Season 5, Week 8: Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. Layander's Super Kitties

“The seaweed is always greener / In somebody else's lake / You dream about going up there / But that is a big mistake / Just look at the world around you / Right here on the ocean floor / Such wonderful things around you / What more is you lookin' for? / Under the sea / Under the sea / Darlin', it's better / Down where it's wetter / Take it from me / Up on the shore they work all day / Out in the sun they slave away / While we devotin' / Full time to floating / Under the sea!”

 -Sebastian the Crab

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Week 7 Match located in the “Water”.  They are as follows:

Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Ariel, Sebastian the crab, The Kraken, Davey Jones and Flying Dutchman pirates #1-5 on Flying Dutchman, Barbosa, Black Pearl pirates #1-5 on Black Pearl, Attuma, Nagal, Orka, Pirahna, Sea Urchin, Tiger Shark, Ninja pirates #1, #2 and #5, Captain John Price, Sergeant Derek "Frost" Westbrook, Captain John "Soap" Mactavish, Sergeant Marcus Burns and Yuri  Petrenko in a swift boat. 

Layanders Super Kitties: Captain Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander John Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Tim O'Neill, Lt. James Brady, Dagwood, Anthony Pickolo, and Smurf #7 in The Seaquest, Darwin the Dolphin, Seaworm #7 and 8, Patrick Star, Mr. Eugene H. Krabs, Black Lantern Hydro-Man, Brachiosaurus #10, Sharkticon #21-26, (Kingdom Come) Aquaman, Mogwai #2, Green Arrow and Black Canary in a hovercraft, Sonja the Hedgehog with a Yoshi Egg.

Let the battle begin. . .

Ariel swims through the water while Sebastian the Crab hangs onto her shoulder.

Sebastian:  Ariel, you must use your wiles.

Ariel:  But Sebastian my wiles are for Eric.  I truly want to be a part of their world.

Sebastian:  Listen b#tch, we’re in my f@%king world now which you are still a part of.  Last time I checked you have a tail!  Just do it!

Ariel hesitantly swims over to the Seaquest.  She enters into the vessel’s main holding area and begins to sing her beautiful song.  She lures Lucas Wolenczak to her and hypnotizes him with her mermaid’s song.  Wolenczak picks up a wrench and screwdriver from the utility closet and in a trance, walks toward the bridge.  Chief Manilow Crocker waves an acknowledgement toward Wolenczak in the hallway and meets his fate as Wolenczak takes the wrench and crushes Crocker’s skull.   Wolenczak begins to pass by Tim O’Neill.  Wolenczak then turns around and from behind, shoves the screwdriver through O’Neill’s eye and into his brain.  Wolenczak reaches the bridge where the remaining crew members look for the enemy.  Wolenczak stands next to Captain Nathan Bridger and rips off the “self-destruct” key from his neck.  The young computer genius enters the key into the system and types the code.  A shocked Bridger pulls out a gun and shoots Wolenczak in the chest.  Wolenczak falls to the ground and the captain rushes over to his special friend.  Bridger cradles Wolenczak’s head. 

Bridger:  Why Lucas?

Wolenczak:  For love.

Bridger:  I thought you loved me Lucas.  I thought you loved me.

Lucas dies in Bridger’s arms. 

Smurf #7:  COME ONE!!!

Bridger snaps out of it and rises.  The captain joins the rest of his crew as they run to the hull for their vessels.  The nuclear implosion suffered by the Seaquest not only destroys the vessel, but kills Seaworm #8, which was swimming too close to the submarine.  The remaining crewmembers shoot to safety in their respective submersibles. 

On the surface, the Call of Duty crew rides on their swift boat.  The immense Brachiosaurus #10 rises in front of them.  The 85 foot sauropod churns the waters around the boat and the sheer size of the beast almost capsizes the craft.  Nonetheless, the Call of Duty combatants are skilled and ready for any dinosaur. They unload their weapons into the dinosaur and kill it.  Green Arrow and Black Canary race by in their hovercraft.  Green Arrow’s well placed arrow slices through Yuri Petrenko’s neck and kills him.  He then fires an explosive arrow which rips the craft apart.  As the Call of Duty shooters, in various stages of death, fly through the air, Black Canary unleashes the full extent of her “Canary Cry” and shreds the C.O.D. crew.  As Black Canary and Green Arrow survey the destruction of the craft and the bodies of Price, Westbrook, Mactavish, Burns and Petrenko, Attuma’s Deep Six Team bursts from the water and kills the heroic duo.  Orka opens his mouth and out come Mogwai #2 and Sonja the Hedgehog.  The two characters hop on the craft formerly driven by Green Arrow and Black Canary. 

Patrick Star and Eugene H. Krabs ride on Darwin (who is extremely agitated at the destruction of the Seaquest).  The SpongeBob compatriots see Ariel and Sebastian.  Darwin races toward Sebastian and crushes the crustacean in its teeth.  Patrick and Mr. Krabs are killed by Ariel, avenging her comrade’s death.  Darwin punches Ariel in the stomach with his snout and as Ariel regains her wind, she turns around to see Kingdom Come Aquaman.  Ariel is skewered by Aquaman’s trident. 

Aquaman:  Hope that hurt, you c@nt. 

The surviving Seaquest crew, all in their single-man crafts, hears the echoing of an immense beast.  Before any can react, the Kraken rips all of the vessels and their inhabitants apart.  Thus, Bridger, Westphalen, Ford, Krieg, Brady, Dagwood and Pickolo are all killed.  Smurf #7 escapes.  

The hovercraft containing Mogwai #2 and Sonja rides along the waves and nears the two Squad pirate ships.  Smurf #7 climbs aboard.

Smurf #7:  Let’s get this party smurfed!

Mogwai jumps into the water and instantly bursts into nearly one hundred of the gremlin beasts.  The gremlins are about to storm the Black Pearl when the Kraken’s maw opens up and swallows them all, including original Mogwai #2.   Sonja the Hedgehog cracks the Yoshi egg open and instead of Yoshi, another Mogwai comes from the shell and enters the fray.  The creature, like its brother from before, jumps into the water, creating a band of Gremlins. As the Kraken is about to swallow the next set of monsters, Seaworm #7 swims to the scene.  The monstrosities battle one another.  Sharkticons #21-26 also arrive at the skirmish.  Due to the wrapping of tentacles and sinew, the Transformer sharks are not particular about which flesh they are ripping.   In the end, neither the Kraken, nor Seaworm #7 survive; also destroyed are Sharkticons #21, 24-26.

The Gremlins storm both the Flying Dutchman and Black Pearl.  They manage to kill Black Pearl Pirates #1-5 and Flying Dutchman Pirates #1-5, but are soon decimated by Davey Jones, Barbosa, Ninja Pirates #1, 2 and 5, as well as Attuma’s Deep Six, who split off into two splinter groups, one on each ship. 

Ninja Pirates #1, 2 and 5 jump down from the ship and onto the craft holding Sonja and Smurf #7.  The spinning, diving and acrobatics overcome the craftmates and both Sonja and Smurf #7 are killed.  Darwin bumps the ship and propels Ninja Pirates #1, 2 and 5 into the water.  They are overcome and drowned by Black Lantern Hydro-Man. 

BL Hydro-Man then focuses on the Attuma Six and manages to kill Sea Urchin.  As BLHM is about to conquer another foe, the voracious Tiger Shark and Pirahna rip off both hands of the black lantern.  BLHM disintegrates into the water as the ring plummets to the water’s depths.   Kingdom Come Aquaman finally enters the melee and jumps onto the deck of the Black Pearl; Barbosa is killed shortly thereafter.  KCA then swings over to the Flying Dutchman and fights Davey Jones.  Jones slashes KCA, but in the end, KCA is victorious and manages to kill the squid-headed pirate. 

An enraged KCA uses his psionic powers to call upon the monsters of the deep.  The beasts swim from the depths and, with the assistance of Sharkticons 22 and 23, savage the Deep Six Members. Attuma, Nagal, Orka, Pirahna and Tiger Shark are killed.  Notwithstanding, they manage to take with them both Sharkticons.  Darwin chatters at the victory (and then is accidentally eaten by one of the monsters called upon by Aquaman).