s6w8- Red Army vs Rabblerousers

Real Man's Rabblerousers are: Max Mercury,Vehicle Voltron Land Team: Commander Cliff, Cinda, Modok, Marvin & Hutch, Optimus Primal, Rhoinox, Cheetor, Rattrap, Dinobot, Tigatron, Airazor, Silverbolt, Savage/Noble, Nightscream, Depth Charge, Scuba, Big Horn, Big Convoy, Blackarachnia

President Barack Obama and Taylor Swift's Red Army are:  Judah Ben Hur w/White Lantern Ring, Ardeth Bey w/Blue Lightsaber and Mandalorian Armor, Azeem w/Qui Gon Jinn's Green Lightsaber, Jen Linley w/Jetpack and Green Lightsaber, Duke w/Green Lantern Ring, Friedrich Nietzsche w/Mind Infinity Gem, Worm-Becks, Assistant Coach: Hermione Granger w/Magic Lamp and Ferengi Energy Whip, Heimdall, Original Human Torch, Raven, The Atom, Warpath, Paul Atreides Ghola, Erasmus, Ginny Weasley w/Harry Potter's Wand, Carslie Cullen w/Star Sapphire Ring, Esme Cullen, Alice Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Jasper Hale and Rosalie Hale

SHKABOOM!

An explosion rips through the Jundland Wastes as the Voltron Vehicle team begin the match with a horrific car accident. The team meets this surprising fate due to a number of factors: Nietzsche calling upon the power of the Mind Infinity Gem to control the mind of Commander Cliff and Modok and turn them against their partners. The bright, sparkly skin of the Cullens as they entered the sunlight blinded Cinda as she was operating her vehicle. Marvin and Hutch found themselves magically transported to the epic center of the crash due to the talents of Raven, Hemidall and Ginny Potter.

"Brilliant!" exclaims Assistant Coach Hermione "That play couldn't have gone and better! Now-"

"Diss ish shum BUULLLSSSHHH*****TTTT" slurs Jen Linley as she drunkenly stumbles up to the young wizard "I thought dees was s'psod to beeee summm RREEAALL *burp* MEN, but dere's no mens, just a Grampa and robbits??!! HOW IS AM SPOSSED TO F**K A ROBBIT!"

"First off, it's ROBOT or technically a Transformer." says Granger "And secondly..."

"HEY! HEY!Hey. hey. I'm a CHAMPION!" Jen says "I got a championship ring so I'm a champion. And as a champion I don't wanna be banging no robbit no more. Now, where's the Real Men?" Jen then takes a long pull on her bottle of Tomahawk vodka.

"Lovely." grimiches Hermoine

"I GOT FISTS FOR YOU, BUDDY!!"  screeches Jen to the air "I gonna give you ELBOWS!!" as she staggers off.

As Hermoine plots the Red Army's next manuver, the Rabblerousers start to have a bit of luck. Max Mercury uses his superspeed to whip up as sandstorm, and begins picking off Red Army soldiers left and right. Paul Atreides and Ghola find their years living among the dunes of...Dune could have never prepared them for the Zen Master of superspeed. All the Twilight characters sparkly skin provide the perfect homing beacon for Mercury in the blinding sand as he eliminates them. The look on Carslie Cullen's face was one of pure shock as first his star sapphire ring vanished, then he found himself stabbed in the heart in less than a heartbeat as Max Mercury runs wild across the Wasteland. Even Warpath is unable to stand up to the elderly speedster.

Max stops to catch his breath, and looks over at his Transformers brethren. Max's sandstorm play was beneficial, but came with an unforeseen consequence.   The sand has gotten into the gears and mechanics of the giant robots and slowed them down almost to the point of immobility. Duke's green lantern ring easily smashes the head of Optimus Primal. The Atom shrinks down to get in the head Rhoinox and destroys his internal workings

"Looks like I may be on my own" starts Max when he notices an odd sight. He sees Bryan Beckerman doing the worm across the wastelands, inching toward the battle. 

"Easy victim is easy" smirks Max.

"DID SUMMBUDDY SHAY EASY??!!" screams a drunken voice Max turns to see a jetpack rushing right toward him. Max is fast, but not fast enough to get out of the way as the device smashes into him and explodes. Killing him. 

"NOOOO!!" screams Jen as she stumbles to her feet. "I killed the only man??" I wuz tryin ta get nekkid so we could f**k, but I hit da wrong button!!" 

"Who'd have thought being a stupid, drunken whore would be an advantage?" Hermoine cattily says as she appears besides Jen. "Now to finish this." Hermoine points her wand at the worming lawyer and says "Transformitio SANDWORM BECKS!!!"

Beckerman starts to twitch, then suddenly grows to the gigantic propotions of a Sandwom. The remaining Rabblerousers are either consumed by the giant montser, or crushed beneath his body and he continues to do the dance move, exploding out of the sand, then crashing back down. Shaking the area.

"Well, that's that" smiles Hermoine

"B-b-b-ut. what is I s'posed to do?" pouts Jen. Then Ben Hur approaches her.

"Linley. Perhaps you can help let my semen flow!" he says in a horrible, HORRIBLE pick-up line.

Jen smiles "Schweet. Maybe you won't be the only one who's covered in white" she purrs "F**k you robbits" she says, as she stumbles off with white lantern.