The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is X-23 and Salacious B. Crumb.
The Right Wing is Black Lantern She-Hulk, Nick Houslander w/Blue Lightsaber, and Bear w/Green Lightsaber.
“Joan Jett?? Hells yeah!” exclaims Nick Houslander as he finishes off his coffee as The Right Wing enters Josh’s Apartment. Bear immediately sees Salacious B. Crumb perched up on top of one of the speakers in the corner. “Be’s bine Bick!” shouts Bear as he lunges at the cackling creature. They both crash to the floor, Bear quickly ignites his lightsaber and drives it through Salacious several times (possibly a few too many). “Damn dude, calm down,” Nick says to his long time partner. But before Bear can respond to Nick, they are both kicked to the ground by X-23. She then turns her attention to the real threat, which is Black Lantern She-Hulk. The zombified female version of The Hulk squares off against the female clone of Wolverine (appropriate, huh?) in a battle the causes severe damage to the living area of Josh’s Apartment. Nick and Bear have retreated to outside and are looking through the door wall. Nick looks at bear and says, “So…. Think Josh will get his security deposit back? Hahahaha.” Black Lantern She-Hulk grabs a hold of X-23 and launches her through the wall in-between the living room and the kitchen. X-23 crashes through and knocks over the refrigerator. B.L. She-Hulk then flies in and goes to finish off her opponent, but X-23 flip kicks her way back on to her feet, and in doing so slices off B.L. She-Hulk’s right arm with her foot claw. X-23 then lunges at her and slashes her way through B.L. She-Hulk’s chest until there is nothing but a mass of rotting flesh on the floor of the kitchen.
X-23 then calmly walks back into the living room sets the record player back up and drops the needle back down on the vinyl. She then looks at Nick and Bear who are outside the sliding door. X-23, with claws still extended, motions with her finger for the two of them to come back inside. “Awww, this is going to suck Bear,” Nick laments to his old chum. Bear nods his head and is the first one to rush in towards X-23. Nick is quick to follow, both of them have their lightsabers drawn, but X-23 is just too quick for them. She spin kicks Nick and slashes him across his chest. Lucky for him, it’s not a mortal wound, which is most likely due to his thick chest mane. As he regains his footing, he looks up to see Bear being ripped in half by X-23. “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Nick shouts (A lot like Obi Wan did when he saw Qui Gon get killed by Darth Maul). Nick in a blinded rage rushes X-23, but she back flips over him and drives her claws right through his neck. Nick drops to the ground and the last thing he hears is Joan Jett’s voice singing “Ah, now I don't hardly know her, But I think I could love her, Crimson and clover.”
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
The Tijuana Taco Benderz Vs. George Washington's Slaves
George Washington's Slaves are Doppleganger and Gizmo
The Tijuana Taco Benderz are Mammoth and Jinx
Damn Gizmo is cute. I mean seriously, I know that I am supposed to be totally unbiased as a watcher, but I am not sure if there has ever been a human child as cute as that friggin magwai. I know that fan-boy dorks (like me) like to act like they think that The Gremlins movie is cool because of some retro horror aspect; but lets be honest. That movie is cool because even the most hardened A-Hole on the planet can’t help but have their heart melt when Gizmo says “Bright-light, Bright-light” in that friggin movie... Don’t deny it people, I mean seriously who do you think you’re bulls&*^in? But back to the story. The fact that I am totally obsessed with the cuteness of Gizmo doesn’t change the fact, that this match starts with Mammoth punting the little Magwai right into the AT-ST painting above Josh’s vintage T.V. Which destroys both the painting and the life of Gizmo.
**At this point, we shall forego the week that Josh spends crying over this double loss and just continue with the events of the fight.
Mammoth and Doppleganger become locked in an intense and violent battle. They break everything that they come in to contact with and turn Josh’s apartment into an absolute disaster (Josh is going to come home and think that he is married again). Mammoth may actually have the upper hand in the strength department, but he is definitely lacking in terms of speed and fighting ability when put up against Doppleganger. Jinx is attempting to make a move to help out her teammate but she, in essence does little more than follow the fight into Alex’s room as the 2 brutes turn every room in Josh’s place into a complete disaster. Mammoth gets pushed down, but pops back up as quick as he can. The HIVE Academy Graduate attempts to defend himself, but Doppleganger uses his two top arms to grab the arms of Mammoth and break them in place while he is simultaneously gut-punching the genetically enhanced teenager. With Mammoth’s arms broken and lung’s compressed he makes virtually no effort to stop the evil Spider-Man Clone from using his multi-armed frame to crack his neck. As Jinx’s teammate falls the HIVE FIVE Leader jumps into action. She attempts to attack Doppleganger but the four-armed individual’s spider-sense tingles before she can land her attack. Doppleganger ducks out of the way of his smaller attacker and punches her on to the top of Josh’s dresser. The dazed Jinx shakes off this brutal attack just in time to see that the sword set that Doppleganger had thrown her into had become airborne. Jinx smiles as Doppleganger runs in for the attack and sees the sword set’s Wakisachi fly through the air and land blade first in the back of Doppelganger’s neck. It sure is good to be lucky.
THE TIJUANA TACO BENDERZ ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Tijuana Taco Benderz are Mammoth and Jinx
Damn Gizmo is cute. I mean seriously, I know that I am supposed to be totally unbiased as a watcher, but I am not sure if there has ever been a human child as cute as that friggin magwai. I know that fan-boy dorks (like me) like to act like they think that The Gremlins movie is cool because of some retro horror aspect; but lets be honest. That movie is cool because even the most hardened A-Hole on the planet can’t help but have their heart melt when Gizmo says “Bright-light, Bright-light” in that friggin movie... Don’t deny it people, I mean seriously who do you think you’re bulls&*^in? But back to the story. The fact that I am totally obsessed with the cuteness of Gizmo doesn’t change the fact, that this match starts with Mammoth punting the little Magwai right into the AT-ST painting above Josh’s vintage T.V. Which destroys both the painting and the life of Gizmo.
**At this point, we shall forego the week that Josh spends crying over this double loss and just continue with the events of the fight.
Mammoth and Doppleganger become locked in an intense and violent battle. They break everything that they come in to contact with and turn Josh’s apartment into an absolute disaster (Josh is going to come home and think that he is married again). Mammoth may actually have the upper hand in the strength department, but he is definitely lacking in terms of speed and fighting ability when put up against Doppleganger. Jinx is attempting to make a move to help out her teammate but she, in essence does little more than follow the fight into Alex’s room as the 2 brutes turn every room in Josh’s place into a complete disaster. Mammoth gets pushed down, but pops back up as quick as he can. The HIVE Academy Graduate attempts to defend himself, but Doppleganger uses his two top arms to grab the arms of Mammoth and break them in place while he is simultaneously gut-punching the genetically enhanced teenager. With Mammoth’s arms broken and lung’s compressed he makes virtually no effort to stop the evil Spider-Man Clone from using his multi-armed frame to crack his neck. As Jinx’s teammate falls the HIVE FIVE Leader jumps into action. She attempts to attack Doppleganger but the four-armed individual’s spider-sense tingles before she can land her attack. Doppleganger ducks out of the way of his smaller attacker and punches her on to the top of Josh’s dresser. The dazed Jinx shakes off this brutal attack just in time to see that the sword set that Doppleganger had thrown her into had become airborne. Jinx smiles as Doppleganger runs in for the attack and sees the sword set’s Wakisachi fly through the air and land blade first in the back of Doppelganger’s neck. It sure is good to be lucky.
THE TIJUANA TACO BENDERZ ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches
The Horseman of Apokolips are Josh Houslander: Jedi Knight (w/ a blue lantern ring), Laya Houslander: Jedi Youngling, Alexander Houslander: Jedi Youngling, Chris Artrip (w/ Mandalorian Armor & a green lightsaber), Julie Artrip (w/ a green lightsaber & a Star Wand), Fry Guy #1 & 2, & INTRODUCING Ella Artrip (w/ a blue lightsaber).
Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches are Darth Talon.
Fry Guy #1 & 2 are discussing the surreal aspects of their lives as they find themselves in a situation that they never thought they would be lucky enough to embrace. "Damn Broccoli Face (that's Fry Guy #2) I can't believe that the two of us just got signed to one year contract with The Horsemen of Apokolips, and then immediately got the start against The Backyardigans. They are two of the best teams in the league”. “Recognize Celery mouth (that’s Fry Guy #1 (they sure have ironic names don’t they (Heh))). The 2 McDonalds spokes-things are especially happy, since they had heard all the rumors going around about The Commissioner tightening his grip on the league and doing away with most of the “useless” characters left over on the waiver wires. And after a solid year of twiddling their thumbs on the waiver wires themselves, both Celery Mouth and Broccoli Face are certain that they would have been a part of The Commissioner’s “House Cleaning”. But now instead, only moments before the “mass character vanquishing” took place they find themselves with a spot on The Horsemen of Apokolips themselves, a guaranteed spot within the league, and in the home of the “MIGHTY” Commissioner himself... Like they said, surreal. The 2 Fry Guys are about to nervously introduce themselves to their teammates, the hardened members of the Horsemen Squad that make up the rest of their team when they all of the sudden find it impossible to breath. Darth Talon, force chokes the life out of the two Fry Guys before anyone else even notices that she is present within the small apartment. The Jedi and Myrmidon senses of the rest of The Horsemen Squad are working overtime as the Sith Lord creeps through the darkened apartment. “Be mindful of your surroundings” a nervous Josh says to his family members, as they form a circle with their backs to each other in the center of the living room. “It’s quiet” Julie says. “Yeah, to quiet” Laya quips to her Godmother. Laya speaks softly: “I sense an evil that I have not felt, since“... “Before Darkseid died” Alex says, to finish his sister’s sentence. “I think I see her” Chris says in regards to Vader’s Apprentice. “Your eyes can deceive you father... Don’t trust them”. Ella says to her Dad; but before her Myrmidon father even has the ability to be proud of his daughter’s calm demeanor, Ella gets force pushed into the vintage speakers in the corner of Josh’s apartment. In the vicinity of the front door, a red lightsaber is ignited, which is followed promptly by the ignition of three blue ones and three green ones. Chris jumps into action at the sight of his daughter being attacked and uses both his jetpack and Josh’s loveseat as a springboard to attack Lord Talon. “No Uncle Chris ... WAIT”! Laya screams, knowing that her squad has a much better chance against the powerful Dark Side Combatant, if they work together. Fizz leads with his lightsaber, but Darth Talon quickly uses her own saber to cut it in half. Despite the loss of his Jedi weapon, Chris doesn’t hesitate at all in continuing his attack; he uses his suit’s built in flamethrowers to light up the darkened apartment (I think Josh might have “forgotten” to pay the electric bill again). Lord Talon uses her force powers to protect herself from the fire, but the attack does leave her taken aback. In the meantime, “Z” pulls out Josh’s old Katana and 10mm Glock to continue his attack. Chris attacks fiercely, sending sparks flying throughout the entrance hallway, but Darth Talon is simply to fast for him. She ducks under his “conventional weapon” attacks and then sneaks both her body and her lightsaber behind him to send it straight through both Fizzle’s suit and heart. Artifact’s actions are in no way in vain as the rest of his squad was given plenty of time to both get Ella to safety and to reestablish their position. “Hang back, everyone. We take her together”. Josh says to attempt to inject some Jedi Patience into the situation; but Ella isn’t about to let this Red-skinned tentacle-headed chick get away with killing her dad. Ella begins to grow anxious, but Julie yells to her daughter to stay back. Darth Talon, in a surprising move, runs from The Horsemen Squad, and takes position in Alex’s Room. With her back to Josh’s dresser. The Horsemen slowly move to the back room of the apartment, when it becomes fairly obvious to Josh that Julie has no intention of being patient or of going easy on the dumb alien broad that just took out her husband. “Don’t rush in on your own sister” Josh says to Julie, and finishes with: “remember we have our kids to protect”. Julie looks at her brother and says: “You are acting like we are about to jump into Lake Huron... Now quit being a pussy. If you don’t want me to rush in by myself, then I suggest you come with me”. Josh doesn’t answer. He simply smiles at his little sister, right before they both rush in towards Darth Talon. Ella and Alex begin to follow, but Laya tells them to “hold back until they need us”. Her brother and cousin listen without thinking twice. Josh and Julie clash with a ferocity that would definitely make Julie’s captain (Achilles) proud. Josh, has always used the Form 4 technique of lightsaber fighting; but now that he can fly (do to his blue lantern ring) it makes his Form 4 (aerial jump-fighting) even more effective. Julie fights fiercely, with her Star Wand located in her right hand, and her lightsaber held upside down in her left hand to widen her attack span. Josh and Julie don’t attack as two fighters, but as one fighting unit. Lord Talon delivers a kick to the stomach of Josh that sends him flying onto Alex’s bed. Josh recuperates and begins to head back toward the fight, but in the meantime Julie is warding off Talon’s attacks. Darth Talon speaks to her opponent: “Your anger makes you powerful. Our lightsabers are tied up with each other. Use your Star Wand and strike me down... Only your hatred for me can allow you to win this fight”. Julie, who is not a Jedi, but a Myrmidon freely takes the advice from the Sith Lord and uses her Star Wand to blast Darth Talon back onto the corner wall by Josh’s bed. Darth Talon, does manage to destroy Julie’s lightsaber with a quick flick of her wrist before the star blast sends her airborne. Lord Talon takes less than a second to recuperate from this attack, and then uses the bed as a vantage point to attack the Jedi Knight and his sister. Laya, Alex, and Ella still hold back and wait for the best time to join the fight, without getting in the way of their parents. As the fight begins anew, a blaze of Blue energy, yellow colored star blasts and clashing lightsabers fill the air. Josh and Julie fight well, using all of the talents that they have been taught by some of the best possible teachers; but it doesn’t change the fact, that Darth Talon is the most skilled warrior in the room. Julie takes a step back and starts unloading star blasts at The Sith Lord, but Lord Talon blocks them with her lightsaber ( a skill, that she was never very adept at until a former Jedi took over her training). Julie keeps her busy, but eventually her star wand runs out of power, leaving it as only a melee device. Darth Talon rushes at The Myrmidon, but Julie is unable to defend against her attacks, she catches a red lightsaber blade beneath her ribs. Josh rushes in to attack, but doesn’t get there in time to save his sister. The Jedi and Sith become locked in an intense lightsaber battle. Josh focuses the power of his blue ring into his inner force power; but the blue ring, without the benefit of a green ring in the vicinity, is not a very powerful attack weapon. Josh pushes Lord Talon into the corner by his own dresser, but Darth Talon throws down a spin move that ends with the removal of Josh’s head. Before Josh’s head hits the ground and Darth Talon is able to recuperate, an angered but focused Laya yells “NOW”. Which sends all three of the young warriors into attack mode. Darth Talon underestimates the 3 Younglings, but while Alex is parrying her initial attack, Laya force pushes Ella on to the top of Josh’s old dresser. Ella quickly jumps down and makes an attack toward Darth Talon. The attack against The Sith Lord proves to not be fatal, but it does slice Talon’s red lightsaber in half. Darth Talon, for the first time in the course of this match is scared as she is left weaponless against her attackers; but the powerful Sith Lord throws down a room clearing, Sith Lightning laced force push that sends all three of the young attackers off in different directions. Laya and Ella are both pushed back out into the hallway, but Alex is left alone in the room with Darth Talon. The Sith Lord uses the force to pick up both Josh’s blue lightsaber out of his dead hand and to take the katana off of Josh’s dresser. The Sith Lord, just simply doesn’t look right holding a blue lightsaber, with her crimson red skin and evil eyes as she walks toward the Youngling. Darth Talon is trying her hardest to use intimidation against the young warriors, but Alex looks at her and says: “I shall never fear my father’s swords”. Alex is fully prepared to do his best against Darth Talon all on his own when the his two teammates rush back into the room. It is not certain where Laya disappeared to, but Ella came in with Josh’s old Tanfoglio .25 ACP blazing. She then dropped the small pistol and armed herself with her lightsaber in one hand and Josh’s old Tanto in the other (these are the weapons that were passed to her when Josh died, they are not to be confused with the identical, yet different versions that are sitting on the dresser she is running towards). Alex and Ella parry the lightsaber attacks of Darth Talon as the arrogant Sith Lord says: “What is it that makes you think you can defeat me? I respect your drive and even your abilities, but love for your dead parents isn’t going to win you this fight. I am curious, young warriors what is that you think gives you the upper hand over me”? Alex and Ella don’t say a word as they do their best to defend against her melee attacks. Darth Talon continues with her rigorous questioning: “Do you believe that your lightsaber skills will win you this fight, your anger at the death of your parents and teammates, your barely attained Jedi skills??? Well, answer me children... WHAT?!?” Darth Talon finishes her rant as she is about to bring her 2 weapons down on the heads of both Alex and Ella. At that moment a flinching Ella and Alex see a blue lightsaber tip come through the chest of Darth Talon and they hear Laya look down at the dying Sith Lord and say “How about Home Field Advantage”.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches are Darth Talon.
Fry Guy #1 & 2 are discussing the surreal aspects of their lives as they find themselves in a situation that they never thought they would be lucky enough to embrace. "Damn Broccoli Face (that's Fry Guy #2) I can't believe that the two of us just got signed to one year contract with The Horsemen of Apokolips, and then immediately got the start against The Backyardigans. They are two of the best teams in the league”. “Recognize Celery mouth (that’s Fry Guy #1 (they sure have ironic names don’t they (Heh))). The 2 McDonalds spokes-things are especially happy, since they had heard all the rumors going around about The Commissioner tightening his grip on the league and doing away with most of the “useless” characters left over on the waiver wires. And after a solid year of twiddling their thumbs on the waiver wires themselves, both Celery Mouth and Broccoli Face are certain that they would have been a part of The Commissioner’s “House Cleaning”. But now instead, only moments before the “mass character vanquishing” took place they find themselves with a spot on The Horsemen of Apokolips themselves, a guaranteed spot within the league, and in the home of the “MIGHTY” Commissioner himself... Like they said, surreal. The 2 Fry Guys are about to nervously introduce themselves to their teammates, the hardened members of the Horsemen Squad that make up the rest of their team when they all of the sudden find it impossible to breath. Darth Talon, force chokes the life out of the two Fry Guys before anyone else even notices that she is present within the small apartment. The Jedi and Myrmidon senses of the rest of The Horsemen Squad are working overtime as the Sith Lord creeps through the darkened apartment. “Be mindful of your surroundings” a nervous Josh says to his family members, as they form a circle with their backs to each other in the center of the living room. “It’s quiet” Julie says. “Yeah, to quiet” Laya quips to her Godmother. Laya speaks softly: “I sense an evil that I have not felt, since“... “Before Darkseid died” Alex says, to finish his sister’s sentence. “I think I see her” Chris says in regards to Vader’s Apprentice. “Your eyes can deceive you father... Don’t trust them”. Ella says to her Dad; but before her Myrmidon father even has the ability to be proud of his daughter’s calm demeanor, Ella gets force pushed into the vintage speakers in the corner of Josh’s apartment. In the vicinity of the front door, a red lightsaber is ignited, which is followed promptly by the ignition of three blue ones and three green ones. Chris jumps into action at the sight of his daughter being attacked and uses both his jetpack and Josh’s loveseat as a springboard to attack Lord Talon. “No Uncle Chris ... WAIT”! Laya screams, knowing that her squad has a much better chance against the powerful Dark Side Combatant, if they work together. Fizz leads with his lightsaber, but Darth Talon quickly uses her own saber to cut it in half. Despite the loss of his Jedi weapon, Chris doesn’t hesitate at all in continuing his attack; he uses his suit’s built in flamethrowers to light up the darkened apartment (I think Josh might have “forgotten” to pay the electric bill again). Lord Talon uses her force powers to protect herself from the fire, but the attack does leave her taken aback. In the meantime, “Z” pulls out Josh’s old Katana and 10mm Glock to continue his attack. Chris attacks fiercely, sending sparks flying throughout the entrance hallway, but Darth Talon is simply to fast for him. She ducks under his “conventional weapon” attacks and then sneaks both her body and her lightsaber behind him to send it straight through both Fizzle’s suit and heart. Artifact’s actions are in no way in vain as the rest of his squad was given plenty of time to both get Ella to safety and to reestablish their position. “Hang back, everyone. We take her together”. Josh says to attempt to inject some Jedi Patience into the situation; but Ella isn’t about to let this Red-skinned tentacle-headed chick get away with killing her dad. Ella begins to grow anxious, but Julie yells to her daughter to stay back. Darth Talon, in a surprising move, runs from The Horsemen Squad, and takes position in Alex’s Room. With her back to Josh’s dresser. The Horsemen slowly move to the back room of the apartment, when it becomes fairly obvious to Josh that Julie has no intention of being patient or of going easy on the dumb alien broad that just took out her husband. “Don’t rush in on your own sister” Josh says to Julie, and finishes with: “remember we have our kids to protect”. Julie looks at her brother and says: “You are acting like we are about to jump into Lake Huron... Now quit being a pussy. If you don’t want me to rush in by myself, then I suggest you come with me”. Josh doesn’t answer. He simply smiles at his little sister, right before they both rush in towards Darth Talon. Ella and Alex begin to follow, but Laya tells them to “hold back until they need us”. Her brother and cousin listen without thinking twice. Josh and Julie clash with a ferocity that would definitely make Julie’s captain (Achilles) proud. Josh, has always used the Form 4 technique of lightsaber fighting; but now that he can fly (do to his blue lantern ring) it makes his Form 4 (aerial jump-fighting) even more effective. Julie fights fiercely, with her Star Wand located in her right hand, and her lightsaber held upside down in her left hand to widen her attack span. Josh and Julie don’t attack as two fighters, but as one fighting unit. Lord Talon delivers a kick to the stomach of Josh that sends him flying onto Alex’s bed. Josh recuperates and begins to head back toward the fight, but in the meantime Julie is warding off Talon’s attacks. Darth Talon speaks to her opponent: “Your anger makes you powerful. Our lightsabers are tied up with each other. Use your Star Wand and strike me down... Only your hatred for me can allow you to win this fight”. Julie, who is not a Jedi, but a Myrmidon freely takes the advice from the Sith Lord and uses her Star Wand to blast Darth Talon back onto the corner wall by Josh’s bed. Darth Talon, does manage to destroy Julie’s lightsaber with a quick flick of her wrist before the star blast sends her airborne. Lord Talon takes less than a second to recuperate from this attack, and then uses the bed as a vantage point to attack the Jedi Knight and his sister. Laya, Alex, and Ella still hold back and wait for the best time to join the fight, without getting in the way of their parents. As the fight begins anew, a blaze of Blue energy, yellow colored star blasts and clashing lightsabers fill the air. Josh and Julie fight well, using all of the talents that they have been taught by some of the best possible teachers; but it doesn’t change the fact, that Darth Talon is the most skilled warrior in the room. Julie takes a step back and starts unloading star blasts at The Sith Lord, but Lord Talon blocks them with her lightsaber ( a skill, that she was never very adept at until a former Jedi took over her training). Julie keeps her busy, but eventually her star wand runs out of power, leaving it as only a melee device. Darth Talon rushes at The Myrmidon, but Julie is unable to defend against her attacks, she catches a red lightsaber blade beneath her ribs. Josh rushes in to attack, but doesn’t get there in time to save his sister. The Jedi and Sith become locked in an intense lightsaber battle. Josh focuses the power of his blue ring into his inner force power; but the blue ring, without the benefit of a green ring in the vicinity, is not a very powerful attack weapon. Josh pushes Lord Talon into the corner by his own dresser, but Darth Talon throws down a spin move that ends with the removal of Josh’s head. Before Josh’s head hits the ground and Darth Talon is able to recuperate, an angered but focused Laya yells “NOW”. Which sends all three of the young warriors into attack mode. Darth Talon underestimates the 3 Younglings, but while Alex is parrying her initial attack, Laya force pushes Ella on to the top of Josh’s old dresser. Ella quickly jumps down and makes an attack toward Darth Talon. The attack against The Sith Lord proves to not be fatal, but it does slice Talon’s red lightsaber in half. Darth Talon, for the first time in the course of this match is scared as she is left weaponless against her attackers; but the powerful Sith Lord throws down a room clearing, Sith Lightning laced force push that sends all three of the young attackers off in different directions. Laya and Ella are both pushed back out into the hallway, but Alex is left alone in the room with Darth Talon. The Sith Lord uses the force to pick up both Josh’s blue lightsaber out of his dead hand and to take the katana off of Josh’s dresser. The Sith Lord, just simply doesn’t look right holding a blue lightsaber, with her crimson red skin and evil eyes as she walks toward the Youngling. Darth Talon is trying her hardest to use intimidation against the young warriors, but Alex looks at her and says: “I shall never fear my father’s swords”. Alex is fully prepared to do his best against Darth Talon all on his own when the his two teammates rush back into the room. It is not certain where Laya disappeared to, but Ella came in with Josh’s old Tanfoglio .25 ACP blazing. She then dropped the small pistol and armed herself with her lightsaber in one hand and Josh’s old Tanto in the other (these are the weapons that were passed to her when Josh died, they are not to be confused with the identical, yet different versions that are sitting on the dresser she is running towards). Alex and Ella parry the lightsaber attacks of Darth Talon as the arrogant Sith Lord says: “What is it that makes you think you can defeat me? I respect your drive and even your abilities, but love for your dead parents isn’t going to win you this fight. I am curious, young warriors what is that you think gives you the upper hand over me”? Alex and Ella don’t say a word as they do their best to defend against her melee attacks. Darth Talon continues with her rigorous questioning: “Do you believe that your lightsaber skills will win you this fight, your anger at the death of your parents and teammates, your barely attained Jedi skills??? Well, answer me children... WHAT?!?” Darth Talon finishes her rant as she is about to bring her 2 weapons down on the heads of both Alex and Ella. At that moment a flinching Ella and Alex see a blue lightsaber tip come through the chest of Darth Talon and they hear Laya look down at the dying Sith Lord and say “How about Home Field Advantage”.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
week 1- Built Ford Tough vs Michael Vickz Bad News Kennelz of Lurve
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is: Jade w/ green and blue power rings, and Dexter the dog.
Built Ford Tough is: Jeff Houslander w/ red ring, Despotellis, and Good Luck Bear.
As the match is set to begin, Jade and Dexter enter the home of Josh Houslander through the front door, ready to compete. On the other side, Good Luck Bear charges at Jade through the glass door, running as fast as his chubby little legs will carry him, luckily for him (and establishing a pattern for the rest of the match), Jade creates a giant green hand and swats the Care Bear a little too roughly, sending him careening into Josh's bookcase. Dazing the little fellow.
As Good Luck Bear, or GLB as he will now be referred to, struggles to get to his feet, he pulls himself up by grasping one of Josh's various "Dune" books. Suddenly there's a flash of light from the stomach of the cigarette smoking Teletubby and a portal opens up right in front of GLB. His curiosity piqued, he enters the portal and disappears leaving the elder Houslander seemingly alone in his son's apartment to fend to himself.
"Son of a b%@h" seethes Houslander "I gotta do every f*%@ing thing myself" and vomits his bruning red plasma at Jade and Dexter.
The Kennelz dodge the blast, when suddenly Dexter gets very ills and vomits all over Josh's carpet. The dog isn't looking so great, so I hereby invoke one of my five "Watcher life savers" and transport Dexter back home safe and sound.
"Ok, Mr Houslander. It's one on one. Bring it on, old man." Jade confidently tells the hatred fueled Houser.
"Is it? You sure, you stupid green wh*#e?" Jeff fires back "You better be careful, you might catch what the fleabag mutt got."
"Oh, the Despotellis virus? That sentient flu bug that has a Sinestro Corps ring? Yeah, I knew he was here as soon as Dexter started looking sick so I used my blue ring to drain his ring and then used the Starheart to create the proper antibodies to counteract him. He's gone now, and since your little green friend went who knows where, it's just you and me. It's antibodies are still coursing through my veins, making sure I totally eradicate the infection, so I'll just use my rings to beat you." Jade says expositionally.
"M**%$her. F*#@k!" screams Jeff and launches another plasma burst at the smarty pants.
"Now, now Mr Houslander. A man your age shouldn't get so upset. Here, let me help you get the rage under control." Jade then creates a green force bubble that envelopes Josh's dad and as he prepares to swear and puke more red energy Jade uses her blue ring to heal Jeff's burning hatred and pries the ring off of his finger.
"There now, Mr Houslander." coos Jade. "All better, now run along on your merry way."
"Run? Why the f*%$k would I run?" questions the perplexed Jeff
"Well, it's a retreat week. And since Dexter was spared, I figured I'd return the favor and let you live. Seems kinda classless to kill a guy's father in his apartment while he's not here."
"EXCEPT IT'S NOT A RETREAT WEEK YOU DUMB B!$*H!" says a voice behind Jade.
"Wha?" she claims and turns to see Good Luck Bear standing in front of her, holding the head of a Manhunter robot. "Good Luck Bear? But I thought you died in that flash by the bookcase"
"Ha. No, you stupid slut. Lucky for me, I found the entrance to the FFL armory, where Josh keeps all the prizes and spare parts for the league. Who would have thought that teletubby actually had a use, and isn't just a funny decoration?" GLB cockily replies. "Now, since you took my buddies ring, how about I take one of yours?" and GLB uses the Manhunter robot head to quickly drain Jade's green ring.
"Ha ha ha. You dumb, green furry bastard" Jade replies. "I'll just use my blue ring to recharge the green one."
"Except, without a functioning green ring around the blue one is useless." the bear replies
"You're bluffing" says Jade
"Maybe" GLB relies calmly " "but you might want to turn around and see what Mr Houslander has for you."
"What?" Jade says and the last thing she sees is Josh's dad swinging one of Josh's swords at her head.
"Well Jeff, we make quite a pair" says GLB.
"Whatever you creepy little a$$h*/#" replies Jeff as he grabs picks up his red ring and starts to head home. "Just clean up that f*#king dog puke before Josh gets home. I just stepped in that s#*t. Get going, or I'll put my boot so far up your a$$ that people will think you're one of my slippers."
"Yes sir, you're welcome for winning us the match by the way" GLB responds despondently.
"What the f*$k did you say??!!"
"Nothing, nothing. Cleaning up the puke now, sir"
"Good."
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: All dead/ spared.
Built Ford Tough: Jeff Houslander and Good Luck Bear survive
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!!
Built Ford Tough is: Jeff Houslander w/ red ring, Despotellis, and Good Luck Bear.
As the match is set to begin, Jade and Dexter enter the home of Josh Houslander through the front door, ready to compete. On the other side, Good Luck Bear charges at Jade through the glass door, running as fast as his chubby little legs will carry him, luckily for him (and establishing a pattern for the rest of the match), Jade creates a giant green hand and swats the Care Bear a little too roughly, sending him careening into Josh's bookcase. Dazing the little fellow.
As Good Luck Bear, or GLB as he will now be referred to, struggles to get to his feet, he pulls himself up by grasping one of Josh's various "Dune" books. Suddenly there's a flash of light from the stomach of the cigarette smoking Teletubby and a portal opens up right in front of GLB. His curiosity piqued, he enters the portal and disappears leaving the elder Houslander seemingly alone in his son's apartment to fend to himself.
"Son of a b%@h" seethes Houslander "I gotta do every f*%@ing thing myself" and vomits his bruning red plasma at Jade and Dexter.
The Kennelz dodge the blast, when suddenly Dexter gets very ills and vomits all over Josh's carpet. The dog isn't looking so great, so I hereby invoke one of my five "Watcher life savers" and transport Dexter back home safe and sound.
"Ok, Mr Houslander. It's one on one. Bring it on, old man." Jade confidently tells the hatred fueled Houser.
"Is it? You sure, you stupid green wh*#e?" Jeff fires back "You better be careful, you might catch what the fleabag mutt got."
"Oh, the Despotellis virus? That sentient flu bug that has a Sinestro Corps ring? Yeah, I knew he was here as soon as Dexter started looking sick so I used my blue ring to drain his ring and then used the Starheart to create the proper antibodies to counteract him. He's gone now, and since your little green friend went who knows where, it's just you and me. It's antibodies are still coursing through my veins, making sure I totally eradicate the infection, so I'll just use my rings to beat you." Jade says expositionally.
"M**%$her. F*#@k!" screams Jeff and launches another plasma burst at the smarty pants.
"Now, now Mr Houslander. A man your age shouldn't get so upset. Here, let me help you get the rage under control." Jade then creates a green force bubble that envelopes Josh's dad and as he prepares to swear and puke more red energy Jade uses her blue ring to heal Jeff's burning hatred and pries the ring off of his finger.
"There now, Mr Houslander." coos Jade. "All better, now run along on your merry way."
"Run? Why the f*%$k would I run?" questions the perplexed Jeff
"Well, it's a retreat week. And since Dexter was spared, I figured I'd return the favor and let you live. Seems kinda classless to kill a guy's father in his apartment while he's not here."
"EXCEPT IT'S NOT A RETREAT WEEK YOU DUMB B!$*H!" says a voice behind Jade.
"Wha?" she claims and turns to see Good Luck Bear standing in front of her, holding the head of a Manhunter robot. "Good Luck Bear? But I thought you died in that flash by the bookcase"
"Ha. No, you stupid slut. Lucky for me, I found the entrance to the FFL armory, where Josh keeps all the prizes and spare parts for the league. Who would have thought that teletubby actually had a use, and isn't just a funny decoration?" GLB cockily replies. "Now, since you took my buddies ring, how about I take one of yours?" and GLB uses the Manhunter robot head to quickly drain Jade's green ring.
"Ha ha ha. You dumb, green furry bastard" Jade replies. "I'll just use my blue ring to recharge the green one."
"Except, without a functioning green ring around the blue one is useless." the bear replies
"You're bluffing" says Jade
"Maybe" GLB relies calmly " "but you might want to turn around and see what Mr Houslander has for you."
"What?" Jade says and the last thing she sees is Josh's dad swinging one of Josh's swords at her head.
"Well Jeff, we make quite a pair" says GLB.
"Whatever you creepy little a$$h*/#" replies Jeff as he grabs picks up his red ring and starts to head home. "Just clean up that f*#king dog puke before Josh gets home. I just stepped in that s#*t. Get going, or I'll put my boot so far up your a$$ that people will think you're one of my slippers."
"Yes sir, you're welcome for winning us the match by the way" GLB responds despondently.
"What the f*$k did you say??!!"
"Nothing, nothing. Cleaning up the puke now, sir"
"Good."
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: All dead/ spared.
Built Ford Tough: Jeff Houslander and Good Luck Bear survive
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!!
Season 4, Week 1 Match: TEAM vs. Alice's Wonder Team
“P-p-p-p-please! Me, scared? Don't be ridiculous!”
-Roger Rabbit
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 1 Match located at Josh’s Apartment. They are as follows:
TEAM- Yarael Poof and Black Lantern Pete Sosa
Alice’s Wonder Team- War Machine and Roger Rabbit
Let the battle begin. . .
Black Lantern Pete Sosa stands before Roger Rabbit in Josh’s bedroom. It is the most action the bedroom has seen in ages. Sosa’s dead, but piercing eyes stare with contempt at the leporidae.
BL Sosa: Do you know who I am?
Roger Rabbit: A dead, but strappingly handsome man, if I say so myself.
BL Sosa: Do you know where I’ve been?
Roger Rabbit: Not really; it’s because I would’ve tried your office. Well, you see, I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, the green grocerer, the butcher, the baker, they didn't know! But the liquor store guy... he knew.
BL Sosa ponders the day when he was alive and imbibing the alcoholic beverages of his choice. He quickly shakes his memories away. He is a black lantern. A harbinger of death. He slowly walks toward Roger, but stops when Roger holds up his hand, signaling Sosa to wait. Roger pulls out a cane from his pocket and it transforms into a bouquet of flowers. Before he is able to begin another trick, Sosa is upon him.
Roger Rabbit: P-p-p-p-p-p-please!!!!!
BL Sosa rips through Roger Rabbit’s chest and in his bloodied hand brings forth the bunny’s heart.
BL Sosa: Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids.
In the living room, Yarael Poof ignites his lightsaber. War Machine’s retractable shoulder guns come to life and blaze a death storm across the room. The walls (and more importantly, Josh’s “Dune” novel collection) are shredded apart. The Quermia Jedi Master deflects the projectiles and closes in on Rhodey. As Poof is directly in front of War Machine, Rhodes uses his gauntlet flamethrower. Poof screams as his body burns. Poof’s last act of defiance shows when he grips his lightsaber and forces it through War Machine’s face plate and skull. A singed and mortally wounded Poof lies next to the killed War Machine.
The destruction caused by the armored warrior leaves the entire apartment in disarray. BL Sosa is seen walking from the bathroom, shirt torn and his body glistening due to the water spray from the destroyed shower pipes. His rippling muscles exude wonderment for this Watcher to behold. He kneels down before the Jedi Master.
Poof: You have done well BL Sosa. You have done well. You are the last today.
BL Sosa: It is because although I am a black lantern, I still have tiger blood running through my veins.
Poof: Your strength. . . .
BL Sosa: Comes from no drugs. The only Drugs BL Sosa takes are BL Sosa and no one can take them or it will melt their face and blow their mind!
Poof: Your. . . .
BL Sosa: WINNING!
Poof dies in BL Sosa’s arms.
Alice’s Wonder Team- All dead.
TEAM- Black Lantern Pete Sosa survives.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Roger Rabbit
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 1 Match located at Josh’s Apartment. They are as follows:
TEAM- Yarael Poof and Black Lantern Pete Sosa
Alice’s Wonder Team- War Machine and Roger Rabbit
Let the battle begin. . .
Black Lantern Pete Sosa stands before Roger Rabbit in Josh’s bedroom. It is the most action the bedroom has seen in ages. Sosa’s dead, but piercing eyes stare with contempt at the leporidae.
BL Sosa: Do you know who I am?
Roger Rabbit: A dead, but strappingly handsome man, if I say so myself.
BL Sosa: Do you know where I’ve been?
Roger Rabbit: Not really; it’s because I would’ve tried your office. Well, you see, I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, the green grocerer, the butcher, the baker, they didn't know! But the liquor store guy... he knew.
BL Sosa ponders the day when he was alive and imbibing the alcoholic beverages of his choice. He quickly shakes his memories away. He is a black lantern. A harbinger of death. He slowly walks toward Roger, but stops when Roger holds up his hand, signaling Sosa to wait. Roger pulls out a cane from his pocket and it transforms into a bouquet of flowers. Before he is able to begin another trick, Sosa is upon him.
Roger Rabbit: P-p-p-p-p-p-please!!!!!
BL Sosa rips through Roger Rabbit’s chest and in his bloodied hand brings forth the bunny’s heart.
BL Sosa: Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids.
In the living room, Yarael Poof ignites his lightsaber. War Machine’s retractable shoulder guns come to life and blaze a death storm across the room. The walls (and more importantly, Josh’s “Dune” novel collection) are shredded apart. The Quermia Jedi Master deflects the projectiles and closes in on Rhodey. As Poof is directly in front of War Machine, Rhodes uses his gauntlet flamethrower. Poof screams as his body burns. Poof’s last act of defiance shows when he grips his lightsaber and forces it through War Machine’s face plate and skull. A singed and mortally wounded Poof lies next to the killed War Machine.
The destruction caused by the armored warrior leaves the entire apartment in disarray. BL Sosa is seen walking from the bathroom, shirt torn and his body glistening due to the water spray from the destroyed shower pipes. His rippling muscles exude wonderment for this Watcher to behold. He kneels down before the Jedi Master.
Poof: You have done well BL Sosa. You have done well. You are the last today.
BL Sosa: It is because although I am a black lantern, I still have tiger blood running through my veins.
Poof: Your strength. . . .
BL Sosa: Comes from no drugs. The only Drugs BL Sosa takes are BL Sosa and no one can take them or it will melt their face and blow their mind!
Poof: Your. . . .
BL Sosa: WINNING!
Poof dies in BL Sosa’s arms.
Alice’s Wonder Team- All dead.
TEAM- Black Lantern Pete Sosa survives.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Season 4, Week 1 Match: Team Sleeping Pussy vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends
“The Toecutter - he knows who I am. I am the Nightrider! I am the chosen one. The mighty hand of vengeance, sent down to strike the unroadworthy! I'm hotter than a rollin' dice. Step right up, germ, and watch the kid lay down the rubber road, ride to freedom!”
-Nightrider
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 1 Match located at Josh’s Apartment. They are as follows:
Team Sleeping Pussy- Nightrider, Toecutter, Bubba Zanetti, Johnny the Boy, Mudguts and Cundalini.
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends- Inigo Montoya (w/ a blue lightsaber), Fezzik and Vizzini.
Let the battle begin. . .
The Mad Max gang stands shoulder to shoulder in Josh’s living room. Montoya, followed by Fezzik and Vizzini, emerge from the bedroom. Montoya stands before his brothers-in-arms and ignites his blue lightsaber.
Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. Although you didn’t kill my father, prepare to die!
Montoya rushes at Mudguts and disembowels the man with one quick slash. Mudguts looks down to see his intestines dripping from his stomach to the floor. Mudguts crumples to the ground.
Vizzini and Fezzik confront Zanetti and Johnny the Boy. Zanetti and Johnny run to the kitchen and smash two chairs found standing in the corner. The two slowly move from the kitchen with a chair leg in each hand. Vizzini pulls a knife from his belt. Before he is able to use it, his arm is struck by Zanetti. Vizzini drops the knife. Johnny the Boy barrels into Vizzini. Johnny, in a mad rage, repeatedly pummels Vizinni’s skull with both chair legs. While his friend is being pummeled, Fezzik reaches Zanetti and picks him up by his throat with one hand. A snap is heard and Fezzik throws Zanetti to the floor like a ragdoll. After the death of Zanetti, Johnny the Boy rises and trips over Vizzini’s body, which is lying next to him.
Johnny the Boy: Don't do this to me, please! Aw, Sweet Jesus! I was sick! Don't bring this on me, please!
Fezzik lifts Johnny the Boy and performs a double under-hook suplex. He then takes the four chair legs and smashes them through Johnny the Boy’s head.
Meanwhile across the room, Montoya manages to cut the hand off of Cundalini. Cundalini looks at the cauterized stump and grimaces. Toecutter walks in front of Cundalini and motions to his fallen brethren.
Toecutter: That there is Cundalini... and Cundalini wants his hand back!
Montoya rushes at Toecutter, but before he reaches him, he is jumped by Nightrider. Nightrider is in a piggyback position, clawing at Montoya’s face. Montoya attempts to knock Nightrider off his back by smashing into walls, while also swinging his lightsaber wildly around.
Nightrider: I am the Nightrider! I'm a fuel injected suicide machine! I am the rocker; I am the roller; I am the out-of-controller!
Montoya finally succumbs to exhaustion and crashes to the floor. Nightrider, Cundalini and Toecutter focus on Fezzik since Montoya is currently out of the mix. The three overpower the giant. Toecutter uses the chords from Josh’s Xbox to strangle Fezzik, while Nightrider and Cundalini rush to the kitchen and grab Houslander’s kitchenware for the final kill. The two men hurry back and stab Fezzik with the knives from Josh’s kitchen, while Toecutter holds Fezzik’s neck in place with the wiring. Fezzik is killed. As Cundalini and Nightrider rise, Cundalini looks down and sees a blue blade protruding from his chest. He falls. Nightrider and Toecutter both stand and face Montoya, wielding his blade.
Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed Fezzik and Vizzini. Prepare to die.
Toecutter and Nightrider are slashed in two.
Montoya sits down and looks at Josh’s “dollies,” which remain unharmed on the television set.
Team Sleeping Pussy: All dead.
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends: Inigo Montoya survives.
GRIFFIN’S HIGH MAINTENANCE DOPE FIENDS IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Nightrider
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 1 Match located at Josh’s Apartment. They are as follows:
Team Sleeping Pussy- Nightrider, Toecutter, Bubba Zanetti, Johnny the Boy, Mudguts and Cundalini.
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends- Inigo Montoya (w/ a blue lightsaber), Fezzik and Vizzini.
Let the battle begin. . .
The Mad Max gang stands shoulder to shoulder in Josh’s living room. Montoya, followed by Fezzik and Vizzini, emerge from the bedroom. Montoya stands before his brothers-in-arms and ignites his blue lightsaber.
Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. Although you didn’t kill my father, prepare to die!
Montoya rushes at Mudguts and disembowels the man with one quick slash. Mudguts looks down to see his intestines dripping from his stomach to the floor. Mudguts crumples to the ground.
Vizzini and Fezzik confront Zanetti and Johnny the Boy. Zanetti and Johnny run to the kitchen and smash two chairs found standing in the corner. The two slowly move from the kitchen with a chair leg in each hand. Vizzini pulls a knife from his belt. Before he is able to use it, his arm is struck by Zanetti. Vizzini drops the knife. Johnny the Boy barrels into Vizzini. Johnny, in a mad rage, repeatedly pummels Vizinni’s skull with both chair legs. While his friend is being pummeled, Fezzik reaches Zanetti and picks him up by his throat with one hand. A snap is heard and Fezzik throws Zanetti to the floor like a ragdoll. After the death of Zanetti, Johnny the Boy rises and trips over Vizzini’s body, which is lying next to him.
Johnny the Boy: Don't do this to me, please! Aw, Sweet Jesus! I was sick! Don't bring this on me, please!
Fezzik lifts Johnny the Boy and performs a double under-hook suplex. He then takes the four chair legs and smashes them through Johnny the Boy’s head.
Meanwhile across the room, Montoya manages to cut the hand off of Cundalini. Cundalini looks at the cauterized stump and grimaces. Toecutter walks in front of Cundalini and motions to his fallen brethren.
Toecutter: That there is Cundalini... and Cundalini wants his hand back!
Montoya rushes at Toecutter, but before he reaches him, he is jumped by Nightrider. Nightrider is in a piggyback position, clawing at Montoya’s face. Montoya attempts to knock Nightrider off his back by smashing into walls, while also swinging his lightsaber wildly around.
Nightrider: I am the Nightrider! I'm a fuel injected suicide machine! I am the rocker; I am the roller; I am the out-of-controller!
Montoya finally succumbs to exhaustion and crashes to the floor. Nightrider, Cundalini and Toecutter focus on Fezzik since Montoya is currently out of the mix. The three overpower the giant. Toecutter uses the chords from Josh’s Xbox to strangle Fezzik, while Nightrider and Cundalini rush to the kitchen and grab Houslander’s kitchenware for the final kill. The two men hurry back and stab Fezzik with the knives from Josh’s kitchen, while Toecutter holds Fezzik’s neck in place with the wiring. Fezzik is killed. As Cundalini and Nightrider rise, Cundalini looks down and sees a blue blade protruding from his chest. He falls. Nightrider and Toecutter both stand and face Montoya, wielding his blade.
Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed Fezzik and Vizzini. Prepare to die.
Toecutter and Nightrider are slashed in two.
Montoya sits down and looks at Josh’s “dollies,” which remain unharmed on the television set.
Team Sleeping Pussy: All dead.
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends: Inigo Montoya survives.
GRIFFIN’S HIGH MAINTENANCE DOPE FIENDS IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
week 1- Hannah and the Prez's Touring Battalion vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad
Josh's Apartment:
Pop-Superstar Hannah "TV didn't ruin me dad. You did." Montana and President Barak Obama's "Best of Both World's Touring Battalion of Commandos is: Leon:The Professional, Lady Gaga, Black Lantern Dozer #1, and baby Ewok #5
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is : Jeanie w/ Devil Lance, Major Nelson w/ Demon Rod, and Black Lantern Josh Houslander.
The Touring Commandos huddle out side of Josh's Apartment, discussing strategy.
"Ok, we all know the plan, oui?" says Leon. We get in. Get What we need and get out before anyone knows we were here. I have check with our owner and Josh is out doing a podcast on Groudy.com since it is Thursday around 6:45. That shall give us ample time to achieve our goals."
"Can't read my pokerface" says Lady Gaga.
"I'll tear their hearts out of their chests and build another delicious Doozer tower to lure those fraggles to their deaths" growls BLack Lanterns Doozer #1
"Eeep, eep." say Baby Ewok #5, showing that the Watcher has a very base idea of what all these players are all about.
"Ok, in we go." directs Leon. "Hold on. I see something. It looks like Houslander is home early. Merde. Now we cannot steal the notebooks and write in that we are all unkillable deathmachines when in ze apartment. Merde. Zat was such a good idea. I make ze change in ze book, since if eet is in zee book eet ees true and valid for zee match." I should mention that as Leon gets more upset, his professionalism wavers and his hilarious french accent becomes more pronounced.
"Alejandro!" says Gaga. "Just dance!" she then point to Jeanie and Major Nelson talking to Houslander.
"You need to speak in more zan broken lyrics, cherie." replies Leon "But I see zem. Ewok bebe, geeev me ze speciul lan-cher I make for zis occasion".
"Chub chub." replies the Ewok gleefully, and hands the french assassin a heavy duty slingshot.
Leon picks up the black lanten Dozer and as he loads him, tells the lovable, deadly scamp "Reemebur, missuer Doz-air. Like zee old say-eeng goes. Women and child-ren first." Leon then fires the Dozer at Jeanie, where he lands and promptly breaks her neck before she can do her little head bob, magic action. He then tears her heart out of her chest in front of a screaming Major Nelson.
Nelson shakily aims his Demon Rod at the horrifiying mini Muppet when he hears a voice say "Gaga, ooh lala." and turns to see a horrifying creature running at him telling him she wants his "Love, love, love I want your love."
It is the Gaga.
Nelson seals his fate as he looks upon the alleged hermaphrodite, giving the Dozer time to crawl up his leg and tear his heart out.
"Bein. Bein" says Leon. "Eet looks like we did not need my strategy after all. Ah, 'Ouslander. Sorry for zee deception. All ees fair in ze FFL, no?" laughs Leon, glowing after such an easy slaughter "Cigarette, 'Ouslander?"
"Sure", replies Josh "Have the little Ewok bring it to me, give him something to do"
"Ah, oui oui Ouslander. You know, today ees heez birsday. Well my leetle friend, maybe we go to zee Chuck E Cheese and celebrate your birsday and zee win." Leon hands the birthday boy the cigarettes where he gleefully toddles over to Josh, exicted at the prosper of pizza, games, and a giant rat.
"Ey. Moment 'Ouslander. That reeng on your feen-air. Ees eet not supposed to be blue?"
"Oh yeah, look at that. I put on the wrong ring. That just tears me APART!" screams Josh as he picks up the baby ewok and tears him in half right infront of the stunned Commandos revealing himself to not be the beloved FFL Commish, but instead the Black Lantern version of said person.
"HOLY F%^K!!" screams Gaga "RUN!!" and she spins to run but forgets she's wearing a stupid outfit and falls on top of Leon knocking both of them off their feet.
"I got thi..."the black lantern Dozer started to say, but Josh quickly throws the head of the baby ewok at him, covering him in blood and knocking him down for a bit.
"Old on, old on. Keel ze freak first!!!" Cries Leon, who not very professionally pushes Gaga at the bloodthirsty Houslander.
"I am sick and tired of....HURK." Gaga attempts to speak in the form of her song "Telephone" but her service is disconnected as her heart is torn out of her chest.
"Oh, no. No nonononono." whimpers Leon as a blood spattered, demonic looking Josh sadistically walks toward him smiling.
"Good bye Leon, can't say I'd recommend your services to my friends." and Josh finishes off The Professional.
"Anyone left?" questions the Black Lantern Houslander
"Yeah. Me." says the black lantern Dozer "Lets finish this." and he begins to run at his opponent
"Just a second. Let me mark something down" replies the Commish and pulls out a notebook.
the Dozer is making pretty good time but as he reaches his destination, he falls and his ring flies off his finger. The Dozer gets up, and says "Wwwwait, What the. I...I'm not a black lantern anymore? I'm a regular Dozer?"
"That's right short stuff, says right here in the official FFL rule book. If a black lantern fights infront of the office of the FFL commissioner and gets splashed with the blood of a teammate on said teammates birthday, his life shall be returned to him." sneers the Black Lantern Josh
"This...this is.. I heard you were corrupt but this....you're a MONSTER!!!"
"Yeah. And you're finished." replies the black lantern as he slowly walks up to the newly alive Dozer, his eyes full of unspeakable horror.
What happens next is too vile for words, the night air is shattered by the tiny screams of a Dozer as he gets slaughtered.
The Touring Battalion of Commandos: All dead.
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Black Lantern Josh Houslander survives.
XAVIER'S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTIORIOUS!!
Pop-Superstar Hannah "TV didn't ruin me dad. You did." Montana and President Barak Obama's "Best of Both World's Touring Battalion of Commandos is: Leon:The Professional, Lady Gaga, Black Lantern Dozer #1, and baby Ewok #5
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is : Jeanie w/ Devil Lance, Major Nelson w/ Demon Rod, and Black Lantern Josh Houslander.
The Touring Commandos huddle out side of Josh's Apartment, discussing strategy.
"Ok, we all know the plan, oui?" says Leon. We get in. Get What we need and get out before anyone knows we were here. I have check with our owner and Josh is out doing a podcast on Groudy.com since it is Thursday around 6:45. That shall give us ample time to achieve our goals."
"Can't read my pokerface" says Lady Gaga.
"I'll tear their hearts out of their chests and build another delicious Doozer tower to lure those fraggles to their deaths" growls BLack Lanterns Doozer #1
"Eeep, eep." say Baby Ewok #5, showing that the Watcher has a very base idea of what all these players are all about.
"Ok, in we go." directs Leon. "Hold on. I see something. It looks like Houslander is home early. Merde. Now we cannot steal the notebooks and write in that we are all unkillable deathmachines when in ze apartment. Merde. Zat was such a good idea. I make ze change in ze book, since if eet is in zee book eet ees true and valid for zee match." I should mention that as Leon gets more upset, his professionalism wavers and his hilarious french accent becomes more pronounced.
"Alejandro!" says Gaga. "Just dance!" she then point to Jeanie and Major Nelson talking to Houslander.
"You need to speak in more zan broken lyrics, cherie." replies Leon "But I see zem. Ewok bebe, geeev me ze speciul lan-cher I make for zis occasion".
"Chub chub." replies the Ewok gleefully, and hands the french assassin a heavy duty slingshot.
Leon picks up the black lanten Dozer and as he loads him, tells the lovable, deadly scamp "Reemebur, missuer Doz-air. Like zee old say-eeng goes. Women and child-ren first." Leon then fires the Dozer at Jeanie, where he lands and promptly breaks her neck before she can do her little head bob, magic action. He then tears her heart out of her chest in front of a screaming Major Nelson.
Nelson shakily aims his Demon Rod at the horrifiying mini Muppet when he hears a voice say "Gaga, ooh lala." and turns to see a horrifying creature running at him telling him she wants his "Love, love, love I want your love."
It is the Gaga.
Nelson seals his fate as he looks upon the alleged hermaphrodite, giving the Dozer time to crawl up his leg and tear his heart out.
"Bein. Bein" says Leon. "Eet looks like we did not need my strategy after all. Ah, 'Ouslander. Sorry for zee deception. All ees fair in ze FFL, no?" laughs Leon, glowing after such an easy slaughter "Cigarette, 'Ouslander?"
"Sure", replies Josh "Have the little Ewok bring it to me, give him something to do"
"Ah, oui oui Ouslander. You know, today ees heez birsday. Well my leetle friend, maybe we go to zee Chuck E Cheese and celebrate your birsday and zee win." Leon hands the birthday boy the cigarettes where he gleefully toddles over to Josh, exicted at the prosper of pizza, games, and a giant rat.
"Ey. Moment 'Ouslander. That reeng on your feen-air. Ees eet not supposed to be blue?"
"Oh yeah, look at that. I put on the wrong ring. That just tears me APART!" screams Josh as he picks up the baby ewok and tears him in half right infront of the stunned Commandos revealing himself to not be the beloved FFL Commish, but instead the Black Lantern version of said person.
"HOLY F%^K!!" screams Gaga "RUN!!" and she spins to run but forgets she's wearing a stupid outfit and falls on top of Leon knocking both of them off their feet.
"I got thi..."the black lantern Dozer started to say, but Josh quickly throws the head of the baby ewok at him, covering him in blood and knocking him down for a bit.
"Old on, old on. Keel ze freak first!!!" Cries Leon, who not very professionally pushes Gaga at the bloodthirsty Houslander.
"I am sick and tired of....HURK." Gaga attempts to speak in the form of her song "Telephone" but her service is disconnected as her heart is torn out of her chest.
"Oh, no. No nonononono." whimpers Leon as a blood spattered, demonic looking Josh sadistically walks toward him smiling.
"Good bye Leon, can't say I'd recommend your services to my friends." and Josh finishes off The Professional.
"Anyone left?" questions the Black Lantern Houslander
"Yeah. Me." says the black lantern Dozer "Lets finish this." and he begins to run at his opponent
"Just a second. Let me mark something down" replies the Commish and pulls out a notebook.
the Dozer is making pretty good time but as he reaches his destination, he falls and his ring flies off his finger. The Dozer gets up, and says "Wwwwait, What the. I...I'm not a black lantern anymore? I'm a regular Dozer?"
"That's right short stuff, says right here in the official FFL rule book. If a black lantern fights infront of the office of the FFL commissioner and gets splashed with the blood of a teammate on said teammates birthday, his life shall be returned to him." sneers the Black Lantern Josh
"This...this is.. I heard you were corrupt but this....you're a MONSTER!!!"
"Yeah. And you're finished." replies the black lantern as he slowly walks up to the newly alive Dozer, his eyes full of unspeakable horror.
What happens next is too vile for words, the night air is shattered by the tiny screams of a Dozer as he gets slaughtered.
The Touring Battalion of Commandos: All dead.
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Black Lantern Josh Houslander survives.
XAVIER'S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTIORIOUS!!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Pre-Season Match - Better Than All of You vs Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
Count Dooku, Hammer Bros #11 and Ewok Baby #1 & #2
Better than All of You!
Super Sonic & Zombie Predator #2
Listen to find out who is victorious!
or click this link
Count Dooku, Hammer Bros #11 and Ewok Baby #1 & #2
Better than All of You!
Super Sonic & Zombie Predator #2
Listen to find out who is victorious!
or click this link
Pre Season Battle: Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs Logical Genocide
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are Xio Jade, Junkeon #17 and Black Lantern Al Dogg.
Logical Genocide is Predator #48, Mungo w/a Demon Rod and Hector w/ a Devil Lance.
The Danger Room is activated to Training Program #409-SX-02…. The Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, California. “Yo, Mungo, I think weez at da 83rd Acdemys Awardz!” exclaims Hector. “Huh, dat’s werd Hekter,” Mungo responds. The orchestra begins to play as the stage opens up with James Franco and Anne Hathaway walking out. But before they can begin their most likely terribly scripted monologue, the Franco/Hathaway robots are destroyed by Junkeon #17 who squeals onto the stage in his motorcycle form. He quickly transforms and shouts “And the winner is….Cadillac Cats! Yes, act now, destroy the cats, eliminate even the toughest stains!” Junkeon #17 blasts Mungo away before he can even raise his Demon Rod to use it. “Yo bro! Dat ain’t cool!” Hector yells back as he jumps over the front row, behind holograms of Halle Berry and Jeremy Renner. The Junkeon then is blasted in the back by something high above the giant Oscar statue that’s on stage. “Ackk!” yelps the transformer. “Now to present the award for Best Actor in Supporting Role… Xio Jade!”
The evil female Sith leaps out of the Orchestra Pit and ignites her lightsaber. She instantly raises her hand and Force pushes the giant Oscar statue down. This causes their mystery opponent to reveal himself. Predator #48 turns off his cloaking device and engages the Sith in battle. Being the cunning hunter that he is, Predator #48 is well aware that his weapons cannot defend against a lightsaber, so he keeps a fair amount of distance between himself and his opponent. He fires several blasts from his shoulder rocket, but Xio Jade blocks them with her lightsaber. She then uses the Force to crush the shoulder mounted weapon. “Accepting the award on behalf of Heath Ledger is Junkeon #17,” exclaims the transformer as he tries to attack the Predator. But Predator #48 throws one of his glaive and decapitates the Junkeon. The transformer’s headless body crumples to the ground and falls off the stage into the “audience.” “Daaammnn Dogg! Way to go, bro!” exclaims Hector.
Hector then is levitated out from behind the row of seats in a glow of black energy. “Yo, what gives?!” shouts the Jersey born Cadillac Cat. “Back the f#@k up, Black Lantern Al Dogg is in da house!!!” exclaims Black Lantern Al Dogg. “You know after dying sixteen times now, the power that be, FINALLY gave me something that will do me some good.” Hector tries to hit his foe with his Devil Lance, but the cursed weapon has no effect on the zombified super powered being. The man so nice they’ve had to bury him, well you get the point, uses his new found Black Lantern powers to rip the heart right out of Hector and consume its energy. Xio Jade manages to get in close to the Predator and slices his side with her lightsaber. The Predator then retreats back behind the stage where robots of E! News correspondents Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic are currently waiting. They attempt to get a comment from the Predator, but much like I’m sure most of the actual award winners from that night would like to do, he guts both of them with his giant retractable claws. Black Lantern Al Dogg then uses his Black Lantern powers to blast through the stage backdrop and flies ahead of Xio Jade after Predator #48. He finds the Predator bleeding out all over the table of envelopes and Oscars. His gauntlet begins to beep as its self destruct counts down. “Oh no you don’t motherf#*&er! Your heart is mine!” yells Black Lantern Al Dogg as he tears open the chest of Predator #48 and consumes his heart. He then grabs Xio Jade and flies out of the Danger Room before the Predator’s nuclear weapon goes off.
GRIFFIN’S HIGH MAINTENCE DOPE FIENDS AND DESTROYERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Logical Genocide is Predator #48, Mungo w/a Demon Rod and Hector w/ a Devil Lance.
The Danger Room is activated to Training Program #409-SX-02…. The Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, California. “Yo, Mungo, I think weez at da 83rd Acdemys Awardz!” exclaims Hector. “Huh, dat’s werd Hekter,” Mungo responds. The orchestra begins to play as the stage opens up with James Franco and Anne Hathaway walking out. But before they can begin their most likely terribly scripted monologue, the Franco/Hathaway robots are destroyed by Junkeon #17 who squeals onto the stage in his motorcycle form. He quickly transforms and shouts “And the winner is….Cadillac Cats! Yes, act now, destroy the cats, eliminate even the toughest stains!” Junkeon #17 blasts Mungo away before he can even raise his Demon Rod to use it. “Yo bro! Dat ain’t cool!” Hector yells back as he jumps over the front row, behind holograms of Halle Berry and Jeremy Renner. The Junkeon then is blasted in the back by something high above the giant Oscar statue that’s on stage. “Ackk!” yelps the transformer. “Now to present the award for Best Actor in Supporting Role… Xio Jade!”
The evil female Sith leaps out of the Orchestra Pit and ignites her lightsaber. She instantly raises her hand and Force pushes the giant Oscar statue down. This causes their mystery opponent to reveal himself. Predator #48 turns off his cloaking device and engages the Sith in battle. Being the cunning hunter that he is, Predator #48 is well aware that his weapons cannot defend against a lightsaber, so he keeps a fair amount of distance between himself and his opponent. He fires several blasts from his shoulder rocket, but Xio Jade blocks them with her lightsaber. She then uses the Force to crush the shoulder mounted weapon. “Accepting the award on behalf of Heath Ledger is Junkeon #17,” exclaims the transformer as he tries to attack the Predator. But Predator #48 throws one of his glaive and decapitates the Junkeon. The transformer’s headless body crumples to the ground and falls off the stage into the “audience.” “Daaammnn Dogg! Way to go, bro!” exclaims Hector.
Hector then is levitated out from behind the row of seats in a glow of black energy. “Yo, what gives?!” shouts the Jersey born Cadillac Cat. “Back the f#@k up, Black Lantern Al Dogg is in da house!!!” exclaims Black Lantern Al Dogg. “You know after dying sixteen times now, the power that be, FINALLY gave me something that will do me some good.” Hector tries to hit his foe with his Devil Lance, but the cursed weapon has no effect on the zombified super powered being. The man so nice they’ve had to bury him, well you get the point, uses his new found Black Lantern powers to rip the heart right out of Hector and consume its energy. Xio Jade manages to get in close to the Predator and slices his side with her lightsaber. The Predator then retreats back behind the stage where robots of E! News correspondents Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic are currently waiting. They attempt to get a comment from the Predator, but much like I’m sure most of the actual award winners from that night would like to do, he guts both of them with his giant retractable claws. Black Lantern Al Dogg then uses his Black Lantern powers to blast through the stage backdrop and flies ahead of Xio Jade after Predator #48. He finds the Predator bleeding out all over the table of envelopes and Oscars. His gauntlet begins to beep as its self destruct counts down. “Oh no you don’t motherf#*&er! Your heart is mine!” yells Black Lantern Al Dogg as he tears open the chest of Predator #48 and consumes his heart. He then grabs Xio Jade and flies out of the Danger Room before the Predator’s nuclear weapon goes off.
GRIFFIN’S HIGH MAINTENCE DOPE FIENDS AND DESTROYERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
UDATED: Pre Season Battle: The Transfoamers vs Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make A New Family
The Transfoamers are Arthur Bishop, CIA officer Bryan Mills, and John Cena.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family are Monarch, Ramona Flowers (w/Star Sapphire Ring), Nichol Valdez and Smurf #7.
Ramona Flowers lead Nichol Valdez and Smurf #7 into the Danger Room as it morphs and transforms around them. They soon see the glitz and glamour that is the Las Vegas Strip as the Danger Room takes shape. “YES! Vegas!” yells Nichol. “Really? I didn’t know that you wanted to go to Vegas that badly,” asks Ramona. “Hey it’s not Michigan, so I’m happy,” Nichol responds. “But how are we going to ever find our opponents?” And with that statement, The Transfoamers make themselves known. Bryan Mills shoots Smurf #7 dead as John Cena picks up Nichol Valdez and body slams her. He then waves his hand is his own face and yells “You can’t see me!” Ramona flies into the air, courtesy of her Star Sapphire ring, and takes a shot at the pro wrestler. Cena, however, blocks the energy blast with his championship belt (What? It HAS to do more than just spin… right?...RIGHT?). Nichol recovers from the body slam and smacks John Cena over the back of the head with a satchel filled with $80,000 in Bellagio chips that she found lying next to her. This allows Ramona to incinerate “the Champ” with her power ring.
“Wow, well that was interesting,” Nichol says. But before Ramona could respond to her teammate, Bryan Mills begins shooting at the two girls. They duck for cover inside the Planet Hollywood Casino. “Where the hell is Monarch?!?! He’s supposed to be our leader. Ok, whatever, we’ve got to get a game plan together here Nichol,” says Ramona. But when she turns to her teammate, she is no where to be found. “Nichol?? She then looks on the ground to find Nichol with a Ace of Spades sticking out of her throat.
Bryan Mills then leaps off of the Mezzanine and tackles Ramona onto one of the craps tables. Chips go flying everywhere as the two battle it out. Ramona kicks Bryan off of her and takes cover over in a row of slot machines. She sees the CIA agent coming back after her, so she takes aim with her Star Sapphire ring and….nothing. Shocked, Ramona Flowers looks at her hand and sees that she is missing her ring. She then looks up and sees that Mills is holding it. Ramona then hears a creaking and is crushed to death by a Sea Monkeys Slot Machine. Arthur Bishop steps out from behind the row of slot machines and smirks at the defeated Ramona.
“What was that?” asks Mills. “That’s all you do? Just tip over a slot machine?” “It got the job done, didn’t it?” replies Arthur Bishop. There is then a massive energy blast that rips apart the entire poker table area of Planet Hollywood as Monarch appears. In typical Horsemen fashion (he was recently traded to the Super Kitties in the much talked about trade with the Horsemen of Apokolips) Monarch had taken his time in arriving to the battle, due to his absolute arrogance and belief that The Transfoamers were simply weren’t worth his time. Both Mills and Bishop rush towards their foe, but Monach raises a hand in almost utter distaste and vaporizes them in an instant.
LAYANDER’S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW FAMILY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family are Monarch, Ramona Flowers (w/Star Sapphire Ring), Nichol Valdez and Smurf #7.
Ramona Flowers lead Nichol Valdez and Smurf #7 into the Danger Room as it morphs and transforms around them. They soon see the glitz and glamour that is the Las Vegas Strip as the Danger Room takes shape. “YES! Vegas!” yells Nichol. “Really? I didn’t know that you wanted to go to Vegas that badly,” asks Ramona. “Hey it’s not Michigan, so I’m happy,” Nichol responds. “But how are we going to ever find our opponents?” And with that statement, The Transfoamers make themselves known. Bryan Mills shoots Smurf #7 dead as John Cena picks up Nichol Valdez and body slams her. He then waves his hand is his own face and yells “You can’t see me!” Ramona flies into the air, courtesy of her Star Sapphire ring, and takes a shot at the pro wrestler. Cena, however, blocks the energy blast with his championship belt (What? It HAS to do more than just spin… right?...RIGHT?). Nichol recovers from the body slam and smacks John Cena over the back of the head with a satchel filled with $80,000 in Bellagio chips that she found lying next to her. This allows Ramona to incinerate “the Champ” with her power ring.
“Wow, well that was interesting,” Nichol says. But before Ramona could respond to her teammate, Bryan Mills begins shooting at the two girls. They duck for cover inside the Planet Hollywood Casino. “Where the hell is Monarch?!?! He’s supposed to be our leader. Ok, whatever, we’ve got to get a game plan together here Nichol,” says Ramona. But when she turns to her teammate, she is no where to be found. “Nichol?? She then looks on the ground to find Nichol with a Ace of Spades sticking out of her throat.
Bryan Mills then leaps off of the Mezzanine and tackles Ramona onto one of the craps tables. Chips go flying everywhere as the two battle it out. Ramona kicks Bryan off of her and takes cover over in a row of slot machines. She sees the CIA agent coming back after her, so she takes aim with her Star Sapphire ring and….nothing. Shocked, Ramona Flowers looks at her hand and sees that she is missing her ring. She then looks up and sees that Mills is holding it. Ramona then hears a creaking and is crushed to death by a Sea Monkeys Slot Machine. Arthur Bishop steps out from behind the row of slot machines and smirks at the defeated Ramona.
“What was that?” asks Mills. “That’s all you do? Just tip over a slot machine?” “It got the job done, didn’t it?” replies Arthur Bishop. There is then a massive energy blast that rips apart the entire poker table area of Planet Hollywood as Monarch appears. In typical Horsemen fashion (he was recently traded to the Super Kitties in the much talked about trade with the Horsemen of Apokolips) Monarch had taken his time in arriving to the battle, due to his absolute arrogance and belief that The Transfoamers were simply weren’t worth his time. Both Mills and Bishop rush towards their foe, but Monach raises a hand in almost utter distaste and vaporizes them in an instant.
LAYANDER’S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW FAMILY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
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