“Welcome everybody to another glorious day here at the beautiful Comerica Park. Mario Impemba here and as always with me is my partner Rod Allen. It’s looking to be a busy field out there today Rod.”
“It sure is Mario, these two teams have some how managed to combine for a total of eleven players out on the field today. Eight of which is starting for 'Brock Sampson’s Murderflies' or as I like to call them, ‘Brock Sampson’s Murdered Flies’.
“That’s right Rod, Brock Sampson did have a pretty rough first year in this league. It will be very interesting to see how they show up today for this first ever consolation match.”
“Yes it will Mario. Though with the entire Scooby Gang, Dorf and Terrible Ted, I think they have a great chance against the aptly titled ‘Outsiders’. These ‘Outsiders’ had a rough year as well, but unlike the ‘Murderflies’, these ‘Outsiders’ were dealt the unfortunate hand of being in the same division as ‘The Horseman of Apokolips’ and the lamely titled ‘Team’. We can only wonder how much different things would have turned out for the ‘Outsiders’ if they had been in the same weak division as the ‘Murderflies’.
“Yeah, but it is pointless to make silly conjectures when we have a match about to begin Rod. Starting for the “Outsiders’ today is sometimes third baseman and always powerful Brandon Inge. In the number two spot today is the golden boy, ‘Justin Oblak’.
“The Golden Boy is right Mario. He received that name from head coach Bill Walsh, when he went on a subway run during week three this year. Putting up with hundreds of different personalities is one thing, but feeding them is another.”
“Ha ha, that is right is Rod. Anyways, in the number three spot for the “Outsiders’ is the always skanky ‘Jenna Jameson’. Well it looks like we are now getting underway here at the Copa, as both teams enter from their respected dug outs.”
“It looks like Ted Nugent is wearing a back pack and carrying a piece of luggage behind him.”
“That can only mean one thing Rod, Terrible Ted has brought his arsenal with him. This could be very problematic for the already out numbered ‘Outsiders’. It will be very interesting to see how they are able to deal with it.”
“Yes it will Mario, these ‘Outsiders’ are going to have a very tough match ahead of them.”
(A very loud explosion goes off and the ‘Outsider’s dug out is completely blow to pieces.)
“WOW Rod, it looks like this match is under way.”
“What did Terrible Ted just say Mario?”
“Well Rod, it was hard to hear, but it sounded like he said, “How’d you like my love grenade, Golden Boy”.
“It doesn’t sound like there is any love lost between these two teams Rod. Well, with that both teams begin to take their positions in this already exciting contest.”
“It looks like Scooby-Doo and Scooby-Dumb are rushing Jenna Jameson. This is probably a smart move on ‘Brock’s’ part, as Ms. Jameson has been known to be very distracting to the opposite team. It looks like both dogs have reached their destination but it does not look like there is any fighting going on. Yep, in fact it looks like Jameson is holding a box of Scooby snacks in her hand. The two dogs are going crazy for the snacks and from the looks of it, have completely forgotten about the match altogether.”
“Yeah, it looks like blinding hate is no match for a good Scooby Snack. Oh wait, it looks like Scooby-Doo is hiding something behind his back. It is hard to tell what it is but, oh god, that was just wrong.”
“Yeah Rod, it looks like the whole Scooby Snack attack was just a ploy to get Ms. Jameson’s guard down because from the looks of it, Scooby-Doo has stabbed Ms. Jameson right in the throat. She is now grimacing in pain down on the ground and from the looks of it, she is probably seconds away from death.”
“Well with that very disturbing chain of events, we look down on the action between Brandon Inge and the remainder of the Scooby Gang. Inge has already snapped the neck of Velma and is now eyeing Fred. He walks up to Fred with a look of anger that I have not seen in his face since the day the Tigers signed Miguel Cabrera. Fred kicks the former third baseman in the shin but it doesn’t seem to have stopped him in the least. Brandon now pushes Fred to the ground and gives him a devastating kick to the kidney. He is getting down on the ground with Fred and is cupping his hands together and putting a good amount of sand in them.”
“Oh my god, he is doing what I think he is doing?”
“Yes he is Mario. Brandon Inge has just emptied the sand from his hand into the mouth of Fred and is now holding his hands over his face. This is a very disgraceful way to go for Fred and a very interesting insight into the mind of Brandon Inge.”
“I had no idea how sadistic Inge was. I mean, I had heard stories but I just figured they were just that, stories. It looks like Brandon is now getting up and going for Shaggy. I don’t really think I want to see this. It looks like Inge is now pulling something out of his back pocket; it looks like the shaft of a baseball bat that has been sharpened down to a point. Oh my, he stick’s the stake right into the gut of the long haired hippie.”
“It looks like Brandon cannot get the stake out the gut of the Shaggster, which is keeping them both occupied for the time being.”
“For those of you wondering what is going on with the other players, it is kind of a bizarre situation. Justin and Daphne have been making out for the last ten minutes on the pitchers mound and there does not seem to be any stopping them. Dorf is trying to make his way over to Shaggy but as always, his tiny legs are making it a very long journey for him. Both Scoobs and Dumb are finishing off the box of Scooby snacks with Scooby-Dumb on occasion drinking the blood from the fresh corpse of Jenna Jameson. The only one that is truly mystifying us so far is Ted Nugent, who has been walking around the park for the last fifteen minutes doing something, but at this point it is hard to tell what it is.”
“I have a feeling that Ted is probably, wait, yes it looks like Scooby-Doo has just noticed that Shaggy is in trouble and is making a mad dash at the two of them. Inge has yet to notice the dog racing in for him, which should make for an interesting confrontation. Scooby, with knife in hand looks less than thrilled at Inge, who has already killed two members of his beloved gang. As Scooby approaches, Inge is able to get his stake out of the gut of Shaggy but is taken by surprise as Scooby tackles him. The dog and Inge are now involved in what is looking to be first real fight of this match.”
“It will be interesting to see if Inge, a known dog enthusiast, will be able to kill the ferocious beast.”
“I really don’t believe it will be a problem for the newly crowned Psychopath of the league.”
“I think you are probably right Rod, but it will still be interesting to see. Oh, it looks like Inge has just given Scoobs a punch to the right side of his face and now he gives him a swift kick right in his nether regions.”
“Wow, Mario. It looks like Scooby’s really hurting from that one.”
“Yeah, I bet you he’s wishing he would have let the gang get him fixed now.”
“You got that one right. Well finally there is some new action going on at the pitcher’s mound. It looks like Justin is done with Daphne, who is now lying on the mound shirtless and embarrassed.”
“Well, maybe now she’ll finally get herself into some real action.”
“You mean as opposed to the shame inducing action she has already been involved in?”
“Yes Rod, thanks for spelling it out for the viewers at home.”
“Speaking of the viewers at home, you are all missing one heck of a bought between Brandon Inge and Scooby-Doo, who is starting to look a little winded. In fact, Inge has just picked up Scooby by his throat and is beginning to strangle the tired pup. It looks like this one might be over folks, but wait; Dorf has finally made his way over to the scuffle and is eyeing the knife that fell out of Scooby’s hand. Now it looks like it may just be a foot race between Dorf and Justin Oblak. Dorf who is literally one foot away from the sometimes catcher grabs the knife and with one quick motion cuts the Achilles heel of Brandon Inge.”
“That was probably the most disgusting thing I have seen all day Rod, which at this point is saying something. This act of shear brutality instantly brings Inge the ground, meaning that Scooby-Doo has been left free to breath again.”
“It looks like Scooby is now crawling over to Shaggy who is either dead or unconscious. Scooby now has a renewed rage in his eyes, but before he can do anything Justin comes racing over to him and kicks him right upside the head. He then reaches inside Scoobies mouth and in one violent motion, tears the dogs panting tongue out. He is now shoving the tongue back down Scooby’s throat, in what it looks like is an attempt to stop the dog from breathing. Now Justin moves right over to Dorf, takes the knife from his blood covered hands and stabs him in the gut and then slit’s his throat.”
“O.K., I take it back, that was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen.”
“I have to tend to agree with you Mario, I think I’m am now going to vomit.”
“Well, while Rod is vomiting I will take over. It looks like Justin is now going over to Shaggy to finish off the job. He walks over to the peace-loving hippie and crushes his skull with his right foot. Now all that is left from ‘Brock Sampson’s Murderflies’ is Daphne, Scooby-Dumb and the missing Ted Nugent. Justin grabs the ailing Brandon Inge and starts walking over to the ‘Murderflies’ dugout, since theirs has been blown to bits.”
“Alright I’m back, and so it appears is Ted Nugent as well. It looks like Ted Nugent is holding a microphone and wants to say something to Justin and Brandon. Nugent, who now has Daphne and Scooby-Dumb standing with him looks as crazy as ever.”
Nugent: “Hey Justin and Brandon, I don’t know if you saw me the last time I was here but I basically blew this place out. Now I think for my encore, I’m just going to blow this place up.”
“Oh, I really didn’t see this one coming”.
“I tried to tell you earlier Mario that I thought it looked like Nugent was wiring this place up, but I got distracted. It’s probably a good idea for us to get out of here.”
“Yeah, you are probably right. Well folks, I think Rod and I are out of here so for “The Outsiders” and “Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies”, we will see you next time. Check out FFN after this broadcast.
(Later that night on Fox Fantasy Net day in review).
(The sweet FFN music plays while clips of the days fantasy matches play in the background)
Hi, welcome to Fox Fantasy Net, I’m your host, Trevor Thompson. It was an explosive day at Comerica Park for the “Outsiders’ and ‘Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies’. But first, there is breaking news from the Fantasy Fantasy League headquarters. Here with the report is Ryan Fields.”
“Thanks, Trevor. Today at a small press conference at the Fantasy Fantasy League headquarters in Livonia, Josh Houslander announced that we will get to see a preview of a couple of new teams that will be joining into the league starting next season. The new teams are not a surprise, but their starting date is. Starting this week, Josh Houslander’s “The Brother-Hood of Evil Midgets” will be facing off against Jared Pilkinton’s “Built Ford Tough”. This is a very exciting announcement for all that is involved with Fantasy Fantasy. The starting roster’s of the two teams are still unknown, but a rep from the Pilkinton camp has given us a hint that a “Whip-smart, Fedora wearing hero may be in our future”. Your guess is as good as ours at this point but either way, we are very much looking forward to seeing this exhibition match. This has been Ryan Fields reporting for Fantasy Fantasy Net, back to you Trevor.”
“Thanks Ryan for the very exciting news, now back to Comerica Park. Today’s match between the “Outsiders” and “Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies” could be described as many things, ‘Civil’, not being one of them. Now onto the action. The day literally started out with a bang as Ted Nugent decided he disliked the opposing teams dug out so much, that he needed to blow it up. This set up a day that was filled with loads of blood and very gruesome deaths. Jenna Jameson was the first death, thanks to the knife to the throat by none other than Scooby-Doo. Scoobs and his cousin Scooby-Dumb then spent the next 15 minutes eating the Scooby snacks that Ms. Jameson so kindly brought them. Then the disgruntled former third baseman, Brandon Inge, decided to take his anger out on the Scooby Gang. He snapped the neck of Velma and then in a very calculating and disturbing manner, suffocated Fred to death with a hand-full of sand. He then staked Shaggy in the stomach but before he could finish him off Scooby-Doo tackled him the ground. The ensuing fight should have ended with Inge strangling Scooby-Doo to death but from out of no-where, Dorf cut the Achilles heel of Inge. Then on the other side of the field, Justin Oblak, who had been involved in some very R-Rated acts with Daphne, left her at the pitchers mound and finished off the job that Inge had started. Justin choked Scooby-Doo to death with his own tongue, slit Dorf’s throat with Scooby-Doo’s knife and then stomped Shaggy skull in. Then after that Ted Nugent, who had been mysteriously absent from the match ever since his “Love Grenade” blew up the dug out, announced that he was going to blow up Comerica Park. He stuck by his word, destroying over 70% of the ballpark in an explosion that was heard 50 miles away in every direction. The blow unfortunately took the lives of Brandon Inge, who had been left in the dug out by Justin, Scooby-Dumb and ironically, Mr. Nugent himself. Daphne who has never been a fan of Mr. Nugent’s self-destructive tendencies, fled from the park as soon as she heard him make his announcement. Justin Oblak did the same and unfortunately met up afterwards with his former lover on the street outside of the newly destroyed Comerica Park. The reunion was short lived though, as Daphne, holding the bra that Justin took off of her, ran over to Mr. Oblak and strangled him to death with it. I guess there is nothing more dangerous then a woman scorned, especially one that is wearing a wire bra. Anyways, with Daphne walking away from this blood bath alive, she gives “Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies” the victory this week over “The Outsiders”. Well, thanks for joining us this week and I would like to personally thank everyone that is still with us, we apologize for writing a novel. We promise that the other consolation matches will not be this long. Well for Fantasy Fantasy Net, this has been Trevor Thompson. See you all later.
(The FFN music plays and it cuts to black.)
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
NATIONAL LEAGUE QUARTERFINALS: Hannah Montana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Le' Napoleon's Brigade
Hannah Montana and Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion Commandos are Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Qui Gon Jinn, Albus Dumledore, Spiderman, Agamemnon & Juno, Bizarro Superman, Ms. Marvel, Maxima, Gen. Grievous, Huma Dragonbane w/ his Red Dragon, Luminara Unduli & Baress Offee, Hannah Montana, Dora the Explorer w/ Her Backpack & Boots, & Dozer #1.
Le' Napoleon's Brigade is Gandalf the Gray, Wonder Woman & Wonder Girl, Poison Ivy, Posh Spice, Skyfire, Alan Scott, Hecate, Penguin, Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12, Allia Atreides, The Sando Aqua Monster, Emperor Palpatine, Jaws: The Great White Shark, Snow Trooper #46-50, & Strom Trooper #51.
“PALPATINE! You son of a bitch! Come fight me!” exclaims an enraged Albus Dumbledore as he storms out into the middle of the street. Emperor Palpatine obliges Dumbledore’s demands, but comes out swinging. The Emperor fires several bolts of Force lightning at the wizard. Dumbledore, however, says a few choice magic words and blocks the lightning with a blast of his own from his wand. Still angry from how their last meeting took place, Dumbledore unleashes spell after spell at the evil Emperor, but they all have little effect. Palpatine now retaliates by using the Force to throw multiple cars at Dumbledore. The wizard uses some spells to destroy the oncoming cars. Palpatine then, while Dumbledore is distracted with the cars, moves in quickly for the kill. With great speed and agility, the Emperor pulls out his lightsaber and cuts Dumbledore’s wand in half. He then slices up the wizard’s torso, splitting him open. Dave Bowman then appears in front of the Emperor ready to put an end to his destruction. Prior to the match, Head Coach Napoleon Bonaparte ordered Gandalf the Gray to protect Palpatine, regardless of the animosity between the two. Gandalf reluctantly agreed, knowing that Palpatine was a vital part of their team. Gandalf rushes in and starts hitting the Starchild with rays of magic from his staff. The Emperor concentrates all of his power into a massive arc of Force lightning towards Bowman as well. The buildings around them begin to shake and fall apart due to the sheer power that is being exerted by the three combatants. Dozer #1, Storm Trooper #51 and Boots are all crushed by the falling debris. Dave Bowman sees the destruction that he is contributing to and decides to sacrifice himself for the greater good. Then in an instant, Bowman, Gandalf and Emperor Palpatine are erased from this plane of existence, leaving behind nothing but a smoldering crater in the ground. Meanwhile, the battle has spread to the grassland portion of the battlefield. Huma Dragonbane rides low over the nearby body of water upon his Red Dragon, which proves to be disastrous. The Sando Aqua Monster leaps out of the water and chomps down on the neck of the Red Dragon. Huma is thrown from the dragon into the water below. Huma is then dragged underwater to his demise by Jaws. Using his machine gun umbrella, Penguin starts peppering the field with bullets, but doing very little damage. Spider-Man uses his webbing to ensnare Penguin and asks “A machine gun umbrella? You’ve got to be kidding me? And I thought I had lame bad guys!” He then punches the Penguin’s monocle into his brain, killing him. Bizarro Superman then splashes down into the water and immediately goes after Jaws. He swims towards it at extremely high speeds and encases the shark in a block of ice with his freeze vision. The shark sinks to the bottom of the sea. The Sando Aqua Monster then swallows Bizarro whole, but just like when he was accidentally eaten by the Cloverfield Monster, Bizarro punches his way out of the stomach of the giant creature, killing it in the process. Bizarro flies out of the water, only to be knocked into space by an uppercut courtesy of Wonder Woman. She then turns her attention to the rest of the Commandos. Wonder Woman is still infuriated by the criticism she received after her actions in Week Nine against Better Than All of You, goes on a bloody warpath. Dressed in her Amazonian battle gear for such an important fight, she charges into battle, carving a path through the Commandos. She dispatches Dora the Explorer and Backpack in such a gruesome manner, that it’s best not described. Hannah Montana stands her ground, not backing down from Wonder Woman, even though she is sure to die. But before they engage each other, Wonder Girl steps in and wants a piece of the schizophrenic tween. Wonder Woman backs off and takes to the skies, heading for the desert. From the looks of things it would seem that this match-up would turn into one of those annoying high school hallway slap and hair pull fights, but this fight couldn’t be further from that. Hannah kicks Wonder Girl square into the gut and tackles her to the ground. This would be Miley’s only offensive attack. Wonder Girl tosses Hannah off of her back and quickly snaps her neck. Once Wonder Woman arrives in the desert, she sees Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12 and Allia Atreides facing off against Luminara Unduli and Baress Offee. Much to the Jedi’s surprise, but Duncan and Allia are dodging every lightsaber swing and thrust. Then they almost simultaneously pull a spin/roll move around the Jedi, sticking their crysknives up underneath the base of the Jedi’s skulls. Their victory however, is short lived, as Agamemnon and Juno blow them away with their rockets. Wonder Woman is then tackled from behind by Bizarro who has come back down from space. They both crash into the sand below. Bizarro then lands several hard punches to the Amazon Princess. Out of the corner of her eye, Wonder Woman notices the two fallen Jedi’s lightsabers sticking out of the sand. She narrowly escapes Bizarro’s attempt to stomp the life out of her, and grabs the two lightsabers. Diana jumps to her feet and plunges the lightsabers deep into Bizarro’s chest. An exhausted Wonder Woman is then targeted by Agamemnon and Juno. But then in a kamikaze dive bomb, Skyfire swoops in from the heavens and takes out the Cymeks as well as himself. The battle continues to rage on in the grassland, where Poison Ivy has Ms. Marvel and Maxima both tangled up in the grass. Ms. Marvel manages to break one of her hands free and kills Poison Ivy with a vicious energy blast. They both quickly free themselves and take to the air. Spider-Man back flips over Posh Spice and suffocates her with a web mask as he quips, “You know I always liked Ginger Spice the best. There’s just something about those redheads.” Maxima and Ms. Marvel are intercepted by the Sentinel, Alan Scott. He blasts Maxima hard leading her to crash to her death against a huge glacier in the Artic. Ms. Marvel attempts to hit Alan Scott with some energy bolts, but he puts up a green force field. Ms. Marvel is unrelenting though, and keeps the blasts coming. She eventually breaks through the force field and just lights him up with energy blasts, killing the original Green Lantern. Qui Gon Jinn leads Spider-Man, General Grievous, and Ms. Marvel into the Artic part of the battlefield with victory in their sights. All of a sudden, Spider-Man’s “spidey-sense” starts going off, but it’s too late. General Grievous is shot multiple times by what appears to be just a snow bank. As Grievous falls, Qui Gon realizes that there are Snow Troopers camouflaged in the snow. He orders Ms. Marvel to open fire on the snow back in front of them. Once the smoke clears, five Snow Trooper bodies lie in the melting snow. Just then, the frozen earth beneath them begins to quake. Over the horizon rolls Hecate. Using a heat seeker, Hecate locks onto Spider-Man and blows him away. Ms. Marvel then flies through the air evading everything Hecate is firing at her. She lands on her and starts punching through her tank body. She finally rips open a hole in her armor, only to find a self destruct bomb (which was placed inside Hecate prior to battle as a fail-safe), which its timer is on 00:02. In a massive explosion, both Hecate and Ms. Marvel perish. Qui Gon Jinn immediately seizes the opportunity to end this battle and attacks the battered Wonder Woman who has just arrived from the desert. Lucky for her, she has held onto the two lightsabers she acquired earlier. She blocks Qui Gon’s attack, but is extremely worn out and hurt from her battle with Bizarro. Qui Gon knocks the lightsabers out of her hands and swings his lightsaber down at her. But Wonder Woman is able to block the attack with her bracelets. The Jedi moves in to finish her off, but Wonder Girl flies in and lassos Qui Gon’s arm preventing him from killing Wonder Woman. Qui Gon flips his lightsaber to his free hand and severs the golden lasso. He then uses the Force to pull Wonder Girl to him and stabs her in the chest, right in front of the wounded Wonder Woman. This sends Diana over the edge. She leaps to her feet, working off of pure adrenaline, and snaps Qui Gon’s neck, actually turning his head around at 180 degrees.
LE’ NAPOLEON’S BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCES!
Le' Napoleon's Brigade is Gandalf the Gray, Wonder Woman & Wonder Girl, Poison Ivy, Posh Spice, Skyfire, Alan Scott, Hecate, Penguin, Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12, Allia Atreides, The Sando Aqua Monster, Emperor Palpatine, Jaws: The Great White Shark, Snow Trooper #46-50, & Strom Trooper #51.
“PALPATINE! You son of a bitch! Come fight me!” exclaims an enraged Albus Dumbledore as he storms out into the middle of the street. Emperor Palpatine obliges Dumbledore’s demands, but comes out swinging. The Emperor fires several bolts of Force lightning at the wizard. Dumbledore, however, says a few choice magic words and blocks the lightning with a blast of his own from his wand. Still angry from how their last meeting took place, Dumbledore unleashes spell after spell at the evil Emperor, but they all have little effect. Palpatine now retaliates by using the Force to throw multiple cars at Dumbledore. The wizard uses some spells to destroy the oncoming cars. Palpatine then, while Dumbledore is distracted with the cars, moves in quickly for the kill. With great speed and agility, the Emperor pulls out his lightsaber and cuts Dumbledore’s wand in half. He then slices up the wizard’s torso, splitting him open. Dave Bowman then appears in front of the Emperor ready to put an end to his destruction. Prior to the match, Head Coach Napoleon Bonaparte ordered Gandalf the Gray to protect Palpatine, regardless of the animosity between the two. Gandalf reluctantly agreed, knowing that Palpatine was a vital part of their team. Gandalf rushes in and starts hitting the Starchild with rays of magic from his staff. The Emperor concentrates all of his power into a massive arc of Force lightning towards Bowman as well. The buildings around them begin to shake and fall apart due to the sheer power that is being exerted by the three combatants. Dozer #1, Storm Trooper #51 and Boots are all crushed by the falling debris. Dave Bowman sees the destruction that he is contributing to and decides to sacrifice himself for the greater good. Then in an instant, Bowman, Gandalf and Emperor Palpatine are erased from this plane of existence, leaving behind nothing but a smoldering crater in the ground. Meanwhile, the battle has spread to the grassland portion of the battlefield. Huma Dragonbane rides low over the nearby body of water upon his Red Dragon, which proves to be disastrous. The Sando Aqua Monster leaps out of the water and chomps down on the neck of the Red Dragon. Huma is thrown from the dragon into the water below. Huma is then dragged underwater to his demise by Jaws. Using his machine gun umbrella, Penguin starts peppering the field with bullets, but doing very little damage. Spider-Man uses his webbing to ensnare Penguin and asks “A machine gun umbrella? You’ve got to be kidding me? And I thought I had lame bad guys!” He then punches the Penguin’s monocle into his brain, killing him. Bizarro Superman then splashes down into the water and immediately goes after Jaws. He swims towards it at extremely high speeds and encases the shark in a block of ice with his freeze vision. The shark sinks to the bottom of the sea. The Sando Aqua Monster then swallows Bizarro whole, but just like when he was accidentally eaten by the Cloverfield Monster, Bizarro punches his way out of the stomach of the giant creature, killing it in the process. Bizarro flies out of the water, only to be knocked into space by an uppercut courtesy of Wonder Woman. She then turns her attention to the rest of the Commandos. Wonder Woman is still infuriated by the criticism she received after her actions in Week Nine against Better Than All of You, goes on a bloody warpath. Dressed in her Amazonian battle gear for such an important fight, she charges into battle, carving a path through the Commandos. She dispatches Dora the Explorer and Backpack in such a gruesome manner, that it’s best not described. Hannah Montana stands her ground, not backing down from Wonder Woman, even though she is sure to die. But before they engage each other, Wonder Girl steps in and wants a piece of the schizophrenic tween. Wonder Woman backs off and takes to the skies, heading for the desert. From the looks of things it would seem that this match-up would turn into one of those annoying high school hallway slap and hair pull fights, but this fight couldn’t be further from that. Hannah kicks Wonder Girl square into the gut and tackles her to the ground. This would be Miley’s only offensive attack. Wonder Girl tosses Hannah off of her back and quickly snaps her neck. Once Wonder Woman arrives in the desert, she sees Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12 and Allia Atreides facing off against Luminara Unduli and Baress Offee. Much to the Jedi’s surprise, but Duncan and Allia are dodging every lightsaber swing and thrust. Then they almost simultaneously pull a spin/roll move around the Jedi, sticking their crysknives up underneath the base of the Jedi’s skulls. Their victory however, is short lived, as Agamemnon and Juno blow them away with their rockets. Wonder Woman is then tackled from behind by Bizarro who has come back down from space. They both crash into the sand below. Bizarro then lands several hard punches to the Amazon Princess. Out of the corner of her eye, Wonder Woman notices the two fallen Jedi’s lightsabers sticking out of the sand. She narrowly escapes Bizarro’s attempt to stomp the life out of her, and grabs the two lightsabers. Diana jumps to her feet and plunges the lightsabers deep into Bizarro’s chest. An exhausted Wonder Woman is then targeted by Agamemnon and Juno. But then in a kamikaze dive bomb, Skyfire swoops in from the heavens and takes out the Cymeks as well as himself. The battle continues to rage on in the grassland, where Poison Ivy has Ms. Marvel and Maxima both tangled up in the grass. Ms. Marvel manages to break one of her hands free and kills Poison Ivy with a vicious energy blast. They both quickly free themselves and take to the air. Spider-Man back flips over Posh Spice and suffocates her with a web mask as he quips, “You know I always liked Ginger Spice the best. There’s just something about those redheads.” Maxima and Ms. Marvel are intercepted by the Sentinel, Alan Scott. He blasts Maxima hard leading her to crash to her death against a huge glacier in the Artic. Ms. Marvel attempts to hit Alan Scott with some energy bolts, but he puts up a green force field. Ms. Marvel is unrelenting though, and keeps the blasts coming. She eventually breaks through the force field and just lights him up with energy blasts, killing the original Green Lantern. Qui Gon Jinn leads Spider-Man, General Grievous, and Ms. Marvel into the Artic part of the battlefield with victory in their sights. All of a sudden, Spider-Man’s “spidey-sense” starts going off, but it’s too late. General Grievous is shot multiple times by what appears to be just a snow bank. As Grievous falls, Qui Gon realizes that there are Snow Troopers camouflaged in the snow. He orders Ms. Marvel to open fire on the snow back in front of them. Once the smoke clears, five Snow Trooper bodies lie in the melting snow. Just then, the frozen earth beneath them begins to quake. Over the horizon rolls Hecate. Using a heat seeker, Hecate locks onto Spider-Man and blows him away. Ms. Marvel then flies through the air evading everything Hecate is firing at her. She lands on her and starts punching through her tank body. She finally rips open a hole in her armor, only to find a self destruct bomb (which was placed inside Hecate prior to battle as a fail-safe), which its timer is on 00:02. In a massive explosion, both Hecate and Ms. Marvel perish. Qui Gon Jinn immediately seizes the opportunity to end this battle and attacks the battered Wonder Woman who has just arrived from the desert. Lucky for her, she has held onto the two lightsabers she acquired earlier. She blocks Qui Gon’s attack, but is extremely worn out and hurt from her battle with Bizarro. Qui Gon knocks the lightsabers out of her hands and swings his lightsaber down at her. But Wonder Woman is able to block the attack with her bracelets. The Jedi moves in to finish her off, but Wonder Girl flies in and lassos Qui Gon’s arm preventing him from killing Wonder Woman. Qui Gon flips his lightsaber to his free hand and severs the golden lasso. He then uses the Force to pull Wonder Girl to him and stabs her in the chest, right in front of the wounded Wonder Woman. This sends Diana over the edge. She leaps to her feet, working off of pure adrenaline, and snaps Qui Gon’s neck, actually turning his head around at 180 degrees.
LE’ NAPOLEON’S BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCES!
Friday, May 9, 2008
HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ISSUE STATEMENT
Darkseid's Statement
This statement was obtained recently by our reporters at Fantasy Fantasy Center after Horsemen of Apokolips Designated Leader Darkseid was asked if he had anything to say to the members of Team Fred before their battle this weekend.
This statement was obtained recently by our reporters at Fantasy Fantasy Center after Horsemen of Apokolips Designated Leader Darkseid was asked if he had anything to say to the members of Team Fred before their battle this weekend.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
BREAKING NEWS: LE' NAPOLEON'S BRIGADE PRESS CONFERENCE
In light of recent events, Head Coach of Le' Napoleon's Brigade, Napoleon Bonaparte, would like to hold a brief press conference before his team's upcoming quarterfinals match.
(In enters Napoleon, followed by key team members Alan Scott, Wonder Woman, Poison Ivy, Gandalf and Even Piell- because Napoleon didn't want to be the shortest person in the room.)
Good evening everyone: The reason I have called you all here tonight is to squash any rumors about our unfortunate loss in the water battle vs. Better Than All of You last week. Rumors have been spread between the locker rooms that Wonder Woman went against my advice when she retreated from this match. These allegations are by all means false and should be put to a stop immediately. We are a very tight knit team and we always work together, Wonder Woman was simply looking out for the well being of her team mates and friends. However, I don't want the rest of you thinking we're a bunch of f***ing wimps who don't know how to fight so let it be known that this sort of behavior will not be tolerated from my team again, NOT IN THE PLAYOFFS!!! THE PLAYOFFS ARE FOR WINNING!! I trained this team to fight and to fight to the death and that is what they will do!!! LE' NAPOLEON'S BRIGADE WILL NEVER RETREAT AGAIN!!! Thank you for your time and good luck to all of you in the playoffs.
(Napoleon steps off the stool he was standing on to reach the microphone and slowly exits the conference rooms.)
In light of recent events, Head Coach of Le' Napoleon's Brigade, Napoleon Bonaparte, would like to hold a brief press conference before his team's upcoming quarterfinals match.
(In enters Napoleon, followed by key team members Alan Scott, Wonder Woman, Poison Ivy, Gandalf and Even Piell- because Napoleon didn't want to be the shortest person in the room.)
Good evening everyone: The reason I have called you all here tonight is to squash any rumors about our unfortunate loss in the water battle vs. Better Than All of You last week. Rumors have been spread between the locker rooms that Wonder Woman went against my advice when she retreated from this match. These allegations are by all means false and should be put to a stop immediately. We are a very tight knit team and we always work together, Wonder Woman was simply looking out for the well being of her team mates and friends. However, I don't want the rest of you thinking we're a bunch of f***ing wimps who don't know how to fight so let it be known that this sort of behavior will not be tolerated from my team again, NOT IN THE PLAYOFFS!!! THE PLAYOFFS ARE FOR WINNING!! I trained this team to fight and to fight to the death and that is what they will do!!! LE' NAPOLEON'S BRIGADE WILL NEVER RETREAT AGAIN!!! Thank you for your time and good luck to all of you in the playoffs.
(Napoleon steps off the stool he was standing on to reach the microphone and slowly exits the conference rooms.)
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
2008 PLAYOFFS
AMERICAN LEAGUE & NATIONAL LEAGUE
QUARTERFINALS
Setting: Mixed (Grassland, Water, Desert, Artic, City and Space)
Points: 500
Prize: Stealth Bomber
CONSOLATION BRACKET: WEEK ONE
Setting: The Infield at Comerica Park
Points: 20
Prize: Speeder Bike
Guest Reporter: Nick Houslander
The Syracuse Valley Vs. The Untouchables
Alice's Wonder Team Vs. The Right Wing
Reign Supremacy Vs. The Legion of Doom
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Outsiders
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Le' Napoleon's Brigade Vs. The Syracuse Valley
Le' Napoleon's Brigade is Poison Ivy, Alan Scott and Bo Jackson
The Syracuse Valley is Soundwave, Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Hammer Bros. #1 & 2, Little Goomba #1, and Treasure Troll #4.
Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade leap into action right away. Poison Ivy uses her powers to strangle the life out of Hammer Brother #2, Little Goomba #1, and Treasure Troll #4 with the grass itself. Bo Jackson races across the battlefield like he’s running for a touchdown. (Because Bo knows running.) With a mighty swing, he belts Hammer Brother #1 up high into the air, causing him to slam into Ratbat, killing them both. Bo then picks up two hammers from the fallen Hammer Bros. and throws them as hard as he can (because Bo knows throwing) at Laserbeak and Buzzsaw. They both are beheaded by the hammers. Ravage pounces on top of Bo and pins him to the ground, but Bo punches through Ravage’s underbelly, destroying his spark. (Because Bo knows circuitry) Rumble and Frenzy both slam down to the ground on opposite sides of Bo Jackson. “Does Bo know death match?” asks Rumble. Before Bo can muster an answer, both Rumble and Frenzy transform their arms into pistons and slam them into Bo’s skull, turning it into pulp. “I guess Bo just knows death, HA!” chuckles Frenzy. Rumble and Frenzy then start pounding the ground causing the ground to open up, swallowing Poison Ivy. But she was able to have the roots that were jutting out from the cracked earth to catch in a web of tangled roots. She climbs out of the opening and has the grass and weeds entangle the two Transformers. This allows Alan Scott to fly in and blast them with several bolts of green energy at their chests, killing them both. Soundwave then uses his concussion blaster at full strength, blowing away Poison Ivy. Soundwave takes to the air to battle Alan Scott. The Golden Age Green Lantern then encases himself in armor, much like that of the one he wore in Kingdom Come. He uses his long broad sword to impale the Decepticon, killing the final member of The Syracuse Valley.
LE’ NAPOLEON’S BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!
The Syracuse Valley is Soundwave, Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Hammer Bros. #1 & 2, Little Goomba #1, and Treasure Troll #4.
Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade leap into action right away. Poison Ivy uses her powers to strangle the life out of Hammer Brother #2, Little Goomba #1, and Treasure Troll #4 with the grass itself. Bo Jackson races across the battlefield like he’s running for a touchdown. (Because Bo knows running.) With a mighty swing, he belts Hammer Brother #1 up high into the air, causing him to slam into Ratbat, killing them both. Bo then picks up two hammers from the fallen Hammer Bros. and throws them as hard as he can (because Bo knows throwing) at Laserbeak and Buzzsaw. They both are beheaded by the hammers. Ravage pounces on top of Bo and pins him to the ground, but Bo punches through Ravage’s underbelly, destroying his spark. (Because Bo knows circuitry) Rumble and Frenzy both slam down to the ground on opposite sides of Bo Jackson. “Does Bo know death match?” asks Rumble. Before Bo can muster an answer, both Rumble and Frenzy transform their arms into pistons and slam them into Bo’s skull, turning it into pulp. “I guess Bo just knows death, HA!” chuckles Frenzy. Rumble and Frenzy then start pounding the ground causing the ground to open up, swallowing Poison Ivy. But she was able to have the roots that were jutting out from the cracked earth to catch in a web of tangled roots. She climbs out of the opening and has the grass and weeds entangle the two Transformers. This allows Alan Scott to fly in and blast them with several bolts of green energy at their chests, killing them both. Soundwave then uses his concussion blaster at full strength, blowing away Poison Ivy. Soundwave takes to the air to battle Alan Scott. The Golden Age Green Lantern then encases himself in armor, much like that of the one he wore in Kingdom Come. He uses his long broad sword to impale the Decepticon, killing the final member of The Syracuse Valley.
LE’ NAPOLEON’S BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!
Match of The Week: The Right Wing Vs. Better Than All of You
The Right Wing is Duncan Idaho Ghola #6, Green Goblin, Capt. Panaka, Mikhail, & Scrappy-Doo.
Better Than All of You is Green Lantern, Ghost Rider, & Ork #1.
Green Lantern and Green Goblin both take flight and start having an all out green energy vs. pumpkin bomb battle but niether of them are able to hit the other one with enough force to do any real damage. Ork #1 uses his scimitar to slice open Mikhail's skull but Capt. Panaka quickly avenges him as he blasts the Ork right between the eyes with his blaster. Ghost Rider comes riding by leaving a trail of fire behind him and wraps his chain around the neck of Panaka. He pulls him down to the ground and snaps his neck in the process. Duncan Idaho is using a lasgun in an attempt to help out the Green Goblin in his fight against Green Lantern when Ghost Rider comes driving up on him ready to attack. Ghost Rider is about to run right over Duncan Idaho when Scrappy comes jumping on to the back of Ghost Rider yelling "puppy power". Scrappy burns up on the firey head of Ghost Rider but he also makes him lose control and go flying off of his devilish motorcycle. This selfless act committed by Scrappy-Doo gives Duncan Idaho the oppurtunity to take his ancient Atreides sword and stab it into the chest of Ghost Rider before he can get up off of the ground. Green Lantern flies higher into the air and gets Green Goblin to follow him. Once they are several thousand feet above the ground Green Lantern uses his ring to blast the Green Goblin's glider out from under him. Green Goblin attempts to throw a few more pumpkin bombs as he is falling but Green Lantern is able to deflect them with a shield created by his power ring. Green Goblin then plummets to his doom. Green Lantern then flies back down to the grassy surface to do battle with Duncan Idaho. Idaho manages to dodge a few blasts from Green Lantern's ring but in this environment there is very little he can use against Green Lantern's abilities. Idaho unloads his lasgun at the Hal Jordan but is unable to hit him as he zips through the night sky evading every blast. Green Lantern finally finishes off the ghola of the great Atreides weapons master by crushing him with a huge green fist.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!
Better Than All of You is Green Lantern, Ghost Rider, & Ork #1.
Green Lantern and Green Goblin both take flight and start having an all out green energy vs. pumpkin bomb battle but niether of them are able to hit the other one with enough force to do any real damage. Ork #1 uses his scimitar to slice open Mikhail's skull but Capt. Panaka quickly avenges him as he blasts the Ork right between the eyes with his blaster. Ghost Rider comes riding by leaving a trail of fire behind him and wraps his chain around the neck of Panaka. He pulls him down to the ground and snaps his neck in the process. Duncan Idaho is using a lasgun in an attempt to help out the Green Goblin in his fight against Green Lantern when Ghost Rider comes driving up on him ready to attack. Ghost Rider is about to run right over Duncan Idaho when Scrappy comes jumping on to the back of Ghost Rider yelling "puppy power". Scrappy burns up on the firey head of Ghost Rider but he also makes him lose control and go flying off of his devilish motorcycle. This selfless act committed by Scrappy-Doo gives Duncan Idaho the oppurtunity to take his ancient Atreides sword and stab it into the chest of Ghost Rider before he can get up off of the ground. Green Lantern flies higher into the air and gets Green Goblin to follow him. Once they are several thousand feet above the ground Green Lantern uses his ring to blast the Green Goblin's glider out from under him. Green Goblin attempts to throw a few more pumpkin bombs as he is falling but Green Lantern is able to deflect them with a shield created by his power ring. Green Goblin then plummets to his doom. Green Lantern then flies back down to the grassy surface to do battle with Duncan Idaho. Idaho manages to dodge a few blasts from Green Lantern's ring but in this environment there is very little he can use against Green Lantern's abilities. Idaho unloads his lasgun at the Hal Jordan but is unable to hit him as he zips through the night sky evading every blast. Green Lantern finally finishes off the ghola of the great Atreides weapons master by crushing him with a huge green fist.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!
Hannah Montana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
Hannah and Barack's Commandos are Hannah Montana, Barack Obama, Bryan Beckerman, Sydney Pouttier, Micheal Vick, John Turner, Chevell, David Beckham, Brangelina w/ Zahara, Pax, Maddox, & Shiloh, Venus & Serena Williams, Dora the Explorer w/ Backpack & Boots, Dozer #1, & Jar Jar Binks.
Brock's Murderflies are Mystery Inc: Fred, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy, & Scooby-Doo w/ Scooby Dumb, Howard the Duck, Dorf, Ron Popeil, & Ewok #4-33.
Micheal Vick instantly runs up to both Scooby-Doo and his cousin Scooby-dumb and begins electrocuting them. He then throws the 2 of them into a basin of water and starts drowning the 2 of them while he is yelling "Now the 2 of you are gonna fight each other". When he finds that Scooby & Dumby will not fight each other he hits them both with baseball bats and kills them. Shaggy then goes crazy and attacks Vick. He strangles the former QB and then in a rage starts to bite his jugular vein as he screams "You want a dog fight, like I'll be the dog and you be the milk bone". A dog lover until the end the blood soaked Shaggy leads his fellow dog lovers Fred, Velma, and Daphne in a wild charge against the commandos going completely against King Leonidas' plan. Mystery Inc. pulls out their knives and Shaggy begins the attack as he slits the throat of John Turner. Velma takes a little to much pleasure in the cruel act of stepping on poor Dozer #1 and Fred and Daphne do not do much to help their kid friendly image as they kill Zahara & Pax. Their rampage is ended as Venus and Serena bash in the heads of Daphne and Velma with their tennis rackets and Chevell uses his hockey stick to cave in the skull of Fred. Although it takes the combined forces of Hannah and Barack to take out the blood drunk Shaggy before he can do any more damage. The Murderflies battlefield general Howard the Duck and his Colonel Dorf order the use of their secret weapon. Ron Popeil comes rolling out in his new M.E.A.L. deal (the mobile ewok assault launcher). Ron Popeil uses his new patented Ronco machine to start launching the ewoks into the Commando's area. Dora and Boots lead the attack as they struggle to defend against the onslaught of flying ewoks. The ewok casualties are high as many of them land head first but the plan seems to work as the ewoks kill Sydney Pouttier, David Beckham, Angelina Jolie, and Maddox simply by colliding into them. Some of the ewoks that survive the launching process grab their spears and start doing battle with the commandos swarming the Williams sisters, Brad Pitt, and Miley Cyrus's consigliere Bryan Beckerman (yeah Beckerman you were killed by ewoks; deal with it). Howard the Duck gets sick of standing around so he runs into the fray to try to rally the ewok forces. Howard takes out Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and then dodges a vicious goalie stick attack from the genetically enhanced Tim Cheveldae pre-immell clone Chevell and then finishes him off with a quack-fu roundhouse kick to the head which breaks his goalie mask as well as his face. Barack Obama yells to his troops that they need to do something to stop the M.E.A.L. and Dora and comes up with the idea to use a boomba. "Meesa no gotta boomba" Boots says, so Hannah Montana asks Jar Jar if he has a boomba but he gets hit in the face with a flying ewok before he can even say something stupid. His only boomba then goes rolling on the ground as Dora and Howard the Duck both go racing after it knowing that the match depends on it. Howard is about to beat her to the punch when Boots jumps out and bites Howard in the neck killing the talking duck. Dora grabs the Boomba and puts it into backpack. Ron Popeil unholsters his single shot prototype monkey dehydrator and shoots it at Boots turning him into a delicious monkey snack that can be enjoyed now or saved for later. Barack and Hannah fight back to back against many ewoks as they both yell to Dora that it is up to her to stop the Ronco M.E.A.L. Little do they know that The Murderflies are actually out of ewoks to shoot at the oncoming Dora who is racing toward the ewok shooting machine. It is at this moment when almost all hope has faded for the Murderflies when Dorf turns to Ron Popeil and says "Ron, we're out of ewoks, you'll have to shoot me at them" Ron replies with "No Dorf! You are to important"; but Dorf insists as he loads himself into the ewok launcher. Popeil carefully takes aim with his new machine and shoots Dorf at Dora right before she releases the boomba toward the M.E.A.L. breaking both of their necks on impact do to how close range the shot was and causing the boomba to fall back onto the backpack destroying the living book carrier as well and eliminating the last hope of the Commandos. Ewoks #9, 11, 16, & 30 swarm Barack and Hannah to finish off the fight but those 4 along with the passed out Ewok #5 and Ron Popeil are the only team-members left alive to celebrate the fact that:
BROCK SAMPSON'S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Brock's Murderflies are Mystery Inc: Fred, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy, & Scooby-Doo w/ Scooby Dumb, Howard the Duck, Dorf, Ron Popeil, & Ewok #4-33.
Micheal Vick instantly runs up to both Scooby-Doo and his cousin Scooby-dumb and begins electrocuting them. He then throws the 2 of them into a basin of water and starts drowning the 2 of them while he is yelling "Now the 2 of you are gonna fight each other". When he finds that Scooby & Dumby will not fight each other he hits them both with baseball bats and kills them. Shaggy then goes crazy and attacks Vick. He strangles the former QB and then in a rage starts to bite his jugular vein as he screams "You want a dog fight, like I'll be the dog and you be the milk bone". A dog lover until the end the blood soaked Shaggy leads his fellow dog lovers Fred, Velma, and Daphne in a wild charge against the commandos going completely against King Leonidas' plan. Mystery Inc. pulls out their knives and Shaggy begins the attack as he slits the throat of John Turner. Velma takes a little to much pleasure in the cruel act of stepping on poor Dozer #1 and Fred and Daphne do not do much to help their kid friendly image as they kill Zahara & Pax. Their rampage is ended as Venus and Serena bash in the heads of Daphne and Velma with their tennis rackets and Chevell uses his hockey stick to cave in the skull of Fred. Although it takes the combined forces of Hannah and Barack to take out the blood drunk Shaggy before he can do any more damage. The Murderflies battlefield general Howard the Duck and his Colonel Dorf order the use of their secret weapon. Ron Popeil comes rolling out in his new M.E.A.L. deal (the mobile ewok assault launcher). Ron Popeil uses his new patented Ronco machine to start launching the ewoks into the Commando's area. Dora and Boots lead the attack as they struggle to defend against the onslaught of flying ewoks. The ewok casualties are high as many of them land head first but the plan seems to work as the ewoks kill Sydney Pouttier, David Beckham, Angelina Jolie, and Maddox simply by colliding into them. Some of the ewoks that survive the launching process grab their spears and start doing battle with the commandos swarming the Williams sisters, Brad Pitt, and Miley Cyrus's consigliere Bryan Beckerman (yeah Beckerman you were killed by ewoks; deal with it). Howard the Duck gets sick of standing around so he runs into the fray to try to rally the ewok forces. Howard takes out Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and then dodges a vicious goalie stick attack from the genetically enhanced Tim Cheveldae pre-immell clone Chevell and then finishes him off with a quack-fu roundhouse kick to the head which breaks his goalie mask as well as his face. Barack Obama yells to his troops that they need to do something to stop the M.E.A.L. and Dora and comes up with the idea to use a boomba. "Meesa no gotta boomba" Boots says, so Hannah Montana asks Jar Jar if he has a boomba but he gets hit in the face with a flying ewok before he can even say something stupid. His only boomba then goes rolling on the ground as Dora and Howard the Duck both go racing after it knowing that the match depends on it. Howard is about to beat her to the punch when Boots jumps out and bites Howard in the neck killing the talking duck. Dora grabs the Boomba and puts it into backpack. Ron Popeil unholsters his single shot prototype monkey dehydrator and shoots it at Boots turning him into a delicious monkey snack that can be enjoyed now or saved for later. Barack and Hannah fight back to back against many ewoks as they both yell to Dora that it is up to her to stop the Ronco M.E.A.L. Little do they know that The Murderflies are actually out of ewoks to shoot at the oncoming Dora who is racing toward the ewok shooting machine. It is at this moment when almost all hope has faded for the Murderflies when Dorf turns to Ron Popeil and says "Ron, we're out of ewoks, you'll have to shoot me at them" Ron replies with "No Dorf! You are to important"; but Dorf insists as he loads himself into the ewok launcher. Popeil carefully takes aim with his new machine and shoots Dorf at Dora right before she releases the boomba toward the M.E.A.L. breaking both of their necks on impact do to how close range the shot was and causing the boomba to fall back onto the backpack destroying the living book carrier as well and eliminating the last hope of the Commandos. Ewoks #9, 11, 16, & 30 swarm Barack and Hannah to finish off the fight but those 4 along with the passed out Ewok #5 and Ron Popeil are the only team-members left alive to celebrate the fact that:
BROCK SAMPSON'S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Monday, May 5, 2008
George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Legion of Doom
George Washington's Slaves are Yoda, Al Dogg, A.C. Slater, & William Wallace.
The Legion of Doom is Darth Bain & Paul Atreides.
Yoda and William Wallace start charging The Legion of Doom thinking that the rest of their team is following behind but they turn around to see that Al Dogg is already dead and that for some reason Slater felt the need to start burying him. Darth Bain pulls out his red lightsaber and swings at Yoda as he is jumping towards him but Yoda does a flip into the air and lands on the shoulders of the Sith Lord before he can react. In an act that proves that the dark side, although quicker, easier, and more seductive is not more powerful; the Jedi Master uses his force aided strength to stab his green lightsaber into the back of Lord Bain's neck to kill him. Paul knocks William Wallace to the ground but before he can finish him off with his wierding ways Yoda force pushes him out of the way. Slater helps Wallace get up but they decide that there is not much they can do to help Yoda against Paul as the 2 fighters move around each other with amazing speed. Both of them appear to have amazingly fast reflexes do to the fact that they can see what their opponent is doing before he does it, but it is actually superior weaponry that wins this battle as Yoda uses his lightsaber to cut Paul's crysknife in half before he can use it on the Jedi Master. Yoda then finishes off the son of The Atreides Duke by removing his head.
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Legion of Doom is Darth Bain & Paul Atreides.
Yoda and William Wallace start charging The Legion of Doom thinking that the rest of their team is following behind but they turn around to see that Al Dogg is already dead and that for some reason Slater felt the need to start burying him. Darth Bain pulls out his red lightsaber and swings at Yoda as he is jumping towards him but Yoda does a flip into the air and lands on the shoulders of the Sith Lord before he can react. In an act that proves that the dark side, although quicker, easier, and more seductive is not more powerful; the Jedi Master uses his force aided strength to stab his green lightsaber into the back of Lord Bain's neck to kill him. Paul knocks William Wallace to the ground but before he can finish him off with his wierding ways Yoda force pushes him out of the way. Slater helps Wallace get up but they decide that there is not much they can do to help Yoda against Paul as the 2 fighters move around each other with amazing speed. Both of them appear to have amazingly fast reflexes do to the fact that they can see what their opponent is doing before he does it, but it is actually superior weaponry that wins this battle as Yoda uses his lightsaber to cut Paul's crysknife in half before he can use it on the Jedi Master. Yoda then finishes off the son of The Atreides Duke by removing his head.
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Untouchables Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips
The Untouchables are The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic (designated leader), Invisible Woman, Human Torch & The Thing, & Storm Trooper #1.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Supergirl (designated leader), Fremen #7, & Amazon #11.
Supergirl under orders from Head Coach Vandal Savage does not rush in to the battle right away but instead opts to hang back while Fremen #7 & Amazon #11 both go charging in. Storm Trooper #1 takes a shot at the Amazon and grazes her arm but before he can get another shot off Fremen #7 uses his maula pistol to shoot back. After fighting many Sardakaur terror troops he knows exactly where to aim to take out the armored trooper with 3 quick shots. The Fremen and The Amazon then rush in towards the Fantastic 4, while Supergirl takes to the air to wait for the perfect time to attack. The 2 fierce fighters go after Invisible Woman first but she defends herself easily with her invisible shield. When her husband Mr. Fantastic starts stretching her way to come and aid her is when Supergirl flies down at an amazing speed to lend a hand. Human Torch says out loud "look how fast she's moving" which prompts Supergirl to go slightly out of character and say "yeah, I can really burn rubber" as she fries Mr. Fantastic with her heat vision. Invisible Woman is both furious and heart-broken at this sight which causes her to send a huge rush of invisible power toward the airborn Supergirl, which sends Supergirl flying backward through the air, but although this act of rage works to hurt Supergirl it also leaves Invisible Woman open to attack as The Fremen rushes in with his crysknife drawn to stab her underneath the chin and into her brain. The Thing decides that it is indeed "clobberin time" as he claps his hands togeather on Amazon #11's head to crush her skull. Although Untouchables Head Caoach Commissioner Gordon put togeather a very good 75 point squad, Head Coach Vandal Savage's plan seems to be working. The plan he laid out stated simply that they are called the Fantastic 4 for a reason; so if they can be seperated, they can be defeated. Human Torch takes to the air to fight against Supergirl while Fremen #7 tries to avoid the huge swings from the solid rock arms of The Thing. Fremen #7 stabs his crysknife into the chest of The Thing but the tooth of the mighty Sandworm shatters on impact. The Fremen takes this as a sign from Shai Halud that this fight is over. He is then proven right as The Thing punches him in the face to kill him. Human Torch flies in close to Supergirl but he underestimates her ability to withstand the extreme temperatures that he is creating. She disregards the heat as she grabs Human Torch and breaks his neck. She then Flies down to The Thing who is ready for her attack. He lands a punch to the chest of Supergirl which sends her backward but she gets back up. As she is walking back to The Thing Ben Grimm yells "want a little more sweetheart", but Supergirl is not afraid. They begin trading blows but much to the suprise of The Thing, and despite the appearances of the 2 combatants Supergirl proves to be both the stronger and the more durable of the 2 as she bloodies her 2 poweful hands in the act of bringing down her fists onto The Thing's head to crack his neck.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Supergirl (designated leader), Fremen #7, & Amazon #11.
Supergirl under orders from Head Coach Vandal Savage does not rush in to the battle right away but instead opts to hang back while Fremen #7 & Amazon #11 both go charging in. Storm Trooper #1 takes a shot at the Amazon and grazes her arm but before he can get another shot off Fremen #7 uses his maula pistol to shoot back. After fighting many Sardakaur terror troops he knows exactly where to aim to take out the armored trooper with 3 quick shots. The Fremen and The Amazon then rush in towards the Fantastic 4, while Supergirl takes to the air to wait for the perfect time to attack. The 2 fierce fighters go after Invisible Woman first but she defends herself easily with her invisible shield. When her husband Mr. Fantastic starts stretching her way to come and aid her is when Supergirl flies down at an amazing speed to lend a hand. Human Torch says out loud "look how fast she's moving" which prompts Supergirl to go slightly out of character and say "yeah, I can really burn rubber" as she fries Mr. Fantastic with her heat vision. Invisible Woman is both furious and heart-broken at this sight which causes her to send a huge rush of invisible power toward the airborn Supergirl, which sends Supergirl flying backward through the air, but although this act of rage works to hurt Supergirl it also leaves Invisible Woman open to attack as The Fremen rushes in with his crysknife drawn to stab her underneath the chin and into her brain. The Thing decides that it is indeed "clobberin time" as he claps his hands togeather on Amazon #11's head to crush her skull. Although Untouchables Head Caoach Commissioner Gordon put togeather a very good 75 point squad, Head Coach Vandal Savage's plan seems to be working. The plan he laid out stated simply that they are called the Fantastic 4 for a reason; so if they can be seperated, they can be defeated. Human Torch takes to the air to fight against Supergirl while Fremen #7 tries to avoid the huge swings from the solid rock arms of The Thing. Fremen #7 stabs his crysknife into the chest of The Thing but the tooth of the mighty Sandworm shatters on impact. The Fremen takes this as a sign from Shai Halud that this fight is over. He is then proven right as The Thing punches him in the face to kill him. Human Torch flies in close to Supergirl but he underestimates her ability to withstand the extreme temperatures that he is creating. She disregards the heat as she grabs Human Torch and breaks his neck. She then Flies down to The Thing who is ready for her attack. He lands a punch to the chest of Supergirl which sends her backward but she gets back up. As she is walking back to The Thing Ben Grimm yells "want a little more sweetheart", but Supergirl is not afraid. They begin trading blows but much to the suprise of The Thing, and despite the appearances of the 2 combatants Supergirl proves to be both the stronger and the more durable of the 2 as she bloodies her 2 poweful hands in the act of bringing down her fists onto The Thing's head to crack his neck.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
The Outsiders Vs. TEAM
The Outsiders are Blue Wizard #1 (designated leader), Grima Wormtongue, Nightsister Sith Witch #15, & Dozer #15.
TEAM is Superman (designated leader), Jet Li, & Dozer #7.
Dozer's #7 & 15 rush in and begin pounding on each other as they both fall to the ground and begin rolling around in the grass punching each other repeatedely. I am sure that this fight is truly amazing but since the 2" blades of grass are now above their heads, I am unable to report on how great it is. The Blue Wizard and Wormtongue both focus their powers on Superman, lighting up the sky with a blue glow and knocking Superman to his knees by exploiting his weakness to magical power. Jet Li ducks beneath the blue light and kicks Blue Wizard in the stomach, knocking him to the ground. The Blue Wizard then hits Jet Li with his staff pinning him down on the wet grass but Jet Li still manages to sweep the legs of Wormtongue, who inadvertantly falls on top of the 2 dozers killing them both. The Nightsister Sith Witch runs in to help. She shoots Jet Li with a quick burst of Sith Lightning which then makes him an easy target for her to use her red lightsaber to finish him off quickly, but his death is not in vain as Superman uses this brief reprieve from magical attack to fly in and punch The Blue wizard in the head and crack his skull. Wormtongue attempts to cast an attack spell toward Superman, but without the Blue Wizard's power fueling his own he is not powerful enough to effect Superman who burns him up with a blast of heat vision. The Sith Witch comes from behind using all the dark power she has to send her into the fastest force speed attack she has ever done in order to go for Superman's head with her lightsaber but it is still just barely to slow as Superman ducks out of the way just in time. A few locks of Superman's dark hair that were cut by the lightsaber, which came to close for comfort for the last son of Krypton come slowly falling to the ground as he turns to uppercut Nightsister Sith Witch #15 instantly killing her.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
TEAM is Superman (designated leader), Jet Li, & Dozer #7.
Dozer's #7 & 15 rush in and begin pounding on each other as they both fall to the ground and begin rolling around in the grass punching each other repeatedely. I am sure that this fight is truly amazing but since the 2" blades of grass are now above their heads, I am unable to report on how great it is. The Blue Wizard and Wormtongue both focus their powers on Superman, lighting up the sky with a blue glow and knocking Superman to his knees by exploiting his weakness to magical power. Jet Li ducks beneath the blue light and kicks Blue Wizard in the stomach, knocking him to the ground. The Blue Wizard then hits Jet Li with his staff pinning him down on the wet grass but Jet Li still manages to sweep the legs of Wormtongue, who inadvertantly falls on top of the 2 dozers killing them both. The Nightsister Sith Witch runs in to help. She shoots Jet Li with a quick burst of Sith Lightning which then makes him an easy target for her to use her red lightsaber to finish him off quickly, but his death is not in vain as Superman uses this brief reprieve from magical attack to fly in and punch The Blue wizard in the head and crack his skull. Wormtongue attempts to cast an attack spell toward Superman, but without the Blue Wizard's power fueling his own he is not powerful enough to effect Superman who burns him up with a blast of heat vision. The Sith Witch comes from behind using all the dark power she has to send her into the fastest force speed attack she has ever done in order to go for Superman's head with her lightsaber but it is still just barely to slow as Superman ducks out of the way just in time. A few locks of Superman's dark hair that were cut by the lightsaber, which came to close for comfort for the last son of Krypton come slowly falling to the ground as he turns to uppercut Nightsister Sith Witch #15 instantly killing her.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
Team Fred Vs. Reign Supremacy
Team Fred is Kilowag & Phoenix.
Reign Supremacy is Batman & Robin, & Jedi Knight #36.
Before this match began the talking heads on Fantasy Fantasy Center quipped that Team Fred crammed more skill into 75 points than should be legal in this league and that this match should be over quickly. Kilowag flies in with his whole body coated in green energy and wielding a sword made out of that same energy to fight against Jedi Knight #36's somewhat similar green energy sword. The Jedi proves to be a better fencer as he deflects and parries Kilowag's sword thrusts but eventually the green lantern's power overwhelms the Jedi as he holds up the Jedi's lightsaber defense with the newly created sword, and uses the ring to create a blast of energy to go around and behind Jedi #36 who is unable to defend against the 2 simultaneous attacks. Phoenix wastes no time as well as she instantly flies up to Batman and Robin and unleashes the power of the Phoenix on them. Batman jumps to the side and uses his cape to shield himself from the blinding light of the firey Phoenix which lights up the night sky but Robin is not fast enough nor well-equipped enough to deal with such a force so he burns up in the show of pure mental fury which was unleashed upon him. Kilowag and Phoenix then take to the air and begin shooting a mix of firey mental energy and glowing green energy at the world's greatest detective who bounces around the moist grasslands dodging there every blast, despite fighting in an environment that provides virtually no place to hide. Batman, in a last ditch effort picks up the lightsaber of his fallen comrade Jedi Knight #36 in an attempt to charge at the 2 cosmic powered beings; but despite his fast actions and valiant effort it is impossible to tell who actually gets the credit for the killing of Batman as he is blasted by an amazing combination of power from the dynamic mutant and green lantern duo.
TEAM FRED IS VICTORIOUS!
Reign Supremacy is Batman & Robin, & Jedi Knight #36.
Before this match began the talking heads on Fantasy Fantasy Center quipped that Team Fred crammed more skill into 75 points than should be legal in this league and that this match should be over quickly. Kilowag flies in with his whole body coated in green energy and wielding a sword made out of that same energy to fight against Jedi Knight #36's somewhat similar green energy sword. The Jedi proves to be a better fencer as he deflects and parries Kilowag's sword thrusts but eventually the green lantern's power overwhelms the Jedi as he holds up the Jedi's lightsaber defense with the newly created sword, and uses the ring to create a blast of energy to go around and behind Jedi #36 who is unable to defend against the 2 simultaneous attacks. Phoenix wastes no time as well as she instantly flies up to Batman and Robin and unleashes the power of the Phoenix on them. Batman jumps to the side and uses his cape to shield himself from the blinding light of the firey Phoenix which lights up the night sky but Robin is not fast enough nor well-equipped enough to deal with such a force so he burns up in the show of pure mental fury which was unleashed upon him. Kilowag and Phoenix then take to the air and begin shooting a mix of firey mental energy and glowing green energy at the world's greatest detective who bounces around the moist grasslands dodging there every blast, despite fighting in an environment that provides virtually no place to hide. Batman, in a last ditch effort picks up the lightsaber of his fallen comrade Jedi Knight #36 in an attempt to charge at the 2 cosmic powered beings; but despite his fast actions and valiant effort it is impossible to tell who actually gets the credit for the killing of Batman as he is blasted by an amazing combination of power from the dynamic mutant and green lantern duo.
TEAM FRED IS VICTORIOUS!
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