Friday, June 5, 2009
Graveyard Updated
Just to let everyone know, The Fantasy Fantasy Graveyard has been updated with all the latest combatants to fall this season. Feel free to take a look and leave a comment and pay your respects.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Week 1 Consolation Match: Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. The Abomitrons
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Kevin (from Sin City)
The Abomitrons is Robin (Tim Drake)
The Buffalo Wild Wings in Indianapolis isn’t the nicest of bars. It looks as if it has been there for a very long while. It gives off the mystique of an old run down “Hole in the wall bar” with a fresh coat of paint and a brand new BW3 sign on the wall. The ceiling is especially low as well, so the feel of this b-dubs, is not quite like the rest of them. Tim Drake, who is especially used to seedy bars, walks into the establishment with a bit of a chip on his shoulder. He was very disappointed in not making the playoffs for the second year in a row. He is naturally happy with the improvements that were made, but he still expected more out of his squad.
He walks into the bar and whispers to himself, “I can’t believe I’m fighting in another one of these matches again this year”. He still has fond memories of his fight against The Legion of Doom last year, a fight that he was victorious in. The Legion of Doom is now the Annihilation Squad, but he still knows that much of the team is still the same. Tim walks up to the bar to order a beer and is greeted by a good-looking brunette.
“What are drinking?” The brunette asks.
“I’ll take a Captain and Coke”, Drake says back to the waitress whose nametag says something that he doesn’t quite understand.
“What’s your name tag say?” a befuddled Robin asks her.
“It says Princess Lay Me, why?
“Are you seriously asking me why I think your names weird? I mean, it’s not even a joke anymore.” Robin says in an almost offended tone.
“I like to think of it as ironic. Anyways, it made these four retard’s weekend a couple of years ago so I just kept it.” She looks at Tim with a look of contempt on her face and says, “You’re kind of a tough guy huh?
“I guess, I'm just a little on edge is all. I’m waiting for somebody and I’m not quite sure who it is.”
“Well that’s not vague or anything. I guess good luck with that. Here’s your drink, that’ll be…” Just then Princess Lay Me let’s out a terrible scream as blood begins to poor out of her mouth. As Drake had been talking to the bar maid, Kevin had jumped behind the bar and jammed his razor sharp fingernails into the back of the moderately attractive brunette. She then fell to the ground and was silenced for good. Kevin stared back at Robin with a sick smile on his face as he licked a small amount of blood from his finger.
“Oh you sick Mother F*$#%@, you need to die like right now.” Tim then down’s his Captain and Coke and throws the glass right at Kevin. The glass hits him directly in the face, cutting him up, but not actually affecting him in anyway.
“ “ Kevin says
“That’s right, I’ve heard about you. No talking son of a b*$! %. I hated you in Sin City.” After Tim realizes whom he is fighting, he decides not to just jump in do something rash. He remembers that Kevin is amazing at martial arts and therefore will need to avoid getting close to him. He decides to pick up a chair from a nearby table and throw it into the mirror that is behind the bar. The mirror shatters into a million pieces and takes nearly every bottle of liquor with it. The back of the bar is now soaked with alcohol, along with Kevin who has now jumped over the bar and is racing towards Robin. Robin has to act fast as he knows he will most likely lose a hand-to-hand fight.
Drake then grabs a book of matches off a table and ignites them. He then throws it at the back of the bar and it immediately goes up in flames. This stops Kevin for only a fraction of a second as he is running towards Robin, but to his surprise, Robin runs toward him and jumps behind the inferno that once was a bar. Kevin stands there for a moment completely puzzled by this chain of events. He isn’t quite sure what to do now, as he is thinking that his opponent has possibly just killed himself. Kevin then back’s up just a bit when he hears the voice of his opponent.
“Hey a*$hole, the glass to the face was for killing the girl, this on the other hand is simply just for you.” Kevin then feels something puncture his stomach and is quickly brought towards the fire. Robin then tears the hook out of his stomach, re-cock’s the grabbling gun’s hook and shoots it directly into the face of Kevin. He then pick’s up his body and throws him back behind the bar to let the fire take care of the rest.
Drake then wipes off his face, walks outside and hail’s a taxi. When the taxi pulls up to him the cabbie asks, “Where to?”
“Take me to the nastiest joint in town”.
“Not a problem sir. I know just the place you’re looking for.”
The Abomitrons are Victorious!
The Abomitrons is Robin (Tim Drake)
The Buffalo Wild Wings in Indianapolis isn’t the nicest of bars. It looks as if it has been there for a very long while. It gives off the mystique of an old run down “Hole in the wall bar” with a fresh coat of paint and a brand new BW3 sign on the wall. The ceiling is especially low as well, so the feel of this b-dubs, is not quite like the rest of them. Tim Drake, who is especially used to seedy bars, walks into the establishment with a bit of a chip on his shoulder. He was very disappointed in not making the playoffs for the second year in a row. He is naturally happy with the improvements that were made, but he still expected more out of his squad.
He walks into the bar and whispers to himself, “I can’t believe I’m fighting in another one of these matches again this year”. He still has fond memories of his fight against The Legion of Doom last year, a fight that he was victorious in. The Legion of Doom is now the Annihilation Squad, but he still knows that much of the team is still the same. Tim walks up to the bar to order a beer and is greeted by a good-looking brunette.
“What are drinking?” The brunette asks.
“I’ll take a Captain and Coke”, Drake says back to the waitress whose nametag says something that he doesn’t quite understand.
“What’s your name tag say?” a befuddled Robin asks her.
“It says Princess Lay Me, why?
“Are you seriously asking me why I think your names weird? I mean, it’s not even a joke anymore.” Robin says in an almost offended tone.
“I like to think of it as ironic. Anyways, it made these four retard’s weekend a couple of years ago so I just kept it.” She looks at Tim with a look of contempt on her face and says, “You’re kind of a tough guy huh?
“I guess, I'm just a little on edge is all. I’m waiting for somebody and I’m not quite sure who it is.”
“Well that’s not vague or anything. I guess good luck with that. Here’s your drink, that’ll be…” Just then Princess Lay Me let’s out a terrible scream as blood begins to poor out of her mouth. As Drake had been talking to the bar maid, Kevin had jumped behind the bar and jammed his razor sharp fingernails into the back of the moderately attractive brunette. She then fell to the ground and was silenced for good. Kevin stared back at Robin with a sick smile on his face as he licked a small amount of blood from his finger.
“Oh you sick Mother F*$#%@, you need to die like right now.” Tim then down’s his Captain and Coke and throws the glass right at Kevin. The glass hits him directly in the face, cutting him up, but not actually affecting him in anyway.
“ “ Kevin says
“That’s right, I’ve heard about you. No talking son of a b*$! %. I hated you in Sin City.” After Tim realizes whom he is fighting, he decides not to just jump in do something rash. He remembers that Kevin is amazing at martial arts and therefore will need to avoid getting close to him. He decides to pick up a chair from a nearby table and throw it into the mirror that is behind the bar. The mirror shatters into a million pieces and takes nearly every bottle of liquor with it. The back of the bar is now soaked with alcohol, along with Kevin who has now jumped over the bar and is racing towards Robin. Robin has to act fast as he knows he will most likely lose a hand-to-hand fight.
Drake then grabs a book of matches off a table and ignites them. He then throws it at the back of the bar and it immediately goes up in flames. This stops Kevin for only a fraction of a second as he is running towards Robin, but to his surprise, Robin runs toward him and jumps behind the inferno that once was a bar. Kevin stands there for a moment completely puzzled by this chain of events. He isn’t quite sure what to do now, as he is thinking that his opponent has possibly just killed himself. Kevin then back’s up just a bit when he hears the voice of his opponent.
“Hey a*$hole, the glass to the face was for killing the girl, this on the other hand is simply just for you.” Kevin then feels something puncture his stomach and is quickly brought towards the fire. Robin then tears the hook out of his stomach, re-cock’s the grabbling gun’s hook and shoots it directly into the face of Kevin. He then pick’s up his body and throws him back behind the bar to let the fire take care of the rest.
Drake then wipes off his face, walks outside and hail’s a taxi. When the taxi pulls up to him the cabbie asks, “Where to?”
“Take me to the nastiest joint in town”.
“Not a problem sir. I know just the place you’re looking for.”
The Abomitrons are Victorious!
Week 1 Consolation Match: Alice's Wonder Team vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Alexander the Great on Buchephalus and Gwildor.
Alice’s Wonder Team is Goblin #2-5.
Goblin’s #2-5 walk into the bar and are instantly met by looks of disgust by everyone in the restaurant.
“I really hate that everyone is so racist against us. I don’t understand why they say there is equal rights in this country when anytime we go anywhere, we are met with such hatred and bigotry.” Goblin #5 says to his fellow comrades.
“Well it could be the fact that we look like the inside of a cow’s a*#hole.” Goblin #4 says.
“Or it could be the fact that we will literally eat anything we want. You know, kind of like this”. Goblin #3 then takes his spear and stabs an unsuspecting patron in the back of their head and begins to chew on the flesh that has comes out of it. The bar naturally becomes complete chaos as everyone in the bar evacuates as quickly as possible.
“Now why would you do that? Just feeding the stereotype so everyone will continue to hate us.” Goblin #5 says to Goblin #3.
“Would you all please shut up, we need to win this match.” Goblin #2 sternly says to his teammates. “We’ve had a hard enough season without the three of you bickering back and fourth.”
“Well I’m sorry that I feel so strongly about the equality of the races. Maybe next time I’ll ask to be played with someone more on par with my ideals.”
“That’s it #5, I’ve had enough of your…” Goblin #3 is then interrupted by some very loud noises and the sudden appearance of a small dwarf and Colin Farrell on a horse.
“Well boys, looks like Colin’s gonna meet his doom tonight.” Goblin #4 says to his teammates.
“That’s not Colin Farrell you fools, that’s..”
“Alexander The Great if you were wondering. Now lay down your weapons and just let me kill you now. It will be a much more honorable way to die.”
“That’s what I was about to say, excuse you for interrupting” Goblin #5 says this and is instantly stabbed through the back by Goblin #4. #5 drops to the ground, dead on contact.
“That ought to shut him up for a while, now let’s go kick us some Macedonian butt”.
“Did somebody say something about a butt?” Alexander says as Gwildor looks back at him with a look of disgust.
“Concentrate Alexander, we must concentrate on winning this match.” Gwildor says.
“Fine my little friend, we shall dispatch of these foul enemies at once.” Alexander then takes his horse Buchephalus outside of the bar, leaving Gwildor alone with the remaining Goblin’s. The Goblin’s quickly surround the small fighter but before they can even understand what is going on, they are transported outside of the bar with Alexander. Gwildor had used the cosmic key to move his opponents outside of the bar to give them the advantage. You see, the ceilings in the bar were far to small to hold Alexander and Buchephalus, therefore taking away any benefit he may have had riding the mighty steed.
“Where the hell are we?” Goblin #4 says to his teammates.
“Were outside of the bar.” # 3 says to #4.
“Well, how the hell did we get here?” #4 says to #3.
“I don’t know, I guess with magic.” #3 says to #4.
“They played a wizard in a small point week, that’s bulls$%^” #4 says to #3.
“I agree, now let’s shut up and try not to die” As #3 says this he is stabbed through the back of the neck by Alexander’s sword.
“Easier said then done.” Goblin #4 says to Goblin #2.
“Shut up and fight you fool. Maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation if you hadn’t killed #5.” Goblin #2 says to #4.
“Oh like he was going to help us fight, I heard he is starting his very own anti-war campaign for the Fantasy Fantasy league. Could you imagine that, matches with nothing but people talking about useless things and no fighting whatsoever?”
“Yeah, I can’t imagine what that would be like” Goblin #2 says this and looks directly at me, as if he knows I’m watching.
Gwildor and Alexander are just standing there looking at each other.
“Alexander sir, I had no idea Goblin’s were this talkative. It’s no wonder they lost the battle of middle earth, they act like a bunch of teenage girls.” Gwildor says to the towering Alexander.
“Yes my wee little friend, it is a wonder they won a single battle. Now Gwildor, make your magic light stick make some noise so we can finish this pointless battle off once and for all.”
“Yes sir” As Gwildor says this, he makes the cosmic key play music very loud, which once again distracts his opponents. This time Goblin #2 is not fooled though, as he takes he spear and throws it directly through Gwildor’s cosmic key, destroying it completely. Gwildor then looks up at Alexander as if he doesn’t know what to do next. Before he can even ask the question though, he is run through with the spear of Goblin #4, killing him instantly.
“You shall pay for that my ugly foe, prepare to meet your maker.” Alexander says to Goblin #4.
“Are you sure that is Alexander the Great, because it sounds a lot like Cary Elwes in the Princess Bride.” Goblin #4 says to #2 right before he is decapitated by that crazy Macedonian on the horse. Alexander then charges towards Goblin #2 but is unable to get near him as he has made a mad dash back into the bar. Goblin #2 knows that his best bet is running in the bar where Alexander will most likely not go.
“Get off of that horse Alexander and fight me like a man.” Goblin #2 says tauntingly to Alexander.
“Why should I fight you like a man when you are nothing but a disgrace to nature.” Alexander proclaims to Goblin #2, knowing that his insult with not fall on deaf ears.
“That’s it you arrogant sack of s#*%, prepare to eat spear B*$%#.” Goblin #2 then rushes out of the bar and is met by an unmounted Buchephalus. “What the hell?” Goblin #2 then looks down and realizes that he has a sword sticking out of his stomach. Alexander, who is naturally standing behind the Goblin then pulls his sword out of his back and kick’s him to the ground.
“I told you to surrender fair Goblin. Now your death shall be a long and arduous one.”
“Fair Goblin, Long and Arduous, give me a break Westley.” Goblin #2 says to the man who is about to end his life. “Please, just kill me now before I have to do it myself.”
“Not a problem”, Alexander then finishes the Goblin off with a quick kick to the head, smashing his ugly skull down onto his now dead brain.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Victorious!
Alice’s Wonder Team is Goblin #2-5.
Goblin’s #2-5 walk into the bar and are instantly met by looks of disgust by everyone in the restaurant.
“I really hate that everyone is so racist against us. I don’t understand why they say there is equal rights in this country when anytime we go anywhere, we are met with such hatred and bigotry.” Goblin #5 says to his fellow comrades.
“Well it could be the fact that we look like the inside of a cow’s a*#hole.” Goblin #4 says.
“Or it could be the fact that we will literally eat anything we want. You know, kind of like this”. Goblin #3 then takes his spear and stabs an unsuspecting patron in the back of their head and begins to chew on the flesh that has comes out of it. The bar naturally becomes complete chaos as everyone in the bar evacuates as quickly as possible.
“Now why would you do that? Just feeding the stereotype so everyone will continue to hate us.” Goblin #5 says to Goblin #3.
“Would you all please shut up, we need to win this match.” Goblin #2 sternly says to his teammates. “We’ve had a hard enough season without the three of you bickering back and fourth.”
“Well I’m sorry that I feel so strongly about the equality of the races. Maybe next time I’ll ask to be played with someone more on par with my ideals.”
“That’s it #5, I’ve had enough of your…” Goblin #3 is then interrupted by some very loud noises and the sudden appearance of a small dwarf and Colin Farrell on a horse.
“Well boys, looks like Colin’s gonna meet his doom tonight.” Goblin #4 says to his teammates.
“That’s not Colin Farrell you fools, that’s..”
“Alexander The Great if you were wondering. Now lay down your weapons and just let me kill you now. It will be a much more honorable way to die.”
“That’s what I was about to say, excuse you for interrupting” Goblin #5 says this and is instantly stabbed through the back by Goblin #4. #5 drops to the ground, dead on contact.
“That ought to shut him up for a while, now let’s go kick us some Macedonian butt”.
“Did somebody say something about a butt?” Alexander says as Gwildor looks back at him with a look of disgust.
“Concentrate Alexander, we must concentrate on winning this match.” Gwildor says.
“Fine my little friend, we shall dispatch of these foul enemies at once.” Alexander then takes his horse Buchephalus outside of the bar, leaving Gwildor alone with the remaining Goblin’s. The Goblin’s quickly surround the small fighter but before they can even understand what is going on, they are transported outside of the bar with Alexander. Gwildor had used the cosmic key to move his opponents outside of the bar to give them the advantage. You see, the ceilings in the bar were far to small to hold Alexander and Buchephalus, therefore taking away any benefit he may have had riding the mighty steed.
“Where the hell are we?” Goblin #4 says to his teammates.
“Were outside of the bar.” # 3 says to #4.
“Well, how the hell did we get here?” #4 says to #3.
“I don’t know, I guess with magic.” #3 says to #4.
“They played a wizard in a small point week, that’s bulls$%^” #4 says to #3.
“I agree, now let’s shut up and try not to die” As #3 says this he is stabbed through the back of the neck by Alexander’s sword.
“Easier said then done.” Goblin #4 says to Goblin #2.
“Shut up and fight you fool. Maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation if you hadn’t killed #5.” Goblin #2 says to #4.
“Oh like he was going to help us fight, I heard he is starting his very own anti-war campaign for the Fantasy Fantasy league. Could you imagine that, matches with nothing but people talking about useless things and no fighting whatsoever?”
“Yeah, I can’t imagine what that would be like” Goblin #2 says this and looks directly at me, as if he knows I’m watching.
Gwildor and Alexander are just standing there looking at each other.
“Alexander sir, I had no idea Goblin’s were this talkative. It’s no wonder they lost the battle of middle earth, they act like a bunch of teenage girls.” Gwildor says to the towering Alexander.
“Yes my wee little friend, it is a wonder they won a single battle. Now Gwildor, make your magic light stick make some noise so we can finish this pointless battle off once and for all.”
“Yes sir” As Gwildor says this, he makes the cosmic key play music very loud, which once again distracts his opponents. This time Goblin #2 is not fooled though, as he takes he spear and throws it directly through Gwildor’s cosmic key, destroying it completely. Gwildor then looks up at Alexander as if he doesn’t know what to do next. Before he can even ask the question though, he is run through with the spear of Goblin #4, killing him instantly.
“You shall pay for that my ugly foe, prepare to meet your maker.” Alexander says to Goblin #4.
“Are you sure that is Alexander the Great, because it sounds a lot like Cary Elwes in the Princess Bride.” Goblin #4 says to #2 right before he is decapitated by that crazy Macedonian on the horse. Alexander then charges towards Goblin #2 but is unable to get near him as he has made a mad dash back into the bar. Goblin #2 knows that his best bet is running in the bar where Alexander will most likely not go.
“Get off of that horse Alexander and fight me like a man.” Goblin #2 says tauntingly to Alexander.
“Why should I fight you like a man when you are nothing but a disgrace to nature.” Alexander proclaims to Goblin #2, knowing that his insult with not fall on deaf ears.
“That’s it you arrogant sack of s#*%, prepare to eat spear B*$%#.” Goblin #2 then rushes out of the bar and is met by an unmounted Buchephalus. “What the hell?” Goblin #2 then looks down and realizes that he has a sword sticking out of his stomach. Alexander, who is naturally standing behind the Goblin then pulls his sword out of his back and kick’s him to the ground.
“I told you to surrender fair Goblin. Now your death shall be a long and arduous one.”
“Fair Goblin, Long and Arduous, give me a break Westley.” Goblin #2 says to the man who is about to end his life. “Please, just kill me now before I have to do it myself.”
“Not a problem”, Alexander then finishes the Goblin off with a quick kick to the head, smashing his ugly skull down onto his now dead brain.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Victorious!
Week 1 Consolation Match: Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies vs. Built Ford Tough
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Speedy Gonzalez, Aunt May, Ron Popeil, Mystery Inc.: Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, Scooby-Doo & Scooby Dumb.
Built Ford Tough is Indiana Jones.
“Drinks are on me Scoob’s.” An already intoxicated Shaggy says to his best friend in the world, Scooby Doo.
“Right on, Raggy” Scooby says back to his best bud. The whole gang has been at the bar for several hours, which means that they are all at least a bit tipsy. Fred has been trying to make a move a Daphne all night but has not been able to get her attention away from Indiana Jones. That’s right, Indiana Jones is sitting down with the Murderflies for the past three hours and it doesn’t look like anything is going to happen anytime soon either. You see, about three hours ago both teams showed up and Indiana Jones was getting ready to fight Fred when Shaggy jumped in between the two of them and asked them to talk about it first. This went on for a couple of minutes before Indiana noticed Daphne standing behind Fred holding an ice cold Budweiser. Before I knew what was going on, Indiana and Daphne were sitting in the corner talking and the rest of the group was getting drunker by the minute. Speedy Gonzalez looks more like Slowy Hernandez as he is literally swimming in Scooby and Shaggy's pitcher of beer.
I think the most disturbing thing that has happened so far was watching Velma make a move on Aunt May, which ultimately lead to Velma giving Aunt May possibly the most revolting kiss I have ever seen. Velma then passed out under the table and Aunt May has been in the bathroom ever since. The only person who has really been doing anything thus far has been Ron Popeil, who has been over by the DJ trying to figure out a way to turn the stereo system into some sort noise cannon. To tell you the truth, I don’t really think he knows what he is talking about. Watching him talk to the DJ about it is quite amusing though. If he doesn’t know what he is talking about, he sure as hell thinks he does.
Aunt May just walked out of the bathroom and is tentatively walking around, probably trying to avoid being seen by Velma. Scooby Dumb has now walked up to Aunt May and it looks like he is telling her that Velma is passed out because she looks a bit relieved and is once again making her way back to the table. Fred is so pathetic looking right now, he might as well be crying into his beer. Why doesn’t he just man up, oh wait a second; Yeah, I’ll take another tallboy and the pulled pork sandwich on rye. Um, yeah, I guess I’ll take fries with that. Sorry about that, what was I saying, oh yeah, Fred. Come on dude, man up for once.
Ten Minutes Later
Wow, that’s good. It’s so cold; it’s almost too cold.
Twenty Minutes Later
Um that’s good. I wonder what kind of BBQ sauce they use hear, it’s so good.
Fourty Five Minutes Later
Wow this is boring, oh wait I think Velma just woke up. Oh, no she didn’t. Scooby just accidentally kicked her, never mind.
Two Hours and Thirty Minutes Later
Are you kidding me, you call that a foul. Jesus, I guess just breathing on Kobe is foul. Yeah, just try convincing me this sport isn’t fixed.
Three Hour Later
Sorry I dozed off there for a second. I was in the bathroom a little while back and Indiana and Daphne were making out. It was pretty nasty as the two of them are completely wasted. Though I will admit that Daphne is retarded hot, even when she has an old man slobbering all over her. When I say nothing is happening I mean that nothing is happening. I honestly don’t think this is ever going to go anywhere. Fred has left the table and is now trying to talk to this dude at the bar. Velma is still passed out under the table where Scooby Dumb and Speedy Gonzalez are now sleeping next to her. Aunt May has joined Ron Popeil over by the DJ’s booth and Scooby and Shaggy are on their tenth pitcher of beer and have eaten at least fifty wings each. Still no sign of Indiana and Daphne, but I can only assume what they are doing to each other in the bathroom.
Three Hours and Ten minutes Later
The old man and the tramp just walked out of the bathroom together, this place is so trashy.
Three Hours and Fourty Five Minutes Later
I think I’m just going to leave and lie about what I saw. I can’t take this anymore.
Four Hour and Seven Minutes Later
Remember what I said about Ron Popeil trying to turn the sound system into a noise cannon, well, he kind of did and he killed everyone in the bar. Except of course for himself, Aunt May and the DJ. They were behind him so they weren’t affected by the blast. Actually, I guess that means the beer’s are on Ron tonight, so it wasn’t a total loss. Okay, I’m outta here. Thanks for wasting your time with me. See ya.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious (If that is what you want to call it)!
Built Ford Tough is Indiana Jones.
“Drinks are on me Scoob’s.” An already intoxicated Shaggy says to his best friend in the world, Scooby Doo.
“Right on, Raggy” Scooby says back to his best bud. The whole gang has been at the bar for several hours, which means that they are all at least a bit tipsy. Fred has been trying to make a move a Daphne all night but has not been able to get her attention away from Indiana Jones. That’s right, Indiana Jones is sitting down with the Murderflies for the past three hours and it doesn’t look like anything is going to happen anytime soon either. You see, about three hours ago both teams showed up and Indiana Jones was getting ready to fight Fred when Shaggy jumped in between the two of them and asked them to talk about it first. This went on for a couple of minutes before Indiana noticed Daphne standing behind Fred holding an ice cold Budweiser. Before I knew what was going on, Indiana and Daphne were sitting in the corner talking and the rest of the group was getting drunker by the minute. Speedy Gonzalez looks more like Slowy Hernandez as he is literally swimming in Scooby and Shaggy's pitcher of beer.
I think the most disturbing thing that has happened so far was watching Velma make a move on Aunt May, which ultimately lead to Velma giving Aunt May possibly the most revolting kiss I have ever seen. Velma then passed out under the table and Aunt May has been in the bathroom ever since. The only person who has really been doing anything thus far has been Ron Popeil, who has been over by the DJ trying to figure out a way to turn the stereo system into some sort noise cannon. To tell you the truth, I don’t really think he knows what he is talking about. Watching him talk to the DJ about it is quite amusing though. If he doesn’t know what he is talking about, he sure as hell thinks he does.
Aunt May just walked out of the bathroom and is tentatively walking around, probably trying to avoid being seen by Velma. Scooby Dumb has now walked up to Aunt May and it looks like he is telling her that Velma is passed out because she looks a bit relieved and is once again making her way back to the table. Fred is so pathetic looking right now, he might as well be crying into his beer. Why doesn’t he just man up, oh wait a second; Yeah, I’ll take another tallboy and the pulled pork sandwich on rye. Um, yeah, I guess I’ll take fries with that. Sorry about that, what was I saying, oh yeah, Fred. Come on dude, man up for once.
Ten Minutes Later
Wow, that’s good. It’s so cold; it’s almost too cold.
Twenty Minutes Later
Um that’s good. I wonder what kind of BBQ sauce they use hear, it’s so good.
Fourty Five Minutes Later
Wow this is boring, oh wait I think Velma just woke up. Oh, no she didn’t. Scooby just accidentally kicked her, never mind.
Two Hours and Thirty Minutes Later
Are you kidding me, you call that a foul. Jesus, I guess just breathing on Kobe is foul. Yeah, just try convincing me this sport isn’t fixed.
Three Hour Later
Sorry I dozed off there for a second. I was in the bathroom a little while back and Indiana and Daphne were making out. It was pretty nasty as the two of them are completely wasted. Though I will admit that Daphne is retarded hot, even when she has an old man slobbering all over her. When I say nothing is happening I mean that nothing is happening. I honestly don’t think this is ever going to go anywhere. Fred has left the table and is now trying to talk to this dude at the bar. Velma is still passed out under the table where Scooby Dumb and Speedy Gonzalez are now sleeping next to her. Aunt May has joined Ron Popeil over by the DJ’s booth and Scooby and Shaggy are on their tenth pitcher of beer and have eaten at least fifty wings each. Still no sign of Indiana and Daphne, but I can only assume what they are doing to each other in the bathroom.
Three Hours and Ten minutes Later
The old man and the tramp just walked out of the bathroom together, this place is so trashy.
Three Hours and Fourty Five Minutes Later
I think I’m just going to leave and lie about what I saw. I can’t take this anymore.
Four Hour and Seven Minutes Later
Remember what I said about Ron Popeil trying to turn the sound system into a noise cannon, well, he kind of did and he killed everyone in the bar. Except of course for himself, Aunt May and the DJ. They were behind him so they weren’t affected by the blast. Actually, I guess that means the beer’s are on Ron tonight, so it wasn’t a total loss. Okay, I’m outta here. Thanks for wasting your time with me. See ya.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious (If that is what you want to call it)!
Week 1 Consolation Match: The Syracuse Valley vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
The Syracuse Valley is Bossk
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Michael Vick, Brandon Inge, Justin “The Golden Boy” Oblak and Treasure Troll #25.
“Cause I’m a cowbay, badass in black, singing hey, hey, hey, hey. From side to side, from front to back singing hey, hey, hey, hey.”
“Hell yeah Golden Boy, sing that S%*#.” A very drunk and happy Brandon Inge says to Justin Oblak as he is singing in front of the entire bar. When the song end’s Justin walks back to the table where Brandon Inge, Treasure Troll #25 and two girls named Tracy and Reagan are sitting.
“Come on man, drink up. You deserve it after the night you just had.” Brandon says to Justin who has a look on his face like he knows what’s up.
“What happened to you guys? Tracy says to the boys.
“Yeah, why are you all hot and sweaty? A doe eyed and drunk Reagan remarked.
“Well, girls, you just so happen to be sitting with three pretty amazing guys. I mean, I usually only speak for myself when I say this, but tonight you are sitting with greatness.” Brandon Inge says as his female admirers looked on in awe. “You see, we won a battle tonight and if I do say so myself, it was one for the ages.”
Reagan looks right at Brandon with not an ounce of irony in her voice and says, “Wow, what happened?”
“Well, this dude named Bossk walked in and we totally kicked his a##. It was sweet.” An incredibly plain sounding Brandon Inge said to the girls.
Justin looks at Brandon and said, “Really, that’s it? What are you the worst storyteller of all time? Come on man, there was more to it than that. Let me tell it”.
“Fine Jules Verne, weave us a fancy fable”
“Jules Verne, what are you talking about?”
“Whatever dude, just tell the story”
“Alright, so Brandon, Quarter size over here and our main dawg Vick come walking in this place like we own it, you know, because we do. Then all of a sudden this ugly as sin dude comes walking in here like “He own’s the place” and were all like “No way man, this place is ours” and he’s all like “I own this place man”, except that he doesn’t speak English or anything so we don’t actually know what he’s saying so it’s more like “Rub mrrf hrlk brfffffffff.” We hear him spouting off like this and Michael’s like, “We gotta put this dog down like it’s a hot night in July” and Brandy and I are like “Oh hellz yeah, Vickers, this dog is dog meat.” Then this dude pulls out this gun and starts shooting at us like we were doing something, so we immediately go into “No Mercy” mode, which basically means if you’re anyone but us, life’s about to suck really bad. Then the next thing we know, Bossk walks past us and starts shooting these dudes behind us and we’re like “Hey reptile face, how bout you fight someone your own size”. Then Michael attacks the dude from behind by smashing this chair on him. The dude gets up of course and shoots Mike in the grill, because you know, it was a good move. Then Brandon and I are already on top of things and have come up with this bada$$ plan to win. The next thing you know, Brandon and I are taking this dude down and I am holding his gun to his face and I say “Any last words sucker” and of course since he doesn’t talk English I just blow his face off and Brandon and I own the bar again.”
“That’s amazing, you are both so brave” a star struck Tracy says to Justin. Both her and Reagan are in awe of these two powerful men, men that they hope to have a future with later on in the night.
Treasure Troll #25 is sitting back listening to the story and laughing.
“What’s up quarter sized, that story was the s*#%, aight!” Justin says to the Treasure Troll.
“Yeah, something like that. Okay girls, now that Kevin J. Anderson and Brian Herbert are done with their stories, would you like to hear what actually happened?” TT #25 says to the brain dead duo of Tracy and Reagan.
“Yeah, I love stories”
“Wow, it literally feel’s like I’m staring at a dog when I talk to the two of you.” TT #25 says to the girls, who just smile back at him.
“Anyways, so the four of us walk into this bar and Justin and Brandon are of course acting completely obnoxious, which naturally draws every bit of attention in the bar towards us. They of course take this as if the bar is bowing down to their greatness, when in reality they just look like a couple of a$$es. So now were in this bar and everyone is staring at us, Michael is really embarrassed and trying to get ready for the match. Brandon and Justin are up at the bar drinking while Michael and I are sitting in the corner wondering who we are supposed to fight. Then out of the corner of my eye I see this table of Storm Troopers drinking beer. I tell Michael this and he tells me that there is a Star Wars Convention is in town this weekend and they are just regular people. I’m still a little weary so I convince him to take me over there to make sure. Naturally he was correct as we talked to the guys for a couple of minutes about the convention. Then out of the blue, this ugly reptile-looking guy walks in and starts speaking this weird language. The guys at the table wearing the Storm Trooper gear tell us that he speaks perfect Trandoshian, the language of Bossk, the bounty hunter. We quickly realize that this Bossk is our actual enemy and we tell the Storm Troopers to take cover, as this is the actual Bossk, not a dude in a suit like them.
They naturally don’t believe us and start to signal over to him because they wanted to check his costume out. Michael and I then go over to Justin and Brandon to tell them what is going on but before we can even tell them our plan, these two geniuses are screaming at the bounty hunter trying to get his attention. Luckily for them, the Storm Troopers are much more enthusiastic about seeing him and he pulls out his gun and starts shooting at the Storm Troopers because for some reason he thinks they are taunting them. Then Michael looked at me and said, “We better put this guy down like a dog on a hot July night”. So the two of us walk over to the table nearby and Michael grabs a chair. He then smashes it on Bossk’s back, which makes him drop his gun. Michael then proceeds to beat Bossk with the small pieces of wood but before he can do anything about it, Bossk had picked his gun back up and shot Michael directly in the face. I then fell down to the ground with Michael, as he had been holding me this entire time. Then in the frenzy that followed, a group of Jedi’s that were sitting at the other end of the bar came over and rushed the bounty hunter. Then there was this big commotion. I could hear gunfire and Brandon screaming something about dog meat. Bossk was on the ground by this time and three of the four fake Jedi’s were dead on the ground. Fortunately for Brandon and Justin, the fourth fake Jedi had managed to knock him down to the ground. Which, by this time Justin had grabbed the gun out of his hand and said whatever ridiculous thing he said to him before he killed him. So yes, technically Justin killed Bossk, but it was by dumb luck, nothing else.”
“Yeah, whatever Moby Dick” Justin said to Treasure Troll #25.
“Don’t you mean Herman Melville? Moby Dick was a book” TT #25 says back to “The Golden Boy”
“Yeah, whatever Charles Dickens. Hey girls, how bout you come with us and find out why they call us “The Golden Boys”. Justin says to the girls as they get up in excitement.
Treasure Troll #25 looks at Justin and Brandon in utter revulsion and says, “That doesn’t even make sense and sense when are you both the “Golden Boys”. I can’t believe Michael Vick is the most normal one on this team.”
Treasure Troll #25 then climbs his way up to the bar and sits in disgust as Brandon and Justin dance some truly terrible dance moves with the brain trust known as Tracy and Reagan.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Victorious!
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Michael Vick, Brandon Inge, Justin “The Golden Boy” Oblak and Treasure Troll #25.
“Cause I’m a cowbay, badass in black, singing hey, hey, hey, hey. From side to side, from front to back singing hey, hey, hey, hey.”
“Hell yeah Golden Boy, sing that S%*#.” A very drunk and happy Brandon Inge says to Justin Oblak as he is singing in front of the entire bar. When the song end’s Justin walks back to the table where Brandon Inge, Treasure Troll #25 and two girls named Tracy and Reagan are sitting.
“Come on man, drink up. You deserve it after the night you just had.” Brandon says to Justin who has a look on his face like he knows what’s up.
“What happened to you guys? Tracy says to the boys.
“Yeah, why are you all hot and sweaty? A doe eyed and drunk Reagan remarked.
“Well, girls, you just so happen to be sitting with three pretty amazing guys. I mean, I usually only speak for myself when I say this, but tonight you are sitting with greatness.” Brandon Inge says as his female admirers looked on in awe. “You see, we won a battle tonight and if I do say so myself, it was one for the ages.”
Reagan looks right at Brandon with not an ounce of irony in her voice and says, “Wow, what happened?”
“Well, this dude named Bossk walked in and we totally kicked his a##. It was sweet.” An incredibly plain sounding Brandon Inge said to the girls.
Justin looks at Brandon and said, “Really, that’s it? What are you the worst storyteller of all time? Come on man, there was more to it than that. Let me tell it”.
“Fine Jules Verne, weave us a fancy fable”
“Jules Verne, what are you talking about?”
“Whatever dude, just tell the story”
“Alright, so Brandon, Quarter size over here and our main dawg Vick come walking in this place like we own it, you know, because we do. Then all of a sudden this ugly as sin dude comes walking in here like “He own’s the place” and were all like “No way man, this place is ours” and he’s all like “I own this place man”, except that he doesn’t speak English or anything so we don’t actually know what he’s saying so it’s more like “Rub mrrf hrlk brfffffffff.” We hear him spouting off like this and Michael’s like, “We gotta put this dog down like it’s a hot night in July” and Brandy and I are like “Oh hellz yeah, Vickers, this dog is dog meat.” Then this dude pulls out this gun and starts shooting at us like we were doing something, so we immediately go into “No Mercy” mode, which basically means if you’re anyone but us, life’s about to suck really bad. Then the next thing we know, Bossk walks past us and starts shooting these dudes behind us and we’re like “Hey reptile face, how bout you fight someone your own size”. Then Michael attacks the dude from behind by smashing this chair on him. The dude gets up of course and shoots Mike in the grill, because you know, it was a good move. Then Brandon and I are already on top of things and have come up with this bada$$ plan to win. The next thing you know, Brandon and I are taking this dude down and I am holding his gun to his face and I say “Any last words sucker” and of course since he doesn’t talk English I just blow his face off and Brandon and I own the bar again.”
“That’s amazing, you are both so brave” a star struck Tracy says to Justin. Both her and Reagan are in awe of these two powerful men, men that they hope to have a future with later on in the night.
Treasure Troll #25 is sitting back listening to the story and laughing.
“What’s up quarter sized, that story was the s*#%, aight!” Justin says to the Treasure Troll.
“Yeah, something like that. Okay girls, now that Kevin J. Anderson and Brian Herbert are done with their stories, would you like to hear what actually happened?” TT #25 says to the brain dead duo of Tracy and Reagan.
“Yeah, I love stories”
“Wow, it literally feel’s like I’m staring at a dog when I talk to the two of you.” TT #25 says to the girls, who just smile back at him.
“Anyways, so the four of us walk into this bar and Justin and Brandon are of course acting completely obnoxious, which naturally draws every bit of attention in the bar towards us. They of course take this as if the bar is bowing down to their greatness, when in reality they just look like a couple of a$$es. So now were in this bar and everyone is staring at us, Michael is really embarrassed and trying to get ready for the match. Brandon and Justin are up at the bar drinking while Michael and I are sitting in the corner wondering who we are supposed to fight. Then out of the corner of my eye I see this table of Storm Troopers drinking beer. I tell Michael this and he tells me that there is a Star Wars Convention is in town this weekend and they are just regular people. I’m still a little weary so I convince him to take me over there to make sure. Naturally he was correct as we talked to the guys for a couple of minutes about the convention. Then out of the blue, this ugly reptile-looking guy walks in and starts speaking this weird language. The guys at the table wearing the Storm Trooper gear tell us that he speaks perfect Trandoshian, the language of Bossk, the bounty hunter. We quickly realize that this Bossk is our actual enemy and we tell the Storm Troopers to take cover, as this is the actual Bossk, not a dude in a suit like them.
They naturally don’t believe us and start to signal over to him because they wanted to check his costume out. Michael and I then go over to Justin and Brandon to tell them what is going on but before we can even tell them our plan, these two geniuses are screaming at the bounty hunter trying to get his attention. Luckily for them, the Storm Troopers are much more enthusiastic about seeing him and he pulls out his gun and starts shooting at the Storm Troopers because for some reason he thinks they are taunting them. Then Michael looked at me and said, “We better put this guy down like a dog on a hot July night”. So the two of us walk over to the table nearby and Michael grabs a chair. He then smashes it on Bossk’s back, which makes him drop his gun. Michael then proceeds to beat Bossk with the small pieces of wood but before he can do anything about it, Bossk had picked his gun back up and shot Michael directly in the face. I then fell down to the ground with Michael, as he had been holding me this entire time. Then in the frenzy that followed, a group of Jedi’s that were sitting at the other end of the bar came over and rushed the bounty hunter. Then there was this big commotion. I could hear gunfire and Brandon screaming something about dog meat. Bossk was on the ground by this time and three of the four fake Jedi’s were dead on the ground. Fortunately for Brandon and Justin, the fourth fake Jedi had managed to knock him down to the ground. Which, by this time Justin had grabbed the gun out of his hand and said whatever ridiculous thing he said to him before he killed him. So yes, technically Justin killed Bossk, but it was by dumb luck, nothing else.”
“Yeah, whatever Moby Dick” Justin said to Treasure Troll #25.
“Don’t you mean Herman Melville? Moby Dick was a book” TT #25 says back to “The Golden Boy”
“Yeah, whatever Charles Dickens. Hey girls, how bout you come with us and find out why they call us “The Golden Boys”. Justin says to the girls as they get up in excitement.
Treasure Troll #25 looks at Justin and Brandon in utter revulsion and says, “That doesn’t even make sense and sense when are you both the “Golden Boys”. I can’t believe Michael Vick is the most normal one on this team.”
Treasure Troll #25 then climbs his way up to the bar and sits in disgust as Brandon and Justin dance some truly terrible dance moves with the brain trust known as Tracy and Reagan.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Victorious!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Better Than All of You
Better Than All of You is The Four Horsemen: Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Ole Anderson, & Tully Blanchard, & Dozer #4 & 6.
Team Sleeping Pussy is SHIELD Agent #1 & 2.
Ric Flair comments to Arn & his brother Ole that this is the loudest B-dubs that he has ever been to, but they don't respond because they don't hear him; because this is the loudest B-Dubs that they have ever been to. The 6 members of Better Than All of You are enjoying some of the crazy beers that this particular Buffalo Wild has on tap while Bob and Cindy are both enjoying a ginger ale and a couple of salads (Bob & Cindy, to the people of the FFL are better known as SHIELD Agent #1 & 2). Ric Flair and the boys are putting away beers pretty fast, but they are tough and are holding their own with the younger crowd. Dozer #4 & 6 on the other hand just split a 23 oz. Boomba and are puking their guts out right at the table. It's nice to be only 4 inches tall, your puke is hard to notice and very easy to clean up. The 2 SHIELD Agents wait until they are ready and then stand up in the middle of the bar with their semi-auto rifles and open fire. The 2 of them take out the 2 Anderson brothers quickly with a couple of perfectly aimed shots causing both them and Flair to go down in the blink of an eye. Bob and Cindy actually have a harder time taking out the 2 drunk dozers than they do the wrestlers do to the fact that they are such small and hard targets to hit. It takes them a few shots but they eventually cap both the dozers on the run. Bob and Cindy are about to radio back to TSP headquarters to let them know that victory is imminent when Ric Flair jumps out from behind them with an empty beer pitcher and cracks it over Cindy's head. Ric "The dirtiest player in the game" Flair had actually faked them out when he fell along with the dead Anderson brothers and then took advantage of his opponents relaxed state. Once Cindy is down Flair grabs her gun and shoots Bob in the head with it. He then finishes off Cindy's unconcious body with her own rifle. With the 2 SHIELD Agents dead Flair goes back to the bar by himself to order another drink................. Oh wait, what was that. Oh, I forgot about Tully Blanchard......... Yeah, me and everybody else in the world.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!
Team Sleeping Pussy is SHIELD Agent #1 & 2.
Ric Flair comments to Arn & his brother Ole that this is the loudest B-dubs that he has ever been to, but they don't respond because they don't hear him; because this is the loudest B-Dubs that they have ever been to. The 6 members of Better Than All of You are enjoying some of the crazy beers that this particular Buffalo Wild has on tap while Bob and Cindy are both enjoying a ginger ale and a couple of salads (Bob & Cindy, to the people of the FFL are better known as SHIELD Agent #1 & 2). Ric Flair and the boys are putting away beers pretty fast, but they are tough and are holding their own with the younger crowd. Dozer #4 & 6 on the other hand just split a 23 oz. Boomba and are puking their guts out right at the table. It's nice to be only 4 inches tall, your puke is hard to notice and very easy to clean up. The 2 SHIELD Agents wait until they are ready and then stand up in the middle of the bar with their semi-auto rifles and open fire. The 2 of them take out the 2 Anderson brothers quickly with a couple of perfectly aimed shots causing both them and Flair to go down in the blink of an eye. Bob and Cindy actually have a harder time taking out the 2 drunk dozers than they do the wrestlers do to the fact that they are such small and hard targets to hit. It takes them a few shots but they eventually cap both the dozers on the run. Bob and Cindy are about to radio back to TSP headquarters to let them know that victory is imminent when Ric Flair jumps out from behind them with an empty beer pitcher and cracks it over Cindy's head. Ric "The dirtiest player in the game" Flair had actually faked them out when he fell along with the dead Anderson brothers and then took advantage of his opponents relaxed state. Once Cindy is down Flair grabs her gun and shoots Bob in the head with it. He then finishes off Cindy's unconcious body with her own rifle. With the 2 SHIELD Agents dead Flair goes back to the bar by himself to order another drink................. Oh wait, what was that. Oh, I forgot about Tully Blanchard......... Yeah, me and everybody else in the world.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!
Consolation Match Week 2
Points: 12
Prize: 1977 CJ-5: Postal Jeep Right Hand Drive
Setting: Tim Cheveldae's House
Schedule: To be determined.
Prize: 1977 CJ-5: Postal Jeep Right Hand Drive
Setting: Tim Cheveldae's House
Schedule: To be determined.
Slaves v. Right Wing correction
Please be advised that Yoda was NOT incinerated by the Silver Surfer after his confrontation with E.T. He was able to use a Force-shield to protect himself. Yoda actually met his death at the end of the match. . .
Sorry for the confusion this may have caused any.
-Bryatu
Sorry for the confusion this may have caused any.
-Bryatu
George Washington's Slaves vs. The Right Wing
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, 1st Week Playoff Match: George Washington's Slaves vs. The Right Wing
As I look into the locker room for The Slaves, I see Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in The Shuttle Tyderium, Captain Kirk in an Arwing, George Washington in an Exo-Suit, John Connor in an Armored and equipped Hummer, Amazo, Arisia, King Kong, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Neo, Optimus Prime with Roller, Sandworm #15, T-1000 and Yoda.
Captain Kirk: We. . . must. . . win. . .this. . .battle. . .for. . . our. . . illustrious. . . owner!
John Connor: Quit the dramatics Kirk! We’ll be back. . . for the next round of the playoffs!
Yoda: Confidence you have Connor to win this fight. Confidence that must be bestowed upon all on this team.
Loki: Confidence. . . and a little bit of trickery too, for trickery never hurts.
I look into the locker room for The Right Wing and notice Silver Surfer, Hulk, The Pantheon: Achilles, Agamemnon, Ajax, Andromeda, Atlanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Prometheus, Ullysses I and Ullysses II in a Hovercraft, Shintor Beerus in an Ornithopter, Gold Dragons #10 and 11, Quinlon Vos in a Tie Bomber, Warpath, Red Sonja, Darth Malak, Red Tornado, Sandstorm, Martin Blank, Poseidon, Baby Storm and E.T.
Hulk: Hulk smash Slaves!
Malak: Smash and slash!
Martin Blank: Rock and roll!
I transport the teams to the multi-purpose and functional battleground. It consists of a desert, a superior lake, grasslands and a forest, all mere miles between each other.
In the desert. . .
Due to the threat of the Silver Surfer (and the fact that he was the MVP for the 2009 FFL Year), the Slaves focus on the herald of Galactus. Sandworm #15 breaks from the ground and surprises the Surfer. The Right Wing is shocked to see that the Surfer is swallowed whole in Sandworm #15’s maw. The Surfer is no longer seen. The Right Wing stands together in horror at their MVP’s defeat and death.
Hector: Do NOT let the Surfer’s death go unavenged! RIGHT WING!!!!
In the forest. . .
King Kong sees Gold Dragons #10 and 11. The great ape roars and attacks the fantastic beasts. Before Gold Dragon #10 is able to release its fiery breath, Kong grabs the dragon by the neck and chokes it to death. Meanwhile, Gold Dragon #11 is blowing fire and singing the fur of Kong. The smell of burnt hair lingers in the air. Kong loses the use of his left arm due to the damage of Gold Dragon #11. Before Gold Dragon #11 is able to finish Kong off, Captain Kirk in the Arwing, flies by and destroys the Gold Dragon #11. In response, the Pantheon’s hovercraft floats into the forest realm. They focuses on the ape, which is already injured. Ulysses II steers the hovercraft, which holds the entire Pantheon members. Atlanta has his energy bow drawn. Perseus grips his energy spear. Hector has his energy flail in hand. Jason has weapons in each hand. Both Ulysses I and Ulysses II have their swords and shields drawn. Andromeda, Delphi and Paris use their “second senses” to assist their teammates in the upcoming battle against Kong. The combined Pantheon force is too much for King Kong who succumbs to the repeated blows of the Pantheon’s weaponry.
In the desert. . .
Sandworm #15 is seen writhing in agony. A hole erupts from its torso as Silver Surfur launches from the beast’s belly, filled with goo, but alive. Sandworm #15 shudders and dies.
In the grasslands. . . .
Yoda meets Darth Malak.
Yoda: Meet, do we, Malak. Finish your life, I must.
Malak: You look like a muppet! [Ignites lightsaber]. I don’t think so. . .
The Jedi Master and Sith Lord combat with equal agility and ferocity against one another. Malak uses his Sith lightning against Yoda. Yoda catches the lightning and turns it around on Malak. Malak suffers the brunt of the attack and falls down. Yoda flips around, does a somersault and spins around in a flurry of movement. This discombobulates Malak. Yoda manages to cut Malak’s arm off in the melee. Malak switches his lightsaber to his other arm and strikes at Yoda. He manages to graze Yoda’s ear off. Yoda, without one ear, lashes out and kills Malak.
Yoda: Although one ear only do I have, my heart is filled with pride in my victory over evil.
In the air. . .
Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in The Shuttle Tyderium flies below Shintor Beerus in an Ornithopter, unaware of the Jedi Master below. Beerus lands the ornithopter on the Tyderium and begins to cut a hole on top of the Imperial Shuttle. Ackbar notices the Jedi on the sensors and Antilles uses evasive maneuvers to flip Beerus around up top. Although Beerus uses the Force to keep himself on the shuttle, Wedge’s piloting skills is too much for the Jedi and both Beerus and the Ornithopter fall of the shuttle to the battlefield below. As Beerus falls, Baby Storm creates a funnel cloud cushion to float Beerus to the ground safely. Beerus is joined by Warpath, Red Sonja and Martin Blank on the ground.
In the forest. . .
Beerus, Warpath, Sonja and Blank lurk in the forest. They hear the crashing as George Washington in an Exo-Suit crashes through the brush. Washington is joined by Neo and the T-1000. Blank immediately begins firing his weapons at Neo. Neo slows the bullets down and easily dodges all of them. Neo then jumps over to Blank and with extraordinary speed pounds, beats and crushes Blank’s chest in. Blank falls to the ground, not actually knowing who or what killed him. Neo then chides Warpath on. Warpath and Neo enter into a fight. Although Neo’s skills almost parallel the mutant’s abilities, Warpath’s mutant enhanced strength, speed and durability eventually begin to wear Neo down. As the two men fight, Red Sonja sneaks up from behind and drives her sword through an unaware Neo’s chest. Neo leans into Warpath in shock. Warpath holds Neo by the head and shoulders in a combat embrace.
Warpath: You shall die honorably.
With those words Warpath uses his knife and slices Neo’s throat. Blood spurts over the warrior, masking his face in red.
Meanwhile, Beerus fights Washington in the Exo-Suit. Although Washington is giving Beerus a good fight, the Jedi Master is too much for the President in a glorified armor contraption. Beerus uses his lightsaber to sever two of Washington’s limbs. Washington falls to the ground without his left arm and right leg.
Washington, mortally wounded, motions for Beerus to take off his helmet. Beerus, a honorable Jedi, does so.
Washington: Listen to me. I am one of the founding fathers of the United States. I am a namesake of my team. Let me die an honorable death.
Beerus: From one General to another, I shall.
Beerus decapitates Washington swiftly. As Beerus turns around he is impaled by the T-1000’s fingers. Beerus falls dead to the ground. The T-1000 then turns to both Red Sonja and Warpath. Red Sonja tries to battle the terminator, but is slashed in half by the T-1000’s hands. Warpath sees the T-1000 and knows that he will have another fight on his hands. Before the T-1000 is able to battle Warpath, Warpath notices the damaged, but not destroyed, Ornithopter on the ground. Warpath races to the flying vehicle, straps in and takes it off to safety. The T-1000 looks to the other battleground areas.
In the grasslands. . .
Yoda is walking through the grasses when he hears footfalls behind him. Out of the brush comes E.T. E.T. looks at Yoda.
E.T.: Friend?!?
Yoda looks at the extraterrestrial and ignites his lightsaber.
E.T.: Enemy!!!
E.T. begins to run away from Yoda. Yoda chases E.T. when he notices someone flying at him. Yoda holds his lightsaber ready as the gooey Galactus herald surfs toward the Jedi Master in a blinding fury. The power cosmic is too much for the Jedi Master and Yoda is incinerated by the Silver Surfer. As the Silver Surfer flies away E.T.’s finger shines.
E.T.: Thaaaannnkkkssss.
Those are the last words uttered by E.T. as John Connor in his armored and equipped Hummer runs E.T. down and kills him. The Hummer then crashes into the Hulk, who has just landed at the scene. The Hulk smashes the front of the Hummer. The Hummer’s weapons are now useless. The Hulk then rips off the driver’s side door and reaches for Connor. Connor struggles to get to the passenger side door and is about to leap from the vehicle when the Hulk, with the driver’s side door still in hand, swats Connor from the car, sending his dead body through the air like a baseball.
In the air. . .
Warpath in the Ornithopter is looking for his other teammates in the air. He notices Quinlon Vos in the Tie Bomber who is now riding alongside him. Vos nods in acknowledgement and the two fly together. Their comradery is short lived as they are met by Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in The Shuttle Tyderium and Captain Kirk in the Arwing. Captain Kirk focuses on Warpath and the Ornithopter. He knows that Warpath is the easier prey and uses this to his advantage. He uses the Arwing’s T&B H-1 laser cannon to strike at the Ornithopter. The wings of the vehicle are shredded and Warpath falls to the ground below. Before he hits the battlefield, Baby Storm rescues the day and begins to float the mutant slowly down. Kirk has had enough with the pint sized hero and launches his smart bombs. The bombs locate both mutants and blow them to bits. As the bodies plummet to the ground, Kirk makes sure they are dead and uses his powered up hyper laser to skewer the remnants in midair. Meanwhile, the Tyderium chases the Tie Bomber across the sky.
In the water. . .
From the forest flies the Pantheon’s hovercraft near the battlefield’s waters. The hovercraft is met by the Martian Manhunter and Arisia. Arisia uses her ring powers and Martian Manhunter uses his superhuman strength to pummel the hovercraft into the water below. The Pantheon crew rises to the surface. They begin to fire their weapons at Arisia and Manhunter. Arisia is repeatedly hit and falls to the waters below. There she is pummeled by Jason, Ulysseus I and Ulysseus II. Arisia uses her ring to fend off a majority of the blows, but she finally succumbs to the barrage of weapons and dies. Martian Manhunter takes charge and kills Jason, Andromeda and Prometheus. Poseidon rises from the depths and places the remaining Pantheon members, being Achilles, Agamemnon, Ajax, Atlanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Paris, Ullysses I and Ullysses II. on the damaged hovercraft. The hovercraft slowly moves from the lake back to the forest area.
In the forest. . .
As the hovercraft comes to the forest they are met by Optimus Prime and Roller. The wheeled drone module fires upon the hovercraft’s inhabitants. Roller manages to kill Paris and Cassiopeia. The remaining Pantheon members fire at and destroy the drone. Optimus Prime is then joined by Loki. Loki uses his magical powers to transform the trees surrounding the skirmish into living creatures. The combination of Loki’s magical beasts as well as Optimus Prime is too much for the Pantheon. After much shredding, ripping and blasting is completed, the remaining Pantheon: Achilles, Agamemnon, Ajax, Atlanta, Delphi, Hector, Ullysses I, & Ullysses II, all die.
In the desert. . . .
The T-1000 has trekked to the desert area. The Terminator is met by the Red Tornado. Red Tornado uses his air and wind manipulation powers to whip a miniature sandstorm at the terminator. The metallic body becomes mucked up. The T-1000 is then hit by Sandstorm. The T-1000 is disintegrated and meshed throughout the sands beneath. Optimus Prime comes to the scene and the Transformers fight against one another. Although Sandstorm presents a valiant fight, Prime is too much for Sandstorm and eventually destroys him.
In the air above the water. . .
The Tyderium chases the Tie Bomber. Along to help Antilles and Ackbar is Kirk in the Arwing. The three ships fire upon one another, using torpedoes and lasers. Vos takes the Tie Bomber low to the water. As Kirk in the Arwing is about to lock onto Vos, Poseidon comes out of the water and brings forth a fountain that hits the ship in a torrential downpour. As Kirk attempts to escape the water, he see Vos’ Tie Bomber fire its lasers. Kirk and the Arwing are destroyed. Into battle comes Martian Manhunter, who is flying both Yoda and Loki in his hands. Yoda dismounts from Martian Manhunter on top of the Tie Bomber. Yoda uses his lightsaber to damage the exterior engine system of the Tie Bomber. The Tie Bomber becomes erratic and Vos jettisons out of the Bomber. Yoda leaps off the Bomber and onto the seat with Vos. The Tyderium fires upon the Bomber, which then explodes. Because Vos is strapped in, he is not able to ignite his lightsaber in time. Yoda decapitates Vos and rides the chair to the waters below. Poseidon is about to drown Yoda when all of a sudden Loki hits the water. The trickster god is enough of a match for Poseidon. The two battle and Loki actually manages to gain the upper hand on Poseidon and kill him. Martian Manhunter then picks Loki up and flies away. The Shuttle Tyderium follows the two, but only for a short time before the Hulk leaps onto the ship’s wing. The Hulk begins to smash the left wing of the vehicle. The Tyderium flies out of control, but rights itself eventually due to the expert piloting skills of Antilles and the assistance of Ackbar. It only goes so far though as the Silver Surfer uses his powers to annihilate the ship. The Tyderium and its crew – Antilles and Ackbar, die in a blazing explosion that mirrors the Death Star (before the additional special effects were added in the newly released version).
In the center of the battlefield. . .
The Red Tornado is waiting for his surviving teammates, Hulk and Silver Surfer. It looks as if victory is close at hand. He is set upon by the combined forces of Yoda and Optimus Prime. Tornado manipulates the winds and flings Yoda across the landscape. Prime is not so easily moved as he blasts Tornado. Red Tornado dies.
Across the way Amazo finally shows itself. Amazo is in close proximity with all of the combatants in the final scene. The Silver Surfer and Martian Manhunter battle in the air. The Manhunter is soon dispatched by the Surfer’s powers. The Hulk takes on Optimus Prime. The battle is furious, but the Green Giant manages to rip off the head of Prime. Prime is destroyed. The Hulk and Surfer then use their combined forces to destroy both Loki and Yoda. As the Hulk and Surfer look for the final victim, they notice Amazo (who now has the abilities of Silver Surfer, Martian Manhunter and Hulk). Amazo, to the shock of both Surfer and Hulk, manages to use all of his newly-absorbed abilities and powers to kill the two final Wingmen.
The Right Wing: All dead.
George Washington’s Slaves: Amazo alive.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCE TO THE NEXT ROUND OF THE PLAYOFFS!!!
As I look into the locker room for The Slaves, I see Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in The Shuttle Tyderium, Captain Kirk in an Arwing, George Washington in an Exo-Suit, John Connor in an Armored and equipped Hummer, Amazo, Arisia, King Kong, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Neo, Optimus Prime with Roller, Sandworm #15, T-1000 and Yoda.
Captain Kirk: We. . . must. . . win. . .this. . .battle. . .for. . . our. . . illustrious. . . owner!
John Connor: Quit the dramatics Kirk! We’ll be back. . . for the next round of the playoffs!
Yoda: Confidence you have Connor to win this fight. Confidence that must be bestowed upon all on this team.
Loki: Confidence. . . and a little bit of trickery too, for trickery never hurts.
I look into the locker room for The Right Wing and notice Silver Surfer, Hulk, The Pantheon: Achilles, Agamemnon, Ajax, Andromeda, Atlanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Prometheus, Ullysses I and Ullysses II in a Hovercraft, Shintor Beerus in an Ornithopter, Gold Dragons #10 and 11, Quinlon Vos in a Tie Bomber, Warpath, Red Sonja, Darth Malak, Red Tornado, Sandstorm, Martin Blank, Poseidon, Baby Storm and E.T.
Hulk: Hulk smash Slaves!
Malak: Smash and slash!
Martin Blank: Rock and roll!
I transport the teams to the multi-purpose and functional battleground. It consists of a desert, a superior lake, grasslands and a forest, all mere miles between each other.
In the desert. . .
Due to the threat of the Silver Surfer (and the fact that he was the MVP for the 2009 FFL Year), the Slaves focus on the herald of Galactus. Sandworm #15 breaks from the ground and surprises the Surfer. The Right Wing is shocked to see that the Surfer is swallowed whole in Sandworm #15’s maw. The Surfer is no longer seen. The Right Wing stands together in horror at their MVP’s defeat and death.
Hector: Do NOT let the Surfer’s death go unavenged! RIGHT WING!!!!
In the forest. . .
King Kong sees Gold Dragons #10 and 11. The great ape roars and attacks the fantastic beasts. Before Gold Dragon #10 is able to release its fiery breath, Kong grabs the dragon by the neck and chokes it to death. Meanwhile, Gold Dragon #11 is blowing fire and singing the fur of Kong. The smell of burnt hair lingers in the air. Kong loses the use of his left arm due to the damage of Gold Dragon #11. Before Gold Dragon #11 is able to finish Kong off, Captain Kirk in the Arwing, flies by and destroys the Gold Dragon #11. In response, the Pantheon’s hovercraft floats into the forest realm. They focuses on the ape, which is already injured. Ulysses II steers the hovercraft, which holds the entire Pantheon members. Atlanta has his energy bow drawn. Perseus grips his energy spear. Hector has his energy flail in hand. Jason has weapons in each hand. Both Ulysses I and Ulysses II have their swords and shields drawn. Andromeda, Delphi and Paris use their “second senses” to assist their teammates in the upcoming battle against Kong. The combined Pantheon force is too much for King Kong who succumbs to the repeated blows of the Pantheon’s weaponry.
In the desert. . .
Sandworm #15 is seen writhing in agony. A hole erupts from its torso as Silver Surfur launches from the beast’s belly, filled with goo, but alive. Sandworm #15 shudders and dies.
In the grasslands. . . .
Yoda meets Darth Malak.
Yoda: Meet, do we, Malak. Finish your life, I must.
Malak: You look like a muppet! [Ignites lightsaber]. I don’t think so. . .
The Jedi Master and Sith Lord combat with equal agility and ferocity against one another. Malak uses his Sith lightning against Yoda. Yoda catches the lightning and turns it around on Malak. Malak suffers the brunt of the attack and falls down. Yoda flips around, does a somersault and spins around in a flurry of movement. This discombobulates Malak. Yoda manages to cut Malak’s arm off in the melee. Malak switches his lightsaber to his other arm and strikes at Yoda. He manages to graze Yoda’s ear off. Yoda, without one ear, lashes out and kills Malak.
Yoda: Although one ear only do I have, my heart is filled with pride in my victory over evil.
In the air. . .
Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in The Shuttle Tyderium flies below Shintor Beerus in an Ornithopter, unaware of the Jedi Master below. Beerus lands the ornithopter on the Tyderium and begins to cut a hole on top of the Imperial Shuttle. Ackbar notices the Jedi on the sensors and Antilles uses evasive maneuvers to flip Beerus around up top. Although Beerus uses the Force to keep himself on the shuttle, Wedge’s piloting skills is too much for the Jedi and both Beerus and the Ornithopter fall of the shuttle to the battlefield below. As Beerus falls, Baby Storm creates a funnel cloud cushion to float Beerus to the ground safely. Beerus is joined by Warpath, Red Sonja and Martin Blank on the ground.
In the forest. . .
Beerus, Warpath, Sonja and Blank lurk in the forest. They hear the crashing as George Washington in an Exo-Suit crashes through the brush. Washington is joined by Neo and the T-1000. Blank immediately begins firing his weapons at Neo. Neo slows the bullets down and easily dodges all of them. Neo then jumps over to Blank and with extraordinary speed pounds, beats and crushes Blank’s chest in. Blank falls to the ground, not actually knowing who or what killed him. Neo then chides Warpath on. Warpath and Neo enter into a fight. Although Neo’s skills almost parallel the mutant’s abilities, Warpath’s mutant enhanced strength, speed and durability eventually begin to wear Neo down. As the two men fight, Red Sonja sneaks up from behind and drives her sword through an unaware Neo’s chest. Neo leans into Warpath in shock. Warpath holds Neo by the head and shoulders in a combat embrace.
Warpath: You shall die honorably.
With those words Warpath uses his knife and slices Neo’s throat. Blood spurts over the warrior, masking his face in red.
Meanwhile, Beerus fights Washington in the Exo-Suit. Although Washington is giving Beerus a good fight, the Jedi Master is too much for the President in a glorified armor contraption. Beerus uses his lightsaber to sever two of Washington’s limbs. Washington falls to the ground without his left arm and right leg.
Washington, mortally wounded, motions for Beerus to take off his helmet. Beerus, a honorable Jedi, does so.
Washington: Listen to me. I am one of the founding fathers of the United States. I am a namesake of my team. Let me die an honorable death.
Beerus: From one General to another, I shall.
Beerus decapitates Washington swiftly. As Beerus turns around he is impaled by the T-1000’s fingers. Beerus falls dead to the ground. The T-1000 then turns to both Red Sonja and Warpath. Red Sonja tries to battle the terminator, but is slashed in half by the T-1000’s hands. Warpath sees the T-1000 and knows that he will have another fight on his hands. Before the T-1000 is able to battle Warpath, Warpath notices the damaged, but not destroyed, Ornithopter on the ground. Warpath races to the flying vehicle, straps in and takes it off to safety. The T-1000 looks to the other battleground areas.
In the grasslands. . .
Yoda is walking through the grasses when he hears footfalls behind him. Out of the brush comes E.T. E.T. looks at Yoda.
E.T.: Friend?!?
Yoda looks at the extraterrestrial and ignites his lightsaber.
E.T.: Enemy!!!
E.T. begins to run away from Yoda. Yoda chases E.T. when he notices someone flying at him. Yoda holds his lightsaber ready as the gooey Galactus herald surfs toward the Jedi Master in a blinding fury. The power cosmic is too much for the Jedi Master and Yoda is incinerated by the Silver Surfer. As the Silver Surfer flies away E.T.’s finger shines.
E.T.: Thaaaannnkkkssss.
Those are the last words uttered by E.T. as John Connor in his armored and equipped Hummer runs E.T. down and kills him. The Hummer then crashes into the Hulk, who has just landed at the scene. The Hulk smashes the front of the Hummer. The Hummer’s weapons are now useless. The Hulk then rips off the driver’s side door and reaches for Connor. Connor struggles to get to the passenger side door and is about to leap from the vehicle when the Hulk, with the driver’s side door still in hand, swats Connor from the car, sending his dead body through the air like a baseball.
In the air. . .
Warpath in the Ornithopter is looking for his other teammates in the air. He notices Quinlon Vos in the Tie Bomber who is now riding alongside him. Vos nods in acknowledgement and the two fly together. Their comradery is short lived as they are met by Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in The Shuttle Tyderium and Captain Kirk in the Arwing. Captain Kirk focuses on Warpath and the Ornithopter. He knows that Warpath is the easier prey and uses this to his advantage. He uses the Arwing’s T&B H-1 laser cannon to strike at the Ornithopter. The wings of the vehicle are shredded and Warpath falls to the ground below. Before he hits the battlefield, Baby Storm rescues the day and begins to float the mutant slowly down. Kirk has had enough with the pint sized hero and launches his smart bombs. The bombs locate both mutants and blow them to bits. As the bodies plummet to the ground, Kirk makes sure they are dead and uses his powered up hyper laser to skewer the remnants in midair. Meanwhile, the Tyderium chases the Tie Bomber across the sky.
In the water. . .
From the forest flies the Pantheon’s hovercraft near the battlefield’s waters. The hovercraft is met by the Martian Manhunter and Arisia. Arisia uses her ring powers and Martian Manhunter uses his superhuman strength to pummel the hovercraft into the water below. The Pantheon crew rises to the surface. They begin to fire their weapons at Arisia and Manhunter. Arisia is repeatedly hit and falls to the waters below. There she is pummeled by Jason, Ulysseus I and Ulysseus II. Arisia uses her ring to fend off a majority of the blows, but she finally succumbs to the barrage of weapons and dies. Martian Manhunter takes charge and kills Jason, Andromeda and Prometheus. Poseidon rises from the depths and places the remaining Pantheon members, being Achilles, Agamemnon, Ajax, Atlanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Paris, Ullysses I and Ullysses II. on the damaged hovercraft. The hovercraft slowly moves from the lake back to the forest area.
In the forest. . .
As the hovercraft comes to the forest they are met by Optimus Prime and Roller. The wheeled drone module fires upon the hovercraft’s inhabitants. Roller manages to kill Paris and Cassiopeia. The remaining Pantheon members fire at and destroy the drone. Optimus Prime is then joined by Loki. Loki uses his magical powers to transform the trees surrounding the skirmish into living creatures. The combination of Loki’s magical beasts as well as Optimus Prime is too much for the Pantheon. After much shredding, ripping and blasting is completed, the remaining Pantheon: Achilles, Agamemnon, Ajax, Atlanta, Delphi, Hector, Ullysses I, & Ullysses II, all die.
In the desert. . . .
The T-1000 has trekked to the desert area. The Terminator is met by the Red Tornado. Red Tornado uses his air and wind manipulation powers to whip a miniature sandstorm at the terminator. The metallic body becomes mucked up. The T-1000 is then hit by Sandstorm. The T-1000 is disintegrated and meshed throughout the sands beneath. Optimus Prime comes to the scene and the Transformers fight against one another. Although Sandstorm presents a valiant fight, Prime is too much for Sandstorm and eventually destroys him.
In the air above the water. . .
The Tyderium chases the Tie Bomber. Along to help Antilles and Ackbar is Kirk in the Arwing. The three ships fire upon one another, using torpedoes and lasers. Vos takes the Tie Bomber low to the water. As Kirk in the Arwing is about to lock onto Vos, Poseidon comes out of the water and brings forth a fountain that hits the ship in a torrential downpour. As Kirk attempts to escape the water, he see Vos’ Tie Bomber fire its lasers. Kirk and the Arwing are destroyed. Into battle comes Martian Manhunter, who is flying both Yoda and Loki in his hands. Yoda dismounts from Martian Manhunter on top of the Tie Bomber. Yoda uses his lightsaber to damage the exterior engine system of the Tie Bomber. The Tie Bomber becomes erratic and Vos jettisons out of the Bomber. Yoda leaps off the Bomber and onto the seat with Vos. The Tyderium fires upon the Bomber, which then explodes. Because Vos is strapped in, he is not able to ignite his lightsaber in time. Yoda decapitates Vos and rides the chair to the waters below. Poseidon is about to drown Yoda when all of a sudden Loki hits the water. The trickster god is enough of a match for Poseidon. The two battle and Loki actually manages to gain the upper hand on Poseidon and kill him. Martian Manhunter then picks Loki up and flies away. The Shuttle Tyderium follows the two, but only for a short time before the Hulk leaps onto the ship’s wing. The Hulk begins to smash the left wing of the vehicle. The Tyderium flies out of control, but rights itself eventually due to the expert piloting skills of Antilles and the assistance of Ackbar. It only goes so far though as the Silver Surfer uses his powers to annihilate the ship. The Tyderium and its crew – Antilles and Ackbar, die in a blazing explosion that mirrors the Death Star (before the additional special effects were added in the newly released version).
In the center of the battlefield. . .
The Red Tornado is waiting for his surviving teammates, Hulk and Silver Surfer. It looks as if victory is close at hand. He is set upon by the combined forces of Yoda and Optimus Prime. Tornado manipulates the winds and flings Yoda across the landscape. Prime is not so easily moved as he blasts Tornado. Red Tornado dies.
Across the way Amazo finally shows itself. Amazo is in close proximity with all of the combatants in the final scene. The Silver Surfer and Martian Manhunter battle in the air. The Manhunter is soon dispatched by the Surfer’s powers. The Hulk takes on Optimus Prime. The battle is furious, but the Green Giant manages to rip off the head of Prime. Prime is destroyed. The Hulk and Surfer then use their combined forces to destroy both Loki and Yoda. As the Hulk and Surfer look for the final victim, they notice Amazo (who now has the abilities of Silver Surfer, Martian Manhunter and Hulk). Amazo, to the shock of both Surfer and Hulk, manages to use all of his newly-absorbed abilities and powers to kill the two final Wingmen.
The Right Wing: All dead.
George Washington’s Slaves: Amazo alive.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCE TO THE NEXT ROUND OF THE PLAYOFFS!!!
Consolation matches will be posted soon.
I would like to apologize to my fellow watchers and to the members of this league for not writing the consolation matches yet. I was much busier than I thought I was going to be this weekend and was unable to write anything before the playoffs began. I will be writing the matches tonight, hopefully all of them, so they will be up soon. Again, I am sorry for the delay and I hope this will be a one time occurrence.
Nick
Nick
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. TEAM
Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyatches are Star Wolf in an Arwing, War Skrull #6 & R2-KT in an X-Wing, Darth Vader in a Tie Bomber, Orion in an F-22, Holocaust & Tasha in a Tank, Wolverine in The Fire Stingray, Magog in an Ornithopter, Red Hulk, Doomsday, Dark Phoenix, & Vehicle Voltron.
TEAM is Superman, Unicron, Set, Thor, God Emperor Leto II, Voltron, Luke Skywalker & R2-D2 in an X-Wing, Jengo Fett and Young Boba Fett in Slave 1, Lando Calrissean, Nien Numb, & C-3P0 in The Millennium Falcon, & Ryan Poteracki in a Hovercraft.
A good portion of TEAM’s forces begin the battle, already in space. Set is set up in the city while Ryan is hovering in the water and Leto has made an empire for himself in the sands. Other than that, the rest of TEAM is hanging back with Unicron above the planet, waiting for their opponents to come to them. Vader assembles his squadron which he plans to lead into space directly against TEAM’s space threat. Vader’s takes the lead in his Tie Bomber while Star Wolf and the other Star Wolf (War Skrull #6) fly behind him. Orion is with them as well. Although an F-22 is not usually a space worthy vessel, with Orion behind the controls using the Astro-Harness, it makes the F-22 more than space capable. Dark Phoenix follows Vader’s lead into space as well with a certain level of excitement for the coming battle, and so does The Voltron from the Near Universe. With Set and The God Emperor on 2 different settings, it makes it near impossible for them to help each other which is why Tasha decides that her land squad will move against The God Emperor first. Under Gen. Tasha’s orders Magog flies in above the desert landscape in his Ornithopter to work as a diversion. He then jumps out of the bird like flying contraption and allows it to crash. This attracts the attention of Leto who comes racing in toward the crash with hopes to take advantage of the situation. But as The Tyrant rears up his worm body Red Hulk & Doomsday, along with Magog jump out and attack. The God Emperor may be huge and powerful but he is overwhelmed by the strength and power of the 3 of them. Wolverine has been given the opportunity to execute a mission which is the dream of anybody on The Backyardigan Squad: Kill Ryan Poteracki. Wolverine rips thru the grasslands going upwards of 400 miles an hour in The Fire Stingray and then rips right over the water ripping the top off the Hovercraft and killing Ryan. The F-Zero car is moving so fast that Wolverine doesn’t even notice that he ripped both engines out of it with this stunt until he gets back onto land with it. Tasha has her entire land team regroup before they begin the huge undertaking of battling with Set. Tasha has Red Hulk pick up the tank that her and Holocaust are in and then jump to the top of a building with it. From that vantage point Tasha should be able to not only see the battle transpire so she can give her much needed orders but it will also give her the ability to shoot at Set’s heads with the tank’s weaponry. Tasha knows that in order to destroy the mammoth Set that they will need to kill all 7 of the creature’s heads. Tasha orders the attack which begins with her firing pot shots at the massive serpent from her tank. Now that the tank is stationary on top of the building she orders her driver, Holocaust to get out and join the others in the attack. Tasha’s tank blasts are not powerful enough to do any permanent damage to Set but they do work to distract the serpent enough for the rest of The Backyardigan’s to begin their attack. Holocaust uses his powers of life absorption to attack one of Set’s heads and then finishes it off with a massive energy blast to destroy it, but before the futuristic mutant can duplicate the trick he is eaten by another of Set’s heads. Doomsday and Rulk each manage to take out a head while Wolverine and Magog work great together to team work 2 of them to death. The 2 last remaining heads bring down the entire building that Tasha’s tank is on top of which destroys both the tank and their fearless leader. Wolverine yells: “FOR TASHA”! As the 4 teammates converge on the final 2 heads of Set and take them out for good, so they can claim the land portion of the planet for the Backyardigans. Space on the other hand is quite a different story. As Vader leads his space ready team into battle Star Wolf asks: “Are you sure this is a good idea Lord Vader? I mean maybe we should just wait for them to come to us? I here this Unicron guy they got can rip entire planets apart”. Vader of course replies with: “The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force”. “The power of the force is insignificant next to the power of the Phoenix force”. Dark Phoenix replies telepathically to Vader. Vader thinks to himself (which is also thinking to Dark Phoenix) “I hope you’re right cause we could use that kind of power”. As the ships exit the Play-Off Planet’s atmosphere Dark Phoenix realizes thru telepathic thought that although the ground leader Tasha is dead, that her squad was victorious. Knowing that they may need more help Dark Phoenix races back down to the planet in the blink of any eye and brings Wolverine, Magog, Rulk, & Doomsday out into space with her before the rest of the team even notices that she is gone. Now with what is left of both teams floating in space above the planet the battle can truly begin. Unicron hangs back, still in a semi-dormant state just waiting for the right time to strike, while Rulk and Thor begin doing battle on the massive Transformers body. Luke and the Skrull Star Wolf engage in a fierce dog fight in their X-Wings and the 2 Voltron’s clash in a masterpiece of equal matchedness (it’s a word, trust me I should know I just made it up). The free-floating team up of Wolverine and Magog fight with Superman while Star Wolf and Orion despite having smaller ships engage The Millennium Falcon and Slave 1 in battle. Rulk grabs Thor by the neck and wrestles him down but Thor continues to struggle. Thor then catches Rulk in the side of the head with Mojinir to break free and the battle starts fresh. Rulk jumps into the weightless air and then comes down on the side of the “sleeping” Unicron with such force that it causes the planet Transformer to transform into his mammoth robot form. Thor jumps off of his humongous teammate, but Unicron grabs a hold of Rulk and then crushes him in his massive fist. Dark Phoenix, who has been quietly and patiently waiting for Unicron to awaken uses telekinesis to throw Doomsday into Unicron. Unicron does more than just simply dwarf Doomsday; in fact Doomsday appears as little more than a bread crumb on the chest of Unicron. True as this may be Doomsday’s strength is not to be trifled with. Despite a ridiculous size advantage Doomsday starts inflicting massive amounts of damage on Unicron. Unicron screams with the pain that he is feeling while Dark Phoenix hangs back once again biding her time. Once Doomsday has turned the dents that he inflicted on Unicron into holes, this is when Dark Phoenix strikes. She unleashes the Phoenix force into the opened metal wounds of Unicron and lets her power begin to consume his. Dark Phoenix tries to increase her own already incalculable amount of power by absorbing that of Unicron but she finds that even the Phoenix force cannot consume so much power within such a miniscule frame. The merging of these 2 powers causes a massive implosion which destroys her and Unicron as well as Doomsday. The other fighters from both teams are sent miles away by the shockwaves of this interaction. Luke wins out by use of a proton torpedo in his X-Wing dog fight against Skrull Wolf (that’s what were calling War Skrull #6 for today). Vader can sense thru the force that his Voltron is not going to come out on top against the Voltron from the Far Universe (that one must be a little better, if they cancelled the show in the U.S. before the other one could even show up). Vader sends 2 bombs from his heavily equipped Tie Bomber into the area where the 2 Voltrons are fighting which causes yet another massive explosion that levels both Voltrons before The Voltron from The Far Universe could destroy his Near Universe counterpart. Superman breaks the trident of Magog and then breaks his face (“your face broke his face”). Wolverine sees this and floats up behind Superman with his claws drawn ready to kill but before Wolvie can get to the Man of Steel, Thor launches Mojinir at Wolverine’s head and takes him out. Star Wolf does an amazing job of evading the turbo lasers and missiles of Jengo and Boba in Slave 1. Star Wolf is able to make the little Arwing do amazing things but eventually the better ship does catch up with him. Star Wolf attempts another evasive stunt but the Arwing takes one to many hits on the left wing which sends it spinning off uncontrollably and then exploding. C-3P0 does an amazing job of being annoying and freaking out while Lando and Nien Numb blow up Orion’s F-22, but after they do, they see something that they had never quite seen before. After the destruction of Orion’s ship, Orion simply ejects from the seat and continues to fly around in space with no help at all (well really it’s because of the Astro harness but Lando doesn’t know that). Luke is able to shoot Vader’s Tie Bomber do to the fact that it is so much slower moving than his X-Wing but Vader maintains enough control of the ship to keep it from being completely destroyed. Vader and Orion both know that his Tie Bomber cannot withstand much more damage so Orion pulls the bomber in with his tractor beam and then projects an energy force field around Vader so he can eject out of the ship (really just jump out into open space). Orion takes the 2 of them and then flies on to the side of The Millennium Falcon and Vader uses the force to open the hatch. The 2 remaining Backyardigans break into the Falcon and then rush into the cockpit. Lando pulls his blaster but Vader and Orion make short work of Lando, Nien Numb, & C-3P0. Vader then sits down and takes over the controls of the Falcon with Orion sitting in the co-pilot seat. Together they swing back around and mount an attack against the remaining TEAMmembers. Vader and Orion fly in with great gusto in the “fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy”, but Luke reluctantly gives the order to fire on his best friends’ ship. Luke says “Well Han said he had a bad feeling that he was never gonna see her again, I guess we can’t make a liar out of him”. The 2 remaining ships (Slave 1 & Luke’s X-Wing) target the Falcon while Superman hits it with his Heat Vision and Thor with the thrown Mojinir. As the Falcon explodes and Thor catches his hammer Superman turns to Thor and says: “Well are season hasn’t stopped yet”. Thor replies with “Aye, Superman my friend I’m not sure that us being stopped is even a possibility”.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
TEAM is Superman, Unicron, Set, Thor, God Emperor Leto II, Voltron, Luke Skywalker & R2-D2 in an X-Wing, Jengo Fett and Young Boba Fett in Slave 1, Lando Calrissean, Nien Numb, & C-3P0 in The Millennium Falcon, & Ryan Poteracki in a Hovercraft.
A good portion of TEAM’s forces begin the battle, already in space. Set is set up in the city while Ryan is hovering in the water and Leto has made an empire for himself in the sands. Other than that, the rest of TEAM is hanging back with Unicron above the planet, waiting for their opponents to come to them. Vader assembles his squadron which he plans to lead into space directly against TEAM’s space threat. Vader’s takes the lead in his Tie Bomber while Star Wolf and the other Star Wolf (War Skrull #6) fly behind him. Orion is with them as well. Although an F-22 is not usually a space worthy vessel, with Orion behind the controls using the Astro-Harness, it makes the F-22 more than space capable. Dark Phoenix follows Vader’s lead into space as well with a certain level of excitement for the coming battle, and so does The Voltron from the Near Universe. With Set and The God Emperor on 2 different settings, it makes it near impossible for them to help each other which is why Tasha decides that her land squad will move against The God Emperor first. Under Gen. Tasha’s orders Magog flies in above the desert landscape in his Ornithopter to work as a diversion. He then jumps out of the bird like flying contraption and allows it to crash. This attracts the attention of Leto who comes racing in toward the crash with hopes to take advantage of the situation. But as The Tyrant rears up his worm body Red Hulk & Doomsday, along with Magog jump out and attack. The God Emperor may be huge and powerful but he is overwhelmed by the strength and power of the 3 of them. Wolverine has been given the opportunity to execute a mission which is the dream of anybody on The Backyardigan Squad: Kill Ryan Poteracki. Wolverine rips thru the grasslands going upwards of 400 miles an hour in The Fire Stingray and then rips right over the water ripping the top off the Hovercraft and killing Ryan. The F-Zero car is moving so fast that Wolverine doesn’t even notice that he ripped both engines out of it with this stunt until he gets back onto land with it. Tasha has her entire land team regroup before they begin the huge undertaking of battling with Set. Tasha has Red Hulk pick up the tank that her and Holocaust are in and then jump to the top of a building with it. From that vantage point Tasha should be able to not only see the battle transpire so she can give her much needed orders but it will also give her the ability to shoot at Set’s heads with the tank’s weaponry. Tasha knows that in order to destroy the mammoth Set that they will need to kill all 7 of the creature’s heads. Tasha orders the attack which begins with her firing pot shots at the massive serpent from her tank. Now that the tank is stationary on top of the building she orders her driver, Holocaust to get out and join the others in the attack. Tasha’s tank blasts are not powerful enough to do any permanent damage to Set but they do work to distract the serpent enough for the rest of The Backyardigan’s to begin their attack. Holocaust uses his powers of life absorption to attack one of Set’s heads and then finishes it off with a massive energy blast to destroy it, but before the futuristic mutant can duplicate the trick he is eaten by another of Set’s heads. Doomsday and Rulk each manage to take out a head while Wolverine and Magog work great together to team work 2 of them to death. The 2 last remaining heads bring down the entire building that Tasha’s tank is on top of which destroys both the tank and their fearless leader. Wolverine yells: “FOR TASHA”! As the 4 teammates converge on the final 2 heads of Set and take them out for good, so they can claim the land portion of the planet for the Backyardigans. Space on the other hand is quite a different story. As Vader leads his space ready team into battle Star Wolf asks: “Are you sure this is a good idea Lord Vader? I mean maybe we should just wait for them to come to us? I here this Unicron guy they got can rip entire planets apart”. Vader of course replies with: “The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force”. “The power of the force is insignificant next to the power of the Phoenix force”. Dark Phoenix replies telepathically to Vader. Vader thinks to himself (which is also thinking to Dark Phoenix) “I hope you’re right cause we could use that kind of power”. As the ships exit the Play-Off Planet’s atmosphere Dark Phoenix realizes thru telepathic thought that although the ground leader Tasha is dead, that her squad was victorious. Knowing that they may need more help Dark Phoenix races back down to the planet in the blink of any eye and brings Wolverine, Magog, Rulk, & Doomsday out into space with her before the rest of the team even notices that she is gone. Now with what is left of both teams floating in space above the planet the battle can truly begin. Unicron hangs back, still in a semi-dormant state just waiting for the right time to strike, while Rulk and Thor begin doing battle on the massive Transformers body. Luke and the Skrull Star Wolf engage in a fierce dog fight in their X-Wings and the 2 Voltron’s clash in a masterpiece of equal matchedness (it’s a word, trust me I should know I just made it up). The free-floating team up of Wolverine and Magog fight with Superman while Star Wolf and Orion despite having smaller ships engage The Millennium Falcon and Slave 1 in battle. Rulk grabs Thor by the neck and wrestles him down but Thor continues to struggle. Thor then catches Rulk in the side of the head with Mojinir to break free and the battle starts fresh. Rulk jumps into the weightless air and then comes down on the side of the “sleeping” Unicron with such force that it causes the planet Transformer to transform into his mammoth robot form. Thor jumps off of his humongous teammate, but Unicron grabs a hold of Rulk and then crushes him in his massive fist. Dark Phoenix, who has been quietly and patiently waiting for Unicron to awaken uses telekinesis to throw Doomsday into Unicron. Unicron does more than just simply dwarf Doomsday; in fact Doomsday appears as little more than a bread crumb on the chest of Unicron. True as this may be Doomsday’s strength is not to be trifled with. Despite a ridiculous size advantage Doomsday starts inflicting massive amounts of damage on Unicron. Unicron screams with the pain that he is feeling while Dark Phoenix hangs back once again biding her time. Once Doomsday has turned the dents that he inflicted on Unicron into holes, this is when Dark Phoenix strikes. She unleashes the Phoenix force into the opened metal wounds of Unicron and lets her power begin to consume his. Dark Phoenix tries to increase her own already incalculable amount of power by absorbing that of Unicron but she finds that even the Phoenix force cannot consume so much power within such a miniscule frame. The merging of these 2 powers causes a massive implosion which destroys her and Unicron as well as Doomsday. The other fighters from both teams are sent miles away by the shockwaves of this interaction. Luke wins out by use of a proton torpedo in his X-Wing dog fight against Skrull Wolf (that’s what were calling War Skrull #6 for today). Vader can sense thru the force that his Voltron is not going to come out on top against the Voltron from the Far Universe (that one must be a little better, if they cancelled the show in the U.S. before the other one could even show up). Vader sends 2 bombs from his heavily equipped Tie Bomber into the area where the 2 Voltrons are fighting which causes yet another massive explosion that levels both Voltrons before The Voltron from The Far Universe could destroy his Near Universe counterpart. Superman breaks the trident of Magog and then breaks his face (“your face broke his face”). Wolverine sees this and floats up behind Superman with his claws drawn ready to kill but before Wolvie can get to the Man of Steel, Thor launches Mojinir at Wolverine’s head and takes him out. Star Wolf does an amazing job of evading the turbo lasers and missiles of Jengo and Boba in Slave 1. Star Wolf is able to make the little Arwing do amazing things but eventually the better ship does catch up with him. Star Wolf attempts another evasive stunt but the Arwing takes one to many hits on the left wing which sends it spinning off uncontrollably and then exploding. C-3P0 does an amazing job of being annoying and freaking out while Lando and Nien Numb blow up Orion’s F-22, but after they do, they see something that they had never quite seen before. After the destruction of Orion’s ship, Orion simply ejects from the seat and continues to fly around in space with no help at all (well really it’s because of the Astro harness but Lando doesn’t know that). Luke is able to shoot Vader’s Tie Bomber do to the fact that it is so much slower moving than his X-Wing but Vader maintains enough control of the ship to keep it from being completely destroyed. Vader and Orion both know that his Tie Bomber cannot withstand much more damage so Orion pulls the bomber in with his tractor beam and then projects an energy force field around Vader so he can eject out of the ship (really just jump out into open space). Orion takes the 2 of them and then flies on to the side of The Millennium Falcon and Vader uses the force to open the hatch. The 2 remaining Backyardigans break into the Falcon and then rush into the cockpit. Lando pulls his blaster but Vader and Orion make short work of Lando, Nien Numb, & C-3P0. Vader then sits down and takes over the controls of the Falcon with Orion sitting in the co-pilot seat. Together they swing back around and mount an attack against the remaining TEAMmembers. Vader and Orion fly in with great gusto in the “fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy”, but Luke reluctantly gives the order to fire on his best friends’ ship. Luke says “Well Han said he had a bad feeling that he was never gonna see her again, I guess we can’t make a liar out of him”. The 2 remaining ships (Slave 1 & Luke’s X-Wing) target the Falcon while Superman hits it with his Heat Vision and Thor with the thrown Mojinir. As the Falcon explodes and Thor catches his hammer Superman turns to Thor and says: “Well are season hasn’t stopped yet”. Thor replies with “Aye, Superman my friend I’m not sure that us being stopped is even a possibility”.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos vs Le' Napoleon's Brigade
Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos are Dave Bowman: The Starchild, The Cloverfield Monster, Bizarro, Black Adam, Parallax, Rodimus Prime, Maxima, Ms. Marvel, Lazarus Long in a Tie Bomber, Agamemnon, Steven Hiller & Astro-Droid #19 in an X-Wing, Warf & Astro-Droid #20 in a Y-Wing, Qui Gon Jinn, & Ahmed Best.
Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade is Even Piell, Obi Wan Kenobi, Skyfire, Hecate, Poison Ivy, The Spice Girls, Man at Arms & Teela in a Land Speeder, John McClane, Maverick & Astro-Droid #3 in a Y-Wing, Goose, Jaws, The Sando Aqua Monster, Leia Organa (Jedi), Coleman Trebor, Æon Flux, Fox (from Wanted) in the Bat Boat, Amazon (Princess Ororo), & Lara Croft.
Just moments before the Commandos are teleported to a rematch from not only the final week of this year’s regular season but also last year’s First Round Playoffs, Dr. Doom pulls Black Adam aside for a few words. “Teth, this is the most important battle of our team’s lives. I am entrusting you to do whatever it takes to secure a victory for The Commandos. I don’t care what Head Coach Obama says or thinks, do what must be done,” says Dr. Doom. “There’s nothing to concern yourself about, Doom. Just don’t forget our agreement,” replies Black Adam as he walks out of the locker room. Once they are teleported to the Playoff Planet, the Commandos are met by Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade, who are fully ready for a fight. Qui Gon Jinn motions for the rest of his team to stay back as he sees Obi Wan Kenobi walking out to meet him in the middle of the street of the city. They both ignite their lightsabers as they walk closer to each other. “Master Qui Gon you do not want to do this,” says Obi Wan Kenobi. “Neither do you my old Padawan. But we both know, sometimes there is no other option,” replies Qui Gon Jinn. They both are about to clash, but Maxima and John McClane both blindside the two Jedi Masters. Now Obi Wan and Qui Gon find themselves fighting side by side even though they are on opposite teams. Maxima fires several energy blasts at Obi Wan, but he is able to block them with his lightsaber. Qui Gon Jinn dodges John McClane’s bullets, as he is able to injure the New York City Detective’s arm with his lightsaber. Skyfire sees his teammate in trouble, so he dive bombs Master Jinn and fires his blasters at him. The Jedi Master is able to leap out of way and starts using his Jedi powers to scale the fire escape on the building next to him extremely fast. He leaps off of the top of the building and lands on the Autobot jet, who was making another pass. Skyfire then starts climbing high into the air, barrel rolling, trying to knock to Jedi off, but he is able to hang on. Qui Gon then ignites his lightsaber and drives deep into Skyfire’s hull, destroying his spark. Skyfire then plummets to the ground, with Qui Gon calmly riding him down. At the last moment, he leaps off of Skyfire just moments before the transformer slams into a building. Obi Wan Kenobi meanwhile has been having no luck gaining an advantage over Maxima. But her arrogance finally gets the best of her, which Obi Wan quickly uses to his benefit. She flies in fast and close to land a powerful uppercut, but Master Kenobi does a spin move, which evades her attack and slices her head off with his lightsaber all in the same motion. Qui Gon Jinn then lands back down on the street, yet again staring his old Padawan in the face. This time they are not blindsided by other opponents and are able to finally engage each other in battle. Qui Gon is slow and methodical, while Obi Wan has adjusted his technique to a much faster method of attack. Master Kenobi then in an amazing feat of speed and agility, does like three flips in a matter of seconds and reluctantly strikes his old Master down with his lightsaber. As Qui Gon gasps his last breaths, Obi Wan kneels down next to him as says, “I’m sorry Master Qui Gon. I had no other choice.” “Do not be…sorry Obi Wan. You…have made…me...proud. Your…skills are...more than I could……” replies Qui Gon as he dies. John McClane walks up behind Obi Wan and puts his hand on the Jedi’s shoulder. “Come on Obi Wan, there’s a lot more to this fight before we’re done,” says McClane. Jaws and The Sando Aqua Monster both are impatiently swimming around the water, waiting for their chance to attack. But what neither expected, they soon find themselves as the prey instead of the hunters, as The Cloverfield Monster erupts out of the water and quickly eats Jaws. The Sando Aqua Monster grabs a hold of one of Cloverfield’s front legs and drags him down underwater. Multiple parasites swim off of Cloverfield’s body and starts attacking The Sando Aqua Monster, but it refuses to go down without a fight. They both viciously attack each other as they sink deeper into the abyss and their demise. Back up in space, Maverick in a Y-Wing is in a sweet dogfight with Steve Hiller, who is flying a X-Wing. The two pilots are extremely well matched, both evading each other’s attacks. Lazarus Long flies in to aid Capt. Hiller in his Tie Bomber along with Warf and Astro-Droid #20 aboard their Y-Wing. Hiller, Long, and Warf then work together to blast Maverick and Astro-Droid #3 out of the sky. Capt. Hiller however isn’t able to light his “Fat Lady Cigar,” because Hecate flies in with her massive spaceship body and blows his X-Wing away. She then quickly blows Warf’s Y-Wing away as well. Lazarus Long with his vast experience is able to evade Hecate’s attack and immediately calls for reinforcements. Agamemnon then flies in to attack his fellow Titan. They both start firing on each other with no regard of their own well-being. The two Cymek Titans continue to wage war on each other as Dave Bowman: The Starchild appears before him. He sees this violent and destructive battle between these two behemoths and decides that it would be better if they both were removed from existence. Which is exactly what he does, even though Agamemnon is a teammate of his. Back on the Playoff Planet, Even Piell, Coleman Trebor, Leia Organa and Obi Wan Kenobi form up by the water and work on a game plan. Just then, however, the injured Cloverfield Monster erupts from the water, victorious from his fight against The Sando Aqua Monster and kills Coleman Trebor. Even Piell slices several parasites in half as they jump off of Cloverfield’s body. One of the giant monster’s external esophagi comes straight for Leia, but she is able to slice a part of it off with her lightsaber. Even Piell and Obi Wan Kenobi then use their Force abilities to leap up on to the monster’s head, but Mast Piell knows that this is an unwinable attack and Force pushes Obi Wan off of Cloverfield. He then starts hacking away at the monster’s head with his lightsaber, even though a parasite has sliced Even’s back open. The Jedi Master continues his assault on The Cloverfield Monster, finally defeating it, but at the cost of his own life. Amazon then takes to the skies only to be confronted by Parallax. She immediately tries to uses her vast weather powers, but Parallax senses her extreme fear of drowning. The fear entity capitalizes on this and overwhelms Amazon and blasts her away with his power. Back in the city, Ahmed Best bobbles his way down a street only to be surrounded by the Spice Girls, or should I say Katrina Highkick, Trixie Firecracker, Kung Fu Candy, Midnight Miss Suki, and Blazin' Bad Zula. The five techo-warrior-popstars completely and horrifically rip apart the poor Ahmed Best. They then try to engage Ms. Marvel, thinking that they can kill her just as easily. However, unfortunately for them and unlike Ms. Marvel, they don’t actually have superpowers. Ms. Marvel quickly flies through the air and easily kills all five Spice Girls. Ms. Marvel is then shot at several times by Lara Croft, but she is able to dodge the bullets. She then flies up to the Tomb Raider and crushes her face in with a vicious right hook. Bizarro then smashes to the ground somewhere in the forest, only to be grabbed by the plants as if they were alive. Poison Ivy then walks out from behind a tree, controlling the plant life. Bizarro then uses his super strength to free himself from the plants. He then uses his heat breath to set ablaze not only most of the forest, but Poison Ivy as well. Fox, who is speeding by in the Batboat, is now shooting at Rodimus Prime. She’s finding her target with every shot, but let’s be honest, the bullets just aren’t getting the job done against the Autobot leader. Rodimus pulls his photon eliminator out and blows the Batboat to pieces. John McClane meets back up with Obi Wan Kenobi and Leia Organa. “We are getting our asses handed to us out here!” shouts McClane. “We have to regroup with what’s left of our team,” replies Master Kenobi. They are able to find Æon Flux, Goose, and Man-at-Arms, who is with Teela aboard a Land Speeder. “F#$* this is it?! You’ve got to be kidding me?!” yells John McClane. Just then, Black Adam along with Bizarro, Ms. Marvel and Parallax show up. Without hesitation, Obi Wan and Leia both leap into action and drive their lightsabers deep into Bizarro’s chest, killing the powerhouse. Æon Flux tries to uses her incredible fighting skills against Black Adam, but he simply punches right through her head. Goose, who at this point is completely freaking out is easily dispatched by Parallax. Rodimus Prime then arrives to aid his teammates. He takes aim and blows up the Land Speeder, killing Teela in the process. Man-at-Arms then enraged by his daughter’s death, charges towards Rodimus Prime, but Lazarus Long flies in, ejects from his Tie Bomber and stabs Man-at-Arms with his sword. Obi Wan Kenobi then attacks Lazarus Long. He tries to keep up with the Jedi Master, but Obi Wan’s lightsaber skills are too much for him to handle, and he eventually falls. Leia moves against Ms. Marvel, but she finds her self double-teamed by her and Parallax. She tries her best, but is blown away by their combined energy. John McClane looks over at his last teammate, Obi Wan Kenobi, and says “F#$* it!” as they both charge at the remaining Commando forces. Just then, Dave Bowman makes another appearance and makes McClane and Kenobi disappear, sparing them from what was sure to be a gruesome death.
POP SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade is Even Piell, Obi Wan Kenobi, Skyfire, Hecate, Poison Ivy, The Spice Girls, Man at Arms & Teela in a Land Speeder, John McClane, Maverick & Astro-Droid #3 in a Y-Wing, Goose, Jaws, The Sando Aqua Monster, Leia Organa (Jedi), Coleman Trebor, Æon Flux, Fox (from Wanted) in the Bat Boat, Amazon (Princess Ororo), & Lara Croft.
Just moments before the Commandos are teleported to a rematch from not only the final week of this year’s regular season but also last year’s First Round Playoffs, Dr. Doom pulls Black Adam aside for a few words. “Teth, this is the most important battle of our team’s lives. I am entrusting you to do whatever it takes to secure a victory for The Commandos. I don’t care what Head Coach Obama says or thinks, do what must be done,” says Dr. Doom. “There’s nothing to concern yourself about, Doom. Just don’t forget our agreement,” replies Black Adam as he walks out of the locker room. Once they are teleported to the Playoff Planet, the Commandos are met by Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade, who are fully ready for a fight. Qui Gon Jinn motions for the rest of his team to stay back as he sees Obi Wan Kenobi walking out to meet him in the middle of the street of the city. They both ignite their lightsabers as they walk closer to each other. “Master Qui Gon you do not want to do this,” says Obi Wan Kenobi. “Neither do you my old Padawan. But we both know, sometimes there is no other option,” replies Qui Gon Jinn. They both are about to clash, but Maxima and John McClane both blindside the two Jedi Masters. Now Obi Wan and Qui Gon find themselves fighting side by side even though they are on opposite teams. Maxima fires several energy blasts at Obi Wan, but he is able to block them with his lightsaber. Qui Gon Jinn dodges John McClane’s bullets, as he is able to injure the New York City Detective’s arm with his lightsaber. Skyfire sees his teammate in trouble, so he dive bombs Master Jinn and fires his blasters at him. The Jedi Master is able to leap out of way and starts using his Jedi powers to scale the fire escape on the building next to him extremely fast. He leaps off of the top of the building and lands on the Autobot jet, who was making another pass. Skyfire then starts climbing high into the air, barrel rolling, trying to knock to Jedi off, but he is able to hang on. Qui Gon then ignites his lightsaber and drives deep into Skyfire’s hull, destroying his spark. Skyfire then plummets to the ground, with Qui Gon calmly riding him down. At the last moment, he leaps off of Skyfire just moments before the transformer slams into a building. Obi Wan Kenobi meanwhile has been having no luck gaining an advantage over Maxima. But her arrogance finally gets the best of her, which Obi Wan quickly uses to his benefit. She flies in fast and close to land a powerful uppercut, but Master Kenobi does a spin move, which evades her attack and slices her head off with his lightsaber all in the same motion. Qui Gon Jinn then lands back down on the street, yet again staring his old Padawan in the face. This time they are not blindsided by other opponents and are able to finally engage each other in battle. Qui Gon is slow and methodical, while Obi Wan has adjusted his technique to a much faster method of attack. Master Kenobi then in an amazing feat of speed and agility, does like three flips in a matter of seconds and reluctantly strikes his old Master down with his lightsaber. As Qui Gon gasps his last breaths, Obi Wan kneels down next to him as says, “I’m sorry Master Qui Gon. I had no other choice.” “Do not be…sorry Obi Wan. You…have made…me...proud. Your…skills are...more than I could……” replies Qui Gon as he dies. John McClane walks up behind Obi Wan and puts his hand on the Jedi’s shoulder. “Come on Obi Wan, there’s a lot more to this fight before we’re done,” says McClane. Jaws and The Sando Aqua Monster both are impatiently swimming around the water, waiting for their chance to attack. But what neither expected, they soon find themselves as the prey instead of the hunters, as The Cloverfield Monster erupts out of the water and quickly eats Jaws. The Sando Aqua Monster grabs a hold of one of Cloverfield’s front legs and drags him down underwater. Multiple parasites swim off of Cloverfield’s body and starts attacking The Sando Aqua Monster, but it refuses to go down without a fight. They both viciously attack each other as they sink deeper into the abyss and their demise. Back up in space, Maverick in a Y-Wing is in a sweet dogfight with Steve Hiller, who is flying a X-Wing. The two pilots are extremely well matched, both evading each other’s attacks. Lazarus Long flies in to aid Capt. Hiller in his Tie Bomber along with Warf and Astro-Droid #20 aboard their Y-Wing. Hiller, Long, and Warf then work together to blast Maverick and Astro-Droid #3 out of the sky. Capt. Hiller however isn’t able to light his “Fat Lady Cigar,” because Hecate flies in with her massive spaceship body and blows his X-Wing away. She then quickly blows Warf’s Y-Wing away as well. Lazarus Long with his vast experience is able to evade Hecate’s attack and immediately calls for reinforcements. Agamemnon then flies in to attack his fellow Titan. They both start firing on each other with no regard of their own well-being. The two Cymek Titans continue to wage war on each other as Dave Bowman: The Starchild appears before him. He sees this violent and destructive battle between these two behemoths and decides that it would be better if they both were removed from existence. Which is exactly what he does, even though Agamemnon is a teammate of his. Back on the Playoff Planet, Even Piell, Coleman Trebor, Leia Organa and Obi Wan Kenobi form up by the water and work on a game plan. Just then, however, the injured Cloverfield Monster erupts from the water, victorious from his fight against The Sando Aqua Monster and kills Coleman Trebor. Even Piell slices several parasites in half as they jump off of Cloverfield’s body. One of the giant monster’s external esophagi comes straight for Leia, but she is able to slice a part of it off with her lightsaber. Even Piell and Obi Wan Kenobi then use their Force abilities to leap up on to the monster’s head, but Mast Piell knows that this is an unwinable attack and Force pushes Obi Wan off of Cloverfield. He then starts hacking away at the monster’s head with his lightsaber, even though a parasite has sliced Even’s back open. The Jedi Master continues his assault on The Cloverfield Monster, finally defeating it, but at the cost of his own life. Amazon then takes to the skies only to be confronted by Parallax. She immediately tries to uses her vast weather powers, but Parallax senses her extreme fear of drowning. The fear entity capitalizes on this and overwhelms Amazon and blasts her away with his power. Back in the city, Ahmed Best bobbles his way down a street only to be surrounded by the Spice Girls, or should I say Katrina Highkick, Trixie Firecracker, Kung Fu Candy, Midnight Miss Suki, and Blazin' Bad Zula. The five techo-warrior-popstars completely and horrifically rip apart the poor Ahmed Best. They then try to engage Ms. Marvel, thinking that they can kill her just as easily. However, unfortunately for them and unlike Ms. Marvel, they don’t actually have superpowers. Ms. Marvel quickly flies through the air and easily kills all five Spice Girls. Ms. Marvel is then shot at several times by Lara Croft, but she is able to dodge the bullets. She then flies up to the Tomb Raider and crushes her face in with a vicious right hook. Bizarro then smashes to the ground somewhere in the forest, only to be grabbed by the plants as if they were alive. Poison Ivy then walks out from behind a tree, controlling the plant life. Bizarro then uses his super strength to free himself from the plants. He then uses his heat breath to set ablaze not only most of the forest, but Poison Ivy as well. Fox, who is speeding by in the Batboat, is now shooting at Rodimus Prime. She’s finding her target with every shot, but let’s be honest, the bullets just aren’t getting the job done against the Autobot leader. Rodimus pulls his photon eliminator out and blows the Batboat to pieces. John McClane meets back up with Obi Wan Kenobi and Leia Organa. “We are getting our asses handed to us out here!” shouts McClane. “We have to regroup with what’s left of our team,” replies Master Kenobi. They are able to find Æon Flux, Goose, and Man-at-Arms, who is with Teela aboard a Land Speeder. “F#$* this is it?! You’ve got to be kidding me?!” yells John McClane. Just then, Black Adam along with Bizarro, Ms. Marvel and Parallax show up. Without hesitation, Obi Wan and Leia both leap into action and drive their lightsabers deep into Bizarro’s chest, killing the powerhouse. Æon Flux tries to uses her incredible fighting skills against Black Adam, but he simply punches right through her head. Goose, who at this point is completely freaking out is easily dispatched by Parallax. Rodimus Prime then arrives to aid his teammates. He takes aim and blows up the Land Speeder, killing Teela in the process. Man-at-Arms then enraged by his daughter’s death, charges towards Rodimus Prime, but Lazarus Long flies in, ejects from his Tie Bomber and stabs Man-at-Arms with his sword. Obi Wan Kenobi then attacks Lazarus Long. He tries to keep up with the Jedi Master, but Obi Wan’s lightsaber skills are too much for him to handle, and he eventually falls. Leia moves against Ms. Marvel, but she finds her self double-teamed by her and Parallax. She tries her best, but is blown away by their combined energy. John McClane looks over at his last teammate, Obi Wan Kenobi, and says “F#$* it!” as they both charge at the remaining Commando forces. Just then, Dave Bowman makes another appearance and makes McClane and Kenobi disappear, sparing them from what was sure to be a gruesome death.
POP SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Untouchables
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master & Astro-Droid #11 in a Y-Wing, Achilles, Supergirl, Superboy Prime, The Sentry, Exitar the Exterminator, Sinestro, The Joker, Bellatrix Lestrange, Sandworm #14, Sea Worm #8, & Josh Houslander on The Batcycle.
The Untouchables are Onslaught, The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, & The Thing in Malevolence, Slippy Toad in an Arwing, (Green Lantern) Sinestro, Tomar Tu, Eclipso, The Female Furies: Gillotina, Lishina, Stompa, Berenadeth, & Mad Harriet, She-Hulk, Granny Goodness, The Constructicons, Merlin, & Legolas.
Up in space, Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, & Human Torch have their hands full keeping The Malevolence going while they are being flanked on both sides by Slippy Toad in his Arwing and The thing in The Soulless One (The Malevolence’s personal attack craft). The rest of The Untouchables forces are in the city area of The Play-off planet where they are basically stuck because they don’t wish to travel into the bordering desert area which is being patrolled by Sandworm #14. Horsemen Head Coach Hannibal Lectur and Darkseid spoke to the team before the match and told them that Onslaught was going to have to be the main focus of the team if they were going to win the match. Exitar views the landscape and takes in the abilities of his enemies. The Celestial killer uses his super-advanced intellect to decipher who his biggest threats are and then jumps into action. The Celestial surprisingly does not go for Onslaught (perhaps Exitar thought that his mixed metal armor made him vulnerable). Instead Exitar attacks The Female Furies. The Furies welcome the attack and move against the huge Celestial but within moments, Exitar Exterminates all 5 of them with ease. The Constructicons merge to form Devastator to attack the Celestial but the Decepticon Gestalt is still smaller than Exitar. The 2 begin to clash but Exitar is able to overpower Devastator as well. Even with Devastator’s amazing strength he is unable to any real damage to Exitar. Exitar then begins flying out of the planet’s atmosphere where Luke is already headed in his Y-Wing toward The Fantastic Four. Tomar Tu and (GL) Sinestro fly up behind the Celestial to see if they can lend a hand to The Fantastic Four and Slippy Toad. Supergirl, Superboy Prime, & The Sentry all square off against Onslaught. Onslaught has had an amazing season this year and is accredited with The Untouchables turning their team around and becoming play-off contenders. Onslaught uses his magnetic abilities to pick up the wreckage of what was once The Constructicons and begins throwing it at his 3 attackers. The 3 super-powered Horsemen rush in towards Onslaught in an attempt to physically overwhelm which seems to work at first. Onslaught takes an incredible beating from the 3 but he manages to get a hold of The Sentry and once he does he breaks into The Sentry’s fragile mind and rips him apart from the inside out. This attack works well but Supergirl and Superboy use it to their advantage. While Onslaught is killing The Sentry the 2 Kryptonians use a mix of Heat Vision and Super Strength to overwhelm and kill Onslaught. Sinestro begins fighting with Eclipso while Legolas takes aim at Achilles with his bow. Legolas’ shots are dead on but Achilles hides behind his shield to stay safe. Achilles continues to run toward the elf until he is close enough to toss his shield and knock the bow out of Legolas’s hands. Legolas quickly pulls out his 2 Elven short swords but he knows before the fight even begins that his strong suit is his bow not his hand to hand skills and that when it comes to skills like that, there is no one better than Achilles. The 2 of them engage in a fierce sword fight but in the end it is Achilles who comes out on top as he slices open Legolas’s chest with his broad sword. Bellatrix Lestrange tries a vicious attack spell out but before she can finish it Merlin counteracts the spell and casts another one of his own. With a Wave of his wand Lestrange is cast into nothingness by Merlin and his superior wizardry. The Joker tries to attack Granny Goodness from behind but he is unable to finish her off. Granny throws the Joker about 10 feet and then starts moving toward him to finish him off but Josh zips by on the Batcycle and scoops the Joker up. Josh takes off in the other direction while him and the Joker both same simultaneously “Hey, did you know that you are in the presence of royalty”? They both look at each other funny as The Joker says: “I’m the Clown Prince of Crime”, while Josh says: “That’s Cool, I’m the King of Crunk”. The Joker then adds that he believes that he Josh should let him drive because he has stolen enough bat vehicles in his day to be considered a professional but he then drops it when Granny Goodness reappears and swings a club at them. Josh gets away from the attack and then swings the Batcycle back around. He activates a grappling hook off of the bike and which shoots directly into Granny’s neck to kill her. Josh and The Joker start to do donuts to celebrate when She-Hulk takes her fist and pounds the front of the bike into the ground which sends both Josh and The Joker flying off the bike. The pissed off former Horsemen begins walking toward the 2 of them while they try to gain their composure. The Joker pulls out 2 knives while Josh pulls out his Wakisachi. She-Hulk says: “Well well well; look what couple of losers Darkseid started today. I see he didn’t have the guts to start Emma Frost against me…. That’s typical Horsemen bull crap. So instead I get the Clown Prince of Crap and The King of Crud, you 2 are A**holes even by Horsemen standards”. Josh yells “lets take her out” to The Joker but as they start to run towards her She Hulk just grabs both of them by the neck and then crushes both of their heads together. Luke senses that the crew aboard The Malevolence have something up their sleeves which is why he tries to attack the much larger ship from his Y-Wing. He is not given the opportunity though because The Thing and Slippy Toad instantly engage him in a dog fight. Back on the planet She-Hulk continues her rampage by ripping The Horsemen’s very first pick Achilles in half. High above this fight, but not in space Sinestro uses a huge yellow energy construct of gun to blow Eclipso into pieces. Mr. Fantastic uses his superior intellect to transfer the energy from The Malevolence’s lasers into the twin Ion Cannons. With this energy plus the master targeting of both Invisible Woman and Human Torch The Fantastic Four are able to target both The Horsemen’s Sandworm and Sea Worm from space. With this intense amount of power they are able to completely destroy the 2 worms before they even new they were being attacked. Luke shows his flying prowess by first taking out The Thing in The Soulless One and then taking out Slippy Toad despite the Toad having a much faster and more maneuverable ship then Luke does. Luke was forced to use up 2 of his advanced missiles to destroy the 2 fighter ships but Luke knows exactly where to target the rest of his missiles. He sends them all into the ship’s Shield generator to completely destroy it and then open it up for Exitar to attack. Exitar begins pounding on the ship and kills Invisible Woman in the process. Mr. Fantastic, in his rage then pulls out The Ultimate Nullifier (or one like it) and pulls the trigger to use it for the first time in this Universe’s history. Mr. Fantastic, with his amazing level of intelligence has enough understanding of The Celestial race that the weapon actually works and destroys both Exitar and himself. Luke is shocked by this development and is then hit by some green energy from Sinestro and Tomar Tu. Luke is forced to eject from his Y-Wing onto the Malevolence which is already about to blow as well. Luke pops out of his Y-Wing’s ejection pod and starts racing toward an escape pod when he is met in the ship’s hallway by Human Torch. Luke uses the force to extinguish Johnny Storm’s flames and then uses his lightsaber to finish him off before he gets into one of The Malevolence’s escape pods and shoots himself back to the Play-Off Planet just before The Malevolence explodes. The 2 devastated teams regroup back on the surface where the 2 Sinestro’s cannot help but fight with the other version of themselves. The 2 of them take flight high above the water area of the planet and begin to do battle. Superboy takes advantage of his dislike for the green lantern corps as well which causes him to do the same thing with Tomar Tu above the Desert area of the planet. Luke pops out of the escape pod ready to fight and attacks Merlin. Luke attempts several force pushes but Merlin’s magic protects him from the force’s invisible movements. Merlin then casts a spell which affects Supergirl and slightly weakens her. Supergirl and She-Hulk then begin brawling fiercely. Merlin wants to interfere but when he sees Luke running his way he instead aims a lighting spell at Luke. Luke somersaults out of the way and then throws his lightsaber which connects with Merlin’s forehead to kill him. The enraged She-Hulk is having the match of her career as she finally gets the opportunity to fight back against the team that she feels wronged her so severely. Supergirl swings at She-Hulk but Barb gets out of the way just in time. She-Hulk then catches Supergirl with an amazing 2 handed uppercut to the neck which actually breaks Supergirl’s neck and kills her. Superboy manages to fight thru Tomar tu’s attacks and rip the green lantern’s torso off while Sinestro and Sinestro were still battling. Green Lantern rings and Yellow Lantern rings both have the awesome ability to basically do anything they want but Yellow rings have one specialty that comes in real handy and that is destroying Green Rings. This plus the added experience of the older and meaner Sinestro causes the Horsemen Sinestro to come out on top. She Hulk stands over the dead body of Supergirl ready to take on the entire league when she is surrounded by Sinestro, Superboy, and Luke. She Hulk looks at the 3 of them and screams: “BRING IT”! While Sinestro calmly says to her: “You know She Hulk, as the only person left in this match who was on The Horsemen with you, I would like to say about that trade; that for the record I always thought we got ripped off”. With those words the 3 remaining Horsemen power houses converge on She Hulk and grant her her last stand.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Untouchables are Onslaught, The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, & The Thing in Malevolence, Slippy Toad in an Arwing, (Green Lantern) Sinestro, Tomar Tu, Eclipso, The Female Furies: Gillotina, Lishina, Stompa, Berenadeth, & Mad Harriet, She-Hulk, Granny Goodness, The Constructicons, Merlin, & Legolas.
Up in space, Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, & Human Torch have their hands full keeping The Malevolence going while they are being flanked on both sides by Slippy Toad in his Arwing and The thing in The Soulless One (The Malevolence’s personal attack craft). The rest of The Untouchables forces are in the city area of The Play-off planet where they are basically stuck because they don’t wish to travel into the bordering desert area which is being patrolled by Sandworm #14. Horsemen Head Coach Hannibal Lectur and Darkseid spoke to the team before the match and told them that Onslaught was going to have to be the main focus of the team if they were going to win the match. Exitar views the landscape and takes in the abilities of his enemies. The Celestial killer uses his super-advanced intellect to decipher who his biggest threats are and then jumps into action. The Celestial surprisingly does not go for Onslaught (perhaps Exitar thought that his mixed metal armor made him vulnerable). Instead Exitar attacks The Female Furies. The Furies welcome the attack and move against the huge Celestial but within moments, Exitar Exterminates all 5 of them with ease. The Constructicons merge to form Devastator to attack the Celestial but the Decepticon Gestalt is still smaller than Exitar. The 2 begin to clash but Exitar is able to overpower Devastator as well. Even with Devastator’s amazing strength he is unable to any real damage to Exitar. Exitar then begins flying out of the planet’s atmosphere where Luke is already headed in his Y-Wing toward The Fantastic Four. Tomar Tu and (GL) Sinestro fly up behind the Celestial to see if they can lend a hand to The Fantastic Four and Slippy Toad. Supergirl, Superboy Prime, & The Sentry all square off against Onslaught. Onslaught has had an amazing season this year and is accredited with The Untouchables turning their team around and becoming play-off contenders. Onslaught uses his magnetic abilities to pick up the wreckage of what was once The Constructicons and begins throwing it at his 3 attackers. The 3 super-powered Horsemen rush in towards Onslaught in an attempt to physically overwhelm which seems to work at first. Onslaught takes an incredible beating from the 3 but he manages to get a hold of The Sentry and once he does he breaks into The Sentry’s fragile mind and rips him apart from the inside out. This attack works well but Supergirl and Superboy use it to their advantage. While Onslaught is killing The Sentry the 2 Kryptonians use a mix of Heat Vision and Super Strength to overwhelm and kill Onslaught. Sinestro begins fighting with Eclipso while Legolas takes aim at Achilles with his bow. Legolas’ shots are dead on but Achilles hides behind his shield to stay safe. Achilles continues to run toward the elf until he is close enough to toss his shield and knock the bow out of Legolas’s hands. Legolas quickly pulls out his 2 Elven short swords but he knows before the fight even begins that his strong suit is his bow not his hand to hand skills and that when it comes to skills like that, there is no one better than Achilles. The 2 of them engage in a fierce sword fight but in the end it is Achilles who comes out on top as he slices open Legolas’s chest with his broad sword. Bellatrix Lestrange tries a vicious attack spell out but before she can finish it Merlin counteracts the spell and casts another one of his own. With a Wave of his wand Lestrange is cast into nothingness by Merlin and his superior wizardry. The Joker tries to attack Granny Goodness from behind but he is unable to finish her off. Granny throws the Joker about 10 feet and then starts moving toward him to finish him off but Josh zips by on the Batcycle and scoops the Joker up. Josh takes off in the other direction while him and the Joker both same simultaneously “Hey, did you know that you are in the presence of royalty”? They both look at each other funny as The Joker says: “I’m the Clown Prince of Crime”, while Josh says: “That’s Cool, I’m the King of Crunk”. The Joker then adds that he believes that he Josh should let him drive because he has stolen enough bat vehicles in his day to be considered a professional but he then drops it when Granny Goodness reappears and swings a club at them. Josh gets away from the attack and then swings the Batcycle back around. He activates a grappling hook off of the bike and which shoots directly into Granny’s neck to kill her. Josh and The Joker start to do donuts to celebrate when She-Hulk takes her fist and pounds the front of the bike into the ground which sends both Josh and The Joker flying off the bike. The pissed off former Horsemen begins walking toward the 2 of them while they try to gain their composure. The Joker pulls out 2 knives while Josh pulls out his Wakisachi. She-Hulk says: “Well well well; look what couple of losers Darkseid started today. I see he didn’t have the guts to start Emma Frost against me…. That’s typical Horsemen bull crap. So instead I get the Clown Prince of Crap and The King of Crud, you 2 are A**holes even by Horsemen standards”. Josh yells “lets take her out” to The Joker but as they start to run towards her She Hulk just grabs both of them by the neck and then crushes both of their heads together. Luke senses that the crew aboard The Malevolence have something up their sleeves which is why he tries to attack the much larger ship from his Y-Wing. He is not given the opportunity though because The Thing and Slippy Toad instantly engage him in a dog fight. Back on the planet She-Hulk continues her rampage by ripping The Horsemen’s very first pick Achilles in half. High above this fight, but not in space Sinestro uses a huge yellow energy construct of gun to blow Eclipso into pieces. Mr. Fantastic uses his superior intellect to transfer the energy from The Malevolence’s lasers into the twin Ion Cannons. With this energy plus the master targeting of both Invisible Woman and Human Torch The Fantastic Four are able to target both The Horsemen’s Sandworm and Sea Worm from space. With this intense amount of power they are able to completely destroy the 2 worms before they even new they were being attacked. Luke shows his flying prowess by first taking out The Thing in The Soulless One and then taking out Slippy Toad despite the Toad having a much faster and more maneuverable ship then Luke does. Luke was forced to use up 2 of his advanced missiles to destroy the 2 fighter ships but Luke knows exactly where to target the rest of his missiles. He sends them all into the ship’s Shield generator to completely destroy it and then open it up for Exitar to attack. Exitar begins pounding on the ship and kills Invisible Woman in the process. Mr. Fantastic, in his rage then pulls out The Ultimate Nullifier (or one like it) and pulls the trigger to use it for the first time in this Universe’s history. Mr. Fantastic, with his amazing level of intelligence has enough understanding of The Celestial race that the weapon actually works and destroys both Exitar and himself. Luke is shocked by this development and is then hit by some green energy from Sinestro and Tomar Tu. Luke is forced to eject from his Y-Wing onto the Malevolence which is already about to blow as well. Luke pops out of his Y-Wing’s ejection pod and starts racing toward an escape pod when he is met in the ship’s hallway by Human Torch. Luke uses the force to extinguish Johnny Storm’s flames and then uses his lightsaber to finish him off before he gets into one of The Malevolence’s escape pods and shoots himself back to the Play-Off Planet just before The Malevolence explodes. The 2 devastated teams regroup back on the surface where the 2 Sinestro’s cannot help but fight with the other version of themselves. The 2 of them take flight high above the water area of the planet and begin to do battle. Superboy takes advantage of his dislike for the green lantern corps as well which causes him to do the same thing with Tomar Tu above the Desert area of the planet. Luke pops out of the escape pod ready to fight and attacks Merlin. Luke attempts several force pushes but Merlin’s magic protects him from the force’s invisible movements. Merlin then casts a spell which affects Supergirl and slightly weakens her. Supergirl and She-Hulk then begin brawling fiercely. Merlin wants to interfere but when he sees Luke running his way he instead aims a lighting spell at Luke. Luke somersaults out of the way and then throws his lightsaber which connects with Merlin’s forehead to kill him. The enraged She-Hulk is having the match of her career as she finally gets the opportunity to fight back against the team that she feels wronged her so severely. Supergirl swings at She-Hulk but Barb gets out of the way just in time. She-Hulk then catches Supergirl with an amazing 2 handed uppercut to the neck which actually breaks Supergirl’s neck and kills her. Superboy manages to fight thru Tomar tu’s attacks and rip the green lantern’s torso off while Sinestro and Sinestro were still battling. Green Lantern rings and Yellow Lantern rings both have the awesome ability to basically do anything they want but Yellow rings have one specialty that comes in real handy and that is destroying Green Rings. This plus the added experience of the older and meaner Sinestro causes the Horsemen Sinestro to come out on top. She Hulk stands over the dead body of Supergirl ready to take on the entire league when she is surrounded by Sinestro, Superboy, and Luke. She Hulk looks at the 3 of them and screams: “BRING IT”! While Sinestro calmly says to her: “You know She Hulk, as the only person left in this match who was on The Horsemen with you, I would like to say about that trade; that for the record I always thought we got ripped off”. With those words the 3 remaining Horsemen power houses converge on She Hulk and grant her her last stand.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
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