The Untouchables Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches

The Untouchables are Onslaught, Deadpool in an AT-ST, Pyro, The Incredibles: Mr. Incredible, Elasti-girl, Violet, Dash, & Jack-Jack, Legolas, Green Arrow, Boromir, The Atom, Sinestro (w/ Green Ring), Tomar Tu, The Pretender Monsters: Ice Pick, Birdbrain, Bristleback, Scowl, Slog, & Wildfly, Ents #1-6, & Elven Soldiers #1-6

Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches are Tyrone, Darth Vader, Red Hulk, Dark Phoenix, Doomsday, Magog, Carnage, Holocaust, Wolverine, Darth Talon, Nazgul #6 w/ Fell Beast, Hush, King Hiss, Dracula, Black Dragon #1, Green Dragon #1, Arkillo, & Fangry & Brisko.


Deadpool is driving the AT-ST thru the thick woods of Endor’s forest moon when he turns to the empty seat next to him and says: “Fire at will, private. We can’t let the rebels escape. Hmmm, this is no fun. Doesn’t Coach Gordon know that it takes 2 people to drive an AT-ST, hasn’t he even seen Return of the Jedi”? Deadpool then sees the 6 Elven Soldiers taking cover in the trees which prompts him to stick his head out the top and yell to Elven Soldier #2: “Hey, you! Climb up that tree and pop on in here. I need a gunner”. “Yes Sir” Elven Soldier #2 replies. Once inside the AT-ST Elven Soldier #2 looks at Deadpool and says “What are your orders Sir”? Deadpool replies with “What’s up with all this sir stuff? I though everybody just thought I was a total idiot”? “You were first round draft pick in Season 1 Sir, I thought that meant that you outrank most of the team”? Says the Elf. Deadpool answers with “Oh….. Yeah, alright. I like the sound of that. Yeah, let’s go with that”. “Now, you know how to operate one of these things right”. The Elf replies with “No sir, in my world we have no such equipment”. “Oh, O.K., but you’ve seen Return of the Jedi right”? Deadpool asks. Elven Soldier #2 answers with “You’re talking about those guys with the robes and the bright green swords right. Yeah I’ve seen them, but why do they have to return, they are all over the league”? Deadpool says: “No I mean the movie; Oh forget it, I’m obviously the only guy on the entire friggin team who has seen it”. Back at the Backyardigan side of the forest Tyrone is speaking to his troops: “Alright listen up ladies supposedly they have some huge guy on this team with red armor that is like unstoppable or something. So Rulk, if you can pull your head out of you’re a** for like half a match, I am going to need you and Doomsday to take him out. If you don’t, just plan on being traded to The Syracuse Valley for a couple of Little Goombas, as for the rest of you; the plan involves 3 simple words KILL, KILL, KILL; now don’t let me down, we need this match so we can win the division because after the way we all crapped the bed this season, the chances of 2 teams making it out of our division are slim and none”. Sure enough, shortly after Tyrone’s speech Onslaught comes crashing thru the nearby trees, ready to destroy anything in his path. Rulk and Doomsday jump in to double team Onslaught and a battle ensues that starts making the Forest Moon of Endor look like downtown Little Rock in those old HBO gang specials. Darth Vader and Tyrone team up and decide that they will take on the entire Incredibles family, while Vader tells his apprentice Darth Talon that there is a tiny, yet powerful menace lurking about these woods and that he would like her to handle it personally. Deadpool sticks his head out of the top of The AT-ST and in an extremely exaggerated voice yells to Ice Pick and the rest of The Pretender Monsters: “Pretender Monsters: Merge to form Monstructor”. He then climbs back into the AT-ST and says to Elven Soldier #2 “When Megatron isn’t here, that is my job”. The elf replies with “Oh, that’s cool”. “Yeah, it is” responds Deadpool. The Pretender Monsters listen to Deadpool and almost instantly crush both Fangry and Brisko under the foot of Monstructor. Arkillo drops down from the sky to do battle with the 6 Ents but once this battle begins, he realizes that he may have bitten off more than he can chew. Arkillo instantly uses his yellow power ring to kill Ent #3 and then takes flight to regain his vantage point over the other Ents. With a giant yellow claw, he rips apart Ent #1 and then manages to set Ent #6 ablaze with a fury of yellow fire, but after that the physically powerful yellow lantern succumbs to the sheer size and might of the last 3 Ents. Ent #2 manages to grab a hold of Arkillo and bring him down to the ground while the other 2 pound him into oblivion. At the sight of the menacing Ents, several of the Backyardigan clan wish that they had some Dragons that shot fire so they could be of use against giant walking trees, but since they didn’t, Tyrone and Vader send their 2 dragons off against the 5 Elven Soldiers, who are blending in with the surrounding forest. The 5 Elves shoot a flurry of arrows at the 2 dragons, but in the end they just don’t have the right kind of fire power to take out the dragons as Black Dragon #1 kills Elven Soldiers #1 & 5 with its acid breath and uses his acid coated fangs to bite thru poor Elf #3. Green Dragon #1 uses its poison breath to kill Elven Soldier #4 & 6. Darth Talon stealthily moves thru the forest searching for the mysterious foe that her master of the Dark Side has told her about while she passes right by a brewing battle between Boromir and Dracula. Boromir pulls out his sword like he has done in defense of Gondor so many times and moves toward Dracula. Boromir swings his heavy broad sword with ease against his seemingly defenseless foe, but Dracula is able to quickly evade all of the attacks. Boromir goes for a head shot, but Dracula ducks underneath the sword and pops up underneath his arm pit. Dracula then uses his fingernails to rip open Boromir’s neck and kill the favorite son of Gondor. The Atom flies in fast in his near microscopic form toward the ear of Darth Talon, in an attempt to go straight into her brain and finish off the Red Twileck Sith before she even realizes that he is there. The Atom is about to accomplish his goal when Darth Talon feels the disturbance in the force created by the small yet powerful foe that she was warned about. Lord Talon then swerves her head to the side slightly and spins her crimson lightsaber in a circular motion which splits The Atom before he has his chance to attack. Deadpool turns to Elven Soldier #2 and says: “Alright Elf, since you have even less of an idea on how to drive this thing than I do, I am going to give you some simple instructions. Watch out for attacking Furry Teddy Bears and random falling logs”. “Deadpool Sir, What are you talking about” asks Elven Soldier #2. Deadpool responds with “Trust me, I’ve seen Return of the Jedi”. Deadpool is about to continue bragging about his extensive movie viewing when Elven Soldier #2 points downward and says: “Deadpool Sir, is that one of those Furry Teddy Bears you were talking about”? Deadpool replies with “WHA!!!!! Oh that guy, you had me scared for a second there, I thought we were up against ewoks. That guy down there, that’s just Wolverine, I’ve kicked that guy’s a** so many times that it’s pathetic. Wolverine runs up toward the AT-ST jumping in and out of the wooded path to avoid blaster bolts with Carnage and Hush following close behind him. Deadpool shoots the walker’s laser cannon wildly into the forest igniting anything and everything in sight into flames. Hush tries to jump out and shoot at the face of the small Imperial Walker with his dual pistols but Deadpool takes that opportunity to target Hush and blow him away. Legolas and his hetero life mate Green Arrow take to the trees to do battle with Nazgul #6 atop his Fell Beast, while Dark Phoenix and Sinestro both take flight high above the tree tops to begin a fast-paced battle of their own. Holocaust does battle with Tomar Tu while Magog and King Hiss easily overpower Pyro resulting in the death of the mutant. Onslaught battles fiercely with both Rulk and Doomsday, even holding his own rather well against the 2 immensely powerful beings. Onslaught finds that although he is able to take some control of the minds of the 2 behemoths that they are both so filled with rage that all it does is escalate the fierceness of the battle. Rulk pounds his fists on Onslaught with such ferocity that he breaks thru the psionic armor holding the combine-powered mutant together to reveal a being made more of energy than of anything solid. With his armor gone Rulk is actually blasted backward from the sheer release of power, but Doomsday fights thru the psionic energy going directly into the barely solid body of Onslaught and ripping him apart. Vader and Tyrone face off against The Incredibles who seem to not be able to break thru the defenses of The Sith Lord. Jack-Jack ignites into his fiery form, which prompts Vader to say: “I see your family is powerful, imagine the power you could all possess if you let your anger take over” “That’s what makes us heroes and not villains” Elasti-girl replies defiantly. Vader then smiles (not that we could see it thru his mask, I am just assuming) and says: “Perhaps I could help you change your mind”. Vader then uses the force to rip apart Jack-Jack leaving a pile of flaming embers on the ground where the baby once stood. “NOOOOOOOO” The Incredibles all yell at this horrific sight. Mr. Incredible moves first at Vader by pulling a tree out from the ground and swinging it at the Dark Lord of the Sith. Elasti-Girl stretches in quickly to the left, but not as quickly as Dash moves to Vader’s right. Violet slightly hangs back and puts a bubble over the head of Tyrone to suffocate the Backyardigan leader. This battle continues while high above them Sinestro does his best to stay competitive with Dark Phoenix. Sinestro blasts as much green energy as his immense will will allow, but he is simply outmatched by the sheer power of the Phoenix force. Dark Phoenix unleashes but a fraction of the power possessed within her toward Sinestro and completely disintegrates the green lantern leaving only dust in the chilly Endor wind. Dark Phoenix, now on a rampage swoops down igniting large portions of the forest into cosmic fire which burns the 4 remaining Ents to ash. Lord Vader sees his teammate unleash her power and feels that if she keeps this up than this battle will be over very shortly but than Dark Phoenix, in a fit of apathy simply does the damage that she deems appropriate and flies up out of the moon’s atmosphere away from the battle entirely. Tomar Tu is holding off Holocaust nicely when King Hiss enters the battle to help out Holocaust. The Black Dragon and Green Dragon swoop in to do battle with Monstructor, while Wolverine and Carnage thru some impressive feats of acrobatics make their way on top of the AT-ST. Deadpool looks at Elven Soldier #2 and says “Hey Elf, when you were watching Return of the Jedi did you ever wonder how they get out of these things”. Elven Soldier #2 begins to say: “for the last time I have never seen Return of the Jedi” when Deadpool knowing that both Carnage and Wolverine are now on top of the walker purposely walks the AT-ST into the side of a tree and dumps it onto the ground. Carnage and Wolverine both go flying off of the top of the walker and onto the ground while Deadpool climbs out of the AT-ST. Deadpool pulls Elven Soldier #2 out of the wreckage while saying “On your feet soldier…… Oh let me guess you never saw Aliens either”. The dizzied Elf gets to his feet and pulls out his bow and arrow just in time to get mauled by Carnage, but Carnage is a little banged up from the fall as well, which Deadpool takes full advantage of as he cuts off his head, symbiote and all with his razor sharp Ninja Sword. Deadpool and Wolverine’s healing factors have both allowed them to recover nicely as they square off in the heart of the Endor Forest like they have done many times before (just in other places of course). Deadpool looks at Wolverine with his 2 Ninja swords drawn and says: “Hey Logan, guess what? I told that Elf that I was chillin with that I have wasted you in fights like a bunch of times: And Hey TOTALLY Believed me. HAH… You should have been there. Now who’s the best at what you do”? Wolverine does not find this quite as amusing as Deadpool does as he jumps toward the Merc with a Mouth resulting in a fight that in a comic book would consist of at least 6 to 8 panels of no dialogue, so we’ll do that here as well…….







Wolverine chops off Deadpool’s head with his claws and says: “Wow, your jokes were so good, that you laughed your head off”. Darth Vader seems to be toying with the Incredibles as he flicks his wrist ever so slightly to slice Dash in half, sending The remaining Incredibles into even more of a tizzy. Violet attempts to use her powers on Vader in a way similar to how she killed Tyrone, but Vader force pushes her into a nearby tree with so much power that it snaps her neck. A furious tree-wielding Mr. Incredible gets sick of Vader’s dodging of his truly biological weapon so he throws the tree at the Sith Lord. Lord Vader then stops the tree in mid-air with the force and slices it in half with his lightsaber. Mr. Incredible shows just a slight sign of fatigue which Vader takes full advantage of by rushing in and running the super thru with his lightsaber. Elasti-girl is in a rage after seeing her entire family killed before her eyes and attacks Vader with everything she has got. Vader fights back with his lightsaber, but even with his incredible swordsmanship skills he is unable to make contact with the ever changing body make-up of Elasti-girl. Elasti-girl easily dodges every swing of Vader’s lightsaber and is even able to work around his force pushes via her body manipulation. Elast-girl, in her rage feels that she is near invulnerable to Vader’s powers as she goes in for the kill. Elasti-girl is only inches away from her goal as Vader blasts the last remaining Incredible with Sith Lightning, holding her molecules in place and frying her internally on the ground next to her fallen family. Monstructor is able to kill both Black Dragon #1 and Green Dragon #1 thru sheer blunt force, but several members of The Backyardigans come to aid their dragon friends just as the fight is ending. Even warriors as powerful as Doomsday and Rulk are susceptible to fatigue when fighting a being as powerful as Onslaught, so the 2 of them forego any fancy fighting moves as they both barge into the chest of Monstructor breaking the gestalt apart and killing Ice Pick in the process. Rulk and Doomsday are basically spent at this point as the 2 combatants lay on the ground in a state of exhaustion. The damaged Pretender Monsters get up to continue the battle but Magog uses his energy projecting trident to kill Birdbrain, while the newly energized Wolverine alongside Darth Talon take out both Bristleback and Wildfly. Tomar Tu has done an amazing job of keeping his powerful opponents at bay as he looks around the battlefield for any help from his team against the duo of Holocaust and King Hiss, but finds that he does not have much of a team remaining. Slog succumbs to the might of all 4 Backyardigans, but in a nearby battle Legolas and Green Arrow pump enough arrows into Nazgul #6’s Fell Beast to send it crashing to the ground. Nazgul #6 regroups with the rest of his team while Legolas and Green Arrow stand at the ready to take on whatever comes their way. The 2 emerald bow-casters stand back to back as they are surrounded by Darth Vader, Rulk, Doomsday, Magog, Holocaust, Wolverine, Nazgul #6, King Hiss, & Dracula; when they are hit by a form of energy that they were not expecting. Tomar Tu wrapped the 2 brothers from other trans-dimensional raced mothers in a matching green bubble to pull them out of the battle, and into the air where he and Scowl were already retreating from the impossible odds.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS: BEEYATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!