Logical Genocide Vs. Built Ford Tough

Logical Genocide is Gremlin #1 & 2, 100 more gremlins, Prometheus, Titan Force Five, Mera, Manhunter #1-3, Red Lantern #2, Adam Strange, The Hood, Michael Knight in KITT, Magmar, Jason Todd, Bronze Tiger,/ Tallahassee, Little Rock, Wichita, & Columbus in the Hummer, Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf in The Lex-Soar 7, Beau & Luke Duke & Daisy Duke in the Gen. Lee, Dr. Deathbrain & The Living Killing Roller Coaster, The Hamburgler, Robert & Melissa Hudson, Brett Favre, Tom Brady, Warwolf #1-10, Triceraton #1-5, Pokerface in the Starship Casino, Cody Jones, Serling, The Cadillac Cats in Air Ford One, Ewok #74, Zombie Tyler Derdon, Zombie Marine #2, Bane, Iron Patriot, Sandworm #11, Goro, Moonstone, Starman, The Ray, Shatterstar, The Huntress, Black Tom Cassidy, Hawk, V (w/ a yellow power ring), Jedi Master #28 in a B-Wing, Predator #48, Terminator #40, Cybertronian Guardian #9, Neo-Cymek #8, Black Dragon #11, Dementor #8, Xenomorph #52, & Geoff Johns in Superman's Truck.

Built Ford Tough is Sparky Anderson, Han Solo & Jeff Houslander in a Snow Speeder, Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, USAgent on a Ducatti, Scout Trooper #1-3 on Speeder Bikes, Scout Trooper #4-33, Wilt, Barry Sanders, Sardakaur #1-12, Beta Ray Bill, Capt. Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishi, Elle Driver, & Vernita Green, Prof. Snape, Serious Black, The Flaming Carrot, Power Man & Iron Fist, Star Sapphire, Fantastic Max, FX, & AB, Grapple, Cowboy Curtis, Archie the Octospider, Andrew Jackson Libby & Dr. Who in Air Wolfe, E. Honda, Darkwing Duck, Steve McQueen & Mr. T in a tank, Moltar & The Beatles in the EM-50, Joey, Pacy, Dawson, Strong Guy, Solid Snake, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Ellie, Katie, Simone, Benjy, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Ewok #75, Sand Trooper #1-25, Treasure Troll #26, Gigantor, The Scarlet Spider, Good Luck Bear, Pichu, Jonny Blaze, Yuzzem #1-5, Despotellis, Marcus Brody, Sala, Cookies, Blue Beetle, Grimace in a Mail Jeep, Dr. Seth Brundel, Nom Anor, Kobold #1-7, Rakkim Epps, Smoky the Bear, Christopher Robin, Dave Thomas, Wendy, Fedayeen Assassin #1,/ Ford Prefect, Zaphrod Beezlebrock, Trillian, & Marvin the Paranoid Android in The Heart of Gold, Ancient Sith Lord #8-14, Failed Jedi #1-10, Mandalorian #6-10, Arachnid #1-25, Sand Trooper Officer #1, & Battle Droid #100.


In an attempt to rally the spirits of these 2 winless teams I, as watcher of this match have decided to hang the very prize, the coveted green lantern ring in the sky above the 2 teams as incentive. It’s emerald aura glowing for all to see. Their have been some pundits and talking heads who have been saying that these 2 teams may not have it in them to win even a single match this year, but those geniuses obviously never looked at the schedule long enough to realize that they eventually played each other; well, either that or they thought that when they did fight one another that they would find a way to both lose somehow. I don’t know how that is possible, but if there were any 2 teams that could do it would be these 2. The Sand Trooper Officer positions his Sand Troopers right alongside the beach, as The Gremlins jump into the water and continue to multiply. The Sand Troopers are able to keep them at bay with their blasters, but they dare not leave or the gremlin problem could truly get out of hand. Geoff Johns and Sparky Anderson, the teams 2 respective head coaches, who both gave themselves the start for the big week decide that they are going to meet at the beginning of the match as if they were army generals of old parlaying one another. They both go up in Superman’s truck and decide to let their 2 teams begin the battle, but they would speak with one another peaceably about what could be done to speed things up and to make everything go a little smoother (I mean who are we kidding Chris & Jared’s wives both just had kids this week, like they want to read a 10 page match). The 2 of them get along pretty well, and they both speak very openly with each other. Geoff Johns starts: “I’m gonna be honest, Sparky. Do you mind if I call you Sparky? I haven’t seen a collection of characters this useless since I interviewed for that job at Image”. “you’re not kidding Geoff, I feel like I’m coaching the ‘89 Tigers again and were playing out yearly scrimmage against The Mudhens”. Sparky retorts. The 2 of them cruise around in Superman’s truck for a while and then they stop at the only bar on the entire play-off planet (what can I say, war is hell). Once they are there they start telling old war stories about the Tigers and Comic Books and what have you. And I as the Watcher listen in on this instead of watching the match because it is simply more interesting, and plus I’m the all-powerful Watcher; and I do whatever the s**t I want. The 2 Head Coaches (I guess I don’t need to call them “Head” coaches since neither of these teams have assistant coaches) have an absolute blast with one another and I’ll be honest when I tell you that I totally lost count of how many beers they had, plus I’m wearing shoes and it’s kind of hard for me to get past 10 when that is going on, not to mention the trays of shots that they were buying for the whole bar (including the cool looking beret-wearing cat in the back, that is actually me in disguise; so I hope you’ll forgive me if the rest of this match is a little shaky (if you know what I mean(and I think you do))). As the 2 of them are stumbling back to Superman’s Truck, the bartender pops out from the backroom and yells “HEY!! Friends don’t let friends drink and drive“, to which Geoff Johns replied: “Oh, don’t worry, we’re actually enemies” as he is patting Sparky on the back. This pat on the back then actually prompted Sparky to projectile vomit everywhere, which of course made both of them laugh even harder than they already were. After they both pee in the parking lot, they do finally get in the truck and Geoff asks Sparky: “So, do you want me to just drop you off back where I picked you up“? Sparky has a moment of clarity long enough to answer him with: “No, I’ve got to imagine that there is quite a battle going on right there by now. Why don’t we just find a spot where nothing is going on” Geoff is already laughing under his breath when he replies with: “Good, cause I wouldn’t be able to get you there anyway. Considering that I can’t even see the steering wheel... (delay)... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”! So then after the uproarious laughter died down they started to get all existential and they were really digging the conversation, so they stopped at the play-off planet’s only party store and grabbed a couple of four-ohs for the Rizzide as Sparky so eloquently put it. They then bought a bag of .......... Oh crap, I was supposed to be telling you guys about what happened in the battle wasn’t I. I totally forgot about that crap. I said I was gonna keep it short to, didn’t I, and we’re totally pushing page 3 and nobody has even died yet. Maybe I should go check out what is going on. Okay, so lets do this. Alright well the match. Okay well it looks like I kinda missed the beginning of this flaming turd, so I’ll just kind of let y’all know what is up so far. It looks like some people have indeed died already, but I can’t really tell you how, when, or who killed them, because I wasn’t paying attention. I normally would just rewind the match and use my godlike powers to show you what happened, but, well this is kind of embarrassing but well...... Okay fine I’ll just say it. The reason that the Watchers can do that normally is because we have these little remote controls like in that Sandler movie with the hot chick from Pearl Harbor in it, who was totally easy for a chick from the ‘40’s. But I lost my wallet in the bathroom at the bar and then I had to trade my clicker to some dude to pay my bar bill, so_______, here we are. And, well... Wait a tick, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, that’s right the match. So when I began witnessing this hot mess of feces, the following characters were already dead: Prometheus, The Manhunters (Alpha, Beta, & Central), Magmar, Brett Favre (thank God, I’m sick of watching him), Tumbles, Mumbles, Stumbles, Fumbles, Carl, and all the other Warwolves, The Triceratons: Stomp, Whomp, Thwomp, Pomp, & Carl, Howard & Merv the Gremlins, along with countless other newly born gremlins that are getting replaced by the minute, Cody Jones, Serling, Sniffle the Ewok, Starman, The Ray, Dementor #8, Capt. Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones, Joey, Pacy, Dawson, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Ellie, Katie, Simone, Benjy, Archie, Moltar and The Beatles (I’m actually kind of bummed that I missed that train wreck), All 5 Yuzzems, Treasure Troll #26, Ben Reilly Spiderman, Marcus Brody, Sala, Cookies, Dr. Seth Brundel, All 7 Kobolds, Christopher Robin, Dave & Wendy Thomas (I’m pretty sure they just died from eating to many of the nasty fries they serve), & It seems like a bunch of The Sand Troopers (like I said before, I was told there would be no math), & Battle Droid #100, Oh yeah, and while I was putting together that list, it seems that The Starship Casino has crashed into The Heart of Gold and not only killed all involved, but the falling and flaming debris also killed: Hawk, Clanks the Terminator, Nom Anor, & Darkwing Duck. USAgent kills Black Tom Cassidy with a shield to the neck, but he dumps his motorcycle in the process. He then kills Tom Brady, but is overtaken by Shatterstar & The Huntress. The Mandalorians give Barry Sanders the largest thermal detonator that they can piece together from their gear and hand it off to him. Barry moves thru the crowd of Logical Genociders as if his ankles were not even attached to his feet just like he used to back in the good old days before Barry, like almost all Detroiters realized that going to strip clubs is way more entertaining than the Lions. Barry is trying to deliver the detonator to Sandworm #11, where he will hopefully rendezvous with some of his teammates to bring down the mighty Shai Halud He is running as fast as he can and doing an amazing job of evading the LG haters, when he sees the massive worm in sight. he is then joined by his teammate The Flaming Carrot (who killed Zombie Tyler Derdon & Zombie Marine #2 on the way to the desert) who flies in doing whatever it is he does. Han Solo and Jeff Houslander are also above in the Snow Speeder, which definitely did not have to be adapted to the cold for this harsh desert heat (did anybody else ever think it was weird that in Empire they have a ship called a snow speeder that has to be adapted to the cold? I mean wouldn’t something built for speeding in the snow already be adapted for cold weather)? Anyway Han and his Chewie replacement Jeff throw some harpoons and tow cables around the mighty worm to keep it from diving back below the sand while the Flaming Carrot goes all Flaming Carrot on him and Barry Sanders decides that: HE MIGHT GO ALL THE WAY and delivers the thermal detonator into the mouth of the worm. Both Barry Sanders and The Flaming Carrot die in this attack but they are successful in ending the life of the sandworm as well. Beta Ray Bill crushes KITT with Michael still inside it and then goes on to kill both Adam Strange and The Hood with some Asgardian whatever and stuff. Red Lantern #2 uses his red energy ring to take out all 3 Scout Troopers on their speeder bikes, and then gets some help from Iron Patriot and Moonstone to take out the rest of the Scout Troopers. Tallahassee and the Zombieland crew start arguing over Arachnid kill of the week while they are wasting Arachnids like crazy from their Hummer, but they don’t have a chance to debate Ancient Sith Lord kill of the week, because once they attack The Zombieland crew dies pretty quick. Where are Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf you ask? Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf are flying high above the sky, trying to get to the green lantern ring that the watcher (that’s me) so rudely placed at the very cusp of the atmosphere. It just seems as though every time they get close to it something crazy happens and it keeps them away. “I’m aching for that ring see-eff” says Seeney as they keep flying closer and closer to the ring, but are never able to get to it. The smurf replies with: “perhaps we should return to the battle and worry about the ring later, but what do I know, I’m just smurf”. Chris says: “Ya know See-eff, I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic are whatever they call it, but I totally agree with you... You are just a smurf and I totally don’t really like your opinion even by smurf standards so why don’t I just drop you off at Gargamel’s house or something”? Cannon just shakes his head and doesn’t reply. The cockpit remains silent for this long..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... “Hey See-eff” Seeney says. No answer from Cannon, so Chris continues: “Hey broseph, I’m really sorry about that Gargamel remark. I mean, that was pretty insensitive of me, you probably have family members or tribe members or smurf dudes you knew or an old smurf girlfriend who prolly got eaten by Gargamel or used in one of his evil spell stews or something, and I feel like I shouldn’t of said that”. “It’s all good dawg” Cannon Fodder says with a smile. “Bros”? Seeney asks. “Bros”. Cannon replies. Then they fist bumped each other and put on the Titanic theme for a bit. Oh crap, I’m doing it again aren’t I. I just can’t stay focused on this match today. Alright, lets catch up. It looks like I missed some more stuff well I was up there watching that Bridget Jones remake up there, so as it turns out The Hamburgler, Robert & Melissa Hudson, Bane, Moonstone, Black Dragon #11 (Cyphillic), and Snoogans the Xenomorph bit it for The L.Gers and Grimace in the Mail Jeep, Prof. Snape, Serious Black, Rakkim Epps, Fedayeen Assassin #1, Smoky the Bear, all 12 Sardakaur terror troops, The rest of The Arachnids and all 5 Mandalorians are toast for The Built Ford Tough Squad. The Ancient Sith Lords lead the Failed Jedi (who they are secretly training in the ways of the dark side) as well as Grapple, Solid Snake, and Gigantor against Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian and Ed the Neo-Cymek (named after his former TEAMmate Ed Zacharski of course). Ed and Cuddles, as well as there buddy Predator #48 are all defeated but it comes at a heavy cost to the Fords, as only 5 of the Sith Lords (Darth Taurus was killed) survive the attack. The Failed Jedi, Solid Snake, Grapple, & Gigantor all fall in this quick skirmish. Iron Patriot unloads several slips at Good Luck Bear, but they all miss (I wonder why)? In the ultimate act of defiance both E. Honda and Strong Guy walk right past the sign on the Living Killing Roller Coaster that says there is a weight limit. They go on the coaster, it starts up and then breaks. i.e. victory for the fatties. Dr. Deathbrain knows how to jump so he beats E. Honda, but then Harrison Ford pukes on the evil Dr. and Deathbrain dies of alcohol poisoning. Hector, Riff Raff, Mungo, Wordsworth, & Cleo are chillin in Air Ford One talking about how awesome they are when Indiana Jones suddenly jumps onto their hood. Indy struggles for a second, and then suddenly the car falls off a cliff, but Indy grabs a branch with his whip and saves himself in the knick of time (it happens, trust me). Andrew Jackson Libby & The Doctor work out way to many equations and possibilities before they target Goro from Air Wolfe and blow his arms right off his body (he’s got 4 ya know). V then uses his yellow ring to blast Air Wolfe with a huge yellow energy dagger which takes it down for good. Them good ol’ duke boys crash into the entire Deadly Viper Assassin Squad and for a split second form the perfect amalgamation of cheesy crap that everybody on the planet likes, but then they all die. Mera gets pissed that she hasn’t been in this match yet and that I didn’t even bother to mention the water portion of the planet and takes out her aggression on Power Man and Iron Fist (ya know by killing them and stuff). She then kills Strong Guy for being the dumbest character to ever be on X-Factor, but is killed by Star Sapphire. Mr. T would pity the fool who got killed by Red Lantern #2, but he can’t cause it was him. The Red Lantern then went on to kill Steve McQueen (he just blew up the tank they were in if you didn’t guess that already) & Cowboy Curtis as well. Diego and Baby Jaguar stand there and look cute, but not so cute that boys little boys don’t like them, just that perfect amount cute mixed with rugged outdoorsiness that Dora could never pull off but Diego just nails every time. Speaking of cute Fantastic Max has FX throw down some of that Rock N Roll crap that we all love more than our Moms which gives him this wicked suit that he uses to baby bottle the armor right off Iron Patriot. Norman Osborne is furious by this, mostly because he got killed by it. Jedi Master #28 is about to go on an attack run in his B-Wing, but Han Solo gets on his tail and shoots him down with the Snow Speeders blasters. Yellow powered V & Red powered Red Lantern #2 team up to take out Star Sapphire, but they are then wasted by the Aslan/Bet Ray Bill combo that you’ve been hearing so much about on the internet lately. Jason Todd kills Wilt and I’m not going to tell you how, so there. Jason Todd then teams with The Huntress, & Shatterstar to take out Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, & Harrison Ford. They then take out Blue Beetle and Pichu, but Jason Todd doesn’t survive the fight. Jonny Blaze then shoots his hellfire shotgun at Huntress to kill her, but Shatterstar takes him out with a broadsword to the face. Despotellis then infects Shatterstar as well to finally end his butt-kicking session. After all of the waiting, Titan Force Five finally jumps into the fray. Titan Maximum is surrounded by what is left of Built Ford Tough but the huge piece of machinery attempts to put quite a hurtin’ on them. Titan Maximum kills Despotellis and seems to have Beta Ray Bill right where he wants him when Han Solo’s Snow Speeder comes rocketing into the scene. Han says to his bro Jeff: “You ready to do this again bud”? Jeff says: “I don’t care, it’s not my last life. They’ll bring me back, are you sure you want to do this”? “I’ll tell you what Jeff, if you’re still on this team in 3 years, you’ll want to crash into a giant robot too”. In that case: “God speed Han ol’ buddy” Jeff says as Han Solo Crashes his Snow Speeder directly into the face of Titan Maximum to kill all 5 member of The Titan Force Five for good. With the unfolding of this event, The aura that I had placed around the prized free-floating green lantern ring that I placed in the sky is lifted. And Chris Seeney finally has his chance to grab the ring. The Lex Soar-7 is only a couple of feet away when Chris all of the sudden hears some raucous laughter, followed by an “OH CRAP”! Seeney and Cannon look over at the last second as recklessly driven Truck of Superman which is still carrying both Geoff Johns and Sparky Anderson crashes into the Lex Soar-7. Cannon Fodder dies on impact but Chris Seeney jumps out of the vehicle and reaches for the green lantern ring. The ring just barely passes thru his fingers as he yells: “MY PRECIOUS”! Right before he plummets to his doom.
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!