Monday, May 1, 2023

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM

 Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips are The Flash, Sarumon the White, Hermione Granger, Agent Smith (w/ 2 white lightsabers), He-Man and Battle Cat, Ron Weasaly on a Quidditch Broom, Miss Martian, Wonder Girl, Arsenal, & Black Widows #3-5.

TEAM is Alex Houslander, Laya Houslander, Scarlet Houslander, Grayson Houslander, Thanos, Maw, Mace Windu, Thor, Thunderstrike, The Mandalorian, Grogu, The Oracle, and Seraph w/ The Magic School Bus.  



 Many an epic match have begun with the title of The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM.  The true O.G. rivalry of The Fantasy Fantasy League.  Michigan Vs. Ohio State, Yankees Vs. The Red Sox, Lakers Vs. Celtics, Horsemen Vs. TEAM.  Reboots do nothing to change a perfect mix of hatred and respect that exists deep within true rivalries.  

On the way to Hogwarts, the young Alex Houslander speaks to his TEAMmates.  Very interested in the history between these two great franchises.  Conversations abound inside the Magic School as they approach Hogwarts, Alex works as a great hype man for the TEAM with many chants of "LET'S GO" and "YOU ALREADY KNOW", complete with chest thumping and mean tweets about The Horsemen being "straight up trash".  Thanos stands up and exclaims that no matter what happens:  "Darkseid IS MINE", followed by Thor reminding his TEAMmates that his hammer and Supergirl have "unfinished business".  No one questions the Mad Titan or The god of Thunder as they get closer to the school that will soon be a battlefield.  The drive is short, but the memories of those on TEAM are long.  This match shall be one for the annals of The Fantasy Fantasy League.

As The Magic School Bus whimsically rolls into Hogwarts, the Horsemen waste no time defending their school.  The TEAMmembers come rolling out of the bus with military precision in an attempt to get inside the school as quickly as possible as they had planned; but Miss Martian, Wonder Girl, and Arsenal are there to battle with the Bus itself as soon as they arrive.  Everyone on TEAM exits the bus except for Laya and her two youngest siblings.  They were supposed to lend back up from the magic bus itself once the TEAM made it inside; but that plan is ruined right away as the Martian, the marksmen, and the amazon who methodically dodge the attacks of the bus and break it apart piece by piece in a time consuming but well executed attack.  

As the TEAMmembers get inside, The Oracle feels the presence of the one meant to destroy the Matrix, before Agent Smith leaps out of a painting on the wall and attacks.  The Oracle takes cover; but perfectly throws a random spell book off of the ground at Smith knocking one of his white lightsabers out of his hands.  Seraph picks it up and an amazing and well-pitched lightsaber battle ensues between Smith and Seraph.  The fight appears choreographed in its perfection; but as referenced in Matrix lore Agent Smith is ratioed by Seraph who has beat him before.  The protector of that which is most important sends a lightsaber through the throat of the lead Agent.  

The Mandalorian finds himself surrounded by the three black widows, and it is looking like he may be in trouble until Grogu gives a force push towards the three chicks to distract them.  This gives Din the opportunity to use his whistling birds weapon and take out all three assassins at once.  

He-Man is off of Battle Cat and going toe to toe with Thunderstrike.  The man of midgard raises his hammer and calls upon the power of Thor and Odin blowing a hole through the floor and knocking He-Man into it.  The power of Thor rushes through Thunderstrike's whole body; but He-Man is a master of the universe and "HAS THE POWER" as well.   He-Man leaps out of the crevice with the Sword of Power drawn and knocks the human embodiment of Marvel's Thor to the ground with his shield.  He-Man then plunges the sword of Grey Skull into the chest of Thunderstrike.  

Master Mace Windu stumbles into an eery looking classroom to find two young students practicing spells and deep in their studies.  Mace is not at all threatened at first but that quickly changes as Ron and Hermione leap into action.  Mace is powerful; but taken off guard by the spells of the teenagers and does not quite know how to combat them.  He deflects or dodges 90% of the attacks but it is not enough.  With some carefully timed uses of Expelliarmus as well as Petrificus Totalus Master Windu eventually falls to the two young wizards.  

Sarumon the White fights through the telekinetic attacks of Maw and blasts some wicked white light into the face of the cosmic space thug, blowing his head clean off; but this sets off Thanos' rage as he avenges his psuedo-son by ripping Sarumon in two.  

The reason He-Man was without Battle Cat in his battle against Thunderstrike was that the big mean cat was being petted by Laya and her fellow cat whisperer siblings Scarlet and Grayson.  Although they all stop for a moment as Laya tries to get Barry Allen's autograph as he is zooming by.  This does not turn out well as the trio along with their new pet all become trapped in the speed force.

Alex TEAMs up with Mando against two DC bros Arsenal and The Flash.  Mando loses his gun when Arsenal hits it out of his armored hand with a perfectly placed arrow.  The two begin battling hand to hand when The Flash rushes in and sends a flurry of DC's second hardest punches into Mando breaking through his beskar armor and destroying his organs, during the commotion, Alex is able to roll onto the ground, grab Mando's dropped pistol and put a few laser blasts into the chest of Arsenal.  

Thanos is still pissed that he doesn't get to try out his skills against Darkseid who is evidently still at home at Horsemen headquarters riding the bench.  So instead, having done his DC research goes after Wonder Woman.  Obsessed, with taking out one of DC's finest, Thanos doesn't realize that he isn't snapping the neck of Wonder Woman, but her sidekick Wonder Girl instead.  

He-Man brushes the beautiful golden blonde hair away from his face and sees the god of Thunder out of the corner of his eye.  Planning to duplicate his feat from earlier, He-Man rushes in with the same battle plan he used against Thunderstrike.  The Prince of Eternia does not fair quite as well against the true son of Odin though and is over-powered by his bursts of lightning and finished off by a smack to the top of the head by the hammer of Thor.  

Ron is casting spells and flying around on his broom, driving Seraph crazy, when The Oracle protector leaps off of a moving staircase and drop kicks the kid off of the broom, knocking him to the ground.  Winded from the fall Seraph finishes the deed on Ron as he pummels him.  But alas, Seraph may have accomplished this task but he has failed in his prime objective as he notices that as he is finishing his fight that Hermione has blasted the Oracle down into the dungeon depths of Hogwarts, wiping her program from existence.  

Grogu decides to get serious about being a Jedi Mandalorian like he does in every third episode or so and definitely every season finale.  He does a cute face and then does a mean face, then does another cute face while raising up his right hand to do something powerful; but Miss Martian is already caught up on all her Disney Plus shows and knows the gimmick.  She picks up Grogu and smashes him into green goo.  

The rest of The Horsemen and the rest of TEAM meet up in the cafeteria for their final showdown.  Thanos stands center stage ready to take all comers and it is he that The Horsemen move towards first.  They know that they must stick together and combine their powers if they are going to eliminate The Mad Titan from this equation.  The Flash, Hermione, and Miss Martian move in to triple team Thanos and the epic battle begins.  Hermione takes point and leads the charge; but the rest of TEAM move in to help Thanos.  A barrage of speedy punches do a number on Thanos; but Thor sends a potent blast of lightning into the speed force blasting The Flash to bits.  Barry makes sure that the explosion that gets him is directed towards Thanos as well, who then redirects that power into a cosmic blast that shatters Hermione's wand as well as her spine.  Miss Martian in a last ditch effort tries to embody her own character and go full evil white person revealing her true white devil persona; but her mean white head is knocked clean off by the hammer of Thor.  

Thanos lay dying, while Alex Houslander approaches Thor and asks:  "Wow, Thor.  Nice shot.  Do you think we have a chance to make the play-offs still"??

"Aye" Thor begins to reply; but Seraph chimes in instead:

"It matters not.  Our season just became a success".

4 comments:

Josh the Commish said...

TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!

-Thor, Seraph, and Alex Houslander survive.

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolypse said...

I didn't think heavy hitters such as Darkseid would fair well in a school, but I quickly realized I lost this one when I saw the teams. GG's Ed.

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolypse said...

And good match per usual

TEAM said...

Nice match! Very good Horsemen/TEAM feel to it.


Alex, always bring the heavy hitters.