Monday, May 25, 2015

S8GLCF: Chapter III

Plains Region. . . 12:14 p.m. . .

Transformers 7, 8 and 9 land on the open field of the Plains Region.  A lone Horsemen stands in the grass.  His bearded guise looks up, a solemn scowl on his face.

Transformer 7: One human against three Transformers. . .

Transformer 9: This must be a joke.

Vandal Savage opens up his coat and pulls out the Cosmic Control Rod.  Savage swipes his arm three times and three ten megaton blasts erupt from the rod.  Transformers 7, 8 and 9 are destroyed where they stand.

Savage:  The Horsemen do not joke during a Conference Final.

S8GLCF: Chapter II

Forest Region. . . 12: 11 p.m. . .  

Chewbacca’s stolen AT-ST trudges through the forest. The vehicle’s head moves down toward its targets.  Deathstroke stands ready with Luke Skywalker’s green lightsaber next to Miho who expertly wields both Plo Koon’s blue lightsaber and a green lightsaber.  The AT-ST repeatedly fires upon the Horsemen duo, who barely manages to escape the barrage of laser fire.  The AT-ST halts.  Darth Rage and Darth Maul, with his enhanced droid legs, spring from the hatch and land on the wooded area’s floor.   The Darths ignite their lightsabers.

Darth Rage: Formidable, but defeat is not an option for us.

Darth Maul:  Defeat never is for us Sith.

Darth Rage battles Deathstroke, while Miho fights Darth Maul.  The Terminator matches the fighting skills of Rage, but fails to gain a upper hand due to the Sith’s wielding of the Dark Side.   While Deathstroke’s focus is on his direct fight, Rage uses the forest debris to strike Deathstroke repeatedly.  Deathstroke falls to his knees due to the pummeling.  Rage’s hand is seen quivering as a large, sharp stick rips through Deathstroke’s chest.

Darth Rage:  Formidable Deathstroke, but defeat, once again, was not an option.

Meanwhile, although Miho’s acrobatics and use of two blades avoids a majority of Maul’s strikes, Maul’s enhanced right leg eventually snatches Miho midair.  A snap is heard as Miho’s neck is broken before her body hits the ground.

Darth Maul:  Defeat never is for us Sith.   

S8GLCF: Chapter I

Water Region. . . 12:02 p.m. . .

Fry Guys 1 and 2 are floating on a raft located in the middle of the Playoff Planet’s water region.

Fry Guy 1: Why do we get stuck and transported from the locker room into the middle of the water alone?*  [*Translated from Fryese].

Fry Guy 2:  Our hair is going to get completely waterlogged!

Fry Guy 1:  It’s just garbage!  Just because we are the commons of our team, we get sacrificed just like those Red Shirt a$$holes in Star Trek.  Dead.  Meat.

The Beast Wars Transformers, Depth Charge and Scuba, slowly rise from the water.

Scuba:  Correct.

Depth Charge:  Dead.  Meat.

In a matter of seconds, both Fry Guys are decimated, leaving only singed hairs floating on the waves.

S8GLCF: Real Men vs. Horsemen: Prologue III

Rabblerouser’s Locker room. . . 11:42 a.m. . .

Spider Boy: Time to clip the hooves off these Horsemen!!!

The Burger King:  Just like those motherf@#kers who disrespect me by suckin’ the c#ck of that ginger mother#$ckin’ clown, let’s take down the Horsemen!!!

Zombie Chris Artrip:  Rousing words. . . Just like Papaw used to give Bama before he gravied Mamaw’s biscuits!!!

Zombie Julie Artrip: CHRISTOPHER!!!

S8GLCF: Real Men vs. Horsemen: Prologue II

Horsemen Locker Room. . .  11:36 a.m. . .

Achilles stands on the locker room’s bench and looks at Daken, Deathstroke, Miho, Vampires Chris and Julie Artrip, Ella Artrip and Jack Artrip. 

Achilles:  My Myrmidons!!!  You are an essential component to this match.  With your strength comes the Horsemen’s victory!!!

Vampire Chris Artip:  My Papaw couldn’t says it bettah Achilles!

Vampire Julie Artrip:  Enough with the Papaw, Mamaw and Bama s#$t already, Christopher.  No one understands what the hell you are talking about!

Vampire Chris Artrip (smiles): Do we have time to gravy those biscuits?!?! 

Vampire Julie Artrip: CHRISTOPHER!!!!

Season 8 George Lucas Conference Final: Real Men vs. Horsemen: Prologue

City Region. . .  1:47 p.m. FST [Fantasy Fantasy League Standard Time]

The bodies of all Celestials litter the battlefield.  The stunned Horsemen stare at the robotic Megatron and Zombie Optimus Prime as the giants scan the battlefield for the remaining enemy while holding the tattered bodies of Achilles, Daken and Wonder Woman in their immense hands.

Cyclops:  Xavier!!!  Where’s Professor Xavier!!!

The remaining Horsemen attempt to come together in a defensive formation, but to no avail since they cannot find a position necessary to confront the specific assault schemed by the Rabblerousers.

Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki:  That's great, this is really f#$kin' great, man. Now, what the f#$k are we supposed to do? We're in some pretty s@&t now, man.  Game over, man!  Game over!!!

Cyclops: Horsemen!  We are leaving!!!

Season 8 George Lucas Conference Final: Real Man's Rabblerousers vs. Horsemen of Apokolips

 "I've been downhearted baby,
I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met

Ever since the day we met.”

                         “How Blue Can You Get,”
                                                -B.B. King

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 8 Conference Final Match located on the Playoff Planet.  They are as follows:


Horsemen of Apokolips: Wonder Woman with golden lasso and She-Ra’s Sword of Protection, He-Man with Sinestro’s green lantern ring and piloting the Terrodactyl, Vandal Savage with Cosmic Control Rod, Achilles with yellow lantern ring and sword and shield, Daken, Deathstroke with Luke Skywalker’s green lightsaber, Miho with Plo Koon’s blue lightsaber and green lightsaber, Vampire Chris Artrip with blue lightsaber and Vampire Julie Artrip with green lightsaber riding double dash Mario Kart, Ella Artrip with blue lightsaber and Supergirl’s cape, Jack Artrip with a green lightsaber, Hargen the Measurer, Tefral the Surveyor, Nezzar the Calculator, Gammenon the Gatherer, Jemiah the Analyzer, Eson the Searcher, Oneg the Prober, Ziran the Tester, Black Hand, Optimus Prime, Roller, Head Coach Charles Xavier, Cyclops, Phoenix-Jean Grey with white lantern ring, Angel, Iceman, Beast, Joseph with Cybertronian spaceship, Hope Summers, Gideon, Witch King of Angmar, Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki, Fry Guys #1 and 2.

Real Man’s Rabblerousers: Megatron, Zombie Optimus Prime, Beast Wars: Optimus Primal, Rhinox, Cheetor, Rattrap, Dinobot, Tigatron, Airazor, Silverbolt, Savage/Noble, Nightscream, Depth Charge, Scuba, Big Horn, Big Convoy and Blackarachnia, Vehicle Voltron: Air Team – Commander Jeff, Rocky, Wolo, Chip and Ginger, Sea Team – Commander Krik, Lisa, Tangor, Shannon, Zandee, Land Team – Commander Cliff, Cinda, Modok, Marvin and Hutch, Vampire Galactus, Anti-Monitor, Female Furies: Granny Goodness, Gilotina, Lashina with Atlas axe, Stompa with heat axe, Bernadeth with halbeard and Mad Harriett, Chemo, Artemis and Spider Boy in an AT-AT, Darth Rage and Darth Maul with droid legs in Chewbacca’s stolen AT-ST, Chemo, Artemis, Spider Boy, Gigantor, Duke, Snake Eyes, Scarlett and Roadblock Transformers Mech Units, Kryptonian Army Soldiers 11, 12, 15, 16, 17, Zombie Chris Artip and Julie Artrip, The Burger King in a Tie Interceptor, Ming Ming and Ollie and Transformers 7, 8 and 9.

 

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Playoffs: Conference Finals

Points: 1200
Setting: Playoff Planet

George Lucas Conference
(1) Horsemen of Apokolips vs (3) Real Man's Rabblerousers

Stan Lee Conference
(3) Team Sleeping Pussy vs (4) TEAM

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Pablo's Pitiful Problems Prove Precarious

HUNTINGTON WOODS, MI -  Pablo, the once loved children's show icon turned FFL badboy, was caught and arrested earlier this afternoon in a drug-addled and drunken rage after B3's loss to Horsemen in the playoffs. He was found next to a dumpster in an alley behind a local bakery trying to relieve Papaw of his gravy in exchange for drug money and a day old cod fish wrapped in a newspaper.

When asked to comment he literally only said swear words so we will not publish them here.

Mugshot photo is attached. Bond has been set at 5000 clams.

Season 8 Play-Offs Week 2: Real Man's Rabble Rousers vs. George Washington's Slaves

The Real Men are: Zombie Optimus Prime, Artemis (DC), Beast Wars (Optimus Primal, Rhinox, Cheetor, Rattrap, Dinobot, Tigatron, Airazor, Silverbolt, Savage/Noble, Nightscream, Depth Charge, Scuba, Big Horn, Big Convoy, and Blackarachnia), Vehicle Voltron Air Team (Commander Jeff, Rocky, Wolo, Chip, and Ginger), Vehicle Voltron Sea Team (Commander Kirk, Lisa, Tangor, Shannon, and Zandee), Vehicle Voltron Land Team (Commander Cliff, Cinda, Modok, Marvin, and Hutch), Vampire Galactus, The Female Furies (Granny Goodness, Gilotina, Lashina (w/Atlas Axe), Stompa (w/ Heat Axe), Bernadeth (w/ Halberd), and Mad Harriett) Vampire Count Dooku, Darth Krayt, The Anti-Monitor, Autobots #1-3, and Hammer Bros.

The Slaves are: Amazo, Fernus, Batgirl (Cassandra Cain w/black lightsaber), Superman, Jor-El, Loki, Wolverine, Spider-Man, Aunt May, Sharkskin, Eel, Undertow, Wedge Antilles, Ki Adi Mundi, Saruman (w/The One Ring), Boromir (w/Anduril), Movie Bumblebee, Santa Claus (w/ M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher), Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Patriclus (w/Atlas Axe and Halberd), The Hydra, Trojan Man (w/Ferengi Energy Whip), Captain Crunch (w/ Trident), Tony the Tiger, Rocky Balboa, Crocodile Dundee (w/ Darth Nihilus's Lightsaber), Maverick, Goose, The Wicked Witch of the West (w/ Devil Lance), and Spongebob Squarepants.


The summer heat on the Play-Off Planet can get intense. Heat like that seems to drive people a little crazy, brains baking in their skulls and all. The temperature in the city was 85 degrees and rising steadily, and poor Aunt May was just trying to buy some ice for the lemonade she was whipping up back at the Slaves' Embassy on the planet. Helping her lift and transport the ice were her good friends Tony The Tiger, and Captain Crunch. At the register, Aunt May was slowly counting out change while Hammer Bros. #17, Darth Krayt, and Vampire Dooku were held up behind her in line. The Hammer Bro was on a short fuse that finally burnt down, and he finally burst. "Let's move it, grandma! It's not enough for you to buy up ALL the ice, no! Now you're going to let it melt onto the floor while you rummage through your coin purse." Trident in hand, Captain Crunch spun around to face the brash little turtle man. "Now listen here, if you think you can speak to... oh my." His confident tone cracked down to a concerned one as he and Count Dooku came eye to eye. Dooku turned towards Krayt with a grin. "Well, it appears The Slaves have sent up a tribute to pay for our ice." Crunch speared the Hammer Bro on his trident as quickly as he could before Dooku's lightsaber split down through his silly hat. Tony the Tiger tried to ready his claws, but his reflexes weren't cat-like enough to evade Krayt. Aunt May was afraid but she stood her ground. "Just you wait," she warned, "when the Slaves don't get their lemonade ice-cold there'll be Hell to pay." Dooku held his blade to her throat. "We are the Hell to pay."

Back at the Slaves' Embassy, a new clip rolled detailing the May's gruesome murder at the hands of two ice-thieving Sith. On a normal day the news would leave Peter Parker morose, but the heat had gotten to him as well, and he was out for blood. "I wasn't enough for them to kill Aunt May, no! They had to go and steal her ice so we can't make the lemonade ourselves! Wolverine, Loki, let's go teach these sons of b****es who the better Disney franchise is." Dooku and Krayt were on their way back to the Real Man Cave with their dripping bags of ice when the trio of Marvel characters strode up in front of them. "Hey Sh** Lords, I think you found something of ours" Spidey quipped as he shot web at the bags of ice, but Dooku's saw the attack coming thanks to Spider-Man's lengthy quips. What he didn't see was Wolverine rushing claws-first at him, and as he sliced through Dooku he tore through the bags of ice as well, spilling their frozen prize onto the scorching hot pavement. Spider-Man and Loki stared horrified at their ally's mistake, while Krayt screamed in rage. He cut down Wolverine and blasted force lightning at Spider-Man, who seized violently from the shock. Loki intervened and magically manipulated the lightning, arcing it back at Krayt and frying him with his own power. Loki looked down at Peter Parker's smoking body and the puddle of meltwater next to him. "This... doesn't bode well today."

In The Real Man Cave, all Hell was breaking loose as Vehicle Voltron's Land Team and Air Team caught the latest breaking development in the Icegate scandal on the news. "Good God," Commander Jeff wailed, "it wasn't enough for them to kill three of our men over some ice, no! They had to go and spill it on the ground so NOBODY can have some god damn ice-cold lemonade today! That's it, we're showing them what happens when you cross the mighty Voltron!" As they raced by land and air to the Slaves' Embassy, they called out for the Sea Team. There was no response, however, as the Sea Team was torn apart in a turf war with SURF long before the Lemonade Conflict began that day. "No response from Sea Team! I put a call out for the rest of the Rabble Rousers. Looks like we're gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way." One by one the Vehicle Force smashed into the tremendous abandoned warehouse that is the Slaves' Embassy. They rolled around mowing down the unsuspecting Slaves. Santa and his Reindeer were among the first to go down, the deer due to the headlights and Santa due to an inability to run while morbidly obese. As they commotion went down, The Slaves' powerhouses Superman, Jor-El, and Fernus joined from their patrol of space around the same time the remaining Real Men were arriving on the scene. The Lemonade Conflict had gone full-Baltimore and metastasized into The Great Lemonade Riot of 2015. Hundreds of bystanding citizens dead, dozens of combatants killed or driven insane as the combined heat of the planet's sun and Fernus's wrath overwhelmed them.


Outside the planet, The Anti-Monitor and Vampire Galactus watched the surface burn. "Look how easily they're manipulated. Increase the power of their sun just slightly and they tear themselves apart for us." Vampire Galactus's hunger grew more powerful the longer he watched the chaos. "The Planet is teeming with energy... boiling over with life." He stared mesmerized. "Not yet, Galactus. Just a bit hotter..." As he further fueled the burning sun, Galactus felt his control slip as it burnt brightly with more and more energy. "Just a bite to tide me over" As he sank his gigantic fangs into the star, the unnatural and unstable power the Anti-Monitor had forced in to it erupted, vaporizing all but the core of the planet and blinking the sun out. With no yellow sun, even the Kryptonians couldn't survive, but Fernus was burning more powerfully than ever. As he attempted to rush the remaining Real Men, Anti-Monitor took hold of Fernus's molecular structure and burst him, forming a new sun where the last one had been. Galactus extended his power through space and found the scattered bits of the planet, drawing them back in, recreating the planet and its native inhabitants just as they had stood before. "Good as new."

Monday, May 11, 2015

S8 Playoff Round 2: Sith Aids vs Team SP

John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids is: Movie Galvatron, Nova Prime (w/ Matrix), Dreadwing, Waspinator, Jhiaxus, Aron: The Rogue Watcher, Terminus, The Leader (w/ Red Lightsaber), King Laufey, Vampire Yoda, Kanan Jarrus, Ezra Bridger, Zeb, Sabine Wren, Hera Syndulla, Chopper (c1-10p) (all rebels in The Ghost), Eeth Koth, Anakin Skywalker, Vampire Darth Vader, Starkiller, Star Lord, Groot, Drax the Destroyer, Gamora, Rocket Raccoon (all guardians in Star Lord’s spaceship), “Dutch” Schaefer, George Dilon, Mac Elliot, Billy Sole, Blain Cooper, Rick Hawkins, Jorge “Poncho” Ramirez, King Ghidorah, Frost Giant #1.


Team Sleeping Pussy is: Bizarro Superman, Capt Boomerang, Jonah Hex (w/ YL Ring), Blood Brother (w/ Sirius Black’s wand), Gentleman Ghost, Ultron, Korvac, Dr. Manhattan, D’Spayre, Johnny Bates (Adult Kid Miracleman), Miracle Dog, Psycho Pirate, Baron Mordo, Silk Spectre I (w/ Blue Lightsaber), Silk Spectre II (w/ Blue lightsaber), Rorshach (w/GL ring), Planetary ( Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, The Drummer, Abrose Chase), Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Peacemaker, Nightshade, Catman, Sunfire, Toro, Shi’ar Warrior #1.

The Planetary Team is met in the jungle by Billy Sole who is injured on the ground.  Elijah Snow begins to laugh at his easy kill when Sole grins and the ambush is on.  Dutch Schaefer and the rest of his team opens fire and when the dust settles, only Dutch, Cooper and Poncho Ramirez are left standing.  Poncho notices Cooper has been wounded.


Ramirez:  You’re bleeding, man.  You’re hit.
Cooper: I ain’t got time to bleed.
Ramirez: uhhh.  Ok....


At that time they notice the Ghost ship carrying Jarrus, Bridger, Zeb, Wren, Syndulla and Chopper is being attacked by Peacemaker and Toro, who are flying along side the ship and Catman who has sunk his claws into the hull.


Ramirez readies his weapon and looks at Cooper again.  “You got time to duck?”


He then fires a grenade at Peacemaker but misses and accidentally hits the ship and clips its wing.  


This ship spins out of control and does manage to kill Toro and Peacemaker as it crashes in a fiery ball.  Catman was able to jump off in time and landed high in the branches of a nearby tree.


Dutch and his crew survey the damage and kick through the wreckage. The tiny robot Chopper is all that seems to have survived the crash and starts to roll away beeping.


Dutch:  GET TO THE CHOPPER!


Dutch runs over and rescues the tiny bot and brings him back to the group.


Cooper: Quiet down, everyone!  You guys hear something?
(muffled) rreeeeaaawwww….
Dutch: Yeah, sounds like it’s above us.


They all look up to see a scared Catman, unable to come out of the tree clinging to a limb for dear life.  


Dutch:  Ha Ha!  I got the little pussycat.


He aims his gun into the tree tops when Bizarro Superman swoops by casually and uses his freeze vision to ice them for good.  Supes never slows down for the kill, he’s off to fight more admirable foes.


“….meow?...”


The Sith Aids Transformers are having a flesh smashing session in the city center.  By the time Bizarro Superman arrives, Psycho Pirate and both Silk Spectre girls lie dead in the street.  Johnny Bates tangles with Jhiaxus and dismembers his head from his torso while Korvac is having fun crashing Waspinator into a building repeatedly until he perishes.  Dreadwing flies into Baron Mordo just as he was about to target Nova Prime and flies him out of the atmosphere while slowly crushing the life out of him.  In his final seconds, Mordo Teleports them both to the surface of the nearest star where they both are incinerated instantly.


Rorshach uses his GL ring deflect the attacks from Galvatron into Nova Prime who stumbles.  With Galvatron incapacitated, Ultron uses his energy projection to destroy the Decepticon but is not able to react fast enough as Nova Prime has recovered and crushes Ultron where he stands.  Outnumbered by Bizarro, Korvac and Rorshach, who now has Nova restrained, Prime has made his last kill and his spark is extinguished.


In the desert, Eeth Koth, Anakin, Vamp Vader, and Starkiller are walking and sweating their balls off.


Koth: I’m glad you are both here, I have some questions for you two.  So… You are both the same person, technically, right?
Anakin:  Technically.
Koth: But you are both here at the same time.
Anakin:  Yeah, except he is an older dead version of me who likes to drink blood.
Koth: Oh, ok.  I guess that makes sense.


The brainstorming session is cut short when Blood Brother and Johnny Bates arrive along with Miracle dog who clamps firmly on the leg of Koth.  Bates attacks Koth distracted and breaks his neck and grabs his lightsaber before it can hit the desert sand.  Blood Brother sends a killing curse at Vampire Vader with the wand of Sirius Black but it has no effect since he is already dead.  Instead he rips off Vaders light bright chest thing and drives the wooden wand into Vader’s non beating heart, killing the vampire.  Starkiller is quick to avenge Vader by killing Blood Brother.  As he moves to help Anakin (who is getting the better of Bates in a duel) He stabbed through the chest with Vader’s red lightsaber.  He turns around long enough to see Gentleman Ghost who was there the whole time.  Turning invisible again, Ghost helps out Bates by sacrificing himself so that Adult Kid Miracleman is able to overpower Anakin.


Bates and Miracle dog meet up with a majority of the remaining SP teammates in the (random terrain name here).  Star lord and the Guardians land their ship and get to work.  Sunfire is blown up first by Rocket Raccoon who also gets Shi’ar warrior #1 in the blast.  Killing Raccoons is easy work for Jonah Hex, and he doesn’t even need to use his YL ring.  The tiny body of Rocket Raccoon falls to the earth.


Groot:  “I”


Gamora kills Nightshade and Johnny Bates kills Gamora by flying her a hundred feet into the air and driving her back into the ground crushing her skull.


Groot: ”AM”


Drax takes his turn at Bates and finally is able to overpower him with help from Star Lord and a well timed knife stab to the eye socket of Adult Kid Miracle Man.


Groot: ”GROOT!”
Star Lord: (looking at Jonah Hex) Now you’ve done it.


Groot runs his branches into every orifice on the body of Jonah Hex and fills his body with his branches.  He then rips the bounty hunter apart in a fine red mist.


The three remaining guardians take back off in the ship to join the final fight in the city.  


King Laufey and Frost Giant #1 are trying to freeze Rorshach who has hidden himself in a green igloo projected from his ring.  Meanwhile Korvac and Dr. Manhattan have folded space and time to create a small black hole that sends whoever enters it to the worst place you can imagine (let me know where that is in the comments! )


D’Spayre cracks the neck of Frost Giant #1 and throws Laufey toward the black hole.  The force of the vacuum has its grip on him and he is unable to keep himself in the match.  The Ship of the Star Lord sails overhead and Dr. Manhattan thinks about how this is displeasing to him and he dismantles the ship bolt by bolt in midflight.  The three Guardians fall to their death.  Groot does not die on impact like the others but is burned to ash by Bizarro Superman’s Flame Breath.


The Leader and Vampire Yoda ignite their lightsabers to take on D’Spayre who is joined by Capt Boomerang and Miracle Dog.  Yoda cuts down D’Spayre and The Leader is able to stab Capt Boomerang but not before Miracle Dog clamps down on his leg and the Captain’s energy boomerangs double back and cut the head off The Leader.  Yoda quickly cuts the head off the mutt, then charges into the fighting.


King Godirah is using his three heads of flame breath to get the better of Bizarro Superman who couldn’t take the heat so he got his ass out the kitchen (aka dead).  King Godirah then takes off at Dr. Manhattan who has decided that he has grown bored of seeing the flying beast and shrinks Godirah down to the size of a chihuahua and crushes him between his index and forefinger as he flies past.


Vampire Yoda has finally broken through Rorshach’s green hut defenses and cuts his ring hand off.  He then uses the force to throw him into the black hole.  Yoda and Terminus then double team Korvac who is not able to defeat them both but is able to send Vampire Yoda to the FFL graveyard.  Korvac falls to Terminus who turns to face Dr. Manhattan.


Dr. Manhattan yawns as Terminus does not excite him (and we will all know when that happens).  He decides that he would like Terminus better if he replaced all his blood with acid.  He does and Dr. Manhattan is mildly amused as Terminus is liquified from the inside out.


Aron, The Rogue Watcher towers over Dr. Manhattan who remains emotionless.


Dr. Manhattan:  Dave?  What are you doing Dave?
Starchild:  Just admiring your work sir.
Dr. Manhattan:  We got a big one here, Dave.  You want to take this one?  I don’t want to have all the fun.


Aron, in all his infinite intellect and powers, has been rendered as useless as a screen door on a submarine. He can only watch as the two superior minds decide his fate.


Starchild:  Sure thing, Jon.  This could be fun.  I think maybe I will take him on an infinite ride through hell.  


With the blink of an eye both Aron and the Starchild have vanished into nothing.


Dr. Manhattan walks away alone and victorious.  But in the distance, a sound catches his attention and he turns to listen again…


“Meow!”

Season 8: All Star Ballot

Hi everybody, as always here is the All Star Ballot for this season. The rules are as they have always been: Everybody is allowed one vote, whether they are in the league or not. You need not vote for any minimum number of characters, but the maximums are no more than 15 characters per each league, and no more than 6 characters for any one team. Please feel free to vote for any of the ballot listed characters or to write in any character that is not listed. If you wish to start a write in campaign for a character right here on the blog, than by all means please be our guest. This year, the All Star Match will be conducted by veteran Watcher Nickatu. Special Thanks to Mike for doing the vast majority of the heavy lifting in regards to the ballot arrangement. Completed ballots are due by 8:00 pm on Wednesday May 20th. Happy voting my friends,

Here is the ballot:


George Lucas Conference/National League

The Horsemen of Apokolips
1. Mr. Sinister
2. Eternity
3. Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki
4. Obi Wan Kenobi
5. He-Man

Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches
1. Firestorm (Jason Rausch
2. Darth Vader
3. Triple H
4. Predator #16-44
5. Yellow Lantern Shang Tsung

The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets
1. Deadpool
2. Bizarro Mr. Mxyzlpltkl
3. Mr. Mizpitelik
4. Charybidis
5. Magneto

The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse
1. White Suit Anakin Skywalker
2. Noble Heart Horse
3. Blue Lantern Tom Brady
4. Super Dinosaur
5. Grand Wizard Nick Houslander

George Washington’s Slaves
1. Superman
2. Gary the Jedi Padawan #33
3. Gary the Sandworm #17
4. Gary the Kryptonian Army Soldier #4
5. Santa Claus

Real Man’s Rabble Rousers
1. (movie) Shockwave
2. (movie) Driller
3. Vehicle Voltron
4. Vehicle Voltron Sea Team
5. Darth Maul

The Commandos
1. Prime Grimlock Rex
2. Katy Perry
3. Scary Spice
4. Swoop
5. Lazarus Long

The Empire
1. Zach Greinke
2. Vladimir Putin
3. Mewtoo
4. Mon Mothma w/ The Green Mantle
5. Black Zero (D.C.)


Stan Lee Conference/American League

John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids
1. Ezra Bridger
2. Aron the Rogue Watcher
3. Anakin Skywalker
4. Ahsoka Tano
5. Poseidon

TEAM
1. Billy Mitchell
2. The Kurgan
3. Ulmo
4. Goof Solo: Snowspeeder Pilot
5. Duke Leto Atreides

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies
1. The Chaos King
2. Squirrel Girl
3. Ghost Face Killah
4. Moon Knight
5. Kingpin

Griswold’s Nut-busters
1. Doomsday
2. Vampire Thanos
3. Onslaught
4. Age of Apocalypse Nightcrawler
5. Cluster

The Royal Highness
1. Superboy Doomsday
2. Paul Atreides
3. Q2
4. Gorilla Grodd
5. Batman

Team Sleeping Pussy
1. Bullseye
2. Vampire #69
3. Dave Bowman: The Starchild
4. Dr. manhattan
5. Capt. Guts

The Super Kitties
1. Green Goblin (Norman Osborne)
2. Supergirl
3. Finn McCool
4. White Lantern Yoda
5. Flashpoint (Thomas Wayne) Batman

Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions
1. Peter Petrelli
2. Phoenix Force Namor
3. Balrog #1
4. Space Ghost
5. Pre-Suit Darth Vader

Consolation Round 3

The Wacky Races Round 2

Setting: The Rainbow Road

Points: 32 and a vehicle or vehicles (if necessary) from your roster (this will NOT count as one of its uses).

Prize:
1st place: Slave III
2nd place: Bigg’s X-Wing
3rd place: Y-Wing
4th place: F-16
5th place: Armored Humvee
6th place: A speeder bike

Participants:
-Griswold's Nut-busters
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse
-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets
-Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions
-The Empire
-Miley and Barry's Best of Both World's Dragon Depository
-Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Arguing Constantly About Whose Fault it was That They Lost in The First Round.
-Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches
-The Royal Highness
-TBD: Loser of George Washington’s Slaves Vs. Real Man’s Rabble Rousers
-TBD: Loser of John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

Playoffs: B-3 vs.Horsemen

B-3 is: General Zod, White Lantern Kyle Rayner w/Full Spectrum Ring, Darth Vader, The Fallen, Zombie Galactus, Vampire Dark Phoenix, Red Lantern Hal Jordan, Razor, Aya, Space Godzilla, Lord Helspont, Thane, The Black Order (Proxima Midnight, Black Dwarf, Ebony Maw, Supergiant, and Corvus Glaive), Quasar, Rogue, Skeletor w/Gandalf's Staff, and Yellow Lantern #2.

Horsemen of Apokolips are: Achilles w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Wonder Woman, Joker w/M202A1 Flash Rocket Launcher, Annihilus, Professor Xavier, Phoenix Jean Grey, Archangel w/White Lantern Ring, Iceman, Beast, Daken, Exodus, Joseph, Scarlet Witch, Optimus Prime w/Roller, He-Man w/Sinestro's GL Ring, She-Ra, Fakor, Obi-Wan Kenobi in Jedi V-Wing(R-2 #12), Harry Potter, Black Hand, Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki, and Eternity.

The newest incarnation of the Play-Off Planet is fresh and unblemished. It's beauty is untainted by the mindless bloodshed, for now. This is how it always starts, but soon a new cycle of destruction will ravage it's surface. That is when the cycle starts anew, and the slate is wiped clean as the planet reforms once again. The Play-Off Planet does carry and ancestoral memory, however, and battles past are not lost to any who are willing to listen. It speaks of the famous and infamous alike, and the wars they have waged against one another. A past battle in particular is quite interesting.

The last Kryptonian General smiles despite his mounting injuries, for he knows that he has finallly found a battle worthy of himself. The Amazonian champion does the same as she stands to clash with him again.

The Death that Walks intends to expand the Negative Zone into this reality, but The Protector of the Universe and The Torchbearer stand at the ready to repel him.

A Jedi Knight emerges from the wreckage of his downed V-Wing, and stands before his former Padawan, The Sith Dark Lord. The Jedi momentarilly wonders if he could have ever saved his pupil, or if The Force would always draw this conclusion no matter his actions. The Sith's hatred blinds him to any such thoughts, and his ignited lightsaber proves this to his former mentor.

The fires of The Phoenix do not burn brighter when doubled, in fact, they are extinguished completely.

Mutant psychics, two sides of the same coin, do astral battle with an alien whose mental instability makes her a dangerous foe. Minds are broken, and even the survivor knows he will not be the same after such a strain.

An ancient evil with a powerful artifact tries again to get revenge on The Masters of the Universe. A weapon from beyond the stars cannot sway the tide of the fight, and The Power of Grayskull may have seen the end of days.

The outworlder's blackened tongue spews lies and half-truths alike to confuse his prey. The ghastly white faced harlequin is in no mood for a lecture, and proves it with his rocket lancher.

A stalwalt paragon of Cybertron rises again to challenge a Fallen member of his race. The recent death of his companion bolsters his will in the face of long odds.

The son of The Mad Titan brings death and undeath with a touch. The former Horsemen of Death, now a ringbearer of life, and The Avatar of Nekron are both offended by this being's existence.

The Black Order's powerhouse faces down an unlikely pairing of mutants. The Scientist and the berserker's son show true bravery despite an insurmountable force.

The terror of Middle Earth fights the King of the Daemonites to decide whose royal lineage shall continue. No matter the victor, the outcome will be horrific to any that survive.

The Master of Magnetism's clone gives a lesson on weapons being beholden to their base material, no matter how powerful they may be. The darkness of Midnight falls over The Glaive.

A Rogue mutant rejects the singular vision of her former leader, but even she questions her convictions as her heart ices over.

A Kaiju from the cosmos runs afoul of a Greek warrior powered by fear. A mutant sorceress does what she can to even the odds, but the mighty warrior thinks that his quest may have been hexed from the start.

A wizard fights valiantly against his power ringed agressors. He defends against the spectrum of Will and Fear successfully before the power of Hate makes him The Boy Who Lived, and not the boy who lives.

However, these conflicts are insignificant, for the end of this universe is at hand.

The Undead Devourer of Worlds has roamed unchecked for too long. In a previous life, he merely destroyed a planet during consumption. Now his hunger changes the worlds into corrupted wastelands, and over time these amassed poisoned planets have weakened this universe to a point of no return. A rebirth must be made, not only for this reality, but for the good of the multiverse as well. All of Eternity shudders as it contracts, and whether it ends with a bang or a whimper, this reality is remade anew. Only those willing to listen may hear the echoes of it's death.

He awakens with a familiar chill and wipes the sweat from his brow. He struggles to remember anything from his nightmare, the same nightmare that has plagued him for a week. He shrugs off the alleged false memories, and begins to clear his head.

"I seriously need to stop reading FFL matches before bed" reasons Ryan Poteracki.


Round 2: Consolation: The Wacky Races

Griswold’s Nut-busters are: Dexter Jettster, Uncle Buck, Marlon Brando, and Doozer #15 in a Y-1300 Light Frieghter.

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Jedi-Fire (Immell #10), ALF (w/ a halberd), Dorf, Rolf the Dog, Oscar the Grouch, and Brony Becks in The Punisher Van.

The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets is Ron Popeil, Papa Smurf, Ratts Tyrelle, Lolo, and Jawa #11 in The T-Ship.

Layanderletson’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are Capt. Jimmy Wilder, Sonja the Hedgehog, and Manic the Hedgehog in The Shark Ship.

Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are Space Ghost in an A-Wing.

The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse is Michael Knight, Tom Brady (w/ a Blue lantern ring), and KITT.

The Empire is Jim Leyland and Watchdog #2-5 in an Ornithopter.

Miley and Obama’s Best of Both World’s Touring Battalion of Commandos are James McLeod, Sir Winston Churchill, John Turner, and Chevel in a Submarine.


Well…… Boys and girls, welcome to The Wacky Races!! Today’s race will begin right here at The Milky Way’s own star known to the folks around here as “The Sun” we will go all the way around the 9th planet known as Pluto (Screw you Pluto haters, it’ll always be a planet to me) and then back along the other side to the finish line here, just past Mercury.

On your marks…

Get set….

GO!!!!

And they’re off!! All except Space Ghost, who seems to be hanging back on purpose for a while like a ghost in space, Oh, and The Punisher Van is stalled. Let’s take a look inside the cab to see what the problem is with the miniature, mobile, bringer of war.

Oscar the Grouch: This Van is the pits, I told you guys we should have taken something else.

ALF (in the driver’s seat): It was the only vehicle that could fit us all, besides I piloted much worse vehicles out of Melmac back in the day. This thing seems to be in fine order, except for the fact that it won’t start.

Brony-Becks: Well, at least with me here we get an extra added horsepower.

Dorf (in the passenger seat): What the h*&L are you talking about Becks??

Brony-Becks: Well, naturally I’m a horse so I give extra horsepower.

Jedi-Fire: No, you are a horse in the back of a van. That weighs down the vehicle more and contributes nothing. That doesn’t add “horsepower”.

MEANWHILE…

Space Ghost has decided to finally take off and join the fray; and you can see why he wanted to hang back at first in his sleek and small A-Wing because the race got rough early with plenty of ship ramming and laser blasts flying around. Although Space Ghost may be hard-pressed to catch up to the leaders as the rest of the pack has already passed Venus.

The T-Ship is off to an early lead, as they are going back and forth between separating into five different ships to fight off the other ships, and then reattaching to widen their lead by combining thruster power. We have Ron Popeil in the main front spot controlling the computers, with Ratts Tyrelle in the center main pilot cockpit. Papa Smurf and the Jawa have the two side gunner spots, while Lolo has the little back, kinda useless area where Beast Boy usually sits. They reform again for a little while though once they pass Mars on their way into the asteroid field. After all they don’t want the smaller ships to take damage once they are in there, especially once Popeil runs his Ronco probability scanner and comes to realize that the chances of successfully navigating an asteroid field are 3,720 to 1.

KITT is in second place, following close behind the T-Ship, as they too enter the asteroid field between Mars and Jupiter.

Michael Knight: Dang Beebs, KITT sure is ridin awesome today!! Don’t ya think.

Brady: Of course. I totally concur. Whatever is best for the team of course. That’s why I’m here, I just wanted to go out and give it everything I had. Can I ask why you keep calling me Beebs?? By the way…..

Knight: Aren’t you Justin Bieber?? You look so familiar.

Brady: No, I’m Tom Brady: Superbowl Champion, Michigan Graduate, Supermodel husband, and all around awesome guy. I can see why you would make the mistake though friend. Bieber, like me does have some wicked abs and some amazing hair!!

Knight: Well, either way. It’s good to be with you today. And more importantly, DANG does this car seem to be running great.

KITT (in goofy robotic voice): Thank you Michael.

Knight: I mean, even in this asteroid field, the maneuverability is great, and KITT, you are riding like a Cadillac. I mean, for an 80s sports car the smoothness of this ride is amazing. The tire pressure must be way low; but I’m not complaining. These tires have to have been deflated some. Do you know anything about that Tom??

Brady: No, of course not. Let’s not be ridiculous. How would I know anything about the tires being deflated. People check that sort of thing, I have no direct control over it.

Knight: Oh, just wondering.

Brady: Listen Michael: the league has no way of proving that I had anything to do with the tires of this car being deflated. I mean, I realize that I am on record saying that I prefer deflated tires; but it is totally irrelevant.

Knight: Sure, whatever you say dude. Maybe the weather magically deflated the tires, or one of our other teammates did it completely independently, for no reason, or just to make you happy without you actually knowing that it would make you happy. I mean it makes perfect sense.

Brady: Can I interest you in some signed merchandise. Game balls, jerseys, trading cards…. Whatever you want with my awesome name plastered on it, I can totally arrange for you. Just because I’m such a nice guy though. No other reason intended. Although I would prefer you never mention anything about this to anyone ever, under no circumstances. Did I mention that my wife’s a supermodel. She’s be happy to sign a poster for you…

MEANWHILE….

The Commandos, led by Prime Minister Churchill and piloted by James McLeod in their submarine take a hard left into the asteroid field in an attempt to take a short cut by avoiding having to go around all of the gas giants and pop out the other side of the asteroid field for the easy win.

Turner: Isn’t this cheating??

Churchill: OH BLOODY HELL!! Who are you, some modern day historian who wants to pick apart all of my actions and then ignore the fact that there is a bloody war going on. Bloody nancy-boys. Next you will probably tell me I shouldn’t be smoking this cigar, just because we are in a submarine, or in space, or something bloody ridiculous like that. It matters not to me my good chaps for remember to: “Never, never, never Surrender”.

Chevel: I like Cheerios. They help me poop.

Churchill: What in the bloody hell is wrong with that guy??

McLeod: Oh, don’t mind Chevel. He’s a damn good goalie but he’s not all there if you know what I mean. He was Mike Illitch’s very first attempt at cloning. This is why he doesn’t direct clone anymore. If you want the whole backstory just ask Josh or Mike Sroka sometime. It will really be life-changing. And by life-changing I of course mean that you will either kill yourself or end up in a mental institution after the first twenty minutes.

MEANWHILE:

In the ornithopter Skipper Jim Leyland is barking orders and making his Watchdogs constantly switch who is flying the ship to make sure that they all have the proper rest for the postseason that their team never seems to win a match in.

Leyland (while chewing and smoking a cigarette): Mur-mur-mur-mur-mur-mur-mur. Mur Mur. MUR MUUUUR.

Watchdog #2: Who the hell are you Pepper Brooks??

Watchdog #3: What are we doing here anyway??

Watchdog #4: Well, we are The Watchdogs. Which means that we must be here in a consolation match, after our owner’s conscientious objection to all things consolation. We are the dudes that the Commish always plays for him when he refuses to put up a team every year. It also means that considering that we have been in this match for almost half a page now, that we are probably all about to die in about 5 seconds.

Watchdog #5: Good call. Oh, and here it comes…

The Y-1300 Light Freighter, looking very similar to everybody’s favorite fantasy space ship rockets past the Empire’s ornithopter and blows it out of space with a shot from Uncle Buck from one of the side mounted guns.

Uncle Buck: HA!! I got em!!

Dexter Jettster (from the cockpit): Great Fatso. Don’t get cocky!!

Uncle Buck then joins Dexter in the cockpit to let him know that the thrusters aren’t working again.

Dex: Yeah, I know. I’ve got the doozer working on it. What is Brando doing??

Buck: Oh, he’s back at the sitting area, where we really should put some sort of 3D, digital display chess board or something. Last I saw him he was eating an entire pork roast.

Dex: What’s the matter with that guy anyway!??! Doesn’t he realize we are in the middle of a race right now.

Buck: I’ll tell what’s the matter with him. He doesn’t know how to share, that’s what’s the matter. That pork looked delicious.

MEANWHILE….

In The Shark Ship.

Capt. Jimmy Wilder: “As the good reverend would say: hold on little hedgehogs this is going to be a fast ride”.

Sonja: Oh, don’t worry about us. We know all about fast.

Manic: Yeah, our brother Sonic is the fastest. If he were here, he’d just get out and push to the finish line first.

Sonja: Yeah, he really would. Especially since Josh is completely ignoring all laws of physics in this match and pretty much taking a dump on science as a whole.

Wilder: Good to know, little fellers. So you guys must be pretty fast too huh?? Well, let’s out you two to work. What can you do for us??

Sonja: Well, you can’t fly the Shark Ship without 3 people, so we’re doing that.

Wilder: Well, we all know that. But what special speed tricks do you know to help us win this race.

Manic: Oh, pretty much none. Sonic is the fast one, we just mostly hang out.

Wilder: Well, you had your own cartoon, I mean you had to of done something on it. I mean, naturally I never watched it personally, cuz, well…. Nobody did. But what was your special talent on the show??

Manic: Oh, it’s like I said. Pretty much nothing. We just mostly sat back and watched our brother Sonic be fast, and do fast things.

Wilder: WOW. So….. Nothing at all huh??

Manic: Well, I mean, we would get captured on occasion…

MEANWHILE

Space Ghost is stealthily moving up the pack as most of the squads have already made the swing around Pluto and the leaders are now passing Neptune and now coming up on Uranus (nope not gonna make a butthole joke).

MEANWHILE…

The Punisher Van still hasn’t moved. When Rolf the Dog taps Dorf on the should and prompts Dorf to ask ALF a strange question:

Dorf: What are you trying to start the van with.

ALF: My butter knife. Why?? That’s what I always start the ships with back on Melmac.

Brony-Becks: Where the hell is the key??

ALF: They told me that the key unlocked the door. Ever since I unlocked it for us I threw it off into space. I mean, why do we need a key once the door is unlocked and we’re all inside the van…. SHEESH??

Brony-Becks: Hmm, I guess we won’t need my extra horsepower after all.

MEANWHILE…

The Midgets are still in the lead, as they pass by Jupiter and reenter the asteroid field just as Sir Winston and his crew are making their cheating play to come through the other side.

Churchill: FULL SPEED AHAEAD!!

McLeod: Aye aye Captain.

Turner: I’m not sure Chevel; but I think this dude is drunk.

Churchill: “I may be drunk, but in the morning I’ll be sober. And you’ll still be ugly”!!

But before Churchill can yell full speed ahead again. The T-Ship completely T-bones the submarine causing a massive explosion and killing all members on board of both ships.

MEANWHILE…

KITT is in the lead, as all the ships pass through the Midget/Commando rubble. Space Ghost in his speedy little A-Wing has passed The Nut-busters in 4th, the Kitties in 3rd, and is gaining on KITT. KITT tries to block Space Ghost out, but The A-Wing whips around the Trans Am and takes the lead. Michael Knight sticks his body out the window with a gun, but Space Ghost pops out of the A-Wing cockpit for a second, hits the middle button on his armband and sends a laser blast into the face of Knight. Tom Brady bursts into tears after some blood got in his hair, causing him to exclaim that: “This is why I always wear a helmet.

While this is going on, the stragglers are still back at Mars, while Space Ghost has passed earth, passing Venus and now rocketing across the finish line. KITT and Brady with deflated tires far prematurely worn out grab second place shortly afterwards.

The Kitties and The Nut-busters are battling for the next place when they notice that the reports were wrong.

Ron Popeil’s section of the ship is still functioning, and has rocketed past Griz’s Y-13000 and taken a pot-shot at The Shark Ship, blowing a hole in the side, causing both Capt. Wilder and Sonja the Hedgehog to fall out into space and sending the small ship into a (shark)tailspin. The Y-13000 and the T-Ship Segment break into a laser battle as Capt. Dexter sends Marlon Brando up to man the guns.

Dex: If only we had the thrusters fixed we could rocket to the finish line with ease.

Brando squeezes himself into the gunner’s chair but the turret gets blasted by Popeil causing Brando to fall out as well as causing the ship to burst ahead for a moment.

Dex: Did you see how much faster we started moving after Brando’s fat butt fell out of this thing?? I had no idea that his weight was weighing us down so much. I thought this was supposed to be a transport vessel??

Uncle Buck, then in a selfless and daring move figures how much he must be weighing down the ship too. Buck then leaps out of the hole in the side of the craft giving even less weight distribution which causes Dexter and the doozer to rocket past Popeil and grab third place. Ron seems content with still placing in the money, when in what is left of The Shark Ship Manic the Hedgehog see the ultimate ending to a ridiculous kid’s movie in a large red button that says “Super Fast Mode”.

Manic forces himself over to the other chair and says: “I got fast for ya. Even Sonic would be proud of this one”!!

Manic then pushes the button and causes what is left of the banged up Shark Ship to blast ahead and just barely beat Popeil by a nose (a Shark Nose of course).

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Season 8: Playoffs Round Two: The Royal Highness vs TEAM


The Royal Highness are Mogo, Lady Q, Q2, Yoda, Batman, Mr. Fantastic w/ the Ultimate Nullifier, Paul Atreides, Sandworm #1A, Doomslayer, Cyborb Doomsday, Steel Doomsday, Superboy Doomsday, Apollo (Authority), Ronan the Accuser, Godzilla, The Flash (Barry Allen), Good Luck Bear, Doozer #3. Death Star and Gungnir will also make appearances.

TEAM is Unicron, Thor, Red Sun Superman, Thunderstrike, Ragnarok, Captain America, Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, Black Lantern Incredible Hulk, Supergirl (Linda Danavers), Streaks the Super Cat, Comet the Super Horse, Sif and the Warriors Three (Hogun, Volstagg and Fandreal), Black Lantern Darth Vader, Michael Demuirgos and Emerald Weapon.


The Playoff Planet. Once a vibrant place, bursting with life. Lush terrains, beautiful deserts and plentiful oceans full of wondrous creatures. Now the planet is nothing but a tomb. Only, unlike a normal tomb, this planet has nothing inside of it. Now it is a barren wasteland, full of just one thing, emptiness

Paul Atreides stares out at the wasteland, wondering where his Sandworm will go. The Highness’ Sandworm just lies, squirming on the empty planet landscape, unable to move. Paul stares at the poor beast, thinking of something to fix this issue when before he can even lift a finger, the head of the beast is blasted away by Red Sun Superman’s heat vision. Paul, who never anticipated this so early in the fight, attempts to use his sight on the Kryptonian but is never fully able to focus on the TEAM member before he is ripped in half by the Incredible Hulk.

TEAM comes out of the gate like gangbusters, but is soon met with somebody not exactly their size in Yoda. Yoda rushes the Incredible Hulk, striking him with his lightsaber, which is actually managing to cut through the skin of the green behemoth. Superman rushes in and sends a blast of heat vision directly at the tiny Jedi, which knocks him to the ground, losing his lightsaber in the process.

Yoda quickly regains his balance and within seconds, is back to defending himself. Only this time he is not alone. Coming in to even this fight are Batman, Barry Allen and Apollo. The Incredible Hulk is immediately overwhelmed, forcing him to jump as far away as he can from the melee. Superman takes flight over his foes, sending heat blasts down to the ground, making very little contact with the Highness members.

A Rumble from below the ground is felt and a huge crack in the hardened floor breaks open to reveal the Final Fantasy super boss known as Emerald Weapon. Immediately the FF boss is sending Emerald Beam’s and Emerald Revenge shots at his opponents, who are caught completely by surprise. The Emerald Beam knocks Yoda and Batman down to the ground but Barry Allen is able to get away. Apollo had since taken flight to follow after Superman, where they began simultaneous attacks on each other.

Yoda gets up once again and directly attacks the FF character, stabbing his lightsaber directly into the gut of the very powerful creature, weakening it with every second the blade is inside. From out of nowhere, Captain America comes flying in on Comet the Super Horse, blasting the most powerful of all Jedi once more to the ground. Iron Man follows directly behind his Avengers teammate and makes quick work of Batman, who was never able to fully recover from the Emerald Revenge attack.

Tony Stark: The Batman of DC my ass! At least I am more than willing to kill somebody you sociopathic freak.

Iron Man’s sarcastic reign is quickly put to rest as Barry Allen grabs hold of the Philanthropic Billionaire and races him around the planet so fast that his suit is unable to quantify the speeds that they are traveling at, rendering him unable to breathe, therefore killing him.

Barry Allen: Seventy Five years and still all you guys have been able to come up with is Quicksilver, shame on you Tony.

In the sky Superman and Apollo go at it as only two god-like creatures are able to. Both of them sending blasts at each other, only to miss by inches each time. Superman and Apollo continue to fly at each other, trying to gain an edge that does not seem to ever come. That is until Unicron fully completes an eclipse of the Playoff Planets star, creating darkness on the planet. Apollo, whose power comes from the Star slowly begins to lose his power and eventually finds himself weakened to the point of being unable to fly any longer. This makes him begin to head down to the surface, but not before Superman is able to get a handle on the situation by grabbing hold of his opponent and sending him straight down to the ground. The impact of the planet’s surface on his skull is devastating, taking his life away from him for the remainder of the fight.

In the darkness of the planet, the remaining fighters try to find a way to see while knowing that their opponent could have already figured out a way to see their way through this fight. Yoda, who normally would use his lightsaber to get through a fight, has decided to keep his weapon at his side. Instead, the Jedi Master has decided to use his knowledge of the force to detect the enemy’s around him.

Superman, like Yoda, has decided to use alternate means to detect his opponents. Only instead of the force, he uses his infrared vision to detect the heat signatures of the Highness members. This naturally gives him the advantage, as he is now able to see Barry Allen in his hyper-speed form. He flies over to Captain America who is blind to the fight and tells Comet to fly towards a specific spot. He then tells the Captain to throw his shield towards a specific spot in Three, Two, One, Go!!!! The Captain’s shield hits Allen in the head, sending him crashing down into the brick like ground of the planet’s floor. Allen who still does not know what has hit him is unable to regain his composure before he is met with the Kryptonian, who takes care of Allen by ripping his throat out Roadhouse style.

Yoda senses his teammate’s demise, realizing it is time to enforce his plan with the Q members in the Death Star above. In the darkness of this place, the light from the Death Star above is very easily seen and before Superman or any of his teammates are able to escape, the Death Star sends a blast towards them that completely destroys the entire Playoff Planet once and for all. The blast leaves nothing but small chunks of debris in its place. Superman, Comet, Emerald Weapon, the Incredible Hulk, Captain America and Yoda himself have all been obliterated in the attack, leaving the remaining members of this fight to the other planets in the space outside of the former playoff home world.


Unicron does not take this attack lying down (though technically because of the nature of space, you could maybe make the argument that Unicron is always lying down, but I digress) as he sends a massive blast towards the Death Star, completely destroying it as well.

The remaining Highness members look upon the space in which the Death Star used to occupy and realize the fight will likely be coming down to them on the surface of Mogo. Mr. Fantastic looks down in his hands to make sure the Ultimate Nullifier is still in his possession, he knows how crucial it may be for his team to come out of this contest alive.

Mr. Fantastic: The final report from Q2 told me that the remaining members of The Egomaniacal Ass Munchers all remain inside of Unicron.

Good Luck Bear: Sorry to interrupt Reed, but what are The Egomaniacal Ass Munchers?

Mr. Fantastic: I don’t understand the question. Do you mean who is still left of their team?

GLB: No I mean, who are you referring to?

Mr. Fantastic: Our opponent’s. It took me some time to figure out what TEAM stood for but I finally figured it out.

GLB: No offense but I highly doubt that is what it stands for.

Mr. Fantastic: Look, am I not the smartest person in this league?

GLB: It’s debatable but I suppose.

Steel Doomsday: ENOUGH! Here they come.

Lead by Thor and Supergirl, the remaining TEAM members make their way down to the surface of Ego, setting up for one final bloodbath on the planet’s beautiful surface. Ego is shooting off surges of green energy at the incoming combatants, blasts that are ending the lives of multiple TEAM members.

Streaks the Super Cat was only able to take a few hits before being blown to green mist. The same could be said for Volstagg, who despite his Asgardian resistance to attacks, was still overwhelmed by the blasts. Thor and both Black Lanterns were able to defend themselves against Mogo’s blasts, but it still took a lot out of them to put up the defense. Unicron, always aware of this teammates circumstances gave them much needed cover as he mounted his own attack against the Green Lantern power battery, sending blast after blast into the center of the planet.

Despite Mogo’s great power, Unicron’s attacks were beginning to injury him so instead of focusing his attacks on the single TEAM members, it changed its target to Unicron itself. The attacks from both planets were brutal, making the surface of Mogo a little unstable at the moment.

Mr. Fantastic spoke to the Doomsday crew as they awaited the oncoming onslaught from TEAM.

Mr. Fantastic: I need to find a way of getting inside of Unicron. With the Ultimate Nullifier I can once and for all end that dreadful robot’s life.

Ronan the Accuser: Leave that bit to me Reed. (Looking at the Doomsday’s) Go take care of them. (Pointing to Thor and the bunch)

The Doomsday crew all smile as they took off for TEAM members, who had no idea what was about to hit them. Hogun and Fandral both found themselves in a fight with Cyborg Doomsday, who easily dispatched of the remaining Warriors Three. Sif looked stunned at this development, though it did not slow her down as she took on the Cyborg head on, in a fight that would not end so quickly. The Black Lantern version of Darth Vader joined Sif in her attack and despite the fact that the Cyborg Doomsday was able to take care of her friends, this fight would not find himself with such luck. Vader used his ability with the force along with his Black Lantern ring to obliterate the cyborg creation, ending his life.

BL Darth Vader: This is what passes for a cyborg these days my lady, what a shame.

Sif: Vader, watch yourself!!!

Doomslayer rushed up behind Vader and crushed his ring wearing hand, sending the Sith Cyborg crumbling down into a pile of black powder.

Doomslayer: A shame indeed. Now my lady, let me do the honors.

Thor: Sif, I think you need this more than me right now.

Thor throws Mjolnir to Sif and she uses it to deflect the massive hit from Doomslayer, sending him right to the ground.

Sif: Thanks lover. Now where was I?

Sif then proceeds to pound Doomslayer into the ground until there is nothing left of him.

An ear piercing roar is heard in the background as Godzilla makes his way towards the fight. Sif throws Mjolnir back to Thor as he makes his way towards the massive beast. Supergirl and Ragnarok join Thor in his attack, hoping it will be enough to take it down. Godzilla opens his great mouth and coats the ground in front of them with his radioactive blasts. All three TEAM members manage to avoid the blast but make very little headway towards the mighty lizard. They each attempt to attack him to no avail.

Nearby, Black Lantern Incredible Hulk and Thunderstrike both take on Steel Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday. The fight is intense but when the dust settles, Superboy Doomsday is the only one left. Though he is injured, he is still able to make his way over to Sif for one more fight.

Thor and his teammates continue to fight the Godzilla, a fight that has already seen Supergirl succumb to the giant beast.

Mogo and Unicron continue to send Death Star like blasts at each other, making the planet even more unstable to stand on. One of these blasts from Unicron actually shakes the surface enough to cause Godzilla to fall over, a fall that left him vulnerable just long enough for Thor to crush the creatures head into the ground for the very last time.

Mr. Fantastic and Ronan, who had already made their way up to the Helicarrier, had decided that their friends needed a little help from up above. Ronan using the weaponry of the carrier accompanied with his Universal Weapon, sent a blast down to the core of Mogo.

Mr. Fantastic: Ronan, what are you doing?

Ronan: My apologies Mogo, but this is the playoffs and it has to be done.

The blast not only kills the Green Lantern power battery but also destroys everything on the planet’s surface.

Ronan: Hold on Reed, time to finish this match off once and for all.

Ronan teleports himself and Reed to the center of Unicron, where the massive Transformer has ceased firing on the now dormant Royal Highness planet.

Ronan: Now Reed, I believe you have something to give this abominable robot.

Reed then pulls out the Ultimate Nullifier and raises it up into the air. At first nothing happens and then out the nowhere, a laugh is heard that reverberates throughout the entirety of the massive robot.

Michael Demuirgos: (Laughing still) The Ultimate Nullifier. My brother once called me by the exact same name. A cute nickname for a piece of technology that claims to carry with it the power of a god. I wonder what it would do against an actual god.

Reed then finds himself unable to hold the device any longer. He then drops it into the body of the transformer but before it lands, it disappears into thin air.

Michael Dermuirgos: Alas, not very well I see. (Laughs) Now Reed, let’s see how you do against an actual god.

Reed suddenly finds himself unable to think as his head is filled with the sound of a thousand dying worlds, screams that make him drop to the ground. Blood spills out of every pore in Reed Richards body, immediately killing him.

Ronan the Accuser: (Laughing himself) Parlor tricks Michael. Now let me see what you can do with somebody your equal.

Ronan then uses his Gauntlet’s to freeze the interior of Unicron, suspending the robot completely in place. Michael then creates multiple illusionary versions of himself, forcing Ronan to attack in every direction. The attacks and the illusions go on for a while until finally Michael appears behind Ronan. Michael then uses Ronan’s gauntlet against him by freezing his Exo-skeleton armor to the point of no return as it shatters. Ronan then turns around and stabs Michael through the chest, impaling him with a fatal blow.

Michael’s acid blood covers the platform they are standing on as well as spraying acid on Ronan himself. Ronan begins to laugh as Michael begins to fade away.

Ronan: You may have injured me Michael, but as I have proven to more than one “So-Called God” in the past, nobody gets the best of me.

Michael: (Coughing up blood and fading fast) You very well may be a God like me Ronan, but if there is one fault the both of us share, it is our inability to see past ourselves.

Ronan: And why would you consider that a fault?

Michael: (With his final breathe) Because, if you could see beyond yourself (coughs) you would have realized that (coughing up more blood) there was one survivor left on the planet’s surface down below.

Ronan: (Laughing hard) A Survivor!?! Nobody could have survived…

Before Ronan was even able to finish his sentence he was met with the blunt end of Mjolnir, a shot that knocked Ronan off of the crumbling platform and into the vacuum of space. Thor then took Mjolnir and knocked the ice off of Unicron with successive crashes to its inner hull, waking up the massive robot.

Thor: Wake up Uni, it’s time to show this God what a true warrior can do.

Unicron then sends a single pointed blast at the falling Ronan, overloading the king of the Kree soldiers until he is nothing but another speck of dust in the cosmos.

Thor: Very well Unicron, I suppose a victory will be an acceptable prize for our duty today. Now let’s go back and mourn our fallen brothers, for this fight is only just the beginning.