Sith AIDS: Boba Fett, Eeth Koth, Younger Avengers: Patriot, Wiccan, Hulkling, Hawkeye, Stature, Speed and Iron Lad, Dust, Indominus Rex, Ima Gu Di, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Jonia Solo, Darth Maul, Darth Bane, King Cold, Frieza, Cooler and Piccolo.
Team Sleeping Pussy is: Bizarro Superman, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Sunfire, Johnny Blaze, Wildcat, Brother Blood, Catman, Faker (He-Man), Velociraptor #31-35. Compy #54-58, Miho, Den, The Comedian (Young) and Negan (Walking Dead).
The hot sun poured down upon the barren sand of Jakku, a familiar sight for the young Anakin Skywalker, who grew up in a place similar to this. Amazingly similar you could say, almost like they were the same place.
Anakin: I could have gone a lifetime without coming back here.
Darth Maul: You’ve been here before Anakin?
Anakin: Been here before? I was born here Maul. In fact, it was the first time you and I met. Well, technically it was the first time you tried to kill me.
Darth Maul: That was not on this planet Anakin; that was on the outer rim planet Tatooine.
Anakin: Yes, I am well aware of where we are.
Darth Maul: But we are not on Tatooine, this is the planet of Jakku Skywalker.
Anakin: Jakku, what is a Jakku?
Darth Maul: That is the planet for which we are standing.
Anakin: No Maul, you are mistaken. This is Tatooine. Trust me; I know when I am on Tatooine. I get a sick feeling in my stomach every time I am within ten light years of this place.
Darth Maul: I understand that the similarities are numerous, but I promise you that we are not on Tatooine my young friend.
Anakin: (Laughing) Yeah okay Maul, keep telling yourself that.
Darth Maul: (Shaking his head)
Anakin: Ooh, somebody still doesn’t believe me huh?
Darth Maul: If it will make this conversation come to an end, I will drop the subject.
Anakin: Oh no Maul, you’re not getting out of this one.
Darth Maul: Would somebody else please chime in here and help me. Boba Fett, please tell the boy that we are not on his home world.
Boba Fett: Anakin, I know it looks exactly the same but I promise you this is Jakku, not Tatooine.
Anakin: Okay, fine. Let’s check out the surroundings then.
Anakin points out the moisture vaporators, something that was told to him was on every desert planet they had ever been to. He then convinced them to travel to the nearest outpost they could find. He was convinced it was Toshi Station, a place that he had visited several times with Watto as a young boy.
Anakin: Welcome to Toshi Station everybody, it sure isn’t much, but it looks exactly the same since the last time I was here.
Darth Maul: This says it is the Niima Outpost.
Anakin: Niima Outpost, what the hell.
Anakin looks at the sign coming into what he thought was Toshi Station and starts yelling at anyone who will listen to him about when the name change occurred.
Boba Fett: I almost feel sorry for the kid, though I will admit; this does look a lot like Toshi Station. I’ve been there a handful of times and the similarities are astounding.
Boba Fett walks over to a sandstone wall that has something old etched into it but has over time, been covered up by the harsh sandstorms of Jakku. Boba begins to rub the aged sand off of the wall, uncovering what looks like an old sign or words that have been there for years. After a minute or so of rubbing, he begins to make some progress, uncovering what looks like an S and H.
Boba Fett: Hey Maul, get over here, give me a hand with this.
Darth Maul: Boba, can we please get to the battle, it has been raging for a while now while we follow young Skywalker on his trip down his misguided memory lane.
Boba Fett: Just give me a hand; this will only take a minute.
Darth Maul shakes his head and starts helping Boba Fett with his seemingly useless venture. After several more minutes of wiping sand away from the wall, the old letters begin to form words, words that leave them more annoyed then shocked.
Darth Maul: God damnit, that says what I think it does, does it not.
Boba Fett: Well, it does look exactly like Toshi Station. They must have just changed the name of the planet.
Darth Maul: Planets do not get name changes. Do you know the process it would take for somebody to change the name of a planet, especially a cesspool of a planet like this.
Boba Fett: Well maybe not, like you said, this place is basically hell on earth. Maybe nobody cared enough to keep the name the same.
Darth Maul: Or maybe instead of creating a new planet idea, they just decided to keep everything exactly the same as to not take any creative chance at all, therefore making sure that even if somebody claimed it was unoriginal, they would feel so nostalgic about the idea that they would not have any room to claim otherwise because they had already made it perfectly clear that new ideas were bad ideas and that as long as they gave it a different name, it would appear new, yet not actually new enough to scare anyone away.
Boba Fett: What? I was thinking maybe in the aftermath of the Empire falling, new faction’s renamed planets.
Darth Maul: Oh yeah, that could have happened as well.
Boba Fett: What were you talking about?
Darth Maul: Nevermind. Oh look, here comes Anakin. (Under his breathe) Never thought I would be glad to see him.
Anakin: (Laughing) They changed the name to the Niima Outpost thirty or so years ago after a new crime lord family took over the area. I told you it was Toshi Station. (Sees the uncovered sign on the wall) Oh hey, there it is you guys. I knew there was a sign around here somewhere.
Darth Maul: Yes Anakin, we now believe you. Now can we please join our team back at the battle?
Anakin: I could never mistake the aura of this place. The sand on Tatooine tastes differently then it does everywhere else.
Boba Fett: Tastes differently? Why are you tasting the sand, we ate before we came here.
Anakin: It’s not like I am eating it like a meal, it’s just, well, it always seems to make its way into everything. I mean EVERYTHING.
Darth Maul: (Shaking his head) Can we please move on Anakin. Are you not sensing what I am sensing about our team?
Anakin: Of course I am, very intense feelings I have been getting. See, that is why I hate this place. It always clouds my judgments.
Darth Maul: Then let’s go. Right now. Let’s leave.
The three of them take off toward the obvious battle that has been raging on since they arrived on the planet. After about a half hour of travel, the remnants of a battle littered the ground in front of them, dead bodies lying everywhere.
Anakin: I sense that nobody else is alive on our team, though I do not sense anybody on the other side as well.
Darth Maul: Do not be so sure about that Anakin, I sense something else out there. Perhaps it is not with us right now, but it is still there, that I am certain.
Boba Fett: Do you hear that? It sounds like a wheezing coming from that pile of Velociraptors.
Anakin: Did it occur to you that it might be a velociraptor that is wheezing?
Darth Maul: That is no dinosaur over there, I can sense a chill in the air with each breathe it takes.
The three of them make their way over to the pile of death and find the brutally beaten body of King Cold, barely hanging on to each breathe he took.
Darth Maul: What happened here your majesty?
King Cold: (Cough) We were slaughtering them, the battle (cough) was won. Iron Lad (cough) was on a rampage. (Coughing up blood) Frieza was battling with (cough) the Superman and winning (cough) did win I mean (cough) then, then everything changed.
King Cold then began to convulse and vomit up blood, vomiting to the point where he could no longer speak.
Darth Maul: What happened? What changed?
King Cold attempted to speak one last time but instead of words of warning, the look on his face gave away everything the final Sith AIDS members needed to know. Boba Fett, Anakin and Darth Maul all tentatively turned around and saw nothing to their surprise.
Boba Fett: What did he see? I’ve never seen the King scared in my life and he looked like a child just now.
As Boba finished his statement both Darth Maul and Anakin ignited their lightsabers, a threat beyond even their comprehension in the
Dave Bowman: It is remarkable what seeing death will do to the strongest willed of men. Oh well, it is time for us to go now.
Dave Bowman then disappeared as quickly as he had arrived. Boba Fett thought it was a strange move but when he looked at his two remaining team members, he saw both of them with each others lightsabers in their chests. Both Anakin and Darth Maul fell to the ground moments later. Boba then felt his own helmet begin to tighten around his skull. As he attempted to pull it off, he realized that it was starting to crush him. Boba fought with his own helmet as it was crushing his skull, breaking the bones in his face and not before long, he too was lying on the desert floor, blood pooling out from the bottom of his helmet.
The once blood soaked desert was quickly overtaken by the planets heavy winds and not before long, the blood was completely covered with sand. The winds continued to overtake many of the bodies, owning the landscape once more.