Thursday, April 30, 2009

Built Ford Tough vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies

Built Ford Tough is Han Solo, Chewbacca, Jack Ryan, Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford, Torchwood Crew, Aslan the Lion, Power Man, Iron Fist, E. Honda, Steve McQueen, The Beatles, U.S. Agent, Barry Sanders, Beta Ray Bill, Deadly Vipers Assassin Squad, Flaming Carrot, Mr T., Grapple, Sirius Black, Severus Snape, Strong Guy, Solid Snake, Diego, Star Sapphire, Ancient Sith # 8, Ancient Sith # 13, and Mandlorian # 7

Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies are The Maxx & Julie Winters, Doc Brown, Lorne Michaels, Speedy Gonzalez, Brak, Dobby, (Brain Damaged) Bewowolf, Agent X, Sarah Palin, The Groovy Gang, Jay, Silent Bob, Suzanne, Forge, Aunt May, Bob: Agent of HYDRA, Hellboy, Lobo, Dark Claw, Lobo the Duck, Hydroman, Rancor #1, Ewok #5-21, The Power Puff Girls, The Planeteers, Ted Nugent, Brock Sampson, & Kyle Rayner.

Prior to the match, Grapple built his team a massive structure for them to set up a defense. Built Ford Tough knows that if they are to even stand a chance in this inter-league battle, they have to strike first and strike hard. Sirius Black fires a bolt of magic at the water, which causes Hydroman to rematerialize and his body to float to the surface. Rancor #1 and Suzanne both struggle to stay afloat and they both ultimately drown. The Murderflies all leap aboard Built Ford Tough’s platform and storm their opponents. The trio of Lobo, his sidekick Lobo the Duck and Dark Claw instantly take out the Torchwood crew and Diego. Lobo the Duck is then attacked by Aslan the Lion and with a holy bite, the Jesus Christ allegory kills Lobo the Duck. Aslan is then eviscerated by Dark Claw, um, dark claws. Doc Brown and Forge both start dismantling the platform for their own purpose, but Grapple see this and in a fit of anger, blasts them both away with his arc-welder rifle. The Planeteers then call upon Captain Planet to aid them in this battle. He is met in the skies by Beta Ray Bill and before he can conjure the oceans to his will, Beta Ray Bill puts Stormbreaker right into Captain Planet’s green mullet. As the elemental superhero falls from the sky, the Planeteers look on in disbelief, which causes them not to see the Deadly Vipers Assassin Squad coming right for them. The Vipers’ blades then strike them all down. Ancient Sith Lords #8 and 13 attack and kill Jay and Silent Bob because they were too busy trying to dry out their pot, which was soaked when they were all teleported into the ocean. The team of Hellboy and Brock Samson avenge their teammates deaths by beating the Ancient Sith Lords to bloody pulps. Solid Snake is perched high above a tower on the platform. He then proceeds to pick off Ewoks #10-14 and Lorne Michaels with his sniper rifle. The Maxx charges towards the Harrison Ford crew with Julie Winters on his back, but Han Solo, Jack Ryan and Indiana Jones take them out with their guns. Harrison Ford himself, meanwhile, is just trying not to spill his Gin and Tonic. Ewok #9 then takes aim and uses his slingshot to break Harrison’s Gin and Tonic glass. This proves to be an unbelievably stupid move on the poor Ewok’s behalf. Mr. Ford goes into a blind berserker rage and brutally kills Ewok #9 and then beats Ewoks #6, 7, 8 and 21 to death with Ewok #9’s bloody corpse. He storms Ewok #5, but is stopped dead in his tracks as Ewok #5 pulls out a flask as a peace offering. Harrison seems to calm down as he accepts this offer and takes a swig from the silver flask. He then punts Ewok #5 as hard as he can into the ocean, where the unconscious Ewok drowns. Harrison keeps the flask. Mandalorian #7 takes off with his jet pack and shoots Aunt May and Brak before he is taken down himself by Agent X and Bob: Agent of H.Y.D.R.A. Lobo then goes on a rampage of his own and kills E. Honda with easy and then eliminates Steve McQueen, Jack Ryan and Barry Sanders. Beta Ray Bill then confronts him. The two powerhouses beat on each other back and forth with everything they have. Lobo beats Bill down to his knees and arrogantly laughs before delivering the killing blow. But this hit never comes, as Beta Ray Bill swings Stormbreaker up with all his might and connects with Lobo’s jaw, breaking his neck. The soul mates known as Iron Fist and Power Man (“DAMN IT! Hey Ryatu! I said we ain’t gay!!” Power Man yells at this Watcher.) then runs in and attacks the Groovy Gang. Though they are a group of serial killers, they are simply no match for the powerful duo. Their knives are not even scratching Power Man’s impenetrable skin. Iron Fist easily kills Sonny and Patty as Power Man crushes Ted, Val and Groovy. USAgent leaps in and dropkicks Dark Claw, which knocks him into Beta Ray Bill who smashes his face in with his hammer. Ted Nugent and his sidekick Sarah Palin move in and gun down Solid Snake. Brain Damaged Beowulf then fires some missiles at the platform, which damages its integrity and causes several of the fighters to fall back into the ocean. The Flaming Carrot dives in and using his flippers that he knew would finally come in handy; he fluidly swims underwater and dispatches the six remaining Ewoks. But he’s suddenly blown away by Brain Damaged Beowulf, who then finds himself under attack by the Beatles in their Yellow Submarine. But the Cymek is too powerful for them and they all die in their yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine. They all die in their yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine. But before they do, Ringo is able to fire one last torpedo with damages Brain Damaged Beowulf even further. Grapple swims down and finishes off the Cymek. Severus and Sirius double team Dobby and blast him away with some magic. Kyle Rayner then flies in and makes a much-needed impact for his team. He violently blasts through the entire Deadly Vipers Assassin Squad. Kyle then dives deep under water and blows a hole through Grapple’s chest. Once he shoots back out of the water, Kyle is attacked by Star Sapphire. She hits him with a powerful blast of pink energy, which sends him sailing backwards. They continue to battle high above the water as the rest of their teammates fight in the water. Speedy Gonzalez races across the ocean’s surface, but is caught and eaten by Chewbacca, who then goes after Hellboy. The Wookie claws and slashes at Hellboy, but the demon is able to pull out the Good Samaritan and blow a hole into Chewbacca. Indiana Jones then wraps his whip around Hellboy’s neck, but Hellboy grabs a hold of it and yanks Indy towards him. He then crushes Indy’s face in with his giant rock fist. Mr. T finds himself surrounded by Brock Samson, Agent X and Bob: Agent of H.Y.D.R.A. He tries his best, and even manages to kill Bob, but in the end, Brock and Agent X show him no pity and they kill him. The Powerpuff Girls are quickly flying around the skies, but the combined efforts of Han Solo’s blaster, and Severus and Sirius’s magic are enough to blast away the three small girls. Ted Nugent, Sarah Palin, Hellboy and Brock Samson then find themselves being attacked by Han Solo, Harrison Ford, Iron Fist, Power Man, USAgent, Strong Guy, Sirius Black, Severus Snape and Beta Ray Bill. Brock instantly swims up to Strong Guy and hits him so hard that it overloads the mutant causing him to explode, which takes Ted Nugent out in the process. Sarah Palin dives deep underwater (which did I mention she’s only wearing a bikini and a white t-shirt…so needless to say, she looks hot) and then comes up behind Harrison Ford and slits his throat with her Limited Edition Charlton Heston NRA Knife. USAgent then launches his shield and takes her head clean off, which also sends her “Tina Fey glasses” flying in the air. Agent X is able to gun down Han Solo, but not before take a couple blaster shots himself. Though he has a healing factor, Agent X isn’t given the time to heal, as Iron Fist and Power Man together finish him off. Hellboy then fires two shots from the Good Samaritan and take out the lovely couple (Deal with it Luke. You’re in love with Iron Fist.) “Guess you weren’t bulletproof after all,” quips Hellboy. USAgent flings his shield at Hellboy, but he catches it with his oversized hand. This does however; give Severus and Sirius the opportunity to blast Hellboy away with several different incantations. Brock Samson is actually able to go punch for punch with Beta Ray Bill, but the horse-faced Thor brings Stormbreaker down on his curly blonde mullet and crushes his skull. A loud scream is then heard up from the skies as Star Sapphire’s body falls into the ocean. Kyle Rayner then flies down as fast as he can and targets the remaining members of Built Ford Tough. USAgent is able to get his shield up in time to protect himself from the green energy blast, but it ricochets off and hits Sirius Black and kills him. Beta Ray Bill flies out of the water and summonds several lightning bolts that hit Kyle Rayner in the back. This knocks him off his course, and allows Beta Ray Bill to finish him off with a home run swing of Stormbreaker.

BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!

4 comments:

Artifact said...

Good work Jared! Congrats on your first win.

Josh the Commish said...

Congrats to Built Ford Tough! We new you had it in you.

Artifact said...

It was against Goof Juice though. So its only like half a win.

Archr5 said...

My team can't buy a win, unless victory is decided by a laugh-o-meter and the Battleground is the Comedy Castle.