Week 1 Horsemen vs Transfoamers

The Transfoamers are: (Kingdom Come) Flash, BuzzCut, Ram Man, Godzuki, Rubeus Hagrid, Darko Milicic, Max Mercury, Rob Bartlett:  Jedi Knight, The Burger King, John Cena (w/ Blue Lantern Ring), Lars Ulrich (w/ an Atlas Ax from The Shining Force)

The Horsemen are:  Superman, Slag, Sludge, Swoop, Snarl, Black Lantern Mike Sroka, Black Lantern Chris Artrip, Lion-O w/Green Lantern Ring, Panthro, Tygra, Cheetara

The teams decided before the game they would meet at Percival Molson Memorial Stadium in Montreal, Canada. This was done to take advantage of the larger field that the CFL uses, and to be in a location where no one would care about any incidental fan injury or death. Regular NFL uprights were imported for use in this game.

The teams are in the locker room of the stadium before the game discussing their game-plans.
In the Horsemen locker room Elderly Bruce Wayne is attempting to teach his team the basic elements of football, as most of them have never heard of or played the game. Superman is seen staring off with a confused look on his face. He ponders to himself “Where am I? The last thing I remember was giving my life to destroy the Horsemen. Is this hell? Am I a bad guy now? How can I fight for a team I made a career out of killing?” Superman then gets an uneasy look on his face, and although he possesses many super powers, a super gag reflex is not one of them. He projectile vomits directly into BL Mike Sroka’s arm taking it off. BL Mike Sroka merely mumbles something indiscernible and makes a construct of hockey stick with a goalie glove at the end of it to replace his arm.

The only thing that can be heard in the Transfoamers locker room is Buzzcut screaming at his teammates. He does this while the Burger King practices his mascot dance.
The Transfoamers win the coin toss and elect to kickoff. BL Chris Artrip lines up to receive the kickoff and is tackled by the flash at the 10 yard line. Superman lines up behind the Dinobots and Lion-o, who hikes him the ball. As he contemplates his role on this team, he decides to just hand off the ball to Panthro, who is immediately tackled by KC Flash.

The rest of the first half was fairly uneventful as both teams were called for countless offsetting penalties, and no one could understand the refs who only spoke French. The game was delayed three times to bring in replacement refs as almost every single play ended with both teams fighting (out of habit) and the refs were stomped on by the Dinobots while attempting to separate the players. Of note, head coach agent Coulson finally convinced Darko to leave the bench and join his other 10 teammates. He caught a touchdown pass which doubled his lifetime points total for all combined sports and gave the Transfoamers a 7-0 halftime lead.
The teams rush back into their respective locker rooms to shield their ears as Celine Dion takes stage for the halftime show. Agent Coulson’s pep talk centers around getting the ball to KC flash, while Elderly Bruce Wayne talks to superman about handing off the ball on every single play.

The teams lineup for the kickoff. BL Mike Sroka boots the ball into the end zone, where KC flash receives the ball, then instantaneously appears in the other end zone. The Burger King successfully kicks the extra point to put the Transfoamers up 14-0. After a touchback, the next drive has the Horsemen starting at the 20. As instructed by the coach, the Horsemen lineup with Panthro, Cheetara, BL Mike Sroka, BL Chris Artrip, and Tygra all as wide receivers so that superman has to pass the ball. Superman drops back but before any of his much slower teammates can get open he is tackled by Max Mercury, who quickly slips past the much slower Dinobots. The next play he manages to get the pass off but it is intercept by KC flash for a pick six. The extra point is good, and the Transfoamers now lead 21-0.

Elderly Bruce Wayne realizes his best player is woefully underperforming and decides to make a change. He installs BL Chris Artrip as QB and lines superman up at WR. This draws double coverage from KC flash and max mercury, allowing the horsemen to work their way down the field. BL Chris Artrip completes a ten yard pass to Tygra to make the score 21-7.

After the next kickoff, QB Buzzcut lines up behind his linemen Lars Ulrich, Godzuki, Ram Man, Rubeus Hagrid, & John Cena. He is following the game plan of get the ball to flash, except that he misfires and throws the ball into the mouth of sludge. Sludge marches downfield, unable to be tackled by any of the Transfoamers, and into the endzone. For a victory celebration he craps out the football.
The Transfoamers realize they are losing momentum and decide to change their game plan. Since the flash scores too quickly, they decide to try to wind the clock down with runs as well as short passes to JK Rob Bartlett and Darko. They get down to the 10 yard line and attempt to go for it on 4^th and goal. They run an end-around to Max Mercury who immediately gets tackled.

At the two minute warning and down by a touchdown, BL Chris Artrip attempts to lead his team downfield. In a hurry up offense, he successfully completes four straight passes to Cheetara for about 20 yards total. All of his other receivers are covered, and the Transfoamers aren’t going to give up a deep pass. He hands the ball to Panthro who with a couple of key blocks and some fanciful dancing get down to the 6. The teams hurry up down the field and most of the Transfoamers are out of position on the next play. BL Chris Artrip sees an open superman in the end zone and hurls the ball at him, but it hits the head of Ram Man and bounces straight up. BL Chris Artrip runs towards the ball, catches his own pass and jumps over a diving John Cena to score a touchdown that would make Brad Johnson proud. Mike Sroka completes the extra point to tie the game 21-21.

With 15 seconds left on the clock, the Transfoamers get ready to receive the kick. Godzuki receives the kickoff and immediately laterals to Max Mercury, who then laterals to KC Flash. Superman decides that even if he doesn’t like his new team, he must fulfill his duty. He locks in on KC flash and lays into him at the 2 yard line. KC flash was so used to going untouched he had actually started his end zone celebration and wasn’t protecting the ball, which got knocked loose. There is a mad scramble for the ball, and as the referees pull the bodies off, BL Mike Sroka comes up with the ball, minus one of his legs, which he lost in the pileup.
With 98 yards to drive downfield and 2 seconds remaining, Elderly Bruce Wayne calls a timeout and ponders what to do for his team’s final play before overtime. He doesn’t think BL Chris Artrip will be able to complete a Hail Mary that far, and superman is too unreliable. His kicker just lost one of his legs. Weighing all of his options, he decides to go for 3.

BL Mike Sroka, now the Jim Abbott of kickers, hops on his one foot as he readies for the kick. He bounces up and boots a powerful kick that sails perfectly through the uprights as time expires. Unfortunately he landed on his neck after the kick, breaking it and ending his life. The Transfoamers are struck with shock as they realize they have lost the game. Lars Ulrich drives his axe through the Burger King out of frustration, expediting his return to the locker room.