Wednesday, July 10, 2013

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER II: CHESS OF THE COSMOS


          Numerous beings are seen hovering in space.  They are gathered around an invisible table suspended in the starry wasteland.  The One-Above-All and Q Continuum are gathered around the long board.  Since both sides are omnipotent and omniscient, they are locked in an unending struggle.  The two sides second, third, and quadruple guess each other without actually making any moves due to their inherent character traits. 

             It is only logical that the Qs could simply blink and remove all of the Horsemen from the battlefield.  In that same vein, the One-Above-All could do the same.  Notwithstanding, the beings recognize that there would be no fun in either endeavor.  Thus, they mutually decide to settle in for a little game.  Knowing the rules of the game before it even commences, the two sides determine that their game of Chess will involve only one pawn, the High Evolutionary.  The game’s winner will be decided by who can render the being the most docile so that the High Evolutionary transforms into the “High Harmless One.”  Whatever entity is able to accomplish this task will render the other side impotent and will force them to walk away from the table and fade into nothingness.  

            The High Evolutionary is transported to the side of his comrade, the One-Above-All.   The true cosmic entity looks at his teammate.

            “Although you may be recognized as the pinnacle of human potential, you are still but a human in our eyes,” states the One-Above-All, in a matter of fact way.  “I thank you for your willingness to subject yourself for the betterment of the Horsemen.”

            The High Evolutionary grimaces.  “For the betterment of the Horsemen,” the former geneticist says through clenched teeth.  The playing piece floats to the top of the game table.

            The Qs gather into a circle and the cosmos swirl about them.  Their minds meld into a single idea and they make their decision on what to do.  The Qs look at the High Evolutionary and the entity transforms into a poodle.   The High Poodle yaps at the embarrassment of being morphed into a compliant canine.  The Evolutionary Dog begins to foam at the mouth.  He barks in dismay as he realizes that the One-Above-All gave him rabies.

            The Qs meld their minds together and in the blink of an eye, the High Evolutionary is transformed into a white mouse.  The tiny rodent scampers across the table and screeches at the indignity which has taken place thus far.  In response to a painful squeak, the One-Above-All looks at the High Evolutionary in its current form and infects the beast with the deadly Hantavirus.

            The Q's turn to the One-Above-All and, in unison, shrug.  It appears that the One-Above-All has bested the entire Q Continuum.  The Qs then hold their hands together and smile.  The One-Above-All cocks its head in anticipation of the Qs next move.  The Qs blink as one and the High Evolutionary becomes what is clearly the most impotent and harmless creature imaginable. 

            The shrieks of the High Evolutionary are heard as violent echoes throughout the Playoff Planet’s landscapes. 

            “NO! NOOOOOO!!!!  Not this! Anything, but this! I'd rather die!"  

            With an agonizing shout, the High Evolutionary stares at himself in the glare of a star which shines upon the immense, cosmic table.  He has become a “Murderfly.”  Absolutely refusing to exist as this character, even for the briefest of moments, he uses his cosmic powers to kill himself.  The High Evolutionary explodes into a million pieces of sound and energy. 

            The One-Above-All stares at where his companion once was besmirched as a toy amongst the cosmic gods.  The One-Above-All knew that the gamble of utilizing one of his own companions as a game piece may not pay off, especially while facing the powerful Qs.  

            Grins reach the faces of the entire Q Continuum, once again.  The One-Above-All quietly walks away from the table in defeat and fades into nothingness.

4 comments:

Ryan said...

Motherf*******.

NFG Mike said...

Whew... I remember the last time the Q's played a game... with disasterous results. Too close! I am loving this so far!

Josh the Commish said...

Ha!! Very cool chapter!! Good work Becks' crew!!

Lickolas said...

Dude that was fucking fantastic! I both cheered and laughed out loud. I may have also jumped up and down and fist pounded the air as well. I`m in a good mood right now.