Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Universe Bowl IX: Chapter XXIX

Sheev Palpatine and Minch Yoda: Dark Lord of the Sith and Senior Jedi Council Member: The most unlikely of allies sit side by side in a small starship just barely large enough for the two indian-style-seated Force users. Deep in meditation, hovering within the Nova Corps powered energy field, the two barely pay heed to Richard Rider, the man at the helm of the construct. Ursa flies by as well, while Doomslayer and Steel Doomsday are perched on separate small asteroids moving in a tight rotation within Nova's energy structure. Though this is not where the focus of Yoda and Sidious lie either...

“Sense the formation of a dark ally I do”. Says Yoda.

“Dark Allies seem to be becoming commonplace for you Master Yoda”. Palpatine says with a smirk.

“Truth you speak, my former enemy. An ally we thought gone has resurfaced though is what I speak of. Dead was he; but the wrong methodology The Slaves did have”.

“Yes, I sense it too Master Yoda”. Says Palpatine.

It is then, that what they had been tracking since the process began at a molecular level, that the dark matter and cells allow for the reformation of the Death Star explosion victim Black Lantern Loki just outside their small spaceship.

The two Force users reach out to the Undead Trickster god via mental telepathy; but it is he who communicates first: “Well, well, well my teamed up little Force Masters..... I heard there was a final battle about to happen; and there was no way in Niflheim that I was going to miss it”.

Monday, August 29, 2016

Universe Bowl IX: Chapter XXVIII

“I have called you here today, to this very rendezvous point for what will most certainly be the most important moment of your FFL Career. I have nothing but respect for the sheer and unexplainable power of Darth Shemalya, or the military brilliance of General Washington; but as we all know, parlor tricks and shadow games are not what wins battles. At the end of the day, the battle still needs to be fought, the war still must be won, and the soldiers must be heroic”. Says Jor El over the comlink to his fellow Slaves.
.
Jor El continues: “We have in-tel, that despite the Death Star Destruction, they have diverted what powers were left; and Palpatine has plans for a new armored Space, even more powerful than the first dreaded Death Star. When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of.......”...

“Yeah, we gotcha Jor, we all saw Return of the Jedi”. Interrupts Wolverine over the comlink. The mutant finishes: “Master Mundi and I are a bit hung up with the escape-podded storm trooper fallout from the first dreaded Death Star (#sarcasm); but as soon as we can get to you, we'll be there to help out”.

“Roger that Wolverine, sorry for the theatrics. We certainly could use your skills; but this main call for help goes out to whatever pilots are left. We had our questions, about why we hadn't heard from Nova yet in this battle, and as it turns out he has called in some favors from his old corps. We know for sure that two of the Doomsdays are acting with him, and we assume Palpatine has a hand in it; but all we are truly certain of is that if we don't blow up his energy field soon, than the Playoff Planet and our whole team is going to be the next Krypton. So please, any and all available Slave pilots, follow the beacon I am sending out via remote; and get here as fast as you can”.

“Jor El, this is Amazon, reporting in. I'm on my way, and I have it on good authority that Fernus, Zillius Zox, and Tomar Tu are on their way as well. But despite my confusion as to your pilot obsession, your communication called for an army. And although some of us are pretty damn good, I wouldn't exactly call it an army, as the numbers are growing sparser by the minute”.

Jor El sends his final message before the rendezvous:

“Definitions of armies tend to differ Amazon, but I read you loud and clear. The pilots are important, but so are you. By the way, if you were questioning our squad's strength; I should tell you all one more thing: My son will be here any minute”.......

Sunday, August 21, 2016

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXVII

Death Star. . .

BL Loki: We failed!
Dr. Doom: We have done nothing of the sort!  Reconfigure weaponry by ten degrees!  I want this done now!!!

The automatons feverishly reroute the thrusters of the space station.  For each degree the Death Star needs to move, it will only take two minutes.
Dr. Doom:  Ten minutes!  We only need ten minutes and the Slaves are no more!

 
T-Minus 20 Minutes. . .
Dameron:  Another run BB-8!  Expect company any minutes!

BB-8 chirps.
Dameron: Company has arrived?  Where?!?!

Wedge Antilles:  Right here, flyboy!
Dameron: Wedge!

Antilles:  This is where I belong!  I’m kinda’ hurt you didn’t call me over in the first place, but here I am anyway.
Dameron:  Wouldn’t have it any other way, Wedge.  Sorry.  Let’s get this done!

 
T-Minus 17 Minutes. . .
BL Loki:  There are two of them now!

Dr. Doom:  Still but ticks on the rear of a pig.
BL Loki:  You may think them ticks, but they foiled our initial plans.  We still have nine minutes before the Death Star is rerouted and is operational.

Dr. Doom:  Precisely, but a mere nine minutes.


T-Minus 15 Minutes. . .
Dameron:  Are you properly equipped?

Antilles:  All of the Resistance X-Wings were equipped with Jor-El’s modified weaponry.  The torpedoes should be able to cause some severe damage and the lasers some havoc.
Dameron:  Are we taking both ports?

Antilles:  Affirmative.
The X-Wings fly parallel to one another, headed toward their respective goals.

 
T-Minus 14 Minutes. . .
The turbo thrusters on the Resistance X-Wings kick in and the two ships throttle to their respective spots.  The two fighters avoid the volleys of laser fire.  They are only minutes from their ports.

 
T-Minus 11 Minutes. . .
BL Loki:  I’m going to meet the X-Wings!

Dr. Doom: And miss our victory?!?!  Shame on you BL!  Shame!
BL Loki:  I can’t just stand here and do nothing!  I was meant for a higher purpose!

Dr. Doom:  You were meant to serve your team: The Royal Highness; nothing more, nothing less!  You shall stand by me and witness the death of the Slaves!
BL Loki has heard enough.

BL Loki:  Goodbye, Doom.  Duty calls elsewhere.
BL Loki hovers and flies away.

 
T-Minus 7 Minutes. . .
The X-Wing piloted by Dameron shakes violently.  Dameron attempts to avoid the repeated constructs being thrown at him by BL Loki.

Dameron:  Have some unwanted company now, Wedge!
Antilles:  I see him!  I’m on it!

Antilles fires his lasers at the black lantern.  Loki’s ring bubble protects him from certain doom, but at a cost of knocking him across the sky. 
Dameron:  We’re coming up on the ports!

Antilles:  On your wing now!

 
T-Minus 4 Minutes. . .
Dr. Doom hovers above the console.  In four minutes the weapon will fire upon his enemies.

 
T-Minus 3 Minutes. . .
Antilles:  Check your targeting computer!  That’s the ports up ahead! 

Dameron:  See them!  Watch out for BL Loki!
Antilles:  Seventy-five degrees!  He’s coming in!  

Dameron’s X-Wing barrel rolls.  The pilot then fires his lasers at BL Loki.  Loki takes the brunt of the X-Wing’s weaponry, but shakes it off a little more easily this time around.  In response, BL Loki fires a construct at Dameron’s ship.  Dameron narrowly escapes.

 
T-Minus 2 Minutes. . .
The Death Star’s weapon begins to crackle as the lasers begin to arrange themselves in the center of the plated dish.  Dr. Doom smiles beneath his mask.

 
T-Minus 1 Minute. . .
The Resistance X-Wings race down the trench.  Both fire at their targeted ports at the same time, sending four specially equipped torpedoes.  The X-Wings shoot away.  BL Loki knows that this will be the end of Doom’s Death Star.  The black lantern flies within the station, hoping to reach his teammate in time.  BL Loki fails in his attempt.

 
BOOOOOOOM!!!!!!

The Death Star explodes into a million particles, taking with it BL Loki, Dr. Doom and the automatons located within the station.  Poe Dameron and Wedge Antilles have destroyed the Highness’ weapon of mass destruction.  Now it is time for the duo to join their teammates after having accomplished their goal.
Antilles:  Hey, something I’m still trying to figure out.  We were all at the Metropolis Sector.  I saw you there.  When did you leave?

Dameron: Immediately after we gathered. Right after I was assigned.
Antilles: Assigned?  But, how did you know the Death Star was up there and ready to destroy our team.

Dameron remains silent, waiting for Antilles to realize the answer before Dameron responds.
Antilles:  Shemalyah.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXVI

City Region – Brazilo Sector. . .

The Punisher Van is driven by Captain Crunch.  Kol Skywalker and Shado Vao ride within, readying their lightsabers for the next battle.
Captain Crunch: Gonna f#$k some sh%t up b*^ches!  Gonna f#$k some sh%t up!

The Captain focuses on reaching the rest of his team currently stationed at the Metropolis Sector of the City Region.  The Captain is ecstatic at reaching this stage of the Universe Bowl; who thought it possible?
Kol Skywalker:  When will we arrive?

Crunch: We should be there in about thirty minutes.  Hey, what the f#$k is that?
The intensity of the light blinds the three inhabitants of the Punisher Van.  Due to the disruption caused by Dameron, the focal point of the Death Star’s beam was off slightly more than ten degrees.  Ten degrees is all that is needed to save the Slaves, but annihilate the trio attempting to reach them.

Captain Crunch:  Aw f#%k, so close!
Captain Crunch, Kol Skywalker and Shado Vao are decimated into ash, as is the entire Brazilo Sector of the City Region.

 

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXV

Death Star. . .

The Resistance X-Wing piloted by Poe Dameron storms the Death Star trenches with BB-8 as his droid.  The skilled aerialist careens and dodges the multitude of lasers emitted from the weapon’s turbolasers.
***

BL Loki: There is an X-Wing within the Death Star, Doom!  What are we to do?
Dr. Doom:  Nothing.  It is but a fly in the ointment.  We shall still have our victory, regardless.

***
Poe: BB-8, download the new schematics!

BB-8 beeps and whistles.
Poe: I know Doom made some modifications, but we still have the core open!

BB-8 hoots.
Poe: Jor-El updated our proton torpedoes; they’ll do the trick.  Come on. . . please do the trick.

***

Dr. Doom and BL Loki stand in front of the viewport.
Dr. Doom: You may fire when ready.

***
Poe Dameron brings his X-wing to the designated location and releases two torpedoes.  The projectiles strike their target and the Death Star shudders just as its ray of destruction rushes toward the Playoff Planet, City Region.

 

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXIV

Death Star. . .

Dr. Doom:  It should be only a matter of minutes before our presence is made known to the Slaves below. 
BL Loki smiles.

The automatons work vigorously to man their stations, readying the weapon.
Dr. Doom:  What is miraculous is the fact that our Death Star has been equipped to focus with pinpoint accuracy upon the exact sector of the city the Slaves are now positioned. 

BL Loki:  Fantastic.
Dr. Doom:  Fantastic is how our victory will feel within moments. 

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXIII

City Region – Metropolis Sector. . .

The Slaves’ team is bustling with activity.  Final preparations have begun for the next wave of battles.  The pilots stand next to their X-Wings, checking off their flight lists.
Dak Ralter:  Hey Wedge, guess I didn’t notice before.  Where is Poe?

Wedge Antilles:  No idea.  His Resistance X-Wing was on the other side of the sector.  I’ll check.
Antilles walks to the other end of town.  He is met by Stewie Griffin.

Wedge Antilles:  Stewie, we can’t seem to find Poe.  For that matter, BB-8 is not around either.  Do you know where they are?  Where is their X-Wing?
Stewie Griffin looks to the sky and smiles.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXII


The dust settles within the cavern containing Batman and Old Man Logan.
“Tell me,” directs Old Man Logan to Batman.
Batman stands in silence for several minutes before beginning his story.
“After our team assured itself of a position in the Universe Bowl, Richards, Luthor, Doom and I held a secret conference.  The meeting was held with only the four of us present.  We were a silent cabal within our team, formed for a single purpose: win the Universe Bowl. We knew that the Universe Bowl would take the lives of many, but more importantly, we knew that in order to defeat the Slaves, we needed to focus on their champion, Darth Shemalyah.
“Yes, the Slaves have Superman, Thunderclash, Fernus, Loki, Wolverine and Spongebob Squarepants, but it is Shemalyah who has gained the recognition of being one of the most powerful and practically undefeatable entities within our league.   She has been a force to reckon with throughout the season and we needed to put her down.  With Shemalyah’s death, the Slaves would be in a state of disrepair such that their spiral could never be corrected.
“But how do you destroy something that is indestructible?  There were no records of Darth Shemalyah in the databases at the Batcave.  There were no databases within the FFL records to which I perused.  She seems to have come into sheer existence from a figment of warped minds’ imagination.  She was created from the ether.
“Nonetheless, the cabal knew there had to be somewhere which would disclose the history of Shemalyah.  I was sent to find the place.  To assure my mission’s secrecy, we decided to wipe the minds of the remaining cabal members, Richards, Doom and Luthor.  They would remember nothing of our discussions; they would only know that I had gone missing.
 “While the others crafted a strategy in winning the Universe Bowl, I’m assuming utilizing the Death Star, which Doom was always fixated on, I traversed the Playoff Planet and the stars surrounding it for any indication of Shemalyah’s origin.  Through countless interviews and investigations, I discovered a satellite, nameless, appearing insignificant to all those who pass by.  As we all know though, appearances can be deceiving. 
“I located a Sith Holocron on this satellite, hidden away, no doubt by Darth Shemalyah herself or her acolytes.  The Holocron miraculously contained the history of Shemalyah.  Her birth.  Her transition.  Her travels throughout the galaxy as a Jedi.  Her transition to the Dark Side.  The sacrifice of her lover by her own hands.  The taking of both apprentices, Landsoh and Nyram.  Her power and her near indestructibility.  All of it.  All of it was contained within the Sith Holocron.  Although her history will be discussed another day for we do not have time at this moment, I need to point out that the Holocron did contain something else: the way to defeat her.”
“What per chance is that?” questions Logan.
Batman continues his story. 
“There is an element unknown to man; never discovered until this very day by myself and witnessed by you, Old Man Logan.  The Holocron contained this information.”
“The Holocron directed me to this very cavern on the Playoff Planet.  This cave contains the essence of a spirit cube.  The spirit cube is what is held in my hands.  The cube, in essence a crystal, contains the spirits of the lost Sith.  This crystal can be weaponized.  The weapon which utilizes the crystal will not only defeat any Jedi or Sith in its path by drawing his or her midichloridians from their body, but more importantly for our team, will leave Darth Shemalyah a mere husk, defeated and dead.  This crystal,” notes Batman as he looks down at the dark gem in his gloved hands, “is the key.”
“Now I knew that Richards would eventually look for me and send someone to find me before the Universe Bowl, I just needed the time in between to finish my plan.  When someone found me- - you Logan, I needed to have everything in place.  I do now.  It was your mission from Richards to find me.  It is my mission for you to safely get me to the locker room.
“You see, I formulated the weapon and it is currently in a secret compartment within our locker room.  No one know but myself and now you.  I need to place the crystal in the weapon to defeat her.  So, like I said before, you need to get me to the locker room, undetected.
 “This crystal is a gem to our victory over the Dark Lord Shemalyah.  It is a key to our victory over the entire George Washington’s Slaves team.”
Old Man Logan looks at Batman, “Are you sure, Bruce?”
“As sure as Shemalyah is now dead.”

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXI

Death Star. . .

Dr. Doom turns to Black Lantern Loki.  He looks at the automatons manning the station and licks his lips in anticipation of what is to follow.  The Death Star has positioned itself to effectuate Doom’s plan.  All of the puzzle pieces have been placed on the board; a substantial majority of the Slaves’ team awaits an unexpected demise.
Dr. Doom presses a button on his headset.

Dr. Doom: Commence firing operations. 
BL Loki:  This is going to be magnificent.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XX

City Region – Metropolis Sector. . .

Darth Shemalyah, Nik Landsoh, Brek Nyram, Superman and Loki arrive.  They are greeted by several of their teammates, including, but not limited to, Amazo, Doppleganger, Fernus, Ymir, Xorn,  and  an entire squadron of Resistance X-Wings with their pilots. 
An iron man suited warrior flies to the scene.  The helmet lifts and Head Coach George Washington extends his hand to Shemalyah.

Washington:  As requested, Darth Shemalyah.  I have gathered the troops together.  We are ready to press on and win this Universe Bowl!
Darth Shemalyah smiles at Washington.

Shemalyah:   Ready our forces, General.  Execution of our stratagem shall begin shortly.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XIX

City Region – Coruscanti Sector. . .

Blade’s heightened senses hear the hissing sound around the corner.  Blade motions for Whistler to stop in the alleyway in which they walk.  Blade brings his glove to his lips, enforcing his order to remain quiet.  He slowly draws his sword.  The vampire hunter tips the steel in order to look into the blade and see his enemy.   He reacts swiftly to the approaching shadow and slices off the head of Medusa.  Whistler bags the gorgon’s head to avoid turning into stone.
Whistler:  Another monster down.

The two’s victory remains short-lived as both Wolverine and Ki Adi Mundi jump from atop the balconies of the alley’s apartments onto the ground.  The mutant releases his claws and the Jedi ignites his lightsaber.
Blade:  Looks like we have a tango, Whistler.

Wolverine:  That’s right, bub!  Let’s dance!
The claws and swords clash as Blade and Wolverine battle.  Whistler fires his guns over a dozen times at Ki Adi Mundi, without success as the lightsaber deflects each of the projectiles.  Mundi reaches Whistler and strikes the man down.  Blade sees the death of his friend and lashes out at his foe.  Wolverine is impaled repeatedly, and the mutant falls.  As Blade is about to decapitate the mutant, a lightsaber’s blade burns through the hunter’s chest.  Blade wails.  Mundi spins around and cuts Blade’s head off.

Wolverine coughs blood, but slowly rises as his healing factor commences throughout his body.

Wolverine:  Thanks for the save, bub.
Ki Adi Mundi bows in recognition of being thanked.

Ki Adi Mundi: What are teammates for?

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XVIII

Darth Shemalyah looks to her two apprentices.  The trio treks from its present location to the anticipated destination.

Darth Shemalyah:  We shall call to arms all remaining members of the Slaves to the City Region- Metropolis Sector.  There we shall discuss our final strategy and proceed to realize our ultimate goal of becoming Fantasy Fantasy Champions.
Brek Nyram:  Who will be joining us?

Darth Shemalyah:  I sense that a majority of our combatants remain standing.  It shall be a majestic sight to see all Slaves standing together in a final wave, moving toward victory.
Nik Landsoh:  All shall hail Darth Shemalyah and bow down to her omniscient presence!  Doubters shall be eradicated; followers shall be rewarded!

Superman flies to the three, no longer in the clutches of false inebriation.  He lands on the ground and walks in stride with the Sith.  Darth Shemalyah looks at the Kryptonian.  Superman smiles back at Shemalyah.  No words escape either’s lips as both of their roles in the coming battle are clearly understood.
The four are then joined by Loki, who gracefully moves alongside his teammates.  A longing stare shows on the Trickster god’s face as he remembers the night shared between he and Shemalyah; his pants feel somewhat tighter.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XVII

Forest Region. . .

Wally “Wallykazam” Trollman travels with his trusted companion, Norville the Dragon.  The duo are accompanied by Frogsuit Luigi.  A red blur flashes by the Slave trio.  The shape comes to a stop; it is the Flash.
Wallykazam:  Flash, you are no match for me!  I have the power of making words come to life!

The Flash scoffs at the small animated troll. 
Wallykazam: Zoom!

Trollman waves his magic stick and the word Z-o-o-m becomes Professor Zoom.  Professor Zoom smacks Barry Allen to the ground.  The Flash attempts to shake off the blow when suddenly Frogsuit Luigi leaps into the air and pounces upon the Flash.  Norville joins Luigi in his attempted battery of the superhero.  The Flash eventually manages to shrug the trio off. 
Zoom rushes away and then races back toward the Flash, looking to deal a death-blow.  Just as Zoom reaches the Flash, Wallykazam shouts another word and waves his magic stick.

Wallykazam: Grodd!
Zoom transforms into Gorilla Grodd, who smashes into the Flash and then grabs the speedster by his legs.  The beast repeatedly crushes Allen’s body on the ground.  While Grodd battles the Flash, Wallykazam thinks of his next word.  He is about to utter D-a-r-k-s-e-i-d when a shot is heard.  Trollman screams.  The wordsmith looks down at a hole in his hand; his magic stick falls to the ground.   He then turns around to view Agent Smith.

Agent Smith:  This charade has gone on long enough.
In an instant, Smith sets upon Trollman.  The Matrix agent fires his weapon, point blank range and blows Trollman’s brains out.  The Flash reacts at being freed from Grodd-come-to-life and instantaneously kills both Norville and Frogsuit Luigi.

Agent Smith:  Why do you play?
The Flash:  Had to make it somewhat interesting.  Come on, give me a break!

Agent Smith:  You allowed them to think they had you.
The Flash:  Yep; that’s the fun! Let the confidence overwhelm them and then. . . BAM!  Crush their wills and bodies at the same time.

Agent Smith acknowledges Allen’s strategy and the two race off for the next skirmish.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XVI

City Region – Philadelphian Sector. . .

Aunt May walks down the street next to Air Bud.  The two are stopped by Alfred Pennyworth.
Alfred Pennyworth: Miss May, I’m afraid I must dispose of both you and the canine.  The butler draws a small pistol from his coat pocket.  Air Bud barks.

Aunt May:  Get help, Air Bud!
Air Bud runs down the street, barking.  Pennyworth points the weapon at the dog, closes one eye and fires.  A yelp is heard as Air Bud is shot.  The mortally wounded dog attempts to move further, but is unable to do so.  Air Bud lies down and dies.  Aunt May sees her companion fall and begins to wobble.

Pennyworth:  Sorry for that madam, but. . .
Aunt May:  Oooooh, I think I’m having a heart attack.

Aunt May crumples to the ground.  Pennyworth rushes to the woman and cradles her head in his lap.
Pennyworth:  We may be foes, but I am not a heathen.  Close your eyes.  Sshhhhh.

Aunt May:  One final request, Pennyworth?
Pennyworth:  Anything madam.

Pennyworth brings his head close to Aunt May.
Aunt May: DIE!!!

Aunt May rips a knife from her skirt and stabs Pennyworth in the jugular.  Pennyworth’s blood erupts as directional spray throughout the area.  The look on Pennyworth’s face emotes utter shock as he dies.
Aunt May rises.  She wipes the blood from the knife on her skirt, tidies up and begins to walk, once again, down the street.

Elderly Bruce Wayne emerges from an alley.
Elderly Bruce Wayne:  You’re going to pay for that, Aunt May.

Elderly Bruce Wayne slowly treads toward Aunt May.  She closes her eyes as Elderly Bruce Wayne reaches her and, with a swift motion, breaks her neck.

Monday, August 15, 2016

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XV


Darth Shemalyah’s eyes shoot open.
“I feel a disturbance. . .”

The eyes of both Nik Landsoh and Brek Nyram open within seconds of their master’s.
“It is time, my apprentices.”

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XIV


Water Region – Beach. . .
Captain Crunch jumps off of his raft and onto the beach.  Mer-Man wades from the water and stands by his brother-in-arms.

Mer-Man:  Now we must join our teammates.
Captain Crunch:  Darn tootin’ we’re going to join our teammates!  We’re gonna eat some Highness a$$!

Mer-Man, once again, guffaws at the double entendre.
Mer-Man:  Captain.  You have to stop with your quips.  You just don’t know what you’re saying.  Remember. . .

Mer-Man’s words are cut short as his head explodes, brain matter splattering across the face of Captain Crunch.
One hundred yards away, the Punisher moves his head from the sniper scope.  The vigilante is seen lying down on top of his van, smoke emitted from his rifle’s barrel.  He calls down to the driver of the van.

Punisher:  Mission accomplished, Microchip.
Microchip:  Nice going, Frank.

The Punisher looks in the scope again.  He sees Captain Crunch in an insane frenzy.
Captain Crunch:  Show yourself, you f#%n’ coward!!!  Show yourself and face the wrath of the Cereal Captain!!!

A click is heard from the weapon as the Punisher locks on his new target.
Captain Crunch: You f#%n’ pu$$y!!!  You g#dd@mned, f#%n’ piece of s#&t pu$$y!!!  Face me!!!

The Punisher locks on his quarry.  The van is jostled and the gun fires, missing its’ mark. 
Punisher:  What the h#ll, Microchip!  What’s happening down there!?!?

Microchip’s head, sans body, drops next to Castle.  The Punisher grimaces and immediately rolls off the van’s top.  He comes face to face with Kol Skywalker and Shado Vao, lightsabers ignited.
Skywalker:  Your time is over, Punisher.

Both Skywalker and Vao are about to finish their foe when Captain Crunch rushes to the scene, trident brandished.  The Punisher, distracted by the Jedi, turns around too late and is impaled by Crunch.
Captain Crunch:  That’s it, boy!  Show me your “oh” face!

Skywalker and Vao look at one another, shaking their heads.  Captain Crunch jumps in the Punisher Van.
Captain Crunch:  Check this sh*t out, boys.  Hop on board and let’s cause some havoc.

Skywalker and Vao smile as they enter the motor vehicle.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XIII


City Region- Detroitus Sector. . .
Two Transformers face off against one another; Thunderclash stands before Sideswipe.

Thunderclash:  I am the commander-in-chief of the Autobot Turbomasters!  You are but a brash warrior!  Feel the magic; hear the roar!
Sideswipe:  I may be brash, but I’m brave and bad!  Let’s do this!

Thunderclash readies himself.  Sideswipe transforms into a Lamborghini and races away from Thunderclash, scouting for a vantage point to strike the Slaves’ Autobot Matrix of Leadership holder.  Thunderclash was not ready for Sideswipe’s foil.  The Slaves’ Autobot follows suit and transforms into a tractor-trailer.  Thunderclash races after Sideswipe, but is unable to reach him due to Sideswipe’s racing skills.  Thinking to slow Sideswipe down, Thunderclash fires a battery of missiles that hurl into a building, causing it to crash upon the streets below.  As the rubble is about to fall on Sideswipe, the Autobot transforms into his robot form.  Thunderclash comes upon the scene and transforms in response. 
The two immense robots-in-disguise fight one another in a furious battle.  Pieces of each opponent fall from their bodies.  The dismantling continues between the two.  Although Sideswipe manages to cause severe damage to Thunderclash, the Slaves’ Autobot is still too much for the Highness fighter.  Thunderclash holds Sideswipe down and focuses a missile at his enemy’s head.  The projectile explodes, ripping Sideswipe’s head from its body.

Thunderclash stands above his foe in triumph.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XII


The billowing winds whip across the face of Old Man Logan.  The mutant’s eyes water as dust particles shatter the air.    
“Batman,” calls Logan.

Logan,” Batman croaks.  “Stay away.  The summoning incantation is almost complete.”
“You’re dying, Bruce.”

“I’m not Logan.  I’m not.  I’m. . .”
Earsplitting shrieks explode from the spirits as they become imbibed within a blue crystal being held by Batman.  A violent eruption then occurs, throwing Batman to the ground and Old Man Logan across the room.

Silence grips the room and the Royal Highness members shake their heads, trying to gain their senses.  The two groggily rise.
“What was that?”  asks old Man Logan.

“Our victory,” responds Batman.