David Byrne’s Meat Suits: Galactus and his Herald, David Byrne w/Gloom Sword, Hank Henshaw w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Hal Jordan, Deadpool, Atrocitus, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, Walker Texas Ranger, Guy Gardner, The Comedian, Nite Owl, Silk Spectre w/Purple Lightsaber, Ozymandius, and Rorschach w/Orange Lightsaber, Shao Khan w/Scythe and Personal Holtzman Shield, Omnius, Reverse Flash, Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Bart Simpson w/Dark Brandon's AR-14, Maggie Simpson, and Santa's Little Helper, Deathstroke, Chun Li, One Punch Man, Power Ring, The Last Autobot, Irmo and Este, Optimus Primal, Sentinel Prime, Emma Frost, and Rebel Troopers #1-3 in a Camaro
It is a beautiful day here on the Playoff Planet in which has years and years of epic lore. Year in and year out this setting has been beat to a pulp… yet it not only seemingly regenerates, but evolves and adapts into something bigger and better.
I’ve been given this awesome flying saucer to glide around in as I watch these two teams do battle in the most versatile way I can. It also comes with these FIRE binoculars in which I can transition from each sector of the playoff planet to catch every ounce of the action; and thank god for that because we have some all time competitors in this match.
As I enter the planet’s atmosphere, I can’t help but notice the colossal being that is Galactus setting up shop with his Herald, David Byrne in the city as if they’re the main event. Galactus has sculpted a throne out of buildings from his surroundings and begins to lay the groundwork for his planet.
“David, I can sense the celestial beings scattered across this planet. I sense… a Kryptonian… and even a Martian.”
An opposition that may not rival the intellectual capabilities of a Reed Richards but certainly exceeds the strength of a Thor or a Norrin Radd.
“Exciting, isn’t it?” Byrne replies.
Galactus has already become one with the planet as if its a computer mainframe he’s merely hacked into, creating a force field surrounding the planet’s crust preventing anyone from coming in or out. The life force begins to drain like a battery, as this epic deathmatch has commenced.
The Cowboy Killers are gathered in the desert where they try to formulate a plan against the Devourer of Worlds, each member ripping cigs left and right. They can feel a slight haze in the air and a faint dizziness as the grains of sand skip and swirl around them, a feeling that Magneto is familiar with but a feeling that he was hoping never to encounter again.
“He’s already started; the end of this world has begun,” Magneto says without fear. “Everything must be done with precise execution or else we won't have a battlefield to fight on in the coming hours,” he continues.
Superman is acting as second-in-command to Magneto in this particular skirmish as this is an unfamiliar enemy to him, but undoubtedly still prepared to carry the team on his back when the time comes.
Magneto orders Hecate and Freya, the biggest brains within the team, to do anything they can to mimic any sort of Ultimate Nullifier to halt Galactus's momentum. “Between our magic and brilliance, we'll do our best to make it work,” they say in agreement.
“Spread out to your regions; you know where to go,” Cal says. They all scatter immediately and prepare for battle.
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David Byrne scans the area, soaring through the air on his newly acquired cosmic tapped sheet of music that gives him the ability to reach speeds of up to 900 MPH. Just as the Cowboy Killers attempt to allocate their pilots towards the space district surrounding the planet, Ahsoka and Greeze are come to a halt by the force field preventing them to go anywhere.
“Clear the above airspace from irrelevant beings,” orders Galactus.
David Byrne races behind Ahsoka and hurrles a plasma disk in the shape of a trebleclef, obliterating her and the ship. Greeze immediately tries to send everything he can towards the herald of Galactus but is easily subdued and taken down to the city in which Greeze and his X-Wing are converted into a pre-workout snack.
In the desert, the sandworms have made their presence felt alongside Beowulf, Avatar Aang, and General Kenobi, being awoken by the heavy steps of Optimus Primal and Sentinel Prime who are also accompanied by Saitama, Quicksilver, Reverse Flash, Deadpool, and Deathstroke. As Sandworms #1-5 hover above the sand towards the meat suits, they are alarmed by the approaching speeds, You can see the wide eyes of Deadpool preparing to say something untimely and inappropriate.
“Those are some big FUC-” But before he can even get it out Reverse Flash and Quicksilver have scooped up Deadpool and Deathstroke as they climb the ginormous figures to their heads at the speed of sound. They stab their dual blades into the front of the worms as the speedsters keep them stable, working together to act as one fremen on these beasts. Once they gain control, they direct the worms toward a stationary Saitama who is ready to do some serious damage. Deathstroke and Quickilver ride upon Sandworm #1 with Deadpool and Reverse Flash not far behind upon #2. The Sandowrms are roaring with a full head of steam towards One Punch Man pissed off more than ever but not enough to faze the king of Nonchalant. Saitama throws a right hook at Sandworm #1 and an equally powerful left at #2 as these punches obliterate the worms and create earthquakes throughout the desert with how hard the makers crashed against the ground. The speedster and swordfighter combo does the exact same to Sandworms #3 and 4 who both catch wicked uppercuts from Saitama in this Sandworm death assembly line they’ve created. Optimus Primal and Sentinel Prime are watching in awe as the chemistry between these Meat Suits is immaculate, but what they didn't see was Seaworm #5 who was smart enough to dive under the sand and engulf these two giant robots in one gulp.
The Meat Suits land swiftly off the sandworms but are immediately confronted by Beowulf and General Kenobi who are ready to take the initiative and split up this group. Beowulf has seen enough of these speedsters, utilizing two sizeable blades that he flings towards them both, impaling their abdomens in devastating fashion and tossing them into the distance for dead.
“Hello there.” General Kenobi approaches his opposing swordsmasters with nine death-lust and bloodshot eyes. Deadpool and Deathstroke rush towards the Jedi Master with combos that his form 3 mastery deals with in his sleep. Kenobi immediately disarms them by cutting their swords in half then proceeds to slice deadpool into an insurmountable count of pieces that his healing factor has zero answer for. Deathstroke then takes the defensive but it is too late with General Kenobi succumbing any ability Deathstroke had to resist with his force abilities, then finishing him off with his lightsaber.
“Alllllright here we go” Saitama says in a soft voice shoving sandworm #5 to the side with his right hand and Beowulf in his left who both just took an absolute beating.
Avatar Aang is matching Galactus freak with what the activated Avatar State is doing to their surroundings. Aang travels towards his bald headed counterpart riding upon a hill of sand with the intent to put an end to the growing body count Saitama has been accountable for. Aang’s mastery of earth and sandbending under the Avatar State is creating a sandstorm completely blinding Saitama. Aang is stealthily moving through the cloud of sands, waiting for the correct moment to strike. One Punch Man is remaining calm but desperately trying to gain sight of the Avatar. In the Chaos of the storm, Aang has taken the high ground out of sight in which he has formed a crystalized spear of sand, which crushes One Punch Man, putting him down for good.
“Good work, chosen one. The High Ground never fails” says Kenobi.
The two of them remain hesitant in the desert discussing their next move.
Meanwhile, Galactus and his Herald are just praying for a fight. Luckily for them, Master Mold along with his sentinels are getting ahead of themselves as he isn’t keen of a top-tier Marvel Baddie getting all the attention. He quickly finds out that this is no mutant. David Byrne zaps the sentinels that follow and the 25 others that have popped out of thin air on Master Mold’s accord. Galactus completely Halts his expedition, projecting red cosmic spikes slicing and dicing through his sizeable figure and disintegrating him into an ash-like substance, blowing away in the wind.
Hecate and Freya are watching from a deep distance, Freya is analyzing the cosmic display of power and knows if they want to mimic a weapon such as the Ultimate Nullifier, they need a similar force combined with her magic. The closest thing the Cowboy Killers have to cosmic power is Hope Summers connection to the phoenix force… they conclude that is exactly what they need to resort to.
The water is close to empty… Namor and the atlanteons are straight chillin in the ocean when they see Emma frost using her ice powers to travel not so efficiently alongside Chun Li. Namor takes this opportunity to disrespect these two women in the best way he can and proceeds to spray diharrea in their general direction leaving them to bathe in poop, dying strictly off the horrendous smell dispelled from the Sub-Mariner’s butt. Walker Texas Ranger went completely unnoticed somehow and took out 7 atlanteons in the blink of an eye, but then drowned after holding his breath for 18 whole minutes just because he can.
“And I was afraid this was going to be uneventful,” Namor said in confidence as he and the Atlanteons fully prepare to stay in the ocean until needed elsewhere.
Across the map is a winding and extravagant forest in which several members from both teams find themselves. Mephisto, The Insecticons, Magneto, Dracula, Sonja Blad, Jax, Heimdal, and Martian Manhunter find themselves standing across their opposition, including Hank Henshaw, Shao Khan, Omnius, The Last Autobot, Irmo, Este, Scarlett Witch and The Simpons.
The Cowboy Killers attempt to flip the switch from what happened at the beginning of the battle in the desert. They spread out in a strategic manner, trying to utilize every mismatch in their favor in which Mephisto starts by engulfing the trees surrounding them in flames making it a very difficult environment to fight in. Magneto makes a joke of Omnius and the Last Autbot, ripping them apart ferociously with joy. On the other hand Martian Manhunter didn’t have as lucky of a draw in this fight, feeling like he’s melting from the inside with the surrounding fire. Cyborg Superman sees this weakness and dishes out a kick to his torso in which was too much to overcome in his weakened state, leaving him to die a miserable death among the fire.
Sonja Blade and Jax single out Shao Khan and attempt to take the Mortal Kombat boss out as a duo. Sonja Blades energy projectiles are heightened from her lightsabers which are making for a great distraction for a charging Jax. Jax is throwing everything hes got at Shao Khan but most everything is of no use as his unit of a body and his personal holtzman shield make for a great defense. After an exhausting effort from Jax, he receives a scythe strike, which is enough to send him to the grave. Shao Khan moves on immediately to do the same to the dual lightsaber weidling Sonja Blade and is successful as she falls short in the same fashion.
Hank Hensahw holds a strangled Dracula and Heimdall, both having every ounce of life squeezed out them while approaching Magneto.
“Do you know who I am??? You may be Kryptonian, but In my world you’re just a speck of dirt!”
Magneto levitates off the ground and takes hold of Hank Hensahw’s cybernetic body, dishing out a level of pain that he didn’t even know existed. Magneto starts to morph his body, the metal slab that once attributed to the Kryptonians durability is now completely turning against him, his eyes begin to bulge out of his head with his remains splattered on the ground.
Scarlett Witch was left unaccounted for and is using the surrounding flames to her full advantage. Creating a lasso of fire in one hand and an axe in the other she goes to work on Magneto. She rips off his helmet with her lasso and takes over his mind, talking down to him. Magneto is now completely vulnerable and cooked like barbeque, putting an end to his onslaught.
“I dont really think we belong in this fight” says Bart jokingly.
“Yuh” says Maggie
“Well we’re gonna fight cause’ thats the american way!!!” says Homer
Bart starts SPRAYIN Brandon’s AK towards the Insecticons which does absolutely nothing, but he doesnt care because he’s having the time of his life.
The Deluxe Insecticons retaliate by blitzing Irmo and Este with their brute force. Destroying them relatively easy as the valar were simply outmatched in this fight being unable to heal or create a vision to gain the upper hand.
Quickly, Scarlett Witch avenges her teammates as she is working at an incredible clip. Using her reality-warping abilities, she alters the makeup of the insecticons, transforming them into wood beings and leaving them to burn with the rest of the scorched forest.
Scarlett Witch the Simpsons, and Shao Khan take a glance at Mephisto who is the only remaining Cowboy Killer in the forest, admiring the chaoes that he has generated.
“May us all tremble and break down in terror”
He concludes this skirmish by swallowing the terrain from the depths of hell, ending the lives of the remaining meat suits as well as himself.
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“You need to sacrifice yourself in order for our Nullifier to work; we need the Phoenix Force” Hecate and Freya explain to Hope Summers.
“Whatever it takes, one more cig doe,” Hope says in dismay.
Freya starts to drain the soul of hope summers containing the phoenix force, contorting vines into a spear-shaped weapon to form the nullifier.
The territory is shrinking… Galactus is continuing to absorb the planet's energy to the core while growing in size himself. The haze that once overtook the setting's mood has shifted into a dominant storm that is going unrecognized by nobody.
Parallax’s glowing entity of fear from across the map is a prime candidate for Galactus next snack. Without making eye contact, Galactus inflicts a surreal flashing of striking migraines agonizing Parallax being, forcing him to wish death upon himself. As Parallax breaks down and withers away, David Byrne is the first to bear witness to a Galactus that just multiplied its molecular makeup to nearly three times, at this point overcoming the size of the city in which he marked his domain at the start of the match.
Superman is ready to make his mark, he approaches the Watchmen crew who reside just a few hundred yards from Galactus and his Herald.
Slaughtering the phony justice league, Kal El takes out all his frustrations that the league has given him over the years.
“It’s time to round up the troops and make a final push” says Superman. “This planet is just about ready to tap out… lets make them tap out first.”
Hal Jordan, Atrocitus, and Guy Gardner are at the forefront and final line of defense for the city that is no more, set out to stall the Cowboy Killers and bring Galactus goal to fruition.
“This ends now, Hal,” Superman exclaims.
“Look around us, you’re too late,” Hal Jordan replies. “My allegiance to the league is irrelevant… Galactus is our god now.”
“Make it soooooo,” Superman concludes.
The Man of Steel, Avatar Aang, and General Kenobi square off against the three lantern specialists and the Herald of Galactus in one final effort for it all. Hal Jordan and Guy Gardner lay out a plethora of artillery weapons that immediately fire everything they’ve got towards the Cowboy Killers.
Just as Aang’s tattoos begin to glow, Atrocitus uses his never-ending rage to take control of Aang’s blood flow. Atrocitus's rage seethes through Aang as though they’re connected, his Red Lantern Ring taking complete control of his body and mind. Blood begins to rush to his brain, all of his limbs become limp and his head busts like a balloon. The blood of the avatar poured out across the concrete below as a deep and heinous laugh releases from Atrocitus.
“A year ago today I was bested by three lanterns of the same stature on this very setting. That won't happen today,” says Superman as he wipes his teammate's blood off of his eyes.
Superman bursts towards Hal Jordan with insane speed, taking his fists and connecting them as if he were fist-bumping himself through Hal’s skull. He then grabs Guy Gardner by the ankle and launches him towards Kenobi, who ignites his lightsaber in a most timely manner, relieving both Green Lanterns of their lives in a matter of 35 seconds.
The ground is starting to tremble… What feels like a black hole is starting to consume the playoff planet, and Galactus is dispensing cosmic energy that is blinding to every combatant left competing in this match. Namor and the remaining Atlanteons have evacuated the water and are running toward their remaining teammates in the center of the planet. Galactus stands up, reaching thousands of miles in the air, grabbing Atrocitus and David Byrne on the way.
The behemoth that is Galactus doesn’t care if he's won or lost. All he knows is that he simply needs more. As he holds his two remaining teammates in his hands, he sees potential cosmic energy that can be absorbed. He crushes them both in his palms as they seemingly melt into his skin and attribute to him continuously growing towards the apex of the boundary that he set separating the match from space.
“Its ready, Supes!” Hecate chucks the Ultimate Nullifier 2.0 towards Superman and he flies towards Galactus.
Ripping through the clouds, he grabs the left horn of the helmet on Galactus and drives the nullifier up and through his chin whilst catching an equally cataclysmic cosmic sword to the chest.
The remaining Cowboy Killers watch Superman fall from the sky and Galactus turn to ash before their eyes, standing on the minuscule piece of land that remains from the playoff planet.
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