Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Flop-Superstar Miley Montana and "Stop Being Racist and vote for me Already" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both...

The Horsemen of Apokolips are The Dinobots: Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Snarl, and Swoop, Krona, Sodom Yat bonded w/ Ion, Hal Jordan Parallax bonded w/ Ophidian (w/ 2 Green Lantern Rings, Sinestro's yellow ring, red lantern ring, and a Star Sapphire Ring), Luke Skywalker: Grand Jedi Master bonded w/ Adara, Hanibal Lectur bonded w/ Proselyte,, Ella Artip bonded w/ The Predator (w/ a blue lightsaber, Supergirl's cape, and Josh Houslander's Tanto), Julie Artrip bonded w/ The Butcher (w/ a green lightsaber, a Star Wand, and Josh's Wakisachi), Chris Artrip (w/ Mandalorian Armor, green lightsaber, and Josh's Katana), Red Lantern Jeff Houslander, Laya: Jedi Padawan, Alex: Jedi Padawan, Ryan Poteracki (w/ a rocketpack, a mithril vest, laser sword, laser gun, and his pokemon sidekick Piplup), and Fry Guy #1 and 2.

Flop-Pooperstar Hannah Montana and "Almost back to being a Canidate again; which is really all I was ever good at anyway" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos are (Earth 2) Superman, Katiniss Everdeen (w/ a green lantern ring), Luminara Unduli (w/ a blue lantern ring), Orion Pax (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership. AKA Optimus Prime), Norma Cenva (w/ a green lantern ring), White Lantern Deadman, Maestro, Atrocitus, Dr. Doom, Dr. Alan Grant and Dr. Ellie Sattler in The GMC Sierra 2500 "Pussy Rocket", Dora the Explorer (w/ 2 green lightsabers), Benny, Isa, and Tico, The Herculoids: Zandar, Tarra, Dorno, Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Gloop, and Gleep, Zombie Doozer #1, and Doozer #13.


Let's get to it... This match is a day late, and let's face it; it is probably the best match-up of the week (although The Slaves vs. The Midgets was pretty harsh too). You people deserved a great story, and you aren't really going to get one. But it is still a great match-up even if it isn't a great match. These teams are not lacking, even if the writer is, these characters are stellar even if the presentation isn't, and this setting is one of the best The FFL has ever used even if this match doesn't do it justice. Heavyweights from both teams work to flatten out the foliage of Isla Nublar whether it be through sheer might or simply massive size. The humidity in the air noticably drops as century old trees fall like twigs. Even the rain seems scared to enter in to the fray as these two teams size each other up in the center of what was once The Tyranosaurus Paddock. The King of The Thunder Lizards size and power would be dwarfed by members of both these teams, if she were still alive that is. On a far corner of the island Norma Cenva and Krona become locked in a battle of supreme intellect; while The Dinobots are confronted by Optimus Prime, Atrocitus, and the most familiar people to the area driving The Pussy Rocket. Superman is battling with the similarly powered (yet further enhanced) Sodom Yat, while Hal Jordan Parallax brawls with Maestro. Luke Skywalker leads the rest of his of the spectrum powered Horsemen against The Herculoids, who under the great leadership of Zandar and Tarra have set themselves up perfectly in a defensive position in the Isla Nublar Setting. Dr. Doom orders White Lantern Deadman to meet him in a remote cave below the Stegosaur Paddock; while Luminara Unduli, Dora, Benny Isa, Tico, and the doozers (Katiniss is with them at first but then dissapears in to the jungle on her own) move against Red Lantern Jeff Houslander, his grandkids Laya and Alex, Ryan with his trusty sidekick Piplup, and The two fry guys. Dr. Doom has assured his team that his master plan will work, although he did tell them that he was going to need a significant amount of time to execute it; so they would need to hold off The Horsemen as long as possible and to fight the battle as if nothing else was going on. This of course was not a problem for The Commandos, because they didn't know what his plan was in the first place. Sodom Yat, may have the power of Ion to back him up; but in the end it is still not quite enough to take out Superman. Superman dodges the mid air green energy and blasts as well as the aura that is outwordly put out by the entity itself and is able to get Sodom Yat in a choke hold. Yat attempts to focus all his power directly through Superman; but this just inadvertantly makes Supes grip that much tighter. This finishes of The Daxomite. Hal Jordan Parallax takes a beating from Maestro; but in the end, even the green-skinned future Hulk cannot take a "full colored" assault from Jordan. There is of course no rest for either of these contest winners as Superman and Hal Jordan instantly start doing battle with each other high above the ground. The Dinobots are having more fun than they ever thought imaginable. Reunited for the first time in a FFL Match, it is amazing how well a crew of simple-minded creatures can work together. "Me Grimlock wreck little truck"!! Grimlock exclaims as he uses the laser from his mouth to blow up The Pussy Rocket and waste a totally cherry ride. Dr. Grant and Ellie manage to roll out of the wreckage and escape with their lives before the truck completely explodes. Speaking of trucks, Optimus Prime transforms out of his truck form and wastes no time putting a dozen or so perfectly aimed shots from his laser gun in to Slag's smallish head (relatively speaking of course). This more than just stuns the brontosaurus dinosaur and gives Optimus the perfect oppurtunity to pick Slag up by his neck and slam him dow repeatedly until his spark is extinguished. Atrocitus is able to spew enough red plasma energy all over Sludge to take him out; while Dr. Grant and Ellie run as fast as they can through the jungle with Swoop hot on their tail. Swoop is of course faster; but the Paleontologist and Paleobotanist are too clever for Swoop and pick just the right areas to duck in and out of. Grant and Sattler then jump out in to an open field and begin running as fast as they can. Swoop believes that he has them right where he wants them as he does what he does best "swoops" in low to get them. Swoop begins to take aim right when Grant and Ellie duck behind a fallen tree. At that moment Swoop notices the herd of Gallimimus' running toward him. They trample the Dinobot by wrecking his wings and with enough force eventually destroy his spark. "I told you if we made enough noise we could start a stampede" a smiling Dr. Grant says to a terrified but now laughing Ellie Sattler. Optimus next is able to come out on top of a battle against Snarl; but as he is ripping out the last of Snarl's circuitry, Grimlock is able to get a grip on Prime's neck with his powerful jaws and rip his former leader's head clean off. Grimlock then goes rampaging off from this battle. Atrocitus, Ellie, and Alan do not even attempt to follow the Dinobot do to the fact that President Obama gave them strict orders to no longer engage The Dinobots if Prime happens to lose his life. Deep within the Costa Rican Cave, Deadman assures Dr. Doom, that he doesn't really even no how to work his white lantern ring, and that it really just has a mind of its own. Dr. Doom seems to find this information irrelevant as he begins chanting an old Tibetan Spell. Shockingly to Deadman, the ring comes off of his finger and lands right in front of Victor Von Doom who has a makeshift lab set up in the cave. "A bit of magic to start the day, but I assure you my dead friend that it is science that will win us this fight" says Doom. "Am I going to get that back"? asks Deadman. "Yes, of course. After all, we are going to require a vessel to finish the plan". Answers Dr. Doom in a somewhat maniacal tone. Doom painstakingly annalyzes the Oan Science of the white ring, poking and prodding at the magnificent piece of super-advanced technology. He then picks up the ring with a pair of tongs and places it back on the finger of Deadman. He then goes back to his small computer and begins accessing his new program. Doom pushes the final button, and suddenly White Lantern Deadman flies out of the cave and parks himself high in the sky and in the exact center of Isla Nublar. The ring then opens up and in a fraction of a second causes a disatrous whirlwind of power. The White ring in essence sucks in and destroys the entire spectrum of power. Ripping the spectrum entities out of their hosts and sending them in to the white ring killing Deadman (that always sounds so dumb), destroying the white ring, but also taking every spectrum entity with it. This also disrupts the delicate balance between Norma Cenva and Krona's mental battle. This action speeds up what was most likely destined to happen anyway, their mutual death. Hal Jordan Parallax is far from helpless without The Ophidian Power, but this distraction is enough to tip the scales in Superman's favor. Kal L does not miss the oppurtunity to put his Kryptonian fist through Hal Jordan's aura protected face. Luke Skywalker rallies his troops by assuring them that the loss of their entities is in no way a death sentance. "We Horsemen were winning long before we were gifted with the entities and we will continue to win today. I've personally killed Superman; and there is nothing that this team can't accomplish". Luke soon sees that he will find out if his pep talk is right or wrong sooner rather than later as the remaining members of both teams all start to congregate within a 100 yard area. Hanibal Lectur thinks that Ellie Sattler looks delicious, but before he can sneak up on her, a green energy coated arrow goes directly in his eye, giving away the general vicinity of where Katiniss Everdeen is hiding. Julie Artrip is somewhat happy to be relieved of the red entity for the time being even though she knows it would sure come in handy right about now. The Myrmidon (for life) aims her Star Wand and takes out Ellie Sattler from afar. Benny may be strong, but before he can pick up the boulder in front of him Red Lantern Jeff Houslander spews some rage fueled plasma on to him Isa and Tico. Zandar and Tarra rush out first in The Herculoid charge and stomp the 2 Fry Guys to death without breaking stride. But Zandar is caught by another red energy spew from Jeff, and his granddaughter Ella manages to jump out of a tree behind her grandfather to put her lightsaber in to the chest of Tarra. Dr. Doom rushes in to the scene and begins to take control of The Commandos, but the last thing he hears is the words "Grimlock smash bossy guy" as Grimlock steps on Dr. Doom. Grimlock then laser blasts Tundro and the new leader of The Herculoids (now that his parents just hit the graveyard) Dorno. Superman sees this go on and realizes that Grimlock must be stopped to regain control of this battle. Superman rockets straight through Grimlock's chest and then picks him up by the tail and launches him in to the ocean. Katiniss takes aim with her bow once again, but this time her target is not so easily taken. Luke Skywalker manages to block the arrow with his lightsaber and then throws his lightsaber in to Katiniss' chest. He then uses the force to bring his lightsaber back to him in the blink of an eye. Out of the corner of his eye, Jeff sees his grandkids caught in the Herculoid Stampede, which of course sends him in to a rage. He leads Chris and Julie against The Herculoids. Chris uses the built in flamethrower on his Mandalorina suit of armor to heat heat up Gloop and Gleep which gives Jeff the oppurtunity to smash them with his red aura-coated fist. But then Jeff meets his match as Atrocitus, the leader of the red lantern corps himself is able to take out the red lantern rookie. Although she is quite skilled with a lightsaber, and has a blue ring to aid her, Luminara Unduli is still no match for The Grand Jedi Master himself. Luke manages to make pretty quick work of the Jedi Master. Luke then uses the force to pull Atrocitus toward him. Atrocitus aims his red energy at Luke but Luke blocks it with his hand and then throws it right back at The Red Lantern, melting him with his own energy. Ryan hits Doozer #13 with a perfectly aimed laser gun shot from the air, on his way to help Chris and Julie finish off The Herculoids; but they are confronted with a force much more powerful than any mere Herculoid... Dora... Unlike Ryan and his little buddy Piplup, Julie and Chris do not divert from their plan. The two of them work together flawlessly to take down the stone gorilla Igoo with their lightsabers. But Igoo is avenged when Zok catches Julie with a well aimed tail laser to finish her off. Chris is furious at what has happened to his wife, but before he can take off with his Mandalrian jetpack after the space dragon, Zombie Doozer #1 jumps on to Chris's back, works his way up his helmet and then begins munching on his brains. Ryan quickly avenges his bro with a laser sword swipe that sends the zombie doozer to the graveyard; but in the meantime he doesn't see that his other friend is in trouble as well. Dora makes quick work of Piplup and is then confronted by Ryan. "This is a good way for this to end" says Ryan. Dora retorts: "You're right Poteracki, we have both been in this league too long, and it's time to finish it. If you are anything like me, you will welcome this end and be happy to vamanos this league all together". Ryan simply nods in agreement and says: "let's do this". The highly trained combatants clash lightsaber to laser sword knowing that they have more in common than they are even acknowledging. Two regular people from seperate universes thrust in to a strange league, forced to witness horrible tragedies, made to witness the deaths of their closest friends and most importantly... trained to be killing machines. To throw away remorse, to master the art of weaponry, war, and savagery. As the two well-matched fighters clash in melee combat Ryan attempts to take aim with his laser gun, but before he can Dora chops off the barrel with one of her lightsabers. Ryan then chops at Dora's left hand and destroys one of her lightsabers. "That belonged to Boots" Dora says angrily. "If you wanted remorse from me Dora, then maybe you shouldn't have murdered my cute little sidekick right before my eyes" says Ryan. "Join the damn club Poteracki" Dora replys. Ryan lunges at Dora with the form 5 style of fighting that he loves so much but Dora parries the attack. "I want to die and rid myself of the burden of this evil league more than I can possibly explain". says Dora to her opponent. Ryan once again lunges at Dora in an attempt to do exactly what Dora is requesting. Ryan then finds Dora behind him in a blink of an eye. He feels the single tear run down her cheek as she whispers in his ear "too bad I never get what I want". says Dora. It is at that moment that Ryan looks down to see the green lightsaber protruding from his chest. Luke Skywalker finds himself surrounded by Superman, Dr. Grant, Zok, and Dora. Superman tells his team to hold back so no more lives are lost. They just kind of listen. Zok takes aim at Luke from the sky with his tail and eye lasers, while Grant takes a couple of pot shots with his shotgun. Luke knows that he has the ability to kill Superman, after being the one to send TEAM's Superman to The Graveyard, but today it is not in the cards for The Grand Jedi Master. He is overpowered by Superman and his friends, which makes...
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA'S "BEST OF BOTH WORLDS TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS VICTORIOUS!!

12 comments:

Josh the Commish said...

Horsemen: All Dead

Commandos: (Earth 2) Superman, Dr. Alan Grant, Igoo, and Dora the Explorer survive.


R.I.P. Grimlock, Dr. Doom, Zandar, Tarra, and Zombie Doozer #1.

Artifact said...

Damn. I was killed by a Dozer. Good work, Josh.

At least my daughter sent someone to the graveyard.

Nice work nicky boy. You do our division proud.

Tough loss Ry.

Ryan said...

I love waiting to read.... A loss. Kidding, great match Josh.

Ahhh well. I knew it was gonna be hard to beat you twice in one week Nick. I am shocked I got my ass whipped as much as I did though.

Lickolas said...

HELL YEAH BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The dialogue between Ryan and Dora genuinely had me pumped up. By the time she said the "To bad I never get what I want" line I literally did a 'come on' sports fist pump, great stuff man.

Great match Josh and even though I could be considered bias because I won, I really do think it was in your top two so far this year.

Damn Ryan, I never thought in a million years I would have beaten you. Good match man.

4-0 baby!!!!!! You ain't alone up at the top Goof, NL FOR LIFE!!!!!

Ryan said...

More importantly....

R.I.P. Ryan Poteracki.

Ryan said...

Dora the Expolorer got the Jetpack.

Ryan said...

Zok was the Herculoid that survived the match, not Igoo.

NFG Mike said...

awesome intro! great match overall.

Artifact said...

Is Igoo the one who is really cold all the time and lives in the arctic circle?

Archr5 said...

Amazing. Dora remains an unstoppable force. She's the juggernaut of children's television.

Josh the Commish said...

Sorry about that Commish. You are right Igoo died and Zok lived. And R.I.P. Ryan

Ryan said...

It's cool. Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki is going to own next season's draft.