Underhills vs. Sigmas: A Story of Sky and Sea

 

The Underhills: Percy Jackson, Mera, Black Manta, Nautilator, Seawing, Overbite, Skalor, Snaptrap, Tanktail, Kyle Rayner, Namora, and Xenomorphs 5 & 6.

The Sigmas: Starscream, an aircraft carrier helmed by G.I. Joe Hawk, An F-18 with Maverick and Goose, an F-14 with Iceman and Slider, the Millenium Falcon with Han Solo and Chewbacca, Ramjet, and Dirge.

The rolling, stench-wafting waters of Lake Ontario are calm. Placid, even. Too placid. Sudden wakes flutter the water's surface as an aircraft carrier sloshes through. Surveying the scene, Hawk raises a hand, signaling the crew that this is the place. His stern gaze shoots deep into the lake before he announces “We got 'em now, boys. This is the place.” He reaches into his standard issue canvas bag and produces a dark green pinecone of hot frag. He pulls the pin from the grenade and chucks it in the water. A momentary silence, a blast, and a return to quiet pass by and he arches an eyebrow. Again he throws a grenade, this time a bit further. The results don't change and tension pulls at his jaw. He pulls a walkie from his side and hold the button. “Space Force X, backup is a go, do you copy? Over.” Far, far above, Han Solo replies “Loud and clear, backup's coming.” He nods to Chewie. Chewie steps out of the cockpit for a moment. He returns with a comically large frag grenade, the size of his wooly torso. He rolls down the manual crank window on the Millenium Falcon, holds it out with both hands, and pulls the pin with his teeth. “Great work, Chew-BOOM”, goes the Falcon as explosive decompression turns it inside-out through the open window. The bomb falls, splashes water high into the air, and erupts with a powerful shockwave that rocks the aircraft carrier. From below the surface, Namora's shattered body floats up like a trout. Hawk throws his goggles to the ground in frustration. “Got dang it all, that's not right either!”

A moist lad rises beside the floating body. He stands atop a platform of water, liquid water, acting somehow as a solid. “Halt, villain! In the name of my father Poseidon, I, Perseus Jacksonius, shall not allow thee to defile these waters with senseless violence!” Hawk shouts back “The f*** kind of fancy crap are you talking, kid? Get out of the water, I'm trying to catch some walleye here!” Percy sneers in disgust, “Ye wish for walleyes, dost thou? Walleye shall ye receive sevenfold!” Below him, Mera commands the snaggletoothed fish of the Great Lake to leap from their home, high into the air on jets of water, directly to Hawk. He thrashes and screams as they tear into him like piranhas to a cow. “AHHG, IT'S WAR, EVERYBODY SCRAMBLE” are his final words. Five jets take off from the carrier, peppering the water with every weapon available to them. Percy Jackson's precious vital fluids are returned to the sea by the weight of blazing lead. The water begins to turn a sickly reddish-brown as blood and Cybertronian motor oil spill. A shining bubble of green breaches, flying into the sky, and Kyle Rayner blasts Ramjet and Dirge out of the sky. Soon after, Starscream flies directly into him, guns blazing, bits of meat streaming from the Decepticon. Goose says to Maverick, “Hey isn't Green Lantern supposed to be good with planes?” Goose shrugs. “I don't know, dude, I only read manly heterosexual comics about WWII like Garth Ennis, because we're both so darn straight.” With their powerful plated tails, a surviving Xenomorph then launches itself from the water and latches to their F18, staring them in the face with its tiny mini-mouth. “OH S*** I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU GOOSE” screams Maverick as they are blinded to Iceman and Slider's collision course.

Back in the water, Mera prepares a shell of “hard water” around Black Manta and launches him as the next assailant. Starscream, last of the Sigmas, fires frantically but can only blast chipping splashes of water off Manta's capsule as through it was made of concrete. He screams for the stars one last time as Black Manta harpoons himself onto the flying Transformer, plants an explosive charge, and dives back into Ontario without looking back at the blast.