House Elves : Batgirl (Cassandra Cain) and Shaak Ti (final life)
Kittens: Captain Cold and Leatherface
Wednesday, May 5, 2021
Week 9 Consortium: The Striders of Rohan vs Be Gentle Its My Third Time
Striders are Hush, Batwing w/ Power Ring, Balrog #1a, and Balrog #1b.
Tuesday, May 4, 2021
S12 W8: Barkleys vs Sith Aids
Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are: The Wither, Jill Stein, The Ween crew (The Boognish, Gene Ween, Dean Ween, Dave Dreiwitz, Claude Coleman Jr., and Glenn McClelland (All on final lives)), All Might, Nurgle The Plague Lord, Ludwig Von Koopa w/ White Lantern Ring, Zufa and Norma Cenva (Last Lives), Dr. McCoy, Uhura, Data, Scotty, Odo, Nog, Crimmel, Green Dragon #1
Spence and Vader’s House of Sith Aids are: Winnie the Pooh, Weapon H, Velociraptor, Utahraptor (4 deaths), Utahraptor #2, George the Albino, Lizzy, The Wolf, David son of Jesse, Maxima, Rayden, The Ninth Sister, Fire bros 1-2
The Ween Brothers and crew are playing “Ocean Man” while the fight in the forest begins. Te Wither and Green Dragon #1 rain down explosive skulls and fire on the Sith Aids as they begin their advance. Zufa and Norma Cenva use their sorcery to stop Lizzy and The Wolf who just finished devouring Crimmell. George the Albino picked up Odo and Nog and smashed their skulls together. The Enterprise crew then began shooting the beast with their phasers but they didn’t seem to do much against him and he picked up Scotty and used him as a hammer to kill Uhura and Data. Dr McCoy figured out his phaser was still on stun so after a quick adjustment he was able to shoot the beast long enough for an exploding skull from the Wither to blow them both to bits.
Jill Stein gets set on fire by Fire Bro #1 while she was trying to finish making her protest sign. Ludwig von Koopa avenged her by finishing off both Fire Bros and set sights on David who was praying in the forest. Divine intervention came through and Ludwig was struck by a bolt of lightning. “Thank you, Lord.” Said David to the heavens.
“Thank me!” said Rayden who came bursting out of the trees. He cast another bolt this time toward the sky and took down the Green Dragon who had just finished burning Winnie the Pooh to a crisp. Rayden then rushed toward Ween who then cranked all their amplifiers to 10 and everyone had to stop and cover their ears. This gave the Boognish and the Wither enough time to “Finish Him” and this left the DC heroine, Maxima with the job of sending the Wither back to the End and casting the Boognish out of existence. She then teamed up with Weapon H to kill off the Cenvas who had just bested the Ninth Sister in battle.
Nurgle the Plague Lord cast a plague of instant organ disintegration on Maxima and her body turned to liquid. Weapon H quickly turned the Nurgle into a stain on a nearby tree and the Ween brothers downshifted into a soft song suitable to die to. Their fate all but sealed as the Sith Aids advanced toward their stage. “Gentlemen, “ said Dean, “It was a pleasure playing with you this evening.” His eyes fixed on Weapon H and crew coming toward them, the Ween brothers and company did not even see the Velociraptor attack from the sides along with Utahraptors #1 and #2.
Sunday, May 2, 2021
FFL 2021 Week 8: Crack Danks vs. House Elves
Crack Danks: Balrog of Moria, Saruman, Cole MacGrath, Emma Frost, Goliath, and Toph Beifong
House Elves: Gandalf the Grey w/ Elven Ring (4 death), Sinestro, Ben Kenobi, Nazgul #3 w/ Fell Beast and Mordor Horse, Sergeant Slaughter, Taurus, Red Dog, & Mercer (all 4 death), Zombie #5-7
This match starts off with the House Elves wandering into the Fangorn Forest awaiting to battle their competitor, Crack Danks.
Ben Kenobi immediately begins to have a weird sense when entering the forest. He feels an energy from the Forest. He goes to talk to Gandalf about this to use his wisdom to explain this sense. But then just as he’s about to ask the House Elves are ambushed by the members of The Golden Arches squad.
Toph uses her earth bending to throw large chunks of earth to the zombies, easily killing them, this uproots multiple trees in the process. As she does this there is a loud ominumous noise coming from the trees. Then Cole MacGrath uses his electrokinesis powers to shoot a blast of lightning towards Ben Kenobi, but he uses his lightsaber to deflect it. This deflected lighting blasts splits a tree in half thus killing it. An even louder ominous noise comes from the forest. Toph then throws another chunk of earth at Ben Kenobi but he uses the force to stop it’s flight and send it onto the ground.
The GI Joe squad of Sgt. Slaughter, Taurus, Red Dog, and Mercer come in hot and they just start Blasting. They shoot Toph straight in the head because her “Vibration Sight” doesn't give her enough time to see the bullets and dodge them. The GI Joe squad then shoots Cole MacGrath, killing him as well.
The GI Joe crew then goes to shoot Emma Frost but are unsuccessful as her diamond skin protects her. She uses her telekinetic abilities to give the GI Joe’s such strong headaches that fully incapacitates them. Goliath then comes in and stomps on the Joes, killing all of them. Nazgul #3 comes in on his Mordor Horse and tries to attack Goliath but struggles at first. Ben Kenobi sees the former King of Men struggling with the giant and screams at him to use the High Ground. The Nazgul does it’s patented screech and in comes the Fell Beast flying in from the clouds. The Ring Wraith jumps from his Mordor Horse onto the Fell Beast as it flies by. An impressive feat of athleticism that could only be out done by an elf by the name of Legolas in the realm of Middle Earth. Emma Frost tries to help Goliath by using her telekinetic powers on the Black Rider but it does not affect him. Seeing that she is of no help to this fight she then goes to attack Ben Kenobi. The Nazgul attacks and distraughts Goliath enough to allow Sinestro to come in and shoot a strong Energy Blasts with his Lantern Ring killing the Giant.
Emma Frost attempts to use her Telekinesis powers on Kenobi, but he is so One with the Force that she cannot penetrate through his mind. She realizes this and decides that she’s just gonna kick this old man’s ass the old school way. She turns on her diamond skin and goes to attack in hand-to-hand combat. But it is a quick fight as Kenobi uses his lightsaber to cut Frost in half right at the waist. Diamond Skin is no match for a lightsaber.
Gandalf, Sinestro, Kenobi and the Nazgul stand there thinking that the battle is over but then a loud roar is heard and an orange flame is seen through the cracks of the forest. Eventually Saruman and the Balrog of Moria appear out of the trees. Immediately Saruman shoots a blasts of flame at the Nazgul and kills the member of The Nine. The Balrog then grabs Sinestro with his whip of flames and brings the Lantern Ring bearer into his hands. The Son of Morgoth then brings Sinestro right in front of his mouth and then breathes fire onto Sinestro, killing him. Now it’s a 2 v 2 of Gandalf and Ben Kenobi versus Saruman and the Balrog of Moria.
Kenobi and Saruman fight while Gandlaf and the Balrog of Moria have the rematch that everyone has been waiting for. Ben Kenobi, right off the bat, struggles with his battle with Saruman. The Maiar’s magic abilities are just too strong for Kenobi. Thankfully Kenobi is a Form three and is at least able to defend himself enough to stay alive.
Normally Gandalf the Grey versus the balrog of Moria is a pretty even match but this one is a little different. Gandalf is on his final death and he has an Elven Ring. Gandalf uses the Elven Ring and his powers from being a Wielder of the Flame of Anor to create a very bright light from his staff. This blinds the Balrog and Gandalf capitalizes. He then uses his elven ring to put some of the Flame of Anor into his sword, he then stabs that sword through the chest of the Balrog. Light prevails in this battle and kills the legendary Balrog.
Gandalf then goes to help Kenobi with fighting Saruman. At this point Kenobi is so tired from defending an endless onslaught from the White Wizard that he is completely drained of energy. It has basically become a 1 v 1 between the two wizards. Gandalf at first holds his own with the help of the Elven Ring, but eventually is defeated by Saruman as his powers as being the White Wizard were just too strong for the Grey Wizard.
Now it’s Kenobi versus Saruman. Kenobi is helpless as even though he is one with the force, he is still an old man and visibly tired from this battle. Kenobi gets into a defensive stance to try and defend himself and just as Saruman pushes to attack, he realizes he can not move. He looks down and sees that his legs have been wrapped around by tree roots. He tries to use magic to get his legs out of the tree trunks but this just makes the roots tighten on his legs. The roots then pull Saruman down underground where he will never be seen again.
Team Crack Danks had done much damage to the Fangorn Forest, angering the members of the forest. Thus causing the act of violence towards the White Wizard.
Kenobi finally realizes what that weird energy was that he had felt when he first entered the forest. He realized that the trees were alive. And not only that they were alive, but they could think and have emotions.
Be Gentle vs. Ahsoka's
Be Gentle: The doctor, prof. Xavier, Nazgul riding a fell beast, 5 wolfs , 3 warg riders riding 3 warg , 3 cave trolls , 4 fell beasts, dwarves 4pts, clover field monster , 2 allosaurus
Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins: Galadriel , Sauron , Witch King of Angmar (-4) on Witch King's Mordor Horse , Haldir , Elf #6-20 (all -4), Uruk Hai #4 (1) (-4)
Sorry for the half assed match, juices were drained tonight
Be Gentle has recently taken refuge in the fangorn forest as their team continues to grow slim, but they continue to move quickly on to the next setting leaving a few back in the forest to fend off the teams coming after them. Their Nazgul riding a fell beast takes watch as the team continues to retreat. While flying high in the sky the nazgul is struck by an arrow of none other than Haldir. The nazgul lets out a screech alerting the rest of the squad that stayed back to fight.
The Witch King of Angmar quickly rides into the forest on his Mordor Horse at blazing buffhorse speed to lead Ahsoka’s team into the fight. In the forest the Witch King spots some cave trolls and kills them for sport as they are nothing to him. This cleared the way for Lady Galadriel to come in with a wolf at her side. While making way through the forest Lady Galadriel is met by a bald man in a chair and a doctor. She is confused as to why they are in this forest just sitting here in the forest like Kyle watching Gladiator for the 700th time. They were sitting there in pure amazement of her beauty, but this wasn’t enough for the combined brain power of the two. They begin to take control of this fight by the bald guy who actually turns out to be Professor Xavier (who woulda thought) taking control of Lady Galadriel’s thoughts. Normally this would be enough to take her on but it bought them enough time to have the Cloverfield Monster slay her ass like a fat kid does a hot pocket. She was gone in a flash.
The wolf lets out a cry and reveals its true identity. It was Sauron, the big bad ass who finna whoop some scared ass. Sauron, enraged at the death of his ally, slays the Doctor and Professor xavier. He burns the doctor alive as he finds it amusing at how weak he is compared to him. He then took the head of Professor Xavier and rode away in his chair because he didn’t feel like walking.
As Haldir continues to slay all the weakling characters Gentle has left behind he is confronted by the Nazgul on a fell beast. He went to draw his bow but wasn’t fast enough as the fell beast took Haldir out. The Witch King notices what happens, drops the nazgul and fell beast like Thanos did with The Hulk at the beginning of Infinity War. The Witch really out here boxin like he’s Mike Tyson.
This just leaves The Witch King and Sauron to face the Cloverfield monster. The monster instantly leaps at them to attack but both are able to dodge. The forest is starting to take some damage and tree beard is gonna be pissed if we don’t get this match over soon, so let's do it. Normally the presence of The Witch King would make those who opposed him run in fear but just as terrifying the monster stays in the fight but can’t take on both the ability of fire from The King and Sauron as they light the monster ablaze and cook it alive. Sauron and The Witch King cause the Gentle Team to continue their retreat to the next week.
TEAM Vs. The Striders of Rohan
TEAM is Nekron, Black Lantern Wolverine, Black Lantern Non, Neo, Earthworm Jim, & Bob the Tear Off Guy (w/ Tear Off Tool, Partially broken radio, & Bob Dylan Cassette).
The Striders of Rohan are Treebeard, Zombie Treebeard, Arwen Evenstar (w/ a Blue Lantern Ring), The Two Blue Wizards, Radaghast the Brown, Bilbo Baggins, & Rider of Rohan #8.
"I DON'T WANNA WORK, I WANNA BANG ON THE DRUM ALL DAY...... I DON'T WANNA WORK I WANNA BANG ON THE DRUM ALL DAY"!! "HERE COME THE STORY OF HURRICANE, MLEH, BLAH, BLAH, MEH TIME TO BLAME". KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKIN ON HEAVEN'S DOOOOOOR YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH". COME ON SING IT NEO. SING IT EARTHWORM. YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH. WE GOT THIS GUYS WE GOT THIS. LET'S DO THIS FIGHT, THERE'S NO MONEY IN THIS MATCH. YOU HEAR ME BIG NON, THERE AIN'T NO MONEY IN THIS MATCH. WE GOTTA GO GOTTA GO. LET'S DO THIS. HURRY UP. WE GOTTA FINISH THIS, DYNASTY STARTS IN TWO HOURS. I'M NOT MISSIN IT AGAIN. GOTTA GET HOME. I NEED TO WATCH MY NEPHEW IN THREE HOURS. I JUST TOOK A DUMP IN A SHINGLE WRAPPER BEHIND THAT TREE. I'M READY TO GO. GO GO GO GO. ALL ALONG THE WATCH TOWERRRRRRRRR. THERE MUST BE SOME KIND OF WAY OUT OF THIS, SAID THE ROOFER TO THE THIEF. HAHA HA. SO MUCH CONFUSION, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH RELIEF".
"HA-HAAAAAA".
Says Bob the Tear Off Guy significantly faster and louder than you can possibly read it.
Black Lantern Wolverine speaks up: "I can't take this s^&*T anymore Nekron. Let me frag em so we can get on with this fight".
Neo answers before Nekron can with: "Nobody is fragging anybody, just keep your eyes peeled for The Striders of Rohan. They thrive here amongst the trees".
"That's my point Bub. This guy gives away our position with his singing or whatever the Hell that was. Not to mention he smells like burnt armadillo feces".
This gives way to an unwanted conversation between Bob and Wolverine:
"DIDJOO SAY BOB, WOLVIE"?!!?
"No, I said Bub".
"HA-HAAAAAA. THAT REMINDS ME OF THAT TIME I GOT CALLED BUB ON THE JOB IN MONROE. U SHOULDA BEEN THERE LOGAN. SHOULDA BEEN THERE. 90 SQUARE OFF AND ON, ONE DAY. 30 SQUARE 3 TIMES. JUST ME, MY COUSIN, ZIPPY, & 5 GUATAMALANS. SHOULDA BEEN THERE".
"THERE WE WAS GUYS SHINGLING RIGHT NEXT TO"....
But Bob is cut-off mid sentence. And very literally cut off; as the Eighth Rider of Rohan seemingly came out of nowhere to relieve the Tear Off Crew Leader of his head.
The TEAMmates look around to see that The Striders have peered through the trees and that they have them completely surrounded. Their unofficial leader Arwen speaks up softly and says: "Your tear off friend speaks so loudly that we could have shot him in the dark".
The Striders know that they have the clear advantage in this setting but also recognize that the TEAM they are facing is in no way short on raw power. Arwen and Treebeard have slowly and painstakingly formulated a plan of attack and they move swiftly but with caution as well.
Radaghast leads the two Blue Wizards into the fray where they are easily able to over come the Kryptonian side of Non with their magic and the black lantern element with their mastery of two different color spectrums. Non's brute strength may be hard to overcome, but his lack of intellect becomes too large of a weakness. Non lets out a massive, anger fueled blast of Heat Vision that takes out the Second Blue Wizard with a blast to the neck before he succumbs to the magical might of the Valor chosen magic wielders of the Second Age.
Zombie Treebeard in actuality, is not really much of a Zombie. Sure, some of his bark is crumbling and his leaves showing signs of whither; but there is far more life than death within the oldest living being of Middle Earth. Nekron attacks the massive Ent with a vengeance, in an attempt to overload the.... I almost called him a tree; but I know better... But even with Nekron's extreme power in the realm of destroying the living he is met with resistance. Nekron goes translucent and phases himself to fully enters the body of (Zombie) Treebeard, causing the rush of life and rush of death to nullify both parties. Regular Treebeard feels a twinge of extra life enter him once his counterpart can no longer use the power essence.
Black Lantern Wolverine rushes in towards Arwen and the Rohan Rider, never once thinking that he was out of his league by attacking two combatants at once. After all, he is the best at what he does. He quickly dispatches the Rohirim Member and moves towards Arwen next. She is able to parry his opening attacks, displaying a mastery of Elvish bladework, and is also greatly helped by her protective blue lantern aura. This duel continues while a pitched battle between Neo and Treebeard begins as well, with Neo surprised that his martial arts offensive blitz was not immediately successful.
As these intense battles rage on, Bilbo and Earthworm Jim get to talking and decide that all this violence is tiresome. Bilbo brings out some snacks and offers to share some of his freshly harvested leaf from The Shire. They begin sharing a pipe and discuss adventures from the past amidst smiles and laughter.
They break in to a jolly Hobbit song that will be passed down for many ages:
"Well we seen the death and we seen the fights,
we felt the prickly bushes of thorn,
and we saw the bodies piled up,
sadly at Fangorn".
We seen the mighty wizard's staffs
And the swords held quite firm
But I never quite had such laughs..............
TILL I GOT HIGH WITH THIS WORM".
Both Arwen and Treebeard are holding off their assailants well; but seem to be on the receiving end more than the delivering in their battles, until some remaining Striders come to their rescue in an attempt to tip the scales. Neo diverts his attention from Treebeard to send a Kung Fu Kick directly through the chest of the remaining Blue Wizard; but Radaghast sends a flurry of magic aided birds and squirrels into Neo; stunning him long enough for the massive Ent to grab the Chosen One and rip him in two. Wolverine, more ruthless than ever in his Black Lantern form lays waste to every animal in his path before shoving his claws up under the chin of Radaghast. This kills the wizard but releases his brown energy into the air which melds with Arwen's blue energy creating a death chance for Logan which is taken advantage of by a sharp stick appendage through his eye by Treebeard and a chest thrust from Hadafang in the hands of Arwen.
Bilbo tells a small harmless fib to his fellow Striders about the destruction of Earthworm Jim while the friendly Halfling allows the worm to burrow back into the dirt and head safely back to TEAM's Home Base.
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