Monday, March 3, 2008

Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Team Chris

Le' Napoleon Brigade is Poison Ivy, John Mclaine, Gandalf, Aragorn, Danielle Rousseau, Desmond Hume, James "Sawyer" Ford, The Jolly Green Giant, Sprout, The Green Bean Farmer, Horse #26 & 27, and Mapico.

Team Chris is Yoda, Kybuck, Robert E. Lee, "Stonewall" Jackson, T-1000, Sgt. Slaughter, Mercer, Taurus, Red Dog, Huckleberry Hound, William Wallace, Wild Man #1, and Al Dawg.

Al Dawg dies. Gandalf, from on top of Horse #27 gives a blast of Magic off to temporarily blind Team Chris, this gives them a moment to attack them off guard just like Napoleon planned. Aragorn takes this oppurtunity to rush in on top of Horse #26 and attack the two Southern Generals. He cuts off Lee's left arm and then stabs Jackson through the heart. This causes General Lee to exclaim "Alas they have taken from be both my left and my right arm). John Mclaine finishes the job and shoots Lee in the head. Sgt. Slaughter and The Renegades then surround Aragorn and knock him off of Horse #26. They rush to attack him. Aragorn pulls his sword and chops off the head of Mercer, then stabs Red Dog in the heart after he cuts in half that stupid stick weapon that Red Dog insists on biting during the movie???? He moves to attack Taurus but Sgt. Slaughter gets him in a headlock just long enough for William Wallace to see that they are in trouble. He throws a spear thru Aragorn, killing him. Wild Man #1 throws an Ax at Gandalf but only hits his horse this kills the horse but leaves the wild man defenseless Sawyer shoots him in the head with a gun given to him by John Mclaine which he stole from Vincent Vega before they left the locker room. Desmond had told his teammates before the match started that they were going to get slaughtered by a tiny green guy but they all reacted with disbelief to this prediction (except Sprout who replied with a "can I get a Hells yeah"). This is where Yoda comes in. Yoda jumps off of Kybuck's back and begins attacking the whole team. He kills Rousseau, Sawyer and Mapico in one little jedi back flip combo and paves the way for T-1000 to come up out of the ground and stab John Mclaine from behind right as he was aiming at Yoda. Oh by the way, while all of this was going on The Jolly Green Giant has been relentlessly trying to step on William Wallace who, with Huckleberry Hound on his back is screaming at and taunting the giant vegetable. T-1000 then stabs The Farmer while Sgt. Slaughter and Taurus both shoot Desmond; Yoda Force pushes Sprout and then throws his lightsaber at John McClaine hitting him in the heart. Gandalf then pulls out Glamdring and cuts the head off of Sgt. Slaughter and turns Taurus into a toad, Sprout then steps on him. Despite this setback things are still looking good for the George Washington coached Team Chris when suddenely Poison Ivy decidedes to stop doing nothing and start manipulating the grass that they are all standing on to attack her opponents. The grass grabs a hold of Yoda and Kybuck restraining them both from attacking. She then begins controlling the shrubs that are attached to the Jolly Green Giant and in a way much meaner than the happy go lucky giant could ever be on his own he reaches out, grabs William Wallace and bites his head off. Right before this happens Wallace throws his taunting partner off his back saving Huckleberry Hound's life. Gandalf then raises up his staff and with all of his remaining power blasts T-1000 into a million hardened pieces destroying the liquid metal robot. Yoda, now completely exhausted and tied up in a huge tangle of weeds has one last chance he sees his lightsaber still laying next to the dead body of John Mclaine. He pulls it to his hand with the force but before the last breath is squeezed out of his tiny body, instead of saving himself he cuts loose his companion Kybuck who runs away to safety, grabbing Huckleberry Hound along the way.
LE' NAPOLEON BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!

4 comments:

Artifact said...

There is NO WAY that poison ivy can restrain Yoda. Yoda would have killed that bitch with his mind before she even left her house. And Gandalf is a pussy (gay too) and he would have been too busy banging Al Dogg's dead body to do anything.

Julie - I guess you're not gettin' The Hog for a while.

-Fizzle

Anonymous said...

Bitter...Party of one your table is now available...Get over it my team rocked and your team sucked that all there is to it! Poison Ivy kicks ass- sometimes you just need to bring a woman in to get things done!

Josh- Thank you for your excellent writing, fantasy fantasy rocks my world! Hells yeah!

Ryan said...

I love how Chris now refers to he's "member" as The Hog.

Lickolas said...

I like how Ryan refers to Chris' Hog as his "Member".