TEAM Vs. Dolla 49 McRib

 TEAM is Tom Bombadil, Huorn #1-4, & Conner Weidman.

Dolla 49 McRib is 6 Cave Trolls, 4 Balrogs, Nazghul #3 w/ Fell Beast, & 9 Dead Men of Dunharrow.  

Today we shall conduct a match in honor of the songs of Tolkien that so guided his literary works; but were largely left out of the cinematic versions. 

This bit of poetic prose should be sung to the tune of......  Well, to the tune of whatever you want; just make it whimsical, with feeling.

Hey dol! Merry dol!  Ring a dong a dillo!

Ring a dong! Hop along! fa lal the willow!

Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!

[Tom answers]:

I'm Tom, Merry Tom Ringing the dong a dillo!

Awakened Tom, Morning Friends, Risen from the pillow!

Tom Bom, I'm Tom, Tom Bombadillo!  

Here to save the Shire Folk from Rock Trolls of the East!

Save the lads from fire foes, dead men, and a fell beast!

The Huorns may be stuck in soil, stationary, with places ner to go!

They defeat the trolls with size and might in a handed bit of ratio!

The Huorns are protectors of the tiny folk of The Shire!

But still succumb sadly to the Balrogs and their fire! 

Hurry may and hurry might, with so little time for singing!

Goldberry has gone on errand and I hear the pub bells ringing!

Awaiting for me is me friend, not too far tis Conner my best crony!

He sits at table waiting for me Tom at The Prancing Pony!

Tis such a rush before me now, late is of the hour!

But descendants of the Old Great Took are needing of my power!

Trouble has befallen them, evil, fierce, and quite a power show!

But Middle earth has protection from Tom Bom Tom Bombadillo!

The Wraith finds his ring is about to shatter and to crack! 

And his poor Fell Beast comes to ground with broken back!

The Dead Men have been relieved from the spell of the king of old!

And returned to their noble traits so let the stories be of them told!

The Balrogs are a frightening lot terrorizing Halflings of the meadows!

But merry, old Tom Bobadil casts them back into the shadows.

Grayson's Goobers Vs. Darkseid's Horsemen of Apoklips

 Grayson's Goobers are Meriadoc Brandybuck, Shadow the Hedgehog (w/ The Chaos Emeralds), & Boba Fett (w/ Dimensional Travel Watch).

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokilips are The Deadly Viper Assasin Squad (The D-Vas):  Beatrix Kiddo, Bill, Budd, O-Ren Ishii, Vernita Green, & Wlle Driver, Eric Cartman (in The Hulk Buster Ironman Suit), & Autobot Cassette #1.

Week 9 Democracy: The Cowboy Killers Vs. Scar-Jo and Cosby's Trash Pandas

 The Cowboy Killers are Avatar Aang (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring (FINAL DEATH)), Orc #1 (FINAL DEATH), Orc #2, Orc #3 (FINAL DEATH), & Orc #4-5.

The Trash Pandas are Gandalf the White.

Week 8: The Underhills vs The Horsemen

The Underhills are: Magglio Ordoñez, Neo w/ 2 lightsabers, X-24, General Zod, Professor Snape, and Pterodactyls #1-6

The Horsemen are: Supergirl, The Juggernaut, Black Lantern Darkseid, Grand Admiral Thrawn w/Green Lantern Ring, King Leonidas

Overcast at night in downtown Detroit and the lights shine on the Comerica Park field. A soft rumble of thunder can be heard in the distance but any storm seems to be moving away. Six shadows passed over the stadium as pterodactyls shrieked through the air, circling their roost atop the light towers. On the field Magglio Ordoñez is wondering why his Tigers uniform doesn’t fit as well as it once did. He taps his bat against his cleats and starts tossing a baseball up to himself for a little BP before the match starts, trying to recreate the home run from the ‘06 ALCS. Beside him in the on deck circle, Neo twirls two crimson lightsabers, their hum slicing the silence. X-24 slashes at the infield grass while General Zod is levitating just above the pitcher's mound, surveying the field. Chilling in the dugout, Snape starts whispering incantations, preparing his first volley of dark magic.

The air shifts and a boom echoes through the stadium, The Horsemen arrive.

Coming quickly from above, Supergirl landed hard on the Pepsi Porch, cracking the concrete beneath her boots. Her eyes glowed red, scanning the opposition. The wall in left field explodes as The Juggernaut blows through the bullpen wall on a Phil Coke sprint. Black Lantern Darkseid descended from the clouds, death itself in his wake, his anti-life aura blackening the ivy covering the Chevrolet Fountain. Grand Admiral Thrawn, elegant and cold, hovered above the bleachers, his Green Lantern ring pulsing with calculated energy constructs. At second base, King Leonidas stood alone with spear in hand, shirtless and defiant, a relic of war unafraid of gods or monsters.

Zod wasted no time. With a guttural scream, he launched toward Supergirl, fists colliding midair in a shockwave that shattered every window in a five-block radius. Neo ran forward, lightsabers whirling, meeting Leonidas in a clash of ancient combat and digital grace. X-24 leapt like a beast at Juggernaut, who barreled forward, unfazed. Their collision left the infield looking worse than BiCi Field 1.

From the stands, Snape raised his wand.

"Sectumsempra!"

A slash of invisible force sliced toward Thrawn. The Grand Admiral countered with a glowing emerald shield and returned fire, manifesting a pair of green, spectral TIE Fighters that strafed the field. Magglio takes aim at the TIE fighters and hits a perfect line drive straight through one of them, exploding it mid-air. The explosion causes the other to crash into the fountain, flooding the outfield and sending the brand new 2025 Chevrolet Corvette and Silverado EV tumbling to the ground. Both cars are available now at any one of your 38 Metro Detroit area Chevy dealers, starting at around $70k

The pterodactyls screamed and dove in formation, claws aiming for Leonidas and Thrawn. One snatched the Spartan off his feet; he drove his spear upward, impaling the beast midair and crashing to the ground in a tangle of blood and wings.

Supergirl overpowered Zod momentarily, slamming him through the upper deck and into the concourse. But Zod returned, bloodied but smiling, charging her into the Comerica carousel. The two Kryptonians exchanged blows like gods in a hurricane.

Meanwhile, Neo and Leonidas dueled across the base paths. The lightsabers hissed against the bronze shield sending sparks flying with each strike. Leonidas fought with strength and honor, but ultimately, Neo was able to best the Spartan.

X-24, despite his ferocity, was thrown across the outfield by Juggernaut’s unstoppable momentum and was impaled on the statue of Ty Cobb. But as Juggernaut turned to help Darkseid, a swarm of pterodactyls descended, clawing and dragging him into the lower tunnels of the park. Screams echoed. Then silence.

Darkseid advanced. His eyes flared with omega beams. Snape shouted “Protego Maxima!” just in time to deflect them, though the shield cracked and buckled. Thrawn’s ring transformed into a barrage of alien weapons. Magglio ducked and ran for cover.

Snape, bleeding and drained, cast one last desperate spell—“Fiendfyre.” A dragon of living flame roared into the sky, engulfing Thrawn's constructs. Thrawn, anticipating this, sealed himself in a green sphere, but couldn’t counterattack in time. The flames consumed the bleachers, and both Thrawn and Snape vanished in fire and smoke.

Neo, now beside Zod, faced off against Supergirl and Darkseid. He nodded once to Zod.

Zod flew at Supergirl again, buying Neo time.

Neo rushed toward Darkseid, blades igniting at the last second.

The field exploded in light and a blast of energy tore through the stadium.

When the dust settled, only one man stood.

Magglio Ordoñez surveys the carnage. X-24 disemboweled on the Georgia Peach, Juggernaut lost in the depths and buried under rubble, Leonidas slain at second base, Thrawn incinerated, Neo unmoving beside Darkseid's crumpled form. Zod and Supergirl had vanished into the clouds, still fighting for all of eternity..

Above, a single pterodactyl circled silently.

Magglio raised his bat one last time, picked up a baseball, and hit the perfect home run into the 8th row of the left field grandstands. He smiles, raises his fist, and starts rounding the bases in victory.

Week 8 Consortium: Grayson's Goobers vs Dolla 49 McRib

Grayson's Goobers are: Red Hulk, (Legends) Luke Skywalker (w/ a blue lantern ring), The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Girl, Human Torch, and The Thing, and Venom

Dolla 49 McRib is: Count Dooku, Arcee, High Evolutionary, The Technibots: Scattershot, Strafe, Lightspeed, Afterburner, and Nosecone, Xavier Harkonnen, Harkonnen Soldier #2

FFL 2025 Week 8: Trash Pandas vs. The Sigmas

Cosby and Scar Jo’s Trash Pandas: Thor, Gandalf the White, Batgirl (Cassandra Cain), Naruto, Radagon, Peregrin Took and Pete Rose w/ a baseball bat

The Sigmas: Bane, Blake Corum, Tarnish, Dwealin, Duncan Idaho, Maverick, Goose, Iceman, Slider, John Rambo, Shadow the Hedgehog, Grand Slam and Femen #1-6

What an FFL match we have here today folks!! As we have a fierce interdivision match up today between the Trash Pandas and The Sigmas. These teams have made it quite known that they don’t like each other, so look out for that today folks. 

Today’s ball game takes place at the home of the Gritty, American League leading Detroit Tigers!! 

Comerica Park!!

Rod Allen joins me in the booth today.

The Trash Panda's are lined up on the third base line while The Sigmas are lined up on the first base line as the announcer calls for the removal of everyone’s caps as the singing of the National Anthem is to take place.

Jack White plays a solo guitar rendition of the anthem while a trio of F-22s do a flyover of the stadium on this sunny, brisk April Sunday afternoon.

The Sigmas will bat first while the Trash Pandas take the field as they are the home team today.

The Trash Pandas defensive lineup today goes as follows. Gandalf on the mound, Naruto in Left Center, Thor in Right Center, Radagon at First, Batgirl at Second, Pete Rose at Third/Short, & Peregrin at Catcher.

Shadow the Hedgehog leads off from the right hand batters box for The Sigmas, as Gandalf throws a sweeper that catches the outside corner of the plate. Rod, that sweeper is looking good today for Gandalf there. Rod says “Yeah Kyle, Gandalf’s been gifted a plus sweeper by the hand of Era Iluvatar.”

Second pitch comes to the plate and Shadow hits a hard one hopper directly to Pete Rose. Rose makes a quick throw across the diamond as Shadow was flying down the line. Oh what a play there Rod, Rose caught the one hopper right off the bounce and made an excellent throw there. Rod says “Yeah Kyle, Gandalf’s sinker caused that ground ball there. If Gandalf’s got that pitch working today, it’s gonna be a quick game today for the Trash Pandas.”

Maverick walks up to the plate and sets his stance in the right hand batters box. He sets his feet with a narrow and open stance. Gandalf starts his windup and hits a pitch high and inside on the fighter pilot, knocking Maverick to his butt as he dodges the pitch. Maverick is stunned as he almost gets hit there and starts bad mouthing Gandalf from the mound. The Sigmas dugout is now yelling to the ump, telling him to do something about this. The ump points at the Sigmas dugout and Gandalf, giving them both a warning. As the great Vin Scully once said, “Comerica Park has gone from a ball field to a school yard where the ump looks like a teacher that sees trouble.”

Maverick gets back in the box and recollects himself, as Gandalf starts the windup. 

BOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!

Folks, I don’t know what’s happened but, the infield and the dugouts have collapsed into the earth like some sort of sinkhole.

The Trash Pandas have lost Peregrin Took, Naruto, Radagon and Pete Rose.

While The Sigmas have lost Blake Corum, Tarnish, Dwalin, Maverick, Goose, IceMan, Slider, and their Fremen.

All of a sudden Bane and Grand Slam have been dropped off into centerfield from a helicopter as Gandlaf exclaims “you did this didn’t you?! You rigged the field with explosives?!”

“Yes” Bane states, “It was the only way I thought The Sigmas could win this lopsided match up, The Sigmas may have lost some of their own, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make”

Thor has lost patience with this conversation and calls for a thunderbolt to his hammer. He charges his hammer and shoots a bolt of lightning to Shadow and John Rambo. Immediately killing them.

Bane attacks Batrgirl, at first her nimbleness allows her to dodge some attacks from the strong masked man. But eventually he gets a hold of her and breaks her back over his knee like he did to her mentor. Then he grabs her neck and snaps it with ease.

Grand Slam shoots a rocket at Gandalf but he uses his power as the wielder of the flame of Anor to to create a force field around himself. Gandalf then calls for Thor to help. Thor calls for more lightning to his hammer and then shoots it at the transformer, Gandalf joins him by calling for a lightning strike to hit Grand Slam. The combination of both strikes melted every MOSFET and Capacitor in the transformer. Rendering him defeated.

Now all that stands is Bane and Duncan Idaho against Gandalf the White and Thor.

I wish I could say this was a close match but it was not.

Gandalf fought Duncan Idaho while Thor fought Bane.

Bane charged Thor and attacked with a couple furious combos but Thor was able to block and dodge all with ease. Thor then picked up Bane and used his hammer to fly a mile high up in the air. Thor then dropped Bane and let him fall to his death.

Duncan’s skill with a blade was impressive to Gandalf but eventually, Gandalf’s combo of blade and magic was too much for the warrior from House Atreides.

Gandalf and Thor walk out the park and head to Tin Roof for some nice ales to cap the night off.

The Sigmaz Vs. The Cowboy Killers

 The Sigmaz are The Dinobots:  Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Snarl, & Swoop, God Emperor 40K, Death, & Ronald McDonald w/ Grimace, The Hamburglar, Officer Big Mac, Mayor McCheese, Birdie the Early Bird, Captain Crook, The Professor, & Fry Kid #1-3.  

The Cowboy Killers are General Kenobi, Homelander, Dunadan Ranger Kyle Houslander (w/ The Omnitrix), Hope Summers, Magneto (w/ a red lantern ring), Big Benito (w/ a wizard staff), & Degen #1-2.

It's a gorgeous Spring Day here at Comerica Park.  Luckily us broadcasters get free concessions because I didn't bring $900 with me and I am on my seventh hot dog, third Italian Sausage, and fifth Miller Light, not to mention the peanuts, cracker jacks, and those purple cone things with the sweet something or others in them that I have never actually gotten at any sporting event or concert before because overpriced is okay with me when it involves meat or booze; but other than that I'm just not 'bout it.  I'm smoking a big fat cigar too, because where I reside in the world of fantasy that is Fantasy Fantasy the world is still free and you can smoke in an outdoor venue without some Karen crying about it, ending up in me getting arrested because I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA.  

I'm trying to enjoy the game, but it is really difficult with The Dino-Bots outside the stadium blocking out the Detroit Skyline and destroying the upper deck.  Shouts of:  "Me no Baseball Player, Me Grimlock, Me King", are heard by thousands of frightened fans who are literally peeing and pooping themselves all over the insanely expensive seats that The Illitches have plagued the hard-working people of Detroit with after a semi-successful season last year.  The two Degens sent by The Cowboy Killers are the first two casualties of Grimlock and the boys.  Which is unfortunate because they had just grabbed themselves a fresh Watermelon White Claw and lit a couple of Red Newports.  "Saturday is for the boys" yells Slag; but Snarl argues back saying:  "No.  Saturday for Dino-bots".  The Dino-Bots are the single most powerful and coolest characters in this match; but I think this may be an example of how we really need to get down on The Commish about explaining the settings better at the draft while nobody is paying attention because they are all listening to Kyle and Alex argue about sportsball.  Because the Dino-bots are making a big bad mess of The Copa; but they aren't really able to get inside the ballpark where the rest of the combatants are located.  Luckily I, as a Watcher do not have to figure out a way to officially get them into this match because The Cowboy Killers played Magneto, the ultimate Transformer ratio.  Magneto strains and concentrates with all his might to use his mastery of magnetism to take control of all five Dino-bots' bodies and crush them all together, dropping an enormous, single clump of Cybertronian metal on Woodward Avenue.  Magneto collapses into his bleacher seat from exhaustion; but nobody around him really takes note because they just think it is an old, drunk gay guy that looks like Ian McKellan.

Death and Hope Summers meet up and realize that Death and Hope are actually the same thing.  There is some darkness for you Young Bloods reading this to soak up with your Gen Z Angst.  They join each ohter in the bleak, vastness of despair that is life.  

The Emperor of Mankind and Homelander meet up with each other right at second base, now completely disrupting the game causing the Umps to call the day.  They rush towards each other and start trading blows.  And I don't mean punches, I mean the really icky kind of blows because they are both Turbo Ghey.  As their "fight" reaches its climax (I know you saw what I did there) they both crumble into a pile of unironic quotidian character arc as if they were in the presence of a true Kryptonian White Castle fart.

But alas, this was all part of The Master plan laid out in The Sigmaz locker room by Malcom X himself.  He had inside intel that The Cowboy Killer front office was not going to play Superman or Martian Manhunter again; so Malcom decided to bench his top people as well and play nothing but a roster of Crackah A** Crackahs.  Led of course by his faithful servant Rondald McDonald wearing white face to mock the weaker race that Neva wuz Kangz.  Ron and his elite McDonald's Crew search the stands for the remaining Cowboy Killers looking to destroy them to the last man.  General Kenobi, Kyle Houslander, and Big Benito have legit forgotten that there is a match going on as they are just hanging in The Exclusive Tiger Den getting high key Crunk and ripping death sticks and Dunhills despite Marlboro Reds being the official dart of The Cowboy Killers that all team members are issued before each match.  General Kenobi feels a disturbance in The Force burning through his Miller Lite Haze and gains the attention of Kyle and Big Benito.  "Listen up you two", says Kenobi.  He continues:  "I know the two of you have had your differences; but I need you to work together.  I know you can't box against Big Benito Kyle; but can you box with him"??  Benito stands up and grabs his wizard staff in the most regal manner nodding to Kyle and Kenobi both.  Kyle looks his fellow killer of cowboys in the eyes and says:  "You shall, have my sword, and uh.....  My Omnitrix, AND MY last three Dunhills".  They cash out and leave the Tiger Den and due to some lazy writing by me walk out the double glass doors right as The Ronald McDonald Crew are walking past the concession stand nextdoor.  "Oh......  DAYUM, I see what up.  Whiteys on The Cowboy Killahs is too good to drink with the rest of us.  They gots to go in the Tiger Den to get they crunk on".  Says Ronald McDonald obnoxiously for everyone in earshot to hear.  The clown Prince of Cholesterol adds to his rant:  "I see y'all Crackas is stepping down them stairs from The Tiger Den thinking Y'all better than The Sigmaz.  You think cuz you got the High Groud that you better than the Sigmaz??  We real Sigmaz Sigma".  "Don't try it Ron".  says Kenobi with White privilege oozing from his aura.  But Ronald flings some Pedo-80s-comercial-magic at the General from the low ground and ends up sliced in half......  The rest of The McDonald's Crew are shocked and jump into action after witnessing the death of their fearless leader.  "We allz real Sigmaz, Sigmas".  Mayor McCheese yells as a battle cry as the crew moves in unison against The Cowboy Killer Trio.  "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" Yells Big Benito as he stabs his staff into the concrete spraying Birdie and Officer Big Mac with deadly classic cupped pepperonis.  Kyle sheaths his Ranger Sword and grabs his Omnitrix as he is surrounded by The three fry kids.  Fry Kid #2, knowing it is his final FFL appearance fry kids even harder than the other two fry kids; but still ends up a fried kid when Kyle uses the omnitrix to do whatever it is that I don't remember it does; because it has been like ten years since I have seen that show and I don't feel like looking it up when the match is this close to being done.  Kenobi has stabbed his lightsaber into the gut of Grimace; but it is taking a super long time for it to melt the walking taste bud as he twists the saber to melt him just like Qui Gon did to the blast door at the beginning of The Phantom Menace.  Hamburglar sneaks up behind Kyle with a knife, but Big Benito jumps in the way of the blade to protect him.  Big Benito knocks Hamburglar's block off with his staff; but catches the blade intended for Kyle in the chest to join the burger thief in death.  Kyle runs to Benito grabbing him in his arms saying:  "Benito.....  This isn't fair.  You create such good quality food, how could you die at the hands of The Crack Danks Crew"??  "Behind you" Benito says to his frenemy Kyle with his dying breath.  Kyle listens and pulls his Ranger Sword, Spinning around to take off the head of Captain Crook.  Kyle and Kenobi regroup and fight back to back with perfect Form 3 stature, lightsaber and broad sword in hand as they work together to finish off Mayor McCheese and The Professor.