Monday, March 24, 2008

Reign Supremacy Vs. Hannah Monatana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos

Reign Supremacy is Chuck Norris, Sgt. Mike Shinsky, The Ghostbusters: Ray Stanz, Peter Venkman, Egon Spengler, & Winston Zeddimore, Elite Clonetrooper #21, Batman & Robin, Starship Trooper #51-69, Cyborg Superman, Timmell, Sledgehammer, Ocean's 11: Danny Ocean, Rusty, Linus Caldwell, Virgil Malloy, Turk Malloy, Yen, Frank Catton, Bashar Tarr, Saul Bloom, Livingston Dell, & Rueben Tishkoff, The Crew of Serenity: Capt. Malcom Reynolds, Zoe, Wash, Jane, Kylee, Simon, River, Anora, & Book, Capt. America, Iron Man, Yaddle, Starfire, Cyborg, Tim, Paul, Steve, & The Bry, Upgraded Agent #1-3, Shannon Pilkinton, Jared Pilkinton, & Sandra Bullock.



Hannah Montana..... are Ellen Ripley, The Colonial Marines: Lt. Gorman, Bishop 341-B, Gunnery Sgt. Apone, Corporal Hicks, Corp. Ferro, Corp. Dietrich, Private First Class Hudson, PFC Spunkmeyer, PFC Vasquez, Private Drake, Pvt. Frost, Pvt. Crowe, & Pvt. Wierzbowski, Dave Bowman (The Starchild), HAL 9000, Frank Poole, Karallen, The Cloverfield Monster, Spider Man, The Terminator (from T-3), Shawn Farrel, V, Roger Murtaugh & Martin Riggs, Bryan Beckerman, IG-88, Zam Wessel, Clone Trooper #100, Starship Trooper #100, Angel, Metroid #1-6, Donkey Kong, Qui Gonn Jinn, Gen. Grevious, Buffy Summers, Leon, Rick Deckard, Albus Dumbledore, Agamemnon & Juno, Dante, Tlaloc, Hannah Montana, Jar Jar Binks, Dora, Backpack, & Boots, Harry Potter, Bizarro, Willow Rosenburg, Brangelina, Zahara, & Dozer #1.

Danny Ocean has put togeather a great plan which begins with a great sneek attack. But HAL 9000 has computed that the probability of this is working very high and that the Hannah and Barack crew will not be able to defend against this kind of trickery. So head coach Barack Obama asks for a short delay of the match. This unorthodox delay is granted and while both teams are waiting Bryan Beckerman files a motion with The mystical leaders of the Fantasy Fantasy League. This motion states that no past precedent has occurred where a team was allowed to have a pre-prepared position that would allow for a sneak attack on the oppossing team. The cosmic powers that be, actually side with Barack Obama's team and with their legal counsel Bryan Beckerman and state that to begin this match all members of both teams must start on the same street, and in plain view of each other. An exception was made for HAL 9000 who was put up in a nearby building because he is stationary and for Angel who cannot be exposed to sunlight. Head coach Alfred Pennyworth complains stating that he believes this ruling is completely unfair (because it is) but the powers that be say that their word is final and the match begins. The Colonial Marines begin complaining about the way their team has faired in the past 2 matches and their team's leadership. Hudson says "Yeah man, what the hell? It's about time we actually got the start" Vasquez replies with "Its that damn Starchild, he is a total bust, he gets the start every week while we ride the bench, it's ridiculous". Drake says "Hell yeah Vasquez, the only week we won was when he didn't start. He's supposed to be our franchise player and he hasn't done crap." "Some first draft pick he turned out to be". Vasquez answers back. Apone tells them "Shut up! All of you. They ain't payin you to have opinions. We're here to fight". Apone then leads his marines, along with Starship Trooper #100 & Clone Trooper #100 against Danny Ocean's crew who are somewhat useless since their plan was not able to be enacted. The Colonial Marines gun down every last one of them. Lt. Gorman escorts Frank Poole into the building where HAL 9000 is set up so he can work the super computer and relay its orders to the team. Dave Bowman flies into action going right through Sandra Bullock disintegrating her. But the Ghostbusters see the Starchild coming and blast it with their proton packs, holding him in place in the air. Despite the excitement Peter Venkman comments to Ray that he thinks that Ripley chick is really hot and asks him if he thinks she looks kind of familiar. Ray ignores him as he throws the trap onto the ground, kicks it under Dave Bowman and opens it up. The Ghostbusters pull up on their proton accelerators and Dave Bowman gets sucked into the trap. "I told you that guy was a bust" Vasquez yells. The Metroids are drawn to the energy being shot out by the Ghostbusters and they latch onto the 4 of them as well as Starship Trooper #59 & 60. They suck the life out of them but Batman & Robin throw 3 pellets each at the life-sucking aliens that once they pop temporarily freeze all 6 of the Metroids. Iron Man and Cyborg rush in and hit each of the Metroids with 5 rockets. Chuck Norris runs up to Beckerman and says "file this complaint" as he gives him a roundhouse kick that actually knocks Bryan's head off. Elite Clonetrooper #21 shoots Clone Trooper #100. The Starship Troopers attack the Colonial Marines killing Pvt Wierzbowski and Corp. Ferro as well as Starship Trooper #100. The marines retreat taking cover inside a store front but while they are running for cover they kill Starship Troopers #56, 57, & 58. Bizarro and the Cyborg Superman begin trading blows with each other while in mid-air, but just as it looks like Cyborg Superman is going to win out Tlaloc and Dante fly up to help. Cyborg Superman smashes Bizarro in the head, cracking his neck. The Cyborg Superman flies over to the top of the building that the 2 Cymeks are on and instantly crushes Dante with his bear hands. A smaller rolling robot emerges out of the back of Tlaloc but the Superman clone pays little attention to it as Tlaloc begins to retreat by flying as far into the sky as possible. Cyborg Superman stops for a second to laugh as this huge robot retreats from him and then he flies after him, catching up in a matter of seconds. As they approach space (which is out of bounds for this match) Cyborg Superman goes to punch Tlaloc but before he can a nuke goes off from inside the robot and blows them both up. The actual living brain that is Tlaloc is still on top of the building in his smaller/sleeker escape robot operating his capsule and the nuke by remote. The Cloverfield Monster comes walking down the center of the street destroying everything in its path. The Starship Troopers turn their attention from the marines and attack the monster. Some of them use their jets to jump on the back of the monster and they all use their extremely high powered weaponry to blast away at it and the smaller monsters that it is dropping all over the city streets. The troopers begin to become overwhelmed so Iron Man, Starfire, and Cyborg rush in to help. Iron Man and Starfire take to the air and begin flying around the huge monster but Cyborg gets crushed almost immediately. Starfire and Iron Man double team the monster as they switch off shooting at it and flying in closer to use their powerful fists as melee weapons while the Starship Troopers provide much needed cover fire but also suffer heavy losses. Starfire gets knocked to the side but Iron Man flies up to the head of the monster and with a huge lazer torpedo blast, shoots the monster in the head and kills it. None of the Starship Troopers survive this battle, nor does the elite clonetrooper. Capt. America and Yaddle jump into action and make a great fighting duo. They easily mow through Leon and Rick Deckard and then they take out Riggs and Murtaugh with Capt. America using his thrown shield to give him and Yaddle a window of time to jump in and attack behind it while their opponents attempt to get out of the way. Cap then throws his shield at the Terminator and the shield gets stuck in the chest of the robot. This barely even slows the Terminator down as it continues to run at them. Capt. America picks up Yaddle as he dives out of the way of the oncoming bullets being fired by the Terminator. Cap then throwws Yaddle onto the shield that is still sticking out of the Terminator's chest. This puts the little Jedi Master eye to eye with the Terminator as she uses her green lightsaber to cut off its head. Qui Gonn uses the force to pull the shield out of the Terminator and throw it at Capt. America but Cap just catches the shield and rushes Qui Gonn. Capt. America dropkicks Qui Gonn and knocks his lightsaber out of his hand. Yaddle then throws her lightsaber at Qui Gonn sticking it into his chest. The Cap/Yaddle fighting pair then move on to Dumbledore, but they do not even notice that at the last second Shawn Ferrell runs up to Qui Gon right before he dies and touches his wound instantly healing him. Shan and Jared see this happening and they run over and knock Shawn Farrell to the ground while Qui Gonn is still getting up. Jared pulls out his Beretta Couger .45 and Shan pulls out her husband's Caltech 9mm and they blow away Shawn before Qui Gonn can defend the guy that just saved his life. Qui Gonn uses the force to bring his lightsaber back to him and then defeats Shan and Jared. Buffy runs in to attack the Serenity crew and easily takes out Simon, Wash, and Anora. But once River starts fighting her it is a different story. They are a good match for each other which prompts Buffy to think that it is strange that everything about this River character seems just like her. Willow rushes in to help out her friend but before she can do any crazy magic stuff Capt. Reynolds shoots her in the head. Buffy is doing fine against River until Jane & Book join into the fight and get her down on the ground. Zoe then rushes in and avenges her husband by shooting Buffy. Dumbledore is outnumbered 2 to 1 until Harry rushes in to help out his teacher. Yaddle once again throws her lightsaber but this time it goes right into the head of young Harry. This enrages Dumbledore as he focuses all of his magical might against Yaddle and blows her to bits. In the heat of this mystical battle Capt. America had thrown his shield and as it is coming back to him it more out of luck than anything else hits the tired and weakened Dumbledore in the back of the head and kills him. Batman and Robin double team Gen. Grevious. Grevious pulls out 4 lightsabers but Robin uses his rope to pull one of his unused trophy sabers out of the Cyborg's cloak. But before he can use it Grevious cuts off Robin's head. Batman then throws his baterang at the chest of Grevious busting open his robot center. He does a flip over to the stolen lightsaber and picks it up. He quickly turns it on and stabs it into the chest of Grevious. Spider Man is swinging between the buildings as he grabs Sledgehammer and throws him into the air. He creates a web that Sledgehammer gets stuck to but as Spider Man is swinging towards him to finish him off Sledgehammer frees up his arm and shoots Spidey with his Magnum Revolver. The Agents managed to get on top of Agamemnon and Juno and disable them completely by using their fighting skills and their computer knowledge to destroy them faster then anyone would have thought possible. Apone begins yelling to his marines to fall back to the base (meaning the building that is housing HAL 9000). Inside the building Frank Poole is asking HAL 9000 what is going wrong as Hudson is in the back ground reminding everyone in the room that there team is getting wasted. In the meantime Chuck Norris, along with Timmell and Shinsky have killed Zam Wessell; and IG-88 has gotten blown up by Starfire while they were trying to retreat back to the base of operations, but everyone else made it back. It is looking bleak for the Hannah and Barack squad when Hudson yells "Are people can't even get back here without getting wasted. There gonna break done these walls and then they're gonna kill us". Ripley tells Hudson to stop whining and reminds him that it is not over yet and that even Hannah Montana and Dora made it back here alive. To which Hudson replies "then why don't you put them in charge!". HAL 9000 comes up with a plan and quickly relays it to Frank Poole. The computer tells them that they need to go and get the Ghostbusters' containment trap. Apone asks "What the hell are we gonna do with that". Ripley says "yeah the Ghostbusters are dead and none of us even know how to use it". So Karallen, Gorman, Donkey Kong, Hannah, Dora, and Jar Jar all run out to try to get the containment trap. Jar Jar trips and falls which in turn trips Donkey Kong. This leaves both of them completely open to attack as they get blown up by Iron Man. Dora says to Boots "El Gungan es muy stupido". Gorman gets shot by Jane, but Karallen grabs the containment unit off of the ground and throws it to Hannah Montana who starts running back toward the base so HAL 9000 can tell them whatever it is he wants them to do with it. Karallen attacks by using his superior size & strength to crush Shinsky and Timmell. While they were regrouping with HAL 9000; Capt. America had his men set up a perimeter that seems impossible to get through. Tim Cheveldae throws his goalie stick at Hannah Montana which trips her and causes her to drop the containment unit. The Bry runs over and grabs it but Boots jumps onto his head and starts wildly pulling on his hair and biting him. Karallen yells to them to be careful because they need the containment trap in one piece. Boots causes The Bry to drop the portable containment unit, but this time when it falls the foot button release mechanism breaks. Dora picks it up and throws it in her backpack and starts running away from the hockey players and back to the base. Boots assures her escape as he sacrifices himself for her. Tim, Paul, Steve, and The Bry all hit the monkey with their hockey sticks until he is dead. Dora dodges many bullets and attacks but amazingly enough gets back to the base and pulls out the ghost trap. She sings "We got the trap and were back at the base and we did it, we did it, we did it hurray"! HAL 9000 reveals to them that he had hoped to free The Starchild from the trap but that it is now impossible since the trap has been damaged. Hicks says "so this was your great plan"? Hudson screams "game over man, game over. they got us surrounded. Spider Man, Bizarro, and the Cymeks are dead. We're screwed"! Vasquez, in a fury yells to everyone in the room "get the hell out my way". She then kicks the containment trap over to the corner and unloads and entire magazine of caseless rounds into the trap. At first nothing happens but then the trap begins to spark. Vasquez realizes what she has done and that she is standing way to close to the power that is about to be released. Right before the cosmic explosion kills her Vasquez says "you always were an a**hole Bowman" as the Starchild is released out of the trap in a cosmic fury. Cosmic beings are basically revoked of their humanity when they are given such unbelievable powers. They do not have feelings or prejudices, but if Cosmic beings that can control much of the power of the universe just by simply lifting a finger did have emotions than the one that Dave Bowman would being displaying right now would be similar to being "pissed off". The Starchild does not say a word as he rockets out of the building but the rest of his team gets the hint and they all follow him out into the battle. Bowman basically puts up a cosmic wall protecting his team behind him, but he does not need their help at all as he unleashes what looks like a blue fire that destroys Iron Man, Capt. America, Starfire, and yes even Chuck Norris. The remaining Colonial Marines take out the rest of Malcom Reynolds' crew and the smaller version of Tlaloc that is still up on the roof shoots Batman in the head. Ripley blasts Sledgehammer with a grenade and Brangelina, Dora, and Hannah Montana pick up 4 lightsabers off of Gen. Grevious and kill Tim, Paul, Steve, and The Bry. Zahara chears them on. The 3 Agents sneak into HAL 9000's base in a last attempt to destroy the computer but HAL's team expected this as well and had a couple people hang back to protect their computerized leader. The perfectly healedQui Gonn Jinn, Angel, and Karallen, along with Frank Poole and Dozer #1 as cheerleaders suprise the suprise attackers as they jump out and kill all 3 agents.
HANNAH MONTANA AND BARACK OBAMA'S "BEST OF BOTH WORLDS" TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS IS VICTORIOUS!
*this match is dedicated to the memory of Arthur C. Clarke.

4 comments:

Solobeck said...

To all:
It was an HONOR to have my head kicked off by Chuck Norris!
-B2

Lickolas said...

Damn, now that was a good match. I honestly thought I was going to lose. Thank you Arthur for creating such a powerful character, because I think it is pretty obvious that the rest of my team is shit.

P.S. Thanks Josh for the lawyer stuff, that was just great.

P.P.S Leon will be back soon, there is some funny shit you can do with that dude.

Josh the Commish said...

The rest of your team is not shit Nick. Even a gut like Dumbledore gets a bad break every once in a while. That's ehrn great players like the Starchild have to step up to the plate.

Josh the Commish said...

Please excuse the numerous typos in the last comment. I am having a little trouble typing with my mangled finger.