Welcome to the first ever Fantasy Fantasy League Royal Rumble. The following match will contain 36 characters representing 12 teams. Each individual combatant has been randomly assigned a number 1-36. This is the order in which they will come down to the ring. Combatants will be eliminated by being thrown over the top rope. The ring is surrounded by hot, molten grabby lava that can melt anything or anyone (because this is the FFL not the sissy WWE). Your commentators for tonight's match will be Joshatu "The Body" (read him in your best Jesse Venture voice) and The Neon Master Pogo (read him in your best Matthew Perry voice (from back when he was alive, not now)). Six teams will recieve wins after Week 1; but only one man will be left standing at the end of The Rumble. Mean Gene Okerlund will be the ring announcer.
Let us begin.
Mean Gene Okerlund:
-This bout is set for 35 falls. No pins, submissions, or disqualifications. Elimination will only occur by being thrown over the top rope. Currently in the ring representing Dolla 49 McRib is Brolly. Every two minutes, another combatant will enter the ring. LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE.........
Joshatu:
-WELL, IT'S GOT TO HAPPEN TO SOMEBODY POGO IT LOOKS LIKE BROLLY DREW THE UNLUCKY FIRST PICK.
Pogo:
-That's for sure Body. It'll be a longshot for him to win this one. We got 35 people with a better pick then he got. Let's wait to see who drew #2.
5,4,3,2,1........ Trinity from The Trash Pandas begins waking down the aisle.....
Joshatu:
-LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE OUR FIRST FEMALE CONTESTANT POGO. GLAD WE AREN'T LIKE THE QUEER WWE THAT HAS TWO RUMBLES, MALE AND FEMALE. WE PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE HERE.
Pogo:
-That's right Body. We have no problem with a gender pay gap here. More like a gender pain gap with what goes on in the ring.
Jsohatu:
-AND LOOK AT THIS POGO. BROLLY ISN'T WASTING ANY TIME GOING TO TOWN ON TRINITY BEFORE SHE ISN'T EVEN COMPLETELY IN THE RING YET, AND BROLLY'S HAYMAKERS ARE CONNECTING. LOOKS LIKE SHE JUST FOUND OUT THAT BROLLY HAS NO LOVE LOSS FOR WOMEN WHO ENTER THE RING. IF SHE WANTED EQUAL RIGHTS, SHE JUST GOT EM.
Pogo:
-You can say that again Body. She's not just getting equal rights, but plenty of equal lefts as well. Looks like Trinity is finding out that Brolly's hands are rated E for Everyone.
Joshatu:
-AND LOOK AT THIS POGO!!!!!!!! BROLLY JUST PICKED UP TRINITY OVER HIS HEAD AND CHUCKED OVER THE TOP ROPE.
Pogo:
-You aren't kidding Body. She looked lifeless already when he flung her over the top. This match is going to be brutal. He doesn't seem bothered at all by picking the unlucky first pick. He came here to Rumble.
4,3,2,1.......... Decibel merged with Legout from The Washington Redskins enter the fray....
Joshatu:
-WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE POGO?!!? DECIBEL AND LEGOUT ARE TWO SEPERATE CHARACTERS. THEY MAY BE MERGED TOGETHER; BUT THAT IS MORE THAN ONE GUY. HE JUST WALKED RIGHT PAST THE OUTSIDE RING REFS WITHOUT BEING STOPPED. THE REDSKINS ARE CHEATING POGO.
Pogo:
If the Redskins haven't proved it already, they are and always have been the bad guys in this league.
Joshatu:
-I CAN'T SIT FOR THIS POGO. THOSE RACISTS OVER THERE IN THE WASHINGTON FRONT OFFICE ARE CHEATING.
Pogo: That isn't the half of it Body. Decibel/Legout aren't really just two opponents you know. They are actually four. Noise and Graphy form Decibel and Dile and Zaur form Legout. This is a back to back Autobot consisting of four characters. He has got to be over eight feet tall and he is absorbing Brolly's punches like your ol' lady absorbs cheeseburgers.
4,3,2,1....... Eric Cartman in a Hulkbuster Iron Man Suit from Darksied's Horsemen of Apokolips begins strutting down the ailse.
Joshatu:
-I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THE REDSKINS ARE GETTING AWAY WITH THIS. I CAN'T STAND CHEATERS
POGO...... WAIT... WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.........
Pogo:
-They seem to be holding up Cartman from entering the ring.
Joshatu:
-THEY AREN'T LETTING CARTMAN IN WITH HIS SUIT ON POGO. THEY ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO MAKE HIM TAKE HIS HULKBUSTER IRON MAN SUIT OFF BEFORE HE ENTERS THE RING. I THOUGHT THIS MATCH WAS ANYTHING GOES?!!?
Pogo:
-It may be anything goes once you enter the ring Body; but they do have rules for entering. Cartman is going to have to go into this bout wearing nothing but his tightie whiteys. The little big man isn't going to last very long without that armor to protect him.
Joshatu:
-YOU AIN'T KIDDING POGO. THIS IS NO PLACE FOR A LITTLE KID.
Pogo:
-I think those tightie whiteys are about to be frowny brownies if you know what I mean.
Joshatu:
-I GIVE THE LITTLE MAN CREDIT POGO. HE IS STILL COMING INTO THIS RING EXPECTING HIS ENEMIES TO RESPECT HIS AUTHORIT-iii. BUT THERE HE GOES POGO. DECIBEL/LEGOUT JUST PULLED A KICKED THE BABY ON ERIC'S OVERWEIGHT FRAME.
Pogo:
-He sure did Body. Cartmen just flew into the lava like he was Kenny.
4,3,2,1....... Kung Fu Panda from the Doctor's Madhouse will be the fifth man into the ring.
Joshatu:
-KUNG FU PANDA ISN'T WASTING ANY TIME POGO!! HE IS DROPPING BOWS AND LAYING DROP KICKS ALL OVER DECIBEL AND BROLLY
Pogo:
-You're absolutely right Body. He just broke up their fight and turned it into a three way Menega-Brawl.
4,3,2,1.... NAZA's first combatant enters the ring (Mr. INcredible)
Joshatu:
-IT'S MISTER INCREDIBLE POGO!!!! HE JUST RAN INTO THE RING LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL AND IS LEAVING DENTS IN DECIBEL WITH THOSE PUNCHES.
Pogo:
-He sure is measuring him Body. the fight has broken into tow seperate brawls while Mr. Incredible dukes it out with Decibel, Brolly and Kung Fu Panda have been left alone for their own scrum.
4,3,2,1....... Scooter from Dolla 49 McRib transforms and rolls down the aisle.
Joshatu:
-LOOKS LIKE SCOOTER IS ABOUT TO GET INTO THIS MESS. HE IS A TEAMMATE WITH BROLLY POGO. LET'S SEE IF HE WANTS TO PARTNER UP OR IF HE IS THIS FIGHT FOR HIMSELF.
Pogo:
-Looks like that answers your question Body. Scooter isn't wasting any time coming to the aid of his fellow McRibber Brolly against Kung Fu Panda. and here they go..... What's this Body??
Joshatu:
-OH MY GOD POGO!!!! BROLLY AND HIS GO-BOT BUDDY SCOOTER JUST GRASPED EACH OTHER'S HANDS TOGETHER LIKE A VICE GRIP AND DELIVERED ONE HELL OF A DOUBLE CLOTHES LINE TO KUNG FU PANDA, SENDING HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE.
Pogo:
-He flopped out of here harder than Jack Black's last Tenacious D album Body.
4,3,2,1,..... Vincent Vega from The Sigmas is slowly and reluctantly heading down the aisle.
Joshatu:
-DOESN'T LOOK LIKE VEGA IS IN ANY HURRY TO GET INTO THIS RING POGO.
Pogo:
-In the meantime Scooter and Brolly have moved towards Decibel and Mr. Incredible to make a mess of that ongoing fight. And Vincent Vega is finally entering the ring, just trying to get in a few cheap shots on Mr. Incredible who is already tied up absorbing punches like Ur' Ol' Lady absorbs cheeseburgers Body.
Joshatu:
-YOU ALREADY USED THAT JOKE POGO. DON'T MAKE ME HIT YOU WITH THIS STEEL CHAIR AND THEN TAKE A POWER DUMP DOWN YOUR THROAT.
4,3,2,1..... Capt. America starts sprinting down the aisle from The Doctor's Madhouse.
Joshatu:
-HERE IS THE SECOND MEMBER OF THE MADHOUSE ALREADY POGO. AND HE SEEMS READY TO THROW DOWN.
Pogo:
-Absolutely Body, and he may be surprised to see that his teammate Kung Fu Panda has already been eliminated.
4,3,2,1...... An outside the ring explosion goes off to rile up the crowd as Firelord Ozai from David Byrne's Meat Suits starts coming down the aisle.
Joshatu:
THE RING IS FINALLY STARTING TO FILL UP POGO. AND OZAI JUST BROKE UP THE FIGHT BETWEEN BROLLY AND INCREDIBLE TO, WHILE CAPT. AMERICA IS GOING AFTER THAT CHEATER DECIBEL FROM THE REDSKINS.
Pogo:
-Fireord Ozai is certainly heating things up in there.
Joshatu:
-I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE POGO. YOU FLIPPIN RETARD.
4,3,2,1...... Look out, because here comes Bane from The Sigmas.
Joshatu:
-UNLIKE HIS TEAMMATE VINCENT VEGA, BANE LOOKS ANXIOUS TO GET INTO THIS SCUFFLE POGO.
Pogo:
-He does indeed Body. And he is measuring Capt. America with those blows.
4,3,2,1...... Axe Battler from The Horsemen kisses his muscles as he enters the ring.
Joshatu:
-THE HORSEMEN ARE GETTING HIT HARD BY THESE REFS POGO. THEY JUST TOOK AX-BATTLER'S SWORD FROM HIM BEFORE HE GOT INTO THE SQUARED CIRCLE.
Pogo:
-Maybe they just thought it was dumb that a guy named Ax-Battler, uses a sword instead of an axe.
JOSHATU:
-AND AX-BATTLER HASN'T WASTED ANYTIME JOINING CAP AND DECIBEL IN FIGHTING WITH BANE.
Pogo:
-It is going to take at least three of them to get the big man out, that's for sure.
Joshatu:
-THEY ALMOST GOT HIM POGO!! BANE IS HANGING OVER THE ROPES AND THEY ALMOST HAVE THE BIG MAN OUT...... BUT, BUT..... HERE COMES VEGA.
Pogo:
-Look at that flying disco move Body.
Joshatu:
-VINCENT VEGA JUST SELFLESSLY CAME TO THE AID OF HIS TEAMMATE BANE POGO!!
Pogo:
-He sure did Body. He leaped so high that sent himself out of the ring and took Decibel with him.
Joshatu:
-AND BANE RECOVERS AND GOES AFTER CAPTAIN AMERICA. TOO BAD CAP DUCKED THE CLOTHESLINE MAKING BANE GO HEADLONG INTO FIRELORD OZAI KNOCKING HIM OUT OF THE RING INSTEAD.
4,3,2,1....... Dracula from The League of Heterosexual Extarordinary Gentlemen is creeping down the aisle.
Joshatu:
-DRACULA MAY BE TOUGH POGO; BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW WELL HIS SKINNY BUTT IS GOING TO HOLD OUT IN THE RUMBLE.
Pogo:
-That may be true Body; but this is only the first member of The League to join the Rumble. They still have two to go and they have Superman.
Joshatu:
-WE DON'T EVEN KNOW FOR SURE THAT THE LEAGUE OF EXTRA LONGEST NAME EVER PLAYED SUPES POGO. STOP SNIFFIN UR OWN FARTS YOU FAT MORON.
Pogo:
-Come on Body. Give me a break. You don't really think that a team would have Superman, the single strongest character in all media and not play him in The Royal Rumble do you?? I refuse to believe that.....
4,3,2,1..... Kratos from The Sigmaz confidently strides down the aisle.
Joshatu:
-SPEAKING OF FIRST TIMERS, KRATOS IS THE FIRST MAN IN FROM THE SIGMAZ POGO.
Pogo:
-You're right about that Body. The only two teams not at all represented so far are TEAM and The Underhills. Looks lie their bad luck in the draft lottery turned into good luck for this match.
4,3,2,1..... Vegeta from The National Alcohol and Zyn Administration begins sprinting towards the ring.
Joshatu:
-LOOK AT THIS POGO.... MISTER INCREDIBLE HAS PICKED UP THE GO-BOT SCOOTER AND RAISED HIM COMPLETELY ABOVE HIS HEAD.
Pogo:
-An absolute show of strength Body. What an absolute flex. Looks like he is about to throw the robot directly out of the ring.
Joshatu:
-WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS POGO. DID YOUR UGLY, MORONIC EYES JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENED?!!? MISTER INCREDIBLE JUST WENT TO THROW SCOOTER OVER THE ROPES AND DIDN'T SEE HIS TEAMMATE VEGETA ENTERING THE RING AT THAT EXACT MINUTE.
Pogo:
-What an insane turn of events Body.
Joshatu:
-HE THREW SCOOTER RIGHT INTO VEGETA AND ELIMINATED THEM BOTH. HE ELIMINATED HIS OWN DAMN TEAMMATE POGO.
Pogo:
-That's going to cause some uncomfortable moments in the locker room Body. Especially if NAZA doesn't come out of here with a win today. That was an insane happenstance. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the writer of this match not wanting to write Dragon Ball Z characters in a wrestiling match.
Joshatu:
-I AM SURE INDEED POGO.
4,3,2,1..... Batman from The Madhouse starts to come down the aisle; but the refs make him leave his Kryptonite Suit behind.
Joshatu:
-THE REFS TOOK HIS KRYPTONITE SUIT POGO!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE. I THINK THOSE CHEATERS THE REDSKINS ARE BEHIND THIS.
Pogo:
-I wouldn't worry about it too much Body. He still has some moves and who knows what he has hidden in that utility belt of his. If I were a fan of The Madhouse, I would be much more concerned with the fact that they got the worst possible number draws. All three of the Madhouse members have entered the ring now and we aren't even halfway through the caombatants. Two of the teams still haven't even made an appearance.
Joshatu:
-LISTEN HERE YOU NEON MASTER DUMBO, I CAN'T EVEN MAKE HEADS OR TAILS OF WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS MATCH ANYMORE. THERE ARE SO MANY BATTLES GOING ON AT THE SAME TIME.
Pogo:
-I can't argue with that. The dead big men at the end of this match is going to rival the body count on your ol lady's tinder history.
Joshatu:
-I AM GOING TO STAB YOU IN THE FACE WITH A MEAT THERMOMETER POGO.
4,3,2,1..... Yoshi of The Trash Pandas whimsically moves down the aisle.
Joshatu:
-I WASN'T EXPECTING THAT POGO. YOSHI JUST WALKED INTO THE RING BARELY NOTICED BY THE OTHER OPPONENTS. HE ATE DRACULA AND THEN EGG POOPED HIM OUT RIGHT OVER THE TOP ROPE.
Pogo:
-It's that noob move that everybody hates from Super Smash Bros. Body; but it works every time.
Joshatu:
-SPEAKING OF WORKS EVERY TIME, BROLLY JUST CAME OUT OF NOWEHERE AND GAVE YOSHI THE BIG BOOT OVER THE TOP ROPE.
Pogo:
-I don't mean to jinx anybody; but let's not fail to mention that not only are The Dolla 49 McRib leading in Rumble kills; but Brolly drew the one spot and is still in this match going strong Body.
4,3,2,1...... The Punisher from The Underhills gets stopped by the refs on the way in, making him hand over his AR-15; but who knows what else he has hidden on him.
Joshatu:
-THE FIRST MEMBER OF THE UNDERHILLS HAS FINALLY JOINED THE FRAY POGO. AND HE CERTAINLY LOOKS MEAN WITH THAT SKULL ON HIS SHIRT.
Pogo:
-That's right on both counts Body. Only TEAM has yet to have a combatant enter the Rumble. And that skull on his shirt sure is scary. looks like Ur' pissed off Ol' Lady after after I stole her last bag of Meth.
Joshatu:
-I AM GOING TO DUMP A GARBAGE BAG FULL OF DEAD DOGS ON YOUR FRONT LAWN POGO.
4,3,2,1...... Colossus from The Washington Redskins starts his strut down the ring.
Joshatu:
-WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN HAPPENING IN THIS RING POGO??
Pogo: Looks like Batman and his arch-nemesis Bane are going at it in the center if the ring, while Cap is duking it out with a former partner of his Frank Castle (Punisher). Brolly and Mr. Incredible have Colossus and Ax-Battler on the ropes, while Kratos is flexing the guns for his gamer nerd fans in the croud waiting for the next guy to come down the aisle.
Joshatu:
-THE QUESTION WAS RHETORICAL YOU STUPID DUFUS.
Pogo:
-Yeah, I know; but we are commentating here. It wouldn't hurt to tell the readers what is going on instead of just letting them listen to you scream like an idiot.
Joshatu:
-WHAT DID YOU CALL ME YOU WASTE OF TOILET PAPER??
Pogo:
-Nothin Bruh.
4,3,2,1........ Samwise Gamgee of The Underhills does what he does best (walk) down the aisle.
Joshatu:
-I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THE PLAY HERE POGO. A HALFLING IN THE ROYAL RUMBLE. DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A GREAT MOVE TO ME.
Pogo:
-But look at him brimming with hope Body. His bravery is like none I have ever seen. Look how brave he looks. Look how he thinks so positive against all odds. Look at his shiny blue ring gleaming with the hope he has deep inside him.
Joshatu:
-AND NOW LOOK KRATOS CHUCKING HIS TINY HOBBIT KEASTER, ONE HANDED OVER THE TOP ROPE YOU BAG OF QUEEFS.
4,3,2,1..... Time for Piper's Pit!! Rowdy Roddy Piper from The Washington Redskins gets all the crowd love as he runs down the aisle.
Joshatu:
-YOU HAVE GOT TO ADMIRE HOT ROD'S ABILITY TO HANG WITH BIGGER AND BADDER OPONENTS. LOOK AT HIM PUTTING IN WORK AGAINST KRATOS. I HAVE NO LOVE FOR THIS CHEATING WASHINGTON REDSKINS SQUAD; BUT I WILL GIVE MY RESPECT TO A LEGEND LIKE ROWDY RODDY.
Pogo:
-I am trying to do the math here Body, and it is even worse than we thought. Looks like The Redskins are using the old Transformer Cassette discount from before the reboot. Their cheating is out of hand.
Joshatu:
-THEY HAVE TO BE STOPPED POGO. THE LEAGUE HAS TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.
Pogo:
-No doubt Body. At least Rowdy Roddy was the last of their squad. All The Washington Redskin characters have now entered The Rumble.
4,3,2,1...... from The Horesemen of Apokolips........... It's The Juggernaut.
Joshatu:
-OH. MY. GOD. POGO. IT'S. THE. JUGGERNAUT.
Pogo:
-This bout just took a fresh turn Body. Look at the look on everyone's face in the ring.
Joshatu:
-EVERYONE HAS STOPPED FIGHTING POGO. THEY ARE ALL JUST WAITING FOR BROTHER CHARLIE X TO COME INTO THIS RING. HE CHARGES IN AND KNOCKS HIS OLD NEMESIS COLOSSUS OUT OF THE RING IN ONE UNBREAKABLE STRIDE.
Pogo:
The Punisher made the mistake of rushing The Juggernaut first and instantly paid the price with a mouthful of fist and a body covered in lava. Looks like the rest of the ring is surrounding him to see what they can do with the unstoppable mystical mutant. Even Bane just broke Batman's bak and flung him over the ropes to focus on The Juggernaut.
4,3,2,1..... And now coming down the aisle...... From (TEAM) parts unknown. At 7' 6" tall, weighing in at 520 lbs, THE 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD....... Andre THAAAAA Giant.
Joshatu:
-IT SEEMS LIKE SOME SERIOUSLY UNBEATABLE PEOPLE ARE ENTERING THIS RING POGO. THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET INTERESTING.
Pogo:
-I have a feeling you may have spoke too soon Body.
4,3,2,1..... moving even slower than Andre, from The Sigmas is The Blob.
Joshatu:
-I HATE TO ADMIT IT POGO; BUT YOU MAY BE RIGHT. THEY SAY THE JUGGERNAUT CANNOT BE STOPPED ONCE HE IS IN MOTION; BUT I THINK ANDRE AND THE BLOB MAY PUT THAT THEORY TO THE TEST.
Pogo:
-And while you were screaming Andre has already flung Rowdy Roddy Piper out of the ring, and The Blob just did the same to Ax-Battler.
Joshatu:
-I'M GLAD TO SEE YET ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE VILLAIN REDSKINS ELIMINATED FROM THIS BOUT POGO.
Pogo:
-And that was the end of them Body. All three Redskins have been eliminated and they are out of The Royal Rumble. All those questionable moves and they only got one kill today too.
Joshatu:
-THAT'S GOOD NEWS FOR HUMANITY AND THE FFL POGO. CHEATERS NEVER PROSPER.
4,3,2,1..... Firelord Zuko from The Meat Suits heads to the ring with the same explosion his father used making noise in the background to woo the crowd.
Joshatu:
-THERE MAY BE LESS PEOPLE IN THIS RING POGO; BUT WITH THE SIZE OF SOME OF THESE CONTENDERS THIS SQUARED CIRCLE IS BRIMMING WITH EL-BEES.
Pogo:
-What the crap is an L-B Body??
Joshatu:
-A POUND YOU IDIOT.
4,3,2,1....... Kirby from The Trash Pandas floats fown to the ring.
Joshatu:
-I CAN DIG ALL THE STARS AND FANFARE FROM KIRBY; BUT I AM NOT SURE ABOUT THAT PLAY IN A ROYAL RUMBLE.
Pogo:
-I think you have a point Body. Especially since Kratos just blob-slobbed Kirby with a back hand out of the ring already. Not sure about the two cutesie video game characters and a chick from The Trash Pandas tonight; but I give them credit for the creativity.
Joshatu:
-I GUESS SO POGO; BUT MY MATH SAYS THAT IS QUICK ELEVENTH PLACE FOR THE TRASH PANDAS.
Pogo:
-Your math do be mathin Joshatu the Mind.
4,3,2,1..... Maw from TEAM joins his legendary partner Andre the Giant in the ring.
Joshatu:
-LOOKS LIKE MAW IS TRYING TO TEAM UP WITH FIRELORD ZUKO, BROLLY, AND MISTER INCREDIBLE TO TAKE THE BLOB OUT OF THIS MATCH POGO.
Pogo:
-Yeah, but Blob's teammate Bane has got his back and it doesn't look like it is going to end well for Maw, whose Royal Rumble appearance is very short lived.
Joshatu:
-THAT'S RIGHT POGO, AND FIRELORD ZUKO JUST WENT OUT OF THE RING WITH HIM.
4,3,2,1..... A Dark SIde Marauder joins the battle
JOSHATU:
-THE DARK SIDE MARAUDER FROM DAVID BYRNE'S MEAT SUITS DOESN'T LOOK TOO HAPPY TO SEE BOTH OF HIS FIRELORD TEAMMATES ALREADY ELIMINATED POGO.
Pogo:
-Yup.
4,3,2,1..... Tai Lung from The Sigmaz arrives at the ring very Asianly.
Joshatu:
-WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS POGO!!!! THE JUGGERNAUT JUST PICKED UP THE DARK SIDE MARAUDER AND USED HIM AS A WEAPON TO KNOCK TAI LUNG OUT OF THE RING BEFORE HE COULD EVEN START HIS FIRST ATTACK.
Pogo:
-If I didn't know any better Body, I would think that this match is overdue, it is getting late, and the writer forgot who Tai Lung was.
Joshatu:
-SEEMS LIKE HE WAS TOO DUMB AND LAZY TO PICK UP HIS PHONE AND LOOK IT UP TOO. REMINDS ME OF YOU POGO.
Pogo:
-Indeed Body. That gives 10th place to The Meat Suits by the way.
4,3,2,1..... John Stewart, the final member of The Underhills arrives.
Joshatu:
-CAP JUST DROPPED KICKED JOHN STEWART IN THE UPPER MIDSECTION AS SOON AS HE ENTERED THE RING. THAT BATTLE IS ON POGO.
4,3,2,1...... The Burger King goofily strides to the squared circle.
Joshatu:
-BREAK IT DOWN FOR US POGO.
Pogo:
-Well Body, Cap is still beefing with John Stewart, The Burger King was dumb enough to start scuffling with The Juggernaut and is doing better than expected, Andre and The Blob are taking a bit of a breather, while pretending to push each other around, and Brolly, Mr. Incredible, Kratos, and Bane are in the middle of a four way slap battle.
4,3,2,1......Meta Knight from The NAZA floats down the aisle.
Joshatu:
-META KNIGHT SEEMS TOO SCARED TO JUMP AGAINST THE BIG BOYS IN THIS RING AND IS TRYING TO GET IN THE MIDDLE OF STEWART AND CAPTAIN AMERICA POGO.
Pogo:
-More like too smart Body.
4,3,2,1...... As if Andre the Giant needed help in a Royal Rumble...... Thanos from TEAM has just entered the fight.
Joshatu:
-HERE COMES A BRUISER, WITH THE INTELLIGNECE AND DURABILITY TO MATCH POGO.
Pogo:
-No doubt Body. The Horsemen might be wishing they sent Darkseid into this battle; but Juggernaut is still going to be a tough one, even for Thanos. Don't forget that Superman still hasn't come into this one. The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen not only has the guy to beat; but also got some great draws in this Rumble.
4,3,2,1...... And now coming down the aisle...... The final combatatant, representing The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen...... The one, the only sAbErToOtH...... Wah Wah.
Joshatu:
-SABERTOOTH LOOKS HUNGRY AS HE JUMPS INTO THE RING; BUT YOU CAN TELL THANOS OF TEAM CAN SMELL THE BLOOD OF THE GUY THAT GAVE HIM THAT CHIN SCAR.
Pogo:
-Thanos really measured Sabertooth that bo drop to the face. The dizzied Sabertooth starts to waver when Thanos sends a knee it the his chest and then methodically throws him over the top rope, right as The Burger King goes flying over the top rope by Juggernaut.
Joshatu:
-THAT GIVES 9TH PLACE TO THE EXTRAORDINARY HETEROS POGO.
4,3,2,1..... George Foreman from The Sigmaz is handing out free grills to his numerous fans on the way down to the ring. Taking his time with the very lucky second to last spot, while the other combatants battle it out in the ring.
Joshatu:
-LOOKS LIKE CAP FINALLY FINISHED THE FIGHT BETWEEN HIM AND JOHN STEWART. HE JUST SUPLEXED THE GREEN LANTERN OUT OF THE RING LIKE IT AIN'T NO THING POGO.
Pogo:
-Yeah, but I think that bit of wrestling execution just reminded the rest of the people in the ring that the two of the were still there. Which is probably why Bane and The Blob just double clotheslined Cap out of the ring right afterwards.
Joshatu:
-BUT WAIT A SECOND POGO. RIGHT BEFORE STEWART AND CAP HIT THE GROUND, ANDRE THE GIANT JUST BODY SLAMMED BROLLY OUT OF THE RING. HE WAS ELIMINATED RIGHT BEFORE CAP.
Pogo:
-That could be tragic for The McRibs Body. They may have just been eliminated from a winning spot in The Rumble after Brolly made it all this time after getting the unlucky 1st pick. What a great showing for Brolly and The McRibs no matter what happens.
Joshatu:
-THINGS ARE GETTING HEATED UP POGO. THE SIGMAZ AND THE SIGMAS SEEM HELL BENT ON TAKING EACH OTHER OUT. KRATOS JUST GAVE IT THE OLD COLLEGE TRY TO REMOVE THE BLOB BY PICKING HIM UP; BUT HE CAME UP SHORT POGO. THE BLOB BROUGHT HANDS DOWN ON THE gOD OF WAR AND THEN FLUNG HIM OVER THE ROPES LIKE A RAGDOLL.
Pogo:
-Yeah, but his partner Bane got a bit too smug about and then caught a right hand from Kratos' homeboy George Foreman to not just knock him out but also knock him out of the ring.
Joshatu:
-WE ARE GETTING DOWN TO THE NITTY GRITTY. WHAT'S THE STORY NOW POGO.
Pogo:
-Mr. Incredible is puffing out his chest, while him and his NAZA partner Meta-Knight who we all forgot was still in this match are attempting to move toward the two TEAMmates Thanos and Andre the Giant. George Foreman and The Juggernaut do be about to be boxin. While The Blob has planted himself in the center of the ring daring anyone to try and move him.
Joshatu:
-ANDRE THE GIANT DIZZIED BOTH META KNIGHT AND MISTER INCREDIBLE WITH A PAIR OF BACK HANDED SLAPS; BUT HE IS NOW STANDING BACK AND BELLY LAUGHING AS THANOS HANDLES THE PAIR.
Pogo:
-Yeah; but looks like there might be more to this than you may think Body.
Joshatu:
-THANOS HAD THE BOTH DONE FOR POGO; BUT RIGHT AS THANOS WAS ABOUT TO ELIMINATE THEM BOTH MISTER INCREDIBLE GOT THAT LAST BIT OF RETARD STRENGTH, GOT A HOLD OF THANOS' COLLAR AND PULLED THE BIG BLUE BEHEMOTH OUT WITH THEM.
Pogo:
-NAZA is eliminated Body; but they are in the money. The just got sixth place which gets them a Week 1 win.
4,3,2,1..... The very last spot and final person to join The Royal Rumble, for The Dolla 49 McRibs is Task Master.
Joshatu:
-I COMPLETLEY FORGOT THAT WE HAD ONE MORE WRESTLER TO GO POGO.
Pogo:
-And with Task Master entering the ring, that brings Dolla 49 McRib back into the winning side of this battle Body. They may have gotten unlucky with that #1 draw; but they also got the #36 draw.
Joshatu:
-SEEMS TO ME POGO THAT TASK MASTER'S ABILITY TO MASTER ANY STYLE WORKED ON THE RUMBLE ITSLEF. HE PICKED THE LAST SPOT AND WALKED INTO THE RING A WINNER.
Pogo:
-You are completely right Body. It doesn't even matter that The Blob ate him and crapped him out of the ring two seconds into him entering.
Joshatu:
-LOOKS LIKE HE HAD GEORGE FOREMAN FOR DESSERT POGO. AND I DON'T MEAN SOMETHING OFF THE GRILL. THE BLOB PRACTICALLY THREW HIM INTO THE CROWD.
POGO:
-You got that right Body. he hasn't been owned in a fight that bad since Ali.
Joshatu:
-LOOK OUT POGO.............. THIS IS THE SCRUM WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR. WHAT'S IT GONNA BE POGO. THE JUGGERNAUT THEY SAY CAN'T BE STOPPED AND THE BLOB THEY SAY CAN'T BE MOVED. WHICH ONE IS IT POGO??
Pogo:
-I. D. K. Bruh.
Joshatu:
-WHICH ONE IS IT POGO?!!? WE ARE ABOUT TO FIND OUT. JUGGS IS GETTING READY AND THE BLOB IS PLANTING HIS FEET. JUGGS IS RUNNING AT HIM POGO. JUGGS JUST RAN RIGHT INTO HIM AND FELL BACK ON HIS A**. HE WAS STOPPED IN HIS TRACKS AND FELL BACK OFF HIS FEET.
Pogo:
-But.....
Joshatu:
-BUT THE BLOB MOVED AS WELL. HE MOVED JUST ENOUGH TO FALL BACKWARDS OVER THE ROPES. THE BLOB IS ELIMINATED POGO.
Pogo:
-That's true Body, but Sigmas are still getting a win here and they have the most eliminations; so they are in the money and the win column for this match.
Joshatu:
THIS MATCH AIN'T OVER THOUGH POGO. THE JUGGERNAUT STILL HAS ONE BIG MAN TO MOVE. ANDRE THE GIANT IS ACTUALLY TAUNTING JUGGS TO GET BACK ON HIS FEET. HE IS YELLING AT THE JUGGERNAUT. HE WANTS HIM TO TRY IT AGAIN.
Pogo:
-Well Body, Juggs moved The Blob; but let's see if he can move The KIng of the Ring himself Andre the Giant. Andre is planting his feet with the ropes at his back.
Joshatu:
-ANDRE IS PLANTING HIS FEET WITH THE ROPES AT HIS BACK.
Pogo:
-I just said that.
Joshatu:
-HIS FEET ARE PLANTED POGO. HE IS TAUNTING THE JUGGERNAUT TO RUN INTO HIM. HERE COMES THE JUGGERNAUT. HE'S RUNNING TOWARDS ANDRE, THIS IS THE MOMENT OF TRUTH.........
Pogo:
-...........
Joshatu:
-AND ANDRE MOVES OUT OF THE WAY AT THE LAST SECOND POGO!!!! PRETTY QUICK FOR SUCH A BIG MAN. AND THE JUGGERNAUT FELL FOR IT. HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER POGO!! JUGGS JUST WENT OVER THE TOP ROPE AND ANDRE THE GIANT IS THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!
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