FFL National League Finals

The Gender Neutral Group of Misunderstood Little People: Magneto, Mr. Mxyzptlk, Yoda w/ a white lantern ring, Vampire Batman, Omega Supreme, Neo w/ 2 whie lightsabers, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Alf and Slippy Toad in the Millenium Falcon, Lando, Nien Numb, Lobot and Falcon in the Outlaw, Achilles, Queen Aga’Po, Luminara w/ a green lantern ring, Barriss Offee w/ a blue lantern ring, Indigo-1 and Munk, Sinestro w/ a yellow and green lantern ring, Darth Maul w/ a red lantern ring, Star Wolf w/ a double red lightsaber in a sith fighter, Star Fox w/ a blue lightsaber in a Z-95 Headhunter, X-23 w/ a Red Lightsaber, Nazgul #9 on a Fell Beast, Colonel James Monroe(offensive coordinator) w/ a darksaber on Mordor Horse #9, Peppy Hare, Vorian, Atriedes, Alexander the Great, Bucephalus, (wartime President) James Madison (Defensive Coordinator/Central Command, w/ a Speed Ring), Fantastic Max, FX, and AB in a Star Destroyer, Starscream w/ an orange lantern ring, Count Dooku w/ a yellow lantern ring, Black Dragon #1, FA-4, Jimmy Olsen (w/ a Tanooki Suit), Lois Lane (w/ a cape feather), & Ewok #9 in an Apache Helicopter.

The Super Orange Kitty Sisters: Abeloth, Supergirl, Power Girl, Polaris, Scarlet WItch, Spider-Man, Black Widow, Hades, Ocean Master, Aqua Lad, Starfire, Blackfire, Red Hood & Katniss Everdeen (in Mandalorian Armor) in a Snow Speeder ,Arsenal & Mr. Spock in a Snow Speeder ,Princess Leia (w/ a Speed Ring) & Piplup (w/ an Ice Flower) in a Snow Speeder ,Captain Steven Hiller & Romeo (in a Tanooki Suit) in a Snow Speeder, Captain Jimmy Wilder & Juliet (in a Goomba Sock) in a Snow Speeder, Darth Traya w/ a red lantern ring, Iron Giant, Green Arrow and Black Canary in an Apache Helo, Hawkeye in a Sith Fighter, Raven, Tybalt in a Vibranium Suit, Medusa and Dracula

Up In the Air:

The Evil Midgets have the Millenium Falcon, The Outlaw, Star Wolf in a Sith Fighter, Star Fox in a Z-95 Headhunter, a Star Destroyer, Starscream and an Apache Helicopter. While the Kitty Sisters have Super Girl, Hawkeye in a Sith Fighter, an Apache Helicopter with Green Arrow and Black Canary in it, Red Hood and Katniss in a Snow, speeder, Captain Steve Hiller and Romeo in a Snowspeeder, Arsenal and Mr. Spock in a Snowspeeder, Princess Leia and Piplup w/ an Ice Flower in a Snowspeeder, and Captain Jimmy Wilder and Juliet w/ a Gumba Sock in a Snowspeeder. The Evil Midgets come flying out of their Star Destroyer with a volley of laser blasts coming from the Star Destroyer taking out Captain Steve Hiller and Romeo’s Snowspeeder. The two teams then get into an all out space battle. Han and Chewie’s Millennium Falcon and Lando’s Outlaw make a great team taking out Hawkeye’s Sith Fighter, Arsenal and Mr. Spock’s Snowspeeder, Red Hood and Katniss’s Snowspeeder, and Green Arrow and Black Canary’s Apache Helicopter (because they are the shitty CW version). But the Kitty Sisters haven’t given up yet, Princess Leia’s Snowspeeder and Captain Jimmy Wilder’s Snowspeeder take out the Evil Midget’s Apache Helicopter, but then are defeated by Star Wolf and Star Fox in their respective ships shortly there after. As the Midgets just had the superior pilots and ships.  

In the Forest:

The Super Kitties are Abeloth and Darth Traya w/ a Red Lantern Ring. The Little People are Yoda w/ a White Lantern Ring, Darth Maul w/ a Red Lantern Ring, Luminara Unduli w/ a green lantern ring, Barriss Offee w/ a Blue Lantern Ring, nazgul #9 on his Fell Beast and Count Dooku w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring. Yoda and Count Dooku who are on opposite sides of the force decide to take on a greater threat to the force in Abeloth, Nazgul #9 also joins them while Maul, Barriss and Luminara try to fight Traya. Abeloth begins the battle by using the force to pull trees thousands of years old out of the ground and throwing them at the trio of Yoda, Dooku, and Nazgul #9 in which Yoda and Dooku both use their lightsabers to cut them in half to dodge the trees while the Nazgul’s Fell Beast is impaled by a tree and the Nazgul has fallen to the ground. Abeloth then proceeds to shoot the Nazgul with force lightning causing him to catch on fire and perish. Yoda and Dooku then blast energy beams from their rings and Abeloth uses more uprooted trees to protect herself from the trees causing a loud boom, like that of a tree being struck by lightning. Yoda and Dooku then begin to attack Abeloth with a combo of their lightsabers and lantern rings and after a few minutes it finally became too much for Abeloth and she was defeated. But Dooku was heavily injured in the battle and was laying on the ground in great pain. Meanwhile Traya is fighting the three force users using a deadly combo of her three lightsabers and Red Lantern Ring. Luminara sees that Traya is starting to focus more on Barriss so Luminara sacrifices herself by taking a shot from Traya’s Red Lantern Ring that would of killed her padawan. After defeating Abeloth, Yoda notices that Luminara has died and that Maul and Barriss are struggling and decides to help. Darth Maul notices that Yoda is coming behind Traya slowly, but Yoda can’t attack because Traya has surrounded herself with a shield using her Red Lantern Ring. Darth Maul decides to distract Traya by doing a jumping attack with his Red Lantern Ring causing the shield to stop for just enough time for Yoda to come up behind and do an energy blasts with his White lantern Ring that kills Traya. When Yoda goes to look at Darth Maul he notices that Maul has been cut in half by one of Traya’s three lightsabers. Then out of nowhere Han and Chewie pull up in the Millenium Falcon saying “Get In! The rest of the team’s gonna need our help in the city.” They all get in the Falcon except Maul. Barriss uses the Blue Lantern Ring to heal Dooku back into fighting shape.

In the Ocean:

The Super Kitties are Ocean Master and Aqua Lad. They notice that there is no one in the ocean for them to fight so they join the rest of the Evil Kitties in the city.

In the City:

The Evil Midgets have Magneto, Mr Mxyzptlk, Vampire Batman, Omega Supreme, Neo w/ 2 White Light sabers, Achilles, Queen Aga’Po, Indigo-1 and Munk, Sinestro w/ Yellow and Green Lantern Ring, X-23 w/ a Red Light Saber, Colonel James Monroe w/ a DarkSaber on a Mordor horse, Starscream w/ an Orange Lantern Ring and Black Dragon #1. The Orange Kitties have Supergirl, Power Girl, Polaris, Scarlet Witch, Spider-Man, Black Widow, Hades, Blackfire, Starfire, Iron Giant, Raven, Tybalt in a Vibranium Suit, Medusa and Dracula. This battle in the city will be the closest and most intense match that I will have watched in my short career as a watcher. As the two teams start settling into the city Magneto sees the Iron Giant and with one quick flick of his wrist, crushes the Iron Giant into the size of a pop can. Polaris does the same to Omega Supreme. Starscream sees what has happened to his fellow Transformer and proceeds to run away and protect himself with a shield using his Orange Lantern Ring before Polaris does the same to him. Supergirl and Power Girl see this and decide to shoot a powerful beam of lasers from both of their eyes towards magneto, but thankfully Sinestro and Indigo-1 use their rings to make a shield protecting Magneto. Magneto and Polaris then begin to have an intense and emotional magnetic power duel, throwing every piece of metal at each other that they can find including frames of buildings and cars. Neo is fighting Supergirl in a battle for the ages, Mr. Mxyzptlk is messing with Power Girl using his powers to just annoy the absolute crap out of her, Black Widow and Achilles are fighting with their mere human powers, Scarlet Witch and Spider-Man are fighting against Indigo-1 and Munk, Starfire and her sister are fighting Sinestro, and Hades is dealing with the Black Dragon.

Vampire Batman sees that Neo is getting nowhere with his fight against Supergirl as his lightsabers are not able to damage her, so vampire Batman gives Neo a piece of Kryptonite for Neo to put in one of his White Lightsabers and then he is finally able to defeat Supergirl with one fell swoop of his blade. After that Dracula shows who the true Vampire is and kills Vampire Batman. Black Widow is able to kill Achilles by shooting him in his one weak spot the Achilles Heel with one of her Glock 26’s, Munk kills Spider-Man which enrages Scarlet Witch (like to the point of “You took everything from me” mad from Endgame) and she lifts Munk up into the air with her powers and rips him in half, but this makes her vulnerable to Indigo-1 as the Indigo Ring bearer shoots her with a blast from her Indigo Lantern Ring. Meanwhile Sinestro is surprised as to how powerful the Fire Sisters are and decides to call for help from Indigo-1. As soon as Indigo-1 shows up she is killed by Blackfire as she was exhausted from her battle with Scarlet Witch. 

After Magneto and Polaris have torn up a whole block of the city fighting each other, Magneto finally kills his daughter as he has had much more time honing his skills then her. Even though it is Magneto’s daughter, he is willing to do anything to help The Brotherhood, or in this case The Gender Neutral Group of Misunderstood Little People. Ocean Master and Aqua Lad have just burst into the battle riding a wave into the city. Aqua Lad sees X-23 standing in the city wondering what a little girl is doing in this battle scene. He goes to ask her what she is doing there and then X-23 stabs him through his heart with her lightsaber. Ocean Master proceeds to attack Magneto after seeing all the damage this one man has done. He takes a stab with his Trident towards Magneto, but Magneto just snaps it in half with his mutant powers. So Ocean Master just punches Magneto thirty feet into the air, landing onto a broken metal I-Beam that has stabbed through the center of his torso. This gives X-23 flashbacks of when her beloved friend Logan was killed, causing her to go on a rampage, she runs up behind Ocean Master and cuts him in half with her lightsaber, she then proceeds to kill Black Widow and Tybalt before Raven uses her telekinesis to throw multiple I-Beams at X-23, basically surrounding X-23 in a cage and then using her powers of the darkness to vaporize X-23. Raven sees that Sinestro has just killed Starfire using a combined energy blast from his Yellow and Green Lantern Ring. This causes Raven to go into her full anger mode as she goes to try and kill Sinestro. As she is flying to SInestro Queen Aga’Po goes to try and stop her but is defeated easily by Raven.

After easily defeating Queen Aga’Po, Raven and BlackFire team up and attempt to finally take out Sinestro. Sinestro is using both his Green and Yellow Lantern Ring to protect himself with a shield while Blackfire and Raven are giving it everything got to try and kill Sinestro. Sinestro is visibly weak at this point and just as he is about to lose from physical exhaustion. You hear a large blasts and you see that The Millenium Falcon and The Outlaw fly bye. Blackfire, Raven and Sinestro have been vaporized by the blasts from the from the ships. Star Fox and Star Wolf come flying in not too shortly after them as a breath of new life has been shot into the Midgets Squad. The Millenium Falcon drops off the Force Users from the ship. Star Fox and Star Wolf shoot blasts from their ships killing Medusa and Dracula. But this breath is short lived, as Power Girl is able to escape from Mr. Mxyzptlk’s annoyance for a minute as she goes and kills The Falcon, Outlaw and both Star Fox and Star Wolf. In doing so she uses the smoke from the ships she destroyed to write Mr. Mxyzptlk’s name backwards in the sky causing him to be sent back to his dimension. She then flies through the center of the Star Destroyer while using her heat vision to easily destroy the ship. Half of the Star Destroyer fell onto the city killing Colonel James Monroe and Barriss Offee as the weight was just too much for the padawan to be able to hold with her force abilities.

Meanwhile, Hades was able to take care of the Black Dragon and sent the dragon to the deepest parts of the underworld.

All that’s left standing is Neo, Yoda and Dooku versus Power Girl and Hades. Neo and Powergirl go flying up into the air having a spectacular battle while Yoda uses his White Lantern Ring to send Hades back to the underworld, but not before Hades kills Dooku by sending him to the Underworld. Yoda then uses his White Lantern Ring to fly up and join Neo in the battle with Power Girl. As Power Girl is much faster than both Neo and Yoda she grabs Neo and throws him threw multiple buildings until Neo is to beat up to defend himself and is eventually killed when Power Girl snaps his neck using her bear hands. But while she beating on Neo Yoda picked up Neo’s lightsaber with the kryptonite crystal in it. After Neo’s death, Power Girl shoots her heat vision at Yoda and he absorbs it with the force and then using the power that he just absorbed, he attacks Power Girl with a flurry of attacks with his saber that she dodges all but the last one as her head is cut clean off.             

The Striders of Rohan Vs. TEAM

The Striders of Rohan are Odin (w/ The White Lantern Ring), The Balrog of Moria, Cyborg Superman (w/ a yellow lantern ring), Apocalypse, The Guardians of the Galaxy: Starlord in a Y-Wing, Rocket Raccoon in a Y-Wing, Yondu, and Kraglin in a Star Destroyer, Drax the Destroyer, Groot, Gamora, Mantis, and Nebula, Captain Marvel, Adam Warlock, Sandworm #19, Ghost Rider, Circuit Breaker, Gandalf the White, Radaghast the Brown, The Two Blue Wizards, Eomer son of Eoman, Theoden King, The 8 Riders of Rohan, Elrond of Rivendale, King Kong, Legolas of the Woodland Realm, Gimli son of Gloin, Hancock (w/ a Frog Suit), Wolverine (w/ a red lantern ring), Kylo Ren (w/ a red lantern ring), Xenomorph Aliens #12-14.

TEAM is Superman, Unicron, Primus, God Emperor Leto II, Optimus Prime w/ Roller, Superboy, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Vulcan, Beta Ray Bill, Thanos (w/ Power, Soul, Space, and Reality stones in the Infinity Gauntlet), Trygon, Seraph, General Grevious, Magnaguard Droid #1-2, Grey Jedi Master Josh Houslander, Jedi Knight Laya Houslander, Young Jedi Knight Alexander Houslander, Padawan Scarlet Houslander, and Youngling Grayson Houslander, Astro-Train, Blitzwing, Titan #1-2, John Wayne, and Cybertronian Guardian #1.


The Playoff Planet is in utter chaos. It's two new massive moons known as Unicron and Primus have completely thrown the planet off of it axis. On the planet itself, other TEAMmembers Thanos and Trygon happily usher in the destruction of the planet while The God Emperor, in all of his grandeur looks forward to converting the entire playoff planet into a new Arrakis. A scorched Dune where the sandworms and the spirit of Shai Halud may once again run free, rule the galaxy and hold an imperium under their control with the controlled means of spice production.

There is another force of immense power that stands to oppose TEAM and possibly put a stop to this destructive force. It may be too late to save the Playoff Planet, but perhaps time remains to save the rest of the Universe.

Primus and Unicron, two brothers who have not had contact in millions of years rest in the opposite sides of the Play-Off Planet. Revolving around the once resource rich planet with every rotation allowing them to suck energy from its core before they fully make the commitment to physically consume the sphere and all that rests on it. The two Titan Cymeks synced with the two Transformer planets. Working as their respective sentinels to warn them of danger. They have both opted to work and protect in the vicinity of Unicron as they have taken to his aggressive approach of Universe domination. Though Primus his more benevolent albeit apathetic brother is not without protection. Dave Bowman, the former astronaut turned cosmic being known as the Starchild rests within the metal confines of the Autobot god while they discuss the positive, potential future benefits of the looming Galaxy-wide disaster. The two of them have no plan of attack, and are currently not certain if they will even defend themselves should an attack be mounted against them. As cosmic beings, they transcend the mere insignificant battle taking place around them. These five TEAMmembers split on two opposite sides of the Playoff Planet make up the whole of the TEAM Space Force. The rest of TEAM is being summoned to the massive, ever-expanding desert area of the planet by Thanos who plans to lure the Striders into one massive and epic battle that will certainly ensure the final destruction of one of these two powerhouse squads.

The Striders on the other hand had strategically placed their soldiers in different settings that play to their skill set; though they have come to realize that with the looming destruction of the planet itself and the mounting terror of TEAM's Force that they too will have to regroup and make one epic push and last stand against their opponents. Theoden King, Odin, and Elrond stand at the forefront of their massive squad as the rest of the forces trickle in. The majority of their team will meet right here at the edge of the desert and make their push; but several are out in space mounting an attack on two massive robot planets presenting an equally devastating threat. Led by Yondu in the newly named and launched Star Destroyer Anduril. This ship may be dwarfed by the massive Transformer Planets they are about to attack, but it is loaded with fire power. Flanked by 2 Y-Wings flown by Starlord and Rocket, they move toward Unicron first. Prepared for anything, but wary of the tough task they have been assigned; the Guardians members radio down to the planet to the their fellow Rohan Striders for help. But that is a request that the Strider leadership is unsure they can provide, as they see Thanos in his full armored regalia, followed by an army of super-beings beginning to move slowly on their position....

Odin gives the order to attack and a monstrous battle commences. King Kong is the first to strike as he delivers a brutal punch/kick combo to Astro-Train which knocks the Decepticon to the ground; but Astro-Train's fellow triple changer BlitzWing transforms into his Tank form and blasts King Kong to pieces with his laser cannon. The massive Sandworm (#19) of the Striders emerges from the sand with a vengeance and instantly swallows the Autobot and sidekick of Optimus Prime Roller as if he were a Matchbox Car. But with no Fremen to control the Maker, the huge worm remains under the full control of the God Emperor Leto II from TEAM. The Atreides Emperor concentrates and takes mental control of the sandworm forcing it to stop and expose its maw for attack. Optimus Prime takes revenge for the death of his friend by destroying Shai Halud's vessel. While this transpires, numerous pitched battles have begun all over the scorched earth battlefield. Superboy battling the Guardians, Superman taking on the Balrog of Moria, Odin Vs. Thanos, Trygon battles Gandalf, Beta Ray Bill is assaulted by Adam Warlock, Seraph defends against Wolverine, The Triple Changers fight Apocalypse, and Legolas, lucky for him finds out that his Elven blades can deflect lightsabers as he fences with all four arms of Grevious. In this opening melee of equal footing battles, only a few mortal casualties come quick. While Gimli is defending himself with his ax against the pair of Magnaguard droids and their electro-staffs Circuit Breaker waltzes in and simply touches the droids frying their circuits completely. She moves on Grevious next, but the sly cyborg manages to divert his attention away from Legolas for a moment, pull his blaster with one of his four hands and deliver a laser bolt to the face of Circuit Breaker. Vulcan and the God Emperor moved towards Cyborg Superman and Captain Marvel for their first battle; but Cyborg Superman, laced in his yellow energy aura was able to melt himself a weak spot in the sand-trout armored skin of Leto II which made a killing blow from the Kryptonian possible. Vulcan moved aggressively towards Captain Marvel, but it was #timesup for the Omega Level Mutant who was crushed by a mix of energy projection and pure strength from Carol Danvers. These battles and many more rage on; but another out in space is just beginning......

Yondu and Kraglin aboard the Star Destroyer Anduril haven't engaged in a battle with Unicron yet, but are currently battling the learning curve of trying to operate a Star Destroyer with just two people.

“KRAGLIN, GET THOSE GUNS POINTED AT THAT GIANT PLANET ALREADY” Screams Yondu.

“Well, Cap'N I'm only gonna say this once; but it ain't real easy flyin this here ship with just two of us, especially when you mostly just been playin with treasure trolls the whole time. I mean, I reckon we are the only ones on this massive ship, and I ain't never even flown nuthin like this before”. Responds Kraglin respectively.

Yondu: “DAMMIT KRAGLIN. WE AIN'T THE ONLY PEOPLE ON THIS VESSEL”

Kraglin: “Well Cap'N, I ain't seen anybody else; so why you sayin that??

Yondu: “WELL, I AIN'T SEEN NOBODY NEITHER, BUT AS CAPTAIN I DID JUST ANSWER A REQUEST FOR 75 MEALS TO BE SENT OUT BY SOME FANCY AUTOMATED SYSTEM, AND THEN A BUNCH OF DAMN EMPTY TRAYS CAME BACK THROUGH THAT THERE CONVERYOR MACHINE. SO ALLS I CAN FIGURE IS THAT SOMEBODY MUST-A ATE THAT FOOD”.

Kraglin: “Well, how you reckon we put em to work Cap'N”??

Yondu: “DAMMIT KRAGLIN, I DON'T KNOW THEY MUST BE DOWN IN THE HANGAR SOMEWHERE. ALLS I KNOW IS THAT WE GOT A DAMN GIANT ROBOT PLANET IN FRONT OF US THAT WE SUPPOSED TO DESTROY!! AND SINCE WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL WE DOIN, PULL THAT RED LEVER AND SEE WHAT HELL IT UNLEASHES ON THAT METAL MONSTER”!!

Kraglin pulls the red lever, and with that comes a fleet of short range stunt fighters out of the hull of the massive Star Destroyer that lay down a wicked strafing run on Unicron. Unicron's defensive counter-measures take out most of the TIE Fighters, but they keep attacking doing every bit of damage they can to Unicron. Kraglin and Yondu from inside are shocked to see what happens next.

“I think we done pissed it off Cap'N”. Kraglin says as Unicron begins to transform from planet shaped sphere into humanoid robot form.

The two Titan ships fly out and move towards the Star Destroyer, but the machines with ancient human brains become locked in a dog fight with the two Y-Wings flown by Quill and Rocket. The Space-Ready Hull of the two Titan Cymek bodies are far more durable and contain more firepower than the two Y-Wings, but the superior flying skills of Starlord and Rocket come out on top as they are able to land just enough advanced concussion missiles on the Titans to take them out.

Yondu was pleased to see the two Guardians able to keep the Titans off of his Star Destroyer, while Unicron was busy transforming and taking care of what is left of the bothersome stunt fighters. Yondu took these moments to radio back down to his team on the planet.

Yondu speaks to his ruling command as Odin, Elrond, and Theoden receive the message. “Listen up Striders. I know you gots a lot to deal with down there; but we got an entire planet that just turned into a giant robot and is gonna turn us into scrap metal, and we ain't even seen the other robot yet. Me and Kraglin is ready to do our part, but you guys are gonna have to deal with this damned thing one way or another, sooner or later. If you want us fellers to still be around when you do it. Then I hope ya pick sooner, cuz we ain't gonna be here later. Yondu out”.....

Elrond, Theoden, and Odin gather round one another in a safe vantage point, knowing that a decision must be made as soon as possible.

Elrond looks to Odin saying: “What shall we do your Highness”??

Odin ponders for a few seconds and says: “I have made many mistakes in my many generations ruling Asgard. And still I know not the when or the how to recognize a future mistake from a tough decision that must be made. There is a King here who is in my remaining eye more just than I am. Theoden. You make the call. Send our space-worthy troops to help or keep the primary force fighting here”??

Theoden thinks on it for a moment, but knows what he must do: “We cannot abandon our friends, to this monolithic terror. I will continue to lead those who cannot leave this plain against this threat. Till the end we will give our all. Odin, you must take all able-bodied soldiers and try your best to stop these wicked Transformers”.

Odin, coats himself in White energy and takes flight into the cosmos bringing with him Cyborg Superman, Apocalypse, Captain Marvel, Adam Warlock, Hancock, and (Red Lantern) Wolverine.

Theoden regroups his troops and sees the terrible amount of power from TEAM that his people have been left to face. He feels the bravery laced with fear from his own Rohirim and fears that he has made the wrong choice and signed over the deaths of all these Striders. He feels unable to speak, not knowing if his remaining men now hate their King after putting them in this terrible situation. He ponders for seconds that feel like hours when he hears Drax yell from behind him....

“FOR ROHAN”.

“FOR ROHAN” the rest of the team echos, before Theoden is gifted with an inadvertent smile and instinctively yells: “CHARGE”!!!!

Thanos and his troops stand firm awaiting the incoming assault and the battle recommences. The Xenomorph Aliens stick together and leap on top of the massive Cybertronian Guardian ripping the enormous robot apart. What little defense he offers is in vain as their concentrated acid blood melts the Cybertronian metal on contact. Astro-Train and BlitzWing are forced to open fire on their own Transformer teamMate in order to put a stop to the Alien assault. The 8 Riders of Rohan, led by Eomer himself are slowly being taken off of their horses by John Wayne with his .30-.30 but they have not yet even begun to fight. They draw swords together and face off against Seraph, who dispatches four of them with amazing speed. Laya orders her young apprentice siblings to stay close, but they jump into the fight with her instead. Laya, Scarlet, and Grayson ignite their lightsabers and each take out a Rohirim member in one on one combat. Laya takes out the last one for good measure. Theoden stands alone against Grey Jedi Josh and his two lightsabers ignited. A “Becks-worthy” pitched battle ensues, but once Seraph comes in to join the battle, Josh is able to use his incredible swordsmanship to finish off the would be King of Rohan.

The Striders are unhappy to see that the General Grevious they are fighting against definitely appears to be the Non-Canon original Clone Wars version, which for you lay-people out there means that he isn't a punk like he is in the movies, he is actually awesome. Grevious approaches Kylo Ren, who ignites his crimson, claymore style lightsaber. Grevious dramatically breaks his two arms into four and grabs hold of an equal amount of lightsabers. Two green and two blue ignite as the two combatants begin battling. Kylo Ren looks inward into the Force and realizes that General Grevious in just a few movie scenes and some cartoons designed for nerdy kids who will hopefully buy more action figures has done more cool things than he has done in two franchise-ruining full length films that he has starred in. Ben Swolo, despite his not that impressive physique, horrible acting skills, and terrible character development is still a Skywalker. He uses his impressive Force skills to revert Grevious back to the super lame canon version that Disney pushes and then easily dispatches the cyborg. Kylo Ren stands over the body of Grevious, while he hears another lightsaber ignite behind him. Kylo Ren turns to see a young Jedi Knight with a blue lightsaber behind him.

Alex Houslander allows a tinge of anger to enter into his Jedi sensibilities and says: “You're going to pay for what you did to my favorite franchise Kylo Dorkface”!!

Kylo moves towards Alex with his already intense anger fueled further by his red lantern ring. The former Ben Solo throws caution to the wind as he is anxious to destroy this young man quickly and with ease to fuel his own ego. But his Form 5 attacking style does not match up nearly as well as he had hoped against Alex's perfectly executed Form 3. Kylo in theory has much more skill and training but like he does so well in The Force Awakens can't get the job done with his lightsaber. Alex ducks out of the way of his final attack after parrying several other strikes and slices the back leg of Kylo, causing the Dark Side user to drop to one knee. Alex stands over him and says: “That one was for the franchise”.

Kylo raises his lightsaber to defend, but Alex cuts off his hand at the wrist, saying: “That one was for me”. And then finishes by saying: “And this one is for HAN SOLO” as he finishes off Kylo Ren by relieving him of his head.

Superman has been battling The Balrog of Moria this whole time, but once Superboy comes to aid his mentor the Kryptonian and his clone are able to put an end to the ancient evil being.

Alex regroups with the rest of the Houslander Jedi Family; but they are confronted with a group of wizards led by Gandalf. Josh leads his kids against the powerful group; but they are only able to take out one of the Blue Wizards with their force powers and saber techniques before Gandalf, aided by Radaghast calls upon the Flame of Anor and vanquishes them all.

“I am Groot” is heard as the ground dwelling Guardians begin to make their charge; but Groot along with Mantis perishes as his wooden frame does not match up well at all against the burning fires of Trygon's power. Nebula and Gamora move against Beta Ray Bill and are able to hang with him for quite some time, but they cannot withstand blows from his hammer Stormbreaker and are eventually taken out once he connects with the weapon Gamora first, and then her sister. Drax, always has the propensity to take on the toughest guy in the room; and today is no different. He rushes at Superman and levels some big hits on the Kryptonian, surprising Kal El with his power. But at the end of it all, Drax just simply isn't strong enough to stand toe to toe with Supes. Superman grabs a hold of his head and delivers a knee to the cranium of Drax that could put a hole in a battleship.

Ghost Rider and Optimus Prime break into a rally race turned demolition derby. Ghost Rider levels Prime with dents, but his chain and Hellfire powers are not quite enough to take out the Autobot leader. Once Prime is able to knock Ghost Rider from his fiery bike a powerful punch from Optimus is enough to break the skeleton to bone fragments.

Legolas and Gimli rush at Thanos and surprise the Mad Titan with their quickness, skill, and ability to fight side by side. The two friends keep Thanos tied up for some time; but eventually Thanos is able to grab a hold of Gimli by his head, picking him up and then slamming the dwarf to the ground breaking every bone in his body. Legolas leaps into the air and places himself in position to place an arrow in Thanos's eye; but Thanos takes his enormous double-sided sword and uses it to cut Legolas in two.

Elrond and Theoden look upon their team and realize it is only them and the three wizards left for the ground forces. They express their hope that their Space Force is having more success and reiterate their plan to take out as much of TEAM's planet crew as possible. They know that their magical abilities can work on the Kryptonians; so they attempt to move against them first. But Trygon appears to be the TEAMmember most anxious to take on the fight. Gandalf, Radaghast, and the remaining Blue Wizard are able to overpower the Fire of Trygon and take him out; but their weakened state is no match for the firepower and skill of Blitzwing, Astro-Train, Seraph, and Superboy who come in from behind after the deed is complete.

Elrond and Theoden draw swords together against Thanos for their final push; but blades were of no use here. Thanos uses the Reality stone to shrivel away the ground around the Middle earth natives and then uses the Power stone to blast them out of the desert.

As Primus and Unicron represent the two ends of the good/evil spectrum of the space TEAM, so too, do Superman and Thanos back on the surface. The Last Son of Krypton and The Last son of Titan make eye contact and nod to one another as they take note of their victory on the planet proper; but they know there is a yet another battle out in space where they will be needed. Superman and Thanos take flight side by side to lead the way, as the rest of the planet bound TEAMmembers (Optimus Prime, Superboy, Beta Ray Bill, Seraph, Blitzwing, and John Wayne) climb aboard Astro-Train in his space shuttle form and head off into space.

When Odin led his space worthy Striders into the battle against Unicron, it certainly tipped the scales; but it was not without loss. As the Strider back up force first arrived, the Star Destroyer Anduril had already given Unicron every bit of firepower it could muster and Odin and his crew's first introduction to Unicron was see him drive his gargantuan fists through the center of the Hull of their team's prize from last round. Starlord and Rocket continue to evade the attacks of Unicron in their Y-Wing's but their weapons are useless against the “Certified Universe Destroyer” (shout out Old Man Parks). Once the rest of the Striders show up, it is a different story. Cyborg Superman, Wolverine, and Odin begin to hit Unicron with lantern energy from a safe distance, while Apocalypse and Hancock get up close and personal. The two of them begin pounding on the metal body of Unicron and do more damage with their physical strength than the other could with their energy powers. Apocalypse grows to a massive size that is still dwarfed by Unicron. He begins busting apart metal on Unicron's knee, but Unicron grabs a hold of him and crushes him like a bundle of sticks. Hancock, who is ecstatic because his Frog Suit burnt up in the atmosphere (don't worry, it'll be back for his next start, despite the Strider's GM deliberately not mentioning it every time he sends his team in). Hancock uses his super-human strength to do as much damage as he can on Unicron; but even his immense power-set is futile when Unicron unleashes his lasers from his eyes to incinerate the crass god/hero. With all these attacks coming from all angles doing their best to weaken him Unicron still keeps withstanding the onslaught. Unicron, though showing some signs of damage questions the ability of his opponents by asking: “Is this all you have brought to defeat me”?? As a flash nears his head, Unicron hears a voice say: “Nope, they brought #metoo”. Captain Marvel then blasts through the head of Unicron at full speed, blasting his dome apart and extinguishing his spark.

Cheers echo out through the Striders squad, but Rocket quickly comes over the comlink and reminds them: “Don't get too excited kids. We still got a whole nother one of these guys to take on and he's even bigger. Let's move”.

The remaining Striders begin to fly in unison to the other side of the planet where they hope to destroy Primus like they were able to destroy his brother. But as they arrive the remainder of TEAM is making their approach as well.

Primus has made his decision and after the death of his brother for whom he felt love, hatred, apathy, and compassion cyclically decided to transform into his humanoid robot form for the first time in tens of millions of years. As he begins making his transformation, Captain Marvel is already racing towards the head of Primus at breakneck speed. But before she reaches her destination, she is uncontrollably stopped in her tracks. Dave Bowman: The Starchild appears before her and simply states: “I am sorry Ms. Danvers. I know that your act out of noble purpose; but I cannot allow you to destroy my friend Primus as you did his brother Unicron”. Dave Bowman then changes places with Captain Marvel on a molecular level giving the Kree body makeup to himself and the former human makeup to Captain Marvel. He then simply undoes his own power. Danvers return to basic human form cannot contain the power. She fades away to nothingness and Bowman explodes once his experiment comes to conclusion. Once Primus has made his transformation, he first uses the on-flight computer from his rarely used space ship form to target the two Y-Wings of Rocket and Starlord and destroy them. Both pilots are equipped with their portable spacesuits and manage to eject and join the battle shipless. The Striders know that with the loss of Captain Marvel, that they will have to hold nothing back if they are going to destroy Primus. They fly in fast and begin attacking the massive Transformer with every bit of power and skill they can muster. As TEAM shows up, they land right on their TEAMmate Primus and commence the final leg of this battle on the actual leg of Primus.

Cyborg Superman, Odin, Adam Warlock, and Wolverine have already done every bit of damage possible to Primus; who is still fighting back, when they must divert their attention to the new host of TEAMers attacking them. Wolverine yells to Odin to “KEEP ON THE BIG GUY, we'll handle the newcomers”.

Wolverine breaks in through the side of Astro-Train and begins taking on all comers inside the Decepticon. Seraph leaps at Wolverine; but is knocked to the side. Wolvie goes in to finish off Seraph; but is distracted when he is hit by several .45 Long Colts from the dual six-shooters of John Wayne. “You gotta a lot nerve tryin to mess with this group pilgrim. We're the toughest bunch around”. Wayne lets him know. But Logan is just too quick. He delivers a trio of claws up under the chin of John Wayne while saying: “Sorry Pops, I kinda liked you already, but I've fought tougher and I'm the best at what I do Bub”. Beta Ray Bill isn't quite fast enough to save John Wayne; but he knocks Wolvie to the side with his hammer. Wolvie jumps back up and is able to withstand the effects of Beta Ray Bill's physical strength and onslaught with his extra protection from the Red Lantern Ring. Beta Ray Bill comes down hard with Stormbreaker and shatters Wolvie's lantern ring; but Wolverine takes his free hand and drives his claws directly into Bill's neck. Seraph leaps back up and delivers some serious kung fu on Logan which allows Superboy to get his powerful hands around the neck of Wolverine and squeeze until he is finally finished off.

Adam Warlock rushes at Thanos at the speed of light; but Thanos simply catches Adam by the throat and holds him in place. Thanos speaks: “I understand there is a timeline where you defeat me while I am wearing this very Gauntlet. I assure you, this is not that reality”. Thanos then pumps an incalculable amount of energy from the four stones into Adam Warlock and discards his lifeless body into the depths of space. Thanos does not have as much time to revel in his accomplishment as he thought he might though. Cyborg Superman flies in hard knocking Thanos to the ground. He then uses his yellow lantern ring to power his heat vision to a hotter and more potent level than it has ever achieved. He blasts the wrist of Thanos, severing his hand and knocking the gauntlet to the ground. Cyborg Supes, then kicks the Gauntlet aside as if it were a child's toy and mercilessly beats Thanos to death with a show of his superior strength. Cyborg Superman in full rage mode screams: “I HAVE DEFEATED YOUR CHAMPION TEAM”!!

“Not exactly”. Superman replies as he lands next to his Cyborg relative.

“Good, one more to destroy”. Cyborg Supes replies.

The two Supermen enter into an intense battle. Cyborg Superman has his opponent matched in strength and his added yellow lantern ring definitely helps. Kal El has a fighting prowess and sheer will that keep the fight even. Superman knows that he cannot let this fellow Kryptonian live if his TEAM is going to continue on, so he goes in for the kill knowing that he will leave himself open to a similar fate. Superman holds nothing back as he punches Cyborg Superman with everything he has. They both pound on each other until exhaustion when Superman goes low for a punch under the chin leaving himself open to a neck-breaking attack from above. Both Supermen deliver and join each other in death.

Odin has sat motionless for quite some time, when Optimus Prime feels something within the Matrix of Leadership which draws Prime to the defense of Primus himself. Optimus knows in his spark that this is not the right time to pull the Matrix of Leadership as this season has hopes for one more battle. Optimus is furious with himself for not seeing Odin as a legitimate threat to Primus sooner, but races there in hopes to stop the Asgadian in the nick of time. Optimus is about to open fire on Odin when he feels a small twinge come off of his back. Starlord and Rocket fly away from the scene as fast as they can as Optimus hears Rocket say to Starlord: “I told you we were going to need these Micro-Nukes” right before the Autobot leader explodes. The explosion wakes Odin who realizes that it is now or never to focus all of his Asgardian power and channel it through his White Lantern Ring. Odin and the sub-conscious of Primus are seemingly teleported to an beautiful ethereal plane inside the White Lantern Ring. Odin speaks to Primus as if they are old friends. Odin says: “To give others life with this ring, I shall give us both death”. Primus responds: “I understand”. Odin and the mid of Primus both disappear into the White Ring as it floats off into space.

The few remaining members of both squads scurry to get off of the now dead Primus. Astrotrain and BlitzWing both transform into their flying forms. Starlord and Rocket both sneak into Astrotrain and begin planting the last of their explosives. While Superboy and Seraph jump into the cockpit of BlitzWing. BlitzWing sees that his friend and fellow Triple-Changer Astro-Train has been compromised and uses his powerful lasers to blast the door of his friend Astro-Train, locking the two remaining Striders inside the Decepticon while he is detroyed by their own nukes.

Superboy asks Seraph inside the cockpit of BlitzWing: “Did the Oracle predict that TEAM would return to The Universe Bowl”.

Seraph responds: “This was not to be predicted, it is simply the system of control. Now we wait, for Season One to finish as it always does”.

Season X Playoffs, Round 1: Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins vs. Striders of Rohan

Ahsoka’s Acrobatic Assassins are: Ethan Hunt w/Indigo Lantern Ring, Salaak, Dr. Manhattan, Sauron, Father of Mortis, Son of Mortis, Martian Manhunter, Miss Martian, Poseidon, Witch King of Angmar on his Fell Beast, Franklin Richards, Reverse Flash, Quicksilver, 12 Guardian Knights as Dragonstorm, Geonosian Spy in Geonosian Starship, Geonosian Drone in Geonosian Starship, Geonosian Soldier in Geonosian Starship, Freddy Kreuger, Chief, Mento, Elasti-Girl, Robot Man, Negative Man, Beast Boy, Elf #1, and Zombies #1-2.

Striders of Rohan are: Cyborg Superman w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Odin w/White Lantern Ring, Star Lord and Gamora in Star Lord’s Ship, Rocket Raccoon in Anakin’s Starfighter, Yondu and Kraglin in First Order Command Shuttle, Drax, Groot, Nebula, Mantis, John Stewart, Supreme Leader Snoke in Executrix, Kylo Ren w/Red Lantern Ring, Seaworms #1-9, Sandworms #19-20, Apocalypse, Captain Marvel, Balrog of Moria, Gandalf the White, King Kong, Black Flash, Adam Warlock, Circuit Breaker, Ghost Rider, Fremen #5 and #7-20, Xenomorph Aliens #8-15, Gondor Soldiers #1-15, and Goblins #1-4. It’s high noon on the Playoff Planet. The members of each team choose their battlefields, gather their courage, and are transported to the fight. [The City] (Assassins: Ethan, Manhattan, Franklin, Reverse Flash, Quicksilver, Chief, Mento, Elasti-Girl, Robot Man, Negative Man, Zombies) (Striders: CyberSupes, Drax, Nebula, Mantis, Black Flash, Warlock, Circuit Breaker, Ghost Rider) “I’m telling you guys, it was SO AWFUL! It smelled like sulfur and… and burnt pork chops. And the screaming, and their hands, clawing up at me, begging me to pull them out, it was just-” “Ethan, Jesus Christ. Here.” Quicksilver zips away and back in an instant, handing Ethan Hunt a candy bar. “Eat a Snickers.” “Why?” “Because, you’re kind of a weepy b**** when you’re hungry.” Ethan enjoys the delicious caramel, nougat, and peanuts of his Snickers brand candy bar, available in stores everywhere. His misty eyes steeled up. “Thanks Quicksilver, that’s better. Now I’m ready to not even look back at explosions. Praise Xenu!” A strong handful of the Assassins walk along the streets of the city, with the exception of Chief Niles Caulder, who rolls along. “If my calculations are correct,” he said, “the Striders will likely send their best straight into the city.” Reverse Flash rolled his eyes. “If MY calculations are correct, I’d say your only power is stating the obvious. Why are you here?” “I don’t know, I wish I had stayed in bed. I miss my legs.” Doctor Manhattan, in the lead, holds up a hand to silence his group. “Wait. It’s time.” A heavy laser blast crashes toward him, barely leaving him time to create a gap in his body to avoid destruction. It passes through him and in to Chief, who is reduced to a pair of smoldering legs atop a sizzling wheelchair seat. Cyborg Superman floats down from above. “Well, that was an impressive dodge, Smurf boy. How many more teammates are you gonna let me kill to save yourself?” Manhattan is unfazed. “How many teammates are you going to hide instead of facing us head on? Let me see… seven, correct? It’s a shame they aren’t more valuable combatants.” Superman shoots an icy glare at Manhattan, turns back, and says “You hear that, everyone? Big Blue doesn’t think you’re valuable.” His allies appear from side alleys and buildings, filing in behind him. “This is entirely untrue,” Drax declares, “I’ve been told exactly how much I’d be worth in a slave market, or if I were to sell off my organs.” Quicksilver does a quick headcount. “I see six, you said seven. Where’s number seven?” A moment later his head is on backwards, and Reverse Flash’s head flies off from the maxilla upward. Black Flash comes to a stop next to Cyborg Superman, grinning past his thin, decaying lips. A terrified Franklin Richards begins to scream, “No no no no NO!” A wave of energy ripples through the city, and Black Flash begins to move into action. His speed, however, has been reduced to a mere jog, as Franklin’s powers have capped off the speed of the Striders. Without the Speed Force, Black Flash was only a fitness enthusiast zombie, and his rotten joints fell apart as soon as he ran. Despite being slowed, Cyborg Superman’s ring fed on Franklin’s fear, and he blasts back the Assassins with a screaming burst of yellow light. Manhattan remains standing and attempts to tear Cyborg Superman apart. His Kryptonian physiology is tough for even Manhattan to unravel, and the two struggle against each other’s superhuman power as their remaining teammates charge to the fray. [The Skies] (Assassins: Salaak, Martian Manhunter, Miss Martian, Geonosians) (Striders: Star Lord, Gamora, Rocket, Yondu, Kraglin, John Stewart, Snoke, Captain Marvel) High above the planet, the Striders patrol in search of airborne foes. The skies are quiet and things are fairly boring, until Captain Marvel taps on the window Star Lord’s ship. Starlord “Carol? Is something wrong out there?” “Maybe, hard to say. I think you guys are gonna want to hear what we’re up against.” Carol boards the ship in silence. “So…? What’s this big bad threat?” She smiles. “Me.” Miss Martian drops the disguise, and before Star Lord and Gamora can draw their weapons, she shatters their minds and drops them to the floor. Stepping over their bodies, she takes control of the ship. Across the sky, Martian Manhunter has phased into the Command Shuttle and taken it from Yondu and Kraglin, and together the two fly their ships in a pincer attack on Rocket’s ship, phasing out before the fatal impact. “Excellent work, M’Gann. Let us end this quickly.” They fly off in unison toward the Executrix. John Stewart and Captain Marvel have just seen the horrific explosion and made their way toward the fight, and Salaak flies between them. “Stop right there, Stewart! I can’t allow you to-” Captain Marvel smacks Salaak away like a fly as they proceed, and his shattered body spins out into the void. They nearly reach the Executrix, but the Geonosian Starships swing around the side of the tremendous spacecraft and unload suppressing fire on them. Captain Marvel goes down, but John Stewart won’t be stopped and uses his ring to bash all three ships as they circle him. He boards the Executrix, only to see the Martians standing over a slaughtered Snoke. They turn to see him, and before they can react he flies off through the ship. They chase him down, all the way to the ship’s engine room. Cornered and facing impending destruction, he begins to smash wildly into the engines, unleashing a tremendous fireball. The Martians light up like paper, burning to ash. The Executrix blows apart like a string of firecrackers, but as the smoke and debris clears, a bubble of shielding Green Light is flung from the ship and goes plummeting through the planet’s atmosphere. [The Ocean] Poseidon stands proud in the waters, treading water, surrounded by 9 dead Seaworms. “PITIFUL MORTALS”, he shouts, “HAVE YOU NO GREATER CHALLENGE TO OFFER THE MIGHTY POSEIDON?” His call is met with nothing but the sound of splashing waves. “...Anyone?” [The Desert] (Assassins: Son of Mortis, Freddy Kreuger, Father of Mortis) (Striders: Kylo Ren, Sandworms, Apocalypse, Balrog, Fremen) Son and Father have sensed Kylo Ren’s powerful Force and tracked him to the desert where he and Apocalypse waited in a sandstone fortress formed by the powerful mutant. Kylo, too, sensed the approach of these god-like Force users. As they arrive at the fortress, accompanied by Freddy Kreuger, the Fremen and Sandworms begin to swarm them while Kylo and Apocalypse look down from the fort wall. The Sandworms erupt from the ground and surround the Assassins, but together, Father and Son unleash a wild storm of force lightning, destroying the full crowd. They turn to the wary Fremen, and Father waves a hand at them. “Sleep now” he commands, and they stumble and fall to the ground asleep. Freddy flashes a wicked smile and clacks his claws. “Now we’re talking!” He vanishes momentary, and in moments the Fremen are all mutilated in various creative ways that would take too long to detail individually. Son shouts up to Kylo “Now, little coward, come face the TRUE power of the Dark Side!” Kylo’s ring flashes and he snarls back at Son, “Face THIS, you fool!” The Balrog bursts through the wall of the fort, and crashes a whip down, slashing Son and Freddy into the sand. Father lifts his hand to the Balrog and brings it to its knees. He raises another hand, brings them together in fists, and quickly snap them apart. As he does, the Balrog’s head tears off from its body, its flames extinguished. Enraged, Kylo jumps down from his perch to prove his dark powers against the embodiment of the Force’s balance. He swings his lightsaber, but Father catches it with a bare hand. Kylo screams with anger, and as his ring reaches peak charge, he spews a torrent of acid bile from his mouth. Father melts away, but Kylo isn’t a true Red Lantern, and the burning vomit destroys his body as it emerges. Apocalypse chuckles and turns his sights toward the distant city. [The Forest] (Assassins: Sauron, Witch King of Angmar on his Fell Beast, Dragonstorm, Beast Boy, Elf #1) (Striders: Odin, Groot, Gandalf The White, King Kong, Xenomorphs, Gondor Soldiers, Goblins) In the forest, chaos has taken over as trees turn and fall to the forest floor. As Groot skewers the Goblins attempting to chop him down with their little axes, King Kong charges Dragonstorm with a giant tree he’s uprooted. Though he batters mighty Transformer, his fleshy gorilla body can’t withstand a direct blow from Dragonstorm’s axe. The Transformer looks down to the little tree-man fighting below him, and takes him out with a quick upward swing, slicing him down the middle. The Xenomorphs of the Striders swarm Dragonstorm, climbing up its body and tearing at its chassis. Sauron towers over his forces, commanding them from the rear. He orders the Witch King to strike down the Xenomorphs crawling on Dragonstorm, but as he does their acid blood seeps into the amalgamate of transformers and fries his circuits to a mass of goop. Gandalf rallies the Gondor soldiers to charge the Dark Lord, as the Witch King flies in to challenge Gandalf himself. Sauron erects a magical shield against his assailant, but the Witch King refuses to relent. Odin, meanwhile, takes out the mighty green bear known as Beast Boy and runs to Gandalf’s aid. He drives his spear through the Fell Beast’s throat, throwing the Witch King to the ground. As Gandalf drops his shield, an arrow flies from across the field. In a distant tree beside Sauron, a single Elven ranger sniper has taken aim and shot down the powerful wizard. The fifteen Gondor Soldiers have surrounded Sauron, but he effortlessly smashes them down one by one with his mace. Odin begins to charge him, when suddenly, a huge green orb smashes into the ground like a meteor. Both parties look on in surprise as John Stewart rises to his feet in the crater. The Witch King attempts to approach him, but Stewart reacts quickly and guns down with green machine gun fire. Sauron finishes the last of the Gondor Soldiers pestering him, points his mace to the sky, and summons a hail of meteors from the sky. Stewart throws up a shield of light above himself and Odin. Odin raises his spear high, imbuing it with the white light of his ring, and calls out “Odin OWNS you, writhing specter!” He flings Gungnir at Sauron and it pierces through the Dark Lord’s armor, pinning him to the ground. The Elf, still hiding from the tree, blows another arrow through John Stewart as he focuses on blocking the last of the meteors while Sauron’s body burns away with white light. Odin runs for his spear, dodging the continued flurry of arrows. As he pulls it from Sauron, another arrow flies toward his face. Gungnir’s runes glow as he lifts it, and he sweeps the spear in the air, knocking the arrow away. He gives it another toss, piercing the sniper and dropping him from the treetop. [Back in the City] Cyborg Superman has broken free of Manhattan’s grip, but Franklin has still slowed the Striders, making it difficult for the Cyborg to land a blow on the matter manipulator. Negative Man has emerged in his shadow form, leaving his body inert behind a dumpster. He creeps up on Franklin, hoping to blow him apart, but suddenly the shade shudders and blinks out of existence. Behind the dumpster, the Assassins’ own zombies have found the unconscious Negative Man and gone to town on his brains. Circuit Breaker makes an attempt on Manhattan, but the lost member of the Blue Man Group has acute awareness and transforms him into a toaster. Drax and Adam Warlock have torn apart Elasti-Girl and Robot Man, but Mento has telekinetically dismantled Nebula. Mantis crawls on to Ethan Hunt, but the overwhelming guilt he feels for his actions last match are still buried beneath his mind despite the chewy, satisfying Snickers candy bar. Her mind overloads from his feelings and she goes down in a grand maul seizure. Cyborg Superman gives up on Doctor Manhattan for the time, instead charging for Franklin Richards, the boy’s fear fueling his yellow lantern ring. Doctor Manhattan, his mind racing at supercomputer speed, rearranges the neurotransmitters in Franklin’s brain, effectively curing him of his terror. In that instant of perfect clarity, Franklin encases himself in a shell of kryptonite. Superman has no time to react as he collides with Franklin, his body withering and shutting down. However, the kryptonite doesn’t block Ghost Rider’s Hellfire as it brings the terror right back to Franklin, consuming his fragile young soul. The remaining Striders in the city stand no chance against Manhattan as he begins to dissolve them atom by atom. As Drax, Warlock, and Ghost Rider all begin to unravel, Gungnir flies through the air. Manhattan catches the spear and turns to see Odin and Apocalypse. “What an amusing little trick,” Apocalypse muses “I wonder how easy it is.” Apocalypse points to Manhattan, and he turns back into a normal, nude, flesh colored man as his body turns to mush. Odin strides up, retrieves his spear, and casually approaches the defenseless remainder of the Assassins. [Back in the Ocean] Poseidon floats on his back, staring at the sky, a sad look upon his face. “Does anyone even worship me anymore? I think they’ve all forgotten me…” A strange smell and a greasy feeling hit the despondent deity, and he notices the water has been turned to oil. On the shore, Apocalypse fires a laser from his eyes, boiling the sea of peanut oil he’s created. Poseidon and the marine life alike are all flash fried. Odin takes a deep whiff. “Thank you friend, it’s been some time since I’ve enjoyed a good fish fry… wait. Are those our sea worms and some sort of giant floating out there?”

The Gender Neutral Midgets vs. Barkley's Turrible Decisions

Midgets: Magneto, Mr. Mxyzptlk, Yoda w/ White Lantern Ring, Vampire Batman, Omega Supreme, Emperor Palpatine w/ Orange Lantern Ring, Neo w/ 2 White Lightsabers, Han Solo (pilot), Chewbacca (co-pilot), Peppy Hare (gunner), Slippy Toad (gunner) in Outlaw, Lando Calrissean (pilot), Nien Numb (co-pilot), Lobot (gunner), Falco (gunner) in Y-1300 Light Freighter, Achilles, Queen Aga’po, Luminara Unduli w/ Green Lantern Ring, Barriss Offee w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Black Lantern Batman, Indigo One, Monk, Sinestro w/ Yellow and Green Lantern Rings, Darth Maul w/ Red Lantern Ring, Star Wolf w/ Double Red Lightsaber in Sith Fighter, Star Fox w/ Blue Lightsaber in Z-95 Headhunter, X-23 w/ Red Lightsaber, James Madison w/ Speed Ring in AT-RT, James Monroe w/ Darksaber on Nazgul #9’s Mordor Horse

Barkley: Batman, Robin, and Alfred w/ Green Lightsaber in Modern Age Batmobile, Boba Fett and Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho in SLave 1, Mace Windu, Deadpool, Star Sapphire, Yellow Lantern #1-2, Guy Gardner, Alan Scott, Fortress Maximus,  Fortress Maximus’ Head, Fortress Maximus’ Head’s Head, Q, Q2, Lady Q, q, Colonel Q, Quinn, Tom Bombadil, Smaug, Treebeard, Ents #1-2, Balrogs #1-5, Spectre

Well, before I even start this match, let’s just point out...HOLY SHIT Josh, how many lightsabers do you have? You’d have to kill more padawans than Bad Anakin to get that many. He also has enough lantern rings to start his own corp. Dave does have a good amount of the Q Continuum on his side, that has to be worth something.

Before the teams even meet to start fighting, Slave 1 drops two seismic charges on top of its teammate, Mace Windu. Sorry Dave, looks like Boba is still pretty mad about his dad.

There are some necessary rivalries to go down in this matchup of midgets and turrible decisions. Big robot vs. big robot, Han Solo vs. Boba Fett, Queen Aga’po vs. Star Sapphire, Batman and his posse vs. 2 Batmans and Monk? Oh boy, this is one matchup I’m glad to witness, folks.

Q takes charge of his team quickly, as he is clearly intellectually superior to them. He starts it slow, sending in Ents #1-2, Balrogs #1-5, and Treebeard. Yoda, known for his wisdom and his natural height fitting perfectly into the team’s name, takes charge of his group of misunderstood shorties and retaliates with Luminara, Barriss, and Darth Maul to tear things up with their flashy sticks. Maul, from a distance, tosses his double edged saber like a badass slicing up Ents #1-2. Treebeard is infuriated with the loss of his ancient buds, takes one fell sweep and kicks Barriss into a cement wall, instantly smashing her skull. Luminara, unfazed by the loss of her padawan since she was accepting to lose her before she even got her, makes way towards the Balrogs. They are mighty foes, but nowhere in size comparison to the mighty Balrog of Moria (which sadly isn’t here today, but we’ll just have to make due). Quick work is made of Balrog #1 and 3-5, but #2 is on his last life and is ready to go in style. He grabs Luminara with his whip, and with his breath of flame, conjures up so much heat inside his body, that he implodes and takes her along with him. Maul is so enraged he didn’t get to kill the two jedis, that, with his Red Lantern Ring, he projects a blast of rage in which Treebeard cannot withstand and it over shoots also taking out Yellow Lantern #2.

Yoda decides to one up this Q guy and sends out Omega Supreme. You don’t even have to see this bad boy to know, he’s one big ass dude just from hearing the name. Unexpected from the midgets, Turrible Decisions sends forth Fortress Maximus. Now this guy’s so big, he has a head for his head. Oh wait...Magneto just came and took all the fun away, crushing the metal beast, Fortress Maximus, to one big clump and throwing him away like the wrapper of a Taco Bell loaded griller. You know Magneto, sometimes you should just let things play out, have a huge guy fight, and it’ll be a cool story, but stopping it before it happens works, too. Deadpool disapproves of this non-cinematic dude and slices his head clean off before he can even react to stop the incoming metal sword.

Hmm, weird, Gotham just happens to be a city on this luxurious playoff planet, how convenient. Now the batmans-batmen? I don’t know which way is correct, but it’s one of them. Now they can have their fun. The Modern Age Batmobile zooms across the streets in search for these other lurking Batmen, I’m gonna go with Batmen, who stalk from the shadows. At the least expected moment, Black Lantern Batman jumps at the Batmobile, but Batman quickly reacts and shoots him out of the air. Black Lantern Batman lose both arms, but regains both due to the power of the ring. Astonished, passengers of the Batmobile don’t notice Vampire Batman sneak behind and drop two grenades obliterating the Batmobile, but of course Batman, Robin, and Alfred escape in a fashionable way. Deadpool approves, that was cinematic. Vampire Batman needs to feed, he’s getting weak, but he doesn’t want to suck the life of his beloved butler. Alfred has had enough, and like the badass he is slices Vampire Batman to shreds. Black Lantern Batman, on the contrary, doesn’t give a crap about his past life before the ring and completely destroys Alfred. With the combined power of Batman and his trustee sidekick Robin, they take down the malevolent being, finally letting him rest.

Let’s take a look to the sky where we see Slave 1 try to hold off Outlaw, Y-1300 Light Freighter, Sith Fighter, and Z-95 Headhunter. Slave 1 is able to take out Z-95 Headhunter, but not long before Outlaw shoots it right out of the sky. As it’s crashing to the ground, it hits Y-1300 Light Freighter and they hit the ground in one big explosion. Achilles, sadly is hit and is instantly burned to the bone and dead. Smaug decides to take a leave from his overly rich mountain to help the Turrible Decisions and takes one big bite of the Sith Fighter, causing a crash landing. Deadpool is loving the action, prefers a bit more swearing and comedy, but is spot on with the violence. Smaug turns to take out the Outlaw, but is stopped in his tracks by James Madison in his AT-RT take shots at the impenetrable scales of the beast. Unfazed by the attack, Smaug takes one deep breath and sends his fiery breath destroying the former president. Han Solo noticed a gap in the scales when Smaug took his deep breath. Being a fast shooter, takes the Outlaw into position and fires. He landed the shot perfectly and the beast explodes from the shot.

Q has had enough of this senseless violence, he has seen all and experienced everything in the universe. He has no motivation to live any longer because there is simply nothing left for hi  to do. So therefore he kills himself, which throws the entire Q Continuum off balance. This off balance created weapons of destruction that could even kill a Q and damaged subspace to the extent of Q no longer having their powers and immortality. This leaves Q2, Lady Q, q, Colonel Q, and Quinn back into mortal forms.

Yoda sees this imbalance, and immediately jumps to his advantage. He sends in Neo, Queen Aga’po, Indigo One, and Sinestro. Neo makes quick time, doing his fun superman thingy. Queen Aga’po and Indigo One get stopped by Star Sapphire and Yellow Lantern #1. Sinestro is cut short by Alan Scott and Guy Gardner. Neo is able to easily take down the 5 remaining Q since they’re mere mortals to The One. Sinestro thinks he can feed off the two Green Lanterns fear to strengthen himself, but the two have too much will for him to conquer. Guy Gardner and Alan Scott work together in the Green Lantern way, and take down the man who followed the wrong path. Unlike her valiant teammates, Star Sapphire is not enough with the help of Yellow Lantern #1 to take down the two purple colored gem wielders. Indigo One and Queen Aga’po over take the weak common and Star Sapphire.

Yoda decides to now send in the rest of the lanterns, unaware what Turrible Decisions has in store. Darth Maul, Indigo One, Queen Aga’po, and Emperor Palpatine travel forward, curious of who is left to greet them. The two Greenies, Alan Scott and Guy Gardner, step forward, closely followed by Batman, Robin, Tom Bombadil, and Spectre. Monk sees Batman come forth and quickly comes to the battlefield to face is enemy. Tom Bombadil starts singing:

“Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo!

Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!

Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!.....”

The song conjures forces unknown to the knowledge of lantern bearers. Monk becomes entangled in roots and is strangled to death. A bubble of a vacuum is created around Maul’s head, strippping him of oxygen and soon dies. The two Green Lanterns make a quick attack of the purple gem holders. Caught off guard, Indigo One is taken down with no problem, But Queen Aga’po is too powerful and Guy Gardner’s ring must now find a new host. Before she can take Alan Scott too, the powerful song gathers enough water from the nearby lake and engulfs the Queen, and drowns her. Before the song takes hold of Emperor Palpatine, he tries a Starkiller move, but does not execute perfectly, so instead of surviving, he sends a force blast that vaporizes himself, Tom Bombadil, Alan Scott, James Monroe, and Robin.

Batman is horrified to see his sidekick dead, and becomes a man on a mission. He goes after Neo and outmaneuvers him enough to send a batarang right into his neck, killing the blind God of a human. X-23 is not far behind her teammate and slices Batman in half with her adamantium claw. Deadpool doesn’t like this copycat of Wolverine and decides to finally intervene. In quick movements, the hysterical contract killer cuts X-23’s head clean off, just like he did in the after credits to himself in Deadpool 2.

Spectre, being just an all powerful universe destroyer, as Conner would say, is able to easily take out Omega Supreme and the Outlaw form the sky. All that is left is Spectre and Deadpool versus Yoda and Mr. Mxyzptlk. In a glorious battle, the outcome is Yoda killing Deadpool, Spectre killing Yoda, and Mr Mxyzptlk killing Spectre.

Play-Offs Round 1

Setting: The Play-Off Planet
Points: 750
Prize: A Star Destroyer
Match-ups:

2. Striders of Rohan Vs. 3. Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assasins
-Watcher: Old Man Parks
-Winner faces 1. TEAM


2. The Gender Neutral Group of Misunderstood Little People Vs. 3. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions
-Watcher: Young Zack the Magnificent
-Winner faces 1. The Dramatic Kitten Sisters of Luna

Consolation Round 1: ROYAL RUMBLE

All consolation teams will submit 20 points worth of characters, for a an all out Battle Royal in an over-sized ring surrounded by liquid hot magma.

Squads are required from:
-TEAM
-Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight
-Be Gentle It's My First Time
-Better Than All of You
-George Washington's House Elves
-The Dramatic Kitten Sisters of Luna
-John and Vader's House of Sith Aids
-The Empire

Prize: A Two Seat Y-Wing (to be awarded to 6 of the 12 teams)

TEAM Vs. Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight

TEAM is Grey Jedi Master Josh Houslander, Laya Houslander: Jedi Knight, Alex Houslander: Young Jedi Knight, Scarlet Houslander: Jedi Padawan, and Grayson Houslander: Jedi Youngling, Mike Tyson, Steven Segal, The Rat Pack: Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Peter Lawford, and Joey Bishop, and Dr. Robotnik.

Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are: Snake Eyes and Daredevil.


It was the best party they had ever had at the grand ole Houslander Apartment. Everybody was having a great time. Laya was playing the piano while Josh pretended to know what he was doing on the Mandolin in the background while Frank and Dean serenaded the place. Segal even let his hair down and let Sammy show him some dance moves. Old Steve had no idea that a black, Jewish guys could have such skill. Cultural tolerance win for the day!! Alex, Scarlet, Robotnik, and Lawford were engaged in an intense Mario Kart battle, while Grayson was using his super strong arms in an arm wrestling match with Tyson. Joey Bishop was the ref, giving hilarious play by play. A great time was being had by all until they remembered one thing...... They forgot to invite Daredevil and Snake Eyes. Josh swears that he did invite them, they just didn't get the invitation. Or maybe they did get it, but Daredevil didn't see it, and Snake Eyes wouldn't tell him about it (you guys getting these nerd jokes?? Still with me??).

Either way, the duo wasn't happy and burst through the door of the apartment looking for a fight. Segal and Tyson, their fighter instinct taking over, instantly jump into action looking to defend the home. Tyson comes in fast with a hard right hand, connecting on Daredevil, but Daredevil is actually able to take the punch from Tyson and stay on his feet. Matt Murdock then leaps behind Iron Mike, preferring to not stand toe to toe with the champion and wraps his Billy-club-grappling-rope contraption around the neck of Mike and chokes the life out of him. Steven Segal grabs a kitana blade out of the closet and attacks Snake Eyes, Segal is able to hang with the ninja master for a few seconds, but eventually finds himself at the wrong end of The infamous GI Joe blade.

Josh gathers his four kids into Laya and Scarlet's room at the back of the apartment and gives them strict orders. “After I walk out, barricade this door. And if we can't defeat the two Dinomites, then Force leap out of the window and get yourselves to safety. The match doesn't matter. Just save yourselves”. Josh says.

“The match always matters Pops”. Alex replies.

“Just do what you're told Young Jedi” Josh assures his son.

Josh then runs out the door to join the battle in progress.The Rat Pack, who have all pulled old nickel plated revolvers out of their suit coats have kept the Dinomites at bay for a little while Dr. Robotnik begins to convert all of the retro video games, audio equipment, and VHS tapes into the types of weapons of war that keep Beto O Rourke up at night. Daredevil fights off the many mini robot gadgets, while simultaneously dodging bullets from the Rat Pack; but the little robots stop once Snake Eyes, sheaths his sword for a moment and puts a hollow point (err, I mean green laser blast that is safe for children to see) between the eyes of the guy who is not called Eggman, should never be called Eggman, and SHALL NEVER be called Eggman.

Meanwhile, back in the bedroom Laya and Alex are arguing over what they should do, while Scarlet and Grayson, ready to follow their older siblings await a decision. “WE NEED TO WIN THIS MATCH LAYA. IT'S NOT EVEN A RETREAT WEEK”. Says Alex.

“Dad told us what we needed to do. We'll escape out the window and try to get away” Says Laya.

“But Dad always says not to try, but to do”. Grayson chimes in.

The argument continues between Laya and Alex, when Scarlet finally stops them: She says: “Hey Laya, since when do you and Dat ever listen to Daddy anyway”??

With that comment, Laya and Alex both ignite their lightsabers and slice through the barricade that they had made for the door, busting back into the hallway. They get out there to see that Daredevil has single-handedly taken out all of the Rat Pack (their aim with those revolvers kinda sucked and not one of them brought a speed-changer). On the other side of the living room Josh and Snake Eyes are engaged in a pitched sword battle, with the well-forged blade of Snake Eyes actually staying in tact while parrying the lightsaber swings from Josh. But once Daredevil diverts his attention to that battle Josh cannot focus his attention where it fully needed to be. Daredevil knocks the Purple Lightsaber from the left hand of Josh with his weapon and the four Jedi kids enter the room just in time to see Snake Eyes send his blade into the chest of their Dad. Grayson screams “NOOOOO” and lets a slight bit of anger show as he ignites his Double-Bladed lightsaber and rushes at Snake Eyes powered by the strongest legs ever (especially the top part of his legs). Snake Eyes dodges out of the way and attempts to attack Grayson; but Alex is there and blocks the attack with his Blue lightsaber. Snake Eyes goes on the offensive against Alex, but the Young Jedi's flawless Form Three execution calmly blocks every swing of Snake Eyes' blade. Over by the kitchen, Scarlet is leaping around in a flurry of Form Four acrobatic moves, that get the strange weapon of Daredevil tangled and discombobulated. This confusion allows for Laya to hit the Defender/Secret Avenger with a powerful Force push that send him into the wall and knocks several vintage action figures to the ground. Daredevil is exhausted from following Scarlet and has the wind knocked out of him from hitting the wall, when he says: “I wasn't expecting such an attack from those so young”.

“Let's just call it home field advantage” Laya says as she rushes at him with Jedi Speed. In the blink of an eye, faster than Murdock's sixth sense (or is it a fifth sense) can kick in he feels both the white and yellow blades of Laya from the front and the green saber of Scarlet from behind enter his chest.

Snake Eyes remains on the offensive against Alex, over by the entry door when Grayson jumps onto the retro stereo system and from the highground throws his double-bladed lightsaber at Snake Eyes. The GI Joe begins to divert his attention towards the incoming projectile; but before he can even complete his swing, Alex has already taken advantage of the opening and relieved Snake Eyes of his head.

Josh lay dying on the floor as he breaks the fourth wall, going in and out as Grey Jedi Master and Watcher of the League...... With his dying breath he says: “You needed this win kids, good job. I love that you never listen”......

The Striders of Rohan Vs. Be Gentle It's My First TIme

The Striders of Rohan are Wolverine (w/ a red lantern ring), Jedi Master #1, 5-8, Fedayeen #1, and Samwise Gamgee (w/ a blue lantern ring).

Be Gentle It's My First Time is Task Master (w/ a yellow lantern ring) and Gohan.


Josh's apartment is an absolute wreck (I mean, worse than usual). As if four kids wasn't enough to destroy a groudy, Westland apartment try a bunch of super heroes getting rowdy and trying to kill each other. Josh's sick VHS collection, wicked CD collection, and all of the vintage action figures on the wall have been destroyed by this epic close quarters, melee battle between Gentle and The Striders. The monetary loss of all of Josh's belongings is intense and could even be upwards of seven dollars.

The Jedi Masters, whose Force powers are at a maximum as they are all at the end of their lives, which were spent devoted to the Jedi art of The Force lead the attack against Gohan with Blue Lantern Sam and Steve the Fedayeen joining them. Gohan is trying to go Super Saiyan, but he can't because every time he starts to scream, the women in the apartment below start knocking on the door telling him to quiet down. Gohan is able to crack the necks of Sam and Steve though, simply with some swift anime spin kicks, before the Jedi Masters combine and focus their Force powers on Gohan, bringing his power level almost down to zero. But Gohan goes back, trying to pump his power level back up and blows the minds of all the Jedi Masters accept J.M. #1 who draws inward and stay alive. The sole surviving Jedi cuts off the head of the exhausted Gohan, but is then stabbed in the back from the blade of Taskmaster who is about to square off against Wolverine.....

A pitched battle commences as Wolverine with his claws and Taskmaster with his sword move towards each other at breakneck speed. At first Wolverine is on the offensive, but Taskmaster quickly adapts and perfects Logan's technique and turns the tides. Taskmaster has a few scratches on him, but has landed several blows on Wolverine that would debilitate a normal combatant. Wolvie on the other hand barely seems slowed by them though. Taskmaster goes in for a killing blow headshot, but Wolverine manages to use his samurai training, rather than his typical brawling technique to partially duck out of the way just in time. Wolverine, then takes advantage of the over-zealous attack and delivers his claws into the under-side of Taskmaster's chin. Up close and personal now, Wolverine whispers: “Decent copycat, but there is only one guy who is the best at what I do, Bub”......

Season X Week 9: Tiny Deranged Lesbian Midgets vs. Vader's Sith Aids

Midgets are: X-23,  Walker Texas Ranger (w/ Blue Lightsaber)

Sith Aids are: Darth Vader (w/ Red Lantern Ring)

The three combatants are dropped into the match at the same moment and immediately Walker and Vader begin to duel with their lightsabers. X-23 tries to bum rush the Sith lord but Vader uses the force to pull all the VHS tapes out of every nook and cranny of the apartment and send them back at the superhero like a shotgun blast of outdated technology. She lies on the ground stunned for a moment.

The duel continues and although Superman wears Chuck Norris PJs to bed, the dark one is not swayed by internet meme magic no matter how many fists come out of his beard. Walker is clearly out dueled and knows this will not last long. His saber is flung from his hand with the stronger swipe from Vader. Walker quickly draws his firearm and aims for the eye in Vader's helmet, assuming it is the weak point. Using his red lantern ring he is able to hold Walker in a construct of a fist. A fist even bigger than his 501 Vader's Fist cosplay nerds are douchey.

"If you strike me down, I shall beco--" moans Walker as Vader crushes him to death within the construct.

"Yeah, I heard that one before" Vader grumbles.

Jumping in on the attack as Walker dies is X-23 with the dropped lightsaber trying to take advantage of the distraction. Vader is quick to feel the shift in the force and grabs her by the left arm holding the saber just as she tries to land the killing blow. She gargles for breath as Vader's force chokes her and she can feel her chest fight for air that isn't coming. In a fight for life, the lightsaber drops from her outstretched arm.

Vader begins to say something witty but before he can, the falling lightsaber is grabbed by X-23's free hand and ignites through his torso.

Season 10, Week 9: Better Than All Of You vs. Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins

Better Than All Of You are: Black Panther, Shuri, Okoye, Nakia, M’Baku, Hulk Hogan, and Predators #13-15

Ahsoka’s Acrobatic Assassins are: Spider Woman, Ethan Hunt w/ Indigo Lantern Ring, and Elves #1-4


Finally, after ten long seasons of Fantasy Fantasy action, it comes to this. It is, perhaps, the most pivotal match in the history of this great League. Two teams, one apartment, and no time for losers. Who will walk away as the undisputed champions of Season X? Who will be dragged away in several Hefty trash bags, guaranteed to contain blood and viscera better than store brand?

Outside the door to Josh’s apartment, Better Than All Of You plans their grand entrance. Black Panther holds an ear to the wall. “Do you hear anything, brother?” asks Shuri. “It sounds like… television. Television and girlish sobbing?” M’Baku raises an eyebrow, skeptical. “Are you certain you’ve got the right apartment, T’Challa?” A geriatric Hulk Hogan shoves his way past the Wakandans and invisible space monsters on his team. “Well I’ll tell you what I hear, BROTHER. I hear a grown man dressed as a kitty cat is pussyfooting around in the hallway, and HULKAMANIA don’t feel like running MILD today!” With his expertise in WWE breakaway prop doors, Hogan throws his weight into the apartment door. He crashes to the ground along with it, writhing in pain as his brittle hip shatters. T’Challa and Okoye are the first through the door, fighting stances ready for whatever dastardly trap the Assassins have prepared.

Earlier, Spider-Woman and Ethan Hunt sat down on the couch in front of the TV. One Elf stood beside the screen, two more at the end of the hallway, and one by the dining table. Spider-Woman flipped through channels before settling on one. “Here we go, The Notebook. Have you seen this one? It should be perfect.” Ethan looked deeply uncomfortable. “I don’t know, Jessica, are you sure about this? Is there even a motorcycle chase, or any explosions? It seems kinda gay. I’m not gay, I swear to you, I love women. Your uh… your butt is totally more rockin’ than a man’s chiseled, muscular- I’M NOT GAY!” She laid a hand on his shoulder, her expression one of concerned sympathy. “Of course not, Tom- er, Ethan. You’re a man’s man. Let’s just give this a try, though, that ring might be the strongest thing about our lineup this week.”

As the Betters burst through the door, the Assassins’ Elves let loose with a suppressing fire of arrows. Black Panther and Okoye were prepared, and they knocked away the arrows as they came. Ethan Hunt remained on the couch, weeping openly and hugging a pillow in the fetal position. As Okoye began to move toward the crying man, a sudden surge of fear washed over her. From the ceiling above them, Spider-Woman’s potent pheromones wafted down and hit the nostrils of her enemies as she swooped through the doorway. Nakia and Shuri, frozen in terror, were taken by surprise as Spider-Woman tackled them, each hand delivering a lethal dose of bioelectricity to the two Wakandan women. Enraged, T’Challa dove into the room, fighting solo with the four Elves, as Okoye overcame her fear and joined M’Baku in the hallway. Spider-Woman used her formidable dexterity to the fullest, dodging gorilla-strength fists, spear attacks, and Predator wrist-blades. M’Baku, still under the effects of her pheromones, got caught staring at Spider-Woman’s other formidable assets and was punished by another fatal venom blast. “Ethan! How’s it going in there, buddy?” Between sobs, Ethan cried out to her, “She remembered him, Jessica, she remembered the story in the notebook! Oh god, he just loved her so much!” His ring’s dim glow slowly began to grow in intensity. T’Challa finished off the Elves and joined his team in the hall. Spider-Woman’s luck ran out when one of the Predators fired his net gun, sending her to the floor. Okoye’s spear ran through her throat, and the surviving Wakandans turned to the room to finish off Ethan. As they approached, his bitter bawling reached a crescendo, and his ring glowed with a blinding Indigo light. Fueled by compassion, not only for Ryan Gosling but for the pain of all who were lost in the fight, the ring finally gathered enough power to activate teleportation.

The lava of Mount Doom engulfed the Wakandans and predators, while Ethan Hunt broke down on the rim of the volcano above. “I’M SO SORRY, EVERYONE! Oh, GOD, why do we keep fighting like this?! I just want to be loved the way Noah loved Allie!”