My name is Arnold Zybasco and I'm one of the chief astronomers here at the University of Zanthos. I'm emailing you with some news of grave importance.
I was using the telescope at the university to study the outer rim of our stratosphere, when I saw the space based headquarters for the two teams participating in this year's Universe Bowl. As this "sport" really holds no interest to me, I paid them no mind and continued my research.
Suddenly, the stars began moving in a very peculiar fashion, and the sun seemed to get closer. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw an explosion. Oddly enough, all the stars seemed to be converging on the battlefield of the FFL. I switched over to our satellites view, at no small cost I may add, and what I saw shocked and horrified me.
It's as if the planet itself had attacked the combatants and slaughtered them all. There were bits of bodies, spacecrafts, and weaponry everywhere. I saw what I believe is a "Star Sapphire" struggling in vain to fight the gravitational pull that was pulling her into our sun.
To say this is unprecedented is an understatement. I don't know what could be causing this, or why, but I feel it imperative for us ALL that we immediately cease this event and end all affiliation with the Fantasy Fantasy League. Clearly, there has been a balance upset here, and if we don't stop it now, we all may suffer the consequences.
I have already sent reports of my findings to the various GMs, coaches, and Watchers of the "FFL" but none seem to be interested in what I have to say. I even included a list of the casualties of this phenomena culled from footage taken from our satellites and identified by various colleagues who follow this barbaric sport. The fallen are:
-Vampire Nick Houslander, Ewok #56, Peeta Mellark (w/Jarnborn (Thor's Axe) and Smurf 7
-(Kingdom Come) Power Woman
-(Kingdom Come) King Marvel
-(Kindgom Come) Lady Marvel
-Blue Lantern Hal Jordan
-Black Lantern Ryan Poteracki
-Aayla Secura and R-2 unit #3
-Star Sapphire #2
Please, Mr Duer. Please save us all.
Thank you for taking this threat seriously,