Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Week 1 Consolation Match: Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies vs. Built Ford Tough

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Speedy Gonzalez, Aunt May, Ron Popeil, Mystery Inc.: Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, Scooby-Doo & Scooby Dumb.

Built Ford Tough is Indiana Jones.

“Drinks are on me Scoob’s.” An already intoxicated Shaggy says to his best friend in the world, Scooby Doo.

“Right on, Raggy” Scooby says back to his best bud. The whole gang has been at the bar for several hours, which means that they are all at least a bit tipsy. Fred has been trying to make a move a Daphne all night but has not been able to get her attention away from Indiana Jones. That’s right, Indiana Jones is sitting down with the Murderflies for the past three hours and it doesn’t look like anything is going to happen anytime soon either. You see, about three hours ago both teams showed up and Indiana Jones was getting ready to fight Fred when Shaggy jumped in between the two of them and asked them to talk about it first. This went on for a couple of minutes before Indiana noticed Daphne standing behind Fred holding an ice cold Budweiser. Before I knew what was going on, Indiana and Daphne were sitting in the corner talking and the rest of the group was getting drunker by the minute. Speedy Gonzalez looks more like Slowy Hernandez as he is literally swimming in Scooby and Shaggy's pitcher of beer.

I think the most disturbing thing that has happened so far was watching Velma make a move on Aunt May, which ultimately lead to Velma giving Aunt May possibly the most revolting kiss I have ever seen. Velma then passed out under the table and Aunt May has been in the bathroom ever since. The only person who has really been doing anything thus far has been Ron Popeil, who has been over by the DJ trying to figure out a way to turn the stereo system into some sort noise cannon. To tell you the truth, I don’t really think he knows what he is talking about. Watching him talk to the DJ about it is quite amusing though. If he doesn’t know what he is talking about, he sure as hell thinks he does.

Aunt May just walked out of the bathroom and is tentatively walking around, probably trying to avoid being seen by Velma. Scooby Dumb has now walked up to Aunt May and it looks like he is telling her that Velma is passed out because she looks a bit relieved and is once again making her way back to the table. Fred is so pathetic looking right now, he might as well be crying into his beer. Why doesn’t he just man up, oh wait a second; Yeah, I’ll take another tallboy and the pulled pork sandwich on rye. Um, yeah, I guess I’ll take fries with that. Sorry about that, what was I saying, oh yeah, Fred. Come on dude, man up for once.

Ten Minutes Later

Wow, that’s good. It’s so cold; it’s almost too cold.

Twenty Minutes Later

Um that’s good. I wonder what kind of BBQ sauce they use hear, it’s so good.
Fourty Five Minutes Later

Wow this is boring, oh wait I think Velma just woke up. Oh, no she didn’t. Scooby just accidentally kicked her, never mind.

Two Hours and Thirty Minutes Later

Are you kidding me, you call that a foul. Jesus, I guess just breathing on Kobe is foul. Yeah, just try convincing me this sport isn’t fixed.

Three Hour Later

Sorry I dozed off there for a second. I was in the bathroom a little while back and Indiana and Daphne were making out. It was pretty nasty as the two of them are completely wasted. Though I will admit that Daphne is retarded hot, even when she has an old man slobbering all over her. When I say nothing is happening I mean that nothing is happening. I honestly don’t think this is ever going to go anywhere. Fred has left the table and is now trying to talk to this dude at the bar. Velma is still passed out under the table where Scooby Dumb and Speedy Gonzalez are now sleeping next to her. Aunt May has joined Ron Popeil over by the DJ’s booth and Scooby and Shaggy are on their tenth pitcher of beer and have eaten at least fifty wings each. Still no sign of Indiana and Daphne, but I can only assume what they are doing to each other in the bathroom.

Three Hours and Ten minutes Later

The old man and the tramp just walked out of the bathroom together, this place is so trashy.

Three Hours and Fourty Five Minutes Later

I think I’m just going to leave and lie about what I saw. I can’t take this anymore.

Four Hour and Seven Minutes Later

Remember what I said about Ron Popeil trying to turn the sound system into a noise cannon, well, he kind of did and he killed everyone in the bar. Except of course for himself, Aunt May and the DJ. They were behind him so they weren’t affected by the blast. Actually, I guess that means the beer’s are on Ron tonight, so it wasn’t a total loss. Okay, I’m outta here. Thanks for wasting your time with me. See ya.

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious (If that is what you want to call it)!

7 comments:

Artifact said...

The way the story was going, mass murder was the only way I saw of ending it quickly.

Good form. great stuff.

Artifact said...

Oh yeah... Did anyone else plump up a little bit reading the Velma and Aunt May makeout scene?

...Just me? Oh well, that's cool & the gang.

Ryan said...

Plump up?! Damn dude, you actually made me laugh out loud to myself.

Josh the Commish said...

That was great! .......... The story I mean, not the plumping up.

Krisatu said...

I find it slightly offensive that Mystery Inc has Scooby Dumb over the far superior Scrappy Doo. I mean, I'd rather have someone with the description of Scrappy in their name over Dumb.

Josh the Commish said...

Actually Jonathen, Scrappy-Doo is a member of The Right Wing. Thanks for being awesome and welcome to the blog. You've taken your first step into a larger world.

Lickolas said...

Scrappy Doo was nothing but a ratings grab, he is a disgrace to the Scooby Doo legacy. It is great to have a new member on the blog though, welcome aboard.