Monday, April 30, 2012

Logical Genocide Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad

Logical Genocide is Goro (w/ a yellow lantern ring), Yellow and Orange Lantern Hal Jordan, Red Lantern and Star Sapphire Guy Gardner, Indigo Lantern John Stewart, Blue Lantern Kyle Rayner, Ion, Adam Strange, Az-Rel and Nadira, Cosmic Spider-Man, Titan Maximum, Red Lantern #2, Starman, The Ray, The Champion of the Universe, and Han Solo: Rogue Jedi w/ Jedi Master #28, Fozzy Bear (w/ a Legion Flight Ring), and Immell #8 (Shannon Flare) in The Starship Casino.

Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Astro-Boy, The Eradicator, Orion, Romat Ru, Apollo, Supreme, The Astronomer, The Q Continuum: Q, Q-2, True Q, and Lady Q, Yellow Lantern Fatality, Ideon, and Black Lantern Albus Dumbledore.

It is so nice as a writer.... I mean Watcher, who merely witnesses catasrophic battles take place on a weekly basis and reports on what I see to be able to write... Dammit... Witness a space battle where both competitors truly put up nothing but true space worthy characters... Congrats to you both (I know I am sarcastic most of the time, but I actually am giving a serious compliment to you both for once).

The Qs and The (Marvel) Elder known as The Astronomer rest comfortably on a nearby asteroid and discuss whether or not they should simply win this battle instantly, or let it play out. The Qs are of course siding on he side of patience and have no desire to rush anything, although they do decide rather quickly that they do not agree with The Astronomer and politely ask him to leave and find his own asteroid; which he does. In the Starship Casino they are prepping themselves for battle, and by prepping themselves for battle, I mean making snide comments to one another.

Han Solo says: “Come on Fozzy, set 2-7-1. Let's get in this fight”.

“Hurry up and get us in the mix of this battle before I grow impatient and run you through”. Says the clone of Shannon Pilkinton and Tyrius Flare.

“I'll run your face through” says Han in retort which sends Fozzy in to uproarious laughter.

“We must focus, get your thoughts where they need to be, we have a battle to win” says Master Oram (Jedi Master #28).

Han says: “What?!!? Don't tell me what to do you old fogie. I bet you think you know how to wield that lightsaber at your side but your skills haven't got bantha fodder on mine. I'm Han Solo mixed up with Obi Wan Kenobi before that name was even created. I'm a flash-light wielding, force throwin, pilot, swordsmen like this universe has never scene. And considering the fact that I have a muppet sitting next to me, that basically makes me just like Ham Salad from Hardware Wars as well. So, basically I am every imaganing of Han Solo ever conceived, popped in to a character that has never been explained outside a half a dozen drawings and an action figure, being written by a total Han Solo slappy (me... Josh) at 5:00 in the morning. In other words, I am an unstoppable effing character, so don't mess with me son, or this bleep will blow up like a Hutt Family Reunion.

“Right... I'll keep that in mind” says Master Oram.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Fozzy said “Waka waka waka” somewhere in there.

The combatants are thrown in together closely to start this battle, and neither team waste any time going for the other side's big guns. Kryptonian Power (and things like it) seem to be at a premium on both sides as they both show off some “super-skills, super-quick”. Az-rel and Nadira, the Kryptonian “Bonny and Clyde” quickly “steal” the spines of The Astronomer and Ideon as they rocket directly through the both of them. Other the other side, The Eradicator eradicates every last working circuit on Titan Maximum with enough heat vision to melt my ex-wife's icy stare. There is nothing strange about the way Supreme supremely takes out Adam Strange and his rad looking laser gun in a matter of seconds. Black Lantern Dumbledore jacks up Starman with an entire buttload of black energy, magical, evilness; while his teammate the god Orion turns The Ray in to nothing more than a glimmer with his godlike godliness. Astro-boy is just so happy to get the start to be away from his s.t.d. Infected teammate NFG Mike, but he isn't that happy to crushed by the Hulk like strength of Cosmic Spider-Man.

Jimba: The Crimson Kangeroo (AKA: Red Lantern #2) proves that she is not quite as adept with her lantern abilities, as she is overpowered by Romat Ru and his yellow ring. But Yellow Lantern Fatality doesn't fare quite as well, when she is targeted by the weapons systems of The Starship Casino.

Shannon Flare blasts her with 2 proton torpedos which prompts Han to say: “Great ouwork cloney!! But don't get cocky”. Not that the Immell said anything cocky or otherwise in the first place.

Which leads me to my next thought of... Where the hell did this ring come from? Oh, that's right I put it there... ...And in this corner weighing in at 4 million fanboys and hailing from about a half a dozen random appearances in all of comic books... Apollo!! And in this corner... The Champion of the Underworld weighing in at however much more than normal a person with an extra set of arms would weigh. Hailing from that gross unnamed place where humans apparently breed with dragons... Goro!! Get ready for... NOT SO MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!!!!

Mean Gene: Goro is really glowing with yellow energy today. I think he is really getting the hang of that ring.

Ventura: Yeah, getting the hang of cheating. Which he already knew how to do by having more arms than everybody else.

Okerlund: Oh come on Jesse, everybody has their own powers which give them certain advantages.

Ventura: WHAT!??! You would think that was an okay advantage you bald idiot. That's probably why you like Goro, cuz you're both bald idiots... Huh Okerland, isn't that right?? That because you are probably having his ¾ human ¼ dragon love child you dragon-banging homo. Leave it to a bald, retarded dragon lover to root for a all out scum bag like Goro.

Gene: You're bald to ya know... And a bit racist... Anyways. Here comes a body slam by Apollo.

Ventura: Don't change the subject by trying to talk about this stupid match. You stupid ass. Don't make me start screaming conspiracy until even normal people, non-paranoid people start to believe me. I'll even lie about being a Navy SEAL again if that is what I have to do to keep you from talking about this stupid match.

Mean: And it looks like Apollo has broken Goro's neck and finished him off for good.

Ventura: This ain't over yet Okerlund I'll feed your mom to a dragon if you like them so much, and you can watch and then maybe that's how you can get your molly's dried.

Okerlund: What does that even mean? And here comes THE CHAMPION!!

The Champion of The Universe then comes running down the aisle and tramples both Ventura and Okerlund (thank God. I know). To avenge his teammate Goro. Apollo swings at him with a solar-powered fist but The Champ blocks it and brings him down hard with a “Bo to the Dome”. Logical Genocide's first Rounder from last year then picks up Apollo and gives him a pile-driver to shatter his back and neck. The Q's then board the Starship Casino and begin gambling away their credits. Q hits the roulette table (best odds), while Q2 and True Q hit up Three Card Poker and Black Jack. Lady Q begins blowing her whole wad on the slot machines (of course).

Han asks his Motley clone/muppet/jedi crew what they should do and they decide that they should probably go and talk to them. But we will return to this once we get some more hardcore battling out of the way. The Crayola Crew enters the battle, but splits up rather quickly. Blue Lantern Kyle Rayner charges up Ion Kyle Rayner's green ring to more than 200% and the two of them go up against The Eradicator. While Guy Gardner uses his pink and red axes to combine entity powers and take out Black Lantern Dumbledore. Romat Ru squares off against Hal Jordan but he finds that his lantern wielding skills pale in comparison to Hal's, not to mention that he has twice as many rings. Hal doesn't even use the orange ring which once belonged to Larfleeze. He keeps it a strictly yellow against yellow battle and still takes out Romat Ru with relative ease.

John Stewart teams with The Champion of the Universe, Az-rel and Nadira to combat Image's Superman rip-off Supreme. Az-rel and Nadira don't mind fighting dirty as they come up behind Supreme and start wailing on him, while The Champion and Stewart attack him from the front. Supreme gets Az-rel in a wicked headlock and manages to not only pull his head clean off but to then uses it to shove down The Champion of the Universe's throat to kill him as well. Supreme looks defiantly at his last two remaining attackers until John Stewart channels all of the residual lantern energy in the area from both teams and concentrates it at Supreme in the form of a giant bullet. This puts a hole directly through the chest of Supreme, who is then finished off by a massive uppercut from Nadira. Cosmic Spider-Man leads the charge of Hal Jordan, Guy Gardner, John Stewart, and Nadira to help out the two Kyle Rayners against The Eradicator, but by the time they get there The Eradicator has already crushed the two of them together to form Turquois Lantern Kyle Rayner; who would be an awesome character for next year's draft list if he wasn't a dead body. The Eradicator is outnumbered 5 to 1 but The L-Gers have no illusions that this is going to be an easy victory. They surround The Eradicator and prepare for a skirmish that they know they will not all survive.

So, with that hella-sweet cliff-hanger of a sentence drilled in to your heads, we will go back to The Starship Casino, where a “to the death” Sabacc Elimination Tournament is going on between The Q's, Han, Oram, Flare, and Fozzy. The Q's have decided that they will allow themselves to be defeated if they the members of Logical Genocide can defeat them in a game of Sabacc. Han Solo managed to use the Jedi mind trick to not reveal that he is a sabacc expert. The first person eliminated from the game is Oram (who the hell goes all in on a pair of p's)? Next out of the game is Lady Q (sorry, but woman suck at cards whether they are omnipotent or not), and next is True Q (ya know cause he sucks at bluffing). Q and Q2 on the other hand are both top notch players who are simply toying with The Logical Genocide Crew. The two members of The Continuum easily take out Flare; but then Q actually eliminates Q2, even though they share each other's thoughts, so it is unclear to me whether or not he will just bring him back should he win the game.

The Eradicator deflects the energy shot at him by John Stewart from the powers of the other lanterns and then uses Nadira's face as his own personal bludgeoning weapon to exact revenge for the “tickle” that John Stewart's powers inflicted on him. Cosmic Spider-Man yells to the two remaining lanterns to “hit him with everything they've got”! While he flies in at the speed of light and begins punching The Eradicator with all of his might. The two of them stand toe to toe with one another while Jordan and Gardner blast The Eradicator with all four of the lantern rings. Fozzy is quite the Sabacc player, but when Q figures out his tell of saying “Waka waka waka” every time he is bluffing the Muppet becomes eliminated. This just leaves Han Solo, The Rogue Jedi turned smuggler himself with Q the omnipotent super-power in every fanboys ultimate wet dream. Neither of these skilled gamblers are cheaters, so despite the fact that they could use their powers to tell what their opponent is holding in their hand; they do not do so. They instead leave it to chance. Q drops his final hand for the all the credits to the table and reveals a trio of us; but Han for certain knows when to hold them and knows when to fold them. The Correlian Card Player flops down a great hand of fs over bs to win the sabacc tournament and defeat The Q Continuum. Back in space, when the red, orange, pink, and yellow colors fade for a moment. Guy and Hal are astonished to see The Eradicator still standing with a half dead Spider-Man in his grip.

Spider-Man than turns to the two lanterns and says “don't hold back on my account. DO IT”!!

Hal and Guy reluctantly listen to their teammate and give The Eradicator every bit of energy that they can muster, killing both him and their teammate and making...

LOGICAL GENOCIDE VICTORIOUS!!

13 comments:

Josh the Commish said...

Xavier's: All Dead

Logical Genocide: Hal Jordan, Guy Gardner, and Han Solo: Rogue Jedi survive.

Josh the Commish said...

By the way, sorry my matches are being posted with no spaces whatsoever. I am writing them on a program I am not used to and I didn't realize that it was happening.

Solobeck said...

LG in da howz!!!

ESPN Announcer said...

Hal Jordan week continues on The Ocho!

NFG Mike said...

Good mix of spine shattering action and funny low key scenes. Good win for LG, but I regret losing BOTH of my interleague matches for my conference. With that said...

NFG Mike said...

I know that new ownership can be jarring for anyone. take me for example. I plummeted to my death in week 1 and things... happened in week 5. The point is, Im not asking anyone to do anything that Im not doing myself. Many have shown true valor that would make any team proud. Others have been... distracted. so...

NFG Mike said...

It is mandatory that all XAS members arrive in Vegas for team building exercises, such as high stakes gambling, heavy drinking, and trust falls. Have no illusions. Previous ownerships may have been content to be a bottom feeder, but i wont stand for it. We're better than that, despite what the past may have shown you.

Artifact said...

Nice Funny Guy is on a mission!

Your squad is solid. No worries.

Nice win Seeney.

Andgoodwork,Josh.Don'tlistentothehaters.spacesareforfags.

Josh the Commish said...

I love your posts NFG!!

Lickolas said...

I was cracking up during this match dude, manic lunacy is the only way I can describe this one. I loved it.

Nice win Seeney, you are giving Ryan a run for his money for that playoff spot.

NFG, your posts never disappoint.

Krisatu said...

Good try, NFG Mike. And cool match, Josh. The banter between Mean Gene and Jesse "The Body" was hilarious.

Ryan said...

Centurion #4 "Jim Tebow" got the Ferengi Energy Whip.

Krisatu said...

For some reason, I feel like Jim Tebow just got legit because he got a weapon.

Welcome to the "Big Leagues", kid.