Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Season 7, Week 6 Match: George Washington's Slaves vs. Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors

Some say that Darth Shemalya was the fiercest of all the Sith.  I believe it to be true.”

            -Darth Skceb [Diary of the Sith]

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 7, Week 6 Match located at the outskirts of Arakeen.  They are as follows:

Mitchy’s Luminous Tentacle Warriors: Dust, Sandworms #2A and #10, Parademons #1-4, Terminator #39, White Dragons #16-19, Green Dragon #23, Red Dragons #25 and #26 and Sharkticon #12.

George Washington’s Slaves: Darth Shamalya, Kryptonian Army Soldier #1, Jedi Masters #1C-6C, Ancient Ginaz Swordmasters #7-12, Ginaz Swordmasters #1-6 and Sandworms #17-19.

Warriors’ locker room. . .

Dust: All we are is dust in the wind.

Terminator #39: Not all of us.

Slaves locker room. . .

Jedi Master #1C:  Look at her.  Shemalya sits in the corner, talking to no one.  What is she doing?

Jedi Master #3C:  She meditates upon the match, my friend.

Jedi Master #1C:  That is what frightens me, Master 1C.  That is what frightens me.

THE TRUMPETING OF A HORN IS HEARD THROUGHOUT THE ARAKEEN SANDS.

Let the match begin. . .

Shemalya. . .

The lean man has his stingbeam focused on Pinn. 

Bama Jorden:  Ani, don’t make me do this!

Shemalya:  Pinn is no more.  Where she was, now stands Shemalya.

Jorden:  No.  No.  No!!!!

Shemalya:  Yes!

Shemalya raises her arms and holds her hands out.  Lightning bursts forth from her fingers, encasing Jorden.  The man screams and falls to the floor in sheer agony.  Shemalya is relentless as the dark side races through Jorden’s body.  Shemalya smiles as she burns her former lover.  Jorden’s eyes glaze over and he dies.  Shemalya looks at Jorden’s body and feels nothing.

Arakeen. . .

Terminator #39 locates his specified half dozen prey.  Ginaz Swordmasters #1-6 slowly creep along the sandy ground and encircle the robotic combatant.  The swordsmen repeatedly use precision strikes against Terminator #39.  The Dune warriors manage to shred the living tissue surrounding the armor in various places, but it is not enough for the Tentacle Warrior to succumb.  Throughout the melee, Terminator #39 manages to crush the larynx of Ginaz Swordmaster #1, rip the heart out of Ginaz Swordmaster #2, decimate the skull of Ginaz Swordmaster #3, devastate the chest of Ginaz Swordmaster #4, decapitate Ginaz Swordmaster #5 and break the back and neck of Ginaz Swordmaster #6.  Terminator #39 scans the carnage formerly known as Ginaz Swordmasters #1-6.  The robot turns around only to see Kryptonian Army Soldier #1.  In a matter of seconds, the Kryptonian rips the head off of Terminator #39, who then sinks to the ground, destroyed.

Shemalya. . .

The troopers surround Shemalya, knowing that she is a Sith Lord.  Nonetheless, she is still only one person against a full regiment of men.  Shemalya licks her lips as the squad begins to fire.  Shemalya’s red lightsaber blade dances through the night as her catlike eyes adjust to the duskiness of the dark sky.  Her skillful treachery does not disappoint as she remains the only one standing at the end of the melee.

Arakeen. . .

The monstrous sandworms of both teams focus on one another.  Sandworms #2A and #10 battle against Sandworms #17 and #19.  At the end of the fray, only immense carcasses remain, entrails scattered throughout the sands.  Meanwhile, the Warriors’ “Dragon Squad” faces remaining Sandworm #18.  Although White Dragons #16 and 19, along with Red Dragon #25 perish in the battle, the remaining dragons, with the combination of frost, fire and gas manage to kill Sandworm #18. 

Shemalya. . .

The facility attendants talk to one another while keeping an eye on young Pinn.

Rovis:  She has shown a tremendous ability to manipulate the Force.

Fermons:  More than any other who have come to this facility.

Rovis:  We must test her limits.

Fermons:  She is only nine years old.

Rovis:  She may be only nine, but she is the wielder of immense power.  We need to see if she can harness it and in turn, we her.

Fermons: We are playing with fire, Rovis.

Rovis:  My dear Fermons, I am not playing.

Arakeen. . .

Ancient Ginaz Swordmasters #7-12 face Parademons #1-4.  The Parademons’ Apokaliptian armor affords them the protection needed against the swords, but also allows them to fly back and forth from the fray when becoming too heated.  Although the battle lasts tens of minutes, its is the eventuality that the Parademons overwhelm the Ancient Ginaz Swordmasters with their superior technology.  Thus, although Parademon #3 falls in the skirmish, all Ancient Ginaz Swordmasters #7-12 fall in battle.    Jedi Masters #1C-6C run to fight against the Parademons.  Using the Force and their lightsabers, it is only a matter of time before the Jedi gain the upper hand over the Parademons and kill remaining Parademons #1, 2 and 4.  Only Jedi Master #3C falls in the fight.    

Shemalya. . .

Pinn:  I love you Bama.

Bama Jorden:  I love you too Ani.

The two individuals embrace and their soft kisses morph into a probing of tongues and spittle.  Their clothes are torn off by one another and the two’s passion ignites as they become one.

Arakeen. . . 

White Dragons #17 and #18, along with Green Dragon #23 and Red Dragon #26 joins Sharkticon #12 in a battle against Kryptonian Army Soldier #1 and Jedi Masters #1C, 2C and 4C-6C.  Jedi Masters #1C and 4C join forces and manage to kill Red Dragon #26.  Both fall to the frost spewed forth by the gullets of White Dragons #17 and 18.  Both of the White Dragons are killed by Kryptonian Army Solider #1, with the assistance of Jedi Masters #2C and 5C.  Sharkticon #12 rips apart Jedi Masters #5C and 6C, but is crushed by Kryptonian Army Solider #1.  At the end of the battle Green Dragon #23 and the remaining Jedi Master #2C is killed; only Kryptonian Army Solider #1 remains alive.

Shemalya. . .

The cloaked figure strides across the tundra.  She is searching for the facility that she believes created who she is today.  Shemalya sees a reflective glimmer off a structure ahead.  She trudges forward, anticipating as to what she will find and what answers may be granted through her search.

Arakeen. . .

Dust stands alone against Shemalya and Kryptonian Army Soldier #1.  Dust immediately begins to control the sands, whipping them into a frenzied cyclone which swirls about both Shemalya and KAS#1.  Nothing is seen or heard through the wind until a red bladed lightsaber shoots through the gale, slicing off Dust’s head.  Dust’s headless body falls to the ground and the winds immediately dissipate.  Shemalya turns to KAS#1.

Shemalya:  From this day forward you shall be known by your true name – Zor-Ek.  You shall be my instrument of destruction.  You shall be mine. . .

 
 

 

Friday, April 18, 2014

FINALE

Present Day: Between Week 5 and 6 at Ryatu’s Private Quarters where he has not been seen in almost two years…..

Joshatu: Hmm, it is good to see you again, old friend. Much turmoil has transpired since you left.

Ryatu: I am aware. I don’t need to tell you that it was truly nothing to worry about. Our age old plans always come through in the end.

Joshatu: I agree, but this one seemed to go a little further than usual, I must admit that worried is what I was indeed.

Ryatu: It was all part of the plan. No one in this universe truly needs control; they just need the illusion of it.

Joshatu: So, now that this is over, would you consider coming back to Watching??

Ryatu: Too early to tell, who knows what the future brings. I cannot be certain that this exercise is totally over. I must admit enjoying it a bit too much at times.

Joshatu: I would say so. Well, till next time. I bid you farewell Ryatu, or should I call you… Bill Duer…….


THE END


…(perhaps)…

Standings Updated

Check it out here or use the link on the right.

Week 1 of 2 of Conference play is in the books and the George Lucas Conference is up on the Stan Lee Conference 6-2.  Lets see if they can make a comeback in week 6.

Only one Unique character allowed for week 6.  The rest must be commons.

The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Royal Highness

“I do not like what I cannot understand” says Darkseid to his old friend Gozar the Gozarian. Gozar does not speak; but only nods relaying his full intentions mentally. Darkseid continues: “I kow not of this exterior war that plagues us, and worse yet I see no way for The Horsemen to shift this to our favor. The Watchers seem to be gone. Something that these worthless Federalist Rebels have concocted has made them powerless over their own planet. Ryatu has been off the radar for two years. Joshatu also cannot be found now, nor can that idiot Pogo. With them gone the other Watchers volley for power, and yet are power is not increased in the least. I realize that we are supposed to be unaware of their existence, but as you know I am well aware of who watches what. But for now, we have Mogo to deal with, among numerous others; so we must focus on the match, and not the rebellion”. Gozar nods once more as Darkseid simply says: “Let us begin”.

As this match begins, Superman is nowhere to be found. The members of The Highness hope that perhaps their allies against The Populists have dispatched Superman in some other way, they simply know that they do not see him anywhere.

The battle is spread across the war torn Play-Off Planet as these two teams have people stationed everywhere, except for the city area, where the other double battle is taking place.

Darkseid leads the space team against Mogo. Mogo is alone in space except for Lex Luthor circling the planet in a Tie Bomber and True Q, who is peacefully awaiting what comes next on Mogo itself sipping tea whilst sitting on a lightly moss covered log. But in Darkseid’s flank is Scar, Ramjet, and three ships: Obi Wan piloting his Z-95, Anakin in his Tie Interceptor and the Darth Vader Transformer.

Down in the desert, Achilles, Deathstroke, Elixir, the essence of Gozar, along with Zuul and Vince Clortho waiting by, and The Witch King of Angmar. They await the coming of the sandworm. But in the meantime several members of The Highness await the coming of their Sandworm as well. Yoda, sits back with The Red Hood and Robin in The Battlehawk, while NFG Mike is bouncing around on his steed Yoshi attempting to make a patter of noises to summon the mighty Maker and bring an end to The Horsemen’s perfect season.

The Revenge hovers within the atmosphere of The Play-Off Planet, high above the city region. As they fly by the battle between the other four teams is observed from those on board. The Fantastic Four, Prof. X, Vampire Kang and his 8 legged assistant, and Heather Houslander. Batman, Stitich, GL Ryan, and Wonder Woman have been scoping out the ship for some time, but are still uncertain of what their play will be.

Apocalypse has chosen to stay away from familiarity considering that The Highness have unleashed a Sandworm on this planet’s desert. So instead, Apocalypse waits in the darkened jungle, with night upon them along with Morgan LeFay, Vampire Jean Grey, and Ewok #2. It is here that the action begins as Horsemen veteran Bugs Bunny leads the charge of the remaining Horsemen Havoc, Optimus Prime, and Legolas hanging out of what is normally the driver’s side of McLane’s Jeep The Millenium Bucko as it bounces through the swampy wooded landscape. Apocalypse and his team see that they are outnumbered, as Jean Grey senses that The Balrog of Moria and Smaug are coming in from either side of them and that soon after that Godzilla will make his way to the scene. Morgan LeFay uses her faerie magic to blow The Bucko apart sending McLane and Legolas in different directions. As the Balrog and Godzilla take their sweet time getting there, Smaug swoops in and engages Vampire Jean, while Havoc is holding off Apocalypse with his energy projection. Havoc is then joined by Optimus against the age old mutant. Optimus and Apocalypse clash violently as unnaturally hard metal is heard bending and breaking for miles. Havoc cannot get a shot off without hurting Optimus, so he turns his attention to his former sister in law Jean Grey. Jean Dodges an attack from Smaug; but is then hit full on by a blast from Havoc. She could have normally shrugged this off; but with his solar power pumping through her vampire body even she is unable to sustain and is destroyed. Apocalypse then punches a hole through the chest of Optimus Prime and is able to extinguish his spark. The heavily damaged Apocalypse manages to rip of an arm of Optimus and use it baseball bat Havoc right the hell out of this match. Apocalypse attempts to regain his strength and composure when he is met by the enormous foot of Godzilla crushing his body into nothingness. McLane somersaults to the right and then to the left taking pot shots at Morgan LeFay; but having her dodge or deflect all of them (although he does manage to get lucky and have a stray bullet take out Ewok #2). Morgan then focuses her power on McLane to blow him into a bloody mess of pieces; but is shortly taken out by two green energy covered arrows from Legolas: one in each eye.

Back in space, Darkseid hangs back with Scar, while he sends in the four ships, not towards Mogo; but against Luthor in his Tie Bomber. Luthor fires concussion missiles and Ion blasts, but his ship is much slower and although an accomplished pilot is no match for the skills of Anakin. Anakin blows up the ship; but Luthor comes flying out in his green space suit. What happens next is strange…??.... After evading blasts from Kenobi and the Sith Transformer, Ramjet transforms into robot and suddenly grabs a hold of Luthor. Ramjet then transforms once again back into jet form putting Luthor inside his cockpit and locking the Cybertronian mechanism. Luthor is unharmed and instantly begins cracking the code until Ramjet jumps into warp speed and rockets himself into the closest super nova. Anakin and Obi Wan come over their com links wondering why one of their transformers would sacrifice themselves against a human when they still have Mogo to fight. Darkseid comes over the com link and states: “Ramjet was a great soldier, a true fighter for the cause and a Horsemen for life. His contribution since Season 1 has been great and there is no greater way to sacrifice one’s self to the graveyard for such a worthy cause”.

Scar nods in agreement as Kenobi and Skywalker get ever more confused. “But he was just one man, and we have a planet to fight”. Says Kenobi.

Darkseid speaks: “Ahh, But he was not just one man, he was one man with Kryptonite”. At that moment, Superman comes flying out of the lead lined cockpit of The Sith Transformer and the ship transforms into an enormous Darth Vader robot.

Dakseid screams: “ATTACK”!!

The Horsemen swarm Mogo at break neck speed; but Mogo does not sit idle. Massive bursts of green energy come blasting out of Mogo in every direction.

“TAKE EVASIVE ACTION” Screams a muffled voice from within Anakin’s white protective suit.

Darkseid attempts to give his next order, when he all of the sudden disappears into thin air. Superman takes control of the situation and says: “We don’t need Darkseid, stick together and we can win this thing”!!

Superman, Scar, Obi Wan, Anakin, and Vader-former work together and start making great headway against the enormous green lantern; but something else is going on down below on Mogo.

“WHO DARES SUMMON DARKSEID AWAY FROM GLORIOUS BATTLE”. Says Darkseid, who now finds himself in a wooded area inside Mogo itself.

“It was I Lord of Apokolips. I am True Q, and I have a test for you”.

Darkseid aims his omega beams at True Q, but they are merely absorbed by The Q Continuum Member.

He speaks again: “You need not attack me, for it is simply a waste of your time and energy. You see, I can not be hurt unless I allow you to hurt me. But I will give you an opportunity. You see, I have the power to wipe out your entire team, and I have yet to decide if that is truly what I will do. I have taken note that over the years, you are more than willing to let any member of your team sacrifice him or herself for the greater good. You have won many matches because of this, you have already done it once in this match, and since time is relative to me, I already know that you will do this at least once more during the course of this match with your Balrog down below. But the real question is: Do you speak the truth?? Is the greater good of The Horsemen of Apokolips truly the ultimate goal?? Concordantly…. Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for the cause”.

To a mere mortal it would seem as if Darkseid’s answer came instantly; but to True Q, the amount of time Darkseid took to answer the question may as well of been a century.

Darkseid, hating even giving the slightest inclination that there is a being more powerful than he answers with a simple: “Yes”.

True Q speaks again and says: “I am not certain if I believe you. But you know I can destroy The Horsemen today with my powers and you know even though you should not that my powers are accentuated today due to the fact that this could potentially be my 10th time playing the game of death in this league. So I tell you now, and give you this one time offer. Kill yourself instantly, and I will allow your omega beams to kill me as well”.

This time with no hesitation whatsoever, Darkseid unleashes his Omega Beams upward allowing them to rocket through him in suicide and then move on to True Q to kill him as well.

The explosion of these two cosmic entities rock the inside of Mogo giving him the equivalent of planet sized indigestion that would drop a man to his knees. But Mogo is not done yet. He unleashes even more power, this time with a blast that catches Kenobi’s ship in the wing. Kenobi spins out of control and into what will be certain death, when Anakin banks left into his wake. Anakin and Obi Wan have not really ever made up after their alternate universe selves met up on this team and when they last met, it didn’t end so well. Anakin sees this as an opportunity to save an old friend that he knew was right so long ago. Anakin banks left even harder, knowing that his old friend’s life support system will go out soon. Anakin flies in upside down against the cockpit of Kenobi’s ship keeping perfectly level with the erratic craft. Anakin then ejects out of his own cockpit (he is in the white suit remember, so he can be out in space). He ignites his blue lightsaber and cuts free Obi Wan’s cockpit, using the force to pull out his former master and throw him into the cockpit of his own Tie Interceptor. Anakin then uses the force to suck himself back to his Interceptor and land on the top of the hull. A shaken Obi Wan cannot believe what just happened as he shakes it off; but Anakin is already saying: “Come on Master, we have a battle to win, now get us over there”.

Kenobi Flies up as he, The Sith Ship, and Anakin focus their force pushing powers in one central spot on Mogo. Superman and Scar fly up to help, but Scar is caught with an errant blast of energy and destroyed. Mogo then chooses to focus what energy he can muster at The Sith Ship, which he destroys but his choice of targets was poor. Skywalker continues weakening a spot, while Kenobi fires on it from inside The Tie Interceptor. Superman then musters up all his strength and speed, aims for that spot and rockets through the center of Mogo. “Just like TEAM Vs. The Backyardigans back in the day” Superman thinks to himself as he rockets out the other side of the now dead Mogo. Superman is noticeably shaken, when he hears over his earpiece to Jedis saying simultaneously, “COME ON!! Back to the planet, WE’VE GOT A BATTLE TO WIN”.

Green Lantern Ryan, slowly flies Batman up towards The Revenge, with Wonder Woman and Stitch close behind. They get below the ship and time their entry just right. They sneak in through the massive afterburners; but if their timing is off by a split second then they will be burnt to a crisp. They make their way inside and overhear a conversation between Reed Richards and his distant descendent and usual enemy Kang. “I agree Kang, we are still in good shape, even without Mogo, we must maintain the superiority from above in this ship and then we can unleash The Doomsdays.

Ryan, looks to Batman and says in a whisper: “Now we have to attack, right?!!?

Stitch begins to nod in agreement with Ryan and Wonder Woman looks like she wants to; but Batman says: “No, definitely not. The four us could never take all the people on this ship. We need to crash the ship and get The Ultimate Nullifier away from Richards”.

From there, Batman and his crew make their way to a central computer outlet, which Batman hooks into. With one click of a button he shuts off all power to the main thrusters, which brings The Revenge crashing down. As The Thing and Mr. Fantastic are able to crash land safely in the arctic; and when they do, they along with The Horsemen send out a distress call for all available hands to get to the arctic, for what will inevitably be the final battle of these teams.

But back in the desert, there is still unfinished business…..

“We have wormsign, I have seen this transpire too many times” says Achilles.

Vince Clortho and Zuul stand at the ready, without looking scared at all. They have both taken the bodies of Play-Off Planet Citizens and plan to wait for the coming of Gozar. The massive worm bursts from the sand as Achilles, Elixir, Deathstroke, and even The Witch King flee for the rocks. But Zuul and Clortho sit and wait, just focusing on the worm as it comes down upon them. They focus on the weak brain of the mighty Maker and attempt to tap into the worm’s thoughts, if it has any at all. Clortho and Zuul are consumed, but now we must await the coming over Gozar. Gozar then appears in the form of the only thing that a sandworm fears. The only thing that it knows to fear. The only thing it thinks of…… A bigger sandworm. Gozar the Sandworm bursts from the sand as the two worms blast into the side of each other with their thousands of cryskife teeth ripping into each other’s rock hard flesh. The two beasts fall next two each other dead.

(but it seems as though the soul of Gozar lives on…. Perhaps in the being of Zuul)…….

With the Sandworm(s) dead. Achilles and his crew rush to meet Yoda and his. Red Hood swoops in in The Battlehawk, but Deathstroke jumps underneath it and grabs on. He cuts open a spot in the thruster with his razor s sharp sword and then puts a few perfectly aimed bullets in it to send the ship crashing down. The combatants leap from the wreckage and both teams regroup. Deathstroke and Yoda clash in a pitched battle (only Becks shout out of the week)!! While Achilles takes on both of The Jason Todds. The Jason’s begin stabbing Achilles and Red Hood gets in some well aimed shots by them working together, but Elixir heals his old Myrmidon leader up good as knew. Elixir then perhaps gets his first ever legit FFL Solo kill when he manipulates the molecules in Robin and melts him into the sand. NFG Mike rolls up and throws down his Marlboro!!

“Don’t mess with my boy A**HOLE”!! Mike screams as he punches the back of Yoshi’s head making him swallow Elixir whole (**Commish’s note: this isn’t the real Yoshi, so the kill goes to NFG).

Deathstroke moves quickly. But not quick enough for the head Jedi Master. Yoda flips around the head of Slade, doubles back and takes him out with a head shot. Achilles parries the initial hits of Red Hood, but the Red Hood’s brawling techniques end up not being a match for the eloquence of Achilles, who runs him thorugh with his Myrmidon Sword. Yoda then moves in towards The Witch King, who is simply to slow for the smaller Yoda. Yoda dispatches the top Ringwraith with a force induced lightsaber swing through the center almost as fast as Achilles took out NFG and Yoshi. Achilles and Yoda square off against each other what is not the first time in FFL History, nor will it likely be the last. “This could go either way green” says Achilles.

“That it could” says Yoda as they both leap into action. Yoda does the talking through the fight as Achilles is too busy impressing the tiny Jedi with his swordsman abilities. “Your thoughts I can read. Different places you think of. Different types of lives. Ones without violence.. A scholar you are. Much reading you do…. Studying. A fine Jedi you would have been. An edge it would have given you. An edge enough of to prevent this”. Says Yoda as he spins underneath the legs of Achilles cuts off his ankle and then removes his head.

The distress calls have been met…

The teams form up…. This I the end for one of these teams.

The sides are even Stitch, Bugs Bunny, The Balrog, Smaug, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Roller, Anakin, Obi Wan, Legolas, Godzilla, and GL Ryan remain for The Horsemen. Yoda, Prof. X, The Fantastic Four, Doomslayer, The Doomsdays, Vampire Kang, DC Spidey, and Heather for The Highness.

Mr. Fantastic attempts to end the fight before it starts but Batman looks to Ryan and says “NOW”!!

Ryan sends a pot shot blast of green energy at Reed as a diversion when Batman grabs the already activated Nullifier out of the pocket of Richards. Batman throws it to Ryan, who then throws it back to Batman who is already climbing up the front of their own teammate The Balrog of Moria. Batman catches the ultimate nullifier from Ryan, throws it down the massive throat of the blarog and backflips off of him. The balrog grabs his throat as the evilness from the One Ring consumes the nullifier destroying the weapon and melting the balrog from inside out.

At the onset of this explosion all members of both teams jump into action. Heather tries to pick up Stitch because he is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!! But Stitch decides to kill her instead of cuddle. GL Ryan mixes it up with DC Spider-man but the not-so-friendly neighborhood Kang creation takes a green colored pencil energy construct to the eye before it can climb to its point of attack. Godzilla is triple-teamed by The three Doomsdays, but Godzilla cuts it to two quick as he swallows Superboy Doomsday quick as he attempts to fly in for an attack. Godzilla then takes a massive beating as Steel and Cyborg go nuts with building leveling punches. Godzilla works up every bit of energy he can muster, and lets it loose on Steel Doomsday, just before Cyborg Doomsday delivers the killing blow to Godzilla’s neck. Legolas shoots numerous arrows at yoda, but none of them find their target. Yoda then leaps into action to see his lightsaber parried by several green energy protected dagger blocks. The two of them engage in a pitched exchange (I didn’t break my promise, that’s not the same as a battle). But in the end Yoda is simply the quicker and better swordsmen, as he ends this skirmish with yet another head removing shot. Obi Wan is still in his Tie Interceptor, as he makes a daring strafing run on Kang’s position. Kang teleports onto the back of his Kenobi’s ship and then uses his cosmic technology reinforced vampire teeth to bite through the hull and crash the ship. Kenobi leaps out of his second wrecked ship of the day and force pushes Kang to the ground. Kang attempts to leap back up; but it was just what Obi Wan was expecting. Kenobi spin attacks in force speed and sends a lightsaber into Vampire Kang’s gut before cutting off his head for good measure. Human Torch attempts to fire blast Anakin’s suit to melt it off his body, but Anakin force blocks the fire and sends it back (not that fire hurts human torch). But what does hurt Storm is Anakin’s force leap into the air and lightsaber to the chest. This brings Human Torch down to the ground, but does not kill him since the fire absorbed much of the attack. But it does absorb the next one, as Anakin uses the force to quell hs flames and then drives his lightsaber into the body of his enemy. Roller rolls at Mr. Fantastic but then rolls over on his side when Mr. Fantastic rolls his arms up into his rolling tires. Roller then rolls over and is straight up rolled out. Wonder Woman and The Thing clash in a fight that causes small eathquakes throughout the arctic region. The Thing bloodies Diana considerably, but eventually a wicked stomp kick from Wonder Woman shatters The Thing into pebbles. Prof. X uses a mind block on the dull creature known as Smaug, but when he does Batman uses this opportunity to hit Xavier with a perfectly aimed batarang to the skull (and weapon) of Xavier. Batman’s rule against killing will just have to get over it. As expected, Superman and Doomslayer have been going at it since the top of the skirmish. The two combatants beat the living hell out of each other much like they always do, but Superman has learned a lot since the first time he met with a Doomsday, and he finds this one just slightly lacking in comparison. Superman is badly beaten up, but it is Doomslayer that doesn’t live through the encounter. Bugs Bunny starts driving Invisible Girl crazy with his antics; so she puts an oxygen proof field over his head. Turns out Bugs needed oxygen to survive…. Go figure.

Round 2

The Richards family goes against Anakin, Obi Wan, and Batman; but finds their powers lacking. Invisible Girl does the same oxygen helmet move on Kenobi and it works after Reed pummels his chest with super fast stretchy punches; but the two Highness FF pair die when Batman hits Mr. Fantastic with a special binding agent in batpill form and Anakin avenges his former master with a good old fashioned lightsaber to the heart. As Superman and Wonder Woman rush in to double team Cyborg Doomsday, Ryan and his homeboy Stitch make a valiant attempt at attacking Yoda, but the B.A. little Jedi doesn’t need to use headshots this time to take out his two opponents (just a bit of flipping and such). The Weakened Superman cannot quite withstand another beating from a Doomsday; but he does get in some wicked hits of his own. Superman unloads the last bit of his energy via heat vision into Cyborg Doomsday. But the Doomsday comes down hard with two massive fists on Superman’s head to finally take out The Man of Steel. As Superman dies the weakened Doomsday turns around just in time to see a massive fist to the face from Wonder Woman that is enough to finish what Superman started.

Round 3

All combatants are more tired than they have ever been, but they are ready for one more bout. Wonder Woman, Batman, and Anakin stand ready, against Yoda, who is the last standing Highness member. Yoda chooses his target, and decides to go after the one he knows best as being a more than formidable foe. Yoda moves faster than any person there has ever seen as he leaps faster than even my eyes can follow into the chest of Anakin, lightsaber first. Batman and Wonder Woman converge on Yoda and claim the victory once and for all……

Wonder Woman gasps for breath and speaks: Well, it looks like The Populists are victorious after all.

Batman retorts: “I’m not sure which victor is scarier as a ruling party The Watchers, The Populists, …… Or The Horsemen.

Brock Sampson's Fighting Nut-busters Vs. The Imperial Commandos????

“I don’t know why we have twice as many teammates, but we have twice as many enemies too, so I’ll take it”!! Screams Rick Grimes to his unlikely ally the Eternian Cyclone. Bullets whiz by them and random fires ignite everywhere they turn, as the two members of The Empire simultaneously dodge danger and look for their next opponent. As this cross-genre, cross-team, cross-league city battle rages on The Populists have enlisted the help of The Nut-busters and The Murderflies, while The Federalists have brought in the help of The Commandos and The Empire. All while the battle is being fought simultaneously in the desert by The Populist Horsemen and The Federalist Highness.

This double match mayhem all began when The Federalists tapped into The Chaos King’s powers to blow up The Watcher’s time continuum reset machine. This allowed The In-betweener, Master Order, and Lord Chaos access to this as well; but also left them vulnerable to the same attack. Although a split second of warning also allowed them an eternity of foresight, thus having them all teleport to their enemy planet Ego to blow up there instead of on The Play-Off Planet.

The Walking Dead Crew and The Spartacus crew meet in the center of town and begin battling wildly, The Circle of Fire, along with Larvox battle with Capt. Marvel and all seven of The Insecticons.

Machete walks slowly towards Ninjor and Leech in all of his B-Movie Awesomeness but finds himself a bit out of his league when Ninjor slashes Machete in half. Sam Axe uses his rocket launcher to blow the El Blanco Tremor to bits while right next to him G.W. Bridge is using a massive futuristic looking gun to stop Rhino in his tracks.

Some white energy vegetative goodness pops out from the cracks in the ground to begin strangling The Mandarin, but not before The Mandarin manages to use his mystical rings to take out Vixon, Arachne, and Ninjor. White Lantern Swamp Thing then enlists the help of fellow “green” lovers Zombie Poison Ivy and Zombie Nick Houslander to reshape the face of the destroyed Play-Off Planet (all while moaning the word “brainzzzz” a lot). But Zombie Godzilla is able to put a stop to White Lantern Swamp Thing before he is able to create the necessary vegetation to take control of the devastated planet. Zombie Poison Ivy and Houslander are not met with such a glamorous death as they are hit by blaster bolts from The AT-ST being driven by LMD #3 with John Moses Browning managing the guns and Ewok #24 sitting in between them for comic relief.

Inside the AT-ST, “Hey, LMD turn over here and get us the hell away from Godzilla will ya. I know he’s our teammate; but damn that dude is scary”. Says Moses Browning.

The LMD replies: “Sure thing sir; but do me a favor and don’t just call me LMD, it is really offensive. I mean I know I am pretty much just a computer program created for one use only in this match and that I am pretty unimportant in the grand scheme of things but it would still be nice to go by my given name, which is Vinnie Johnson”.

“Yeah, I know how it is to just be a common whose name people don’t bother to remember. I mean, I have been on the roster since the Season 1 Draft and a ton of people on the team don’t even realize that my full name is Thomas Millard Fillmore Jefferson-Carver. I mean, most people, even my family just call me Filmy; which is fine but it is good to have people know who you are” says Ewok #24 as Emmett Cullen is being eaten by a Black Dragon about 11 feet from their AT-ST.

“Dude, you can talk”? Says Browning to Filmy the Ewok. While paying no attention to Exal Kresh lightsabering the hell out Equinox outside the cozy comfines of their Imperial walker.

“Yeah, I can talk. I am one of those ewoks from The Ewok Adventure that just randomly learned English after hearing some people talk it for about 4 minutes. It’s a petty cool, random, and unexplainable trait really. Us ewoks are actually a really intelligent people. I think many people think that we just like to spend our time picking dried poop out of our fur and making spears out of everything; but that isn’t true. I mean don’t get me wrong. I love making spears and pickin poop; but there is way more that makes me tick. I also like to read Philip K. Dick novels and am getting my Bachelor’s degree over the phone from a Sally Struthers endorsed University. I am double-majoring in Business Management and Accounting”…… Filmy continues for a tick…. “Was that just Jack Crowe, Jasper, Rosalie, 3 Dark Side Marauders, Sy-Clone blowing up in a random gas main explosion??... Weird stuff man, weird”.

Vinnie Johnson replies: “Wow, Filmy that is amazing stuff. You sound like a GREAT GUY. I had no idea you were such an amazing individual. This is so much fun chilling in this AT-ST while the whole planet blows up around us. Do you guys mind if I turn on the radio. I mean brought all of these Ratt Cassettes with me. And it could help pass the time while we watch everybody on this planet die”.

Such as red lantern movie Blackout who was just ripped apart by Doomsday. Doomsday also managed to take his berserker rage even further by taking out Jared Nomack, the rest of The Cullen family and Vindicator before Superman shows up and engages the grey rock-covered beast in hand to hand combat, which begins to level the city even more.

Back in The AT-ST John Moses Browning says: “Ya know, I’ve never really gotten to know an ewok or an LMD; and you guys are really pretty awesome people to hang with. And damn I just forgot how GREAT of a band Ratt was. I tell you what I was gonna save these for after the battle, but since there is no chance in hell that we are going to live through this, Do you guys want a beer? The only thing I have is 22 oz bottles of Modela. Oh crap, did you guys see those War Skrulls and skrull just get wasted by Human Torch and Capt. Marvel. We better drink these beers before we are next. And by the way Filmy, you really are right. Compared to most ewoks your rancid fecal smell is not that bad”.

“Thanks Bro-Hammer” says Filmy as he takes a swig of a beer bottle that is about the size of his torso.

Back in the actual battle, Zombie Godzilla continues his reign of terror as approaches the Spartacus/Walking Dead Battle. The ingenuity and toughness of The Walking Dead dudes is beginning to lose out against the sheer fighting skill of The Greeks; but it doesn’t matter because they all get squashed by the lumbering zombie dinosaur anyway.

The Blob is jacking dudes up like crazy as the mid-day sun starts to heat him up. The Blob actually takes out The Blob (A of A); but then Widget, for the love of Populism sacrifices himself by transporting himself and The Blob (movie version, not comics) to the coldest part of the arctic setting where The Blob manages to destroy Widget and his goofy looking body before freezing to death.

Batzarro uses his skills as the world’s worst detective to figure out that he should call Josh Houslander and Ryan Poteracki to see what to The Shining Force are going to do next; but they just ignore them for a decade and the entire team dies off. Batzarro then accidentally suicides himself with a rope from his batarang.

Raven then uses her Trygon gifted powers to do something awesome for her 10th death (because I honestly can’t think of anything awesome she has done in the first 6 and a half seasons and 9 deaths). “Azeroth, Metrion, Zinthoss” Raven screams as she conjures up enough dark magic to show Dark Side Acolyte #3, Nightbrother #8, Black Dragon #3, Ewok Child #1, and The second Matrix Agent the true meaning of the dark side. Although the first Maatrix Agent then pops up behind her in the body of one of the dozens of Play-Off Planet residents that is running to safety and puts a .50 caliber bullet in her head to send her to the graveyard with so many of her original Reign Supremacy teammates. Evan Sabahnur begins growing in size and comes down hard on Capt. Marvel, to take out him and his quantum bands. Superman then sees this feat and flies out from his fight from Doomsday for just a second. Earth 2 Supes flies in out of nowhere, and blasts Even with an intense shot of heat vision to burn him to a crisp and then makes his way back to fighting Doomsday without missing a beat. The Commandos realize that they not only need Superman alive and free from Doomsday to win this match for The Imperial Commandos; but also that it would be a hell of a lot better for their season if Superman was around for a little longer. So, Whizzy the Supercat flies over to lend Supes a hand; but not before the cat rips through the bodies of Jinx, King Tut, and Talon. (Original) Human Torch flies over to lend a hand to The unofficial Commando team captain as well, but not before burning G.W. Bridge to a crisp on the way. Human Torch and Whizzy work as a distraction, while Superman delivers his patented double-fisted Doomsday killing punch to Doomsday to take him out for good.

The fighting Nut-busters seem to realize that they are not in the greatest of positions, so in a last ditch effort they try to put sanctions on Vladimir Putin. This is of course the worst game plan ever and nothing happens. Although Bodikka does manage destroy war bird with his power ring before Capt. Britain proves that not everybody from Europe is a hall of fame pussy by pile-driving the lantern into the ground.

Baby Nightcrawler uses his miniature sword to run Abobo through, Ecthelion of the Fountain avenges his teammate with a sword of his own.

Fool Killer then kills Right Winger and Left Winger for obvious reason.

Larry Reamer: Jedi Master comes racing by on his speeder bike when he begins driving with one hand and ignites his green lightsaber and takes the head off of Aaron Griswold, while running over Ewok #76 before he can decide whether to use his zapper or proton pack first. Larry is then thrown from his speeder as Bill Kelley: Dark Jedi Master blows the motor of the speeder bike by hitting it with a well-aimed shot from his energy bow. As Larry gets to his feet, Larry and Bill then begin yet another epic battle. They both ignite their lightsabers and a blue and green clash is both seen and heard by all, and by all I mean Vinnie Johnson, John Moses Browning, and Filmy the Ewok in their AT-ST who are still sipping Modelo, listening to Ratt, and comparing amazing stories about their favorite philosophers and favorite brands of beef jerky. The two evenly matched force users and former roofer/sider combos parry each other’s moves a few dozen time before Larry attemps a spin move which catches Bill in the gut just as Bill is bringing his saber down through Larry’s neck causing them to join each other in death.

Archie the Octospider then makes the full mental transition into becoming a warrior and loses his healthy emotion altogether. He knows that through his culture even if he survives this than he will have to euthanized for making the full transition. But one of his last rational thoughts is that there is no way he will survive this. The Rama Octospider makes his last stand by using his speed and tentacles to take out The Nut-busters Star Sapphire as well as Thrasher, Cluster, and Fantomex. But Weapon XIII is able to jump in with a back flip and pump Archie full of enough lead to finally send him to The Graveyard.

Judah Ben Hur is still able to make even less sense of his white lantern ring then he is the random wrist watch he is wearing. As he stands there tapping it and trying to make it do something he is jacked in the dome by some nun-chuks by Roper which crack open his skull (sorry guys, I just still don’t see the whole Ben-Hur/white lantern connection (I know, I’m a jerk)).

The Insecticon/Circle of Fire battle has raged on since the beginning of the match, until only Bombshell and Shrapnell have remained. The rest of The Nut-busters form up and begin to hope that their new found allies in The Murderflies will help to bail them out. But The Murderflies are preparing to form up for their last stand as well. The remaining Nut-busters look to Slym and Red for leadership as they are joined by Ernie Harwell, Jack Reacher, Sam Axe, and The Energizer Bunny. Zombie Godzilla is too busy being bombarded by Silver Surfer, Red She Hulk, Capt. Britain, Magius, and Mother Askani. The AT-ST crew are a bit busy as well, as they just stopped at a gas station to fill up and grab a few snacks and Auto Traders.

The Sorceress of Castle Grayskull leads the slow charge that surrounds the remaining Nut-busters and Murderflies from The Empire side, while Superman leads the Commandos.

Zombie Godzilla uses his zombie cosmic lightning breath to vaporize Mother Askani and Magius, but not before the stun the beast with their own brands of mystical forces. This last act by them both opens up a spot for Capt. Britain to do a mid-air fastball special with Red She Hulk that allows both of them to land on the shoulders of Godzilla and begin laying the monster’s neck to waste. As Godzilla begins to scream in zombified pain, Silver Surfer releases the power cosmic into its chest and the three of them finish it off.

The final battle begins with Tracksimus Prime proving his worth as a carrier of the matrix by taking out both of his former Autobot friends Pipes and Fizzle in one quick motion. Dexter Jettster catches Foolkiller with a blaster cheap shot and Bombshell and Shrapnell, though somewhat damaged from their battle with The Circle of Fire Lanterns crush Ecthelion of the Fountain and Roper. The Sorceress of Castle Grayskull doesn’t like it, but she teams up with Yellow Lantern Hordack and Fakor to battle with Slym and Red Dayspring, which ends in a cosmic/mystical/magical/phoenix force powered explosion that reverses all polarity crossing the streams style (random uninvolved Ghostbusters reference). This wicked explosion stops all space time for a full micro second and not only takes out all combatants involved but actually stops The Energizer Bunny and even shuts up Ernie Harwell.

Things are definitely looking bad for The Fighting Nut-busters, so bad in fact that John Moses Browning and his two brilliant homeboys charge up the weapons on the AT-ST and begin moving towards the battle, ready to fight.

Jack Reacher and Sam Axe team up and are able to use their brawn to take out Leech; but they are then fried by the Silver Surfer, who is showing up a bit late to the party after being a little busy with Godzilla. Despite what 13 year old Ryan would argue, Nightcrawler was not able to BAMF into Superman to sacrifice himself to take out the Man of Steel, and instead Superman caught him right after a teleport and broke his blue neck. Pepper Potts used her Armor to counter-measure the hell out Nicole Des Jardins, but Joan Jett yelled to Human Torch who double-backed to take out Pepper with some android heat action, while Joan hates herself for loving killing Jarvis…. Old man had it coming. Teneb Kel, Maggot, Exal Kresh, Weapon XIII make their last final final last stand by all leaping on top of Tracksimus Prime and combing their strengths to extinguish the spark of The newly crowned Autobot leader, but once Silver Surfer, Superman, Whizzy, Red She Hulk, Capt. Britain, and Azeem come down on them they are all done.

Except for…….


“Sir, this is Dora reporting in. My team set the explosives some time ago”.

“Have you been able to obtain any useful intel”. Says the voice on the other end of the com.

Dora responds: “No sir, these three are complete idiots, the original intel was wrong, they don’t know anything that can help us”.

“Proceed”.

Dora then jumps off of the back leg of the AT-ST and and her and Boots run to safety. Boots looks at The Map while Dors pulls the detonator out of Backpack. Boots nods and Dora blows The AT-ST to bits killing all three people inside. Dora picks up her com and says: “Mission accomplished sir”.

“Excellent work, I would love to work with you again young Dora, you proved yourself very useful. Good luck to you”. Says Vladimir Putin as he puts away his communicator.

Season 7, Week 5: Team Sleeping Pussy vs. Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse.

Team Sleeping Pussy is: Bizarro Superman, Korvac, Zombie Mephisto, Doctor Manhattan, Johnny Bates (Adult Kid Miracleman), Vampire Batman, Vampirella, Zombie Nightmare, Lizard, Droid Fighter Ships #13 & #14, Alexander Luthor, Sunfire, Psycho Pirate, Peacemaker, Nightshade, Catman, Cloak, Dagger, Quicksilver, War Machine, Johnny Blaze, Western Ghost Rider, Vanisher, Black Cat, D'Spayre, Binary, Zombie Bryan Beckerman, Zombie Ryan Poteracki, Female Sentinel #8, and Skrull #25.

The Grindhouse is: Golden Army #1-35, Xebel Soldiers #1-3, Skeletor's Centurions #2 & #3, Skeletor's Centurion #5, Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman, Tom Brady w/ Blue Lantern Ring, and Treasure Troll #9.
    
   Rebellion was rising in the Play-Off Planet's glorious city-state, and none were so affected as Peacemaker and Alexander Luthor. This was, in part, due to the influence of their travelling companion, Psycho Pirate. Mostly it was just because Peacemaker is dangerously unstable. "I just don't understand... why don't they appreciate me?! No matter how much peace I beat into people, nobody ever thanks me!" Peacemaker griped. Luthor backhanded Peacemaker. "Quit complaining, you psychotic moron! If you hadn't let the voices in your head coerce you so easily, we could have taken charge of that doomed revolt and made something of it."

"That protester had a f***ing detonator, man! Sh*t was gonna get all Boston Marathon if I didn't save us! I just don't know where the bomb was... or where the detonator went."

"She was an adolescent girl with a cell phone, you maniac! And she was protesting in our favor!" They were reminded of Psycho Pirate's presence when he chimed in from behind them. "You guys are great, especially you Peacemaker. You've got plenty of things rolling around in your head. Come on, Luthor, hit him again and get that rage out." Before he could oblige, Doctor Manhattan arrived by teleportation. "Comedian, we have a prob- Oh, Peacemaker. I thought you were a different psychopath. The Grindhouse is doing something strange in the desert, we have to go clean up." 

   In the desert, 35 clockwork soldiers stood in position against the gathering Sleeping Pussies. They formed a protective circle around Tom Brady, a treasure troll, three of Skeletor's best Darth Vader impersonators, and three Xebel Soldier corpses, dead from severe heat stroke. Brady, wearing the Crown of Bethmora, called out to the opposition in anger. "Wow, you guys really are p*ssies! Did you even read the schedule? Week six! One unique character, and the rest are supposed to be commons." Vampirella let out a sultry laugh. "This is match five, you fool. There was a week off after the fourth." A dumbstruck look crossed his face as the statement registered in his head. "Five? No, it's... Why did I get sent out here with a bunch of robots?! Whatever, I'm taking as many of you down with me as I can." The Golden Army lurched into action and swarmed TSP while Brady and the Centurions hung back. Their sudden rush caught some off guard, leaving Miracledog squashed and Victoria torn in half. As the bulk of their team worked on setting back the constant self-repair cycle of the automatons, Cloak and Dagger set out to take the crown from Tom Brady. They teleported past his minions and hurled an energy dagger at his head, but it was deflected by laser fire from the Centurions guarding him. The blasts passed through Cloak and one stray blast took off Lizard's head. Another grazed Quicksilver, prompting him to take notice and speed in against the Skele-Vaders, kicking the three of them apart and pushing Tom Brady to the ground in front of Dagger. After pinning his skull to the ground with a dagger she lifted the crown from his head and tossed it to Doctor Manhattan to be destroyed. He barely glanced at it before frowning back at her. "Are you really that oblivious? This is a fake. It's nothing but photons bound together in the shape of a crown." He dissipated the replica and gestured back at the Golden Army, still functional and springing back to action. Dagger's sense of achievement faded quickly. "Then... who's actually controlling these things?" Suddenly, a tremendous dagger of light swung down and sliced through her and Cloak. 

   Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman hovered above the battle wearing the real Crown of Bethmora. A Treasure Troll sat clinging to its edge on Becks' head. "Can you believe Brady thought I'd put him in charge of the Golden Army? It's almost as funny as you falling for it!" Catman hissed and ran to face the new threat, but was promptly chewed to death when Beckerman retaliated with Clifford the Big Yellow Light-Dog. "Hey, you guys want to see something really cool? BOOSH!" The Golden Army bots were instantly equipped with circular saws for hands. War Machine took a close look at the saws. "Are they... those are stars of David, aren't they?" He asked. "Hells yeah! Happy Passover b**ches!" While the Golden Army turned up the aggression and Beckerman took down the droid fighter ships, Bizzarro flew up from the crowd and knocked him out cold with a single punch. When he awoke, he was in a dilapidated old building. He had a screaming headache, but he managed to stand and check his surroundings. It was an abandoned theater, one he felt he had seen before but couldn't put a finger on. As he looked around he heard a pounding sound from across the room. He looked down a staircase and saw a zombie bashing its way through a boarded doorway. "Oh, alright. Call of Duty Nazi Zombies. How the b*ttf*ck did I end up here?" Before he could figure out the unlikely change of arena, the doors burst open and undead flowed into the room en masse. "Oh no, something scary? If only somebody had a weapon powered by fear!" Becks hacked the game with his ring and spawned a Gears of War chainsaw-rifle to plow through to the exit. He kicked down the theater's exit door and went out back to witness a sight more terrible than any amount of zombies combined. Behind the dumpster, Zombie Ryan and Zombie Beckerman were engaged in unspeakable acts, partially garbed in SS uniforms. Zombie Mephisto sat on the dumpster lid and mocked, "That's right, YOU were the gay nazi zombies all along!" Beckerman fell to the ground and beat his fist against the pavement. "That's not true... that's impossible!"

"Search your feelings; you know it to be true."

"No, dude, I mean... that's seriously not possible. I'm right here, and the zombie version is over there. We're pretty much different people." He stood up and forced his lunch to stay down. "Though it may be the worst thing I've seen in my life." He quickly smashed the two into the brick wall with a projected censor bar before any more mental scarring could occur. "Enough with the games Mephisto, how do I get back to the desert?" With some difficulty, Mephisto stopped his laughter. "You really must be dreaming to think that's happening. When Bizarro took you out, Nightmare brought you and all his zombie allies to his domain. By now they've most likely shattered your physical form beyond recognition." Back in the desert, TSP was nearly done shattering Beckerman and the disabled Golden Army beyond recognition while Bizarro did a final head count. "Peacemaker survive, Sentinel survive... Grindhouse all survive! Grindhouse win match!"

Season 7 Week 5: TEAM vs. The Midgets

TEAM is Justice Legion Alpha Batman, Robin, the Toy Wonder, JLA Wonder Woman, JLA Flash, JLA Aquaman, JLA Hourman, Imperiex, Green Lantern Batman, Bloodwynd, Captain America, Iron Man, The Hulk, Ragnarok, Eimen and Uriel, Thorion the Celestial, Iron Lantern, Marvewoman, Young Marvelman, Killer Rabbit of Cherbannog, Chronus, Sin (FFX), Michael Demuirgos, Crutus Penari, Elecman, Cock Sneak Goomba #7 and #8.

The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets are: Hermes, Emperor Joker, The Eradicator, Zombie Supergirl, White Lantern Hal Jordan w/red, yellow, and Alan Scott's green ring, Katma Tui, Salack, Amantia, Green Lantern #3, Tri-Eye, Bleez, Queen Aga Po, Star Sapphire #2, Blue Lantern Hal, Black Lantern Sinestro, Beppo the Supermonkey, Deadshot, Aresenal, Phoenix Entity, Deadpool w/ Yoshi egg, X-23, Age of Apocalypse Wolverine, AoA Cyclops, Flanklin Richards, Black Lantern Invisible Woman, BL Human Torch, BL Aunt May, Mouse Voltron, Orange Lantern Bowser, Star Wolf and Ron Popeil in a Snowspeeder, NCIS crew (Jethro Gibbs, Tony Dinozza, Timothy McGee, Ziva David, Kate, Todd, Mike Franks, Dr. Donald Mallard, Abby Sciuto) and Ewok #1A and #2A on an aircraft carrier, Peppermint Patty, Marci, Doozer #8, Hobbit #1, Billy Mays and NOSYARG KCID in a '96 5.8L 5 speed supercharged Mustang.

"It's him!" "Who?" "HIM!" "Oh, now i see! Awesome!" "What are you two talking about?" asks Deadpool. "If we saw him, that means you saw him too." "Yeah, look harder!" Deadpool looks again from his rooftop perch in the city and sees Captain America sprinting through an alley. "Why do we care about this again?" asks The Merc with a Mouth. "Dude. He JUST made a bassass movie." "Logic dictates that if we can beat someone with a box office draw like that, our movie will surely be made!" "Will it be R-rated?" inquires Deadpool. "Er..." "We're working on it." "Then I better eats me spinach!" he says while eating the contents of his Yoshi egg. Wade Wilson jumps from his perch, guns a'blazin. "What time is it? Ambush time! Admit it Cap, you never saw me comin!" taunts Deadpool. The bullets are redirected by Cap's shield back into Deadpool, and he falls into a nearby dumpster. "Wilson, I heard you talking to yourself from way down here. You're lucky I have better things to do." scolds Steve Rogers while he continues running. "Ameeeeeerica, f*ck yeah....." croons a garbage covered Deadpool.

Captain America opens communications with Iron Man. "Is Banner in place yet?" he asks. "Almost there Cap." replies Iron Man as he flies over the ocean carrying Bruce Banner. "Wow, I'm suprised he agreed to this." Says Cap. "Well.. I had to get a little creative." admits Stark. "This is incredible! You're taking me to a lab because you guys actually need my brain for once? Thanks Tony." says Banner. "You got it. Did I ever mention that this suit gets oily sometimes?" say Stark as he drops Banner. He flies into the upper atmospere and makes no attempt to catch Banner. "STAAAAAAAARK!!!" screams Bruce.

Iron Man flies into space to confront The Midgets assembled Lanterns and kills Mouse Voltron via repulsor blasts to get their attention. "So I heard that one of you losers could use an A-list kill on your resume. Come and get it." challenges Iron Man before he fires up his jets and speeds off. The Midgets give chase and run into an aproaching Iron Lantern, who uses his armor to drain the power of any Green Lantern in the vicinity. GLs Katma Tui, Salack, Amantia, and Green Lantern #3 suffocate in space, but vengeance is had by Zombie Supergirl. She cracks his armor open, and She rejoins the chase while Iron Lantern also suffocates. Blue Lantern Hal is ambushed by a hammer similar to Mjolnir, and is unable to prevent his death because there are no Green Lanterns to help him activate his ring's true power. The hammer returns to Ragnarok, who then fries Trie-Eye with lightning. "Blasphemy!" yells Thorion. "You offend the true Thor, clone pretender! Begone!" vows Thorion. His New Asgardian hammer destroys the pretender Ragnarok, but attracts the attention of nearby Black Lanterns. BL Sinestro, BL Human Torch, and BL Aunt May pierce the armor of Thorion together and are digging at his heart. He has no choice but to self implode aand take the Lanterns with him.

Z. Supergirl, WL Hal, RL Bleez, Star Sapphire #2, SS Queen Aga Po, and Orange Lantern Bowers continue to follow Iron Man, who have managed to avoid the missile barrages of the Armored Avenger thus far. TEAM tries another ambush, and Marvelwoman and Young Marvelman soar in for the kill. Marvelwoman rips Zombie Supergirl in twain, and Young Marvelman destroys RL Bleez' "heart" by ripping off her ring hand. She still has enough left to kill Young Marvelman with a projectile of red plasma, while Marvelwoman is swarned by the Mario menagerie of Orange Lantern Bowser.

Queen Aga Po and Star Sapphire #2 attempt to use their rings to effect Tony Stark, but his modified heart resists their contact. He turns and fires his Uni-beam and it definately makes a connection to their now dead bodies. "Hey guys, a little advice. Maybe you should, oh, I don't know... Try harder!" he mocks while engaging another jet boost to race away. OL Bowser is about to command his Marios to destroy Iron Man, but the archangel Michael Demuirgos' heavenly sword smites Bowser first. WL Hal uses his red and yellow ring to channel the full power of rage and fear into Michael, and the servant gets served.

Tony Stark confronts WL Hal. "Sorry about your team. Good effort Midgets. Looks like it's just you and me. Frankly, I'm used to dealing with someone with more than 4 rings, but I suppose you'll do." mocks Tony. "RRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" growls a rage induced WL Hal while charging to Iron Man. Stark deploys everything his got to counter the multiple rings. It stops Hal, but both men are severely lacking any meaningful power left. "I can still kill you." hisses WL Hal. "Shhhh... You're going to miss the best part..." explains Iron Man. He points up to reveal their final destination: the sector of space where Imperiex and The Phoenix Entity have been battling it out. It was just a matter of time before the destructive energy of the Phoenix and the "Big Bang" energy of Imperiex reacted poorly, and... "Gotcha." smiles Stark as the ensuing cosmic explosion consumes all in space. Including a until now unheeded and hereafter ignored Bloodwynd. Fire bad.

The NCIS crew and Ewoks #1A and #2A are aboard The Midgets' aircrafter carrier and await Final Fantasy X's Sin to rise from the ocean. Any minute now... Abby Scuito, Dr. Mallard, and the Ewoks go below deck to find something more interesting to do. Finally, this sorry excuse for a boss arises to have a long drawn out battle with The Midgets. This is one of the most boring end fights I've ever sat through. The Midgets are pounding this thing with the anti-aircraft guns on their carrier, and continue to do so for quite some time. Seriously, why doesn't this thing counter attack? Ah, because it's building up the death beam. And goodnight Tim McGee. And that's pretty much it. Lather, rinse, repeat until a solo Leroy Gibbs has had enough. His sniper shot gets the glorious "9999" damage and down goes Sin which seems about right, since NCIS has been level grinding for 10 years.

The previously dropped Bruce Banner has turned into The Hulk mid-drop, and smashes right through the middle of the carrier, killing Gibbs in the process. The carrier is slowly sinking, and The Hulk climbs up through the carrier to finish The Midgets off. He finds Scuito, Mallard, and the Ewoks in the forensics lab. "TV goth" and the Ewoks give The Hulk a cuteness overload, and reverts back to Banner. "Wait, Stark wasn't lying about the lab?" asks a groggy Banner. He is answered with a pair of little spears in his head and the critters celebrate. "I'd hate to ruin the moment, but it appears we are about to drown." observes the Doctor. The strained ship creaks even more and the seeping water starts to rush into the lab. "I hope this water doesn't ruin our autopsies." comment Abby Scuito. "Nub nub nub guuuurggle." adds Ewok #1A.

AoA Cyke, AoA Wolvie, and X-23 traverse the desert. TEAM's Apocalypse Twins Uriel and Eimen spot them and swoop in for the kill. Before the reach their targets, they are ended simultaneously by a sniper bullet and an arrow to their respective skulls. "That's 1-1, Harper. Not bad kid." compliments Deadshot. They hide on a nearby mesa and cover the psuedo X-team's movements. "It's about to be 2-1 when Cronus shows up." retorts Aresenal. "Maybe if you were your "dad". He MIGHT be able to pull it off." laughs Deadshot. Arsenal curses under his breath, and the pair await the Greek Titan. The arrival of Chronus can only mean two things: Someone's getting their balls ripped off, and some kids are getting eaten. The "X-Men" attack, but AoA Cyke and AoA Wolverine are instantly castrated by Chronus' scythe. X-23 slashes away at the Titan, but is eaten by him in the end. "Eyes. Go for his eyes" advises Deadshot. "Duh." replies Arsenal. They are spotted before they can shoot, and Chronus hurls a boulder at them. They fire while dodging. A bullet grazes Chronus' face, but the explosive arrow detonates inside the Titan's skull. "Boom! 2-1 to one, Lawton. Pay up." says Arsenal before he turns and sees the smashed corpse of Deadshot. "Damn..." laments Roy Harper.

"I start running before The Eradicator even confronts The Justice Legion Alpha. JLA Hourman locks him in a time bubble, while JLA Wonder Woman an JLA Aquaman stabs him in place with their weapons. JLA Batman and Robin, Toy Wonder are executing well delivered combinations of punches and kicks to a still frozen Eradicator. The time bubble can no longer hold back The Eradicator's intial energy blast, and JLA Hourman is toast the second it hits him. A freed Eradicator unleases his power all around him and the rest of The JLA are consumed. Hermes catches up to me, and I think he tries to mock me, but it's hard to hear when you're going this fast. His godly arrogance makes him try to best me, so I give him a good show and pour on the speed. Amazingly, he is still ahead, even at the threshold of The Speed Force. I hit the gas one more time and give him a good push. We are becoming one with The Speed Force, but not before I manage to end The Eradicator with a punch at lightspeed. I'm John Fox, and I'm the Fastest Man Ali..." says Justice Legion Alpha Flash.

Deadpool tries to keep up with Captain America, but is soon left in the dust. He stops to catch his breath, and notices a bar across the street. The Midgets' 96 Mustang and Snowspeeder are parked outside. "Of course, this must be our homebase. I wonder why nobody told me? Oh well, time to relax and have a couple brews with my amigos!" "Dude, tell them about that time you beat Captain America!" "Yeah, you beat him so bad that he ran home cryin' to his mama!" "Sounds good to me!" says Deadpool. He pauses when he notices TEAM's Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog policing the door. "Shoo! Ya wasscally wabbit! This is Midget Country!" threatens Wade as he pulls a katana. Wilson's throat is quickly torn out by the rabbit and he passes out, but not before he catches a gtlimpse oft his teammate Artsenal talking to the Killer rabbit.

Inside the bar, The Midgets Billy Mays, Ron Popeil, NOSYARG KCID, Star Wolf, Peppermint Patty, Marci, Doozer #1, and Beppo he Supermonkey conspire wih TEAM'st Elecman, Cruus Penari, atnd Cock Sneak Goombas #7 and #8. "So it's setled." says Billy Mays. "Popeil makes soumehing, I do the plugging for the brand, and he rest of you use your brands for product placement. I'm talkin real cash, people. We'll all finally get something out of his league besides an untimely death! Who's with me? They raise their drinks to the air in celebraion. The door is kicked open by Arsenal. "FFL Inernal Affairs! Hands up! You're all under arrest for behavior detrimental to the League. You want to transcend teams to do wrong, Billy? We can also team up to do right." says Aresnal. A coked up Billy Mays charges, but he and everyone in the joint are demolished by The Killer Rabbit. The previously parked Snowspeeder is now racing at the bar firing its cannons with Deadpool at the wheel. The well placed shots bring down the bar, killing the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog and Arsenal. "Die wabbit, die! We did it Elmer, ya hear me?!? WE DID IT!" shouts Deadpool. "Where are the brakes on thing?" he asks before crashing into the rubble. He soon emerges from the scrapped bar, and checks the nonexistant watch on his wrist. "OOO! I can still make it on time if I hurry!" says Wade as he hops in the 96 Mustang.  

He speeds toward a building. "I sure hope this is the right place!" says Deadpool. "And if it's not?" "This is gonna be awkward." he says as the car crashes through the wall of Emperor Joker's Hideout. "CHIMICHAGAS!" yells a launched Wilson. He puts a few caps in a chained up and obviously tortured Green Lantern Batman before he hits the floor. He sees Captain America standing over a decapitated Emperor Joker. "What? I'm callin BS on that! No way Cap beats Emperor Joker... unless... Yes, of course! The power of the box office bank! Hey Cap! Gimme Gimme!" challenges Deadpool as he unsheathes his swords. He strikes hard against the shield and his blades shatter. "Damn you Home Shopping Network! Never again will I trust a redneck pitchman at 3 in the morning!" laments Deadpool. The Captain puts the hurt on a now depressed Wade, geting another decapitation in the process. "I should have finished you he first time." says Cap. "But then we wouldn't be together for this part!" says Headpool.

The camera pans out indefinately, beyond the universe. We find ourselves in the Midgets lockeroom, and Franklin Richards is staring into a rubber ball. "See Mom, I told you the good guys always win!" says the boy. Black Lantern Invisible Woman senses the hope welling inside him. "Yes sweetie, of course you're right! Now give Mommy a hug."



Thursday, April 17, 2014

S7W5 - Real Man's Rabble Rousers vs. Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family

The Rabble Rousers are: Topspin and Twin Twist, Hardhead and Duros, Hybrow and Gort, Siren and Quig, Junkeon #13 and 14, Snapdragon and Crunk, Runabout and Runamok, Slugslinger and Caliburst, Trigger Happy and Blowpipe, Movie Wreckers- Leadfoot, Roadbuster, Topspin, Movie Skids and Mudflap, Movie Arcee, Chromia and Elita One, Movie Dreads - Crankcase, Crowbar and Hatchet, Movie Shockwave and Driller, Vehicle Voltron- Air Team, Sea Team and Land Team, Bloodpack: Nyssa, Asad, Rheinhardt, Chupa, Snowman, Priest, Verlaine and Lighthammer, Iceman and Slider, Van Helsing, Chucky and Tiffany, Pac Man, Ms. Pac Man and Baby Pac Man, Decepticon 8, 9 and 10,
Neo Cymek # 20.

The Super Kitties are: Primus, Supergirl, The Jokester w/ his pet monkey:  Harley Quinn, Aunt May, and Baby Buck in a Ferrari GTO, Kyle Houslander (w a devil lance and mithril vest) and Zachary Houslander (w/ a demon rod) in a Ferrari 360 Modena (9 deaths), Flashpoint Batman (Thomas Wayne) in a Bell P-63 KingCobra, Larfleeze, Red X (Dick Grayson version) in a Bell P-63 KingCobra, Red X (other version) and Storm Trooper #49 in a Land Speeder, (Kingdom Come) Wonder Woman, Wonder Girl, Kid Flash, Mas y Menos, Monarch, Man-bat, Mr. Majestic, (Kingdom Come) Hawkman, (Kingdom Come) Lady Marvel, (Kingdom Come) King Marvel, (Kingdom Come) Power Woman, Krypto:  The Super Dog, Red Hulk, Warmaster Tsavong Lah, Jedi Master Stass Allie and Mala the Wookie in a Light Plane, Vampire Assajj Ventress and Feral in Stephen King's "Christine", Wario on a Scooter, Ariana Dumbledore, Aberforth Dumbledore, Regulus Arcturus Black, Rebastan LeStrange, Rodolphus LeStrange, Peeta Malark (w/ Jarnborn (Thor's Axe), Mystery Inc.:  Fred, Velma, Daphne (w/ a star wand), Velma, Scooby-Doo, and Scooby-Dumb in a Fire Truck, Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Evette, Arjan Darkscale, Bagwa, Groudious Maximus.




The battle starts high above in space.  Supergirl is helping Primus defend off an attack from The Air team of Vehicle Voltron, Topspin, Sluglinger & Caliburst and Triggerhappy & Blowpipe.  Supergirl is surprised to see Triggerhappy & Blowpipe holding their own against her.  She usually has no problems with dismantling a simple transformer.  But as she hears the explosion behind her, She realizes their job was to keep her occupied while the others did the dirty work.  It was a one way mission for the Rabble Rousers and they knew it.  After Triggerhappy is killed with a quick shot of energy from Supergirl’s heat vision, She remained the sole survivor in space as she watches the burning remains of Primus float off into the distance.  Primus was able to get a blast of energy off before he died and Supergirl heads toward the waters of the Playoff Planet to investigate.

The entire lake is boiling.  One shot of energy was all it took to send the temperature of the lake skyrocketing and steam is billowing out into the sky.  Supergirl lands next to her teammate Wonder Girl.  Screams can be heard from all around.  

“What happened.  Where do we stand?” Supergirl asks

“Us kids were all dispatched to take care of the forces at the water.  That shot from Primus was unexpected but I think it might have helped us.” Wonder Girl replies.

Supergirl looks around.  She can tell right away that they lost quite a few.  She sees the remains of Baby Bucky, Man-Bat, Kid-Flash, Both Red X’s, Krypto, and Stormtrooper #49 are all dead on the ground.  However, the Rabble Rousers did not escape unscathed either.  Dead for them were Sea Team Voltron,Van Helsing, Chucky and Tiffany, Iceman & Slider, and the Pac Man family.

“Wow, what a mess” says Supergirl.
“No Kidding.  What’s the intel on the Rabble Rousers position? Do we have a rally point? asks Wonder Girl.
“There are a ton of robots in the city center.  I think they started every transformer.  It’s gonna be tough” says Supergirl.
“Oh great, just what I wanted to do was face a 9 death Megatron today…” sighs Wonder Girl
“No worries,” smiles Supergirl “He didn’t get the start today.

The two girls head off to the Jungle to round up everyone else for the fight in the city.  They have to keep their wits about them.  It is harder to see someone sneaking up on you in the forest than it is in water or space.  

“Stop!” Supergirl whispers sternly.  “Who is that up ahead?”

Standing about 50 yards in front of them they see the creepy smiling grin of a man with a crown on.  He is holding out a cheeseburger on a silver plate.

“That burger looks good.” says Wonder Girl
“Don’t you know that fast food makes girls fart?” Says a voice from behind them.  Startled, the girls turn to see Peeta Melark coming toward them.
“You scared me Peeta” says Supergirl in a flirty tone.  Peeta launches Jarnborn through the air and it lunges into the chest of the Burger King.
“We need to all regroup in the city center.” Wonder Girl says updating Peeta on the team plans.  “Anyone else in here?”
“Don’t think so.  I have been here for 2 weeks and haven’t seen anyone.” Peeta replies

Just then, They hear the voice of Katniss Everdeen crying out for Peeta to help her.  Peeta cannot resist and takes off blindly through the woods.  The love that the baker’s son has is so blind that he doesn’t stop to remember that Katniss plays for the Commandos.  He sees a dying Katniss lying on the ground begging for his help. As he rushes to her side, he now realizes he has been deceived by Decepticon #10.  The ambush is fast and coordinated.  The Bloodpack emerges from the shadows and Peeta can barely get back to his axe.  He manages to only kill Decepticon #9 and Nyssa.  Arriving late, Wonder Girl and Supergirl dispose of Decepticon 8 & 10 as well as Asad, and Snowman.  The coolest D&D crew shows up just in time to swap deaths with the rest of the bloodpack.  Evette kills Lighthammer as Priest avenges him.  Priest and Verlaine are then disposed of by Arjan Darkscale.  Dr. Boom Boom Pow crushes Chupa’s skull in and Rheinhardt runs him through.  Bagwa, riding on the broad shoulders of the mighty Groudious Maximus stabs Rheinhardt in the top of the head killing him.  The two stop in front of the superhero teens.

“Pelor has shined his blessings upon us this day!”  Bagwa says to the two.
“Uhh… Right.” says Supergirl.  “What does that mean?  Is that like some stupid joke that only the nerdiest of nerds will understand?”
“We don’t have much time.  Everyone is meeting in the city.  We need to kill a bunch of robots.” says Wonder Girl.

The foursome head off toward the Desert to search for more members of their party to join the hunt.  As they arrive, the heat from the sun is scorching overhead.  Groudious Maximus is having a hard time keeping the mighty midget on his shoulders.  As they walk over a dune they see the fight.  Green and red sparks are flying as the Dumbledore’s, LeStrange’s and Black are all trying to curse the Land Team of Vehicle Voltron as well as Neo Cymek #20 and Skids & Mudflap.  Skids and Mudflap stop to argue and Rebastan LeStrange sends a fire spell toward their gas tanks blowing them up.  Some sort of car part shoots out though and kills both the LeStrange’s.  Like maybe it was a drive shaft or a piston or something.  I don’t know anything about cars.  Black takes care of the Neo Cymek but the last remaining Voltron is able to kill Regulus as well as Ariana Dumbledore.  Stass Allie and Mala soar in flying in a light plane.  They take some shots at the Voltron and KC Power Woman comes in to help as well.  Voltron crushes the plane out of the sky and KC Power Woman and Aberforth are able to bring down the robot.  It lands with a loud thump on the sand and after the dust settles, Aberforth and KC Power Woman meet up with the crew.  Supergirl and Wonder Girl tell them of their plans to meet in the city.  As the 6 of them head off, they see two men sleeping against a cactus.  Siesta happens and Mas y Menos are the latest victims.  The group doesn’t need any drywall put up or landscaping done so they decide to not bother the two mexicans and head off toward the city without them.

The Super Kitties have gathered on top of a skyscraper to discuss battle plans.  KC Power Woman and Supergirl help Bagwa and Maximus up on the building.  Suddenly the building begins to tremble as Driller tears a hole through the structure like butter.  Most of the team is able to fly away but as tons of concrete fall to the ground the last two members of mystery inc perish along with the brother of the head of Hogwarts. Debris is also responsible for killing Jokester, Harley Quinn and Aunt May as they drive by in their Ferrari as well as Kyle and Zach and Wario in his scooter.  Arcee and Chromia are crushed as well. Mr. Majestic punches a hole through Wreckers. and Leadfoot runs over Mr. Majestic. KC Hawkman tries to stand up to Dreads and Crankcase.  Dreads explodes with an arrow to the engine but Crankcase flattens him.  Crankcase then transforms and stops flat Christine containing Assajj Ventress and Ferel.  KC King Marvel then flies in to tear the head off of Crankcase.  He then rolls his head down the street and blows up Elita One as well as Roadbuster and the other Topspin.  Hatchet then flies over a heap of dead robots and tears KC King Marvel in two.

Red Hulk SMASH!  Beneath his fists are Runabout and Runamuck.  Hatchet tries to take out his second Super Kitty but Red Hulk hears him coming and backhands him into a building.  Monarch and Larfleeze team up to take out Siren and Quig but the ground begins to shake again and they are gobbled up in the awaiting maw of Driller.  Our Super teens are back but not in time to save them. Supergirl is able to heat the core of driller and he falls dead in the street.  Wonder Girl then throws Shockwave into the air and KC Power Woman completes the alley-oop by punching him down into the hole that driller left in the ground.  Twin twist then tears through the wall of a nearby building and KC Power Woman vanishes from the street.

As the Kitties try to regroup, Warmaster Tsavong Lah is run down by Crowbar but not before KC Wonder woman flings him into the sun with her lasso.  Leadfoot tries to run her down but Flashpoint Batman has her back and shoots him in the street from his P-63.  Snapdragon and Crunk have formed together and snatch the plane out of the air and eats Thomas Wayne as a mid fight snack.  Wonder Girl holds a kinship to the alternate older version of her cousin and bites off a bit more than she can chew.  She does not win the battle with Snapdragon and Crunk but her team does.  Wonder Girl dies but Red Hulk and KC Wonder Woman are able to destroy the beast.  Hybrow and Gort have also combined into a helicopter overhead and begin to fire massive amounts of bullets into the evil Hulk.  His anger grows into an immense fireball and Twin Twist tears through another nearby building directly into the Red Hulk.  The heat from the Hulk blows up the Autobot and they both perish.  Supergirl flies in to burn the rotor off and Hybrow and Gort barrel uncontrollably into a building and explode on impact.

KC Lady Marvel takes flight and crushes Junkeon 13 & 14 together into one ball of steel.  The street is quiet until Hardhead and Duros combine and face the remaining 3 female comabatants for the Kitties.  Before the other two can volunteer, KC Wonder Woman takes the opportunity to seize victory for her team and flies herself straight into the chest of the final robot for the Rabble Rousers.

Miles away, a sandstorm knocks the sombrero off the head of Menos stirring him from his slumber.  He looks around at the charred remains battle in the desert and frantically shakes his partner awake.

“¿quĂ© hora es? llegamos tarde!” Menos exclaims