King of the Consolation Match: Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family vs Xavier's Annihilation Sqaud

Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family is:
 Zombie Sonic the Hedgehog and Doozer #7

Xavier's Annihilation Squad is:  Robin (Jason Todd) w/blue lightsaber and NFG Mike w/green lightsaber

The two members of Layander's squadron arrive at the Home Depot in Walled Lake a few minutes before the scheduled start time of the match, so they can prepare. As they enter and head down the aisles to begin gathering materials for this high profile match-up, Jason Todd arrives and waits outside for his teammate.

An hour and a half later, NFG Mike's car pulls into the parking lot, and the owner of the Annihilation Squad gets out of the car in a smoky haze and hustles over to his teammate with a Big Gulp in one hand and is finishing chewing his Big Bite Hot Dog.

"Sorry dude, sorry" mumbles Mike with his mouth full of hot dog to a visibly annoyed Robin.

"Seriously? Come on guy." fumes Todd "You've given a Doozer almost two hours in a home improvement store. God only knows what he's come up with, and do I even want to ask what that smell is? You know this is a championship match, right?"

"Relax bud, heh BUD *snicker*.  look, look. Look. Look.....What was I saying?" responds NFG

"For f**k's sake. Let's just get this s**tshow underway" and with that Jason Todd ignites his lightsaber and enters the building, while Greenwall hustles to catch up to him yelling "YO! I got something we can spark besides that lazer knife if you got the time. Yo! Hey!"

Jason throws some smokepellets and quickly climbs up the aisles to try and get a better vantage point. He scans the store, looking for any sign of his opponents.  He spots them, and gets ready to pounce when all of a sudden

'YO! JASON!!!! WHAT'S GOING ON DUDE???? YOU SEE THEM???? CAN YOU GET THEM FROM UP THERE????!!!!!"

"F**K! REALLY??" says Jason who jumps down from his vantage point and delivers a mighty drop-kick to zombie Sonic, as the undead hedgehog is down, Jason quickly cuts off it's legs, but Sonic still lives and is growling and thrashing about.

"Let's just get this over with." sighs Jason, but as he's about to plunge his lightsaber into Sonic's head and finish him off, he hears a TWANG and is struck from behind by something. Jason stumbles a bit, and looks to see what hit him as it clatters to the floor. He freezes dead in his tracks when he sees the object.

A crowbar.

*pfft* the sound of an airhammer cuts the silence as a nail strikes the paralyzed sidekick in the eye. Jason falls backwards onto the handicapped Sonic, who smells blood. The scent throws the speedy zombie into a frenzy and Jason is quickly devoured by zombie Sonic.

"Now the hard parts over" smirks Doozer #7 "Now to finish this. Come on, Sonic. Time for dessert." With that, the Doozer hustles off as fast as his little legs will take him, while zombie Sonic drags himself after him.

While his teammate is being slaughtered and devoured, NFG Mike is frantically looking for anything that will help him at this moment. The candy located by the checkouts. "Homeboy has a bad case of the munchies" he says to himself, giggling. He finally settles on a can of Pringles, and just as he pops the top, he sees the Doozer.

"What the f**k?" says NFG as he drops his chips and stumbles to get his lightsaber.

"Found him Sonic! Get over here!!!" Cries the Doozer. He rushes his opponent, a razorblade attached to each of his hands and feet. Just as he's about to pounce and knock down NFG so Sonic can finish him off, the tiny builder suddenly drops to his knees and begins to groan in pain.

"Dude. You ok?" asks NFG

The Doozer looks up at him, spits and tries to get to his feet and advance on his rival. But again, he's weaken and can't get close to his opponent.

"Sonic. Hurry. I-I can't get close to him. You gotta finish him off for me." he groans

Greenwall decides this isn't a great place for him to be, so he hurries out of the checkout, grabbing a MilkyWay on his way out. As he passes over Doozer #7, the diminutive builder lets out a mighty scream, but nothing has touched him.

"Hmmmm." thinks Mike, who sees the half a hedgehog advancing on him. Mike grabs a bag of  concrete and hurls it at Sonic. It hits him in the arm and breaks it.  Sonic is now immobile and is just snarling and spitting all over the place. Mike grabs a sledgehammer and finishes off the undead videogame mascot. That nasty bit of business over, he heads over to the Doozer. Just as the Doozer is getting back on his feet he staggers back down as Greenwall gets near him.

"Look dude, no hard feelings." says the newest FFL owner as he sits down by the agonizing Doozer. He pulls out a baggie and continues "How's about we smoke 'em peace pipe before I finish you off, just so you know there's nothing personal." he holds out the baggie to the Doozer who now begins convulsing and screaming as if he's been lit on fire.

"GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!! IT BURNS!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!" he screams

"Dude. It's only weed. It's perfectly natural and can't kill you" the puzzled NFG says

"YOU IDIOT!!! MARIJUANA IS KRYPTONITE TO A DOOZER!!!! SOMETHING THAT RELAXES YOU AND MAKES YOU NOT REALLY CARES ABOUT WORKING???!!!! GET IT AWAY!!!!"

"Really? Huh. I'll be damned." says MIke. "Well dude, I hate to see you like this, and like that saying goes. No friend of weed? No friend indeed" he pulls out his lightsaber and puts Doozer #7 out of his misery.

"Now to show why I have a GREEN lightsaber" smiles NFG who turns the lightsaber just so, that it's now a bong. He's just about ready to fire up a victory smoke when he asks himself

"Hey. Whatever happened to Jason??!!!"

Universe Bowl V Line-ups

Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches are Darth Vader, Pre-Suit Darth Vader in Z-95 Headhunter, Boba Fett w/double-blade red lightsaber, Wolverine in a F Zero Car, Michael Myers w/red lightsaber, Hermione Granger with X-Kryptonite, a magic lamp & Ferengi energy whip, Mogo, Brother Blood w/Sirius Black's magic wand, Tyvokka w/Indigo Lantern ring, Deadman, Gambit w/Magnoguard electrostaff, Dark Phoenix, Red Hulk, Red She Hulk w/green lightsaber, Orion, Holocaust, Magog w/Green Lantern ring, Dracula, Spike, Arkillo, Vulcan, In-Betweener, Black Lantern Parallax, Black Lantern Apocalypse, Captain Universe, Soranak Natu, Legolas w/Sinestro's Green Lantern ring, Aragorn, Matt Oblak w/Mandalorian armor, S.P.I.N Tech, green & blue lightsabers, Teresa Oblak w/Tron lightsuit, Palantir, blue & green lightsabers, Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman, Black Zarak, Amatsu Mikaboshi – The Chaos King, Korvac, Zombie Superman, Life Model Decoy #2, and The Death Star.

Miley Cyrus & President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is President Barack Obama w/General Grievous’s blue & green lightsabers, President John Adams, President Thomas Jefferson, Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill w/Dumbledore's Elder Wand, Miley Cyrus, Kingdom Come Superman, Earth 2 Superman, Buffy Summers w/green lightsaber, Angel, (formerly Black Lantern) Optimus Prime w/Autobot Matrix of Leadership, Elita One, Jetfire, Jetstorm, Movie Blackout w/Atrocitus's Red Lantern ring, Insecticons; Bombshell, Shrapnel, Kickback, Venom, Ransack, Barrage, & Chop Shop, Duke, Zartan w/S.P.I.N. Tech, Corp. Hicks w/Green Lantern ring, Leon w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Katniss Everdeen w/Green Lantern ring, Judah Ben Hur w/Ferengi energy whip, White Lantern Deadman, Taylor Swift w/Sith Lanvarok, Ginny Weasley w/Harry Potter's Wand, Madame Blanc w/Yellow Lantern ring, Miss Tanner w/Red Lantern ring, Helena Markos w/Red Lantern ring, Suspiria Witch Coven #1 w/Indigo lantern ring, Suspiria Witch Coven #2-5, Dr. Fate w/Palantir, The Secret Circle; Cassie Blake, Diana Meade, Jake Armstrong, Diana Meade, Adam Conant, & Melissa Glaser, Jack Crowe w/red lightsaber in Kenny Power’s Pussy Rocket truck, Darth Binks, Lazarus Long & Astro Droid #19 in a Jedi V-Wing, Xavier Harkonnen & Astro Droid #20 in a Z-95 Headhunter, Steven Hiller in F-35 Jet, Vorian Atreides in Tie Interceptor, Dante (Cymek) w/Hybrid K Kryptonite, Bail Organa in the Nubian 327, Luminara Unduli w/Blue Lantern ring, Barress Offee, Man-at-Arms, Teela, Maestro, Original Human Torch, The Atom, Heimdall, Black Lantern Set, Black Lantern Neo, Adam Hernandez w/a Bazooka, Kate Hernandez w/Legion Flight Ring, Carslie Cullen w/Star Sapphire Ring, Esme Cullen, Alice Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Jasper Hale, Rosalie Hale, The Sucker Punch Crew; Baby doll, Sweet Pea, Rocket, Blondie, &Amber w/her Bunny Mech Ship, Rachel Ray w/Flamethrower & green Lightsaber, Friedrich Nietzsche, Worm Becks, Jen Linley w/Jetpack & green lightsaber, The Spice Girls; Scary Spice, Baby Spice, Ginger Spice, Sporty Spice, & Posh Spice, David Beckham, Brad Pitt w/Tron Lightsuit, Angelina Jolie, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Zhara Jolie-Pitt, Pax Jolie-Pitt, Knox Jolie-Pitt, Vivian Jolie-Pitt w/Qui-Gon Jinn's green lightsaber, Benny, Isa, Tico, Ewok Baby #5, Gungan Soldier #1, Gungan Soldiers #5-10, Life Model Decoy #1-3, Rama and S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier.

Consolation Round 3- The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is: Bowser:  King of Koopa (w/ Larfleeze's Orange Lantern Ring)

Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kinnelz of Lurve are: BL Nick Houslander (9deaths), Kevin Perrira w/ Legion Flight Ring and throwing knives & Olivia Munn w/ Jetpack and Treasure Troll



"It's not FAIR!" pouts Olivia Munn, as he team enters the Lowes at Maple Road and Halsted in Walled Lake, MI. "You guys have cool rings! Why don't I have one! I've just got this clunky jetpack and helmet. It's not fashionable OR as powerful as your guys rings!"

"Calm down, Olivia" says Ken Perrira "The treasure troll doesn't have a ring either, and it's not complaining."

"Yeah" snickers black lantern Nick Houslander "You're just SLIGHTLY cooler than a one point common Treasure Troll. Clearly there's been some oversight in giving the fabulous OLIVIA MUNN a weapon like a power ring, what with your love of "nerd culture" that doesn't come off as forced or contrived AT ALL"

"You got a problem with me Houslander?" responds Munn "What's up, bitch? What's your problem with me???!!!"

"My problem? Dude, have you been following your career AT ALL??!!! You're a terrible actress, you were beyond obnoxious of 'Attack of the Show' and the fact that you posed for Playboy and didn't have any nude pictures at all is total horses**t! So, I guess to summarize my problem with you is that you suck, your entire "career" is a crock of bulls**t built on being slightly cute and being able to fake an interest in comics and games. You're no Adrienne Curry, sweet heart." unloads the black lantern "Now do me a favor. Go be useful for the first time in your miserable life, by doing some recon and tell us how many Midgets are in there and who they are."

As Olivia stands there, her jaw hanging open, seething with rage. Nick adds the final insult to his verbal barrage. He gently taps her on the bottom and says

"Chop-chop sweet cheeks, daddy has things to do" he smirks. The treasure troll and Ken Perrira just stand there, shocked beyond belief at was has just transpired

Olivia stomps into the store, and zooms into the air and beings scouring the area. A brief, orange flash catches her eye over by the plumbing aisle, so she lands and goes to investigate. She looks around, and doesn't see anyone. She hears a faint rattle behind her, so she grabs a lead pipe. Suddenly-Bowser bursts out at her. Olivia screams and swings the pipe, striking him in the gut. As Bowser doubles over clutching his gut, there's a clink and an orange power ring hits the floor. Munn dives for the ring and grabs it.

"Stupid nerd. Tells me I don't deserve a ring" thinks Munn "I'll show HIM!!"  and she slides the ring on her finger.

"OLIVIA!!! NO!!!!!" screams Perrira as he and the rest of the Kennelz burst in and try to stop her. But it's too late.  Bowser stands up and laughs

"Ha!!! She's MINE NOW!!!!" bellows the beast "I've got me the PRINCESS OF THE NERDS!! BOWSER WINS!!"  he turns and looks at the newest member of the Midgets- Orange Lantern Olivia Munn

"Princess of the nerds my ass" growls Nick "If she knew anything about comics she'd have know that an orange ring is a trap. Didn't that dumb broad read the "Agent Orange" arc of Green Lantern??!!"

"Not the time, Nick. Not the time." says Ken as he takes to the air with the treasure troll. "We gotta save her!" he throws a bunch of knives at Bowser that have no effect on him.

"Olivia! He's trying to take your ring! STOP HIM!" bellows Bowser.

"NO! IT'S MMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" screams the starlet. who rushes her former co-host and plows into him. The force of the hit causes Ken to drop the Treasure Troll, who plummets to the ground and is caught by Bowser.

"Heh. A treasure troll. Too bad I already have this color. But I can fix that!" he stomps towards the paint department, taking the time to first throw a fireball at black lantern Nick Houslander, who tried to sneak up on the king of the koopas but with no avail. Bowser grabs a bucket of  paint from the shelf.  He easily pops the top off of the can with his dragon nails, dumps out some of the paint on the ground and plunges the troll into the  remaining paint. He seals the can on the screaming troll, it's cries for help muffled inside the container. "Gotta make sure I mix it well." smirks Bowser as her puts the can into the paintmixer and turns it on.  He stands there, grinning demonically as the sound of troll screams and sickening THUDS fill the area.

As the troll is being shaken to death, and while Nick burns, the two former "AoTS" hosts still battle in the air. The force field of the Legion ring protect Perrira from the bolts of orange that are being fired in his direction. Ken realizes that there's no way for him to reason with, or save his friend- he's going to have to kill her. He zips down to the lumber aisle, grabs a 2x4, turns and swings as he pays homage to "Hacksaw" Jum Duggan  screaming "HHHHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" as the board passes through her head. Harmlessly.

"Nice try. 'Tough Guy' " smirks Munn who grabs Perrira by the arm and breaks it.  Ken crumbles to his knees, screaming and crying. "Pathetic" sneers Munn who grabs the piece of lumber and begins viciously beating her one time friend with it. The force of her blows is so great, and repetitve, she grabs another piece and continues her assault. Perrira's skull becomes a red mush on the concrete, yet Munn continues grabbing boards and bashing on the fallen Kennelz member.

"Enough" commands Bowser who comes sauntering down the aisle with Treasure Troll 15's new casket. A dented and bloody paint can."We've got enough red here, my pet. Let's got get the ash of the other one and our collection of Kennelz Corpses will be complete."

"F**king asshole!" spits Munn "How dare he accuse me of not knowing nerd culture. Loser"

"Well he's dead n-" begins Bowser when suddenly a large piece of metal pipe explodes from his chest- killing him.

"NNNNOOOOOO!!!" screams Olvia Munn as she begins to fade "HE KILLED YOU!!!! I SAW YOU BURN. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY VICTORY!"

"You stupid bastard" says the perfectly fine black lantern Nick Houslander "How many times does it have to be said? YOU CAN ONLY KILL A BLACK LANTERN WITH A COMBINATION OF A GREEN RING AND ANOTHER ONE. GOD!!"

"Bbbbutt. But. I had a ring" she sobs "I had an orange riiiinnn..." she finishes as she fades out of existence.

"What a moron. Everyone knows that once you put on an orange ring, you die and basically are a puppet of whoever controls that main ring. It's like she's never read any of John's "Green Lantern" run or watched any of these fantasy matches." Nick says

"Princess of the nerds, my ass."