Thursday, January 30, 2014

Unlucky 13: Turrible Decisions Vs. Horsemen

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are: Captain Universe, Phoenix Force Magik, The Serpent, Captain Atom, Kingdom Come Jade, Big Barda, Pre-Suit Vader, Clone Darth Maul, Nul merged with Beast Wars Megatron, Zombie Absorbing Man with Vampire cat powers, Iron Jedi(Immel clone Stark/Jedi #17), and Kister.

The Horsemen of Apokolips are: Taskmaster w/Indy's whip, Deathstroke w/Luke's Lightsaber, Exodus, High Evolutionary, Firestorm(Jason Rousch), White Lantern Sinestro, White Suit Anakin, Ce Ce Denowai w/Indigo Lantern ring, Springer w/Green Lantern ring, Slag w/Red Lantern ring, Black Hand, Smaug the Dragon, and Fry Guy #3.

"ADE!!! ... LADE!!! ... SLADE!!! C'mon man, get up! Even Logan's kid regenerates faster than this!" yells Taskmaster. "Oh no... Not again. I'm beginning to hate this stupid Gobot planet." lamments Deathstroke. "Please, just tell me that there's more left of our team alive than just you and me." pleads Deathstroke. "No such luck, pal. Just the two of us! What a team!" laughs Taskmaster. "F*ck... Why do I keep getting stuck with you?" questions Slade. "Whatever dude, you know I'm awesome. Admit it!" brags Taskmaster. "Dammit, just tell me what happened so I can win the match while you retreat again." demands Deathstroke. "Fine... So things started off great. Black Hand used the power of his Black Lantern Ring to possess Clone Maul, Iron Jedi, and Zombie Absorbing Man right off the rip!" explains Taskmaster. "Ok, the zombie I get, but the clones too? That's just stupid talk." counters Slade. "That's what I thought, but I figure since the clones are of people who died, it worked." theorises Taskmaster. "That's bullsh!t. Have you ever considered how stupid your theories are? I mean, do you even think about this stuff, or do you just make it up as you go?" asks Deathstroke. "Um, both? Anyway, live with it, bro. It happened. So the clones and the zombie take out Big Barda and KFC Jade before Phoenix Magik roasts 'em!" adds Taskmaster. "Ouch, down five people instantly? That's gotta hurt. But don't you mean KC Jade?" asks Slade. "I know what I says." Laughs Taskmaster. "So we know we have the advantage, and White Suit Anakin is all like "CHARGE!!!" and we send the house!" tells Taskmaster. "Except for you, I'm sure." chides Deathstroke. "Wrong again, Slade! I was all up in it! But with everyone running in like that, it kicked up a ton of dust, and this mask is kind of hard to breathe through to begin with.... so, I MIGHT have stopped to catch my wind for a minute." explains Taskmaster. "You suck." declares Slade. "At least I didn't get pimp slapped by a girl! That Magik chick knocked you the f*ck out almost immediately! Ha! But guess who happened to catch his breath just in time to drag you to safety?" asks Taskmaster. "Probably WL Sinestro." answers Slade. "... Lucky guess. But I was the one that hid with you to protect your unconcious @ss. Eventhough nobody found us, I'd still say you owe me one!" claims Taskmaster. "Oh, you'll get yours..." counters Deathstroke. "Sweet, we'll work out a payment plan later! But first, let me finish. So that's when things really ramped up! You got Captain Universe against WL Sinestro and Exodus! Phoenix Force Magik versus High Evolutionary and Black Hand! The Serpent and Smaug the Dragon are going at it, while Nul/BW Megatron takes on GL Springer and RL Slag! Both mascots are throwin down too! Even got a little Jedi action when Pre-Op Vader faced off with White Suit Anakin and Indigo Ce Ce Denowai!" adds Taskmaster. "Suit." interupts Deathstroke. "Huh?" asks Taskmaster. "Suit... It's Pre-SUIT Vader. Get it right, dumb@ss." advises Slade. "Whatever man, who's telling this story again? Oh yeah... me. So as I was saying, Pre-OP Vader fought our Force users" says Taskmaster. "Sounds like it was some pretty exciting stuff" comments Deathstroke. "Well, it would've been, but then BOOM!" says Taskmaster. "Boom?' asks Slade. "Big bada boom! You remember what I said about that Firestorm kid? About how he's basically a nuke? Well, those geniuses at the Barkley's decide to unleash their own unstable reactor, Captain Atom himself!" continues Taskmaster "Oooo... bad move." responds Slade. "Right? So naturally, the battle to see who accidentally explodes first is on! I'm not sure who went first, but it doesn't matter. One goes up and it's chain reaction time! Next thing you know, everyone's dusted except you and your loyal and soon to be well paid protector, namely me." concludes Taskmaster. "So... wait a minute... It's already over? I don't have to single-handedly win the match again?" questions a confused Deathstroke. "Done like dinner, homie!" laughs Taskmaster. "No kiddin... wow, that's pretty anti climactic..." states a disappointed Slade. "Not to mention uninspired... but, hey, at least we got to hang out some more, so that's pretty cool, right?" Adds Taskmaster. Slade Wilson tightens his grip on his handgun...

8 comments:

NuFaGtu said...

The Horsemen of Apokolips are triumphant as Taskmaster and Deathstroke survive!

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions: All dead

Anonymous said...

The Cumguzzlers of Shitstains suck donkey diks!

David Parks said...

Explosions are the #2 way to resolve large battles, second only to AIDS. Awesome match, congrats Ryan.

Anonymous said...

David Parks: Very funny hating the fags of this world with the AIDS blast! You are a class act!

Josh the Commish said...

Good stuff Mike!! Love the Deathstroke/Taskmaster banter. Tough break Dave, having to go up against The Horsemen. Those were both great squads. And anonymous, I know for certain, that Dave has no problem with gays, at least not with gays that go by their real name.

David Parks said...

God hates figs ever since Isaac Newton disobeyed him and ate one a snake dropped on his head, giving him the forbidden knowledge of physics, which he used to invent Fig Newtons. Truly a disgusting snack.

David Parks said...

Plus I hear he was kind of foppish.

Josh the Commish said...

Ha. Exactly!!