Hayley's Comets vs. P.M.S.

“Civilization is unbearable, but it is less unbearable at the top.”
-Timothy Leary

I look to the teams during this Week 6 Match on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:

Hayley's Comets: Kid Deadpool, Lady Deathstrike, Daredevil, Sandworms #9 and 13, Arachne, The Blob, Hannibal King, Cable, Hordak (w/ a Yellow Power Ring), Jedi Master #40, Reverse Flash, Predator #50, Nexu #5, Terminator #38, Xenomorph #54, Neo-Cymek #19, Cybertronian Guardian #8, Dementors #6 and 9, Vigo the Carpathian, Sith Lords #19 and 20, 4-Lom and Zuckuss, Acklay #3, Riik #2, Junkeons #15 and 16, Ash (w/ Mandalorian Armor), Jiggly Puff, Wiggly Tuff, Mew, Mewtoo, Diglet, Blastois, Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Dialga, Palkia, Rayquazza, Regirock, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Drago, Sebulba in a B-Wing, Weirdwolf and Monzo, Duncan Idaho Ghola #10, Waluigie, Count Hasmir Fenring, Force Adept #6, Krayt Dragon #4, The Justice Force: Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano, Green Mantle and Boomerang, The Defenders of the Earth: Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, Lothar, Lothar Jr., Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, Kshin and Zuffy, The Thunderbolts: Songbird, Radioactive Man, Swordsman, Mister X, Headsman and Ghost, The Marauders: Scalphunter, Arclight, Malice, Harpoon, Prism, Riptide, Scrambler, & Vertigo, The Shining Force (Unpromoted Version (all 25 characters)), The Ninja Tribunal: Kon-Shisho, Judo-Shisho, Chikara-Shisho and Hisomi-Shisho, The Pet Avengers: Throg, Redwing, Hairball and Ms. Lion, Tech Net: Stryker, Cyblade, Ripclaw, Velocity, Ballistic, Heatwave and Impact, The Loonatics: Ace Bunny, Lexi Bunny, Danger Duck, Slam Tasmanian, Tech E. Coyote and Rev Runner, The Reavers: Body Bag, China Doll, Elmo, Ferro, Ferro 2, Joyboy, Numbers, Ring Toss, Scatterbrain, Thug, Waxworks, Yap, Hard-boiled, Donald Pierce, Pretty Boy, Bonebreaker, Skullbuster, Cole, Macon and Reese, The Hive Five: Jinx, Gizmo, Mammoth, See-More and Private Hive, Trigon, Halk Karr, Omac, 8-Ball w/ 6-Ball, 9-Ball and 11 Ball in 8-Ball's Ship, Zombie Arisia, Zombie Polaris, Catarine Towani, Jeremitt Towani, Mace Towani and Cindel Towani, Doozer #3, Watchdogs #1-10 and Ewok #76.

P.M.S. is Freddy Krueger (w/ a yellow power ring), Jack Sparrow, The Leprechaun, The Beast, The Sentry, Judge Dredd, IG-88 in a B-Wing, Fizzle, M. Bison, Blue Beetle, Black Dragon #12, Johnny Rico, Ookla the Mok, Blue Devil, Spawn, Chun Li, Predator #47, Xenomorph #51, Balrog #2, The Peach, Assassin X, Major Maxim, Natalia Kassle, J.C., Secret Agent Zero, Deuce, Silicon Valerie, Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, Sydney Savage, Magnetic Kid, Abbey Chase, Armor, M.O.D.O.T., Christine (the car), Dick Trickle, Naytiri, Sam Whitwicky, Pixie, Typhoid Mary, Terra, The Guild of Drundel Dorks: Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Evette, Arjhan Darkscale, Groudious Maximus and Bagwa, The Candy Land Crew: The Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint (w/ a blue lightsaber), Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Gloppy the Molasses Monster, Captain Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander Jonathan Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Lt. Tim O'Neill, Lt. James Brody, Dagwood, Darwin and Seaman Anthony Piccolo, and the dudes from Tropic Thunder: Kirk Lazarus, Jeff Portnoy, Kevin Sandusky, Alpa Chino and Tugg Speedman..

Let the battle begin. . . and the adventures of Ewok #76. . .

Space-Inside Space Station

Predator #47 slowly searches for its prey. It locates 4-Lom and Zuckuss. Predator #47 becomes invisible with its cloaking device and stands behind Zuckuss. The small Gand bounty hunter is impaled by the Predator’s wrist claw. The Predator lifts the mortally wounded Zuckuss off the floor and throws him down. Before 4-Lom can react to his partner’s death, Judge Dredd moves behind the bounty hunter and fires. 4-Lom’s body spasms and falls to the floor. Predator #47 joins Dredd as they stealthily move through the halls.

The Leprechaun also roams the hallways (as he did in “Leprechaun 4”). He meets Jedi Master #40. The Jedi Master uses the force to throw the Leprechaun across the way. The Leprechaun lands near an entry portal. The diminutive trickster slowly ties his shirt tails to the ladder adjoining the door and punches the portal button. Jedi Master #40 is sucked into space where he freezes and dies. The Leprechaun punches the button again and the doorway seals shut.

Leprechaun: Never mess with. . . the Leprechaun!

M.O.D.O.T. faces The Defenders of the Earth: Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, Lothar, Lothar Jr., Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, Kshin, and Zuffy. Since M.O.D.O.T. is only meant for talking, he attempts to bargain for his survival with the Defenders. While the Defenders pay attention to M.O.D.O.T., Predator #47, Judge Dredd, the Leprechaun and Blue Beetle (who has entered the fray) attack the Defenders. Since the Defenders are taken completely off guard, they are slaughtered.

Zombie Polaris senses the deaths of her teammates on the space station and uses all of her abilities to force the station to crash into the Playoff Planet. Although she knows that it will mean her death, she realizes that for the greater good of her team, her sacrifice will be worth it. The station begins to plummet from space. Ewok #76, who has been hiding in a compartment, jumps out of the modular area and rushes to the station’s only life pod. He waves goodbye to his teammate. The station crashes into the planet and explodes. Zombie Polaris is killed, as is M.O.D.O.T., Blue Beetle, the Leprechaun, Judge Dredd and Predator #47.

Space-Outside

Ewok #76’s life pod passes by the battle occurring in space. IG-88 in a B-Wing and Freddy Krueger with a yellow power ring are in a pitched battle against Hordak with a yellow power ring and Sebulba in a B-Wing. The B-Wings enter into a dogfight with one another. Although Sebulba is an excellent pilot, he cannot match the Holowan Lab assassin droid’s intricate skills and perfect synch with his vehicle. IG-88 bests Sebulba and shoots down the Dug and his fighter. Meanwhile, Krueger faces Hordak. The two characters are evenly matched as the dream warrior fights against the technological villain. While the two fight with their rings, Krueger moves in close with his claws and attempts to rip at Hordak’s mask. Hordak’s chest opens up and launches the buzz-saw weapon stored there. The saw rips into Krueger. Krueger’s ring protection wanes as does Krueger’s life. Hordak takes advantage of the situation and his arm becomes an energy cannon. The cannon tears into Krueger and Krueger dies. IG-88 flies his ship at Hordak. Hordak uses his other arm as a mechanical rotor blade. The turbulence whips IG-88’s ship around. Hordak then fires his arm cannon and destroys the ship and robot. At the end of the battle, Hordak notices Ewok #76’s ship. Hordak uses his power ring to guide Ewok #76’s shuttle to safety.

Water Region

The life pod shoots over the water region of the planet. In the water, Captain Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander Jonathan Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Lt. Tim O'Neill, Lt. James Brody, Dagwood, Seaman Anthony Piccolo, Darwin and Jack Sparrow wait for an enemy to show itself. No one comes. . .

Forest Region

Ewok #76’s life pod crashes into the forest where the battle has already commenced. Kirk Lazarus, Jeff Portnoy, Kevin Sandusky, Alpa Chino and Tugg Speedman walk through the trees. Alpa Chino screams as a blast rips through his chest. The shot was fired by Predator #50. Predator #50’s cloaking device kicks in and it becomes invisible. Regardless of its invisibility, Xenomorph #51 manages to pounce on the Predator. The two mortal enemies enter into a furious battle. Xenomorph #51 kills Predator #50. Xenomorph #54 sees its brother enemy and the two fight to the death. Xenomorph #54 kills Xenomorph #51. Portnoy, Sandusky, Lazarus and Speedman rally around each other and kill Xenomorph #54 with gunfire. Terminator #38 storms from behind the bushes and kills Portnoy and Sandusky. Before it is able to destroy Speedman and Lazarus, Black Dragon #12 spews its acid breath at Terminator #38. The Terminator melts. 8-Ball w/ 6-Ball, 9-Ball and 11 Ball in 8-Ball's Ship hovers over the Black Dragon. and with their combined concussion blasted cue sticks, destroy the Dragon. The Balls look to the remaining Tropic Thunder characters. Before they reach Lazarus and Speedman, they are met by Balrog #2, which uses its fire weapons to destroy the ship and kill the entire 8-Ball crew.

Naytiri lurks on an immense branch and focuses on Catarine Towani, Jeremitt Towani, Mace Towani and Cindel Towani. She notches an arrow in her bow and lets the arrow fly. Jeremitt Towani is struck in the heart and dies instantly. Naytiri quickly notches another arrow and kills Catatrine Towani with an arrow through her eye. Ewok #76 jumps on Naytiri’s back. Naytiri shrieks as she attempts to dislodge Ewok #76. She is unable to, trips on a jutting branch offshoot and falls to her death. Ewok #76 rides her down and although he loses his wind, survives.

Typhoid Mary confronts Watchdogs #1-10. Although the Watchdogs appear more formidable, Typhoid Mary uses her mind control to turn the Watchdogs against each other. She also uses her pyrokinesis to burn them. After the skirmish, all Watchdogs are dead. Typhoid Mary then faces Dementors #6 and 9; she is ripped apart.

Spawn kills both Mace Towani and Cindel Towani. He then faces Vigo the Carpathian. Vigo uses his immense supernatural abilities to bring Spawn to his knees. Dementors #6 and 9 finish Spawn off. Blue Devil steps into the fray and uses his hell-spawned supernatural ability to destroy both Dementors #6 and 9, as well as Vigo.

Zombie Arisia flies by and sees Ewok #76 running through the forest. She uses her ring to transports him to safety.

Water Region

Captain Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander Jonathan Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Lt. Tim O'Neill, Lt. James Brody, Dagwood, Seaman Anthony Piccolo, Darwin and Jack Sparrow wait for an enemy to show itself. No one comes. . .

Desert Region

Zombie Arisia is distracted at the Desert’s battle and decides to drop off Ewok #76 at the nearest sand dune. She then flies above the current fracas. Ewok #76, from his dune-safe site above, sees Sandworms #9 and 13 move through the sands with Force Adept #6, riding on top of Krayt Dragon #4. They are met by Johnny Rico and Ookla the Mok. Ookla fires paralyzing arrows at Sandworm #9. Rico joins his teammate and fires at the beast. Sandworm #9 slows down due to the arrows and bullets piercing its hide. The Sentry flies in and with the help of Arisia, lifts Sandworm #9 in the air and drops it; Sandworm #9 is crushed by its own weight. Sam Whitwicky and Armor focus on Force Adept #6 and Krayt Dragon #4. Krayt Dragon #4 easily dispatches with Sam Whitwicky. Armor jumps on the back of the dragon and jumps on its rider, Force Adept #6. Armor’s psionic powers destroy Force Adept #6. Krayt Dragon #4 senses its rider’s death and throws Armor off its back. Armor’s armor protects her and she rolls away without being harmed. Terra approaches the skirmish and manipulates the sands around her. Rico and Ookla fire at Krayt Dragon #4, weakening it, while Terra uses her powers to suffocate the great beast.

Acklay #3 approaches Armor, who has recently risen. The Acklay focuses on Armor and is suddenly distracted by Ewok #76. While the furry combatant distracts the beast, Armor reacts and uses her psionic powers to kill Acklay #3. Riik #2 and Nexu #5 join the melee. Fizzle erupts on the site and assists Armor in the destruction of both Nexu #5 and Riik #2.

Duncan Idaho Ghola #10 and Count Hasmir Fenring face Armor, Johnny Rico and Ookla. Duncan Idaho Ghola #10 bests Rico, but is killed by Armor. Fenring dies at the hands of Ookla. Sandworm #13 rushes up from the sands to engulf Ookla. Terra joins Armor and Fizzle and together they destroy Sandworm #13. They are not so lucky when they face Neo-Cymek #19, Cybertronian Guardian #8 and Junkeons #15 and 16. Cybertronian Guardian #8 and Junkeon #15 are destroyed, but Terra, Armor and Fizzle are also killed in the skirmish.

Ewok #76 travels with Sentry and Zombie Arisia to the next fight.

Water Region

Captain Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander Jonathan Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Lt. Tim O'Neill, Lt. James Brody, Dagwood, Seaman Anthony Piccolo, Darwin and Jack Sparrow wait for an enemy to show itself. No one comes. . .

In the City

Ewok #76 is dropped into the city and runs from building to building. Dick Trickle moves behind the wheel of Christine. He sees his target and as if the car can read his mind, Christine storms straight at Waluigie and Doozer #3. The car’s wheels run over Doozer #3, leaving behind a bloody mess. The car then focuses to Waluigie. Waluigie attempts to jump out of the way, but it is too late. Waluigie is hit and flies into the air; his lifeless body ends up in a garbage can. Dick Trickle races through the town and cannot avoid the Blob, who is standing in the middle of the street. The car crashes into the giant mutant and Christine is damaged beyond repair. Dick Trickle has his seatbelt on, so he groggily walks from the vehicle. He is riddled with bullets by both Kid Deadpool and Cable.

The Comets’ teams band together with Daredevil, Arachne and Hannibal King. Thus, the Thunderbolts, Justice Force, Ninja Tribunal and Hive Five join the three non-team Comet members. Songbird, Radioactive Man, Swordsmen, Mister X, Headsman, Ghost, Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano, Green Mantle, Boomerang, Jinx, Gizmo, Mammoth, See-More, Private Hive and Kon-Shisho, Judo-Shisho, Chikara-Shisho and Hisomi-Shisho face P.M.S.’s The Peach, Assassin X, Major Maxim, Natalia Kassle, J.C., Secret Agent Zero, Deuce, Silicon Valerie, Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, Sydney Savage, Magnetic Kid and Abbey Chase. A bloody slaughter ensues; the death and carnage are immeasurable and P.M.S. winds up on the short side of the stick. All of its combatants die in the melee. At the end of the fray, The Peach, Assassin X, Major Maxim, Natalia Kassle, J.C., Secret Agent Zero, Darwin, Deuce, Silicon Valerie, Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, Sydney Savage, Magnetic Kid and Abbey Chase are dead. Their deaths are not in vain as they manage to kill Nobody, Nano, Chrysalis, Raptarr, Gizmo, Private Hive, Swordsman, Songbird, Headsman, Kon-Shisho, Judo-Shisho and Ghost.

Seeing his teammates victorious without his necessity, Ewok #76 opens a manhole cover and jumps into the sewers beneath the city.

Beneath City-Sewers

The Guild of Drundel Dorks: Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Evette, Arjhan Darkscale, Groudious Maximus and Bagwa face another massive team combination- The Marauders, Tech Net and Reavers. Thus, Scalphunter, Arclight, Malice, Harpoon, Prism, Riptide, Scrambler, Vertigo, Stryker, Cyblade, Ripclaw, Velocity, Ballistic, Heatwave, Impact, Body Bag, China Doll, Elmo, Ferro, Ferro 2, Joyboy, Numbers, Ring Toss, Scatterbrain, Thug, Waxworks, Yap, Hard-boiled, Donald Pierce, Pretty Boy, Bonebreaker, Skullbuster, Cole, Macon and Reese stand together.

Donald Pierce (looking at the Dorks): You have to be kidding right?

Dr. Boom Boom Pow: We may not look like much, but we have it where it counts!

Scalphunter: We’ll see BBP!

Bagwa: Yes, we will.

The teams begin their battle. The Guild is actually more powerful than it looks with its wizards and warriors. Although the Dorks all fall, they actually take with them, Arclight, Harpoon, Prism, Cyblade, Velocity, Impact, China Doll, Ferro 2, Ring Toss, Yap, Cole and Macon. Ewok #76 joins his teammates at the end of the skirmish and rises to the lands above.

Grassland Region

The Candy Land Crew: Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint (w/ a blue lightsaber), Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Gloppy the Molasses Monster face off against The Loonatics: Ace Bunny, Lexi Bunny, Danger Duck, Slam Tasmanian, Tech E. Coyote and Rev Runner. Ace Bunny uses his martial arts skills and swordsmanship against Mr. Mint with a blue lightsaber. Although it is a pitched battle, the lightsaber proves superior and Mr. Mint slices Ace Bunny in half. Lexi Bunny rushes at Princess Lolly and Queen Frostine. Frostine uses her powers to create a small blizzard which engulfs Lexi Bunny. Princess Lolly then uses lollipops and weapons against Lexi and kills her. Slam Tasmanian and Danger Duck converge on Gingerbread People #1-3, as well as Gramma Nut and Queen Frostine. Danger and Slam kill them all. Gloppy the Monster sprays Slam and Danger so that they are unable to move quickly. The Candyland Crew uses this to their advantage. Mr. Mint and Lord Licorice slice Slam and Danger with their lightsabers. Tech E. Coyote and Rev Runner manage to destroy King Kandy, Jolly and Plumpy. Mr. Mint and Lord Licorice become enraged animals and kill the remaining Loonatics. As if in response to their animalistic tendencies coming out, the Pet Avengers: Throg, Redwing, Hairball and Ms. Lion, come to the scene. Although the Candyland lightsaber wielders manage to kills Hairball, they are killed by the remaining pets. Gloppy and Princess Lolly die shortly thereafter.

Water Region

Captain Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander Jonathan Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Lt. Tim O'Neill, Lt. James Brody, Dagwood, Seaman Anthony Piccolo, Darwin and Jack Sparrow wait for an enemy to show itself. Finally!!! On the horizon they see Ash (w/ Mandalorian Armor), Jiggly Puff, Wiggly Tuff, Mew, Mewtoo, Diglet, Blastois, Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Dialga, Palkia, Rayquazza, Regirock, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup and Drago. Ash is shot down by the air to surface weaponry of the Seaquest submarine. In retaliation, the Pokemon characters attack and actually manage to destroy the Seaquest beyond repair. Bridger, as the Captain, goes down with the ship as does his boy toy, Lucas Wolenczak. After the ship sinks, its crew jettisons out of the sub on a large modified life raft. The remaining Seaquest members manage to destroy Jiggy Puff, Wartortle, Grottle, Dialga, Regirock, Piplup and Drago, before they perish. Jack Sparrow rides Darwin away, but only so far as Darwin is killed by Empoleon and Prinplup. Sparrow escapes.

Arctic Region

It is a smaller match in the Arctic elements. The Beast, M. Bison, Chun Li and Pixie face insurmountable odds by facing Lady Deathstrike, Reverse Flash, Sith Lords #19 and 20, Weirdwolf and Monzo, The Shining Force, Trigon, Halk Karr and Omac. The Beast, M. Bison and Pixie are only able to kill Sith Lord #20 before they perish.

The Final Battle

Almost never have I seen such a match. The odds of P.M.S. are felt by all on the battlefield. The team members that remain are as follows-

Hayley's Comets: Kid Deadpool, Lady Deathstrike, Daredevil, Arachne, The Blob, Hannibal King, Cable, Hordak (w/ a Yellow Power Ring), Reverse Flash, Neo-Cymek #19, Sith Lord #19, Junkeons #16, Wiggly Tuff, Mew, Mewtoo, Diglet, Blastois, Infernape, Palkia, Rayquazza, Empoleon, Prinplup, Weirdwolf and Monzo, Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Tsunami, Green Mantle, Boomerang, Radioactive Man, Mister X, Scalphunter, Malice, Riptide, Scrambler, Vertigo, The Shining Force (Unpromoted Version (all 25 characters)), Chikara-Shisho and Hisomi-Shisho, Throg, Redwing, Ms. Lion, Stryker, Ripclaw, Ballistic, Heatwave Body Bag, Elmo, Ferro, Joyboy, Numbers, Scatterbrain, Thug, Waxworks, Hard-boiled, Donald Pierce, Pretty Boy, Bonebreaker, Skullbuster, Reese, Jinx, Mammoth, See-More, Trigon, Halk Karr, Omac, Zombie Arisia and Ewok #76.

P.M.S.: Jack Sparrow, The Sentry, Blue Devil, Balrog #2, Kirk Lazarus and Tugg Speedman.

Sparrow: Farwell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies,
Farewell and adieu to you ladies of Spain;
For we received our orders, to put a sail back to Boston,
And so never more shall we see you again.

Tugg Speedman: You tell the world what happened here.

Kirk Lazarus: What happened here?

Tugg Speedman: I don't know, but you need to tell them.

In a scene reminiscent of the finale of “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,” the P.M.S. crew meets their maker. Although none survive on P.M.S., they manage to kill Ewok #76.

P.M.S.: All dead.

Hayley's Comets: Kid Deadpool, Lady Deathstrike, Daredevil, Arachne, The Blob, Hannibal King, Cable, Hordak (w/ a Yellow Power Ring), Reverse Flash, Neo-Cymek #19, Sith Lord #19, Junkeons #16, Wiggly Tuff, Mew, Mewtoo, Diglet, Blastois, Infernape, Palkia, Rayquazza, Empoleon, Prinplup, Weirdwolf and Monzo, Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Tsunami, Green Mantle, Boomerang, Radioactive Man, Mister X, Scalphunter, Malice, Riptide, Scrambler, Vertigo, The Shining Force (Unpromoted Version (all 25 characters)), Chikara-Shisho and Hisomi-Shisho, Throg, Redwing, Ms. Lion, Stryker, Ripclaw, Ballistic, Heatwave Body Bag, Elmo, Ferro, Joyboy, Numbers, Scatterbrain, Thug, Waxworks, Hard-boiled, Donald Pierce, Pretty Boy, Bonebreaker, Skullbuster, Reese, Jinx, Mammoth, See-More, Trigon, Halk Karr, Omac and Zombie Arisia survive.

HALEY’S COMETS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!