Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Consolation Match-Round 2: The Legion of Doom -vs- Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches

The Legion of Doom is B.A. Barrackus

Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches are The Backyardigans: Tasha, Pablo, Tyrone, Austin, & Uniqua, & Storm Trooper #15.

B.A Barrackus slowly gets off of the ground from which he had just been rolling around on. He is cut up and bloody, but still alive. “I pity the fool who is still in that van”. He says this as he is looking at the sixty-eight VW bus quickly heading for a cliff; completely out of control. He can’t help but laugh as he stands there thinking about how great he was for jumping out of the bus after tearing out the break line of the aging mini-bus.
“Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, OH BOY!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t lose you heads guys, we can think of something. Oh boy, Oh man, OH BOY! What are we going to do?” Pablo screamed as the bus came increasingly close to the cliff. Uniqua looked right at Pablo and said, “Pablo, Pablo, PABLO!!!!!” Pablo stopped panicking and calmly looked at Uniqua and said, “Yeah?”
“Instead of screaming our heads off, we should put them together and solve this problem.”
“Uniqua is right Pablo, with the five of us together, we can solve anything”, a very confident Austin said to his blue penguin friend.
“Speaking of five of us though, where is Tasha?” said a very confused Uniqua as she looked at her colorful friends. The four remaining Backyardigans looked at each other and wondered where their friend had gone off too.
Tyrone looked at his friends and said, “Remember what Lord Vader said to us this week: (Tyrone in his best Vader voice) “Either all of you come back alive this week or nobody does.” So we need to make sure Tasha is alright, because I really don’t feel like having to involve myself in a ritual suicide with the four of you this week.”
The three remaining Backyardigans looked at Tyrone with a puzzled looked on their faces. “What is a ritual suicide Tyrone?” asked a very unsteady Pablo.
“It’s what were going to have to do if we don’t find a way to stop this bus, now let’s get together and think of something quick. We’ll worry about the Tasha situation after that. First things first though, let’s raid the Storm Troopers body armor and see if he has anything useful in it. I mean, I’m pretty sure he’s not going to it anymore.” Tyrone says this as the four of them stare at the dead body of the not quite bright enough Storm Trooper who is lying dead in the drivers’ seat of the bus.
All of a sudden Uniqua looks at all of her friends and says, “You guys!” Tyrone, Pablo and Austin all look at each other with worried looks, as they know that Uniqua has figured something out. Uniqua looks over at the lifeless body of the Storm Trooper and says, “I hope you guys are ready to go for a ride, because this is going to hurt like hell”.

45 Minutes Earlier…

Storm Trooper #15 and the Backyardigans pull up along side B.A. Barrackus, who had been standing at the side of the road waiting for the mini-bus to pick him up.
“What took you so long fools? I’ve been waiting here for hours.” a very animated B.A said to the Storm Trooper who was in the driver’s seat. “Oh settle down B.A, you could have met us at the starting point, it was your choice to walk out to the desert. By the way, nice chain bro”. The Storm Trooper was referencing the giant gold necklace that was hanging down to B.A’s stomach. B.A. then closed the door and the bus finally took off.
The five Backyardigans were playing in the back of the bus, using their vivid imaginations to pretend they were somewhere else.
Instantly the five of them were sitting in an old time saloon during the old west. In the background they could hear the classic western music of an old Gary Cooper movie, the type of music that would play right before a big gun fight outside of the saloon. This was keeping the five adolescent animals very busy, which is exactly what B.A. had been counting on.
The Storm Trooper was like most of Lord Vader’s troopers, oblivious to the world and extremely stupid. He was talking to B.A about everything from Hydro-Spanders to who was the more brutal boss: Vader or Griffin. The Storm Trooper was really starting to love life, as this was the most relaxing thing he had been able to do this entire fantasy season. B.A. gave his fellow passenger a nod, as if he was paying attention to what he was saying. He hoped this would be enough to lull the already dimwitted Trooper into trusting him.
It seemed to be working as the Trooper took off his helmet and decided to light up a cigarette while he was driving. “Vader hates these thing’s, he’s always talking about how these thing’s are the only thing that will kill me faster than him. I swear to you, he’s like a walking PSA.” With the Trooper’s incensement talking acting as the perfect distraction, B.A. slowly took the gold chain necklace off from around his neck and placed it firmly in his hands. B.A. then took one final glance at the young animals in the back seat and in one quick motion, got up out of his seat and moved right behind the seat of the Storm Trooper.
The Trooper didn’t even have time to react as B.A. brought the chain around his neck and began to pull as hard as he could. The Trooper started to reach for his blaster but realized it was not in its holster. B.A. had taken it during his speech about why the series two tie-fighters were nothing more than a cheap excuse to get more out of the Galactic Trade Union. The mini-bus started to sway back and forth as the Trooper was being choked to death by the steely-eyed Barrackus.
The bus finally started to sway violently enough for the Backyardigans to notice, thus taking them away from their old west fantasy. Tyrone looked up at the dying Storm Trooper and said, “Hey, I thought we were supposed to wait for the Bus to tell us what to do?”
B.A. looked at the orange moose and said, “What kind of fool waits for a bus to tell him what to do. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. You’re in my bus now Moose, I hope you’re ready to eat some dirt.” B.A. then let go of the now lifeless Trooper and whipped his gold chain at the frightened group of animals. B.A then got down on his knees and tore a bunch of wires out from under the steering wheel of the bus. “Let’s see how clever you kids are without breaks in this thing.” After he said this, B.A. opened the passenger door and jumped out of the moving bus. He landed hard on the ground, cutting himself up pretty good, but doing no permanent damage. “I pity the fool who is still in that van.”

15 Minutes Later…

Pablo looked up at Uniqua with a look of fear and disbelief and said, “Do you really think this is going to work?”
“I have no idea Pablo, but it is pretty much the only thing that we’ve got, so just get in and hold on.” Uniqua said to Pablo as she held on for dear life, as they were seconds away from falling off the cliff that the mini-bus was barreling down towards. Just then, Tyrone looked at Uniqua and said, “We went through all of his armor and gear and I didn’t see his blaster anywhere, I wonder where it went?” As Tyrone said this, the mini-bus launched off of the cliff and crash-landed several hundred feet below. The bus landed with such force that the body of the Storm Trooper was crushed, spraying blood all over the crash site.
The sound of the crash got the attention of B.A. Barrackus, who had been savoring in his apparent victory with a cigar. He looked over the cliff to see the mini-bus lying there in all the destructive glory that he had hoped to see. As he took another victorious puff from his cigar, he noticed something from outside of the wreckage. He noticed that the arm of the Storm Trooper was lying outside of the bus, without the armor on it. He tried to think of how the Trooper’s armor could have come off during the crash when he heard something come from behind him. He turned around and looked to the ground behind him and saw the face of a smug hippopotamus staring right back at him.
B.A. looked at Tasha in amazement, wondering how she got off of the bus.
“Hey there little Hippo, how’d you get off that bus?”
“Well Mr. Barrackus, if you must know; when you reached underneath the steering wheel, I ran up front and hid underneath the passenger seat. When you opened the door, I just simply jumped out of the bus along with you. Though, right now that’s not the thing that I’d be worried about if I were you.”
“Is that right, then what should I be worried about you little yellow freak?
“Well, do you remember what my Trooper friend said to you back there about smoking being the only thing that could kill you quicker than Vader? Well, he forgot about one thing.”
“Oh yeah, and what’s that?”
“ME!!!” Just as Tasha says this, she pulled the Storm Troopers blaster out from behind her and shot B.A. Barrackus right through the left eye. The cigars fell out of the A-Team member’s mouth and onto the ground, his body quickly follows suit. Tasha stood her ground for another moment before dropping the blaster and walking over to the edge of the cliff. She looked down at her friends, wishing they had been as fortunate as her. Then from the passengers seat of the car she saw something move. From the height she was at, she was unable to tell what it was, so she ran over to a less steep part of the cliff and scaled her way down it. After ten minutes or so, she finally got over to the demolished vehicle and saw the Storm Trooper’s armor moving from inside.
Tasha got down to the ground and shimmied her way into the bus. She started pulling the suit as hard as she can until she heard a familiar voice say, “Well, this armor certainly was convenient.”
Tasha realizing it is Tyrone let out a great scream and started to pull the armor even harder. As it turns out, Uniqua’s great idea was for the remaining Backyardigan’s to get the Trooper out of his armor, so they could all get into it in hopes of being saved from the crash. After about a half hour of pulling, Tasha finally got enough of the armor out of the bus for Tyrone and Austin to climb out of the armor. With the combined strength of the three of them, they were able to pull their remaining friends out of the wreckage. Tasha looked at the lot of them in amazement, as she could not believe that they survived the crash.
“I just figured that you all were done for.”
“Well Tasha, instead of panicking and losing our minds, we decided to work together as a team and figure it out. I mean, I came up with the armor thing, but it still was a team effort”, a very energized Uniqua said to Tasha.
They all looked around at each other in amazement and Joy as they had just realized that Lord Vader would be very pleased at them for all surviving the trip.
“That was an excellent mini-bus adventure, don’t you think?” Tyrone said to everyone, “But there is still one thing I don’t understand, how did you beat Mr. Barrackus?
Tasha walked over to Tyrone and put her arm around the orange moose and said, “Well, do you remember the blaster that the Storm Trooper was carrying?”
“Yeah”, Tyrone replied.
“Well, lucky for me, Mr. Barrackus didn’t. Though, I’m pretty sure it’s going to be permanently burned in his head from now on.”
The five Backyardigan’s then broke into a dance and sang the day away in honor of their defiant victory over the much more adult Legion of Doom.

Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches are victorious!

2 comments:

Solobeck said...

To the Vice-Vice:
I am honored to have been "watched" by you. FANTASTIC!!!!
-B2

Josh the Commish said...

Congrats B2, and great job Nick you are truly the master of time lapsed and flash back Fantasy matches.