Season 9, Week 2 Consolation Match: Commandos vs Turrible Decisions

The Miley and Barack's Thank God Nick is Leaving so we can get Someone with a Shorter Team Name Commandos is :  Imperator Furiosa

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (aka. Snarls Sharkley's Jaws of Life) is:  Peter Venkman (9 deaths w/Green Lightsaber)

"I'm sorry, ma'am," says the annoyed Cedar Point attendant, "but we are not giving out fast pass tickets for the Power Tower anymore. The cut off time was Saturday by 2:00 pm.  You need to get to the back of the line."

"This is crap." Furiosa replies. She points to Venkman who is waiting between the two towers. "I am supposed to be fighting that guy over there. It won't take long, I promise, he's a super nerd and I am going to destroy him real quick then be on my way."

Venkman sees her and decides to go talk the attendant into letting her in real quick.

"Thanks for that." says Furiosa. "You know, it isn't my fault I was late. We have been dealing with managerial issues all season."

"No worries." Venkman says smiling. "You wanna go down?"

"EXCUSE ME?!?"

"Oh, God! No... I meant.. The towers... uhhh... Which tower do you want?" stammers the Ghostbuster's geek. "I say we go up."

"Oh, haha." Furiosa says laughing off the miscommunication. "No one ever wants to go on the up tower! It's just stupid. But whatever, the line is shorter. Let's ride."

Venkman lets out a chuckle as she hops into a seat and brings the shoulder harness down. It latches into place and she hears the buzz of Venkman's igniting lightsaber. Quickly, she tries to free herself from the restraint but with only one real arm she cannot get the leverage she needs to get out.

Venkman raises the lit saber above her neck. The countdown beeps begin to chime as the tower stages itself for liftoff. "I know we are supposed to fight at the top so I apologize for the breach of etiquette," he says, "But I will not reach the graveyard today. Enjoy your ride... into Valhalla."

The tower blasts off and relieves Imperator Furiosa of her head, showering the scores of awaiting patrons on the ground below in blood.

Season 9, Week 2 Consolation Match: The Empire vs. John & Vader's House of Sith Aids

“You got to funkifize,
I say -
You got to funkifize.”

                        -“You Got To Funkifize” [Tower of Power]

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 9, Week 2 Consolation Match located at Cedar Pointe’s Power Tower.  They are as follows:

John & Vader’s House of Sith Aids: Laya Houslander and Alex Houslander, young Jedi Knights.

The Empire: Watchdogs #6 and 7. 

Let the battle begin. . .

The four chambers rise to the top of the Power Tower; each module has a rider within.

Laya:  Alex, you go for Watchdog #6 and I’ll hit #7.

Alex: But I wanted #7!

Laya:  Okay, you go for Watchdog #7 and I’ll fight #6!

Alex:  Now I’m not sure anymore.  #6 or #7?

Before the Houslander spawn can ponder the subject any further, Watchdog #6 jumps over to the car with Alex, while Watchdog #7 lunges to the car holding Laya.

The car holding Alex and Watchdog #6 rises and falls while the two battle with one another.  The skirmish moves to the top of the ride.  Watchdog #6 manages to place Alex in a hold and threatens to push the young lad to his certain doom.  Suddenly, the Jedi child uses the Force, switches places with the combatant and pushes Watchdog #6 off the ride.  Watchdog #6’s scream is cut short by an ear-splitting splat.  Alex looks down at his enemy’s body.

Alex:  Wow, looks like the jelly in my PB&J sandwiches.

Meanwhile, Laya and Watchdog #7 are in an intense battle.  Laya uses the Force and the seatbelts come together, forcing Watchdog #7 to be suspended in the car.  Laya evaluates her position and looks at the car in the next shaft.  She jumps to it and turns around, focused on Watchdog #7 and his seat belted prison.  Laya intensely looks at her previous car and holds out her hand.  The seat belts curl together into a lasso and tighten over a hanging piece of metal at the very top of the ride.  Laya closes her fist and the module’s wire snaps.  The car immediately comes crashing down, leaving Watchdog #7 hanging from a lasso of seat belts tied to the girder.  Watchdog #7 struggles for mere seconds before dying.

Laya and Alex smile at one another from their respective cars in victory.  They can’t wait to tell their father how they dispelled with two people in a Shemalyah-like way (although actually being Jedi).