Monday, April 30, 2012

TEAM Vs. George Washington's Slaves

George Washington's Slaves are Ultra Man, Zilius Zox, Jet Porkins and R-2 Unit #1 in an X-Wing, Capt. Jean Luc Picard captaining a Cybertronian Spaceship w/ Dak Ralter at the controls and Buzz-saw, Zombie Rodimus Prime, Hound (w/ the autobot matrix of leadership/ AKA Houndimus Prime), Prowl, Blurr, Roadbuster, R-2 Unit #2, Madison “Box” Jeffries, and Windcharger aboard, Cosmos w/ Jason Bourne (w/ a green lightsaber), and Shindor of Brontic aboard, Black Lantern Darkseid, Capt. James Tiberius Kirk in a B-Wing, Black Lantern Hal Jordan, Zombie Master Mold, Maverick w/ Goose and R5-D4 in a Y-Wing, Black Lantern Han Solo, Zombie Chewbacca, Vapor Man, Meteor Man, and Gravity Girl.

TEAM is (Justice Legion Alpha) Flash, Galvatron (w/ a red lantern ring), Astro-train, Samus Aran, Neo-Cymek #1-12, Cybertronian Guardian #1 and 2, Mon El, Galactiac, Supergirl (Linda Danavers), and The Incredibles: Mr. Incredible, Elasti-girl, Violet, Dash, and Jack-Jack.

Black Lantern Hal Jordan has used his black lantern ring to create an entire construct of the millennium falcon, which is now being piloted by Black Lantern Han Solo and Zombie Chewbacca (kind of).

Chewie is chewing on the black energy construct controls which prompts Han to say: “I don't think they had zombies in mind when they created her Chewie”.

“Yeah... Are you sure you don't want me to sit in the co-pilot chair, I am an accomplished pilot”? Asks Hal Jordan.

“Traveling through hyper-space ain't like dustin crops boy” Han retorts.

“What”?? says Hal.

“Watch yourself kid or you're gonna find yourself floating home” Han says.

Hal responds with: “floating home... What are you talking about? I can fly in space on my own, and I am the one that created this ship you are flying. I can just make a new in a matter of seconds or not make one at all and be fine”.

“Never tell me the odds” replies Han.

“Ahhhhhhh” says his zombie co-pilot.

“Alright, alright Chewie; go a ahead and set the course. I hear you”.

“What are you talking about now”? Asks Jordan.

“Trust me, I speak Wookie”. Says Han.

Hal says: “Listen smuggler, I've been all over the universe, including to Kashyyyk; and I am pretty sure that all he said a second ago was “brains””.

“Never tell me the odds” says Han.

“You already said that” says Hal.

But the conversation then trails off as they approach the 2 Cybertronian Guardians who have set up camp on a small (by their standards) free-floating asteroid. Han expertly pilots the millennium falcon through the projectile attacks from the 2 guardians and then catches one with several perfectly aimed laser (actually just black energy) blasts in to the neck of guardian #2. But in doing so, they get a bit to close to Guardian #1 who manages to take the energy constructed ship out with a quick smack from its massive metal arm. The three undeaders are thrown from the ship, with zombie chewie dying in the process. The Black Lantern Duo of Han and Hal both right themselves after their makeshift ship is destroyed and fly in together toward the remaining Guardian. The Guardian uses its powerful Cybernetic weaponry to vaporize Black Lantern Hal Jordan, but as it is doing this Black Lantern Han Solo rips through the center of the guardian just to be highly disappointed to find no heart within its giant metal body.

Galvatron is inside Astro-train, along with Samus, Galactiac, and The Incredibles (minus Dash, who is hanging with his new idol Flash. From inside the Decepticon, they are leading the 12 Neo-Cymeks in pursuit of the massive Cybertronian spaceship.

“Once we rip that tin can opened we can take out the slaves with ease” says a rage fueled Galvatron to his troops, but with the proper counter-measures being deployed by Capt. Picard, the TEAMsters are finding catching them a bit tougher than anticipated.

Out deeper in space, there are several other battles taking place. Supergirl is flying in fast towards the much larger Ultra Man, while Mon El is battling with Zilius Zox. The two Kryptonian-like soldiers were both pulled aside by the powers that be at TEAM before this match began and told that they need to step up in this match particularly if TEAM is going to have any shot of continuing there perfect play-off streak.

Mon El was very frank with them in saying: “I admit, part of me came here wanting to someday take over Superman's role, but let's face it: So far I haven't really made it happen”.

Supergirl chimed in with: “Let's not avoid the elephant in the room here. I don't like it either, but I might as well point out the fact that TEAM has only won one match since Superman's death at the hands of The Horsemen last season”.

It is these words that hang in Mon El's mind as he rockets through Zilius Zox's yellow aura to break every bone in his body and then move on to Black Lantern Darkseid.

Flash, along with the space-suit decked out Dash have latched on to Cosmos, and have managed to sneak inside the autobot. Flash and Dash move quickly (obviously) once inside but they are met by the transformer's small crew of Bourne and Shindor who instantly both ignite their lightsabers. Bourne catches Dash with his lightsaber as he tries to run by the operative, while Flash manages to catch Shindor of Brontic with about a thousand punches before the Dark Jedi can defend himself. Flash then starts to run over towards the control panels of Cosmos but Bourne throws his lightsaber in a spinning motion in that general direction as he is running over. The perfectly placed saber is already there when Flash comes running headlong in to it; decapitating the Justice Legion Alpha Member.

Despite taking quite a bit of time and quite a bit of damage, Supergirl does manage to inflict enough damage on Ultra Man to finally take out the massive robot. Mon El feels once again like he is being made to take over the role of Superman as he is confronted by the black lantern version of Darkseid. He knows all of the old tales of how Superman and Darkseid clashed time and time again back when TEAM and The Horsemen dominated the league. Back in a time when no fan of The FFL anywhere would have ever believed that we would have a 1 and 4 TEAM, or a Horsemen Squad that is fresh off of a loss to The Murderflies. Darkseid attempts to blast Mon El with his black energy fueled omega beams but Mon El acts quickly. He knows that as he evades the omega beams that they are going to follow him until either he or Darkseid is dead; which is why he knows he must act quickly to finish this skirmish. Mon El flies underneath the omega beams and catches Darkseid with a potent burst of heat vision along with some 2 handed punches that could turn tanks in to masonry nails. This serves as enough to finish off Black Lantern Darkseid just as Supergirl approaches to remind Mon El that they need to rendezvous with Galvatron and the others if they are going to stomp the Slave Rebellion once and for all.

When Mon El and Supergirl arrive at the scene the final skirmish has already begun. Capt. Picard and Dak are still inside the Cybertronian Craft, but most of the passengers have gone on top of the ship to defend against the heavy fire that they are taking from The Neo-Cymeks. It is not looking good for The Slaves as they are surrounded by the flying cymeks, but they do have some back-up show up just in time (and just as Picard and Kirk had planned). Capt. Kirk, Maverick, and Porkins show up guns blazing seemingly out of nowhere to defend their mother-ship. As do Meteor Man, Vapor Man, Gravity Girl, Cosmos, and Black Lantern Han Solo. This prompts Galvatron to order Astro-train to land on the much larger Cybertronian Spaceship, so they can begin to aid a bit more closely in the attack. The surprise attack from the rebel starships works as expected, as Kirk shoots down Cymek #4 with an advanced missile from his B-Wing, Goose gets Cymek #6 with a Y-Wing Bomb, and Porkins takes out Cymek #9 in his X-Wing (literally, by crashing in to it... You know how Porkins rolls). Houndimus Prime jumps in to action and decides that he is going to need to take out the master mind of The TEAM operation Galactiac. Houndimus dodges cosmic blasts from the amalgam powerhouse in his expanded Jeep form (think the old Jeep Renegades, not the new sissy V-6's with the 4 doors). Houndimus then leeps in to the air, now in his robot form and drop kicks Galactiac in the chest. Houndimus then uses the rifle that once belonged to his former leader, Optimus Prime and unloads the lasers in to his chest. Blasting a hole the size of a Volkswagon in the center of Galactiac.

Mon El sees this and begins flying in to take out the autobot leader, while the decepticon leader says: “I Red Lantern Galvatron will destroy you Houndimus, just like Megatron killed Optimus Prime” (I'm not sure if that line works here or not, but we are going to roll with it all the same). Houndimus is swarmed by TEAMmates, but he grabs Mon El and uses him as a mini baseball bat to blast Neo-Cymek #1 in to pieces before he bends the Cybertronian metal in his own to crush Mon El to death in his grip. Galvatron stays back from the fray and transforms in to his cannon form while Houndimus is preoccupied with other opponents. Galvatron then fires a fully energon charged, red energy laced plasma bolt directly at Houndimus's chest which takes him down to his knees and then eventually his back.

Houndimus calls for his old friend Prowl to take the autobot matrix from his chest and take over the mantle of autobot leader for the Slaves.

“Prowl, it is up to you to lead the Slaves through the play-offs... You are all going to have to do it without me”. Says Houndimus with his dying breath; but at that point fate intervenes and Houndimus' wish is not completely granted.

Zombie Rodimus Prime rushes over as if to eat the heart of his fallen teammate (that is kind of what zombies do after all). But the second Rodimus touches the autobot matrix of leadership which originally turned him from Hot Rod to Rodimus in the first place, the zombie disease is cured. Rodimus puts the matrix back in his chest and takes his rightful place amongst the living and as the leader of the autobot cause.

Galvatron transforms back in to his robot form and simply looks on with a sense of shock as Rodimus uses his rejuvenated vigor to bust up Galvatron's spark like it ain't no thang. Carnage ensues all around but Rodimus leads his troops in to the fray. Neo-Cymek #2 rips open Blurr with its lasgun, while Prowl and Roadbuster work together to take out Neo-Cymeks #11 and 12. The 2 brave autobots then eventually fall to Neo-Cymeks #3 and 8. Neo-Cymek #5 locks on to Cosmos and blows him up, but not before Cosmos can warn Jason Bourne to get his space-suit on and get out of his hull/body. Jason Bourne then super-easily jumps on top of Neo-Cymek #2, rips open the top, and actually yawns as he kills its brain, like he has been known to do in the past when faced with mammoth cymeks (right Becks??).

For a little FFL History: Many actually thought that Jason Bourne would actually be the first round draft pick of George Washington's Slaves, but as it turned this was just misinformation that was spread prior to draft day by Slaves owner Chris Artrip himself. The Slaves went with Yoda in the first round and Optimus Prime in the second. Luckily for the Slaves they were still able to pick up Bourne in the third round of that 75 round draft. This was all very fun, but like all good things; Jason Bourne's kickass FFL Career does come to an end as he is targeted by a massive wave blast from the cannon of Samus.

Rodimus Prime has no love for Zombies after what he has just recently gotten over, so he doesn't mind using the body of his teammate Zombie Master Mold (who was just gunned down by Astro-train to crush Neo-Cymek #8. He then dodges an attack from Supergirl and manages to use his new found swiftness to grab her and slam her down hard straight through the hull of his own Cybertronian Ship (which is taking massive amounts of damage and can not sustain much more). Black Lantern Han Solo manages to eat Elasti-girl's heart right before her pissed off husband crushes Han's Black Lantern face. Vapor Man, Meteor Man, Gravity Girl and Box all have one thing in common, and that is their inability to do jack squat against the remaining Neo-Cymeks who wipe them all out. Windcharger on the other hand manages to charge enough wind to take out Neo-Cymek #5 before he is killed by #3. Buzz-Saw saws up Jack-Jack, but Violet then helps her dad make quick work of the baby killing villain. The Neo-Cymeks target the Cybertronian Ship with everything they have got left, which blows up the life support systems on it and turns it in to nothing more than a floating metal rock. This kills Capt. Picard and Dak in the process as well. Astro-Train and Samus rush in against Rodimus Prime, thinking that the remaining Neo-Cymeks had their back, but as it turns out the cymeks are busy being locked in a dog-fight with the aerial expertise of Maverick, Goose, and Kirk. Maverick flies inbetween Neo-Cymeks #3 and 10 and then locks up the breaks just as Goose and R5-D4 lock in the missiles and take them both out. Kirk does some insane aerial maneuvers to blast the last remaining Neo-Cymek in to oblivion just as Rodimus finishes crushing Samus and Astro-train to make...

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S SLAVES VICTORIOUS!!

8 comments:

Josh the Commish said...

Slaves: Rodimus Prime (formerly Zombie Rodimus Prime), Capt. Kirk, Maverick, Goose, and R5-D4 survive.

TEAM: All dead.

Anonymous said...

Anyone else having a hell of a time reading this match? Everything is crammed together.

Josh the Commish said...

I am really sorry guys. I am trying to figure out how to do spacing on the new blogger and I can't do it. It is totally my fault.

Solobeck said...

Joshatu. . . the horror of no spacing. The horror.

NFG Mike said...

Yoda, Optimus, then Bourne? Nice. All kinds of trivia this week.

Artifact said...

Nice Match Josh! Nice work with passing the Matrix. Poor Prowl gets passed over. I didn't see that coming.

RIP Hound "Houndimus Prime" and Jason Bourne. You have served the Slaves valiantly.

Tough break, Ed. You having a fire sale yet?

-Chris

PS. I liked the trip down memory lane as well.

Lickolas said...

Nice Matrix passing dude, that was sweet. He took it out of greed but it ended up curing his plight. Very nice.

Good win Chris, you and I both beat Ed this year, not too shabby. NL for LIFE BABY!!!

Ryan said...

Trojan Man got the Ferengi Energy Whip.