Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Part 7: Week 2 Consolation Matches: Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Minotaur #1

Team Sleeping Pussy is “Storming” Norman Rockwell and Compy #50.


As Tim Cheveldae waited for both teams to arrive on this final match, he decided to take a different approach to this battle. Instead of cowering back in his palace of blood, he decided to take a more offensive approach. He now figured, that the best way to end this match was to do it himself. He once again grabbed the Felix Potvin goalie stick off of the wall and took all of his knives out of the kitchen and kept them nearby. He set up a little fort at the half way portion of his stairway and waited for the final team’s to arrive.

The first to arrive were Norman Rockell and Compy #50, who knocked on the door with the anticipation of a warm welcome. When they heard the “Come on in” from inside the house, they had no idea what they were about to be greeted with. As soon as the door opened, a knife came flying at them, luckily not hitting either of them. Both Rockwell and the Compy both assumed it was the other team and instantly began making a plan to get in the house. The plan was going to be first and foremost, to get the little compy into the house to hide. They were moments away from initiating this plan when they heard something coming from the sidewalk. They turned around and saw a half-man, half-bull walking towards the house.

Rockwell looked at the Compy and said, “You don’t think he’s just a neighbor, do you?”

The Compy laughed and shook his head no, as it was pretty obvious that he had to be part of the other team. The Minotaur looked at the dinosaur and the crouching man and said, “What are you doing, aren’t we supposed to go inside?”

Rockwell then looked at the creature and said, “Who else do you have with you?

“Nobody, it’s just me” the Minotaur replied.

“You sure, you’re not bulls*@#*$^ us are you?” Rockwell insisted, though with no real way of threatening the beast.

“Yes, I swear to you, it is just me. Why, what’s going on here? Why aren’t you inside yet? I thought we were supposed to go inside for the battle?

“Yeah, so did we. Then we opened the door and had this come right at us.” Rockwell holds up the knife and shows it to the Minotaur. “We just assumed it was you but as soon as you came walking up to the house, we kind of threw that theory out the window.”

“Well, who’s in there then?” The Minotaur asked.

“I guess it’s supposed to be some guy named Tim Cheveldae’s house. I guess he let us use his house for this week. I guess it could be him, but why would he be fighting us? Why would he even be home in the first place?”

“I guess I have no idea about that, but what are we going to do?” The Minotaur once again asked.

Rockwell looked down at the compy and said, “I think I might have an idea.”

Tim had now completely lost his mind and was just salivating at the chance to end this match himself. He could hear talking outside of the house but could not make out what it was. He was watching the front door so closely that he was oblivious to the fact that they might come in from somewhere else.

The Minotaur and Norman Rockwell talked louder in hopes that whomever was in the house, would think that they were just hanging out by the front door. They kept this up for a couple of minutes before Norman took the Compy to the back of the house to find another entrance. The plan was for the Minotaur to continue to talk to himself, to keep up the appearance that they were all still up at the front of the house. While the Minotaur was doing this, Norman was trying his hardest to open up the back door to the house as quietly as possible. Once he had done this, he let the Compy walk into the house, in an attempt to catch the madman inside.

While inside, the compy could hear nothing but the Minotaur’s constant talking towards the front of the house. The little compy was used to being stealthy, but he was more fearful than usual after seeing the knife come out of the house. As he walked around the back portion of the house and into the kitchen he began to hear some movement. Once he passed through the kitchen he saw the living room, which was a bloody mess. This was a bit shocking, as he had never seen a dirty battlefield before. As he walked farther and farther into the living room though, he walked directly onto the broken glass that was lying on the floor. This naturally made a noise, a noise that would alert the madman on the staircase.

As soon as Tim had heard this noise he got up and ran towards the little dinosaur. As soon as the dinosaur knew that he had been made, he made several noises, noises that were the signal to Norman that the madman had been found. As soon as Norman had heard the Compy’s cries, he kicked open the door and with the knife that Tim had thrown at him, he charged into the house. Tim was shocked when he saw a man running at him with a knife with a Minotaur standing behind him. This made Tim panic and quickly swing the goalie stick at the painter, smacking him right across the face. This knocked Norman out cold, which lead the crazed goalie to stop for a moment.

As Tim stood there staring at the Minotaur, he felt something bite his leg really hard. He looked down and saw the small dinosaur taking a chunk out of his left leg. This made him shout and kick the dinosaur off of him. Right as he did this though, the Minotaur smacked him across the head with his mighty hand, sending him to the ground. Tim at this point was delirious and didn’t know what was happening anymore. With Tim and Norman on the ground, they were both now covered in the blood of several different combatants. The Compy once again bit the Canadian, sending even more poison into his already infected body. Once Tim felt the numbness take over his body he began move across the floor towards the stairway again. The Minotaur at first went after him but soon realized that the former Detroit Red Wing was just crawling into the corner so he could die.

Once the Minotaur realized that Cheveldae was no longer a threat, he decided to go in for the kill. He was about to walk over to Rockwell and crush his skull in but before he was able to do so, the Compy jumped right on top of him and began to bite the back of his neck. The Minotaur was writhing in pain as the tiny Dinosaur was sinking his poisonous teeth into his neck. It took him a second to realize that the Dino was still on his back when he finally grabbed a hold of him and threw him across the room. The Dinosaur hit the wall but was not killed. Instead he got back up and ran away as far as he could from the beast. He knew if he could stay away long enough for the venom to take hold, he could win this match for his team.

As Tim sat back in the corner, he watched as the beast screamed in pain searching for the Compy. He thought to himself how happy he was that he was finally out of this nightmare and that he could finally just die in peace. In fact, he didn’t even care if he had to die in peace specifically, he just couldn’t wait to die in general. Moments before his death, he thought about what a terrible mistake this entire ordeal had been. He wished that he would have had the foresight to see what a disaster this would turn into. As his last breathe past through his lungs, he sat there in his blood soaked living room, just another casualty in a pointless war.

The Compy’s persistence of running had paid off, as he could no longer hear the Minotaur coming towards him. He stayed in the back room for about ten minutes before he came out again to see what had happened. To his joy, he found that the Minotaur was lying on the ground, apparently dead from his poisonous bite. The Compy then walked over to Norman Rockwell’s body and started to nudge him to get up. The painter was slow to get up but after a while, did move himself enough to let the Compy know he was good enough to get out on his own. The two of them eventually managed to walk out of the house alive and in one piece, never looking back at the nightmare that they had just left. The nightmare that had become Tim Cheveldae’s house.

Team Sleeping Pussy is Victorious!

1 comment:

Josh the Commish said...

I am still laughing from the Compy nodding his head at the beginning of the match.