Monday, March 26, 2012

Week Three Schedule

WEEK Three: Desert
300 Points
Prize: M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher

Horsemen of Apokolips vs The Transfoamers (Josh)
Better Than All of You vs George Washington’s Slaves (Becks)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos (Ryan)
Logical Genocide vs Tijuana Taco Benders (Becks)
TEAM vs Xavier’s Annihilation Squad (Goof)
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Griffin)
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies vs Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family (Seeney)
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Josh)

17 comments:

Lickolas said...

I don't know why but this picture made me laugh.

Artifact said...

Joe,

I would just roll with all commons this week if I were you.

Seriously, I'm gonna fuck you up something fierce!

Your friend and lover,
Fizz

The Champion of the Universe said...

First off let me address the rumors.

First off. Yes, I had a meeting with the team owner this week, and he's not been too impressed with the start of this season. However, he understands the caliber of the teams we've faced this week and agrees that they're two team that are not to be taken lightly.

My job of GM is in no way in any danger, and I actually look forward to eventually returning to battle for my team, as it's always been my belief that a real leader isn't afraid to lead the troops into battle himself.

The second rumor going around is unfortunatley true. There was quite a bit of friction, leading to a near fistfight between Black Lantern Bryan Beckerman and Centerion Jim Tebow.

Tebow was not too happy with Beckerman's vicious murder of Santa Claus this week, and wasn't afraid to voice his displeasure to the black lantern. This situation quickly escalated, and we see no alternative than to suspend Jim Tebow for the week without pay. We hope Jim is able to work out whatever issues he's currently having, and look forward to having him contribute as an active member of the roster.


Thank you for your time, and f**k the Taco Benders.

Champion out!

Anonymous said...

Wait wait wait, you guys get paid?

-Buffy Summers (Member of the Commandos)

Artifact said...

You all know my team doesn't.

Ryan said...

The Horsemen of Apokolips are well funded by the vast wealth Vandals Savage has accrued over the past 52,000 years.

They are paid only for kills and victories. There are no salaries.

Our sister team in the NFL, The New Orleans Saints, have a similar pay structure.

Krisatu said...

If the Saints are the sister team to the Horsemen, I request an investigation into the Horsemen putting out bounties onto players.

Ryan said...

No investigation necessary.

You bet your ass we put bounties out onto players!!! This is war!!! Not football. It's kill or be killed, and my organization has the means to provide compensation to those who come back to the locker room with a few more notches on their clubs. And if one is so fortunate to send a combatant to the Graveyard, the reward is vast.

To the victor goes the spoils.

Krisatu said...

Then can you explain to Josh you only get the bounty on Nekron if you're a Horsemen? He sends him to the grave way too often to not be on the take.

Ryan said...

The Horsemen have already publicly admitted to giving out bonuses for victories and decimations of opponents. We also have an all time Regular Season record of 36-7 over the first four years of this great league. Logical Genocide should do themselves a favor and maybe take a page out of the Horsemen's playbook.

And now you're making gross accusations about one of our Watchers.

"People who live in glass houses should not throw stones."

Krisatu said...

I throw stones for the insurance money on my glass house.

Impressive regular season record, but at the end of the day I just need one championship to be as good as you. Just. One.

Ryan said...

Haha. Why don't you start with getting one Playoff victory first. Just. One.

Josh the Commish said...

The Sandworm's mouth looks like sleave of wizard.

Krisatu said...

That's one of my goals for this season. The other is to beat you.

This year, what happens in Vegas won't stay in Vegas, cause I'll be screaming from the rooftops that I whipped the Horsemen's ass.

Best get ready. I'ma coming for you.

Artifact said...

I don't know... I rolled you both pretty easy. Should be interesting to watch your cute little slapfest and see who's clit is bigger.

Krisatu said...

You rolled me because I was expecting to face some Kryptonian soldiers. I thought zombie Zod was an ace.

Next time I'll be more prepared.

Ryan said...

You've been thinking Zombie General Zod was an ace this whole time....silly boy. You left Supergirl (former MVP) out on the graveyard and instead picked up Zod. Smart thinking. I see it's paid off for you. Pfft. I could send my D List squad into Vegas and still have 60% survive, but mark my words, I'm sending my All Stars to clean house on you. You're no different than everyone other tourist that comes into Vegas. You think you're going hit the jackpot and make that big score. But the fact of the matter is, you're gonna leave broke and weeping. It's going to take until Christmas to clean all of the Logical Genocide blood off of the streets and lights from Las Vegas.

Fizzle.... I'll see you in the George Lucas Conference Finals. Let's see you roll me then. No doubt, you beat me in week one, but with only one man standing.