We here at Fantasy Fantasy League are proud to announce that our own Chris Seeney and his wife have welcomed into the world their second child and first daughter, Norah Rene Seeney. Norah was born on March 28th at 11:09pm and weighing in at 7 lbs 14 oz.
Congratulations go out to the undoubtedly proud parents.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Week Five Schedule
Reminder: All rosters will be due by Monday Night, April 1. The fifth
week will be for 900 points and set on the Play-off Planet, which is basically an all terrain setting . The winner of each match will earn 45 Graveyard Points.
The Match-Ups:
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Robimus Prime)
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (NFG)
The Shemalabama Shit Kickers Vs. The Royal Highness (Seeney)
Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. TEAM (Fizz)
President Barack Obama and Taylor Swift's Red Army Vs. Griswold's Nut-Busters (Griffin)
George Washington's Slaves Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Edwin the Bard)
The Empire Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Josh)
The Transfoamers Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Josh)
As always, Watcher emails are listed on the main page. Teams with a guest Watcher should email their rosters to Josh. Thank you, and good luck to all!
The Match-Ups:
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Robimus Prime)
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (NFG)
The Shemalabama Shit Kickers Vs. The Royal Highness (Seeney)
Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. TEAM (Fizz)
President Barack Obama and Taylor Swift's Red Army Vs. Griswold's Nut-Busters (Griffin)
George Washington's Slaves Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Edwin the Bard)
The Empire Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Josh)
The Transfoamers Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Josh)
As always, Watcher emails are listed on the main page. Teams with a guest Watcher should email their rosters to Josh. Thank you, and good luck to all!
Deadline change
I'd like to propose before the league a change to the deadline for submitting rosters. I'd like to change it from Monday night to Tuesday night. That will give teams an extra day to read their match from a previous week and make decision based on what transpired before. However, this extra day would also come with a price. I say starting week 6, if you do not have a roster submitted by Tuesday night, you will be playing your week one squad. It's not an automatic loss, but it's a severe disadvantage. I realize that week 9 is only 75 points, and will have to come up with something for that but in the meantime I think this is a tough but fair penalty.
Speaking as both a Watcher and an owner, I'm voting yes for this proposal. Not only because it'd be nice to have some more time to read other matches, and not just my own before I submit my rosters, but because it's not fair for people who miss the deadline to not be penalized in anyway. I'm not pointing fingers, or naming names but if you were late turning in assignments for school or work you're penalized. This is the same. Not one is here by gunpoint, you elected to do this, so you should be held to the same rules as everyone else.
As with the weapons vote, my vote is no more powerful than anyone else's. Majority will rule.
Thank you for your time.
Speaking as both a Watcher and an owner, I'm voting yes for this proposal. Not only because it'd be nice to have some more time to read other matches, and not just my own before I submit my rosters, but because it's not fair for people who miss the deadline to not be penalized in anyway. I'm not pointing fingers, or naming names but if you were late turning in assignments for school or work you're penalized. This is the same. Not one is here by gunpoint, you elected to do this, so you should be held to the same rules as everyone else.
As with the weapons vote, my vote is no more powerful than anyone else's. Majority will rule.
Thank you for your time.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Spoiler Sport- Week Three Wrap Up.
Greetings, loyal Ocho viewers. I'm ESPN 8 president Jack Tunney. Recently, we've had a situation arise here at our plucky little station. It turns out that written in the fine print of current Spoiler Sport host Zack Ryder's contract is a provision that he cannot appear on a live, weekly broadcast for more than two weeks in a row without getting brutally attacked by some sort of monster. For proof of this see his "feud" with Kane last year. To remedy this situation, we've gone into extensive negotiations to fulfill this contractual obligation and am pleased to report a deal has been finalized. We now take you to the NEW HOST OF SPOILER SPORT!
Greetings everyone, Cotton McKnight FINALLY BACK once more with your weekly FFL wrap up "Spoiler Sport", right here! On ESPN 8-The Ocho. Before we get to the recaps, I just gotta say it feels fantastic to be right back where I belong. Broadcasting at the Ocho. Best of luck to Mr Zack Ryder at his new home at the Mickey Mouse Grindhouse.
Week three was quite the wet and wild affair out there in the core of Naboo. Let's start in the Lucas Conference. We saw the Arthur C Clarke division just narrowly avoid getting swept once again this week by the Spielberg division. It was the plucky Transfoamers, who had quite the upset over the Mickey Mouse Grindhouse this week in a match unlike which I've ever seen. Though they're in different divisions, both the Midgets and the Empire can boast a very unique accolade this week- both teams were able to kill a version of Superman. The Midgets stopped the gravy coated heart of Kingdome Come or KFC Superman, while one of the Empire's newest, most impressive recruits- Black Zero- has the blood of the original Kal-El on his hands. The Empire might have lost, but I wouldn't count them out just yet. Finally, according to a withered, old Atlantean journal we learned the harrowing, tragic tale of the Slaves heartbreaking loss to the Shit-Kickers. The Shit-Kickers AND The Horsemen are the only two teams in the Lucas Conference to remain absolutely perfect. It'll be interesting to see how long they'll still be able to swat their gum as they spit it out this season.
Over in the Stan Lee conference, we saw Super Orange Kitty Mr Eugene Krabs just barely beat the rap of numerous war crimes, as his squadron of familial seeking felines put a blemish on TEAM's impressive record this year. The Nut-Busters learned that you should never mess with a Sleeping Pussy, as it was going for a victory beverage that busted the hopes of victory for Griswold. The Royal Highness learned the hardway that you need both dope fiends AND destroyers as Griffin was able to wreck their buzz. Finally, thanks to the final sacrifice of Calypso, the Kennelz were able to extend their perfect start to 3-0 with a win over the Muderflies.
To check on the status of the resurrection pit, let's kick it over to my broadcast partner, PEPPER BROOKS.
PEPPER!
"muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh,
Muh muh muhmuh muh. muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh. Muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh
Muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh
Muh muh muhmuhmuh. Muhmuh."
... Thanks, Pep. Good to have you back here too.
That's it for this week, join us next week for week four as we head to the artic. We'll find out what's colder, the icy, frozen icecaps or the icy grip of DEATH. For the Ocho- I'm Cotton McKnight. Thank you, and good night.
Greetings everyone, Cotton McKnight FINALLY BACK once more with your weekly FFL wrap up "Spoiler Sport", right here! On ESPN 8-The Ocho. Before we get to the recaps, I just gotta say it feels fantastic to be right back where I belong. Broadcasting at the Ocho. Best of luck to Mr Zack Ryder at his new home at the Mickey Mouse Grindhouse.
Week three was quite the wet and wild affair out there in the core of Naboo. Let's start in the Lucas Conference. We saw the Arthur C Clarke division just narrowly avoid getting swept once again this week by the Spielberg division. It was the plucky Transfoamers, who had quite the upset over the Mickey Mouse Grindhouse this week in a match unlike which I've ever seen. Though they're in different divisions, both the Midgets and the Empire can boast a very unique accolade this week- both teams were able to kill a version of Superman. The Midgets stopped the gravy coated heart of Kingdome Come or KFC Superman, while one of the Empire's newest, most impressive recruits- Black Zero- has the blood of the original Kal-El on his hands. The Empire might have lost, but I wouldn't count them out just yet. Finally, according to a withered, old Atlantean journal we learned the harrowing, tragic tale of the Slaves heartbreaking loss to the Shit-Kickers. The Shit-Kickers AND The Horsemen are the only two teams in the Lucas Conference to remain absolutely perfect. It'll be interesting to see how long they'll still be able to swat their gum as they spit it out this season.
Over in the Stan Lee conference, we saw Super Orange Kitty Mr Eugene Krabs just barely beat the rap of numerous war crimes, as his squadron of familial seeking felines put a blemish on TEAM's impressive record this year. The Nut-Busters learned that you should never mess with a Sleeping Pussy, as it was going for a victory beverage that busted the hopes of victory for Griswold. The Royal Highness learned the hardway that you need both dope fiends AND destroyers as Griffin was able to wreck their buzz. Finally, thanks to the final sacrifice of Calypso, the Kennelz were able to extend their perfect start to 3-0 with a win over the Muderflies.
To check on the status of the resurrection pit, let's kick it over to my broadcast partner, PEPPER BROOKS.
PEPPER!
"muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh,
Muh muh muhmuh muh. muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh. Muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh
Muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh
Muh muh muhmuhmuh. Muhmuh."
... Thanks, Pep. Good to have you back here too.
That's it for this week, join us next week for week four as we head to the artic. We'll find out what's colder, the icy, frozen icecaps or the icy grip of DEATH. For the Ocho- I'm Cotton McKnight. Thank you, and good night.
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are Aang, Katara, Sokka, The Lochness Monster, Opee Sea Killers #1-5, and The Shark.
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Oceanus, Tethys, Calypso, Nerkkod: Breaker of Oceans/combined with Nightsister Sith Witch #1, and Marko Aleksandrovich Ramius w/ Navy SEAL Chief #14 and 15 and Navy SEAL #45-50 in The Red October.
DAMMIT!! Watching this match last minute and in the middle of the night again!! Just trying to get stuff done all week long and it never happens. Trying to keep the universe afloat and it's always me that ends up sinking. Chasing screaming Super-Kitties all over my house all weekend and just never have time to get done the important stuff. AND WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY BONGO!! I just had this damn thing detailed and now it's out of gas and reaks of cheap beer, cheep weed, and cheep Gungan. Next time I see The Neon Master Bozo, he's getting a couple of swift kicks to each one of his nuts. But anyway, let's get down to the Watching. The Planet Core is going crazy with The Murderflies “Bending” the Hell out of the water and Calypso fighting back by causing more waves than a retiring pope. Calypso then wraps a mystical shroud around The Shark cutting off his movement and in essence drowning him before he can get close enough to attack. The Nightsister, aside from “breaking the ocean”, is using her now god-like reinforced powers of empathy to control Nessie and and The Opee Sea Killers in an attempt to use them against The Murderflies, but Katara puts a water shield around herself, in essence turning herself into a human water torpedo and rockets straight through The Breaker of Oceans. This puts everything back in to balance and creates an extremely pitched battle between both teams (Ha, now I'm stealing Becks' line to describe the entire story!! Beat that one Ryan... Oh that's right, he's retired too (damn, I still need to start the internet campaign to get those two back, another damn thing to take up my time)). The Opee Sea Killers and Nessie start swarming The Red October, while Aang starts mixing it up with Calypso, Katara battles with the Old Woman of the Sea Tethys, and Sokka gets stuck with the embodiment of the Sea himself Oceanus. “Minor gods my A**” is the quote I most likely would have heard from The Water Benders if I could here anything through this air tight Bongo (other than the FM Soundtrack, which I can't get out of the CD Player). These battles rage on for quite some time without either side gaining the upper hand, but then my day weekend really get ruined. The two sides begin stirring up the planet core so fiercely, that my bongo gets punctured and the electric system goes on the fritz. I mean come on, I got: MONSTERS OUT THERE, LEAKIN IN HERE, ALL SINKIN AND NO POWER!! I begin to lose control of Una Bongo and then barely manage to make it to an out cropping where I pop out on to the Naboo shore. “DAMMIT!! Now I've got to try and fix this thing so I can get back down there and finish watching this match. Like I wanted to spend more time wrenching on this thing”. I then find out, that the reason the electrical system is all screwed up is because of that a** the Neon Master Pogo and all of his after market bulls**t, that punk is dead as soon as I am done with this match. An hour goes by, and I am making no progress at all with this piece of Gungan made crap (next time I am totally buying American). Then, all of the sudden Navy SEAL #47 comes popping out of the same hole that my bongo came out of. He's soaking wet and all banged up. He's shaking his head trying to get rid of the dizzies when I ask walk up to him. “What the hell are you doing up here”? I ask. The Navy SEAL begins to tell me what he knows and says: “All I can tell you is what Calypso told me. She all of the sudden appeared inside The Red October where she pulled me into my private quarters”. I interrupt: “That's hot, did you hit that”? The SEAL answers: “Hells yeah Cousin”!! “Sweet, for real” I respond. “Ehhh, no not really” he says (everybody thinks that you can't lie to a watcher... If they only knew). Anyways, back to what the sailor was saying. “She said that although Oceanus and Tethys are gods, they are not fighters by nature and that they can be defeated and eventually would be by such heroes as were sent out by The Murderflies. She then informed me that The Red October could no longer take much abuse from the sea creatures, and that it would eventually not just sink, but when it does eventually go down that the nuclear reactor on board would rupture and it would take out everybody. She said that her godlike powers gave her the foresight to see this and that it would be “The Creature from Lochness” who would eventually deliver the killing blow and who would be her demise and exit from the world of Fantasy Fantasy”. But she said that she was eternally loyal to The Kennelz, and she said that she knew I was too. Which I am sir, I would do anything for my team and my teammates. She said she could make sure that we at least won the match even if she couldn't stop the destruction of our water squad, by getting one of us out of the planet core all together. Evidently that one person was me. She grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me with so much force that I thought I was just going to splatter on the wall of the sub; but then things got all fuzzy and I went right through the steel walls and started rocketing through the water. I saw a huge bright flash, which I thought meant I was dead; but then a few seconds later I popped out on the surface and the first thing I saw when I came to was you. At first I thought you were God or something”. This is when I smirk and say: “Ha, yeah. I get that a lot”.
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Oceanus, Tethys, Calypso, Nerkkod: Breaker of Oceans/combined with Nightsister Sith Witch #1, and Marko Aleksandrovich Ramius w/ Navy SEAL Chief #14 and 15 and Navy SEAL #45-50 in The Red October.
DAMMIT!! Watching this match last minute and in the middle of the night again!! Just trying to get stuff done all week long and it never happens. Trying to keep the universe afloat and it's always me that ends up sinking. Chasing screaming Super-Kitties all over my house all weekend and just never have time to get done the important stuff. AND WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY BONGO!! I just had this damn thing detailed and now it's out of gas and reaks of cheap beer, cheep weed, and cheep Gungan. Next time I see The Neon Master Bozo, he's getting a couple of swift kicks to each one of his nuts. But anyway, let's get down to the Watching. The Planet Core is going crazy with The Murderflies “Bending” the Hell out of the water and Calypso fighting back by causing more waves than a retiring pope. Calypso then wraps a mystical shroud around The Shark cutting off his movement and in essence drowning him before he can get close enough to attack. The Nightsister, aside from “breaking the ocean”, is using her now god-like reinforced powers of empathy to control Nessie and and The Opee Sea Killers in an attempt to use them against The Murderflies, but Katara puts a water shield around herself, in essence turning herself into a human water torpedo and rockets straight through The Breaker of Oceans. This puts everything back in to balance and creates an extremely pitched battle between both teams (Ha, now I'm stealing Becks' line to describe the entire story!! Beat that one Ryan... Oh that's right, he's retired too (damn, I still need to start the internet campaign to get those two back, another damn thing to take up my time)). The Opee Sea Killers and Nessie start swarming The Red October, while Aang starts mixing it up with Calypso, Katara battles with the Old Woman of the Sea Tethys, and Sokka gets stuck with the embodiment of the Sea himself Oceanus. “Minor gods my A**” is the quote I most likely would have heard from The Water Benders if I could here anything through this air tight Bongo (other than the FM Soundtrack, which I can't get out of the CD Player). These battles rage on for quite some time without either side gaining the upper hand, but then my day weekend really get ruined. The two sides begin stirring up the planet core so fiercely, that my bongo gets punctured and the electric system goes on the fritz. I mean come on, I got: MONSTERS OUT THERE, LEAKIN IN HERE, ALL SINKIN AND NO POWER!! I begin to lose control of Una Bongo and then barely manage to make it to an out cropping where I pop out on to the Naboo shore. “DAMMIT!! Now I've got to try and fix this thing so I can get back down there and finish watching this match. Like I wanted to spend more time wrenching on this thing”. I then find out, that the reason the electrical system is all screwed up is because of that a** the Neon Master Pogo and all of his after market bulls**t, that punk is dead as soon as I am done with this match. An hour goes by, and I am making no progress at all with this piece of Gungan made crap (next time I am totally buying American). Then, all of the sudden Navy SEAL #47 comes popping out of the same hole that my bongo came out of. He's soaking wet and all banged up. He's shaking his head trying to get rid of the dizzies when I ask walk up to him. “What the hell are you doing up here”? I ask. The Navy SEAL begins to tell me what he knows and says: “All I can tell you is what Calypso told me. She all of the sudden appeared inside The Red October where she pulled me into my private quarters”. I interrupt: “That's hot, did you hit that”? The SEAL answers: “Hells yeah Cousin”!! “Sweet, for real” I respond. “Ehhh, no not really” he says (everybody thinks that you can't lie to a watcher... If they only knew). Anyways, back to what the sailor was saying. “She said that although Oceanus and Tethys are gods, they are not fighters by nature and that they can be defeated and eventually would be by such heroes as were sent out by The Murderflies. She then informed me that The Red October could no longer take much abuse from the sea creatures, and that it would eventually not just sink, but when it does eventually go down that the nuclear reactor on board would rupture and it would take out everybody. She said that her godlike powers gave her the foresight to see this and that it would be “The Creature from Lochness” who would eventually deliver the killing blow and who would be her demise and exit from the world of Fantasy Fantasy”. But she said that she was eternally loyal to The Kennelz, and she said that she knew I was too. Which I am sir, I would do anything for my team and my teammates. She said she could make sure that we at least won the match even if she couldn't stop the destruction of our water squad, by getting one of us out of the planet core all together. Evidently that one person was me. She grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me with so much force that I thought I was just going to splatter on the wall of the sub; but then things got all fuzzy and I went right through the steel walls and started rocketing through the water. I saw a huge bright flash, which I thought meant I was dead; but then a few seconds later I popped out on the surface and the first thing I saw when I came to was you. At first I thought you were God or something”. This is when I smirk and say: “Ha, yeah. I get that a lot”.
George Washington's Slaves Vs. Shemalabam's Shit Kickers
Season 6 Week 2: George Washington's Slaves Vs. Shemalabama Shit Kickers
The Slaves are: The Hydra, Tigersharks (Octavia, Mako, Orka, Waltro, Dolph, Angel, Dog Fish),
Mer-man, Jaws2, Capt. Crunch w/S.S. Guppy, S.U.R.F. (Sharkskin, Eel, Undertow), Trojan Man
w/Ferengi Energy Whip, Bill Clinton w/green lightsaber, and Black Lantern Superman.
The Shit Kickers are: Aquaman, Aqualad(9 deaths), Topo, Fathom Five (Bloodtide, Dragon
Rider, Llyron, Manowar, Sea Leopard) Black Widow Shark, 2 headed shark, Clawful, and the
Sando Aqua Monster.
The personal Diary of Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch.
Captain's Log: Day 1. We have appeared in the watery core of planet Naboo, aboard the S.S.
Guppy. The crew and I are here to battle the Shit Kickers, first and foremost, although I have
ulterior motives. The earthly garden of Crunchberries is finite, so I must always be scouting for
a new supply. I will play these games if it means that I never have to see a world without my
delicious cereal. I have a hale and hearty crew, and first mate Bill Clinton has kept their spirits
high. I sense a bountiful journey.
Captain's Log: Day 2. Some of the fisherman have caught a rare specimen! It is the oft rumored
2 Headed Shark. We were dismayed to find our teammate Jaws 2 within the beast, but our spirits
were soon elated. While we posed for a photo with the oddity, it's death spasm caused it to bite Eel
clean in half. We were sorry to lose a member of the team, but his manner of death was so absurd,
even Black Lantern Superman chuckled a bit.
Captain's Log: Day 5. We are making good progress toward the legendary underwater Gungan
Crunchberries. Nothing of note has happened, save a lively debate between Bill Clinton and
Trojan man. Most have sided with Clinton, although Trojan Man garnered many laughs by
cracking his energy whip any time Hillary was mentioned.
Captain's Log: Day 7. Today began wonderfully as we have reached one of our destinations. I
sent the Tigersharks team to gather the Crunchberries below the surface. Unfortunately, I have
underestimated the guile of our opponents. They must be aware of my motives, as the Shit Kickers
planned an ambush. Clawful and the feared Black Widow shark were waiting for us, and many
of the Tigersharks were killed. Only Mako and Dolph survived. They were avenged when Mer-
man destroyed Clawful, and I sent my trident through the heart of the Black Widow shark myself.
Tragedy was not through with the S.S. Guppy just yet. While the crew posed with the body of the
mythic Black Widow shark, S.U.R.F. member Sharkskin was decapitated by the death spasm of
the Black Widow shark. I must remember to tighten the regulations of crew/trophy photos.
Captain's Log: Day 8. We have stowed the remaining Crunchberries and are looking to depart
shortly. I have plotted a course to the "Isle of Deliciousness", as we are eager to secure another
plentiful haul.
Captain's Log: Day 14. Today begin with an attack by The Fathom Five. Llyron, Sea Leopard,
and Manowar boarded my ship. I question the wisdom, but applaud their bravery. Mako and
Dolph eliminated Llyron and Sea Leopard, with vengeance for their fallen teammates guiding
their fury. Manowar vanquished Mako and Dolph by enveloping them. What a strange being! He
was pacified by Trojan Man with his Ferengi energy whip, in concert with a blast of Arctic breath
from Black Lantern Superman. An appearance by the Hydra was most unwelcomed, as it has been
controlled by the mystic conch shell of Dragon Rider. Trojan Man was eaten whole by the Hydra.
Black Lantern Superman ended the threat by destroying Dragon Rider with a chest opening heart
punch. No longer controlled, the Hydra swam back below the waters. If mythical beasts can feel
shame, I'm sure it does now in spades. Strange that a group called Fathom Five only used four
members in it's brazen assault. Was this simply a ruse of some kind?
Captain's Log: Day 25. My suspicions were correct. We have been driven off course by the water
witch Bloodtide. We only discovered this after we sent S.U.R.F. member Undertow to correct
the tides in our favor. As she floated to the surface dead, Mer-man dove in and quickly ended our
threat when he returned with the corpse of Bloodtide. No trophy photo was attempted, but Bill
Clinton took her body below deck for what he described as a "proper burial."
Captain's Log: Day 30. With supplies dwindling, as well as my crew, this day required a morale
upliifting unlike any other. I reported that we were back on track and making excellent progress.
This helped, but the true victory was a "Clash of the Titans" that few mortals could ever claim
to witness. The Hydra ran afoul of the dreaded Sando Aqua Monster and it consumed the Hydra
whole. Hours later, the Sando Monster floated by the ship dead, as the Hydra emerged from within
the beast. It had chewed its way out of the monster, destroying many vital organs that lay in its
path. It appears that the Sando Aqua Monster is not well versed in mythology, nor the proper way
to kill a Hydra. I, however, and now fully versed in cooking said monster. With bellies full and
spirits high, our quest continues with renewed vigor.
Captain's Log: Day 35. Aquaman's pet octopus Topo was found aboard our ship. It is my
instinct that he has been spying on us for quite some time. That would explain the ambush at the
underwater Crunchberry fields, as well as the Fathom Five's precision strike. It was a cunning
creature, even managing to strangle Mer-man to death before I killed it with my mighty Trident. I
have decorated the front of my ship with it's corpse as a message to the sea king.
Captain's Log: Day 36. My message to Aquaman was quickly noted and responded to in kind.
His protege Aqualad arrived riding a mentally overtaken Hydra. As the Hydra has been enthralled
twice, I made the risky decision to eliminate it, as well as the young Atlantean. Black Lantern
Superman flew straight through the necks of the Hydra removing them all quickly. He then used
heat vision, cauterizing the wounds and destroying the creature. He then made short work of
Aqualad, ripping his heart out with one fluid motion. Unfortunately, the Hydra blood covered
Black Lantern was the next to fall. The blood's ability to strip life is not limited to immortals only,
but to the unead as well. He dissolved from existence along with this ring. With my crew reduced
to one man, I fear that my madness may have doomed us all.
Captain's Log: Day 40. The sea itself seems against us, but I will not be defeated so easily.
Captain's Log: Day 50. We have run aground, essentially destroying the S.S. Guppy, but it is
worth it. We have reached the "Isle of Deliciousness". It has cost us much, but Bill Clinton and I
agree that lives were not lost in vain. We are both certain that the motherload of Crunchberries is
worth many more souls then we have given. The only thing to do now is gather our prize, secure
transport, and send Aquaman straight to hell.
Watchers note: this diary was found in my mailbox, bound in whaleskin and stamped with
the Seal of Atlantis.
The Slaves are: The Hydra, Tigersharks (Octavia, Mako, Orka, Waltro, Dolph, Angel, Dog Fish),
Mer-man, Jaws2, Capt. Crunch w/S.S. Guppy, S.U.R.F. (Sharkskin, Eel, Undertow), Trojan Man
w/Ferengi Energy Whip, Bill Clinton w/green lightsaber, and Black Lantern Superman.
The Shit Kickers are: Aquaman, Aqualad(9 deaths), Topo, Fathom Five (Bloodtide, Dragon
Rider, Llyron, Manowar, Sea Leopard) Black Widow Shark, 2 headed shark, Clawful, and the
Sando Aqua Monster.
The personal Diary of Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch.
Captain's Log: Day 1. We have appeared in the watery core of planet Naboo, aboard the S.S.
Guppy. The crew and I are here to battle the Shit Kickers, first and foremost, although I have
ulterior motives. The earthly garden of Crunchberries is finite, so I must always be scouting for
a new supply. I will play these games if it means that I never have to see a world without my
delicious cereal. I have a hale and hearty crew, and first mate Bill Clinton has kept their spirits
high. I sense a bountiful journey.
Captain's Log: Day 2. Some of the fisherman have caught a rare specimen! It is the oft rumored
2 Headed Shark. We were dismayed to find our teammate Jaws 2 within the beast, but our spirits
were soon elated. While we posed for a photo with the oddity, it's death spasm caused it to bite Eel
clean in half. We were sorry to lose a member of the team, but his manner of death was so absurd,
even Black Lantern Superman chuckled a bit.
Captain's Log: Day 5. We are making good progress toward the legendary underwater Gungan
Crunchberries. Nothing of note has happened, save a lively debate between Bill Clinton and
Trojan man. Most have sided with Clinton, although Trojan Man garnered many laughs by
cracking his energy whip any time Hillary was mentioned.
Captain's Log: Day 7. Today began wonderfully as we have reached one of our destinations. I
sent the Tigersharks team to gather the Crunchberries below the surface. Unfortunately, I have
underestimated the guile of our opponents. They must be aware of my motives, as the Shit Kickers
planned an ambush. Clawful and the feared Black Widow shark were waiting for us, and many
of the Tigersharks were killed. Only Mako and Dolph survived. They were avenged when Mer-
man destroyed Clawful, and I sent my trident through the heart of the Black Widow shark myself.
Tragedy was not through with the S.S. Guppy just yet. While the crew posed with the body of the
mythic Black Widow shark, S.U.R.F. member Sharkskin was decapitated by the death spasm of
the Black Widow shark. I must remember to tighten the regulations of crew/trophy photos.
Captain's Log: Day 8. We have stowed the remaining Crunchberries and are looking to depart
shortly. I have plotted a course to the "Isle of Deliciousness", as we are eager to secure another
plentiful haul.
Captain's Log: Day 14. Today begin with an attack by The Fathom Five. Llyron, Sea Leopard,
and Manowar boarded my ship. I question the wisdom, but applaud their bravery. Mako and
Dolph eliminated Llyron and Sea Leopard, with vengeance for their fallen teammates guiding
their fury. Manowar vanquished Mako and Dolph by enveloping them. What a strange being! He
was pacified by Trojan Man with his Ferengi energy whip, in concert with a blast of Arctic breath
from Black Lantern Superman. An appearance by the Hydra was most unwelcomed, as it has been
controlled by the mystic conch shell of Dragon Rider. Trojan Man was eaten whole by the Hydra.
Black Lantern Superman ended the threat by destroying Dragon Rider with a chest opening heart
punch. No longer controlled, the Hydra swam back below the waters. If mythical beasts can feel
shame, I'm sure it does now in spades. Strange that a group called Fathom Five only used four
members in it's brazen assault. Was this simply a ruse of some kind?
Captain's Log: Day 25. My suspicions were correct. We have been driven off course by the water
witch Bloodtide. We only discovered this after we sent S.U.R.F. member Undertow to correct
the tides in our favor. As she floated to the surface dead, Mer-man dove in and quickly ended our
threat when he returned with the corpse of Bloodtide. No trophy photo was attempted, but Bill
Clinton took her body below deck for what he described as a "proper burial."
Captain's Log: Day 30. With supplies dwindling, as well as my crew, this day required a morale
upliifting unlike any other. I reported that we were back on track and making excellent progress.
This helped, but the true victory was a "Clash of the Titans" that few mortals could ever claim
to witness. The Hydra ran afoul of the dreaded Sando Aqua Monster and it consumed the Hydra
whole. Hours later, the Sando Monster floated by the ship dead, as the Hydra emerged from within
the beast. It had chewed its way out of the monster, destroying many vital organs that lay in its
path. It appears that the Sando Aqua Monster is not well versed in mythology, nor the proper way
to kill a Hydra. I, however, and now fully versed in cooking said monster. With bellies full and
spirits high, our quest continues with renewed vigor.
Captain's Log: Day 35. Aquaman's pet octopus Topo was found aboard our ship. It is my
instinct that he has been spying on us for quite some time. That would explain the ambush at the
underwater Crunchberry fields, as well as the Fathom Five's precision strike. It was a cunning
creature, even managing to strangle Mer-man to death before I killed it with my mighty Trident. I
have decorated the front of my ship with it's corpse as a message to the sea king.
Captain's Log: Day 36. My message to Aquaman was quickly noted and responded to in kind.
His protege Aqualad arrived riding a mentally overtaken Hydra. As the Hydra has been enthralled
twice, I made the risky decision to eliminate it, as well as the young Atlantean. Black Lantern
Superman flew straight through the necks of the Hydra removing them all quickly. He then used
heat vision, cauterizing the wounds and destroying the creature. He then made short work of
Aqualad, ripping his heart out with one fluid motion. Unfortunately, the Hydra blood covered
Black Lantern was the next to fall. The blood's ability to strip life is not limited to immortals only,
but to the unead as well. He dissolved from existence along with this ring. With my crew reduced
to one man, I fear that my madness may have doomed us all.
Captain's Log: Day 40. The sea itself seems against us, but I will not be defeated so easily.
Captain's Log: Day 50. We have run aground, essentially destroying the S.S. Guppy, but it is
worth it. We have reached the "Isle of Deliciousness". It has cost us much, but Bill Clinton and I
agree that lives were not lost in vain. We are both certain that the motherload of Crunchberries is
worth many more souls then we have given. The only thing to do now is gather our prize, secure
transport, and send Aquaman straight to hell.
Watchers note: this diary was found in my mailbox, bound in whaleskin and stamped with
the Seal of Atlantis.
Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers Vs. The Royal Highness
Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are Poseidon, Triton, Killer Kroc, David Hasslehoff, King Godirah, Shark With Freakin Laser Beams #1-3, Opee Sea Killer #9, Sharkticon #11, Eric Delko, and The Monkguin.
The Royal Highness is Yoda, Q, The Phantom Stranger, Black Lantern Josh Houslander, The Deep Six: Attuma, Nagal, Orka, Pirahna, Sea Urchin, and Tiger Shark, and The Kraken.
Sup sup sup y' all, Neon Master Pogo here chillin in this tricked out Bongo I picked up so I could come at you with this wicked match between The Highness and The Dope Fiends. In honor of these two teams meeting, I naturally just burnt a fatty, which is always awesome in something as air tight as a bongo. By the way this bongo was nice before, but now it's rockin some leopard print seat covers, an 8 track player that I put a cassette adapter 8 track in with a wired cassette adapter in it that I plugged a C.D. Player in to so I could listen to the FM Soundtrack that I burned off of my Lp at home over and over again. I just installed one of those licorice dispensers like in Wayne's World and riveted some of those Yosemite Sam mudflaps on the back, along with my Calvin pissing on Honda sticker in the back window. This is the life man, I got a couple of tall boys of Natural Ice, some Funyuns, I even conned this banished Gungan in to driving this thing for me so I can just focus on nothing but the match (and the Funyuns). But anyway, let's look at these two powerhouses and what they are about to do. I snap my fingers, and all of the sudden, both teams appear in front of me right here in the dark and scary (unless you're in a gnarly bongo) Naboo Planet Core. Yoda begins gasping for air, the second they appear, but luckily Q puts a field of oxygen around him to save his life. The Dope Fiends do not have anybody on their squad with such power, so Eric Delko, The Monkguin, and David Hasslehoff all begin to gasp for air and die. The three of them do manage to pick up three women and get all of them in the sack before they go do to their suave nature and amazing looks, but they die none the less. King Godirah turns thousands of gallons of water in to a boiling gas with his powers as well, but it still isn't enough from drowning the beast in the pressurized waters of the planet core. The same goes for Killer Kroc, accept he does manage to hold his breath long enough to rip apart the blue skin of Orka and make him join the Krocster in death. Yoda is using the force from within his oxygen bubble to hold back The Dope Fiends, keeping the heavy fighting from even taking place yet, but Poseidon is discussing the potential format of the battle with Q. Poseidon informs Q, that he is the master of the sea and that he does in fact have dominion over all that enter it, and the power to destroy him, despite the massive cosmic power that he does in fact wield. Q analyzes this data and comes to the conclusion that the Greek god is in fact correct. Q then decides to save the time and potentially destructive effort and allows his own destruction. This also eliminates the oxygen bubble. Yoda does not struggle at all after this, as he uses his mastery of the force to calm his mind and body. He gains complete control of his surroundings and attains total peace, but it is not enough to save his life. Yoda drowns. In the meantime, The Phantom Stranger is having no problem adapting to life underwater, but he does have time adapting to Triton's mystical trident buried in his face, in fact this act kills him instantly. The sharks with freakin laser beams inadvertantly shoot through the watery fog power left behind by King Godirah. This mix of powers is enough to take out Black Lantern Josh Houslander. This is welcomed by the members of The Royal Highness due to the fact that Josh hasn't stopped whining about how cold the water is since the second they mystically appeared here (what a b^%ch). Sharkticon #11, a FFL water veteran has seen many a water match, and easily takes on both Piranha and Sea Urchin. The two members of Attuma's Deap Six Special Force work together, but are still no match for the Transformer. The Sharkticon easily consumes the mutated fish known as Piranha and and uses its metal claws to slice in half Sea Urchin, but the former agent of The Quintasons meets his match when he is grabbed by The Kraken and crushed into a Cybertronian Metal ball. Poseidon then moves against The Kraken as the two become locked in an epic battle of brawn vs. might of godly proportions. Attuma then leads what is left of his Deep Six against the three laser beam aided sharks. Shark #2 manages to bite up Nagal; but Attuma and Tiger Shark get the better end of their matches and then turn on the final shark and each grab an end, eventually ripping the fish in two. Though there is little time for celebration as Opee Sea Killer #1 takes full advanteage of his home field, and comes out of nowhere to swallow both of the water warriors whole. Triton joins up with Poseidon in his battle against The Kraken but the minor god is grabbed by The Kraken and then made a into a quick snack by the beast as he bites his head of first and then begins to feast on the rest of him. Poseidon on the other hand does not rest for a second as he uses this moment to swim quickly underneath the Kraken and push his Kingly Trident up under the chin of the massive beast to finish him off once and for all.
The Royal Highness is Yoda, Q, The Phantom Stranger, Black Lantern Josh Houslander, The Deep Six: Attuma, Nagal, Orka, Pirahna, Sea Urchin, and Tiger Shark, and The Kraken.
Sup sup sup y' all, Neon Master Pogo here chillin in this tricked out Bongo I picked up so I could come at you with this wicked match between The Highness and The Dope Fiends. In honor of these two teams meeting, I naturally just burnt a fatty, which is always awesome in something as air tight as a bongo. By the way this bongo was nice before, but now it's rockin some leopard print seat covers, an 8 track player that I put a cassette adapter 8 track in with a wired cassette adapter in it that I plugged a C.D. Player in to so I could listen to the FM Soundtrack that I burned off of my Lp at home over and over again. I just installed one of those licorice dispensers like in Wayne's World and riveted some of those Yosemite Sam mudflaps on the back, along with my Calvin pissing on Honda sticker in the back window. This is the life man, I got a couple of tall boys of Natural Ice, some Funyuns, I even conned this banished Gungan in to driving this thing for me so I can just focus on nothing but the match (and the Funyuns). But anyway, let's look at these two powerhouses and what they are about to do. I snap my fingers, and all of the sudden, both teams appear in front of me right here in the dark and scary (unless you're in a gnarly bongo) Naboo Planet Core. Yoda begins gasping for air, the second they appear, but luckily Q puts a field of oxygen around him to save his life. The Dope Fiends do not have anybody on their squad with such power, so Eric Delko, The Monkguin, and David Hasslehoff all begin to gasp for air and die. The three of them do manage to pick up three women and get all of them in the sack before they go do to their suave nature and amazing looks, but they die none the less. King Godirah turns thousands of gallons of water in to a boiling gas with his powers as well, but it still isn't enough from drowning the beast in the pressurized waters of the planet core. The same goes for Killer Kroc, accept he does manage to hold his breath long enough to rip apart the blue skin of Orka and make him join the Krocster in death. Yoda is using the force from within his oxygen bubble to hold back The Dope Fiends, keeping the heavy fighting from even taking place yet, but Poseidon is discussing the potential format of the battle with Q. Poseidon informs Q, that he is the master of the sea and that he does in fact have dominion over all that enter it, and the power to destroy him, despite the massive cosmic power that he does in fact wield. Q analyzes this data and comes to the conclusion that the Greek god is in fact correct. Q then decides to save the time and potentially destructive effort and allows his own destruction. This also eliminates the oxygen bubble. Yoda does not struggle at all after this, as he uses his mastery of the force to calm his mind and body. He gains complete control of his surroundings and attains total peace, but it is not enough to save his life. Yoda drowns. In the meantime, The Phantom Stranger is having no problem adapting to life underwater, but he does have time adapting to Triton's mystical trident buried in his face, in fact this act kills him instantly. The sharks with freakin laser beams inadvertantly shoot through the watery fog power left behind by King Godirah. This mix of powers is enough to take out Black Lantern Josh Houslander. This is welcomed by the members of The Royal Highness due to the fact that Josh hasn't stopped whining about how cold the water is since the second they mystically appeared here (what a b^%ch). Sharkticon #11, a FFL water veteran has seen many a water match, and easily takes on both Piranha and Sea Urchin. The two members of Attuma's Deap Six Special Force work together, but are still no match for the Transformer. The Sharkticon easily consumes the mutated fish known as Piranha and and uses its metal claws to slice in half Sea Urchin, but the former agent of The Quintasons meets his match when he is grabbed by The Kraken and crushed into a Cybertronian Metal ball. Poseidon then moves against The Kraken as the two become locked in an epic battle of brawn vs. might of godly proportions. Attuma then leads what is left of his Deep Six against the three laser beam aided sharks. Shark #2 manages to bite up Nagal; but Attuma and Tiger Shark get the better end of their matches and then turn on the final shark and each grab an end, eventually ripping the fish in two. Though there is little time for celebration as Opee Sea Killer #1 takes full advanteage of his home field, and comes out of nowhere to swallow both of the water warriors whole. Triton joins up with Poseidon in his battle against The Kraken but the minor god is grabbed by The Kraken and then made a into a quick snack by the beast as he bites his head of first and then begins to feast on the rest of him. Poseidon on the other hand does not rest for a second as he uses this moment to swim quickly underneath the Kraken and push his Kingly Trident up under the chin of the massive beast to finish him off once and for all.
Brotherhood vs Red Army
The Brotherhood of evil midgets are… Qwsp, Megalon, Squirtle, Charybidis, Sharkticon #33-38, Namorita, Namora, Treasure Troll #1
The Red Army is Gungan Soldier #11-50, Darth Binks, Miss Tanner w/Red Lantern Ring (Witch from the movie Suspiria), Madame Blanc w/Yellow Lantern Ring (Witch from the movie Suspiria), Helena Markos w/Red Lantern Ring (Suspiria Witch Coven Leader), Suspiria Witch Coven Member #1 w/Indigo Ring, KFC Superman, Tenderheart Bear , Taylor Swift w/Sith Lanvarok
The two teams are transported to the naboo planet core via cosmic waterslide. Once in the water Charybidis makes the first kill by taking out all the gungan’s including Darth Binks . The witches repel qwsp for a moment, but because it takes all their combined strength to keep Qwsp at bay, their backs are vulnerable. Six mean a** Sharkticon’s swim up and devour the out of place witches. Taylor Swift is too busy trying to look sexy and break away from her squeaky clean, kid friendly, image to notice that that Charybidis has already consumed her and just like the sarlac pit she will be digestive a thousand years. Not sure if that’s gonna affect her eligibility for next week but will see. Squirtle and Treasure Troll #1 corner Tenderheart bear, the two scoundrels laugh and smile as they close in on the cowering bear pleading for its life.
Tenderheart: please please please Don’t KILL ME!! I’ll do anything. I’ll suck your d**k’s, come on boys Whada ya say. Haaha you know they don’t call me Tenderheart for nothing.
The two evil midgets look at each one another and shrug their shoulders, then start pulling down their pants. Treasure troll # 1 grabs the back of tenderhearts head and pulls him close. That’s when tenderheart Pulls a shank out from his heart shaped backpack and stabs treasure troll #1 in the balls then in the Neck. Squirtle is literally caught with his pants down and is stomped to death by the angry bear.
KFC Superman finally shows up with his bucket of chicken and side of gravy. Qwsp swims up and knocks his gravy over.
KFC Superman: Hey that’s not cool man, that s**t don’t grow on trees man!
KFC Superman takes a deep breath and then a very slow labored swing at Qwsp, He counters with a kick to the body and a series of uppercuts that floor the colonel’s favorite son. Qswp follows up by snapping his neck.
The Red Army is Gungan Soldier #11-50, Darth Binks, Miss Tanner w/Red Lantern Ring (Witch from the movie Suspiria), Madame Blanc w/Yellow Lantern Ring (Witch from the movie Suspiria), Helena Markos w/Red Lantern Ring (Suspiria Witch Coven Leader), Suspiria Witch Coven Member #1 w/Indigo Ring, KFC Superman, Tenderheart Bear , Taylor Swift w/Sith Lanvarok
The two teams are transported to the naboo planet core via cosmic waterslide. Once in the water Charybidis makes the first kill by taking out all the gungan’s including Darth Binks . The witches repel qwsp for a moment, but because it takes all their combined strength to keep Qwsp at bay, their backs are vulnerable. Six mean a** Sharkticon’s swim up and devour the out of place witches. Taylor Swift is too busy trying to look sexy and break away from her squeaky clean, kid friendly, image to notice that that Charybidis has already consumed her and just like the sarlac pit she will be digestive a thousand years. Not sure if that’s gonna affect her eligibility for next week but will see. Squirtle and Treasure Troll #1 corner Tenderheart bear, the two scoundrels laugh and smile as they close in on the cowering bear pleading for its life.
Tenderheart: please please please Don’t KILL ME!! I’ll do anything. I’ll suck your d**k’s, come on boys Whada ya say. Haaha you know they don’t call me Tenderheart for nothing.
The two evil midgets look at each one another and shrug their shoulders, then start pulling down their pants. Treasure troll # 1 grabs the back of tenderhearts head and pulls him close. That’s when tenderheart Pulls a shank out from his heart shaped backpack and stabs treasure troll #1 in the balls then in the Neck. Squirtle is literally caught with his pants down and is stomped to death by the angry bear.
KFC Superman finally shows up with his bucket of chicken and side of gravy. Qwsp swims up and knocks his gravy over.
KFC Superman: Hey that’s not cool man, that s**t don’t grow on trees man!
KFC Superman takes a deep breath and then a very slow labored swing at Qwsp, He counters with a kick to the body and a series of uppercuts that floor the colonel’s favorite son. Qswp follows up by snapping his neck.
S6W3 – TEAM vs Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family
TEAM is: Red Sun Superman, Supergirl
(Linda Danavers), Justice Leagion Alpha Aquaman, Aqua-Mariner,
Emerald Weapon, Sin (Final Fantasy X), Ulmo, Anna
Pilkinton w/ sea-doo, Lucas Pilkinton w/ sea-doo, Cock Sneak Goomba #6
Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together
to Make a New Family is : (Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolcenzak, Dr. Westphalin,
Commander John Ford, LBenjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Lorcker,
Tim O'Neil, Lt. James Brady, Dagwood, Anthony Pickolo, and Tresure Troll
#17) in The Sea Quest Submarine, Darwin the Dolphin, Seaworm #8, Patrick
Star, Eugene H. Krabs, Black Lantern Hydro Man, Sharkticon #21-26, White
Lantern Batman w/ resurrected Godzilla.
“All Rise” the bailiff says, “The Honorable Fizzatu
presiding.”
“Would the defendant and his attorney please rise…” states
the judge. “Mr. Eugene H. Krabs, you
have been charged numerous war crimes in complete violation of International
Humanitarian Law including: murder in the first degree, the ill-treatment of prisoners
of war, the killing of prisoners, the wanton destruction of an underwater city
comprised of scores of innocent marine life, and devastation not justified by
military, or civilian necessity. How
does your client plead, Mr. Beckerman?”
“Not Guilty, you piece of ---” Says Bryan Beckerman Esq.
“Mr. Sam. Bernstein is acting attorney for the prosecution;
you may call your first witness.”
“Let’s not waste any time. “ Says Sammy B. “I call Eugene
Krabs to the stand”
The courtroom is silent as the proprietor of the Krusty Krab
takes the stand. Click, click, click,
click. The lawyer with the 1-800 number
begins.
“Please state your name for the record”
“Mee name be Eugene H. Krabs” says the defendant.
“And what is your date of birth?”
“November 30, 1942”
“And where do you currently reside?”
“3541 Anchor
Way, Bikini
Bottom”
“And that is in the Pacific Ocean,
correct?” asks Bernstein.
“Ayeee” says Mr.
Krabs.
Bernstein pauses dramatically before he begins again. “Can you tell me what happened on the evening
of March 24, 2013?”
“Well, I was closing up at the Krusty Krab when I heard a
lot of commotion outside. There were
screams of pain and I saw one of mee customers, a young starfish who is a
friend of one of mee best cooks, get blown up right in front of mee store! A giant lizard came out of da sea and dis
communist man with a cape on was flying above the surface, burning people alive
with dis laser/heat vision contraption.
Shark looking robots were eating deez two small kiddies who were just
having fun riding around on sea-doos and Aquaman blew up a submarine killing a
bunch of people inside who all looked like dey were from a TV show that no one
watched. Eeet was horribull.”
“That does sound horrible.” Says the lawyer with a blind
kid. “Please, Mr. Krabs, tell me how is it possible that Aquaman blew up that
submarine and killed all those people when he was found tied to a tiny palm
tree on the island above your city with one of YOUR fishing nets?”
“Ayee… Ayee…” stammers Mr. Krabs.
“HOW, MR. KRAB?!
EVERYONE IS DEAD BUT YOU!”
“Objection! Council
is badgering the defendant!” protests Beckerman
“No further questions.” Replies Bernstein.
“Your witness, Mr. Beckerman” Says the handsome Fizzatu.
Beckerman approaches the stand and begins. “I would like to provide exhibit A,
surveillance footage from the Krusty Krab security cameras. You will see that my client is clearly
visible cowering in fear inside the restaurant the entire time the carnage took
place outside.” He continues, now
directing his questions toward Mr. Krabs, “Did you tie Aquaman to that tree, Eugene?”
A long silence follows and through tear filled eyes Mr.
Krabs says, “Aye... I did. But I knew if
I didn’t, he was gonna be commin’ for me next.
I swam as fast as mee little claws could go and when I got to the
surface I threw mee net in da water just as he leaped out to grab me. When he was tangled, I used mee pinchers to
clip his tail off and tied him to the tree.
It was in self defense…”
“No further questions. I rest my case.” A solemn Beckerman says.
The jury (consisting of 4 black fish, 3 orange and 5 blue
fish) deliberates for over 5 hours and then returns with the verdict. As they enter the courtroom, Fizzatu asks the
jury if they have reached a verdict and they confirm that they have. The bailiff hands the slip of paper over and
the judge begins.
“Would both parties please rise?”
They oblige.
“We the people, find the defendant, Mr. Eugene H. Krabs…..”
Sunday, March 24, 2013
s6w3- The Empire vs The Horsemen
The Empire are: Black Lantern Abin Sur, White Lantern Swamp Thing, Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner, Pet Avengers Throg, Black Zero, Wartole,
Justice Force Tsunami, Abe Sapien, Blastois, Black Lantern Dark Phoenix and Buzz Lightyear
The Horsemen of Apokolips are: Percy Jackson w/Trident, Superman, Snowflame, Navy Seals #1 and John McClane in a submarine and Seaworm #1, 2, 3 and 5
SSSSSHHHHRRRRRROOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM.
That is the only sound we're able to hear as the battle commences. The mighty sound of Seaworm #4 engulphing Wartole, Throg Blastois, Abe Spien and Buzz Lightyear drowns out their screams of pain as they're hacked to ribbons by the meters and meters of teeth in giant creatures mouth. Tsunami struggles desperately to keep the creatures at bay, narrowly avoiding the monsterous creatures which are over a thousand feet long. He feels a quick burst shoot by him just as Seaworm #5 is about to bestow the same fate upon him as it did his fellow teammates, when suddenly the beast stops, starts to twitch and then suddenly a giant black fist construct explodes out it's midsection. Tsunami is stunned to see black lantern Abin Sur fly out the crevice in the creatures chest, smirking.
"You're welcome." Abin Sur smirks, still covered in the gore of the beast. "But don't make it a habit" and with that he flies off
"I didn't need your-" begins Tsunami, when suddenly a large shadow falls across him and the mighty roar of Seaworm #1 fills the Justice Force members ears. Before he can make the long, painful trip to the Seaworms gullet the monster's head is sudden;y ripped back by a giant green fishhook.
"I can't hold him forever" screams Kyle Rayner "Do something!"
Tsunami quickly gains his faculties, and uses his water controlling powers to create a giant scimitar, and begins furiously hacking at the monstrosity. As Tsunami hacks away, Kyle summons the power of rage within himself as finishes off the creature. Kyle then furiously turns to his teammate.
"WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU?? YOU PANSY ASS DIME STORE NAMOR RIPOFF!!" screams Kyle, still channeling the red energy. "THIS ISN"T TIME TO BULLSH**T AROUND! WE HAVEN'T WON A MATCH YET, AND I'LL BE GODDAMMED IF WE LOSE THIS WEEK! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND START FU**ING FIGHTING YOU SH*THEAD!!!"
This stirs something in Tsunami "F**k you, newbie." replies Tsunami "You think you know me? You don't know jack. How bout you stop worrying about me, and worry about yourself, dick?"
"Whatever, pussy." snarls the burning red Kyle. "All I know is that's twice so far we've had to save your candyass. You know what they say about three stri-"
FFWWWWOOOSSSSHHHHHH
The two bickering teammates are suddenly encased in ice as the mighty freeze breath of Superman silences them. The ice containing Kyle begins to creak and break as the rage of the multi-hued lantern reaches a fever pitch. Then, the ice and it's captured inhabitants are shattered by Snowflame.
"YYYeeeeoooooWWWWW, babay! Those two squares are quite the crack-up. Shu shu shaaaaa!" screams the cocaine powered Horsemen "OoooHHhhhh. Hold the phone Soupey sales. That blast took a bit outta me. Gotta take a powder! TTFN. Tata for now!" and with that Snowflame goes off to score some more of the plentiful amounts of blow found in the Horsemen lockerroom."
"I'm starting to rethink fighting for the Horsemen." mumbles Superman as he sees his teammate fly away. Superman uses his telescopic vision to search for more of the Empire, when his blood runs cold. His vision switches from telescopic to heat and the water around him begins to boil. Superman has spotted the black lanterns of the Empire, the memories of what transpired last week in the graveyard with his cousin still fresh in his mind.
"No. More." snarls the Man of Steel. Superman takes a moment to collect himself, and uses his supermemory to recall the various weakness of a black lantern. He curses the fact that there are no lantern rings at his disposal, when he's hit from behind by the Black Lantern Dark Phoenix.
"Let's see what happens when I tear that righteous, beating heart from your chest. Will it still bleed for your poor, dead cousin?" she mocks.
"You're a Phoenix, right?" asks Superman "Let's see you rise from the ashes" and he lets loose a massive blast of heatvision that incinerates not only the black lantern Dark Phoenix but Tsunami, and the remaining Seaworms on his own team. As the ring begins to reform Dark Phoenix, inspiration strikes Superman and he blasts off into space, and takes off at such speed he disappears completely.
"Coward." the Dark Phoenix mutters as her face reforms. She turns to find another victim when suddenly a red lightsaber bursts through her chest.
"How?" she begins when a green one erupts out of her throat and the combination of green and red energies from the Star Wars weapons eradicate her.
"Sorry. Had to duck out for a second" says Superman. "Now no one can say we didn't get anything good out of the cinematic retelling of 'The Phantom Menace', thanks to that flick I remembered that Qui-Gon and Darth Maul both died round these parts and lost just the lightsabers I'd need. A little super-timetravel and BOOM. One black lantern down"
"AND ONE TO GO!!!" screams Abin Sur as he rockets past Superman in a construct of the Lex-Soar. Superman dodges quickly out of the way, and the two begin a heated battle with neither combatant daring to get too close to his opponent.
Elsewhere, Snowflame flies up the torpedo tune of the Horsemen's submarine and knocks on the hatch. His teammates John McClane and Navy SEAL #1 let him in.
"Just in time, Snow" says the SEAL "Our sub is under attack from this strange seaweed."
"One sec, not to BLOW you off" says Snowflame "But I need some blow."
"Come to the Horsemen they say." says McClane "Have a few laughs. Hang with Superman. Maybe win another title, they tell me. Instead here I am with a common SEAL and a coked out guy in red pajamas. Just great. And ontop of that, that Jackson kids just disappears. Son of a god? Feh. More like son of a bitch"
Without warning, the hull is breached and seaweed tendrils grab hold of the SEAL and choke him to death. The massive white lantern Swamp Thing bursts into the sub and McClane finds himself in a sinking situation. McClane knows he doomed, so he quickly rushes over to Snoflame's table and flips it over, scattering the cocaine into the rapidly increasing water.
"MY COKE" screams Snowflame as he sees the last of his cocaine evaporate in the water. "NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO??"
He's...a...white...lantern." glubs McClane "Snort hi*" and with that John McClane finds he no longer has to live free. Foir it's a good day. To die. Hard. With a vengeance. Two.
"POPPA SPANK!" screeches Snowflames as he rockets toward The Empire's white lantern. Snowflame begins to furiously tear the creature apart. Before Swampy can register what's happened he's reduced to mulch and the white ring. Snowflame uses his mighty coke fueled strength to crush the ring into powder and quickly rubs it on his gums.
"OOOOHHHHHHH FFFUUUUUUUCCCCCC- THAT IS THE GOOD SH*T! I CAN SEE THROUGH TIME!" the now near omnipotent being says. "I am needed elsewhere." and with that, he takes off to the final stages of battle.
"I can go all night, Superman" screams Abin Sur. "I'll beat you the way Doomsday did. By tiring you out."
"As long as you black lantern abominations exist, I'll never tire. Even if it takes me to my last breath" and Superman begins his final gambit. He lets loose another burst of freezebreath and freezes everything around him. He uses his last bit of strength to run Abin Sur through with his lightsaber. As the black lantern dies, Superman collapses to catch his breath.
"Is it... is it over?" he wonders When suddenly his shoulder explodes in pain and he feels his remaining strength leave him.
"It soon will be, superfool" proclaims Black Zero."I won't make the same mistake with you that I did with Jax-Ur. This time I used my magnificent weapons creation power to shoot you with a GREEN kryptonite bullet. Any last words"
"Yeah. You still won't win. Your empire will crumble" and Superman spits in his face.
Black Zero screams in rage and finishes off the Horsemen's first pick for the sixth season.
"You forgot something." says a voice as Snowflame and Percy Jackson appear in front of him.
"And what's that, druggie?" sneers the mighty weaponsmith
"That red kryptonite isn't the only way to get THIS" yells Percy as he reaches into his backpack and pulls out the head of Medusa.
"NNoooo-" Black Zero begins to scream as he turns to stone, just as he did when Jax-Ur faced him. As Black Zero sinks to the depths, defeated Percy turns to Snowflame and asks him
"But, how did you know that the Medusa head would stop him, and that I'd have it?"
"Simple." replies Snowflame "I do my research. I don't just make stuff up as I go. Now let's go score some morre COKE!"
The Horsemen of Apokolips are: Percy Jackson w/Trident, Superman, Snowflame, Navy Seals #1 and John McClane in a submarine and Seaworm #1, 2, 3 and 5
SSSSSHHHHRRRRRROOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM.
That is the only sound we're able to hear as the battle commences. The mighty sound of Seaworm #4 engulphing Wartole, Throg Blastois, Abe Spien and Buzz Lightyear drowns out their screams of pain as they're hacked to ribbons by the meters and meters of teeth in giant creatures mouth. Tsunami struggles desperately to keep the creatures at bay, narrowly avoiding the monsterous creatures which are over a thousand feet long. He feels a quick burst shoot by him just as Seaworm #5 is about to bestow the same fate upon him as it did his fellow teammates, when suddenly the beast stops, starts to twitch and then suddenly a giant black fist construct explodes out it's midsection. Tsunami is stunned to see black lantern Abin Sur fly out the crevice in the creatures chest, smirking.
"You're welcome." Abin Sur smirks, still covered in the gore of the beast. "But don't make it a habit" and with that he flies off
"I didn't need your-" begins Tsunami, when suddenly a large shadow falls across him and the mighty roar of Seaworm #1 fills the Justice Force members ears. Before he can make the long, painful trip to the Seaworms gullet the monster's head is sudden;y ripped back by a giant green fishhook.
"I can't hold him forever" screams Kyle Rayner "Do something!"
Tsunami quickly gains his faculties, and uses his water controlling powers to create a giant scimitar, and begins furiously hacking at the monstrosity. As Tsunami hacks away, Kyle summons the power of rage within himself as finishes off the creature. Kyle then furiously turns to his teammate.
"WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU?? YOU PANSY ASS DIME STORE NAMOR RIPOFF!!" screams Kyle, still channeling the red energy. "THIS ISN"T TIME TO BULLSH**T AROUND! WE HAVEN'T WON A MATCH YET, AND I'LL BE GODDAMMED IF WE LOSE THIS WEEK! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND START FU**ING FIGHTING YOU SH*THEAD!!!"
This stirs something in Tsunami "F**k you, newbie." replies Tsunami "You think you know me? You don't know jack. How bout you stop worrying about me, and worry about yourself, dick?"
"Whatever, pussy." snarls the burning red Kyle. "All I know is that's twice so far we've had to save your candyass. You know what they say about three stri-"
FFWWWWOOOSSSSHHHHHH
The two bickering teammates are suddenly encased in ice as the mighty freeze breath of Superman silences them. The ice containing Kyle begins to creak and break as the rage of the multi-hued lantern reaches a fever pitch. Then, the ice and it's captured inhabitants are shattered by Snowflame.
"YYYeeeeoooooWWWWW, babay! Those two squares are quite the crack-up. Shu shu shaaaaa!" screams the cocaine powered Horsemen "OoooHHhhhh. Hold the phone Soupey sales. That blast took a bit outta me. Gotta take a powder! TTFN. Tata for now!" and with that Snowflame goes off to score some more of the plentiful amounts of blow found in the Horsemen lockerroom."
"I'm starting to rethink fighting for the Horsemen." mumbles Superman as he sees his teammate fly away. Superman uses his telescopic vision to search for more of the Empire, when his blood runs cold. His vision switches from telescopic to heat and the water around him begins to boil. Superman has spotted the black lanterns of the Empire, the memories of what transpired last week in the graveyard with his cousin still fresh in his mind.
"No. More." snarls the Man of Steel. Superman takes a moment to collect himself, and uses his supermemory to recall the various weakness of a black lantern. He curses the fact that there are no lantern rings at his disposal, when he's hit from behind by the Black Lantern Dark Phoenix.
"Let's see what happens when I tear that righteous, beating heart from your chest. Will it still bleed for your poor, dead cousin?" she mocks.
"You're a Phoenix, right?" asks Superman "Let's see you rise from the ashes" and he lets loose a massive blast of heatvision that incinerates not only the black lantern Dark Phoenix but Tsunami, and the remaining Seaworms on his own team. As the ring begins to reform Dark Phoenix, inspiration strikes Superman and he blasts off into space, and takes off at such speed he disappears completely.
"Coward." the Dark Phoenix mutters as her face reforms. She turns to find another victim when suddenly a red lightsaber bursts through her chest.
"How?" she begins when a green one erupts out of her throat and the combination of green and red energies from the Star Wars weapons eradicate her.
"Sorry. Had to duck out for a second" says Superman. "Now no one can say we didn't get anything good out of the cinematic retelling of 'The Phantom Menace', thanks to that flick I remembered that Qui-Gon and Darth Maul both died round these parts and lost just the lightsabers I'd need. A little super-timetravel and BOOM. One black lantern down"
"AND ONE TO GO!!!" screams Abin Sur as he rockets past Superman in a construct of the Lex-Soar. Superman dodges quickly out of the way, and the two begin a heated battle with neither combatant daring to get too close to his opponent.
Elsewhere, Snowflame flies up the torpedo tune of the Horsemen's submarine and knocks on the hatch. His teammates John McClane and Navy SEAL #1 let him in.
"Just in time, Snow" says the SEAL "Our sub is under attack from this strange seaweed."
"One sec, not to BLOW you off" says Snowflame "But I need some blow."
"Come to the Horsemen they say." says McClane "Have a few laughs. Hang with Superman. Maybe win another title, they tell me. Instead here I am with a common SEAL and a coked out guy in red pajamas. Just great. And ontop of that, that Jackson kids just disappears. Son of a god? Feh. More like son of a bitch"
Without warning, the hull is breached and seaweed tendrils grab hold of the SEAL and choke him to death. The massive white lantern Swamp Thing bursts into the sub and McClane finds himself in a sinking situation. McClane knows he doomed, so he quickly rushes over to Snoflame's table and flips it over, scattering the cocaine into the rapidly increasing water.
"MY COKE" screams Snowflame as he sees the last of his cocaine evaporate in the water. "NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO??"
He's...a...white...lantern." glubs McClane "Snort hi*" and with that John McClane finds he no longer has to live free. Foir it's a good day. To die. Hard. With a vengeance. Two.
"POPPA SPANK!" screeches Snowflames as he rockets toward The Empire's white lantern. Snowflame begins to furiously tear the creature apart. Before Swampy can register what's happened he's reduced to mulch and the white ring. Snowflame uses his mighty coke fueled strength to crush the ring into powder and quickly rubs it on his gums.
"OOOOHHHHHHH FFFUUUUUUUCCCCCC- THAT IS THE GOOD SH*T! I CAN SEE THROUGH TIME!" the now near omnipotent being says. "I am needed elsewhere." and with that, he takes off to the final stages of battle.
"I can go all night, Superman" screams Abin Sur. "I'll beat you the way Doomsday did. By tiring you out."
"As long as you black lantern abominations exist, I'll never tire. Even if it takes me to my last breath" and Superman begins his final gambit. He lets loose another burst of freezebreath and freezes everything around him. He uses his last bit of strength to run Abin Sur through with his lightsaber. As the black lantern dies, Superman collapses to catch his breath.
"Is it... is it over?" he wonders When suddenly his shoulder explodes in pain and he feels his remaining strength leave him.
"It soon will be, superfool" proclaims Black Zero."I won't make the same mistake with you that I did with Jax-Ur. This time I used my magnificent weapons creation power to shoot you with a GREEN kryptonite bullet. Any last words"
"Yeah. You still won't win. Your empire will crumble" and Superman spits in his face.
Black Zero screams in rage and finishes off the Horsemen's first pick for the sixth season.
"You forgot something." says a voice as Snowflame and Percy Jackson appear in front of him.
"And what's that, druggie?" sneers the mighty weaponsmith
"That red kryptonite isn't the only way to get THIS" yells Percy as he reaches into his backpack and pulls out the head of Medusa.
"NNoooo-" Black Zero begins to scream as he turns to stone, just as he did when Jax-Ur faced him. As Black Zero sinks to the depths, defeated Percy turns to Snowflame and asks him
"But, how did you know that the Medusa head would stop him, and that I'd have it?"
"Simple." replies Snowflame "I do my research. I don't just make stuff up as I go. Now let's go score some morre COKE!"
Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse vs. The Transfoamers
Prologue
“Son of a bitch!!” Donald Duck slurred, saliva dribbling down his bill like a germ-infested water fall. His feathers ruffled, the pants-less avian king of Mickey Mouse Grindhouse slammed his fist upon the arm of his throne, allowing a crumpled piece of parchment to flutter to the ground. His brother, Killer Shark, furrowed his brows and snatched up the letter. As he took in the words typed out in 12 point tahoma font and formatted APA style, he let out a triumphant grunt. Finally, the excuse he'd been looking for!
“The time to act is now my brother. We must invade Naboo's Planet Core.” Donald Duck nodded gravely. “Megatron has taken my wife, my beautiful Siren of Mickey Mouse Grindhouse. They will all pay. Launch a thousand bongos!!”
Today
As she rubbernecked out the window to get a glimpse of the battle in the distance, Siren stroked her exquisite hair compulsively, a habit that her paramour Megatron lovingly referred to as “hair masturbation.” Since he had whisked her away from Disney and she had legally changed her name to Siren of Naboo's Planet Core, she had grown ever more lovely, taking such steps with her beauty as stuffing her bra with Bounty paper towels and getting a celtic knot lower back tattoo. But things were not all hunky dory or peachy keen or Jim Dandy here since she had come to Naboo's Planet Core. There were some pretty nasty monster fish lurking about, there were NO beef jerky cafes, and her departure from Mickey Mouse Grindhouse had begun an epic war. Right now she was awaiting to hear if the demi god and greatest warrior of Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Jar Jar Binks, had in fact killed Starscream's Ghost outside the city gates.
Not Today (Later)
Some time ago, Starscream's ghost had fallen, slain by Jar Jar Binks. But, in the trenches of a massive, mighty, mondo, monstrous monstrosity of the current battle, Megatron shot Jar Jar Binks in his big stupid short bus riding fish face with his arm cannon. THANK GOD. Listening to Jar Jar wax poetic on misa this and misa that was about as enjoyable as dry humping a cactus. In any case, Megatron and the rest of the Naboo-ans were hatching a brilliant plan to finally eliminate the rest of the Grindhouse-ans and eradicate them from Naboo's Planet Core once and for all. And here's how they did it:
King Donald Duck had taken a girlfriend since his wife had left Mickey Mouse Grindhouse. His twinkie Deadman, while one hot little number, was unfortunately only working part time due to his fibromylagia and was considered low income. Because Donald and Deadman were seeing each other on the sly, Donald was unable to help with birth control expenses, so Deadman was forced to visit Planned Parenthood regularly, which was housed in the makeshift Mickey Mouse Grindhouse parliament building set up on the outskirts of Naboo's Planet Core. Deadman had finally persuaded Donald to accompany him for his check-ups, under the guise of a regular parliament visit, just to make sure “everything was kosher” over there. Each time he visited, he'd end with a meeting between important officers of the court such as Xebel Soldiers #15-19, Blue Lantern and White Lantern and Arkillo. Lamentably, for King Donald Duck, Aqualad and Nom Anor had discovered these visits on a reconnaissance mission for Megatron.
One Tuesday afternoon, Donald Duck noticed that the free condom bowl had been filled to the brim with giant condoms in his favorite brand-Trojan. Unable to resist a free gift, he ordered Killer Shark to get him a wheelbarrow to load them up. As he wheeled the thing into his office where the meeting was about to begin, the ribbed latex tubes burst open and out sprang the Wreckers Leadfoot, Roadbuster and Topspin, followed by Ghost #1-5 and the Vehicle Voltron Sea Team and finally by Megatron. They proceeded to slaughter all but Donald Duck, who had backed into a corner like a chicken shit (not a duck shit despite his status as a duck) after hearing the shrilly scream of Deadman biting it in the clinic next door. Then he heard the click of Megatron's arm cannon, and as he turned in horror to face his death, he uttered his last words:
“Quack, quack.”
“Son of a bitch!!” Donald Duck slurred, saliva dribbling down his bill like a germ-infested water fall. His feathers ruffled, the pants-less avian king of Mickey Mouse Grindhouse slammed his fist upon the arm of his throne, allowing a crumpled piece of parchment to flutter to the ground. His brother, Killer Shark, furrowed his brows and snatched up the letter. As he took in the words typed out in 12 point tahoma font and formatted APA style, he let out a triumphant grunt. Finally, the excuse he'd been looking for!
“The time to act is now my brother. We must invade Naboo's Planet Core.” Donald Duck nodded gravely. “Megatron has taken my wife, my beautiful Siren of Mickey Mouse Grindhouse. They will all pay. Launch a thousand bongos!!”
Today
As she rubbernecked out the window to get a glimpse of the battle in the distance, Siren stroked her exquisite hair compulsively, a habit that her paramour Megatron lovingly referred to as “hair masturbation.” Since he had whisked her away from Disney and she had legally changed her name to Siren of Naboo's Planet Core, she had grown ever more lovely, taking such steps with her beauty as stuffing her bra with Bounty paper towels and getting a celtic knot lower back tattoo. But things were not all hunky dory or peachy keen or Jim Dandy here since she had come to Naboo's Planet Core. There were some pretty nasty monster fish lurking about, there were NO beef jerky cafes, and her departure from Mickey Mouse Grindhouse had begun an epic war. Right now she was awaiting to hear if the demi god and greatest warrior of Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Jar Jar Binks, had in fact killed Starscream's Ghost outside the city gates.
Not Today (Later)
Some time ago, Starscream's ghost had fallen, slain by Jar Jar Binks. But, in the trenches of a massive, mighty, mondo, monstrous monstrosity of the current battle, Megatron shot Jar Jar Binks in his big stupid short bus riding fish face with his arm cannon. THANK GOD. Listening to Jar Jar wax poetic on misa this and misa that was about as enjoyable as dry humping a cactus. In any case, Megatron and the rest of the Naboo-ans were hatching a brilliant plan to finally eliminate the rest of the Grindhouse-ans and eradicate them from Naboo's Planet Core once and for all. And here's how they did it:
King Donald Duck had taken a girlfriend since his wife had left Mickey Mouse Grindhouse. His twinkie Deadman, while one hot little number, was unfortunately only working part time due to his fibromylagia and was considered low income. Because Donald and Deadman were seeing each other on the sly, Donald was unable to help with birth control expenses, so Deadman was forced to visit Planned Parenthood regularly, which was housed in the makeshift Mickey Mouse Grindhouse parliament building set up on the outskirts of Naboo's Planet Core. Deadman had finally persuaded Donald to accompany him for his check-ups, under the guise of a regular parliament visit, just to make sure “everything was kosher” over there. Each time he visited, he'd end with a meeting between important officers of the court such as Xebel Soldiers #15-19, Blue Lantern and White Lantern and Arkillo. Lamentably, for King Donald Duck, Aqualad and Nom Anor had discovered these visits on a reconnaissance mission for Megatron.
One Tuesday afternoon, Donald Duck noticed that the free condom bowl had been filled to the brim with giant condoms in his favorite brand-Trojan. Unable to resist a free gift, he ordered Killer Shark to get him a wheelbarrow to load them up. As he wheeled the thing into his office where the meeting was about to begin, the ribbed latex tubes burst open and out sprang the Wreckers Leadfoot, Roadbuster and Topspin, followed by Ghost #1-5 and the Vehicle Voltron Sea Team and finally by Megatron. They proceeded to slaughter all but Donald Duck, who had backed into a corner like a chicken shit (not a duck shit despite his status as a duck) after hearing the shrilly scream of Deadman biting it in the clinic next door. Then he heard the click of Megatron's arm cannon, and as he turned in horror to face his death, he uttered his last words:
“Quack, quack.”
Griswold's Nut Busters vs Team Sleeping Pussy
Team Sleeping Pussy is War Machine, Blink, Female Sentinel
#8, Black Lantern Leeloo, Ozymandias, M.O.D.O.K., Psycho Pirate, Black Lantern
Mr. Fantastic, Mt. Dew Transformer, and Blockbuster.
Griswold's Nut Busters is Sharkticon #1-10, #31 and #32,
Vampire Hal Jordan, Agent #1, and Dos.
The blood lust of the Nut Busters is especially strong this
week, as not only are they still searching for their first victory, but most of
their members naturally wish to consume others. Team Sleeping Pussy stands
their ground as they see the Nut Busters approaching. Both teams are caught off
guard as the noise from their arrival has drawn the attention of the local
wildlife. Both teams immediately regret meeting at Naboo for this fight as the
battle instantly becomes a free for all, with most combatants swimming for
their lives.
BL Mr. Fantastic is the first to go as a group of Sharkticons
and opee sea killers bite into him and swim in different directions ripping him
apart. Blink is able to stay alive by repeatedly teleporting herself outside of
the creatures that keep eating her, until she transports herself too close to Vampire
Hal Jordan who quickly drains her blood. War Machine keeps himself alive in a
similar fashion by blasting his way out after being swallowed. Vampire Hal
Jordan sees War Machine exiting the side of a colo claw fish and grabs ahold of
him, dragging him deeper. War Machine struggles to break free, but before he
can do so the increasing pressure crushes him.
M.O.D.O.K takes
control of Sharkticon #31 and begins riding him, effectively making him a shark
with a laser beam attached to his head.
He carelessly swims around shooting his laser killing Sharkticons #1-5,
Agent #1,Ozymandias, Female Sentinel #8, Psycho Pirate, along with several
fish. His shooting spree would have likely killed everyone had he not been
swallowed by a sando aqua monster.
The arrival of the sando aqua monster has most of the
smaller locals fleeing. It continues its rampage by eating BL Leeloo and
Blockbuster. The remaining Sharkticons attack him, and although he doesn’t
particularly enjoy metal he eats them too.
Vampire Hal Jordan decides that he wants to taste the blood
of a sando aqua monster. A creature that powerful must surely be satiating. He
pierces his fangs through the muscular throat of the monster, and it shrieks in
pain. Blood drips from Vampire Hal Jordan’s blood drinking grin as he slowly
passes out, not realizing that a sando aqua monster’s blood is poisonous. The
injured and now vampire sando aqua monster then eats Vampire Hal Jordan.
As the action slows down, not much remains except for a few
limbs, bloodied water, and fish poop that used to be the combatants. Dos, who
spent the entire match hiding, declares his team to be victorious. In celebration
of his team’s first victory, he floats over to a submerged vending machine to
buy a pop. As he fumbles for change in his pocket, an opee sea killer mauls him.
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