Season 9: Week 4: George Washington's Slaves vs The Empire

George Washington’s Slave are: Darth Shemalyah, Nik Landsoh, Brek Nyram, Loki, Superman, Hillary Clinton, Buzz Aldrin, Michael Collins and Neil Armstrong (All three astronauts are in the Apollo 11 shuttle), Perla in Perla’s garbage barge spaceship, Starship Troopers #7-18, Tyvokka w/Indigo Lantern Ring, Gigantor, Wolverine, Dormammu & Kryptonian Soldiers #2-7.

The Empire is Silver Surfer, Red She Hulk, Balder the Brave, Captain Britain w/Green Lantern Ring, Mother Askani, In-Betweener, Lord Chaos, Master Order, Hawkeye, Colossus, Set, Nighthawk, Darkseid, Indigo Lantern Sinestro, Black Zero & Naboo Star Fighter.

“Do you know the way to Mount Gay, la la la la la la la la la la la…”

- Dionne Warwick, original lyrics to the classic Burt Bacharach song

The Apollo 11 crew looks at the screen in their shuttle and wonders how they are going to get to their location.

Michael Collins: How do you get to Mount Gay?

Buzz Aldrin: I have no idea. Until this morning, I had never heard of the place.

Neil Armstrong: We are in a spaceship in outer space, it doesn’t even make sense that we are attempting to go to a place called Mount Gay. How is there a mountain in space?

Michael Collins: I am guessing it is really the name of planet or a star system.

Buzz Aldrin: No Mike, it says right here on the screen that the location we are headed for is a place called Mount Gay and that it is specifically a mountain in space.

Neil Armstrong: But you can’t have a mountain in space. What is it connected to? A Mountain can’t just appear out of mid-air.

Buzz Aldrin: Not true. Didn’t you see Avatar? There were floating mountains on that planet.

Michael Collins: That was a movie Buzz.

Neil Armstrong: Wasn’t that the sequel to Titanic?

Buzz Aldrin: Yeah I know, it was a documentary and so was Titanic.

Neil Armstrong: Okay, I thought so.

Michael Collins: It wasn’t a sequel to Titanic Neil.

Neil Armstrong: Oh duh, documentary’s don’t have sequels.

Michael Collins: Yeah, that’s what was wrong with that statement.

Meanwhile, the creators are wondering the same thing on a similar journey.

Lord Chaos: Do you know the way to Mount Gay brother?

Master Order: Of course I do, though I have been away so long, but do not worry, I will not lead you wrong and lose the way.

Lord Chaos: So you are sure you know the way to Mount Gay?

Master Order: It is the only place that I can find peace of mind brother.

In-Betweener: You both realize that we are on a fool’s errand right now right?

Both Lord Chaos and Master Order ignore their creations comment and continue on their way.

Perla the smuggler, along with Hillary Clinton, Tyvokka, Wolverine, Nik Lansoh, Brek Nyram and the Starship Troopers are in Perla’s garbage barge spaceship.

Perla: Hillary, has Michael Collins sent over the coordinates to the location of Mount Gay yet?

Hillary Clinton: They just did. I will send them over to the ship’s communication systems.

Perla: Okay great, I just received them.

Perla looks at the message and notices several other people on the message communication thread.

Perla: Hillary, why are Darkseid and Captain Britain attached to this message?

Hillary: What? (Looking down at her comlink device)

Perla: Please don’t tell me you just sent our top secret plans to the other team.

Hillary: Of course I didn’t. (Hillary looks down at the message) So, say I did accidentally send the coordinates to the other team, just like as a hypothetical. Would that be a bad thing?

Perla: God damnit.

Darkseid and Captain Britain both look down at their comlink devices, at first wondering why they were given the devices but now with the updated coordinates, change their entire team’s direction and head straight toward the location that has been given to them by the enemy.

Back on Perla’s barge, Wolverine is holding Hillary Clinton up against the wall with one claw out perched up to her neck.

Wolverine: You gave our enemy the location to Mount Gay. Given me one reason why I shouldn’t slit your throat right now?

Hillary: I did nothing of the sort. How could I of sent them that information? It was classified information, like I would ever share information of such importance.

Perla: Are you joking, you just admitted to doing that exact thing a couple of minutes ago. I have the message that proves you did it. Looks, it says CC/BCC: kingofapokolips3@reallyhotmail.un & captbritti@excalibur.uk. Who else would you be sending it to?

Hillary: I will no longer answer questions in regards to this matter. Now if you will excuse me Logan, my people need me.

Logan, sick of hearing from the former first lady, impales his teammate with all three claws right through her neck.

Logan: Well Perla, looks like we have a fight on our hands now. Everyone knows that the team that arrives at Mount Gay first will have control over the battle.

Back on Apollo 11

Michael Collins: No, what I am saying is that neither of them are documentary’s. James Cameron directed them; he’s not a documentary filmmaker.

Buzz: Not true, I saw that Aliens of the Deep movie he made, that was definitely a documentary.

Neil: No way, that one was definitely not a documentary. Sigourney Weaver was in that and she’s an actress remember.

Michael: Sigourney Weaver was also in Avatar, which just like Aliens, was not a documentary.

Neil: Oh okay, I stand corrected.

Michael: Thank you.

Buzz: No kidding, I always thought Aliens of the Deep was a movie; I didn’t realize that one was real as well.

Neil: Evidently not.

Buzz: That explains why the aliens look so real. I can’t believe they got that shot of the planet blowing up at the end, amazing luck they were in the right place at the right time.

Michael: That wasn’t Aliens of the Deep, that was Aliens. Two completely different movies.

Neil: Oh okay, so that was a sequel as well. I guess that makes sense. Cameron is sequel happy isn’t he?

Michael: No, you guys, oh never mind.

Buzz: Maybe they are all sequels?

Neil: That makes sense, duh of course.

Back to the Creators

Lord Chaos: This spaceway is a great big freeway.

Master Order: I put a hundred down and bought a spaceship but then remembered we didn’t need one.

Lord Chaos: If you just waited a bit, we could have created a star.

In-Betweener: How would a star have helped us out for this?

Master Order: True brother. The weeks turn into light years, how quick they always do pass.

Lord Chaos: Though, all of the stars that never were, were doing nothing but standing still and pumping fuel.

In-Betweener: I’m obviously not understanding any of this if you didn’t already notice. Why did you both create me if you were never going to listen to me or let me in on anything you ever talked about?

At this point, everyone on both sides was well on their way to Mount Gay. Whatever was waiting for the combatants of this match was a mystery, one that was going to very soon present itself.

Superman: Does any of this make sense to anyone?

Dormammu: Something is controlling us, that is the only explanation.

Superman: I feel you are correct. But why is the question? I know it is an illogical task yet I cannot help but continue on the journey.

Dormaammu: Then continue on our journey we will. At that point, the answer will present itself.

The remaining members of the Empire are following behind Darkseid and Captain Britain via Indigo Lantern Sinestro’s energy projections.

Sinestro: Why did we bring Set along with us on this trip, he is useless in space, yet I feel terrible having those feelings towards my team. Set is a complicated creature, many different minds attached to one body. The conflict is immense, yet when they need to act together, they always do without fail.

Colossus: Very interesting your comments are Sinestro. I love the introspection your thoughts bring up in me.

Red She Hulk: You are not wrong Sinestro. I do not know what I am expected to do once we get there; space is not my strong suit.

Hawkeye: I second that.

Mother Askani: Leave that to me you guys, I will make sure everything is taken care of.

Hawkeye: Thanks mom but what happens if something takes you out?

Mother Askani: How could anything happen to me?

Hawkeye: Just a thought, being a human in space makes me a little nervous okay. Just trying to cover all my bases.

Sinestro: I hate that I feel bad for all of you. My god I hate this ring.

Creators

Lord Chaos: You cannot breathe in Mount Gay.

Master Order: Alas, there is so much space.

In-Betweener: Then why are we going there? Wait, we don’t need to breathe. Why does any of this matter?

Lord Chaos: No matter brother, there will plenty of places for us to stay.

Master Order: I was born and raised in Mount Gay.

In-Betweener: Wait, what? So you both have been there? Okay, I feel a little bit better about all of this now.

Lord Chaos: Me too, we are going back to Mount Gay to find peace of mind.

Master Order: We have so many friends at Mount Gay.

Lord Chaos: Do you know the way to Mount Gay?

In-Betweener: Wait a second, I’m following you guys. I thought you were born there? Please don’t tell me this is all for nothing. Please god, tell me I am not following two lunatics.

At Mount Gay

Darth Shemalyah: They have all bought it my lover.

Loki: Of course they have sweetheart. Was there any doubt in my powers?

Shemalyah looks over at Loki but does not respond immediately.

Shemalyah: The only power I trust is mine. Mine and mine alone.

Loki gives his lover a look and smiles, knowing that with them working together, nothing can stop them.

Loki: Here they come, this battle has finally begun.

Darth Shemalyah smiles slightly and replies, “You mean it is about to come to an end.”

The final battle at Mount Gay

Superman: I see no mountain but I now understand why we have been heading towards this way. Mount Gay is her code name.

Dormammu: Who’s code name?

Superman: In one of the earliest Holocrons, there was a mention of a power so great that it could only be described as a spiritual force. That force is thought to have originated on a long since abandoned planet in the Outer Rim. Nobody was to approach the region as it was known that death was the only thing to follow such a journey towards it.

Dormammu: I suppose the final question for us is for whom is death to come upon today?

Superman: In everything that I know about her, she does not discriminate.

Dormammu: Here they come. It is up to us to protect our team from death, no matter which direction it is coming for us.

In a flurry of action, both teams converged on the region known as Mount Gay. At this point, the fact that there was no mountain to be spoken of was of little concern to anyone. All that was known was that there were combatants everywhere, something that needed no explanation for either team. Death was the order of the day.

Superman flew towards Black Zero, a foe he knew only too well. Though Black Zero was a killer of worlds, nothing could help him this day as Superman along with several Kryptonian soldiers made quick work of him. They then moved onto Balder the Brave, ending his fight before it was even given a chance to begin.

Mother Askani, not one to back down to anyone, decided to take on Superman and his super friends. Though her powers are immense, she was unable to destroy them all. Her fight was a valiant effort but in the end, she was only able to kill Kryptonian soldiers 2 & 3.

Hawkeye: See, this is what I was afraid of.

Superman: Come my friends, this fight has only just begun.

Darkseid: So very true Kal, we have not even begun to warm up.

Darkseid in one fell swoop destroyed Perla’s barge, killing everyone but Tyvokka inside of it, or so it seemed. Nik Landsoh and Brek Nyram were confused to how they survived the blast. Tyvokka held them in a quickly collapsing energy construct, one that was deteriorating before their eyes. Both of them looked at each other realizing that they had little time before they were destroyed. Nik looked over at Brek knowing what had to be done. They both concentrated all of their dark powers together towards Sinestro, shattering his ring, therefore eradicating the energy shield around each and every Empire team member.

One by one, the Empire’s team members fell to the vacuum of space. Hawkeye, Nighthawk and Red She Hulk fell first. Then Colossus and Sinestro himself perished. The massive Set writhed in pain as it found no air to breathe, attempting to teleport anywhere nearby but with not a planet within a light year of where they were, the mighty Set fell as well.

Darkseid then flew towards Superman, taking him on in a one on one battle to the death. With both Darkseid and Superman taking each other on, the Kryptonian soldiers moved onto Captain Britain, who was now being followed behind by the Silver Surfer.

Darth Shemalyah: I thought I told you to keep the surfer away from this battle Loki.

Loki: Despite my power, even I have limits to what I can do.

Darth Shemalyah: That must be difficult to deal with. It is also a shame I have chosen so poorly.

Darth Shemalyah then vanished from sight, confusing the trickster god himself.

The battle rages on, with the Apollo 11 crew shooting the Naboo Star fighter down only to have their ship blown up by Lord Chaos.

Lord Chaos: Home at last.

Dormammu: This is nobody’s home, especially yours my lord.

Dormammu, the master of dark magic that he was, freezes both Lord Chaos and Master Order for mere moments, but in those moments is able to transport them to an alternate dimension, where they are never to be seen from again.

In-Betweener: Clever move my fiery friend, for you though, it will not be enough. In fact, why don’t you join my creators in whatever hell you have sent them too.

The In-Betweener then summons the same dimension that Dormammu had sent his teammates to and teleported him there as well.

In-Betweener: I am clear of mind, nobody can stop me now!!!

The In-Betweener turned his attention toward the first combatants he saw, finishing of Tyvokka and Gigantor. His sound mind, turning into arrogance, the In-Betweener headed towards the Kryptonian soldiers doing battle with the Silver Surfer, though before he knew it, his entire world turned to white. In his confusion, the In-Betweener attempted to summon anything he could, nothing seeming to work. He thought to himself many things, the most important of which, was where he was.

A voice entered his head, only not a voice he was familiar with.

In-Betweener: Hello? Where am I? I know somebody is here, I can hear you.

Darth Shemalyah: Your creators said they were home, I am merely welcoming you to yours.

In-Betweener: But I know not of this place. This is not my home. This is nothing.

Laughter filled the In-Betweener's head, followed by silence. After several minutes of nothing, the confusion began to eat away at him until he was about to explode in anger.

Then out of the silence the voice filled his thoughts once more, a voice that let him in on the secret that would fill his thoughts for eternity.

Darth Shemalyah: This is your home now, some call it the death, I call it your inevitability.

This was the last thing the In-Betweener heard before coming to the truth of his situation, for he was no more, the silence was his end.

The Silver Surfer and Captain Britain had just finished off the final Kryptonian solider when Captain Britain looked down at his ring and noticed the slightest crack. Though the soldiers were all dead and gone, the impact of the battle with them left him with an unfortunate parting gift. Captain Britain sent one blast of green energy towards Superman, a blast that clipped the powerful Kryptonian just enough to give Darkseid the edge in the fight. As Captain Britain’s lantern ring exploded, sending him to his death, the king of Apokolips put the finishing touches on Kal-el for good.

Darkseid: Once again I have defeated the son of Krypton. I will never tire of defeating you.

Darkseid bragged to himself for a moment more only to look in the distance and not see the floating body of his Kryptonian foe but that of the trickster god, Loki himself.

Superman: Like you my Apokolipian friend, I will never tire of this victory.

As Darkseid looked over at his enemy in confusion, he felt a warmth surge through his head, warmth that would eventually overcome him. As the headless Darkseid floated through the empty space next to him, Superman turned his attention on the final Empire team member.

Sliver Surfer: Trickery can only take somebody so far. I suspect your strength has escaped you.

Superman: I have plenty enough left in the tank for you. Speaking of strength, the last time I checked, your purple helmeted master was nowhere in sight. Where is your strength coming from these days?

Silver Surfer: Why don’t you just leave that to me.

The Silver Surfer then attacked Superman with everything the Power Cosmic had, blasting the Kryptonian with enough energy to send him miles away. Silver Surfer does not stop though, flying over to Superman, continuing the pounding, to which was all in his favor. Hit after hit quickly taking its toll on the Slaves member, though just before Superman was taken out for good, a force of dark energy was felt by the final Empire member. The dark energy stopped Silver Surfer in his tracks.

Silver Surfer: No more games Darth, I know you are powerful but you are no match for me. I mean no disrespect either. There is just nothing you can do to counteract me. Though I welcome any attempt you have.

Silver Surfer turns his attention back to Superman, who is barely hanging on to life.

Darth Shemalyah: Despite my power, perhaps you are correct in your assessment. I do not have your (pauses) Power Cosmic. Alternatively though (pauses again) perhaps that isn’t everything my friend. Sometimes, all it takes is just a little leverage in right direction.

The Surfer then notices his board flexing, flexing out of his control. The board being part of his being; sends reverberations throughout his body and before he is able to counteract the effects, his board is broken in half, sending the Surfer floating through space. Though not the end all for the all powerful Surfer, the distraction by the dark one has given Superman enough time to regain enough strength to fly over to him and put his hands around his neck.

Superman: It’s confusing to us too. Her power makes no sense, yet it is there. Though I have nothing but respect for you, until you respect her, I fear you will never be victorious.

With one last turn of his hands, Superman feels the neck of the still confused and disoriented Silver Surfer break, ending this match for good.

Darth Shemalyah: You speak of my power as if it is a surprise.

Superman: It is illogical. There is no precedent for it.

Darth Shemalyah: No precedent for power? That should sound familiar to you Kal-El.

Superman: When I first came to earth they called me a god. I am not a god Darth, just something they had never seen before.

Darth Shemalyah: I ask you, what’s the difference?