Friday, November 21, 2014

Season 8: The Great Purge: Official Post

Hello my fellow nerds, here is your opening post for what will hopefully be a fun and crazy, transitional year in the world of Fantasy Fantasy (it will surely be an interesting one if nothing else).

This season will have the same set-up as the past few years, except for the fact that every match will be a total, and with no exception, absolute deathmatch, meaning that every member of the losing team will die (whether the Watcher writes it that way or not). In addition, every match during the regular season this year will deal at the very least double deaths to the characters that do not make it out of the match (a few matches will be even more (see the schedule below for more details on that)).

There are parts of this season that will be very different. It is designed to be a fun and transitional year. Some of these things will most likely work out and some will not. Some of these ideas may sound good to you and some not. I assure you that I share your skepticism when it comes to some of this stuff. I just ask that people do their best to enjoy it and have fun with it, and that the issues that will undoubtedly arise will be altered completely or changed back to normal next year. This is after all just supposed to be a fun release from the more serious things in life.

New Rules and Changes:

There are very few new rules being instituted this year.

-The only actually new rule is that any time an owner plays a Star Wars Vehicle, they can now play a Droid with it for FREE. With this, the amount of vehicles being played with out necessary or near necessary droids to pilot them should be brought to a minimum, and when it does come time to play these vehicles, owners will not be required to waste much needed playable points in that match. With this change, I for one will openly say that several Watchers, including myself will have very little love for owners who still play vehicles without a droid in them, I cannot speak for the other watchers though. There are astro-droids available on the waiver wires for those who need them.

-The most notable change this season will be that one of the matches played each week during the regular season will not actually be watched. It instead will be brought to a vote by the active Watchers, which will be known as a Watcher Consortium. This is an attempt to mix things up a bit and to bring in a new objective approach to some of the match outcomes. If the vote is close, than the winning team will have less characters survive the experience. If the vote is a blow-out, then more characters will survive (more to come on this later, feel free to direct questions, comments, or suggestions to me via email). As of right now, we have no idea if this idea will work out or not. We are just going to give it a shot for one year and see how it goes.

-Another change will be, one that was suggested a few years back. Every non-Watcher in the league will be asked to watch at least one match throughout the year (See the schedule to find your week). Over the years there have been many people who have said that they did not think they were up to doing this; which is why we are not asking anyone to do anything more than they think they can handle. If the Guest Watcher for that week wishes to write a story in the traditional way that we Watchers have in the past, than that would be great; but it is NOT necessary. If the guest watcher would rather simply look over the two teams and give their opinion as to which one is better, than that is okay too. Some creativity would be appreciated, but the only thing that is required is that whoever judges the match please remain completely fair and unbiased. Not unbiased towards characters, terrains, or their own unique nerd ideology, just simply unbiased towards the two owners involved in your particular match. I ask that people please just have some fun with this, and if you have any questions or concerns, we Watchers are there to help. Please do not hesitate to ask.

-Also, in an attempt to ease the paper trail of this league, and to add a potentially fun variable into the mix; in each match from week 2-7 every team will be randomly assigned a group of ten nine death commons will be added to your roster each week for free. I am unsure what exactly the watchers will do with those each week; but perhaps it will be a surprise to us all. This will hopefully add a new and unique aspect to the matches this week, as well as emptying out the common waiver wire. In week 1 each team will be given two additional unique characters from the waiver wire to add to your Baseball Roster, and in Week 9 each team will get one additional unique character off the waiver wire (just for fun (if there are enough commons left to fulfill this need))! These will be posted at a later date.

-There will not be prizes this year, they will return in Season 9.

-The last idea will be held to a vote. I personally think it would be cool if for THIS YEAR ONLY, in an attempt to further purge the league that we up the number of teams that make the play-offs from 8 to 12 (with the four division winners receiving a bye to the second round). Feel free to vote on this issue to me personally through any means that you find convenient, or in the comment section of this post.


The Schedule:


Week 1: This will be our annual sports week. This year, you will be asked to pick 16 characters. There is no point limit, the only requirement is that you choose characters that can fit in the batter’s box. If you wish to pinpoint what position each of these characters plays, that would be better but it is not necessary. For those of you who do not know baseball well, here is a rough breakdown of what positions the characters could play (some of these could be mixed up a bit, or made more specific if you wish):

1. Starting pitcher
2. Catcher
3. 1st Baseman
4. 2nd Baseman
5. Shortstop
6. 3rd Baseman
7. Right Fielder
8. Center Fielder
9. Left Fielder
10. Manager (can be player/manager if you wish)
11. Middle Relief Pitcher
12. Closing pitcher
13. Designated Hitter
14. Utility Infielder
15. Utility Outfielder
16. Pinch Hitter

-TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (consortium)
-Griswold’s Nut-busters Vs. Lanyanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Becks)
-John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. The Royal Highness (Josh)
-The Sisterhood of the Traveling Midgets Vs. Real Men’s Rabble Rousers (Fizz)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. George Washington’s Slaves (Guest Watcher: Adam).
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. Washed up Ho Miley Cyrus and The Imperial President Barack Obama’s Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos (Mike)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. The Empire (Nick).
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Guest Watcher: Aaron).


Week 2
Setting: The Forest of Hyrule
Points: 300

-Griswold’s Nut-busters Vs. The Royal Highness (Fizz)
-TEAM Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Pogo)
-John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Becks)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Dave)
-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Robin Thicke’s gross toy and Constitution Burning President Barack Obama’s Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos (Guest Watcher: Ryan)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Real Men’s Rabble Rousers (Consortium)
-Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. The Empire (Nick)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. George Washington’s Slaves (Josh)


Week 3
Setting: Section Z
Points: 500

-TEAM Vs. The Royal Highness (Dave)
-Griswold’s Nut-busters Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Nick)
-John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Mike)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Pogo)
-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Empire (Becks)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Miley’s Ol’ Used Up A** and King Obama’s Best of Both World’s Touring Battalion of Commandos (Josh)
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. George Washington’s Slaves (Consortium)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. Real Man’s Rabble Rousers (Guest Watcher: Goofjuice)


Week 4
Setting: The Streets of Rage
Points: 700

-TEAM Vs. Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Nick)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Griswold’s Nut-busters (Josh)
-John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Guest Watcher: Ed)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Royal Highness (Fizz)
-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. George Washington’s Slaves (Becks)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Empire (Mike)
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. Real Man’s Rabble Rousers (Dave)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. Miley and Barack’s Blah blah blah (Consortium)


Week 5
Setting: The Play-Off Planet
Points: 999
**5 Deaths (yes, that is 5 deaths) will be given to every character that does not make it out of this match**

-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Fizz)
-Real Man’s Rabble Rousers Vs. TEAM (Josh)
-Pop-Former Star Hannah Montana and Barack “Don’t Care about Montana (and the fly over country) Obama’s Best of Both World’s Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Royal Highness (Becks)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids (Guest Wathcer: Ryatu the Great and Powerful)
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies (Consortium)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Mike)
-The Empire Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Pogo)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. Griswold’s Nut-busters (Dave)


Week 6
Setting: Doky Doky Panic Desert
Points: 450

-The Empire Vs. Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies (Consortium)
-Real Man’s Rabble Rousers Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Mike)
-Pop-Superstar Layander and President Brock Sampson’s Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Josh)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Pogo)
-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Griswold’s Nut-busters (Guest Watcher: Eric).
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM (Fizz)
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids (Dave)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyatches Vs. The Royal Highness (Nick)

Week 7
Setting: Level 7-2
Points: 350
**You may only play 1 Unique Character in this match, the rest must be commons**
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets (Becks)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyatches Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Josh)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana and President Death Panel’s Best of Both World’s Touring Battalion of Commands (Mike)
-The Empire Vs. Real man’s Rabble Rousers (Fizz)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids (Pogo)
-Griswold’s Nut-busters Vs. TEAM (Guest Watcher: Laya and Alex)
-The Royal Highness Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Consortium)
-Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Nick)

Week 8
Setting: Ice Climber Mountain
Points: 250

-Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Josh)
-The Royal Highness Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Fizz)
-John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. Griswold’s Nut-bsters (Consortium)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. TEAM (Becks)
-Non-Superstar Miley Cyrus and “If only the other 2/3 of the country would have voted” President Barack Obama’s Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Real Man’s Rabble Rousers (Guest Watcher: John)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. The Empire (Pogo)
-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Nick)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse (Dave)

Week 9
Setting: The Pit 2
Points: 75
**9 Deaths (yes, that is 9 deaths…. (no, you didn’t read it wrong the 2nd time either, that is 9 deaths)) will be given to every character that does not make it out of this match**

-Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Pogo)
-Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. The Royal Highness (Consortium)
-John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. TEAM (Nick)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. Griswold’s Nut-busters (Becks)
-MSNBC-Superstar Barack Obama and Persistent Miley Cyrus Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Empire (Dave)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. Real Man’s Rabble Rousers (Josh)
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Guest Watcher: Fred)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets (Mike)


The Draft List:

As you will see below, the draft list for this year is very small. It will only consist of exactly three rounds, with no off list picks (other than the ones listed on the draft list itself). After this season, with the league healthily purged of many characters, there will be a very large draft, reminiscent of years of old, making in the words of Darth Vader: “The Circle now complete”.
Here is the list:

1. John Zacharski (6)
2. Dark Side Adept Kyle Houslander (14) and Dark Side Acolyte Zachary Houslander (14) (22 total)
3. Asgardian Matt Oblak (10) and Dementor Teresa Oblak (14) (22 total).
4. Nova Corps Nathan Storey (20) and Failed Jedi Bran (8) (26 total).
5. Dark Side Marauder Robert Hudson
6. Black Lantern Kyle Houslander(6) and Zombie Zachary Houslander (6) (10 total).
7. Black Lantern Matt Oblak (6) and Black Lantern Teresa Oblak)(6) (10 total) w/ Zombie Robert Hudson(6).
8. Zombie Matt Oblak (6) and Zombie Teresa Oblak (6)(10total), w/ Black Lantern Robert Hudson).
9. The Star Wars Rebels Team: Kanan Jarrus(25), Ezra Bridger(15), Zeb(22), Sabine Wren(22), Hera Syndulla(15), and Chopper (C1-10P)(6)(70 for whole team) w/ The Ghost.
10. 2 Marvel Characters and 1 Marvel Vehicle.
11. 2 D.C. Characters and 1 D.C. Vehicle
12. 2 Star Wars Characters, 1 Star Wars Vehicle, and 1 Star Wars Weapon.
13. Marvel Grab Bag (1 Random character)
14. D.C. Grab Bag (1 Random Character).
15. Star Wars Grab Bag (1 Random Character).
16. Grayson (20)
17. Lockdown w/ his ship
18. Pax’s Team (Orion Pax not included): Hardhead and Garnak (30 each, 58)
19. Manbearpig (7)
20. Battra (44)
21. Earl Butz (6)
22. An Ion A-5
23. Faora (58)
24. Jor-El (35)
25. Devil Dinosaur (33)
26. Thunderclash (36)
27. Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute (6)
28. Blacnket Hood Man (6) and Bobert (6) w/ Towel Cape Boy (3)(10 total) w/ Bobert’s Triple White Chrysler Lebaron.
29. Earth 2 Batman (34) and earth 2 Catwoman (24)(55 total).
30. 30 Resurrection Points and 1 Common Vehicle
31. 60 Resurrection Points and 1 Retired Vehilce
32. Zombie Kyle Houslander(6) and Black Lantern Zachary Houslander (6) (10 total).
33. Off List Pick
34. Off List Pick
35. Off List Pick
36. Off List Pick
37. Off List Pick
38. Off List Pick
39. Off List Pick
40. Group Off List Pick
41. Any 2 Vampires from the league
42. Build Your Own Character.
43. Build Your Own Team (Up to 6 Characters)
44. 1 Zombie
45. 1 Vampire
46. 1 Black Lantern
47. Verminard (38)
48. (movie) Galvatron (50) w/ Galvatron’s (comic book) team: Nova Prime(30), Dreadwing(30), Jhiaxus (30), and Waspinator(25) (90 for whole team).

Monday, November 10, 2014

Season 8: The Great Purge: Prologue

After millennia of vicious in-fighting over what to do with the over-crowded rosters and waiver wires; the mighty Watchers have decided upon the holding of a season where the clubhouses will be knee deep in blood, the battle field will be a place of near constant extermination, the rosters will dwindle in size, and the graveyard will become overcrowded with new combatants.....

You shall all be witnesses.

The Great Purge like years gone past will provide champion; but can a team truly win when the stakes are this high??

All may be defeated when confronted with The Great Purge......




Coming soon...

Friday, September 19, 2014

Hey, I hope that everyone enjoyed the Universe Bowl this year. I know it took a while for everything to get posted but I really wanted the story to be as good as it could possibly be. Congrats again to both Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family and the Sisterhood of Traveling Midget's. Both of you put up great squads this year that played perfectly into my goofy story that I had been planning since late April. 

I first and foremost would like to thank every single person who helped me write this year's Universe Bowl. Every time I felt like the story just wasn't adding up, all I had to do was read one of your post's and it completely energized me into writing more. I really appreciate the fact that we were all able to write out of our comfort zones and come up with something that was much different then anything we have done in the past.

On a more selfish note, I would like to thank the Commish for starting Zufa Cenva. I still wasn't quite sure how I was going to end this thing but as soon as I received both team's rosters and saw her name,  I knew who my workhorse was going to be in this match.

I do hope everybody enjoyed it and my hope for whoever writes next years Universe Bowl is that they have as much fun as I ultimately ending up having with it this summer.

I will see everybody this Sunday at the Commish's house and for now, this is it!

See everybody on the site in 2015.

Sincerely,

Nick

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Universe Bowl VII: Epilogue


Epilogue

The once fiery planet had since calmed to silence. The Chaos and Mayhem that used to occupy this space was now filled with dormant tranquility. As Mr. Mxyzptlk stared down at the now peaceful planet he wondered how Zufa and Yoda had done it. Wondered is a strong statement to credit the Imp with, more of an amused complacency that came over him as he looked down at his ring. “A fun little guy indeed. Okay then, nothing more to see here.”

He spent one more moment looking down at the planet before saying, “Kltpzyxm”, thus disappearing for good.





Universe Bowl VII: The Principium...




Scorched earth…that would be an understatement to say the least.

Despite the warnings I have read about the state of this place, nothing could have prepared me for what I have seen with my very own eyes. Destruction beyond anything I have ever imagined, a true to life Apocalypse unfolding right before me.

What I first took as unseen attacks turned out to be nothing more then the planet coming apart. How it has lasted this long I do not know.

The first combatant I see is the Beast itself; a Dark Cloud emitting all colors of the spectrum in every direction imaginable. It knows this battle is almost over and yet; it shows no signs of slowing down. The Eradicator flies above, firing down energy blasts at a consistent rate. The Beast fires back with blasts of Red and Yellow energy at times, though it does not seem to be taking the attacks very seriously.

This scene goes on for a while until a tiny spec of white light appears right next to the Artifact of Krypton. The spec spends a good minute keeping up with the Midget but after a while, the spec continues its climb until it is well out of the planets quickly deteriorating atmosphere. The Eradicator continues it attacks on the Beast, yet still stays high in the sky.

This constant and almost muted fight continues between the flying Midget fighter and the Beast, but all at once, this calm comes to an end. A bright White Light appears from what is left of the ground below, a light so bright that it is impossible to see what is going on. The Beast makes no sudden movements but is plenty aware of the incoming force.

The light wanes slightly but is still clearly holding the Beast at bay for the moment. It is obvious that the Eradicator has been joined by someone else high in the sky, someone that I have to assume can be no one other then Supergirl. The Artifact does not seem pleased with the company though as he instantly changes his attack trajectory from the Beast below to his fellow Kryptonian. Supergirl whose experience in this match has been non-existent up until this point is having little difficulty fending him off.

She continues her flight around her opponent, clearly trying to avoid him, though I am not quite sure how long she will keep this up.

On the ground the light stays bright, though with the Beast not far off, I have to wonder who is going to go on the offensive first. Suddenly the ground shakes and an eruption of lava shoots straight into the sky, covering everything within what has to be a fifty-mile radius. This temporarily blinds my visibility, turning this place into nothing more then a living hell.

After several minutes the planet calms down a bit only to see the Beast making its first move towards the Light. Red, Yellow, and Green you name it; they are all firing at the Light with everything they have. The Beast is not holding back as it sends everything in its power at the Light. Yet despite the intensity of the attacks, the light does not seem to be wavering.

Up above, Supergirl and the Eradicator continue their stale mate, as the Midget does not seem to be cooperating with whatever Kara Zor-El is trying to accomplish. One has to wonder how long she will attempt this strategy before a counter-attack is made on her behalf.

The Beast’s blasts toward the Light are not subsiding in the least despite the strong hold that it is keeping. This all changes in an instant though as it seems Kara’s patience has run out as she finally makes contact with the Kryptonian Artifact, sending him into a free-fall towards the ground. Supergirl is no longer holding back as she sends blast after blast into the Midget as he careens directly into the belly of the Beast.

It is unclear whether or not this was her plan the whole time, as the Eradicator continues his decent until he is completely engulfed in the black cloud below. Supergirl slows her flight but does not waver her attacks, which are now pointed only at the center of the Cloud. Though the Beast continues blasting the White Light, it is obvious that the Kryptonian has diverted at least a small amount of attention.

The blasts originally concentrated solely on the White Light now begin to erupt towards Kara Zor-El, putting her on the defensive despite her continued attacks on the Beast. She flies higher up into the sky, attempting to keep as much distance between herself and the obvious enemy of this battle.

What happened next is still unclear, though the outcome became immediately apparent.

Out of nowhere, the White Light disappeared. This sent all of the Beast’s multi-colored projections deep into the planet’s core, creating a chain reaction that caused a planet-wide earthquake to begin. Volcanic eruptions are the consequence of this action, which now cover nearly everything in sight. This is the first time the Beast has shown any sign of faltering, despite its onslaught on the Kryptonian high up into the sky. Regardless of this action’s planned design, the blasts fired upon Supergirl were just too much for her to take as her defenses were not strong enough to handle them, killing her in the process.

The White Light appears once more, though this time it is much smaller in appearance. It is now obvious that it is Yoda harnessing this light, with Zufa Cenva right next to him. The Beast was still on the attack at this point; yet regardless of its incredible size, it is clear that the remaining combatants in the fight know its vulnerability.

Which is where the Beast’s ultimate flaw came into play. Despite its incredible ascent to power over the last couple of months, the Beast like so many Omnipotent beings before it, failed to realize its faults. Sure the Beast or “Thing” commanded the full color spectrum, it had harnessed the residual power of the Chaos King and up until this point, no creature in this fight had made a dent in its armor. All of these things lead it to believe that it was invulnerable to attack, which is exactly where its weakness lied.

The Demigod that Bill Duer had become could never understand the power behind the White power ring. Instead of wondering why it could not harness its power, it just left it alone. Assuming that if it could not take control of it, it was not worth having. A flaw, as simple as it may be, is the reason behind its failure.

The Beast continued making its violent attacks in every direction, bringing the planet’s destruction closer to its finality. Though the attacks were relentless, it never saw what Zufa had in store for him all along. Through her immense Physic abilities and Yoda’s understanding of the White power ring, they discovered something that Bill Duer never saw coming.

With the full use of Zufa’s Physic Attack, she pulsed every ounce of it towards the White Ring in which Yoda had been living through since his spirit had been reanimated. Through multiple trial and error tests of this power, Yoda was able to extend her attack via the rings power. Once this compounded action took place on a full-scale attack, the Beast was left defenseless despite its great power. The explosion from this was so great that the white light extended outside of the planet’s atmosphere, being contained only by the White Power ring being wielded by the fifth dimensional Imp.

Once everything subsided and the event had finished, a calm came over the planet. The eruptions that once consumed the entire planet had stopped. The body of the Supreme Sorceress of Rossak lied dead next to the now dormant White Ring that once kept Yoda alive.

For the first time in ages, this planet knew peace. The calming silence filled the air with the possibility of a future, a future that only moment’s prior did not exist. The silence seemed to breathe new life into the world, a world that become alive once more with the footsteps of a man whose perseverance had not only given this place a future, but the chance at a new beginning.



THE END







Friday, September 12, 2014

Universe Bowl VII: Post 14

I suppose this proves there is always two sides to every story. Something we found in the archives.



                Zanthos Zipper
                   Your source for all news in and around the University of Zanthos

July 7th, 2014

Playoff Fever!

A nother year is coming to an end for what the outsiders call “The Fantasy Fantasy League”.
With two rounds of playoff matchups in the books, The Universe Bowl is once again upon us and
as luck would have it, our wonderful home will play host for the seventh year in a row!! Crews
are already working around the clock to clean up the mess from a couple of thrilling conference
finals matches. While some critics might argue that these constant battles are pointless, I like to
see all the positive things that these matches bring to our planet. Increases in jobs and tourism do
nothing but stimulate our economy and reinforce our position as the premier fictional fighting
destination in the galaxy.

Over the next few weeks, our planet will accept the incoming waves of combatants and watchers
for this year’s Universe bowl. Governor Morris has approved over 10,000 jobs to unemployed
citizens to rebuild the infrastructure of our city regions. Botanists are being flown in to repair the
damage done to the natural habitat. The amount of bars and restaurants has been doubled in the
downtown district from years past to accommodate this year’s list of watchers for the event. You
thought the teams were the worst thing to hit this place, just wait until Greeny and Seeney are
full of bourbon and freestyle rapping. Hide yo’ kids, Hide yo’ wives.

This event brings more than just teams and watchers to the planet to spend their hard earned
credits. Fans from all over have come to watch the carnage. Just listen to the positive vibes I got
from talking to some of the people on the street!

            “The Universe Bowl is superfragilisticexpialidocious! That’s what my nanny Mary
             always told me! Excuse me, I have to get back to playing soccer and drinking tea.” -
             RobC, London.

            “Godzilla stepped on my house last year and I got a brand new one for free!” -local
             resident

            “Huhhuhuhuh. Like, I love bowls man!” -Shaggy

            “ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!” -Chewbacca

While talking to people on the street, I also got word of an underground movement that is trying
to disrupt the Universe Bowl this year. I brought this up to the Chief of Police, Deputy Dawg,
and he informed me that while he is aware of the rumors and looked into the evidence, he was
certain that this group is “very minor and of no consequence”.

While the Universe Bowl and the Fantasy Fantasy League has its critics, I think most of the
planet is abuzz with excitement and anxiously awaiting another epic battle!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Universe Bowl VII: Midget's Correspondent Post #8


This I promise you will be the last time we will be hearing from the Midget’s Correspondent. The remaining audio starts up around two hours and forty minutes after the previous audio. In the meantime there was quite a bit of noise and plenty of unintelligible yelling, but nothing that we could make out. We believe the first voice is from the Imp, followed by Zufa Cenva. As per usual, we identify the voice as best we can.

(Voices in the background become clearer)

Mr. Mxyztplk: I have already done what you said. I told him and he was not interested.

Zufa Cenva: Then what the hell is he doing up there? Is he still alive?

Mr. Mxyztplk: As far as I could tell. Look, we both know how he is. He is still fighting for the right side. He wants to destroy this thing just as badly as you do. It’s just for a different reason.

Zufa Cenva: He wants to destroy this thing like I do. What? You don’t want this thing destroyed?

Mr. Mxyztplk: Hey, if he gets destroyed, great! I just want to win…

Zufa Cenva: (Laughing) Of course you do. (Pause) Okay fine. You understand the plan then?

Mr. Mxyztplk: Of course I do! And don’t worry Z, no magic coming from this guy. Just a bunch of clever tricks and me, spreading the good word!

Zufa Cenva: The word has been spread. Just hold it for as long as you can okay? We have only one shot at this. (Pause) Do you really think Kara will go along with this?

Mr. Mxyztplk: Oh yeah, Yoda can talk anybody into everything. Plus she seemed real angry about her ring being stolen. Not that I blame her. I love this little guy.

Zufa Cenva: Don’t love it too much; it probably won’t make it through the day.

(More people enter the room)

Supergirl: I want to kill it. Yoda explained to me what you are planning on doing? Is it going to work?

Zufa Cenva: In theory…(Cut off)

Supergirl: I don’t care about theories, is this going to work or not?

Zufa Cenva: In theory (Pause) Yes Kara, I don’t see why it won’t.

Supergirl: This is certain death, you know that right?

Zufa Cenva: There is a high risk of death, yes. Nothing is certain. In the line of fire, yes, I see no way of surviving.

Supergirl: Nothing is certain? I’ve heard this before. I may have been out of it for the last month but I am not blind. I’ve seen a planet during its dying days before.

Zufa Cenva: Look Kara, all that matters is destroying this Thing. (Pause) Yes, this planet is dying and by everything that we have heard, I can’t imagine it lasting much longer then a week or so. This Thing on the other hand, it’s only growing stronger by the day. This planet’s destruction is not going stop that Thing from doing this to another world. We are the only chance of stopping it right now and unless you have a better idea on how to go about said destruction, I suggest you start realizing that there are no other options here.

Supergirl: Are you actually telling me what to do Zufa? Do you have any idea who you are talking to?

Zufa Cenva: Oh yes, the Mighty Supergirl. The one being so powerful that she has been imprisoned up until three hours ago.

Yoda: Zufa, Kara, stop this fighting now! No other choice do we have anymore. Come down to us this fight has. We must begin now. Time against us it is. One chance we have to make this right. Understood the risks are by everyone.

(Silence for a brief period)

Zufa Cenva: Still no sign of the Governor Yoda?

Yoda: He left as soon as I told him. Lost forever Mr. Morris is I believe. Too much pain in his heart. The guilt he must carry, overwhelming it is.

Zufa Cenva: Well then, let’s head up and finally test this theory. We have but only one chance at this so no room for error.

Supergirl: Or maybe this plan fails and we are left defending ourselves against a creature whose power is so great that it defied the Watchers.

Zufa Cenva: That is a risk we must take Kara. Now are you going to help us or not. Nobody knows how to fight your Artifact better then you do, not to mention an all-powerful being such as this Thing.

Supergirl: He’s not my Artifact anymore Zufa. (Pause) Side by side with a Midget…

Mr. Mxyztplk: I’m off folks. Let’s hope this ring holds up Z. I’d be awfully disappointed to see this thing go to waste.

Zufa Cenva: Mxy (strange noise) Of course, goodbye Mxy.

Supergirl: I can’t believe you are putting your faith in that Imp.

Zufa Cenva: He’ll come through for us, trust me. Never once has he missed a shot at angering someone more powerful then himself. Speaking of which, (garbled sound from audio recorder) Mr. Watcher or whoever it is that I have been sending these to. This will be the last thing you receive from us. If you want to know what happens here, get your ass to the front lines and find out for yourself. Zufa out.

(End of Transmission)

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Universe Bowl VII: Midget's Correspondent Post #7


This is the final recording I have received from Zufa. The recording went on for hours but there are only a few parts that included any sort of real information. I had those parts transcribed. This may be all that there is on here, I am not entirely sure. For now though, this is what I have.

(Room noise)
Unidentified person: It must not be (unintelligible) the atmosphere.
(Twenty minutes of minor room noise)
Zufa Cenva: I think…(trails off)
(Ten more minutes of minor room noise and silence)
Zufa Cenva: Kara, I think…Kara.
(A crashing sound is heard)
Zufa Cenva: She’s still alive.
(Garbled recording)
Zufa Cenva: (Unintelligible) thing recording?
Zufa Cenva: Kara is still alive. I can hear her. (Pause) Not sure what it will sound like if I repeat it but this is what I heard from her just moments ago. (Minor Pause) I can feel the energy pulsing within this core. I can feel the planet itself crying out in anger!
What is the meaning of this?  Who is speaking to me? These thoughts fill my head as I struggle to free myself.
For too long I have been imprisoned within the center of this rock.
But no more
I have been freed. My bonds no longer hold the grip they once did.
I have no idea how long I’ve been down here for. Days, possibly weeks will pass by between temporary bouts of consciousness. My heat vision will tear through the stone above me, breaking through to the surface, but only for a moment. The opening closes in on itself almost as fast as I was able to blast through it.  So far all my efforts to break free from my shackles had been fruitless. It seemed the more I struggled, the stronger the bonds were.
But no more
I have awoken to find my restraints are no longer wrapped around my limbs.
And now……
Now, the universe will tremble. The heavens will cry. The gods themselves will cower to my might.
I am Supergirl
And I will make everyone suffer for my imprisonment….

(Painful scream from Zufa I believe)

Zufa Cenva: Yoda, did they…(Cut off)

Yoda: Dead. Yes. An entire civilization destroyed without warning. Tell Mr. Morris we must. Responsible your team is.

Zufa Cenva: Yoda, I assure you my team is not responsible for this atrocity. This “Thing” has caused everything.

Yoda: No, wrong you are Zufa.

Zufa Cenva: Look, this is not a time to argue. (Pause) If Kara is still alive then we need to explain the situation to her right away. You must break the news to Governor Morris immediately and I need to find that oblivious Imp as soon as possible. Our time is up Master; we better hope we’re right on this one.

(Silence continued for another hour or so)

This is all I have found so far. There are several more hours left on the recording so if there is anything else said, I will release it to you. Until then, this is what we’ve got.

Universe Bowl VII: Midget's Correspondent Post #6


Zufa here once again. You should feel lucky I am even sending you anything anymore. 

Master Yoda and I have been working tirelessly to calculate everything to make sure our theories are correct. From everything we have been able to gather about this “thing”, it has exactly one weakness. We know that it has been absorbing each and every power ring in the spectrum except for the White ring. We are still unsure of why this is, but it brings us to the only working theory that we can come to that is even remotely plausible.

If this “Thing” could have taken Hal’s White ring, it would have. We are running test after test using Master Yoda’s ring to see if our idea will work. Things have been shaky for the most part but if I can figure a way to use the ring in an offensive manner, then perhaps we still have a shot at defeating this thing.

With it just being us two and Mxy, who is a wild card at best, we are facing an uphill battle. I am still not sure if there is anyone else out there, but if there is, we sure could use their help right about now. Master Yoda and I have been discussing the whereabouts of our team members and he brought up the fact that nobody has seen Kara on his team since before they arrived here. I think I may search for her soon because, well, we could really use someone like her against this thing.

I know I gave the Governor a hard time about this stuff but we are running on theories and theories alone here. Even if our plan works, the chances of anyone surviving is slim to none. We will continue to work on ideas but unless something changes, we may not have a choice. I will probably write back soon, especially since the Trireme ships have still not left. We promised the Governor that we would at least wait until they were far enough away from any danger before we take action.

I will search for any sign of our fellow combatants in the mean time. Until then, I will sign off.