became enraged and immediately dropped her fight with Zombie Tails and force ran over to Ax and sliced him up an down, sending him to his final death.

The still enraged padawan made it known to the girl and dwarf that she was not to be messed with.

Asohka: “Do not F#$% with me!!! Do you know who I am!?!”

Well okay, so that’s actually what she said. I was just trying to keep it PG.

Asohka: “Well then F#$% you too watcher!!!”

This was met with little fanfare from her opponents and it wasn’t long before Zombie Tails was knawing on Asohka’s neck and Tyrius and Gilleus had sent ample amounts of magic down upon the now dead Jedi Padawan. The three members were quite proud of their accomplishments at this battle.

Gilleus: “Victory is ours!”

Tyrius: “It is a shame we lost Axey, but you are quite right Giles”

Gilleus: “I feel as if we could not lose today if we tried.”

Tyrius: “I feel that you are quite right, for today we are champions.”

From up above Firelord and BL Sentry look down on their opponents.

Firelord: “If there is anything I hate more then losing teammates, it’s the gloating that naturally comes after it. I say we put an end to this right now.”

BL Sentry: “As long as I get the hearts I don’t care what we do.”

Firelord: “You just ate, how are you still hungry?”

BL Sentry: “Aint no quenchin this thirst.”

Firelord: “Then come and get em.”

The two super powered characters raced down on their opponents and made quick work of them. Firelord threw his staff through the chest of Gilleus sticking him to the ground. He then ran over to Tyrius and literally tore her in half. BL Sentry flew down on Zombie Tails, crushing him in the process, though was very disappointed to find out it was a zombie, therefore not helping him in his search for as many hearts as possible.

BL Sentry: “You gave me the zombie, no heart there that I am interested in.”

Firelord: “Fine, eat these then. You’re a pain in the ass you that.”

The black lantern could care less about insults as he paid no attention to it on his way to feasting on the axian’s bloody muscles.

Up in the air Ajax had been flying around in his air travel suited armor, when he saw a zombified boy flying around in the sky. Ajax took off for the zombie boy when he saw the darkest, most evil robot he had ever laid eyes on. Black Lantern Sunstorm flew over Jimmy’s ship and blasted the Cymek with such a powerful energy blast that it instantly blew him into a million pieces.

BL Sunstorm: “Unworthy you are for the rapture. I will be the one who chooses the worthy.”

Suddenly the sky darkened and swallowed up the zombie youngster and his ship and knocked him out of the sky and down onto the ground.

Uranus: “Don’t try to do a god’s work you abomination of a robot.”

Odin: “That’s right Uranus, you need a god to do god’s work.”

With that Odin uses all the power he can muster via the Odinforce and sends an electrical storm so violently through the sky that he destroys the god instantly. Odin then heads back down toward the rest of his team, who have all managed to congregate in one place.

Odin: “Why are you all here together. We are far stronger in small groups. We are vulnerable when we are all in one place.”

Iron Man: “Bruce told each and everyone of us to meet up here and then took off towards what I can only assume was Galactus.”

Hancock: “Yeah, I agree with Odin, but it’s hard to argue with a green lantern.”

While his team discussed his decision Batman was well on his way towards the giant who was still watching over the planet. Batman noticed both Nova and Terrax standing on the sides of the purple monstrosity.

Batman: “I am not here to fight, just to talk.”

Nova: “That is a wise move my fellow lantern core member.”

Batman: “Let us fight this on the planet, I can deal will you later.”

Terrax: “Are you sure you want this.”

Batman: “No, but as things are going I don’t think I have much of a choice.”

Nova: “So be it then. Have your fight down with the rest of them. Be warned though, we will not stay dormant forever. We may fight with him, but we do not control him.”

Batman: “Fair enough, (Points to Galactus) I will be seeing you soon.”

Batman then flew back down toward the planet to join the rest of his team.

Terrax: “The guys got balls, I’ll say that.”

As Batman flew back down to his team he was not surprised to find a massive battle already taking place. He came down with just enough time to watch Iron Man take care of Fing Fang Foom.

Captain America: “Nice kill Tony.”

Iron Man: “Thanks, just take care of crazy axe guy. I still have not figured out how to kill him.”

Ares had just killed Baby Bucky and was well on his way to killing Nomad when Starfire flew in and blasted him to the ground. The hit hurt Ares but didn’t knock him out by any means. He quickly stood back up and launched his axe at Starfire, which sent her flying back quite a ways.

Iron Man: “You see what I mean.”

Captain America: “Hold on, I have an idea. Just start flying and as soon as I launch my shield, you’ll know what to do.”

Iron Man: “No problem Cap.”

Iron Man takes off and as Ares is walking over to grab his atlas, Captain America threw his shield and knocked Ares down to the ground. Before he was able to get up though, Iron Man blasted him with everything he had. The blast was brutal but was still not enough to kill him; Captain Americas shield down on his throat was another story as the Captain finally put an end to the wrath that usually is Ares.

Captain America: “Nice work my friend.”

Iron Man: “No prob Steve, OH SHIT!”

All of a sudden the sky lit up and hell literally ran down from the heavens.

Apollo: “Sorry Tony, but you really shouldn’t have done that.”

Iron Man: “Shit.”

The combined powers of Apollo and Gaia create a scenario that could only be described as hell on earth. An electrical storm instantly burns Nomad and Baby Bucky alive. An earthquake knocked everyone on the ground on their ass and swallowed Phineas, Ferb and Perry. Batman had protected Alfred, and both Robin’s in an energy bubble which protected them for the time being, but the same could not said Horribul and Kreb, who were crushed to death by a boulder who only seconds ago was just minding its own business.

Hancock: “Well F#$% this shit!”

Hancock then ran over to the boulder and threw it about a mile into the air.

Captain America: “What exactly is that supposed to do?”

Hancock: “Did it need to have a purpose?”

Captain America: “I guess not.”

All of sudden the once dry area they were in, became but a wall of water.

Iron Man: “This is gonna suck isn’t it?”

Odin: “Not if I have anything to do with it.”

Hancock: “Where the hell have you been?”

Odin: “Protecting you guys. Notice how you are all still alive? A thank you isn’t necessary alright.”

Odin then uses whatever power he had to send the water back into the oceans. This act wipes him out but saves the remaining members of his team.

Themis: “Wait, this is not how this was supposed to go.”

Iron Man: “Huh, that’s weird because all this seems going pretty much according to my plan.” He says this at this same time as he blast’s him down to the ground and Captain America pummels him to death.

Iron Man: “Shit dude, this is starting to become a trend.”

Lord Voldemort: “Not a trend I would get used to if I were you.”

Lord Voldemort then sends the killing curse at Iron Man which completely fries his suit but doesn’t kill him. Captain America sent his shield toward the dark lord but he quickly apparated away from the shield, reappearing only moments later on top of Tony Starks now dead body as Voldemort blew a hole through his chest, killing him.

BL Sunstorm: “How dare you kill him you unworthy creature.”

Voldemort: “I’m the unworthy creature here? You are a fool you disgraceful machine. I am the one who will do the judging around here.”

BL Sunstorm: “We will see who is the more worthy soon enough.”

Both BL Sunstorm and Voldemort send blasts at each other in quite the impressive display of talents on both ends. Honestly, I think Voldemort would have won if it wasn’t for Starfire’s blast to the back of Voldemort which fried his back enough for him to drop his wand.

BL Sunstorm: “Who’s the more worthy now Lord?”

As he says this, Starfire sends a killing blast to the backside of the powerful wizard.

Nova and Terrax are now staring at each other as the match continues on below from where they have been watching.

Nova: “This has gone on for far to long hasn’t it?”

Terrax: “Yeah, I don’t see this lasting much longer.”

Back on the planet, Hercules attempted to destroy the bubble that Batman has created to protect the Robin’s and Alfred to no avail. After a minute he turned his attention to Zombie #1, for which he easily destroyed. This didn’t sit well with Batman as he quickly turned his sites on the super awesome man-god and blasted him apart with one blast of green energy.

Underdog: “Nice going Batman.”

BL Sentry: “Shut the f#@^ up!”

For some reason this pissed him off and completely annihilated the super powered dog.

BL Sentry: “Time for you to die as well Hancock.”

Hancock: “Not today you dead mother f@#$er!”

BL Sentry: “I don’t see a ring on your hand, so good luck killing me.”

Hancock then flew down to the ground and smashed a huge piece off of a rock off of a boulder and grabbed the sharp edge of the boulder and cut the Sentry’s hand off in which the ring was placed.

Hancock: “Huh, that’s weird? Because I don’t see one on your hand either.”

As soon as the black ring left the Sentry’s hand he exploded and filled the overlying sky with a black tar like substance.

Hancock: “Mother F#$*er!!! Now that felt good.”

Starfire: “HANCOCK, MOVE!!!”

Unfortunately for Hancock his teammates warning came to late as Firelords' staff caught him in the back, which weakened him just long enough for Firelord to then snap his spine in two. Firelord then tore the staff from out of his dead opponent and headed directly for Odin. He knew that if he could kill the Norse God, this match would be over very shortly. Odin quickly noticed this but was fully aware that he was far to drained to take on the herald by himself. Firelord instantly starting to send a fire beam of energy at the Norse God, but he was still able to block it. The closer he got though, the less Odin was able to withstand. Sunfire tried to help her teammate but before she was able to do anything, Firelord had thrown his staff in her direction. She was able to avoid the staff but not before Odin succumbed to the damage that the Nova Corps member had thrown at him. As Odin’s body completely went up in flames, his ability to keep the rest of the God’s at bay finally diminished. Firelord then took off towards the sky to let his team take care of the rest.

The sky once again darkened and it seemed as if all of the world’s water was happening upon the landmass in which the remaining opponents were occupying.

Kyle and Zach who had been laying low with Ben Tennyson got the feeling that the end was coming, so they readied themselves for it. Zach told Kyle to get inside the Jeep he was driving and was forever grateful that he put the top on the Jeep before he left today.

Ben Tennyson: “Trust me guys, for what we have coming, that’s truly not going to do it.”

Kyle: “Well, it’s all we’ve got right now.”

Zach: “What do you expect from us anyway? We’re children fighting against gods. The last time I checked the kids didn’t have the upper hand in that department.”

Ben Tennyson: “Well leave that part up to me.”

Kyle: “Oh, then why didn’t you just say that in the first place? I’m sitting over here in this metal death trap worrying when you have everything figured out.”

Zach: “Yeah Ben, stop wasting time with us and go do whatever it is you need to do.”

Ben just looks at them with an expression of annoyance on his face and begins to find a form that will help him survive the firestorm/million year flood that is nearly on top of them.

Apollo spoke to his fellow god’s with the arrogance that you could imagine coming from a god, but in essence all he was really saying was “On the count of three, rain hell on their asses."

Batman knew this end of day’s scenario was upon them so he enveloped his entire team in another protective layer of green energy. As he did this he noticed that the skies lightened. At this point nobody really understood what was going to happen, when out of nowhere Gaia appeared from under their feet, knocking everybody to the ground.

Gaia: “Apollo wants to compliment Bruce on his clever move. You easily found a way to save your friends from our collective rain of fire, so in turn, he would like to face you all in person.”

As she finishes this up water rises from underneath the ground and Batman dissolves the protective shield from out from his team. Everything is happening so fast now that he is unable to protect everyone from what is to come. The water continued to rise up everywhere when Tethys appeared on the scene in the shape of a giant water made great white shark. She instantly attacks Dick Grayson who is far to human to with stand her attack. Alfred is pushed out of the way by Tim Drake, who attempts to fight the god by himself. Knowing full well that this fight is a losing battle, Sunfire flies directly at the water shark and blows it apart. Seconds later Tethys reforms herself into a massive octopus and grab’s Sunfire in her giant tentacles and pulls her back down into the water. Sunfire continually fought for her survival but after about five minutes finally lost the battle and sunk to the bottom of the ocean.

Ben Tennyson has finally found a form that suits him and goes in for the kill against the red hot Helios, who has been sparing with BL Sunstorm. Ben Tennyson’s form is from a fire world as well, therefore giving him the advantage of being able to fight with the god. He dashes towards the sun god but not before he is able to finally take down the zombified transformer. Tennyson gets the first hit on Helios but is surprised to find out that it does not affect him in even the slightest way. With one hit to the chest of omnitrix wearing human, he completely destroys his alien form and then wastes no time, burning the teenager alive.

Captain America was fairing no better against Apollo, who had deemed Rogers the most worthy opponent for him to face. In my opinion I think he chose Rogers because he knew he could beat him, but in dealing with God logic all day, I guess I’ll just take his word for it. Apollo took several shied hits to the chest, but they did very little damage. After another minute or so though, Apollo decided to stop messing around and knocked Captain America on his backside. He then grabbed the shield from Rogers exhausted arms and slammed it into his chest, knocking the wind out of the super-soldier.

Apollo: “Out of respect, I will not kill you with your own shield.”

A very winded Steve Rogers quickly spat out words of defiance at the god, “Screw you Apollo, the only thing you respect is yourself!”

Apollo: “If you say so.”

With that, Apollo crushed his foot down on the Captains’ head, killing him for good. Batman now realized that is team was doomed, but it wasn’t until Helios’s final attack, that Batman let out the true vigilante from within. As Alfred was helping the two youngsters to safety, Helios set the Jeep on fire and tossed it to the side just to get to the elderly head coach of the Abomintrons. Helios then slowly walked over to the life long butler and grabbed him by the neck.

Helios: “Always wanted to kill a head coach.”

Alfred: “Master Wayne, save the boys.”

Helios: “Even in your final hour all you care about is your team. Pathetic human.”

Alfred: “Master Wayne, please take…” but before he was able to get out his final words Helios crushed his throat and threw his body to the ground, setting the body on fire after the fact. This was the final straw for the man who had turned the bat into a legend. Batman walked over to Helios and with not a moments thought, extinguished his flame and broke his body in two. Apollo noticed this and knew they were in for the fight of their lives. Batman then sent a ball of water towards Kyle and Zach’s jeep, putting the fire out. He then went immediately for Apollo and flew into him so quickly that even Apollo could not stop the now crazed caped madman.

Apollo raised his head up from the ground and all he saw was an enraged Batman screaming at him.

Batman: “Get up you piece of shit! F#*%ing get up!!!”

As Apollo attempted to get up, Batman rushed him again and said, “Not quick enough!” He then picked up the god and broke his back over his knee. He then jammed his ring in the god’s mouth, charged it up and shot enough energy out of it to destroy Gotham Tower. The blast left nothing left of Apollo and as Batman turned around to face the remaining god’s, he actually made them tremble. Batman then rushed each and every one of them and one by one, did what nobody has ever been able to do. As Gaia, Oceanus and Tethy’s all lied dead on the playoff planet, Batman began to scream at the top of his lungs.

Batman: “IS THAT ALL YOU GOT GALACTUS? COME AND FIGHT ME YOURSELF YOU APOTHETIC PIECE OF SHIT. YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SEND YOUR MINIONS TO KILL MY TEAM. (PAUSES) YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST KILL ALFRED WITHOUT DYING YOURSELF. IF I’M GOING OUT, I’M GONNA GO OUT BIG! NOW GET YOUR PURPLE ASS DOWN HERE AND SHOW ME YOUR MORE THEN JUST THE WORLD’S BIGGEST PUSSY!!!”

Galactus: “Gladly”

The last thing Batman, Tim Drake, Kyle and Zach saw were what looked like a massive black hole swallowing up the sky. Batman told then he was sorry he couldn’t do more, but that it was an honor to be teammates with them.

Tim Drake: “It was an honor for me as well Bruce. Shit way to go out though.”

Batman: “Like I said Tim, I’m going out big and I think you can figure out what that means.”

Tim: “Anything I can do?”

Batman: “Protect the boys a little bit longer.”

Tim: “Good luck Bruce, I’ll see you on the other side.”

Batman: (To himself) “Alfred, this one’s for you.”

As Galactus proceeded to devour the planet, Bruce Wayne became nothing but a source of the greenest energy that has ever been produced. The power began to envelop the planet and once he was done, the world eater was taking in nothing but a green energy source. Once the planet was gone the three heralds just looked at each other and nodded, assuming the match was over. Then mere seconds after the planet had disappeared, Galactus began to struggle and shake uncontrollably until he became so unstable that his heralds all fled the area and took protection behind another planet. All they saw was a blinding light. When they finally ducked out from beyond the cover, nothing was left but a greenish glow surrounding the area that once occupied the playoff planet.

Nova: “Our master fought valiantly, his death was worthy to the cause.”

Terrax: “I do have to say that I did not see that one coming.”

Nova: “Then you were not paying attention very carefully were you?”

Firelord: (Exhausted) "In what are you referring to?”

Nova: “As powerful as any of us are, there is nothing stronger then the connection that these mere humans have for each other.”

Terrax: “Are you telling me that he killed Galactus because of what Helios did to the elderly man?”

Nova: “All I’m saying is that his love for that old man, coupled with the power of that ring; (Slightly Pauses) I’m surprised he didn’t take all of us out.”

Firelord: “It’s a lucky move that’s all.”

Nova: “Your arrogance blinds you. Just do me a favor the both of you, try to respect that power during these playoffs. Because from here on out, we're going to need it.”

EPILOGUE

“As head coach you get used to just about everything in this league. The injuries and the single deaths are just a part of the program. You could almost say you get used to death and destruction of it all, especially with the knowledge that you will still be seeing them again in the future. Final death though, well that’s another beast I’m afraid. It’s the thing in the back of your mind that creeps in once in while but you never quite fully let it in. It’s the one thing that you know is inevitable but you tell yourself in comfort that it is never going to happen or that…(Pauses) or that you’ll be the one to go first. I’ve spent years preparing for this day and yet now that it is upon me, I realize that nothing was ever going to make me ready to accept it.”

Alfred Pennyworth: “So now that it has been done, (pauses with tears running down his face as he attempts to regain his composure) there’s nothing left to do, but for me to say my farewell.”

Dark Beast looks perplexed at the sight of his head coach silently crying over in front of the room that used to be home to a former member of his team.

Dark Beast: “Hey Yaddle, what’s going on with coach over there?”

Yaddle looks at the heartbroken Alfred Pennyworth and says, “I believe he is saying goodbye.”

As Dark Beast realizes this he sees his head coach carefully placing Bruce Wayne’s mask on a chair in the entrance of the room. He stands there for a second and stares at the empty room and quietly says, “I will see again someday my son." He then slowly walks away from the room into the darkness of that which once was the Abomitrons.

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Victorious!

Consolation Round 2

2011-06-07T00:41:00.004-04:00

To all the teams who've seen their playoff hopes dashed, chin up friends. You still have the chance to win some fabulous prizes in the consolation rounds!

This week's matches will be a 15 point steel cage deathmatch with a red lightsaber going to the winner.

The match ups will be:

Team Sleeping Pussy vs Le' Napoleon Brigade

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs The Syracuse Valley

Alice's Wonder Team vs Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family

The Tijuana Taco Benders vs The Untouchables

Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyatches vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies

Built Ford Tough vs Transfoamers

Logical Genocide vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad

Abomitrons vs George Wahington's Slaves

Please have your roster in to me by Friday at 11 pm. Thank you and best of luck to all of you.

Consolation Round: Untouchables vs The Valley

2011-06-07T00:14:00.003-04:00

The Untouchables are: The Human Wrecking Ball

The Syracuse Valley are: The Toxic Avenger

The Human Wrecking Ball stands in the arena and looks up at the lightsaber, hanging up above

"Screw this climbing nonsense. That's for chumps" he thinks and begins smashes anything resembling a support for the dangling lightsaber. Toxie jumps out of the way as the arena begins to crash down all around him. The lightsaber falls to the ground and lands amongst the rubble. Both men spy it laying there and rush to get it before the other.

Just as the Human Wrecking Ball is about to pick up the weapon and win the match for his team, the lightsaber is swatted out of his reach by Toxie's trusty mop. The Wrecking Ball is then treated to a taste of the mop as Toxie smacks him right in the face.

The Wrecking Ball stumbles back, and Toxie follows up the mop assault with a brutal barrage of fisticuffs. Toxie punches and kicks the Wrecking Ball with all his might, ending his attack with a kick to the Wrecking Ball's balls, wrecking them.

The Wrecking Ball crumbles to his knees. Tears in his eyes, and furiously trying to catch his breath as Toxie runs over the rubble and picks up the lightsaber. Winning the match for his team

THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!!!!

Consolation Round: Layander vs The Brigade

2011-06-06T23:43:00.002-04:00

Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are: Robin (Stephanie Brown version)

Le' Napoleon Brigade are: Saurod and Phil Day (w/ a Sith Lavarouk)

I don't know what happened here. I remember a few bits and pieces. The warmth of the spotlights in the ring. The smell of the arena. Climbing into the ring, looking across and seeing Phil Day and thinking "No way does this guy beat me up the ladder"

I remember seeing the lavarouk being fired at me, and dodging the blasts. I remember throwing one of my discs and then subduing Mr Day. That was it. I should have won.

Then there was that sound. That...hiss. Then the right side of my body exploded in pain, as I felt those claws plunge deep into my kidneys. I couldn't hold on. I can take alot of pain, but that was way over my limit. I surrendered to darkness and let go over the ladder. My body crashed into the mat.

I awoke to see who has cost me my moment. I see him, that lizard man Saurod standing atop the ladder in victory, his faces glowing a slight shades of purple in the light of the lightsaber.

Batman always taught me "Be aware of your surroundings and opponents"

Guess I still have some learning to do.

LE' NAPOLEON BRIGADE ARE VICTORIOUS!!!

Consolation Round: Taco benderz vs Dope Fiends

2011-06-06T22:58:00.003-04:00

The Tijuana Taco Benderz are: Bodybag and Mace Towani w/lazer sword, lazer gun and pokeball

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are: Sardaukar Terror Trooper and Seperatist Commando

The second consolation match of the 2011 season gets ready to kick off as we get our first look at where this contest will take place. The two teams find themselves at the bottom of the pit from the cult classic "Army of Darkness".

The gears of the monsterous pit begin churning and we get underway. The Terror Trooper instantly earns the terror part of his name as he rushes forward and drop kicks Bodybag into the spiked walls of the pit, killing him. He then holds onto the spikes and begins a furious climb to the top of the pit.

Mace Towani shakes himself out of the stupor of seeing his teammate massacred and pulls out his pokeball. "Charizard, I choose YOU!" and launches the ball, but it's sHot out of the air by the Seperatist Commando as if he were skeet shooting. Towani immediatley turns his attention to the seperatist and begins firing, but there's not much cover for either man, so a gun fight is pretty useless.

Mace throws his lazer gun at the Commando who ducks it and rushes forward. Mace then begins to climb the walls of the pit, but stops after getting high enough to where he's out of the murky water. He holds onto the wall with one hand, and with the other fires up his lazer sword. He's hesitated long enough for the Seperatist to reach up and grab him by the ankle and just as Mace is about to swing his lazer sword and end the life of the Seperatist he hears a loud scream.

Mace looks up to see the body of the Terror Trooper falling right at him. Mace is unable to comprehend what he's seeing as he's struck by the falling body of the Sardaukarian. The Seperatist Commando jumps out of the way just in time, as the body of the Terror Trooper smashes into Mace Towani and sends them both hurtling to the bottom of the pit. The brutal impact kills both men, leaving only the Seperatist Commando to ascend to the top of the pit and retrieve the lightsaber for his team.

GRIFFIN'S HIGH MAINTENANCE DOPE FIENDS AND DESTROYERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!

Playoffs Round One: Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

2011-06-06T10:27:00.000-04:00

Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Supergirl (Matrix), Mary Embry, Supreme, Radar, Suprema w/ blue lantern ring, Kalibak, Col John Matrix in Iron Man Suit, Black Lantern Loki, Elders of the Universe: Possessor, Collector, Grandmaster & Runner, Metroplex, Imhotep, Paul Atreides, The Kraken, Davy Jones, Flying Dutchman Crew #1-5 & Pirate #11 on the Flying Dutchman and Doozer #11.

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Mr. Mxyztlpk, Magneto, Asajj Ventress, X-23, Omega Supreme, Superboy, Set, He-Man & Battle Cat, Gamera, Smart Grimlock, Ganthet (w/ a green lantern ring), Sayd, Larfleeze, The Leprechaun, Twincast w/ Decibel, Legout, Zombie (movie) Frenzy, Black Lantern Rumble, & Black Lantern Laserbeak, Space Ghost w/ Jan, Jace, & Blip, Saeese Tiin & R.O.B. The Robot in a Jedi V-Wing, Nightwing & Red Robin (Tim Drake) in the Modern Age Batmobile (The Tumbler), and Papa Smurf.

This match quickly starts with a bang… literally. Davy Jones orders his crew of cursed pirates to fire all cannons on The Flying Dutchman at the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. Magneto floats in the air in front of most of his Brotherhood brethren and lifts his hands towards the incoming cannonballs. They stop in mid air and are directed right back at the pirate ship. Wood and metal fly from the Dutchman as the cannonballs crash back into the ship. Mr. Mxyztlpk then teleports Asajj Ventress and X-23 aboard the ship, where the female duo viciously tear through the crew. Davy Jones then draws his sword and attacks them, but is overwhelmed and gets a pair of claws and a red lightsaber driven into his chest. As he dies, Davy Jones calls forth the Kraken, which erupts from the depths of the sea and devours the Flying Dutchman, but Mr. Mxyztlpk has teleported his teammates out of harms way before they go down with the ship. Gamera tries to subdue the massive sea creature, but he too is defeated by the dweller of the deep. Ganthet, Sayd, Mr. Mxyztlpk, Larfleeze and Space Ghost then all team up to end the life of the Kraken and take care of the Annihilation Squad’s water dominance.

High up in the air, Superboy is blindsided by Supergirl. She sends him crashing to the ground with a powerful punch. Conner climbs out of the crater he just created and rockets back at the shape shifter. They exchange blows, but in the end, Superboy gains the advantage and kills Supergirl with a massive blast of heat vision. The team of Supreme, Suprema and Radar are working together to attack Space Ghost and his sidekicks. Radar quickly and savagely rips through Jan, Jace and Blip as Space Ghost is double teamed. They have him on the preverbal ropes, but Ganthet and Sayd fly in to lend a hand. Suprema is wielding a Blue Lantern ring, which will boost the power of any Green Lantern ring in its presence, regardless of team affiliation. Ganthet is all too aware of this fact and uses it to his advantage. His ring is super charged to 200% and he lets loose an incredible blast of green energy at Supreme, which turns him into a smoldering charred husk. This then allows Space Ghost to finish off Suprema as well. Radar attempts to attack the three, but is put down by a combination of all of their powers.

Meanwhile, the majority of the battle is focused in the heart of the city as Metroplex is leveling all in his path. He has already crushed Twincast and all of his tapes without actually ever realizing it. Smart Grimlock and Omega Supreme launch a counter offensive against the Annihilation Squad’s biggest member (huh huh, giggity), but even they are unsuccessful. Metroplex grabs a hold of Grimlock and rips him clean in half. Omega Supreme manages to damage several of Metroplex’s cannons, but ultimately he is overshadowed and destroyed by the towering, walking city that is Metroplex. The enormous Autobot then finds himself looking at someone who is able to stare him right in the eye, Set. The seven headed serpent unleash a cosmic blast that reduces Metroplex to a glowing pile of melted metal. This is the opportunity the Midgets needed; they launch an all out attack on the Annihilation Squad. He-Man rides upon Battle Cat down Main Street, where Battle Cat is gracefully leaping over any car or random debris that may be in his way. They are soon attacked by Mary Embry, who knocks the Master of the Universe from his steed. He-Man’s golden locks gleam in the sunlight as his rippling muscles flex with power. He grips the Sword of Greyskull firmly as he lunges at the super powered female. She tries to stop him, but He-Man overpowers her and drives his sword deep into her stomach. As Mary drops to the ground, He-Man turns to see Kalibak snapping Battle Cat’s neck. “Cringer! Noooooo!!!” he exclaims as his trusty companion’s limp body falls from the son of Darkseid’s hands. He-Man blindly rushes towards him, but Black Lantern Loki appears and drives his spear into He-Man. He lets out a terrible scream as Black Lantern Loki finishes him off by devouring his heart. The two Annihilation Squad members share a chuckle as they search for more victims.

Colonel John Matrix is jetting around the desert area in his War Machine Iron Man suit, when he locks visuals on Saeese Tiin in his V-Wing. Matrix targets the ship with his extensive collection of weapons and blasts the Jedi out of the sky, along with R.O.B. the Robot. “Oooohh, I want one of those!” Larfleeze says to himself as he witnesses “Commando” blow the Jedi V-Wing away with his armor. Larfleeze calls up on all of his Orange Lantern constructs and orders them to attack Matrix. They continue to battle high up in the air as Imhotep squares off against The Leprechaun down below. Several bolts of magic are traded between these two villains, but Imhotep uses his powers to summon the desert sand itself to consume The Leprechaun before he can teleport away. Col. Matrix’s body then falls from the sky and land right in front of Imhotep. He looks up to see Larfleeze wearing the War Machine armor that Matrix once donned. He calls upon one of the Ten Plagues of Egypt and sends a swarm of Locusts right at the armored Orange Lantern. But Larfleeze has his orange energy construct, Blume, open his mouth wide and consume the swarm. Larfleeze fires his Orange Lantern-powered War Machine weapons at Imhotep which stun the ancient one. This then allows Agent Orange to consume Imhotep with his Orange ring. However the Elders of the Universe finally make their presence known and together they annihilate Larfleeze. They all the then vanish away from the desert.

Back in the city, Nightwing and Red Robin are pancaking cars in the Modern Age Batmobile as they drive through the streets. They see Kalibak standing in the middle of the intersection and Nightwing floors it, right at Kalibak. The two of them leap out of the Tumbler, just before it slams into Kalibak. Once the smoke clears, they see that he is still standing tall, laughing all the while. But just then a streak of blue and red come out of nowhere and knocks Kalibak through a building. “Thanks guys, but I’ve got this big dummy,” says Superboy as he fly after the Apokolips born behemoth. Red Robin however is blindsided and killed by Paul Atreides. Nightwing and Paul then engage in a well pitched melee (shout out Becks). The two of them match each strike and kick and counter in the same. Neither is gaining much advantage over the other as they continue battling. Superboy, meanwhile, has found where Kalibak landed and continues his assault. But once again, Black Lantern Loki appears to aid Kalibak. The two of them try and double team Superboy. Asajj Ventress leaps in to give her teammate some much needed aid. B.L. Loki’s attention is turned to Asajj as Superboy attacks Kalibak. B.L. Loki uses his patience and abilities of misdirection to throw Ventress off and allows him to sneak up behind her and rip her heart out through her back. Superboy finally finishes off Kalibak just as he hears Asajj scream out as she dies. Superboy lunges at B.L. Loki but his smirks and teleports away. Superboy then sees something incredibly small happening on top of a mailbox across the street. He uses his super-eyesight to see that it is Papa Smurf and Doozer #11 battling out in a vicious one-on-one. They are trading blows that to a normal sized being would barely be noticed, but against one another, they are dishing out quite a bit of damage. Doozer #11 leaps up and head butts Papa Smurf with his hard hat and then proceeds to take it off and bludgeon the Smurf to death with it. Superboy sees his comrade fall in this manner and incinerates Doozer #11 with his heat vision. Nightwing is still battling Paul Atreides, but is beginning to lose ground. They find themselves fighting down an alley and notice the fire escapes are all beginning to shake. They rip from their bearings and are turned into projectiles that skewer Paul. Magneto then floats over Nightwing’s head. Dick tries to thanks his teammate, but Magneto doesn’t bother to even look back.

The Elders of the Universe collectively appear once again, and go right after Set. The four of them attack the seven headed serpent god. They use their cosmic abilities to destroy three of the heads, but Collector is swallowed by one of the heads and Possessor is incinerated by another’s cosmic fire breath. Runner then runs through another one of Set’s heads. Grandmaster then uses his vast powers to literally “will” the death of the remaining three heads. There is an audible gasp coming from the remaining members of the Brotherhood that can be heard by this Watcher. There is then another sound, a small “blip” that came from behind Grandmaster. He turns around to find Mr. Mxyztlpk. “Nice one, but it soooo doesn’t matter,” Mxy says as he erases Grandmaster from existence. Space Ghost and Superboy then fly in to finish off Runner. Black Lantern Loki appears once again and makes the final stand for his team. He blasts Sayd with his evil magic and disintegrates her. But that is all his able to accomplish before the collective powers of the Brotherhood end this match.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCES TO THE SEMI-FINALS!!

TEAM Vs. Logical Genocide

2011-06-06T03:03:00.001-04:00

TEAM is Solaris the Tyrant Sun, The Presence, Black Lantern Dave Bowman (The Starchild), Black Lantern Agent Smith, Black Lantern Pete Sosa, Voltron, Thor, Thunderstrike, Justice Legion Alpha Superman, Superboy, Ultraman, God Emperor Leto II, Seraph, Zombie Jet Li, The Evil Paul Atreides Ghola, The Bashar Miles Teg Ghola, Dirge, and Samus.

Logical Genocide is The Champion of The Universe, Ion, Nekron, Az-Rel and Nadira, Titan Maximum, Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian (#9), Bane (w/ Hellfire Gun), Goro (w/ a yellow lantern ring), Predator #48 (w/ The Flesh Rotting Disease Gun), Mera (w/ a red lantern ring), Prometheus (w/ The Premonition Gun), Red Lantern #2, Adam Strange, Shatterstar (w/ a Mithril Vest), Iron Patriot, Hawk, Snoogans the Xenomorph (#52), Starman, Black Lantern Brainiac, Manhunter #1 (Alpha), Manhunter #2 (Beta), Cody Jones, (Cannon Fodder) Smurf #10 (w/ a blue lantern ring), and Chris Seney (w/ The Golem Creator Gun) in Superman's Truck.

Nekron already has control of Black Lantern Brainiac, but he instantly and easily takes control of Black Dave Bowman, Black Lantern Agent Smith, and Black Lantern Pete Sosa as well. Nekron then leads his new team of Black Lanterns against Solaris The Tyrant Sun. Meanwhile Chris Seney has pulled out his piece of Magno-Kryptonite and rolled down the window of Superman’s Truck. All the Kryptonians start getting sucked toward the kryptonite and of course become weakening as they move closer and closer to the magnetic source. Justice Legion Alpha Superman is the closest to the Magno-Kryptonite, and is the first sucked in. While Superman is dying from Kryptonite exposure, Nekron and his black lanterns are busy destroying Solaris with relative ease. After Superman is killed by Chris Seney himself and Ultraman, Superboy, Az-Rel, and Nadira all begin to gravitate unwantingly toward the Magno-kryptonite, The Presence decides to step in. The Presence decides not to undue what has already been done but he does send both Seney’s kryptonite and golem creator gun away from this plane of existence (it is unsure if the golem gun was sent away on purpose or if it just went with the kryptonite). The Presence then does away with all the Black Lanterns and Nekron. The Presence reflects on what the black lanterns have done throughout all of their existence and decides that he should indeed die for their sins in order to save their souls. The Presence at the last second decides to take Bane and his Hellfire Gun with him on his journey to the next world as well. While these strange events were taking place, much more “normal” battles were happening elsewhere. Voltron and Titan Maximum were locked in an intense battle in space. Also in space, Superboy and Ultraman were battling The Champion of the Universe and Ion (with the blue lantern smurf). In the arctic area, Thor and Thunderstrike were fighting with Az-Rel and Nadira; while in the desert The God Emperor Leto II was battling with Goro and Predator #48. Seraph is duking it out with Prometheus on a billboard scaffold, while the Evil Paul is fighting Shatterstar on a nearby skyscraper roof. Dirge is flying circles around his former TEAMmate Cuddles The Cybertronian Guardian, but is unable to do any significant damage. Samus is squaring off against Adam Strange on a nearby asteroid, while Miles Teg is being double-teamed by The Iron Patriot and Hawk. Zombie Jet Li viciousely consumed Cody Jones, and then got in to an impressive fight with Snoogans the Xenomorph. I guess you could say Zombie Jet Li won, but once he started biting the Xenomorph’s neck the acid made it pretty messy even by zombie standards, which led to nobody walking away. This leaves a few extra players on The Logical Genocide side, which is why The two Manhunters flew up to try and lend Titan Maximum a hand against Voltron, Chris Seney in Superman’s Truck flew over to help Cuddles The Guardian against the much smaller but faster Dirge, Starman decided to help out Az-Rel and Nadira, and Mera and her fellow Red Lantern, Red Lantern #2 buried themselves deep in the water region, in hopes that a weakened TEAM would never be able to attack them and win a death match in a water area. With a few swings of his massive sword, Voltron was able to take out his imitation Titan Maximum. The Manhunters, managed to delay the inevitable a little longer than expected, but in the end Voltron was to powerful for the mighty Manhunters to handle as well. Voltron is able to take out all three of its competitors without any major damage. Predator #48 blasts Leto with several shots from his flesh-rotting gun, but what the hardened scaly skin of the massive man/worm does not repel, the healing qualities of The God Emperor Fix. The God Emperor quickly turns the Predator in to the hunted as he consumes him whole, the half man half dragon known as Goro is unable to instill any fear in the half man half Shai Halud known as Leto who already knows the outcome of anything worth fearing. The God Emperor uses the Bene Gesserit litany against fear which his grandmother taught him to overcome Goro yellow lantern powers and then uses his massive size to overcome his physical strength. With Ultraman’s brief exposure to kryptonite, he has gained the power of teleportation, which he uses while battling Ion. Ultraman zaps Cannon Fodder Smurf with his heat vision, but not before the Smurf has powered Ion up to over 200%. Ion then uses this power to completely wipe out Ultraman. Superboy, despite his smaller stature is able to overcome The Champion of The Universe by repeatedly pounding on his muscular chest with his fists. The Champion of The Universe takes an amazing amount of abuse, but eventually he succumbs to the power of the Kryptonian. Az-Rel and Nadira may be powerful combatants, but Thor and Thunderstrike have fought Kryptonians before, and they have defeated ones with much more power and skill than these two. Even with the advent of Starman helping out, Thor and Thunderstrike use their hammers to crush the skulls of The Kryptonian Bonnie and Clyde and then turn their attention to a quick ending double-team of Starman. Dirge is able to win the dogfight with Seney in Superman’s Truck, who is slightly off emotionally after the death of his buddy See-Eff Smurf, but Seney is quickly avenged as Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian Swats Dirge out of the air and shatters his spark. Prometheus’ Premonition gun seems to have little effect on the Oracle’s own Seraph, and neither does his combat training, as Seraph is able to kick Prometheus down to the grated surface below the scaffold and put two hollow points in his forehead. Evil Paul does well against Shatterstar’s attack, but whether or not he has what it takes to be The Kwisatz Haderach will not be discovered today, as Shatterstar is able to remove The Harkonen trained Paul’s head with a smooth sword swipe. Despite being double-teamed, Bashar Miles Teg is simply way to fast for Hawk and The Iron Patriot to handle. The Bashar easily uses his mechanical skills from his past life to dismantle Norman Osborne’s suit and then vibrates a fist through the head of Hawk. Adam Strange’s gun manages to inflict quite a bit of damage to Samus’ suit, but Samus is able to win the fight once she hits Adam with a massive blast of wave ray. Mera decides that hiding out isn’t her style and formulates a plan. She and her Red Lantern assistant use their rings to gather up as much water as possible and then fly into the desert region. The God Emperor bursts out of the sand to defend his territory, but once he does, the two red lanterns douse the worm with water poisoning The God Emperor to death. Samus and Voltron rush over to help Superboy who is about to square off against Ion, while Seraph meets up with Shatterstar on the street in-between their two previous fights. Thor and Thunderstrike both rendezvous with Miles Teg in the desert to attempt to avenge The God Emperor. Superboy seems pretty happy with his imminent triple team of Ion, but Ion gains some help as well, when The Cybertronian Guardian approaches. Ion hits Samus with a blast of pure green energy that finishes her and her damaged suit off, but Voltron makes pretty short work of the smaller Cybertronian Guardian. Superboy’s job becomes a little easier, knowing that Voltron is there to have his back, but in the end the young version of Kal El is able to defeat Ion all on his own by blasting through the green aura of Ion and delivering a fierce uppercut to the chest. Thunderstrike and Miles Teg combine forces to overpower Mera, while Thor use Mojinir to bash in the chest of Red Lantern #2. Seraph and Shatterstar are locked in the pitched battle to end all pitched battles. They are completely evenly matched in every way. Shatterstar knows that he is fighting not only for his own existence but for his team’s last ditch effort to stay in the play-offs. Shatterstar makes a daring attack to attempt to land his sword through the back of the neck of Seraph, but Seraph manages to get out of the way in just the nick of time. Seraph pulls out his pistol and puts it in Shatterstar’s side, just underneath his Mithril Vest. Then Seraph, who respects courage and honor in his opponents above all, regrettably pulls the trigger.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!