Sunday, April 1, 2012

Season 5, Week 3. TEAM vs Xaviers Annihilation Squad.

TEAM is:
Justice League Alpha Starman, Kefka, Bomber Man, Wile E. Coyote, The Roadrunner, John Wayne, Sith Lord #7: Darth Cocky, Davtokk, Valkyrie #7, Zangler (Immell #13) w/Proton Pack, Junkeon #25, Junkeon #26, Hamblor, God of Hamburgers, Hamblor’s dog, Melkor, Duke Nukem, CS Goomba #1, CS Goomba #2, CS Goomba #3,CS Goomba #4, CS Goomba #5, CS Goomba #6

Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is:
Mumm-Ra, Paul Atreides, Sandman (marvel), Imhotep, Scorpion King, Rick O'Connell w/ blue lightsaber, Evie O'Connell w/crossbow, Golden Age Blue Beetle, Atreides soldier #20, Apollo (Authority), Dave Thomas in Hovercraft, Wendy Thomas in ornithopter, Ewok#50


The sands gently swirl and shift, the sun beats down relentlessly upon TEAM as they prepare for the fight.

Davtokk: “Good lord it’s...”

Hamblor: “YES?”

Davtokk: rolls his eyes: “Not you... anyway, I was saying it....”

Hamblor: “Oh Ok.”

Davtokk: “Can i PLEASE finish my sentence here?! … THANK YOU... Anyway i was Saying.. and do not interrupt me that it’s hot out here... ”

Duke Nukem: They’re not sticking to my legs because I’ve got, Balls of Steel....

The Entire rest of the TEAM roster in unison except for Hamblors dog who just whimpers: “Uggggh...”

Melkor: “Can we get on with this!? I am literally roasting in this armor, there is no shade out here and I’m wearing all black with black metal plates. it’s like I’m walking around wearing a crock pot over here... Is the bird back with our scouting report yet?!”

Zangler: “I see him over there! look at the dust cloud! Man he is booking!”

Wile E Coyote: *holds up a sign that says “I really don’t think that’s him...”

But nobody sees the sign because the dust cloud over takes the TEAM position quickly.
The sand storm rages, dropping them into inky blackness...

Melkor: “aahhh... darkness... god that’s so much bett...

Hamblor: “YES?”

Davtokk: “That’s IT! Wait till I can see again Hamblor... just wait! Everyone stay here until this passes.”

The sand storm rages on as TEAM hunkers down to wait till it passes.



Meanwhile Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is planning their attack... sort of.

Blue Beetle: Dude, Guys, I am so pumped about this... we’ve got this on lockdown. I mean look who’s here! We got Lowell up in the hizzouse!”

Atreides Soldier #20: “Dude... you’re confused.... this isn’t who you are thinking it is... but yeah I’m pumped too. I’m so thirsty, you gotta have some wine on you right Jack? Does Giamatti have it all or what? Where is he anyway?”

Sandman: “You idiots are infuriating, I know this multiverse thing is complicated but I have never heard of Lowell, and I most certainly was not friends with a “Giamatti” whatever that creature may be.”

Blue Beetle: “Oh come on! Wings?! Anybody?! Nobody here knows wings?!”

Atreides Soldier #20: “Hey guys... GUYS! Sandstorm!”

Sandman: “Can we all just focus!? Sand is not a problem here, trust me.”

Atreides Soldier #20: No... dudes... SANDSTORM! WOOOOOH!



The Annihilation crew hears the tunes pumping from the ornithopter and Hovercraft combo that was jamming by them at an incredible rate of speed.

Blue Beetle: “Alright! It’s the Thomases!”
The Fast Food Duo coordinate their run on the sandstorm in the distance.

Dave: “Wendy I’m coming up on this thing quick.. it’s almost like it’s coming right at me!”
Wendy: “Dad No that’s not the sandstorm that’s the...”

*Thump!*
Dave: “Holy crap! what was that?”
Wendy: “I’m pretty sure that was their scouting party... looked like a road runner... he’s roadkill now. Lets circle back and tell the crew that we’re clear to move.”

The Squad is given the word to launch their attack.

The battle is over swiftly, and the sheer combined power of the forces does not make for much of a stalemate.

The combined sand manipulation of Imhotep and The Sandman cover TEAM in a wall of crushing sand. Hamblor’s dog (a St. Bernard well suited to rescue duty) pulls John Wayne, Hamblor himself, and Starman out of the flood of sand that suddenly came crashing in on the team. the Junkeon's are crushed under the weight of the sand.

Duke Nukem managed to somehow use his boot to kick his way out of the sand pile and Melkor forced his way to the surface using sheer might.

John Wayne finds himself squaring off with a similarly rakish figure in Rick O’Connel. Unfortunatley for John, while they were staring eachother trying to decide who was more rugged Evie put a crossbow bolt through his neck just seconds before John collapsed from stomach cancer.

Starman and Duke get the jump on Evie and Rick and kill them both quickly. Hamblor swats Wendy Thomas out of the sky burying the smoking wreckage in the sand and his trusty companion treats Dave’s hovercraft like a rubber chew toy, putting an end to the Carl’s Jr. Vs Wendy’s debate that no one was having.

Duke: “Ahahaha that old fruit ate it big time and Wendy! maaaan, talk about getting sand in your va...”

But before he could finish another horrible joke the intensity of the battlefield kicked into high gear. Another cloud of sand generated by Sandman and Imhotep engulfs the remaining TEAM members.

Apollo, Fueled by the harsh and unrelenting sun decides to end this.
Apollo: “He Duke.. lets see if you can call someone else a fruit when i’ve got your “Balls of steel” jammed into your windpipe.

And with that, Apollo channels the solar energy into the dust cloud. burning it away and killing all of the TEAM members remaining except for Kefka.

Kefka transforms into a giant powerful being slaughtering many of the Squad’s number, Mumm-Ra, Golden Age Beetle, Ewok #50 falls after a valliant struggle against the god like psychopath.

Sandman is turned to glass by the magical force unleashed by Kefka’s Ultima attack. Imhotep also is caught in the crossfire and destroyed. Atreides Soldier #20 simply disintegrates.

Apollo: “Enough. I really do not have time for this...”

Apollo grabs the giant Keg of A1 Sauce from the neck of Hamblor’s now deceased dog and launches it at Kefka.

A sticky mess, Kefka laughs thinking it a joke, but he doesn’t realize Apollo is flying very closely behind the keg and slams fist first into his grinning face, flying out of the back of his head killing him instantly.

11 comments:

Archr5 said...

Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Victorious!

Paul Atreides, The Scorpion King, And Apollo survive.

TEAM's roster, all dead.

Ryan said...

Harry Tasker got the M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher.

Ryan said...

Great team NFG Mike! Way to bring the hurt on TEAM.

This season does not look like it's fairing too well for the usual powerhouses. TEAM with a 1-2 record?! Wow. I can't wait to see how the rest of this season plays out.

Artifact said...

Good match Goof! Funny stuff.

And nice win Mike! Way to bring down TEAM

Joe said...

I laughed so hard I almost died of stomach cancer

Lickolas said...

Hahahaha, the last comment has me laughing way too hard.

Nice match Goof, loved the Wings and Sideways jokes. I was glad that's where you were going with them because I thought to myself, "He can't possibly be making Wings jokes".

Nice win NFG, TEAM got owned in this one.

Also loved the music, it fit almost too perfectly.

NFG Mike said...

looks like the epic battle between Hamblor and Dave Thomas will have to wait til next time. geez, if i can beat TEAM, it should be clear sailing from here. lets see... next week... murderflies..... maybe not..... F@CK!

Josh the Commish said...

DANG!! The new guy just beat TEAM and he's afraid of The Murderflies!! What the hell has happened to this league!??!

Josh the Commish said...

DANG!! The new guy just beat TEAM and he's afraid of The Murderflies!! What the hell has happened to this league!??!

Josh the Commish said...

DANG!! The new guy just beat TEAM and he's afraid of The Murderflies!! What the hell has happened to this league!??!

Josh the Commish said...

DANG!! The new guy just beat TEAM and he's afraid of The Murderflies!! What the hell has happened to this league!??!