The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. George Washington's Slaves

“Shut the f#$@ up! You should just f#$@ing smile and bloooow me! Because I deserve it!”
-Mel Gibson

I look to the teams which will do battle at the women’s bathroom at Sandy’s By The Beach in this Consolation Round 4 Match. They are as follows:

The Horsemen of Apokolips: Ryan Poteracki.

George Washington’s Slaves: Air Bud.

Let the battle begin. . .

I look upon Mr. Ryan Poteracki as he sits upon his porcelain throne. Although it appears he is reading the newest Sports Illustrated, as I look closer, I realize that Poteracki is actually reading the newest Green Lantern comic book which is sandwiched between the magazine’s pages. He is smiling as Hal Jordan Parallax flies across the pages of his book.

Poteracki is interrupted when he hears a scratching on the door. He quickly throws the magazine/comic book down and begins to wipe. As he is about to pull the final tissue needed to clean himself, the door crashes open and Air Bud races toward him. Poteracki trips over his pants. The golden retriever is focused on Poteracki’s manhood.

The dog springs upon Poteracki and Ryan defends himself, while screaming at the possibility of losing something very special to him. Air Bud’s teeth repeatedly gnash together. I look at the scene and it strikes me similar to the shark’s jaws repeatedly searching for Quint in “Jaws.” In frustration at not meeting his goal, Air Bud rips off Poteracki’s new khakis from Armani. The dog is shredding the pants apart while Poteracki stands in his underwear, waiting for the mongrel.

Air Bud jumps in a spectacular fashion and knocks Poteracki against the toilet. A gash is opened on Poteracki’s forehead. Air Bud smells the blood and riles into a frenzy. Air Bud launches himself at Poteracki, once again. This time Poteracki anticipates the move and lifts the toilet top from the toilet. He smashes the dog in the face. The dog’s neck is broken and crumples to the floor.

Poteracki: How about that seventh inning fetch-b$@ch!!!

George Washington’s Slaves: Air Bud dies.

The Horsemen of Apokolips: Ryan Poteracki survives.

THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!