Saturday, March 1, 2008

Beckerman's Backyardigans: Bitches Vs. Team Fred

Beckerman's Backyardigans... is Darth Vader (designated leader), Wolverine, Nazgul #6, Nazgul #6's horse, Black Dragon #1, Green Dragon# 1, and Austin.

Team Fred is Super Skrull (designated leader), Mimic, Compsagnathid #1-12, Absorbing Man, and Master Mold.

Absorbing Man touches Super Skrull's right arm and takes on the density of orange rock. Mimic grows wings and gains some force powers, a healing factor, invisibility, and the ability to shoot poison out of his mouth. The 12 Compy's attack Nazgul #6 and begin gnawing on his horse's legs. The horse manages to step on Compy #8 and kill it but the poison from the Compy bites soon take over killing the horse. This knocks The Ringwraith to the ground but he gets up and starts chopping away at the Compy's with his sword. They seem to be more concerned with the horse meat on the ground than they do with the attacking Nazgul. Master Mold shoots the Green Dragon with a Lazer blast burning his wings off and causing him to go crashing to the ground and to his death. The huge sentinel then lands on top of Austin but Darth Vader does a force version of the "Fastball Special throwing Wolverine (without touching him) onto Master Mold's back. Wolverine being the master sentinel killer knows exactly where to start stabbing Master Mold and kills him. The Black Dragon then attacks Absorbing Man. Absorbing Man thinks he is safe with his new rock solid skin believing that he is impervious to any heat the dragon can throw at him but he does not realize that Black Dragons do not shoot fire, they shoot concentrated acid. This melts absorbing man because he is unable to absorb something that is not solid. Nazgul #6 is pretty banged up but he manages to kill the last of the Compy's. Wolverine begins to spar with Mimic who is very familiar with Wolverine's fighting style; and Darth Vader is fighting with Super Skrull (I am going to have to sit here and ponder this monumental dork event for a minute because that is a fight that I have thought about approximetely 1 zillion times in my life so please bear with me).............. O.K. I am ready to continue, Super Skrull shoots some fire at Vader but he blocks it with the force, he then tries to punch him with his rock arm but Vader avoids it. Super Skrull wraps his stretchy arms around Vader but Vader welcomes the close quarters combat and stabs Super Skrull with his lightsaber. Mimic, who along with Wolverine has suffered several stab wounds realizes that he is no match for both Wolverine and Vader. He turns himself invisible and flies away.
BECKERMAN'S BACKYARDIGANS: BITCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!

Reign Supremacy Vs. Team Pete

Reign Supremacy is Chuck Norris (designated leader), Ax-battler, Gilleus Thunderhead, Tyrius Flare, Mega Man, Rush, Sledgehammer, Iron Man, Star Fire, Elite Clone Trooper #21, Zoe Washburne, and Naboo Soldier #1.

Team Pete is Tyler Derdon (designated leader), Extinction Alice, Leeloo, Carlos Olivera, Apocylypse Alice, Ram Man, Kimbo Slice, Lucca Brazzi, and Goblin #1.

Just like any other time somebody uses Ax-battler for the first time he accidentally uses his magic right off the bat. Tyler Derdon being a closet Sega dork assumes this and tells everyone to take cover. They all do except for Lucca Brazzi who is to slow, he dies. Now the battle truly begins, Goblin #1 runs toward Naboo Soldier #1 and chops his head off, but the Elite Clone Trooper has his back (sort of) and blasts the goblin. Chuck Norris who is a "lead by example" kind of guy knocks Carlos Olivera's gun out of his hand catches it in mid-air then shoots him with his own gun. Chuck then drops the gun (to be fair) and runs toward Kimbo Slice and Tyler Derdon who have become fast friends in the locker room over the past few days. Norris then blocks a punch from Kimbo, pulls him in front of his own body and cracks his neck. Chuck Norris then round house kicks Derdon in the head causing fatal head trauma; Norris then exclaims "the third rule of fight club is: don't fight Chuck Norris". Ram Man then "rams Ax-battler in his six pack abs killing him. Ram Man and Gilleus Tunderhead get into a pretty evenly matched ax fight but Tyrius Flare, who always has Gilleus' back stabs Ram Man in the weak armor spot under his arm (look at the toy if you don't believe me). Zoe, Sledgehammer, and The Elite Clone Trooper have taken cover and are shooting at Leeloo but she keeps dodging the bullets. She runs toward them and knocks Sledgehammers magnum revolver out of his hands and then grabs it off the ground before they can react and shoots the Elite Clone Trooper with it. Zoe thinks that they are done for but Sledgehammer pushes her out of the way, then pulls out a grenade and bearhugs Leeloo killing both Leeloo and himself. Meanwhile Iron Man and Starfire are joined in a truly cataclismic battle with Extinction Alice; so cataclismic that I can't even think of anything to write about it; and Mega Man with with his faithful dog Rush is fighting Apocylypse Alice. Apocylypse Alice karate kicks Mega Man off of Rush and then while on top of the robot dog turns and shoots it in the back of the head. This sends Mega Man into a fury reminding him of his life before Rush and how good his video games were back then. He powers up his heat gun and completely melts the lesser Alice. Iron Man and Star Fire are speedily flying around Ex. Alice but are unable to hit her with any shots due to her superhuman speed. Ex. Alice then locks into Iron Man's brain waves and begins to take over his mind. There is an inner struggle causing Iron Man's suit to go into emergency shut-down but it is to late. Iron Man's brain explodes although Ex. Alice has destroyed one of her formidable oponents she seems to have forgotten about the super powered alien, Starfire whom she was also fighting. Starfire blasts her in the back with her cosmic powers and then punches her in the back of the head, killing her.
REIGN SUPREMACY IS VICTORIOUS!

RESULTS: Team Shannon Vs. Hannah Montana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos

Team Shannon is The Flash, The Incredible Hulk, Storm, Gold Dragon #11, and Jedi Knight #16 & 17.

Hannah Montana and... is Dumbledore, Buffy Summers, Qui Gonn Jinn, Red Dragon #1 & 2, Capt. Tarpals, Gungan #1 & 2, Azeem, Hannah Montana, Jar Jar Binks, and Dozer #1.

Red Dragon # 1 & 2 take to the air and so does Gold Dragon #11 with Jedi Knight # 16 on its back. As they fly to meet each other the Jedi jumps onto Red Dragon #2's back and shoves his blue lightsaber into the neck of the dragon killing it. The Gold Dragon tries to catch his Jedi teammate but the Red Dragon attacks him and their air battle ensues. Dumbledore then points his wand in the air and says something gay which brings the Jedi down right on his head before he can use his force powers to land unharmed. Storm then clears the clouds and causes the sun to start burning very brightly behind her team which begins to not only blind The Hannah and Barack squad but also affects the 4 gungans greatly as it begins to "do murder to thesa skins". The Hulk jumps into the fray landing on top of Dozer#1, punching Hannah Montana right in Miley Ray Cyrus' face and then turns Jar Jar into orange goo. He is about to punch Azeem in the face but Qui Gonn force pushes him out of the way. It is now Allah's will that Azeem must stay with Qui Gonn until he has returned the favor. Jedi Knight #17 starts to rush toward Capt. Tarpals and the other Gungans, they begin to back up in fear when Buffy jumps in and kicks the jedi in the face, she then knocks the lightsaber out of his hand and shoves a stake into his heart (Capt. Tarpals, as well as Gungan #1 & 2 all have life debts to Buffy). Buffy is then taken off guard when The Flash runs in and punches Buffy about a thousand times at the speed of light, killing her. The Hulk is still going crazy as he turns Gungan #2 into orange goo (yes, I know I already used that joke). But Dumbledore waves his wand and says some other nonsensical thing which turns The Hulk back into Bruce Banner. Qui Gonn and Azeem then simultaneousely stab Dr. Banner (Their joint man-crush on one another is now solidified for life). The Gold Dragon finally comes out on top of the air battle and bites the Red Dragon in the neck killing it. Storm flies down to come to the aid of Flash but it is not soon enough. Flash was running toward Dumbledore, whom he viewed as the biggest threat when Qui Gonn used his ability to see things before they happen and put his lightsaber a couple of feet in front of Dumbledore cutting the head off of Flash. Storm under strict orders from head coach Mike Huckabee to always spare the lives of her team if possible, turns the winds in her favor and escapes by air with Gold Dragon #11 following close behind.
HANNAH MONTANA AND BARACK OBAMA'S "BEST OF BOTH WORLDS" TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS IS VICTORIOUS!

RESULTS: Team Amy Vs. The Outsiders

Team Amy is Megatron (designated leader), Deadpool, Voodoo, Legolas, The Constructicons, horse #1 & 2, & Lala.

The Outsiders are Mace Windu (designated leader), Ares, Beast Boy, & The Predicons.

The Outsiders are already on the battlefield, General Windu instantly orders The Predicons to form PrediKing. Megatron and The Constructicons land ready to fight while Legolas and Voodoo ride up on horse #1 and Deadpool and Lala ride up on horse #2 (Lala is assuring Deadpool that she is loyal to Lolo and that they will not be "hooking up aftet the battle"). Megatron orders The Constructicons to form Devastator. Devastator and PrediKing begin a cataclismic gestalt fight much like they would have done in the cartoon, where they begin to punch each other in an extremely cumbersome fashion (because just like in the cartoon, 40 foot tall robots would obviousely be cumbersome as opposed to 20 foot tall robots who are extremely agile). Beast Boy turns into a T-Rex and knocks over horse #2, he then swallows Lala whole and crushes horse #2 killing them both. Deadpool does a crazy back flip and then just like Head Coach Comissioner Gordon showed them in practice catches Megatron as he transforms into a gun. Deadpool shoots T-Rex Beast Boy three times until he turns back into regular Beast Boy and then Deadpool shoots him again, Beast Boy dies. Deadpool then turns the gun toward Mace Windu and attempts to shoot him, but Mace blocks it with his lightsaber and hits Deadpool knocking him to the ground, Megatron transforms back to robot form. In the mean time Legolas is riding around Ares and shooting him with arrows but they are not having much effect on his armor. Mace takes a run at Megatron but while he is force jumping toward him Voodoo magnetically sucks the lightsaber out of Mace Windu's hand, Voodoo then rips the armor off of Ares. This really pisses off the god of war who exclaims "Who the Tartarus needs armor" as he runs over to Voodoo and kills her with his bear hands. The loss of the lightsaber doesn't slow Mace down as he jumps into Megatron's chest and starts doing that fast punch thing that he does in the cartoon despite the fact that no jedi ever did anything like that in the movies. Devastator begins to take the upper hand in his fight with PrediKing punching him in the stomach and then bringing his fists down on top of them, splitting the Predicons apart. This action kills the stomach part and both of the legs (yes, I am listing them as body parts because I do not know their individual names). Devastator then turns to crush the bird Predicon but ignores the tiger. Ares knocks Legolas off his horse killing it. Legolas flips off the dead horse and begins shooting many arrows into the unarmored Ares. This weakens him but he is finished off when Legolas throws his dagger into Ares' head and the Devastator does a belly flop onto the god of war killing him (yes, this killed him so please don't begin writing comments about how Greek gods are immortal, or this is going to be a really long season). Mace continues to beat the crap out of the much larger Megatron and then force pushes him into the ground breaking him into pieces, killing him. Mace, despite feeling very victorious is exhausted when Legolas grabs the purple lightsaber out of dead Voodoo's hands and throws it to Deadpool who's healing factor has finally fixed his initial wounds. Deadpool then opens the lightsaber and plunges it into the back of the unarmed Mace Windu. The tiger Predicon escapes with its life.
TEAM AMY IS VICTORIOUS!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Drop List

Skimmel
Power Dump
Air Zimmell
Lando Calrissean
Lolo
Sonny (I-Robot)
Papa Smurf
Hermes
Stilgar
Gwildore
Ewok #1-3
Wicket
Robert Muldoon
ID4 Aliens #11-20
Suk Doctors #6-20
The Jetsons
Moritani #16-20
U.S. Navy #100
Stormtrooper #50, 199-200
Longshot
Twisted Mentat #10

EMERGENCY: Last Minute Change!

Due to a state of near mutiny by several competitors, the weekly point values have all been doubled. I hope this does not screw up anybody's team plans, but due to the desire to be able to use more characters on all of the individual rosters this last minute change will be made. I will attempt to avoid making anymore last minute changes (No Promises).

Example: Week 1 is now 200 points.

2008 Schedule

Week 1: Grassland
Maximum 100 Points
Conference Week
Nick Houslander Vs. Shannon Pilkinton
Joe Levine Vs. Mike Geney
Chris Artrip Vs. Julie Artrip
Shaun Poteracki Vs. Griffin Poteracki
Bryan Beckerman Vs. Fred Baker
Mike Sroka Vs. Pete Sosa
Amy D'Amico Vs. Matt Oblak
Ryan Poteracki Vs. Ed Zacharski

Week 2: Water
Maximum 200 Points
League Week
Nick Vs. Chris
Shannon Vs. Julie
Joe Vs. Shaun
Mike G. Vs. Griffin
Bryan Vs. Amy
Fred Vs. Matt
Mike S. Vs. Ryan
Pete Vs. Ed

Week 3: Desert
Maximum 300 Points
Interleague Play: American League rules.
Nick Vs. Ryan
Shannon Vs. Mike S.
Joe Vs. Bryan
Mike G. Vs. Fred
Chris Vs. Pete
Julie Vs. Amy
Shaun Vs. Ed
Griffin Vs. Matt

Week 4: City
Maximum 500 Points
Interleague Play National League rules.
Nick Vs. Mike S.
Joe Vs. Fred
Chris Vs. Ed
Shaun Vs. Matt
Shannon Vs. Amy
Mike G. Vs. Bryan
Julie Vs. Pete
Griffin Vs. Ryan

Week 5: Arctic
Maximum 650 Points
Rivalry Week
Chris Vs. Mike G.
Nick Vs. Joe
Bryan Vs. Fred
Amy Vs. Matt
Julie Vs. Shannon
Shaun Vs. Griffin
Mike S. Vs. Pete
Ryan Vs. Ed

Week 6: Space
Maximum 800 Points
Conference Week
Nick Vs. Joe
Shannon Vs. Mike G.
Chris Vs. Shaun
Julie Vs. Griffin
Bryan Vs. Mike S.
Fred Vs. Pete
Amy Vs. Ed
Matt Vs. Ryan

Week 7: City
Maximum 450 Points
League Week
Nick Vs. Julie
Shannon Vs. Chris
Joe Vs. Griffin
Mike G. Vs. Shaun
Bryan Vs. Matt
Fred Vs. Amy
Mike S. Vs. Ed
Pete Vs. Ryan

Week 8: Desert
Maximum 250 Points
League Week
Nick Vs. Shaun
Shannon Vs. Griffin
Joe Vs. Chris
Mike G. Vs. Julie
Bryan Vs. Ryan
Fred Vs. Ed
Mike S. Vs. Matt
Pete Vs. Amy

Week 9: Water
Maximum 150 Points
League Week
Nick Vs. Griffin
Shannon Vs. Shaun
Joe Vs. Julie
Mike G. Vs. Chris
Bryan Vs. Ed
Fred Vs. Ryan
Mike S. Vs. Amy
Pete Vs. Matt

Week 10: Grassland
Maximum 75 Points
Conference Week
Nick Vs. Mike G.
Shannon Vs. Joe
Chris Vs. Griffin
Julie Vs. Shaun
Bryan Vs. Pete
Fred Vs. Mike S.
Amy Vs. Ryan
Matt Vs. Ed

The odd weeks are Retreat weeks and the even weeks are Death Match.
Four teams from each league will make the play-offs, the conference winners are guaranteed a spot.

Monday, February 25, 2008