Sunday, June 19, 2016

Season 9, Round 2 Consolation - TEAM vs Moist Mafia

TEAM is: Mamaw, Papaw, and Bama

Moist Mafia is: Deadeye Duck w/ Red Lightsaber

Atop the Power Tower, Bama is trying to get Deadeye Duck to sign his mint in box, original pressing, ultra rare Deadeye Duck action figure. Deadeye has grown furiously annoyed with Bama who, armed with several different colors of sharpies, is throwing a fit that he not sign it in black.

"I have detailed the exact location that I wish for you to sign above the yellow post it note. Also keep your signature below the blue post it, I do not want too large of a signature." Bama says.

Deadeye Duck is angry but still willing to sign his first ever autograph when Bama sets his bag down on Deadeye Duck's lap. In a fit of rage not seen since Clive Revel, Deadeye ignites his lightsaber and slashes Bama multiple times, sending his parts scattering on the ground below.

"MUH GRAN-BABY!!" cries Mamaw. In a swift act of vengeance, Mamaw reaches over and grabs Papaw's weapon before anyone can react. Only Mamaw knows how to arm and get Papaw's weapon to shoot that quickly. She's been intimately familiar with his weapon for over half a century so she knows a few tricks. In a way, the meat spigot is more hers than his.

The feathers burn quickly and the smell is fowl. The Duck lets out violent screams of pain as the hot gravy has worked its way through his feathers and is now scorching his skin. He writhes in agony and loses his balance. He is still alive during the long fall down and his screams sends the crowd below scattering.

The hard cement is unforgiving; However, from his perspective, it shows him the mercy he desperately desired.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Season 9 Stan Lee Conference Finals: The Royal Highness vs. Griswold's Nut-busters


Dog eat dog,
Read the news;
Someone win,
Someone lose.
Ups above and downs below,
And limbo's in between;
Up you win,
Down you lose.
It's anybody's game,
Hey, hey, hey,
Every dog has its day;
It's a dog eat dog,
Dog eat.”

           
-AC/DC [Dog Eat Dog]

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 9 Stan Lee Conference Finals Match located on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:

The Royal Highness: Mogo (9 death), Lady Q (9 death), Cyborg Doomsday (9 death), Superboy Doomsday (9 death), Fantastic Four ([Assistant Coach] Reed Richards w/Ultimate Nullifier, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, and The Thing) in Anti-Galactus Suit, (Offensive Coordinator) Yoda, (Assistant Coach) Metron (9 death), Ronan the Accuser, Molecule Man, (Head Coach) Batman, Alfred, and Robin (Jason Todd) with blue lightsaber, Elderly Bruce Wayne and dog (9 death for dog) (Batman Beyond), Commissioner Gordon, The Flash (Barry Allen), Blade (Marvel), Agent Smith (Matrix), Emperor Palpatine, Lex Luthor, Sinister Six (minus 1) (Doctor Octopus  (9 death), Electro  (9 death), Vulture (9 death), Hobgoblin  (9 death), Sandman), Sandworm #1A, Maleficient (9 death), Rhas Al Ghul (w/Green Lantern ring) (9 death), Detective Christian Walker and Deena Pilgrim (Powers), Roger Rabbit, Jessica Rabbit and the Batwing, Gungnir (Marvel) (Transforming Helicarrier) and The Revenge (Transformers).

Griswold’s Nut-busters: Galactus, Primus, Onslaught, Doomsday, Slym Dayspring (w/ a green lantern ring (he has 9 deaths)), Redd Dayspring (w/ a green lantern ring (she has 9 deaths)), (Age of Apocalypse) Nightcrawler (w/ a green lightsaber (he has 9 deaths)), (Age of Apocalypse) Blob (he has 9 deaths), Evan Sabahnur (he has 9 deaths), Fantomex in a Fiat C.R. 42 Fighter Plane, Cluster in a Cierva W.9, Weapon XIII (w/ magnoguard electrostaff) in a Bell X-2, Scarlet Witch (w/ 9 deaths), Emma Frost, Dazzler, Black Tom Cassidy, Talon, Batwing and R-4 Unit #3 in a Resistance X-Wing, Star Sapphire #3 (w/ 9 deaths), Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) in an F-22, Teneb Kel and Maggot, Exal Kressh, Dexter Jettster and R-4 Unit #2 in a Resistance X-Wing, HK-47, The Witch King of Angmar (w/ 9 deaths) on his Mordor Horse, Shelob, (Head Coach) Dexter Morgan and his bodyguard Stormtrooper #3 (w/ 9 deaths) in a Y-1300 Light Freighter being piloted by War Skrull #6 (w/ 9 deaths) and Jedi Master #2A (w/ a green lantern ring), Anaksunamun (w/ 9 deaths), Riddick, Kalder, Gotenks (w/ a green lantern ring), Super Shredder (he has 9 deaths), G.W. Bridge in a landmaster, Krayt Dragon #1, Dark Side Adept Kyle Houslander and Dark Side Acolyte Zachary Houslander in a Double Dash Mario Kart and Annoying Orange on an adult sized tricycle.

The Royal Highness Locker Room. . .

Yoda:  Coach Batman - listen to him we will.

Batman:  Do I really need to say anything?

Roger Rabbit:  Pppppppllleease Batman!

Reed Richards:  Batman is a man of few words, but as you know I am not.  This year started with. . .

Human Torch (interrupting Richards): Let’s kick some Nut-buster balls!!!!

The entire Royal Highness team rallies around the Torch’s words. Richards looks somewhat sullen and disappointed that he could not finish his twenty minute diatribe.

Griswold’s Nut-busters Locker Room. . .

The Witch King of Angmar screeches and the entire room becomes silent.

Emma Frost:  The time has come for the Nut-busters to rise to this occasion.

Stormtrooper #3 mutters to himself:  That’s not all that’s on the rise due to Frost’s outfit.

Doomsday:  Death to the Highness!

Fantomex: Death!

Talon: Death!

The repeated word of  “Death” crescendos as the entire locker room erupts in a frenzy.

Let the Battle begin. . .

Water Region. . .

A large mass of buoyed detritus floats in the middle of the Water Region.  The hunter-killer assassin droid, HK-47, stands with Exal Kressh. 

HK-47:  Why have we been teleported to the waters of this planet? It does not compute.

Exal Kressh:  It does not matter.  All that matters is that we defeat who will be teleported here on behalf of the enemy.

HK-47:  My servomotors stand ready.

A flash of intense light bursts in the area and Emperor Palpatine stands among the floatsam.

Palpatine gains hits wits.  Kressh leaps to his piece of jetsam and ignites her lightsaber.  Although taken somewhat unaware, the Sith Lord manages to avoid being sliced in half.  As Palpatine jumps to another piece of floating wreckage, HK-47 fires at the Emperor.  In midair, Palpatine skillfully deflects the bolts with his newly ignited lightsaber. 

Palpatine:  You may both be sufficient in the ways of villainy, but your prowess does not compare to my existence within the Dark Side itself.

Palpatine sheaths his saber and unleashes Force lightning upon Kressh.  The Sith hybrid writhes in pain and screams as she is burned from the inside out.  Bubbles rise to the surface of the water as her body drifts to the waters below. HK-47 manages to fire a few blasts before Palpatine lifts HK-47 off of the debris.  The water engulfs the droid and is sinks below, joining the free-floating body of Kressh. 

Palpatine:  They will have to do better to defeat me. 

Palpatine cackles and begins to Force push himself back to shore.

Forest Region. . .

Black Tom Cassidy muddles through the brush of the Forest Region.  He feels the plant-life around him and gains strength from their essence.  As he turns through a copse of trees and vines, he notices spider webs strung throughout the area.  He accidentally stumbles into a web.  The mutant looks up and sees an immense spider walking down its webbing.

Cassidy:  You’re one ugly mother.

Shelob opens its maw in anticipation of its prey.  As the giant spider traipses down the strands, it fails to notice the vines as they begin to wrap around its limbs.  The vines begin to strangle the spider and they suddenly tighten, ripping the limbs and head off of Shelob’s torso.  Cassidy struggles out of the webs and walks on, victorious for now.

Desert Region. . .

Anaksunamun stands next to Riddick.  The beautiful, Egyptian warrior and space mercenary look at one another.

Riddick:  Right up our alley.

Anaksunamun:  I’m not sure what an alley is, but I’m extremely comfortable in this region.

Riddick: That’s what I said.

The two give each other a look and smile.  The duo are in their element; they are ready to fight.  As they scan the area, they notice a landmaster drive up next to them; it is G.W. Bridge.  The three hear an animal screech.  Krayt Dragon #1 slithers alongside its teammates.  An tornado of sand suddenly rises from the ground and engulfs the four combatants.

Sandman:  You may be used to the desert, but you’re sure not used to me being the sand!

G.W. Bridge unleashes the twin bazookas at the eye of the tornado.  The casings explode and Sandman screams as he is scattered throughout the area; eventually coming together again.  While the four are distracted, the remaining Sinister Six members rush the Nut-busters.  Dr. Octopus’ tentacles rip off the mounted armaments on the landmaster.  Hobgoblin then throws a half dozen pumpkin bombs into the vehicle.  The vehicle explodes, taking G. W. Bridge with its destruction.  Anaksunamun spars with Electro and Electro falls to the ground. 

Electro:  You have a lot of pretty jewelry on Anak.  You know, gold is a great conductor of electricity.

Anaksunamun looks at her body which is covered in gold.  She attempts to shed the jewelry quickly, but without success.  Electro laughs as the electricity rips through the Egyptian’s body.  A singed Anaksunamun falls to the sand.

Riddick grumbles non-intelligent words as he fights with the Vulture.  Vulture attempts to grab the merc, but Riddick slashes the wrists of the Vulture before being reached.  Blood spurts from Vulture’s wrists and the old man eventually bleeds out and dies.  Seeing their mate killed, the four remaining Sinister Six gang up and kill Riddick.  Krayt shuffles over to Doc Ock and Electro.  Sandworm bursts from the ground and wrestles with Krayt Dragon #1 before the Star Wars behemoth is able to rip the duo apart.  The two monstrosities battle, but in the end, Sandworm #1A is victorious.

Water Region. . .

Palpatine lands on the shore.  The Emperor is tired. 

Palpatine:  Finally – land.

Palpatine is engulfed in a bright teleportation light.

Space Region. . .

Rhas Al Ghul flies to Mogo.  Ghul notices Primus heading toward Mogo.

Ghul:  You understand that by doing this you are going to die!?!

The living planet sends a message to Ghul by having its trees bloom.

Ghul:  Live another day?  But you won’t!  You will be sent to the Graveyard!  The Graveyard! 

Mogo’s foliage rattles in response.

Ghul:  You were a true champion on this team.

Ghul flies away, leaving Mogo and Primus.  Mogo shudders when Primus is within 10,000 miles of the planetoid.  Unbeknownst to Primus, Mogo has supercharged his green lantern ring.  Mogo also had hidden the Revenge, which has been set to self destruct, including the placement of all moleculon missiles near the ship’s core.

9,000. . .  8,000. . .  7,0000. . .  6,000. . .  5,000. . .  4,000. . .  3,000. . . 2,000. . . 1,000. . .

An explosion unlike anyone has seen in the FFL is emitted throughout the Space Region of the Playoff Planet.  Entire stars are consumed and spatial rifts emerge as both Mogo and Primus disappear in an instant.  After the flash – nothing in the area remains.

City Region. . . Fawcett Sector. . .

Dark Side Adept Kyle Houslander and Dark Side Acolyte Zachary Houslander ride in a Double Dash Mario Kart while Annoying Orange peddles on an adult sized tricycle.  The trio rides around, looking for trouble.  They bump into their teammates, the Age of Apocalypse Blob and Nightcrawler. 

Annoying Orange: Hey Blob!  You’re so fat you don’t need the internet; you’re already world wide.

Blob incredulously looks down.

Annoying Orange:  Hey Blob!  You’re so fat that when you step on the scale it says ‘To be continued.’

Blob:  Shut up!  You’re on my team too you annoying. . . orange.

Annoying Orange:  Hey Blob!  You’re so fat, if you buy a fur coat an entire species will go extinct!

Blob has had enough and squishes Annoying Orange. 

Nightcrawler:  I know he was annoying, but like you said, he’s on our team.

Blob: Don’t care.  Now he’s on the dead team.

Plains Region. . .

The expanse of the Plains Region is great, allowing the combatants plenty of area to fight.  It is the battle of the Ds as Doomsday battles both Cyborg Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday.

Doomsday:  I am the original.  You are mere copies not worthy of my recognition.

Superboy Doomsday:  We’ll see who’s not worthy of recognition old man.

The Doomsday entities battle against one another in a frenetic cluster of blood, sweat and spit. Although the Royal Highness Doomsdays are pummeling the Nut-buster original, Doomsday still manages to ultimately destroy Cyborg Doomsday.

Doomsday:  As I said, a mere copy.

Superboy Doomsday takes advantage of the damage the original has taken, especially with his immediate fight with Cyborg Doomsday. 

Superboy Doomsday:  It is time for someone else to carry on the name.

Doomsday smiles: And that shall be the original.

Doomsday comes upon Superboy Doomsday and places him in a sleeper hold, eventually breaking the copy’s neck.  A wearied Doomsday turns and is immediately struck by Ronan the Accuser’s universal weapon.  A stunned Doomsday slowly rises from his knees.  Ronan the Accuser is then joined by Molecule Man.  Ronan’s weapon’s cosmic energy rips through Doomsday and these power are enhanced by the Molecule Man.  Doomsday looks to the Highness duo.

Doomsday:  Congratulations for doing that which no imitation could.

Doomsday shudders and falls to the ground, dead.

City Region. . . Metropolis Sector. . .

Detective Christian Walker and Deena Pilgrim slowly walk down the street with both Roger Rabbit and Jessica Rabbit.

Roger Rabbit:  Ppppplllleeeaaassee Eddy!

Walker:  Stop calling me Eddy already!  Name is Walker.

Pilgrim:  It’s a nervous bunny thing Walker.  Give the rabbit a break.

Walker:  If he doesn’t shut up, that’s not all that is going to be given a break.

The four return to their task of scanning for the enemy.

Emma Frost and Dazzler step from a storefront.  Dazzler immediately hits the four with her mutant abilities and the lights blind both Walker and Pilgrim.

Roger Rabbit: Such pretty sparkles!

Frost turns into her diamond form and in an instant, uses both hands to pierce the chests of Roger and Jessica Rabbit.

Walker and Pilgrim focus on the mutant duo and begin to fire their weapons.  Both Dazzler and Frost scurry out of the way.  The detective duo hears a sound behind them.  In tandem, the two turn around.  Before their weapons are fired, Walker is killed by Slym Dayspring and Pilgrim is killed by Redd Dayspring.

Air Region. . .

Lex Luthor and Lady Q ride Gungnir.  The Nut-busters set upon Gungnir with all of their flying vehicles - Fantomex in a Fiat C.R. 42 Fighter Plane, Cluster in a Cierva W.9, Weapon XIII in a Bell X-2, Batwing and R-4 Unit #3 in a Resistance X-Wing, Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) in an F-22, Dexter Jettster and R-4 Unit #2 in a Resistance X-Wing, (Head Coach) Dexter Morgan and his bodyguard Stormtrooper #3 in a Y-1300 Light Freighter being piloted by War Skrull #6 and Jedi Master #2A.

Luthor:  It is fine to have such an able bodied and superior minded participant in this portion of the battle with me.

Lady Q:  I agree Luthor. 

The two stand in the ship and watch the fireworks around same.  The battlements of Gungnir hold, while the targeting systems facilitate the staccato destruction of the Nut-busters’ ships.  Although Gungnir takes damage due to the sheer number of the enemies’ fighters, it still stands at the end of the skirmish.  The entire Nut-buster fleet of vehicles is destroyed; the devastation and smoke shattering the sky around the battle.  The one positive note concerning the skirmish for the Nut-busters is the fact that, like a fight in G.I. Joe, no one living dies.  Thus, Fantomex, Cluster, Weapon XIII, Batwing, GL Hal Jordan, Dexter Jettster, Dexter Morgan, Stormtrooper #3, War Skrull #6 and Jedi Master #2A survive; R-4 Units #2 and 3 are not as lucky.  While floating down in their various escape devices, they are teleported to additional sections of the Playoff Planet.

Luthor:  Another victory for Luthor. . . and for Lady Q, of course.

Galactus sets upon the scene and the smiles of both Luthor and Lady Q disintegrate. 

Galactus: . . . Albeit a short lived victory at that.

Just as Gungnir begins its transformation, with the powers cosmic at full force, Galactus rips into and destroys Gungnir.  Luthor and Lady Q scream in agony as they are ripped apart within.

Water Region. . .

Emperor Palpatine lands in the detritus of the waters, once again.

Emperor Palpatine:  Oh, come on!

Yoda:  No longer against one another we are. Now with you shall you fight. 

Emperor Palpatine:  We shall.

The duo focuses on a flotation device which contains the newly arrived Dexter Morgan, Stormtrooper #3, War Skrull #6 and Jedi Master #2A.  Jedi Master #2A ignites his lightsaber and clashes with Emperor Palpatine.  Palpatine easily dispatches with the master, but it takes longer then expected since Jedi Master #2A not only used his lightsaber, but his green lantern ring also.  The Emperor balls his hands into fists and shoots lighting at Dexter Morgan. 

Stormtrooper #3:  My love!!!!

Stormtrooper #3 leaps in front of Morgan just as the serial killer was to be hit by the Sith’s lightning.  The lightning rushes through Stormtrooper #3 and he falls to the ground.  Dexter Morgan cradles Stormtrooper #3’s head.  Dexter Morgan actually has a tear in his eye.

Morgan:  Let me see your face.

Morgan takes off the helmet and winces.

Morgan:  Better keep that on.

Morgan puts the helmet back on Stormtrooper #3’s face and is skewered by Yoda’s lightsaber. 

Yoda:  With him you are now.  Together, in each other’s arms you will spend eternity.

War Skrull #6 is then killed by the combined efforts of both the Jedi and Sith working together.

Palpatine:  Back to shore. . .

Forest Region. . .

Black Tom Cassidy walks through the foliage to see teammates, Talon and Scarlet Witch.

Talon:  About time you made it.

Cassidy:  Listen, I just killed a heckuvah big spider back there.

Scarlet Witch shudders: I hate spiders!

Cassidy:  What are you two doing?

Talon: We thought we saw Metron out here.

Cassidy instantly is on the defensive, waiting for Metron to appear.  Suddenly, a red blur comes to the scene and a crack is heard as Cassidy’s neck is broken by the Flash.

Metron:  My superior intellect knew that if you were looking for me alone, you would fail to see the friend.

Talon enters into hand-to-hand combat with Metron, who is adept at that skill set also.  Metron bests Talon after a lengthy skirmish.  Scarlet Witch stands alone.

Scarlet Witch:  I’ve bested my brother, Quicksilver; you should be no more than he.

Before the Flash can react and race away, Scarlet Witch stops the Flash in place.  With a twist of her wrists, the Flash’s body becomes puddy.  The Scarlet Witch then reaches out again and the Flash’s body becomes rigid.  The Flash’s body cannot take the strain that is imposed upon it by Wanda; his healing powers cannot compensate for the demands and he succumbs to these rigors, dying at the hands of the witch.   

Desert Region. . .

Sandworm #1A slithers on the surface of the sands in the region.  It fails to notice huge pieces of Mogo, Primus and the Revenge before they fall from the sky, killing the Dune inhabitant.

Plains Region. . .

Maleficent faces Star Sapphire #3.

Maleficent:  I love a strong female, even a common.

Star Sapphire #3:  I hate talking.

Star Sapphire immediately encases Maleficent in a green bubble.  Maleficent scans the bubble and the evil fairy waves her hand. The bubble pops. 

Maleficent then moves the earth upward.  Although Star Sapphire #3 reacts in time, he body is still somewhat shattered with the rocks and debris.  Not mortally wounded, Star Sapphire #3 still crawls on the ground injured.

Maleficent:  Another morsel.

Maleficent changes into a black dragon and her maw chomps down on Star Sapphire #3, who is too injured to react in time.

City Region. . . Gotham Sector. . .

Batman and Robin (Jason Todd) slowly tread down the streets of the Gotham sector.  Batman has his batarang out while Robin ignites his blue lightsaber.  Joining the dynamic duo are Elderly Bruce Wayne and his dog, as well as Commissioner Gordon.  The Batwing flies to the scene, hovering over the group, flown by Alfred.   

Robin:  There are only two.

Batman:  Two is enough in this case.  Cover!!!!

The Highness scatter as both Onslaught and Evan Sabahnur ease on down the road.

Onslaught sends a psionic blast at the Batwing and the ship explodes.  Alfred was not lucky enough to take advantage of the “G.I. Joe” moment from the Air Region of the Playoff Planet occurring earlier in the match; he is dead.

Evan Sabahnur focuses on Elderly Bruce Wayne and his dog.  Sabahnur chases the two down into an alleyway.  The two stand their ground against the young mutant.  The dog stands in front of its master.

Sabahnur:  Isn’t that beautiful.  A faithful pet willing to sacrifice itself for its master.

Sabahnur’s eyes glow red.  Both Elderly Bruce Wayne and his dog lower themselves to the ground.  They cuddle and die together.

Sabahnur:  A beautiful thing. . .

Meanwhile, Onslaught destroys Commissioner Gordon without much fanfare.  Onslaught is then joined by Sabahnur.  Batman and Robin come from a building, armor encasing the duo.  

Onslaught: What one Earth 616 made you think armor was a good idea?

Onslaught and his psi armor takes on Batman.  The two engage in a knockdown, drag-out skirmish, but ultimately the human being is no match for the enhanced mutant.  As Bane did to Batman at one time, Onslaught raised Batman above his head and slams the caped crusader’s body over his knee; this time though, his back is not broken, but his entire body is ripped in half.  Robin screams and rushes Onslaught, his blue lightsaber out.  Sabahnur uses his mutant ability to kill the boy wonder before reaching his partner’s killer.

Sabahnur:  Score: Six – mutants;  Humans- none.

Space Region. . .

Nothingness is felt amongst the lack of stars due to the decimation wrought by the previous fight.  Galactus has decided to make this area his place to watch the battle below.  He is suddenly set upon by Reed Richards in the Anti-Galactus suit.  Watching on the Playoff Planet below, are Mr. Fantastic’s teammates.

Human Torch:  He has to win!

The Thing:  At one billion dollars per second, he better or the Highness will go bankrupt.

Invisible Woman:  Come on, Reed.

Richards and Galactus spar for what seems to be an eternity, but is only a matter of minutes.  Thus, the Highness is only 180 billion dollars in the hole to the FFL Bank of Scheming.  A huge eruption occurs and Galactus is killed.  The suit is damaged beyond repair, so Reed leaves it drifting in the atmosphere around the Playoff Planet.

City Region. . . Star City Sector. . .

Kalder, Gotenks, Super Shredder, Teneb Kel and Maggot walk together.

Teneb Kel ignites his lightsaber: I feel them; they will appear any second.

Blade, Agent Smith, along with Doctor Octopus, Electro,  Hobgoblin and Sandman are flown by Rhas Al Ghul’s green lantern ring to the Star City Sector.  Each Higness combatant lands on the ground, ready to fight. 

Teneb Kel and Maggot fight with the Foul Four.  Maggot is immediately surrounded by Sandman and finished off by Hobgoblin.  Teneb Kel manages to not only cut through the tentacles of Doc Ock, but also decapitates Spiderman’s nemesis in the process.  Electro reacts and electrifies Kel, who drops to the ground a deadened husk of ash.

A bamf is heard and AoA Nightcrawler and Blob arrive at the scene.  Blade unsheathes the two swords located on his back.

Blade: You’re dead vampire.

Nightcrawler:  I’m not a vampire. 

The two battle one another in a vicious sword fight without one gaining the upper hand over the other.  Eventually though, Nightcrawler bamfs behind the vampire hunter and skewers Blade through the heart. 

Gotenks enters into a skirmish with Agent Smith.  Although Gotenks holds his own, the warped reality created by Agent Smith is too much for the Dragon Ball Z fighter, even with his green lantern ring.  Gotenks is killed in the melee.  Meanwhile, Kalder fights Rhas Al Ghul and is unsuccessful in his attempts to kill the green lantern enhanced villain.  AoA Blob joins the fray and assists Kalder, Ghul’s ring is not enough to protect him from the combined strength of the two and Ghul dies.

Super Shredder focuses on the Hobgoblin and manages to take out the masked marauder’s glider and then kill the villain in one action.  Super Shredder is then ripped apart by the combined efforts of Electro and the Sandman.

AoA Nightcrawler, AoA Blob and Agent Smith fight the standing Highness combatants of Electro and the Sandman.  The Highness’ luck runs out in this skirmish as the final two Sinister Six move to the FFL Graveyard.

City Region. . . Bama Sector. . .

The desolate cityscape will hold the final battle between the two teams. 

The remaining Royal Highness of Reed Richards,  Invisible Woman, Human Torch, The Thing), Yoda, Metron, Ronan the Accuser, Molecule Man, Agent Smith, Emperor Palpatine and Maleficient stand together.

Across the beaten path, the remaining Nut-busters of Onslaught, Slym Dayspring, Redd Dayspring, (Age of Apocalypse) Nightcrawler, (Age of Apocalypse) Blob, Evan Sabahnur, Fantomex Cluster, Weapon XIII, Scarlet Witch, Emma Frost, Dazzler, Batwing, Green Lantern (Hal Jordan), Dexter Jettster, The Witch King of Angmar on his Mordor Horse, and Dark Side Adept Kyle Houslander with Dark Side Acolyte Zachary Houslander in a Double Dash Mario Kart hold firm.

The Houslanders immediately take the offensive and rush their Mario Kart at the Higness crew; their lightsabers are ignited, ready for action.  Palpatine stands in front of the vehicle and looks incredulously at the duo racing toward his team.

Palpatine:  Oh, if you were only on my team.  I would have much to teach you and be honored to do so.

The Houslanders scream as they are ready to strike the Emperor.

Palpatine:  But you are not.

Palpatine spins and decapitates the Houslanders as they ride by.  The Double Dash Mario Kart crashes into a bunch of trash cans near the scene.

The Witch King of Angmar’s horse rises and whinnies in anticipation of its necessity in battle.  The Witch King unsheathes its sword and screeches.  Maleficent walks toward the Tolkien villain.  Maleficent immediately casts a spell, disintegrating the horse.  The Witch King falls from his steed and the two fantastical villains face one another.  The spells fly at one another, but in the end the Witch King is triumphant.  The Witch King raises its sword above its head. 

The Thing:  It’s clobberin’ time!

The Thing strikes the Witch King, who crumples to the floor at the impact.  The King is then struck by the intense fiery blasts of the Human Torch.  The Witch King screams and lashes out at the Thing.  The Thing is struck down, but slowly rises.  The Invisible Woman creates a bauble around the King and the Molecule Man joins the fray.

Molecule Man:  May I, Sue?

Invisible Woman:  You may, Owen.

The Molecule Man manipulates the molecules in the bauble and the Witch King explodes.    

Metron and Batwing spar with one another. 

Metron:  I am your superior, human.

Batwing:  We’ll see about that.

The two fight with one another and although Batwing manages to hurt the New God, Metron uses his universal knowledge of fighting skills to defeat and kill Batwing. Green Lantern, Scarlet Witch and Evan Sabahnur join the fray after watching their teammate die.  Without the Mobius Chair, Metron is unable to defray the battle forced upon him by the three enemy.  Ultimately, Metron falls, but takes Hal Jordan with him in death.

Fantomex and Cluster join Weapon XIII, who has pulled his magnoguard electrostaff out.  The trio faces Agent Smith.  Agent Smith’s moves and abilities mirror those of the three Nut-busters.  The skilled mutants manage to repeatedly beat upon and injure Agent Smith, but his Matrix abilities regenerate each time the mutants are in a position of power.  Ronan the Accuser walks toward the four fighting each other.

Ronan the Accuser:  This is a waste of time.

Ronan gathers the powers cosmic in his utility weapon and unleashes its ferocity at the four.  The four are shredded apart and while the others’ essences are being dissolved, Agent Smith becomes whole again.

Agent Smith:  It was the only logical choice.

Ronan:  It was not logical, it was merely a means to an end.  It became tiresome to watch.

Emma Frost: As do the two of you.

Frost comes to the scene with Dazzler and Scarlet Witch.

Dazzler transforms the sounds into light waves that temporarily blind both Agent Smith and Ronan.  The Scarlet Witch and Emma Frost hit Agent Smith with their telekinetic abilities and Agent Smith’s face becomes a blank stare as his being is jumbled by the duo.  Agent Smith explodes.  Ronan reacts and points his weapon at the two women.

Scarlet Witch:  Not so fast!

Scarlet Witch pulls the weapon from Ronan’s hand.  Ronan rushes at the Avenger but is stopped by a diamond Emma Frost. 

Frost:  Not so big and bad without your weapon, are you?

Emma and Wanda pin Ronan to the ground with their abilities.  The Invisible Woman, Human Torch and the Thing attempt to save their teammate Ronan and are successful.  Ronan rises and calls for his universal weapon.  In the meantime, the Human Torch dispels with Dazzler.  There is a lengthy fight, but the enhanced weapon of Ronan tips the scales to the Highness.  The Thing is killed by Emma Frost, who is, in turn, killed by the Torch and Ronan.  Wanda is set upon by the entire Highness combatants, but manages to mortally wound Invisible Woman before her death.  Reed Richards sees his beloved struck and rushes by her side.

Invisible Woman:  For the Highness, Reed.  For. . . The. . . Highness. . .

Reed Richards looks to the sky and shouts at the top of his lungs in agony.  The Human Torch de-ignites his hand and places it on Reed’s shoulder.

Yoda and Palpatine stand together, once again.  In front of them stand Slym Dayspring, Redd Dayspring, AoA Nightcrawler and Blob and Evan Sabahnur. 

Yoda:  A test of our skills, this is.

Palpatine:  Let us even the field immediately.

With the use of the Force, the Sith rips off the green lantern rings on both the hands of Slym and Redd. 

AoA Blob shambles over to the duo.  Thinking that the lightsabers will not harm the behemoth is a mistake as Yoda and Palpatine slice chunks out of the Blob.  Blob is eventually dissected piece by piece and AoA Blob falls to the ground dead.  AoA Nightcrawler teleports next to Palpatine and is about the skewer the Sith Lord when Palpatine instantly turns around and grabs the mutant by the throat before he can use his lightsaber against Force wielder.  Palpatine cackles as he squeezes the life’s essence from Nightcrawler.

Palpatine:  Did you really think you could sneak up behind me?!?!

Nightcrawler smiles:  Nope.  Just distract you.

As Nightcrawler dies, the full powers of Redd and Slym Dayspring strike Palpatine. Palpatine screams and dies.  Yoda turns to his Sith partner and shakes his head in dismay.

Yoda:  An alley you did become.  A true warrior you were.  Your death in vain will it not be. 

Yoda ignites his lightsaber and motions for the mutant duo to come to him.  The battle is intense as the diminutive Jedi Knight fights for his life against the two, but ultimately (and somewhat miraculously) Yoda is victorious at the end of the melee.  The bodies of both Slym and Redd are crumpled on the ground.  Yoda slowly walks away and his body is pulled apart without anyone being near him.  Onslaught moves from the shadows.

Evan Sabahnur:  Nice work, my friend.

Onslaught:  Yoda has been a thorn in everyone’s side at one time or another.  He needed to be removed from this fight, on my terms.

The Nut-buster mutant duo face Richards, Molecule Man, Ronan and the Human Torch.  It is only a matter of minutes before the Human Torch is killed by Evan.  The Molecule Man pushes his abilities to the limit and Evan responds in kind.  The Molecule Man drops to the ground, as does Sabahnur.  Ronan takes advantage of his enemy’s fall and strikes the mutant with his weapon, crushing the skull of the young man.  Onslaught reacts and blasts a psionic wave, crushing Ronan.  Onslaught focuses on the Molecule Man.  The two fight with one another when Reed Richards stands tall with the ultimate nullifier in his hands.

Richards:  For Sue. . .

Richards blasts the ultimate nullifier at Onslaught, who was focused on the Molecule Man.  Onslaught screams as the nullifier rips the mutant apart.  Richards walks toward the Molecule Man; blood is dripping from his mouth and ears.

Molecule Man:  We did it Reed.  We did it.

Richards:  You did it Owen.  I’m proud of you.  The entire Royal Highness is proud of you.

Owen Reece dies with a smile on his face.

 
 

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. The Fake Men

Super Kitties: Mala

Fake Men: Rick Santorum and Scott Walker







It's a beautiful day at cedar point as spectators look up at the very top of The Power Tower and they see Rick Santorum and also Scott Walker fighting Mala, mother of Chewbacca. Rick Santorum shouted "Why are you doing this?! We just said we like the new Star Wars movies more and think Disney is doing a fine job!" Mala roars and pick up Scott Walker and throws him against Rick, knocking him down. Rick and Scott angrily get back up and attack Mala together, at first it looks like its succeeding but then Mala kicks Rick away and rips Scott's arms off. Mala then hits Scott with his own arms til he fell off. Mala turns and roars at Rick, but Rick won't back down and charges at Mala as the two engage in combat exchanging punch after punch. Mala begins to gain the upper hand as Rick becomes to tired out as Mala hits him in the chest and gets on top of him and chokes him out. Mala gets up and lets out a huge victory roar.

Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Abomitrons

Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are Alf, Rolf the Dog, and Ewok #22.

The Abomitrons are Michael Vick (w/ a M202A1 Flash Rocket Launcher), and C.T. 5555 (Fives).


“Good morning General. Our seats are properly secured, and the craft is moving in its designated upward motion”. Says Fives to Michael Vick.

“I'm not really sure the general thing still applies, Trooper. At one point I was one of the top dogs in this league. I had my own team named after me and everything”. Says Vick calmly.

“You still are in my book sir”. Says Fives.

Vick reflects: “Yeah, but I truly am better off now. I've gone through a lot of therapy and I am just glad to be a healthier person. Hurting people and hurting dogs are just not even on my radar anymore. This is the new me”.

“Good to hear it sir. The other team should be approaching shortly” says Fives.

The three Murderflies rise up to meet them in the shuttle of their own, when an uneasy look rolls over Michael Vick's face. Vick looks at Fives and says: “Are those dogs, the other team, they all look like dogs”??.........

“I believe one of them is a dog sir. One is an alien from Malmac and the other is an ewok from the Moon of Endor. It is true that all three of them are furry; but only one is a dog sir”. Fives reports.

“They look like dogs to me”........ Vick says creepily. He finishes: “Do you think it would hurt my mental wellness if I just killed one of those dogs?? Or maybe I don't need to kill them. What if I just electrocuted them or held them underwater for a while”??

“I understand that war is hell sir; but that is quite a weird question”. Responds Fives.

From the other side of the ride ALF looks to his teammates and says: “Now I'm all about eating cats, but what is this crazy dog killer's problem. Back on Melmac, we euthanize people that crazy.

“I don't know ALF, but I don't like the sounds of it”. Says Rolf.

The ewok is unresponsive as he is preoccupied picking lice out of his legs, or perhaps he is masturbating. I'm not really sure.

“General Vick, what is the plan”?? Asks Fives.

Vick responds: “I like dem dogs. Doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy dogs”. Ima get dem dogs. Ima get em. Doggy doggy dogs.

“General Vick, is there a plan”. Fives reiterates.

Vick answers: “It's a dog eat dog world. And I'm the top dog. Dogs and dogs and dogs”...... Vick then snaps and yells: “HAHAHAHAHA!! IT'S TIME FO A DOG FIGHT Y'ALL”.

Vick then leaps on to the other shuttle and pulls the trigger on his M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher and blows the entire car off of the top of the ride sending him and the entire other team to their canine deaths......

Fives grabs his comlink and radios in: “Abomitron command, this is CT-5555 reporting in. Yes, sir. The plan worked perfect. Mission accomplished.

Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are Dr. Evil (w/ an Indigo Lantern Ring), Mini Me, and Number 2.

Team Sleeping Pussy is Big Jim (w/ S.P.I.N. Tech), and Norman Rockwell (w/ a Halberd and a Zapper).


At the very top of the Power Tower, all five combatants await what appears to be imminent doom as they hang on, unstrapped in, in their seats.....

“Allllllll-Right, who signed me up for this ridiculous match?? Heights aren't really my thing. I'm blaming you Number 2”. Proclaims Dr. Evil.

“My apologies Dr. Evil. Being 300 feet up is rather unsettling”. Answers Number 2.

“Speaking of unsettling, that smell permeating the hot summer air is revolting. Is that you that your pants that are filled with Number 2, Number 2?? Or does Mini Me need a new diaper”??

“THAT'S IT. I'M TIRED OF THIS S*^T NORM. WHAT ARE THESE WHINY B^&^(&*ES WHINING AND B(*&(*ING ABOUT?? I'M GONNA WANDER OVER AND BEAT THE S^&T OUT OF THESE PUSSIES”. Exlcaims Big Jim.

“I think I am going to do a painting about this when we get back to headquarters” Says Norman Rockwell calmly.

“WELL I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ALL THAT. I ALWAYS THOUGHT PAINTING PICTURES WAS ONE OF THOSE GAY-A**-PUSSY PROJECTS MYSELF, BUT HEY, WHAT THE F(*&(* DO I KNOW. AT LEAST YOU AREN'T ACTING ALL SISSIFIED LIKE THE PUSSIES ON THAT OTHER TEAM. WHICH REMINDS ME, WHY IS OUR TEAM CALLED THE SLEEPING PUSSIES ANYWAYS?? I AIN'T NO PUSSY, AND I RARELY SLEEP. MOST OF THE OTHER DUDES ON THE TEAM ARE PRETTY HARSH TOO. I MEAN LOOK AT ME. I OBVIOUSLY AIN'T NOBODY THAT ANYBODY SHOULD F&)* WITH; BUT I'D BE HARD PRESSED TO FIND A MOTHAF(*&))R WHO WOULD HAVE THE STONES TO CALL THAT RORSCHACH MOTHERF)&)(&)(R A PUSSY, NOT TO MENTION BULLSEYE.

“Good question Jim. It looks like the other squad is getting ready to make their move though. So, let's stay at the ready”.

“Mmm Okay, I need you minions to attack already. Starting now”. Dr.Evil says, as he tightly grips the sides of his chair”.

Number 2 has the crap scared out of him literally; but he attempts to make his move. Unfortunately the number 2, that was in number 2's pants begins to leak out of his pant leg causing him to slip on the poo which sends him falling to his demise.

Norman attempts to throw his halberd at Dr. Evil to take out their leader; but he misses. The mystical weapon then begins to free fall, most likely killing or maiming an innocent bystander down below. Norm then begins taking poorly aimed pot shots at Dr. Evil with his Zapper, one of which does eventually make contact with his face. Mini Me begins rushing towards Norman in a rage, out for blood after the death of his larger self; but Big Jim intervenes. Right as Mini Me is about to sink his evil little midget teeth into Norman Rockwell, Jim jumps in-between them and bear hugs the midget which ends in a sacrificing free fall for them both.

“JIM!! NOOOOOOO”!! Norman yells.

Jim looks up to Norm on his way down and yells: “JUST KEEP PAINTING S*)(T YOU SISSY-F*)&)&)(R”......

Probably the best compliment Jim had ever given.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Season 9, Week 2 Consolation Match: Commandos vs Turrible Decisions

The Miley and Barack's Thank God Nick is Leaving so we can get Someone with a Shorter Team Name Commandos is :  Imperator Furiosa

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (aka. Snarls Sharkley's Jaws of Life) is:  Peter Venkman (9 deaths w/Green Lightsaber)

"I'm sorry, ma'am," says the annoyed Cedar Point attendant, "but we are not giving out fast pass tickets for the Power Tower anymore. The cut off time was Saturday by 2:00 pm.  You need to get to the back of the line."

"This is crap." Furiosa replies. She points to Venkman who is waiting between the two towers. "I am supposed to be fighting that guy over there. It won't take long, I promise, he's a super nerd and I am going to destroy him real quick then be on my way."

Venkman sees her and decides to go talk the attendant into letting her in real quick.

"Thanks for that." says Furiosa. "You know, it isn't my fault I was late. We have been dealing with managerial issues all season."

"No worries." Venkman says smiling. "You wanna go down?"

"EXCUSE ME?!?"

"Oh, God! No... I meant.. The towers... uhhh... Which tower do you want?" stammers the Ghostbuster's geek. "I say we go up."

"Oh, haha." Furiosa says laughing off the miscommunication. "No one ever wants to go on the up tower! It's just stupid. But whatever, the line is shorter. Let's ride."

Venkman lets out a chuckle as she hops into a seat and brings the shoulder harness down. It latches into place and she hears the buzz of Venkman's igniting lightsaber. Quickly, she tries to free herself from the restraint but with only one real arm she cannot get the leverage she needs to get out.

Venkman raises the lit saber above her neck. The countdown beeps begin to chime as the tower stages itself for liftoff. "I know we are supposed to fight at the top so I apologize for the breach of etiquette," he says, "But I will not reach the graveyard today. Enjoy your ride... into Valhalla."

The tower blasts off and relieves Imperator Furiosa of her head, showering the scores of awaiting patrons on the ground below in blood.

Season 9, Week 2 Consolation Match: The Empire vs. John & Vader's House of Sith Aids


You got to funkifize,
I say -
You got to funkifize.


                        -You Got To Funkifize [Tower of Power]

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 9, Week 2 Consolation Match located at Cedar Pointe’s Power Tower.  They are as follows:

John & Vader’s House of Sith Aids: Laya Houslander and Alex Houslander, young Jedi Knights.

The Empire: Watchdogs #6 and 7. 

Let the battle begin. . .

The four chambers rise to the top of the Power Tower; each module has a rider within.

Laya:  Alex, you go for Watchdog #6 and I’ll hit #7.

Alex: But I wanted #7!

Laya:  Okay, you go for Watchdog #7 and I’ll fight #6!

Alex:  Now I’m not sure anymore.  #6 or #7?

Before the Houslander spawn can ponder the subject any further, Watchdog #6 jumps over to the car with Alex, while Watchdog #7 lunges to the car holding Laya.

The car holding Alex and Watchdog #6 rises and falls while the two battle with one another.  The skirmish moves to the top of the ride.  Watchdog #6 manages to place Alex in a hold and threatens to push the young lad to his certain doom.  Suddenly, the Jedi child uses the Force, switches places with the combatant and pushes Watchdog #6 off the ride.  Watchdog #6’s scream is cut short by an ear-splitting splat.  Alex looks down at his enemy’s body.

Alex:  Wow, looks like the jelly in my PB&J sandwiches.

Meanwhile, Laya and Watchdog #7 are in an intense battle.  Laya uses the Force and the seatbelts come together, forcing Watchdog #7 to be suspended in the car.  Laya evaluates her position and looks at the car in the next shaft.  She jumps to it and turns around, focused on Watchdog #7 and his seat belted prison.  Laya intensely looks at her previous car and holds out her hand.  The seat belts curl together into a lasso and tighten over a hanging piece of metal at the very top of the ride.  Laya closes her fist and the module’s wire snaps.  The car immediately comes crashing down, leaving Watchdog #7 hanging from a lasso of seat belts tied to the girder.  Watchdog #7 struggles for mere seconds before dying.

Laya and Alex smile at one another from their respective cars in victory.  They can’t wait to tell their father how they dispelled with two people in a Shemalyah-like way (although actually being Jedi).

 

 

 

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Consolation: Round 2

Points: 12
Setting: The very top of The Power Tower at Cedar Point.
Prize: XJ-6 Airspeeder
Squad due date: Friday June 3rd.

Matchups:

-Flop Pooperstar Miley Virus and Barry Soetoro's "Best of Both Turds" Farewell Touring Battalion of Not Much Left Vs. Charles Barkley's I really should write down his new Turrible Name Before he Makes a New Decision (Fizz).

-Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Maybe Someday Make the Playoffs Again Vs. The Fakest Man on Erf (John).

-tEAM Vs. The Moist Mafia/ AKA The Grossest Team Name Ever (Nick).

-Brock Sampson's Murdered Flies Vs. The President Obamatrons (Josh).

-Hayley's Tijuana Empire Vs. John and Vader's First Round Choke Artists (Ugh, too soon...... Ooh Sick Burn, GET WRECKED) (Becks)

-Beckerman's Bench-playing Butthurters Vs. Team Resting Vagina (Josh).

Season9 Conference Finals

Setting: The Playoff Planet
Points: 1000
Prize: 4 First Order Tie Fighters
Matchups:

-George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets (Nick)
-The Royal Highness Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters (Becks)

-Please turn in squads by 2:00 pm on this coming Saturday June 4th.
-The matches should be posted by the following Sunday evening/Monday morning (June 12th).

Good luck to those of you who are still in the hunt; and special thanks to the Watchers. Last rounds matches were all excellent; and I am sure we have more greatness to come in Round 2!!

S9 Playoffs Week 1 - Nut Busters vs Sith AIDS

John and Vader’s House of Sith AIDS is: Thanos, Aron the Rogue Watcher, Zombie Abomination, Kyle Rayner: Parallax, Movie Galvatron, Nova Prime (w/ Autobot Matrix of leadership), Dreadwing, Jhiaxus, Waspinator, Ultra Magnus, Gandalf, Vampire Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker (in a Tie Interceptor), Sub-Zero, Indominus Rex, Darth Bane, Darth Maul, Black Lantern Black Adam, The Brain, Monsieur Mallah, General Immortus, Garguax, Madam Rouge, Killer Croc, Vegeta (on a Speeder Bike), Frieza, Compsognathus #33, and Baxter the Dog.

Griswold's Nut-Busters are: Primus, Galactus, Onslaught, Doomsday, Gambit (w/ magnoguard electrostaff), Slym and Redd Dayspring (w/ Green Lantern rings), AoA Nightcrawler (w/ green lightsaber), AoA Blob, Evan Sabahnur, Fantomex and Cluster (in Fiat CR.42 fighter planes), Weapon XIII (in a Cierva W.9), Talon (in a Bell X-2), Batwing (in a Grumman X-29), Scarlet Witch, Emma Frost, Green Lantern Hal Jordan (in an Arwing), Gotenks (w/ Green Lantern Ring), Raccoon Tail Luigi, Super Shredder, Riddick, Kalder, Anak Sanamun, The Witch King of Angmar (atop his Fell Beast of Mordor), Skrull #1 in in a Vought-Sikorsky VS-300.


Galactus, Primus, and Onslaught loomed over the planet, facing into the city. In the skies below them, their swarm of aircrafts darted around each other, some in combat and some simply avoiding being shot down by Anakin. “Stand down, Aron; Galactus bellowed, “today, the Nut-Busters join the ranks of FFL elite. Your power cannot best me, Watcher. In the city below, Aron faced Galactus in a fierce pose, showing no fear. Facing the threat with him were his most powerful allies: Thanos, Parallax Rayner, even Vampire Darth Vader stood among others. Defiantly he called back, “The power of a Watcher is greater than anywhere else in this League, Galactus. I wouldn't underestimate me and my team if I were you.” He scowled at Aron, a glint of fear betraying him through his giant eyes. In the sky between them, Anakin Blasted Batwing and Weapon XIII from the sky while Frieza crumpled Skrull #1 in his helicopter.  “I'll hear no more of this! My team is scouring this meager planet for your stray allies as we speak. But our time to speak is over, begone! A ray of the Power Cosmic emanated from Galactus, intended to wipe Aron from existence, but the all-powerful Watcher redirected the energy to Onslaught, erasing him instantly. “No… impossible! Come to your senses, Watcher, it's not your place to interfere! Have mercy on us, Great One!” Aron smirked and pointed a finger up to Galactus. “There will be no mercy today, Nut-Busters! The almighty Aron bows to no one! Not the Watchers, not Galactus, not even-” Daveatu! When… when did you get here?

“Just now. What's going on here? Aron, you can't be watching the match and participating. It's unethical or something. Besides, you're a bad Watcher. Bad Aron.”

I'm being perfectly fair! I'm 80 points, I've got this. And if you're so great, where have you been all this time?

“I was meticulously building and populating an organized Tier list for the match, so I could determine the winner in-between work and constant PS4 play to, uh... keep my mind stimulated. For the watching.”

Meticulous tier list. That's cute. Baxter the Dog flies through the air and kamikaze attacks Galactus’s smug face, killing both instantly. Your tier list predict that?

“What?! I’m warning you, Aron, stand down.”

Primus ran to hide on the other side of the planet, fearful of Aron’s omnipotence. Anakin, meanwhile, shot down Talon and Cluster, who- Wait, no! PLEASE!

Aron had to be removed. I'm not interfering with the match, I was within my rights. Stand your ground laws, Han shot first, et cetera. Besides, what was with the stuffy narration? He was just writing a fan-fiction to tug himself off. He's not even that powerful, didn't the Fantastic Four kick his ass once or something? 80 points my ass…

Anyway, zeroing in on Anakin as the primary airborne threat, Hal Jordan shot his TIE fighter down with a blast from the Arwing. On the ground, the main melee of the match was breaking out. Gandalf and Scarlet Witch dueled with magic, with Gandalf gracefully deflecting hex-bolts before the Witch-King of Angmar swooped in on his Fell Beast to pick the old wizard off. Gotenks faced off against Vegeta and Freiza, but only Vegeta walked away. Vampire Vader sliced through the approaching Emma Frost, then turned to throw his saber through the Witch King, pulling it back through the Fell Beast’s skull. He lifted Scarlet Witch off the ground, and as he choked her, she shot a hex at Vader’s suit. His breathing apparatus malfunctioned, his grip tightening unbearably, then finally going limp and dropping Scarlet Witch. As her senses recovered from the near-fatal choking, her vision returned to the sight of Thanos bringing a foot down hard on her face. Fantomex and Hal Jordan began to fire on the Sith AIDS ground troops, striking out Killer Croc and Sub-Zero. In response, Parallax Kyle Rayner takes to the air and blasts projectiles in all directions, destroying both aircrafts. While Fantomex died, Hal Jordan was able to withstand the blast largely unharmed. On the ground, Evan Sabahnur and the Daysprings had only managed to take out Raccoon Luigi and the Brotherhood of Evil before Thanos caught up and crushed the Daysprings like plastic cups. Evan and Green Lantern were alone now, surrounded by foes, and had no choice but to flee in search of their teammates. Through the technology of Jordan’s ring, Primus made contact and beckoned them to the desert. Thanos, Parallax, Black Adam and Vegeta followed closely.

In the jungle, far from the commotion in the city or the desert, a handful of Nut-Busters were nearing the end of a long hunt for the Indominus Rex. Riddick, Kalder, and Anak Sanamun were inevitable casualties in the hunting party, but Nightcrawler and Super Shredder had a plan to end it. Shredder wounded Compsognathus #33, and Nightcrawler teleported it to a clearing near where they had tracked the Indominus. It cried out and struggled to move, and the Indominus’s predatory instinct took over. As it ate the crippled compy, Super Shredder jumped from a tree onto the back of the Indominus and attempted to injure it through it's hide. The Indominus bucked Shredder into the air and caught him with a hungry bite. Nightcrawler teleported himself more voluntarily into the Rex’s throat and activated his lightsaber, opening an exit for himself and do finishing the job in the process. He BAMF’d out if the jungle to find his teammates. When the city was barren and battle scarred, he tried the desert. On arrival he found a heated battle between the remnants of both teams. When Primus first arrived in the desert at the whim of Aron, he had found Doomsday locked in battle with the Sith AIDS’ many Transformers, Gambit and Blob blasted into the ground around them. Primus had no trouble with the Transformers, rendering them all inert with unparalleled processing speed.It wasn't long before Hal and Evan arrived, bringing the last of the enemy threat with them. As soon as they arrive, Parallax begins demolishing Primus with Black Adam. Doomsday quickly tackles Black Adam and begins to pummel his Black Lantern corpse into unbendable pulp, leading Parallax to return his attack. Doomsday feels little fear, however, and Parallax struggles to hold his ground. Meanwhile Vegeta arrived on his wicked awesome speeder bike and began to bust through Evan Sabahnur’s head with some serious Saiyan strength. Green Lantern was impressed with Vegeta's strength, but not very impressed as he trapped Vegeta in a projected bubble with a projected missile to finish him off. As Doomsday became frenzied, the desperately injured Parallax Rayner weighed him down with tons upon tons of yellow shackles and weights. Thanos charged in and seized Doomsday by the head, directing a beam of cosmic power through his face, disintegrating his skull in moments. Unaware of Nightcrawler's arrival, however, he received a new hole in the skull himself as Nightcrawler teleported his saber directly into Thanos’ forehead. Behind them, Rayner looked up to see Hal Jordan looking down on him, cracking his knuckles. “Sorry, about this, kid.”

S9 Playoffs Round 1 - Royal Highness vs Team SP

The Royal HIghness is:  Q2 (9 deaths), Cyborg Doomsday  (9 deaths), Superboy Doomsday, Yoda, Fantastic Four ( Reed Richards w/Ultimate Nullifier, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, and The Thing) in The Anti-Galactus Suit., (Non symbiote) Black Suit Spider-man, Old Man Logan, The Flash (Barry Allen),  Apollo (Authority) (9 death),  Midnighter, Agent Smith, Sandworm #1A , Emperor Palpatine,  The Sinister Six (minus 2) (Doctor Octopus, Electro, Hobgoblin, and Vulture) , Sandman, Chameleon, Vampire Jean Grey (9 death), Gladiator (Shi'ar Imperial Guard) (9 death), Maleficient, Mike Greenwell w/Green Lightsaber on Green Yoshi, Good Luck Bear (Care Bears) (9 death). The Members not already on the surface are above in an  Alliance Medical Frigate.


Team Sleeping Pussy is: Bizarro Superman, Jonah Hex (9 death w/ Yellow Lantern Ring), Wildcat (9 death), Psycho Pirate, Catman, Brother Blood (9 death w/ Sirius Black’s wand), Swamp Thing, Gay Alan Scott (9 death), Ultron (9 death), Bullseye (w/Red Lightsaber), The Vanisher (9 death), Nightshade, Sunfire, Miracle Dog, Vampirella, S.D. Bob "Snake" Plissken (w/ Green Lantern Ring), Duncan McLeod (w/ Green LIghtsaber), Miho, Expendables: The Lone Wolf  (9 death),Savage Dragon, Prof Snape, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Movie Rachet, Mt Dew Transformer, Smokescreen, Scourge, The Monster Squad: Pete the Dog


Sandworm 1A soars from the the sand and crashes down, barely missing the Transformers from Team SP who started in the desert region. Rachet does a quick roll and immediately retaliates with some quick shots that glance off the protective scales of the giant beast.  Meanwhile, Scourge, Smokescreen and the Mt. Dew Transformer immediately need to go on the defensive from Sandman, Old Man Logan, Chameleon and Mike Greenwell who is riding in on his trusty steed Green Yoshi. The Mt. Dew transformer starts shooting cans of its delicious but highly caffeinated beverages at Greenie who easily explodes the on coming cans with his lightsaber. Yoshi assists by eating several cans in a row and is able to send a fireball back at the transformer.  This causes him to stumble long enough for Old Man Logan to leap onto his back and sink his claws into the neck and head of the modified vending machine.


“Looks like you’re out of order.” Logan growls


Maybe less time with the one liners were in order because Scourge quickly avenges his buddy by blasting both Logan as well as Greenie and Yoshi. Scourge then turns his blasts at Sandman who stands stoic, unflinching at the blasts. As Scourge barrels down faster, Sandman suddenly erects a wall of sand that stops Scourge so suddenly that he explodes in an epic fireball. Sandman then manipulates the sand like waves in the ocean knocking Smokescreen and Rachet down on to the sand. Rachet is able to right himself and take out Chameleon but soon finds himself the smaller fish in this sea of sand as he is gobbled up by Sandworm 1A who leaps skyward. Smokescreen watches his teammate disappear and soon realizes that his fate will soon mirror the death of Rachet as gravity sends the sandworm back down to the ground.  Smokescreen ignites every one of his weapons just as the Sandworm is upon him and the resulting explosion kills them both.


Sandman calms the desert once again and walks over to the sparking wreckage of the Mt Dew transformer and reaches inside his torso. He pulls out a few cans decides to enjoy a cool beverage as the lone desert survivor before wandering off to find his other teammates.


In the city… The Lone Wolf, Vanisher, Jonah Hex and Brother Blood are on a 9 death killing mission. These four are not going out quietly or in some dumb explosion. They are out for blood. They lead a large rag tag team of Pussies that are no longer sleeping, they are awake and ready to kill.  Lone Wolf leads his pack as he kicks open the doors to an old warehouse. They are met with a bolt of sith lightning from Palpatine which splits the Pussies into two squads. Along with Palpatine, Black Suit Spiderman and The Flash rush after Jonah Hex and Brother Blood. Brother Blood holds his own against Palpatine’s lightning with the help of Sirius Black’s wand. He is able to keep him at bay long enough for The Vanisher who, very unselfishly, gets behind the Sith Lord and teleports them both out existence and himself to the graveyard.


Black suit spiderman shoots some black web or whatever he has into the face of Brother Blood and starts kicking and punching him as he is blinded. Jonah Hex and Lone Wolf are a couple of sure shots and the are able to headshoot the knock-off spidey.  They can’t quite get a good shot at the Flash and he is able to sneak up and kill Brother Blood before he can remove the web from his eye. It isn’t until Bizarro Superman flies in and hits The Flash with freeze vision long enough for Jonah Hex to get the final killing shot.


The west wall blows in sending cement and steel shrapnel into the room. Miho is killed by half a cinder block that obliterates his skull. In through the new hole in the wall walk Cyborg Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday. The fearless Jonah Hex takes his final run at Cyborg Doomsday along with Bizarro Superman. While his courage is admirable, this is the end of the line for Hex. A simple, well placed punch to the chest is enough to crush his entire ribcage and stop every internal organ sending this long time Pussy to the graveyard. Bizarro Superman flies in and lands in front of the two Doomsday iterations of the monster that killed his bizarro self twenty plus years ago. He stares the two of them down when Ultron comes up and stands next to Bizarro Supes and readies himself for this epic fight that’s about to go down.


Lone Wolf has regrouped and rallies a team to take on a rush of the Highness members who have charged into the room. Within a few minutes, Snape and Savage Dragon fall to Gladiator. Gladiator is then dropped by Gay Alan Scott. Apollo puts on a clinic as he disposes of Sunfire and Nightshade. Bullseye doesn’t miss as he then runs his red lightsaber into Apollo’s skull. Vampire Jean Grey uses mind control to send Wildcat into frenzy against his own team. Wildcat shreds his feline kinfolk, Catman, and gets a couple good slashes in on Bullseye before Gay Alan Scott shoots out a window above Grey, exposing her to direct sunlight and burning the Vampire version of this powerful superhero for good.


Bullseye tends to his wounds a bit sees Agent Smith charging at him. His shots, although expertly placed, are easily dodged by this master of the matrix. The Agent is able to quickly end him with a hundred punches in a matter of seconds. This leaves Agent Smith in a three-against-one matchup. He holds his own well but is only able to finish off Gay Alan Scott for his final death before being double teamed by Lone Wolf and Wildcat.


Don’t worry, I’ll come back to that Doomsdays/Supes & Ultron fight.


Meanwhile, in the space above, Q2 and Bowman are locked in an eternal battle of wits. Their minds fight an infinite number of times every second. They both have the power to destroy the other while sacrificing themselves, but with nine deaths, Q2 is keeping this as a last resort.


The last regimen of Team SP are making their way through the rainforest as they are met suddenly with opposing gunfire from The Midnighter and the Fantastic Four who are assembled in an Anti Galactus suit. Snake Plissken uses his Green Lantern ring to construct a shield while Psycho Pirate attempts to control the mind of the much stronger Reed Richards while the Swamp thing manipulates the trees around the fantastic four. This buys Vampirella, Duncan McLeod, Pete the Dog and Miracle Dog time to attack the 4 members of the Sinister six. The two dogs grab Vulture by the neck and tear out his throat. McLeod happily relieves Hobgoblin of his head and using his lightsaber cuts the arms off Doctor Octopus. Vampirella is able to move in to finish off Doc Ock and also Electro who just finished frying Miracle dog and Pete the Dog to a delicious crisp. Midnighter and Maleficient move in and Vampirella is able to dispatch of Maleficient but before she can finish drinking the blood of the evil witch, the Midnighter is quick to avenge her death by snapping the neck of the scantily clad Drakulon. Duncan McLeod proves to be too much for the Midnighter to handle as the ancient highlander has grown very fond of his lightsaber.


The Swamp Thing and Psycho Pirate are losing their hold on the Fantastic Four.  Swamp thing calls to his teammates to leave him here and regroup with Bizarro Superman in the city. They briefly protest but then agree it is the right move.  Plissken, McLeod, and Psycho Pirate escape quickly to join the fight in the city leaving the Swamp Thing behind to eventually fall to the Fantastic Four.


Back in the city, The Highness look outnumbered. The two Doomsdays have started their fight with Bizarro Superman and Ultron. Not only that but now the Pussies have help. Superboy Doomsday has started to brawl with Bizarro Superman. Superboy Doomsday punches Bizarro across the room but then quickly needs to get Wildcat who has now jumped on his back and is clawing at his head. He jumps up as high as he can and smashes himself into the ceiling crushing the DC superhero and using up the rest of his nine lives. The Lone Wolf helps Bizarro Superman to his feet.


“Hey! I have pajamas with your face on them!” says Bizarro Superman to Lone Wolf


Lone Wolf takes shots at Superboy Doomsday as he is falling back to the floor. The Wolf doesn’t flinch as the giant beast rights himself and bears down on him and easily dispatches of the pesky human.


The two metallic powerhouses exchange blows with each other. Cyborg Doomsday is hit several times by Ultron’s energy blasts which briefly stun him. He retaliates with an uppercut that sends the Avengers foe back on his ass. Reinforcements have arrived from the forest and Duncan McLeod charges at Cyborg Doomsday as Plissken attempts to hold him with his ring. Plissken is not an experienced lantern and his construct is not strong enough to hold. Cyborg Doomsday is able to break free of it and grabs McLeod before he is able to land an attack. He then uses McLeod as a baseball bat and tees up Plissken’s head killing both of them instantly. Ultron picks up the lightsaber dropped by McLeod and before Cyborg Doomsday can turn around, Ultron buries the lightsaber down the back of his neck and it comes out the front of his chest dropping the Highness juggernaut for the last time.


Psycho Pirate has moved in to help Bizarro Superman with Superboy Doomsday. The Pirate moves in a little too close and allows Doomsday to use the Pirate as a shield against Bizarro Superman’s heat breath burning him to death. Ultron moves in and kicks out the last Doomsday’s leg sideways dropping him to a knee. From a crippled stance, he fights valiantly against the two Pussies Powerhouses. He is able to rip the right arm off Ultron and beat him back with his own appendage. Bizarro Superman then gets him in a strangle hold and Superboy Doomsday uses the same trick he did on Wildcat. He rams Bizarro Supes multiple times into the ceiling and walls and crashes out into the street. The Man of Steel is proving to be just that. Both are exhausted. Superboy Doomsday is nearly choked to death and Bizarro is losing his grip. Ultron is manages to get up and starts heading over to help finish the job.


A rocket blasts from the sky and Ultron is able to jump away at the last second. The resulting explosion kills both Bizarro Supes and Superboy Doomsday. Ultron looks at the ship that circles above the smoke and flames as it lands in the street in front of him.  He sees Good Luck Bear piloting the craft and doing a poor job of setting the ship down. Ultron approaches as the door opens and a small hooded creature walks out.


“Forgot about me, you have? Hmm...  The graveyard, your destination will be”


Although he is one armed, Ultron ignites the lightsaber he still possesses and no longer feels the exhaustion he felt a minute ago. Yoda removes his robe and unclips his lightsaber...


In space, Dave Bowman feels the tides turning in this match. Here he is holding his own with Q2 but now he can feel the much more threatening presence of the Fantastic Four who have headed off the planet and are now on their way to meet him here in space. What is worse, Reed Richards still possesses the Ultimate Nullifier. He knows he is down to two options and both do not fare well for his team. He takes his gamble and teleports Q2 to the center of a dying star. As he feared and expected, Q2’s mental grip on him was too strong and he has come along for the ride. Oh well, not sure if he would have held up against the Nullifier anyway. The star reaches Supernova and both Q2 and The Starchild are sucked into the resulting black hole.


The Alliance Medical Frigate is flying away from the city which lay in ruin. Yoda is admiring his new souvenir, a shiny silver metallic mask. Good Luck Bear sees a man walking below coming toward them and moves his furry digitless paw toward the button to fire a rocket.


“Shoot you will not!” says Yoda abruptly. “Enemy this man is not.”

The ship lowers and they open the door to let in Sandman.  “Thanks for the lift!” He says holding up two cans of Mountain Dew. “You fellas thirsty?”