Saturday, March 6, 2010

Week 1 George Washingtons Slaves vs La Napoleon Brigade

The Mists have cleared and Mikatu has witnessed the following events unfold.

George Washington’s Slaves Are:
Amazo and Mr. & Mrs. Smith

La Napoleon Brigade is:
Jedi Leia Organa Solo, Jaina Solo, Vito Corleone and Sonny Corleone w/ red lightsaber, Terry Bradshaw with blue lightsaber

A smoldering minivan rolls slowly to a stop in a dimly lit parking lot. The only other vehicle in the lot is a small

1995 ford escort coupe. A calm rainbow pool of melted snow mixed with automotive oil erupts in a splash as the

front bumper finally loses its battle with gravity.

“Where are we?” says Amazo.

“Oh jesus! I forgot he was back there!” Exclaimed Mr. Smith, startled because Amazo had chosen to remain invisible during the ride to the bar.

Mrs. Smith, recovered from the shock of Mr. Smith’s shouting began to laugh uncontrollably.
Mr. Smith couldn’t help but laugh as well.
They both collapsed in a laughing fit until neither of them could see straight.

“ENOUGH!” yelled amazo. “I’m am sick and tired of you meatbags laughing at my expense… just because I’m not allowed to kill you doesn’t mean I have to go out of my way to save your skin in there…”

“Oh yeah,” Mrs. Smith said. “I guess this is the place. What kind of a bar is named the Double Deuce anyway?”

“You kidding me?” said a shocked Mr. Smith. “This is the bar from friggin Roadhouse! That’s awesome!”

“Oh god, are you wearing them?!” she said.

At this Amazo looked extremely confused. And began to ask “Wearing wha..?” When Mrs. Smith cut him off.

“You are wearing them! I thought we agreed, the ‘Crazy for Swayze’ boxer shorts were to be thrown away… they’re ancient and frankly I’m sick of seeing them in the wash EVERY DAY.”

At this Amazo became frustrated and grabbed the couple by their collars and walked them into the bar.

Inside the bar there is, an empty stool where the bouncer would sit. Nobody in the Double Deuce has had the heart to fight since his passing anyway. So the management never bothered to replace him. Today they'll probably regret that decision

In a booth, in the far back, there is a group of people packed in tightly. Before the chaos erupts you can hear the following exchange:

"Why on earth would you order Spaghetti at 1:45 in the morning..." said Terry Bradshaw who was absently patting his lightsaber.

"Why wouldn't I?" said Vito Corleone, it's my favorite food.

"I thought they only served stuff from the fryer after midnight." Said Sonny Corleone, who was comparing his red lightsaber to Terry's.

"Let's just say... I made the cook an offer he couldn't refuse." replied Vito.

"You did not threaten that man or his family did you!?" said Leia, who was furious at the thought.

"What!? No, Mom, I was totally there, he just slipped the guy an extra $20. I mean it's just boiled noodles, I think he overpaid him if anything..." said Jaina Solo trying to calm her mother down.

"Lookout!" shouted Bradshaw, as the door opened.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith immediately took up protected offensive positions, Mr. Smith turned over the pool table and his wife layed down covering fire with their MP5-PDW's that they had managed to grab before Amazo hauled them into the bar.

"Reload!" shouted Mrs. Smith tossing the extra MP5 to her husband.
Mr. Smith immediately opened fire on the table, striking Vito Corleone in the head.

"One down, and Reload!" he said, with a look of grim determination on his face dropping a magazine and reaching for another.

Mrs. Smith was about to lay down more cover fire when Amazo leapt over the table and flew at the booth in the corner.

His robotic body ignored that his right arm had been severed. Terry Bradshaw's blue lightsaber sending it flying back towards the door. Amazo slammed into Jaina Solo crushing her skull with a single punch from his left arm.

As he stood to attack Bradshaw, he was sliced into pieces by Leia and force thrown back at Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

The couple ducked back behind the pool table to avoid the pieces and regroup.

"Nobody Ever Wins a Fight..." said Mr. Smith...

"Really? is now the time for roadhouse quotes?" responded Mrs. Smith.

"It's always time for Roadhouse honey." he said back. Tossing a concussion grenade towards the booth.

"I am burning those damned shorts when we get out of th.."

[boom]

Recovering quickly from the blast, Leia and Terry both moved in slowly, one on each side of the pool table lightsabers at the ready.

Sonny, Furious with anger at the loss of Vito roared and sprinted between them, his red lightsaber flashing through the smoky air.

Sonny vaulted over the pool table, Leia and Terry both shouting for him to stay back. But it was too late.

On the other side of the table was Amazo's right arm, the fist still gripped, Holding a detonator attached to a sizable brick of C4.

Amazo's head began to laugh in the corner. "Haha this is going to suck, but it'll be totally worth it!"

[Big Bada Boom]

The resulting explosion ripped through the bar, killing Sonny instantly, and causing lethal injuries to Leia and Terry Bradshaw who barely managed to crawl clear of the rubble before bleeding out.

"You can keep the boxers..." said Mrs. Smith.

"Nah, they're totally ruined anyway... that concussion grenade went off WAY closer than I thought it would... Gave you time to rig the explosive though... "

"Gross... You're riding in the back of the van."

Slaves: Mr. And Mrs. Smith survive. Amazo is in several pieces but still operational
Brigade: All Dead.


George Washington's Slaves are Victorious!

3 comments:

Ryan said...

Not only did I love the Roadhouse setting and quotes, but you also found a way to drop in a Fifth Element gag. You are on a roll Goof!

Lickolas said...

Nice match Goof! I laughed out loud pretty much the entire match. I think Mr. and Mrs. Smith are now my new favorite characters in the FFL.

Josh the Commish said...

Uncle Buck was given the Atlas, Fidel Castro was given the Heat Axe, & Saladin was given the Halberd.