Sunday, June 2, 2013

Kittes vs. Dope Fiends

Season 6: Consolation Round 2

The Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make A New Family are: Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, Scooby-Doo, Scooby-Dumb, Baby Bucky, Aunt May, and Carrie Bradshaw.

Griffin's Dope Fiends and Destroyers are: Daniel Bryan, Tigger, Snoopy, Woodstock, Baxter the Dog.

The Mystery Machine broke down in front of your local Pep Boys, and The Kitties are at checkout with the parts they need. I am in line behind them because I need new windshield wiper blades, and this seemed like as good a time as any to get some. Behind me are the Dope Fiends. They are also buying parts in hopes of fixing Snoopy's doghouse. I look outside and see it in the parking lot, and it seems to be smoking. I suppose Snoopy was playing "Red Baron" with his teammates and something went wrong. Who knows. Who cares. The point is that both teams are here, for whatever reason. "Maybe it's fate that we broke down here. I heard that this Pep Boys is the home of The Goat-Faced monster!" says Velma loudly. WWE's Daniel Bryan's anger takes over instantly. "NO!" he yells. Nobody else here knows the routine, so I shout back "YES!" Daniel Bryan gets in your faithful Watcher's face. "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" I am put in a NoLock and tap out instantly, but Byran ignores it. Good thing I'm used to passing oooouuuuttttt....ZZZZZZZ

I awaken to see total destruction. The Mystery Machine has crashed through the front window of the store. It is riddled with bullets, and Snoopy's doghouse lies in shambles feet from the van. It looks like both teams got the parts that they needed and got down to business without me. I know that this is a consolation match, but that's still pretty rude. With burning bodies strewn about, only two combatants remain: Aunt May and Daniel Bryan. The two appear to be hugging?!? "There, there Daniel..." says Aunt May consoling the wrestler. "I'm sorry May... It's just that I get angry over the stupidest thing, then I become monosyllabic and I black out. I don't mean to be a bad guy." admits Bryan. "It's okay dear. Everyone has a little Cain in them from time to time." continues Aunt May. Bryan tenses up again. "KANE? KANE?!? NO! I AM THE TAG TEAM CHAMPS!!!" screams Daniel Bryan. He delivers a belly to belly suplex that damn near turns the old bird to dust. Bryan hooks the leg of the 136 year old corpse and attempts a pin. "COUNT IT!!!"" he screams. "Dude, she's already dead. You won. "NO!" "YES!" "NO! "YES! "NO!"

4 comments:

Krisatu said...

Yes! Yes! Yes!

NuFaGtu said...

The Dope Fiends are triumphant as Daniel Bryan is the sole survivor!

The Kitties: All dead.

Yes!!!

Artifact said...

Hahahaha. Classic shit Mike.

Josh the Commish said...

Ha!! Awesome!!