Real Man's Rabble Rousers vs. President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus' "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos

Real Man’s Rabble Rousers are The (movie) Wreckers: Leadfoot, Roadbuster, and Topspin, (movie) Skids, (movie) Mudflap, The (movie) Dreads: Crankcase, Crowbar, and Hatchet, (movie) Shockwave & Driller, The Losers: Aisha, Clay, Jenson, Pooch, Rogue, and Cougar, and Dark Prince Xizor.

President “Quit asking me about Benghazi” Barack Obama’s and “Stay the Eff away from my Daughters You Trainwreck” Hannah Montana’s “Best of Both World’s” Touring Battalion of Commandos are (Earth 2) Superman, Thanos, Martian Manhunter, Xavier Harkonen and Serena Butler in a F-11 Nighthawk Stealth Fighter, Duncan Idaho Ghola #4, Azeem (w/ Qui Gonn’s green lightsaber), Jack Crowe (w/ red lightsaber), Dora the Explorer w/ Boots, Backpack, and The Map, and Joan Jett.


This match will be told from inside the cockpit of the master military strategist Tecero 1st Class Xavier Harkonen’s Stealth Fighter. All other battle dialogue was not heard….



“Almost all Thinking Machines. For a team called The Real Men, I sure don’t see many men. I wish we could wipe out his entire team”. Says Xavier to his lover Serena.

“I could not agree more my love. It looks as though we should be able to win this bout without much difficulty. President Obama held nothing back with the squad he sent out this week. He even sent Superman to help us”. Says Serena.

“Yes, about that. I should inform you that I have made arrangements to insure that Superman will not be helping us today. This match is important; but not important enough to risk the life of our greatest champion. I am not sure what the President was thinking. I believe he has been increasingly making the wrong decisions. He has grown power hungry, and his decisions cannot be trusted”. Says Xavier.

Serena replies: “I realized that you had your doubts Xavier; but now that I have you alone in this cockpit you sound more serious about them than ever. I have heard whispers that there is a group of conspirators within our Commandos organization that is dedicated to the overthrow of the President. Do you think that there is any truth to these rumors?”

Xavier sighs and replies: “I wished to tell you sooner my love, but this group indeed exists. And I am the leader of it. This is why I arranged to gain access to some green kryptonite that we used to simply stun Superman. He will not be permanently damaged and he will be safe. He is being held in a secure location in the deepest part of the jungle by one of our own. She is a lover of rebellion, and does not mind if her part in the rebellion is revealed. I guess you could say, that “she doesn’t give a damn about her bad reputation”. There are others though that I cannot reveal the identity of, not yet anyway, not even to you my love”.

Xavier picks up the hardwired radio communicator in the plane and speaks into it: “Joan, are you secure in your position”?

The voice of Joan Jett comes back over the com: “Yes sir. Superman is sleeping at the moment. The cage is secure, and even if he comes to he won’t be harmed by the kryptonite any further unless he moves too close to the edge of the cage. I hate doing this to him boss, but if it helps him live another day it will be worth it. Do you think your end of the plan will work”?

Xavier replies: “Everything will go as we discussed at our meeting. You realize that I am an E.M.P. expert. We will win this match without Superman being harmed, and we will go on to fight another day. Harkonen out”.

“See ya on the other side boss. Over and out”. Says Joan.

“Is all of this necessary my love”. Asks Serena.

“It is indeed Serena. I hoped that you would be with us. Not just on the play with Superman; but as a conspirator. As I said before, this match is important; but not so important that we need to risk this Superman. Not after the other one was killed so needlessly this season. The E.M.P. charges will be ready soon, and once they are we can set them off. Unfortunately, they can only be set off as this ship hits the ground. We will have to land the ship in the midst of the battle to make the final play to shut down all of the thinking machines, especially since the E.M.P. once set off would bring this plane down as well. We just need to circle over the jungle battlefield one time and then we can double back and finish off the last leg of the plan. We also need to wait for our boys to take out the non-thinking machine members of The Rabble Rousers, to insure that the E.M.P. will finish the match”.

“Are all of the Commandos down there in on this plan? How will they know that they must take out certain fighters first”? Asks Serena.

Xavier replies: “No, they are not all in. We are just banking on the fact that those weaker characters on The Rabble Rousers will go out first. Ahh, look down through the trees, it appears that the battle is already in full swing”.

From their aerial view they see Martian Manhunter pulverize Skids with a barrage of hits; but between this, Thanos’ destruction of Mudflap through some major energy projection, and the massive Shockwave and Driller bursting forth from the ground; enormous fires are ignited from the huge amount of oil and energon being released. The Manhunter joins his foes in death as the fires rage on. They see that their Commando Squad is heavily outsized and outnumbered with who is left on the field, and that the entire Losers sub-Squad, being led by Dark Prince Xizor himself has surrounded Idaho, Crowe, and Azeem.

Serena must have seen a troubled look on the face of her lover, which caused her to say with optimism: “Don’t worry, Xavier. I have seen those three in action, and for them that is far from outnumbered”.

Serena was right in this particular case as the two of them witness the three Commandos burst into action. Azeem is still favoring his Saracen sword in his right hand which he uses to go in for the kill quickly against The Dark Prince while his is using the lightsaber from his old friend Qui Gonn to take out Roque with his left. Audio cannot be had from the fight from way up in the jet, but Jack Crowe most certainly uttered something colorful while kicking both Aisha and Clay down to the ground then using his red lightsaber and Beretta to finish them off. Duncan Idaho on the other hand moves in one quick motion. His blade held close to his body, making it nearly impossible to see, especially from this vantage point. He, in order takes out Cougar, Pooch, and then Jenson so quickly, that Cougar had not even fallen by the time his ginaz training had defeated Jenson. The smiles are shortly removed from the faces of Xavier and Serena though, as The much larger Wreckers converge on the scene and take out The Commando Trio, with the help of their commander Shockwave and his driller robot.

Xavier speaks: “We must move quickly my darling. Look at the team members we have lost already today to the thinking machines. After the machines took the life of our dear child Manion, I didn’t think I had any heart left to break, but seeing them in action again is proving me wrong. As we pass over the battle and get ready to double back, I will eject you from the cockpit before I make the final run to set off the E.M.P. The timing is right and I have the most capable of soldiers setting the charge resonators. I should be fine piloting the plane myself and I can’t have you risk your life, especially for a cause that is not yours”.

Serena smiles at Xavier and replies: “My love, I assure you that if this cause is yours, that it is most certainly mine now as well. I am prepared to do what we must to complete it. I am not certain that I agree with your plan to keep Superman out of this match, but I see your logic behind it; and I definitely see where President Obama has over-stepped his bounds. I have been seeing it for some time now. And besides Xavier, you underestimate me. I wasn’t sure what your play was, but I noticed that you disabled your own ejection seat before we left our base. So I did the same to mine. I know that this plane takes two to fly properly and I was not going to let some heroic, chivalrous gesture by you destroy the plan you laid out, even if I didn’t know the plan yet. So, it looks like I will be here with you to see this through to the end whether you like it or not”.

Xavier knows that he should be upset by this, but in this act of heroism, he is reminded of what made him fall in love with Serena so many years ago. Before Manion was born, before Erasmus kidnapped her, and before Vorian Atreides got between them. Xavier simply says: “I should have known that I wouldn’t be able to outsmart you Serena. I guess you and I will fly this plane down together. Hopefully we can reach minimum safe distance after the E.M.P. is set. Now let’s get ready for the approach”.

As the plane flies in towards the designated grounding point, Xavier makes one final communiqué.

“Well, Serena let’s hope our fellow conspirators have done the job and that we are ready to land the E.M.P”. Say Xavier as he reaches for the com link. He continues: “Comodoro, this is your Tercero, are the charges ready for my involvement”?

The voice comes back over the com and says: “Yes sir. Boots and I have completed the task and we are ready for your action. We are at minimum safe distance, and we shall await your orders if anything is needed from us further. I just hope the President buys our cover story and the conspiracy is kept safe. Dora out”.

Xavier begins to start the landing procedure when they are hit in the wing by a Cybertronian rocket from Shockwave. The plane begins to lose control as Xavier struggles to set it right. Serena’s face turns white as she fears not for her own safety but for the greater good. She looks at Xavier and simply says: “The plan”????

Xavier struggles to muster a response and gets out: “It will still work with a crash”.

“I love you” says Serena.

“And I love you” say Xavier.

The plane crashes into the chest of Crankcase and the E.M.P. is set off as the plane explodes…..