George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Royal Highness

George Washington Slaves are The Boys: Billy Butcher w/ Terror, Mother’s Milk, The Frenchmen, The Female (of the species), and Wee Hughie.

The Royal Highness is Ninja Gaiden, Hank Chien (w/ a Sith Lanvarouk), Roger Rabbit, and Doozer #3.


“So this is the pie level? I’ve never been here before”. Says Roger Rabbit in an extra silly way.

“That’s right Rodge. Many a Donkey Kong player never make it this far. This is what separates the men from the boys. Once these conveyors start moving, there’s no telling what kind of zany DK Madness might come next”. Says DK Champion Hank Chien.

“By separate the men from the Boys, I assume you mean running away from us. Which is something I recommend to anybody that does not want to meet a grisly death”. Says Billy Butcher the team leader.


SIDEBAR:

You see, for those of you who are unfamiliar with The Boys, they are from an indie comic book, which basically means that everything they do has to be hyper-violent and that everything usually needs to end with somebody getting brutalized, raped, or eaten or something. They take ideas for characters that the “evil” and “boring” old Marvel and D.C. have perfected by doing all of the leg work over the years and then they just make them really nasty and pretend like it is all super original, because it is …. “edgy”. But with that being said, The Boys are a pretty rad group, who can really eff some stuff up. I mean, I wouldn’t want to hang out with them.


BACK TO THE MATCH:

As the conveyor starts moving, things start to get REAL, real quick. Hank Chien is in his glory as he begins hopping around over pies, excited to be in his favorite game for real. Ninja Gaiden is being all stealthy and ninja-ie and is hiding somewhere in the shadows, while Roger Rabbit and Doozer #3 are waiting for me to think of something for them to be doing.

Billy and the rest of The Boys realized that if they killed The Royal Highness first than the match might end and then they might have to go back to The Slaves locker room for another 2 years, hang out with their much hated super-heroes and worst of all, not kill anybody. So they decide to make their way up to the top first so they can eviscerate and brutally murder Donkey Kong and Pauline before they really get down to business. They cover themselves with blood (all except Wee Hughie who does not enjoy unnecessary violence) and then make their way down to do battle with The Highness.

Hank leaps over another pie and fires a saw blade thingie from his Sith Lanvarouk, but The Frenchmen ducks out of the way. Mother’s Milk then finds Roger Rabbit hiding behind one of the girders and proves that even though he has a good heart he’s a totally bad-a** dude, even though he doesn’t need to prove it, because we already knew that, cuz he’s the only guy on the team who is black, so he must be WAY Harsh. Mother’s Milk then grabs Roger Rabbit and Rips his ears off before breaking his neck. He then throws the dead body over to the rest of The Boys in case they want to do something nasty with it, but they actually decline (or maybe I’m just declining to write about it (I mean, this is a consolation match and I’m already on page 2, I should probably start wrapping this piece of crap up)). But before The Boys can celebrate too much, Ninja Gaiden leaps out of nowhere and rides the conveyor into the fray, causing the boys to scatter. The hiply-modern-day-revived 8-bit character uses his katana blade to slash through the chest of Mother’s Milk and then to remove the head of The Female, who was too busy masturbating for some unknown reason (prolly all this carnage got her excited). The Frenchmen then launches a bomb at Hank Chien, but The Donkey Kong master takes full advantage of his DK skills and rides the conveyor to safety while popping Ol’ Frenchie in the face with his Sith Lanvarouk. Hughie then gets totally pissed and catches ol’ Hank with a bullet to the brain to kill screen Dr. Chien out of this one. Ninja Gaiden quickly avenges his BFF Hank (they’ve been chilling together a lot lately) by sending a few throwing stars into Hughie’s young, innocent face. Terror the dog then gets stuck on the conveyor and gets hit by a pie before he can rape anything like he has been so well-trained to do. But this sends Billy into a rage. He tackles Ninja Gaiden, taking all of the ninja’s finesse out of the battle and the two combatants start beating each other senseless. But unfortunately they lose track of where they are and they both roll onto the top conveyor and into the barrel of burning oil where they both die. Doozer #3, then finally finishes the endeavor that he has been working on since the beginning of the match, which was to build up his little clear doozer sticks in a pile high enough so he could reach the hammer on the second level. The doozer grabs the hammer and is all: “YOU WANT ME TO PUT THE HAMMER DOWN”!! Thor style. But nobody hears him, because dead people can’t hear…