Week 8 Staff Consortium: Washington Redskins vs Sigmaz

Washington Redskins: Yoda (w/ dwarf Ring #4) & Chian, Professor Xavier, Mandalore the Great (w/ The Dark saber) , Wolverine, Chuck Norris (w/ the Houslander family katana, and Wicket W. Warrick

Sigmaz: Kratos, Atreus, and Fenrir, The TMNT: Leonardo w/ Glock, Donatello w/ Glock, Michelangelo w/ Glock, and Raphael w/ Glock Ronald Mcdonald, Grimmace, Hamburgler, Officer Big Mac, Mayor McCheese, Birdie the Early Bird, Captain Crook, The Professor, and Fry Kid #1-5, The Shredder, Tokka and Razhar, and Triceratops #3-4

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Dolla 49 McRib

 Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips are Eric Cartmen (in a Hulk Buster Iron Suit), Kyle Brovlowski, Stan Marsh, Kenny McCormick, Darkseid, Granny Goodness w/ The Female Furies:  Bloody Mary, Stompa, Lashina, & Mad Harriet, and Superboy.

Dolla 49 McRib is Hades, The Technibots:  Scattershot, Lightspeed, Afterburner, Strafe, and Nosecone, The Expendables:  Barney Ross, Lee Christmas, Galgo, Yin Yang, Gunner Jensen, Doctor Death, Toll Road & John Smillee, and Runabout & Runamuck.

Week 8 Democracy: Doctor's Madhouse vs NAZA

Doctors Madhouse are Darth Vader, Invincible (Mark Grayson), Atom Eve, Dupli-Kate, Robot, Rex Splode, Allen the Alien, Hancock, Frank “Wendeezys” Metivier w/ Endless Zyn and Variety Pack of Four Lokos, Kryptonian #1-3, Predator #1-10, Yellow Lantern #3

NAZA are The Doom Patrol: Mento, Negative Man, Elastic-Girl, Robot Man, and Changeling, Suicide Squad: Amanda Waller, Harley Quinn, Killer Frost, King Shark, Alan Scott, and Bloodsport, The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, The Thing, and Human Torch, Stark Android #1-5

Sigmaz vs. Trash Pandas

 Sigmaz: Eren Yeager, 10 domestic terrorists, T3, The Shredder, Tokka and Razhar, Master Chief, Simon Belmont, Jigglypuff, The Joker, Azula Tai Lee, Mai, Kratos, Atreus, Fenrir, Goblin w/ AR15, 6 more goblins

Trash Pandas: Zaheer, Ghazan, P'Li, Ming-Hua, John Wick w/Dead Dog, Trinity, Vision, Pakku, Naruto, Amon, T-1000, Lucius Malfoy, Autobots 1-4

It was a dark cold night at Hogwarts.  Without the leader ship of Malcom X the Sigmaz have taken shelter in the Hogwarts school.  They are being led by Shredder who is nothing compared to the great Malcom X. 

The Sigmaz sent out the Domestic terrorists into the forbidden forest as scouts along with Eren Yeager, Tokka and Razhar.  Upon searching the forest they come upon someone.  It's a man in a suit holding a dead dog.

"Did you do this" says Mr. Wick

"Rada rada rada" says the domestic terrorists as we have no clue what they are saying in their language.

John Wick starts an onslaught of the terrorists.  It is something they have never seen before.  Their ak47 training was not enough for the assassin.  John Wick wiped out all of the terrorists.

Eren Yeager with ODM gear makes move at John Wick which he evades.  He begins to run deeper into the forbidden forest.  He can't make it far with Yeager having ODM gear, but he just needs to make it a little further.  John Wick is finally hit.  Yeager got him in the back and was ready to execute him.  That is until he realizes its a trap and he was lead to the rest of the Trash Pandas.

Yeager quickly transforms into a titan because that is his only chance to make it out alive.  While doing so he crushes the body of John Wick.  The noise of Eren turning into a titan causes Tokka and Razhar to come to his aid.

Eren quickly destroys the autobots of the Trash Pandas rendering them useless in battle.  The airbenders of the Trash Pandas quickly take to the defense.

"Shadow Clone Jitsu" yells out Naruto

Over 50 shadow clones quickly appear.  Eren is confused on who the real Naruto is.  The attacks are coming quick and Eren has to take the defense.  Naruto knows how to take the titan down.  The real Naruto waits for his chance and uses his Kunai to slice open the nape of the Titan.  What Eren didn't realize is Naruto upon cutting the nape left an explosive tag which then explodes killing the Giant titan.

The airbenders made quick work of Tokka and Razhar.

"Forward to the school" screams Naruto

Arriving at the school. Azula, Tai Lee, and Mai are guarding the entrance.

Zaheer says "you guys go on ahead, we can take on the benders"

Zaheer and the other air benders stay back to duke it with the og air benders.  The legend of Korra squad comes out on top but only Zaheer surviving.

Trinity and Vision destroy the lonely Jigglypuff with no remorse.  This pissed off Kratos who went berzerk taking the heads of both Trinity and Vision with his blades of Chaos.

Lucius Malfoy is met by some goblins who stood no chance against someone on their home turf.  The wizard was ruthless and began casting forbidden spells leaving nothing but a pile of dust from the goblins.  Simon Belmont and Master Chief try to counter attack but the wizard is to powerful for them.  Malfoy began to torture the two in order to find the rest of the Sigmaz but the two would not give up their comrades.  

All while this is happening we got a terminator fight going down.  T3 and T100 begin to box it out.  Trading blows.  The advanced technology showing its power.  Once again T3 gets the upper hand on t1000 just like in terminator 2.  Just like the movie though the damage had been done to t3 and he falls over and dies.

This leaves Kratos, Atreus and Fenrir to fend off Naruto.  Naruto and his shaddow clones continue to confuse the enemy but that's all it could do.  They were able to fend them all off leaving just the real Naruto.  He quickly makes a few more shadow clones to pull off the Rasenshuriken.  This kills Atreus and Fenrir.  Leaving a furious Kratos.  Kratos quickly jumps to Naruto.  They begin to fight.  Kratos and his anger begin to take the upper hand as Naruto is gassed from the work he already put in.  

Kratos about to end Naruto's life is blinded by anger and doesn't realize who just walked in.

"Avada Kedavara" says Malfoy.

Kratos is killed by the dark killing curse.

The Joker and Shredder are seen trying to escape.

"Imperio" yells Malfoy

Under the curse Malfoy makes the two fight to the death with Shredder coming out victorious.  He then makes the leader jump off the top of hogwarts to his death.

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM

 Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips are The Flash, Sarumon the White, Hermione Granger, Agent Smith (w/ 2 white lightsabers), He-Man and Battle Cat, Ron Weasaly on a Quidditch Broom, Miss Martian, Wonder Girl, Arsenal, & Black Widows #3-5.

TEAM is Alex Houslander, Laya Houslander, Scarlet Houslander, Grayson Houslander, Thanos, Maw, Mace Windu, Thor, Thunderstrike, The Mandalorian, Grogu, The Oracle, and Seraph w/ The Magic School Bus.  

 Many an epic match have begun with the title of The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM.  The true O.G. rivalry of The Fantasy Fantasy League.  Michigan Vs. Ohio State, Yankees Vs. The Red Sox, Lakers Vs. Celtics, Horsemen Vs. TEAM.  Reboots do nothing to change a perfect mix of hatred and respect that exists deep within true rivalries.  

On the way to Hogwarts, the young Alex Houslander speaks to his TEAMmates.  Very interested in the history between these two great franchises.  Conversations abound inside the Magic School as they approach Hogwarts, Alex works as a great hype man for the TEAM with many chants of "LET'S GO" and "YOU ALREADY KNOW", complete with chest thumping and mean tweets about The Horsemen being "straight up trash".  Thanos stands up and exclaims that no matter what happens:  "Darkseid IS MINE", followed by Thor reminding his TEAMmates that his hammer and Supergirl have "unfinished business".  No one questions the Mad Titan or The god of Thunder as they get closer to the school that will soon be a battlefield.  The drive is short, but the memories of those on TEAM are long.  This match shall be one for the annals of The Fantasy Fantasy League.

As The Magic School Bus whimsically rolls into Hogwarts, the Horsemen waste no time defending their school.  The TEAMmembers come rolling out of the bus with military precision in an attempt to get inside the school as quickly as possible as they had planned; but Miss Martian, Wonder Girl, and Arsenal are there to battle with the Bus itself as soon as they arrive.  Everyone on TEAM exits the bus except for Laya and her two youngest siblings.  They were supposed to lend back up from the magic bus itself once the TEAM made it inside; but that plan is ruined right away as the Martian, the marksmen, and the amazon who methodically dodge the attacks of the bus and break it apart piece by piece in a time consuming but well executed attack.  

As the TEAMmembers get inside, The Oracle feels the presence of the one meant to destroy the Matrix, before Agent Smith leaps out of a painting on the wall and attacks.  The Oracle takes cover; but perfectly throws a random spell book off of the ground at Smith knocking one of his white lightsabers out of his hands.  Seraph picks it up and an amazing and well-pitched lightsaber battle ensues between Smith and Seraph.  The fight appears choreographed in its perfection; but as referenced in Matrix lore Agent Smith is ratioed by Seraph who has beat him before.  The protector of that which is most important sends a lightsaber through the throat of the lead Agent.  

The Mandalorian finds himself surrounded by the three black widows, and it is looking like he may be in trouble until Grogu gives a force push towards the three chicks to distract them.  This gives Din the opportunity to use his whistling birds weapon and take out all three assassins at once.  

He-Man is off of Battle Cat and going toe to toe with Thunderstrike.  The man of midgard raises his hammer and calls upon the power of Thor and Odin blowing a hole through the floor and knocking He-Man into it.  The power of Thor rushes through Thunderstrike's whole body; but He-Man is a master of the universe and "HAS THE POWER" as well.   He-Man leaps out of the crevice with the Sword of Power drawn and knocks the human embodiment of Marvel's Thor to the ground with his shield.  He-Man then plunges the sword of Grey Skull into the chest of Thunderstrike.  

Master Mace Windu stumbles into an eery looking classroom to find two young students practicing spells and deep in their studies.  Mace is not at all threatened at first but that quickly changes as Ron and Hermione leap into action.  Mace is powerful; but taken off guard by the spells of the teenagers and does not quite know how to combat them.  He deflects or dodges 90% of the attacks but it is not enough.  With some carefully timed uses of Expelliarmus as well as Petrificus Totalus Master Windu eventually falls to the two young wizards.  

Sarumon the White fights through the telekinetic attacks of Maw and blasts some wicked white light into the face of the cosmic space thug, blowing his head clean off; but this sets off Thanos' rage as he avenges his psuedo-son by ripping Sarumon in two.  

The reason He-Man was without Battle Cat in his battle against Thunderstrike was that the big mean cat was being petted by Laya and her fellow cat whisperer siblings Scarlet and Grayson.  Although they all stop for a moment as Laya tries to get Barry Allen's autograph as he is zooming by.  This does not turn out well as the trio along with their new pet all become trapped in the speed force.

Alex TEAMs up with Mando against two DC bros Arsenal and The Flash.  Mando loses his gun when Arsenal hits it out of his armored hand with a perfectly placed arrow.  The two begin battling hand to hand when The Flash rushes in and sends a flurry of DC's second hardest punches into Mando breaking through his beskar armor and destroying his organs, during the commotion, Alex is able to roll onto the ground, grab Mando's dropped pistol and put a few laser blasts into the chest of Arsenal.  

Thanos is still pissed that he doesn't get to try out his skills against Darkseid who is evidently still at home at Horsemen headquarters riding the bench.  So instead, having done his DC research goes after Wonder Woman.  Obsessed, with taking out one of DC's finest, Thanos doesn't realize that he isn't snapping the neck of Wonder Woman, but her sidekick Wonder Girl instead.  

He-Man brushes the beautiful golden blonde hair away from his face and sees the god of Thunder out of the corner of his eye.  Planning to duplicate his feat from earlier, He-Man rushes in with the same battle plan he used against Thunderstrike.  The Prince of Eternia does not fair quite as well against the true son of Odin though and is over-powered by his bursts of lightning and finished off by a smack to the top of the head by the hammer of Thor.  

Ron is casting spells and flying around on his broom, driving Seraph crazy, when The Oracle protector leaps off of a moving staircase and drop kicks the kid off of the broom, knocking him to the ground.  Winded from the fall Seraph finishes the deed on Ron as he pummels him.  But alas, Seraph may have accomplished this task but he has failed in his prime objective as he notices that as he is finishing his fight that Hermione has blasted the Oracle down into the dungeon depths of Hogwarts, wiping her program from existence.  

Grogu decides to get serious about being a Jedi Mandalorian like he does in every third episode or so and definitely every season finale.  He does a cute face and then does a mean face, then does another cute face while raising up his right hand to do something powerful; but Miss Martian is already caught up on all her Disney Plus shows and knows the gimmick.  She picks up Grogu and smashes him into green goo.  

The rest of The Horsemen and the rest of TEAM meet up in the cafeteria for their final showdown.  Thanos stands center stage ready to take all comers and it is he that The Horsemen move towards first.  They know that they must stick together and combine their powers if they are going to eliminate The Mad Titan from this equation.  The Flash, Hermione, and Miss Martian move in to triple team Thanos and the epic battle begins.  Hermione takes point and leads the charge; but the rest of TEAM move in to help Thanos.  A barrage of speedy punches do a number on Thanos; but Thor sends a potent blast of lightning into the speed force blasting The Flash to bits.  Barry makes sure that the explosion that gets him is directed towards Thanos as well, who then redirects that power into a cosmic blast that shatters Hermione's wand as well as her spine.  Miss Martian in a last ditch effort tries to embody her own character and go full evil white person revealing her true white devil persona; but her mean white head is knocked clean off by the hammer of Thor.  

Thanos lay dying, while Alex Houslander approaches Thor and asks:  "Wow, Thor.  Nice shot.  Do you think we have a chance to make the play-offs still"??

"Aye" Thor begins to reply; but Seraph chimes in instead:

"It matters not.  Our season just became a success".

Week 7 - Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: Doctor's Madhouse vs Dolla 49 McRib

Doctor’s Madhouse: Albus Dumbledore, Lord Voldemort, Draco Malfoy, Darth Vader, Batman, Robin, Alfred w/ Yellow Double Lightsaber, Nightwing, Batgirl, Catwoman, Kid Flash, Yellow Lantern #3, Clone Trooper #1-10

Dolla 49 McRib: King pin, Proffesor McGonagall, Spectre, Sentry, Navy Seals #1-10, 10 Mandalorians, Darth Malak, Dr Strange, Atreides Soldier #1-10, Harkonnen Soldiers #1-10, Deadmen of Dunharrow #1-10, Terminator #1-5

Albus Dumbledore and the rest of the Doctor’s Madhouse are already set up shop in Hogwarts. Dumbledore, Batman, and Darth Vader are having a spirited conversation in the Great Hall about abortion over a delicious meal. 

Every few seconds there’s a “fuck them kids” from Vader whilst Batman wants to adopt every potential aborted fetus to create an assassin army so he can retire; and Dumbledore, a known boomer crazed diddler, is strongly against abortion as he wants as many opportunities and openings as possible.

Draco is immediately questioning the crowd he’s accompanied with as he hears every bit of their loud drunken chatter outside the Great Hall’s doors. 

Kid Flash is zooming through the castle at blazing speeds checking for any members of Dollar 49 McRib as Knightwing, Batgirl, and Robin swing down the staircases throughout the school doing the same. 

Voldemort, furious that he has to follow the orders of Dumbledore, is patrolling the outside castle walls with the remaining commons of the madhouse awaiting an attack from Dolla 49 McRib any minute now.

Dolla 49 McRib enters the scene and drops down in the Forbidden Forest from a sling ring courtesy of Dr. Strange. They silently cruise through the trees as they wipe the BBQ sauce off their face from their McDonald’s catering party in the locker room; which they quickly realized was not the best pre game meal. 

King Pin was suffering so bad that he lost the will to walk from pure obesity and attempted to scream “Business is Boomin” as the McRibs left him behind in the forest while he slowly died from the worst food coma known to man, and they begun their journey. 

Navy Seal #10 wanted all the smoke when he challenged Navy Seal #1 to a swimming contest with the remaining Seals standing by as audience and were to not join the battle; but were seen swimming the surrounding waters of Hogwarts throughout the skirmish. Little did they know they would become the dinner of a gang of Symphonic Amphibians camping there. 

The Spectre flies high above the trees to scout and immediately sees that Yellow Lantern #3 and the Clone Troopers of Dr’s Madhouse are taking the initiative. 

Yellow Lantern #3’s Lantern Ring glows like a star as it sees the Dead Men of Dunharrow and feels the fear they endure. He consumes the souls of the 10 Dead Man and looks for more, as bloodlusted as can be. He then makes quick work of all 10 Atreides Soldiers before The Spectre says no more and turns his ring to dust, making the common fall to his death; the Clone Troopers quickly follow his lead when the Spectre turns them into leaves that gently fall to the ground as Dolla 49 proceeds through the forest. 

Proffesor McGonagall leads the way on the ground and is frightened by the sight of Voldemort but proceeds as they have him severely out numbered. The McRib’s technique and speed helped them get past Voldy fairly easily with only losing the lives of all 5 Terminators and and the Mandalorians whose armor was attracted to the fierce lightning of Voldemort’s wand leading them to death. 

They barge into Hogwarts with no regard to how prepared their Combatants were as McGonogall catches a punch coming in at 700 MPH from Kid Flash launching her 50 feet out the door. Kid Flash then makes quick work of all 10 Harkonnen Soldiers and sends Dr. Strange into a frenzy before Strange teleports him over top of Darth Malak who ignites his lightsaber through his heart. 

Knightwing, Robin, and Batgirl prounce onto the scene and look to get to work but are outmatched by Dr. Strange’s Sorcery and Sentry’s raw strength leaving them bloodied as they make their way through the South Wing and up the grand staircase.

Catwoman’s dumbass has been doing Makeup through the Library Annex mirrors this entire time and kills herself because she comes to the realization that her hobby is reliant on the worst possible house pet in the world and that she is the inferior gender thus having no reason to continue with her useless pathetic life.

Darth Vader feels a disturbance in the force and him and Batman are delighted to see some action when they rush out of the great halls and see the remaining McRib’s scrambling. They’re 7 butter bears in but they are absolutely ready to cook some fools. 

Batman sees the knock off Superman in Sentry and starts cackling before sending a Radion Bullet through his cranium leaving his brains splattered across his mortified teammates. 

Vader tosses his lightsaber aside and uses both his hand to pick up Darth Malak and rip him in half with the force to let em know he HIM and it ain’t close. 

Dr. Strange tries his best but is quickly overwhelmed by Vader and Batman’s sluggish and drunken yet lethal and experienced combat.

The Spectre, watching this whole battle play out and deciding not to intervene, becomes translucent and makes his way towards Dumbledore in the Great Hall. As Albus is having his stache patted dry by Alfred he’s startled by Spectre’s sudden appearance out of thin air. 

The Spectre slowly walks toward Dumbledore and Alfred and retorts. “One way or another, I’m getting this W. For I am god. “

Dumbledore gets up, stumbling. “You don’t get it. I built this place. Down here I make the rules. Down here I make the threats. Down here… I’M GOD.”

Draco, Vader, and Batman come rushing in as they hear Dumbledore cast “Avada Kadavra”.

Even The Spectre couldn’t have predicted this use of dark magic, as he vanished immediately in disbelief.

Albus stood there disappointed in himself, but knew it’s what had to be done. 

They rip celebratory darts and talk about Zach’s dummy thicc dumpy until sun rise.

Week 7 Staff Consortium: League of Heterosexual Gentlemen vs David Byrne's Meat Suits

Heteros: Harry Potter, Bellatrix Lestrange, Professor Mogonagal, Dracula w/power ring, General Kenobi, Sabertooth, Avatar Aang, Hordack, Gannon

Meat Suits: Kosa-Yin Hadu, Nazgul #6 on his Fell Beast, Shao Khan, Unalaq, Desna, and Eska, Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, Sagat, Denethor, Uruk-Hai #1-10, Stormtroopers #1-5, Rocky Balboa, Pee-Wee Herman, Robert Oswald, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Abe Lincoln, Pope Emeritus Benedict in a suit of Armor, Magwai #1-10, Big Bird and Snuffalufagus, Sandy of Sandy's, The Creeper, Serena and Manion Butler, Benedict Arnold, Gary Habkirk, Airbenders #1-4, Dr. Robert Neville and his dog, John Conner, Axel Foley