UNIVERSE BOWL IX: EPILOGUE I

A recorder has been recovered from the Voyager Room of the Casino during which the final battle of the Universe Bowl took place.  Playing the device, a whisper is heard.

Loki:  I am glad you bedded me. . .

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXXIV

Casino-Voyager Room. . .

Fading into nothingness, Darth Shemalyah’s eyes begin to glisten over.  The once and all powerful character of the entire Fantasy Fantasy League destroyed by a mere mortal in an armored cloak. 

Batman stands over his enemy, triumphant.  He clicks the latches on his helmet and takes off the headgear.  The ashen and dirtied face of Bruce Wayne stares down at Shemalyah.

Batman:  There was only one way this Universe Bowl was going to end.

A utterance is heard behind Gotham’s crime fighter. 

“That is correct, Batman.”

A spear splits through the skull of Bruce Wayne.  Batman gurgles blood as his eyes attempt to reach the individual who just killed him.  Loki materializes from the darkness currently surrounding the room.

Loki: With the Slaves on top.

Loki rips the spear from Bruce Wayne’s face.  A dead Batman falls to the ground.  Loki kneels down before Darth Shemalyah.  He whispers something in her ear.  The Asgardian then stands and slowly walks away, a smile on his face.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXXIII

Casino-Voyager Room. . .

The red lightsaber glistens in the dimly lit room, filled with the debris of the day’s events. 

Batman:  It’s over Shemalyah!  As you can see, the tales of my demise were grossly exaggerated!

Batman unleashes the full fury of his weapon upon Shemalyah.  The Sith Lord attempts to deflect the ray, but in consumed in the fray.  Her lightsaber explodes and the crystal jettisons from its hilt.  Darth Shemalyah is devastated by the blast the ensues.  She crawls across the broken ground beneath her.  The Sith Lord sees flashes of the Universe Bowl’s events as she replays them in her mind’s eye.  In recognition of what has truly transpired, she utters to the Caped Crusader.

Darth Shemalyah: You. . . were. . .

Darth Shemalyah focuses on the figure slowly advancing from the shadows.   The Dark Knight stands over the Sith Lord.

Shemalyah:. . . never dead.” 

Darth Shemalyah cackles, her guttural rumblings sounding like nails over a chalk board.

Shemalyah: I am Darth Shemalyah.  I am the one.  I am the only.   I will survive this like I have survived before this.  I am eternal.  You are mortal, but a man at the feet of a god.

Batman: The last time I checked, gods don’t bleed.  The last time I checked the gods were but a figment of man’s imagination spawned by those yearning for something more.  You are nothing.

Shemalyah shrieks: I am everything!!!!!

Batman quips: You.  Are. Nothing.  A figment of a man’s imagination.

Batman reaches on his back and pulls out the reason he has been missing.  An enchanted weapon lies in his hands.  He lowers the armament against Shemalyah’s head and presses the trigger.

BOOM!

The mortally wounded Shemalyah crumples to the ground, a hole burning through her bloodied head.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXXII

Casino-Voyager Room. . .

Darth Shemalyah:  Only one stands before our victory.  It shall be ours. . . As I have foretold.

Brek Nyram:  What is your wish, my master?

Batman reads the heat signatures behind the corner wall.  He presses the trigger and releases.  A ray rips through the detritus and rubble strewn across the room.

Before Shemalyah can instruct her acolyte, his brains splatter upon the wall, resembling a Jackson Pollack print.

Batman: No one left, Shemalyah!  Nowhere left to hide!

Darth Shemalyah slowly moves from her corner.  Her eyes burn a bright yellowish red.

Darth Shemalyah:  Shemalyah does not hide.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXXI

Casino-Voyager Room. . .

George Washington trods into the Voyager Room.  His armor’s boots are no longer functional. 

Washington: Shemalyah!  Shemalyah!

Darth Shemalyah yells from the corner where both she and Brek Nyram stand. 

Shemalyah:  Over here, Washington!

Washington begins to walk to his teammates when a blast sends him hurtling across the floor.  Ronan the Accuser smiles at his quarry’s sustained injuries.  Washington turns and begins to systematically fire all of his various weapons at the Kree warrior.  Ronan sustains the immense damage caused by the suit of armor.  Like a true warrior, he wades through the bombardment and faces his enemy.  Ronan reaches Washington and lifts him up by his head.  A crunching is heard and the helmet is then ripped off by Ronan.

Ronan:  A valiant effort Coach, but a failed one nonetheless. . . .

Ronan begins to crush the skull of Washington when suddenly his eyes jut from his head in bewilderment.  Ronan looks down, only to see a green lightsaber boring through his chest.  Ronan drops the mortally wounded Washington on the floor and the Accuser himself meets his maker.

Washington:  I have but one life for my team. . . and that I have given in battle. . . is an honor bestowed only upon. . . the few chosen. . .

George Washington dies next to his enemy.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXX

Casino-Enterprise Room. . .

Ronan the Accuser smashes a variety of gaming tables with his universal weapon.  The Molecule Man joins his companion and uses his energy beams to destroy a number of other structures in the room. 

George Washington in his Iron Man armor flies into the room and unleashes a barrage of missiles against Ronan.  Ronan is stunned, but only for a brief moment.  Washington then flies at Ronan and is met by the Accuser’s cosmic hammer.  Washington is pummeled and his armor is severely damages at the blow. 

Kid Omega joins Washington.  The Omega level uses his abilities to manipulate the Molecule Man on a subconscious level.  The Molecule Man’s face reddens and a stain forms in his pants.

Molecule Man:  You made me sh$t my pants, you bastard!

Kid Omega cackles at the sight.

Molecule Man:  No one makes me sh$t my pants!  No one!!!

The Molecule Man reduces his self-imposed mental block regarding the manipulation of organic material.  He swirls his wand, used to focus his powers, and Kid Omega’s laughter begins to transform into searing pain.

Kid Omega:  You’re not taking me without a fight!

Kid Omega pushes himself to his utmost limits in the battle.  The duo’s powers and abilities lash together, forming a trans-multiversal level of destruction in the room.  A burst of incalculable measure rips across the area and both Kid Omega and the Molecule Man are decimated in the blast radius.  Both Ronan and Washington are thrown across the room, stunned at the devastation caused by the now, nonexistent duo.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXIX

Casino-Voyager Room. . .

The Flash drops Batman off in the middle of the room.  The hustle and bustle of the lights and sounds echo throughout the area.

Batman:  She’s here.

In response to Batman’s words, Darth Shemalyah speaks from a corner of the room.

Darth Shemalyah:  Of course she’s here!

A multitude of slot machines explode, disbursing their ill gotten gains to no one in particular.  Batman readies himself with his weapon.  The Flash stands by his teammate.

Batgirl bursts forth from a car chained from the ceiling above the slot machines.  Her intended target is the Flash.  Before she reaches her prey, the Flash easily dodges her and catches her by the throat in midair.

Flash:  Sorry, Batgirl -- learned this from one of my foes.

The Flash vibrates at subatomic speed and juts his hand through Batgirl’s chest.  The female caped crusader crumples as her heart is ripped to shreds.  The Flash turns and sees a red blade burst through his chest; holding the lightsaber is Brek Nyram.

Brek Nyram:  Master, the Flash is no more!

Batman:  . . . and neither are you.

Batman pulls the trigger of his weapon and Nyram’s arm is caught in the clear sights of the detective.  Nyram’s left arm is scorched.  Nyram hollers and runs from the beam which follows him.  Batman’s weapon rips across the casino room’s floor, destroying all machines within its path.

Nyram reaches Shemalyah’s corner of the room, hidden in a small alcove.

Darth Shemalyah:  You have done well, my apprentice, even though you have lost an arm.

Brek Nyram:  Just a flesh wound, master.  Just a flesh wound.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXVIII

Avery and Monroe Street. . .

Ki Adi Mundi stands ready.  The Jedi Master is joined by Batgirl.  Having lost Loki, the Human Torch flies teammate Reed Richards to the area of Avery and Monroe.  Richards immediately fires his once-again modified nullifier, striking Mundi.  A startled Mundi attempts to clear his head, his ears still ringing from the blast.

Mundi:  Cassandra?

Batgirl: What?

Mundi: I can’t feel the Force!

Batgirl: What?!?!

Mundi:  I can’t feel the Force!  Richards’ weapon must have somehow blocked me from it!

Batgirl:  You can still swing that saber of your Ki.  Just do it!

Batgirl attempts to lasso the Human Torch, without success.  The FF member easily burns through the line.  He then hurtles a fireball at Batgirl, who narrowly escapes sudden death. 

Unable to utilize the Force, Mundi’s experience and training still mold a formidable foe.  Richards fires his weapon at Mundi, who manages to deflect the ray back at its maker.  The ultimate nullifier explodes as its own beam shatters its casing.  Richards discards the weapon and uses his elasticity to reach Mundi.  Richards begins to encircle Mundi, crushing the Jedi.  In a last ditch effort to finish his enemy off before blacking out, Mundi flips both himself and Richards over.  Mundi uses his lightsaber and cuts into Richards.  Richards bellows in agony as his elongated left arm falls to the ground.  Mundi then finishes Reed.  The Human Torch ignores Batgirl and reacts to his teammate’s death.  The Torch throws up a blazing inferno around the Jedi.  A weakened Mundi is unable to escape and perishes in the flames.     The Torch then focuses on Batgirl who is now nowhere to be found.

Human Torch:  I’ll get you Batgirl!

Batgirl:  Come and get me!

The Human Torch lands next to Batgirl.  His hands swirl into balls of fire.

Human Torch:  Nowhere to go now.

A voice from behind the Human Torch is heard.

Batgirl:  Who said I wanted to go anywhere?

The Human Torch is staring at two Batgirls; one in front and one behind.  The Batgirl facing the Torch morphs into Loki.

Loki:  They don’t call me the Trickster God for no reason.

Loki unleashes an eldritch energy blast, extinguishing the flames of the Human Torch.  Loki then speaks to the real Batgirl, standing behind the remaining FF member.

Loki:  You may have the honor, Cassandra.

Cassandra Cain takes a bat-a-rang and slices the Human Torches neck.  Blood spurts from his jugular and Johnny Storm dies.

Loki:  Let’s get back to the others. . . I smell a grand finale in our immediate future.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXVII

Greektown. . .

Both Brek Nyram and Nik Landsoh reach their arms out and use the Force to cradle the fall of their master, Darth Shemalyah.  Shemalyah lands on the ground without a scratch.  Meanwhile, Old Man Logan takes advantage of the distraction and manages to slash the side of Nik Landsoh.  Landsoh grabs his side in agony.  In response, Nyram uses the Dark Side and throws Old Man Logan across the roof.

Nyram:  How bad?

Landsoh:  Not bad enough!

The two ignite their lightsabers in unison and pull Old Man Logan toward them.  Logan holds his claws ready, waiting to reach his prey, although not on his own terms.  As Old Man Logan hurtles through the air at the acolytes, he actually manages to twist himself in a circle and spears  Nik Landsoh’s stomach.  While Nik screams, Brek spins and lops the head off of Old Man Logan.  Brek rushes to the side of Landsoh again.

While the two Sith apprentices focused their sole attention on Old Man Logan, Batman attempted to reach the landing to shoot at Darth Shemalyah again.  To his frustration, the Sith Lord was out of his weapon’s range.   

Nyram:  How bad this time?

Batman turns to the two remaining Slaves, still on the rooftop with him.

Batman:  Pretty darn bad.

Batman fires his weapon; it reaches its mark.  Nik Landsoh’s head explodes.  The gore splatters over Nyram who knows that he is next.  As Batman recharges the weapon, Nyram leaps off the building, hoping to join his master.

Batman looks over the ledge only to see Shemalyah’s head pop out, waiting at an entranceway of a nearby building.  Nyram reaches his master and the duo enter the casino.

A red blur arrives at the scene.

The Flash:  Need an escort, Bruce?

Batman:  One way ticket, Barry.  Straight to Shemalyah. . . and to hell!

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXVI

Huber Street and Mt. Elliott. . .

Lex Luthor methodically scans the street for his enemy.  He has broken away from his teammates, knowing that he must face this combatant alone.  Brains against brains; the fight is about to commence.

Luthor:  Show yourself!

An Iron Man suit soars to the scene.  George Washington lands with his green lightsaber ignited.

Luthor:  You may have been a mastermind for your time, Colonial, but this day and age is mine.

Washington:  I may be old, but I still wait to fire until I see the white of my enemy’s eyes. 

A charge is heard and Washington fires his pulse rays at Luthor.  The ground explodes around the criminal mastermind, who barely escapes the first skirmish.  Luthor slowly rises and whips a finger in the air, signaling his teammate. Agent Smith flies across the street and smashes Washington into the ground.  Smith manages to rip the lightsaber from Washington’s hand and throws it across the way.  Smith throws Washington to the ground and comes face to face with the Slaves’ Head Coach.

Smith:  Time to die, wigged one.

As Smith is about to rip off the helmet of Washington, he screams and his hands whip to his head.

Kid Omega uses his telekinetic powers to begin ripping Agent Smith apart.  Smith turns and walks into the sonic blast of Omega.  Smith explodes and the Matrix agent fades to pixellated nothingness.

Kid Omega lifts Washington up from the street.    Luthor stands his ground.

Luthor:  You may strike me down, but . . .

Luthor is unable to finish his words as Washington and Kid Omega blast Luthor together.  Luthor crumples to the ground, dead.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXV

Greektown. . .

Darth Shemalyah, Nik Landsoh and Brek Nyram land on the roof where both Batman and Old Man Logan are standing.  Darth Shemalyah cackles.

Darth Shemalyah:  You dare think that you could take out the great Darth Shemalyah with a trinket such as the one contained in your hand.  Foolish mortal.

Both Landsoh and Nyram ignite their red lightsabers.  Old Man Logan scrapes his adamantium claws together in response.

Darth Shemalyah:  Nik and Brek, take the old man.  I will handle the Highness Head Coach.

Both Landsoh and Nyram in unison:  As you wish, my master.

Batman fires his weapon at Shemalyah.  The Sith Lord’s blade deflects the beam, but the intensity is raised as Batman turns a knob on the weapon.  An explosion occurs and a large portion of the building in which the five stand shatters.  Shemalyah looks in shock as she begins to fall with the concrete beneath her feet.

Landsoh: Master!!!

 

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXIV

Avery and Brainard Street. . .

Robin and Batman Beyond run toward the beacon call of their teammates.  They are about to turn the corner of Avery and Brainard when they are met by Ki Adi Mundi.

Mundi:  You are formidable adversaries, there is no doubt.  You lack though the skills necessary to wield the lightsaber to its fullest capacity.

Mundi ignites his blade and he confronts the Highness duo.  The trio dance with their lightsabers and feet, thrusting and parrying in uncanny precision. 

Robin:  Flank left!

Batman Beyond follows the instruction of his brother-in-arms.  Robin takes the right side of Mundi, while Robin matches against his foe on the left.  The Cerean Jedi Master still gains the upper hand although seemingly outmatched by two adversaries. 

Stewie Griffin: What the duce!?!?

Griffin launches a barrage of green projectiles from this green lantern ring.  Both Robin and Batman Beyond are battered with the missiles, allowing Mundi to react to his friend’s assistance.  Mundi launches himself in a twirling spin and cuts into both Robin and Batman Beyond.  The two Highness fighters fall to the ground, their legs slashed apart.

Griffin:  Let me finish them Ki!  Let me finish them!

Ki Adi Mundi bows to the toddler.  Stewie lands on the ground.  He readies his ring for a final blow, his defenses and green protective sheathing down.

Batman Beyond throws his ignited lightsaber at Stewie Griffin.  The lightsaber breaches the skull of Griffin, who drops to the street below.

Mundi hollers at the death of his little friend and kills both Robin and Batman Beyond, who are unable to avoid the blows due to their wounds.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXIII

Beard Street and Lisbon. . .

The Fantastic Four face Ymir and the Genie.  Sandman comes to the scene.

Sandman:  Can I join in?

Human Torch:  From Frightful Four to Fantastic Five; step right in.

Ymir sees the fifth member of the Royal Highness ready to join the fray.

Ymir:  I don’t think so!

Ymir freezes Sandman is place.  The Genie flies to his enemy and snaps his fingers.  Sandman shatters in hundreds of frozen pieces; dead.

The Thing approaches Ymir in his Anti-Galactus suit.  The two begin to pummel one another.  Meanwhile, Reed Richards tinkers with his ultimate nullifier. He looks up, having accomplished his task and fires at the Genie. The blue behemoth screams and is ripped apart.  Reed Richards looks to his wife.

Richards:  Sue!  I need you to assist Ben! 

There is a glazed look on the Invisible Woman’s face.

Richards:  Sue!  Sue, I need to to help Ben!

The Invisible Woman looks to Reed with a look of both pain and regret.

Richards:  Sue?

Loki materializes and is seen pulling a spear from the Invisible Woman’s back.  The Invisible Woman falls to the ground.

Human Torch:  No!!!

The Human Torch instantly reacts and begins to shoot mountains of flame at the Asgardian.  Loki smiles as he waves off the fire and becomes invisible.

Ymir ultimately is able to topple the Thing in his protective suit.  Ymir, nonetheless, freezes it in place.  The Thing jumps out of the suit.

The Thing:  Don’t need a suit to take you on, giant!

Ymir launches a frosty attack on the rocky hero.  Ymir manages to freeze his enemy, as he did before.  This time, Loki in the Genie’s place and stead, smashes their team’s foe into pieces.  Pebbles remain where the Thing once stood.

Richards and the Torch combine their forces against the frost giant.  The Human Torch unleashes a fury of subatomic, sun-like blasts.  Ymir bellows and looks to Richards.  Richards lowers the nullifier after a few additional adjustments are made.

Richards:  This is for Sue and Ben.

Richards fires his weapon and Ymir is blasted apart.  Loki stands hidden and slowly walks away from the scene, hoping to regroup with his team in an attempt to annihilate the remaining two.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXII

St. Antoine and E. Lafayette. . . Greektown

The weapon’s beam rushes from the chamber.  Batman whispers to himself, noting that although fired, his apparatus did not directly find its mark.  The projectile streams at the enemy trio.  Darth Shemalyah notices the glint in Batman’s location even before his is able to fire his weapon and grips her Sith lavarok, which suddenly becomes hard in her hand.  The beam shatters the staff.  The Sith Lord points to the opponent’s location and her acolytes immediately ignite their red lightsabers and stand before their master.

Batman:  Damn.

Old Man Logan:  More than damn, Batman.  Look!

Shemalyah raises both of her arms and carries herself along with Brek Nyram and Nik Landsoh in the air, using the Force.  They are readying themselves against the Royal Highness duo.

Old Man Logan:  We need to leave.  Now!

Batman:  We need to make a stand.  This weapon is our only chance against her!  We are not leaving!

Old Man Logan unsheathes his claws.

Old Man Logan:  Okay, bub.  We’re not leaving.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXXI

Avery and Calumet Street. . .

Crocodile Dundee ignites Darth Nihilus’ red lightsaber.  He stands ready for his enemy.  Robin (Jason Todd) ignites his blue lightsaber.

Todd:  Ready, old man.

Dundee:  Crikey!  Gonna’ teach ya’ to respect ya’ eldahs!

As the two begin a dance with their lightsabers, Tony the Tiger faces Elderly Bruce Wayne.  The immense feline lashes out at the old man, who manages to dodge certain death in the form of Tony’s claws.  Tony gnashes his teeth and Wayne begins to run away, thinking of a strategy to take down the cat.  As he turns a corner he runs into an immense web construct. Bruce Wayne is caught.

Doppleganger:  My, my, I’ve caught a fly.

Wayne lights the mini torch in his gloves and begins to cut the webbing.  He is almost free when Doppleganger reaches the man.  Doppleganger holds Wayne’s head between his hands.

Doppleganger:  Only one way to win this battle. . . you’ve got to get ahead of the game.

With his ironic musing, Doppleganger rips Elderly Bruce Wayne’s head off and throws it to his growling teammate.  Tony begins to tear into the skull of Wayne.  Doppleganger jumps to the ground and before he can join his brother-in-arms, a blinking pod clings to his leg.  Doppleganger looks down and then looks up.  Batman Beyond waves at his enemy.  The blinking ceases and click is heard.  Doppleganger is decimated as the bomb explodes.  Tony the Tiger bathes in the blood and becomes frenzied.  Batman Beyond skirts away and notices his teammate still battling the enemy.

Todd continues to fight Dundee.  Although a master acrobatic wonder, Todd is unable to gain the upper hand and the Aussie holds his own.  As the duo’s clashing sabers echo throughout the area, Dundee screams.  He twists his head to see a bat-a-rang embedded in his back.  Batman Beyond waves.  The distraction is effective and Todd cuts Dundee in half.  Batman Beyond reaches for the lightsaber.  The futuristic Batman and second Robin face Tony the Tiger.  The Tiger leaps onto Batman Beyond as he attempts to maul the caped crusader, he is met by both lightsabers.  Tony is mortally wounded, his tongue falling from his jaw and a final spasm is seen as his last breath is completed. 

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXX

St. Antoine and E. Lafayette. . . Greektown

Atop the casino, Batman is prone, holding his weapon.  Old Man Logan watches his head coach focus on the targets.

Old Man Logan:  Are you sure this is going to work?

Batman:  My deductive skills have confirmed that we have no other choice.  Even their Sith abilities will fail to realize they are within my sights before it is too late; that is the power of the crystal and the weapon. 

Old Man Logan does not respond; he simply grins. 

Batman locates Darth Shemalyah, Nik Landsoh and Brek Nyram on the street area below.  He breathes in.  He firmly places his finger on the trigger.  He releases his breath and fires.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXIX

Beard Street and Lisbon. . .

The Wicked Witch of the West swings her devil lance while the Genie cackles hysterically.

Genie:  We’re going to kick some serious butt, you and I.  A witch.  A genie.  What chance does anyone have against the two of us?

Jadis:  I’d say a pretty good chance, fool.

W3 and the Genie look to see Jadis the White Witch standing with Morgan LeFey, who is holding Voldemort’s wand at the ready.  Both W3 and the Genie take to the air, W3 on her broom, hoping to gain an expected advantage by using their abilities to fly.  W3 uses her devil lance to come down on LeFey, who blocks the weapon with a spell.  The Genie lands and morphs into a blue polar bear, standing before Jadis.

Genie:  Bet you’re not used to your bears blue!

Genie races toward her and is struck by a spell.  The blue ursus shrugs the casting without much trouble.

LeFey shouts to Jadis: Looks like they’re going to be more trouble than we thought!  Switch up! 

Jadis then begins to battle W3, while the Genie fights against LeFey.  Jadis swirls her hands above her head and a storming cloud of snow surrounds its master.  The White Witch flicks her spell above W3, who is still flying on her broom.  LeFey sees her sister’s frozen cloud looming above W3 and casts another spell.  The icy weather becomes a streaming mound of water, swallowing W3 within.  W3 screams.  She begins to melt and her broom smashes against the ground, riderless now as W3 perishes.

The Genie morphs into a blue monstrosity, looking to crush and disembowel both Jadis and LeFey.  The two manage to miraculously fight Genie to a standstill.

LeFey:  Why has the air gotten colder.

Jadis:  That’s not me. . .

Ymir rushes to the scene.

Ymir: Correct, that is me.

The frost giant freezes the air around LeFey, who is unable to elicit a spell from either her mouth, or Voldemort’s wand, as the world around her is now subzero temperature.  LeFey’s skin begins to freeze and turn black.  She whispers a small scream as she falls to the ground.  LeFey’s eyes turn glassy and her body is heard cracking as she hits the street.

Jadis:  Giant, I am in my element now!

Ymir:  You may be in your element, but I. AM. THE. ELEMENT.

Ymir and Jadis fight for only a short time before the Genie enters the skirmish.  The Genie and Ymir are too much for Jadis, who is eventually killed by the duo.

The Fantastic Four come to the scene, looking at the giants, one of white, one of blue, looming above.

The Thing: It’s clobberin’ time!

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXVIII

South Street and South Waterman. . .

Wedge Antilles continues to soar above the steel monstrosities in the city region in his hobbled Resistance X-Wing. He targets his enemy’s remaining ship.  Taking a strafing run, Wedge repeatedly fires upon the Alliance Medical Frigate.  Explosions are seen across the ship.  A green blur is seen shooting out of the ship.  Mike Greenwell barely escapes sure death by using his green lantern ring.  He tosses the pump away from his nether region and pulls up his pants.

Greenwell:  Now I’m ready!

Greenwell focuses on the interrupter of pleasure and flies toward Wedge.  Wedge easily careens out of Greenwell’s path and fires upon the Highness General Manager. 

Greenwell:  Good try, Antilles, but not good enough!

Greenwell is about to attack the fighter when suddenly he is ripped from the sky and hurtled to the ground.  Greenwell crashes at the feet of Xorn.  Greenwell shrugs off the dizziness and ignites his lightsaber.  Xorn utilizes both his magnetism and electrical manipulation abilities and rips into Greenwell.  Greenwell screams in agony.  Xorn then creates a black hole from his sun, swallowing Greenwell.  As Greenwell is sucked into nothingness and his death, he shouts!

Greenwell:  I shall have my revenge, mother#%ker!  I shall have my revenge!!!

Xorn picks up the green lantern ring and green lightsaber held by his fallen enemy.  He places the ring on his finger and ignites the lightsaber.  Xorn smiles to himself.  The mutant turns, only to be pummeled by Ronan the Accuser.  A battle ensues as the two titans fight against one another.  Ronan gains the upper hand, when suddenly Xorn is taken by surprise and is torn apart by Molecule Man.

With the death of Xorn, Molecule Man and Ronan look for other game and notice the X-Wing above.  It is only a matter of moments before Wedge Antilles and his ship become a ball of metal and flesh combined.  R5-D4 screams as it and its master are destroyed.  With the death of Xorn, Molecule Man and Ronan look for other game

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXVII

Campus Marcellus. . .

Morgan Le Fey and Jadis the White Witch walk aboard the Alliance Medical Frigate, which is currently stationed on the ground.

Le Fey:  We need to obtain the necessary supplies so we can treat immediately – both through magic and medicine.

Jadis:  Where is the storage space?

Le Fey:  Right through this door.

The door opens and the two women’s jaws drop.  They see their General Manager, sans pants, near an apparatus.

Greenwell:  Oh sh#t!  Hey, gals.  I was just testing the pump out.  Making sure everything was in order in triage.

Jadis:  You were testing the pump. . . with your penis?

Greenwell:  What other way is there to test a pump?

The two women shake their heads and walk from the room, disgusted.

Greenwell:  What!?!?  I was just testing the pump!!!  What’s wrong with that!?!?

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXVI

Middle Street and Clifford Street. . .

    
Each team devises a strategy tailored to the strengths of their surviving rosters. The combatants move together in specific hordes and scatter throughout the city’s landscape.

Zorro and King Richard slowly traipse down an alleyway.  Richard draws his sword from the scabbard hitched to his belt, while Zorro ignites his blue lightsaber. 

King Richard:  I doth look for a skirmish to imbed my blade!

Zorro:  As do I, amigo.

Batgirl and Kid Omega jump off of a ledge above.

Batgirl: You have your wish. . . you mean hombres!

Batgirl throws a bat-a-rang that is swatted away by Zorro’s blade.  Kid Omega unleashes a psionic blast at King Richard, throwing the monarch across the way and into a pile of trash.

Kid Omega:  That’s where all Kings belong - in the trash.

King Richard slowly rises from the rubbish, a bit discombobulated.

King Richard raises his sword again.

King Richard: Beast!  How dare you!  I am King Richard!  I have conquered your metal birds by flying through the clouds in battle!  I have ruled kingdoms!  I have. . .

Kid Omega creates his psionic shotgun and blasts King Richard, causing a gaping hole through his chest.  Kid Omega walks to the body of his enemy.

Kid Omega: . . . just cr#pped your pants, you dead a$$hole.

Meanwhile, Batgirl and Zorro fight one another, neither gaining the upper hand. 

Batgirl:  Could use a little help here.

Kid Omega:  You sure?

Batgirl:  I’m sure.

Kid Omega: My pleasure.  Formation alpha five.

Batgirl reacts and does a backflip, kicking her feet outward and catching Zorro in the face.  A stunned Zorro loses his lightsaber and is then blasted by Kid Omega.  Zorro falls to the ground, dead.

Batgirl:  Thanks for the assist.

Kid Omega mockingly bows as one would to royalty.  The two laugh.

UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER XXXV

The spellbinding light ceases to exist.  As the light is extinguished, from its essence rises the entire Royal Highness and George Washington’s Slaves teams.  Although separated, all have been transported to the Detroitia Sector of the City Region.

Royal Highness. . .

Mike Greenwell looks to his teammates.

Greenwell: Damn straight!  I be where I belong!!!

Mogan LeFey turns to Lex Luthor.

LeFey: What is he babbling about?

Luthor:  Greenwell was raised in the area near the Earth city known as Detroit.  Rumor has it that he was actually raised on the mean streets and knows them well. 

Batman Beyond: . . . and I thought Gotham was dirty.

Greenwell: Nothing more fun that getting down and dirty with Greenie on his simulated home turf!  Let’s party boys and girls!

Slaves. . .

Crocodile Dundee: Crikey!  This place smells like the underbelly of a croc!

Tony the Tiger:  Smell means nothing.  Blood means everything.

Wicked Witch of the West:  Ooooh.  Blood.  There’s nothing I’d rather bathe in than the blood of our enemy.

Washington:  You will have your chance Triple W.  You will have your chance.