“Raahr. Raahr. Raaahr.”
-Azrael the Cat
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Week 3 Match located in the Desert. They are as follows:
George Washington’s Slaves: Kol Skywalker, Shado Vao, Cassandra Nova (with Demon Rod), Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Sandworms #15, #16, #17, #18, #19 and #20, and Azrael the Cat.
Better Than All of You: Father of Mortis, Daughter of Mortis, Son of Mortis, Space Godzilla, Blade with red lightsaber (from the Masters of the Universe movie), Granny Goodness, Female Furies: Gilotina, Lashina with Atlas Axe, Stompa with Heat Axe, Bernadeth with Halberd and Mad Harriet.
Let the battle begin. . .
Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez (hereinafter “JSVLR”) sees the Female Furies and smiles. He brings his sword out from its scabbard.
JSVLR: I am Juan Sánchez Villa Lobos Ramírez, Chief metallurgist to King Charles V of Spain and I'm at your service.
Gilotina crouches down and slowly moves her hands in a combat stance. The swords of JSVLR and Gilotina dance. Due to the hundreds of years of practice before, JSVLR gains the upper hand and eventually manages to strike the swords out of Gilotina’s hands. He kicks her to the ground.
JSVLR: There is nothing better than a b@tch on the ground before me!
Just as JSVLR is about to thrust his sword into Gilotina, Lashina uses her electronically charged whips on the immortal. The whips grab JSVLR and the charge vibrates throughout his body. JSVLR screams and drops his sword. Kol Skywalker rushes to the scene and uses his lightsaber to slice through the whips. Lashina brings out her Atlas Axe, but is too late as the Jedi cuts her and her weapon in half. Blade comes to the fray and uses his lightsaber against Skywalker. The two fighter’s blades clash, but Kol gains the upper hand against the MOTU character. Just as Kol is about to kill his foe, Bernadeth throws her fahren knife at the Jedi. The knife strikes Skywalker in the chest and he shouts in agony as he burns from the inside out. Mad Harriet wields her energy claws at the enemy. She is about to lash out at JSVLR when she trips on Azrael the Cat, who walks behind her. As Mad Harriet is about to get up, Azrael hisses. The cat’s victory is short lived as Stompa crushes the animal beneath her boot. Stompa’s decimation of Azrael causes a seismic shift in the sands below. The sands explode upward around the combatants, blinding all parties.
The combatants gain their footing just in time for Sandworm #15 to burst from the ground. Space Godzilla focuses on Sandworm #15. Space Godzilla is joined by Son of Mortis and Daughter of Mortis in their doppelganger modes. The immense creatures combine their strengths with one another and manage to slowly tear apart the Dune inhabitant. Sandworm #15 bucks, but Godzilla deals the death blow and kills the beast. Thinking that their task is done with Sandworm #15, Son of Mortis and Daughter of Mortis transform into their humanoid forms. As they smile at one another, they are engulfed by Sandworms #16 and 17 and killed.
Granny Goodness sees JSVLR. JSVLR smiles at the old, ugly woman before him. Goodness races over to JSVLR and breaks his neck before he can make a snide remark. She then looks to Gilotina who exacts her revenge and slices his head off his body with her bear hands. Gilotina turns only to see her own head being taken from her body by Shado Vao’s lightsaber. Granny Goodness screams and rushes Vao. She is held in place as Cassandra Nova uses her telekinetic powers to grab hold of the Darkseidian elite member. Goodness is then cut in half by Vao while she is held in place by Nova.
Nova holds her demon rod in place while Vao has his lightsaber. They face the remaining Furies and Blade. Vao manages to kill Mad Harriet, but loses his life to Stompa’s heat axe and the combined weaponry of Bernadeth’s halberd and fahren knife. As Blade and the women approach Nova to complete their deadly task, Nova reaches out to beneath the sands. In a miraculous minute, the Sandworms strike at precisely the correct time and focused on the sole individuals above them. Nova levitates above the ground as Sandworms #16, 17 and 18 burst forth. Sandworm #16 engulfs Bernadeth, who loses her weapons (and life) in the effort. Sandworm #17 destroys Blade. Sandworm #18 kills Stompa before she can shift her feet.
Father of Mortis is now riding Space Godzilla. Nova lands on Sandworm #19. The two forces battle one another and through the Force and sheer brutality, they manage to destroy Sandworm #19. Nova lands on Sandworm #20 after the skirmish, who manages to finish the job, with the assistance of the remaining Sandworms.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Season 5 week 3- Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family is:
White Lantern Batman
Kingdom Come Wonder Woman
Kingdom Come King Marvel
Kingdom Come Lady Marvel
Kingdom Come Power Woman
Kingdom Come Donna Troy
Fremen #64, 65, 66, 67, 68 & 69
The Allia Atreides Ghola
Ant Man II
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are:
Quintus Lentulus Batiatus
Lucretia Batiatus
Spartacus
Crixus
Gannicus
Oenomaus (Doctore)
Agron
Barca
Varro
Naevia
Mira
Melitta
Jawa #1
Jawa #2
Jawa #3
Jawa #4
Jawa #5
Jawa #6
Sandworm #1
Sandworm #2
Sandworm #3
Sandworm #4
Sandworm #5
"Spartacus" says Onomaus "I have returned from scouting. There is much to tell you"
"Well, out with it." replies Spartacus "What have you learned of our foes?"
"It is as you thought, they have massive amounts of power, but seem to lack honor. As I left the ones deemed King and Lady Marvel were taking their time torturing and maiming the scouts of Jawas we sent. Mira and Melitta were also slain by the representatives of the Amazons-Wonder Woman and the one called Donna Troy."
"Amazons" sneers Spartacus as his spits on the ground "we shall see how they fare against one more adapt at battle "Come Onomaus, let us make our way to the battle. Quintis, Lucretia. You and the small hooded one know what to do"
"Utinni!!" proclaims the final surviving Jawa, Jawa #4 solemnly.
The two stalk towards the current massacre that Layander is subjecting the Murderflies to. It's beyond vile and disgusting what's being done to the Murderflies.
"AMAZONS!" bellows Spartacus "I have always know you to be without honor, this display proves it. You DARE to inflict such carnage unto being with lesser power and prowess than you."
"Watch your tone, Spartacus." warns KC Wonder Woman. "Else you be forced to back up your words"
"I fear nothing, cow" Spartacus shoots back "You Amazons are craven and honor less. You disgrace the sands with this so-called battle. I vow to avenge my fallen teammates by taking you on in a one on one contest. Lest you consider a fair fight in your skill set."
"Diana, careful" urges KC Donna Troy "Spartacus is a strong warrior, and a wily competitor."
"You may be right" begins KC Wonder Woman when all of a sudden a spear flies through the air and goes right though KC Donna Troy's eye socket.
"Enough talk, Amazon. I crave action and vengeance" proclaims Spartacus
"You have made a grave error" growls KC Wondy "LAYANDER! GATHER ROUND AND WITNESS THE FURY OF AN AMAZON'S RAGE"
"Perfect" smirks Spartacus "Wait for my signal, then do as we discussed." he says to Oenomaus
"Aye, may the gods protect you Spartacus"
"And you, now make haste. I don't think I can hold her long"
With that Spartacus saunters into the circle of Layander's still perfectly in tact team. He sees the corpses of his teammates Crixus, Gannicus, Agron, Barca, Varro, Naevia, Mira, the Jawas and Melitta strewn about and defiled by the sadistic Kitties. As he says a silent prayer for the fallen, White Lantern Batman catches his eye. He mouths an apology to Spartacus, but Spartacus just ignores him and steadies himself for battle.
"Prepared to die?" asks KC Wonder Woman
"After you, harlot" he calmly replies
The two launch into a fierce, pitched battle the clang of swords reverberates across the desert. During the fight Spartacus screams out about "The gods of the sands preserve me!!" and Oenomaus hurries back to his three awaiting teammates.
Spartacus puts forth a valiant battle, but KC Wonder Woman is simply no match for him. She batters him about, and the pulls him in close
"Any last words, fool?" she says
"Yes. I'll see you all in HELL" he screams and spits blood in her face.
Wonder Woman's face twists into a rage as she grabs Spartacus' head and prepares to snap his neck, when all of a sudden, the ground begins to quake and Allia Atreides Ghola's eyes widen in terror
"Oh gods! No!! NOOOOoooOOOO!!!" she screams, but it's too late. The desert floor explodes as the Murderflies Sandworms are released into the battlefield and begins to lay waste to the sitting ducks of Layander.
"Gods" whimpers Wonder Woman who drops Spartacus to the sand as the massive Sandworm #1 opens it's jaws to devour them both.
"T'was a good day, to die" says the broken Spartacus as he tumbles with Wonder Woman down the massive creatures throat.
"Utinni" says Jawa #4 after the attack, and salutes his fallen comrade.
White Lantern Batman
Kingdom Come Wonder Woman
Kingdom Come King Marvel
Kingdom Come Lady Marvel
Kingdom Come Power Woman
Kingdom Come Donna Troy
Fremen #64, 65, 66, 67, 68 & 69
The Allia Atreides Ghola
Ant Man II
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are:
Quintus Lentulus Batiatus
Lucretia Batiatus
Spartacus
Crixus
Gannicus
Oenomaus (Doctore)
Agron
Barca
Varro
Naevia
Mira
Melitta
Jawa #1
Jawa #2
Jawa #3
Jawa #4
Jawa #5
Jawa #6
Sandworm #1
Sandworm #2
Sandworm #3
Sandworm #4
Sandworm #5
"Spartacus" says Onomaus "I have returned from scouting. There is much to tell you"
"Well, out with it." replies Spartacus "What have you learned of our foes?"
"It is as you thought, they have massive amounts of power, but seem to lack honor. As I left the ones deemed King and Lady Marvel were taking their time torturing and maiming the scouts of Jawas we sent. Mira and Melitta were also slain by the representatives of the Amazons-Wonder Woman and the one called Donna Troy."
"Amazons" sneers Spartacus as his spits on the ground "we shall see how they fare against one more adapt at battle "Come Onomaus, let us make our way to the battle. Quintis, Lucretia. You and the small hooded one know what to do"
"Utinni!!" proclaims the final surviving Jawa, Jawa #4 solemnly.
The two stalk towards the current massacre that Layander is subjecting the Murderflies to. It's beyond vile and disgusting what's being done to the Murderflies.
"AMAZONS!" bellows Spartacus "I have always know you to be without honor, this display proves it. You DARE to inflict such carnage unto being with lesser power and prowess than you."
"Watch your tone, Spartacus." warns KC Wonder Woman. "Else you be forced to back up your words"
"I fear nothing, cow" Spartacus shoots back "You Amazons are craven and honor less. You disgrace the sands with this so-called battle. I vow to avenge my fallen teammates by taking you on in a one on one contest. Lest you consider a fair fight in your skill set."
"Diana, careful" urges KC Donna Troy "Spartacus is a strong warrior, and a wily competitor."
"You may be right" begins KC Wonder Woman when all of a sudden a spear flies through the air and goes right though KC Donna Troy's eye socket.
"Enough talk, Amazon. I crave action and vengeance" proclaims Spartacus
"You have made a grave error" growls KC Wondy "LAYANDER! GATHER ROUND AND WITNESS THE FURY OF AN AMAZON'S RAGE"
"Perfect" smirks Spartacus "Wait for my signal, then do as we discussed." he says to Oenomaus
"Aye, may the gods protect you Spartacus"
"And you, now make haste. I don't think I can hold her long"
With that Spartacus saunters into the circle of Layander's still perfectly in tact team. He sees the corpses of his teammates Crixus, Gannicus, Agron, Barca, Varro, Naevia, Mira, the Jawas and Melitta strewn about and defiled by the sadistic Kitties. As he says a silent prayer for the fallen, White Lantern Batman catches his eye. He mouths an apology to Spartacus, but Spartacus just ignores him and steadies himself for battle.
"Prepared to die?" asks KC Wonder Woman
"After you, harlot" he calmly replies
The two launch into a fierce, pitched battle the clang of swords reverberates across the desert. During the fight Spartacus screams out about "The gods of the sands preserve me!!" and Oenomaus hurries back to his three awaiting teammates.
Spartacus puts forth a valiant battle, but KC Wonder Woman is simply no match for him. She batters him about, and the pulls him in close
"Any last words, fool?" she says
"Yes. I'll see you all in HELL" he screams and spits blood in her face.
Wonder Woman's face twists into a rage as she grabs Spartacus' head and prepares to snap his neck, when all of a sudden, the ground begins to quake and Allia Atreides Ghola's eyes widen in terror
"Oh gods! No!! NOOOOoooOOOO!!!" she screams, but it's too late. The desert floor explodes as the Murderflies Sandworms are released into the battlefield and begins to lay waste to the sitting ducks of Layander.
"Gods" whimpers Wonder Woman who drops Spartacus to the sand as the massive Sandworm #1 opens it's jaws to devour them both.
"T'was a good day, to die" says the broken Spartacus as he tumbles with Wonder Woman down the massive creatures throat.
"Utinni" says Jawa #4 after the attack, and salutes his fallen comrade.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Week Three Schedule
WEEK Three: Desert
300 Points
Prize: M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher
Horsemen of Apokolips vs The Transfoamers (Josh)
Better Than All of You vs George Washington’s Slaves (Becks)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos (Ryan)
Logical Genocide vs Tijuana Taco Benders (Becks)
TEAM vs Xavier’s Annihilation Squad (Goof)
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Griffin)
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies vs Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family (Seeney)
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Josh)
300 Points
Prize: M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher
Horsemen of Apokolips vs The Transfoamers (Josh)
Better Than All of You vs George Washington’s Slaves (Becks)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos (Ryan)
Logical Genocide vs Tijuana Taco Benders (Becks)
TEAM vs Xavier’s Annihilation Squad (Goof)
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Griffin)
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies vs Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family (Seeney)
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Josh)
Spoiler Sport- FFL Week Two Wrap Up.
This is the Ocho, my name is Cotton, and THIS is your week two Fantasy Fantasy League wrap up. Let's get to it.
We start with our "Match of the Week" Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to make a New Family vs Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyatches had a pulse pounding, high octane face off that saw a very game Orange Kitties really take the fight to the former FFL Champions B3. But, sole survivor Wolverine really put on a clinic this week, showing why B3 is 2-0 this season. Hella of a contest and a hard fought win for the Beeyatches.
Another big story this week is the emergence of white power this week, as we saw the FFL debuts of White Lantern Hal Jordan for "The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets", White Lantern Sinestro for "The Horsemen of Apokolips", and White Lantern Batman starting for " Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to make a New Family". It's looking like having former experience ring slinging really helps one utilizing this weapon, as both Hal and Sinestro found themselves not only on the winning side, but surviving the match up, while Batman found death and defeat.
This leads into our final segment for the week. Controversy abounded this week following the Midgets/Transfoamers match up, as White Lantern Hal Jordan revived fallen teammate Joey Potter to "protect the sanctity of life". This lead to speculation between watchers that this could lead to a possible new, unplanned addition to the Midgets, throwing commissioner Ryan Poteracki into a fit. "Unauthorized breeding between teammates is strictly prohibited" said the harried Commish "Not only with any "surprise" pregnancies be deemed ineligible for play but heavy, HEAVY penalties will be given to ANY team found 'Breeding for the Bowl' " This could make White Lantern Hal Jordan as possible liability for the Midgets, as Hal Jordan displays not only a callous disregard for authority figures, but testosterone walking as his sexual exploits as not only well know, but some are stuff of legend.
That'll do it for us. Again, I'm Cotton McKnight, thanks for watching "Spoiler Sport". Keep it locked in here to "The Ocho" as week three's Fantasy Fantasy League play in the desert gets ready to kick off later this week.
Thank you and good night.
We start with our "Match of the Week" Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to make a New Family vs Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyatches had a pulse pounding, high octane face off that saw a very game Orange Kitties really take the fight to the former FFL Champions B3. But, sole survivor Wolverine really put on a clinic this week, showing why B3 is 2-0 this season. Hella of a contest and a hard fought win for the Beeyatches.
Another big story this week is the emergence of white power this week, as we saw the FFL debuts of White Lantern Hal Jordan for "The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets", White Lantern Sinestro for "The Horsemen of Apokolips", and White Lantern Batman starting for " Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to make a New Family". It's looking like having former experience ring slinging really helps one utilizing this weapon, as both Hal and Sinestro found themselves not only on the winning side, but surviving the match up, while Batman found death and defeat.
This leads into our final segment for the week. Controversy abounded this week following the Midgets/Transfoamers match up, as White Lantern Hal Jordan revived fallen teammate Joey Potter to "protect the sanctity of life". This lead to speculation between watchers that this could lead to a possible new, unplanned addition to the Midgets, throwing commissioner Ryan Poteracki into a fit. "Unauthorized breeding between teammates is strictly prohibited" said the harried Commish "Not only with any "surprise" pregnancies be deemed ineligible for play but heavy, HEAVY penalties will be given to ANY team found 'Breeding for the Bowl' " This could make White Lantern Hal Jordan as possible liability for the Midgets, as Hal Jordan displays not only a callous disregard for authority figures, but testosterone walking as his sexual exploits as not only well know, but some are stuff of legend.
That'll do it for us. Again, I'm Cotton McKnight, thanks for watching "Spoiler Sport". Keep it locked in here to "The Ocho" as week three's Fantasy Fantasy League play in the desert gets ready to kick off later this week.
Thank you and good night.
Logical Genocide Vs. George Washington's Slaves
Logical Genocide is Zombie General Zod, Golden Army Soldier #19-23, Guy Gardner (w/ a blue lantern ring), Black Lantern Bryan Beckerman, Ewok #74 (AKA Jug Juggalo).
George Washington's Slaves are Ymir, Paul Bunyan and Babe, Shindor of Brontic, Santa Claus (w/ green and blue lightsabers (the latter used to belong to Ki Adi Mundi), Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Tim Cheveldae (w/ a sack of gungan boombas), Paul Coffey (w/ a green lightsaber), Bryan Murray (w/ a green lightsaber), Steve Yzerman (w/ Darth Nihilus' red lightsaber), and Tomar Tu.
Before the match begins Slaves Head Coach George Washington himself, personally approaches Santa Claus. “Santa, you don't have to do this ya know, it is early in the season. We have a formidable team without you this week. We are rolling out our first round draft pick Ymir, I mean you have seen this guy right? The huge frost giant! I just don't want to lose you and Rudolph. I know that we are fighting in your home of the North Poll, and it is important to you but..... (trailing off)... It's just that... I know how upset you have been since the loss of Corbin, not to mention your other eight reindeer... And... You have been such an important part of this team since day one, and the truth is that there is a good chance that if you go in to this match, that you may never come back”. “I don't intend to”. Santa replies... “I don't intend to”.
These words hang in the back of Gen. Washington's head as he watches his squad depart for the frozen tundra known as The North Poll.
Rudolph is nice and bulked up from an off-season of pulling a sleigh all by himself, not to mention the fact that there was enough reindeer food stockpiled in the Slaves' Headquarters to feed nine deer, not just himself. This is the reason, that Santa (who looks like he is fat and ready for Christmas Eve) is able to ride on the back of the red-nosed reindeer. The two of them take to the skies and fly high, just daring Logical Genocide to come and get the jolly old saint. Zombie General Zod takes off to search for Kris Kringle, but we will return to this pending battle soon enough.
Back down on the frozen ground, The five Golden Army Soldiers are logically chosen for the first wave of genocide against The Slaves. Bryan Murray rushes in first but realizes the hard way that The Golden Army Soldiers are just as tough as they look. The lightsaber wielding general manager (I still don't think of him as a coach) gets quickly crushed by the members of the Golden Army. Tim Cheveldae rushes in next, as ordered; but keeps his distance. He thinks back to the night before when Gen. Washington was giving him his instructions on what to do. Chev's initial response to the orders was: “But, Meesa no have a boomba”. “Here... Take um this one”!! The father of our country said to Tim as he handed him a sack of Gungan Boombas. Tim to the Timmy keeps this in mind as he begins clearing the boombas into The Golden Army's direction with his Goalie Stick. The Boombas work exceptionally well at slowing down The Golden Army, which is more than The Slaves require to work out step two of their plan. Ymir leads the charge as he crushes the stunned Golden Army Soldier #21 with all of his might. Paul Bunyan and Babe follow suit by taking out #19 and 22. Guy Gardner, Black Lantern Bryan Beckerman, and the clown make-up covered Jug Juggalo the Ewok attempt to act as a diversion against the giant slaves. This actually works to buy some time for the boomba-affected Golden Army Soldiers to regain their composure. And regain their composure they do as the two remaining mechanical soldiers attack Paul Bunyan and Babe from behind and rip them apart. Timothy Chevmeister begins to rush back to use his last few boombas but before he can Ymir demolishes Soldier #20, while Shindor of Brontic uses his lightsaber and Dark Jedi Powers to slice and dice Soldier #23 far beyond their ability to repair themselves. Zombie General Zod finally finds Santa within the cold North Poll Clouds, while Paul Coffey is using his green lightsaber, which he has attached to the end of his hockey stick to slash Jug Juggalo to death. Zombie General Zod rushes at Santa, with all the speed of a living Kryptonian, but Rudolph is able to evade him. Rudolph loops back around and begins to charge toward Zod in a strange game of mid-air chicken as they get closer, Santa ignites his two lightsabers, which flashes to many memories of his old-friends Ki Adi Mundi and Corbin Dallas. Santa waits until the last possible second to swing his lightsabers. With the aid of the Jedi Weapons, and a little Christmas Magic, St. Nicholas is able to remove the head of The Zombie Kryptonian General. “Ohhhh SNAP” Tomar Tu says as Zod's rotting head falls about two feet in front of him. The two Christmas Icons then fly back down toward the ground. “Let's finish this thing” Santa says to his old friend in that overly-dramatic dual meaning kind of way. Santa and Rudolph crash directly in to Guy Gardner whose Blue Ring's aura protects him from to much bodily harm, not that it keeps him from being knocked backward. “Well, I guess this blue ring is totally useless” Gardner says as he pulls out his two long-barreled revolvers. Guy Gardner then unloads both of his Magnum Revolvers in Santa and Rudolph's direction. Rudolph acts quickly by lunging up his chest and throwing Santa off of his back. Saving the life of his old friend by taking the brunt of the attack for himself. Seeing the bloody body of his last Reindeer sends Santa in to a rage. He ignites his lightsabers once again and yells “Step aside Slaves”!! as he decides that he will finish this match on his own. His teammates all listen out of respect as Santa and Guy Gardner's face prove that men chosen by the green lantern corps can most definitely contain fear. Santa makes quick work of Gardner by slicing him in to quarters with his blue and green lightsabers. A frown appears on Santa's face as he looks around to see only his own teammates. He shutters to think for a second, that he may have actually survived yet another one of these God-forsaken matches when he feels a sudden nagging at his heart... Literally... “I never did believe in Santa Claus”!! Black Lantern Bryan Beckerman says as he rips out Kris Kringle's heart with his teeth. A scream of “NOOOOO” from the remaining Slaves is heard for miles in the echoing open tundra, that comes from all but the quick acting Steve Yzerman. The Captain ignites his red lightsaber, and rushes towards the Black Lantern Lawyer. Red Lightsabers, are reserved for Sith Lords, and not Jedis due to the fact that during their design the unstable nature of the red crystals require the use of the force to fuel their binding power to the weapon itself; thus using the force to attack. This residual bit of power never quite vacates the weapon, regardless of who wields it. So, when Steve Yzerman; an icon for all that is good about sportsmanship and charity and the embodiment of The Spirit of Detroit swings this weapon towards Black Lantern Becks, he is easily able to kill what is already dead.
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
George Washington's Slaves are Ymir, Paul Bunyan and Babe, Shindor of Brontic, Santa Claus (w/ green and blue lightsabers (the latter used to belong to Ki Adi Mundi), Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Tim Cheveldae (w/ a sack of gungan boombas), Paul Coffey (w/ a green lightsaber), Bryan Murray (w/ a green lightsaber), Steve Yzerman (w/ Darth Nihilus' red lightsaber), and Tomar Tu.
Before the match begins Slaves Head Coach George Washington himself, personally approaches Santa Claus. “Santa, you don't have to do this ya know, it is early in the season. We have a formidable team without you this week. We are rolling out our first round draft pick Ymir, I mean you have seen this guy right? The huge frost giant! I just don't want to lose you and Rudolph. I know that we are fighting in your home of the North Poll, and it is important to you but..... (trailing off)... It's just that... I know how upset you have been since the loss of Corbin, not to mention your other eight reindeer... And... You have been such an important part of this team since day one, and the truth is that there is a good chance that if you go in to this match, that you may never come back”. “I don't intend to”. Santa replies... “I don't intend to”.
These words hang in the back of Gen. Washington's head as he watches his squad depart for the frozen tundra known as The North Poll.
Rudolph is nice and bulked up from an off-season of pulling a sleigh all by himself, not to mention the fact that there was enough reindeer food stockpiled in the Slaves' Headquarters to feed nine deer, not just himself. This is the reason, that Santa (who looks like he is fat and ready for Christmas Eve) is able to ride on the back of the red-nosed reindeer. The two of them take to the skies and fly high, just daring Logical Genocide to come and get the jolly old saint. Zombie General Zod takes off to search for Kris Kringle, but we will return to this pending battle soon enough.
Back down on the frozen ground, The five Golden Army Soldiers are logically chosen for the first wave of genocide against The Slaves. Bryan Murray rushes in first but realizes the hard way that The Golden Army Soldiers are just as tough as they look. The lightsaber wielding general manager (I still don't think of him as a coach) gets quickly crushed by the members of the Golden Army. Tim Cheveldae rushes in next, as ordered; but keeps his distance. He thinks back to the night before when Gen. Washington was giving him his instructions on what to do. Chev's initial response to the orders was: “But, Meesa no have a boomba”. “Here... Take um this one”!! The father of our country said to Tim as he handed him a sack of Gungan Boombas. Tim to the Timmy keeps this in mind as he begins clearing the boombas into The Golden Army's direction with his Goalie Stick. The Boombas work exceptionally well at slowing down The Golden Army, which is more than The Slaves require to work out step two of their plan. Ymir leads the charge as he crushes the stunned Golden Army Soldier #21 with all of his might. Paul Bunyan and Babe follow suit by taking out #19 and 22. Guy Gardner, Black Lantern Bryan Beckerman, and the clown make-up covered Jug Juggalo the Ewok attempt to act as a diversion against the giant slaves. This actually works to buy some time for the boomba-affected Golden Army Soldiers to regain their composure. And regain their composure they do as the two remaining mechanical soldiers attack Paul Bunyan and Babe from behind and rip them apart. Timothy Chevmeister begins to rush back to use his last few boombas but before he can Ymir demolishes Soldier #20, while Shindor of Brontic uses his lightsaber and Dark Jedi Powers to slice and dice Soldier #23 far beyond their ability to repair themselves. Zombie General Zod finally finds Santa within the cold North Poll Clouds, while Paul Coffey is using his green lightsaber, which he has attached to the end of his hockey stick to slash Jug Juggalo to death. Zombie General Zod rushes at Santa, with all the speed of a living Kryptonian, but Rudolph is able to evade him. Rudolph loops back around and begins to charge toward Zod in a strange game of mid-air chicken as they get closer, Santa ignites his two lightsabers, which flashes to many memories of his old-friends Ki Adi Mundi and Corbin Dallas. Santa waits until the last possible second to swing his lightsabers. With the aid of the Jedi Weapons, and a little Christmas Magic, St. Nicholas is able to remove the head of The Zombie Kryptonian General. “Ohhhh SNAP” Tomar Tu says as Zod's rotting head falls about two feet in front of him. The two Christmas Icons then fly back down toward the ground. “Let's finish this thing” Santa says to his old friend in that overly-dramatic dual meaning kind of way. Santa and Rudolph crash directly in to Guy Gardner whose Blue Ring's aura protects him from to much bodily harm, not that it keeps him from being knocked backward. “Well, I guess this blue ring is totally useless” Gardner says as he pulls out his two long-barreled revolvers. Guy Gardner then unloads both of his Magnum Revolvers in Santa and Rudolph's direction. Rudolph acts quickly by lunging up his chest and throwing Santa off of his back. Saving the life of his old friend by taking the brunt of the attack for himself. Seeing the bloody body of his last Reindeer sends Santa in to a rage. He ignites his lightsabers once again and yells “Step aside Slaves”!! as he decides that he will finish this match on his own. His teammates all listen out of respect as Santa and Guy Gardner's face prove that men chosen by the green lantern corps can most definitely contain fear. Santa makes quick work of Gardner by slicing him in to quarters with his blue and green lightsabers. A frown appears on Santa's face as he looks around to see only his own teammates. He shutters to think for a second, that he may have actually survived yet another one of these God-forsaken matches when he feels a sudden nagging at his heart... Literally... “I never did believe in Santa Claus”!! Black Lantern Bryan Beckerman says as he rips out Kris Kringle's heart with his teeth. A scream of “NOOOOO” from the remaining Slaves is heard for miles in the echoing open tundra, that comes from all but the quick acting Steve Yzerman. The Captain ignites his red lightsaber, and rushes towards the Black Lantern Lawyer. Red Lightsabers, are reserved for Sith Lords, and not Jedis due to the fact that during their design the unstable nature of the red crystals require the use of the force to fuel their binding power to the weapon itself; thus using the force to attack. This residual bit of power never quite vacates the weapon, regardless of who wields it. So, when Steve Yzerman; an icon for all that is good about sportsmanship and charity and the embodiment of The Spirit of Detroit swings this weapon towards Black Lantern Becks, he is easily able to kill what is already dead.
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to make a New Family is Mr. Freeze, Ice Bros. #7-10, White Lantern Batman, Kingdom Come Red Robin, Red X (Dick Grayson), Vampire Starfire, Sharkticon #21, Iggy Koopa, Doozer #7, and Meta-Knight.
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are Capt. Universe, Wolverine, Sasquatch, Legolas (w/ Sinestro's green lantern ring), and Overlord.
Neither of these teams waste any time jumping in to action as the cold arctic air almost instantly begins affecting the combatants in a negative fashion. Capt. Universe attempts to end this competition quickly by annihilating the frozen ground underneath the feet of the super-kitties on a molecular level, but before even the quick-re flexed Batman can react, the white lantern ring itself stops Capt. Universe in his tracks. The ring will not allow Capt. Universe to take any life through the use of cosmic abilities. Capt. Universe fights back against the power, when Meta-Knight rushes in to help out the Dark Knight. The Dreamland King's intervention may actually be what tips the scales as the white power and the cosmic power hyper-react with each other and in flash of white light, erase each other from this plane of existence (taking the noble Meta-Knight with them). With these super-powered entities gone from the match, a fierce melee battle ensues. The two Dick Graysons team up against Wolverine, while Sasquatch starts crushing Ice Bros. like it is going out of style. The Sharkticon and Iggy Koopa team-up against Overlord; and Vampire Starfire engages Legolas.
The Ice Bros. make good use of their surroundings, but in the end are no match for the powerful Sasquatch who single-handedly takes out all four of them; but he is not given any amount of rest as Mr. Freeze is their to instantly avenge his newly appointed henchmen. Sasquatch charges at Victor Freeze but his freeze gun stops The Alpha Flight Member dead in his tracks. Even after he is demobilized Mr. Freeze does not let up for one moment. He continues to hit him with the freeze gun until even Sasquatch's warm-blooded body can no longer take the cold. Overlord, also known as Gigatron and using both the power of Chichokon and that stolen from The Transectors... Actually, I'm not doing this Cybertronian crap tonight; so one giant robot squares off against another giant robot. Overlord is the much more powerful one, despite the Shatkticon's good use of the arctic setting. Overlord wins the battle, against the Sharkticon and then manages to crush the life out of ice loving Iggy Koopa as well. Legolas and Vampire Starfire end up getting separated from one another after Starfire fires a starbolt at Legolas that he dodges while he is simultaneously putting a well-aimed arrow through Doozer #7 (whether it was aided by the green lantern ring or if he is just that good, is unsure even by me). Legolas manages to remain unharmed from the attack but the starbolt destroys the ice underneath him sending him plummeting out of the skirmish (for now). Overlord flies over to Mr. Freeze, who instantly begins defending himself by shooting his freeze gun at full blast at the powerful Decepticon. Overlord actually does begin to slow down due to the impending blasts; but it does not stop him from crushing Mr. Freeze with his massive foot. Overlord begins to raise his mighty metal arms in to the air in victory (like decepticons so often do). When Vampire Starfire rips through the metal body of Overlord from back to front: “hmm, this creature's flesh is... gross” the vamped up alien says in a confused voice, as she tries to eat the enormous dying body of Overlord. Meanwhile, we return to the pitched battle between Wolverine and The Red Robin/Red X Combo Pack. “You know what to do against this guy correct”? Red Robin asks of his younger self. “Yes, Batman's teaching log file #864 Sub-Section 3” replies Red X. Red Robin says back “Correct, Batman's section on potential multiverse and amalgam threats. Sub-Section 3: Wolverine”.
Red Robin and Red X work just as well together as Batman and Robin ever did, having received the same training and after all being the same person. But Wolverine is still the best at what he does (bub). The combatants engage in a fierce battle, but neither side is able to gain the upper hand. Despite Wolverine's claw attacks, the former robins are able to parry them with their staffs. It is almost a shame that Vampire Starfire flies in to intervene by hitting Wolverine square in the chest with a starbolt. Wolverine is stunned and knocked back, but no permanent damage is done to the mutant. At that moment, Legolas flies up to return to the battle as well. The elf of the Woodland Realm hits Starfire with a green energy arrow right between the eyes, which knocks her flat on her back. While The Graysons begin an acrobatic move that has Red Robin launching Red X in to the air by using his staff as a spring board. Three things then happen at almost the exact same moment... While Wolverine takes advantage of the grounded Starfire by stabbing her in the chest, Red X is delivering his nuclear-fueled, pulse-powered birdarang into the throat of Legolas, whose last green energy arrow is being shot in to the eye of Red Robin. Red X pops up with a somersault and realizes, that he is now alone with Wolverine. He wastes no time with remorse for his fallen comrade and moves against the mutant quickly, but without the aid of his older self, he no longer has the skill set to hang with Wolverine. Wolvie dodges two swings from Red X and then delivers a claw-revealed uppercut to Red X's chin. “Sorry kid” is the last two words that Red X hears as
BECKERMAN'S BACKYARDIGAN'S: BEEYATCHES become VICTORIOUS!!
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are Capt. Universe, Wolverine, Sasquatch, Legolas (w/ Sinestro's green lantern ring), and Overlord.
Neither of these teams waste any time jumping in to action as the cold arctic air almost instantly begins affecting the combatants in a negative fashion. Capt. Universe attempts to end this competition quickly by annihilating the frozen ground underneath the feet of the super-kitties on a molecular level, but before even the quick-re flexed Batman can react, the white lantern ring itself stops Capt. Universe in his tracks. The ring will not allow Capt. Universe to take any life through the use of cosmic abilities. Capt. Universe fights back against the power, when Meta-Knight rushes in to help out the Dark Knight. The Dreamland King's intervention may actually be what tips the scales as the white power and the cosmic power hyper-react with each other and in flash of white light, erase each other from this plane of existence (taking the noble Meta-Knight with them). With these super-powered entities gone from the match, a fierce melee battle ensues. The two Dick Graysons team up against Wolverine, while Sasquatch starts crushing Ice Bros. like it is going out of style. The Sharkticon and Iggy Koopa team-up against Overlord; and Vampire Starfire engages Legolas.
The Ice Bros. make good use of their surroundings, but in the end are no match for the powerful Sasquatch who single-handedly takes out all four of them; but he is not given any amount of rest as Mr. Freeze is their to instantly avenge his newly appointed henchmen. Sasquatch charges at Victor Freeze but his freeze gun stops The Alpha Flight Member dead in his tracks. Even after he is demobilized Mr. Freeze does not let up for one moment. He continues to hit him with the freeze gun until even Sasquatch's warm-blooded body can no longer take the cold. Overlord, also known as Gigatron and using both the power of Chichokon and that stolen from The Transectors... Actually, I'm not doing this Cybertronian crap tonight; so one giant robot squares off against another giant robot. Overlord is the much more powerful one, despite the Shatkticon's good use of the arctic setting. Overlord wins the battle, against the Sharkticon and then manages to crush the life out of ice loving Iggy Koopa as well. Legolas and Vampire Starfire end up getting separated from one another after Starfire fires a starbolt at Legolas that he dodges while he is simultaneously putting a well-aimed arrow through Doozer #7 (whether it was aided by the green lantern ring or if he is just that good, is unsure even by me). Legolas manages to remain unharmed from the attack but the starbolt destroys the ice underneath him sending him plummeting out of the skirmish (for now). Overlord flies over to Mr. Freeze, who instantly begins defending himself by shooting his freeze gun at full blast at the powerful Decepticon. Overlord actually does begin to slow down due to the impending blasts; but it does not stop him from crushing Mr. Freeze with his massive foot. Overlord begins to raise his mighty metal arms in to the air in victory (like decepticons so often do). When Vampire Starfire rips through the metal body of Overlord from back to front: “hmm, this creature's flesh is... gross” the vamped up alien says in a confused voice, as she tries to eat the enormous dying body of Overlord. Meanwhile, we return to the pitched battle between Wolverine and The Red Robin/Red X Combo Pack. “You know what to do against this guy correct”? Red Robin asks of his younger self. “Yes, Batman's teaching log file #864 Sub-Section 3” replies Red X. Red Robin says back “Correct, Batman's section on potential multiverse and amalgam threats. Sub-Section 3: Wolverine”.
Red Robin and Red X work just as well together as Batman and Robin ever did, having received the same training and after all being the same person. But Wolverine is still the best at what he does (bub). The combatants engage in a fierce battle, but neither side is able to gain the upper hand. Despite Wolverine's claw attacks, the former robins are able to parry them with their staffs. It is almost a shame that Vampire Starfire flies in to intervene by hitting Wolverine square in the chest with a starbolt. Wolverine is stunned and knocked back, but no permanent damage is done to the mutant. At that moment, Legolas flies up to return to the battle as well. The elf of the Woodland Realm hits Starfire with a green energy arrow right between the eyes, which knocks her flat on her back. While The Graysons begin an acrobatic move that has Red Robin launching Red X in to the air by using his staff as a spring board. Three things then happen at almost the exact same moment... While Wolverine takes advantage of the grounded Starfire by stabbing her in the chest, Red X is delivering his nuclear-fueled, pulse-powered birdarang into the throat of Legolas, whose last green energy arrow is being shot in to the eye of Red Robin. Red X pops up with a somersault and realizes, that he is now alone with Wolverine. He wastes no time with remorse for his fallen comrade and moves against the mutant quickly, but without the aid of his older self, he no longer has the skill set to hang with Wolverine. Wolvie dodges two swings from Red X and then delivers a claw-revealed uppercut to Red X's chin. “Sorry kid” is the last two words that Red X hears as
BECKERMAN'S BACKYARDIGAN'S: BEEYATCHES become VICTORIOUS!!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Week 2 Better Than All Of You vs The "Wait, if he's the smoker, why does she sound like that?" touring batallion of commandos.
Miley "I'm not overshadowed yet by my boyfriend" Cyrus and "I'm thinking of running as a Republican this year just so they have a shot against me on the Democratic ticket" President Barrack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos are:
King Laufey, Heimdall, Buffy Summers w/blue lightsaber, Iorek Byrnison, Willow Rosenberg w/Dumbledore's Wand, Worm Becks, Rachel Ray
Better Than All of You is:
Cobra Commander in a Z-95 Headhunter, Red Skull with Glamdring in a Mig, Predator #9 with a green lightsaber, Cobra vipers #20 - #25, Duke Transformers Mech Unit, Snake Eyes Transformers Mech Unit, Scarlett Transformers Mech Unit, Roadblock Transformers Mech Unit, Wizards #1 & #2, Dozer #15, Baby Jaguar
“Thissssss whole thing isss ridiculoussss!” hissed Cobra Commander into the comm unit of his Z95.
“You have got to start saying ‘over’ into your comm dude,I can’t tell if i’m hearing the radio static or you hissing. over.” responded Red Skull.
“ssssshut up, we have work to do!” Commander responded.
…..
…..
Cobra commander rolls his eyes. “ugh you’re an idiot!... OVER.”
“That’s better.” responded Red Skull, “Now lets get this advance sweep done before The joes in those insane mech suits stumble into a trap. I can’t see a thing out there. AAcccchchhhhhh”
“What wassss that? you didn’t ssssay ‘over’ sssso i’m not sssssure if you’re done talking or if your radio just cut out..” sniped Cobra Commander... “oh sssssshi....!” he shouted.
Cobra commander barely hauled his Z-95 out of the way as the sparking ice covered ball of metal that used to be Red Skulls mig flew passed him.
“Planes?! Really! This is what you silly mortals have brought against the mighty King Laufey!?” shouted the booming voice of the king of the ice trolls.
“Technically mine is a ssssspace sssship!” retorted Cobra Commander as he rounded on the troll. The Cobra Commander then unloaded the KX5 laser cannons into the ice troll the heat from the lasers easily slicing their way through the ice based armor that the troll king had built up for himself. Unfortunately the tunnel vision of his run at Laufey had blinded him to the attack that had been launched against him.
Rachel Ray had put a garbage bowl on each foot, coated the outside in EVOO and was rapidly hurtling down an ice ramp that Laufey had built before his demise. The Kamikazi Celebrity Chef hit the ramp and launched feet first into the cockpit of the Z-95 killing them both instantly.
The careening ship slammed into the ice spraying snow into the air and crushing Dozer #15.
Baby Jaguar buried himself into the snow pile near the crashed ship, preparing to pounce.
Wizards #1 and #2 swept out from behind the fallen spacecraft to square off with the enemy.
The Joes mech units stomping up behind them to back them up. The Wizards began to speak their words of power to cast a powerful magic rain of fire on the enemies that they could barely make out in the wind and snow.
Unfortunately they didn’t understand the magnitude of the magical forces arrayed against them.
Suddenly the air became incredibly still, visibility increased to the horizon.
“Yeah... those will do nicely.” said Willow whose eyes had become black as night, veins visibly pulsating under the skin in her forehead and cheeks. She was wielding a wand of incredible power.
“Why on earth am I bothering playing with some old man’s stick... I’m plenty effective with just my hands... go ahead and ask Tara! oh wait you can’t, because she’s gone....” the spell books from the wizards hands suddenly were pulled into mid air, floating in front of Willow while the words crawled over her skin and across her face...
“Not much in there but parlor tricks...” she continued “I mean ‘Magic Missile’? Really?”
“oh wait here’s something scrawled in the margins... maybe I’ll give this wand a shot after all.” she said.
“Accio Bolts.... Accio ALL OF THE BOLTS!!” she shouted.
The Joes mech units were dismantled bolt by bolt in the blink of an eye and the bolts ripped through the two stunned wizards like buck shot.
The pilots recovered from the collapsing mechs and decided to try to hide behind a pile of snow until they could come up with a way to tackle the crazed witch.
“What are we gonna do!?!” whispered Roadblock.
“We sit here until we figure out how to approach this...” replied Duke “Snakeyes is dressed ENTIRELY in black spandex, it’s not like stealth is an option here.”
Scarlett broke in, “Duke’s right, we sit here and we wait, nobody has noticed us yet.”
“Well I wouldn’t say nobody.” Said the snowy hill they were huddled behind.
“What the hell was that?!” roadblock said, startled.
“..... ….” said snakeeyes.
“Oh that’s real helpful silent Boboooooh CRAP!” Roadblock shouted as he realized that their cover had become mobile.
Shaking off the snow and ice, the king of the armored bears, Iorek Byrnison began to lay waste to the joes, his armor deflecting combat knives and katana alike as he tore the joes limb from limb staining the pristine snow red.
As Ioreck turned to seek out his next victim baby jaguar pounced aimed directly at the empty space between his head and shoulder armor. A flash of blue split the tiny jaguar neatly in two. Buffy Summers climbed atop Iorek and they charged towards the Cobra vipers, Tooth and Claw and blue slashing blade made quick work of the cobra vipers who fired their lasers wildly, never coming close to their mark.
The following events happened incredibly quickly.
Three red dots appeared in a triangle on Buffy’s head. A incredible noise pierced the sky. The once calm wind rose to a tempest of snow and hail.
Then a spray of glowing green blood.
“oh no. there will be no more shooting of women on my watch pal. you’re going to die slow for that one.”
The sounds of an inhuman scream filled the air as the skin was pulled from the predator in very small strips inch by inch until the sound of ice pelting on the wreckage of the Z95 was all that could be heard.
King Laufey, Heimdall, Buffy Summers w/blue lightsaber, Iorek Byrnison, Willow Rosenberg w/Dumbledore's Wand, Worm Becks, Rachel Ray
Better Than All of You is:
Cobra Commander in a Z-95 Headhunter, Red Skull with Glamdring in a Mig, Predator #9 with a green lightsaber, Cobra vipers #20 - #25, Duke Transformers Mech Unit, Snake Eyes Transformers Mech Unit, Scarlett Transformers Mech Unit, Roadblock Transformers Mech Unit, Wizards #1 & #2, Dozer #15, Baby Jaguar
“Thissssss whole thing isss ridiculoussss!” hissed Cobra Commander into the comm unit of his Z95.
“You have got to start saying ‘over’ into your comm dude,I can’t tell if i’m hearing the radio static or you hissing. over.” responded Red Skull.
“ssssshut up, we have work to do!” Commander responded.
…..
…..
Cobra commander rolls his eyes. “ugh you’re an idiot!... OVER.”
“That’s better.” responded Red Skull, “Now lets get this advance sweep done before The joes in those insane mech suits stumble into a trap. I can’t see a thing out there. AAcccchchhhhhh”
“What wassss that? you didn’t ssssay ‘over’ sssso i’m not sssssure if you’re done talking or if your radio just cut out..” sniped Cobra Commander... “oh sssssshi....!” he shouted.
Cobra commander barely hauled his Z-95 out of the way as the sparking ice covered ball of metal that used to be Red Skulls mig flew passed him.
“Planes?! Really! This is what you silly mortals have brought against the mighty King Laufey!?” shouted the booming voice of the king of the ice trolls.
“Technically mine is a ssssspace sssship!” retorted Cobra Commander as he rounded on the troll. The Cobra Commander then unloaded the KX5 laser cannons into the ice troll the heat from the lasers easily slicing their way through the ice based armor that the troll king had built up for himself. Unfortunately the tunnel vision of his run at Laufey had blinded him to the attack that had been launched against him.
Rachel Ray had put a garbage bowl on each foot, coated the outside in EVOO and was rapidly hurtling down an ice ramp that Laufey had built before his demise. The Kamikazi Celebrity Chef hit the ramp and launched feet first into the cockpit of the Z-95 killing them both instantly.
The careening ship slammed into the ice spraying snow into the air and crushing Dozer #15.
Baby Jaguar buried himself into the snow pile near the crashed ship, preparing to pounce.
Wizards #1 and #2 swept out from behind the fallen spacecraft to square off with the enemy.
The Joes mech units stomping up behind them to back them up. The Wizards began to speak their words of power to cast a powerful magic rain of fire on the enemies that they could barely make out in the wind and snow.
Unfortunately they didn’t understand the magnitude of the magical forces arrayed against them.
Suddenly the air became incredibly still, visibility increased to the horizon.
“Yeah... those will do nicely.” said Willow whose eyes had become black as night, veins visibly pulsating under the skin in her forehead and cheeks. She was wielding a wand of incredible power.
“Why on earth am I bothering playing with some old man’s stick... I’m plenty effective with just my hands... go ahead and ask Tara! oh wait you can’t, because she’s gone....” the spell books from the wizards hands suddenly were pulled into mid air, floating in front of Willow while the words crawled over her skin and across her face...
“Not much in there but parlor tricks...” she continued “I mean ‘Magic Missile’? Really?”
“oh wait here’s something scrawled in the margins... maybe I’ll give this wand a shot after all.” she said.
“Accio Bolts.... Accio ALL OF THE BOLTS!!” she shouted.
The Joes mech units were dismantled bolt by bolt in the blink of an eye and the bolts ripped through the two stunned wizards like buck shot.
The pilots recovered from the collapsing mechs and decided to try to hide behind a pile of snow until they could come up with a way to tackle the crazed witch.
“What are we gonna do!?!” whispered Roadblock.
“We sit here until we figure out how to approach this...” replied Duke “Snakeyes is dressed ENTIRELY in black spandex, it’s not like stealth is an option here.”
Scarlett broke in, “Duke’s right, we sit here and we wait, nobody has noticed us yet.”
“Well I wouldn’t say nobody.” Said the snowy hill they were huddled behind.
“What the hell was that?!” roadblock said, startled.
“..... ….” said snakeeyes.
“Oh that’s real helpful silent Boboooooh CRAP!” Roadblock shouted as he realized that their cover had become mobile.
Shaking off the snow and ice, the king of the armored bears, Iorek Byrnison began to lay waste to the joes, his armor deflecting combat knives and katana alike as he tore the joes limb from limb staining the pristine snow red.
As Ioreck turned to seek out his next victim baby jaguar pounced aimed directly at the empty space between his head and shoulder armor. A flash of blue split the tiny jaguar neatly in two. Buffy Summers climbed atop Iorek and they charged towards the Cobra vipers, Tooth and Claw and blue slashing blade made quick work of the cobra vipers who fired their lasers wildly, never coming close to their mark.
The following events happened incredibly quickly.
Three red dots appeared in a triangle on Buffy’s head. A incredible noise pierced the sky. The once calm wind rose to a tempest of snow and hail.
Then a spray of glowing green blood.
“oh no. there will be no more shooting of women on my watch pal. you’re going to die slow for that one.”
The sounds of an inhuman scream filled the air as the skin was pulled from the predator in very small strips inch by inch until the sound of ice pelting on the wreckage of the Z95 was all that could be heard.
Season Five: Week 2: Tijuana Taco Benders vs Horsemen of Apokolips
Tijuana Taco Benders: New X-Men: Surge, Blindfold, Rockslide, Mercury, Anole and Gentle, Zombie Polaris, Black Lantern Colossus and Paddle (Immell #4) w/green lightsaber.
Horsemen of Apokolips: Freddy Kreuger w/yellow ring, Jason Voorhees w/blue lightsaber, Pinhead, Leatherface, The Joker and White Lantern Sinestro.
TWO HOURS INTO A ‘HORSEMEN’ STRATEGY MEETING
Freddy Krueger: “Well that’s what Pinny and I have decided on so just deal with it.”
WL Sinestro is red in the face with anger, as he cannot understand how it ever got to this point.
Sinestro: “Look, you guys are the most evil characters on this team okay. We are not going into this match and not have any of you act “Evil” as you so admittedly insist.”
Pinhead is sitting in the corner knitting together what looks like a sweater made out of some sort of flesh and metal wire. Jason and Leatherface are playing darts with a flayed cat nailed to the wall. Well okay, they are basically just throwing knives at the cat, but it is nailed to a dartboard so it is possible they are keeping score. The Joker is actually just reading an autobiography on Charles Kuralt and Freddy is sitting across from Sinestro at the table in the middle of the room.
Freddy: “Take it or leave it Sinny.”
Sinestro can’t even begin to describe his frustration but one look at his face tells the entire story.
Sinestro: “Look, what can I do to change your mind.”
Freddy: “Get rid of the ring. You are evil and you’re allowed to act good now so why can’t we?”
Sinestro: “I wasn’t completely evil, not like you guys. You all are nothing but soulless killers. Your entire reason for living is to torture and maim people. If you don’t do that then there is no point to you even being here.”
Freddy: “Well maybe that’s it exactly. Maybe our entire existence has been one big waste of time. I feel like I’ve lost my soul in the process of all of this. My hearts’ just not in it anymore. I feel like I’ve wasted my entire life."
Sinestro: “Okay look…I get where you are coming from, believe me. I know how it’s like to feel like everything you’ve ever stood for has been for nothing. After such a long time in this thing you start to lose touch with everything that you originally got into for. The key is to try and go back to the beginning.”
Freddy: “What are trying to do here, give us a pep talk?”
Sinestro: “Listen for just a minute. You still remember when you first got into this don’t you?”
Freddy: (With an almost sheepish look on his face) “I guess.”
Sinestro: “Think back to when you first started, who was your first kill?”
Freddy: “This little girl from the town I lived in.”
Sinestro: “Okay good and what did you do with her?”
Freddy: “I don’t know.”
Sinestro: “Come on Fred, you remember. I know you do.”
Freddy: “Well, I guess I tied her up and watched her starve a while.”
Sinestro: “Okay good and then what else.”
Freddy: “Well after she couldn’t beg anymore I cut her open and watched her bleed out, you know until she finally died.”
Sinestro: “Alright, good. And do you remember how that made you feel.”
Freddy: “I don’t know, good I guess.”
Sinestro: "I bet it made you feel great. I bet it made you feel like you had all the power in the world on your side. I bet you it made you feel invincible, like nobody could ever touch you ever again.”
Freddy: “Well yeah, I guess it did.”
Sinestro: “Of course it, that’s why you kept doing it over and over again until they burned you alive in your house and then you came back even stronger then ever. You see, that feeling that you felt was so strong that it kept you going even after you died. Not even death could stop something as pure and evil as you.”
Freddy looked down at the table but Sinestro could see a smile start to creep onto the burn victims face.
Sinestro: “Hey, is that a smile I see on your face?”
Freddy: “No.”
Sinestro: “I think is, isn’t it?”
Freddy: “Well…maybe a little bit.”
Sinestro: “From what I’m seeing it looks more like a big smile. The smile that can only be brought on by the feeling of pride you still have in yourself.”
Freddy now has a huge smile on his face (which for the record is creepy as shit).
Sinestro: “Now can I ask you one more thing Fred?”
Freddy: “What’s that?”
Sinestro: “Do you think you can help me out in this match?”
Freddy looks around to the rest of his soulless teammates who seem to be all looking directly at him and said, “Well I suppose I can help you, being evil and all, it is what I do.”
Sinestro: "All right, that’s what I like to hear. Now let’s get out of here and go kill and maim some people.”
The entire room erupts in cheers and they come pouring out of the conference room looking ready to slaughter a village of innocent people.
THE ARCTIC
The arctic air was very quiet as the kids of the New X-Men stood behind their two older and far darker teammates. Black Lantern Colossus looked over at Zombie Polaris and knew that the former AL members have always been one of the most dominating and intimidating teams in the league so it was going to take nothing less then a masterful performance to keep up with them.
Both Colossus and Zombie Polaris conferred with each other before relaying their plan to their teammates but before they were even able to say a word they found out that this match was going to be even more difficult then they originally imagined.
Surge and Rockslide were commenting to each other about how nice it was outside, which they found odd as they were supposed to be in the arctic.
Rockslide: “Is it just me or does something not feel right about this?”
Surge: “It’s like something is severely off, I just can’t tell in what way.”
Mercury: “You guys, where are Colossus and Polaris?”
Anole: “I just saw them, they’re right in front of us.”
Mercury: “No there not, where in front of us?”
Anole: “I just saw them, I swear they were standing right there (pointing directly in front of him).”
Gentle: “I don’t like this, let’s get out of here.”
Anole: “Get out of where? We are in the middle of the arctic. There’s nowhere to go.”
Surge: “Well that’s it isn’t it. We’re in the middle of the arctic aren’t we? Then why isn’t it cold? We should all be freezing right now.”
Blindfold: “You guys, do you hear that?”
Mercury: “Maybe it’s just a construct, like back at school.”
Blindfold: “One two, Guess who’s coming for you.”
Surge: “I doubt it, since when would the world just be a construct.”
Blindfold: “Three Four, Better lock your door.”
Mercury: “Well I don’t know. I’m not the one who controls these sort of things.”
Blindfold: “Five Six, Grab your Crusifix.”
Surge: “Well either am I. Why do you think I know how all of this works?”
Blindfold: “Seven eight, Gonna stay up late.”
Mercury: “I don’t think you do, but I sure as hell don’t know the answer either.”
Blindfold: “Nine ten, Never sleep again.”
Surge: “Well then get off my back about it.”
Gentle: “Would you guys please shut the hell up, what are you saying Ruth?”
Blindfold: “You don’t hear it. One two, Freddy’s coming for you…”
Freddy Krueger: “Ahhh, always was one of my favorite songs.”
Colossus immediately went over to his slumbering teammates and was trying to wake them up.
Colossus: “Are they asleep? What the hell is going on here?”
Colossus looked over at his zombie teammate and realized he was basically on his own on this one as the zombified version of Polaris may be decent at fighting but is basically useless at anything else.
Colossus: “What about you Paddle, got any ideas?”
Paddle: “Oh so now you are going to acknowledge that I’m actually here?”
Colossus: “Okay, I see I’m on my own on this one.”
Paddle: “How about your ring genius, it brings people back to life doesn’t it.”
Colossus: “But they’re not dead.”
Paddle: “So what, maybe it can do something about their suspended sleep.”
Colossus looked at Paddle with severe skepticism.
Paddle: “For Christ’s sake, isn’t it at least worth a shot.”
Colossus then used the power of his ring on the kids but before he was able to make contact with him he felt a sudden loss of control and in an instant, Colossus was turned into dust.
WL Sinestro: “We’re not going to have any of that today thank you very much.”
Paddle then jumped out at Sinestro with the intention of landing a blow with his lightsaber but as his arm was about to come down towards the white lantern, a massive hook that was now puncturing his forearm suddenly held it back. Paddle let a terrible scream and looked over to his side to see a creepy looking man wearing an S/M outfit with pin’s coming out of his head.
Pinhead: “I believe it is now my turn.”
Paddle’s body was then dragged towards the icy ground of the arctic and before long there were hooks pierced through his other forearm and both of his ankles. The pain is excruciating and before Paddle is even able to let out another scream, Jason Voorhees is standing over him jamming his lightsaber into his midsection.
Pinhead: “That was much too easy now wasn’t it, we didn’t even give him time to learn to enjoy it.”
At this point Zombie Polaris realized what was going on and sent both Jason and Pinhead flying with a blast of energy, one that easily killed the two Horsemen members.
Leatherface watched this happen and took off towards the zombiefied Taco Benders and with one slice, cut off her arm with his chainsaw. This normally would be devastating to anyone who just had their arm cut off, but as this is a zombie we are dealing with, he might as well have just scratched her lightly because she doesn’t even flinch. She then turned around, grabbed him by the throat (with the remaining arm of course) and completely fried the brain of the inbred backwoods psycho.
The Joker sees this and starts to laugh hysterically at his teammates demise.
The Joker: “Oh my, I couldn’t have done that better myself.”
Polaris then looked over at the Joker and decided it was time to finish off the always-wordy jokester. The Joker watched her approach with a wide grin on his face and before Polaris got directly in front of him, the Joker set off a series of explosions that engulfed the surrounding area to which she was standing. The frigid waters of the Arctic swallowed her whole, which sent the Joker into another fit of laughter.
The Joker: “Oooh, but I can’t imagine you doing that any better then me.”
The Joker danced around a bit as Sinestro watched in amusement but before long the zombie version of Polaris was back up on the surface, floating directly in front of the Batman villain.
The Joker: “Well aren’t you a go-getter.”
As the Joker said this, Polaris sent a blast of energy into the makeup wearing villains’ midsection, knocking him into the freezing waters. She then electrified the frigid waters, killing him after one more bought of hysterical laughter. Polaris then looked over at Sinestro and sent an easily deflected blast of energy over to him.
Sinestro: “Very cute Lorna, now it’s time for you to go away.”
Polaris’s mauled face then began to burst from the inside out until eventually she completely exploded all over the arctic floor.
Sinestro: “Now Mr. Krueger, it’s your turn.”
The realization of their predicament was upon them now but the solution was not yet evident. The main issue with all of this was that inside Freddy’s dream world, nobody was able to utilize their powers, which is just how Freddy liked it.
The first to go down was Surge, whose throat had been torn open by a quick swipe from Freddy’s glove, spilling blood everywhere while she grabbed onto her neck hoping to stop the bleeding. Surge was quickly overtaken by shock and soon enough she was lying on the ground, dead to both the dream and real world.
Mercury: “You sack of shit Freddy, show yourself.”
Freddy: “I doubt you want that kid, but if you insist…”
Freddy then appeared in the glow of his yellow ring and sent a wave of yellow energy directly at Mercury and Gentle that tore them apart.
Freddy: “You kids still want me around or was I more dangerous in the shadows?”
At this point Rockslide and Anole both launched themselves at the Elm Street resident with very little success, both being knocked down in various directions.
Freddy: “You’re in my world, there’s nothing much you can do so you might as well just let me have my way.”
Meanwhile in the corner of an ice formation, Blindfold had been sitting on the ground concentrating for sometime now.
Anole: (Spits blood from his mouth) “You know Ruth, it’d be nice if you could give us a hand.”
Blindfold: “I am helping you.”
Out of the blue Blindfold disappeared, leaving the dream world altogether.
Blindfold looked around and saw the bloodied bodies of her fellow X-Men teammates lying on the icy floor. She looked over at the bodies of Rockslide and Anole and saw them still breathing, albeit deeply with a look of pain on their faces. She then searched the immediate area and saw nothing else around her. She felt the frigid wind on her body for the first time since the beginning of the match, which brought with it a sense of relief as knew for a fact that she was finally back in the real world. She then searched telepathically through the region and could feel another force at work so she began to push back at it. She quickly realized that there was a force at work that was even beyond her own abilities.
Despite this fact, she was still powerful enough to realize that the reason she and her fellow teammates were in a deep sleep was because of the lantern power that was somewhere at work in this arena. Instead of using her immense yet not always stabile powers to find her enemy though, she used the one weapon that all teenage girls always have at their disposal; her voice.
Blindfold: (Shouting) “Show yourself you coward, if you are so powerful why must you hide? I suppose it’s just easier for you to hide behind your powers you pussy.”
Sinestro then appeared right in front of her.
Sinerstro: “Such a temper for such a small girl. I must say, you are not what I expected. It is also very curious that somebody wearing a blindfold would be so eager for someone to show themselves.”
Blindfold: “For somebody who hides in the background, you sure do have a lot to say. Oh and by the way, just because I am wearing a blindfold, doesn’t mean I can’t still see.”
Blindfold then temporally sent Sinestro into another dimension while at the same time, pulling both of her teammates back from their slumber. Rockslide and Anole woke up but were both badly beaten. Anole has had both of his legs torn off, which will grow back but have not done so quite yet. Rockslide was still out of it but was at least conscience. The biggest upside of all of this though was the fact that Freddy was no longer in his world, but the real world itself.
Freddy: (Sarcastically)“Thanks so much Sinestro, this worked out sooooo well.”
Blindfold: “You looking for your friend, he had to take a time out for a minute but don’t worry, he won’t be gone for long.”
Freddy: “Oh I’m not worried, I’m just annoyed is all.”
Blindfold: “I’ve seen your movies before Freddy, you’re in our world now. You are just as vulnerable as any one else now.”
Freddy: “Hahahahahahaha, well good for you kid. Unfortunately you haven’t read a comic in while because if you had you’d know that ‘Your’ real world isn’t quite what it used to.”
Freddy then used the power of his yellow lantern ring and created an energy construct that surrounded the blind teenager, blocking off her powers from the rest of the arctic.
As soon as Blindfold had been put inside the construct, Sinestro reappeared from the dimension that she had momentarily thrown him into. Sinestro then re-joined the match by heading over to his remaining enemies. He does this because he is watching Rockslide build himself up with every bit of ice from the ground around him. He is beginning to create a body construct that will be difficult for most creatures to destroy, I say most because even though Rockslide became quite large it only took Sinestro a single moment to completely shatter and destroy the New X-Men member.
Anole sees this and has his stomach drop, knowing that the end is near. He finally got back up on his newly regenerated legs when from out of nowhere; he felt a knife slice his throat from left to right. He then falls back to the ground where he is staring back up his killer’s burnt face. Freddy just stood over the bleeding body of Anole and quietly laughed to himself over what was such a humorous site to him.
Blindfold, who had been inside the yellow energy construct for a while now had all but given up when suddenly, it disappeared. She stood there with the knowledge that she was now the only member of her team left. As soon as she began to survey her surroundings though, she heard something quite short and simple out of the white lantern-wearing Horsemen.
Sinestro: “Remember, just like the old times.”
Freddy then smiled and rushed Ruth Aldine with everything he had and tore her from top to bottom, sending everything from her stomach to her lower intestines to the ground. If she could have cried she would have, instead she just gasped one last time and fell to the ground. As the two remaining members of the Horsemen stared down at the disemboweled teenage girl, Sinestro looked over at Freddy and said, “I know I told you to do that but damn, you really are one sick fuck.”
Sinestro and Freddy then walked away from the blood bath completely unscathed. Freddy was walking with a big smile while Sinestro started to wonder if he was really the best person to be wearing something as good and pure as the White Lantern ring.
Horsemen of Apokolips: Freddy Kreuger w/yellow ring, Jason Voorhees w/blue lightsaber, Pinhead, Leatherface, The Joker and White Lantern Sinestro.
TWO HOURS INTO A ‘HORSEMEN’ STRATEGY MEETING
Freddy Krueger: “Well that’s what Pinny and I have decided on so just deal with it.”
WL Sinestro is red in the face with anger, as he cannot understand how it ever got to this point.
Sinestro: “Look, you guys are the most evil characters on this team okay. We are not going into this match and not have any of you act “Evil” as you so admittedly insist.”
Pinhead is sitting in the corner knitting together what looks like a sweater made out of some sort of flesh and metal wire. Jason and Leatherface are playing darts with a flayed cat nailed to the wall. Well okay, they are basically just throwing knives at the cat, but it is nailed to a dartboard so it is possible they are keeping score. The Joker is actually just reading an autobiography on Charles Kuralt and Freddy is sitting across from Sinestro at the table in the middle of the room.
Freddy: “Take it or leave it Sinny.”
Sinestro can’t even begin to describe his frustration but one look at his face tells the entire story.
Sinestro: “Look, what can I do to change your mind.”
Freddy: “Get rid of the ring. You are evil and you’re allowed to act good now so why can’t we?”
Sinestro: “I wasn’t completely evil, not like you guys. You all are nothing but soulless killers. Your entire reason for living is to torture and maim people. If you don’t do that then there is no point to you even being here.”
Freddy: “Well maybe that’s it exactly. Maybe our entire existence has been one big waste of time. I feel like I’ve lost my soul in the process of all of this. My hearts’ just not in it anymore. I feel like I’ve wasted my entire life."
Sinestro: “Okay look…I get where you are coming from, believe me. I know how it’s like to feel like everything you’ve ever stood for has been for nothing. After such a long time in this thing you start to lose touch with everything that you originally got into for. The key is to try and go back to the beginning.”
Freddy: “What are trying to do here, give us a pep talk?”
Sinestro: “Listen for just a minute. You still remember when you first got into this don’t you?”
Freddy: (With an almost sheepish look on his face) “I guess.”
Sinestro: “Think back to when you first started, who was your first kill?”
Freddy: “This little girl from the town I lived in.”
Sinestro: “Okay good and what did you do with her?”
Freddy: “I don’t know.”
Sinestro: “Come on Fred, you remember. I know you do.”
Freddy: “Well, I guess I tied her up and watched her starve a while.”
Sinestro: “Okay good and then what else.”
Freddy: “Well after she couldn’t beg anymore I cut her open and watched her bleed out, you know until she finally died.”
Sinestro: “Alright, good. And do you remember how that made you feel.”
Freddy: “I don’t know, good I guess.”
Sinestro: "I bet it made you feel great. I bet it made you feel like you had all the power in the world on your side. I bet you it made you feel invincible, like nobody could ever touch you ever again.”
Freddy: “Well yeah, I guess it did.”
Sinestro: “Of course it, that’s why you kept doing it over and over again until they burned you alive in your house and then you came back even stronger then ever. You see, that feeling that you felt was so strong that it kept you going even after you died. Not even death could stop something as pure and evil as you.”
Freddy looked down at the table but Sinestro could see a smile start to creep onto the burn victims face.
Sinestro: “Hey, is that a smile I see on your face?”
Freddy: “No.”
Sinestro: “I think is, isn’t it?”
Freddy: “Well…maybe a little bit.”
Sinestro: “From what I’m seeing it looks more like a big smile. The smile that can only be brought on by the feeling of pride you still have in yourself.”
Freddy now has a huge smile on his face (which for the record is creepy as shit).
Sinestro: “Now can I ask you one more thing Fred?”
Freddy: “What’s that?”
Sinestro: “Do you think you can help me out in this match?”
Freddy looks around to the rest of his soulless teammates who seem to be all looking directly at him and said, “Well I suppose I can help you, being evil and all, it is what I do.”
Sinestro: "All right, that’s what I like to hear. Now let’s get out of here and go kill and maim some people.”
The entire room erupts in cheers and they come pouring out of the conference room looking ready to slaughter a village of innocent people.
THE ARCTIC
The arctic air was very quiet as the kids of the New X-Men stood behind their two older and far darker teammates. Black Lantern Colossus looked over at Zombie Polaris and knew that the former AL members have always been one of the most dominating and intimidating teams in the league so it was going to take nothing less then a masterful performance to keep up with them.
Both Colossus and Zombie Polaris conferred with each other before relaying their plan to their teammates but before they were even able to say a word they found out that this match was going to be even more difficult then they originally imagined.
Surge and Rockslide were commenting to each other about how nice it was outside, which they found odd as they were supposed to be in the arctic.
Rockslide: “Is it just me or does something not feel right about this?”
Surge: “It’s like something is severely off, I just can’t tell in what way.”
Mercury: “You guys, where are Colossus and Polaris?”
Anole: “I just saw them, they’re right in front of us.”
Mercury: “No there not, where in front of us?”
Anole: “I just saw them, I swear they were standing right there (pointing directly in front of him).”
Gentle: “I don’t like this, let’s get out of here.”
Anole: “Get out of where? We are in the middle of the arctic. There’s nowhere to go.”
Surge: “Well that’s it isn’t it. We’re in the middle of the arctic aren’t we? Then why isn’t it cold? We should all be freezing right now.”
Blindfold: “You guys, do you hear that?”
Mercury: “Maybe it’s just a construct, like back at school.”
Blindfold: “One two, Guess who’s coming for you.”
Surge: “I doubt it, since when would the world just be a construct.”
Blindfold: “Three Four, Better lock your door.”
Mercury: “Well I don’t know. I’m not the one who controls these sort of things.”
Blindfold: “Five Six, Grab your Crusifix.”
Surge: “Well either am I. Why do you think I know how all of this works?”
Blindfold: “Seven eight, Gonna stay up late.”
Mercury: “I don’t think you do, but I sure as hell don’t know the answer either.”
Blindfold: “Nine ten, Never sleep again.”
Surge: “Well then get off my back about it.”
Gentle: “Would you guys please shut the hell up, what are you saying Ruth?”
Blindfold: “You don’t hear it. One two, Freddy’s coming for you…”
Freddy Krueger: “Ahhh, always was one of my favorite songs.”
Colossus immediately went over to his slumbering teammates and was trying to wake them up.
Colossus: “Are they asleep? What the hell is going on here?”
Colossus looked over at his zombie teammate and realized he was basically on his own on this one as the zombified version of Polaris may be decent at fighting but is basically useless at anything else.
Colossus: “What about you Paddle, got any ideas?”
Paddle: “Oh so now you are going to acknowledge that I’m actually here?”
Colossus: “Okay, I see I’m on my own on this one.”
Paddle: “How about your ring genius, it brings people back to life doesn’t it.”
Colossus: “But they’re not dead.”
Paddle: “So what, maybe it can do something about their suspended sleep.”
Colossus looked at Paddle with severe skepticism.
Paddle: “For Christ’s sake, isn’t it at least worth a shot.”
Colossus then used the power of his ring on the kids but before he was able to make contact with him he felt a sudden loss of control and in an instant, Colossus was turned into dust.
WL Sinestro: “We’re not going to have any of that today thank you very much.”
Paddle then jumped out at Sinestro with the intention of landing a blow with his lightsaber but as his arm was about to come down towards the white lantern, a massive hook that was now puncturing his forearm suddenly held it back. Paddle let a terrible scream and looked over to his side to see a creepy looking man wearing an S/M outfit with pin’s coming out of his head.
Pinhead: “I believe it is now my turn.”
Paddle’s body was then dragged towards the icy ground of the arctic and before long there were hooks pierced through his other forearm and both of his ankles. The pain is excruciating and before Paddle is even able to let out another scream, Jason Voorhees is standing over him jamming his lightsaber into his midsection.
Pinhead: “That was much too easy now wasn’t it, we didn’t even give him time to learn to enjoy it.”
At this point Zombie Polaris realized what was going on and sent both Jason and Pinhead flying with a blast of energy, one that easily killed the two Horsemen members.
Leatherface watched this happen and took off towards the zombiefied Taco Benders and with one slice, cut off her arm with his chainsaw. This normally would be devastating to anyone who just had their arm cut off, but as this is a zombie we are dealing with, he might as well have just scratched her lightly because she doesn’t even flinch. She then turned around, grabbed him by the throat (with the remaining arm of course) and completely fried the brain of the inbred backwoods psycho.
The Joker sees this and starts to laugh hysterically at his teammates demise.
The Joker: “Oh my, I couldn’t have done that better myself.”
Polaris then looked over at the Joker and decided it was time to finish off the always-wordy jokester. The Joker watched her approach with a wide grin on his face and before Polaris got directly in front of him, the Joker set off a series of explosions that engulfed the surrounding area to which she was standing. The frigid waters of the Arctic swallowed her whole, which sent the Joker into another fit of laughter.
The Joker: “Oooh, but I can’t imagine you doing that any better then me.”
The Joker danced around a bit as Sinestro watched in amusement but before long the zombie version of Polaris was back up on the surface, floating directly in front of the Batman villain.
The Joker: “Well aren’t you a go-getter.”
As the Joker said this, Polaris sent a blast of energy into the makeup wearing villains’ midsection, knocking him into the freezing waters. She then electrified the frigid waters, killing him after one more bought of hysterical laughter. Polaris then looked over at Sinestro and sent an easily deflected blast of energy over to him.
Sinestro: “Very cute Lorna, now it’s time for you to go away.”
Polaris’s mauled face then began to burst from the inside out until eventually she completely exploded all over the arctic floor.
Sinestro: “Now Mr. Krueger, it’s your turn.”
The realization of their predicament was upon them now but the solution was not yet evident. The main issue with all of this was that inside Freddy’s dream world, nobody was able to utilize their powers, which is just how Freddy liked it.
The first to go down was Surge, whose throat had been torn open by a quick swipe from Freddy’s glove, spilling blood everywhere while she grabbed onto her neck hoping to stop the bleeding. Surge was quickly overtaken by shock and soon enough she was lying on the ground, dead to both the dream and real world.
Mercury: “You sack of shit Freddy, show yourself.”
Freddy: “I doubt you want that kid, but if you insist…”
Freddy then appeared in the glow of his yellow ring and sent a wave of yellow energy directly at Mercury and Gentle that tore them apart.
Freddy: “You kids still want me around or was I more dangerous in the shadows?”
At this point Rockslide and Anole both launched themselves at the Elm Street resident with very little success, both being knocked down in various directions.
Freddy: “You’re in my world, there’s nothing much you can do so you might as well just let me have my way.”
Meanwhile in the corner of an ice formation, Blindfold had been sitting on the ground concentrating for sometime now.
Anole: (Spits blood from his mouth) “You know Ruth, it’d be nice if you could give us a hand.”
Blindfold: “I am helping you.”
Out of the blue Blindfold disappeared, leaving the dream world altogether.
Blindfold looked around and saw the bloodied bodies of her fellow X-Men teammates lying on the icy floor. She looked over at the bodies of Rockslide and Anole and saw them still breathing, albeit deeply with a look of pain on their faces. She then searched the immediate area and saw nothing else around her. She felt the frigid wind on her body for the first time since the beginning of the match, which brought with it a sense of relief as knew for a fact that she was finally back in the real world. She then searched telepathically through the region and could feel another force at work so she began to push back at it. She quickly realized that there was a force at work that was even beyond her own abilities.
Despite this fact, she was still powerful enough to realize that the reason she and her fellow teammates were in a deep sleep was because of the lantern power that was somewhere at work in this arena. Instead of using her immense yet not always stabile powers to find her enemy though, she used the one weapon that all teenage girls always have at their disposal; her voice.
Blindfold: (Shouting) “Show yourself you coward, if you are so powerful why must you hide? I suppose it’s just easier for you to hide behind your powers you pussy.”
Sinestro then appeared right in front of her.
Sinerstro: “Such a temper for such a small girl. I must say, you are not what I expected. It is also very curious that somebody wearing a blindfold would be so eager for someone to show themselves.”
Blindfold: “For somebody who hides in the background, you sure do have a lot to say. Oh and by the way, just because I am wearing a blindfold, doesn’t mean I can’t still see.”
Blindfold then temporally sent Sinestro into another dimension while at the same time, pulling both of her teammates back from their slumber. Rockslide and Anole woke up but were both badly beaten. Anole has had both of his legs torn off, which will grow back but have not done so quite yet. Rockslide was still out of it but was at least conscience. The biggest upside of all of this though was the fact that Freddy was no longer in his world, but the real world itself.
Freddy: (Sarcastically)“Thanks so much Sinestro, this worked out sooooo well.”
Blindfold: “You looking for your friend, he had to take a time out for a minute but don’t worry, he won’t be gone for long.”
Freddy: “Oh I’m not worried, I’m just annoyed is all.”
Blindfold: “I’ve seen your movies before Freddy, you’re in our world now. You are just as vulnerable as any one else now.”
Freddy: “Hahahahahahaha, well good for you kid. Unfortunately you haven’t read a comic in while because if you had you’d know that ‘Your’ real world isn’t quite what it used to.”
Freddy then used the power of his yellow lantern ring and created an energy construct that surrounded the blind teenager, blocking off her powers from the rest of the arctic.
As soon as Blindfold had been put inside the construct, Sinestro reappeared from the dimension that she had momentarily thrown him into. Sinestro then re-joined the match by heading over to his remaining enemies. He does this because he is watching Rockslide build himself up with every bit of ice from the ground around him. He is beginning to create a body construct that will be difficult for most creatures to destroy, I say most because even though Rockslide became quite large it only took Sinestro a single moment to completely shatter and destroy the New X-Men member.
Anole sees this and has his stomach drop, knowing that the end is near. He finally got back up on his newly regenerated legs when from out of nowhere; he felt a knife slice his throat from left to right. He then falls back to the ground where he is staring back up his killer’s burnt face. Freddy just stood over the bleeding body of Anole and quietly laughed to himself over what was such a humorous site to him.
Blindfold, who had been inside the yellow energy construct for a while now had all but given up when suddenly, it disappeared. She stood there with the knowledge that she was now the only member of her team left. As soon as she began to survey her surroundings though, she heard something quite short and simple out of the white lantern-wearing Horsemen.
Sinestro: “Remember, just like the old times.”
Freddy then smiled and rushed Ruth Aldine with everything he had and tore her from top to bottom, sending everything from her stomach to her lower intestines to the ground. If she could have cried she would have, instead she just gasped one last time and fell to the ground. As the two remaining members of the Horsemen stared down at the disemboweled teenage girl, Sinestro looked over at Freddy and said, “I know I told you to do that but damn, you really are one sick fuck.”
Sinestro and Freddy then walked away from the blood bath completely unscathed. Freddy was walking with a big smile while Sinestro started to wonder if he was really the best person to be wearing something as good and pure as the White Lantern ring.
Season 5 Week 2: Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are: Frost Giants 1-3, Vampire Sinestro, Mecha-Hitler, and Woodstock.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is: Jadis the White Witch, Invincible, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight, Slingshot, and Air Raid; Yellow Lantern Fatality, Call of Duty Crew: Capt. John Price, Sgt. Derek "Frost" Westbrook, Capt. John "Soap” MacTavish, Yuri, and Sgt. Marcus Burns.
The winds whip across the frozen wasteland as the Call of Duty unit takes formation out amongst the glaciers. The icy tundra is illuminated by the bright glow of a full moon as it reflects off of the snow. The five soldiers set up position as the cold ground beneath them begins to quake.
“What the hell is that?!” shouts Sgt. Marcus Burns as three enormous shadows begin to eclipse the moonlight.
The Dope Fiends’ trio of Frost Giants stomps their way into the battle and is instantly met with a barrage of heavy gunfire.
“Don’t let up boys! We’ve got to keep these things ….” Capt. John Price’s orders are abruptly cut off as he is impaled by a massive ice spear that was launched by a Frost Giant. His body slams up against a nearby glacier wall.
“Ahh, son of a bitch, guys,” yells Frost. “We’re in for a long night.”
The three Frost Giants continue their march towards Xavier’s Annihilation Squad. Bullets are ricocheting off of their icy exteriors. They all form massive ice clubs in their hands and in unison slam them down, causing a crack that opens up in the tundra floor, swallowing Yuri and Soap. Frost and Marcus fall back to try and gain some cover as their reinforcements arrive, which comes right in the nick of time. The Aerialbots fly in and fire upon the Frost Giants. They manage to knock them down, but not kill any of them. The Frost Giants retaliate by throwing several ice shards at the Autobots. They manage to evade them and transform into their robot modes.
As the Frost Giants continue to attack the Aerialbots, Silverbolt shouts orders to his team, “Aerialbots! Merge to form Superion!!”
The five Autobots fly into formation, transform in mid-air and combine to form the gestalt, Superion.
Frost Giant #1 takes the lead and charges at the massive Transformer as he lands. With his ice ax drawn, the Frost Giant leaps into the air towards Superion, but the gestalt winds up and with a single blow punches right through the Jotunheim native. The Frost Giant’s corpse drops to the ground as the other two come from opposite sides of Superion. One goes for the shoulders, and the other takes him out at the knees. This causes Superion to break apart as the two Frost Giants continue their attack. Though the Aerialbots have them outnumbered five to two, the Frost Giants are quite at home in this frozen terrain, thus giving them the advantage.
Woodstock flies as quickly as he can through the cold air, trying desperately to evade this battle of behemoths. He’s also trying to figure out what the hell he’s doing in this battle to begin with. However his concern are quickly silenced as Invincible flies in and snatches the poor defenseless little yellow bird out of the mid air and crushes him within his fist. Invincible is then snagged out of the air himself by a yellow beam of energy.
“I like that bird, you little punk,” Vampire Sinestro says as he sneaks up behind him and bites down on his neck. At first, Invincible’s healing factor resists the attack, but Vampire Sinestro is relentless and couples his blood sucking with a crippling blast of yellow energy to Invincible’s midsection. He finishes draining the blood from his neck just as Yellow Lantern Fatality blasts him with her own bolt of yellow energy.
“Please woman! You dare attack me with a yellow ring of fear? YOU DARE?!” shouts Vampire Sinestro as he flies swiftly at her. His speed has been increased tenfold with his new vampirism and Fatality hardly even sees him move. Her eyes are wide and jaw dropped as he flies by her. Her body the slowly falls apart as if she was being peeled like a banana. “Such naïve children,” quips Sinestro to himself as he wipes some of Invisible’s blood away from his lip.
As he continues his search for more prey, he is blindsided by a magical blast, courtesy of Jadis the White Witch. Vampire Sinestro hurdles through the air and slams into a snow covered pine tree. Angered, the Korugaran erupts out from the branch, a plume of snow bursting in the air in his wake. Vampire Sinestro flies in and leaps on top of the White Witch. He quickly snaps his jaw down onto her neck. The red of her blood looks exceptionally red as it oozes down her alabaster skin. As he violently sucks the very essence out of her, Sinestro feels something himself. Jadis, with the last of her strength, uses her wand to turn Vampire Sinestro into Stone. The once great leader and founder of the Sinestro Corps, slowly turns to stone. He blasts a beam of yellow energy straight up into the cold night sky as snow begins to fall. The beam flickers as the stone overtakes Vampire Sinestro. The beam then dies out as he is now completely solidified.
Sgt. Derek “Frost” Westbrook and Sgt. Marcus Burns have regrouped over by a cave opening in the side of a mountain. From inside, they hear heavy mechanical footsteps. Frost takes aim with his gun.
“Oi, knock it off, it’s prolly just one of the Aerialbots,” says Marcus.
There is then the winding of multiple chain guns as bullets rips out of the cave and into Frost. His body is propelled through the air. The white snow is splattered with his crimson blood.
“Die, Allied schweinehund!” shouts Mecha-Hitler as he stomps his way into the moonlight and attacks the final member of the Call of Duty crew.
Marcus leaps over a boulder for some cover as Mecha-Hitler’s quad chain guns continue to shred the nearby landscape. The sergeant makes a run for it and manages to get some leverage in a nearby thicket of trees. He launches a flash bang which blinds Mecha-Hitler for a moment.
“Scheisse!” shouts the temporarily blinded mechanically enhanced dictator. He then fires his four massive chain guns wildly through the air, and manages to clip Marcus in the right calf as he runs for cover.
The SAS solider screams in agony as Mecha-Hitler finishes him off. However the screams of pain catch the attention of Slingshot. The arrogant and brash Autobot breaks from the Aerialbots’ attack on the Frost Giants and takes off towards Mecha-Hitler. There is a loud sonic boom as Slingshot rips through the air. He takes aim with his twin mortar cannons and lets loose, incinerating Mecha-Hitler.
“I’m even better than I thought,” Slingshot jokes to himself as he turns to regroup with his teammates.
Silverbolt looks over to see the returning Slingshot and tries to reform Superion, but Frost Giant #3 knocks Silverbolt to the ground and slams his ice club into the Aerialbots commander, crushing his head. In by doing so, this ends the FFL career of the gestalt Superion. Frost Giant #2 then adds to the destruction by sending Slingshot to the Graveyard as well by hurling dual ice spears at the incoming Autobot. They impale both wings which send Slingshot out of control and exploding into the side of a mountain. Fireflight is shocked and overcome with a sense of rage when he sees his two brothers-in-arms fall. Frost Giant #2 is able to sneak up behind him and drive an ice sword right through his chest. Fireflight lets out a painful scream as he drops to his knees.
“Arrrg… Ok, Frosty… If I’m going, I’m taking you with me!” grunts a dying Fireflight.
He snaps the ice sword in half as he spins around and fires his photon displacer gun which temporarily disorients the Frost Giant. As painful as it is to due, Fireflight transforms into his jet mode and flies straight up only to nose dive right back at Frost Giant #2. He fires his fire fog missiles, which hit the Frost Giant and immerse him in a self-igniting flammable mist. The Jotunheim beast falls dead to the icy ground as it melts around him. Fireflight transforms back into his robot mode moments before crashing to the ground.
“Heh… heh… I got you, you son of a bitch,” Fireflight says to himself. “That one’s for you Slingshot.”
Skydive and Air Raid have been too preoccupied with trying to take out Frost Giant #3 to have noticed the Fireflight has perished in battle, though they do notice the area of the tundra that is engulfed in flames. They manage to back the Frost Giant up against the mountainside as they close in. Air Raid looks at his partner and shoos him a smirk before charging at the last remaining combatant of the Dope Fiends.
“Damn it Air Raid!” shouts Skydive.
Air Raid tackles Frost Giant #3 down to the ground, but gets quickly overpowered.
“Just do it!!!” yells Air Raid. “You don’t have an option! I’ll see you soon enough!” As he is shouting to his teammate, Air Raid is stabbed in the shoulder by the Frost Giant. “End this! Take him out!”
“I don’t have a clean shot Air Raid!” Skydive shouts back.
The Frost Giant drives another ice dagger into the Autobot, this time into his side.
“Arrrgggh! The mountain!! Drop the mountain on him!” he yells.
“Damn it… I knew you were gonna say that,” Skydive says quietly to himself. He takes aim and fires his nega-gun at the mountainside causing a sheer molecular breakdown of the rock. The mountain crumbles and crushes the Frost Giant just as he finishes off Air Raid.
“I’ll see you soon Air Raid,” Skydive says to his fallen teammate as he transforms and takes off away from the carnage that surrounds him.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is: Jadis the White Witch, Invincible, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight, Slingshot, and Air Raid; Yellow Lantern Fatality, Call of Duty Crew: Capt. John Price, Sgt. Derek "Frost" Westbrook, Capt. John "Soap” MacTavish, Yuri, and Sgt. Marcus Burns.
The winds whip across the frozen wasteland as the Call of Duty unit takes formation out amongst the glaciers. The icy tundra is illuminated by the bright glow of a full moon as it reflects off of the snow. The five soldiers set up position as the cold ground beneath them begins to quake.
“What the hell is that?!” shouts Sgt. Marcus Burns as three enormous shadows begin to eclipse the moonlight.
The Dope Fiends’ trio of Frost Giants stomps their way into the battle and is instantly met with a barrage of heavy gunfire.
“Don’t let up boys! We’ve got to keep these things ….” Capt. John Price’s orders are abruptly cut off as he is impaled by a massive ice spear that was launched by a Frost Giant. His body slams up against a nearby glacier wall.
“Ahh, son of a bitch, guys,” yells Frost. “We’re in for a long night.”
The three Frost Giants continue their march towards Xavier’s Annihilation Squad. Bullets are ricocheting off of their icy exteriors. They all form massive ice clubs in their hands and in unison slam them down, causing a crack that opens up in the tundra floor, swallowing Yuri and Soap. Frost and Marcus fall back to try and gain some cover as their reinforcements arrive, which comes right in the nick of time. The Aerialbots fly in and fire upon the Frost Giants. They manage to knock them down, but not kill any of them. The Frost Giants retaliate by throwing several ice shards at the Autobots. They manage to evade them and transform into their robot modes.
As the Frost Giants continue to attack the Aerialbots, Silverbolt shouts orders to his team, “Aerialbots! Merge to form Superion!!”
The five Autobots fly into formation, transform in mid-air and combine to form the gestalt, Superion.
Frost Giant #1 takes the lead and charges at the massive Transformer as he lands. With his ice ax drawn, the Frost Giant leaps into the air towards Superion, but the gestalt winds up and with a single blow punches right through the Jotunheim native. The Frost Giant’s corpse drops to the ground as the other two come from opposite sides of Superion. One goes for the shoulders, and the other takes him out at the knees. This causes Superion to break apart as the two Frost Giants continue their attack. Though the Aerialbots have them outnumbered five to two, the Frost Giants are quite at home in this frozen terrain, thus giving them the advantage.
Woodstock flies as quickly as he can through the cold air, trying desperately to evade this battle of behemoths. He’s also trying to figure out what the hell he’s doing in this battle to begin with. However his concern are quickly silenced as Invincible flies in and snatches the poor defenseless little yellow bird out of the mid air and crushes him within his fist. Invincible is then snagged out of the air himself by a yellow beam of energy.
“I like that bird, you little punk,” Vampire Sinestro says as he sneaks up behind him and bites down on his neck. At first, Invincible’s healing factor resists the attack, but Vampire Sinestro is relentless and couples his blood sucking with a crippling blast of yellow energy to Invincible’s midsection. He finishes draining the blood from his neck just as Yellow Lantern Fatality blasts him with her own bolt of yellow energy.
“Please woman! You dare attack me with a yellow ring of fear? YOU DARE?!” shouts Vampire Sinestro as he flies swiftly at her. His speed has been increased tenfold with his new vampirism and Fatality hardly even sees him move. Her eyes are wide and jaw dropped as he flies by her. Her body the slowly falls apart as if she was being peeled like a banana. “Such naïve children,” quips Sinestro to himself as he wipes some of Invisible’s blood away from his lip.
As he continues his search for more prey, he is blindsided by a magical blast, courtesy of Jadis the White Witch. Vampire Sinestro hurdles through the air and slams into a snow covered pine tree. Angered, the Korugaran erupts out from the branch, a plume of snow bursting in the air in his wake. Vampire Sinestro flies in and leaps on top of the White Witch. He quickly snaps his jaw down onto her neck. The red of her blood looks exceptionally red as it oozes down her alabaster skin. As he violently sucks the very essence out of her, Sinestro feels something himself. Jadis, with the last of her strength, uses her wand to turn Vampire Sinestro into Stone. The once great leader and founder of the Sinestro Corps, slowly turns to stone. He blasts a beam of yellow energy straight up into the cold night sky as snow begins to fall. The beam flickers as the stone overtakes Vampire Sinestro. The beam then dies out as he is now completely solidified.
Sgt. Derek “Frost” Westbrook and Sgt. Marcus Burns have regrouped over by a cave opening in the side of a mountain. From inside, they hear heavy mechanical footsteps. Frost takes aim with his gun.
“Oi, knock it off, it’s prolly just one of the Aerialbots,” says Marcus.
There is then the winding of multiple chain guns as bullets rips out of the cave and into Frost. His body is propelled through the air. The white snow is splattered with his crimson blood.
“Die, Allied schweinehund!” shouts Mecha-Hitler as he stomps his way into the moonlight and attacks the final member of the Call of Duty crew.
Marcus leaps over a boulder for some cover as Mecha-Hitler’s quad chain guns continue to shred the nearby landscape. The sergeant makes a run for it and manages to get some leverage in a nearby thicket of trees. He launches a flash bang which blinds Mecha-Hitler for a moment.
“Scheisse!” shouts the temporarily blinded mechanically enhanced dictator. He then fires his four massive chain guns wildly through the air, and manages to clip Marcus in the right calf as he runs for cover.
The SAS solider screams in agony as Mecha-Hitler finishes him off. However the screams of pain catch the attention of Slingshot. The arrogant and brash Autobot breaks from the Aerialbots’ attack on the Frost Giants and takes off towards Mecha-Hitler. There is a loud sonic boom as Slingshot rips through the air. He takes aim with his twin mortar cannons and lets loose, incinerating Mecha-Hitler.
“I’m even better than I thought,” Slingshot jokes to himself as he turns to regroup with his teammates.
Silverbolt looks over to see the returning Slingshot and tries to reform Superion, but Frost Giant #3 knocks Silverbolt to the ground and slams his ice club into the Aerialbots commander, crushing his head. In by doing so, this ends the FFL career of the gestalt Superion. Frost Giant #2 then adds to the destruction by sending Slingshot to the Graveyard as well by hurling dual ice spears at the incoming Autobot. They impale both wings which send Slingshot out of control and exploding into the side of a mountain. Fireflight is shocked and overcome with a sense of rage when he sees his two brothers-in-arms fall. Frost Giant #2 is able to sneak up behind him and drive an ice sword right through his chest. Fireflight lets out a painful scream as he drops to his knees.
“Arrrg… Ok, Frosty… If I’m going, I’m taking you with me!” grunts a dying Fireflight.
He snaps the ice sword in half as he spins around and fires his photon displacer gun which temporarily disorients the Frost Giant. As painful as it is to due, Fireflight transforms into his jet mode and flies straight up only to nose dive right back at Frost Giant #2. He fires his fire fog missiles, which hit the Frost Giant and immerse him in a self-igniting flammable mist. The Jotunheim beast falls dead to the icy ground as it melts around him. Fireflight transforms back into his robot mode moments before crashing to the ground.
“Heh… heh… I got you, you son of a bitch,” Fireflight says to himself. “That one’s for you Slingshot.”
Skydive and Air Raid have been too preoccupied with trying to take out Frost Giant #3 to have noticed the Fireflight has perished in battle, though they do notice the area of the tundra that is engulfed in flames. They manage to back the Frost Giant up against the mountainside as they close in. Air Raid looks at his partner and shoos him a smirk before charging at the last remaining combatant of the Dope Fiends.
“Damn it Air Raid!” shouts Skydive.
Air Raid tackles Frost Giant #3 down to the ground, but gets quickly overpowered.
“Just do it!!!” yells Air Raid. “You don’t have an option! I’ll see you soon enough!” As he is shouting to his teammate, Air Raid is stabbed in the shoulder by the Frost Giant. “End this! Take him out!”
“I don’t have a clean shot Air Raid!” Skydive shouts back.
The Frost Giant drives another ice dagger into the Autobot, this time into his side.
“Arrrgggh! The mountain!! Drop the mountain on him!” he yells.
“Damn it… I knew you were gonna say that,” Skydive says quietly to himself. He takes aim and fires his nega-gun at the mountainside causing a sheer molecular breakdown of the rock. The mountain crumbles and crushes the Frost Giant just as he finishes off Air Raid.
“I’ll see you soon Air Raid,” Skydive says to his fallen teammate as he transforms and takes off away from the carnage that surrounds him.
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