2025 NL Playoffs Round 1

Washington Redskins: Yoda w/ Dwarf Ring #4 (final death), Chian w/ Green Lantern Ring, Sinestro w/ White Lantern Ring, Black Lantern Omega Supreme, Sodam Yat, Star Sapphire (Carol Ferris), Skeletor w/ Orange Lantern Ring, Romat Ru, Dex-Tar. Saint Walker, Indigo One (final death), Munk (final death), Powergirl (final death), Black Lantern Wolverine, X-23, Abe Sapien, Aspen, On a Jet Ski: Roy Houslander w/ The Houslander Family Katana and The Darksaber, Zuko’s Dragon, In a TIE Dagger: Zam Wesell, In a F-18: Cade Skywalker, In the Bat-Copter: Frank Metivier (Jedi Knight) and Grayson Houslander (Jedi Youngling), Bat-Mite w/ Dwarf Ring #6, Quasar, Cable, Domino, Shatterstar, Cannonball, Colossus (final death), Havoc, Polaris, Dobby, In a Travel Bus: O.G. Arc Troopers (10 troopers) and Peppermint Patti, Black Lantern Earth Bender, Zombie Star Sapphire

ScarJo and Cosby’s Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Pandas: Thor, Gandalf the White, Aquaman, In the Milano: Star Lord, Gamora, Drax, Groot, Rocket Racoon, Nebula, and Mantis, Iron Man, Black Widow, Adam Warlock, War Machine, Paul Muad Dib, Darth Bane, Jean Grey, Iceman, Cyclops, Beast, Archangel, General Grievous, Zaheer, Ghazan, P’Li, Ming-Hua, John Wick, Syndicate Maul, Amon, Naruto, Hera Syndulla, Sabine Wren, Chopper, Zeb Orellios, In a Jedi Starfighter: Ezra Bridger, Kaanan Jarrus, Loki, Shaak Ti, Captain Rex, Hunter, Wrecker, Tech, Crosshair, Echo, Omega, In an M-1 Abrams Tank: Pluto and Mickey Mouse, Black Lantern #2A, Zombie Seaworm, Black Lantern #3A, Black Lantern #4A, Chester Cheetah

The Playoff Planet’s complex labyrinth… the Jungle…

This wondrous story begins following a man who has spent decades wandering from place to place. The Wolverine feels somehow at home amongst the lush landscape before him. Of course, he is quickly reminded of the fact that his steps on the plush plant life below his feet are not actually real, but rather the simulated magic conjured by the sentient playoff planet. For unknown reasons, the normally dormant planet has awoken for this matchup and is not particularly happy with the impending war taking place. I fear these teams have more to worry about than just each other…

Regardless of his distant thoughts, Wolverine is brought back to the present by some old man joke made by X-23. He notices across from them stands Cyclops, a friend. Although, today Cyclops has enough pent up anger against the years of Logan’s constant flirtatious remarks towards Jean Grey that they stand as enemies. Cyclops sends a laser beam at his longtime friend, and Logan, who often wishes for his own end, stands willing to accept it… but X-23 has something to say about it and deflects it using her claws. Unfortunately, it strikes their black lantern wielding earth bending teammate instead. Colossus stands for action and throws X-23 forward, but misses Cyclops and instead hits Black Widow who is unable to react in time before being torn to shreds. General Grievous attempts a retaliation effort but the adamantium deflects his lightsaber blows. Seeing this, the coward decides to make for his classic hasty retreat. X-23 stands watching the droid general as his retreat is stopped by the world itself as the ground envelopes Grievous and ends his days. X-23 turns her attention back to Cyclops in hopes of stopping him from killing her father-like figure. Beast intervenes to stop her, but instead is forced to end her so that she doesn’t end him. With that, Wolverine finally appears fully awake, distraught even… his rage is insurmountable. Beast stands between the longtime friends trying to deescalate the situation, but is only met with claws in the back as Wolverine pierces through both Beast and Cyclops.

As Logan’s panting slows back to normal, an old figure approaches, disturbed by the misuse of this wonderful tree laid landscape. A spell is cast by the white robed man, and as fast as it was cast Colossus quickly perishes. Wolverine, confused, watches as another spell is cast and suddenly he is jolted in the air and sent flying across the living planet. Only thing left for Gandalf to do is smoke from his sick ass pipe as he trundles to the next setting.

In contrast to the Jungle which brims with life… meet the Tundra…

Wolverine’s soaring body smacks down into the cold dry terrain. As he stands, he looks up to see Jean Grey before him. She had self-exiled herself sometime ago, which is why Cyclops was so angry with Wolverine, but now he must explain to her that he killed Cyclops. Her pain builds to an inconsolable level and unleashes it directly into her booty call… Wolverine finally rests. Havoc and Cannonball appear to try and calm her but it’s of no use, she begins to talk crazy to herself like her fellow red exiled friend Maul does. Archangel steps in to have the fellow mutants back off Grey, but things escalate quickly and her powers disintegrate all three fellow X-Men. Syndicate Maul stands with a grin on his face, happy to see at least someone is able to achieve their revenge. Multiple lanterns interrupt his dark thoughts with blasts sent from their rings, but Darth Bane is able to help Maul deflect the shots. Zuko’s dragon makes the next approach, but Iceman shuts that avenue down quickly, freezing the large beast. Iceman moves to the offensive, backed by the Red Lotus crew, and attempts to take down a few lantern bearers. Indigo One and Munk are able to dodge and weave, but Skeletor is double whammied with getting frozen followed by a blast from P’Li’s concussive fire blasts. Carol Ferris returns the favor to Ghazan and P’Li.

Polaris enters the battle and decides to start with crushing the M1 Abrams Tank holding our beloved Mickey Mouse Clubhouse characters. Unfortunately for her crew, she does not have full control with large feats of magnetic manipulation and equally crushed her own team’s Bat-Copter. It’s worth noting that a significant number of zyn containers fell out of both Frank and Grayson’s jedi robes. Apparently, the jedi knight had taught the youngling good habits early.

Zaheer, having lost his fellow Red Lotus members, stands as a trio with Maul and Grey as very distraught and emotionally unstable individuals. Indigo One clocks this early and conceived a double powered blast with Munk and is able to end the long suffering of Maul. Zaheer’s wind blasts combined with Iceman’s freezing ability ends Carol Ferris, the Star Sapphire. Darth Bane tries to continue the effort, but Polaris is able to control the metal in the lightsaber to turn it on himself, but again is not able to truly control her power and sends the lightsaber through her own body, as well. The iconic indigo lantern wielding duo stands across Zaheer and two omega level mutants, seeing their odds do not favor them. They turn to each other with love and sacrifice themselves by combining their energy into an overloaded state creating a large explosion. Zaheer and Iceman are taken down with them, but Grey stands… alone, again.

Or perhaps not? Chester Cheetah, the all powerful, teleports to her position and sits as a well needed friend with her.

To the deep… the World of Water…

Shaak Ti, familiar with the water world of Kamino, finds herself afloat these vast wave crushing waters. Roy Houslander drives by on his jet ski attempting to slash this random broad, but instead she force leaps out of the water onto the jet ski. They dual it out while the throttle is maxed speed for this jet ski, and two blades are simply one too many for the jedi master as she is split in two. Amon witnessed this interaction and blood bends the decorated war vet to his demise… the Houslander Katana sinks down into the water. Abe Sapien and Aspen Mathews combine their forces to retaliate against and take down the duo of water benders. Quickly following, Aquaman sent the zombie seaworm to swallow the two whole. Fortunately, Aspen Mathews’ powers are vast and is able to bring down the glorious creature, but not until Abe Sapien learned first-hand that there is always a bigger fish.. She is unable to handle much more and Aquaman (surprise surprise) is able to claim victory over the water portion of this living planet.

The Houslander Katana is not lost, however… Dobby teleports to the bottom of the lake to retrieve the sword for another worthy character to wield…

For the last of the relatively smaller settings, transition to the glorious heat… the Sand…

Paul Muad Dib traverses the large dunes flanked by his clone trooper escort. Fortunately for the Bad Batch, their trooper armor is accustomed to adapting and persevering in extreme environments, like the great sand. Although, before they even reach any enemies, Crosshair’s programming forces him to finally be able to kill OMEEEEGAA. The sentient planet steps in and devours the sharpshooter into the depths of the world. Paul hurries the rest of his troops to move forward and away from the collapsing sand around them, but it forces them into the open against two floating lantern bearers. Wrecker and Tech fall into the planet's core, while Hunter and Echo perish to Dex-Tar and Romat Ru. Paul is able to hurl his crysknife into Romat Ru before he, too, is devoured by the planet. Dex-Tar is very confused with all that has occurred and quickly scurries away from the desolate desert.

Let’s remove ourselves from the planet a bit… to the Surrounding Space…

Ahh… plenty of ships and flight-abled persons. Always the higher level of characters that reside in the space section of these glorious battles. One side is led by THE big guy, Omega Supreme, flanked by multiple lanterns. Across rushes a Thor lead team of goons. Cade Skywalker shoots first, firing at the Milano, but Star Lord does a sick ass move separating the ship in two to miss the missile from the F-18. Instead Rocket is able to fly the smaller portion of the Milano and take down the Skywalker name. Zam Wesell and Omega Supreme return the offensive taking down the Black Lanterns and Ezra Bridger, not before Ezra could take the shapeshifter with him. The Guardians are able to further the counter attack and actually take down the enormous transformer.

The Milano continues to push forward, but the ship and crew can’t survive for long with the combined powers of lantern bearers and a kryptonian. The zombie star sapphire perishes, but the Milano is sent down by Powergirl. Thor, Adam Warlock, and Iron Man mount a fiery offensive against Powergirl and associated lanterns. Blows are sent back and forth, lanterns bearers Sodam Yat and Saint Walker fall to the mighty legionnaire, Quasar along with them, but Sinestro and his White Lantern Ring has seen enough… Iron Man and Adam Warlock perish at the combined might of all the lantern ring colors. Thor tries to go for Powergirl, the more powerful of the two remaining Redskins, but that was a mistake. Sinestro is able to help her take down Thor before he could deal lethal damage. If only he had gone for Sinestro first, he might have been able to take one more character off the board for the remainder of his team. However, a wounded Powergirl and Sinestro return back down to the planet's surface.

To the slums… the city of Columbus, Ohio… Eww…

OH MA GAWD it’s Peppermint Patti zooming around with a bunch of ARC Troopers in a travel bus! She’s got no chill fr on god as she swerves the bus to run over Hera and Chopper. Jokes on them because John Wick had started to become buddy buddy with Chopper, and immediately domes the ginger bitch with a bullet and the bus crashes and explodes killing all inside the bus. Kanaan, although blind, realizes his true love is dead. That's enough for him to ratio that dumb broad Shatterstar. But Domino is luckier than him as she tosses a rock that Kanaan doesn’t sense and slips, hitting his head and dying. Old man Rex and the other two remaining rebels mount the counter on Domino and Cable. While he may have aged terribly, his aim is still true and snipes Domino from afar. Cable, however, is too nice with it that he’s able to take down the big man Zeb and the jedi-in-training Sabine. Before Rex can try to get back at Cable, the sentient planet strikes again, this time with an earthquake that splits a crack in the earth that Cable falls into. Fortunately for the Redskins, Yoda is well versed in killing clones and is able to put Rex to rest. War Machine and John Wick start spraying bullets at the two remaining Jedi Masters, from an unconfirmed species, but they are too strong in the force to allow a mear bullet to hit them. Oh shit, Chian is slow af and got banged, call that the broadcaster jinx. Yoda moves too quickly, though, and slices and dices the two gun users. This whole time Loki has been conjuring this large scale magical illusion, but he has taken too long and Yoda handles the so-called “god”. Last one to face Yoda in the shity… I mean city, is the anime guy Naruto. Uhh… he's got some powers and all… but Yoda still kicks names and takes butt.

Final encounter…

Redskins have Yoda, Powergirl, Sinestro, Dex-Tar, Dobby, and Bat-Mite.

Pandas have Aquaman, Gandalf the White, Jean Grey, and Chester Cheetah.

The end is near, the final remaining characters on both teams begin their final approach. As they near closer, the world opens up again beneath their feet. They all come crashing down towards the sentient planet’s core. There they are met with the ultimate challenge. The living earth has empowered the once thought dead characters with unimaginable power. Cable, Paul Muad Dib, Crosshair, and General Grievous now stand opposing both teams. The Redskins and Pandas understand quickly that they must team up if anyone is going to be able to survive this trip to the playoff planet. Aquman has dried out at such high heats near the inner core and is incapacitated. Bat-Mite starts panicking under such pressure and the imp’s panic attack accidentally causes his own death… L bozo. With their ranks falling fast, Sinestro starts to enact a quick thought up plan. Jean Grey, after a long conversation with Chester Cheetah, has even begun seeing the hope of life again in these teammates and starts going ham on these reanimated fallen characters. Gandalf and Yoda step in to help Jean Grey hold off the might of these seemingly unkillable characters due to the power imbued in them by the great playoff planet. They continue to distract the dead characters long enough that Sinestro has convinced Powergirl of the plan… she begins her heat vision directly into the planet’s core. Gandalf realizes this is going to kill not only the planet, but all of them. Gandalf tries to stop the kryptonian but Sinestro steps in to protect her. Yoda realizes the same as Gandalf, but he knows it’s too late. Best he can do is sit next to Dobby and convince him to get out of here. Dobby begs someone to come with him, he doesn’t want to be alone. Yoda will not allow it to be himself for he feels this is his failure. Powergirl yells out that she doesn’t have enough power to kill the planet on her own. Suddenly, Jean Grey and Sinestro give all of their might and power into the planet, but it’s still not enough… Dobby has a thought. He throws the Houslander Katana into the heart of the planet, puts a hand on Dex-Tar and they wink out of view. Immediately after the two apparated, the Houslander Katana finds its mark and the world explodes into a bright light… the planet is dead, along with so many others…

TEAM Vs. The Doctor's Madhouse

 TEAM is Unicron, Primus, Ego, Set, God Emperor Leto II, Thanos, Maw, Blitzwing, Astrotrain, Mace Windu, Thor, Achilles, Myrmidon #1 (w/ a short sword), Myrmidon #2-5, Thunderstrike, The GAang:  Katara, Sokka, Toph, Appa, & Momo, Godzilla, Yakub in Conner's Mazda, Dapper Man in a Lamborghini Jalpa, Zachary Houslander (w/ an aluminum baseball bat) in Ed's Plymouth Sundance, Arc Trooper Zachary Houslander in a Lamborghini Huracan, Soundwave w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Lazerbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Garboil, Howlback, Glit, Enemy, Decepticon Cassette #1-5, & Transformer Cassette #1-5, Lightning Lad, Kryptonian #1A, Yellow Lantern #2, Phibian #1-10, & Jack Lalane on a Jetski.  

The Doctor's Madhouse is Darth Vader in  a TIE Dagger, Clone Trooper #1-2 in a Bespin Cloud Car, Batman (w/ a Kryptonite Suit) in The Tumbler, Robin (Damien Wayne) on The R-Cycle, Alfred Pennyworth in a F-15, Blade in The O.G. Batmobile, Dr. Manhattan, Silver Surfer, Ursa, Black Adam w/ Osiris & Isis, Ranx The Sentient City, Scarecrow (w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring), Voldemort (w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring), Brainiac, The Beyonder, Blue Marvel, Kid Flash, Captain Atom, Kwiastz Haderach Duncan Idaho, Saruman the White, Ocean Master, Swamp Thing, Seaworm #8-9, Invincible (Mark Grayson), Atom Eve, Dupli-Kate, Robot, Rex Splode, & Allen the Alien.

There is an unique feeling that perhaps only seasoned FFL Watchers understand.  It is the feeling of receiving two very different, very large FFL Squads via email several days apart and after examining them both saying to yourself on both occasions:  "That squad is unbeatable".  This instance is rare but not unheard of; and this week was one of those rare occasions........

TEAM, with their apparent size advantage is already positioned successfully around the entirety of the setting; while The Madhouse Leadership namely the strategic masterminds, The Duo of Dark Knights:  Lord Vader and Batman attempt to put together a plan of action that can destroy the terrible TEAM presence, ever visible in this brutal, yet inevitable battle for Playoff Survival.  

TEAM stands on the defensive with a significant hold in the most important settings.  Planets in the upper atmosphere, an ancient beast in the singular ocean, and a massive seven-headed world destroyer which has already taken over the planet's capitol city.  With so many predetermined settings of battle, only about a dozen warriors from each squad wander about the planet and surrounding areas.  

Batman and Vader have formed two elite squads to simultaneously take out Set in the city and the planetary trio in space.  Batman to lead the former and Vader the latter.  

Batman speaks candidly to his hand selected troops in a hidden, undisclosed location in the city.  Batman speaks to Robin, Alfred, Blade, Black Adam, Osiris, & Isis saying:  "Many would say that a group this small has no business attacking an entity of such enormous size and strength as Set.  Several of us here do not even have super powers.  We have seven heads of a city size serpent to destroy.  I am not going to tell you men that I didn't want more members of out team on this squad.  That would be a lie.  The truth is, the only member of our squad who we know is powerful enough to take out a head of Set is The Silver Surfer, he has done it before and I would love to have him in this room; but he is needed by Lord Vader in space, where are brothers in arms face a threat just as arduous as the one we face here.  In space we have Ranx, our most powerful teammate, but he will still need a lot of backup.  Lord Vader and Dr. Manhattan have requested not only all of our space worthy ships which we are short on; but also The Silver Surfer, Ursa, The Beyonder, and Captain Atom.  There is nothing we can do to help them here, and we cannot expect any help from them either.  The bottom line is clear:  There are seven people in this room and the monster known as Set has seven heads.  The task may seem daunting, and we may not come out of this alive; but your orders are clear:  Every person here owes me a head".  

As the epic city and space battles commence, we instead focus our attention on the Playoff Planet's singular Sea.  The Doctor's Madhouse once again is on the offensive and strives to bring the battle not out of the water completely; but at least towards the surface.  The Jungle and Forest are empty and Swamp Thing has joined his team in the water, not only as a fighter, but as the leader, much to the dismay of Ocean Master.  An enormous wake like no mere mortal has ever witnessed formulates as the head and upper torso of Godzilla comes to the surface.  He is surrounded by his TEAMmates, The Phibians, Jack Lalane swimming with handcuffs on and pulling his Jetski behind him, Katara, and her brother Sokka riding above the waves on Appa.  They are met not only by Swamp Thing and Ocean Master, but also by their two Seaworms.  The water erupts as the madness of this skirmish commences.  The Seaworms move towards The GAang members first, leaping out of the water to pull Appa down into it.  Katara with her mastery of water bending attempts to fend off the beasts; but the genetic monstrosities are relentless.  Seaworm #9 swallows Katara whole, while #10 begins taking chunks out of Appa.  But the carnage of the water Shai Haluds would come to an end when Sokka avenges his Sister with a suicidal sword thrust into the throat of the worm as he is being swallowed.  The other being taken out by Jack Lalane picking up his Jetski and using it as a blunt force object to send #10 to The Graveyard as well.  Ocean Master becomes surrounded by the ten Phibians and is able to handle himself for a time, taking out #1, 3, 6, & 7-9 before eventually being strangled out by the muscular and fierce genetic abominations.  Swamp Thing manages to take out the remaining Phibians; but despite his power cannot withstand a full force shot of lightning breath from Godzilla.  

 Deep in the Desert, The God Emperor zips through the dunes with Toph, Momo, Achilles, and his Myrmidons patrolling behind.  They are met by Atom Eve, Dupi-Kate, Rex Splode, & Allen the Alien who have taken to new leadership under Blue Marvel.  Blue Marvel theatrically runs in front of his desert squad, stops, and points giving the signal for his troops to attack.  Rex Splode runs up on Momo and touches him with his finger, exploding the poor little lemur into bloody, fur cutlets which really pisses off Toph.  The Blind Bandit wastes no time getting revenge as she stomps the sand around her into a large concrete slab that lands on the head of Rex and naturally explodes as it crushes his skull.  The earth bender then turns her attention to Allen the Alien whom she thrusts her metal chains upon running him through.  The original metal bender is then stopped from further putting on a battle clinic when she is hit by a massive, manipulated burst of energy delivered from Atom Eve.  Blue Marvel moves towards what appears to be nothing more than a shirtless, young Greek Lad; but soon realizes that he is surrounded by The Myrmidons.  While this fight commences, The God Emperor Leto II is being double teamed by, no triple teamed, wait quadruple teamed, well; you get the picture by Atom Eve, Dupli-Kate, and an ever growing number of duplicates created by Kate.  The two skirmishes go on simultaneously.  Leto pulls arms from his encrusted worm shell and grabs a hold of Atom Eve, breaking her in two; but still finds himself surrounded by numerous duplicates of Dupli-Kate.  The clones move swiftly; but are amazed at how fast Leto is able to move through the Dunes despite his immense size.  A sandstorm seems to envelop as the dunes are thrown about from such rapid movement causing The God Emperor to gain the upper hand and destroy the duplicates one by one.  in the other nearby skirmish, Blue Marvel is picking off Myrmidons, but not nearly as quickly as he thought he would.  Their fighting prowess is unmatched and the heavily enhanced Blue Marvel is amazed that he cannot seem to land a blow on Achilles.  With the appearance of a mere sword wielding mortal, Achilles is far more than that as he is born to be the perfect mortal warrior yet also guided by the gods of Olympus.  The Myrmidon troops of Achilles fall one by one to the might of Blue Marvel, which serves to further enrage the son of Thetis.  Blue Marvel and Achilles find themselves at a stalemate until Blue Marvel feels a disturbance deep in the back of cerebral cortex.  The God Emperor has joined the battle, not only physically; but mentally as well.  This leaves Blue Marvel open to a mortal blow from Achilles who sends his blade deep into the neck of The Mighty Avenger revealing a weakness that even Blue Marvel himself did not know about.  

As what was once the "good" part of town is currently being destroyed by Set and those who oppose him, Dapper Man is rolling around in the "not so great" part of town in a classic, cherry red, near mint 1983 Lamborghini Jalpa.  He stops for gas and pays at the pump so he doesn't have to abandon his vehicle or put out his cigarette.  He says aloud to himself:  "There are yellow lanterns here, I hate yellow lanterns".  Dapper Man was right of course as combatants start moving in swiftly from both teams to start what may turn out to be a great skirmish on the not so great side of town.  Just as The Dapper Man predicted, both Yellow Lantern Voldemort and Yellow Lantern Scarecrow come flying in fast and hit The Dapper Man with a duo of yellow energy fists (luckily The Lamborghini Jalpa was unharmed).  As Master Windu, the Thors and the Zacks join the scene for TEAM, so too do Kid Flash, Invincible, Robot, Duncan Idaho, & Saruman on the side of The Madhouse.  But as this battle gets underway, we shall let it do so as we examine how the epic space and city battles are faring.  

In a perfect world, Batman and his six companions could have each fought with a singular head of Set on their own; but a battle with Set has far too much chaos involved for an idea that straight forward.  Each Madhouse Member has his "set Set" assignment; but really everyone is battling the beast together.  For hours the fight rages on, with death being narrowly escaped myriad times; but without significant damage as of yet done to Set.  Black Adam decides to take this battle to the next level though as he throws caution to the wind and moves in at a breakneck flight speed towards his targeted head.  Osiris and Isis see the bloodlust in the eyes of their commander and fly in fast behind him for backup.  Black Adam sees that their approach is imperfect but he cannot allow himself to be hindered by it.  While Set reaches out with two of his heads, swallowing both Isis and Osiris whole, adding their power to his own immense scale.  Black Adam comes down on the head of Set with a punch that could melt steel beams and delivers a magical lightning blast of incalculable intensity, being the first Madhouse member to succeed in taking out a head of Set.  "One down, six to go".  Batman says over the com as we leave this skirmish once again to examine the final frontier of space.  

As it is everywhere else on the Playoff Map, The Space battle is raging on.  Ego materializes a monstrous hand from his globe like body and wraps the city block size fingers around Captain Atom, dematerializing said arm back into the living planet persona.  Ranx then decides to move as swiftly as a sentient city can and make his play against Ego.  The larger Ego attempts to envelop Ranx; but his yellow lantern energy is simply too much for the Marvel entity.  Such massive power is too much for either celestial being to handle as they join each other in death.  Vader and Dr. Manhattan have split up with Vader taking the clones and Silver Surfer to battle Primus, and Dr. Manhattan taking Ursa and The Beyonder against Unicron; but unfortunately for the already undermanned Madhouse, those are not the only combatants that The TEAM Squad has sent into space........  

Rolling through the old abandoned Tartarian Forest covered ancient *city of The Playoff Planet (*See The Doctor's Madhouse Vs. Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips:  Week 5) is Yakub.  Yakub was supposed to be in one of the lamborghinis but his head was too big to fit inside; so when they were trying to figure out which TEAMmember would drive which car it got confusing.  They were originally going to give Yakub Ed's hood a** Plymouth Sundance because it wasn't even black history month or anything, but then they remembered that the two Zachs needed cars and that no universe's version of Zachary Houslander knows how to drive a stick.  But none of that mattered because before they could decide, Yakub stole Conner's Mazda and went looking for a fried chicken joint.  Instead he stumbled upon this ancient city where Yakub decided to get out of his new Mazda and start a new religion (and by start a new religion I of course mean:  Smoke a blunt).  It is at this point that he is encountered by Brainiac.  The two of them, then have to get into a deep discussion of how the world came to be before they have a battle of the big heads.  Yakub almost convinces Brainiac that it was he that originally created the green man to be an evil example of what the true human was supposed to hate and that they should probably go back to his flying wheel in the sky to discuss it further (and by flying wheel in tbe sky, I of course mean his stolen Mazda).  But instead they meld minds and begin an endless mental fight (and by endless, I of course mean it lasted fifteen seconds before Brainiac won and Yakub died).  

{Back to Space}

TEAM's two massive Cybertronian Planets are being backed up by Thanos, Maw, a Kryptonian, a Yellow Lantern, and Astrotrain.  Opting to back up Unicron after receiving orders to do so from the world destroyer himself Thanos and Maw engage Dr. Manhattan who makes short work of Ebony Maw before engaging in a pitched battle with The Mad Titan.  Astrotrain is flanked by The DC Commons as they fly in fast against Ursa.  This leaves The Beyonder on his own against Unicron who doesn't last very long once Unicron begins his transforming process and unleashes some cosmic laser blasts.  Ursa flies towards the dark colored space shuttle, Kryptonian, and Yellow Lantern thinking that she will dispatch them quickly so she can get back to her true purpose of destroying Unicron.  Erz the Kryptonian and Zelda the Yellow Lantern flank Ursa from both sides, while Astrotrain in a surprise move pulls a sharp "L" turn opening his side hatch to reveal a Jet form Blitzwing who flies in towards Ursa and pulls the exact same move, opening his side hatch and ejecting Soundwave in radio form out of his cockpit.  Soundwave then transforms into his robot form and ejects:  Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Ratbat, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Overkill, Slugfest, Squwaktalk, Beastbox (who instantly merge to form Squawktalk), Garboil, Howlback, Glit, Enemy, and ten more Cassettes causing Ursa to realize that she has far more on her plate than she initially had thought.  Thanos and Dr. Manhattan are in the midst of a fight with mental attacks, cosmic manipulation, emotional warfare, and good old fashioned haymakers, when The two Triple Changers Astrotrain and Blitzwing come in to interfere.  Manhattan turns his attention to the two Decepticons and vaporizes their Cybertronian metal into dust; but Thanos takes that raw energy expelled by Manhattan, manipulates it and directs it back at The Doctor.  "As you always say:  A live body and a dead body contain the same amount of particles".  Says Thanos with a smirk.  Dr. Manhattan makes eye contact with the Mad Titan paraphrasing with his last cosmic breath:  "You could not live with your own failure and where did that bring you:  WITH me".  With this exchange they both cease to exist.  Darth Vader is flanked closely by his two 501st Clones and loyal wingmen as they fly in swiftly towards the enormous robot form of Primus, while The Surfer flies in around the back of the Cybertronian Metal god to hit him from both sides.  Thoughts flood Vader's mind as he attempts to examine what possibilities could arise from this attack.  The Bespin Cloud Car following him are not normally even capable of this type of space flight, let alone the speeds it is attaining by following this close to his TIE Dagger.  But Vader personally modified the craft before the battle knowing what it would need to be capable of.  "I'm good at fixing things......  Always have been".....  Vader says to himself, invoking ancient memories and emotions long forgotten and suppressed.  He witnesses Silver Surfer moving at amazing speeds and hitting their opponent with the power cosmic, doing damage (but not enough).  With no missiles on board The TIE Dagger, Vader knows that he must depend on Silver Surfer to do some serious damage before he can possibly inflict enough destructive force with his basic laser cannons and heavy laser cannons.  The ships move into position when Vader, only as a matter strategy sees that his wingman, the Bespin Cloud Car and the two loyal troopers inside have been obliterated by a laser blast from Primus.  Vader holds his course hearing the macabre, dismissive voice of his old master:  "They have done their duty so we can do ours".  Their attack run on Primus continues......   

{Back planet side}.

While the night sky of The Playoff Planet is ablaze with the space battle above, the battle of the city with the serpent does as well.  With the help of Batman and some laser guided missiles from the Tumbler, Blade was able to daringly launch his Batmobile off the roof of a nearby skyscraper, crash it into a head of Set and then deal the killing blow to the same head with his silver bladed, exploding sword before being swallowed whole by the neighboring head.  Robin, in a suicidal, yet brave maneuver was able to take out a head of the massive, mythological serpent as well by employing some JLA/BatTech built into his R-Cycle inside the mouth of Set's head #3.  Unfortunately, he had to drive the cycle directly into the mouth itself and couldn't make it out to celebrate.  Alfred, was not so lucky.  He may not be an Ace Pilot in an F-15; but he was certainly a capable one.  But it wasn't enough firepower to accomplish his goal before being shot down by a fiery bit of mystical breath.   Batman has managed to take out a head on his own as well; but has exhausted all fo the firepower on The Tumbler.  But even half of Set is still quite an enemy............

{Space.  Again..}

Ursa stands (floats actually) alone in space having not even moved against her dedicated foe Unicron.  She has choked out Erz, defeated Zelda with a blast of heat vision, overpowered the formative Lightning Lad, knocked down the first ten Cassettes that Soundwave's guys used as first line bullet catchers, and turned Garboil, Howlback, Buzzsaw, & Glit into scrap metal before she was overwhelmed by the Unicron enhanced Decepticon firepower from Soundwave and his remaining Cassettes that even a Kryptonian could not sustain.  Unicron still stands basically untouched as Vader and The Surfer continue their attack run on his brother Primus.  Silver Surfer has unleashed a flurry of cosmic attacks as planned but Lord Vader has come to realize that his craft simply does not have the firepower to take down Primus.  It seems Primus may have realized this as well as he focuses his concentration on Silver Surfer.  The now heavily damaged Primus focuses his ancient Cybertronian god-like powers on Norrin Radd causing the chrome body of The Surfer to corrode off of him exposing his underbody to the rigors of space.  Vader knows that this is now a long shot but looks inward with The Force.  He focuses on the spark of the giant Transformer and sets a course directly for it.  Vader, knowing that his ship doesn't have the onboard firepower to make the final shot, ejects himself into space and uses the TIE most literally as a Dagger into the exposed spark of Primus to take him out.  Darth Vader......  Now the sole member of The Madhouse in space is free-floating, sans ship.  Alive, because of his suit; but with no manner of tech to do battle with the planet destroying Transformer known as Unicron.  Batman speaks to the entire Madhouse Squad via com.  Batman says to The Madhouse Members:  "Lord Vader's ship is down.  We will have to try and figure out a different way to take out Unicron".  As Vader floats in the loneliness of space the singular word of Bruce Wayne rings in his head.  "Try".........  "Try".  His training comes back into his head.  "Do or do not.  There is no try"........  Darth Vader achieves a deep Force trance and focuses on the silver board that his now deceased teammate used for transport.  With his mastery of The Force, Darth Vader summons the free floating board of The Silver Surfer and mounts it.  He flies into the mouth of Unicron with The Force as his ally and is guided directly to the source of his spark.  Vader sends one more message via com to Batman saying:  "The plan is still valid.  Execute Order 32".  Darth Vader concentrates every bit of energy he can muster.  A mix of Sith lightning, Physical Force crushing, and mental manipulation as he whispers to himself one last time:  "The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of The Force".  With this final thought, Vader allows himself to be ripped apart as if he were a voodoo doll of the enormous Unicron who is ripped apart as well.  Batman, knowing the secret plan held close to the chest by only he and Lord Vader orders his team away.  Only he remains in the center of Set to use JLA Satellites to manipulate the gravitation pull of The Playoff Planet and direct the cosmic powered, energy infused Cybertronian metal pieces of the now dead Unicron down to the planet, sacrificing himself for the Madhouse as Vader did to destroy the last remaining heads of Set.  

Earthquakes, tremors, and impromptu storms rock The Playoff Planet as the skirmish on the other side of the city continues.  Thor and Thunderstrike work in unison to battle the yellow lantern duo of Voldemort and Scarecrow, when Invincible comes in to disrupt the fight.  The two Zacharys roll up in unison in a Lamborghini and Ed's old Plymouth Sundance.  You would think the Lambo would get there faster, but the Zach in the Sundance took a short cut across the grass.  They J-Turn into position and manage to crush Robot between the two vehicles.  They both jump out in unison with Arc Trooper Zachary blasting Robot repeatedly with his rifle and O.G. Zachary finishing him off with a good old motor city beatdown to the head with his bat.  Duncan Idaho rushes onto the scene after he sees Robot go down and crescent kicks Regular Zack to the head before pulling out his Atreides blade to find a kink in The Arc Trooper armor to take out the other Zachary.  Thor knocks off the head of Scarecrow with his hammer, but instantly is engaged by Invincible in a test of strength.  Thunderstrike doesn't fare as well against Voldemort though as he is hit by a yellow lantern infused death spell from The Dark Lord of the Death Eaters.  Kid Flash moves in at an insane speed, but he arrives at his destination in two pieces as he was met by a purple lightsaber through the chest before he could get there.  Thor overpowers Invincible, albeit with high diff and then bodyslams him to the ground before driving his hammer into Invincible's skull.  The great Norse god is then overpowered by the trio of Voldemort, Idaho, and Saruman.

As we enter the final stage of this battle; the remaining members of both Squads converge on the nearby humid setting in a clearing of the jungle.  Soundwave and his remaining crew, along with Achilles, The God Emperor, and Mace Windu await some potential reinforcement as they take on Black Adam, Brainiac, Voldemort, Duncan Idaho, & Saruman.  Brainiac overpowers the computing memory of Laserbeak, and then is able to physically blow up the advanced leadership focused brain/spark of Ratbat; but is unable to do the same to the many million year old super computer running the systems of Soundwave.  Although Brainiac does make sure to fry the circuitry of the much larger Decepticon Spymaster before he falls to his might.  Black Adam blasts apart the two in one Decepticon Squawktalk, thinking that they had the upper hand, when Jack Lalane, carrying both the hammers of Thor and Thunderstrike, and riding atop Godzilla show up to the skirimsh.  Most fighters can't take the time to break away from their current fight to react; and the action continues on as it had.  Black Adam is having a tougher time than he thought he should against Enemy, when his two brothers Rumble and Frenzy come in to lend a hand.  Duncan Idaho channels the fighting prowess of the ancient Ginaz Swordmasters when he mows through the dinosaur Decepticons Overkill and Slugfest as well as Ravage.  He then engages in a fast paced, pitched battle with Achilles that ends with an Atreides Gom Jibbar in the heel of the greatest Greek before Duncan comes face to face with Leto The Tyrant causing the universe to realize that there cannot be two Kwisatz Haderachs in one place.  They dematerialize and join Paul, their Duke, and Shai Halud in the next realm.  Black Adam knocks Frenzy aside damaging his transformable arm and then delivers spark killing blows to Rumble and Enemy before Jack Lalane screams:  "TEAM TOGETHER" in a last ditch effort to rally his TEAMmates, and is thrown from the back of the monstrous dinosaur as he does.  Godzilla goes for Black Adam after this coating him in lightning breath and finally putting Black Adam's reign of TEAM killing to an end.  Voldemort sends some serious magical/Qwardian power at Mace Windu; but the Senior Jedi Master blocks it with his lightsaber and redirects the energy back at The Dark Lord.  This time, nobody stops Mace and a man too dangerous to be left alive is killed.  Mace turns to Saruman who is channeling every bit of power he can.  Saruman moves in quickly towards Master Windu thrusting his staff into his chest and blowing a hole through him.  Now, at full power, Saruman calls upon his ancient magic to enhance his speed and strength to its limit.  Godzilla postures towards Saruman, the true White Wizard who stabs his wizard staff into the ground and yells:  "YOU SHALL NOT PASS"!!!!  Returning them both to The Valar.

Zachary Houslander awakens from his head trauma and instantly leaps up, grabbing his aluminum baseball bat and looking to join his TEAMmates.  He sees a damaged Frenzy to his left and a bruised Jack Lalane to his right.  

"WHERE ARE THEY?!!?  WHAT'S NEXT?!!?  WHAT HAPPENED?!!?".  Asks Zachary.

Lalane replies:  "We won Kid.  That's what happened".     

Week 9 Staff Consortium: David Byrne's Meat Suits vs The Sigmaz

David Byrne's Meat Suits: Treebeard, Uruk Hai #5-10, Fallen Dwarves #5-10, Black Lantern Goblin

Sigmaz: Aragorn Son Of Arathorn, Eowyn, Fell Beast #2, Mordor Horse #2, And Goblin #1 w/ AR-15

Week 9: Underhills vs Doctor's Madhouse

The Underhills are: Blue Wizard #1, Blue Wizard #2, Ents #2-3, Rider of Rohan #1-3

Doctor’s Madhouse is:

Frodo Baggins w/ Dwarf Ring #2, Elrond w/ Elvin Ring, Hobbit #1-5, Daxamite #1-4

The battle in the Shire starts out with the Daxamites using their heat vision on the slowly approaching Ents. The fire starts to rip through their branches and a few shots are able to remove a couple limbs that fall and accidentally throw Rohan Rider #1 from his horse. Elrond Shoots #2-3 in the head quickly as the Hobbits begin to beat the first rider with rocks and sticks from the Ents. Ent#2, in a fit of rage, is able to smash the five halflings to death before he is fully engulfed in flames and falls in the middle of the battlefield. 

Blue Wizard #1 casts dark clouds above the battle, robbing the Daxamites of their solar energy absorption, quickly draining their powers and Blue Wizard #2 is able to chain a lightning strike through the four of them sending their scorched bodies to the ground. 

Frodo, filled with rage from his dwarf ring and from seeing his kinfolk smashed to mush, picks up a sword from one of the fallen Rohan Riders as Elrond mounts one of their steeds and they charge at the Wizards. Wizard #1 casts a protective shield around Wizard #2 just in time to deflect a barrage of arrows from the Lord of Rivendell. Frodo wisely decides to take out the healer and has managed to get behind the first wizard and run the sword through his back. Ent #3 is still flailing, ablaze and missing many limbs. Takes his final effort to fall in the vicinity of the ring bearer and the wizard crushing them both as he dies. 

Wizard #2 quickly dives behind the fallen Ent and stumbles, taking an arrow to the knee from the quickly approaching Elrond. He rolls on his back against the trunk of the Ent and raises his staff to ready for a fireball. As the horse jumps the tree, his front hoof kicks the staff free from his hand. As the horse lands, riderless, he manages to lock eyes with Elrond as he releases his arrow.

Week 9: Sigmas vs. The Sportsball Team Formerly Known As Redskins

 The Sigmas are: Bilbo Baggins, Gollum, Thorin Oakenshield, Dwalin, and a Tree Sentinel.

The Indigenous Peoples of the Oregon Territory are: Yoda w/Dwarf Ring #4

Yoda browses the aisles, seeking a bargain. He picks up a jar of whimsical purple supplements, “anti-stress” according to the packaging. He flips to the back - Ashwagandha root extract. L-Theanine. Lemon balm… once again, no ketamine. He grumbles and returns the container to its place on the shelf. Settling for a lone tube of Bengay, he makes his way to the checkout. As he goes to exit the Dagobah Walgreens, the automatic doors glide apart to reveal a land unfamiliar to him. He turns to find the pharmacy has vanished and nods. “Begun, the final week has.” Across the rolling green hills he sees The Shire, and makes his way toward today’s fated battle.

In The Shire, Gollum paces and crawls what little floor space exists in Bag End. He wheezes to himself as Bilbo, Thorin, and Dwalin do their best to put the creature’s stirring out of mind. “We gets the Vampire Bite… we BITES the fingers, we takes The Precious BACK!” He snaps like a mad dog at the air while he continues to drag himself in all directions. Bilbo can’t help but flinch slightly when he hears the hollow chatter of Gollum’s teeth gnashing. “Thorin, shouldn’t we… I don’t know, stand guard?” Thorin leans back in his seat. “Do not fret, Bilbo, we’ll rest until the fight comes to us. We’ve set a guardsman to watch the road.”

On the path leading into the home of the Hobbits, Yoda conserves his energy with light but measured steps. Hoofbeats sound, and no sooner than they do, a gleaming filigreed blade slices low to the ground. With a backflip, Yoda skims the flat of the halberd, landing on his feet at the rear of the horseman. The Tree Sentinel gallops off before turning back to face the little green man, and begins a second charge. Yoda braces, waiting for the last second, and slides through the dirt between the horse’s legs. His lightsaber, held upright, bisects the beast and the horseman is thrown from its back. Yoda finishes him before he can lift a finger. Upon his death, the beautifully engineered sound effect of an “ENEMY FELLED” rings out.

Thorin is the first to hear the sound of his watchdog’s defeat. He rises from his seat, beckoning the others out the door. They peer into the distant sunset at Yoda’s approaching silhouette. “Stay behind, Mr. Baggins, we’ll make quick work of this one.” The two Dwarves make their way down the road to confront their foe. When they arrive, no time is wasted on words. Despite their numbers, Yoda is the more skilled combatant, and he gracefully weaves between axe blows looking for an opening to seize. Sure enough, like a glowing beacon, Thorin’s flank reveals itself to Yoda and he slices neatly between the Dwarf’s ribs. Thorin, mortally wounded but still breathing, continues to fend off further blows as a rattled Dwalin begins to swing more frantically. Yoda find his next opening more easily and lops off Thorin’s head before turning his full attention to Dwalin. A shriek pierces the thick of the battle, not from Yoda’s terrified foe but from the pitiful bug-eyed cretin who has crept up on the remaining two. Gollum tackles Yoda, and with his festering teeth he liberates the Dwarf Ring along with the green finger that wore it. With a howl of pain, Yoda kicks Gollum from his body before tackling him back, driving his saber into the wretch. He pulls his saber back and turns around, only to see the flash of two hand axes as they finally find their target.

TEAM Vs. Dolla 49 McRib

 TEAM is Tom Bombadil, Huorn #1-4, & Conner Weidman.

Dolla 49 McRib is 6 Cave Trolls, 4 Balrogs, Nazghul #3 w/ Fell Beast, & 9 Dead Men of Dunharrow.  

Today we shall conduct a match in honor of the songs of Tolkien that so guided his literary works; but were largely left out of the cinematic versions. 

This bit of poetic prose should be sung to the tune of......  Well, to the tune of whatever you want; just make it whimsical, with feeling.

Hey dol! Merry dol!  Ring a dong a dillo!

Ring a dong! Hop along! fa lal the willow!

Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!

[Tom answers]:

I'm Tom, Merry Tom Ringing the dong a dillo!

Awakened Tom, Morning Friends, Risen from the pillow!

Tom Bom, I'm Tom, Tom Bombadillo!  

Here to save the Shire Folk from Rock Trolls of the East!

Save the lads from fire foes, dead men, and a fell beast!

The Huorns may be stuck in soil, stationary, with places ner to go!

They defeat the trolls with size and might in a handed bit of ratio!

The Huorns are protectors of the tiny folk of The Shire!

But still succumb sadly to the Balrogs and their fire! 

Hurry may and hurry might, with so little time for singing!

Goldberry has gone on errand and I hear the pub bells ringing!

Awaiting for me is me friend, not too far tis Conner my best crony!

He sits at table waiting for me Tom at The Prancing Pony!

Tis such a rush before me now, late is of the hour!

But descendants of the Old Great Took are needing of my power!

Trouble has befallen them, evil, fierce, and quite a power show!

But Middle earth has protection from Tom Bom Tom Bombadillo!

The Wraith finds his ring is about to shatter and to crack! 

And his poor Fell Beast comes to ground with broken back!

The Dead Men have been relieved from the spell of the king of old!

And returned to their noble traits so let the stories be of them told!

The Balrogs are a frightening lot terrorizing Halflings of the meadows!

But merry, old Tom Bobadil casts them back into the shadows.

Grayson's Goobers Vs. Darkseid's Horsemen of Apoklips

 Grayson's Goobers are Meriadoc Brandybuck, Shadow the Hedgehog (w/ The Chaos Emeralds), & Boba Fett (w/ Dimensional Travel Watch).

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokilips are The Deadly Viper Assasin Squad (The D-Vas):  Beatrix Kiddo, Bill, Budd, O-Ren Ishii, Vernita Green, & Wlle Driver, Eric Cartman (in The Hulk Buster Ironman Suit), & Autobot Cassette #1.

Week 9 Democracy: The Cowboy Killers Vs. Scar-Jo and Cosby's Trash Pandas

 The Cowboy Killers are Avatar Aang (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring (FINAL DEATH)), Orc #1 (FINAL DEATH), Orc #2, Orc #3 (FINAL DEATH), & Orc #4-5.

The Trash Pandas are Gandalf the White.

Week 8: The Underhills vs The Horsemen

The Underhills are: Magglio Ordoñez, Neo w/ 2 lightsabers, X-24, General Zod, Professor Snape, and Pterodactyls #1-6

The Horsemen are: Supergirl, The Juggernaut, Black Lantern Darkseid, Grand Admiral Thrawn w/Green Lantern Ring, King Leonidas

Overcast at night in downtown Detroit and the lights shine on the Comerica Park field. A soft rumble of thunder can be heard in the distance but any storm seems to be moving away. Six shadows passed over the stadium as pterodactyls shrieked through the air, circling their roost atop the light towers. On the field Magglio Ordoñez is wondering why his Tigers uniform doesn’t fit as well as it once did. He taps his bat against his cleats and starts tossing a baseball up to himself for a little BP before the match starts, trying to recreate the home run from the ‘06 ALCS. Beside him in the on deck circle, Neo twirls two crimson lightsabers, their hum slicing the silence. X-24 slashes at the infield grass while General Zod is levitating just above the pitcher's mound, surveying the field. Chilling in the dugout, Snape starts whispering incantations, preparing his first volley of dark magic.

The air shifts and a boom echoes through the stadium, The Horsemen arrive.

Coming quickly from above, Supergirl landed hard on the Pepsi Porch, cracking the concrete beneath her boots. Her eyes glowed red, scanning the opposition. The wall in left field explodes as The Juggernaut blows through the bullpen wall on a Phil Coke sprint. Black Lantern Darkseid descended from the clouds, death itself in his wake, his anti-life aura blackening the ivy covering the Chevrolet Fountain. Grand Admiral Thrawn, elegant and cold, hovered above the bleachers, his Green Lantern ring pulsing with calculated energy constructs. At second base, King Leonidas stood alone with spear in hand, shirtless and defiant, a relic of war unafraid of gods or monsters.

Zod wasted no time. With a guttural scream, he launched toward Supergirl, fists colliding midair in a shockwave that shattered every window in a five-block radius. Neo ran forward, lightsabers whirling, meeting Leonidas in a clash of ancient combat and digital grace. X-24 leapt like a beast at Juggernaut, who barreled forward, unfazed. Their collision left the infield looking worse than BiCi Field 1.

From the stands, Snape raised his wand.

"Sectumsempra!"

A slash of invisible force sliced toward Thrawn. The Grand Admiral countered with a glowing emerald shield and returned fire, manifesting a pair of green, spectral TIE Fighters that strafed the field. Magglio takes aim at the TIE fighters and hits a perfect line drive straight through one of them, exploding it mid-air. The explosion causes the other to crash into the fountain, flooding the outfield and sending the brand new 2025 Chevrolet Corvette and Silverado EV tumbling to the ground. Both cars are available now at any one of your 38 Metro Detroit area Chevy dealers, starting at around $70k

The pterodactyls screamed and dove in formation, claws aiming for Leonidas and Thrawn. One snatched the Spartan off his feet; he drove his spear upward, impaling the beast midair and crashing to the ground in a tangle of blood and wings.

Supergirl overpowered Zod momentarily, slamming him through the upper deck and into the concourse. But Zod returned, bloodied but smiling, charging her into the Comerica carousel. The two Kryptonians exchanged blows like gods in a hurricane.

Meanwhile, Neo and Leonidas dueled across the base paths. The lightsabers hissed against the bronze shield sending sparks flying with each strike. Leonidas fought with strength and honor, but ultimately, Neo was able to best the Spartan.

X-24, despite his ferocity, was thrown across the outfield by Juggernaut’s unstoppable momentum and was impaled on the statue of Ty Cobb. But as Juggernaut turned to help Darkseid, a swarm of pterodactyls descended, clawing and dragging him into the lower tunnels of the park. Screams echoed. Then silence.

Darkseid advanced. His eyes flared with omega beams. Snape shouted “Protego Maxima!” just in time to deflect them, though the shield cracked and buckled. Thrawn’s ring transformed into a barrage of alien weapons. Magglio ducked and ran for cover.

Snape, bleeding and drained, cast one last desperate spell—“Fiendfyre.” A dragon of living flame roared into the sky, engulfing Thrawn's constructs. Thrawn, anticipating this, sealed himself in a green sphere, but couldn’t counterattack in time. The flames consumed the bleachers, and both Thrawn and Snape vanished in fire and smoke.

Neo, now beside Zod, faced off against Supergirl and Darkseid. He nodded once to Zod.

Zod flew at Supergirl again, buying Neo time.

Neo rushed toward Darkseid, blades igniting at the last second.

The field exploded in light and a blast of energy tore through the stadium.

When the dust settled, only one man stood.

Magglio Ordoñez surveys the carnage. X-24 disemboweled on the Georgia Peach, Juggernaut lost in the depths and buried under rubble, Leonidas slain at second base, Thrawn incinerated, Neo unmoving beside Darkseid's crumpled form. Zod and Supergirl had vanished into the clouds, still fighting for all of eternity..

Above, a single pterodactyl circled silently.

Magglio raised his bat one last time, picked up a baseball, and hit the perfect home run into the 8th row of the left field grandstands. He smiles, raises his fist, and starts rounding the bases in victory.

Week 8 Consortium: Grayson's Goobers vs Dolla 49 McRib

Grayson's Goobers are: Red Hulk, (Legends) Luke Skywalker (w/ a blue lantern ring), The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Girl, Human Torch, and The Thing, and Venom

Dolla 49 McRib is: Count Dooku, Arcee, High Evolutionary, The Technibots: Scattershot, Strafe, Lightspeed, Afterburner, and Nosecone, Xavier Harkonnen, Harkonnen Soldier #2

FFL 2025 Week 8: Trash Pandas vs. The Sigmas

Cosby and Scar Jo’s Trash Pandas: Thor, Gandalf the White, Batgirl (Cassandra Cain), Naruto, Radagon, Peregrin Took and Pete Rose w/ a baseball bat

The Sigmas: Bane, Blake Corum, Tarnish, Dwealin, Duncan Idaho, Maverick, Goose, Iceman, Slider, John Rambo, Shadow the Hedgehog, Grand Slam and Femen #1-6

What an FFL match we have here today folks!! As we have a fierce interdivision match up today between the Trash Pandas and The Sigmas. These teams have made it quite known that they don’t like each other, so look out for that today folks. 

Today’s ball game takes place at the home of the Gritty, American League leading Detroit Tigers!! 

Comerica Park!!

Rod Allen joins me in the booth today.

The Trash Panda's are lined up on the third base line while The Sigmas are lined up on the first base line as the announcer calls for the removal of everyone’s caps as the singing of the National Anthem is to take place.

Jack White plays a solo guitar rendition of the anthem while a trio of F-22s do a flyover of the stadium on this sunny, brisk April Sunday afternoon.

The Sigmas will bat first while the Trash Pandas take the field as they are the home team today.

The Trash Pandas defensive lineup today goes as follows. Gandalf on the mound, Naruto in Left Center, Thor in Right Center, Radagon at First, Batgirl at Second, Pete Rose at Third/Short, & Peregrin at Catcher.

Shadow the Hedgehog leads off from the right hand batters box for The Sigmas, as Gandalf throws a sweeper that catches the outside corner of the plate. Rod, that sweeper is looking good today for Gandalf there. Rod says “Yeah Kyle, Gandalf’s been gifted a plus sweeper by the hand of Era Iluvatar.”

Second pitch comes to the plate and Shadow hits a hard one hopper directly to Pete Rose. Rose makes a quick throw across the diamond as Shadow was flying down the line. Oh what a play there Rod, Rose caught the one hopper right off the bounce and made an excellent throw there. Rod says “Yeah Kyle, Gandalf’s sinker caused that ground ball there. If Gandalf’s got that pitch working today, it’s gonna be a quick game today for the Trash Pandas.”

Maverick walks up to the plate and sets his stance in the right hand batters box. He sets his feet with a narrow and open stance. Gandalf starts his windup and hits a pitch high and inside on the fighter pilot, knocking Maverick to his butt as he dodges the pitch. Maverick is stunned as he almost gets hit there and starts bad mouthing Gandalf from the mound. The Sigmas dugout is now yelling to the ump, telling him to do something about this. The ump points at the Sigmas dugout and Gandalf, giving them both a warning. As the great Vin Scully once said, “Comerica Park has gone from a ball field to a school yard where the ump looks like a teacher that sees trouble.”

Maverick gets back in the box and recollects himself, as Gandalf starts the windup. 

BOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!

Folks, I don’t know what’s happened but, the infield and the dugouts have collapsed into the earth like some sort of sinkhole.

The Trash Pandas have lost Peregrin Took, Naruto, Radagon and Pete Rose.

While The Sigmas have lost Blake Corum, Tarnish, Dwalin, Maverick, Goose, IceMan, Slider, and their Fremen.

All of a sudden Bane and Grand Slam have been dropped off into centerfield from a helicopter as Gandlaf exclaims “you did this didn’t you?! You rigged the field with explosives?!”

“Yes” Bane states, “It was the only way I thought The Sigmas could win this lopsided match up, The Sigmas may have lost some of their own, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make”

Thor has lost patience with this conversation and calls for a thunderbolt to his hammer. He charges his hammer and shoots a bolt of lightning to Shadow and John Rambo. Immediately killing them.

Bane attacks Batrgirl, at first her nimbleness allows her to dodge some attacks from the strong masked man. But eventually he gets a hold of her and breaks her back over his knee like he did to her mentor. Then he grabs her neck and snaps it with ease.

Grand Slam shoots a rocket at Gandalf but he uses his power as the wielder of the flame of Anor to to create a force field around himself. Gandalf then calls for Thor to help. Thor calls for more lightning to his hammer and then shoots it at the transformer, Gandalf joins him by calling for a lightning strike to hit Grand Slam. The combination of both strikes melted every MOSFET and Capacitor in the transformer. Rendering him defeated.

Now all that stands is Bane and Duncan Idaho against Gandalf the White and Thor.

I wish I could say this was a close match but it was not.

Gandalf fought Duncan Idaho while Thor fought Bane.

Bane charged Thor and attacked with a couple furious combos but Thor was able to block and dodge all with ease. Thor then picked up Bane and used his hammer to fly a mile high up in the air. Thor then dropped Bane and let him fall to his death.

Duncan’s skill with a blade was impressive to Gandalf but eventually, Gandalf’s combo of blade and magic was too much for the warrior from House Atreides.

Gandalf and Thor walk out the park and head to Tin Roof for some nice ales to cap the night off.