Sunday, January 31, 2016

All Star Game: Season Eight


American League All Stars (Lee): Poseidon, Goof Solo: Snow Speeder Pilot, The Chaos King, Doomsday, Onslaught, Dave Bowman, Supergirl, Superboy Doomsday, Aron the Rogue Watcher, Finn McCool, Bullseye, Gorilla Grodd, Peter Petrelli, Red Son Superman, Phoenix Force Namor.

National League All Stars (Lucas): Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki, Darth Shemalyah, Deadpool, White Suit Darth Vader, Blue Lantern Tom Brady, Prime Grimlock Rex, Katy Perry-Rex, Vladimir Putin, Darth Maul, Darth Vader, Magneto, Superman, Dora the Explorer, Gary the Kryptonian Army Soldier #4.

Location: A 180-Meter Sized Bowl of Cereal filled with Concentrated Molecular Acid
that is surrounded by a five foot platform all around the bowl.


“Look at her and Die. Think of her and perish.
Your best attack is her greatest weapon.”
-Tales of Death: A Dummies guide to avoiding the Darkest One


Every member of both All Star squads convene upon the platform that surrounds the massive cereal bowl filled with acid. Well, every combatant except for one. A cloaked figure stalks the acid, walking across the surface as if they were Jesus. The figure takes step after step on the surface, not being affected in the slightest by the burning qualities of the liquid. Above, both squads stare down at the figure, wondering who the missing combatant may be.

Supergirl: Why is there somebody walking on the acid down below?

Deadpool: Shouldn’t your question be in the why variety? How the hell is somebody walking on that shit? I mean, I know old lava face over here was born on a planet similar to this but even he couldn’t have survived a straight acid bath.

Darth Vader: Coming from the only man in this fight who has worse skin then me, I take offense to that.

White Suit Darth Vader: Oh come on blacky, lighten up a little for once. Just because somebody else is better then you doesn’t mean you have to treat everyone else like trash. I’m in the exact same position as you are but I choose to look at it as a good thing.

Darth Vader: You look at only having one appendage and being forced to live in a disturbingly ugly suit as a plus. Please inform me on how that is so.

Deadpool: Hey look you guys, Darth is arguing with himself.

As Deadpool laughs out loud to himself, everyone else is still whispering to whom the cloaked figure may be.

Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki: Oh my god, you guys do know who that is down there don’t you?

Supergirl: No, who is it?

GL Ryan Poteracki: It’s that stupid faux Sith Lord Darth…

(Abruptly interrupted by Dora the Explorer)

Dora: Ryannnnn, you know the rules about her. Don’t say her name or else you will dieeeee. Don’t even think about her or else.

GL Ryan Poteracki: Don’t give me that garage Dora, if you think for one second that Darth…

Dora: Ryannnn, don’t do it. Bad things will happen to you. Try touching her and you know what will happen, deathsville for whomever she sees fit.

GL Ryan Poteracki: Stop interrupting me little girl, I’m a green lantern now. Not even that stupid b*#%h Darth Shemalyah can stop me now.

Just then, Ryan clutches at his chest, not knowing what is going on. He falls to the ground, not able to breathe. Blasts of green energy start shooting out everywhere, putting many people on the defensive as they have to shield themselves from the blasts.

GL Ryan Poteracki: What (gasping for air) is happening……to me?

Ryan’s face turns blue as he looks at Dora.

Dora: I told you Ryan, do not ever underestimate her.

Ryan stares down at the darkest one who is still pacing on top of the acid pit, not paying any attention to the dying green lantern core member. Minutes after Ryan takes his last breathe; his body is suddenly pulled down into the pit of acid, melting his entire body within seconds.

Supergirl: How could somebody this powerful exist without any of us being aware of her?

Dora: Because anybody who has tried to write or talk about her has instantly died.

Peter Petrelli: Then how are you alive right now Dora?

Dora: Well Peter, let’s see, maybe I am lying right now. Maybe everything I have said today is a big fat lie. Or maybe I made a deal with her that allows me to live and tell the tale. Or perhaps, just perhaps, I’m just a little girl who likes to tell tall tales about the scary lady down below. I guess the question you have to ask yourself Peter, is which version of me, do you believe in.

Deadpool: I know this is going to come off super creepy but is anybody else finding Dora incredibly sexy right now?

Everybody stares at Deadpool with a look of disgust at his comment. Dora naturally just smiles and waives at Deadpool without even the slightest idea of how out of school his comment was.

Deadpool: Just me huh. Oh well.

Dora: (Still waiving) I love you too Deadpool!!!

Deadpool: Right back at ya babe!

Peter Petrelli: Well, I for one will not be intimidated by some Sith Ghoul who refuses to show herself.

As Petrelli says this statement out loud, a voice appears in his head that only says, “I stay down below as to give everybody else a chance." Before Peter is even able to vocalize this statement his head explodes everywhere, parts of him landing on Deadpool and Supergirl. Petrelli’s body falls to the ground, headless and dead.

Supergirl: What the hell was that?

Dora: Looks like she spoke to him. As the tale goes, the last thing you will hear before you die is the voice of the darkest one.

Supergirl: So what, is she trying to be a god?

Dora: No honey, the gods are trying to be her.

Supergirl: Screw this; I’m going to take her myself.

Deadpool: You sure about that, no offense to you miss flying princess but I’m going with the tiny sexpot over here and staying the hell away from her.

Dora winks at Deadpool.

Supergirl: Wade, you’re such a coward. Come on you guys, get your lazy asses down here and join me in finally getting rid of this demi-god.

Supergirl takes off towards the darkest one, joining her on the trip is Red Son Superman, The Chaos King, Superboy Doomsday and the regular Doomsday. As the five of them approach, The Chaos King creates a film over top the acid that allows them to walk on top of it.

Supergirl: Good thinking King, I like how you work!

As the five of them surround the darkest one, the only thing they see from her is a tiny smirk from the left side of her mouth. Doomsday is the first one in and with what he assumed would be a devastating punch to the face, instantly back fires onto him and shatters his entire body in one sudden motion. The remaining pieces of him sank to the bottom of the acid pit, dissipating immediately. The four remaining combatants look at each other and know they are in for a much more brutal fight then they originally imagined. Supergirl takes flight and shoots her heat blasts at the darkest one, only to have the blasts come back at her ten fold, melting her before she even realized what was happening.

Red Son Superman and the Chaos King now think they understand what they are up against, that was until they realized that just by thinking about the darkest one, both of their bodies were bent completely in half, severing both of their spines, sending them into the pit of acid. With the Chaos King now dead, the film keeping Superboy Doomsday afloat on the acid was now gone, sending his body down into the acid as well.

Dora: I don’t know why nobody believes me.

Deadpool: It’s because nobody understands you quite like I do.

Just then, they both see Poseidon trying to be a hero by attempting to manipulate the acid pit in which the darkest one is standing upon.

Deadpool: Oh god dammnit Posey, what do you think you are doing.

Poseidon: My job!

Deadpool: Lame, just lame. Heard it way too many times. That’s like a one liner that somebody who isn’t funny or clever would use.

Poseidon: Oh, somebody like you?

Deadpool: My point exactly. Go ahead Posey; kill yourself trying to fight this lady.

Poseidon: A coward till the end Wade.

Deadpool: Last person to call me a coward was melted, just saying.


On The Other Side Of The Cereal Bowl

Magneto: Do you suppose we should try and do something right now?

Blue Lantern Tom Brady: Hell no metal brains, Shemalyah’s got this.

Everybody looks at Tom, knowing full well what is about to happen.

BL Tom Brady: What?

Tom Brady’s entire body explodes, spraying everybody on the National League roster.

Magneto: Lovely.


Back With Poseidon, The Doomed Fool

Poseidon, being the arrogant god that he proclaimed to be, decided that if he was able to manipulate water, why couldn’t he do the same with the acid. In his infinite wisdom, he decided this was the best course of action and he turned the once serene acid pool into a agitated white squall that was now splashing all over the massive bowl.

Deadpool: Wow Posey, this is what you had in mind? A wave of acid to cover the entire place.

Poseidon: All it has to do is envelope her for a second and I will be victorious.

Deadpool: She is already walking on the stuff, I’m pretty sure this isn’t going to accomplish what you think it is.

Poseidon: Not surprising you cannot see where this will lead Wade, short sided as always.

Deadpool: Quite the opposite Posey, I know exactly what’s going to happen.

Dora: Your greatest attack is her greatest weapon. It’s on page 37.

Deadpool: What library do you shop at baby, because I think I need a membership.

Poseidon laughs as the waves of acid cover the darkest one over and over again, making her impossible to see anymore.

Poseidon: What were you saying Wade, something about me failing to kill this cowardly menace?

Deadpool: I feel like somebody needs a larger vocabulary Posey because you just can’t get enough of the C-word tonight.

Poseidon: Always joking Wade, it is a shame. Watching you stand behind that little girl just reminds me of how truly powerful I am.

Out of nowhere, the waves of acid come to an abrupt end. Stillness once again settles upon the pool of acid.

Deadpool: Uh oh big P, looks like this is where the story takes a turn for the worse.

Dora: I might just be a little girl Mr. Poseidon but I do know what I am talking about.

Poseidon: Please my child, the waves have settled because she is dead. No need to continue their pursuit when the terror has been defeated.

A small voice speaks only to Poseidon as he finishes his statement, “On the contrary, these waves are just getting started."

The waves of acid begin once again but this time, in a much more concentrated area. A tidal wave, fifty feet tall ascends upon the platform in which Poseidon and many of his teammates are standing on.

Poseidon: Oh God.

The waves crash down upon the platform, disintegrating Poseidon, Goof Solo, Aron, Finn McCool and Bullseye immediately upon impact.

Dora: So much for not listening to the little girl.

Deadpool: Hey, stupid is as stupid does.

Dora: Don’t be unoriginal honey.

Deadpool: Sorry baby.

Dora: Are you calling me baby because I am actually closer to being a baby then an actual adult.

Deadpool: Oh come on, don’t ruin it.

Dora: Okay! Though I am starting to realize why people think this is creepy.

Deadpool: You do know that you are not a kid anymore, right?

Dora: Then why am I dressed like one?

Deadpool: No idea, but don’t stop okay. Please!!!

Dora: Once again, creepy.

Deadpool: I’ll never stop being creepy baby.

Dora: And now we are on the same page. Oh look honey, the mind readers think they can take her. They’re almost cute in their naiveté.

Dave Bowman and Onslaught both think they understand the severity of the situation. Both of them believe that the reason their fellow teammates have failed thus far is because they have relied too much on brawn and not enough on anything else. Onslaught and Bowman, both masters of the realms beyond the physical, both summon everything they have and make an attempt to enter the mind of the darkest one. Once they gain access to her mind, their belief is that they can bring an end to her reign over this war.

Onslaught: Are we ready Dave?

Dave Bowman: Of course Charles, when are we not.

Onslaught: Then the time is right, let’s end this once and for all.

As the American League combatants begin their assault on the cloaked woman, they find that her mind is an intricate web of darkness. Within seconds, they both realize what they are up against and attempt to leave. Unfortunately for them, they have touched the darkest one, a touch that will be their undoing.

Dora: I told everybody that you cannot touch her! That goes for mental connections too!!!!

Both Dave Bowman and Onslaught writhe in pain on the ground of the platform, not quite fully understanding the true power that lies inside of the darkest lord of the Sith, before they succumb to her advances.

Phoenix Force Namor: That is it! Somebody needs to put an end once for all to this scourge upon us. All of these advances upon my team will stop right now, for I am King Namor, ruler of Atlantis, destroyer of any foe who comes against my ally’s and most importantly, me.

Namor flies down towards the darkest one and stops mere inches away from her. Namor hovers right next to her as she turns around and stares directly into his eyes.

Namor: You dare assume you can defeat the King of Atlantis.

The Darkest One is silent but does not break eye contact with him.

Namor: Speechless are you? Have you finally realized you have met your match with me?

Shemalyah makes no movement other then letting another smirk leave the left side of her mouth.

Namor: I expected as much from somebody like yourself. You live your live with no code to speak of. You think yourself invincible but you are no more a god then I am.

Still nothing from the cloaked woman, to the frustration of the Sub-Mariner.

Namor: SPEAK!!!

Shemalyah: I live by one code; if it lives, it must die.

The second the darkest one finishes her final word, Namor is torn apart, legs and arms torn from his body, one by one, until there is nothing left of him. As his body is destroyed, the power of the Phoenix force is unleashed on Shemalayh, but instead of it inflicting any damage on her, the Phoenix Force itself is extinguished into nothing. Leaving nothing behind to even suggest that there was a battle mere seconds before.

Deadpool: It’s all up to you ya big lug.

Gorilla Grodd stares down at the most dangerous creature to ever grace the Fantasy Fantasy landscape and realizes that there is no possible way for him to win this fight. He then does what makes the most sense to him, he speaks her name. Within moments, he can feel his brain melting from the inside, sending him into convulsions, which eventually kill him.

Deadpool: Brave guy that gorilla was and smart to boot. Not a chance I’d be able to do something like that. Well baby, you want to get out of here, looks like her work is done here.

Dora: Oh honey, you still don’t understand her do you? You don’t actually think she is done yet do you?

Deadpool: What’s the what? What are you talking about baby, we won already. Let’s get out of here. It’s the All Star game, this doesn’t matter anyways. NL has this thing already, time to skedaddle our way out of here and ride into the socially inappropriate sunset.

Dora: Oh lord, you really don’t get it. She doesn’t care about teams. She lives by one code honey, if it lives, it must die. I spoke of her countless times today. Why she let me live, I have no idea, but trust me, she won’t let me live forever.

Deadpool: What are you playing at baby cakes, this doesn’t count anyways, let’s leave right now…

Dora begins to scream in pain before Deadpool is even able to react, before he realizes what is going on, the former child explorer lies dead at his feet. Wade stands there stunned at her sudden death, not realizing it until now what she meant when she spoke of the darkest one.

Deadpool: She really isn’t going to stop until everyone is dead. Oh boy, I don’t like this. HEY BOYS (screaming to the entire NL squad) SHE’S NOT GOING TO STOP UNTIL WE’RE ALL DEAD. SO BASICALLY, WE’RE ALL F*@#%D!!!

At hearing these words a smile comes across Darth Shemalyah’s entire face, knowing full well that the words coming from Wade Wilson’s mouth are the complete truth. For she knows that she can never be defeated, a god among god’s.

Her name is Darth Shemalyah, speak it and die. Think of her and die. No matter the situation, know that as long as she exists, you have no chance of living.



DRAFT INPUT REQUESTED

Team owners:

As I am sure you are all well aware, we have one of the largest draft number of combatants in the past several years-- approximately 400.  With that being said, I would like to request some input from the owners as to how you think we will be able to get through close to 25 rounds in a timely fashion.  I am suggesting that we put time limits on each set of rounds.  [I believe most Fantasy Football Leagues are run this way].   I believe the time limitations on the rounds will still allow us to enjoy the draft, but at the same time, expedite the process instead of making it laborious.  I think the Commish would truly appreciate as many people responding as possible since this affects everyone.  Thanks for your thoughts and attention to this matter; it's truly appreciated.

-Becks

Friday, January 29, 2016

WHY THIS LEAGUE IS STILL AWESOME AND RELEVANT


The other day my drug-addled, foul-mouthed, oft-rehabbed counterpart thought it best to infringe his poisonous beliefs upon those of us who still care about this league.   I thought long and hard as to why this league is not as Pablo alleges, but instead, how it remains awesome and relevant:

1.  The characters whom we all know and love, whether they be from the universes contained within  Marvel, DC, Star Wars, Transformers, or Anime, are still alive in the FFL.  Not only are they still living and breathing, but they remain, in fact, the quintessential reason as to why this league was created in the first place.  The characters and entities in this league allow the pooling of imaginations into a non-formulaic concoction of excitement.  Heroes.  Villains.  Vigilantes.  Scoundrels.  The FFL has them all and in droves.  Whether a match contains Superman, Spiderman or the Artrips, we ingest on a weekly basis a variety of flavors that make this league great. 
2.  Although we have lost many owners over the years such as Poteracki, Oblak and Seeney, as in all leagues, there is a time when even the mighty must hang up their cleats.  As the heroes of our modern day sports era have gracefully left, i.e., Pete Rose, Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa, those within the FFL must also eventually leave to allow others to enter and covet what is known as the Trophy of Champions. 

3.  The writing of the “Watchers” has morphed and acclimated to what is needed for the league each year.  There can be no doubt that each “Watcher” has his or her own style and spin on the same story.  Simply, that is what makes this league exciting, the results always arguable.  Someone once said, “never is it right to criticize others if one is not in the position to stand in ones’ shoes and never tries in the first place.”  There are many who should heed these very words.   

4.  This league is not stagnant, but has adapted each year.  For example, the “Watcher Voted” matches were stroke of pure genius and not once has there been a question regarding the tabulated votes associated with same.  Further, we have created new instrumental characters enjoyed by all - the likes of Bama, Rob C, Real Man, Papaw and Mamaw, Cock Sneak Goombah, Immel and Darth Shemalyah.  Like each new universe’s creations, so have we been able to bring ourselves to this task.  A universe of diversity and absurdity at the same time --  something we can all laugh at and be proud of.  Something to which we can all call “ours” is never something to scoff at.

5.  Last, but not least- SHAME!  Shame on Pablo for attempting to create problems which do not exist.  Shame on those who accept his vitriolic rhetoric as reality.  Shame to those who would disparage a league that has allowed us to escape, even if only for a few moments each week.  Shame. . .

-Earth 3 Pablo

Thursday, January 28, 2016

THE SEASON 9 DRAFT

The draft for this season is the largest we have had in several years, and also the largest that some of the newer members of the league have ever seen. With over 400 spots, it will be a bit of a throwback to the drafts of old; but at the same time it incorporates the methodology established over the last few years.

There will not be a separate draft for Graveyard picks this year, nor will there be a side draft like there has been in the last few seasons. There will also not be off picks gifted to individuals drafting; but instead all off list picks are listed directly on the draft list itself. There are more than enough group and single off list picks for everyone in the league; but like all spots on the draft list they are first come, first serve. So if you want them, take them; as they will not be held or guaranteed for everyone.

The Graveyard picks are also all listed directly on the draft. There are several specialty graveyard picks on there as well. The additional graveyard points that owners have accumulated may be used any time a graveyard pick is drafted. You can use up to seventy-five points of your own, in addition to whatever the pick itself allows per turn. They can also be kept for future drafts with interest provided.

Last year's purge was created in part to do away with an ever-growing and increasingly burdensome waiver wire. For this reason, as it was last year ALL characters are undroppable. The only way to open up roster spots is to trade characters or kill them off. You may only draft as many characters as your roster will allow. The maximum roster is 350 characters (not counting your coaching staff, which is up to 6 people). Several teams are close to their maximum and several are quite sparse. If you wish to have a larger draft than your roster allows than I suggest you begin working out trades with those teams that have the opposite roster size as you.

The strangest addition to this year's draft will be the last fifty characters. These characters are primarily different, obscure, or short-lived versions of previously used characters. These characters will come into the league with only three lives. After their third death they will go to The Graveyard, and their weapons and/or items will not be passed on.

A good sized chunk of the draft are characters that were left to the league by the exiting championship team The Horsemen of Apokolips. These characters all have different deaths, which will be listed on the draft. Some of them have items as well, which does not appear on the draft; but does in the email you all received from our gracious and powerful roster wizard.

Feel free to contact me here on this post, or via text, call, or email if you have any questions. The draft itself will take place on Saturday February 13th at 1:00 at my house. Feel free to show up any time after 11:30 am if you have any questions or concerns that I would be glad to help out with. The draft lottery will take place on this coming Monday evening. The results will be posted afterwards.


Here is the draft:

PAGE A:

1. Lor San Tekka 8
2. General Hux 12
3. Supreme Leader Snoke 43
4. Rey 20
5. Poe Dameron 12
6. BB-8 (7)
7. Maz 10
8. Captain Phasma 12
9. First Order Storm Trooper #1-10 (4)
10. First Order Flame Trooper #1-5 (5)
11. First Order Snow Trooper #1-5 (5)
12. Talia 22
13. Old Daka 32
14. Jedi Consular #1-4 (27)
15. Jedi Temple Guard #1-4 (22)
16. Dathcha 5
17. HK-47 (20)
18. Ima Gun Di 31
19. Kip Durron & Dass Jennir 30, 30, 58
20. Birra Seah 8
21. Foul Moudama 30
22. Roron Corobb 30
23. Ood Banar & Qu Rahn 30, 30, 52
24. Sith Lady Githany 35
25. Halagad Ventor 30
26. Rom Koda & Falon Grey 30, 20, 43
27. Lord Hoth 31
28. Lowbaccca 31
29. Lucas McCain: The Rifleman 12
30. Anarky 22
31. DC Grab bag
32. DC Grab bag
33. Sky Pirate 15
34. Fizban 20
35. Brainstorm, Skids, and Swirl 25, 25, 25, 68
36. Doc Magus 20
37. Hell's Angel 20
38. Sad Sack and The Sarge 6, 10, 12
39. Six Gun Gorilla 20
40. Decepticon Cassettes #1-3 (14, free w/ cassette group)
41. Enemy, Garboil, Glit, Howlback, Sundor (-5), Flip Sides (-5), & Wingthing (15, free w/ cassette group)
42. Autobot Cassettes #1-3 (14, free w/ cassette group)
43. Flip Sides (-5), Nightstalker, Playback, Rosanna, Stripes, Blackcat, and Sundor (-5)
44. Ravage Clones #1-2 (14, free w/ cassette group)
45. Autoscout #1-2 (14, free w/ cassette group)
46. Aladdin (10), Abu (2) (10), Magic Carpet (8, -5 w/ anybody else), Jasmine (6), and Genie (45) (50 for the whole crew)
47. Jafar and Iago 30, 2, 30.
48. Grid and Atomica 22, 22, 42
49. Puzzler (all 6 members of Go-Bot Gestalt), (1 roster spot)) 18, 45
50. Courageous (Go-bot gestalt power suit) 45
51. Go-Bots 20
52. Cenobite #1-3 (15)
53. James Madison 6
54. Colonel James Monroe 6
55. George W. Bush 6
56. Dennis Miller 6
57. Bernie Sanders 6
58. Jimmy Carter 6
59. Super Grover 10
60. Fishface and Dogpound 12, 12, 20
61. Clifford the Big Red Dog 30
62. Bowser Jr. 10
63. Alena 15
64. Kiryl 15
65. Flamestrike 15
66. Takhisis 15
67. The Sileni #1-3 (20)
68. Satyr #1-3 (20)
69. Oreads #1-3 (20)
70. Dryads #1-3 (20)
71. Graiae #1-3 (20)
72. Siren #1-3 (20)
73. Greek god #1-4 (20)
74. The Erinyes #1-3 (20)
75. Tisiphone 20
76. Megaera and Alecto 20, 20, 34
77. Sleep and Death 20, 20, 34
78. Demeter 20
79. Rhea 20
80. Pan 25
81. Silenus w/ his ass 20, 2, 20
82. Leda 20
83. Castor and Pollux 20, 20, 30
84. Kain Grinder, Sahra Burn, Proud Cragger, Chronos Lait 15, 15, 15, 15, 35
85. Eve 15
86. Damud Hellstrike w/ The Golden Axe 18
87. The Headless Horsemen 20
88. One Punch Man 20
89. Nightsister Initiate #1-3 (16)
90. Nightsister Acolytes #1-3 (18)
91. Senior Jedi #1 (36)
92. Marvel Grab bag
93. Marvel Grab bag
94. Iron Legion #1-5 (20, counts as Avenger)
95. Thermal Man 20
96. Thermo 20
97. TESS-One 20
98. Mamaw, Papaw, and Bama 6, 6, 6, 12
99. Nik Landsoh 20
100. Brek Nyram 20
101. Barry Streakfires 15, 2, 15
102. Rasslor 20
103. Lebron James "Jump the shark" Bitch Becks 5
104. Bukaki Becks 1
105. Super Duck 15


PAGE B

1. Swamp Thing (-5) 31
2. Harley Quinn (-3) 12
3. Scarecrow (-1) 16
4. Deathstroke (-8) 35
5. Vandal Savage (-3) 32
6. Scar (-7) 40
7. Cyclops* (-5) 30
8. Phonix-Jean Grey* (-7) 40
9. Angel* (-3) 30
10. Iceman* (-5) 30
11. Beast* (-6) 30 *Can be taken with one pick if desired.
12. Scarlet Witch (-7) 34
13. Cannonball (-0) 30
14. Dazzler (-6) 25
15. Kid Omega (-3) 39
16. Exodus (-9) 52
17. Joseph (-9) 44
18. Sebastian Shaw (-1) 28
19. Black Queen (-5) 28
20. Emma Frost (-5) 32
21. Madelyne Pryor (-5) 30
22. Mr. Sinister (-1) 39
23. Gideon (-6) 29
24. Stryfe (-7) 35
25. Black Tom Cassidy (-7) 29
26. Eternity (-9) 100
27. Nezzar the Calculator (-8) 80
28. Gammenon the Gatherer (-8) 80
29. Jemiah the Analyzer (-9) 80
30. Ziran the Tester (-9) 80
31. Miho (-5) 22
32. The Seacons (-6,4,4,5,4,4) 65
33. He-Man (-6) 40
34. Faker (-4) 36
35. Harry Potter (-8) 25
36. Witch King of Angmar (-8) w/ horse (-2), and Fell Beast (-2) 42
37. Balrog of Moria (-6) 38
38. Smaug (-8) 33
39. Sheelob (-1) 25
40. Imohtep (-8) 35
41. Anak Sanamun (-6) 25
42. Frankenstein's Monster (-3) 35
43. Wolfman (-0) 18
44. Jason Voorhees (-5) 36
45. Leatherface (-2) 26
46. Pinhead (-6) 37
47. Percy Jackson (-7) 36
48. Hades (-3) 49
49. Medusa (-4) 35
50. Stheno (-0) 26
51. Eurale (-0) 26
52. Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki (-7) 34
53. Brandon Inge (-8) 6
54. Mandalorian Justin Oblak (-6) 16
55. Dexter the Dog (-6) 4
56. Ella Artrip (-9) 6
57. Jack Artrip (-4) 6
58. The Demon (-7) 8
59. The Starchild (-7) 8
60. The Catman (-8) 8
61. The Celestial (-9) 8
62. Sheena Brugh (-9) 20
63. Hannibal Lectur (-3) 12
64. Zuul (-8) 15
65. Vince Clortho (-9) 15
66. Lion-O (-6) 20
67. Bugs Bunny (-5) 9
68. Seaworm #1 (-7) 35
69. Seaworm #2 (-5) 35
70. Seaworm #3 (-5) 35
71. Seaworm #4 (-7) 35
72. Seaworm #5 (-7) 35
73. Seaworm #6 (-5) 35
74. Prof. X (-9) 45
75. Charleton Heston (-3) 7
76. Black Hand's Black Lantern Ring
77. She-Ra's Sword of Protection
78. Wonder Woman's Lasso
79. Voldemort's Wand
80. green lantern ring
81. green lantern ring
82. indigo lantern ring
83. red lantern ring
84. red lantern ring
85. Bill Kelly: Jedi Lightsaber Scientist 25
86. Eugene Aaron “Butch” Griswold: Super Sayan 19
87. Black Lantern Bill Kelly and Zombie Aaron Griswold 6, 6, 10
88. Zombie Bill Kelly and Black Lantern Aaron Griswold 6, 6, 10
89. Black Lantern Teddy Tear 5
90. Teddy Tear: Jedi Temple Guard 21
91. Zombie Teddy Tear 5
92. Colonel Mustard 5
93. Professor Plum 5
94. Mr. Green 5
95. Miss Scarlet 5
96. Mrs. Peacock 5
97. Mrs. White 5
98. Lyndon Baines Johnson
99. The Hungry Hungry Hippos (6, 6, 6, 6, 12)
100. Nichol Valdez: Nightsister Sith Witch 21
101. Black Lantern Nichol Valdez 6
102. Zombie Nichol Valdez 6
103. John Quincy Adams 6
104. J.J. Abrams 6
105. Rob C 6


PAGE C


1. Rey's speeder
2. 3 First Order Tie Fighters
3. Perla (9) w/ Garbage Barge Ship
4. Star Destroyer Devastator car
5. Skeletor's Landship
6. Goku 30
7. Vegeta & Trunks 30, 20, 45
8. Krillen 20
9. Piccolo 20
10. Gohan and Goten 20, 20, 30
11. Gotenks 33
12. King Cold, Frieza, and Cooler 15, 12, 12, 30
13. Super Sayan #1-3 (19) **The first owner to take two Dragonball Z spots will get the reurrected SSJ4 Gogeta for FREE.
14. USR Demobot 30
15. Evil Lyn's landship
16. Gwildore's Car
17. Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins (6, 6, 6, 14) w/ shuttle
18. Off List Pick
19. Off List Pick
20. Off List Pick
21. Off List Pick
22. Off List Pick
23. Off List Pick
24. Off List Pick
25. Off List Pick
26. Off List Pick
27. Off List Pick
28. Off List Pick
29. Off List Pick
30. Off List Pick
31. Off List Pick
32. Off List Pick
33. Off List Pick
34. Off List Pick
35. Off List Pick
36. Off List Pick
37. Off List Pick
38. Off List Pick
39. Off List Pick
40. Off List Pick
41. Off List Pick
42. Off List Pick
43. Off List Pick
44. Off List Pick
45. Off List Pick
46. Off List Pick
47. Off List Pick
48. Off List Pick
49. Off List Pick
50. Off List Pick
51. Off List Pick
52. Off List Pick
53. Off List Pick
54. Off List Pick
55. Off List Pick
56. Group Off List Pick
57. Group Off List Pick
58. Group Off List Pick
59. Group Off List Pick
60. Group Off List Pick
61. Group Off List Pick
62. Group Off List Pick
63. Group Off List Pick
64. Group Off List Pick
65. Group Off List Pick
66. Group Off List Pick
67. Group Off List Pick
68. Group Off List Pick
69. Group Off List Pick
70. Group Off List Pick
71. Build Your Own Characters
72. Build Your Own Characters
73. Build Your Own Characters
74. Build Your Own Characters
75. Build Your Own Team (up to 6 characters)
76. Build Your Own Team (up to 6 characters)
77. 2 Marvel Characters and 1 Marvel Vehicle
78. 2 DC Characters and 1 DC Vehicle
79. 2 Star Wars Characters, 1 Star Wars Vehicle, and 1 Star Wars Weapon
80. 1 Marvel, 1 DC, and 1 Star Wars Character
81. Resurrect 1 Marvel character for free
82. 30 bonus graveyard points for a Marvel character only
83. Resurrect 1 DC Character for free
84. 30 bonus graveyard points for a DC character only
85. Resurrect 1 Star Wars character for free
86. 30 bonus graveyard points for Star Wars character only
87. Resurrect 1 LOTR Character for free
88. Resurrect 1 Dune Character for free
89. Resurrect 1 Decepticon for free (may be a gestalt if all members are dead)
90. Resurrect 1 Autobot for free (may be a gestalt if all members are dead)
91. Resurrect 2 G.I. Joe (or Cobra), TMNT, or Masters of the Universe characters for free
92. 80 Resurrection points
93. 60 Resurrection points
94. 50 Resurrection points
95. 45 Resurrection points
96. 40 Resurrection points
97. 35 Resurrection points
98. 30 Resurrection points
99. 25 Resurrection points
100. 20 Resurrection points
101. 15 Resurrection points
102. 10 Resurrection points
103. 10 Resurrection points
104. 10 Resurrection points
105. 10 Resurrection points



PAGE D


1. 5 Resurrection points
2. 5 Resurrection points
3. 5 Resurrection points
4. 5 Resurrection points
5. 5 Resurrection points
6. 1 Resurrection point
7. 1 Resurrection point
8. 1 Resurrection point
9. 1 Resurrection point
10. 1 Resurrection point
11. 1 Resurrection point
12. 1 Resurrection point
13. 1 Resurrection point
14. 1 Resurrection point
15. 1 Resurrection point
16. 1 Resurrection point
17. 1 Resurrection point
18. 1 Resurrection point
19. Resurrect 5 free commons
20. Resurrect 2 free commons
21. 2 Black Lanterns
22. 2 Zombies
23. 2 Vampires
24. 1 black lantern, 1 zombie, and 1 vampire
25. 2 vampires from the league
26. 5x Resurrection grab bag
27. 3x Resurrection grab bag
28. 2x Resurrection grab bag
29. Resurrection grab bag
30. Resurrection grab bag
31. Resurrection grab bag
32. Black Lantern Grab Bag
33. Zombie Grab Bag
34. Vampire Grab bag
35. Black Lantern, Zombie, and Vampire grab bag
36. Hugh Glass 6
37. America Chavez 10
38. Alliance Medical Frigate
39. Orange lightsaber
40. white lightsaber
41. yellow lightsaber
42. green lightwhip
43. blue lightwhip
44. 2 red lightwhips
45. red lightsaber pike
46. 2 green lightsaber pikes
47. 2 blue lightsaber pikes
48. Brad Davis 6
49. Damien Dahrk 28
50. Zoom 33

3 DEATH CHARACTERS
51. Padawan Anakin Skywalker 27
52. Padawan Obi Wan Kenobi 25
53. Ahsoka Tano: Rebel 29
54. Farmboy Luke Skywalker 10
55. Resistance General Leia Solo 18
56. Jedi Master Dooku and Padawan Qui Gon Jinn 33, 22, 50
57. Old Han Solo and Old Chewbacca 20, 20, 30
58. Talking Wicket W. Warrick 2
59. Gay Alan Scott 29
60. Deputy Yellow Lantern Scarecrow 30
61. Deputy Star Sapphire Wonder Woman 45
62. Green Lantern Penguin 18
63. Mechanic Kilowag 15
64. Lego Batman 15
65. Lego Robin 10
66. Deputy Blue Lantern Barry Allen Flash 35
67. Deputy Green Lantern Ganthet 45
68. Deputy Red Lantern Mera 35
69. Deputy Orange Lantern Lex Luther 35
70. Deputy Indigo Lantern Ray Palmer 30
71. Old Man Logan 33
72. Colonel America 31
73. Chick Thor 45
74. Non-Symbiote Black Suit Spider-Man 30
75. Lego Iron Man 15
76. Lego Hulk 18
77. Paladin 30
78. L'il Superman 25
79. Batmage 30
80. Leatherwing 25
81. A-3 35
82. (movie) Optimus Prime 45
83. Duck Didgers and Cadet 6, 3, 7
84. Jurassic Park T-Rex 30
85. Girl Bugs Bunny 5
86. Justin Bailey 20
87. Super Shredder 25
88. Mega Man X 20
89. Super Sonic 20
90. Fiery Mario 14
91. Racoon Tail Luigie 14
92. Tanooki Mario 14
93. Frogsuit Luigie 14
94. Penguinsuit Mario 14
95. Goomba Sock Luigie 13
96. Hammer Bros. Mario 15
97. Hammer Bros. Luigie 15
98. Helicoptersuit Yellow Toad
99. Ice Bros. Blue Toad
100. Magwai Stripe

WHY THIS LEAGUE SUCKS NOW

The other day I thought long and hard about the issues faced by this league, commonly referred to by the losers within as the FFL.  Here are my thoughts as to why this league sucks now:

1.  There are no viable characters to choose from.  All of the relevant and meaningful combatants have been previously chosen and we are now scraping the bottom of the barrel. . . and I mean bottom, to just fill a list.

2.  The Commissioner does not have a viable second-in-command.  Mr. Poteracki, at the very least, with his moist and coifed hair, is an individual who knew his stuff.  Mr. Poteracki cannot be replaced by anyone currently associated with this debacle.  I know that I hate Mr. Poteracki and we have a long-standing grudge between us, but I did respect his abilities with knowing stuff that means absolutely nothing to the real world.

3.  The writing for the first few years was spectacular.  The matches were well thought out and more importantly, bursting with the knowledge of those who "watched" the match.  Now, we have an abhorrent batch of writers who not only cannot spell, but write and have the grammar of no more than a three year old.

4.  It is time to put this league out to pasture.  Like most well celebrated television shows, the producers and/or stars knew when to stop--  five to seven years was the norm.  I believe we are beyond this number of spellbinding years, which means that not only has the league "jumped the shark", but has become a mere shell of what it once was.

5.  Last, but not least- SHAME!  Shame to those who left too soon so there are no true rivalries any more.  Shame to those who stayed because they are too gutless to move on.  Shame to those who perpetuate a league of meaningless drivel to those with no lives.  Shame on you all.  Shame. . .



-Pablo

Friday, December 11, 2015

DARTH SHEMALYAH'S ACOLYTES

Have I ever told you the story of Darth Shemalyah's Acolytes?  They were known by many through their given names Nik Landsoh and Brek Nyram.  They were known by all as the Hands of Shemalyah -- Death and Destruction.  Their tale is one of utter devastation to any who opposed their will.  They were the most vile creatures to walk within the stars and planets.  None shall forget their role in the complete annihilation of an entire race.  I implore that you remember their names and heed my warning- face them at your own peril. . . .

TO BE CONTINUED. . .  

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Season 8: Final Consolation Match - All the Loser-Type Teams

’Cause baby now we got bad blood!”

 -Taylor Swift  [Bad Blood]
 
Hello all.  This here is Papaw.  I was approached in April of this year by three gentlemen who call themselves “The Triumvirate.”  They asked me if I would “watch” a match for this thing you call the Fantasy Fantasy League.  Sounded silly to me, but I figured, what the heck?  Why not?  I got nothin’ better to do than waste a few hours of my life telling a story to a bunch of losers who think this dangnabbit stuff is real. . .  Since I’m callin’ myself Papawatu, I figured that I could do what I wanted with this here match.  So, I brought along with me Mamaw, my grandson Bama and his close friend, newly arrived from England, in fact, Rob C.  I guess all the loser-type teams are playin’ this round since them Horsemen peoples all kicked your behinds although it all seems a little fuzzy as to what really happened in that Bowl thingie.  Anyway, the teams, I’m told, are as follows:  

Griswold's Nutbusters:  Dexter Jettster, Doozer #15, Uncle Buck and ICP:  Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J in a Y-1300 Light Freighter;
Brock Samspon’s Fighting Murderflies:  Jedi Fire (Immell #10), ALF with a halberd, Dorf, Rowlf the Dog, Oscar the Grouch, Brony Becks and Ewok #22 in The Punisher Van;

The Grindhouse: Michael Knight, Tom Brady with a blue lantern ring and Jar Jar Binks in KITT;
The Midgets:  Ron Popeil, Ratts Tyrelle, Lolo, Norm Peterson and Cliff Clavin with a flamethrower in The T-Ship;

Barkley's:  Space Ghost in an A-Wing;
The Empire:  Jim Leyland and Watchdogs #2-6 in an Ornithopter;

Commandos:  James McLeod, Sir Winston Churchill, Chevell and Clone Trooper #100 in a Submarine;
Super Kitties:  Manic the Hedgehog, Sonja the Hedgehog and Doyle Blackwell with a blue lightsaber in The Shark Ship;

B-3:  Jedi Guardian #2 and Phazeron in a Snow Speeder;
Slaves:  Kyle Katarn in an ArWing;

Sith Aids:  Daniel Bryan, Blitzkrieg Bat, Ronald McDonald with throwing knives and Pig Boy in The Ghost;
Team Sleeping Pussy: James Bond with an astro harness and Winnie the Pooh in Archimedes;

Real Man’s Rabble Rousers:  Ice Man and Slider with Linny, Tuck, Ming Ming, and Ollie, and Special guest Bill Cosby in an Imperial Shuttle;

The Royal Highness: Sailor Moon, D.C. Spiderman, Marvin the Martian and Linus Van Pelt in The T-Car.

So, now that you have all the team information.  I’m gonna be startin’ the match and my family and friends will follow up?  That sound good, all?  I see all them noddin’ their heads so here goes.

Let the wacky race battle begin. .  .

Papaw’s Call…

So the Slaves’ Kyle Katarn rides in that ArWing ship.  The ArWing shoots across the sky like me done gone spottin’ a ‘coon.  Katarn sets his sights on the ornithapther. . .  ornethropson. . . o.r.n.i.t.h.o.p.t.e.r. ship thing driven by that ex-Tigers coach who smokes a lot and has that gruff voice, Jim Leyland.  Leyland is sandwiched between Watchdogs #2-6.  Katarn uses his vehicle’s smart bomb launcher, which squarely hits that cruddy piece and blows Watchdogs #2 and #5 overboard.  I hear Leyland shout some vileness at Katarn.

Leyland:  Damn you, Katarn!  Damn you to Hell!!!

I see Katarn in that cockpit of his smilin’.  Katarn fires his laser canons.  The ornithinggie is obliterated and the remaining Watchdogs and Leyland die in a fiery conflagration.  I learned that conflagration word just recently.  Glad I could use it.  THE EMPIRE IS ELIMINATED!  
 
Mamaw’s Call. . .

Hello.  Let me just tell you all how very pleasured I am to be watching a portion of this final consolation match.  Almost as much as how much I just like pleasing Papaw and his meat spicket until it gurgles its gravy.  So, I see a bunch of water below.  I’m watching the churning, just like I do when I boil that possum for Thanksgiving.  I see a submarine manned by the Commandos.  James McLeod shouts at Chevell to ready the torpedoes and he, along with Clone Trooper #100 start pushing that projectile like I do with Papaw at times. Sir Winston Churchill barks some orders and the peedo is pushed into the tube and launched.  The torpedo races toward the Shark Ship of the Super Kitties.  Manic and Sonja both are able to twist the ship and the peedo misses its mark.  The Kitties race their ship to the submarine, which has risen to the surface.   The Shark Ship reaches the submarine and Doyle Blackwell jumps from his ship and lands near the hatch of the submarine.  Blackwell uses his blue lightsaber to cut through the hatch.  Blackwell then lands in the submarine and kills all combatants, but Clone Trooper #100 manages to shoot Blackwell in the close quarters.  As Clone Trooper #100 pops his head out of the submarine’s hatch, both Manic and Sonja dispatch him.  The hedgehogs then initiate the self destruct bottom of the submarine and ride off in their ship.  COMMANDOS ARE ELIMINATED!

Bama’s Call. . .

WOOOOO!  I love that KITT Car and I see that the Grindhouse is using it.  I love that car’s accent; it is so sophisticated and stuff.  That’s why I’ve gotten close with Rob C.  He may be from these here States, but being over in England for a while, and he gained that British accent just like Madonna did!  So, here goes.   Michael Knight is driving KITT and the two are talking and stuff.  They talk about what they think about the new Star Wars movie is going to be like and how it should be great.  Then they talk some strategy about the match, but I don’t really pay attention that much because I’m still pondering about their Star Wars discussion.  So, I see Jar Jar Binks with his head out of the passenger window, while Tom Brady pops out the window and flies with his blue lantern ring.  Brock Samspon’s Fighting Murderflies are racing around the way in the Punisher Van with Jedi Fire (Immell #10), ALF with a halberd, Dorf, Rowlf the Dog, Oscar the Grouch, Brony Becks and Ewok #22.  The van’s side door opens and ALF uses the halbeard to lop off the head of Jar Jar.  Kinda reminds me of when Mace Windu lopped off the head of Jango Fett; that was awesome, but sad when poor Boba just sat their with the helmet against his head.  Well, the Punisher Van launches weapons and stuff, but KITT and Michael’s superior driving ability avoid all of the hubbub.  KITT then spins around and bumps the Van.  Meanwhile, Tom Brady uses his blue lantern ring to rip off the door of the van.  Ewok #22 falls out and splats against the rocks on the ground.  Brady then kills Dorf, Rowlf and Oscar, but loses his shirt in the process.  Such rippling muscles.  Brony Becks is busy playing with his horse dollies and doesn’t pay attention as Immel #10 loses control of the van, which crashes and explodes in a conflagration.  I just learned that word from Papaw; hope I used it right.  MURDERFLIES ARE ELIMINATED!
Rob C’s Call. . .

Pip-pip and cheery-ho!  I’m back from bloody England and am excited to finally watch a match in this honorable FFL league.  Although some of you hurt my feelings the last time I showed up on the site, I decided to give you all another chance.  On that note, a man like me has to love Brony Beck, too bad he died so early. . .  Anyway, I’m looking at a snow speeder being flown by B3’s Jedi Guardian #2 and Phazeron.  I hear that Phazeron character has massive powers and is one of the biggies in the league.  They are facing off against Real Man and his team of Ice Man and Slider with Linny, Tuck, Ming Ming, and Ollie along with Special guest Bill Cosby in an Imperial Shuttle.  The snow speeder banks as the Imperial Shuttle fires at the double seated fighter.  You know, a funny thing I heard about the snowspeeder is that it can actually be flown by one person, unlike what some idiots in this league may believe.  So, the lasers strafe against the ship and sparks fly in the controls as Jedi Guardian #2 manages to steer away from sure death.  The speeder’s weapons are still functional and Phazeron fires the harpoom, skewering the shuttle and taking with it a decimated Linny, Tuck, Ming Ming and Ollie.  Bill Cosby is spewing some rhetoric because he accidentally drank his own concoction and Phazeron uses his subsonic blasts to take the shuttle out.  REAL MAN IS ELIMINATED!
Papaw’s Call. . .

I’m back y’all.  Here again to talk about what I’m watchin’.  I see Barkley’s Space Ghost in an A-Wing meeting up with the Sith Aids team.  Along done come the Sleeping Pussy Team in the Archimedes too.  James Bond is at the Archimedes controls with Winnie the Pooh eating honey from a pot by his side.   That bear sure loves his honey, just like the love I have for Mamaw’s squirrel stew.  Space Ghost strafes the Archimedes and tears the ship apart. Winnie the Pooh done gone boom with the ship.  But that crazy handsome Bond flies off in his astro harness and narrowly avoids Ronald McDonald’s throwing knives.  That ginger wrestler Daniel Bryan says “Yes” and jumps from the Ghost onto the spy.  They both plummet to their dooms as they go splat on the land below.  TEAM SLEEPIN’ PUSSY IS ELIMINATED!   A dog fight happens and the A-Wing and Ghost fly all over in circles and stuff.  Luckily, that burger boy McDonald and the Bat outmaneuver that caped ghost and destroy the A-Wing.  BARKLEY’S IS ELIMINATED!
Mamaw’s Call. . .

I know my little Bama just loves that Y-1300 light freighter cuz’ it looks like that Millenium Falcon that his Han Solo and Carpetbacca drive.   At the controls of the ship are Griswold's Nutbusters’ Uncle Buck.  I shed a small tear since he is with true friends this holiday season, Dexter Jettster, Doozer #15 and those crazy painted clowns of  ICP:  Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J.   The freighter banks off of the Midgets’ T-Ship, which has Ron Popeil, Ratts Tyrelle, Lolo, Norm Peterson and Cliff Clavin with a flamethrower.  Those clowns are so crazy.  I hear them singing.  Here’s the tune that is stuck in my head now:
We just anotha crazy click,
Doin' whatever to get us wild when we pumped up;
You ain't anotha bi&$h I ain't goin' lie, put ya guns up,
Show 'em who really runnin' the streets with the calicos.


A hatch opens up showing Cliff Clavin with a flamethrower.  The flames are shot at the ship and Doozer #15 fires a quad cannon and blows Clavin’s head off.  Norm Peterson becomes upset and huddles in the corner, drinking some beer.  The freighter’s quad cannons rattle the T-Ship.  Ratts Tyrelle cackles at Popeil, who uses his skills to begins to patch up the ship with his special spray paint, which is used both for his bald spot and insulating the ship.  Popeil looks down and notices that Lolo was killed in the last strike.  Popeil scream with rage at Lolo’s loss. 
Jettster:  Enough is enough!  Destroy the Midgets!

The freighter banks hard left and the quad cannons now used by the Posse decimate the Midget’s ship. Popeil huddles down to Peterson and holds the drunken blob in his arms.  Popeil looks into Peterson’s eyes.
Peterson:  I know. . .

The T-Ship explodes.
MIDGETS ARE ELIMINATED!

Bama’s Call. . .
B-3’s  Jedi Guardian #2 and Phazeron fly that snow speeder of theirs like there’s no tomorrow.  They fly back and forth and against the Slaves’ Kyle Katarn in an ArWing.  I have to be honest with you; this isn’t a lie – the battle is spectacular.  Everyone is shooting at one another.  And everyone is flying all over everywhere.  It reminds me of CVII when there were all these people everywhere throughout the center and I decided to see Clive Revel.  I thought it was just him and me, but I guess there were about twenty other people in line.  That Revel wouldn’t let me tell him where to sign my stuff and with what.  Revel said he knew what he was doing and gave me a really mean look.  That Clive Revel is a JERK!!!  What?  Oh yeah.  I’m supposed to be watching.  Needed Mamaw and Papaw to get me back here.  Well, I guess that while I was reliving that nightmare I only see Phazeron flying around.  The snow speeder and ArWing are gone.  Guess that means – THE SLAVES ARE ELIMINATED!

Rob C’s Call. . .
Cheers all again!  I see Michael Knight driving KITT with Tom Brady riding shotgun.  His clothes are somewhat tattered now due to his last skirmish and I guess you could say he’s riding bareback now.  Mmmmm.  Bareback.  The Royal Highness is riding alongside KITT in the T-Car.  Brady flies out of the car with his ring and he and Marvin the Martian are in a heated ray battle.  KITT knocks into the T-Car and Marvin loses his ray gun out the window.  Brady takes advantage of this and floats the martian out of the window and underneath the wheels of the T-Car.  Linus tried to reach Marvin and his blanket gets caught under the other tire.  Linus flies out of the car and breaks his neck.  Sailor Moon and D.C. Spiderman are then taken out by Brady, who single handedly overwhelms the Grindhouse and the T-Car and embarrasses the team, just like he’s doing with the entire NFL league this year.  THE HIGHNESS IS ELIMINATED!

Papaw’s Call. . .
This time I see them Nutbusters fightin’ against those Sith Aids dudes.  Now Mamaw heard those two creepy clowns singing, but I tell those two to turn that sh#t off!  I won’t be havin’ none of that ghetto drivel messin’ up my match.  Now that I can focus on my part of the match again.  I see the Ghost and Falcon-type ship fighting.  That Ronald McDonald clown is all upset at the ICP clowns.  The ships open their hatches and the clowns face off against one another.  I forgot to turn my hearing aid back up after that music got turned off and I missed what that red clown said to the black ones.  I just know I see a couple throwing knives hit the ICP ones and they both fall out of the ship.  That Ronald one is all happy and stuff and looks at the Bat and Pig before realizing his ship is being blown up.  SITH AIDS ARE ELIMINATED!

Mamaw’s Call. . .
B3’s Phazeron meets up with that Shark Ship being controlled by a couple of those rodent hedgehogs.  Don’t really like the taste of that type of that hedgehog meat because there are too many spikes and bones while not enough meat; could probably make a tasty soup from them though.  And that is exactly what that beastly Phazeron does to the Kitties.  Phazeron uses all of his powers to wipe out the ship along with the hedgehogs.  Phazeron looks unstoppable!  My oh my he is a strapping lad. KITTIES ARE ELIMINATED!

Bama’s Call. . .

I see the Grindhouse taking on the Nutbusters.  Oh, us Watchers are so close to the end now, we can just taste the excitement!  So Jettster is at the controls while both Uncle Buck and Doozer #15 are in the quad turrets.  They are pummeling the land around KITT.  Michael Knight is an incredible driver, but he cannot avoid the barrage of laser fire of the Grindhouse.  Michael Knight and KITT, I’m so sad to say, go up in a conflagration.  Brady is ejected from KITT, because he was in the car at the time and skirts death.  Oh, there’s that word again which I was able to use.  Conflagration.  Wow.  I’m good.  But the nearly victorious and celebrating Nutbusters fail to notice a shirtless Brady and his ring.  Brady forms football constructs which are partially deflated and fires them at the freighter.  The freighter is ripped apart.  Brady flies off and skirts away from what looked to be a sure fire suspension of his activities from the match.  NUTBUSTERS ARE ELIMINATED!

Rob C’s Call. . .
So I have the final say.  B3 against the Grindhouse. . . Phazeron against Tom Brady.  This is a no brainer.  First of all I want to say to all you losers who actually are in this league -  Get a life!  Spend your time with family and friends!  Phazeron!?!?  Seriously, he’s not even a character in ANY universe.  Marvel.  DC.  TV. Movies.  Nothing.  Phazeron is just another character that tool Beckerman made up to screw with the league.  I’m not going to be like Mamaw and think he is the end all of everything.  He’s made up.  Just like that Darth Shemalyah chick.  Seriously.  Shemalya?!?!  I heard she even has a couple acolytes that are going to be introduced this year!  Brady. Now that is a true man.  A living, breathing person with a wonderful family and beautiful wife.  Look to reality people.  Brady is the true winner.  You are all the true losers.  And so is B3 and all of his B.S.!  So this is me, Rob C., back and now able to tell you how I really feel.  Oh, by the way, if you idiots haven’t figured it out already B3 IS ELIMINATED!

THE GRINDHOUSE IS VICTORIOUS AND IS TRIUMPHANT IN THE FINAL CONSOLATION MATCH OF SEASON 8!

 

 

 

Monday, September 7, 2015

The ending of beginnings

This is not an admission of failure.

The schemes cooked up in opening stages were flawless. Something never seen before. Never attempted before. Endless possibilities. Realities to shape and destroy as seen fit. A huge undertaking filled with lots of work, but the end result would be well worth it.

The amount of work is not the issue. The opportunity to visit various timelines and create or improve on legends is the stuff many dream of.

I just tire of death and destruction.

The powers we dream of and play with, we don't truly understand the depths with which they can be used. Not until you come face to face with something that renders you lost and powerless. Questioning what the mark you are leaving behind on others. Truly seeing if you can walk the talk and talk the walk.

I have talked, now I walk.

Breaking the timeline. Stardust. All that which has been brought to set up this truly epic confrontation between two legacies here in this league. The stories which have danced around, just waiting to be told will remain untold and unwritten. Known by a select few. Forever locked away.

The assassination of the Watcher by the Horsemen. His resurrection by the Black Hand. The Horsemen themselves writing and controlling the reality of the Universe Bowl. The identity of Stardust and his mad gambit. How it worked, and then didn't
.
The Horsemen are victorious at the end of the day. This was the only possibility. Always the result.

However.

The end has now changed. The main continuity has been restored, but there are no deaths in this tale.

The Horsemen win, but the TEAM survives.

This result comes as a result of the Horsemen's Celestials using their expansive cosmic powers to find the various members of both teams who have been scattered across reality. Forming a sort of cosmic Noah's arc, these once sworn enemies search for desperately for their lost home dimension.
 
The day is saved by a man who is well known to both. The time lost Superman from  last year finds himself tossed to this bleak and desolate timeline. A sliver of the time gem found broken in his hair is the key to returning things to normal, but a new home is needed to house this universe.

Enter Eternity.

The living universe agrees to house Fantasy Fantasy League. Not to be outdone, Stardust sacrifices the last remaining bit of Playoff Planet dust that gives him his powers, allowing the PlayOff Planet to reform, and become the literal heart of the universe. His powerless form is now known to all, and is shocking to some. Out of respect, I will not get into that here, but if the other who knows the name I've put to this character wishes to enlighten others, I have no problem with that.

The only catch to this new system, is no one can remember what occurred during their time spent in the universe bowl.  All that is known is that the hated and reviled Horsemen have pulled off their greatest feat and are three time champions. The fact that they spared TEAM in the recreation is not something mentioned or dwelled on. They all live to fight another day.


Monday, July 6, 2015

Consolation Wacky Races: Final Round

-Setting: TBD by Watcher

-Watcher: Becks

-Points: 32 and a vehicle or vehicles (if necessary) of your choosing from your roster (this will not count as one of its uses).

-Prize:
1st Place: Slave IV
2nd place: Star Fox's Arwing
3rd place: Slippy Toad's Landmaster
4th place: An A-Wing
5th place: A F-14
6th place: A Ferrari F-40
7th place: A Pontiac Fiero GT
8th place: A Snowmobile

Participants:
-Everybody but TEAM and The Horsemen

-The squads are due in by this Friday July 10th, if you fail to send one in or simply do not feel like it, your squad will automatically default to your squad from the week before.

Good luck!!