Season 4, Week 1 Match: Team Sleeping Pussy vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends

“The Toecutter - he knows who I am. I am the Nightrider! I am the chosen one. The mighty hand of vengeance, sent down to strike the unroadworthy! I'm hotter than a rollin' dice. Step right up, germ, and watch the kid lay down the rubber road, ride to freedom!”
-Nightrider

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 1 Match located at Josh’s Apartment. They are as follows:

Team Sleeping Pussy- Nightrider, Toecutter, Bubba Zanetti, Johnny the Boy, Mudguts and Cundalini.

Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends- Inigo Montoya (w/ a blue lightsaber), Fezzik and Vizzini.

Let the battle begin. . .

The Mad Max gang stands shoulder to shoulder in Josh’s living room. Montoya, followed by Fezzik and Vizzini, emerge from the bedroom. Montoya stands before his brothers-in-arms and ignites his blue lightsaber.

Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. Although you didn’t kill my father, prepare to die!

Montoya rushes at Mudguts and disembowels the man with one quick slash. Mudguts looks down to see his intestines dripping from his stomach to the floor. Mudguts crumples to the ground.

Vizzini and Fezzik confront Zanetti and Johnny the Boy. Zanetti and Johnny run to the kitchen and smash two chairs found standing in the corner. The two slowly move from the kitchen with a chair leg in each hand. Vizzini pulls a knife from his belt. Before he is able to use it, his arm is struck by Zanetti. Vizzini drops the knife. Johnny the Boy barrels into Vizzini. Johnny, in a mad rage, repeatedly pummels Vizinni’s skull with both chair legs. While his friend is being pummeled, Fezzik reaches Zanetti and picks him up by his throat with one hand. A snap is heard and Fezzik throws Zanetti to the floor like a ragdoll. After the death of Zanetti, Johnny the Boy rises and trips over Vizzini’s body, which is lying next to him.

Johnny the Boy: Don't do this to me, please! Aw, Sweet Jesus! I was sick! Don't bring this on me, please!

Fezzik lifts Johnny the Boy and performs a double under-hook suplex. He then takes the four chair legs and smashes them through Johnny the Boy’s head.

Meanwhile across the room, Montoya manages to cut the hand off of Cundalini. Cundalini looks at the cauterized stump and grimaces. Toecutter walks in front of Cundalini and motions to his fallen brethren.

Toecutter: That there is Cundalini... and Cundalini wants his hand back!

Montoya rushes at Toecutter, but before he reaches him, he is jumped by Nightrider. Nightrider is in a piggyback position, clawing at Montoya’s face. Montoya attempts to knock Nightrider off his back by smashing into walls, while also swinging his lightsaber wildly around.

Nightrider: I am the Nightrider! I'm a fuel injected suicide machine! I am the rocker; I am the roller; I am the out-of-controller!

Montoya finally succumbs to exhaustion and crashes to the floor. Nightrider, Cundalini and Toecutter focus on Fezzik since Montoya is currently out of the mix. The three overpower the giant. Toecutter uses the chords from Josh’s Xbox to strangle Fezzik, while Nightrider and Cundalini rush to the kitchen and grab Houslander’s kitchenware for the final kill. The two men hurry back and stab Fezzik with the knives from Josh’s kitchen, while Toecutter holds Fezzik’s neck in place with the wiring. Fezzik is killed. As Cundalini and Nightrider rise, Cundalini looks down and sees a blue blade protruding from his chest. He falls. Nightrider and Toecutter both stand and face Montoya, wielding his blade.

Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed Fezzik and Vizzini. Prepare to die.

Toecutter and Nightrider are slashed in two.

Montoya sits down and looks at Josh’s “dollies,” which remain unharmed on the television set.

Team Sleeping Pussy: All dead.

Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends: Inigo Montoya survives.

GRIFFIN’S HIGH MAINTENANCE DOPE FIENDS IS VICTORIOUS!!!