Built Ford Tough vs. The Untouchables

I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 6 Match: Built Ford Tough vs. The Untouchables.

I look into the locker room of Built Ford Tough, who is Han Solo and Chewbacca in an AT-ST, Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, U.S. Agent, Scout Troopers #1-33, Wilt and Barry Sanders in a Tank, Sardakaurs #1-12, Beta Ray Bill, Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones, Aslan the Lion, Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, Cottonmouth, Copper Head and California Mountain Snake, Professor Snape, The Flaming Carrot in a Go-Cart, Power Man, Iron Fist, Sirius Black, Star Sapphire, Fantastic Max, FX and AB, Grapple, Cowboy Curtis, Archie the Octo-Spider, Andrew Jackson Libby, E. Honda, The Doctor, Darkwing Duck on a Speeder Bike, Steve McQueen on a Ducati, Mr. T, Moltar, The Beatles: John, Paul, George, & Ringo, Joey, Pacy, and Dawson, Strong Guy, Solid Snake, Veronica Mars, Keith Mars, & Weevil, Failed Jedi #1-10, Arachnids #1-50, Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy, Diego & Baby Jaguar, Mandalorians #6-10, Ancient Sith Lords #8-14, Sand Troopers #1-25, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26.

Mr. T.: I pity the fool who takes us on Easter Day! I will show him no respect!

Captain Jack Harkness: Hopefully I get lucky today!

Veronica Mars: You help win this battle and I’ll make sure of it!

I look into The Untouchables’ locker room and see Deadpool on a Speeder Bike, Megatron, The Constructicons, The Fantastic 4, Pyro, Ratchet, Legolas on Horse #5, Sorceress of Castle Grayskull, She-Hulk, Boromir on Horse #6, Bombshell, Kickback, Shrapnel, Ent #1-6, Elven Soldiers #1 and 2 on Horses #7 and 8, Elven Soldiers #3-12, Green Arrow, Black Canary on Ducati, Punisher and Sgt. Todd in a Tank, Malficent, Merlin on Horse #9, The Pretender Monsters, Tomar Tu, Granny Goodness, The Female Furies, Onslaught, Blob, She-Ra on Swift Wind and Madam Razz on Broom, Sinestro (w/ Green Ring), Scourge, Sweeps #1 and 2, (movie) Bumblebee, (movie) Brawl, Pounce and Wingspan, Siryn, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl, Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, Karate Kid, Brainiac 5, The wildCATS: Voodoo, Spartan, Grifter, Zealot, Warblade, Maul, Void, and Lord Emp, Huntress on Batgirl's motorcycle, Nazgul #9 with Fell Beast, Huffer, Hoist, Inferno, Aleta One, Darth Reknit and Darth Lebb, Xio Jade, Eclipso, Scarecrow on Horse #10, Dr. Light (the evil dude), Beast Man, The Protectabots and Dark Side Acolytes #7-18.

Onslaught: If any of you embarrass me by losing to Built Ford Tough and giving them their first victory, I will be sure our owner has either your body on the trading block, or head on the chopping block!

Most of the members of Built Ford Tough and The Untouchables are hoping that the match will not last too long since they have to attend Easter Mass and follow it with an Easter Meal. Others on the teams are still celebrating Passover and are bitter that they have several days left of eating matzah. They charge at each other with unmeasured ferocity.

Diego and Baby Jaguar lead the charge. Green Arrow releases his bow and lets an arrow fly through the air. The tip pierces through Diego’s eye and instantly kills him.

Green Arrow: Pull!

Black Canary uses her ultrasonic scream to push Baby Jaguar in the sky. Green Arrow releases an exploding arrow that hits its mark. The arrow strikes Baby Jaguar and the small feline explodes like a clay pigeon in the sky. Black Canary jumps back on her Ducati and joins her other mounted teammates.

Deadpool on a Speeder Bike, Legolas on Horse #5, Boromir on Horse #6, Eleven Soldier #1 on Horse #7, Elven Soldier #2 on Horse #8, Black Canary on a Ducati, She-Ra on Swift Wind, Madam Razz on her Broom, and Huntress on Batgirl’s Motorcycle race through the grasslands. Cowboy Curtis sees the Elven Soldiers with bows coming at him. Cowboy Curtis has a flashback of simpler times when he roamed the plains with the American Indians and freezes. His body is riddled with the arrows of both Elven Soldiers. The Beatles: John, Paul, George and Ringo see the Huntress on Batgirl’s motorcycle and their jaws drop at the beauty before them. She-Ra, thinking the Fabulous Four are a bit sexist (and for the most part, have picked poorly in their relationships) decapitates all four in a row. Joey, Pacy and Dawson attempt and avoid being slaughtered like cattle. Deadpool enjoys the challenge of all three running in different directions and while side-riding his speeder bike, blasts each of the Dawson’s Creek inhabitants. Madam Razz uses a spell to make Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26 lift off the ground. Legolas and Boromir slice the small combatants in half. Darkwing Duck on a Speeder Bike, Flaming Carrot on a go-kart and Steve McQueen on a Ducati race to the scene. The three manage to use their skills and entrap Elven Soldiers #1 and #2 and Horses #7 and 8. Although the Elves let their arrows fly, Darkwing, Carrot and McQueen manage to avoid the shafts. Punisher and Sgt. Todd in a Tank and Merlin on Horse #9 rush to the battle. Punisher and Sgt. Todd use their weapons to riddle Flaming Carrot and his go-kart with bullets. They then use their tank to blow McQueen and his Ducati to bits. Merlin casts a spell which raises Duck off his speeder bike, which is sent flying without its driver, hitting the ground and exploding. Darkwing Duck is in the air, trying desperately to break from Merlin’s spell. Darkwing is easy prey as he is struck by the arrows of Legolas, Elven Soldier #1, and Elven Soldier #2. As he falls to the ground, Boromir and She-Ra slice apart Darkwing at the same time. A bloody mess hits the ground. Wilt and Barry Sanders drive over to the fracas and Barry Sanders fires upon the Untouchables. Barry Sanders manages to blow away both Elven Soldiers #1 and #2 along with their Horses #7 and 8. Scarecrow on Horse #10 attempts to alter the Sanders’ ability to think by blowing mind-altering dust in their faces, but is unsuccessful and is soon shot from an unknown source, killing both himself and his horse.

Barry: What’d you think about that dad!?!

Wilt: Good job, son. But not as good as Jim Brown would have done!

Barry: How about this, dad!?!

Barry fires again and manages to take out Boromir on Horse #6. It turns out that an AT-ST is the killer of Scarecrow (see mention above), as Han Solo and Chewbacca in an AT-ST comes to the aid of their teammates. With the combined firepower of the Sanders’ tank and the AT-ST, Legolas on Horse #5, She-Ra on Swiftwind and Black Canary on a Ducati are taken out.

The Untouchables’ Transformers come to the battleground amongst the vehicle spectacular. Megatron, the Constructicons, Ratchet, Bombshell, Kickback, Shrapnel, The Pretender Monsters, Scourge, Sweeps #1 and 2, (movie) Bumblebee, (movie) Brawl, Pounce and Wingspan, Huffer, Hoist, Inferno, Aleta One, and the Protectabots join the fracas. The Transformers are too much for the remaining Tough clan as Megatron, Ratchet, Bombshell, Kickback, and Shrapnel destroy the AT-ST and then electrocute and blow away Han Solo and Chewbacca. Wilt and Barry Sanders in a tank are met by the Pretender Monsters, Scourge, Sweeps #1 and 2, Bumblebee, Brawl and Aleta One. The tank is destroyed, Will Sanders is killed and Barry Sanders, although attempting to do his signature back and forth moves, is killed by Pounce who shreds him apart. The remaining Transformers: Wingspan, Huffer, Hoist, Inferno and the Protectabots focus on the other “more normal” members of Built Ford Tough, who are scrambling around. Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, Fantastic Max, FX and AB, Veronica Mars, Keith Mars and Weevil, Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy are crushed, killed and destroyed by the Transformers. Grapple comes to the scene and avenges some of his fallen brethren by destroying Sweeps #1 and 2. Grapple is then taken out by the entire Untouchables Transformer clan.

Built Ford Tough decides to fight The Untouchables’ next wave of combatants through sheer numbers; thus, Scout Troopers #1-33, Sardakaurs #1-12, Failed Jedi #1-10, Arachnids #1-50, Mandalorians #6-10, Ancient Sith Lords #8-14, and Sand Troopers #1-25 take the field. Although they are met by The Untouchables’ “common” warriors of Elven Soldiers #3-12, Ents #1-6 and Dark Side Acolytes #7-18, they are no match for the swarming Tough team. Through the melee, Scout Troopers #1-7, Arachnids #3-11 and Sand Troopers #7-15 are killed. Nonetheless, their sacrifices are not in vain as all Elven Soldiers #3-12, Ents #1-6 and Dark Side Acolytes #7-18 are killed. The Legion of Superheroes: Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl, Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, Karate Kid, Brainiac 5, and The wildCATS: Voodoo, Spartan, Grifter, Zealot, Warblade, Maul, Void, and Lord Emp meet the swarms head-to-head. The magnetism manipulation of Cosmic Boy, electricity manipulation of Lightning Lad, telepathic ability of Saturn Girl, flight and intangibility of Phantom Girl, inflatability and resistance to injury of Bouncing Boy, three-bodied Triplicate Girl, superhuman strength, speed and claws of Timber Wolf, shape shifting of Chameleon Boy, martial arts skills of Karate Kid, and mind of Brainiac 5, along with the numerous abilities of the wildCATS is too much for the remaining Build Ford Tough troops. Thus, all Scout Troopers, Sardakaurs, Failed Jedi, Arachnids, Mandalorian, Ancient Sith Lords and Sand Troopers are killed. Their bodies litter the battlefield.

The Torchwood crew: Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato and Ianto Jones team with the Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, Cottonmouth, Copper Head, and California Mountain Snake to take on Maleficent, Granny Goodness and The Female Furies. Before Maleficent can transform into the black dragon (which she is known for in battle), the Assassin Squad manages to repeatedly stab and slice her – the evil faerie goes down. The Female Furies: Gilotina, Stompa, Bernadeth and Mad Harriet sworm the Deadly Viper Assassin Squad. Stompa uses her powers to shake the ground beneath the Squad. Gilotina uses her hands to slice through Bud. Bernadeth uses her fahren knife to burn Cottonmouth from the inside out. Mad Harriet’s energy claws rip through Copper Head and California Mountain Snake. The Furies then kill Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato and Ianto Jones. Captain Jack Harkness and Bill are left standing. Granny Goodness senses that Harkness is “special” and therefore will need to use her Apokolyptian technology to actually destroy him.

Harkness: Hey ladies, I’m not really discriminating. How about a six way? If you want to see some real “fury” let’s take a romp in the grass. [Looks to Bill]. You can even join in too. [Bill takes out a knife and commits hari-kari].

Goodness: Tempting although your offer may be. . .

Goodness uses her technology and with the assistance of the Furies, destroys Harkness.

She-Hulk is fighting Strong Guy. The two are evenly matched and throwing devastating punches at one another. Aslan the Lion jumps on the scene and since She-Hulk is worn down by Strong Guy already, is mauled and killed by Aslan. Beast Man comes over to Aslan and tries to control the lion since he has the power to control wild animals. Beast Man is wrong is his assessment since Aslan is a “gifted” lion. The beast rips Beast Man apart. Pyro uses his pyrotechnic abilities to shoot flames at Aslan. Aslan is singed and falls to the ground, injured but not dead. Seeing this, U.S. Agent comes on the scene. U.S. Agent manages to deflect the flames of Pyro with his shield and then decapitates him with a swift slice of his shield across Pyro’s neck.

U.S. Agent then teams with Power Man, Solid Snake, Indiana Jones, Iron Fist, E. Honda, Mr. T. and Strong Guy. The Tough Team focuses on the initial combatants and their vehicles: Deadpool on a Speeder Bike, Madam Razz on her broom, and Huntress on Batgirl’s motorcycle. Indiana Jones uses his whip to snag Razz on her broom in the air. He tugs his whip and “boom goes the dynamite” as down crashes Razz and her broom. Mr. T. and E. Honda give her a “beat down” and she dies of internal bleeding. Solid Snake uses his keen marksmanship skills to shoot Deadpool’s Speeder Bike. As Deadpool is flying through the air and falling to the ground, he shoots and kills both Mr. T. and Solid Snake. Instead of rolling on the ground, Deadpool rolls into Power Man, Iron Fist and Strong Guy. Although Deadpool manages to kill Power Man, Iron Fist’s chi fist and Strong Guy’s brute power kills him. Huntress’ batcycle is brought down by U.S. Agent’s shield. She rolls and uses her weapons to kill E. Honda. U.S. Agent, Iron Fist, Strong Guy and Indiana Jones finish her off.

Beta Ray Bill, Aslan the Lion, Professor Snape, Sirius Black, Star Sapphire, Archie the Octo-Spider, The Doctor and Moltar face off against the Fantastic 4, Sorceress of Castle Grayskull, Merlin on Horse #9, Tomar Tu, Onslaught, Blob, Sinestro (w/ Green Ring), Nazgul #9 with Fell Beast, Darth Reknit and Darth Lebb, Xio Jade, Eclipso, and Dr. Light (the evil dude). Aslan the Lion, in an already weakened condition, is killed by the combined force powers of Darth Reknit and Darth Lebb, along with the ferocity of Nazgul #9 and his Fell Beast. Moltar unleashes his lava flow from his containment suit and kills Blob. With Moltar without his containment suit, Merlin casts a spell which rips Moltar apart. Professor Snape and Sirius Black use their combined magic casting abilities to defeat and kill the Sorceress of Castle Grayskull. The Fantastic Four focus on Archie the Octo-Spider. The Invisible Girl protects the foursome while each uses their abilities against the being. The Human Torch uses his flames to scorch the spider, which falls to the ground. Mr. Fantastic wraps the Spider up while the Thing pummels, and ultimately, destroys it. Star Sapphire takes on Dr. Light, Eclipso, Sinestro, and Tomar Tu. Although Star Sapphire uses her powers to take out Dr. Light, the remaining three batter her around like a rag doll with their rings and abilities. Star Sapphire falls dead to the ground. Beta Ray Bill uses Stormbreaker’s powers, along with his strength and agility, to defeat Tomar Tu, Eclipso and Sinestro. Snape and Black then combine their powers again and destroy Merlin and his Horse #9.

The teams regroup and ready for the final battle. Built Ford Tough: Indiana Jones, U.S. Agent, Beta Ray Bill, Professor Snape, Iron Fist, Sirius Black, The Doctor, and Strong Guy battle The Untouchables: Megatron, The Constructicons, The Fantastic 4, Ratchet, Bombshell, Kickback, Shrapnel, Green Arrow, Punisher and Sgt. Todd in a Tank, The Pretender Monsters, Granny Goodness, The Female Furies, Onslaught, Scourge, (movie) Bumblebee, (movie) Brawl, Pounce and Wingspan, Siryn, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl, Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, Karate Kid, Brainiac 5, The wildCATS: Voodoo, Spartan, Grifter, Zealot, Warblade, Maul, Void, and Lord Emp, Nazgul #9 with Fell Beast, Huffer, Hoist, Inferno, Aleta One, Darth Reknit and Darth Lebb, Xio Jade, Eclipso, and The Protectabots. The battle is pitched and furious. . . Built Ford Tough are all killed. Indiana Jones killed by Pounce and Wingspan. U.S. Agent killed by the wildCATS. Beta Ray Bill killed by the Legion of Superheroes, Megatron, and the Pretender Monsters. Professor Snape killed by The Constructicons and Siryn. Iron Fist killed by Darth Reknit and Darth Lebb. Sirius Black killed by Nazgul #9 with Fell Beast, Huffer, Hoist and Inferno. The Doctor killed by the Female Furies, (movie) Bumblebee and (movie) Brawl. Strong Guy killed by Granny Goodness and the Fantastic Four. Amongst those who died in the final battle for the Untouchables: Ratchet, Green Arrow, Shrapnel, Punisher and Sgt. Todd in a Tank, and Xio Jade.

The Untouchables: Megatron, The Constructicons, The Fantastic 4, Bombshell, Kickback, The Pretender Monsters, Granny Goodness, The Female Furies, Onslaught, Scourge, (movie) Bumblebee, (movie) Brawl, Pounce and Wingspan, Siryn, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl, Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, Karate Kid, Brainiac 5, The wildCATS: Voodoo, Spartan, Grifter, Zealot, Warblade, Maul, Void, and Lord Emp, Nazgul #9 with Fell Beast, Huffer, Hoist, Inferno, Aleta One, Darth Reknit and Darth Lebb, Eclipso, and The Protectabots survive.

Built Ford Tough: All dead.

THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!!