Week 7 Consortium: The Empire vs Midgets

Empire is Abeloth (-4), The Ancient One, Raven (-4), Jesse Quick, The Rancor, Mystique (-4), Splinter, Shockwave (-4), Magnus Bane, & Baby Ewok #3 (-4).

Midgets are Darth Maul (w/ Orange Lantern Ring & The Darksaber (-4)), Capt. America, White Lantern Qui Gon Jinn, Vampire Wolverine (-4), Vampire Sinestro, Assajj Ventress, Gabby Kinney (-4), Super Mouse (-4), Allia Atreides, Mother Talzin, Nightsister Spirit, & Fire Bender #1-5.

S13 Week 7: Dinomites vs TEAM

 

Dinomites are: Robin Hood, Little John, Dr Strange, Wong, Wonder Woman, Wonder Girl, Link w/ Master Sword, Hylian Shield, and Green Lantern Ring Avatar Kyoshi, Dark Dragon (45) The Shining Force: (55) Max ( The Leader of the Shining Force) w/ The Chaos Breaker, White Ring, Indigo Lantern Ring, and Green Lantern Ring Lowe w/ Holy Staff Mae w/ Halberd Ken w/ Chrome Lance Luke w/ Atlas Axe Hans w/ Elvin Arrow Tao w/ Demon Rod Gong w/ Power Ring Gort w/ Heat Axe Khris w/ Guardian Staff Anri 2/ Power Staff Arthur w/ Steel Lance Balbaroy w/ Broad Sword Amon w/ Sword of Darkness Diane w/ Angel Wing Zylo w/ Shower of Cure Pelle w/ Valkyrie Vankar w/ Power Spear Kokichi w/ Wooden Lance Guntz w/ Jogurt Ring Jogurt w/ Black Ring Domingo w/ Devil Lance Earnest w/ Power Staff Alef w/ Healing Seed Torasu w/ Buster Shot Lyle w/ Speed Ring Bleu w/ Evil Ring Adam w/ Doom Blade Hanzou w/ Katana Musashi Boken

 

TEAM is: Optimus Prime (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership), Roller, Hot Rod, General Grevious, Magnaguard Droid #1-2, Bill Rizer, Lance Beam, Ms. Marvel, Trygon, The Mighty Morphin Artrip Rangers: (Red Ranger Chris Artrip, Pink Ranger Julie Artrip (With Weapons and Artifact Zord Callers), Yellow Ranger Ella Artrip, Blue Ranger Jack Artrip, Black Ranger Ben Artrip), Josh & Kids Lantern Crew, Mike Geney: Jedi Knight, Post Porch Zombie Al Dogg, Mandolorian Clan Leader Adam Hernandez, Mandolorian Kate Hernandez, Mandolorian Child Jackson Hernandez, Madolorian Eric Gilson, Autobot #4, Magic School Bus

 

Happy Thursday everyone! It’s time for your always on time super late Artifact matchup. I’m getting paid to write this so lets crank this turd out between phone calls and meetings and see how I can make Alex mad at me this week. LET’S GOOOOOOO!!!!!

First off, the shining force is banned next year. Who wants to write 90 fucking characters? No one. So I assume they are all little and shit. They get to fighting with all the real kids on TEAM and before you know it they are all just having fun playing hide and seek in the forest and talking about Minecraft and Roblox. All the adults start to fight for real and the kids decide to board the magic school bus and fuck off to somewhere with internet. The woods are boring. Lame ass boomers.

Link does some whirl wind damage and kills Chris and Adam but the Contra boys just picked up a fire gun powerup and burn the Hyrulian Hero to a crisp. Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl pick a fight with Ms. Marvel, Julie Artrip and Kate Hernandez. They start to slip around in the mud and it goes from a fight to more giggling and wrestling. Things are starting to get hot. Even Zombie Al Dogg rises one more time. While all the guys are watching the girls wrestle an arrow from Robin Hood takes out Gilson, Josh, and the Contra guys. Little John (YEAAAHHH!! WHAT????) gets low and jabs his staff into the guts of Magnaguard #1. An epic staff duel takes place between John and Magnaguard #2 and the bandit get the upper hand and manages to finish off the pair. Then they both die from a rocket from Optimus prime that also manages to take out all the wrestling ladies.

Hot Rod and roller race in along side Optimus along with Grievous and Trygon in the final battle against Dr. Strange, Wong, Avatar Kyosi and Dark Dragon. Dark Dragon (which I am assuming is an actual dragon but I’m not googling it so if it isn’t then whatever.) flies and and burns up roller and digs its talons into Hot Rod causing it to short circuit long enough for Wong to spin a silly little circle and cut the Autobot in half. Trygon then jumps on and rips the head off the dragon. He then jumps to land on Wong but Wong is able to cast a flesh burning spell or something just as Trygon crushes him and they both die. Grievous does a spin move toward Kyoshi but Kyoshi bends the trees and earth to kill the droid. Final death Optimus Prime is putting on a clinic today and while Kyoshi’s attention is at Grievous he stomps him flat and dead while putting a perfectly placed rocket into Dr. Strange who appears to be meditating on the floor of the forest.

…

…

Optimus looks around at the quiet landscape and wonders why the match hasn’t ended yet.

…

“PRIME! I’VE COME TO BARGIN!!” are the last words he hears as he is ripped apart bolt by bolt and his entire being is scattered across the universe.

Crack Deezys vs Barkleys Week 7

Barkleys- Artemis, Pan, Darth Nihilus, Blue Beetle on Captain Latin America’s 4 Wheeler, Sgt. Slaughter, Red Dog, Tarus, and Mercer in Military Humvee, Lady Dimitrescu, Robo-Barkley, Galvatron, Goku Black, Crimmell, Jill Stein, Green Dragon #1-4

Crack Danks- Taka (Sasuke, Karin, Jugo, Suigetsu), Mace Windu, Peacemaker, Bloodsport, The Eradicator, Balrog of Moria*, Tormund Giantsbane, Jorah Mormont, Cole MacGrath, Flying Monkey #2*, Flying Monkey #6*, Flying Monkey #7, Watchdog #5

Artemis and Pan made the forest extremely overgrown concealing both teams movements. The Eradicator and Goku Black met above the trees and destruction soon ensued. Taka, Bloodsport, and Peacemaker were moving on one flank, while Mace Windu, Tormund, Jorah, Cole, the flying monkeys and Watchdog #5, moved on the other. Goku and the Eradicator were both countering each other well. The Eradicator was able to dodge Goku Black quite easily but his response was rather lack luster. Both of their attacks left the land utterly destroyed, with new craters and canyons being made in every direction. 

The first team was moving as quick as the could, hoping to catch Barkleys off guard. They ran into Blue Beetle on patrol and soon the humvee pulled up to back him up. Peacemaker and Bloodsport were trading fire with the G.I.s. Peacemaker was winged and Bloodsport blew up the humvee. Blue Beetle picked up the weakened Peacemaker and lifted him up really high, before dropping him. Bloodsport continued moving up in the commotion and picked off Tarus and Mercer. Taka waited for Blue Beetle to come back down and sprung a trap. Suigetsu got his wings wet, making it hard to fly for a moment. Then Sasuke and Jugo jumped on him, but their attacks didn’t do very much and they were shook off. BB grabbed Karin and used her as a shield. Sasuke grabbed his sword and channeled his lighting, stabbing through Karin and penetrating Blue Beetles armor. Then they cleaned up the last of the G.I.s and continued moving forward.

Squad 2 walked into a small opening in the woods when they were jumped by Darth Nihilus, Robo-Barkley, Crimmell, Jill Stein, and Pan. Mace and Nihilus were going hard in lightsaber combat, both feeding off the power of the other. Tormund ran and tackled Robo-Barkley and began beating in its head. Jorah quickly dispatched Crimmell and Jill Stein with his blade. Pan stabbed Tormund in the side with his horns, but Tormund looked down at him and pulled his horns out before ripping one off, using it to attack. Jorah tried to help Windu, but Nihilus cut his sword in half, then drained his life force. Nihilus sent force lighting at Mace, when Cole hopped in and absorbed it for himself before unleashing back, sending Nihilus flying. Windu was sufficiently gassed at this point and Cole did his best to stall so he could catch his breath. Cole kept Nihilus on the back pedal before running out of electricity to use. With none in sight, Nihilus struck him down. Windu managed to get enough energy together and pulled Nihilus in before crushing in his body and destroying him. Artemis was waiting nearby and finished off the Jedi Master, who had nothing left.

Tormund finished bashing in Robo-Barkley, before looking at Pan, who was still in pain from having a horn ripped out. Artemis showed up to save her counter part and shot Tormund through the body. Yelling though the pain, he rushed at Pan and began bashing down on him, before Artemis finished him. Pan was very injured and struggled to get on his feet, that’s when the flying monkeys dropped from the trees and Watchdog #5 began opening fire. Artemis was struggling to shoot the monkeys out of the sky as Watchdog was providing suppressing fire. Soon Pan was being picked apart by the monkeys, who were ripping off whatever they could hold onto. Artemis managed to kill them all and Watchdog #5, but all that was left of Pan was unrecognizable. 

The Balrog of Moria was stalking through the woods, when he found Green Dragons #1-4 moving through the woods. He jumped out from the shadows and slew two of them in an instant. He then wrapped his whip around one of their necks before jumping on its back. Durin’s bane forcefully guided it into the other dragon, causing them to tumble before finishing them while they were down. After killing all the dragons, Lady Dimitrescu emerged. The Balrog let out a war cry in her face while she stood unfazed. As the whip closed in on her, she extended her claws and cut the whip. She proceeded to slash the beast, who let out an even louder roar and with his anger the forest around him began to burn. Dimitrescu grew into a large creature and began swiping at the balrog. The remaining members of Taka and Bloodsport arrived to help the balrog, while Galvatron appeared to aid Dimitrescu. Bloodsport, Jugo and Suigetsu set out to distract Galvatron while Sasuke could help Durin’s Bane finish Dimitrescu. 

Sasuke got into his susanoo and started to attack the dragon. Galvatron could see the three approaching him and let out a barrage of fire. Bloodsport and Jugo were caught in the blast. Suigetsu managed to surround Galvatron in water, making his weapons blowup in his face. This bought Sasuke and the Balrog enough time to find Lady Dimitrescu’s humanoid form and destroy it. Galvatron escaped from Suigestu and unleashed such a payload that all the water evaporated, killing Suigestsu in the process. The Balrog and Sasuke now stood opposite of of Galvatron. Combining their might, an armored Balrog charged the robot, wrapping its whip around it and pulled it in before cutting it in half.

The Eradicator finally bested Goku in an exchange, but at a great cost to himself. While Goku was hurt, the Eradicator could no longer function and Goku finished him off with one of them Kamehamehas. Sasuke and the Balrog finished off Artemis on the ground before looking to the sky. Grabbing Goku by the leg, they plunged deep into canyons, hoping to destroy him deep in the core. As they fell, they exchanged so many hits that it was hard to tell what was going on. At some point in the fall the Susanoo broke and Sasuke was killed by Goku, but they continued to fall. Eventually they disappeared, but several days later the Balrog of Moria remerged on the surface, suggesting he completed his mission.

Guardians vs House Elves

 Guardians: The Guardians of the Galaxy *all 4 death* (Star Lord, Drax, Gamora, Rocket and Groot), Daenyrus and Her Dragon, Q (4 death), The Predacons (Razorclaw, Divebomb, Headstrong, Rampage, and Tantrum).  Rayden, Amon, The ninth sister, and orc 21-24

House Elves: Firelord Sozin, Captain Rex, Video Game Mike Tyson, Ron Weasley, Shredder, Santa and his reindeer (Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen), Haggred, M Bison, Sagat, Vega, Balrog, zaheer, mako, Airbender 4

This is gonna be a bloodbath

The House Elves have themselves rooted deep into the Sherwood Forest.  They have taken over the land without Treebeard being present.  Unknown who has run this squad into Forest but Daenyrus and the rest of the Guardians are ready to rid this relic of a Forest of the trash that has taken cover there.

The House Elves have commenced different training routines throughout the Forest.  In one area is Mike Tyson training Balrog, M Bison, Sagat and Vega.  This was until they are met by the Guardians of the Galaxy who were sent to start eliminating targets in the Forest.  The fight quickly commenced.  The street Fighters and Mike Tyson stood little to no chance but fought for their stolen land like Americans know how.  Mike Tyson and Balrog were able to catch the Trash Panda and took out Rocket.  They quickly moved to attack Gamora who was weakened in her fight with Vega and Bison.   Giving Mike Tyson the opportunity to punch her head clean off.  StarLord quickly retaliated with Groot and wiped out the fighters as their strength was no match while Drax kept beating Sagat to death.  

While flying trying to get more information the Forest, Daenyrus ran into Santa and his reindeer.  "Santa, I'm sorry the power of belief isn't going to help you here" said Daenyrus as she brunt the fat man in a red coat with his reindeer.  

This led Firelord Sozin, Zaheer, Mako, and Airbender 4 to defend themselves against the Predacons.  They were able to destroy Razorclaw  and Divebomb with their powers.  This wasn't going to give them the win tho.  Rampage and Tantrum formed the Predaking and wiped the weakened squad out.  

Headstrong went deeper into the Forest only to be taken out by Ron Weasley.  Weasley is on the juice and is ready to slay those who try to stop him from taking this forest.  Him, Haggred and Captain Rex are all that remain of the house Elves.  

Weasley quickly took out Rayden.  Then followed it up by killing Amon while calling him a "communist".

Captain Rex met his fate to the Ninth Sister.  Ron and Haggred were trapped.  Daenyrus and her Dragon let out one last attack to kill the Wizards but caught some of her team in the crossfire.  Killing not only the wizards but The Ninth Sister, and Drax.  

The Striders of Rohan Vs. Affirmative Action Popeye's

 The Striders of Rohan are Treebeard, Blue Wizard #1 & 2, Arwen Evenstar (w/ blue lantern ring), Elrond, Faramir (w/ blue lantern ring), Eomer, Eowyn (w/ blue lantern ring), Gimli, Zufa Cenva, & Norma Cenva (w/ green lantern ring).

Affirmative Action Popeye's is The Centurions:  Ace McLeod, Jake Rockwell, Max Ray, John Thunder, & Rex Charger, Kane of Runefast, Cyclops, Archangel, Ice Man, Beast, Gandalf the White, Dr. Doom, Iroh (w/ Power Ring), Alucard, & Mysterio (w/ a Glock).

Popeye's sure has these Striders outgunned when it comes to modern technology and firepower; but they are having very little success in finding any of the Striders who have taken to the trees and relied on guerilla tactics in the heavily wooded setting of Sherwood Forest.  Much to the dismay of Gandalf the White, the rest of his squad, led by Cyclops himself is in no way holding back as they scorch the forest in search of their prey.  

Treebeard has still not yet decided if he is going to help out his teammates or not yet in this battle; as he is not even sure if this is his war.  Although he is certain that the Popeye's Forces are just as bad as orcs.  He is also visibly upset that The White Wizard has once again come to a forest with destruction as his intent.  

With as loud as Gimli is breathing, you would have thought Mysterio could have shot him in the dark; but he is unable to get his Glock 19 off before Gimli relieves him of his head, on the way to catch Beast with a gut shot as he attempts to attack from the top of the trees.  Faramir attempts to take flight with the aid of his new Blue Lantern Ring; but he is unable to keep up with Archangel, who slices through both the blue lantern aura and the midsection of Faramir with his wings, sending the son of Gondor falling to the ground in a pair of pieces.  

Okay....  So, I realize that a Watcher is not supposed to be biased; and I am not.  Just attempting an explanation before the fates decide what I witness.  Don't get me wrong.  The Centurions bop HARD.  I mean.  They straight bussin.  On Jah.  No Keezy.  Respectfully.  But the best thing about them is their use in the proper settings to which they all have specific functions.  None of them specialize in the forest.  Pretty much everything but; if Ima be real.  So, as they clunk around in their heavily armored, very advanced, mech weaponry they are having some issues even getting through Sherwood Forest.  Which is why they get spooked quick by the Elven magic of Elrond and Arwen and fall even quicker to their well placed sword blows from the stealthy, Elven foes whom they never even saw.

  

Kane of Runefast is engaged in a pitched battle of swordsmanship with Eomer, when the wielder of the Sword of Darkness gains the upper hand and dispatches the son of Eoman with a stunning attack.  Eomer is quickly avenged afterwards by his sister Eowyn who takes out Kane with a flurry of sword swings.  Although, Kane uses the Sword of Darkness and with his dying breath, has the sword cast Desoul on Eowyn, causing her to join him in death.

Cyclops blasts a hole through the second Blue Wizard; but the first Blue Wizard casts an attack spell that shatters Cyclops' goggles causing his power to go out of control.  The remaining Blue Wizard then dodges the aimless attacks and kills Cyclops with his sword.  Gandalf then engages the Blue Wizard with magic aided staff and the might of Glamdring and defeats him, sending his fellow wizard to the graveyard.  

Zufa Cenva, in her element in the deep forested woods, surprise attacks Dr. Doom from behind a large tree and hits him with some serious sorcery, complete with some well-aimed kicks and such.  Uncle Iroh then fire bends through her shield of sorcery and burns her to crisp, whilst simultaneously using his power ring to boost the attack of Alucard.  Norma Cenva wasn't always a big fan of her mom Zufa; but it doesn't mean she likes seeing her burnt alive either.  With all of the blue lantern rings on The Striders Squad, Norma's green lantern ring is brimming with power which she uses to vaporize Iroh.  Alucard, now even stronger than normal rushes at Norma with such speed that he cannot even be seen by the untrained eye; but Norma simply folds the space around Alucard sending him away to who knows where.  

Ice Man is wondering the forest alone when he comes by Treebeard, who is deep in thought.  Ice Man helps make up the mind of the large Ent, as he pisses him off with a blast of frozen water, before getting stomped to death by Middle Earth's oldest inhabitant.  

Gandalf and Archangel regroup with each other in a lightly wooded area and decide to make a final push against the Striders.   The Striders have met back up with Treebeard, who is now ready to fight and surround him, waiting for the imminent attack.  Gandalf rushes in with a blinding white light accompanying him, distracting them from his teammate Archangel who swoops in from above.  Gandalf's magic blasts through the protective spell of Arwen as easily as it does her; while Archangel hits ground, metal wings first pinning Gimli to the forest floor.  Archangel, then pulls his wings from the dirt and bloodied Dwarf before spinning them violently and removing the head of Elrond before Norma Cenva moves with blinding speed towards the mutant, ripping him apart with her own mental energy and added green lantern power.  Gandalf sees this awesome display of power from the first Guild Navigator Norma and essentially drains himself of power like he has not done since he defeated the Balrog as Gandalf the Grey.  He wipes Norma from this plane of existence; but as he awakens from his brief power coma is witness to his own demise from the giant body of Treebeard, who once again rids the forest of the destructive White Wizard.