The following match was witnessed by this week's special guest watcher Katatu.
Alice’s Wonder Team vs. Tijuana Taco Benders
“Taco’s sure sound delicious!” said Lady Q in a godlike tone. “Well, I would say you are at the right place at the right time” responded Sharkticon. Lady Q and Sharkticon have been placed together as a team and are in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, studying the effects the most contaminated beach water on earth has on sea life. As they made their way over to the nearest taco stand, a strange scent over powered the mouth-watering aroma of fresh Mexican made tacos. It was a mint berry scent. Both Lady Q and Sharkticon had never smelled such a combination and noticed it was arising from a boy standing in front of them. Lady Q tapped the boy and asked what his deal was smelling like minty berries. Immediately taking offense, Mint Berry Crunch started to spin around in place and shouted "Shablagoo!!" He informed Lady Q and Sharkticon that he has the power is to control mint and berries with a satisfying crunch. “Did you say crunch?” asked Sharkticon, and bit Mint Berry Crunch’s head off.
The crunch of Mint Berry Crunch’s head being chomped inside Sharkticons mouth, pulled on lookers from all around the taco stand. A few of these onlookers included Mysterion, Lavos, and Silver Sentry. “Hey man, what’s your problem?” asked Mysterion. Neither Lady Q nor Sharkticon had even hard of Mysterion. The question “Who is Mysterion?” would haunt many for at least a year. Lavos, who still had some taco left on his face had indicated that it doesn’t matter who Mysterion is, and that they had better watch out. Lady Q explained why they were there and the work they need to do with the waters of Puerto Vallarta. The remaining members of The Tijuana Taco benders knew this would greatly upset their buddy, Tsunami, another member of their crew. This was about to get really ugly. Lady Q and Sharkticon were on Team Tijuana Taco Benders turf and it was on like Donkey Kong.
The Tijuana Taco Benders are from Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. The beach in Puerto Vallarta has been reported the dirtiest beach in Mexico for the past several years. It is their home, and they really love tacos. The Tijuana Taco Benders have a member who does most of his work in the dirty waters of Puerto Vallarta. Tsunami has control of the water in Puerto Vallarta, and he likes it just the way it is. If intruders try to mess with his water, he gets really upset. Shortly after, Mysterion, Silver Sentry, and Lavos reported this news to Tsunami. Tsunami was pissed. He started spitting water bullets at random people at the taco stand. These water bullets killed a total of 5 Mexicans, and it freed up 8 tacos all together, of which the Tijuana Taco Benders shared and enjoyed.
After a restful night, the Tijuana Taco Benders met up at the shoreline of the beach in Puerto Vallarta. To their surprise, Lady Q and Sharkticon were already at the beach with a backpack full of water testing instruments. As Lady Q dipped a pH strip, Tsunami appeared in front of them and asked what they were doing. Sharkticon indicated these waters were filthy and they wanted to test it in order to take proper action to clean it up. With Tsunami using questions as a distraction, Silver Sentry flew above Lady Q and knocked the test strip out of her hand. With her Godlike powers, she back handed Silver Sentry, and knocked him into Lavos. Lavos said “oh Hell No!” and ate the water testing supplies. This left Lady Q and Sharkticon with nothing left to do their job. After the supplies was engulfed, Lavos thought he would take other matters into his own hands and tried to suck the life out of the powerful Lady Q. When he tried this, he was able to get a hold of her arm in his mouth, and her forces pushed him away. With arm in mouth, Lady Q’s arm was ripped off. Still powerful? Yes… but minus an arm. What damage could this really do?
Mysterion Grabbed Lady Q’s arm and began to bitch slap Sharkticon across the face. While trying to escape such a mysterious beating, not really understanding how Lady Q’s arm was beating him by the force of Mysterion, he grabbed a hold of the arm and ate it. Mysterion was left with only his mysterious powers and his inability to die. Could this be enough for Mysterion? We will soon find out.
Tsunami who was still pissed about the water testing decided he was going to end it all with Lady Q and Sharkticon. He began dodging water bullets and blasts of water in hopes to kill or at least strangely wound them. The blasts had knocked Lady Q down a few times. The last time left her mutilated and desperate for her arm back. Unfortunately for her, her arm was in the process of being digested by her teammate, Sharkticon.
Mysterion had noticed that the blasts of water had slightly impaired the duo, so he thought outside the box, literally. Mysterion had constructed a combination plate from the nearby taco stand. Offering this fuel to injured opponents as a distraction. Lady Q could see what Mysterion was trying to do. She tried several times to destroy him with her godlike powers, but Mysterions inability to die made him weak, but did not kill him. She began to understand that this boy was never going to die, so she one-handed bitch slapped him until he was in a deep coma. “That is about as close to the last of him as I can come,” said Lady Q. Mysterion was placed in a hammock for a long siesta.
The Tijuana Taco Benders were now down two members. The only thing Lady Q was down was an arm and Sharkticon was totally fine. He was also full after eating his teammates arm. While in Robot form, Sharkticon decided he was going to try to use mechanical powers and go after Lavos. Sharkticon, not being the brightest sharky in the tank, had forgotten the damage water could do to robotic beings, such as himself. While Tsunami remembered the same deal, Tsunami kicked Sharkticon in the mechanical nuts, and then drowned his ass until his electric/mechanical powers were no more. Sharkticon was kind of a bitch and knocked off really easily.
Seeing her only buddy be killed of so easily, Lady Q was pretty pissed. She decided she was going to use her powers to morph these dweebs into other less powerful life forms. It wouldn’t be easy, but she was successful at turning Lavos into a turd and Tsunami into a raccoon. Upon this morphing, she picked up Lavos the turd and threw it at Tsunami the Raccoon. Lavos the turd knocked Tsunami the raccoon out for just a few seconds. Lady Q saw victory until Tsunami the raccoon awoke. Tsunami made his way over to Lady Q, bit her and gave her rabies. Tsunami and the Tijuana Taco Benders are victorious!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Season 4, Week 2: Horsemen of Apokolips vs. Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family
“I was just a little bi-curious.”
-Ramona Flowers
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 2 Match located at World 2-2. ALL WATER. NO POSSIBILITY FOR AIR. They are as follows:
The Horsemen of Apokolips- Flamebird, Nightwing and Fry Guy #1.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family-
Capt. Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander John Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Tim O'Neil, Lt. James Brady, Dagwood and Anthony Piccolo in The Seaquest DSV 4600; Sea Worm #7; Ramona Flowers (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring) and Black Lantern Hydro-Man.
I AM ATTEMPTING TO UNDERSTAND THE REASONING OF THE HORSEMEN’S OWNER AND HIS LINEUP DECISION IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT HE HAS A NUMBER OF EXTREMELY FORMIDABLE “WATER” COMBATANTS AND THE FACT THAT THIS BATTLE IS ONLY IN THE WATER-WITH NO CHANCE OF AIR. I AM STRUCK AT THE HORROR OF WHAT FOLLOWS AND WHAT MUST, ULTIMATELY BE. . . .
Let the battle begin. . .
The Seaquest fires its torpedoes at Flamebird and Nightwing. The two super-powered females repeatedly shrug off the concussive blasts of the submarine’s weaponry. While the submersible focuses on the females, Fry Guy #1 manages to enter into the torpedo tube between firings. Fry Guy #1 shimmies up the cylinder and pops out of the compartment. Now onboard, he intends to cause mayhem. Fry Guy #1 bumps into Dr. Westphalen. Fry Guy #1 jumps on her face and wraps his legs around the female doctor. Dr. Westphalen suffocates with fur balls in her mouth. Fry Guy then spots Tim O’Neil and trips him with his long legs. O’Neil bangs his head against a pipe and is knocked unconscious. Fry Guy #1 then mashes his wiggly feet down O’Neil’s throat; O’Neil suffocates. Fry Guy #1 passes by the mess hall and stops. He sees McDonald’s fries on the table. It just so happens that the crew stopped by the fast food chain before leaving the locker room docks for World 2-2. Fry Guy is distracted from his task of killing the Seaquest crew and focuses on what he was put in this existence to do- steal the fries. As he begins munching on the fries, he is met by both Dagwood and Piccolo. The two crewmates destroy the furry imp.
While their teammate is being ripped apart inside the ship, Flamebird and Nightwing decide to join forces outside of the ship. The two use their speed and power to barrel through the Seaquest. The tears in the ship cause a dramatic loss in pressure and the submarine begins to implode.
Inside the Seaquest, Lucas Wolenczak is seen next to Capt. Nathan Bridger. Bridger longingly stares at Lucas.
Lucas (tears beginning to well in his eyes): I know. . . .
The ship implodes. The only crew member who manages to escape is Piccolo due to his genetically enhanced gills which allow him to breathe under water. Ramona Flowers who uses her Star Sapphire Ring to breath, joins Piccolo. Nightwing focuses on Piccolo and crushes his entire ribcage and heart with one blow to the chest. Ramona Flowers responds and barrages Nightwing with ring constructs. Although Nightwing is able to batter the projectiles away, she begins to tire since she has held her breath for the entire match up to this point. While Flowers focuses on Nightwing, Flamebird takes advantage of this fact and comes from behind. Flowers cannot focus on both Nightwing and Flamebird at the same time. In an instant, Flamebird is able to reach Flowers and snap her neck. Nonetheless, the energy used to gain position against Flower’s ring causes both super heroines to tire to near exhaustion since they have been holding their breaths for this incredible period of time.
Black Lantern Hydro Man takes advantage of the fatigue and lack of air currently suffered by both Nightwing and Flamebird. BL Hydro Man uses his combined abilities to thrust both lantern constructs and water projectiles at the Apokolips’ heroines. Eventually the damage suffered by both Nightwing and Flamebird is too much. Before they contemplate perishing in this match, they use their combined abilities to reach BL Hydro Man. The two’s clothes are shredded apart, but they manage to dislodge the black lantern ring from Hydro Man. Hydro Man’s corpse becomes inert and perishes. His body becomes one in the same as the waters around him.
Nightwing and Flamebird are clearly near death, but they have conquered all seen on the battlefield. That is, until Seaworm #7 rises from the depths and engulfs them both. The two are not able to battle the gigantic behemoth and they perish within.
Horsemen of Apokolips: All dead.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Seaworm #7 alive.
LAYANDER’S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A FAMILY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Ramona Flowers
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 2 Match located at World 2-2. ALL WATER. NO POSSIBILITY FOR AIR. They are as follows:
The Horsemen of Apokolips- Flamebird, Nightwing and Fry Guy #1.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family-
Capt. Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander John Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Tim O'Neil, Lt. James Brady, Dagwood and Anthony Piccolo in The Seaquest DSV 4600; Sea Worm #7; Ramona Flowers (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring) and Black Lantern Hydro-Man.
I AM ATTEMPTING TO UNDERSTAND THE REASONING OF THE HORSEMEN’S OWNER AND HIS LINEUP DECISION IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT HE HAS A NUMBER OF EXTREMELY FORMIDABLE “WATER” COMBATANTS AND THE FACT THAT THIS BATTLE IS ONLY IN THE WATER-WITH NO CHANCE OF AIR. I AM STRUCK AT THE HORROR OF WHAT FOLLOWS AND WHAT MUST, ULTIMATELY BE. . . .
Let the battle begin. . .
The Seaquest fires its torpedoes at Flamebird and Nightwing. The two super-powered females repeatedly shrug off the concussive blasts of the submarine’s weaponry. While the submersible focuses on the females, Fry Guy #1 manages to enter into the torpedo tube between firings. Fry Guy #1 shimmies up the cylinder and pops out of the compartment. Now onboard, he intends to cause mayhem. Fry Guy #1 bumps into Dr. Westphalen. Fry Guy #1 jumps on her face and wraps his legs around the female doctor. Dr. Westphalen suffocates with fur balls in her mouth. Fry Guy then spots Tim O’Neil and trips him with his long legs. O’Neil bangs his head against a pipe and is knocked unconscious. Fry Guy #1 then mashes his wiggly feet down O’Neil’s throat; O’Neil suffocates. Fry Guy #1 passes by the mess hall and stops. He sees McDonald’s fries on the table. It just so happens that the crew stopped by the fast food chain before leaving the locker room docks for World 2-2. Fry Guy is distracted from his task of killing the Seaquest crew and focuses on what he was put in this existence to do- steal the fries. As he begins munching on the fries, he is met by both Dagwood and Piccolo. The two crewmates destroy the furry imp.
While their teammate is being ripped apart inside the ship, Flamebird and Nightwing decide to join forces outside of the ship. The two use their speed and power to barrel through the Seaquest. The tears in the ship cause a dramatic loss in pressure and the submarine begins to implode.
Inside the Seaquest, Lucas Wolenczak is seen next to Capt. Nathan Bridger. Bridger longingly stares at Lucas.
Lucas (tears beginning to well in his eyes): I know. . . .
The ship implodes. The only crew member who manages to escape is Piccolo due to his genetically enhanced gills which allow him to breathe under water. Ramona Flowers who uses her Star Sapphire Ring to breath, joins Piccolo. Nightwing focuses on Piccolo and crushes his entire ribcage and heart with one blow to the chest. Ramona Flowers responds and barrages Nightwing with ring constructs. Although Nightwing is able to batter the projectiles away, she begins to tire since she has held her breath for the entire match up to this point. While Flowers focuses on Nightwing, Flamebird takes advantage of this fact and comes from behind. Flowers cannot focus on both Nightwing and Flamebird at the same time. In an instant, Flamebird is able to reach Flowers and snap her neck. Nonetheless, the energy used to gain position against Flower’s ring causes both super heroines to tire to near exhaustion since they have been holding their breaths for this incredible period of time.
Black Lantern Hydro Man takes advantage of the fatigue and lack of air currently suffered by both Nightwing and Flamebird. BL Hydro Man uses his combined abilities to thrust both lantern constructs and water projectiles at the Apokolips’ heroines. Eventually the damage suffered by both Nightwing and Flamebird is too much. Before they contemplate perishing in this match, they use their combined abilities to reach BL Hydro Man. The two’s clothes are shredded apart, but they manage to dislodge the black lantern ring from Hydro Man. Hydro Man’s corpse becomes inert and perishes. His body becomes one in the same as the waters around him.
Nightwing and Flamebird are clearly near death, but they have conquered all seen on the battlefield. That is, until Seaworm #7 rises from the depths and engulfs them both. The two are not able to battle the gigantic behemoth and they perish within.
Horsemen of Apokolips: All dead.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Seaworm #7 alive.
LAYANDER’S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A FAMILY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Season 4, Week 2: Team Sleeping Pussy vs. Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
“Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.”
-Kermit the Frog
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 2 Match located in World 2-2. ALL WATER. NO POSSIBILITY FOR AIR. They are as follows:
Team Sleeping Pussy- Aspen, Namor and Mimic.
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets- Qwsp, Kermit the Frog, Squirtle, Gamera and Yellow Toad .
Let the battle begin. . .
Mimic attempts to focus on the Midget Brotherhood and absorb the powers of any super beings within his range. Unfortunately, with the team produced by the Brotherhood, he is unable to do so. He then shifts his sights and looks no further than his own teammates in both Namor and Aspen. He imbibes their essences and now has the ability to breath under water without issue.
Squirtle focuses on Aspen and sprays a powerful blast of pressurized water at her. Aspen transforms into water itself and the blow simply passes through her. In response, Aspen manipulates the water surrounding the Pokemon character into a water cannon. The weaponized water shoots Squirtle across the area. Squirtle, protected by its shell, comes forth and regroups with Yellow Toad and Kermit the Frog. As the three Midget warriors rush at Aspen, an optic blast resembling that of Cyclops lashes out at the treacherous trio. Although Yellow Toad and Squirtle dodge Mimic’s attack, the blow manages to rip through the legs of Kermit the Frog. Kermit looks down and sees that his legs are gone, floating away.
Kermit: Just like my nephew Robin!!!
Mimic: Gonna serve me up some frog legs with melted garlic butter later, my friend!
Kermit’s eyes begin to flutter and the amphibian bleeds out.
Kermit: Alas, Fair Pig do I join thee. . . .
Kermit dies. In response to Kermit’s death, Squirtle and Yellow Toad swim toward Mimic. Namor rushes in between the combatants and grabs both Midgets in head locks. Sickening crunches are heard as necks are broken. Squirtle's and Yellow Toad’s lifeless bodies float away.
Meanwhile, Qwsp has warped reality around him, forming an air bubble that protects him from drowning. Qwsp then lashes out and World 2-2 becomes a disjointed area of desert – no water. Namor and Aspen are caught off guard and crash to the sands below, gasping at the shock to their bodies. Qwsp laughs as the Brotherhood has finally gained the upper hand over Team SP’s water trio. Mimic does not have the limitations of his brethren and immediately uses the telekinesis of Jean Gray to whip Qwsp into the ground. Namor shakes off his queasiness and seizes the opportunity. Namor uses his winged ankles to fly full speed at the fifth-dimensioner. The Atlantean, who now holds his trident, pierces his weapon through Qwsp, who instantly dies. With Qwsp’s death, the dimensional realities re-align and World 2-2 becomes its proper watery realm. Aspen, Namor and Mimic are pleased.
Mimic: One more . . .
Mimic is unable to finish his sentence as theses are the last words uttered from his mouth. Gamera engulfs the mutant, whose dead body lies ravaged in its maw. Namor and Aspen combine forces to fight the behemoth. Namor uses his superhuman strength to damage both eyes of Gamera. The now blinded beast screams in pain. Gamera uses his flame breath to sizzle the water around him and manages to hit Namor in the process. The intensity of the water around Namor boils him alive; his dead body floats away. Gamera moves into its shell and begins to spin in its signature move to briefly escape and gather its senses. Seeing an opportunity to end the fight, Aspen manipulates the water around the two and creates an astronomical water spear. Gamera flies straight into it and is skewered from head to tail.
Aspen: Looks like I’m having both frog legs and turtle tonight. . . nice Cajun meal. . .
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: All dead.
Team Sleeping Pussy: Aspen survives.
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.”
-Kermit the Frog
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 2 Match located in World 2-2. ALL WATER. NO POSSIBILITY FOR AIR. They are as follows:
Team Sleeping Pussy- Aspen, Namor and Mimic.
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets- Qwsp, Kermit the Frog, Squirtle, Gamera and Yellow Toad .
Let the battle begin. . .
Mimic attempts to focus on the Midget Brotherhood and absorb the powers of any super beings within his range. Unfortunately, with the team produced by the Brotherhood, he is unable to do so. He then shifts his sights and looks no further than his own teammates in both Namor and Aspen. He imbibes their essences and now has the ability to breath under water without issue.
Squirtle focuses on Aspen and sprays a powerful blast of pressurized water at her. Aspen transforms into water itself and the blow simply passes through her. In response, Aspen manipulates the water surrounding the Pokemon character into a water cannon. The weaponized water shoots Squirtle across the area. Squirtle, protected by its shell, comes forth and regroups with Yellow Toad and Kermit the Frog. As the three Midget warriors rush at Aspen, an optic blast resembling that of Cyclops lashes out at the treacherous trio. Although Yellow Toad and Squirtle dodge Mimic’s attack, the blow manages to rip through the legs of Kermit the Frog. Kermit looks down and sees that his legs are gone, floating away.
Kermit: Just like my nephew Robin!!!
Mimic: Gonna serve me up some frog legs with melted garlic butter later, my friend!
Kermit’s eyes begin to flutter and the amphibian bleeds out.
Kermit: Alas, Fair Pig do I join thee. . . .
Kermit dies. In response to Kermit’s death, Squirtle and Yellow Toad swim toward Mimic. Namor rushes in between the combatants and grabs both Midgets in head locks. Sickening crunches are heard as necks are broken. Squirtle's and Yellow Toad’s lifeless bodies float away.
Meanwhile, Qwsp has warped reality around him, forming an air bubble that protects him from drowning. Qwsp then lashes out and World 2-2 becomes a disjointed area of desert – no water. Namor and Aspen are caught off guard and crash to the sands below, gasping at the shock to their bodies. Qwsp laughs as the Brotherhood has finally gained the upper hand over Team SP’s water trio. Mimic does not have the limitations of his brethren and immediately uses the telekinesis of Jean Gray to whip Qwsp into the ground. Namor shakes off his queasiness and seizes the opportunity. Namor uses his winged ankles to fly full speed at the fifth-dimensioner. The Atlantean, who now holds his trident, pierces his weapon through Qwsp, who instantly dies. With Qwsp’s death, the dimensional realities re-align and World 2-2 becomes its proper watery realm. Aspen, Namor and Mimic are pleased.
Mimic: One more . . .
Mimic is unable to finish his sentence as theses are the last words uttered from his mouth. Gamera engulfs the mutant, whose dead body lies ravaged in its maw. Namor and Aspen combine forces to fight the behemoth. Namor uses his superhuman strength to damage both eyes of Gamera. The now blinded beast screams in pain. Gamera uses his flame breath to sizzle the water around him and manages to hit Namor in the process. The intensity of the water around Namor boils him alive; his dead body floats away. Gamera moves into its shell and begins to spin in its signature move to briefly escape and gather its senses. Seeing an opportunity to end the fight, Aspen manipulates the water around the two and creates an astronomical water spear. Gamera flies straight into it and is skewered from head to tail.
Aspen: Looks like I’m having both frog legs and turtle tonight. . . nice Cajun meal. . .
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: All dead.
Team Sleeping Pussy: Aspen survives.
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
week 2- The Abomitrons vs The Transfoamers
The Abomitrons is: Mario Mario, Luigi Mario, Batman w/ green lantern ring, and Leviathon
The Transfoamers is: Rebel Trooper #1, Black Lantern Darth Bane, Darth Zannah, and Hammer Brothers #17-22
Rebel Trooper #1 bursts in to the Transfoamers locker room which is still occupied with Hammer Bros. 18, 21, and 22. The Transfoamers locker room absolutely, completely 100% reeks of alcohol.
"What's going on around here? Why does it smell like Miguel Cabrera's liver exploded in here?" Rebel Trooper #1 demands to know
"I dunno about this guy over here..." Hammer Brother #18 slurs "but this brother is HAMMERED!!!"
"Awww, no way" responds Brother #21 "THIS Brother is HAMMERED too!!!"
"You guys aren't gonna believe this but..." begins #22
"I swear to god, if you say this brother is hammered I will shoot you in the face" Rebel Trooper #1 growls. "Why are you guys all wasted when we've got a match going on out there, we're getting our butts kicked?"
"Heh. Dude. Why are we losing?" asks #18 "It's like Batman, some goofy fish guy and then some Immells against us and some Star Trek guys. We got home field advantage."
"Immel? What's an Immel? That sounds lame." #21 chimes in "Like isn't that a baseball player or something?"
"That's a Trammel" an increasingly agitated Rebel Trooper responds "An Immel is like a combination of two things or something like that, but that's not the point there's been a roster change."
"Heh. I guess you're an Immel then Trooper" #22 says cutting off the Rebel mid-sentence "You're a combo of my butt and uhhhh a BUTT!!!!"
"AWWWWW, SICK BURN!!!!!" #18 screeches
Hammer Bro #21 puts an empty beer case on his head, raises his hammer and for no reason yells out "I AM THOR!!"
"Guys! There are NO Immels, they got switched out at the last minute for the Mario Brothers." the Trooper is able to finish his sentence, finally relaying this important bit of info to the tankered turtles.
"Wait. What? The Mario Brothers?? Those guys suck" #22 says "Why are those d-bags fighting? They're not Immels. Wha happened?"
Rebel Trooper is able to compose himself to finally regale the trashed tortesi the tale of the match thus far "At the last second the Abomitrons realized that world 2-2 would give the Marios a pretty good home field advantage..."
"RIPOFF ARTISTS!!!!"
"Shut up. Anyway. Me, that creepy black lantern, Darth Zannah, and the other Hammer Brothers started the battle and we were able to take out Luigi, but all that did was royally cheese off Mario who took out Darth Zannah, Batman handled your brothers and Darth Bane got eaten by the Leviathon. I barely escaped to come and find you schmucks here getting plowed."
"Heh. You ran away? The Mighty Thor wouldst never run from a fight you sissy girl." #21 retorts "Well, let's got hammer us some..who are we fighting again?"
"Who cares. I gotta take a leak, let's get to the water and take care of my business and then the rest of the business." #18 says
"Fine, whatever. Let's go." the exasperated Rebel Trooper says.
The rest of the beleaguered Transfoamers warp out of a green pipe and wind up right infront of the Abomintrons.
"Oh. $@*#" says the Rebel Trooper reaching for his blaster as Hammer Brother #22 says "HEY!!! I know those GUYS!!! It's teh Batman!!!"
"-tt-" says Batman and wills a giant green mallet into existence that he uses to bonk Hammer Brother #22 on the head, killing him.
"Dude, this music sucks. I'll be right back Hammer Brother #18 remarks about the classic Mario theme and warps down into the green pipe again, narrowly missing a fireball that Mario has thrown at his head.
The Rebel Trooper is not as lucky as the eighteenth Hammer Brother and is fried by Mario's flaming ball of death.
"Okie Dokie. Let'sa finish offa this meatball and getta some spaghetti" Mario gleefully proclaims, as it looks like he has avoided going to the FantasyFantasy Graveyard this match.
Then, fate intervenes and turns this entire battle on it's head.
Suddenly the world of 2-2 is rocked by a synthesized beat and the words "Hot and dangerous, if you're one of us than roll with us. Cause we make the hipsters fall in love, when we got our hotpants on and up"
"Wha?" says Batman who turns his head to see where the vocal styling of Ke$ha is springing from.
"Have at thee. Taste the might of mjolen...mah-joll,,mah..uh...my HAMMER" says the still inebriated #21 and throws his hammer at he glowing green dark knight
As the tiny hammer is hurtling at the Batman, the Leviathon suddenly start to twitch and then his chest explodes as it turns out Black Lantern Darth Bane is not out of this fight yet.
"Mama Mia!" shouts Mario who is suddenly impaled through the chest, ironically, by part of the Leviathon's ribcage
Now it's down to the Black Lantern, the Dark Knight and one halfshell that's half in the bag. Batman readies himself assessing the situation when behind him he hears the sound of a pipe warp and Hammer Brother #18 pops out yelling "Dude. I this is MY JAM!!! We're tearing it apar-par-par-par-papart. You know we're superstars" he croons as he pulls the handles off of his hammers and turns them into glowsticks and starts dancing like a rave kid among the chaos.
This provides just enough distraction for Darth Bane to swoop in and, just like the DC villain of the same name but minus the Darth part, breaks Batman's back over his knee, killing the caped crusader as Darth Bane is hardcore.
"Dude. Did we win?" questions Hammer Brother #18 as black lantern Darth Bane flies off to find more suitable prey than a pair of alcoholic turtles.
"Verily. Now let us celibrate with a flaggered of mead" says Hammer Brother #21
"Huh?"
"Dude Let's get us some SHOTS!!!!"
"Hecks ya. You're buying, I'm flying!!!" and the two victorious tortoise stagger off to continue their binge.
The Abomitrons: ALL DEAD
The Transfoamers: Black Lantern Darth Bane, and Hammer Brothers #18 and #21 survive.
THE TRANSFOAMERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
The Transfoamers is: Rebel Trooper #1, Black Lantern Darth Bane, Darth Zannah, and Hammer Brothers #17-22
Rebel Trooper #1 bursts in to the Transfoamers locker room which is still occupied with Hammer Bros. 18, 21, and 22. The Transfoamers locker room absolutely, completely 100% reeks of alcohol.
"What's going on around here? Why does it smell like Miguel Cabrera's liver exploded in here?" Rebel Trooper #1 demands to know
"I dunno about this guy over here..." Hammer Brother #18 slurs "but this brother is HAMMERED!!!"
"Awww, no way" responds Brother #21 "THIS Brother is HAMMERED too!!!"
"You guys aren't gonna believe this but..." begins #22
"I swear to god, if you say this brother is hammered I will shoot you in the face" Rebel Trooper #1 growls. "Why are you guys all wasted when we've got a match going on out there, we're getting our butts kicked?"
"Heh. Dude. Why are we losing?" asks #18 "It's like Batman, some goofy fish guy and then some Immells against us and some Star Trek guys. We got home field advantage."
"Immel? What's an Immel? That sounds lame." #21 chimes in "Like isn't that a baseball player or something?"
"That's a Trammel" an increasingly agitated Rebel Trooper responds "An Immel is like a combination of two things or something like that, but that's not the point there's been a roster change."
"Heh. I guess you're an Immel then Trooper" #22 says cutting off the Rebel mid-sentence "You're a combo of my butt and uhhhh a BUTT!!!!"
"AWWWWW, SICK BURN!!!!!" #18 screeches
Hammer Bro #21 puts an empty beer case on his head, raises his hammer and for no reason yells out "I AM THOR!!"
"Guys! There are NO Immels, they got switched out at the last minute for the Mario Brothers." the Trooper is able to finish his sentence, finally relaying this important bit of info to the tankered turtles.
"Wait. What? The Mario Brothers?? Those guys suck" #22 says "Why are those d-bags fighting? They're not Immels. Wha happened?"
Rebel Trooper is able to compose himself to finally regale the trashed tortesi the tale of the match thus far "At the last second the Abomitrons realized that world 2-2 would give the Marios a pretty good home field advantage..."
"RIPOFF ARTISTS!!!!"
"Shut up. Anyway. Me, that creepy black lantern, Darth Zannah, and the other Hammer Brothers started the battle and we were able to take out Luigi, but all that did was royally cheese off Mario who took out Darth Zannah, Batman handled your brothers and Darth Bane got eaten by the Leviathon. I barely escaped to come and find you schmucks here getting plowed."
"Heh. You ran away? The Mighty Thor wouldst never run from a fight you sissy girl." #21 retorts "Well, let's got hammer us some..who are we fighting again?"
"Who cares. I gotta take a leak, let's get to the water and take care of my business and then the rest of the business." #18 says
"Fine, whatever. Let's go." the exasperated Rebel Trooper says.
The rest of the beleaguered Transfoamers warp out of a green pipe and wind up right infront of the Abomintrons.
"Oh. $@*#" says the Rebel Trooper reaching for his blaster as Hammer Brother #22 says "HEY!!! I know those GUYS!!! It's teh Batman!!!"
"-tt-" says Batman and wills a giant green mallet into existence that he uses to bonk Hammer Brother #22 on the head, killing him.
"Dude, this music sucks. I'll be right back Hammer Brother #18 remarks about the classic Mario theme and warps down into the green pipe again, narrowly missing a fireball that Mario has thrown at his head.
The Rebel Trooper is not as lucky as the eighteenth Hammer Brother and is fried by Mario's flaming ball of death.
"Okie Dokie. Let'sa finish offa this meatball and getta some spaghetti" Mario gleefully proclaims, as it looks like he has avoided going to the FantasyFantasy Graveyard this match.
Then, fate intervenes and turns this entire battle on it's head.
Suddenly the world of 2-2 is rocked by a synthesized beat and the words "Hot and dangerous, if you're one of us than roll with us. Cause we make the hipsters fall in love, when we got our hotpants on and up"
"Wha?" says Batman who turns his head to see where the vocal styling of Ke$ha is springing from.
"Have at thee. Taste the might of mjolen...mah-joll,,mah..uh...my HAMMER" says the still inebriated #21 and throws his hammer at he glowing green dark knight
As the tiny hammer is hurtling at the Batman, the Leviathon suddenly start to twitch and then his chest explodes as it turns out Black Lantern Darth Bane is not out of this fight yet.
"Mama Mia!" shouts Mario who is suddenly impaled through the chest, ironically, by part of the Leviathon's ribcage
Now it's down to the Black Lantern, the Dark Knight and one halfshell that's half in the bag. Batman readies himself assessing the situation when behind him he hears the sound of a pipe warp and Hammer Brother #18 pops out yelling "Dude. I this is MY JAM!!! We're tearing it apar-par-par-par-papart. You know we're superstars" he croons as he pulls the handles off of his hammers and turns them into glowsticks and starts dancing like a rave kid among the chaos.
This provides just enough distraction for Darth Bane to swoop in and, just like the DC villain of the same name but minus the Darth part, breaks Batman's back over his knee, killing the caped crusader as Darth Bane is hardcore.
"Dude. Did we win?" questions Hammer Brother #18 as black lantern Darth Bane flies off to find more suitable prey than a pair of alcoholic turtles.
"Verily. Now let us celibrate with a flaggered of mead" says Hammer Brother #21
"Huh?"
"Dude Let's get us some SHOTS!!!!"
"Hecks ya. You're buying, I'm flying!!!" and the two victorious tortoise stagger off to continue their binge.
The Abomitrons: ALL DEAD
The Transfoamers: Black Lantern Darth Bane, and Hammer Brothers #18 and #21 survive.
THE TRANSFOAMERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
week 2- The Untouchables vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad
The Untouchables is : Kryptonian Soldiers #1 &2, and zombie Michelangelo
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is : Supergirl (Death of Superman shapeshifter version), Windhammer, and The Kraken
The match begins as the two Military Guild Kryptonians are flying around world 2-2 above the water carrying the zombie Ninja turtle, looking for their opponents.
"So remember the plan, we drop this rotten turtle carcass on Xavier's like a bio-missile, and while they're dealing with him we eradicate the team with our powers. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy." says soldier #1
"Got it." replies soldier #2 "Hey, what's that weird glow down there? Looks like a giant tuning fork. That's kinda odd."
What the giant tuning fork turns out to be is the main weapon of Silverhawks' villain Windhammer, who uses the device to whip up a powerful hurricane, causing the Kryptonians to lose their hold on the undead party dude sending him hurtling to the water shouting his classic phrase "Huuurrraaarrrggghhhhhh", cause you know, that's pretty much every zombie's catch phrase.
"Great, just great." proclaims #1 as the fierce wind whips around them "You go find our bio-weapon, I'll see if I can do something about this weather, and the two split up.
#1 notices the glow of Windhammer's weapon and quickly uses her heatvision to zap the instrument of destruction out of his hand. As Windhammer scurries to retrieve his tuning fork soldier #1 quickly flies through his body, tearing him in half.
As the Kryptonian goes to make a clever quip, since Kryptonians are known for their puns, she hears her fellow military man call out, then hears a peculiar SPLASH, like something being drug under water,
"What in Rao's name?" thinks the first Kryptonian Military guild member and she flies off to investigate.
She spots her partner floating on the surface of the water, barely conscious.
"Rao above, what happened?" she exclaims as she lands in the water and pulls her teammate into her arms
""Xavier's" sputters her Kryptonain brethren "They...they suckered us..then attacked with...with..."
"With what?" asks #1 as she leans in closer to hear what could be her teammates final words
"With the Kracken" whispers her partner
"Kracken? What's a Kracken?"
"Oh, you'll see" #2 responds with a smirk, suddenly alot more energetic
"Wait, what's.." Kryptonian soldier #1 starts
"Surprise." and in a flash "Kryptonian soldier #2 is revealed to be, in fact Supergirl, who quickly suckerpunches soldier #1 and takes off into the air as fast as she can, as the massive beast known as the Kracken bursts up to the surface and consumes Kryptonian soldier #1 just as it did the other fallen members of the Untouchables.
"Heh. Looks like they weren't so "Untouchable" after all remarks Supergirl as she flies off victorious "Now that's what's "Kracken". Supergirls puts on her sunglasses and flies into the sun as the opening to the Who's "Won't be fooled again" suddenly plays in the background.
YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
The Untouchables: All dead.
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Supergirl and The Kracken survive
XAVIER'S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Week One: The Syracuse Valley vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies
The Syracuse Valley is Splinter, Venus de Milo and Gordon Barba.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies are Etrigan the Demon and Ewok #30.
As the record plays,
Late nights turn into early days.
The siren scream is heard,
But no one on the Valley dares to say a word.
They know that this is Season Four,
And their team has already seen too much gore.
The door slowly opens to Josh’s abode,
Though they were expecting it to explode.
A tall, thin man enters with a calm walk,
And with him he brings a furry Ewok.
Though this may be his final fight,
Gordon Barba is ready to show his might.
Gordon rushes in as he begins to see red,
He then kicks the Ewok straight in the head.
Jason Blood see this and knocks Gordon over,
Causing him to quickly take cover.
The man known as Blood then yells,
“Yarva Demonicus Etrigan.
Change, change the form of man.
Free the prince forever damned.
Free the might from fleshy mire.
Boil the blood in heart of fire.
Gone, gone the form of man,
Rise the demon Etrigan!”
Etrigan lunges and reaches out,
Causing Gordon to scream and shout.
He pulls on the legs and arms,
Hoping to cause him great harm.
The Demon then breaks every last bone,
As Gordon lets out one final quiet groan.
The female turtle leaps into action,
Against the lone member of the opposing faction.
She flips towards the Demon with great ire,
But is met with a massive burst of Hellfire.
Her roasted body falls to the floor,
And Splinter sees that Venus is no more.
The calm rodent is always known to meditate,
Though he is not one to hesitate.
Splinter knows when the times is right,
He will be ready to take on the fight!
“Your power is evil my friend,
Though I do not mean to offend.
We both know it’s because of that,
You will lose to this mutant rat.”
Splinter then spin kicks Etrigan in the jaw,
Stunning and causing him to pause in awe.
Etrigan continues to breathe his Hellfire.
Trying his hardest not to be outclassed,
But the rodent is dodging every single blast.
The Demon finally grabs a hold of the rat,
And slams him into the wall like a baseball bat.
Etrigan picks up Splinter and snaps him over his head,
Thus ending the match and leaving the Valley all dead.
BROCK SAMSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies are Etrigan the Demon and Ewok #30.
As the record plays,
Late nights turn into early days.
The siren scream is heard,
But no one on the Valley dares to say a word.
They know that this is Season Four,
And their team has already seen too much gore.
The door slowly opens to Josh’s abode,
Though they were expecting it to explode.
A tall, thin man enters with a calm walk,
And with him he brings a furry Ewok.
Though this may be his final fight,
Gordon Barba is ready to show his might.
Gordon rushes in as he begins to see red,
He then kicks the Ewok straight in the head.
Jason Blood see this and knocks Gordon over,
Causing him to quickly take cover.
The man known as Blood then yells,
“Yarva Demonicus Etrigan.
Change, change the form of man.
Free the prince forever damned.
Free the might from fleshy mire.
Boil the blood in heart of fire.
Gone, gone the form of man,
Rise the demon Etrigan!”
Etrigan lunges and reaches out,
Causing Gordon to scream and shout.
He pulls on the legs and arms,
Hoping to cause him great harm.
The Demon then breaks every last bone,
As Gordon lets out one final quiet groan.
The female turtle leaps into action,
Against the lone member of the opposing faction.
She flips towards the Demon with great ire,
But is met with a massive burst of Hellfire.
Her roasted body falls to the floor,
And Splinter sees that Venus is no more.
The calm rodent is always known to meditate,
Though he is not one to hesitate.
Splinter knows when the times is right,
He will be ready to take on the fight!
“Your power is evil my friend,
Though I do not mean to offend.
We both know it’s because of that,
You will lose to this mutant rat.”
Splinter then spin kicks Etrigan in the jaw,
Stunning and causing him to pause in awe.
Etrigan continues to breathe his Hellfire.
Trying his hardest not to be outclassed,
But the rodent is dodging every single blast.
The Demon finally grabs a hold of the rat,
And slams him into the wall like a baseball bat.
Etrigan picks up Splinter and snaps him over his head,
Thus ending the match and leaving the Valley all dead.
BROCK SAMSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living TogetherVs. Better Than All of You
Better Than All of You is The Rock, Oderus Urungus, Stone Cold Steve Austin, 2 Cobra Vipers
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are
Spawn, Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. mint (w/ a blue lightsaber), Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice (w/ a blue lightsaber), & Gloppy the Mollasses Monster,and Smurf #7
11:09 Griffin finally gets to Josh’s apartment. The Candy Land Crew is standing out side looking very angry.
Jolly: Dude where have you been, we have been standing here since Monday! Eah, Why do you smell like hot garbage covered in ketchup and mustard? And dude are you bleeding? DUDE WHAT THE ….DUDE?
Griffin: First off my bad. I did not realize you guys had been here that long and I’ve been really busy, again my bad. Second, I smell like this because I’ve just spent the last thirteen hours cooking garbage and putting ketchup and mustard, among other things, on top of said garbage. And lastly I don’t know what that is, it’s probably dried turkey or beef blood.
Griffin smells the substance then licks it.
Jolly: DUDE!!!
Griffin: I was way off, its chipotle barbecue.
Jolly: Okay can we just get this thing going already.
Griffin: Yea no problem, lets go.
Griffin opens the door and proceeds to Josh’s big red couch, which he does not remember from before but figures it’s the best place to watch the match. THE DOOR FLINGS OPEN
The Rock: CAN YOU SMELELLELELELELELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN.
The rock charges the 3 Ginger bread people and easily smashes them to bits. He now turns his attention to the rest of the crew, who are a little intimidated but quickly realize they have him out numbered and out gunned.
The Rock: THE ROCK IS ABOUT TO LAY THE SMACK DOWN ON ALL YOU CANDY A** JABRONIES!
Princess Lolly: Oh yea well we’ve got you outnumbered.
Just then Stone Cold Steve Austin jumps through the window along with the 2 cobra vipers. The two tag teams rush the Candy Land Crew, and even though they have light sabers, the years of battle experience the four members of better than all of you poses allow them to easily snap the necks, break the backs, and crush the skulls of the Candy Crew.
Thinking they are victorious The four team mates high five, but as soon as their hands touch chains shoot out of the couch Griffin is sitting on and impale the men’s hands together. Spawn throws Griffin off and stands up, with no possible means of escape spawn takes his time killing the four men. starting with the cobra viper’s 2 and 3. Spawn decides to see if he can fit Cobra viper #2’s head, helmet and all, up Cobra Viper#3’s butt hole. He is successful, but neither man lives and Josh’s carpeting is again covered In blood and fecal matter. Next he dangles stone cold upside down and using his chain again slowly peels the skin from stone colds body. Now it’s the Rock’s turn and he arguably gets it the worst. Spawn uses his Necro-energy to cook The rock from the inside out which took about 20 minutes. Late as usual, Oderus Urungus finally walks in.
Oderus: Dude why didn’t you guys wait for me? I told you guys Ied be here. What you don’t think I like killing people? You didn’t save me anybody.
Spawn: Were not on the same team dick.
Oderus: Oh yeah.
Spawn wraps his chains around Oderus’s head and pops his skull open spewing green liquid everywhere. Obviously spawn is not aware that Oderus’s has had his skull crushed far to many times to count and built up somewhat of an immunity to it, which allows him ignite his light saber and cut spawns head off.
Oderus: AAAWWWW Come on were is the blood? I hate this thing. SCORE space crack.
Oderus has spotted a little blue and white object on the floor which he believes to be space crack when in fact its smurf #7. Who was immediately smoked by oderus.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: ALL DEAD
Better Than All of You: Oderus Urungus survives
Better Than All of You is victorious!
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are
Spawn, Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. mint (w/ a blue lightsaber), Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice (w/ a blue lightsaber), & Gloppy the Mollasses Monster,and Smurf #7
11:09 Griffin finally gets to Josh’s apartment. The Candy Land Crew is standing out side looking very angry.
Jolly: Dude where have you been, we have been standing here since Monday! Eah, Why do you smell like hot garbage covered in ketchup and mustard? And dude are you bleeding? DUDE WHAT THE ….DUDE?
Griffin: First off my bad. I did not realize you guys had been here that long and I’ve been really busy, again my bad. Second, I smell like this because I’ve just spent the last thirteen hours cooking garbage and putting ketchup and mustard, among other things, on top of said garbage. And lastly I don’t know what that is, it’s probably dried turkey or beef blood.
Griffin smells the substance then licks it.
Jolly: DUDE!!!
Griffin: I was way off, its chipotle barbecue.
Jolly: Okay can we just get this thing going already.
Griffin: Yea no problem, lets go.
Griffin opens the door and proceeds to Josh’s big red couch, which he does not remember from before but figures it’s the best place to watch the match. THE DOOR FLINGS OPEN
The Rock: CAN YOU SMELELLELELELELELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN.
The rock charges the 3 Ginger bread people and easily smashes them to bits. He now turns his attention to the rest of the crew, who are a little intimidated but quickly realize they have him out numbered and out gunned.
The Rock: THE ROCK IS ABOUT TO LAY THE SMACK DOWN ON ALL YOU CANDY A** JABRONIES!
Princess Lolly: Oh yea well we’ve got you outnumbered.
Just then Stone Cold Steve Austin jumps through the window along with the 2 cobra vipers. The two tag teams rush the Candy Land Crew, and even though they have light sabers, the years of battle experience the four members of better than all of you poses allow them to easily snap the necks, break the backs, and crush the skulls of the Candy Crew.
Thinking they are victorious The four team mates high five, but as soon as their hands touch chains shoot out of the couch Griffin is sitting on and impale the men’s hands together. Spawn throws Griffin off and stands up, with no possible means of escape spawn takes his time killing the four men. starting with the cobra viper’s 2 and 3. Spawn decides to see if he can fit Cobra viper #2’s head, helmet and all, up Cobra Viper#3’s butt hole. He is successful, but neither man lives and Josh’s carpeting is again covered In blood and fecal matter. Next he dangles stone cold upside down and using his chain again slowly peels the skin from stone colds body. Now it’s the Rock’s turn and he arguably gets it the worst. Spawn uses his Necro-energy to cook The rock from the inside out which took about 20 minutes. Late as usual, Oderus Urungus finally walks in.
Oderus: Dude why didn’t you guys wait for me? I told you guys Ied be here. What you don’t think I like killing people? You didn’t save me anybody.
Spawn: Were not on the same team dick.
Oderus: Oh yeah.
Spawn wraps his chains around Oderus’s head and pops his skull open spewing green liquid everywhere. Obviously spawn is not aware that Oderus’s has had his skull crushed far to many times to count and built up somewhat of an immunity to it, which allows him ignite his light saber and cut spawns head off.
Oderus: AAAWWWW Come on were is the blood? I hate this thing. SCORE space crack.
Oderus has spotted a little blue and white object on the floor which he believes to be space crack when in fact its smurf #7. Who was immediately smoked by oderus.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: ALL DEAD
Better Than All of You: Oderus Urungus survives
Better Than All of You is victorious!
The Abomitrons Vs. Oblivio
The Abomitrons Vs. Oblivio
The Abomitrons are Iron Man and Ewok Child #1
Oblivio is Chucky w/ Yellow Lantern Ring and Heavy (Clonetrooper from The Clone Wars cartoon)
Oblivio is dropped off at Josh’s apartment by there team owner Teresa.
Teresa: Okay guys 1st match is the most important match, this will set the tone for the rest of the season. I need you two to be as brutal as possible, but still have fun out there. Oh and chucky watch your mouth for this one, kids will be reading it.
Chucky: Lady you can suck my little doll ..SLAM!!! Oh what the Fu.. CRACK! SMASH! POOWWW!
Teresa has produced one of those small souvenir bats you get at a baseball game, and she has begun to violently and repeatedly beat chucky in the face and hands with it.
Teresa: So help me God chucky, if you cross me I will transfer your soul into a weeble.
Chucky: You don’t know the spell ya stupid Bi…..
Teresa begins to chant....
Ade Due Damballa. Give me the power, I beg of you!! Leveau mercier du bois chaloitte! Secoise entienne mais pois de morte! Morteisma lieu de vocuier de mieu vochette.
Endelieu pour du boisette Damballa!!!
Chucky: OKAY! OKAY! Just shut up already.
SMASH!
Teresa has added another crack to the dolls already mangled face with her souvenir bat.
Oblivio Enters the apartment and immediately see Ewok child#1 Playing the wii and having the most fun he’s ever had. All the joy in the air sends chucky into a murderous rage. He fly’s over to the small cuddly creature and begins to thrust his favorite little knife into its torso.
Chucky: Heh hahahaha HA!" wait where’s the blood.
Ewok child #1: Hold on ill get you some.
Ewok child#1 Rams his small but deadly flint blade into chucky’s jugular, A high pressure stream of blood paints Josh’s wall’s. Suddenly the Ewok Child is vaporized by a blast from the heavy clone troopers massive blaster. But before the trooper even has time to acquire a new target, Iron man Fly’s right through the kitchen wall and rips the trooper in half, which covers Josh’s living room in blood and excrement. Josh enters to congratulate Iron man on his quick win.
Josh: Hey Congrates on the win, the ewok hologram was genius.
Iron Man: Yea, I know, I am Tony Stark everything I do is genius.
Josh: Yea so Tony Starks insurance should cover these damages right.
Tony Stark: Ha, I didn’t get this rich writing checks buddy.
The Abomitrons are victorious!
Oblivio: All dead
The Abomitrons: Iron man survives
The Abomitrons are Iron Man and Ewok Child #1
Oblivio is Chucky w/ Yellow Lantern Ring and Heavy (Clonetrooper from The Clone Wars cartoon)
Oblivio is dropped off at Josh’s apartment by there team owner Teresa.
Teresa: Okay guys 1st match is the most important match, this will set the tone for the rest of the season. I need you two to be as brutal as possible, but still have fun out there. Oh and chucky watch your mouth for this one, kids will be reading it.
Chucky: Lady you can suck my little doll ..SLAM!!! Oh what the Fu.. CRACK! SMASH! POOWWW!
Teresa has produced one of those small souvenir bats you get at a baseball game, and she has begun to violently and repeatedly beat chucky in the face and hands with it.
Teresa: So help me God chucky, if you cross me I will transfer your soul into a weeble.
Chucky: You don’t know the spell ya stupid Bi…..
Teresa begins to chant....
Ade Due Damballa. Give me the power, I beg of you!! Leveau mercier du bois chaloitte! Secoise entienne mais pois de morte! Morteisma lieu de vocuier de mieu vochette.
Endelieu pour du boisette Damballa!!!
Chucky: OKAY! OKAY! Just shut up already.
SMASH!
Teresa has added another crack to the dolls already mangled face with her souvenir bat.
Oblivio Enters the apartment and immediately see Ewok child#1 Playing the wii and having the most fun he’s ever had. All the joy in the air sends chucky into a murderous rage. He fly’s over to the small cuddly creature and begins to thrust his favorite little knife into its torso.
Chucky: Heh hahahaha HA!" wait where’s the blood.
Ewok child #1: Hold on ill get you some.
Ewok child#1 Rams his small but deadly flint blade into chucky’s jugular, A high pressure stream of blood paints Josh’s wall’s. Suddenly the Ewok Child is vaporized by a blast from the heavy clone troopers massive blaster. But before the trooper even has time to acquire a new target, Iron man Fly’s right through the kitchen wall and rips the trooper in half, which covers Josh’s living room in blood and excrement. Josh enters to congratulate Iron man on his quick win.
Josh: Hey Congrates on the win, the ewok hologram was genius.
Iron Man: Yea, I know, I am Tony Stark everything I do is genius.
Josh: Yea so Tony Starks insurance should cover these damages right.
Tony Stark: Ha, I didn’t get this rich writing checks buddy.
The Abomitrons are victorious!
Oblivio: All dead
The Abomitrons: Iron man survives
Week 1: Logical Genocide vs. The Untouchables
The Untouchables are: Eclipso
The Battle begins in an unusual way... with a fight over parking... The Eclipso mobile (a 1987 Dodge shadow with heavily tinted windows... of course) is sitting in the only available parking space outside Josh Houslander's palatial apartment.
"Alright this is crap, why on earth did we even drive here? The other teams get 'transported to the battlefield' half the frikkin time..." said Bane.
"Yeah well our Watcher is apparently a lazy dink..." said Sniffles the ewok in an uncharacteristically mean snap.
*OH WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT* said a mysterious voice.
"What the crap was that!?" shouted the small blue creature riding on Bane's shoulder.
"Nevermind that, little one, lets just double park and go inside." Bane said.
So Bane pulled his truck in behind the Eclipsicar and made sure the bumpers were touching before he put it in park and got out.
"Why is she just sitting there?" the blue creature said.
"That's a really good question!" said Sniffles... "lets bust out her friggin windows!"
Normally Bane would be above such petty vandalism but he had a sneaking suspicion what Eclipso was doing...
Bane thumbed the injector buttons on his venom rig and waited for the drugs to kick in.
Eclipso was powerless to stop him as he smashed in all the windows of the car, exposing her to direct sunlight which rendered Eclipso completely powerless.
Bane then easily held her down while Roster Filler Smurf proceeded to beat the supposed superpower to death with a rock.
Logical Genocide is victorious!
Week One: Le Napoleon Brigade VS The Transfoamers
Le Napoleon Brigade : Golden Age Wonder Woman (Hippolyta) and Evil-Lyn
The Transfoamers: James Hetfield (W/Red Lightsaber), Lars Ulrich(W/Halberd), Kirk Hammett (W/Atlas), Jason Newsted (W/Heat Axe), and Zam Wessel
Setting, somewhere around 3am in Josh Houslander’s apartment.
“EXXXXXXXXXIT LIGHT……ENNNNNNTER NIGHT!!!”
“Stop, STOP…Lars goddamit we have been playing this song for 20 years, can’t you keep the beat on it by now .”
Lead singer, James Hetfield, now frustrated from practicing the same song for the last 3 ½ hours shouts gruffly at his long time drummer.
“Shut up James, you aren’t any better than the rest of us, I know how to play the flipping song, and you don’t have to stop every other verse to call me out.” Ulrich quips back
“Boys, boys enough”, former Bassist Jason Newstead, interjects, “ I really do appreciated you boys asking me to come back and play with you here in my home state, I know I never mentioned this before, but it was your constant bickering that caused me to leave this band in the first place.”
Now Enraged, Tired, and frustrated Hetfield slams his guitar to the ground, and rushes toward Newstead, looking to choke him out with the microphone cord, and is just about to reach him, when longtime lead guitarist Kirk Hammett steps in between the two, and exclaims, “Maybe we should call it an evening boys”
“No we are Fu#*!ng Metallica, and we are gonna get this Fu#*!ng song perfect” , Hetfield shoots back. “This is Detroit, Rock City, and this is the 20year anniversary of Enter Sandman, and that Housesitter kid was nice enough to lend us his apartment while he and his kids went down to ‘The National Waffle, Pancakes, and Star Wars Convention’ in Tupelo Mississippi, for the weekend, so we are going to perfect this effing song.
All of a sudden there is a knock at the door. All four boys spring up and head to the door, thinking it could only be the cops at this hour in the morning, and they don’t need any more headaches than the day has already been. Hetfield reaches the door first, swings it open and says, “Sorry oficerrrr Hello!”. On the other side of the door is a stunningly tall ebony haired woman.
“Could you and your boys keep it down, my associate and I traveled a very long way to get here today, and have a lot of work to do, tomorrow and would appreciate if you allowed us to get some sleep.
“Groupies James, Groupies, invite them in, “a little fun” is exactly what I need right now” quips one of the band members behind Hetfield, he doesn’t turn around to identify who it is.
“Boy’s we are only going to ask nicely one more time, and then you will not like the outcome after that.”
“Are you threatening us lady, it’s been a long day for us as well, and now would not be the time to stand there and Idly threaten us. It is not our bands M.O to strike women, but I cannot be held accountable for my actions, with the mood I’m in now.”
For the time being cooler heads prevail and both parties disperse back to their adjoining apartment buildings.
Once safely inside their apartment, Evil-Lyn shoots a stern look in the direction of her associate and quips, “We could have silenced them….FOR GOOD.”
“We must not reveal ourselves to these mortals. That is not what we have been tasked to do”. Hippolyta replies.
“As, you wish, I will then bid you a good night and retire to my room”. Evil-Lyn states as she walks down the hall, however she has other thoughts on her mind. From the time the band next door began practicing that filth, she had been plotting on silencing them forever.
Evil-Lyn sneaks out the bedroom window and walks next door to observe what the band is up to. She notices that they have picked their instruments back up. She also notices a roadie is adjusting the amplifiers, so she feels this is the perfect time to make her move. She raises her wand un unleashes a sonic wave the blows out the picture window she is peering through, and sends all four members of the band, and their roadie flying through the air and crashing through the wall that separates their practice space in the living room, from the kitchen. As the dust settles, the boys realize that with only a couple of scrapes and cuts, they are all still alive. Evil-Lyn steps through the opening where the window used to be and prepares her next move, fully unaware that the band, knowing Detroit’s rough reputation, had packed a few party favors for personal protection. The band emerges from the rubble, four strong, brandishing the weapons they had stored in the kitchen, and ready for battle. Newsted strikes first as he raises his Heat Axe at the sorceress and unleashes a fire ball. The sorceress is easily able block this, and returns with a conjured blast of ice, that freezes Newsted in his tracks.
As the fighting rages on, the roadie emerges from the rubble, and sneaks out the front door, however this is no ordinary roadie. This is the shape shifter Zam Wessell, hired by Metallica to offer personal protection for the band, because again this is Detroit, and you can never be too safe. Zam had observed the earlier confrontation at the front door, and observed the strength and beauty that was Hippolyta, and knew if she became involved in this fight; the boys in the band were in trouble. Zam, grabs a large piece of the blown out window, takes the form of Evil-Lyn and runs next door.
“Hurry...Hippolyta please help. That band is crazy. The kicked out my window and dragged me from my bed, however I was able to summon just enough magic to break free and get to you. We must put these rabid dogs down for good.”
Reluctantly Hippolyta agrees something must now be done. She steps outside and begins to walk next door, to assess just what must be done to rectify this situation. Zam pulls out the concealed shard from the wreckage next door and stabs violently at the massive Amazonian queen. The shard merely glances off the Queen’s girdle, and Hippolyta wheels around in stunned confusion, raises the staff she had grabbed from her appointment, and strikes Zam down on the spot. She then runs into the apartment to find the true from of her companion locked in what is currently a 3 on 1 battle. As she runs in to join the battle, her staff clangs against the now frozen Jason Newstead, and he is shattered into pieces. She takes her place next to Evil-Lyn, and the true battle is now on.
Kirk Hammet is next to act. He grabs his atlas and rushes at Evil-Lyn. While James and Lars decide they are going to play a game of one-uppsmanship against the Amazonian queen. Kirk swings at the sorceress and shatters the crystal ball that she is holding in her hand. He then swings again, and knocks the wand from the Sorceress’ hand. The force of the blow also knocks the sorceress to the ground. He raises his axe and begins to deliver the death blow. As fate would have it, the sorceress wand came to rest only inches from her on the ground, and she is able to conjure one last beam of energy. Almost simultaneously, the sorceresses head, and the guitarist lifeless body fall to the ground.
Lars steps in front of James holding two drumsticks in his hands.
“I see what you are trying to do hear” quips the Hippolyta, “I heard you drumming earlier; it was indeed brutal enough to kill a person”
Enraged, Ulrich fastens the two drumsticks together to form the magical lance “Halbert” and attacks the Amazonian Queen with a series of brutal blows. Some she is able to fend off with her staff, but more than a couple land. The Amazonian Queen is staggered, yet not defeated.
“Step Back Ulrich, and let me show you how a real man does it”, Hetfield states as he pushes his drummer behind him.
Hetfield fires up his lightsaber, and he two exchanges a series of furious blows with Hippolyta, with the same result. He is able to stager the woman, but now take her down.
Perplexed, the two remaining members of Metallica retreat to the bathroom of the apartment.
“NO, absolutely not, that goes against everything I built this band on, I will not do it” Hetfield screams at Ulrich.
“C’Mon James, woman go crazy for that power ballad s*#t. Kirk and Jason are dead, its only you and I, no one will ever know you sang the song but me”
“No I refuse to do it, I just won’t”
“James, we have had our disagreements today, and I know you don’t value my opinion, but this is a matter of life or death.”
“Fine, but if you tell anyone, you won’t have to worry about Life or Death, cuz I will kill you.”
The two immerge from the bathroom; James grabs his guitar and the microphone from the rubble and begins to sing:
“They say Every Rose has its thorn. Just like every night has its dawwwn. Just like every cowboy Sings a sad, sad song. Eve-ry rose has its thorn.”
The sappy power ballad seems to be working, the Amazonian queen seems to be entranced in the grasps of sh**ty music seduction. Lars seizes this opportunity to again rush the queen. He strikes her violently with his lance. The blow knocks the queen backwards and she crashes over a couch. Ulrich is sure he has impaled her and finished her off. So he is stunned when she arises from behind the couch. The queen thrusts hers staff forward, it enters Ulrich’s notoriously big mouth, and exits out the back of his skull, finishing him for good.
What the queen did not realize, is that while the blow from the drummer did not kill her, it did knock off the magical girdle that had kept her safe/alive throughout the course of the match. But while she did not realize this, Hetfield did, and while the queen was finishing off Ulrich, Hetfield had strategically moved behind her, and ignited the Red Lightsaber.
The queen now steps on the throat of the fallen drummer, and slowly removes her staff from his head.
“I can’t believe that because of you, I had to compromise everything I’ve ever done in my entire career”, she hears from behind her. The queen begins to wheel around quickly when it happens. Things quickly go dark, the queen can see her body standing from across the room, and her brain stays active just long enough to see it fall to the floor.
THE TRANSFOAMERS ARE VICTORIOUS.
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