Two Hungry Striders with Rohan Down Tight Vs. The Crack Dankin Empire

 Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are Kingdom Come Dr. Fate, Link (w/ green lantern ring), Desaad, Kingdom Come Flash (w/ blue lantern ring), Jay Garrick (w/ green lantern ring), Anakin Skywalker (w/ yellow lantern ring) in an X-Wing, Ahsoka Tano (w/ star sapphire) in a Y-Wing, Kingdom Come Power Woman, Axe Cop (w/ red lantern ring) on Wexler, The Aeriolbots:  Silverbolt, Air Raid, Skydive, Fireflight, & Slingshot, The Technibots:  Scattershot, Strafe, Lightspeed, Afterburner, & Nosecone, Atrocitus, Flute Cop, Uni-Baby, Grey Diamond, Best Fairy Ever, & Batwarthogman in Sky Runner, Aurra Sing in a TIE Bomber, & Bossk in a TIE Fighter.

The Striders of Rohan are Odin (w/ a White Lantern Ring), Hellas, Sinestro, Mon El, Kingdom Come Batman, Kingdom Come Steel, Kingdom Come Green Lantern, Kingdom Come Kid Flash, Nightstar, Kingdom Come Green Arrow, The Father, Son, & Daughter of Mortis, Wedge Antilles in Kyle's Sith Fighter, Biggs Darklighter in a B-Wing, Cassian Andor, K-2SO, and IG-Bounty Hunter in the Millennium Chowder, Chromia, Dion, Grapple, Trail Breaker, T'Challa Starlord, Cybertronian Guardian1A-1B, Zombie Cybertronian Guardian, & Black Lantern Cybertronian Guardian.

The Empire is Supergirl, Samus, Capt. Marvel, Abeloth, Dark Supergirl, Capt. Pike in a TIE Interceptor, Miss Martian, Orion, Starfire, Tomar Tu, Queen Alien, Princess Leia in a Z-95 Headhunter, The Insecticons:  Bombshell, Kickback, & Shrapnell, Capt. Steven Hiller in a TIE Bomber, Lazarus Long, Savitar, Blue Beetle, Adam Strange, The Inquisitor, Baby Wolverine, & Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother #2-3, Droid Federation Trade Ship, The Arc, & Firespray 31.

Crack Danks are Beowolf, Xeres, Sky Lynx, Tommy Oliver, Zeus, Lord Zed, Rita Repulsa, Chuck Norris (w/ a Castlevania Whip), Jolee Fishdo in an Arc Fighter, Mace Windu in an Arc Fighter, Qui Gon Jinn, Thunderstrike, The Silverhawks in Marage, Reboot Morpheus in a X-Wing, The Chicken (w/ a Force Saber) in a TIE Fighter, Thinking Machine #5-8, Sardakaur #4-7 in a Sith Fighter, & 2 A-Wings.

The Kingdom Come crews have put aside their differences and decided to fight side by side once more as The Dino-Mites and Striders join together to battle against the evil Thinking Machine Empire blocking the Trade Route to the Moon.  I Joshatu the Just have spoken with the top minds at NASA and have secured a spot at the International Space Station to have a perfect view of the battle about to transpire.  This double match will certainly be an epic moment in FFL History, not to mention a literary masterpiece considering that I:  Joshatu am directly involved in placing this freshly commenced, monumental battle into written form.  You shall all be lucky witnesses to the mastery of the English Language and scientific knowledge I am about to share with you.  We shall begin after this short break, so I may have time to prepare as I never go into a Watching Session without the perfect and proper amount of research.

.................................................

HaHaHa!!!!!!  Sup Ladies it's ya boi Pogo here!!  I just locked that turd Joshatu the Stuffy in the bathroom when he went in to take a dump.  I almost feel sorry the guy to tell you the truth.  He may act like his crap don't stink; but trust me.  It do.  Since Joshatu the Poopie doesn't let me Watch matches anymore, I just had to get in here and get at least one good one in this year.  So let's jump right in and Watch this turd before the boss figures out how to pick a lock.  

I don't know what he was talking about with the International Space Station.  We all know that is just more NASA lies and that going to the Moon isn't even possible.  So we are gonna get real woke here and find out what the Moon really is while I broadcast LIVE from The Flat Earth.  So, anyways; these teams is going nuts out here.  The Moon, which isn't even as old as some of these dudes in this match according to all the ancient texts they don't tell you about in school is rattling about and flickering wildly like the artificial light that it probably is, as these four teams get Hella-Rowdy.  Anakin Skywalker, who is beefing with his padawan Ahsoka ever since he got a yellow lantern ring and started being all mean and stuff leads the stunt fighter attack for The Stridermites.  Wedge and Biggs don't care that he is kind of a jerk they just appreciate those sick skills in an X-Wing Cockpit.  Anakin's daughter that he never even got visitation for is leading the fighter pilots along with Capt. Pike for the other combined team; but that is mostly an afterthought because Skywalker and the boys are mostly focused on the three big old fleet ships that The Empire has floating out there next to the big block of cheese.  They are not even letting the aliens land on the dark side of the Moon, or The United States government get access to the advanced Moon base that they have had set up since the 1950s after they got all that cool tech from the Roswell crash that was totally space aliens and not Nazi technology that is still being tested out in the secret bases on Antarctica.  Sorry for all the basic information.  I'll get back to the match now for all you normies who still think a group of sweaty white dudes in short sleeve dress shirts flew a hunk of metal to a Moon Rock in the 1960s with the help of a room full of sUpEr cOmPuTeRs that had about enough computing power to download Twitter.  

  Xeres and Beowolf, in their monstrous space-mech forms diverge from the fighter jet groups and blast holes through Grapple and Dion, while T'Challa Starlorad manages to sneak into the cockpit of Reboot Morpheus' X-Wing where they both die from virtue signalling woke politics that their parent companies have been spewing via their public platforms.  

The spaceship trio of The Trade Federation Ship, The Arc, & The Firespray have all docked together and led by Lazarus Long, Blue Beetle, and Adam Strange have begun firing, first taking out The Sky-Runner and all of Axe Cop's homies.  You know that is gonna make Axe Cop mad later; but we aren't to that part of the match yet (spoiler alert on the foreshadowing).  KC Flash orders the Aerialbots and Technibots to combine to form Superion and Computron; but then gets in a fight with Savitar.  It isn't much of a fight actually, because as soon as they touch they just disappear into thin air like the real science shows us would happen in Time Cop with Jean Claude Van (Damm that movie was good).  And then Jay Garrick, who is old looks at Kid Flash, who is also old now and is like "WHAT"??  And Adult Kid Flash looks back at him and is all like "WHAT"?!!?  And then they both get hit in the face by Thunderstrike's hammer.  Qui Gonn is just floating around in space, because he isn't a good pilot and doesn't have a ship anyway; which makes it really easy for Odin to mess him up on the way to wrecking the four Omnius powered thinking machines, while Zeus wrecks Chromia and Trailbreaker while passing by K-2SO, Cassian, and The IG-Bounty Hunter, hitting them with a quick lightning bolt, while chuckling because they are trying to fly through space in a 1988 Dodge Daytona.  Zeus and Odin then get in a knock down drag em out battle that has every Norse and Greek enthusiast on their toes; but we will get back to that later.  

Lord Zed and Rita use their powers to grow each other into massive giants and spend their last life battling it out with the Cybertronian Guardian crew.  The Power Ranger Villains manage to take out the massive Transformer Giants; but then get taken out themselves by the combined forces of Sinestro and Hellas.  The Mortis Family meets back up with their estranged wife/mother Abeloth which would be a major mismatch in space if some scientism normie was writing this piece of crap; but since we know that the Moon is totally within the firmament of the earth the Father, Son, and Daughter are flying around fine in their weird bird forms.  What really sucks though is that Beowolf in his final life has finally lost his mind and become brain damaged, going straight R-Tard like an acoustic Geetar.  Dr. Fate sees this tragedy coming and tries to intervene; but it just ends with Beowolf crashing into all of them with his lasguns fully armed causing an atomic blast that was so loud and scary that it made Jolee Fishdo poop himself to death in such a grotesque fashion that The Inquisitor died from the smell, and Aurra Sing died from complaining about the smell proving that hot chicks really can die from the very act of dude feces.  

Steven Hiller flies over to Tommy Oliver and slaps da S@#t out him after Tommy made fun of his skank wife; but nothing comes of that battle because it was fake.  Hiller then flies back to take on a defensive posture in his TIE Bomber which he had never flown before; but is an expert at flying because he "saw them in action".  Him and his fellow pilots see that an attack on the massive, combined space base is about to come under full blown, nothing to lose space battle attack on the base just like at the end of A New Hope, or was it Return of the Jedi, or The Force Awakens, err Independence Day,  Transformers.....  Maybe more like Rise of Skywalker.  Oh wait, I know it was all of them.  Anakin of course leads this attack where lasers and intense special effects abound; but they also have the two Gestalts Superion and Computron pounding on the combined trio of ships with some good old fashioned brute force.  

In the meantime, while the classic movie end scene takes place.  Power Woman punched a hole through the chest of Orion; but then got taken out by the Regular and Dark version of Supergirl, which is just two different versions of her from Earth 1, which is weird because usually first is the worst and second is the best.  Luckily Ultragirl isn't here because she is from Earth 3 and is probably a nerd (I have no idea if anyone is understanding that joke other than me).  

Biggs gets shot down by Steven Hiller, because that is what Biggs does best but his bro Wedge avenges him and takes out the Marine pilot.  Axe Cop chops off Tomar Tu's head, while Wexler bites the Queen Alien in half; but isn't even affected by her concentrated acid for blood cuz 4 death luv is real.  Thunderstrike isn't as good as Thor for unspecified reasons, just like Mon El isn't as good as Superman for unspecified reasons.  They both start fighting each other; but I closed my eyes and didn't see how they both died because I didn't want to have to report on it and hear all of the triggered Marvel and DC fans on the internet tell me how wrong I am.  

Blue Beetle got stepped on.  

Tommy Oliver stabs Green Arrow with his emerald flute knife and then uses it to summon the Dragon Zord who destroys Steel; but the Dragon Zord's reign of terror is cut short by Batman because he had prep time.  Normally Samus would lose a battle to Link because Samus is cool; but Link is cooler.  But, this match is in space; so I gots to give that edge to Samus.  I know Link got that green lantern ring; but lasers bruh, lasers.  Speaking of lasers, Starfire uses her eye lasers to blow up Desaad and then gets killed by her own daughter Nightfire; cuz Fantasy Fantasy don't even care about them familial relations.  The Kingdom Come version of Batman then comes to the aid of Nightstar who has just blown up Mace Windu's ship.  Mace manages to pop his purple lightsaber and take off Nightstar's head, before the secondary explosion takes him out.  Batman gets away from all the blowing up of things; but then dies of old age, because the Kingdom Come timeline doesn't really make sense.  

Sinestro gets hungry and eats The Chicken, along with his Force Saber.  

Capt. Marvel headbutts Atrocitus into oblivion on her way to punching the face off of Wexler.  Now Axe Cop is really pissed.  He uses his red lantern infused axe to CHOP HER HEAD OFF.  Then does the same to Samus.  Girls are dumb.  

The Insecticons are deployed as a counter-measure to the aerial attack and take out Ahsoka because even Anakin knows she is a crappy pilot.  The spaceship dogfight really gets heated as all three Insecticons are taken out by Anakin and Wedge.  These two ace pilots go on to take out Pike, Leia, and the Sardakaur, but without their air support, Lazarus Long uses some brilliant tactical and military strategy to deploy Cybertronian missiles from The Arc which know exactly where to hit Superion and Computron to extinguish their unified sparks.  Leia hits Bossk's TIE Fighter with a proton torpedo right before her demise (had to add this sentence later, because I forgot about Bossk).  

Odin, with the help of his White Lantern Ring takes out Zeus, right before his daughter Hellas shows up to help; but Chuck Norris pops on to the scene sporting the red, white, and blue with a well worn Mike Huckabee hat covering his beautiful locks of ginger.  Good Ol' Chaz Norris takes off the heads Odin and Hellas with a single roundhouse kick cuz we ain't even bout to have that pagan crap on Palm Sunday up in my match.  

God.

Murica.

Norris.

Anakin and Wedge enlist the help of Sinestro and Green Lantern to finally blow up the Arc/Firespray/Federation Ship from the inside like they always do, taking out the Bene Gesserits, Adam Strange, Miss Martian, and even the very long lived Lazarus Long.   Anakin's ship was damaged in the attack, causing him to eject and jump on top of Wedge's ship, lightsaber a blazin, where their bromance continued.  Wedge was able to finally shoot down Xeres and send him to the Graveyard, right as Anakin was relieving Tommy Oliver of his head.  

Girls are definitely dumb according to Axe Cop; but he is not able to win out, once he is confronted with both Supergirl and Dark Supergirl.  Dark Supergirl doesn't make it out of the fight with her head still attached; but real Supergirl finishes off the ultimate killer of bad guys.  

 

Then I was like CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am almost done with this match and didn't even talk about my boys the Silverhawks and Sky Lynx.  Literally some of my favorite characters ever.  How often does one get to write about the most bippin characters from a long forgotten boomer childhood from the epic 80s.  And I don't even have enough characters left for them to kill so I can make them look awesome.  So.......  Instead, just take it from me.  They're awesome.  Colonel Blue Grass totally makes the Silverhawks eject from the Marage and they start flying right next to Sky Lynx while some wicked stellar 80s music starts playing.  They then go on to do a bunch of super awesome stuff.  And don't think that just started.  Cuz these dudes been doin super awesome stuff the whole match.  I just wasn't talking about it because I was distracted.  The Sky Lynx and Silverhawks duo mow through Sinestro and Alan-Scott-Kingdom-Come-Sentinel-Green-Lantern-longest-title-ever-character with a plethora of lasers and superbad flying techniques.  They then muster up enough 80s laser power to blast apart Supergirl who is kind of on their team; but not really on their team.  You see, this is okay because I know Adam will never read this match; so I don't need to worry about someone complaining that arguably the most powerful character in this match died in such a stupid way.  Sky Lynx and The Silverhawks, including Colonel Bluegrass and the Marage do finally meet their demise.  Not only from the might of Supergirl, Anakin Skywalker, and the damage sustained from the energy of the green and yellow lantern they battled; but from the ushering in (**Okay...  Start reading this part really whimsically with great emotion) of a cold era of technology that has destroyed the simpler times when kids could enjoy true greatness and fun like the 80s cartoons gave us....  In other words, you could just say they drowned in the tears of old farts like me that have to insist their generation was so much better than the current one.  

As Wedge's Sith Fighter blows up in the fiery end battle, Anakin leaps from the burning wreckage, free-falling through space because gravity doesn't exist here or there like the NASA Globetards tell us it does; but is unable to connect with the swing of his lightsaber before Chuck Norris kicks through the Jedi's stomach.  Chuck Norris then lands perfectly in a bed of space flowers, while Baby Wolverine falls onto his lap in an adorable and loving manner.

"When I grow up, I am going to be as awesome as you" says Baby Wolverine to Chuck.

"No you aren't" replies Norris.   

Week 4 Consortium Match: Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins vs CHAZ Bawkleys Turrible Decisions

Assassins: Ranx: The Sentient City, Set, Kingdom Come Superman, The Monitor w/ White Lantern Ring, Blue Marvel, Hyperion (4 death) , Sentry (4 death), Dormamu, John Stewart w/ Green and Blue Lantern Rings, Ronan the Accusar, Uruk Hai #10-12 (all 4 death)

Barkleys: The Anti-Monitor, Gauntlet Ultron, Cyborg Superman, Jade, Ganthet and Sayd, Ant Man and Wasp, Recoome, Burter, Jeice, Guldo, and Captain Ginyu, Lady Dimetrescu, Agatha Harkness, Nazgul #5, Deadpool, Blue Beetle in a TIE Fighter, Iron Patriot, Nick Fury w/Red Lantern Ring, Ludwig Von Koopa w/White Lantern Ring, Shield Agent #4 (last life) in The Poopmobile

Week 4: The Famous Indy Red Garter Guardians VS. TEAM

The Famous Indy Red Garter Guardians: The Guardians of the Galaxy: Starlord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket Raccoon, & Groot in a CEC YT-2400, The Q Continuum: Q, Q2, Lady Q, Colonel Q, Naruto Uzimachi (final death), Grand Moff Tarkin & General Veers in a First Order TIE Fighter, Padawan Anakin Skywalker (final death) & Mark Dantonio in a First Order TIE Fighter, Hancock (final death), Kyle & Conner in a First Order TIE Fighter, Dinobot, Cosmic Spiderman (final death), Raiden, 4-LOM in a TIE Bomber, Zuckus in a TIE Bomber, Dengar in a TIE Bomber, Iggy Koopa in Spence’s TIE Interceptor, & Storm Trooper #31-34

TEAM: Galactus, Nova, Morg, Primus, Thor, Thanos w/ the Infinity Gauntlet w/ the Power Stone, Soul Stone, Space Stone & Reality Stone attached, Hot Rod, Ultra Magnus, Black Lantern Magneto, Gestalt Team Leader Ed Zacharski, Autobot Sarah Zacharski, Autobot Edwin, Autobot Abby, & Autobot Logan, Brightburn, & Nekron

Location: The Moon

To start this match, TEAM arrives at The Moon before the Guardians and begins to set up their defenses. A flash happens in the surrounding atmosphere of The Moon, behind this flash comes a group of starships flies through and just starts blasting on TEAM. Q used his immense powers over the laws of physics to teleport The Guardians to The Moon. 

Immediately Kyle & Conner’s TIE FIghter crashes into The Moon, Kyle and Conner are arguing in the TIE Fighter (because the BEEF is still on) so Kyle (the pilot) decides that death is a better option then being stuck in a ship with Conner so he just crashes the TIE Fighter into the surface of The Moon. Black Lantern Magneto separates his own teammate Hot Rod into a million pieces and uses his body as ammo to take out the many Guardian starships. Magneto starts shooting various pieces of metal all over the atmosphere of The Moon. In this gauntlet of metal thrown, the Mutant takes out Storm Trooper #31-34, Zuckus’ TIE Bomber, & Iggy Koopa’s TIE Interceptor. Magneto then tries and focuses on taking out the Guardians of the Galaxy (GOTG) ship, but Starlord’s pilot skills prove to be too much to handle for Magneto’s aim. The GOTG ship tries to take out Magneto with its blasters on the ship but Magneto is using pieces of Hot Rod’s body as a shield to block the blasts. 

While the battle between the GOTG and Magneto is going on, the rest of The Red Guardians float towards The Moon using the various sarships as a diversion and land safely on the surface of the space rock. We start out with a big robot fight as there are many Transformers in this battle (minus the Zacharski Autobot family). Primus walks out victorious, there are no other Transformers left in this battle (minus the Zacharski Autobot family). Speaking of the Zacharski Autobot family, Raiden uses his lightning powers, he hits the whole family with a strike of lightning, shorting out their circuits and rendering them useless. Brightburn immediately retaliates and hits Raiden with laser vision, killing him. Brightburn then hits General Veers & Grand Moff Tarkin’s ship. As Brightburn is flying in space Hancock then flies into Brightburn and begins punching Brightburn repeatedly as they are flying towards the surface of The Moon. They then crash into The Moon and this creates a large crater on the surface. Hancock is repeatedly punching Brightburn until he then grabs Brightburn’s head and snaps his neck, as Hancock proves that he is the better Superman ripoff character. 

Nekron then uses his Dark Lightning ability to shoot 4-LOM & Dengar’s TIE Bombers and short circuits their ships causing them to crash into The Moon. Nekron then begins to fight Hancock, he tries to hit Hancock with his Dark Lightning but can’t seem to land a shot as Hancock is too quick for his lightning. Hancock eventually gets close enough to Nekron and begins to throw punches at the Lord of the Unliving. But Nekron’s fatal touch is starting to slow down Hancock as it is weakening him. Eventually Hancock is too weak to even move, as it looks like he is about to die, a large blast is heard in the distance and Nekron disappears. Nekron was using Black Lantern Magneto as his mortal link to exist in this universe, Young Padawan Anakin Skywalker had just hit Magneto with a blast from his TIE Fighter. Black Lantern Magneto’s death causes Nekron to not have a mortal link to this universe anymore, thus not allowing him to exist in this universe. With Nekron’s Fatal Touch not affecting Hancock anymore, he begins to regain his strength. 

While all of this battling has been going on Galactus has begun consuming The Moon itself to feed his Cosmic Hunger. Cosmic Spider Man flies up to The Q Continuum asking them to do something about Galactus, informing them that if he eats the whole Moon then Galactus would be undefeatable. The Q Continuum uses their power over space and reality to teleport this whole battle to the Negative Zone so that Galactus cannot feed. 

All of the battle participants are stunned that they were just teleported to a new dimension with such ease. Padawan Anakin takes advantage of this and hits Morg with multiple shots from his TIE Fighter, killing the Galactus sidekick. Thor immediately retaliates by hitting Anakin’s TIE Fighter with his hammer and kills both pilots of the ship. Cosmic Spider-Man and Naruto team up to try and take out the Titan Thanos. Naruto uses his sage powers to summon his Giant Toad Gamabunta, who is a master in martial arts who also carries a sword on him to help the Red Guardians. Gamabunta, the GOTG, and Hancock team up to take on Primus. The GOTG in their ship fly around Primus hitting the Transformer with various blasts to distract him. Hancock flies towards Primus and hits him with a punch on his left arm, causing Primus’ arm to be damaged severely. Gamabunta then immediately cuts off the left leg of Primus. Primus then hits Hancock with his right arm and weakens Hancock significantly. The GOTG flies behind Primus and Rocket Raccoon attaches a nuclear device to the back of Primus and detonates it. This nuclear explosion kills Primus but also kills Hancock, Gamabunta was able to escape in time.

Gamabunta and the GOTG then team up to take on Thor. Thor begins by shooting multiple blasts of lightning from his hammer at the CEC YT-2400 but is not able to land any shots. Gamabunta begins to engage in battle with Thor. The giant Toad’s MMA abilities are proving to be difficult to handle for the norse god, but eventually Thor is able to rip the Toad’s sword out of his hands and stab it through the Sage warrior’s chest. Starlord is angered to see his teammate die and decides to kamikazee Thor and kill him. 

It is now time for the battle between Naruto & Cosmic Spider-Man vs. Thanos. Naruto uses his powers of the Nine Fox Tails to summon a thousand clones of himself to confuse the Titan. Naruto uses his thousand clones to land multiple strong punches on Thanos to hurt him. Naruto then uses his clones to try and grab the infinity gauntlet off of Thanos’s hand. Multiple Naruto’s have a grip on the gauntlet, pulling, while other Naruto’s are punching Thanos. Thanos uses his gauntlet to summon multiple asteroids to start falling on them. Cosmic Spider-Man uses his ability to affect Gravitons to pull all the asteroids off of Thanos. This stuns Thanos as he did not know this version of Peter Parker was able to do that. The Naruto clones then rip the Gauntlet off of Thanos. Cosmic Spider-Man then shoots multiple energy blasts at Thanos and kills him. Galactus retaliates and kills Cosmic Spider-Man and Naruto with one fell swoop.    

Now all that is left is The Q Continuum and Galactus & Nova. Galactus is weak as he has Cosmic Hunger has increased and there is nothing for him to feed on in the Negative Zone. The Q Continuum combine their powers to destroy Galactus and his sidekick Nova. This combining of their powers caused all but Q himself to die in this Galactus killing effort.

Week 4 Democracy: George Washington's House Elves vs Affirmative Action Popeye's

House Elves: Dr. Octopus, Mysterio, Green Goblin, Sandman, Electro, Vulture, Iron Man, Predi-Alien (final death), Uranus, Saturn, M. Bison, Sagat, Vega, Balrog, Zangief, Mangy Mouse, Zaheer, Kister, Wald, Han Solo and Chewbacca in Chris's Firespray 31, Luke Skywalker in Lukes Stealth X-Wing, Captain Rex In a Umbarian Starfighter, Captain Kirk, Captain Picard, Mr. Spock, Rom, Quark, Wesley Crusher, Commander Ryker, and Zulu all in Galvatrons Ship, 4-Lom, Zuckess, Dash Rendar, Leebo, Captain Panaka, Finn, Admiral Piett, and Dark Helment in The Endurance.

Popeyes: Cyclonus in Cyclonus' Armanda, A-3, Twin Cast, Fast-Foward, Autoboot Cassette #1-3, Voldemort w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Black Lantern Emperor Palpatine, Revan Rebron in an A-Wing, Darth Vader in a TIE Interceptor, Forest Gump w/ a Green Lantern Ring, Exitar The Exterminator, T-1000, T-2, Bastilla Shan and Jolee Bindu in Ethan's B-Wing, Jack Reacher w/ a Green Lantern Ring, Sarge, Simmons, Grif, Donut, and Lopez, and Dark Trooper #1.

Crack Danks vs Triple A Week 3

 Crack Danks - Taka (Sasuke, Jugo, Karin, Suigetsu), Jason Voorhies* w/ Red Lantern Ring, The Chicken w/ Force Saber, Qui-Gon Jinn, Taskmaster, Apollo*, Godzilla, Ultraman, Jaws (2), Jaws (3), TMNT (Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, Michelangelo), Flying Monkeys #1-#8

AAA - Avatar Korra, Katara w/ Indigo Lantern Ring, Desna, Eska, Poseidon, Vampire Poseidon, Martian Manhunter*, Jaws, Kit Fisto, Cetus, Cloverfield Monster, Vampire Captain Marvel*, Zombie #16*, Zombie #17*

Crack Danks sent Flying Monkeys #1-#8 in the morning to scout ahead AAA’s entrenched position. Using cloud cover and the sun to hide their movements they got close enough to observe their defenses and began the fly back to the rest of the squad, but the weather conditions became unfavorable and were they were spotted. The Assassins began hurling water at the scouts and we all know wings+water=problems, and they suffered heavy losses as they fell down and *SPLAT* 

Lucky #7 was the only survivor and with his allies acting as acceptable casualties it got enough distance to avoid enemy fire. Exhausted and shellshocked, the undefined gendered monkey made it back to the forward base and frantically informed them of what was ahead before falling asleep. The mission was to eliminate the Moon and Ocean Spirits to take away AAA’s tactical advantage. Crack Danks planned to launch an assault on the main defenses while Taka with Qui-Gon snuck past and took out the spirits. 

This strategy was not lost on AAA and they took precautions to protect the spirits. Sasuke summoned his Hawk, Garuda, and the strike team began the flight around the defenses. Under the ice Godzilla, Jaws 2, and Jaws 3 moved forward to disrupt the AAA position from beneath. Waiting for them was Poseidon, Cetus, and Jaws were lurking in the deep. The three sharks were in a frenzy and it became difficult to tell which shark was winning. Not wanting to risk killing a teammate both sides refrained from getting involved. Cetus sprang forward for Godzilla and attempted to wrap around his neck. Godzilla dove deeper to separate Cetus from Poseidon, but Poseidon had confidence in his sea monster and sent a current to take them even deeper, if not to at least keep Godzilla out of battle.

Back on the surface the rest of Crack Danks were unaware of the happenings under them and became concerned on how they should proceed with the assault. It was now midday and if the night began and the spirits were still alive, they would surely be destroyed. Apollo decided to take charge and begin the battle while they still had the Sun on their side. Crack Danks began shelling the AAA defenses as they moved forward. Jason, The Chicken, Taskmaster, Apollo, Ultraman, and the Ninja Turtles settled into a forward position and were looking for an opening. The Cloverfield Monster came crashing down on them, crushing The Chicken, Michelangelo, and Raphael. Ultraman grew into a giant and started to fight the monster to keep the rest of his team alive. 

Poseidon went to check on the frenzy where things were still unclear. Springing from the bloody murk came Jaws 3, who had claimed victory over Jaws, and the shark darted right at Poseidon. Poseidon dove straight through the beast with his trident, tearing a whole to the other side. From the depths came, floating up, bits of monster. Poseidon looked below and noticed a strange glow which seemed to be getting brighter. A large beam then disintegrated the God and broke through the ice on the surface destroying some of the AAA defensive walls. Back on land, the rest of Crack Danks could see this was their opportunity to engage the rest of the Assassins. Channeling the Sun, Apollo blinded the defenders as the remainder of the Crack Danks squad moved forward. 

Upon entering the main encampment fierce fighting began. Apollo and Jason decided that they were best suited to face off against Avatar Korra and Katara, while Taskmaster and the Turtles were to take out Densa and Eska. Taskmaster was able to keep up with Densa for the most part, both moving with extreme agility, but the Turtles were quickly out matched by Eska and were trapped in ice with ease by the experienced water bender. It has seemed that Task Master was slowly being pushed to the edge by Densa, but he was merely observing what he had. Mustering his strength he changed his attack pattern and turned the fight on its head. Eliminating Densa, Task Master tried to catch his breath, but Eska had come looking for her brother and froze his feet to the floor. She then ruthlessly got her revenge on Task Master and moved out to help the others. 

Taka was, by now, infiltrating the Spirit Cave, but Karin and Qui-Gon could sense that there was a force waiting to stop them. On the way Zombies 16 and 17 jumped out from the darkness and were quickly cut down. As they entered the Sprit Oasis, Kit Fisto, Martian Manhunter, Vampire Poseidon, and Vampire Captain Marvel were waiting for them, springing from their cover. Qui-Gon and Kit Fisto began a tense lightsaber duel of epic proportions, even rivaling the duel of fates. Suigetsu jumped into the water and tried to rush the spirit fish, but Vampire Poseidon was able to control the water he was in to make him ineffective. Captain Marvel targeted Karin, sensing she was pretty weak in combat and Jugo extended his flesh to protect her. Sasuke shot a fireball in the direction of Captain Marvel and she was able to dodge it, but this also made the Martian Manhunter frightened. 

Ultraman was sufficiently keeping The Cloverfield Monster out of battle, but it was pretty even. Eska came to break the stalemate and began freezing Ultraman’s joints which made openings for CM (we calling it CM now). CM stabbed Ultraman through his center and his body fell off the edge of the ice, sinking into the abyss. As they turned to return to their allies, Godzilla jumped out of the water and grabbed CM dragging it back in with him. Eska could do little now and moved back to the others. Apollo and Jason were both in heated battle. The Greek God had underestimated his opponent, but he soon found the power of the Avatar to be too much for him and was merely stalling for time. Eska appeared and stabbed him in the back. Jason was surrounded and put into a rage only matched by a 1950’s suburban dad when his wife slightly over cooks dinner by the death of all his friends.

Jason went on the offensive and never gave anyone time to breathe. He grabbed Eska and caved her head in with his bare hands. Jason gained in strength as the battle went on, but so did Katara as her allies fell. Katara told Korra to go find out what happened in the Spirit Cave while she took care of Jason. After an overly ham-fisted and forced women power scene that made me cringe so hard I couldn’t watch., Jason was dead. Katara then walked to the edge to see what happened to the Cloverfield Monster only to find it floating at the surface with no Godzilla. From the giant hole he made earlier, Godzilla jumped out and proceeded to destroy the city, because big monster.

Back in the cave, Sasuke, used Amaterasu setting the Martian Manhunter ablaze and he began frantically trying to put it out. Vampire Poseidon pushed a huge wave towards the Manhunter and the rest of Taka, who evaded. When the water subsided the Assassins looked on in terror as the black flames continued to burn through their efforts. Eventually the screams subsided and the corpse of the Martian Manhunter continued to burn into ash. Captain Marvel quickly moved to attack Jugo and Karin again, attempting to find retribution for her team. Jugo was knocked back and Karin was wide open for the kill. By now the floor was covered in a thin layer of water and Sasuke seeing the turning battle decided it was time for drastic measures. He balanced on his sword and sent a strong electrical current through it heavily damaging his enemies but also his friends, and killing Suigetsu. 

Qui-Gon and Kit Fisto had been going at it for a while now and the two were getting tired. Seeing an opportunity to move on his opponent Fisto changed his combat style and killed his old friend. Sasuke moved to take advantage of his enemies weakened state he cut off Captain Marvel’s head in a single cut and moved at Poseidon. Fisto had returned to the other battle and stabbed Jugo while he lay on the ground. Poseidon knew there was little he could do against Sasuke’s raw ability and died like a champion, receiving a Chidori to the heart. Now all that stood in Sasuke’s way was the fish man and he was extremely exhausted. Sasuke attacked with speed and variety and the Jedi Master soon fell. Sasuke now stood over the fish and pondered for a moment what he was about to do. Then he got over it and made some fish fry. The Avatar was caused a ton of pain by this and Sasuke could hear her down the tunnel behind him. He set out to finish her off and found her agonizing on the floor before finishing the job. 

Emerging from the caves, Katara met Sasuke as they watched Godzilla destroy the city. Katara had lost her bending but still had the Ring and Sasuke knew there was little he could do against that space magic on his own. He ran over to Godzilla dodging attacks the whole way. He then put his armor over Godzilla making him almost invincible. Without her bending, she could see that there was little to gain in fighting. As the blood moon rose, Godzilla let out a large roar before hitting Katara with its Atomic Breath, which Sasuke followed up with his sword.

Week 3: Chick-fil-a vs. Democracy of Tall Folks

 That Chicken Place: Cyclops, Jean Grey (4 death), Archangel, Beast, Ice Man, Revan Reborn, The Night King, White Walkers #1-5 (#1-3 4 death), Dr. Doom, Bastilla Shan, Jolee Bindu, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Sando Aqua Monster, Jaws 4, Gandalf the White, Sebastian Shaw, Jedi Youngling #3.

Evil Shorties: Ocean Master (4 death), Aqualad, Phibian #1-20 (16 of them 4 death), Miss Martian, Tomar Tu (4 death), Queen Alien, Squirtle, Piplup w/ Ice Flower, Juliette Ferrars w/ Red Lantern Ring, Supergirl, Captain Marvel, Mr. Freeze, Sub-Zero, and Captain Pike pilots a Submarine w/ Ancient One, Great Pumpkin, Captain Cold (4 death), and Lazarus Long

Welcome to the Northern Water Tribe, home of water bending bip bappers who like it a bit colder. It’s the perfect place for the Popeyes to set up shop, particularly the Night King and his White Walkers who think this is their territory. Cyclops, of course, steps in flopping his dick around talking about how he’s the leader and this is his operation. Dr Doom couldn’t care less and blows raspberry and calls him a red eyed freak. The rest of the group settles in to rest. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Gandalf the White, men of wisdom, naturally find their way to Tui and La to meditate in peace. Meanwhile, the Sando Aqua Monster and Jaws 4 lurk in the shallower waters surrounding the southern border of the tribe.

The Evil Empire is so evil in its evilness that it evily sneaks up to be evil upon their enemies in a very evil way of them. The water characters, you know who I’m talking about, slowly make their approach from the south in the calm waters of the night towards the entrance of the tribe. Supergirl, Captain Marvel, Mr. Freeze, and Sub-Zero are able to withstand the ungodly cold that lies north of the tribe and use it as their flank passage.

As dawn emerges and light begins to set foot across the icy lands, Evil Midgets water peeps reach land and travel through the canals of the city remaining stealthy and unnoticed. The Submarine stays put at the entrance to keep watch. Jaws 4 finally notices the resting Submarine and rams into it. The oversized shark continues to hit it over and over causing small leaks to form, Ancient One tries to use her magic to keep the water at bay and not sink the ship. Her efforts are futile as there is always a bigger fish and the Sando Aqua Monster steps in and swallows the Submarine whole, along with Jaws 4.

Meanwhile, the stealthy Phibians go to work on the sleeping Popeyes and slits the throats of Bastilla Shan, Jolee Bindo, White Walkers #4-5, and Jedi Youngling #3. Although, the rest of the attempts are failed and it's enough to awaken the Popeyes, specifically Dr. Doom who uses his power to destroy all 20 Phibians at once. Ocean Master, Aqualad, and Miss Martian retreat to the open waters where they fight the Sando Aqua Monster and come out victorious but at the cost of Miss Martian’s life. Queen Alien works on the remaining White Walkers and NIght King with the help of Squirtle and Piplup. Squirtle uses BubbleBeam to kill White Walkers #2-3. Piplup uses Blizzard in an attempt to freeze them in place but instead only freezes Squirtle and himself while its effects are mute on the White Walker and Night King. They make quick work of the Pokemon but not for long as Queen Alien steps down and smushes the cold king and his boy.

The Evil Shorties’ flank comes up to Obi-Wan Kenobi and Gandalf the White. Captain Marvel, in her arrogance, demands the old dude steps out of their way so they can mess up some chicken workers. Gandalf smirks and with the wave of his staff removes Captain Marvel from living. Mr. Freeze and Sub-Zero make a quick counter which freezes the old man before he could move out of the way. Supergirl shoots a laser beam at Obi-Wan but he deflects it straight back to her and injures her. Again, the cold duo shoot ice at the Jedi Master which he cannot do anything about. Supergirl and the cold guys continue their flank with one less party member.

Tomar Tu and Juliette Ferrars gather up with Queen Alien and move in on Sebastain Shaw and Dr. Doom. The combined might of a green lantern ring and red lantern ring is too much energy for Sebastian Shaw to absorb and he implodes. Dr. Doom couldn’t be bothered by these meaningless characters and wipes away the three Evil Short Peeps. Ocean Master and Aqualad finally return to battle and Ocean Master slices Revan Reborn with his dope trident.

All that remains is the X-men squad and Dr. Doom against Ocean Master, Aqualad, Supergirl, Mr. Freeze, Sub-Zero. Cyclops sends a laser beam at Supergirl but she meets him with her own which is much more powerful and instantly goes back through his head. Mr. Freeze shoots an ice blast towards Ice Man but is met with exactly an equal force, although this isn’t a fair game and Sub-Zero gives the edge to overcome Ice Man. Jean Grey is losing her team too fast and she can’t control it. She decides to let loose all her energy and ends up dissolving everything around her. The only ones able to withstand the power are Dr. Doom, Ocean Master, and Aqualad. In her moment of weakness, Ocean Master moves quickly and stabs his trident through her chest, similar feeling to the end of X-Men: Last Stand. And no, that's not a spoiler because that movie sucks, so it’s allowed to be spoiled. Dr. Doom stands alone and begins a maniacal laughter at the water broskis. Although, this is their water territory and they swarm the evil Doctor with water and force him to drown.

S13 Week 3: 2 Hungry Dinomites vs Red Garter Guardians

The Hungry Dinomites are:  Kingdom Come Aquaman, Avatar Kyoshi, Avatar Wan, Avatar Roku, Atrocitus , The Incredible Hulk, Bub, Bob, Bib, Beb, Randy Marsh, Mr. Mackey, Captain Tarpals, Bowser, Dark Link, Kingdom Come Power Woman, Nahdar Vebb, Axe Cop and Wexler, Red Wing

The Red Garter Guardians are: The Q Continuum:  (Q, Q2, Lady Q, Colonel Q, q, & Quinn), Navy SEAL #2-20, Hancock (final death), Maxima (final death), Amon (Avatar), Shore Trooper #1-10, Kyle and Conner, Orc #1, 17-29, Daenerys Targaryen & her Dragon, Storm Trooper #1-43, Padme Amidala in a TIE Bomber

Our battle begins in the Northern Sea area of the Northern Water Tribe. The guardians have stationed their Navy Seals and Storm Troopers on large floating ice shelves spread out across the surface. The Shore Troopers are obviously on the shore. They went fishing and are trying to start a fire so they can cook up this large white koi fish they caught. The Orcs are snarling and patrolling a little further back from shore, being both afraid of water and fire. Kyle and Connor are riding the backs of Orcs #1 and 17, Merry and Pippin style.

For the opposition, the Dinomites have placed Marsh, Mackey, Tarpals, Dark Link, Nahdar Vebb, Axe Cop, Wexler and Red Wing also on ice floats. The Guardians begin to open fire on the Dinomites. Tarpals starts tossing boombas and and Nahdar Vebb is redirecting storm trooper blasts with ease. Randy Marsh is relaxing with a nice pipe full of Tegridy Farms finest herb. The water under the stormtroopers begins to bubble violently from Bib, Bob, Bub and Beb who are under the surface. This causes several of the stormtroopers to fall into the water and drown. Dark Link and Red Wing take shots at the Navy Seals but they are cut down along with Tarpals and Mr. Mackey takes one to the dome as well. Mmm-kaaaay.

Vebb jumps over to a group of stormtroopers and is able to take out most of them before q and Quinn appear out of thin air, something Vebb could not have foreseen with the force. He is caught off guard and is disarmed and killed by his own lightsaber. Daenerys, seeking an end to this squabble, flies through and orders her dragon to just torch the surface of the water, sacrificing many of her teammates to take out the remaining Dinomites. 

On the shore, The Orcs and Shoretroopers have already been fighting against Power Woman, Bowser, Atrocitus, and the Incredible Hulk. Power Woman is overrun in the battle and Bowser dies when he falls into the campfire. The two giant beasts are able to make short work of the Orcs and Troopers when the Mother of Dragons is circling around for another pass at them. Kyoshi is able to earth bend a pillar directly into the heart of the dragon, killing him instantly and sending the Breaker of Chains falling with no one to save her. 

Amon summons all of his powers to blood bend Atrocitus into unconsciousness. Hancock flys in at this moment and does the superhero one knee landing onto his head, killing the beast. Maxima is quick to follow and takes on the Hulk. Hancock joins in and the two are too big of a match for the angry fellow no matter how much he tried to smash. By this time, Avatars Wan and Roku have come to assist and Wan finishes off Hancock with a fire blast while Roku defeats Maxima by using a channel of air to launch the corpse of Boswer into Hancock, impaling him with his spiny shell. The look back further on the shore to see Amon who has just finished removing the powers from Kyoshi after restraining him in a mound of rock. As Wan and Roku rush to attack, they are met with the remining members of the Q continuum. They are able to take out Lady Q and Colonel Q but Q and Q2 teleport the duo into space killing themselves to take out the powerful Avatars. 

Kyoshi hears a towering wave behind him and turns around to see Aquaman riding on top of it with his trident poised to strike. A flurry of blaster shots rain down from the sky as Padme is sweeping by in a Tie Bomber. Quick thinking Aquaman decides to instead send a wall of water to the sky, sending the ship flailing. It lands violently on the shore, killing Padme inside and sending the body of the ship tumbling down the beach until it eventually crushes Amon and the unconscious Kyoshi.

Week 3: The Striders of Rohan vs The Misunderstood Little People

 Striders are Aquaman, Fastitocalon, Water Bender #3, Visas Marr, Red Lantern Mera, Kingdom Come Batman, Kingdom Come Steel, Kingdom Come Green Lantern, Kingdom Come Kid Flash, Kingdom Come Knightstar, Kingdom Come Green Arrow, Oroku Hiroto, Baron Mordo, Brother Blood, Liu Kang, Scorpion, Black Lightning, Your Ole Lady, Knull, Fish Dancer #1-10

Midgets are Water Bender #2, Allicon #1-5, Joan Jett in a Frog Suit, Mimic, Abe Sapien, The Little Mermaid, Seaspray, Meggan, Don Rickles in a Penguin Suit, Snout Spout, The Lochness Monster, Sharkticon #1A and #1B, Black Lantern Sharkticon, Vampire Sharkticon, Yoda w/ a White Lantern Ring & a Dwarf Ring #5, Chip and Dr Ub’x, Larry w/ Dwarf Ring #2, Mighty Moussette, Jet Jaquar, Mighty Mouse, Chian, Air Bender #1-3, Harambe, an Aircraft Carrier, and DA BIG BENITO

The Striders team is already set up on the island as the non-flyers and non lantern users of the little people approach from the south on their aircraft carrier. Defending the Striders in front of the icy walls of the tribe, Fastitocalon swallows the air craft carrier whole killing Jet Jaguar, Chian, Air Benders #1-3, Harambe, Snout Spout, and the Allicons who were trying to approach sneakily from underneath the carrier, Mimic who was also on the carrier managed to copy Green Lanterns Ring onto her own finger just in time, to fly out and throw an energy axe into the giant turtle perishing everyone in the area but her. 

Larry, not caring at all about what just went down, races ahead of the team when he sees knightstar and starts asking her hundreds of questions about her dad that she eventually commits suicide because he is just so annoying. Larry forgets about the mission and realizes what his real motive in life is, resuming his search for Dick Grayson. 

The Big Benito Jumps out of a pizza portal and slits Brother Bloods throat then stabs Scorpion in the back. Then he grabs Scorpions chain and throws it into Liu Kangs head, decapitating him as he pulls it back. The Big Benito stands over the 3 dead bodies absolutely SUFFERIN from the 10 whole big benitos he just ate because he’s not a fag like Kyle. He gets so bored that he grabs Kyle Houslander through the fourth wall of reality and starts beating the crap out of him for fun. 

Yoda, soaring on the lochness monster rushes into the island, jumps 50 feet into the air and throws his lightsaber into Black Lightnings skull killing him and landing a perfect superhero landing. Batman, attempting to kill yoda, throws 3 explosive battarangs into the lochness monster thus killing him. The Little Mermaid and Meggan come in attempting to assist yoda but are stopped in their tracks. The Little Mermaid realizes she wants to be Lesbian but then gets depressed and drowns herself, and Meggan is too busy reading what Marvel tards on facebook have to say about her as she catches a steel hammer to the head from Steel Superman.

The 4 Sharkticons charge after Baron Mordo but he creates a portal to send them to another dimension, but catches a sharkticon head that only halfway made it through the portal. 

Yoda continues his massacre of the Striders by outshining Knulls darkness with his White Lantern Ring, easily outdueling Visas Marr, and chopping the limbs off of the Fish Dancers. Then he runs into Aquaman. Aquaman begins to throw tidal waves into yoda disabling his lightsaber and also his vision, This allows Mera to come up from behind and knock him unconscious as he is driven into the surrounding water and drowned. Just like she did Johnny Depp. 

Chip, Dr. Ub’x, and Mimic attempt to over power KIngdom Come Green Lantern with their own Lantern Rings ending in a massive explosion killing all four of them. 

Mighty Mouse and Moussette team up on Kingdom Come Steel trading punches and eventually sending him to oblivion right before Batman and Mera show the superman copies whos boss. 

Aquaman is done with waiting on his companions to finish the battle as him and the water bender get rid of Joan Jett, Seaspray, Don Rickles, the little peoples remaining water benders, and Abe Sapien who is serving the striders under Aquamans control and killed. 

The Big Benito sees he is the only remaining little person left so he takes his attention away from a bloodied Kyle Houslander that he’s been tossing around for the past 45 minutes to evaluate the situation. He stands across from Aquaman, Water Bender #3, Red Lantern Mera, Batman, Green Arrow, Oroku Hiroto, and Literally Your Ole’ Lady approaching them thinking he has a chance because he is Just that guy. But before they can, In Kyles dying breath he throws a punch that JUST catches the Big Bad Benito, and proves that his arms are indeed long enough, he just refuses to put in the effort. 

I couldn’t really hear what he said but im pretty sure Kyles last words were “I didnt hear no bell”.

Week 3 Consortium: George Washingtons House Elves vs TEAM

 House Elves: Dr. Octopus, Mysterio, Green Goblin, Sandman, Electro, Vulture, Harry Potter, Cicada, Firelord Sozin, Captain Rex, Wild Men #1, George Washington, Sirius Black, Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Donald Duck, Scrooge McDuck, Huey, Louie, Duey, Kanga, Roo, Snake Plisken, The Monkguin, M.Bison, Sagat, Vega, Balrog, Skimmell, Lucca Brazzi, Zaheer, Waterbender #1, Waterbender #2, and Waterbender #5

TEAM: Emerald Weapon, Sharkticon #5-10, Cy-Kill, Crasher, Cop-Tor, Red Ranger Chris Artrip, Pink Ranger Julie Artrip, Yellow Ranger Ella Artrip, Blue Ranger Jack Artrip, Black Ranger Ben Artrip, Brightburn, Scorpononk, Lord Zarack, Fasttrack, Six Shot, Nightbird, Sunstorm, Reflector Left, Reflector Middle

Week 3 Democracy: Be Gentle It's My Fourth Time vs Charles Barkleys Turrrible Decisions

 Gentle is Metro-Plex, Tenzin, Megalon, Perpetua, Eclipso, Namorita, Orion, Mako w/ an Orange Lantern Ring, Walbo Dolph, Octavia, Lorca, Bronc,  Angel, and Gupp, Ultraman, Superwoman, Johnny Quick,  Power Ring, Owl Man and Talon, Goober Fish #1-5, The Grandmaster, and 4 Velociraptors

The Turrible Decisions are The Anti-Moniter, Gauntlet Ultron (What if), Jade, Ganthet and Sayd, Ant Man and The Wasp, Recoome, Burter, Jeice, Guldo, and Captain Ginyu, Lady Dimetrescu, Agatha Harkness, Kitana w/ a Frog Suit, Khal Drogo on Hobby's SnowSpeeder, Nazghul #5 in an Ornithopter, and Hanukah Harry in Kobe's Private Helicopter. 

Week 2: Popeye's vs Midgets

 Popeye's is: Earth 2 Superman w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Dark Phoenix, Crack Frank on a 4 Wheeler and his 5 Dank Troopers (Dark Troopers #1-5), The Night King and 5 White Walkers, and The Creature From The Black Lagoon.

The Midgets are: Superman, White Lantern Yoda (w/ Dwarf Ring #5), Alf (w/ Dwarf Ring) #3, and Dr. Tony Fauci (w/ multi-colored rainbow pride lightsaber) in Josh's Flying Pontiac Fiero GT w/ Hyperdrive, Pre-Flood Methuselah Dave Parks (w/ Green Lantern Ring), John Rambo, Rick (w/ Red Lightsaber) and Morty (w/ Fire Flower) in an Apache Helicopter, Professor Pyg in Ratts Tyrelle's Pod Racer, Magneto, and Earth Benders #1-6.

In the ruins of Onett's world-famous video arcade, a wizened form hunches over a fire kindled by the splintered remains of a pinball machine (which was made of flammable materials for some reason). He peers up slightly through the hood of his robes, at you, the reader. "Come, friends, sit a while... and I'll tell you the tragedy of Onett's Eternal Winter. It is a brief tale, but one as old as time. You see, it all began back in '22..."

A totally sick, cherry, hyperdriven flying car zips over the west end of Onett on a winter's day, in a deep and dark March. Following them is an Apache helicopter A freshly fallen shroud of silent snow covers the streets below, trodden by a massive horde of blue-eyed, zombified members of Onett's Shark Gang. Dr. Fauci points a bony finger to the hordes and turns to Superman. "You see? I told you, I told you there was an outbreak! The whole city needs to be quarantined before ZOMBAIDS-22 spreads to Twoson, then Threed, even New Pork City!" In his fervor, he ignites his saber and leaps from the vehicle, driving his saber through a White Walker's head, killing off a good portion of the resurrected wights. Unfortunately, he is ancient, and he turns to shattered bone dust as he and his saber hit the ground. "Deranged, he was" Yoda mutters before turning his sights to a 4-wheeler tearing a wake through the snow. Crack Frank flips a double bird to the flying Pontiac, and his 5 Dank Troopers follow suit. "Yo buttholes, nice ride! NOT! Couldn't be bothered to fly, Superman, your arms got tired?" Superman scowls. "Oh, he did not just trash the Fiero! I'm going down there." Superman unbuckles his safety belt, which he always wears every time even if the car isn't in motion, and emerges. Suddenly a fireball crashes into the vehicle and blows it apart. Alf is disintegrated, Yoda is thrown to the ground, and Superman is barely fazed until Superman 2 comes barreling into him.

From the east, Professor Pyg speeds in on a pod racer, while Magneto and the Earth Benders follow behind. Pyg blows through crowds of wights and Walkers, dropping them by the dozens, along with a rando Lagoon fish creature that happened to be out for a stroll. A javelin flies through the air, spearing him off of the speeder, which crashes into the buildings nearby. The Night King's loyal White Walkers have perished, but he remains standing. Magneto attempts to manipulate his sword, but its material is unaffected by his magnetic powers and he too is cut down. The Earth Benders, however, act in unison to fold the ground around The Night King, crushing him. With the zombies eradicated, they march toward the commotion across the city.

Back on the West side, Superman is being run into the Earth by Earth 2 Superman. White Lantern Yoda stands up, shaking off the daze of his fall, and runs his white light saber through Crack Frank and his troopers. He looks up to see Dark Phoenix grab hold of the Apache Helicopter being flown by Rambo. She swings it through the air before chucking it into Yoda. Rick is seen jetpacking out of the helicopter just before it's thrown, dragging Methuselah Dave and Morty along with him. The Earthbenders arrive in time to see Earth 2 Superman heal his wounds with the blue light of hope, fully revitalized to pummel his Earth 1 counterpart's head into a pulp. As he and Dark Phoenix begin to tear up the Earthbenders, Rick groans loudly in frustration. "That's it! That's it Morty, I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do the- the big... science... kryptonite bomb, the explosion Morty! Everyone loves an explosion, it's the best way to end a match! Everyone knows it, nobody wants to admit it... f*** it, I'm gonna do the thing!" He pulls out his portal gun, makes a portal to his lab, and reaches in to produce a small beeping device full of green, glowing ore. He straps holds it in the air and charges into the battle. "EAT DEUS EX MACHINA, B****!" The city is wiped away in a blast of radiation.

"Well... that's how she goes, isn't it? Time after time... What's that? You're wondering how I survived the blast? Well... obviously I hid. Ol' Antediluvian Man Parks didn't get to be this age without learning when it's time to avoid responsibility." The old man winks as fire dies out and the night turns to black.

Week 2: Barkley's vs TEAM

 Barkley’s

Omni Man, Thokk, Thrall, Invincible, and Allen the Alien, Cyborg Superman, Agatha Harkness, Ant Man and the Wasp, Alfred (4 Death) w/ Green Lightsaber, Jedi Padawans #8-#10 (all 4 Death)

TEAM

Ness, Dave Parks Prime, Dave’s Custom Model T, Old Man Parks, Thor, Brightburn, Kefka, Hutch Mansell, Josh w/ Green Lantern Ring, Alex w/ Air Bending Staff, Chris w/ Loki’s Sceptre, Kyle w/ Air Bending Staff, Zack w/ Air Bending Staff, Dave w/ Wii Remote, Frank w/ Red Lantern Ring, Ethan w/ Force Saber, Conner w/ Speed Ring, Ed w/ Mandolorain Armor, Laya w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Spencer, Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, Steven Segal

The FFL Crew were all loaded onto a tour bus taking a scenic ride around Onnett. Iconic resident Ness was showing them around his town when Omni Man appeared above the town with Battle Beast, Thrall, Invincible, and Allen the Alien. The bus slammed on the brakes and the FFL crew piled out ready to defend the town. Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, and Steven Segal were all in a gym practicing their moves when they heard the commotion outside and when they walked out they found Jedi Padawans #8-#10 lost in the town. After opening some whoop ass on a bunch of little kids the three made their way towards the town center. 

Dave Parks Prime and Old Man Parks were on a Sunday cruise in the Model T when Alfred jumped on and split the car down the middle and Dave Prime was caught in the slice. Old Man Parks started having Nam flashbacks and could only hear Fortunate Son playing in his mind. He unloaded his M16 on Alfred and his lightsaber was of little help. Screaming “They’re in the Trees” into the sky the grizzled vet started sprinting around town shooting anything that moved. 

Back in the center a vicious battle was underway. The FFL crew was hunkered down and the area was taking heavy damage. TEAM received backup from Thor, Brightburn, and Kefka, while Cyborg Superman, Agatha Harkness, Ant Man and the Wasp showed up for Barkley’s. In all the dust and debris Alex, Kyle, Zack, Dave, Ethan, and Spencer were crushed, but Team was able to take out Agatha, Thokk, Thrall, and Allen. The only thing keeping the rest of the FFL crew alive was the lantern rings and their defensive posturing. Ant man and the Wasp had snuck in closer before going to full size right next to Ed and Laya. Ed was able to take a hit or two which allowed Laya to kill the Wasp, but Ant Man crushed Ed in his hands. 

Ali, Tyson, and Segal met up with Hutch and while making their way to the center they were attacked by Old Man Parks who began gunning for them. While they were fighting, Thor and Brightburn were hurled in their direction by Cyborg Superman. Superman realized that he was now surrounded by enemies and began rampaging on the easy targets. Thor and Brightburn did their best to help the others but they didn’t stand a chance. Bright Burn was getting a beat down, but Thor took the time to overcharge the Cyborg and he blew up, killing Brightburn with him. 

Back in the center there was pure carnage. Omni Man and Invincible ripped Kefka, Laya, Chris, and Ness into pieces. Frank opened up his pure rage and destroyed Ant Man. He then picked up Loki’s Scepter and drove it through Invincible. Omni Man grabbed Frank and showed him rage he couldn’t have imagined until all that was left was some red goo. At that point he flew high into the sky before turning back around and crashing through the planet causing the equivalent explosion of a hundred nuclear bombs finishing off the rest of the TEAM roster. 

Be Gentle Vs. House Elves

 Be Gentle : Kaliback, Kratos and Artreus, Gow 1-3, The Colonial Marines (Sgt.Apone, Cpl, Hicks, Lt, Gorman, Drake, Bishop, Ferro, Dietrich, Frost, Spunkmeyer, Crowe, Weirzbowski, Trey Burke), Killa, 5 Dark Troopers, 10 forerunners

House Elves : Iron Man, Red She Hulk, Firelord Sozin, Mike Tyson, Shredder, Dick Tracy, Paw Patrol (Chase, Marshall, Rubble, Zuma, Sky, Rocky, Ryder, Everest, Tracker), Prince Andrew, Jeffrey Epstein, Mako, Airbender #4, Jeep Wrangler, The General Lee, Covid 19 gun, and a Mr Meeseecks box

This short folk tale begins with the Paw Patrol breakin da law.  Speeding through Onnett with all the members of the paw patrol crammed into a jeep wrangler.  As they make their way through the woods and roads the begin to feel stalked.  As they are driving a mine all the sudden explodes blowing up the jeep wrangler and the paw patrol.  It was none other than Killa trying to get his Mike Vick on.  Little did Killa know he was being watched himself.  He cowardly calls for reinforcements.

In the distance was Jeffrey Epstein who was watch the paw patrol to find out how they attract a young audience.  He gives the news to the rest of his team who were out doing boppin shit.  Mike Tyson decided to take vengeance on Killa hitting him with an ungodly combo killing him right on the spot.  Following up was Iron Man and the Red She Hulk. Who got their right as the entire squad of Be Gentle lead by Artreus and Kratos.  

A battle quickly ensued....

Iron Man and the Red She Hulk quickly wiped out the Forerunners that had arrived.  Kaliback enranged began to fight Iron Man.  Iron man said "You think you can take on the real Man of Steel"

Kaliback cringed but laughed and fought until he was able to decapitate Iron Man.  He then turned to She Hulk.  Who tried to flee but it was too late.  Kaliback was able to jump on top of her.  Kaliback had the upper hand until Mike Tyson came in and hit yet another combo.  Killing the son of Darkseid.  

During this fight in came the The General Lee with Mako, Air Bender #4 and Prince Andrew.  Makos mission was to protect the prince but he needed to come to aid his comrades and brought the Prince with him. Air Bender #4 quickly ran to the fight just to be taken out by a young Artreus.  

Mako began to fight after seeing his air bender friend being struck down.  He quickly begins to firebend and lights the Young Artreus on fire.  Being young and because kids are stupid he runs around until he is burned to death.  During all this Prince Andrew hid in the General Lee with his Covid 19 gun.  

Fire Lord Sozin was watching and was impressed with Makos firebending skills. Impressed he comes to give his praise to Mako but the rest of Be Gentle began their attack.  Sozin and Mako quickly began their defense but it wasn't enough for a pissed of God Killer.  Kratos quickly kills both Mako and Sozin with his blades of chaos. 

Shredder was able to fend off the Colonial Marines with ease with little help of Dick Tracy who was instantly shot in the head.  

All that was left of the Gentle squad was Kratos and his Dark Troppers.

She hulk flew into action taking out some dark troopers along the side of shredder.  They had the upper hand until Kratos jumped onto the back of she hulk with the chaos blades bringing her down to the ground.  Kratos got his ground and pound game on and beat her into nothing.  Kratos then jumps up to the old shredder.  He starts to walk him down.  Shredder tripping on to bush screams "please don't kill me." 

Kratos thinking he was gonna end it until an untouched Mike Tyson walks out of the bushes and says with his lisp "I ain't hear no bell" and begins to combo up Kratos.  Kratos shocked because he has never been hit with such force.  In the end it was to much for Kratos and Mike Tyson killed him and bit off his ear as a trophy of the battle.  

Both hiding in the General Lee were Epstein and Prince Andrew but the Prince accidentally fired his covid gun.  They were both not following the CDC guidelines and dropped dead.  

Crack Danks Vs. Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight (Consortium)

 Crack Danks is Chuck Norris (w/ a Castlevania Whip), Emma Frost, Jinora, Lin Bei Fong, The Peacemaker, The Coon and Friends:  The Coon, Human Kite, Mosquito, Fast Pass, Super Craig, and Captain Diabetes, and Zeus.

Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are The Flash (w/ a blue lantern ring), Avatar Aang (w/ indigo, blue, green, yellow, red, & star sapphire rings), Shazam, Kingdom Come Red Robin (w/ The Sword of Light), The Incredible Hulk, and Bene Gesserit #1.

Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins Vs. The Indy Red Garter Guardians

 Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins are General Zod, Ursa, Non, Old Peter Parker, Spider Noir, Penny Parker, Spider Gwen, & Magnum P.I. in a Jeep Wrangler.

Indy's Red Garter Guardians are The Stunticons:  Motor Master, Breakdown, Wildrider, Dead End, & Dragstrip, Padawan Anakin Skywalker in John's TIE Interceptor, Venom, Casper the Homesexual Friendly Ghost, Soundwave w/ Rumble, Ravage, Laserbeak, Wingthing, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Howlback, Garboil, Overkill, & Slugfest (*w/ TIE Bomber), Padme Amidala in a TIE Bomber, The Darth Vader Transformer, Rayden, and Fire Bros. #10.

Wow....  I guess that's what I get for showing up late to a match.  A guy tries to get a little sleep and by the time I got here, this whole city was wrecked.  Leave it to a bunch of Kryptonians, TIE Bombers, and Decepticons to tear up some infrastructure.  If I didn't know any better I would think Gretchen Whitmer was in charge of this place's roads.  

Let's try and catch up on the carnage:

No questioning the raw power of Non, who is best known as being big, strong, and dumb.  He goes headlong into chasing one of the TIE Bombers.  The Imperial fighter sees the Kryptonian Lobotomy victim coming up in the rear and takes a break from dropping bombs to instead drop out a blue radio; which quickly transforms into a massive robot who is known for being big, strong, and smart.  Squawkbox stays aboard the TIE Bomber as it's pilot; but Non quickly blasts the ship to pieces with his heat vision, destroying the fighter and splitting the mini Cassette Gestalt back into the bird and ape versions of squawktalk and Beastbox; but the two cons are destroyed with a heat vision follow up from Non.  Soundwave opens up his chest deck and orders his Cassette Minions to eject.  Non begins battling the swarm of Decepticons and makes quick work of Howlback and Garboil; but his attention is diverted when The Darth Vader Transformer swoops in, in black V-Wing form to join the mid-air battle.  The Vader Bot, transforms into it's massive Robot form and dons it's two enormous lightsabers to ready for battle.  Non manages to take Laserbeak and Wingthing out of the sky with some measured punches and kicks Slugfest into scrap before Soundwave is able to grab a hold of Non with his right hand in an attempt to hold him for the Vader Bot to use as lightsaber target practice.  Non sees the enormous threat approaching and conjures a potent blast of heat vision to burn through the neck of Vader Bot to extinguish his spark before breaking free from the grip of Soundwave and blasting his whole body through the ejection deck chest of Soundwave and out the other side.  Non, now battered and exhausted from these amazing feats of power is tackled and taken down to the ground by Ravage and Overkill.  The Jaguaur and Certosaurus Cons rip and tear at Non while they hold him down long enough for Rumbe to transform his arms into earthquake creating pistons which he uses to pound on Non's head and chest until he stops fighting back.  

Ursa is in a battle with a TIE Bomber as well; but this one is being piloted by Padme Amidala.  Padme is having difficulty firing any counter-measures back at her Kryptonian adversary, as she is just doing everything she can to take evasive action against the smaller and faster opponent.  Rayden attempts to lend a hand by teleporting on top of his allies' TIE Bomber and lending some lightning action to the fight.  Rayden's daring manuever backfires though as his powers act as an ION Cannon on Padme's ship, keeping her from firing the powerful concussion missiles.  Ursa swoops in for the kill; but does not quite realise what she is flying into.  The fully loaded TIE Bomber has all of its missiles activated, causing a massive, near atomic explosion once Ursa delivers her punch.  Ursa, Padme, and Rayden not only make an even bigger mess of this poor city; but they also join each other in death.  

Magnum P.I. is on the case and looking cooler than ever rolling through town in his Jeep Wrangler.  The Wrangler is cool; but not quite a Ferrari 328...  Then again, everything is as cool as a Ferrari when Thomas Magnum is driving it.  Casper the Homosexual Friendly Ghost swoops in to scare the P.I.; but Magnum like his lookalike Tom Selleck is a Republican who doesn't believe in ghosts or gays; so Casper merely dissipates into imagination.  Magnum then, drops from fourth gear to third and guns it when he sees the last remaining Decepticon Cassettes milling about next to the corpse of his teammate Non.  He hits Rumble and the boys hard throwing himself out of the topless and doorless Jeep, totalling the Wrangler; but totalling Rumble, Overkill, and Ravage as well.

I know everybody thinks Venom is such a fun-loving anti-hero these days who does right by the folks and only eats mean, bad people; but I am really old.  I remember when Venom came out, and as far as I am concerned, Venom is a bad guy and always will be.  Especially in this match, since the symbiote has made sure to let Eddie Brock know that this is his final death; so he better make the most of it.  Venom rips through the streets causing chaos (but not quite carnage).   He truly hopes that before he ends his Fantasy Fantasy career that he gets his chance to kill Spider-Man; little does he know that he can actually kill more than one of them.  A whole crew of Spideys come leaping at Venom, who is no less than thrilled at the challenge.  He strikes at the older version of Peter Parker first, knocking him into a nearby building, and then swallows Penny Parker whole, whilst ripping Spider Gwen in half.  He breaks into some decent hand to hand combat with Spider Noir; but manages to overpower the edgy version of Spidey despite not quite having his finesse.  Venom roars with excitement and accomplishment; but his glee is quickly cut short as Peter Parker leaps back into the fray.  The O.G. Spider-Man jumps onto the back of his old arch-enemy planting his feet firmly in Venom's back and throwing an extra thick rope-like web around Venom's neck.  Venom claws, fights, and pounds on Spidey to get free; but to no avail, as Peter holds on.  Parker knows his enemy.  Technically both of them in this case as he knows both Brock and the symbiote on a personal basis.  As a former carrier of the alien, Peter lets it creep into him just enough to lessen it's protection on Brock, who is strangled as ten tons of pressure are put on his neck, killing the Venom host.  

Peter barely catches his breath before he is hit by a speeding semi-truck who is actually Motor Master, being trailed by his four Stunticon racecars.  The Stunticons are having too much fun ripping up the streets, when they become flanked by Padawan Anakin flying low over top of them in John's TIE Interceptor.  Anakin radios down that he is regrouping, because they are all that is left of the team (no, I didn't forget about Fire Bros. #10, he is riding shotgun in Wildrider, with classic rock cranked on the radio throwing back a pint of fireball (that's what Fire Bros. drink to cool off (obviously))).  General Zod swoops into the scene and everybody knows that this messy situation is about to turn into a full out ruckus.  Motor Master transforms into his mean looking Optimus Prime form and orders the Stunticons to merge to form Menasor.  The Fire Bros. jumps out with a flip, attempting to send a fire fart right into the mouth of Zod; but the Kryptonian military commander hit him with some freeze breath to cool him off for good.  The massive Menasor enters into a pitched battle with Zod, but the Gestalt soon finds out that although he may have the edge on durability, that despite his massive size and strength he is actually not quite as strong as the tiny guy flying circles around him and that he is nowhere near as fast.  This fight would be incredible to see in movie form, in fact far more entertaining than all of that garbage they virtue signaled about on The Acad-dumby Awards last night; but let's face it:  I ain't exactly J.R.R. Tolkien and we have deadlines to meet here; so the description might come up short.  Just trust me when I tell you that the battle was a great one with Zod having the upper hand until Anakin blasted in fast in the TIE Interceptor.  The fastest fighter jet in the Imperial fleet, with the best fighter pilot in the galaxy in the cockpit is nothing to scoff at, that is for sure.  Anakin weakens Zod with some perfectly aimed laser blasts and then finishes off the volley with Advanced Missiles; but Zod still manages to live through the damage.  The battered Zod leaps into the air and grabs the TIE Interceptor as if it were a paper airplane to use it as a weapon against Menasor, who is knocked to the ground by the blow.  Anakin force leaps out of the cockpit and throws his lightsaber like a rocket, where it penetrates the gut of Zod, before the Jedi falls to the concrete ground hard.  Zod, who is badly injured now, is grabbed by the grip of the falling Menasor and is unable to work himself free.  The Kryptonian's last ditch effort is to use every bit of energy he can muster to blast the Decepticon Gestalt with heat vision.  Menasor looks as if a regular sized human was purposely squeezing a full ketchup bottle into his face as his grip tightens around the wounded Kryptonian until all involved fall lifeless to the ground.  The wounded Anakin is dizzy as he attempts to center himself with the Force, knowing he must find his lightsaber and finish this battle.  

"Obi Wan is going to kill me".  He mutters as he crawls through the rubble looking for the weapon that his Master always reminds him is his "LIFE", when Magnum P.I. strolls up through the smoke and rubble, aiming his Government Model Colt .45 ACP to say:  "Sorry kid, it ain't Obi Wan who is going to kill you".